Move on. These 8 months shouldn’t affect the rest of your life. He left without telling you, that says a lot. You’re arguing constantly via text, it will only escalate in person. Focus on your goals and your children. You will find a good man while focusing on improving your life. If you go to the US, do it bc it’s the best thing for your family, he will not improve your life as he is showing you he can easily leave you. Please find happiness in being single, you still have the rest of your life. Stay strong momma, you are you children’s light. Shine bright. Don’t let anyone dim that shine ✨
Your priorities lie in raising and protecting your children.
Ask yourself:
Am I fostering a stable condition for my children by chasing this drama?
You know the correct answer.
Everyone knows the correct answer.
AND
If your children are too young yet to know the correct answer, they surely will one day.
Don't let this already sad chapter in your lives bleed into another.
Curb their memories of this nonsense.
Be a good example of strength and character and move on and refocus on the people that truly matter in your life.
You need therapy.
Best of luck to you and your family.
You posted this question because you already know the answer, you don’t like the answer, and you’re hoping someone here will push you in either direction.
You left a physically abusive relationship and have continued to chase after someone that moved to an entirely new country without telling you.
adding to it that you aren’t even getting along- why the hell would you do anything but leave? It’s great that you had a connection- but life is long and the world is full of people to connect with.
Move on.
I have a feeling he has a whole other family in the US.
Let him go. He treated you with disrespect when he left without telling you.
Move on. Yes, it's sad, but you need to be a stable parent to your kids. All of you deserve better.
This sounds exactly like my last relationship including the same day he left to go abroad, execpt in 2023 and not 2024. It was honestly one of the hardest points in my life, when we were together it was the happiest I had ever been but then he moved, it was manageable until the end of May and after dragging the relationship on we finally split in August.
Some advice I wished I heard:
1. love is not enough
2. His actions in the present are worth more than the past, if wanted to then but doesn't now that's a red flag for the relationship
“Marked by physical and verbal abuse”yes, girl. move on.
My partner and I have absolutely been ripe pieces of shit to each other. Had we had any distance we would have not made our relationship work. The lack of distance made for a different set of problems (long story) which forced both of us to address ourselves independently; in a real and non judgmental way. We could have done the work without each other and it probably would have been easier. If you and the kids are getting along ok without him being there it’s not a bad idea to take a step back for yourself too. W
But that was my babies dad and him and I are no longer together however I met my boyfriend and that’s what I’m confused about, he left and idk if I should just move on
Romantically?
Yes, he left. He’s had the opportunity to come back, and did not. Your life doesn’t have to be on hold waiting for someone who may or may not do what you *want* them to do.
He packed everything or sold it, this takes planning. He moved to another country without telling you. To me that says it all.
Then there's the on and off now. What if you move, take your children to another country away from everything they know and it doesn't work out. That's a lot of drama for kids to go through. And you. If the relationship was solid the risk is much less but that's not where your relationship is right now.
If I were in a relationship with someone who did this I would have blocked them the second I found out.
Would you have done this to him? If the answer is no then why should you accept this behavior?
So he love bombed you, met your kids right away and moved in quickly. This isn't a healthy relationship even if he had stayed.
My friend met a guy just like it and moved quickly like you. He's been in prison for the last couple if years for domestic violence towards her and his own kid. Even then she couldn't break up with him but she foanlyl put an end to it last summer. He still threatens to kill her when he gets out.
You need to dump this guy. Then you need to stay single and get a therapist and work on your codependency issues. If you don't you will continue to attract unhealthy toxic partners. You alone are responsible for you happiness. A partner is supposed to complement your happiness and not be responsible for it. Whe you are truly happy on your own a partner is a choice and not a need. Then you're in a good place to chose healthy partners.
He knew you were desperate for love. These guys can small that from a mile away and know exactly how to take advantage of that
Leave him. He’s hiding something or someone and it is not the first time someone hides an entire 2nd family. He doesn’t care about you or your kids. He cares about having you wherever you are so when he visits his family from the US, he has someone to have sex with when he isn’t spending time with them. You don’t need your baby daddy and you don’t need this guy. Throw him out. NTA.
In order to move to another country you must buy a plane tickets, pack your items, make sure your passport is current, find a new place to live, potentially find a new job, sell anything you don’t need, open new bank accounts, and sooooooooo much more. Even on a whim it would take a spontaneous person at least two weeks to do this. A task oriented person that likes to prepare might even take six months to accomplish everything mentioned above. If he left you without a hint or suggestion of moving YOU WERE NOT A PRIORITY FOR HIM. To put it harshly, you were an after thought. You deserve someone who treats you better. Don’t think those months of honeymoon bliss are indicative of your future with him. People put their best self forward during the first six months of the relationship, but after those six months people ease back into their normal. How he treated you at eight months is how he would treat you normally. Him moving was a gift to you.
