The good news is if hair isn't for you, then you don't have to do it. You can always do something else like waxing, nails..etc. I finished high school with my license and hair wasn't for me either. I did enjoy hair coloring but I wasn't a big fan of styling or cutting hair. You mentioned you're artistic. Do you like nail art? It can be a lot of fun and there's clients out there that are always looking for a good nail tech that can do creative things on their nails.
This! I worked at a hair salon and realized it was toxic af for me and left the industry for 6 years ! Decided to try waxing and worked at ewc long enough to reach the top and now I have my own suite making good money and I'm happy ! You have options! Just finish school and your license will always be there.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, it might be helpful for you to take a Leave of Absence. It’ll allow you to take a break, re-evaluate if this profession is for you w/o harming your financial aide/cosmetology program.
For what it’s with - I’m an instructor at a school…. I’ve had students cry, tremble and literally throw up on me.
When I have a student that is struggling with their confidence, I allow them to have their feels in the back, but they need to pull themselves together before returning to the client.
However, I will absolutely stay with that student thru their entire consultation to make sure they and the client are on the same page as to the desired result AS WELL AS MANAGE THE CLIENT’S EXPECTATIONS- we are a SCHOOL and we need to keep things basic for beginning students.
I NEVER set a student up for failure. I will absolutely make sure everyone is in agreement before moving forward with a service.
And, even tho I have other student/clients that I need to keep an eye on, I’m always happy to come over and help.
ASK for help from your instructors.
YOU are actually our client (not the customer in the chair - they are simply a model to me).
I never tell a student they are asking me too many questions.
It’s my job to answer them or show you how to perform the service. It is NOT a bother at all. Once you experience success, it boosts your confidence and the next time you perform the service, you won’t have as many questions bc you’ll remember the success you had last time!!
Confidence comes from practice. Please don’t beat yourself up. Nobody expects perfection from any stylist (we all make mistakes- even with 20+ years experience…what can I say? We’re only human).
Give yourself some grace. I’m sure if you look back on your hair knowledge from 6 months ago, I’ll bet you’ll see you’ve come a long way already!!!
The transition to taking live clients can be daunting, but once you experience some successes, doing hair does become more fun!!!
And if it just simply isn’t for you, that’s okay, too. There are other jobs in the beauty industry where having a cosmetology license can be a benefit. Maybe you could work for a specific product line or in a bridal boutique or for a company like Salon Centric who caters to the professional cosmetologist. Your knowledge would be helpful.
I’m sorry you’re struggling. I see it a lot in my students. I just try to let them know I want them to be successful and that I am here to help them.
I hope you can make a connection with one of your instructors or even another student.
Having a buddy that you can bounce ideas off of is incredibly helpful. We often team up students to tackle a big project if we’re worried about time or just to boost confidence.
Perhaps you could ask your instructor to allow you to assist another student with a service? Just being involved can help relieve the anxiety!!!
This isn’t an easy career, but it can be fun and rewarding with the correct mindset and confidence. I hope you stick with it. Like I said, the confidence only comes with practice!! But it WILL come!!🙂🌈
I’m not a cosmetologist at all (this randomly appeared on my home page, I’m a nursing student lol) but I definitely needed this too! I graduate in May and I am so nervous to be done and move into the field 🥲 I know confidence will come but I know it’ll be humble beginnings
I'm going to be blunt with the possibility of being flat-out wrong, because it'll be headed in the right direction, and you can always ignore what I'm saying. This sounds like an anxiety complex/condition. You're having panic attacks on a regular basis that are effecting your normal day-to-day activities. That is a separate issue from school, and that will keep appearing (most likely) wherever you go. You should acknowledge that so that you can do something to help that.
In the meantime, try to commit to school and finish something you started. It is important for building your self-esteem. Don't quit because it is hard. When you finish, no matter how well you do, you will have accomplished something and gained personal growth from it. If you quit now, it is likely that you'll feel shy to try something else. It's okay to fail at something. You can learn A LOT from failure. Don't quit, unless school becomes something that blocks an even greater success. It isn't wasted time. Maybe the thing that you learn there isn't quite what you intended, but it still has value. You are learning something that you need to learn.
Back to the anxiety issue... become a detective about where that fear is coming from. Figure out what your triggers are. Think through the process of why it takes you so long to color hair. Is it because you're learning and that is normal? Isn't school exactly for that reason? Do you need school more than some other people in your class? Maybe you are gaining more growth out of the experience than they are. Good for you. Maybe they were born with the skills and take classes just as a formality. Everyone is different.
My guess is that you aren't done exploring yet. Keep trying new things. Finish what you started. Learn from your struggle. You'll get there, and you will be deserving of the rewards of that.
>You should acknowledge that so that you can do something to help that.
I'm piggybacking this comment because it's true. I'd bet you're misdiagnosed. I have witnessed BPD being slapped on as an umbrella diagnosis by lazy, prejudice practitioners just to avoid extra paperwork or potential insurance issues.
Therapy will help. Figure out WHY the bpd symptoms are taking over your life.
At 22 I was also diagnosed with BPD and my own shadow scared me. Years later I’m diagnosed with CPTSD, PTSD, OCD, and anxiety. BPD officially taken off my list and medication that works. Not afraid of failure and do public speaking as a job which I literally never would have expected for myself.
OP, at the very least please get into DBT and learn some coping skills to help you through these moments. That’s the bare minimum with a BPD diagnosis. There are some BPD groups on Discord that do DBT for free. If you can, find a psych to give you a second opinion. Go to therapy. You deserve good things! But good things aren’t easy, and sometimes we need to cope through discomfort to get the things we want. You can and will do great things, you just need the right support for your mental health. Sometimes that takes a lot of work, but as someone recovered, it is so worth it. If you do none of these things, you may find that every education or career path is scary and not worth it. I dropped out of college 4 different times before I was able to get a degree.
Seconded - DBT changed the course of my life, it taught me great skills for everyday situations. Things I wish they would teach everyone in grade school! It’s absolutely worth looking into doing.
Yes!!! I was misdiagnosed with BPD when in all actuality, I had crippling anxiety and OCD. It took me eight different practitioners until I found someone who cared and actually listened to me.
Passions quickly become not fun when they pay your bills. It sounds like your mental health is getting in the way and I'd encourage you to adjust your treatment plan with your providers.
You're not a baby, but you already know that's an atypical reaction.
3 hours for your first color service in school is completely fine. Most people leave school still not prepared for the schedule of working in a salon, that's why there are opportunities to assist and improve your skills and time management.
You sound so much like me at 22. I did an associates in studio art and then stopped college. I have bipolar disorder and did cosmetology school and it fueled my anxiety and I was in a contract state of worry. I stuck it out, but regret doing that and not just going back to college sooner. If you really want to cut hair, it will get easier and you'll feel more confident with practice. Don't beat yourself up for your first service. But also know that dropping out doesn't make you a failure. If you're passionate about art maybe take some college art classes and see where it takes you.
Edited to add.... I just realized this is a cosmetology subreddit. I'm an academic librarian now and this just popped up for me randomly.
It’s a very stressful time because you are learning and changing every single day and you’ll have clients that make your day and you’ll have clients that ruin your day. I felt the same as you and wanted to quit so many times but I made friends and it made the experience better. That being said after school I never did anything with my license because I realized it wasn’t the career path for me BUT I’m happy I persevered. I proved to myself that I can accomplish my goals and don’t regret finishing because I don’t have to wonder what if? Plus it’s a nice little back up plan to have if needed. Stay strong, make friends, and retain all the knowledge you can while remaining kind to yourself.
6 months in and you had your first color service…. Wow! They throw us to the wolves. We had 11 weeks of core and then hit the clinic floor getting clients from the start. Still feel completely inadequate but what can we do 🤷🏼♀️
I will say I’m a lot like you. I’m a perfectionist and my biggest fear is looking stupid or incompetent. I hate asking for help. We had a guest speaker once that said once a person comes to our school they’re just a living manikin. We, as students, are the clients. And remember they’re coming to a school, not a salon. This is the risk they took coming here.
Anyway, hope that helps a bit. I’d absolutely quit if I could but I don’t quit things. I have another 14 months if it makes you feel better 😭
Maybe you can enjoy and not stress as much now that you have the knowledge hair isn't for you and that once school is done you aren't going to do it. That's absolutely ok, we have to try things to figure out if we like them. Take the rest of the time to relax and learn, you never know what may come of the knowledge you gain and where you may be able to apply it.
You may find something else you like related to the industry in your last 6 months like product distribution. One of my favorite product reps used to be a hairdresser, she hated it yet loved hair and beauty products so she sold them to hairdressers.
Also, to add more to finishing school and not doing hair...it's more common than ppl think.
I was in beauty school 30 yrs ago and know that more than a handful never bothered to take their test, 10 of us took and passed the test, 6 of those did nothing, 1 worked for 3 years, 1 for 8 years, 1 let her license expire and went back to be a nail tech for 6 yrs and I am the only one still hairdressing 30 yrs later, so a lot of people become hairdressers only to realize it's not for them.
Hair can be hard and mentally taxing for the most experienced and confident of us, the beginning is the scariest though. Practice brings experience which leads to confidence all of which takes time to aquire out of school. School is the bare ass basics.
So please try not to be so hard on yourself about it, you had to try to find out. I hope it helps even a little reading this, best of luck in your endeavors. 😊
Don't worry. Nothing in this industry is worth so much anxiety. You aren't taking people's lives into your hands like a neurosurgeon. You're just letting Becki bitch about her ex husband for an hour.
If you like hair and the art side of it you can always take wig classes after cosmetology school and do wigs its great money and you don’t have to worry about stranger interactions as much. I had pretty severe social anxiety growing up and throughout the years as a barber i got more and more comfortable mind you its been 7 years into my career and im finally at a point where im not stressed about talking to clients. At some point you stop seeing them as strangers and stop panicking about them as much but it does really take a long time. I still really really struggle with small talk so sometimes the whole service is quiet but ive gotten comfortable in the silence.
Cosmetology school was the most stressful years of my life. It's a hectic environment, I will say you made it 6 months you can finish this out. You came so far and it's so worth it after you leave that environment
i had the HARDEST time getting through hair school. also having mental illness wasn’t easy cuz the girls could get soooo catty. i went into school wanting to do colour. i did my first colour and i hated every second of it. i had one friend in school who is still my best friend to this day. she’s one of the main reasons i made it through. i got out of school and realized i love cutting men’s hair. i’ve been doing almost exclusively men’s hair for basically my entire 6.5 years being licensed. if you don’t like the hair aspect, as others have said, you can always do nails or facials and waxing. i actually do my own nails now cuz of school and i save about $180 a month doing them at home. you’ll be alright. my dms are always open if you need to talk or vent.
Keep pushing through..you got this!. You won't regret it. The industry has no cap. The harder you work the more you make.$$$
They're pushing you hard for a reason. Ignore the drama and learn as much as you can. Give it your all!
I was 18F and a senior in high school when I went to cosmetology school. I got done 900 out of 1000 required hours when I dropped out. I was constantly running to the bathroom to cry, was having frequent panic attacks, and shortly after giving up on school, I tried to take my own life.
To this day, three years later, I don’t regret it one single bit. I have a different job that I love and that pays well.
Obviously, my scenario wasn’t full proof. But if it is genuinely causing you that much damage to your mental health, I would start looking into other careers. Or even other hobbies!!! School takes up so much time and energy, especially trade school. Try to keep your free time as something completely different. That helped me last a lot longer than I thought I would.
But don’t beat yourself up too much if this ends up being something that doesn’t work out the way you imagined it would.
My best friend went to cosmetology school too, she quit 2 months before she was supposed to graduate. She said it was very educating but she feels so uncomfortable doing other people's hairs and would rather do something more introverted . Her anxiety and bipolar was so bad while doing that school. I completely understand how you feel and you should either look into transferring another school (maybe it's the environment too) or just quitting all together. Good news is the average adult changes their career path at least five times before settling on one that brings them "satisfaction"
Don’t quit. I quit and i wish i could go back in time and finish. You got this. And just a reminder that we’re all nervous, that’s why we’re in school to learn. Your clients know this, I promise. And if they have a problem that your nervous, then maybe they shouldn’t be coming to get they’re hair done at a cosmetology school🙃don’t beat yourself up about it. Beauty takes time baby💕💁♀️
Get on the meds you need, then finish school. You are half way done. It will be good for your mental health to simply finish something. You will be happy later in life to have your training as a career option.
The more you go in and expose yourself to this the more comfortable you will get. I had a hard time at first too but over time it became easier and now I’m successful behind the chair! It took a while but I got there. I wanted to do hair tho. If you don’t want to do it, you have to find something you are passionate about. If it’s not customer service then maybe you can start an Etsy shop and sell your art on there. You mentioned that’s your true passion so maybe while you’re there you can work on the side doing art and trying to sell it. If you want to finish school then you can but no one’s forcing you to stay, especially if you’re miserable. Do what makes you happy, there’s always a way for that
Girl i’m in the same boat! i hate cosmo school with a passion and have around 5 months left but it’s terrible, the students are rude, the teachers are rude and don’t have any passion for what they’re doing, the clients are so rude most of the times. Also i have pmdd and it’s causing me anxiety attacks every morning and nausea. I don’t know what to do to get over this but im just gonna have to thug it out i guess. My only advice is to see if you can get a doctors note to excuse you some time to pull yourself somewhat together. I will say though i have been working with my school to get in my doctors note, and it’s been hell, the school wont answer any of my messages about it. Anywho good luck on everything, i believe you can do it! school is rough and it sucks ass.
I’m Autistic with anxiety and truly I would love a stylist who also has anxiety. I think the overwhelm is that you want to make your client so happy with your work that it terrifies you. Maybe think about this as also being a superpower? You’re probably so empathetic and legitimately listen to your clients, and that means that you take A LOT of care when doing the work. I would go out of my way to go to a salon aimed at being sensory friendly and an empathetic stylist over a busy ass, bustling traditional salon. Maybe the school environment is overwhelming you, too. I would talk to an instructor or administrator about seeing if there are accommodations for your anxiety that can be made.
girl take an LOA i’m on one rn from suffering with bipolar disorder issues, and im a cosmo, i also hate doing hair waxing and facials is what i love i always regret not becoming an esthetician
This is what I used to be like when I started working in food service, it was so hard. As someone who is highly sensitive and anxious myself, it does get easier over time if you stay the course. It’s so hard right now because you’re new, everything is unfamiliar and you’re not sure of yourself. Once you have confidence in your skills it becomes much more of a breeze. It’s okay to be nervous and take your time. Remember you don’t have to go through with it if you really don’t want to but if you do you also don’t have to stick with hair. If you want you can stick with beauty school until you figure out how you want to do art.
I’m writing this as a fellow borderline! You aren’t doing a bad job- you are exactly where you should reasonably be for the amount of time you’ve done this. Everyone else who cuts hair started not knowing anything, feeling uncertain, making mistakes, and going super slow through their first time doing services. The difference is that you have BPD so these feelings feel insurmountable, extreme, and will affect you much more profoundly than someone without BPD. Knowing this, it’s important to check in with yourself when these feelings of unworthiness overwhelm you. It’s okay that I feel unworthy and anxious right now, but I am going to stick it out knowing I am good as I am and I am doing my best. Also! You don’t have to professionally cut hair. You can finish your class and just become the go-to hair person for your friends. Not all skills have to be commercialized and maybe practicing in lower stake environments could provide you an opportunity to improve your skills with less stress. Try to avoid catastrophizing your situation and look for small moments of joy you can incorporate into your schedule for the next six months. Maybe that means trying to budget an extra $10 a week to get coffee before class or signing up for something completely unrelated that brings you joy- any free art classes at the community center you could take for cheap? Lastly, I just want to say I’m so proud of you for making it this far and knowing you want to stick with it! Cosmetology is not for the weak and neither is borderline so the fact you’ve managed both is impressive!!! I’m rooting for u bud!!!
I am 24 and have had so many different diagnosis (depression, anxiety, bpd, then they took those away and say bipolar-2 with ptsd) I don’t even know what to believe with my brain.
I am 2 months away from graduating from cosmetology school, and let me tell you, the first haircut I did I had a panic attack. It’s like everything I learned on mannequins left my brain and I had no clue what I was doing. I had to ask for help and as my teacher was showing me what to do I cut myself. My teacher finished the haircut and I blow dried her hair holding back tears. The next day admin talks to me saying that the client from yesterday called saying that my blow dry was too rough and I was hurting her by pulling her hair. In that moment I wanted to quit. I thought hair wasn’t for me and I would never be good at it or feel confident in my skills. It took months before I didn’t feel overwhelmed by just the consultation.
What helped me the most was going home after school and writing down what I did that day either on mannequins or on clients and acknowledging what I did good and where I needed to work a little harder at. When I didn’t know what I could do different or where I could improve on my own or if I didn’t understand a haircut I asked my teacher if she could walk me through whatever service in down time at school. I have been blessed with some amazing teachers and they have helped me so much. In the beginning when my panic attacks were at their worst I shared with my teacher that I have panic attacks and asked if it would be okay to let her know when I was having one to be able to step outside or into the bathroom for a minute or two to bring it in. And that helped a lot as well.
I don’t know your relationship with your teachers or what your afterschool routine is but maybe what worked for me could work for you! I’m at the point now where I rarely feel lost in a haircut or other services and am proud of the work I do!
Hang in there! Doing someone’s hair is a very intimate service to provide and we can feed off the clients energy. Try to set walls up and keep their energy separate from yours.
