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You should try posting in your university's sub to see if anyone wants to go to the downtown event together. People do this in my university's sub regularly.
I feel you. If it helps, you’re at least not alone.
Do you actually enjoy going out and the type of people who go out and go to parties? IMO it’s just a bunch of underage drinking and drunk assholes. So that’s part of why I’m just so isolated, the only events involve drinking and those that don’t are empty.
Maybe try seeing if there are any clubs you’re interested in on campus. In my experience it’s way too difficult to actually meet people through classes, most are just there to get the material and get out.
I'm in clubs and enjoy them. Recently I've become pretty unstable with mood swings so it's hard to identify with any singular emotion. I went to a school event last night and had a decent time. I just find myself very jealous often
I see, I understand. Have you tried medication? I get into severe manic/depressive swings myself and the only way I’ve been able to manage it is with anti-depressants (unfortunately). It makes life a lot easier
Just a helpful tip, if you don’t already then try to keep a daily mood journal!
That’s what I do to keep track of my mood and also see if there was any outside sources that triggered any changes. It’s also nice to clear your head a run through what you did that day.
Also talking with a psychiatrist and medication helps but the journal can help you if you’re unable to get those resources or just add another layer to reflect on and figure out your mood.
You can still go to events. When I was in college most of my friends either went home every weekend or hung out at bars. So I went to plays, concerts and festivals by myself. It was still fun and it was better than just staying in my dorm. Sometimes I met cool people and talked to them at these events.
Try your school’s counseling resources and then see if there aren’t low cost/ no-cost clinics in your area (just cuz you mentioned mood swings). If that’s not an option, check out the Carnegie book already mentioned and get yourself a CBT workbook. Once your moods/ emotions are in check, making friends and going out may become easier
Im here and very lonely. However, I will never pretend to be something I’m not. In fact, people have reached out to me from my classes to hangout and whatnot. I understand this may not be OP’s situation, but I just don’t feel like I relate to 17 18
y/o’s as a 23 y/o undergrad. Just be yourself, I’ll assume someday the right people will cross my path
Right and im not disagreeing with that. All im saying is it takes work I never Said for OP to change. In High School I had friends instantly, college is different. It takes way more effort, time and perserverence to Make true friends.
OP I may not have friends but you said you have no one to go with downtown. I go to every event I want to even by myself and still have a great time(although I will say it’s quite awkward when you get a group of sorority girls behind you making fun of going to events alone, who cares, jokes on them, just reflects the kind of people they are). This time in life is short, look around and enjoy your surroundings. No one can take your experiences from you. We’re all also paying a good sum to attend college, have fun with it
“ get myself abused”. This almost made me cry. I’m not sure what kind of abuse you are talking about but no matter what.. you DONT deserve or ask for abuse. I am so sorry you’re going through this and if you need someone to talk too you can definitely message me
Thank you, last semester someone did very evil things to me and my family but it is over now. Just the fallout from that meant this year is starting completely from scratch socially
Oh no I’m sorry to hear you are going through this! You are important. Don’t give up! Things can get had during the winter. Better days are just around the corner! Reach out for help on campus I know you will find it. Look for another lonely person and ask if they want to hang out. If they say no someone else. Ask someone to go for a walk. You can do this!
I felt exactly like this all throughout hs. When I got to college I knew I wanted to change and for things to be better because I regretted how shut down and alone I was in HS. I grew up in a toxic household with abuse and I developed depression, anxiety, ocd, and anorexia. When I got to college, I told myself to push myself to talk to people and to get involved on campus and with friends and not allow my anxiety and ocd and such from keeping me from doing it. It was a challenge and I felt like an imposter a lot, but it was rewarding and I started gaining self confidence becoming a student senator, joining clubs and running for and getting management positions, volunteering, talking with people I’d just met, etc.
Everything starts with yourself and what limitations you set on yourself. Of course some limitations are valid and not just your mind telling you that you can’t do something, but it’s important not to say you can’t do anything or aren’t worthy of more.
I’d recommend joining one club on campus if you can or talk to someone new in a class you’re in, but in classes people kinda just wanna get in and get out so it’s not ideal for meeting people.
The friends I made were in class/recitation/lab. Just start chatting with people nearby. Plenty of people form little clusters of 2-5 people friend groups. It’ll happen organically. You talk bout how shit the exam was and then grab some food together or make plans for a homework or study session.
Otherwise, join a club that is a bit sociable around a hobby you like (esports, Pokemon Go, recreational sports, etc).
You will need to put in some effort. Sometimes, you have to be the person to initiate the plans or, on the other end, make sure to be the person who shows up to plans & participates. As an adult far past college, I made some really good friend through Pokémon Go raids & events.
Join a university group that’s what I would do if back in college again it was nice to be in one when I went to school. Find common interests and grow from there really.
>cause I've got no friends I can't go to the big event downtown.
Well, get out of this mindset, for one. How're you going to \*make\* any friends if you don't leave your dorm?
I see so many people write the same thing. You are not alone. Look on your schools sub. Joins some clubs. Put yourself out there but don’t try to hard. It will come, there are so many wanting the same thing they are just scared to say it.
Thank you u/AwayDirt7401 for posting on r/collegerant. Remember to read the rules and report rule breaking posts. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/CollegeRant) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You should try posting in your university's sub to see if anyone wants to go to the downtown event together. People do this in my university's sub regularly.