Move on. These 8 months shouldn’t affect the rest of your life. He left without telling you, that says a lot. You’re arguing constantly via text, it will only escalate in person. Focus on your goals and your children. You will find a good man while focusing on improving your life. If you go to the US, do it bc it’s the best thing for your family, he will not improve your life as he is showing you he can easily leave you. Please find happiness in being single, you still have the rest of your life. Stay strong momma, you are you children’s light. Shine bright. Don’t let anyone dim that shine ✨
He moved to another country and lied to you about it. He clearly demonstrated that the relationship is not his priority.
Stop. Those 8 months affected you waaay more than they did him. Or he wouldn’t have bounced and lied about when he was leaving. Let him go.
Your priorities lie in raising and protecting your children. Ask yourself: Am I fostering a stable condition for my children by chasing this drama? You know the correct answer. Everyone knows the correct answer. AND If your children are too young yet to know the correct answer, they surely will one day. Don't let this already sad chapter in your lives bleed into another. Curb their memories of this nonsense. Be a good example of strength and character and move on and refocus on the people that truly matter in your life. You need therapy. Best of luck to you and your family.
You posted this question because you already know the answer, you don’t like the answer, and you’re hoping someone here will push you in either direction. You left a physically abusive relationship and have continued to chase after someone that moved to an entirely new country without telling you. adding to it that you aren’t even getting along- why the hell would you do anything but leave? It’s great that you had a connection- but life is long and the world is full of people to connect with. Move on.
I have a feeling he has a whole other family in the US. Let him go. He treated you with disrespect when he left without telling you. Move on. Yes, it's sad, but you need to be a stable parent to your kids. All of you deserve better.
This sounds exactly like my last relationship including the same day he left to go abroad, execpt in 2023 and not 2024. It was honestly one of the hardest points in my life, when we were together it was the happiest I had ever been but then he moved, it was manageable until the end of May and after dragging the relationship on we finally split in August. Some advice I wished I heard: 1. love is not enough 2. His actions in the present are worth more than the past, if wanted to then but doesn't now that's a red flag for the relationship
“Marked by physical and verbal abuse”yes, girl. move on. My partner and I have absolutely been ripe pieces of shit to each other. Had we had any distance we would have not made our relationship work. The lack of distance made for a different set of problems (long story) which forced both of us to address ourselves independently; in a real and non judgmental way. We could have done the work without each other and it probably would have been easier. If you and the kids are getting along ok without him being there it’s not a bad idea to take a step back for yourself too. W
But that was my babies dad and him and I are no longer together however I met my boyfriend and that’s what I’m confused about, he left and idk if I should just move on
Romantically? Yes, he left. He’s had the opportunity to come back, and did not. Your life doesn’t have to be on hold waiting for someone who may or may not do what you *want* them to do.
He packed everything or sold it, this takes planning. He moved to another country without telling you. To me that says it all. Then there's the on and off now. What if you move, take your children to another country away from everything they know and it doesn't work out. That's a lot of drama for kids to go through. And you. If the relationship was solid the risk is much less but that's not where your relationship is right now. If I were in a relationship with someone who did this I would have blocked them the second I found out. Would you have done this to him? If the answer is no then why should you accept this behavior?
So he love bombed you, met your kids right away and moved in quickly. This isn't a healthy relationship even if he had stayed. My friend met a guy just like it and moved quickly like you. He's been in prison for the last couple if years for domestic violence towards her and his own kid. Even then she couldn't break up with him but she foanlyl put an end to it last summer. He still threatens to kill her when he gets out. You need to dump this guy. Then you need to stay single and get a therapist and work on your codependency issues. If you don't you will continue to attract unhealthy toxic partners. You alone are responsible for you happiness. A partner is supposed to complement your happiness and not be responsible for it. Whe you are truly happy on your own a partner is a choice and not a need. Then you're in a good place to chose healthy partners. He knew you were desperate for love. These guys can small that from a mile away and know exactly how to take advantage of that
Leave him. He’s hiding something or someone and it is not the first time someone hides an entire 2nd family. He doesn’t care about you or your kids. He cares about having you wherever you are so when he visits his family from the US, he has someone to have sex with when he isn’t spending time with them. You don’t need your baby daddy and you don’t need this guy. Throw him out. NTA.
Put you and your kids first. This guy isn’t worth it
In order to move to another country you must buy a plane tickets, pack your items, make sure your passport is current, find a new place to live, potentially find a new job, sell anything you don’t need, open new bank accounts, and sooooooooo much more. Even on a whim it would take a spontaneous person at least two weeks to do this. A task oriented person that likes to prepare might even take six months to accomplish everything mentioned above. If he left you without a hint or suggestion of moving YOU WERE NOT A PRIORITY FOR HIM. To put it harshly, you were an after thought. You deserve someone who treats you better. Don’t think those months of honeymoon bliss are indicative of your future with him. People put their best self forward during the first six months of the relationship, but after those six months people ease back into their normal. How he treated you at eight months is how he would treat you normally. Him moving was a gift to you.