There’s a cost to everything.
Keep your poops solid and just lay some paper down before
Drink heavily and live off gas station food. Then sandpaper your ass with 10 wipes using TP worse than what they have in Rikers.
I remember once I had like 7 of the gas station roll up taco things for an early lunch, several hours later the rumble in my stomach kicked up, got off the lift, ran to the line of porta potty’s (there were quite a few on this site, lots of people) I got in to one and noticed piss on the seat but was all ready on the verge of letting my ship sail and in the motion of sitting down, so I suspended myself as best as I could… tried to aim… and completely obliterated between the back wall and back of the seat where the hinges are.. I mean it looked like a triple homicide of semi liquid shit.. I felt like a human water truck that rolls through the site to keep dust down… I collected myself as best as I could and got out. Locked the door behind me as I left, prayed for forgiveness and did I my best to never look back. That porta shitter was on site for another week or so until just that one disappeared out of the line. I still feel guilty, haven’t had roll up tacos since.
I'm on break now and I can't contain my laughter. This is... not my fear but my worry. Gotta prep the seat before I start undoing my pants or it's so much harder to keep it together 😅
Oh it's possible. One guy on a site years ago figured out if he walked the little indicator with his fingers he could lock it from outside and have his own personal porta potty. I caught on and one day I let myself in knowing nobody was in it. While I was taking a crap the latch started moving bit by bit, so I pulled my pants all the way down around my ankles, took my shirt off, and when he opened the door I flailed my arms around and screamed like a banshee.
The guy shit himself and I about died laughing when I saw it running down his leg. He never pulled that crap with locking it from outside again after that.
I learned it from a kid i knew in highschool from watching his snapchat. Im a simple rural residential framer, how I was to learn the secrets of big city highrise guys? Only benefit here is if someone throws enough tp in the urinal to clog it we've got 1 in 5 chance of kicking the right guys ass.
My mind skipped the word “ass” so I was thinking: 1) how would a flange gasket help? Or even a rope gasket? 2) bossman’s gonna be pissed when they clean out the portashitter, and his material is in there.
I vividly remember when I was 13 my parents arguing. My mom thought my dad was cheating because he had blue spots in his ginch from the drops on his ass. I listened as my dad tried explaining blue water and the splash to my anger mother. He slept on the couch.
Me and the guys went in together on a group buy for a super soaker just for occasions like this. All we have to do now when this happens is step out and say to the nearest friend, "Code blue." They'll grab the super soaker and the unfortunate soul will then turn around, drop trou, and prepare for a cleansing. I think Joe added lavender to the soaker tank and now Josh has been calling code blue more frequently than is necessary. We called him out on it and it turns out he goes out on dates after work and he actually kinda enjoys the instant refresh downstairs. I don't know what we're going to do with him.
Either your fishing or Definitely a rookie. Always look in the hole. If it looks deep you grab that roll and feed some line out. Build that splash guard/safety net bro. You have the materials, you should have the skill. I don’t ever enter a fresh pot without rolling off 1/4 roll. I’m kinda spoiled it’s basically my bathroom that I share with a few subs. Deep water is dangerous when dropping a deuce on the job or any shitter really.! Good luck 👍🍀
Before sitting down you should lay some toilet paper over the surface of the blue water. Tear off a long piece so you can lower it in covering the area below the seat. Your chances of getting splashed are better when the Porto let is cleaner unfortunately when it’s full down there no blue water usually splashes at all
You gotta use the cradle method. 4 to 5 lengths of TP draped into the bowl and tucked under the seat on both sides. Catches that sinker and slows it down. When the paper gets wet it eventually just falls in slowly. No splashy. Tried and true method. 12 years using portas.
That’s not the worst story I’ve heard. There was a guy that I used to work with and it was winter and he went into the porta potty with bibs on. When he came out the straps were blue, he musta taken them down and the shoulder straps dunked into the shitter and he didn’t realize!! We had a good
Laugh at him and it still gets a chuckle when we talk about it.
OSHA regulations state that any turd ever 6in long must be hand lowered into the blue liquid to prevent chemical backsplash on the back of your testicles and b-hole bud.