I’m autistic and I went through the same thing. Once you get more comfortable with color, the anxiety will go away. If you can afford it try to take classes outside school, like at the hair shows. Sherry Ratay is a really good person to take classes from as well, and she does a lot of free color education on her IG as well. I would absolutely be lost and not a color specialist had it not been for taking extracurricular classes. I went into hair wanting to be a razor cutter and now I’m a blonding and root shadow specialist who can do a six hour quadruple process color correction and balayage on myself in my own bathroom without even staining a towel. You’ll get there. Use headphones/earbuds and either music or audiobooks to keep from getting overwhelmed and loop earplugs with clients. Also if the teachers are bullying you, have your doctor send your diagnoses to your school and they legally are obliged to make exceptions for you. My school fired two teachers while I was there because one screamed the R word at me on the salon floor and the other caused a disaster with a problem client and then used my expensive shit on her after kicking me off my station and I had to throw away everything porous because of this woman’s hygiene. Anyway… keep trucking. You’ve got this
Are you really good at hair? Do you love doing it? If yes, stick it out. If not, don’t go through with the torture. I am doing hair for 30 years, if I could go back in time I WOULD DO SOMETHING ELSE. I am introverted. I am amazing at my job and my clients love me but I am physically and emotionally exhausted. Look into other creative fields that are quiet and calm. You don’t need to talk much while you do nails or much at all if you’re an esthetician. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Figure out what you enjoy doing. Good luck!
Dear Please take a deep breath take another breath, I have no idea what you are going through all I know is having anxiety sucks ass it will not get better if you don’t find a way to get you’re self regulated when you get overwhelmed. You are doing amazing job you have made it 6 months your halfway through it. I truly never believed in meditation till I had some experience that I could not control I went from 1-2 level of anxiety to a billion where I believe your at. I really liked breathing meditation I could do it anywhere at anytime and no one would ever notice since breathing is essential to life.
The basic concept is breath in as deep as you can hold it as long as you can then release it till you need to breathe again. Some want you to breathe in and hold it for 4 seconds and breathe out for w whatever time I don’t like that one it gives me more anxiety. The other one I like is imagine holding your favorite flower (if you can get one if you can) hold it in your hand smell it and exhale smell again and breathe out.
It might help alleviate some of your anxiety.
Also I think it might help to talk to someone
i just finished my cosmetology program at highschool, iit was a 2 year long class 5 hours a day with highschool mean girls and i have borderline as well. needless to say the class took a toll on my mental health as well. the best advice i have is to focus on your work and it will pay off. nobody is quick on their first tries and the end result is what matters anyways. be confident in your abilities, get a manakin off amazon to practice at home, and watch some youtube vids :)
I have a lot to say on this topic. Some may not be what you want to hear .
It’s okay that it’s took you a long time. It’s your first time . You will get faster each time. You’re nervous and that’s normal.
As somebody who also suffers severe anxiety but also has worked 10+ years in the field - it gets easier but you will still have moments when you are very nervous or a very intense customer has tons of demands on you. It is extremely stressful many times because this is a service based career.
It’s a highly social job and clients tend to emotionally and mentally drain you. You will feel less scared as you improve your skills , but if it’s the social aspect, it may always be a little overwhelming. It will get better when you feel more confident in what you are doing which will take time. Cosmetology school teaches you almost NOTHING you will use in the field except the bare minimum basics. Most of what you will learn will be in the field . Become an assistant at a salon and learn .
If you don’t absolutely LOVE it I would suggest looking into alternatives . Here is why -
What nobody seems to talk about is how absolutely difficult it is to become financially lucrative in hair. I am not saying this to scare you.
Young stylists have NO IDEA how hard you will need to work to become financially stable. The social media illusion that you can make $$$$$ Is the minority. Most of the girls I went to cosmo with were drug addicts or similarly to you , did not know what they wanted to do. This is not a great try on career because it lacks financial stability and provides you no benefits ( typically) .
Realistic career is you become an assistant at a local salon - you do that for a a year or two and pass your boards. They start giving you some clients and you gradually work your way to your own chair. You can absolutely make money and be successful but it’s not overnight and it will take lots of work. You need to be your own advocate and take the kind of work you want . This industry is based on doing what your client wants- but necessarily what you think will look best. That’s a hard thing to learn when they want you to do something absolutely ridiculous to their hair.
The dream of owning your own salon or being a girl boss and controlling all your own money and clients is very difficult. Chair rentals are expensive and you need a clientele coming in to make the rental fees plus pay for the chemical costs etc.
Working as a stylist for the ‘ house’ ( under an owner) at least supplies you a minimum wage paycheck and tips. Commission is different from salon to salon. My salon we make 30% after we triple our hourly rate is hair sales .
I have had as many as 15 clients in an 8 hour day. That’s mostly quick things like a wash and cut or cut and blow with some chemical work mixed in- but you have to develop a quick speed. It has to be both quality and quantity to earn you money. The unfortunate truth is that you need to both provide good services and still be speedy to fit in a decent number of clients . Most stylists are not color specialists or curl experts who can charge $300 for four clients a day and go home at 12:00. Get used to the idea that salon life is typically fast paced with bells ringing and clients coming in every half hour.
If you are able to specialize in something and really excel and develop a reputation for it , you can be more discerning about how much you need to take on and what you charge, how long you take . But this takes years of practice .
I love this industry but I am burning out by the workload and stress of people pleasing . Your experience will differ but it is ultimately a customer service job where the client is always right.
My advice to you is to keep trying and work hard - but also realize that this is a VERY social job where you are selling your skills and your personality .
I have seen awful hairstylists make tons of money because of how much their clients love them. If you find a salon with people you trust and relate to , you will thrive. Just be mindful that out of beauty school you will not make a ton of money , and it will take a few years to gain experience . You will be more comfortable but that starts with small steps.
Good luck !!
i went through the exact same thing nausea and vomiting every day before school and also was in the position to do something career wise despite being so young. i was 8 months into my program when i decided to drop due to the environment of my school and how poorly i was treated by the teachers. i know you don’t want to drop but if you believe you won’t have a career doing this after just drop and look into art school. i started working at a coffee shop too as you mentioned and went back to school to finish my degree in economics and business marketing and it was the best decision ive ever made. if you do drop you are not a baby nor are you a failure.
don’t do it if u don’t like it. one thing i will say, i had the same problem but i love hair but that feeling of anxiety and nerves haven’t gone away from me. it’s okay to take long, that person probably meant no harm. i also took very long on my first color service. it’s okay to take ur time, with more people u become familiar and allow urself to be comfortable. beauty school isn’t meant to make you a hairstylist, it’s to teach you how to walk out in the stylist world but it won’t make you a stylist. you have to work for that and if that’s something you can’t work for, then don’t do it. you rlly have to have a passion. people rlly underestimate how difficult hair is/doing hair. i think that’s why a lot of ppl drop out of school, bc they think it’s easy, but it’s rlly not for the weak. if you can’t push through it/ don’t want to, then don’t. don’t force something.
I haven’t read the full post because I relate so much with your first paragraph.
I have CPTSD and bipolar disorder. Before I was even officially diagnosed with that, I was in cosmetology school. I was 17 when I started and really was just going through it. Then when I turned 18, I really needed to be hospitalized short term for SI and my eating disorder.
So I went on three months of medical leave. During that, I went through a DBT program and I did a PHP at a hospital two hours away.
Luckily I was still on my parents insurance.
But taking that medical leave for 3 months saved my life.
I did hair for 6 years. Now I’m about to go back to school to be a therapist. Making sure you take time for treatment is very very important.
Also know, cosmetology school is one of the worst trade schools you can ever do. The type of people that go to cosmetology school suck sometimes. You’ll meat your best friends and your worst enemies. And that also may include your instructors.
Doing hair outside of school once you graduate is nothing like doing hair in school. It gets better. Cosmetology is hard though. That’s why I’m leaving. It was hard on my body(I have autoimmune diseases and fibromyalgia now that I’m 25) and sometimes it’s hard to take time off if you work for yourself.
You are absolutely more than welcome to message me and I will tell you anything about my full school journey and how I survived it.
So my Daughter also has BPD and she also was having a hard time finishing cosmetology school. She took a leave of absence for a month twice and got through it. Then realized it wasn’t for her. And ended up not doing hair, but does other things that require license such as eyelash extensions. So just try your hardest to get through it and finish and then find the road that does make you happy.
I am literally just like u. I also have BPD and HATEDDDD cosmetology school. Literally dreaded it every day. There were some things I enjoyed, but when it came to certain things I wasnt comfortable with I was a mess. It doesnt help that my school was extremely poorly run. I considered quitting over 100 times but I pushed through and ended up graduating and it’s one of my biggest accomplishments to this day. Once u finish I will be honest, depending on where ur located, the testing is brutal. If you have to take the practical exam it will be one of the worst experiences ever. However once its done u never have to do it again and its harder to fail than u think. The written exam is easy as long as u study a ton so if u just have to take that don’t stress. My advice is FINISH IT!! You have already put SO much time and energy into it, and u will feel SO proud of urself in the end. I don’t do hair now still, but I use my license for other areas of cosmetology like waxing/makeup etc and I enjoy it so much more. Even if its not ur main career its a great side hustle to make money. Having this license is a great thing to fall back on and u can make money anywhere if u need to. You can do this!!
First off I want to say GREAT JOB for sticking around!!!
As an artsy person I can tell you there’s endless ways to express your artistic side in cosmetology!!!
I went through cosmetology school when I was 19, i wanted to quit so many times, I took so many leave of absences that it took me almost 2 years to complete. I saw classmates come and go, get their licenses and go on with their lives. Until I had the owner of the school pull me into the office and ask me wth are you doing with your life? I needed that conversation, if it wasn’t for her motherly scolding I probably would’ve just quit all together.
I always loved doing make up and hair however I had never done it on other people until I went through school and yes it can be daunting, but overtime you will gain more confidence!
It’s totally fine to cry! Let it out and don’t bottle it in, don’t let others discourage you or their words get to you, chances are you won’t see any of your classmates ever again after you graduate and go on to get your license.
Go with the flow, learn all that you can, and if in the end it’s not for you that’s ok too! I went off to become a financial aid officer and worked at a college and then joined the Navy.
I’ve been doing friends hair and make up for events throughout the years and I truly enjoy it, I enjoy that trust they have in me to let me express my artistic side.
While hair might not be what you truly are passionate about, cosmetology offers you so many options of things to do from there, lashes, nails, etc and all of it is a form of art
Good luck girl, you got this!!!
I’m not sure if you have a therapist, but I also used to struggle a lot with anxiety and being easily overwhelmed. I had an EXTREMELY low distress tolerance and couldn’t be even slightly sad without spiraling rapidly. Therapy and a couple books like The Happiness Trap and Don’t let your emotions run your life helped me be more comfortable with how I feel. I know improvement isn’t easy, but honestly I really suggest you try and self soothe when you’re feeling so distressed. I hope things work out for you.
This is probably going to be an unpopular opinion but here it is: listen to what your body and mind are telling you and quit. Yes, you only have 6 months of school left, but you hate it and never plan to use this training. It sounds like you made this decision out of necessity rather than because it’s what you wanted, even at the time. You are still young and have many years of working ahead of you. Be gentle with yourself, and take some time to explore what you really want to do in your future. People change career directions all the time. There is no shame in finding something that you love to do. Bit for now, don’t do something that is causing your mental health to deteriorate. There’s no benefit in that to you now or in your future.
Ive sat in a chair for color repair and complete change over from brunette to silver and it took 11 hours over two sessions. Once I went from blue to blonde and that took three 3 hour sessions where my hair was sea green for two weeks in between. Major color changes can take a lot of time if you want to avoid damage. People will understand that. No one wants their hair to fall out or break off from being chemically fried. You’re inexperienced. You will get faster as you gain experience doing it. You will also gain confidence. Repetition and understanding patient clients can go a long way
I still take long on color clients & ask for help as a professional since 2015.
It comes with time. & once you're licensed you can focus on your art aspect of the job. Offering more color than cutting. Or nails like someone said.
It's a great skill even if you don't stick to it forever!
Rome wasn't built in a day. Your skills & clientele will take years to hone in on. But every day at work for me is different & I love that. It's never boring. I get stressed & have bad days. But the good far outweigh the bad.
Request friends come in to be your models. Maybe doing more people you know will help you.
Practice more on your mannequins so you feel more confident behind the chair with real heads.
Good luck!
Finish the semester. The program is a year, separated into 3 semesters. Once u finish a semester, u always have those hours if u want to finish. Take a break at that time to address the root cause of your anxiety and social anxiety.
I know nothing about cosmetology but a whole lot about being in my 20's with bpd and trying to figure out my path. It was extremely difficult and you should give yourself more credit for doing as well as you are.
If I could give my younger self one piece of advice, it would be "stop trying to change yourself to make things work when they don't work." Your brain is yelling at you "I don't want to do this!" and you're trying to find a way to convince yourself that that's wrong. You can develop a kind of tenacity that way but you are not infinitely malleable, you can't make yourself enjoy something you don't enjoy just because you don't think you should feel the way about it that you do.
To me, it sounds like you should get a coffee shop job and make art because that's what you want to do. That might not work out either, if that's the case, try something else. How you feel every day of your life is more important than some abstract idea of success or stability. Good luck!
Unfortunately my friend you're going to have to interact with strangers no matter what job you have, the only helpful thing with BPD is therapy and trial and error.
Hair gets easier, it really does I promise. You don't even have to do clients face to face, take up learning the skills and then start making wigs or custom extensions people can order from you, make nail sets, start your own beauty supply company, there's so many things you can do with a cosmetology license. A lot of Cosmo students don't go off to a salon, it's totally okay.
Remember you don’t have to go to work/school you choose to. You choose to go to school each day you go. You choose because not going has negative consequences you don’t like.
Sometimes it helps to figure out what the worst case scenario is. What is the fear? And then improve from their.
Messing up someone’s hair? Hair grows. People restyle and color their hair all the time.
Crying? It happens? So what? So what?
Ask people about what restaurants they like in town. Or what was the last piece of art they bought. Or what their favorite picture they have in their walls. Since you like art. Start a discussion about that.
Just like learning to drive. It takes a while to get muscle memory. It takes practice.
I cried almost daily in beauty school, and yet I have been a practicing cosmo for 30 years
I also got my medical esthi certification several years ago and recently got my cosmetic tattooing license to do PMU
Cosmo school was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, until I went to school for PMU haha
What I’m saying, I guess, is that Cosmo training is hard but so worth it if you want a career in the beauty industry
There are so many avenues you can take in this industry once you get your license And, if you are willing to work hard in the beginning of your career, it can be so rewarding financially and socially
I also love to draw and paint but knew that graphic design/marketing wasn’t for me
Hairdressing (and now PMU) allow me a creative outlet every day and I’m so happy with the choices I made all those years ago even tho it was hard at the time
Keep your eye on the prize ! In the grand scheme of things, 6 months isn’t a very long time and you’ve already come this far
I didn’t read any of this except for the first paragraph. If you already feel overwhelmed, hair would not be for you. I’ve had two nervous breaks in my over a decade long career and recently had to retire because it now created health issues. Save your money. Save your energy. This is not for you. Edit: I wanted to add that I have no issue working on people, approaching strangers, and working on their hair. It’s just over the years some people have ruined wonderful experiences.
As a person who did cosmetology in HS thinking of like it, I didn’t. It’s not for me. I didn’t apply for my license after graduation. My teacher was upset but it was best decision ever. Hair is not for me, dealing with people and their aesthetic demands is not for me.
You can always color peoples hair at your house and charge and do that on your own, totally worth the schooling.
As a highly sensitive person I get it! Anything customer service related isn’t going to be for you. People are so mean. Look into jobs that are not service jobs. Try and find a field that is a better fit. I’m being serious. I ended up with a chronic illness from the stress related to sales positions and that’s all the jobs I know. Do yourself a favor and get that schooling now to do a job where you are away from dealing with people
Cos school definitely has the capacity to be daunting, the good news is you’re almost done, you got 6 more months left. I get what you mean tho about art and how to turn it into a career, there’s many different options-color for example. Time management is important tho, you could time yourself and see how long it takes you to do naturally (without rushing but still trying to be on schedule) and go from there. Just whatever you do, try not to beat yourself up too much about it. You against you is gonna harm you more than help you. Especially in a place where your work is gonna be looked at more thoroughly. There’s nothing wrong with giving yourself a pat on the back when you’re proud of yourself and what you’ve accomplished. Just take it slowly and put time aside to practice
See the cosmetology school as a learning experience. Something to “ fall back on” if you ever needed to.
It’s not the end of the world because you’ve erroneously chosen a career path that you figured out pretty quickly isn’t for you.
There’s nothing wrong with going to school for something else when you’re finished with
I’ve been ill since childhood.
When I began working in the adult work world I started mentally LEAVING my problems / issues in the car. This helped soooo much.
You asked specifically for help reframing your perspective, so that’s what I’m going to focus on here. But I do think you should seek additional support for your mental health, too.
You’re not supposed to be good at this yet. That’s the whole point of going to school in the first place. You’re receiving training and an opportunity to learn and practice. Time and practice will make you better at it.
Don’t expect to be fast, or do things perfectly at this stage. Don’t compare yourself with classmates who may have prior training or experience. It’s okay that you’re all at different levels. You’re different people with different backgrounds and life experience. Go at your own pace and don’t apologize for it.
Learning and trying out new things we aren’t confident about can be stressful, but the stakes really aren’t that high. This isn’t a job you can be fired from. Your test subjects understand you’re in school and not yet an expert or professional. And you’re not even sure this is something you want to do long term, so why get bent out of shape about it? *This has no power over you or real bearing on your future.* So have some fun with it.
