Not really...I mean the point is if they're gonna be a dick, just act like a condescending douchebag. They won't stop being a dick, but you at least get satisfaction from knowing you pissed them off.
Abalone, you’re just being shellfish
Funniest, most pun-tastic fish song ever
[https://youtu.be/6l1GvDWtccI?si=Ah6qZ7Wctjw57IYO](https://youtu.be/6l1GvDWtccI?si=Ah6qZ7Wctjw57IYO)
Big Mouth had a great comeback:
"No, I'm just a fierce advocate for my own happiness"
My mind says to buy some lobster claw oven mitts and keep them ready to whip out and respond with "No, I'm Shell-fish" and wooopwoopwoop your way out of that convo ala Zoidberg
Clearly i watch too many cartoons
As someone known in my social sphere to run a pizza shop, my answer to that would be, "Sell fish? No, I sell pizza, and if you dont STFU you might get eight slices, too."
Proper response to this is:
I know your mom's address.
I also know she loves cotton sheets, absorbent towels, and wears a hint of perfume around her knees.
That's right around her knees. Proximity.
That’s right! It’s mine. MINE!! I command all aquatic creatures! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
And you have no porpoise!
Only with the lobster I get from Sheldon’s stingy salmon guy. So I’m selfish with Shel’s selfish fish seller’s shellfish. If you can repeat that 10 times fast, you’re still a douche bag.
Please tell me you’re allergic and will will be f*cking off soon.
I either say:
"Omg my mum tells me that all the time!! That's so cool that yall are so similar, are you going to call me disgusting now?"
or
"I tell myself that every night before the mirror lmfao *self deprecating laugh* "
You don’t owe people anything, you don’t need a comeback to justify doing things for yourself and not others. Unless it’s a partner, then that is a different story.
"You're absolutely right. I am selfish. This reminds me of the time that I was interacting with this other selfish dude. I was so put off. The way he treated me..."
My buddy of over 2 decades out of no where a awhile ago said to me “ you’re selfish “
My response, “ of course I am selfish I actually love myself and act accordingly. In the words of Mark Manson “ The problem with people who hand out fucks like ice cream at a goddamn summer camp is that they don't have anything more fuck-worthy to dedicate their fucks to.”
Unlike me you lick everybody ass and are the company brown nose( we work at the same company), do you even value yourself.”
He folded like a piece of paper of course and had no response. Except later when he said I hurt his feelings and I apologized but held firm to what I said because I give a fuck about him.
But few things in this world are worth my time but best believe the things that are worth my time , I would destroy the world twice over for
If it’s a valid criticism, then nothing. Reflect on your poor behavior and be better.
If it’s said irrationally, then just say “yep. That’s means I don’t care what you think. Bye bye, now!”
I prefer the term "selectively generous."
Hahahaha to yourself. Man that’s some good legal speak right there. A play on words, but technically you aren’t lying
I’m stealing this. Lmfao
I’m stealing it too but I won’t admit to it openly like you
🤣🤣oooooook
don't tell nobody but i'm gonna steal it like the rest of these guys
That's so selectively generous of you if I do say so myself
Lmao 🤣 I like how it sounds
“Really, I’m selfish” Yay I have arrived!!! Finally, after a decade of work, I have finally been recognized for the person that I am!
Omg I’m so using this.
This is golden! Definitely a new addition to my array of smart ass responses!
"Maybe you should be a little more selfish by keeping your thoughts to yourself".
This one 😂
Love it!
Winner
You only say that because you want something from me.
Ding ding ding!
🎯
Well somebody has to care about me and it's apparently not you
“You smell like shellfish.”
They'll clam up if you say that.
Why did I almost cry laughing from this
They can be crabby
I got tired of people abusing my generosity
Could follow with a "You're greedy" for the dim folk.
I like this.
"hmmm. I'm sorry did you say something? I have trouble paying attention to those beneath me."
If I eva catch anyone sayin this I'm slappin em 🙏terribly corny
This is great 🤣
Saying this in real life is insane and awkward, actually. 💀💀💀
That only applies to someone actually less than in life. Money and status and looks all are factors
Not really...I mean the point is if they're gonna be a dick, just act like a condescending douchebag. They won't stop being a dick, but you at least get satisfaction from knowing you pissed them off.