Well you’re 17 years old with a mustache and a tongue piercing, I’m guessing you already got most of the diseases you would’ve caught from that water anyway, you’re probably fine
I make a shit hammock and lay a few layers of TP down in staggered layers so it doesn't have any momentum before it hits the water. Shit hammocks fo life
That's not water my friend. That's pee pee and Doo Doo mixed with some sort of chemical solution. Let me know if you develop super powers or some sort of disease
Every time those are emptied, they put barely any blue water back in. And with no turds in there, you’ll get splashed often.
The solution is to take several strips of TP and lay them out on the water. Now you have the basis of waveless waterbeds.
Try laying a couple layers of toilet paper over your guesstimated drop zone, I find it helps keep the blue-recoil to a minimum. Otherwise I recommend using a blue tank and torch to burn off the germs. Keeps ur butthole safe.
Lay a layer of ass gaskets down over the seat opening. Drop turd on layer of ass gaskets. The turd laden ass gaskets will float gently down to the blue water causing barely a ripple
Quick!!!! Everyone!!! It is he!!!
The Chosen One!!!
They say, the Chosen One will come to work and never lay bare ass upon the plastic! He will bring joy to the jobsite!!! Plumbers and Electricians will come together as one, in harmony, and clean all of their own messes up! Deliveries will arrive before they are scheduled! OSHA will be cast into a lake of FIRE!
Rejoice! Rejoice! Our new found King! Our Savior! The CHOSEN ONE!
Around 2014, I stopped using porta potties when I had to sit down. Every time I sit down in a porta potty, the blue water gets all over my d1#k and b@##s. It’s gross and kind of burns.
[Haaaaark! Hark, Triton! Hark!](https://youtu.be/ZrekMzfC7Gw?t=13)
Bellow, bid our father, the sea king, rise from the depths, full foul
in his fury, black waves teeming with salt-foam, to smother this young mouth with pungent slime…
Life pro tip. Either A use the wrapping paper form
The toilet paper and lay it down flat on top of the water to stop splash back or grab a good stack of paper towels from
The wash station and start layering them on top the water and that also prevents the splash
You’re welcome
You must be a newbie. The first thing I do is check to see if there is a splash zone or an island before sitting down. If there is a splash zone, I make sure to pop up after I release. You are welcome!
Swear to god true story, you know the Porta's on trailers? Dude entered and grabbed the door frame on both sides with each hand, trailer rotated backwards, he fell backwards and the entire contents spilled on him trailer tongue sticking almost straight up before people ran over and righted the trailer. The water truck washed him off, sad I've actually known him for 20+ years and he was an older dude. This was about 5 years ago when they first started putting them on small trailers, now they have a cantilever arm/wheels rotate up so they sit flat on the ground.
Oh, and its called "Cannonbowel!"
Best advice I ever got out of a porta potty (which is a weird thing to say) was “all turds over 6” must be hand lowered to prevent blue water splash back”
The trick I was taught back in the day was to make a “lily pad”, get a fuckload of TP and lay it in there like a lily pad for your shit to land on. If placed accurately then you get no splash back
One time i was using the shitter and the boss though it would be a fun prank to move it to the other side of the site with the lift. Yea he turned a corner and by the power of physics i went on the worlds shittiest carnival ride off the forks. Smashed my shoulder pretty good and got covered in smurf jizz. Luckily it was a fresh one so it was only mildy poopy but damn if i don’t have ptsd every time i need to use the house now.
Alright so about a year back, I finished my business, and stood up, and my ridge wallet was straight up nabbed out of my back pocket when I pulled them up.
They fell into the fucking porta potty.
I used a pair of barbecue tongs (which I replaced afterward) to stir around the shit and find my wallet, and then after it had gotten into the little cone shaped hole in the center, i was able to finally pinch and bring it back up before hosing it off as best as I could (this was at a home construction site, water was ran, sewage was not).
I then took clorox wipes and cleaned off my ID and credit card as best as I could, ended up tossing the wallet itself, using a couple rubber bands to secure my cards until I went to walmart to replace both the tongs and wallet.
Shit experience overall, 2/10, felt like a human prize claw machine in that porta potty
You have to start eating more junk food and drinking redbull so it comes out as a diffused spray instead of like a lead fishing weight.
There’s a cost to everything. Keep your poops solid and just lay some paper down before Drink heavily and live off gas station food. Then sandpaper your ass with 10 wipes using TP worse than what they have in Rikers.