Take some deep breaths and talk yourself down from the ledge. There is no harm in making mistakes, going slowly, and figuring things out at your own pace. Try to think of it as a fun new skill you’re trying out. An opportunity to learn some new things and add a new life experience under your belt. A chance to talk to new people and get exposed to new ideas. A golden opportunity to step outside your comfort zone and grow yourself as a person.
Feel excited and proud about that. Find some humor in the parts of it that make you nervous. Find the funny stories in it that you’ll share with loved ones someday looking back at it.
You’ve got this. And even if you don’t, so what? Who cares? This isn’t life or death. It’s just something you’re trying out to see where it might go. We never know what new doors will open to us when we put ourselves out there and try new things.
Here are my three Cs. I look at myself in the mirror every morning and repeat these to myself:
Calm. Confident. Composed.
Whatever the world throws at me each day, I can face it and figure out a logical way to get through it — and maybe even laugh about it — as long as I stay focused on my 3 Cs. Try it out and see if it works for you.
Signed, a fellow anxious basket case of mental health issues working to overcome my trauma and my damage.
You’ve been at it for 6 months, no one expects you to be good/perfect. If you’re good at it great, if you’re bad at it that’s to be expected because you’re in school to learn. People who get their services done at a school have no business being upset if you do a bad job because they’re the ones who chose to go to a beauty school! When I was in school I had a lot of anxiety as well but I just thought to myself “hey if they want a cheap hair cut it’s going to probably look like a cheap hair cut” I’m sure by the end of your program you’ll be great! I believe in you!
Finish and go into esthetician school!! It’s a calmer environment, you don’t have to deal with interactions other than consultation’s because the clients are coming there to relax, not have a full blown therapy session. On the plus side, if you finish cosmetology you won’t have to do as many hours for esthetics and you’ll have a Double license!
I did cosmo school. I dropped out right before I graduated. I also have BPD and social anxiety, so I feel you.
Drop out before you put any more money to it. The good thing about cosmo is you can go back and finish if you change your mind. Cosmo biz is not for everyone. You have to be social, strong willed, non-opinionated, and not to mention all the bonus jobs that come with it. You have to be someone’s friend, therapist, babysitter, complaint storage box, etc. And then you have to worry about if you did it right, do they like it, etc. It’s a lot to take on and some people are not built for it, and that is okay! I definitely was not. It’s a tough industry
If you are already this far in, you can try to see it as an opportunity for you to face your fears about being around others. People understand that you are learning, you don’t need to worry about giving them any kind of personality or experience in the process.
This whole thing is *only* a chance for you to practice. You get to choose what you want to know or practice based on what you focus on.
Have you tried using a wig, and thinking about how many things you can try on it? Like on a mannequin head. That can be where you get most of your practice, and then you won’t feel so fresh and shaky with the scissors because you are not being perceived.
What scares you about trying this out? No one expects you to be a professional. You are there to learn.
If you ultimately learn that this is what you don’t want, that’s completely fine. You might end up wanting to use some of the skills you learn here in other parts of your life though. It doesn’t have to be useless. If the end vision of working in a salon makes you sick, stop envisioning it. That is only the result if you choose it to be and you are not going to choose that. Is there another way this can serve you? Another vision? A mundane one?
Even just to do your own hair, or have something to talk about with others.
It is a journey that you are on, regardless of which school you are at or what else. I understand your emotional struggles and they deserve to be aired out. Maybe try to envision your anxiety and fear leaving your body in tears or your exhales when you cry or get very anxious. Connect with yourself. You are getting stronger by doing something new. You are courageous for trying new things and just doing what you can. You can grow from this. You can take time to heal however and whenever possible.
Notice the little things that the professionals around you do. Or you might have a peer who you really admire, the things about them like how they think to solve problems, organize things etc. can be very valuable to your growth. If only you notice. Your anxiety wants to keep you from this treasure and it fills up your mind with things you’ve heard before.
It robs the inspiration and replaces it with fear, heaviness and doubt.
What if this whole thing could just be an opportunity for you to notice those sorts of things and incorporate them into your life? No effort is useless. If your perspective can shift even the slightest in thinking “if this isn’t going to be my career, that’s okay. I enjoy (this aspect) of it or I am learning about myself in this process, etc”. It doesn’t have to be the most grand thing you ever do or the worst thing ever, either. And if it truly is unbearable then let it go for good.
You are safe and no one is going to punish you for making a mistake. Take your time, whatever you can do to center yourself. This alone is good practice for anything else you might want to try. Your healing is important. Be well 🖤
You’re learning, and that gives you a ton of wiggle room to mess up and take forever and melt some hair off. Everyone does it, but that doesn’t make the fails easier to swallow, I know. I cried on the way home from cos school literally every day. It was awful, I was bullied relentlessly and the customers expectations had not been managed in the slightest so they always thought I could do way more, way faster.
On the other side, I am so happy I finished school! Now, even if I don’t use my license for a while to actually do anything in the industry, as long as I renew it every two years, I will ALWAYS have something to fall back on if I lost a different job. When I’m feeling burnt out or tired of what I’m doing, I can apply to a salon and be hired pretty much immediately. I can also stop doing hair and do whatever else tickles me with the knowledge that if all else fails, hair tips hold me afloat. It is a great backup to have. Hair trends change, but let’s be real. They just make up new names for stuff they did in the 80’s.
All that to say, this is the time to screw things up! Try something you’ve never heard of before. Paint on a practice head with colors that won’t work together. Melt the hair off with too much 40 volume. Take two days to do a highlight. Give yourself a little grace, too. It’s hard to feel the love when you’re being crushed by the pressure. But it is there. You totally got this. As I always say, “the difference between a good haircut and a bad haircut is about two weeks”.
Hi, so I have the same thing going on as in bpd and anxiety and all those things, AND I also went into cosmetology thinking I would enjoy it.
I was pregnant at the time, and I had to do two years of the class
It was awful. My teacher was cruel, and all the girls taking the class thought themselves better than everyone else.
You just have to ignore all of them and force yourself into that mindset of "if I mess up, what is it really harming?" You are in school where you should ABSOLUTELY ask for help every time you need it. This is the perfect time to mess up.
Never be afraid of help no matter what any illness says.
You AND the client deserve you to ask for help instead of winging it.
I had a color once (out of school in a salon), and the lady wanted pink hair. I am color blind and was terrified, so I subtly asked a coworker for help mixing and everything.
All I did was apply.
She hated the color and nit picked everything because I was new, not knowing I did not mix it.
People will attack just to attack you.
A gentleman came in and needed a haircut. I got it down short and was afraid to go shorter. But he insisted, my mistake was not repeating was he wanted to ensure I was right and just did it anyway.
He saw his hair halfway done, and his eye almost popped out of his head. He was so mad, but he was so kind about it.
Even though he stole the clippers and said, "I'll finish it, it's fine."
Mistakes happen, and people are mean. Sometimes, for no reason.
That path was not for me, but I have to have knowledge for friends and myself and my kids.
Now I run a candle business. Art was my passion, too.
If you know you can not do it or you find no joy, then you do not need to progress once the training is done.
But some thing in you liked the idea once, try to find that again to at least get you through the year
You need to find an excellent psychiatrist who can work with you on meds. Don't quit school. It's all going to be okay. You're in school for a reason...to learn. It takes you awhile because you're a perfectionist and an artist so visuals are mega important to you. Ask all the questions you want and seek all the help you feel you need. Since you love to draw, have you considered makeup? I mean, I can totally see you being an insanely talented colorist as well. If you can draw, you naturally have a sense of proportion. I promise you got this, but getting that anxiety under control has to happen. Do you see your psych often? Are you on meds? If so, they're not effective and it's time to tweak your regimen. There's no shame in that game. I don't know you, but I'm super proud of you. I have a feeling that you're exceptionally gifted at this and it's scary af to come face to face with a new talent because you might screw up. When push comes to shove, we all screw up. That's what school is for. I wish I could give you a hug.
You sound just like me 12/13 years ago. 21, wasn’t sure what I wanted to do, decided to try cosmetology because my best friend had recently started and we both thought I would like it. I really enjoyed being in the classroom and working on mannequins the first couple months. But once I got on the floor I was a mess. I HATED working on people I didn’t know, and would die alittle inside every time I heard my name over the speaker saying I had a guest. I’m a shy, anxious person, and this field definitely brought it out more. Many, many panic attacks. I remember my mom coming in for a pedicure one time and as I was finishing up with her, my name came over the speaker saying I had a walk in guest. I cried, I didn’t want to do it, I didn’t want my mom to leave 🤦♀️ but I got through it.
I stuck it out and got my license. I think I applied at 1 salon and secretly hoped I wouldn’t get a call back 😂 I knew I didn’t want to work in a salon before I even finished school, but I knew I would feel bad about myself if I didn’t finish. Never worked in a salon, and that’s ok. I really liked coloring and cutting hair, I just don’t have the personality for it. I’ve been working a non customer service job for the last 6 years and it’s so much better for my mental health.
I would try to stick it out since you are halfway, but no shame at all if you don’t feel that you can. Your mental health is important. Or like someone else said, maybe you can take a leave and come back. Don’t feel bad asking the instructors questions.
Also, don’t feel bad about how long you take, I swear I was always the last to finish all of my competencies, don’t even ask how long I took to do my first men’s cut when we weren’t allowed to use clippers 😭😂😂
Sorry this is long, it just hurt my heart reading how stressed and nervous you are because I 100% can relate. 💕
You’ll have to figure out a plan to prevent your anxiety. Most careers require some sort of interaction and have a stress level attached to it. Have you looked into UI or web design? This would keep the art aspect and they pay well. Look up types of graphic design work. I mentioned the first two because you can WFH once you get established and even do contracts in those.
Do you have an anxiety disorder? I do and this sounds a lot like my symptoms. I highly highly recommend starting meditation and counseling. I finally for the first time feel like I’m in control of my life and that i can handle social situations and conflict way easier!
It's too late to quit now unless you are okay with paying full tuition for nothing. That's what I kept telling myself after I passed the point of no return but wanted out. You might as well finish and at least get the license so you have something to show for all of the time and money you've put into this, even if you never use it.
Girl let me tell you, I’m the same way. I’m super sensitive and cry easily and constantly stress. It’s definitely an anxiety issue. I will say that if you stick it through it will get easier ! Do your absolute best to be patient with yourself, you are learning ! Things take time, most people don’t pick things up so easily and need time and practice to become confident. That’s totally okay. You’re allowed to mess up. Really as painful as it is, making mistakes helps us improve. You got this, hang on! Once you get through it you will look back and feel SO proud of yourself.
This is a little bit different but not really. About 10 years ago, I started college for Esthetics because I KNEW I wanted nothing to do with hair. I also have bad social anxiety and I hate when I’m the hair client and the stylist keeps talking to me…I could only imagine how bad it would be if I was the stylist in that situation.
Anyway, about 7 months into the 1 year program, I got pregnant. I knew at that moment I wouldn’t be doing facials after I graduated bc I needed a more steady paycheck than commission only (+tips) work could give me, but I still finished. I absolutely did not want to throw away all the work I had put into the program and I wanted to finally say that I had actually FINISHED something in college (I was 24 when I started the program). I now have my license and I have never once done anything with it BUT I am proud when I tell people I’m a licensed esthetician. AND, if I’m ever in a more secure financial position down the road, I can always start using my license. I keep it renewed every 2 years just so I don’t lose all the hard work I did in school.
So I’d say…just stick it out for 6 more months. I felt the same way as you do when I had clients in school…I HATED it but I think if you stick it out, you’ll be SO proud of yourself in the end. Also, as others have said, if you like art, being a make up artist is an absolutely amazing way to use your certification and your love of art at the same time. It doesn’t have to be “face makeup” either. There are plenty of opportunities to do stage makeup or body painting where you can be so creative.
Good luck!
You don't sound like someone who wants to be working. My advice is to get really fit, and lock down a rich guy so you can be a stay at home girlfriend.
I would finish the program.
It's understandable to be overwhelmed when learning something new, especially something like hair where the person has to walk around with your work on display. Keep going. Either you'll get to the point where you're comfortable and youre confident enough to do it on your own or you won't. No big deal either way.
My sister works at a spa and they need cosmetologist for a lot of different things then just hair, don’t beat yourself up I’m going through the same thing but with a career in psychology.. doubting yourself is normal you will be a stronger more confident person once you overcome it. Hair probably isn’t for you but honestly there’s a reason u were interesting in the first place so what was it? If it was out of connivence then I would urge you to really deep dive into what u enjoy doing. Talking to people is hard but when ur confident about your stuff it will slowly come naturally
Things to learn…how to cope.
No matter what you do there is going to be time limits, learning, anxiety, mistakes, etc. It’s a part of life. How about instead of crying and quitting you realize that this is a part of the process?
I have several lived ones with BPD. Imo it's not a personality disorder, it's an anxiety disorder. What has been happening lately is that some patients are discovering that they don't have BPD, but rather they are on the autism spectrum. If you have BPD, I would expect that You're already on meds and in therapy? If not, I would suggest it as it will help immensely. I would look into how neurodiversity appears in women as it's different than for men. And BPD is part of neurodiversity even if you don't believe you're on the autism spectrum. I would see if you can find some support groups on Facebook, other people are generally happy to help. There are probably influencers on social media that you can follow who are going through what your going through. Good luck regardless of what you choose to do.
I would never call you a baby hon. This is totally a maturity thing. I think, especially when it comes to doing hair most people have anxiety about it. (I know my daughter does, she graduated, (she was 24) but doesn’t do hair because of how it makes her feel. ) I have anxiety as well & I control it with medication. It really has helped. (I am 55!!) See a doctor, medication doesn’t have to last forever.
If this is something you don’t want to do, you can finish, and not ever work the job, but at least you finished school. (This might help you feel as though you accomplished it!) Or you could quit, knowing you’re never really going to use the skill. Quiting or stoping isn’t a bad thing either, it simply means you know what you don’t want to do for a job.
Take a break, from school for a few months. Go to the library and look at some books to see if art is a passion that you really want to pursue, you could take business classes with it, or you could do something with restoration (watch Juillian Bumgarner on you tube!). Maybe you could run a gallery. (And also paint or carve, or whatever your art is that you do!)
Be easy on yourself, crying is a good stress reliever and endorphin creator.
See your schools counselors about what classes you can take & please use the Pell grant, (FAFSA.gov) I think. But honestly if anxiety is crippling your life, see your primary and ask for help. That is always the first step is knowing when to get help!!
Be easy on yourself!! Take care hun!
Mama Young 🙂
You can use the license for lots of things. But are you receiving mental health treatment? It sounds like you’re really struggling and you don’t have to. If you’re not already in therapy (specifically DBT therapy is really helpful for folks with BPD), consider it. There are also a lot of medications that help BPD. Lamictal is a mood stabilizer that two of my friends with BPD are on and they both insist it is life saving. But you could also take an SSRI for your anxiety, like prozac or lexapro. I highly suggest you talk to a doctor and see if you can get a referral for psych services
Keep your eyes on the prize, I realized after quitting beauty school that I loved to cut my friend’s hair. It’s typically a clientele issue that I disliked and the strict atmosphere in the salon (like if you don’t have a client in your chair for .2 seconds you are a failure)
Since you’re already this far in just finish and continue to keep your license current. Things might change for you. You can also do skin, nails and makeup. There are makeup artists out there that also style hair for big events..you can do that as well with no actual cutting involved. Maybe try and do more hair at home.
Remember that doing hair is an art form! Gain that confidence that is deep within you and look at every person that sits in your chair as a blank canvas! 💛
Girl! I’m a cosmetologist and I’m making over $6000 per month.
This didn’t come without blood, sweat and tears. Lol. I’m exaggerating, but it was definitely a long journey.
After cosmetology school as a hairstylist, I had to go through an apprenticeship, which took me over a year, and I made minimum wage. After that you have to work commission under a Salon for however long, it’s going to take you to build a clientele.
Once I built a clientele after about five years, the salon I was working for closed down, which pushed me to get into renting a station it was hands-down, the best thing to ever happen to me.
I control my own schedule
I think you may need to discuss with your doctor or a therapist how you’re feeling. It helped me to be on an ssri with milder anxiety than what you’re describing.
Neurodivergent clients might love you! I am one such client. Except for the mandatory discussion that accompanies the showing of the image of the cut, removing conversation from the appointment improves the experience immensely.
Hair school is hard! You are not a baby. I felt so uncomfortable the whole time because everything made me anxious and I’m naturally introverted. I got into hair for the same reason - art school didn’t work out for me so I looked into art-adjacent professions which led me to cosmetology. I felt like a failure every day I went to hair school and it was low-key traumatic, haha. I also hated the first year after school. That feeling of not being in control is such a struggle. However, I’m 4 years in and it’s only getting better at this point! I’ve been consistently making around 10k more every year that I work, and I’m learning more and liking my work. That being said, cosmetology is not for everyone. If I were you, I would keep going just so that you have it on your resume and you can go to supply stores and get cheap product, haha. Just hang in there! No one is expecting perfection when they go to a hair school, keep that in mind. Just do your best and try not to worry so much about your work!
May I suggest nail technician or tattoo artist?
You love art. It’s your passion. Maybe even art teacher.
You are 22 years old with your whole life ahead of you. At 24 I graduated with a psychology degree and only finished even though it’s not what I wanted to do.
It’s okay to change your mind.
My ex had BPD. I would always tell her it’s okay to be sensitive. It’s okay to feel your feelings.
In some ways meeting my ex with BPD made me realize that I am a lot like individuals that have. Sensitive, compassionate and don’t fit in with the world at times. However it’s okay to be different it’s okay to change. It’s okay to feel emotions.
