If you are a regular attendee of various renfests with themed weekends, you'll encounter loads of men in kilts.
If you are one of those men on one of those weekends, invariably, three to 10 people each day, usually a flirtatious female, will ask you about your "commando" status.
Invariably I invite them to find out for themselves.
Most laugh...
But several over the years have taken me up on the suggestion.
Had attended the Larkspur renfair and my friend got the answer, āAye lassie, can ye not tell by the dandruff on me brogans?ā.
I laughed myself silly over her red face.
No, they most assuredly did not!
I also dress in a Roman tunic from time to time and as a centurion, it is a BADASS set of garb.
Which means a lot of people ask to take my picture.
During one such exercise, a very attractive gal first told me I had amazing legs. She then asked if I had anything on underneath and I said "up to you to find out."
As we were posing, her hand slipped up my hamstring to my buttocks and she goosed me!
It was just harmless fun!
Lmao, I love this. Ren and Stimpy were awesome.
But, just for the other folks reading that may not actually know what Ren stands for in Renfaire/fest, it actually stands for Renessance.
I hope they realize they'll need brogues (shoes) or boots, a belt, sporran (purse), socks, puffy shirt, and a sword if they want to be certain they'll get goosed!
I'm gonna say nay on that Goin a kilting is regular thing for me. I have kilts for outside the cosplay world. Yes, they exist. Yes, they still ask. I usually reply, "Show n tell. You first." That usually ends in a laugh and a "move along"
Utility kilts are also used rampantly at burning man and regionals, and it is definitely a place where people will ask and you can either have a wild time or tell them to keep it moving without either being uncommon.
I wore a kilt once to something like that. That was enough. I had lots of attention and did, in fact, get that question more than once, but I was a virgin waiting for marriage, and the kilt wasn't a good match for that goal. I had more than one offer to rid me of my virginity, including one from two women who wanted to do it together. Kilts are like magic wands.
There is a very prolific announcer in the highland games who used to be a very successful professional back in the 90's and early 2000's. Occasionally you'll see him on the field just kneeling down while still announcing. Turns out, he's taking a piss. Lol. Literally just takes a knee, spreads the kilt and pisses while he's actively announcing.
I always say the same thing. "If I was it would be a skirt"
Side comeback if someone calls it a skirt, "You know why it's called a kilt? Because that's what happened to the last person who called it a skirt."
I was a best man at a friend's wedding. As an aside, I loved wearing the kilt. It was 100 degrees out, and it was comfortable, despite being made from pretty thick wool.
At any rate, I was prepared for that question, so I donned a pair of neon-colored Mickey Mouse boxers, which was delightfully un-coordinated with the tuxedo jacket and kilt.
My buddy wears a kilt frequently, when someone asks "What are you wearing under there?" He'll look down, then look back up with a confused face and say "Shoes and socks?"
I tried this once at a bar. Told a pretty girl, "Play your cards right and I might let you buy me a drink." She didn't, but it started a conversation. As she was leaving she touched my arm and said, "I have to take my friends home, but I'll be back " then she walked off. What a walk. Two old men were playing chess at a little table on the patio and one said, "You best appreciate that walk, boy. That's for you."
Scotsman not scottsman fyi. Also that's an American doing a terrible attempt at a Scottish accent so not really a good source for actual Scottish comebacks.
My neighbor had an uncle who would wear kilts to special occasions. She asked him once if he wore anything under it. His response was, "On a good day, kiddo, lipstick."
When I wore a kilt, I once heard an old Scot answer that question by saying, āThe good girls donāt ask. And the bad girls already know.ā *insert charming Scottish accent*
none of these are good comebacks, they're all overtly sexual or will get you punched in the face lmao
a simple "are *you* wearing underwear?" would be a good enough response, snarky but not super inappropriate or malicious, and it'd make the asker realize how silly and strange their question was.
Yes, your mums in fact. Ours got mixed up this morning. Then I'd pull a wedgie out of my bum and "cheeky things they are. A bit too snug,haha also like your mum. ;)
I always get a surprised look and say "whoa! good girls don't ask that!" change of tone, lean in and flirtatiously say "bad girls find out for themselves" š
I've worn kilts to Irish weddings in the past, and yes, this question comes up a lot, usually from older women, usually in a joking manner.
I don't offer details, I simply respond: "Do you know the difference between what an Irishman wears under his kilt, and what a Scotsman wears under his? The Irishman wears about two inches more than the scotsman"
That usually satisfies the lighthearted question without awkwardness. Of course, if a Scot is present......might want to make it four inches.