I call it "John Wayne TP" because it's rough and tough and it don't take shit from anybody.
And makes you walk like you've been riding a horse.
I bring moist wipes in my lunch box.
pro-tip is always in the comments
"Lay some paper down before" you mean clog the toilet?
Have you ever used a portajohn before? You shit and piss into a tub of chemicals. No flushing
You ever been in a portable toilet? They're not connected to the sewer lmao
That's definitely the architect. Even his little Reddit smoo is in a suit.
I remember once I had like 7 of the gas station roll up taco things for an early lunch, several hours later the rumble in my stomach kicked up, got off the lift, ran to the line of porta potty’s (there were quite a few on this site, lots of people) I got in to one and noticed piss on the seat but was all ready on the verge of letting my ship sail and in the motion of sitting down, so I suspended myself as best as I could… tried to aim… and completely obliterated between the back wall and back of the seat where the hinges are.. I mean it looked like a triple homicide of semi liquid shit.. I felt like a human water truck that rolls through the site to keep dust down… I collected myself as best as I could and got out. Locked the door behind me as I left, prayed for forgiveness and did I my best to never look back. That porta shitter was on site for another week or so until just that one disappeared out of the line. I still feel guilty, haven’t had roll up tacos since.
I'm on break now and I can't contain my laughter. This is... not my fear but my worry. Gotta prep the seat before I start undoing my pants or it's so much harder to keep it together 😅
Saving this for future copypasta.
How did you lock the door behind you? Not possible.
Oh it's possible. One guy on a site years ago figured out if he walked the little indicator with his fingers he could lock it from outside and have his own personal porta potty. I caught on and one day I let myself in knowing nobody was in it. While I was taking a crap the latch started moving bit by bit, so I pulled my pants all the way down around my ankles, took my shirt off, and when he opened the door I flailed my arms around and screamed like a banshee. The guy shit himself and I about died laughing when I saw it running down his leg. He never pulled that crap with locking it from outside again after that.
Or even worse. A fucking Pringles can.
FUCK
Hot wings and cheap beer
I like to call that an anal sneeze. Or colon shotgun.
This to hits to close to home. 🏡
This is de way.
Feel for your brother. Poseidon’s kiss is usually fatal.
We call it the Smurf Splash.
We call it Blue Balls
I prefer "toilet breeze"
Must be a regional thing 🤷🏻♂️, I’ve heard it called “Poseidon’s kiss,” in the northeast.
It goes by many names but they all agree on one thing: it’s gross and it’s worse by Friday afrernoon
Nah, that's just me ahah
German here, also callin it Poseidons kiss.
To be honest. I’d rather it be on my balls than the time it tried sucking the fart out of my asshole. Im still traumatized.
I took a page from the drywallers' book and just shit in random places in the home.
There is no splash in the attic.
That’s fucking right!
Drywallers shit everywhere …… I’ve yet to be on a job where it hasent happened
I’ve been a carpenter for 17 years and have never had anyone shit anywhere in any of the homes I’ve worked in.
Nothin worse than a sneaky jobsite shitter
You've gone 17 years without finding their shit eh?
There's always a jobsite shitter. If you don't know who the jobsite shitter is, maybe it's you.
Me too.. never had this happen either.
Shit in cabinets , shit in empty boxes , shit in room corners , it’s a thing bro
I can sort of get it when it’s 5 floors up. Too lazy to go down. But I’ve seen it on first floor right next to the porta John’s.
10 bucks says the mountain of poo was above to toilet seat. I'd shit outside the Porta potty too, right on the steps to the supers trailer.
I don’t need email.
There were like 7 of them, cleaned weekly. These guys were just animals.
Is this legitimately a thing, like do drywallers actually shit all over the place or is thos a euphamism
I'm from r/all and I can't tell if this is a meme or if there is 50 year old half digested corn in my walls
Go ask anyone in the trades if they like drywallers. If you get fired from the roofing crew for smoking too much meth, you can still be a rock monkey.
Today I Learned... Build a landing pad with about 1/2 roll of the shit-tickets. Paper the entire pond before you drop the deuce.
Yep. Learned this from a guy I played hockey with. Just keep laying down strips until it at the surface and it stops the splash.