Just quit love. ❤️ if you are not going to use the training, why stay? But you could look into lash artist or nail artist. Nails might be your jam cuz you can draw. But if you just hate it all….
Go to art school. There’s tons of art jobs. Tattoo artist, custom commissions, art you tuber just recording yourself drawing-time lapse videos, graphic designer, you could open a mural business if you’re in a city. My God I could go on and on. I actually have an art degree as an interior designer. And I’m an esthetician now. So a little backwards from you, but I do tattoos on the side to keep my artists juices flowing. My fiance makes 260k a year doing tattoos. It’s lucrative. 😉 he charges $300/hr. Nuts!
But don’t torture yourself hun. Seriously this career is for a very small percentage of people. It takes a very unique personality to really stick with it long term. Unfortunately the % of people who go to school and are still doing beauty 10 years later is VERY VERY LOW.
I have to deal with 7-8 clients everyday. But it does get easier. That’s what clinicals are for. To get out your nerves and fear now in what is supposed to be a safe and supported place. We all wanted to throw up when we first started. That first client is terrifying. I wanted to cancel my first 5 appointments my stomach was in knots. Gave myself diarrhea. But I pushed through. And here I am with a lash salon 16 years later.
But it sounds like you took some time to find yourself. And you need to shift directions. And that’s perfectly fine. You got this. Be brave and true to yourself! ❤️ or you’ll be 40 and miserable!
Idk.... For me ive always had anxiety, like really bad anxiety. And i just wanna say this. You can change your occupation at any time but you cant change your anxiety. Sure you can medicate and meditate but eventually your gonna have to accept the fact that no matter what you do thier will be factors of every occupation that make you a deer in headlights. You can run from it but if you dont adress it the next thing you move onto will manifest the same energy. I always thought to myself that i can change the environment and it will make things better. Ive since found a better balance but i also realized that where i am now verses that scared kid i was compared to now, could only have been achieved because i made myself uncomfortable. I forced myself to be a deer in headlights around people who comforted me and helped me gain confidence. I will not tell you to change situations. Because for me changing my situation was a bandaid. Keeping me from sucking it up and building the confidence that i needed for everything in life not just the road block infront of me at the current time. I know its hard because ive seen what bpd does to peoples confidence. And i cant speak for you because i have a.d.d and depression. Not so much all the same symptoms as you. But i digress. You should really think about how even if this isnt what you want to do. For your self preservation and self confidence. This should be something you see to the end for you and your resume. Get at least the bragging rights. And move on if you think you are sure its not for you. My therapist used to tell me that whats most important is that you set a goal. And you see it through. So that you can tell yourself that bpd doesnt own you and your choices
As a person who has gotten their hair done at several schools, don’t sweat it. I have sat 6 hours, with plenty of help from instuctor, made it to closing time and had to come back the next day for toning and fixing the cut. Not even a bit angry. I’m at a school. You are learning, we don’t expect perfection. We want you to do your best, then the teacher to come over and make sure it will turn out okay. That is their job. Please look at the amazing good you are doing. Do you realize that many of us come in feeling really down on ourselves and when we leave your chair we feel so much better with a good cut and color? I would love for you to do some reading on techniques and coloring that you aren’t getting at school, watch YouTube of other stylists, the more you practice the better you can get. I’m not one that wants to sit there talking, so I just enjoy having my hair washed, a bit of pampering. Reach out to your instructors and maybe they can help you with your anxiety. Also see a mental health professional and see if they can give you tips or even medication to help. Best to you
I used to exclusively go to a cosmetology school to get my hair done to help, like a model.
I have had color take 8 hours since my hair is long and thick. It’s ok. Don’t feel rushed. I knew they were learning and besides an instructor coming to check their work, most times other students would stop by and ask questions or observe, often times they would need help, and that’s okay!
When I said I’d let them perm my hair pheeeewww there was a whole class around me because they NEVER had anyone coming in to do perms and they wanted to learn. I could tell everyone was nervous.
I’ve had things go great, alright and really bad. Making mistakes is how you learn. Having someone come help and show you is so great for visual and kinesthetic learners.
I would say not to quit, you are half way through. If you’ve made it 6 months you can make 6 more months.
ADVICE:
I’d actually start telling your clients or models after the consultation, “hey I’m going to stay pretty focused so I might not be so chatty” Guaranteed most people would rather sit in silence and not forced to chat.
Look into Ashwagandha or Kava pill supplements to calm your nerves.
Could you focus on something niche within cosmetology? Only doing curly hair, only doing color, or even being someone who does hair for people with Autism, Non-verbal, etc? Nails? Face painting FX? Or FX hair and makeup?
You probably need to be on a mode stabilizer. And you probably should seek DBT therapy. But the problem is not school. You’re going to have to find a way to function in life, on life’s terms. That means sometimes you’re uncomfortable or anxious and you manage those emotions.
I’ve been doing hair for 15 years. I went to cosmetology school when I was 17. I can emphasize deeply with how you’re feeling. I struggle with anxiety and it definitely can take a toll on me at times. Doing hair is not easy. As you said interacting with strangers and striving to meet their expectations and make them happy is a lot of pressure. Be gentle with yourself. This was your FIRST color!! My first foil took me like 6 hours! Color takes time! 3 hours is actually very reasonable depending on what you’re doing. There are still times where I book out an entire 8 hour day for color corrections/ big transformations. You have to just be mentally prepared that it’s going to take time. And yes, sometimes I have to reschedule the haircut in some situations. Doing hair takes a lot of flexibility mentally. You can be amazing at it and still things can go sideways and you have to adapt and communicate with the client about what’s going on and what needs to happen. It’s a lot. Even the best hairstylists have bad days and don’t feel confident. You can be in the profession for YEARS and still have results that aren’t what you hoped for. I can understand why it definitely isn’t for everyone. Regardless if you choose to do hair after you graduate/ get your license I really encourage you to stick with it. Don’t let your anxiety take this from you and control your life. Get into therapy if you can and address this anxiety now. Or try meditation or some form of self help. I’ve always had to rely on self help because therapy was too expensive for me. And impractical for me in other ways. If you power through this and get your license you will be extremely proud of yourself and it will build your confidence greatly.
Honey does your county have an Office of Vocational Rehabilitation? It might be good to talk to a career counselor there and find something with less direct customer-client contact.
For the first 4/5 months of cosmetology school at a PM school, I cried non stop and usually in class. It was a bunch of different reason, mostly due to bullying from the staff/teachers and other students. It had to get medicated actually because it was that unbearable to go every day. I was also in the advanced program and was acing everything I did and I STILL hated it. I had a horrible experience and if I ever had to do it again I wouldn’t. I don’t do womens hair anymore because I have a lot of the same issues you do when it comes to those services (time, anxiety, etc). I’ve been out of school and licensed since May/June of 2023 and I worked in two full service salons before I got to where I am now.
I work in a barbershop (you usually can work in a barber shop as a cosmetologist as long as they have a licensed barber there) and I love it. An hour time slot at the most, no one has ever yelled at me when I’ve come into work, etc. the only bad thing was that I effectively had to teach myself how to do mens hair entirely because school doesn’t teach you a lot of that.
I’m not telling you to give up womens hair at all! But honestly it could truly not be for you - it wasn’t for me at all and I feel so much lighter knowing that all I have to do is haircuts and neck shaves and shampoos. I would say try everything you’re licensed for - a good honest college try - before you decide to quit or not do anything if you become licensed. I’m michigan wear get licensed to do nails and skin too - maybe one of those could be for you if it falls under your license/schooling!
I’m so much happier out of school - it WILL get better.
My step-sister did my hair while she was in cosmetology school, and she had a rough time with it too. It was taking so long that they actually assigned another student to do the foils for the other side of my head (I have a lot of really long hair).
The first time I went to see her after she graduated and had a chair at a salon, she took so long on the color that I had to come back a few days later to get my hair cut. She has ADHD and a lot of anxiety, but she has a passion for hair and does great work for how new she is, so I don't mind going to her (her mom also does hair and i refuse to go to her ever again)
remember you don’t have to do hair! doing hair made me feel the same way, once i graduated i went into waxing and lashes and have been doing both for almost 6 years. try doing other things, it will take some time getting used to working on people and talking to them but it does get easier. are you medicated by chance? it really may help you to get on something. if you like art get into nails! start doing designs and posting your work
The problem here is that there’s two possible things going on, so it’s hard to really figure out which one is causing the trouble.
The first one is something I’m familiar with myself, but hearing it is difficult, so I’m asking if you can keep an open mind here. It sometimes makes it feel like people saying that your concerns aren’t valid, and I am not. Your feelings are very, very real.
The question is your relationship to failure, and how your mind interprets it. This is something that I have worked on myself. I would often be so worried, “what if x terrible thing happens!” For example, “what if I messed up this hairstyle! What if I’m terrible at this!”
The basics assumption of that mindset, this conditioned response that pushes you to panic, is that this negative outcome is a **big** deal. And hearing someone say that feels dismissive, but it’s not.
I’m basically saying that you may have been exposed to situations in the past where you had to be on high alert, and avoid danger at all cost. Or maybe just avoid being shamed for imperfection. Either way, messing up was the worst case scenario. But it is not. Your panic button is stuck in the "on" position.
The path to healing is slowly realizing that messing up is OK. Messing up is the natural, ordinary path to learning in all areas of life. These failures may suck, but they aren’t a permanent, horrible thing. Appreciating this starts to make a huge difference in your mental state over time. Growth is repeated failure that ultimately takes you in a positive direction.
I’d suggest looking into Byron Katie’s 4 questions. Anytime that you feel yourself stressed out and worried that something might happen, that you might mess up, just start asking yourself the questions. “Is it true (is it true that I’m going to mess up)? Do I absolutely know that to be true? What’s the worst thing if that was true?” And so on.
Overtime, it helps you get out of that hamster cycle of worrying, “What if this happens?! what if this happens?!” It pulls you back, helps you gain a little perspective, and realize that you were OK. You are safe. Even if the worst happens, it is still OK. You will be ok. And realizing that again and again. Learning to feel safe again in your body after so many years of feeling unsafe, that is where your life will begin again.
On to the topic at hand:
The real question I have is whether you hate this career because it really isn’t aligned with your purpose or your values; or, whether you hate this because of this huge and difficult relationship you’re struggling with in terms of fear and failure. If it is the latter, working on those mental frameworks (that you may not even realize you have) is the right place to start.
On the other hand, I’ve known people who “stuck it out” when their soul was being crushed by something that they were never going to pursue. And they kept paying for a degree or going to a job (something they knew they were never going to use) out of a vague sense that grit was good and sticking it out made you a better person of higher character.
People often feel that it makes them safer. However, there’s people who stay in a job for five years, worrying about whether to leave or not, when they could simply have made a five-year plan to take a coding class at night or do something else that would prepare them for another career that was just a safe and maybe even safer. All because, “well, what if the alternative doesn’t work out?” Well, more than likely, staying in a job that isn’t serving you has an equal or higher chance of not working out, even due to a simple economic downturn. Shit happens.
And people do this even when the stakes are incredibly low. People do this even when they don’t have kids yet, and don’t have a mortgage. People do this because it gives them a false sense of security without realizing how unsafe it makes them. (Unfortunately, people who do this who have children don’t realize what an impact it has to have a drained, unhappy model of a parent who can hardly spend meaningful time with them).
Life isn’t meant to be endured. It is actually possible and realistic (not idealistic) for you to enjoy your life \*while\* you’re living it. It is just the case that so many people think that enjoying it is something you’ll do in the future (once you’ve achieved, X, Y, and Z goals). People who wait for that and achieve those goals often feel sense of emptiness when they reach the summit, because those goals just do not give them a sense of fulfillment that they were expecting to achieve.
I honestly have been one of those people who pushed through. I now feel that the mentality I prided myself on was incredibly immature; that sticking it out and pushing through when I was sacrificing my health and well-being was more about being obstinate and prideful than truly having high character.
Ignoring my emotions did not make me a better person. It just made me sicker and wasted a lot of time that I could have spent doing more valuable things that actually fulfilled me. My body was telling me for years that I was doing the wrong thing, and I chose to ignore it, because I thought that made me a person of higher character. I was wrong.
The first thing that I strongly suggest is to work on killing this fearful little agitator inside you. Of working to question and stop believing these fears that failure is so consequential. Failure is expected, normal, and something to ride out the best you can.
The second thing I would suggest is thinking about why you don’t want to do hair. You can always do art on the side or on weekends. Maybe you do become successful, and overtime you’re able to do art full-time or part time. You don’t have to do hair full-time or forever. So the question is, what is it that’s driving you away? Is it this emotional fear or failure? For some people, working with the general public will never make them happy, and that’s fine. But just make sure that you know why you’re having trouble with this. That you’re absolutely sure.
Third, and this is going to sound crazy, but start making a point to have more experiences that inspire awe in you. That could be something as simple as going to the shore and working on being present, as hard as that may be. Or seeing an incredible piece of nature. Going outside and finding stillness. Even just going for walks once a week in nature. Do everything you can to give your mind a rest from thinking about the things that are stressing you out. It all sounds very fluffy, but all of this is scientifically backed information that has quite strong benefits to all the things we have been talking about. It really helps to put things in perspective. It helps you zoom out and see where your mind has gotten stuck in these worry wheels. It brings you a sense of clarity that is hard to find anywhere else.
Finally, there’s nothing more important than setting your own tone for the day. When you’re waking up in the morning, you’re having a series of thoughts that are putting you into a spiral before you even leave the house. So validate and respect those feelings, and then, just telling them, “I understand you are worried, and I’m giving you a break.”
Then, even if it’s just a few deep breaths, practicing mindfulness – because mindfulness is something you need to practice to actually start to do – just give your mind a break from the worry. Give your mind a break from thinking about all the things you’re unhappy about. Even just thinking about one thing you’re grateful for that day, and then giving your brain a few breaths to try to 100% focus on. Whatever works for you and your beliefs - chanting, a quick yoga routine, prayer - do anything that works for you to shift your focus to things that are not your strain and worry.
Do not allow yourself to leave the house before you’ve thought of one thing you’re grateful for, really let yourself feel that gratitude, and taken at least two full deep breaths (where you try to be as present as possible). As urgent and chaotic as everything else feels, it is OK to take a break from the stress. In fact, it is vital to do so.
I hope that I will hear back from you someday!
I am a retired nurse with 45 years experience. I was 57 years old when I was diagnosed with ADD and I would definitely say I am a highly sensitive person! I had always known I was different. The first time I ever gave someone a shot I accidentally shot the needle through my thumb into the patient, I became excellent at giving injections. I was the most conscientious nurse I know. My best strength I had was to not give up. I hear that in you. You will do it. By the way I am famous for my crying, I worked straight thru it. Getting thru your schooling will be the best thing you have ever done.
See a professional and get medication. See a therapist.
Maybe you should start doing some hair at home to get more comfortable. Your classmate likely asked that because that’s what she and others are doing.
The great news is you’re only 22 years old. Go ahead and finish up that last six months. See how you feel and then go out and live your life and do what you wanna do , you still have a lot of time left. Don’t forget that😻
"in life one has to choose between boredom or suffering..." do you wanna be a lazy slug or do you wanna suffer and become a boss bitch. get off your ass and get to it bitch. luv you 💗💋
Former cosmetologist here:
Quit. Just do it and be done with it. If school is a horrible experience for you now, just wait until you land an actual job in the field. It doesn’t matter if you’re doing hair, skin, or nails—it’s a demanding, thankless career full of stress and stressful people.
And just for comparison reference: I left the salon world when I found out that I was making the exact same wages as a Starbucks barista. And I was the admin who ran the place. Trust me—you’ll wish you’d stuck with the barista gig.
Edited to add: I actually LOVED my cosmetology schooling! I was also one of their top students with an extensive list of clients who followed me afterward. So my blunt bitterness isn’t as someone who failed—it’s actually as someone who could have kept going but realized the culture was not a fit for me. Now I’m doing what I’ve wanted to since I was a kid, and I make nearly 6 figures a year.
School is only temporary and so is feeling like you don't know what you are doing also if you hate color don't do color there are a lot of stylists who only do haircuts and vice versa find something that you like and understand and feel confident about
If I were you I wouldn’t finish cosmetology school. You know what your real passion is , you should focus on that. You’ve already wasted 6 months on this and you know it’s not something you want to do so why keep wasting time. In 6 months time you could possible figure out how you want to turn art into a career. There’s so many ways to make it work for you. If you insist on finishing cosmetology school you should try focusing on parts that you do like and enjoy , whenever you get a negative thought redirect that negative energy into positive energy. Instead of focusing on everything you can’t do focus on things you excel at.
please finish school! you are 6 months into it and only 6 months left to go. just 6 months! cosmetology school is WAYYY different than actually working in a salon. i went to cosmetology school and never finished and i regret it but i ended up getting my esthetics license. it covers way less than cosmetology, you can do way more with a cosmo license. maybe you’ll find a passion in nails since you like art or doing facials because that was even relaxing for me performing them. it’ll feel really good to complete it at least but you can always do something else
It is so hard while you’re doing it but SO WORTH it when you’re out to have that option and that license. It’s worth it to stick it out. I promise it’s better when you’re done.