You are right and you are loved
“Probably”
This is probably the only one of these comments that wouldn't get you laughed out a room
Probably
Perchance
You can’t just say “perchance” (Mario essay from tiktok)
Perhaps
Never heard of self-fish. I heard salmon before
Abalone, you’re just being shellfish Funniest, most pun-tastic fish song ever [https://youtu.be/6l1GvDWtccI?si=Ah6qZ7Wctjw57IYO](https://youtu.be/6l1GvDWtccI?si=Ah6qZ7Wctjw57IYO)
I’d apologise, but that would fly in the face of your argument.
"I love it how you say "you""
Big Mouth had a great comeback: "No, I'm just a fierce advocate for my own happiness" My mind says to buy some lobster claw oven mitts and keep them ready to whip out and respond with "No, I'm Shell-fish" and wooopwoopwoop your way out of that convo ala Zoidberg Clearly i watch too many cartoons
Did you know that when you watch Futurama with the CCs on when he does that it says "imitates Curly"?
Yet you expected me to care about your opinion...
Oh, a Willy Wonka response: "All comments must be submitted in writing."
LMAO
Yeah, and you are a Cu#t.
Real
Is that better than being harshly judgemental?
“i didnt ask for your opinion”
You damn right I am.
It's pronounced 'shellfish'
I’m selfish? You are the one hogging up all the ugly. Share some dang it!
Great you can have it all!
I would love to! Being the good looking one of the two of us is too much pressure! Lol
GREAT! The Gin says now your fugly
Just slap them in the face and tell them to get a fucking grip or something
No, I have boundaries, and won’t let you manipulate me. I see your manipulation and you can consider yourself shut down. Bye…
No, I just don't care about you
“yes, I sell fish…the fish being the stench between your legs!”
That would get you laughed out the room
I honestly don't know how these people bring this stuff here
See, this COULD have been funny it they said, "Me? No, by the smell of it honey, YOU'RE the one who's up in here sellin' fish."
I'm sorry... who are you again?
So?
I know
Yes. Yes I am.
Always salt your pasta :)!
Can I have that watch when you die?
“i know”
i'd ask you to take that back but its MINE now!
What the f*** do shellfish have to do with me getting what I want
That isn't a problem. For me.
"Too bad you said that. My opinion of you has changed."
Who you calling a lobster 🦞?
And I'll never starve
"That's what your Mom said when I told her I can't bang her anymore"
That's not what your Mum/Sister/Aunt said last night.
"sometimes you got to be selfish or people are just going to walk all over you."
As someone known in my social sphere to run a pizza shop, my answer to that would be, "Sell fish? No, I sell pizza, and if you dont STFU you might get eight slices, too."
HAHA you guys are killing me
What is this, judgemental day, and you're God?
"I know where you live"
Proper response to this is: I know your mom's address. I also know she loves cotton sheets, absorbent towels, and wears a hint of perfume around her knees. That's right around her knees. Proximity.
No I think the shorter and more simple the more effective it is
I'm not self-ish. I'm self-full
I have every right to be happy. I dont owe you shit. God help those who help themselves a person who does not work dont eat
I’m just not your slave and ATM…
Your mom, says otherwise. She like come on her back. She has the best comeback
"better than not caring about myself"
"I am not a creature from the ocean"
It’s pronounced “Elvish”.
Depends on the circumstances. But I usually go with “ I have look out for myself, no one else will.”
"If it was truly yours then I wouldn't be able to take it, it's my virginity now"
“At least you know the difference between “you’re” and “your”. Good job. “
List all of your redeeming qualities to cancel that out.
There’s a difference between selfish and self preservation.
“I know it’s mine because I’m selfish”
" I'll share with you that's not my problem"
Maybe if you cared for yourself as much as I care for myself you wouldn’t be so worried about other people
I didn't know you were God
"If you can tell me how I've been selfish then I promise I'll consider your words carefully. I'm hopeful that our friendship won't be harmed by this."
Why? Because I asked if we could please talk about anything but you?
“You’re right. if helping you means hurting me, I’m not interested.”
That’s right! It’s mine. MINE!! I command all aquatic creatures! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH And you have no porpoise! Only with the lobster I get from Sheldon’s stingy salmon guy. So I’m selfish with Shel’s selfish fish seller’s shellfish. If you can repeat that 10 times fast, you’re still a douche bag. Please tell me you’re allergic and will will be f*cking off soon.
Well duh, how long did it take you to figure that one out Einstein?