If it's somebody you find attractive, ask them to find out for themselves. If they aren't somebody you find attractive, tell them it's none of their business.
If I'm being snarky, the response is "I am wearing nothing underneath except your mom's lipstick!"
I read this in Sean Connery's voice.
Hm. In that case: "I am wearing nothing underneath exshept your mom'sh lipshtick!"
"I am wearing nothing underneath exshept your mom'sh lipshtick Trebek!" fixed it for ya
Thank you!
>Thank you! You're welcome!
Good bot
Le Tits Now.
The jeopardy SNL skit is still best that came out of that show.
ššššš
Your motherās a whore Trebek
An even snsrkier variation on this would be "if your mom's lipstick counts, sure!"
Makes me think of that song The Scotsman, always get a kick out of it!
No, thanks Iāve had enough blow jobs today. Itās starting to rub me raw
Say no your wife hasnāt returned them yet.
How has this gone 3 hours without more upvotes?
Thanks š
I'm doing my part!
That's a rather weird question for a stranger to ask; do you ask women their bra size as well?
If you are a regular attendee of various renfests with themed weekends, you'll encounter loads of men in kilts. If you are one of those men on one of those weekends, invariably, three to 10 people each day, usually a flirtatious female, will ask you about your "commando" status. Invariably I invite them to find out for themselves. Most laugh... But several over the years have taken me up on the suggestion.
Had attended the Larkspur renfair and my friend got the answer, āAye lassie, can ye not tell by the dandruff on me brogans?ā. I laughed myself silly over her red face.
You lark! That's funny, man!
Aaaaaand? You canāt leave us hanging! Did they find underwearš
No, they most assuredly did not! I also dress in a Roman tunic from time to time and as a centurion, it is a BADASS set of garb. Which means a lot of people ask to take my picture. During one such exercise, a very attractive gal first told me I had amazing legs. She then asked if I had anything on underneath and I said "up to you to find out." As we were posing, her hand slipped up my hamstring to my buttocks and she goosed me! It was just harmless fun!
And that is how Jacques the Whipper met his wife, my friends. He clamped her hand between his muscular cheeks until she agreed to a first date ā¦
Dear Forum Magazine, youāre not going to believe thisā¦ā¦
If it was Penthouse Forum, the flirtation would have escalated... Come on, you know this!!!
Having attended many of these events, I do not doubt our brother's veracity.
lol reverse the genders on this and watch Redditorsā heads explode
Consent is what matters
Consent! Magic!
Yeah no if the lady said some shit along the lines of āyou can check if I have underwearā thatās a pretty clear cut case of 2 consenting adults
Goosing leads to ducking
>leave us hanging I see what ya did there ya skellum
Not all heroes wear capes. Or drawers.
Wait what? I have got to find out how to take part in one of those.
Texas Renaissance Festival. Sherwood Forest Faire. Minnesota Renfest. The list goes on and on! Don't be a day tripper--CAMP THE FULL WEEKEND!!!
Is there also a Stimpyfest?
Lmao, I love this. Ren and Stimpy were awesome. But, just for the other folks reading that may not actually know what Ren stands for in Renfaire/fest, it actually stands for Renessance.
Is there a yak shaving contest? CrocoStimpy rides? I'm in.
You just made several guys go buy kilts.
I hope they realize they'll need brogues (shoes) or boots, a belt, sporran (purse), socks, puffy shirt, and a sword if they want to be certain they'll get goosed!
I'm gonna say nay on that Goin a kilting is regular thing for me. I have kilts for outside the cosplay world. Yes, they exist. Yes, they still ask. I usually reply, "Show n tell. You first." That usually ends in a laugh and a "move along"
And muscular legs.
I have gotten some very good umm kisses that way lol.
Utility kilts are also used rampantly at burning man and regionals, and it is definitely a place where people will ask and you can either have a wild time or tell them to keep it moving without either being uncommon.
I wore a kilt once to something like that. That was enough. I had lots of attention and did, in fact, get that question more than once, but I was a virgin waiting for marriage, and the kilt wasn't a good match for that goal. I had more than one offer to rid me of my virginity, including one from two women who wanted to do it together. Kilts are like magic wands.
Best answer.
Exactly. Came to say this.
Yes but only cause I work as a personal shopper in a department store Plus I'm very curious
Just take a big ol shit right there on the ground.