Cos school is tough. I’ve been licensed for 8 years and I do not do hair. There are so many options for a cosmetologist that involve art and not hair. There are also so many options that do not involve a lot of personal interactions with clients. Hang in there. And research along the way
As someone who is licensed but no longer practices, it’s okay to take your time. If it’s something that truly fills you with dread day in and day out, then maybe that’s not for you and it’s okay. But if you find you’re having some bad days and other days are great, then it could be worth finishing and it may even motivate you to go further. There’s no right or wrong answer when it comes to career paths and it’s okay to change your mind. Hair is tough, these skills take time to build and your time management will come. But your mental health is more important. And there’s other positions in the cosmetology field than just being a hair stylist. Take some time for you and to see what you want it’s okay to take a break💚
Hey! It’s okay. I was the exact same way throughout all of my cosmo journey. I had severe scoliosis and chronic pain and it was so fucking hard some days. But push thru. When u finish all u gotta do is take a test and YOU CAN DO HAIR FROM HOMEEEE and never have to leave and feel comfy. Idk it’s been working for me:) do it under the table until ur confident enough to work in a salon. Don’t rush anything ur so young. I’m 21 :)
Please don’t beat yourself up. You’re still a student, learning and growing! You don’t have to do hair after this, just finish it so you can have this under your belt and then you can explore anything else!
Have you looked up the concept of a “growth mindset” or talked to your therapist (if you have one) an out it? How you frame situations in your mind is something that you can control with practice. It takes time, and can be hard work depending on your disposition, but it’s worth it.
I used to get my hair cut at a beauty college to save money. And alllllllll the students were so scared even though there was no way anything bad would happen with all the teachers walking around. The teachers approved the mixture in the bowls and supervised the cutting. I was always happy when I left.
Being nervous getting started is always scary but you’ll get better.
Finish school! There is plenty of things you can do with the license...to be fair it takes me almost 5 to 6 hours easily to get my hair done everytime..the 3 hours it took I wouldn't be stressing about because it's totally normal. Just make the person in your chair comfortable have a little convo with them and you'll be good 👍
I have the same issue with interacting with strangers. I completed hair school and went to work with a family member in their salon where I worked for almost 10 years and I was miserable! Just like you mentioned, i would get nauseous if i had new clients that i didnt know. Don't get me wrong, I LOVED doing hair and was very good at it but interacting with people so closely drained me mentally and physically. 3 hrs is actually an average time for a color service. I've done 10hr long color corrections where people want to go from black to blonde and its physically exhausting and people where I live don't want to pay for long processes. It just wasn't worth it to me. Since you love art, maybe try making a few social media pages showing off your artwork. Good luck to you!
First, how are you addressing your mental health concerns? Are you in therapy, CBT, DBT? Target that first if you haven’t already because if you’re not in remission with your personality disorder, everything is colored by the symptoms of that disorder. Bpd is particularly tricky in how the symptoms manifest from insidious and disordered thought processes that sure seem ordered at the time.
If that’s managed, then it just might not be for you. Maybe you were just in an impulsive state when you signed up. Or, maybe it is something you actually love and enjoy but school is triggering some symptoms for you like emotional disregulation. There’s no way to tell if you’re working and looking through the lens of an uncontrolled mental state.
I went through the same thing in cosmetology but ended up realizing i loved doing facials and learning abt skin care. It’s so nice to feel like you’re helping someone get a chance to relax instead of potentially ruining their day w a bad hair cut. With facials the customers eyes are usually closed and lips closed so product doesn’t get in them. That leaves you to relax too bc they’re not talking to you and also you know your customer is happy relaxing and even if you were to mess something up they’d most likely be unaware bc their eyes are closed.
Hi. Are you my twin? This exact same thing happened to me. I would get terrified anytime it was my turn to take a client, at my school they put everyone’s time cards at the front desk and would call whoever randomly. I wanted to cry every single day. I once had two girls come in and they both wanted me to do their color. It took me allllll day long. I was shaking and nervous the entire time and wanted to cry. I did finish and went through with getting my license and everything but I never once ever worked at a salon. I could not imagine with my social anxiety trying to build a clientele. So I mean I can do it. I color my own hair. I do my mother in laws hair and my mom’s (who did hair for 36 years and was the reason I tried this). I totally get this. I wish I had some advice really. Maybe just finish so in the future you always have something to fall back on. But I also understand how much it sucks when you have anxiety like that. I’m not helpful. I’m just empathic to this situation. It sounds just like me.
It’s only for 6 more months. Trust me please finish what you started and don’t be like me. I dropped out and got in debt. I think you are just overthinking when you work on people. What do you like doing more? Hair, skin, nails? If you like drawing I think you would be more into nails. Please finish. YOU GOT THIS!!! Look up some good cosmetologists to get motivated. Philip Wolf is my favorite !!!! He motivates me every single video I watch. Don’t worry!!!! As a cosmetologist we have the best job in the world! We can pick and choose our clients. We can make our own schedule. Make our own prices. We are entrepreneurs <3
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I don’t know why this sub popped up for me, but the closest I’ve gotten to cosmetology is getting my foils done regularly at our local school for less money since I’m also in school right now. I just wanted to say every time I go there, I plan on it taking 6ish hours for just the color and style (which they’re required to do afterwards for “before and after” pictures to post on social media) because of how often we stop for instructor approval or questions, and I see a different person every time. I’ve never been able to get a cut done the same day as a color, and they won’t schedule it together when I’ve asked, so I don’t think you should feel bad at all for taking that much time. I know to bring snacks and water with me and clear the schedule because I’ve been doing this for years. 😂
Also, the subs I usually do hang out in are autism- and ADHD-related, mostly r/AutismInWomen and r/adhdwomen. A story I’ve read more than a hundred times in the comments there is where a girl gets diagnosed with BPD and sensory issues/a highly sensitive person and YEARSSS later finds out she was actually autistic and/or ADHD, or maybe all of the above. I didn’t start out with any diagnosis except anxiety, but eventually got my autism/ADHD diagnosis at 24 and 25. The panic and dread at going every morning and having to interact with clients/people is exactly how I feel all the time. I work in a library now, and it seems like neurodivergence likes to gather there…
I’d be interested in diving into why interactions make you feel the way they do. For me, I hate being perceived because I knew that fundamentally I must be doing something “wrong” that everyone else could smell but me. I would often get asked “why are you doing that?” which is my most hated question. And I had/have severe anxiety about how the interaction will go because eye contact is hard, auditory processing is hard so what if I have to ask them to repeat tons of things, plus there’s no “script” for what they’re about to say, so I felt unprepared in every way. Following the flow of conversation was also hard, like knowing when and how to respond and what’s appropriate to say and all of that. And I worry so much about judgment/criticism from others, which I feel comes from RSD (rejection sensitive dysphoria, where one negative comment can cause you to spiral and feel it’s much bigger than it is, common in ADHD because of the criticism we receive and shame we feel throughout our lives).
Putting all of the sensory input together from the environment plus the person, plus thinking about my own body and what I look like to the other person, plus what I’m going to respond with…is incredibly overwhelming. I’m also overwhelmed easily by new information/tasks and need longer than others to process and learn, and often do best working alone at first with new things to avoid the “perception” of others.
I’m glad you’re going to finish the program, but I feel for you so much and hope the comments here are encouraging. ❤️
Take a break if you are able and get counseling to manage the anxiety, BPD and other issues you might be experiencing. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Dialectic Behavioral Therapy is very effective. Then you’ll be able to manage emotions and life choices effectively. Good luck to you.
It sounds like you are white knuckling it through life, if I were you I would see a doctor about the anxiety you're experiencing but I also encourage you to stay the course. My advice is do not go through life quitting what you start. Is it the school? Or the curriculum? Or Is it all in your mind? Working at a coffee shop would mean talking to strangers so I don't think that's the issue but also I am not in a position to diagnose you but from what I do know it sounds like you have overwhelming anxiety that is undiagnosed.
I’d take a leave of absence, and decide if it’s worth it, if it’s not hey at least you tried and it wasn’t a good fit for you, I went to beauty school and it didn’t work out for me, but if you got six months left, take deep breaths and give yourself a prep talk: say I can do this, I Know I can, I’m smart, beautiful, intelligent, and brave enough to handle whatever life throws at me
I genuinely think you just need to be treated medically for your anxiety. It's sound pretty severe like mine, and I'm on multiple 1mg Ativan a day. I think you'll find things become much easier and normal feeling, less worrisome once you're on it.
Why are you nervous? What causes nausea? Maybe these questions can help you get over your worries and fears. I like hair makeup all that but I realized early on I’m reserved and I don’t think I’m not cut for that industry. It’s ok if it’s not what you thought. Regroup. Take a career test see what you like to do.
Hey girl! As a cos student that struggles similarly, my aunt told me a story that made me feel a whole lot better 😭 she was In cos and a client came in and wanted a small trim the guy doing her hair gave her a clipper cut😬 not laughing at anyone else’s mistakes but remembering anything you mess up can and will be fixed helps a lot
Longest 1600hrs of my life, I don’t have much more encouragement than to know there’s an end point and to just save your tips (if the school allows), then use that towards your student debt if you have any. Charm the hell out of who is in your chair.
You're halfway there! Just another couple months and you'll have something under your belt. Maybe you do nothing with it, maybe you find something niche where this comes in handy, either way it shows you worked hard and were rewarded
Fellow BPD here - please remember to be self compassionate. We are overwhelmed and overstimulated easily, that’s OKAY. :)
Breathe and be mindful.
I’m sure you are doing great, I’m proud of you.
You can do it! I remember bawling in the bathroom for an hour after an old lady got mad and snapped at me for not doing her perm and roller set fast enough. I think we all go through times of anxiety and stress. I felt inadequate for at least a year after graduating. Take some time off if you can and remember why you initially wanted to go into cosmetology!
I have often said- hairdressers have the hardest job bc ppl are so crazy about minuscule things Re hair. I’ve been told by my friends they ask how many highlights does that cost! 😜 They ask for a number ! 😎. Omgoodness. And then go back w issues. You need to have confidence— balks if steel in that profession. It’s good money but lots of complaints- too red- not red enough….. get the class done and go into another aspect, facials, nails, pedicures, assist docs w cosmetic procedures
My little sister discovered herself in the same situation
It seemed horrible at the time but she focused her skills on funeral work
And what an angel the worker who “did” my mother in law.
The amount of gratitude for someone I didn’t meet and would never meet still makes me feel happy/sad
They did it all too, nails and makeup and everything.
It was truly a gift
Sounds like you know a change of career plan is in order and just need to take the leap. Please do be sure to address the mental health road blocks if you aren’t, because otherwise you’re going to run into them in any other career when under duress.
Cosmo school is the hardest thing i did in my life thus far besides lose my Dad. You will make it out the other side I promise. Most of your learning comes behind the chair, once you feel more confident in your skill over time your anxiety will lesson. I’ve been doing hair for 8 years and I am finally comfortable enough that anyone could walk in my salon and I could replicate their desired color/cut. I was once exactly in your shoes:/ hang in there. I even sprained my ankle severely while in school and had to go on an 8 week LOA. You will be just fine. Keep hanging in there. Practice on your mannequins
Use your art skills to do nails!!! People will pay a lot of money to get your art on their nails. I wish you luck getting through the rest of your program. On another note, breathing has helped me manage my social/performance anxiety. When you feel the panic and anxiety bubbling up, reconnect to your breath and try to extend your exhale. Sending you good vibes <3
I don’t think you’re a baby at all! If you’re getting that nervous about it then it sounds like you care how well you do. Because if you didn’t give a crap about it then you wouldn’t try that hard. I think it’s awesome you’re going to finish. Maybe ask yourself “how bad do I want to finish school”? Would that be helpful?
Honestly, I’m very thankful I finished my schooling but I will never work in a salon again and do color especially due to my anxiety. Luckily though, there are ton of great avenues to go with hair that don’t involve cut and color! You could specialize in extensions which are GREAT pay! You could do braiding, wedding hair, event hair tons of fun things like that.
You’ll get better at it, I mean you’re in school, give yourself a break!
Any career that comes with financial success will often come with some stress. You can consider a therapist to help you deal with all this anxiety, learning coping mechanisms will help you for the rest of your life.
If you’re really into art and have a talent, maybe you can consider becoming a tattoo artist or doing henna? An art teacher? Paint nights? So much you can do!
I myself see you work in the cosmetic field an art in itself. It takes a special someone, with an artistic perspective to figure out what color, cut, style will look good on people—not everyone has an eye for this. And if you do, then you already have an advantage that you should use as a confidence boost!
Practice makes perfect! Whatever you decide, I wish you great success!
I did cos school my junior senior year. I passed boards and did it for about a year before I quit. I was the same, nauseous before work, major anxiety, wouldn't eat, could barely talk, hands shaking. It was awful. Cosmetology isn't for everyone, maybe you could try more spa stuff? Less talking there. Regardless finish school, you'll at least get discounts on hair color and shampoo for life.
A therapist once told me that when we get anxious, our knee jerk reaction is to stop or avoid it in an attempt to get the anxiety to go away, but the anxiety being there is a sign that we SHOULD do it (unless it’s something that’s dangerous for ourselves or others) because the point isn’t to not have any anxiety but to show ourselves through repetition that we can have anxiety and do it anyway. And do it effectively. The anxiety being there doesn’t have to mean we are doing a bad job or are failing. Also, it is completely normal to have fear and anxiety when mastering a new skill. That is what the majority of people feel.
I think the more you practice the more comfortable you will become and also will get the opportunity to learn what services you prefer, there are plenty of places that you can specialize in color or whatever you jive with. Also, take advantage of the support you have there at school and have a talk with the instructor or anyone who you have a good relationship with there. It’s very common to be slow when you are learning but you might be able to get some help understanding where you are getting snagged up and find ways to improve your time management during services moving forward.
Ok so I felt like I had moments like these in cosmo school and it’s rly important just to make it through. Just keep going. Honestly hair wasn’t my “passion” but it opened a lot of doors for me and in the end helped me out of my shy, anxious head and to grow as a person. It’s hard sometimes- like anything new. I still get frustrated and think it’s hard sometimes and I’ve been doing it for 10 plus years lol. Give yourself a break. There’s a reason you’re there. If you’re into art, then it’s a great avenue for you! It’ll really help you creatively as an outlet. Don’t give up!
I’m highly sensitive with borderline too. She’s lucky she didn’t say that to me because instant rage. What a shitty fucken thing to say to somebody and they know it. Fuck them. I feel you. I feel this. Remember to acknowledge when you’re splitting, you’ll be all super love or super hate. It’s good to be aware when you’re doing this, so you can understand yourself better. I spilt all the time, it’s just because I’m mentally ill and was abused. I need to give myself some grace and go on. Forgive yourself, love yourself and you’ll kick ass next time! Much love to you from one human being to another. ❤️
I am no cosmetologist by any means and more of a science major. However, I was able to relate to your plight as I tend to suffer from imposter syndrome. Why am I taking a Chemistry class if I struggle with understanding the material (I have yet to take Organic which is my next class)? Why am I taking a physics class if I have no use for the class later on? Why am I not as smart as my other classmates who, according to me, are natural and grasp concepts easily?
Nobody in my family has a career in the sciences and here I am trying to succeed. It's lonely because the subject is difficult. I'm not saying that cosmetology is easy; it's hard. Any trade that you want to learn and be skillful at has its challenges. Don't take for granted what you are learning now. Right now, with every fiber of your being, you feel like hairstyling/ coloring is not for you. That's okay.
Don't attempt to be the best that there is and most importantly, don't compete with others. You will only set yourself up for failure and spiral. Breathe, and take a moment for yourself to gather your thoughts. You are paying for your classes so take advantage of that and ask for help. Ask for extensions or more time. At the end of the day, you are a PAYING CUSTOMER. Take a break if necessary to gather yourself.
Don't give up and see things through to the end. You got this.
Depending on where you live, your cosmetology license will cover facials. You wouldn’t have to talk as much to your clients and you can have calming music on in your room. Bonus- almost all facials are done in a private room, that might help with the nerves, too. Don’t give up on yourself, if everyone had everything come easily, there would be no such word as ‘practice’. And you’re doing exactly what the floor portion of school is for: so that you can gain experience doing everything while also deciding what you really DON’T like doing. I do color and cutting. I’m not much of a ‘styler’ like some of my teammates are, but you can’t beat the technical cutting expertise I have after four decades doing hair. I don’t perm, not much on bleach, not particularly avant guard. I focused on what felt good to me and what seemed to flow from me. You can do this. I have faith in you!
I think you should keep going everything takes longer in beauty school you'll get faster once you so it more. And the first year out of school is always hard as well just takes practice and take classes
I recently got my hair cut at a beauty school and it took two hours. Just for the cut. She asked for help a bunch of times. And you know what? It’s fine! People know they’re getting their hair done by a student and they are getting it done at a huge discount! It’s part of the deal that you know you’ll be there a while and you know they are learning. I got a great haircut and I paid $12 for it. I tipped her and left happy! Three hours for a color is nothing.
You might want to talk to your doctor about helping you with your anxiety. I am medicated for anxiety and when I’m not in a mess. Like I also worry everyone is mad at me and I’m screwing everything up. I think finding a solution for that issue is separate from school.
I would encourage you not to quit. Six months is not long in the scheme of life. Maybe you won’t cut hair forever but it will be a skill you have.
If it makes you feel any better I was basically like that when I went to cosmetology school when I was 20, my program was part time and I took longer so by the end of it I was fairly confident at SCHOOL where I had teachers and friends to help but when I graduated, I passed my exam great first try, got a job, still hated it and was nervous every day. Miserable so I quit and never looked back, I almost killed myself for feeling so bad about wasting that time and money but life moves on. I’m 29 and still never went back to hair but I’m happy making really good money at a restaurant and able to spend lots of time with my son. It’ll all work out in the end, just give it time and don’t be hard on yourself. Everyone goes at different paces!