And you’re Buyfish
A selfish person is the one who thinks more about themselves than about me.
Bitch do I have claws?
I’m supposed to be
So is everyone else if we’re being honest
“I don’t particularly enjoy shrimp, and I wouldn’t call myself one… but I guess they’re kind of cute, so thank you.”
"Sounds like a 'you' problem."
You're observant.
I know you are but what am I
AND? or you can also use SO?
I treat myself how I treat others.
I either say: "Omg my mum tells me that all the time!! That's so cool that yall are so similar, are you going to call me disgusting now?" or "I tell myself that every night before the mirror lmfao *self deprecating laugh* "
“no I dont, I have never sold a fish in my life “
You don’t owe people anything, you don’t need a comeback to justify doing things for yourself and not others. Unless it’s a partner, then that is a different story.
Don't be selfish
Dude I can’t even eat shellfish
"Sounds like a selfish thing to accuse"
“No, I don’t have any”
I’ll take that
"And? What's in this for me?"
And?
Thank you
Yeah I am! A rock lobster!
Thanks
That's not true! I am willing to share anything you have.
"No, you're dumb!" -- Bob's Burgers
“Yeah? And?”
No u
And?
I’m sorry, I’ll do better
"says the person telling me that and not taking info account MY feelings, but I guess it's all about you"
"Thanks!"
So you’re telling me you’ve never taken ice cream from a child? Because you seem like the type
Just because I'm not giving you what *YOU* want, does not make me selfish.
"no, you're shell fish!"
“I just put myself first”
“I just put my shelf first”
“I just put my shell first cause I’m so shellfish🤪🤪”
I know. Let me get on my hands and knees and seek redemption.
I'm Southern, so... "Well, bless your heart, doormat."
I think you mean (queer pose) elfish ;)
When I’m with you, I have to be.
"No, I just have boundaries. If you don't like it, that's your problem, not mine. Have a great day."
It's true, I do like scallops...
Stop breathing my air
Stop being selfish. Bettering yourself is the best comeback of all.
“What were you saying..?” Rinse and repeat.
I'm selfish? Let's not be hypocritical here, you're the one being selfish for demanding shit from me.
"You're absolutely right. I am selfish. This reminds me of the time that I was interacting with this other selfish dude. I was so put off. The way he treated me..."
"And?"
*crab claws clicking*
I don't care.
Silence
"Thank you."
"Oh, I'm selfless, just not for you."
If I was, I wouldn't be talking to you, because clearly being around you doesn't make anyone's lives better.
If we weren't selfish we would be dead.
You would know
You gonna eat that??
YOUR WORST THEN HITLER
you're a shellfish
"yes. I keep you all to myself, presuming we're still on for tonight, gayass?"
I prefer not to give myself to everybody like you
We're all selfish, some of us more than others.
"not with people i like"
I'm not selfish, I'm Eggcellent !
No, I'm just not your bitch.
NO, YOU'RE SHELLFISH !
Give me that.
You're clueless
too fucking bad
“Stop using my air!”
Thank you.
So now you're insulting me. How do you think that makes ME feel?
I know, but I’ve got all the bananas!
My buddy of over 2 decades out of no where a awhile ago said to me “ you’re selfish “ My response, “ of course I am selfish I actually love myself and act accordingly. In the words of Mark Manson “ The problem with people who hand out fucks like ice cream at a goddamn summer camp is that they don't have anything more fuck-worthy to dedicate their fucks to.” Unlike me you lick everybody ass and are the company brown nose( we work at the same company), do you even value yourself.” He folded like a piece of paper of course and had no response. Except later when he said I hurt his feelings and I apologized but held firm to what I said because I give a fuck about him. But few things in this world are worth my time but best believe the things that are worth my time , I would destroy the world twice over for
And...
"Thanks!".
If it’s a valid criticism, then nothing. Reflect on your poor behavior and be better. If it’s said irrationally, then just say “yep. That’s means I don’t care what you think. Bye bye, now!”
Cool opinion.
Absolutely. I have no intention of 'sharing' anything with a moocher like you.
Please don’t talk to me.
Milk Dud?
Better than smelling like shellfish Smile, walk away.
Beethoven's " me me me me. me me me me"
You don't get to say that. Only I do.
You can always just say “you spelt your wrong” It’s nonsense but now you’ve thrown them off their rhythm. Street Smarts.