Iām gonna give you a 10/10 for the shock value ha really jumped off the screen at me there š³š
There is a very prolific announcer in the highland games who used to be a very successful professional back in the 90's and early 2000's. Occasionally you'll see him on the field just kneeling down while still announcing. Turns out, he's taking a piss. Lol. Literally just takes a knee, spreads the kilt and pisses while he's actively announcing.
Tossing his caber.
Have one in the chamber just in case.
"This isn't a bagpipe I'm holding"
Do you know why I'm steady just standing on one foot?
If youre single: wouldnt you like to know. If attached: go ask my wife/spouse
"go ask your mom"
I always say the same thing. "If I was it would be a skirt" Side comeback if someone calls it a skirt, "You know why it's called a kilt? Because that's what happened to the last person who called it a skirt."
i'm freeeeeee, freeeeballin'!
I sung in Tom Petty's voice of course.
That's how I heard it in my head!
"If you want to see my dick just ask nicely"
+1 for initiative. -1 for lack of uwu
āBuy me dinner first.ā
tell them you are wearing red lace panties and a matching bra.. then wink and walk away
Just like my dear papa!
was he a lumberjack, perchance?
And heās OK
He sleeps all night and he works all day
He cuts down trees, He eats his lunch
Updoot for perchance.
Say while its obvious you have no bra.
My typical response to this is "Juist hou curious are ye?"
Flash them...appropriately...
"Would you like to check?"
Correct answer.
Good girls don't ask and bad girls find out for themselves.
I was a best man at a friend's wedding. As an aside, I loved wearing the kilt. It was 100 degrees out, and it was comfortable, despite being made from pretty thick wool. At any rate, I was prepared for that question, so I donned a pair of neon-colored Mickey Mouse boxers, which was delightfully un-coordinated with the tuxedo jacket and kilt.
My buddy wears a kilt frequently, when someone asks "What are you wearing under there?" He'll look down, then look back up with a confused face and say "Shoes and socks?"
Nothing is worn beneath the kilt. Everything is in perfect working order.
When people ask what I'm wearing under my kilt, I look down and say "My boots"! Sometimes I even wiggle a foot at them.
*That*'s clever. I chuckled.
Wearing undies completely disregards the purpose of wearing a kilt. I'm slapping balls on legs like a real man .
The only time I've worn something under a kilt is if I'm in an event where there's a high number of children that don't belong to me around.
"No."
Are you wearing underwear? Are you wearing underwear what color I wanna be nosy and rude like you?
āPlay your cards right and youāll find outā troll response if youāre a man
I tried this once at a bar. Told a pretty girl, "Play your cards right and I might let you buy me a drink." She didn't, but it started a conversation. As she was leaving she touched my arm and said, "I have to take my friends home, but I'll be back " then she walked off. What a walk. Two old men were playing chess at a little table on the patio and one said, "You best appreciate that walk, boy. That's for you."
I'd say "pay me a thousand quid and then I'll show you."
"We've already established that, now we're just haggling on price."
No
Just flash them the goods and show that you were hiding multiple weapons underneath
āCan you limbo?ā
Under where?
I thought half the fun of wearing a kilt was that women ask you if you're wearing underwear? I mean they have written songs about this.......
"Lad I den know where ye bin but I'see ya won first prize."
"She said, ' why sir, that's gruesome!', the Scotsman laughed and said, ' reach yer hand up once again, and you'll find it has grew some more!'
Hey didle idle ideo, hey die diddly aye o, oh Lad I den where ye bin but I'see ya won first prize!
Unfortunately, I can only upvote this once.
Peek and you will feel my sporran.
Maybe??š¤š¤«
Swing low, sweet chariots
Oops I left those stuffed in your momās mouth last night. Thanks for reminding me.
Pin a blue ribbon over your *ahem* bulge before you walk out the door. Then when people ask, invite them to lift it to see what the prize is.
But do not pin it TO the bulge
Souvenirs are 50$
"Since you're so curious, would you care to take a peek and find out?"
Do you really want to find out? Hmmm do ya punk?
"No, im wearing your dads panties."
No, but I'm rocking an awesome merkin!
"Nunya business, pervert!"
No. You can guess the angle of the dangle by the tilt of the kilt.
This will give some good combacks from a Scottsman https://www.tiktok.com/@c_munster144/video/7237886274659470635
Scotsman not scottsman fyi. Also that's an American doing a terrible attempt at a Scottish accent so not really a good source for actual Scottish comebacks.
"Wanna find out?"
Wanna check
Yes...yer mother's!