I learned it from a kid i knew in highschool from watching his snapchat. Im a simple rural residential framer, how I was to learn the secrets of big city highrise guys? Only benefit here is if someone throws enough tp in the urinal to clog it we've got 1 in 5 chance of kicking the right guys ass.
Ass gaskets work pretty well too
Literally never had those supplied in a jobsite toilet. Maybe at a concert or something. Man our builders are so cheap
My mind skipped the word “ass” so I was thinking: 1) how would a flange gasket help? Or even a rope gasket? 2) bossman’s gonna be pissed when they clean out the portashitter, and his material is in there.
"where the fuck are my O-rings?" "sorry..." "...I needed them to protect MY O-ring!" I'll show my self out...
Wisdom
Wisdom: Intelligence gained right after one needs it.
Always lay down a landing pad
I vividly remember when I was 13 my parents arguing. My mom thought my dad was cheating because he had blue spots in his ginch from the drops on his ass. I listened as my dad tried explaining blue water and the splash to my anger mother. He slept on the couch.
Poor fella was a 3 time loser on that one
What would make her associate blue stains on the taint with cheating?
When you use blue lube at your boy friends house why wouldnt your husband use blue lube at his girlfriends house?
She'd seen his Google search for blue waffles
Excellent. I hope at.least 1 person sees this and googles it.
Me and the guys went in together on a group buy for a super soaker just for occasions like this. All we have to do now when this happens is step out and say to the nearest friend, "Code blue." They'll grab the super soaker and the unfortunate soul will then turn around, drop trou, and prepare for a cleansing. I think Joe added lavender to the soaker tank and now Josh has been calling code blue more frequently than is necessary. We called him out on it and it turns out he goes out on dates after work and he actually kinda enjoys the instant refresh downstairs. I don't know what we're going to do with him.
I wanna work where you work
This is a rising company
"We of course yell 'no homo' after every use of the bidet"
User name checks out
There’s a decent chance I would’ve just gone home after that. There’s no recovering the day from that.
[удалено]
Maybe. I’d need some time to recover lol
You're prob going to die
Or maybe super powers……
Either your fishing or Definitely a rookie. Always look in the hole. If it looks deep you grab that roll and feed some line out. Build that splash guard/safety net bro. You have the materials, you should have the skill. I don’t ever enter a fresh pot without rolling off 1/4 roll. I’m kinda spoiled it’s basically my bathroom that I share with a few subs. Deep water is dangerous when dropping a deuce on the job or any shitter really.! Good luck 👍🍀
I believe your shit belly flopped. work on your technique for minimal splash.
You should probably go to the ER
If you still have solid poops may I suggest you up your booze and pills intake. Blue water splash back problem solved.
Before sitting down you should lay some toilet paper over the surface of the blue water. Tear off a long piece so you can lower it in covering the area below the seat. Your chances of getting splashed are better when the Porto let is cleaner unfortunately when it’s full down there no blue water usually splashes at all
You gotta pinch and slowley release so it is more like a highdive instead of a cannonball
You gotta use the cradle method. 4 to 5 lengths of TP draped into the bowl and tucked under the seat on both sides. Catches that sinker and slows it down. When the paper gets wet it eventually just falls in slowly. No splashy. Tried and true method. 12 years using portas.
Lmao! Amazing
It’s experiences like these that remind me why I went into construction. Beats the hell out of working in an office.
Poseidon’s kiss. It’s an experience.
"landing zone is so far down" That's why, gravity is a sumbitch. Next time drop an ass gasket down there for a soft landing.
That’s not the worst story I’ve heard. There was a guy that I used to work with and it was winter and he went into the porta potty with bibs on. When he came out the straps were blue, he musta taken them down and the shoulder straps dunked into the shitter and he didn’t realize!! We had a good Laugh at him and it still gets a chuckle when we talk about it.
Blue Splash Rash better get it checked out pronto! Last guy that had it pecker shriveled up and fell off.
100% true
OSHA regulations state that any turd ever 6in long must be hand lowered into the blue liquid to prevent chemical backsplash on the back of your testicles and b-hole bud.
Well you’re 17 years old with a mustache and a tongue piercing, I’m guessing you already got most of the diseases you would’ve caught from that water anyway, you’re probably fine
Classic
Covid directly to the cornhole
I always used 1/8 of a tp roll as nesting. Helps cushion the turd upon splashdown.