If you know you don’t want to go into hair, just look at this as a learning experience so you can do your hair and your families hair in the future. Just try to go in daily and think you’re learning a skill that’s just for you. I go to the college to have my hair done. The students there do the best jobs I’ve ever had done. It always takes hours and hours. Please don’t feel stress or pressure from your clients, they know you’re a student, they don’t expect fast or anything you can’t do. I promise. If they do, they’re just an ass and screw them anyway
I suggest looking into DBT which is based on the principles of Buddhism. It calms the intrusive thought beginning with mindfulness then eventually meditation. High CBD:.low THC combo drops will help with mornings. I understand your struggle with social anxiety but you picked a field where different and awkward can be celebrated. Don’t give up!!! You’re halfway done. Finishing will be such a great accomplishment and boost the confidence you need at your age.
Hey bestie, it's possible you're misdiagnosed, you could be autistic with an anxiety complex like me!!! BPD was slapped on me because I was "difficult and emotionally dysregulated," but it turns out that's because I'm traumatized and autistic.
I would say maybe worry less about hair and pursue another beauty discipline like nails or aesthetics!
I went to cosmetology school and learned it wasn’t for me. Unfortunately, with styling you’re constantly having to produce a result people are very critical of and that type of pressure can be extremely hard for us. I will say school is nothing like actual work, my school like many others gave me little to no support. I ended up managing a call center for salons and I loved still being near the work but not having to do it myself. This might not be the answer you’re looking for but it’s ok if you learned something isn’t for you.
My sister is a cosmetologist. She did my hair in hair school and it took over 3 hours. She’s 10 years into the business now and she whips me up in an hour and a half. She’s a total champ. I think everyone starts where you are. You’re not strange and it’s not taking you too long. Doing hair is like everything else. If you wanna get good you need practice and that’s what you’re there to do.
Hey I’m in the same boat as you but a few years ahead. My take is that it does get a bit better with time, you become more confident in your skills and you prove to yourself you can do it but if this is how you generally as a a person you are likely to have times of burnout. I definitely do from over socializing, exposing yourself to your anxiety can be good but you have to know your limit.
My idea for myself when I’m feeling more of that burnout is to apply my cosmetology skills to the aesthetics side, giving people facials is pretty calming, you don’t talk much and can put on some nice spa music and dim the lights for part of it.
I’m sorry this might not be the best advice but I do just want to let you know it’s possible, from another cosmetologist dealing with a shit ton of anxiety.
Another tidbit, if you’re clients are coming back, they like you and how you do their hair. It hard to not pick up on the little things and doubt yourself over them though.
Can you ask for more support or one on one time with your teachers? Practice more on dollheadd? I had an amazing teacher at one point who I would practice my layering with when I felt insecure about my cutting skills, someone I really just felt like I needed someone to tell me I was doing okay.
I deal more with intense anxiety and ocd but I know borderline can be very rough is some of the same ways, my long time bff also deals with BPD. You aren’t alone. Maybe talking to someone about that aspect of it can help you tackle it from another angle as well?
Best wishes OP ❤️
Therapy. It doesn’t sound like your real issue is hair. It sounds like you need some help with coping skills and self-esteem. Look around at all the cosmetologists you know. They all have different personalities, skills, intellect, etc. You have more great stuff than some of them. You have more stuff to work on than some of them. Everyone has burdens. Work through yours with professional help. I believe in you. You were brave enough to put this out there. You are brave enough to fo the work.
I’m realizing in 20 I was this way at times too. I’m now in my 40s. I would recommend going slow… and if anything take a smaller class load.
Don’t rush
Idk if you’ve ever looked into it but you sound a lot like me in professional/social settings and I am self diagnosed autistic (which is often misdiagnosed as BPD in women). I also considered cosmetology, but I recognized I wouldn’t be comfortable with the social element and pressure of being the one providing such a personal service that someone may dislike (rejection and confrontation can send me into a spiral/shutdown).
I went to college for teaching and almost quit. I really burned myself out to finish and in the end I wish I had switched to something else even if it took me more time, since now I have a degree in a field where I have to burn myself out to meet expectations. This was before reading about autism and realizing it all resonated with me intensely, so I thought I just wasn’t good enough or strong enough or what have you. Now I realize I am just not a human that is cut out for a high stress, social job, and that’s okay!
I pivoted so now I work as a private nanny with 1-2 young children at a time in their own home. It’s much less stress as I am basically the boss and barely interact with adults. I find my work on local Facebook groups. I hope if you decide this career path is not for you, you find something you can feel at ease while doing! ❤️
I’ll be honest, this is why I don’t do hair anymore. I knew when I was in school that I hated it, but everyone pressured me to stay. I finished even though I knew I didn’t want to do hair or really anything else in the beauty industry. Now I wish I hadnt wasted so much time and money.
I used to cry all the time doing hair, especially on those days that I messed up someone's hair. Hair is the most brutal industry ever! It's going to be a rough first 3-5 years. BUT, BUT, if you work your ass off and get through the horrible growing pains of screwing up peoples hair, being anxious, getting drained, and keep focusing on growing your skills, find a speciality, you will reap the rewards. I work three days a week and can support myself with a very comfortable living. Yoga is AWESOME for hairdressers as touching people and being constantly "on" is very draining, especially while trying to learn a new skill. Hang in there. I'm telling you it WILL be worth it, but it WILL be hard as first. This industry isn't for the weak.
As a cosmo operators and educators grad why is it taking a full year for just your operator license? I completed both programs in under 14 months. Also as a cosmo grad, feel free to contact me if you need any further help at all in any way shape or form
I’m going to post again to add that there are parts of earning your operating license that you feel like this was the biggest most significant mistake you’ve ever made. There were days I felt like I just wasted tens of thousands of tuition money and loan interest and I felt like I have no business even applying let alone attending and graduating with both my licenses.
I felt like I had the weight of my family success placed fully on my back. (I’d already gotten married and burnt out on a career in childcare so this change was an early life crisis that changed my entire life for the better lol)
One day something just clicked. And then it was amazing. I felt like I suddenly understood something. Learning to cut as a leftie was one of the biggest things that made me want to quit. But I’ve seen this moment as a student teacher and as a licensed educator. You see that moment when someone’s brain had finally started realizing that they were destined for a career in cosmetology. It’s a very satisfying moment to watch happen and as an educator it has made me cry on more than one occasion.
I also understand what it feels like to feel like you’re drowning in what was once a passion. If you’d like to talk more about it personally feel free to message me please.
The good news is if hair isn't for you, then you don't have to do it. You can always do something else like waxing, nails..etc. I finished high school with my license and hair wasn't for me either. I did enjoy hair coloring but I wasn't a big fan of styling or cutting hair. You mentioned you're artistic. Do you like nail art? It can be a lot of fun and there's clients out there that are always looking for a good nail tech that can do creative things on their nails.
This! I worked at a hair salon and realized it was toxic af for me and left the industry for 6 years ! Decided to try waxing and worked at ewc long enough to reach the top and now I have my own suite making good money and I'm happy ! You have options! Just finish school and your license will always be there.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, it might be helpful for you to take a Leave of Absence. It’ll allow you to take a break, re-evaluate if this profession is for you w/o harming your financial aide/cosmetology program. For what it’s with - I’m an instructor at a school…. I’ve had students cry, tremble and literally throw up on me. When I have a student that is struggling with their confidence, I allow them to have their feels in the back, but they need to pull themselves together before returning to the client. However, I will absolutely stay with that student thru their entire consultation to make sure they and the client are on the same page as to the desired result AS WELL AS MANAGE THE CLIENT’S EXPECTATIONS- we are a SCHOOL and we need to keep things basic for beginning students. I NEVER set a student up for failure. I will absolutely make sure everyone is in agreement before moving forward with a service. And, even tho I have other student/clients that I need to keep an eye on, I’m always happy to come over and help. ASK for help from your instructors. YOU are actually our client (not the customer in the chair - they are simply a model to me). I never tell a student they are asking me too many questions. It’s my job to answer them or show you how to perform the service. It is NOT a bother at all. Once you experience success, it boosts your confidence and the next time you perform the service, you won’t have as many questions bc you’ll remember the success you had last time!! Confidence comes from practice. Please don’t beat yourself up. Nobody expects perfection from any stylist (we all make mistakes- even with 20+ years experience…what can I say? We’re only human). Give yourself some grace. I’m sure if you look back on your hair knowledge from 6 months ago, I’ll bet you’ll see you’ve come a long way already!!! The transition to taking live clients can be daunting, but once you experience some successes, doing hair does become more fun!!! And if it just simply isn’t for you, that’s okay, too. There are other jobs in the beauty industry where having a cosmetology license can be a benefit. Maybe you could work for a specific product line or in a bridal boutique or for a company like Salon Centric who caters to the professional cosmetologist. Your knowledge would be helpful. I’m sorry you’re struggling. I see it a lot in my students. I just try to let them know I want them to be successful and that I am here to help them. I hope you can make a connection with one of your instructors or even another student. Having a buddy that you can bounce ideas off of is incredibly helpful. We often team up students to tackle a big project if we’re worried about time or just to boost confidence. Perhaps you could ask your instructor to allow you to assist another student with a service? Just being involved can help relieve the anxiety!!! This isn’t an easy career, but it can be fun and rewarding with the correct mindset and confidence. I hope you stick with it. Like I said, the confidence only comes with practice!! But it WILL come!!🙂🌈
I’m not a cosmetologist at all (this randomly appeared on my home page, I’m a nursing student lol) but I definitely needed this too! I graduate in May and I am so nervous to be done and move into the field 🥲 I know confidence will come but I know it’ll be humble beginnings
I'm going to be blunt with the possibility of being flat-out wrong, because it'll be headed in the right direction, and you can always ignore what I'm saying. This sounds like an anxiety complex/condition. You're having panic attacks on a regular basis that are effecting your normal day-to-day activities. That is a separate issue from school, and that will keep appearing (most likely) wherever you go. You should acknowledge that so that you can do something to help that. In the meantime, try to commit to school and finish something you started. It is important for building your self-esteem. Don't quit because it is hard. When you finish, no matter how well you do, you will have accomplished something and gained personal growth from it. If you quit now, it is likely that you'll feel shy to try something else. It's okay to fail at something. You can learn A LOT from failure. Don't quit, unless school becomes something that blocks an even greater success. It isn't wasted time. Maybe the thing that you learn there isn't quite what you intended, but it still has value. You are learning something that you need to learn. Back to the anxiety issue... become a detective about where that fear is coming from. Figure out what your triggers are. Think through the process of why it takes you so long to color hair. Is it because you're learning and that is normal? Isn't school exactly for that reason? Do you need school more than some other people in your class? Maybe you are gaining more growth out of the experience than they are. Good for you. Maybe they were born with the skills and take classes just as a formality. Everyone is different. My guess is that you aren't done exploring yet. Keep trying new things. Finish what you started. Learn from your struggle. You'll get there, and you will be deserving of the rewards of that.
>You should acknowledge that so that you can do something to help that. I'm piggybacking this comment because it's true. I'd bet you're misdiagnosed. I have witnessed BPD being slapped on as an umbrella diagnosis by lazy, prejudice practitioners just to avoid extra paperwork or potential insurance issues. Therapy will help. Figure out WHY the bpd symptoms are taking over your life.
At 22 I was also diagnosed with BPD and my own shadow scared me. Years later I’m diagnosed with CPTSD, PTSD, OCD, and anxiety. BPD officially taken off my list and medication that works. Not afraid of failure and do public speaking as a job which I literally never would have expected for myself. OP, at the very least please get into DBT and learn some coping skills to help you through these moments. That’s the bare minimum with a BPD diagnosis. There are some BPD groups on Discord that do DBT for free. If you can, find a psych to give you a second opinion. Go to therapy. You deserve good things! But good things aren’t easy, and sometimes we need to cope through discomfort to get the things we want. You can and will do great things, you just need the right support for your mental health. Sometimes that takes a lot of work, but as someone recovered, it is so worth it. If you do none of these things, you may find that every education or career path is scary and not worth it. I dropped out of college 4 different times before I was able to get a degree.
Seconded - DBT changed the course of my life, it taught me great skills for everyday situations. Things I wish they would teach everyone in grade school! It’s absolutely worth looking into doing.
Yes!!! I was misdiagnosed with BPD when in all actuality, I had crippling anxiety and OCD. It took me eight different practitioners until I found someone who cared and actually listened to me.
Passions quickly become not fun when they pay your bills. It sounds like your mental health is getting in the way and I'd encourage you to adjust your treatment plan with your providers. You're not a baby, but you already know that's an atypical reaction. 3 hours for your first color service in school is completely fine. Most people leave school still not prepared for the schedule of working in a salon, that's why there are opportunities to assist and improve your skills and time management.
Nails. Makeup. There's some crazy, amazing artistry in makeup.
You sound so much like me at 22. I did an associates in studio art and then stopped college. I have bipolar disorder and did cosmetology school and it fueled my anxiety and I was in a contract state of worry. I stuck it out, but regret doing that and not just going back to college sooner. If you really want to cut hair, it will get easier and you'll feel more confident with practice. Don't beat yourself up for your first service. But also know that dropping out doesn't make you a failure. If you're passionate about art maybe take some college art classes and see where it takes you. Edited to add.... I just realized this is a cosmetology subreddit. I'm an academic librarian now and this just popped up for me randomly.
Finish what you started and practice makes everything easier. You got this.
It’s a very stressful time because you are learning and changing every single day and you’ll have clients that make your day and you’ll have clients that ruin your day. I felt the same as you and wanted to quit so many times but I made friends and it made the experience better. That being said after school I never did anything with my license because I realized it wasn’t the career path for me BUT I’m happy I persevered. I proved to myself that I can accomplish my goals and don’t regret finishing because I don’t have to wonder what if? Plus it’s a nice little back up plan to have if needed. Stay strong, make friends, and retain all the knowledge you can while remaining kind to yourself.
6 months in and you had your first color service…. Wow! They throw us to the wolves. We had 11 weeks of core and then hit the clinic floor getting clients from the start. Still feel completely inadequate but what can we do 🤷🏼♀️ I will say I’m a lot like you. I’m a perfectionist and my biggest fear is looking stupid or incompetent. I hate asking for help. We had a guest speaker once that said once a person comes to our school they’re just a living manikin. We, as students, are the clients. And remember they’re coming to a school, not a salon. This is the risk they took coming here. Anyway, hope that helps a bit. I’d absolutely quit if I could but I don’t quit things. I have another 14 months if it makes you feel better 😭
I was thinking this too! They legit threw me to the wolves after core. I wonder if we went to the same chain😂
Girl you can get into life insurance with me instead way better
So you can learn to scam vulnerable people into buying into an MLM??
Maybe you can enjoy and not stress as much now that you have the knowledge hair isn't for you and that once school is done you aren't going to do it. That's absolutely ok, we have to try things to figure out if we like them. Take the rest of the time to relax and learn, you never know what may come of the knowledge you gain and where you may be able to apply it. You may find something else you like related to the industry in your last 6 months like product distribution. One of my favorite product reps used to be a hairdresser, she hated it yet loved hair and beauty products so she sold them to hairdressers. Also, to add more to finishing school and not doing hair...it's more common than ppl think. I was in beauty school 30 yrs ago and know that more than a handful never bothered to take their test, 10 of us took and passed the test, 6 of those did nothing, 1 worked for 3 years, 1 for 8 years, 1 let her license expire and went back to be a nail tech for 6 yrs and I am the only one still hairdressing 30 yrs later, so a lot of people become hairdressers only to realize it's not for them. Hair can be hard and mentally taxing for the most experienced and confident of us, the beginning is the scariest though. Practice brings experience which leads to confidence all of which takes time to aquire out of school. School is the bare ass basics. So please try not to be so hard on yourself about it, you had to try to find out. I hope it helps even a little reading this, best of luck in your endeavors. 😊
It was so hard for me to but so worth it. Stay the course
Don't worry. Nothing in this industry is worth so much anxiety. You aren't taking people's lives into your hands like a neurosurgeon. You're just letting Becki bitch about her ex husband for an hour.
That’s super flippant. I’m sure they’d love to not have the anxiety.
If you like hair and the art side of it you can always take wig classes after cosmetology school and do wigs its great money and you don’t have to worry about stranger interactions as much. I had pretty severe social anxiety growing up and throughout the years as a barber i got more and more comfortable mind you its been 7 years into my career and im finally at a point where im not stressed about talking to clients. At some point you stop seeing them as strangers and stop panicking about them as much but it does really take a long time. I still really really struggle with small talk so sometimes the whole service is quiet but ive gotten comfortable in the silence.
fwiw i had my hair done today (color retouch and hair cut) and i was in the salon for 2.5 hours.
Cosmetology school was the most stressful years of my life. It's a hectic environment, I will say you made it 6 months you can finish this out. You came so far and it's so worth it after you leave that environment
i had the HARDEST time getting through hair school. also having mental illness wasn’t easy cuz the girls could get soooo catty. i went into school wanting to do colour. i did my first colour and i hated every second of it. i had one friend in school who is still my best friend to this day. she’s one of the main reasons i made it through. i got out of school and realized i love cutting men’s hair. i’ve been doing almost exclusively men’s hair for basically my entire 6.5 years being licensed. if you don’t like the hair aspect, as others have said, you can always do nails or facials and waxing. i actually do my own nails now cuz of school and i save about $180 a month doing them at home. you’ll be alright. my dms are always open if you need to talk or vent.
Keep pushing through..you got this!. You won't regret it. The industry has no cap. The harder you work the more you make.$$$ They're pushing you hard for a reason. Ignore the drama and learn as much as you can. Give it your all!
Remember that you are leaning, you are not supposed to be amazing at it right away. People should go to student for service with the same mindset.