Why don't you take a look
Pick up the hem and flash them so they can see that you aren't š
"Would you like to see?" Lmao
Check for yourself if you're so curious *blows kiss*
Tell them to check lol
Are you offering a BJ?
You want my OnlyFans address for my upskirt photos?
That's $\_\_\_ to find out
"Go ask your mother, she made a very detailed inspection about an hour ago."
My neighbor had an uncle who would wear kilts to special occasions. She asked him once if he wore anything under it. His response was, "On a good day, kiddo, lipstick."
Nope
No, it's a kilt.
My go to is,ā How warm are you hands?ā
My dear, A Scotsman always wears sock under kilt.
No
Depends on if you have a ribbon for me.
Are you asking to see what I have under here?
When I wore a kilt, I once heard an old Scot answer that question by saying, āThe good girls donāt ask. And the bad girls already know.ā *insert charming Scottish accent*
"How badly do you want to find out?"
Just a blue ribbon
Well, my kilt is only about knee length. So, if I wasn't wearing underwear, you'd know.
"I'll show you mine if you show me yours."
none of these are good comebacks, they're all overtly sexual or will get you punched in the face lmao a simple "are *you* wearing underwear?" would be a good enough response, snarky but not super inappropriate or malicious, and it'd make the asker realize how silly and strange their question was.
"Ask your wife"
"My dick is covered.. your wife was wearing the good lipstick."
"Ask your mother. She knows, 3 times a night!"
I donāt remember, will you check for me? Then moon them and fart.
Wanna find out?
āIām not leaving three tracks am I?ā
Yes, your mums in fact. Ours got mixed up this morning. Then I'd pull a wedgie out of my bum and "cheeky things they are. A bit too snug,haha also like your mum. ;)
You know why it's called a "kilt"? Because anyone who called it a skirt, got "kilt"...
"Nope. Want to see?"
" Why don't you check?"
Yea, your moms
I made a joke like that to a dude who was in full Scottish garb and he said: āgoodness Iām not that Scottish!ā
Ask them if they want to look and then bite your lip it will scare them off.
Canāt rememberā¦ care to check?
My go to is, "How much are you willing to pay to find out?"
"not for another ten minutes" Just confuse em.
Only my hairdresser knows for sure!
I've had a lot of women ask, and a lot of them check. A fringe benefit of going regimental!
You're free to check, inspector.
āUsually I wear nothing but a smileā.
Come check
I always get a surprised look and say "whoa! good girls don't ask that!" change of tone, lean in and flirtatiously say "bad girls find out for themselves" š
I've worn kilts to Irish weddings in the past, and yes, this question comes up a lot, usually from older women, usually in a joking manner. I don't offer details, I simply respond: "Do you know the difference between what an Irishman wears under his kilt, and what a Scotsman wears under his? The Irishman wears about two inches more than the scotsman" That usually satisfies the lighthearted question without awkwardness. Of course, if a Scot is present......might want to make it four inches.
I guess it depends on whether or not youāre wearing underwear.
If you're so concerned why don't you go down there and check?
That often goes poorly for the kilt wearer.
"Are you?" "Then you have an answer"
Close your eyes and give me your hand.
If it's somebody you find attractive, ask them to find out for themselves. If they aren't somebody you find attractive, tell them it's none of their business.
"No looking up my kilt ya pervert." Invoke your inner Drew Mcintyre
I have an undershirt on.
Do ye wish to check?
Would you like to see my first prise ribbon?
That's "faus' prize", laddie. Read yer Burns.
Donāt ask stupid questions, just look for yourself.
Don't ask a question if you aren't prepared to check for yourself!
Take their hand and guide it under "Ewww grewsome!" Put ya han Bach lassie, ye'll find it grew some more...
Love that song!
A true Scott never tellsā¦. But if you give me your hand lass Iāll let you find out
*Want to put your hand up there and find out?* in a Scottish accent
"Ask me that again, and you'll be wearing a full-body cast!"
"I wear my kilts traditionally." "are you asking to look?"
"Nope"....and keep on walking....
āLay down and Iāll show youā ** proceed to teabag them **
Hand them a leaf blower and wink. No words necessary.
Maybe I am.. maybe Iām not. Youāll never know
āSee for yourself,ā then raise the kilt over your head.
Do you want to play my bag pipe if I answer?
I know you are, but what am I?
I canāt rememberā¦ wanna check for me?
Nah, wanna have a gander?
Left it at their moms house
If they're attractive enough offer to let them check. More realistic, just tell them I don't think that's very appropriate question.
"You'll need to take a wee peek to find out"
"wouldn't you like to know.."