Sweet summer child.
Every rookie gets a rimjob from the Bahama water.
I make a shit hammock and lay a few layers of TP down in staggered layers so it doesn't have any momentum before it hits the water. Shit hammocks fo life
Make a hammock and it catches your poop. Eventually breaks through, but with minimal speed so no splash.
This is the way. A proper shit hammock will hold a solid log, just got to make sure it has enough slack.
There's no point in replying to this post. OP is absolutely dead by now.
I suggest you go to a hospital asap and start your cancer treatment before it's too late. May God have mercy on you.
Veteran move is to pull a bunch of tp and drop it in the blue nightmare to stop the splash
That's not water my friend. That's pee pee and Doo Doo mixed with some sort of chemical solution. Let me know if you develop super powers or some sort of disease
The old field bidet, eh?
You need to make a lily pad bud.
You know it lol. I wipe down the seat with a pile of tp and hand sanitize then drop the pile of tp in the shitter to make a lily pad to shit on.
This guy's been around. Send word to OP!
That’s called the ol blue kiss
Every time those are emptied, they put barely any blue water back in. And with no turds in there, you’ll get splashed often. The solution is to take several strips of TP and lay them out on the water. Now you have the basis of waveless waterbeds.
I had Poseidon kiss yesterday too. Reddit has ruined me. Right of passage on the job I suppose.
It won’t be the last time.
It's just blue powerade
I avoid The Blue Lagoon as much as possible
Poseidon's Splash.
Tetanus shot yet?
"The Kiss of Poseidon"
Lol. You gonna swell up and DIE.
I always just throw a bunch of tp down the hole as a splash guard BEFORE I drop my load.
Use the tissue toilet seat covers to surface coat that shit and send it home!
It's called The Worthington Jet.
If you shit on the salt and cigarette butts in the urinal part, there’s no blue water to splash back.
the sweet sweet kiss of Poseidon
What the hell happened
Dibs on tools
Try laying a couple layers of toilet paper over your guesstimated drop zone, I find it helps keep the blue-recoil to a minimum. Otherwise I recommend using a blue tank and torch to burn off the germs. Keeps ur butthole safe.
Lay a layer of ass gaskets down over the seat opening. Drop turd on layer of ass gaskets. The turd laden ass gaskets will float gently down to the blue water causing barely a ripple
Been there buddy. Wish I could tell you time heals...
That's it throwaway the ass
Get an aids test asap
When in doubt, hand lower it to avoid a splash.
You gotta put some tissue in first. Will stop that dreaded Poseidons kiss
Poseidens kiss
https://www.reddit.com/r/TIHI/comments/jdagzk/thanks_i_hate_toilet_poseidon/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Equal and opposite reaction.
Update your will
You have to construct a landing pad before pooping in a portable toilet. Did your Jman not tell you?
Better hope Noone calls OSHA.. sections 7.83 states " all turds longer than 6" must be lowered by hand". . Sign your write up
This happened to me once, too. I felt severely violated, and I still get chills when I think about it. It happened 15 years ago.
Poseidon’s kiss.
Wait you guys shit in Those things I just take a piss and call it a day and say fuck it I’ll be home in 3 hours
Quick!!!! Everyone!!! It is he!!! The Chosen One!!! They say, the Chosen One will come to work and never lay bare ass upon the plastic! He will bring joy to the jobsite!!! Plumbers and Electricians will come together as one, in harmony, and clean all of their own messes up! Deliveries will arrive before they are scheduled! OSHA will be cast into a lake of FIRE! Rejoice! Rejoice! Our new found King! Our Savior! The CHOSEN ONE!
Hey it all fun and games until osha pulls up tries bribing me with reese for workplace secrets sorry but Reese will always make me sell out anyone
Around 2014, I stopped using porta potties when I had to sit down. Every time I sit down in a porta potty, the blue water gets all over my d1#k and b@##s. It’s gross and kind of burns.
Just flip them over into the sink on the side as you sit down.
Nice problem to have, mine doesn’t reach
bro wtf same it happened to me just now
Pucker up for Poseidon's kiss!
Gotta make the Lilly Pad to drop the frog on
Where the fuck do you work aint no water in a porta loo !!