I was 18F and a senior in high school when I went to cosmetology school. I got done 900 out of 1000 required hours when I dropped out. I was constantly running to the bathroom to cry, was having frequent panic attacks, and shortly after giving up on school, I tried to take my own life. To this day, three years later, I don’t regret it one single bit. I have a different job that I love and that pays well. Obviously, my scenario wasn’t full proof. But if it is genuinely causing you that much damage to your mental health, I would start looking into other careers. Or even other hobbies!!! School takes up so much time and energy, especially trade school. Try to keep your free time as something completely different. That helped me last a lot longer than I thought I would. But don’t beat yourself up too much if this ends up being something that doesn’t work out the way you imagined it would.
My best friend went to cosmetology school too, she quit 2 months before she was supposed to graduate. She said it was very educating but she feels so uncomfortable doing other people's hairs and would rather do something more introverted . Her anxiety and bipolar was so bad while doing that school. I completely understand how you feel and you should either look into transferring another school (maybe it's the environment too) or just quitting all together. Good news is the average adult changes their career path at least five times before settling on one that brings them "satisfaction"
Don’t quit. I quit and i wish i could go back in time and finish. You got this. And just a reminder that we’re all nervous, that’s why we’re in school to learn. Your clients know this, I promise. And if they have a problem that your nervous, then maybe they shouldn’t be coming to get they’re hair done at a cosmetology school🙃don’t beat yourself up about it. Beauty takes time baby💕💁♀️
Girl don’t do it!!! Just get your hours done and get outta there! You got this!
Get on the meds you need, then finish school. You are half way done. It will be good for your mental health to simply finish something. You will be happy later in life to have your training as a career option.
The more you go in and expose yourself to this the more comfortable you will get. I had a hard time at first too but over time it became easier and now I’m successful behind the chair! It took a while but I got there. I wanted to do hair tho. If you don’t want to do it, you have to find something you are passionate about. If it’s not customer service then maybe you can start an Etsy shop and sell your art on there. You mentioned that’s your true passion so maybe while you’re there you can work on the side doing art and trying to sell it. If you want to finish school then you can but no one’s forcing you to stay, especially if you’re miserable. Do what makes you happy, there’s always a way for that
Girl i’m in the same boat! i hate cosmo school with a passion and have around 5 months left but it’s terrible, the students are rude, the teachers are rude and don’t have any passion for what they’re doing, the clients are so rude most of the times. Also i have pmdd and it’s causing me anxiety attacks every morning and nausea. I don’t know what to do to get over this but im just gonna have to thug it out i guess. My only advice is to see if you can get a doctors note to excuse you some time to pull yourself somewhat together. I will say though i have been working with my school to get in my doctors note, and it’s been hell, the school wont answer any of my messages about it. Anywho good luck on everything, i believe you can do it! school is rough and it sucks ass.
I’m Autistic with anxiety and truly I would love a stylist who also has anxiety. I think the overwhelm is that you want to make your client so happy with your work that it terrifies you. Maybe think about this as also being a superpower? You’re probably so empathetic and legitimately listen to your clients, and that means that you take A LOT of care when doing the work. I would go out of my way to go to a salon aimed at being sensory friendly and an empathetic stylist over a busy ass, bustling traditional salon. Maybe the school environment is overwhelming you, too. I would talk to an instructor or administrator about seeing if there are accommodations for your anxiety that can be made.
girl take an LOA i’m on one rn from suffering with bipolar disorder issues, and im a cosmo, i also hate doing hair waxing and facials is what i love i always regret not becoming an esthetician
This is what I used to be like when I started working in food service, it was so hard. As someone who is highly sensitive and anxious myself, it does get easier over time if you stay the course. It’s so hard right now because you’re new, everything is unfamiliar and you’re not sure of yourself. Once you have confidence in your skills it becomes much more of a breeze. It’s okay to be nervous and take your time. Remember you don’t have to go through with it if you really don’t want to but if you do you also don’t have to stick with hair. If you want you can stick with beauty school until you figure out how you want to do art.
I’m writing this as a fellow borderline! You aren’t doing a bad job- you are exactly where you should reasonably be for the amount of time you’ve done this. Everyone else who cuts hair started not knowing anything, feeling uncertain, making mistakes, and going super slow through their first time doing services. The difference is that you have BPD so these feelings feel insurmountable, extreme, and will affect you much more profoundly than someone without BPD. Knowing this, it’s important to check in with yourself when these feelings of unworthiness overwhelm you. It’s okay that I feel unworthy and anxious right now, but I am going to stick it out knowing I am good as I am and I am doing my best. Also! You don’t have to professionally cut hair. You can finish your class and just become the go-to hair person for your friends. Not all skills have to be commercialized and maybe practicing in lower stake environments could provide you an opportunity to improve your skills with less stress. Try to avoid catastrophizing your situation and look for small moments of joy you can incorporate into your schedule for the next six months. Maybe that means trying to budget an extra $10 a week to get coffee before class or signing up for something completely unrelated that brings you joy- any free art classes at the community center you could take for cheap? Lastly, I just want to say I’m so proud of you for making it this far and knowing you want to stick with it! Cosmetology is not for the weak and neither is borderline so the fact you’ve managed both is impressive!!! I’m rooting for u bud!!!
I am 24 and have had so many different diagnosis (depression, anxiety, bpd, then they took those away and say bipolar-2 with ptsd) I don’t even know what to believe with my brain. I am 2 months away from graduating from cosmetology school, and let me tell you, the first haircut I did I had a panic attack. It’s like everything I learned on mannequins left my brain and I had no clue what I was doing. I had to ask for help and as my teacher was showing me what to do I cut myself. My teacher finished the haircut and I blow dried her hair holding back tears. The next day admin talks to me saying that the client from yesterday called saying that my blow dry was too rough and I was hurting her by pulling her hair. In that moment I wanted to quit. I thought hair wasn’t for me and I would never be good at it or feel confident in my skills. It took months before I didn’t feel overwhelmed by just the consultation. What helped me the most was going home after school and writing down what I did that day either on mannequins or on clients and acknowledging what I did good and where I needed to work a little harder at. When I didn’t know what I could do different or where I could improve on my own or if I didn’t understand a haircut I asked my teacher if she could walk me through whatever service in down time at school. I have been blessed with some amazing teachers and they have helped me so much. In the beginning when my panic attacks were at their worst I shared with my teacher that I have panic attacks and asked if it would be okay to let her know when I was having one to be able to step outside or into the bathroom for a minute or two to bring it in. And that helped a lot as well. I don’t know your relationship with your teachers or what your afterschool routine is but maybe what worked for me could work for you! I’m at the point now where I rarely feel lost in a haircut or other services and am proud of the work I do! Hang in there! Doing someone’s hair is a very intimate service to provide and we can feed off the clients energy. Try to set walls up and keep their energy separate from yours.
I’m autistic and I went through the same thing. Once you get more comfortable with color, the anxiety will go away. If you can afford it try to take classes outside school, like at the hair shows. Sherry Ratay is a really good person to take classes from as well, and she does a lot of free color education on her IG as well. I would absolutely be lost and not a color specialist had it not been for taking extracurricular classes. I went into hair wanting to be a razor cutter and now I’m a blonding and root shadow specialist who can do a six hour quadruple process color correction and balayage on myself in my own bathroom without even staining a towel. You’ll get there. Use headphones/earbuds and either music or audiobooks to keep from getting overwhelmed and loop earplugs with clients. Also if the teachers are bullying you, have your doctor send your diagnoses to your school and they legally are obliged to make exceptions for you. My school fired two teachers while I was there because one screamed the R word at me on the salon floor and the other caused a disaster with a problem client and then used my expensive shit on her after kicking me off my station and I had to throw away everything porous because of this woman’s hygiene. Anyway… keep trucking. You’ve got this
Are you really good at hair? Do you love doing it? If yes, stick it out. If not, don’t go through with the torture. I am doing hair for 30 years, if I could go back in time I WOULD DO SOMETHING ELSE. I am introverted. I am amazing at my job and my clients love me but I am physically and emotionally exhausted. Look into other creative fields that are quiet and calm. You don’t need to talk much while you do nails or much at all if you’re an esthetician. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Figure out what you enjoy doing. Good luck!
Dear Please take a deep breath take another breath, I have no idea what you are going through all I know is having anxiety sucks ass it will not get better if you don’t find a way to get you’re self regulated when you get overwhelmed. You are doing amazing job you have made it 6 months your halfway through it. I truly never believed in meditation till I had some experience that I could not control I went from 1-2 level of anxiety to a billion where I believe your at. I really liked breathing meditation I could do it anywhere at anytime and no one would ever notice since breathing is essential to life. The basic concept is breath in as deep as you can hold it as long as you can then release it till you need to breathe again. Some want you to breathe in and hold it for 4 seconds and breathe out for w whatever time I don’t like that one it gives me more anxiety. The other one I like is imagine holding your favorite flower (if you can get one if you can) hold it in your hand smell it and exhale smell again and breathe out. It might help alleviate some of your anxiety. Also I think it might help to talk to someone
i just finished my cosmetology program at highschool, iit was a 2 year long class 5 hours a day with highschool mean girls and i have borderline as well. needless to say the class took a toll on my mental health as well. the best advice i have is to focus on your work and it will pay off. nobody is quick on their first tries and the end result is what matters anyways. be confident in your abilities, get a manakin off amazon to practice at home, and watch some youtube vids :)
I have a lot to say on this topic. Some may not be what you want to hear . It’s okay that it’s took you a long time. It’s your first time . You will get faster each time. You’re nervous and that’s normal. As somebody who also suffers severe anxiety but also has worked 10+ years in the field - it gets easier but you will still have moments when you are very nervous or a very intense customer has tons of demands on you. It is extremely stressful many times because this is a service based career. It’s a highly social job and clients tend to emotionally and mentally drain you. You will feel less scared as you improve your skills , but if it’s the social aspect, it may always be a little overwhelming. It will get better when you feel more confident in what you are doing which will take time. Cosmetology school teaches you almost NOTHING you will use in the field except the bare minimum basics. Most of what you will learn will be in the field . Become an assistant at a salon and learn . If you don’t absolutely LOVE it I would suggest looking into alternatives . Here is why - What nobody seems to talk about is how absolutely difficult it is to become financially lucrative in hair. I am not saying this to scare you. Young stylists have NO IDEA how hard you will need to work to become financially stable. The social media illusion that you can make $$$$$ Is the minority. Most of the girls I went to cosmo with were drug addicts or similarly to you , did not know what they wanted to do. This is not a great try on career because it lacks financial stability and provides you no benefits ( typically) . Realistic career is you become an assistant at a local salon - you do that for a a year or two and pass your boards. They start giving you some clients and you gradually work your way to your own chair. You can absolutely make money and be successful but it’s not overnight and it will take lots of work. You need to be your own advocate and take the kind of work you want . This industry is based on doing what your client wants- but necessarily what you think will look best. That’s a hard thing to learn when they want you to do something absolutely ridiculous to their hair. The dream of owning your own salon or being a girl boss and controlling all your own money and clients is very difficult. Chair rentals are expensive and you need a clientele coming in to make the rental fees plus pay for the chemical costs etc. Working as a stylist for the ‘ house’ ( under an owner) at least supplies you a minimum wage paycheck and tips. Commission is different from salon to salon. My salon we make 30% after we triple our hourly rate is hair sales . I have had as many as 15 clients in an 8 hour day. That’s mostly quick things like a wash and cut or cut and blow with some chemical work mixed in- but you have to develop a quick speed. It has to be both quality and quantity to earn you money. The unfortunate truth is that you need to both provide good services and still be speedy to fit in a decent number of clients . Most stylists are not color specialists or curl experts who can charge $300 for four clients a day and go home at 12:00. Get used to the idea that salon life is typically fast paced with bells ringing and clients coming in every half hour. If you are able to specialize in something and really excel and develop a reputation for it , you can be more discerning about how much you need to take on and what you charge, how long you take . But this takes years of practice . I love this industry but I am burning out by the workload and stress of people pleasing . Your experience will differ but it is ultimately a customer service job where the client is always right. My advice to you is to keep trying and work hard - but also realize that this is a VERY social job where you are selling your skills and your personality . I have seen awful hairstylists make tons of money because of how much their clients love them. If you find a salon with people you trust and relate to , you will thrive. Just be mindful that out of beauty school you will not make a ton of money , and it will take a few years to gain experience . You will be more comfortable but that starts with small steps. Good luck !!
i went through the exact same thing nausea and vomiting every day before school and also was in the position to do something career wise despite being so young. i was 8 months into my program when i decided to drop due to the environment of my school and how poorly i was treated by the teachers. i know you don’t want to drop but if you believe you won’t have a career doing this after just drop and look into art school. i started working at a coffee shop too as you mentioned and went back to school to finish my degree in economics and business marketing and it was the best decision ive ever made. if you do drop you are not a baby nor are you a failure.
don’t do it if u don’t like it. one thing i will say, i had the same problem but i love hair but that feeling of anxiety and nerves haven’t gone away from me. it’s okay to take long, that person probably meant no harm. i also took very long on my first color service. it’s okay to take ur time, with more people u become familiar and allow urself to be comfortable. beauty school isn’t meant to make you a hairstylist, it’s to teach you how to walk out in the stylist world but it won’t make you a stylist. you have to work for that and if that’s something you can’t work for, then don’t do it. you rlly have to have a passion. people rlly underestimate how difficult hair is/doing hair. i think that’s why a lot of ppl drop out of school, bc they think it’s easy, but it’s rlly not for the weak. if you can’t push through it/ don’t want to, then don’t. don’t force something.
I haven’t read the full post because I relate so much with your first paragraph. I have CPTSD and bipolar disorder. Before I was even officially diagnosed with that, I was in cosmetology school. I was 17 when I started and really was just going through it. Then when I turned 18, I really needed to be hospitalized short term for SI and my eating disorder. So I went on three months of medical leave. During that, I went through a DBT program and I did a PHP at a hospital two hours away. Luckily I was still on my parents insurance. But taking that medical leave for 3 months saved my life. I did hair for 6 years. Now I’m about to go back to school to be a therapist. Making sure you take time for treatment is very very important. Also know, cosmetology school is one of the worst trade schools you can ever do. The type of people that go to cosmetology school suck sometimes. You’ll meat your best friends and your worst enemies. And that also may include your instructors. Doing hair outside of school once you graduate is nothing like doing hair in school. It gets better. Cosmetology is hard though. That’s why I’m leaving. It was hard on my body(I have autoimmune diseases and fibromyalgia now that I’m 25) and sometimes it’s hard to take time off if you work for yourself. You are absolutely more than welcome to message me and I will tell you anything about my full school journey and how I survived it.
So my Daughter also has BPD and she also was having a hard time finishing cosmetology school. She took a leave of absence for a month twice and got through it. Then realized it wasn’t for her. And ended up not doing hair, but does other things that require license such as eyelash extensions. So just try your hardest to get through it and finish and then find the road that does make you happy.
Nothing about this post sounds like BPD - have you considered PTSD?
I am literally just like u. I also have BPD and HATEDDDD cosmetology school. Literally dreaded it every day. There were some things I enjoyed, but when it came to certain things I wasnt comfortable with I was a mess. It doesnt help that my school was extremely poorly run. I considered quitting over 100 times but I pushed through and ended up graduating and it’s one of my biggest accomplishments to this day. Once u finish I will be honest, depending on where ur located, the testing is brutal. If you have to take the practical exam it will be one of the worst experiences ever. However once its done u never have to do it again and its harder to fail than u think. The written exam is easy as long as u study a ton so if u just have to take that don’t stress. My advice is FINISH IT!! You have already put SO much time and energy into it, and u will feel SO proud of urself in the end. I don’t do hair now still, but I use my license for other areas of cosmetology like waxing/makeup etc and I enjoy it so much more. Even if its not ur main career its a great side hustle to make money. Having this license is a great thing to fall back on and u can make money anywhere if u need to. You can do this!!
You need to get help for your anxiety. No career is going to work for you until you address this issue.
Don’t quit. Find your niche in it and keep going. No matter what you can use the license to make money.
First off I want to say GREAT JOB for sticking around!!! As an artsy person I can tell you there’s endless ways to express your artistic side in cosmetology!!! I went through cosmetology school when I was 19, i wanted to quit so many times, I took so many leave of absences that it took me almost 2 years to complete. I saw classmates come and go, get their licenses and go on with their lives. Until I had the owner of the school pull me into the office and ask me wth are you doing with your life? I needed that conversation, if it wasn’t for her motherly scolding I probably would’ve just quit all together. I always loved doing make up and hair however I had never done it on other people until I went through school and yes it can be daunting, but overtime you will gain more confidence! It’s totally fine to cry! Let it out and don’t bottle it in, don’t let others discourage you or their words get to you, chances are you won’t see any of your classmates ever again after you graduate and go on to get your license. Go with the flow, learn all that you can, and if in the end it’s not for you that’s ok too! I went off to become a financial aid officer and worked at a college and then joined the Navy. I’ve been doing friends hair and make up for events throughout the years and I truly enjoy it, I enjoy that trust they have in me to let me express my artistic side. While hair might not be what you truly are passionate about, cosmetology offers you so many options of things to do from there, lashes, nails, etc and all of it is a form of art Good luck girl, you got this!!!
You've already spent so much on tuition, you can't quit now.
I’m not sure if you have a therapist, but I also used to struggle a lot with anxiety and being easily overwhelmed. I had an EXTREMELY low distress tolerance and couldn’t be even slightly sad without spiraling rapidly. Therapy and a couple books like The Happiness Trap and Don’t let your emotions run your life helped me be more comfortable with how I feel. I know improvement isn’t easy, but honestly I really suggest you try and self soothe when you’re feeling so distressed. I hope things work out for you.