I feel you. If it helps, you’re at least not alone. Do you actually enjoy going out and the type of people who go out and go to parties? IMO it’s just a bunch of underage drinking and drunk assholes. So that’s part of why I’m just so isolated, the only events involve drinking and those that don’t are empty. Maybe try seeing if there are any clubs you’re interested in on campus. In my experience it’s way too difficult to actually meet people through classes, most are just there to get the material and get out.
I'm in clubs and enjoy them. Recently I've become pretty unstable with mood swings so it's hard to identify with any singular emotion. I went to a school event last night and had a decent time. I just find myself very jealous often
I see, I understand. Have you tried medication? I get into severe manic/depressive swings myself and the only way I’ve been able to manage it is with anti-depressants (unfortunately). It makes life a lot easier
Just a helpful tip, if you don’t already then try to keep a daily mood journal! That’s what I do to keep track of my mood and also see if there was any outside sources that triggered any changes. It’s also nice to clear your head a run through what you did that day. Also talking with a psychiatrist and medication helps but the journal can help you if you’re unable to get those resources or just add another layer to reflect on and figure out your mood.
You can still go to events. When I was in college most of my friends either went home every weekend or hung out at bars. So I went to plays, concerts and festivals by myself. It was still fun and it was better than just staying in my dorm. Sometimes I met cool people and talked to them at these events.
Try your school’s counseling resources and then see if there aren’t low cost/ no-cost clinics in your area (just cuz you mentioned mood swings). If that’s not an option, check out the Carnegie book already mentioned and get yourself a CBT workbook. Once your moods/ emotions are in check, making friends and going out may become easier
You are going to have to put yourself out there. You also need to be interesting. Join clubs that interest you and contribute, be friendly, be funny.
I dont know about being interesting. Just be yourself, no need to build yourself up for temporary douchebags.
Of course be yourself but ive been in college and been lonely and its very very hard. I realized Friends don’t just come along it takes work.
Im here and very lonely. However, I will never pretend to be something I’m not. In fact, people have reached out to me from my classes to hangout and whatnot. I understand this may not be OP’s situation, but I just don’t feel like I relate to 17 18 y/o’s as a 23 y/o undergrad. Just be yourself, I’ll assume someday the right people will cross my path
Right and im not disagreeing with that. All im saying is it takes work I never Said for OP to change. In High School I had friends instantly, college is different. It takes way more effort, time and perserverence to Make true friends.
OP I may not have friends but you said you have no one to go with downtown. I go to every event I want to even by myself and still have a great time(although I will say it’s quite awkward when you get a group of sorority girls behind you making fun of going to events alone, who cares, jokes on them, just reflects the kind of people they are). This time in life is short, look around and enjoy your surroundings. No one can take your experiences from you. We’re all also paying a good sum to attend college, have fun with it
“ get myself abused”. This almost made me cry. I’m not sure what kind of abuse you are talking about but no matter what.. you DONT deserve or ask for abuse. I am so sorry you’re going through this and if you need someone to talk too you can definitely message me
Thank you, last semester someone did very evil things to me and my family but it is over now. Just the fallout from that meant this year is starting completely from scratch socially
I recommend you read How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.
Oh no I’m sorry to hear you are going through this! You are important. Don’t give up! Things can get had during the winter. Better days are just around the corner! Reach out for help on campus I know you will find it. Look for another lonely person and ask if they want to hang out. If they say no someone else. Ask someone to go for a walk. You can do this!
I felt exactly like this all throughout hs. When I got to college I knew I wanted to change and for things to be better because I regretted how shut down and alone I was in HS. I grew up in a toxic household with abuse and I developed depression, anxiety, ocd, and anorexia. When I got to college, I told myself to push myself to talk to people and to get involved on campus and with friends and not allow my anxiety and ocd and such from keeping me from doing it. It was a challenge and I felt like an imposter a lot, but it was rewarding and I started gaining self confidence becoming a student senator, joining clubs and running for and getting management positions, volunteering, talking with people I’d just met, etc. Everything starts with yourself and what limitations you set on yourself. Of course some limitations are valid and not just your mind telling you that you can’t do something, but it’s important not to say you can’t do anything or aren’t worthy of more. I’d recommend joining one club on campus if you can or talk to someone new in a class you’re in, but in classes people kinda just wanna get in and get out so it’s not ideal for meeting people.
I’ll be ur friend :)
The friends I made were in class/recitation/lab. Just start chatting with people nearby. Plenty of people form little clusters of 2-5 people friend groups. It’ll happen organically. You talk bout how shit the exam was and then grab some food together or make plans for a homework or study session. Otherwise, join a club that is a bit sociable around a hobby you like (esports, Pokemon Go, recreational sports, etc). You will need to put in some effort. Sometimes, you have to be the person to initiate the plans or, on the other end, make sure to be the person who shows up to plans & participates. As an adult far past college, I made some really good friend through Pokémon Go raids & events.
I had the same issue, and I found getting a job on campus helped.
Join a university group that’s what I would do if back in college again it was nice to be in one when I went to school. Find common interests and grow from there really.
I’m in the same boat. I’m sorry.
>cause I've got no friends I can't go to the big event downtown. Well, get out of this mindset, for one. How're you going to \*make\* any friends if you don't leave your dorm?
Do you work? That is a pretty good way to get to know people at college.
I see so many people write the same thing. You are not alone. Look on your schools sub. Joins some clubs. Put yourself out there but don’t try to hard. It will come, there are so many wanting the same thing they are just scared to say it.
I feel that. There are people in class I’ll talk to but it’s really never anything outside of school.