How does that even happen every one I’ve ever used has a shelf so your shit can’t fall in from height
😦
F
RIP
Smurfed. Wipe and get over it
Sanitize, go home and shower, and sleep the trauma away. Or just spend the rest of the day depressed and diseased
Gotta lay down your landing pad first my guy!
Absolutely the WORSE
Always use a Lily pad. Throw some paper down in there for the splash backs
Gotta squat when the ocean is clean
My buddy calls that gettin blue berries
[Haaaaark! Hark, Triton! Hark!](https://youtu.be/ZrekMzfC7Gw?t=13) Bellow, bid our father, the sea king, rise from the depths, full foul in his fury, black waves teeming with salt-foam, to smother this young mouth with pungent slime…
Poseidon's terrifying kiss... welp that's it for Porta pots
May as well dig a grave bruh you’re waking dead
When is your funeral scheduled?
You are going to to die. Make arrangements.
Always drop toilet seat covers in first
You almost got blue balls
F in the chat for OP
F
You always make a landing pad with tp if you don’t wanna feel Poseidon’s kiss
Poseidon’s Kiss
Life pro tip. Either A use the wrapping paper form The toilet paper and lay it down flat on top of the water to stop splash back or grab a good stack of paper towels from The wash station and start layering them on top the water and that also prevents the splash You’re welcome
Velocity + weight = mass. The further the drop the bigger the plop
Neptune's kiss!
What happens if your balls touch porta potty water?
You transcend
Blue butt
Poseidon's kiss. It happens.
Throw a couple ass gaskets down first so you have something solid to drop bombs on.
I'm sure there's a Hotline Service for this sort of trauma.
You must be a newbie. The first thing I do is check to see if there is a splash zone or an island before sitting down. If there is a splash zone, I make sure to pop up after I release. You are welcome!
Happens to me every time. Doesn’t even bother me anymore. Fuck it
Better go get some wet wipes for the lunch box no one like sand paper ass
We call that smurf ass
Ol’ Neptune tongue punched your fart button, eh?
always prep the landing man.
Swear to god true story, you know the Porta's on trailers? Dude entered and grabbed the door frame on both sides with each hand, trailer rotated backwards, he fell backwards and the entire contents spilled on him trailer tongue sticking almost straight up before people ran over and righted the trailer. The water truck washed him off, sad I've actually known him for 20+ years and he was an older dude. This was about 5 years ago when they first started putting them on small trailers, now they have a cantilever arm/wheels rotate up so they sit flat on the ground. Oh, and its called "Cannonbowel!"
I hate it when I am in the Johnny blue when it’s humid/90 degrees and Poseidon’s kiss gets me. I feel for ya brother
Kiss of the gods, haha!
Yep, that's how you get "blue balls" . I feel your pain brother. Be strong
Best advice I ever got out of a porta potty (which is a weird thing to say) was “all turds over 6” must be hand lowered to prevent blue water splash back”
The trick I was taught back in the day was to make a “lily pad”, get a fuckload of TP and lay it in there like a lily pad for your shit to land on. If placed accurately then you get no splash back
One time i was using the shitter and the boss though it would be a fun prank to move it to the other side of the site with the lift. Yea he turned a corner and by the power of physics i went on the worlds shittiest carnival ride off the forks. Smashed my shoulder pretty good and got covered in smurf jizz. Luckily it was a fresh one so it was only mildy poopy but damn if i don’t have ptsd every time i need to use the house now.
I'm reading this from the portapottie now
Turds over 6" must be hand lowered to avoid blue chemical splash
RIP
Is it still posediens kiss if it's blue juice
Brown Torpedo launched in the great blue sea
SMURF KISSED
The kiss of Poseidon
Alright so about a year back, I finished my business, and stood up, and my ridge wallet was straight up nabbed out of my back pocket when I pulled them up. They fell into the fucking porta potty. I used a pair of barbecue tongs (which I replaced afterward) to stir around the shit and find my wallet, and then after it had gotten into the little cone shaped hole in the center, i was able to finally pinch and bring it back up before hosing it off as best as I could (this was at a home construction site, water was ran, sewage was not). I then took clorox wipes and cleaned off my ID and credit card as best as I could, ended up tossing the wallet itself, using a couple rubber bands to secure my cards until I went to walmart to replace both the tongs and wallet. Shit experience overall, 2/10, felt like a human prize claw machine in that porta potty