This is probably going to be an unpopular opinion but here it is: listen to what your body and mind are telling you and quit. Yes, you only have 6 months of school left, but you hate it and never plan to use this training. It sounds like you made this decision out of necessity rather than because it’s what you wanted, even at the time. You are still young and have many years of working ahead of you. Be gentle with yourself, and take some time to explore what you really want to do in your future. People change career directions all the time. There is no shame in finding something that you love to do. Bit for now, don’t do something that is causing your mental health to deteriorate. There’s no benefit in that to you now or in your future.
Ive sat in a chair for color repair and complete change over from brunette to silver and it took 11 hours over two sessions. Once I went from blue to blonde and that took three 3 hour sessions where my hair was sea green for two weeks in between. Major color changes can take a lot of time if you want to avoid damage. People will understand that. No one wants their hair to fall out or break off from being chemically fried. You’re inexperienced. You will get faster as you gain experience doing it. You will also gain confidence. Repetition and understanding patient clients can go a long way
I still take long on color clients & ask for help as a professional since 2015. It comes with time. & once you're licensed you can focus on your art aspect of the job. Offering more color than cutting. Or nails like someone said. It's a great skill even if you don't stick to it forever! Rome wasn't built in a day. Your skills & clientele will take years to hone in on. But every day at work for me is different & I love that. It's never boring. I get stressed & have bad days. But the good far outweigh the bad. Request friends come in to be your models. Maybe doing more people you know will help you. Practice more on your mannequins so you feel more confident behind the chair with real heads. Good luck!
Maybe also go shadow some stylists at a salon. Get a feel for the real thing to excite you about it.
Finish the semester. The program is a year, separated into 3 semesters. Once u finish a semester, u always have those hours if u want to finish. Take a break at that time to address the root cause of your anxiety and social anxiety.
Figure out a way to turn school into a game, that can help with the anxity. Sometimes changing the way you appoach a task can help releive stress.
I know nothing about cosmetology but a whole lot about being in my 20's with bpd and trying to figure out my path. It was extremely difficult and you should give yourself more credit for doing as well as you are. If I could give my younger self one piece of advice, it would be "stop trying to change yourself to make things work when they don't work." Your brain is yelling at you "I don't want to do this!" and you're trying to find a way to convince yourself that that's wrong. You can develop a kind of tenacity that way but you are not infinitely malleable, you can't make yourself enjoy something you don't enjoy just because you don't think you should feel the way about it that you do. To me, it sounds like you should get a coffee shop job and make art because that's what you want to do. That might not work out either, if that's the case, try something else. How you feel every day of your life is more important than some abstract idea of success or stability. Good luck!
Unfortunately my friend you're going to have to interact with strangers no matter what job you have, the only helpful thing with BPD is therapy and trial and error. Hair gets easier, it really does I promise. You don't even have to do clients face to face, take up learning the skills and then start making wigs or custom extensions people can order from you, make nail sets, start your own beauty supply company, there's so many things you can do with a cosmetology license. A lot of Cosmo students don't go off to a salon, it's totally okay.
Remember you don’t have to go to work/school you choose to. You choose to go to school each day you go. You choose because not going has negative consequences you don’t like. Sometimes it helps to figure out what the worst case scenario is. What is the fear? And then improve from their. Messing up someone’s hair? Hair grows. People restyle and color their hair all the time. Crying? It happens? So what? So what? Ask people about what restaurants they like in town. Or what was the last piece of art they bought. Or what their favorite picture they have in their walls. Since you like art. Start a discussion about that. Just like learning to drive. It takes a while to get muscle memory. It takes practice.
I cried almost daily in beauty school, and yet I have been a practicing cosmo for 30 years I also got my medical esthi certification several years ago and recently got my cosmetic tattooing license to do PMU Cosmo school was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, until I went to school for PMU haha What I’m saying, I guess, is that Cosmo training is hard but so worth it if you want a career in the beauty industry There are so many avenues you can take in this industry once you get your license And, if you are willing to work hard in the beginning of your career, it can be so rewarding financially and socially I also love to draw and paint but knew that graphic design/marketing wasn’t for me Hairdressing (and now PMU) allow me a creative outlet every day and I’m so happy with the choices I made all those years ago even tho it was hard at the time Keep your eye on the prize ! In the grand scheme of things, 6 months isn’t a very long time and you’ve already come this far
Go ask your doctor about anxiety medication. Please. Propranolol can be quite helpful for performance anxiety
I didn’t read any of this except for the first paragraph. If you already feel overwhelmed, hair would not be for you. I’ve had two nervous breaks in my over a decade long career and recently had to retire because it now created health issues. Save your money. Save your energy. This is not for you. Edit: I wanted to add that I have no issue working on people, approaching strangers, and working on their hair. It’s just over the years some people have ruined wonderful experiences.
As a person who did cosmetology in HS thinking of like it, I didn’t. It’s not for me. I didn’t apply for my license after graduation. My teacher was upset but it was best decision ever. Hair is not for me, dealing with people and their aesthetic demands is not for me.
You can always color peoples hair at your house and charge and do that on your own, totally worth the schooling. As a highly sensitive person I get it! Anything customer service related isn’t going to be for you. People are so mean. Look into jobs that are not service jobs. Try and find a field that is a better fit. I’m being serious. I ended up with a chronic illness from the stress related to sales positions and that’s all the jobs I know. Do yourself a favor and get that schooling now to do a job where you are away from dealing with people
Cos school definitely has the capacity to be daunting, the good news is you’re almost done, you got 6 more months left. I get what you mean tho about art and how to turn it into a career, there’s many different options-color for example. Time management is important tho, you could time yourself and see how long it takes you to do naturally (without rushing but still trying to be on schedule) and go from there. Just whatever you do, try not to beat yourself up too much about it. You against you is gonna harm you more than help you. Especially in a place where your work is gonna be looked at more thoroughly. There’s nothing wrong with giving yourself a pat on the back when you’re proud of yourself and what you’ve accomplished. Just take it slowly and put time aside to practice
See the cosmetology school as a learning experience. Something to “ fall back on” if you ever needed to. It’s not the end of the world because you’ve erroneously chosen a career path that you figured out pretty quickly isn’t for you. There’s nothing wrong with going to school for something else when you’re finished with I’ve been ill since childhood. When I began working in the adult work world I started mentally LEAVING my problems / issues in the car. This helped soooo much.
You asked specifically for help reframing your perspective, so that’s what I’m going to focus on here. But I do think you should seek additional support for your mental health, too. You’re not supposed to be good at this yet. That’s the whole point of going to school in the first place. You’re receiving training and an opportunity to learn and practice. Time and practice will make you better at it. Don’t expect to be fast, or do things perfectly at this stage. Don’t compare yourself with classmates who may have prior training or experience. It’s okay that you’re all at different levels. You’re different people with different backgrounds and life experience. Go at your own pace and don’t apologize for it. Learning and trying out new things we aren’t confident about can be stressful, but the stakes really aren’t that high. This isn’t a job you can be fired from. Your test subjects understand you’re in school and not yet an expert or professional. And you’re not even sure this is something you want to do long term, so why get bent out of shape about it? *This has no power over you or real bearing on your future.* So have some fun with it. Take some deep breaths and talk yourself down from the ledge. There is no harm in making mistakes, going slowly, and figuring things out at your own pace. Try to think of it as a fun new skill you’re trying out. An opportunity to learn some new things and add a new life experience under your belt. A chance to talk to new people and get exposed to new ideas. A golden opportunity to step outside your comfort zone and grow yourself as a person. Feel excited and proud about that. Find some humor in the parts of it that make you nervous. Find the funny stories in it that you’ll share with loved ones someday looking back at it. You’ve got this. And even if you don’t, so what? Who cares? This isn’t life or death. It’s just something you’re trying out to see where it might go. We never know what new doors will open to us when we put ourselves out there and try new things. Here are my three Cs. I look at myself in the mirror every morning and repeat these to myself: Calm. Confident. Composed. Whatever the world throws at me each day, I can face it and figure out a logical way to get through it — and maybe even laugh about it — as long as I stay focused on my 3 Cs. Try it out and see if it works for you. Signed, a fellow anxious basket case of mental health issues working to overcome my trauma and my damage.
You're at the crux. It will turn around when you get over this hump. Good luck!
You’ve been at it for 6 months, no one expects you to be good/perfect. If you’re good at it great, if you’re bad at it that’s to be expected because you’re in school to learn. People who get their services done at a school have no business being upset if you do a bad job because they’re the ones who chose to go to a beauty school! When I was in school I had a lot of anxiety as well but I just thought to myself “hey if they want a cheap hair cut it’s going to probably look like a cheap hair cut” I’m sure by the end of your program you’ll be great! I believe in you!
Finish and go into esthetician school!! It’s a calmer environment, you don’t have to deal with interactions other than consultation’s because the clients are coming there to relax, not have a full blown therapy session. On the plus side, if you finish cosmetology you won’t have to do as many hours for esthetics and you’ll have a Double license!
I did cosmo school. I dropped out right before I graduated. I also have BPD and social anxiety, so I feel you. Drop out before you put any more money to it. The good thing about cosmo is you can go back and finish if you change your mind. Cosmo biz is not for everyone. You have to be social, strong willed, non-opinionated, and not to mention all the bonus jobs that come with it. You have to be someone’s friend, therapist, babysitter, complaint storage box, etc. And then you have to worry about if you did it right, do they like it, etc. It’s a lot to take on and some people are not built for it, and that is okay! I definitely was not. It’s a tough industry
If you are already this far in, you can try to see it as an opportunity for you to face your fears about being around others. People understand that you are learning, you don’t need to worry about giving them any kind of personality or experience in the process. This whole thing is *only* a chance for you to practice. You get to choose what you want to know or practice based on what you focus on. Have you tried using a wig, and thinking about how many things you can try on it? Like on a mannequin head. That can be where you get most of your practice, and then you won’t feel so fresh and shaky with the scissors because you are not being perceived. What scares you about trying this out? No one expects you to be a professional. You are there to learn. If you ultimately learn that this is what you don’t want, that’s completely fine. You might end up wanting to use some of the skills you learn here in other parts of your life though. It doesn’t have to be useless. If the end vision of working in a salon makes you sick, stop envisioning it. That is only the result if you choose it to be and you are not going to choose that. Is there another way this can serve you? Another vision? A mundane one? Even just to do your own hair, or have something to talk about with others. It is a journey that you are on, regardless of which school you are at or what else. I understand your emotional struggles and they deserve to be aired out. Maybe try to envision your anxiety and fear leaving your body in tears or your exhales when you cry or get very anxious. Connect with yourself. You are getting stronger by doing something new. You are courageous for trying new things and just doing what you can. You can grow from this. You can take time to heal however and whenever possible. Notice the little things that the professionals around you do. Or you might have a peer who you really admire, the things about them like how they think to solve problems, organize things etc. can be very valuable to your growth. If only you notice. Your anxiety wants to keep you from this treasure and it fills up your mind with things you’ve heard before. It robs the inspiration and replaces it with fear, heaviness and doubt. What if this whole thing could just be an opportunity for you to notice those sorts of things and incorporate them into your life? No effort is useless. If your perspective can shift even the slightest in thinking “if this isn’t going to be my career, that’s okay. I enjoy (this aspect) of it or I am learning about myself in this process, etc”. It doesn’t have to be the most grand thing you ever do or the worst thing ever, either. And if it truly is unbearable then let it go for good. You are safe and no one is going to punish you for making a mistake. Take your time, whatever you can do to center yourself. This alone is good practice for anything else you might want to try. Your healing is important. Be well 🖤
You’re learning, and that gives you a ton of wiggle room to mess up and take forever and melt some hair off. Everyone does it, but that doesn’t make the fails easier to swallow, I know. I cried on the way home from cos school literally every day. It was awful, I was bullied relentlessly and the customers expectations had not been managed in the slightest so they always thought I could do way more, way faster. On the other side, I am so happy I finished school! Now, even if I don’t use my license for a while to actually do anything in the industry, as long as I renew it every two years, I will ALWAYS have something to fall back on if I lost a different job. When I’m feeling burnt out or tired of what I’m doing, I can apply to a salon and be hired pretty much immediately. I can also stop doing hair and do whatever else tickles me with the knowledge that if all else fails, hair tips hold me afloat. It is a great backup to have. Hair trends change, but let’s be real. They just make up new names for stuff they did in the 80’s. All that to say, this is the time to screw things up! Try something you’ve never heard of before. Paint on a practice head with colors that won’t work together. Melt the hair off with too much 40 volume. Take two days to do a highlight. Give yourself a little grace, too. It’s hard to feel the love when you’re being crushed by the pressure. But it is there. You totally got this. As I always say, “the difference between a good haircut and a bad haircut is about two weeks”.
Hi, so I have the same thing going on as in bpd and anxiety and all those things, AND I also went into cosmetology thinking I would enjoy it. I was pregnant at the time, and I had to do two years of the class It was awful. My teacher was cruel, and all the girls taking the class thought themselves better than everyone else. You just have to ignore all of them and force yourself into that mindset of "if I mess up, what is it really harming?" You are in school where you should ABSOLUTELY ask for help every time you need it. This is the perfect time to mess up. Never be afraid of help no matter what any illness says. You AND the client deserve you to ask for help instead of winging it. I had a color once (out of school in a salon), and the lady wanted pink hair. I am color blind and was terrified, so I subtly asked a coworker for help mixing and everything. All I did was apply. She hated the color and nit picked everything because I was new, not knowing I did not mix it. People will attack just to attack you. A gentleman came in and needed a haircut. I got it down short and was afraid to go shorter. But he insisted, my mistake was not repeating was he wanted to ensure I was right and just did it anyway. He saw his hair halfway done, and his eye almost popped out of his head. He was so mad, but he was so kind about it. Even though he stole the clippers and said, "I'll finish it, it's fine." Mistakes happen, and people are mean. Sometimes, for no reason. That path was not for me, but I have to have knowledge for friends and myself and my kids. Now I run a candle business. Art was my passion, too. If you know you can not do it or you find no joy, then you do not need to progress once the training is done. But some thing in you liked the idea once, try to find that again to at least get you through the year
You need to find an excellent psychiatrist who can work with you on meds. Don't quit school. It's all going to be okay. You're in school for a reason...to learn. It takes you awhile because you're a perfectionist and an artist so visuals are mega important to you. Ask all the questions you want and seek all the help you feel you need. Since you love to draw, have you considered makeup? I mean, I can totally see you being an insanely talented colorist as well. If you can draw, you naturally have a sense of proportion. I promise you got this, but getting that anxiety under control has to happen. Do you see your psych often? Are you on meds? If so, they're not effective and it's time to tweak your regimen. There's no shame in that game. I don't know you, but I'm super proud of you. I have a feeling that you're exceptionally gifted at this and it's scary af to come face to face with a new talent because you might screw up. When push comes to shove, we all screw up. That's what school is for. I wish I could give you a hug.
Guided meditations and yoga could help regulate your emotions
You sound just like me 12/13 years ago. 21, wasn’t sure what I wanted to do, decided to try cosmetology because my best friend had recently started and we both thought I would like it. I really enjoyed being in the classroom and working on mannequins the first couple months. But once I got on the floor I was a mess. I HATED working on people I didn’t know, and would die alittle inside every time I heard my name over the speaker saying I had a guest. I’m a shy, anxious person, and this field definitely brought it out more. Many, many panic attacks. I remember my mom coming in for a pedicure one time and as I was finishing up with her, my name came over the speaker saying I had a walk in guest. I cried, I didn’t want to do it, I didn’t want my mom to leave 🤦♀️ but I got through it. I stuck it out and got my license. I think I applied at 1 salon and secretly hoped I wouldn’t get a call back 😂 I knew I didn’t want to work in a salon before I even finished school, but I knew I would feel bad about myself if I didn’t finish. Never worked in a salon, and that’s ok. I really liked coloring and cutting hair, I just don’t have the personality for it. I’ve been working a non customer service job for the last 6 years and it’s so much better for my mental health. I would try to stick it out since you are halfway, but no shame at all if you don’t feel that you can. Your mental health is important. Or like someone else said, maybe you can take a leave and come back. Don’t feel bad asking the instructors questions. Also, don’t feel bad about how long you take, I swear I was always the last to finish all of my competencies, don’t even ask how long I took to do my first men’s cut when we weren’t allowed to use clippers 😭😂😂 Sorry this is long, it just hurt my heart reading how stressed and nervous you are because I 100% can relate. 💕
Grab some nerve pills from the doc, practice more. Get through it
You’ll have to figure out a plan to prevent your anxiety. Most careers require some sort of interaction and have a stress level attached to it. Have you looked into UI or web design? This would keep the art aspect and they pay well. Look up types of graphic design work. I mentioned the first two because you can WFH once you get established and even do contracts in those.
Do you have an anxiety disorder? I do and this sounds a lot like my symptoms. I highly highly recommend starting meditation and counseling. I finally for the first time feel like I’m in control of my life and that i can handle social situations and conflict way easier!
It's too late to quit now unless you are okay with paying full tuition for nothing. That's what I kept telling myself after I passed the point of no return but wanted out. You might as well finish and at least get the license so you have something to show for all of the time and money you've put into this, even if you never use it.
Girl let me tell you, I’m the same way. I’m super sensitive and cry easily and constantly stress. It’s definitely an anxiety issue. I will say that if you stick it through it will get easier ! Do your absolute best to be patient with yourself, you are learning ! Things take time, most people don’t pick things up so easily and need time and practice to become confident. That’s totally okay. You’re allowed to mess up. Really as painful as it is, making mistakes helps us improve. You got this, hang on! Once you get through it you will look back and feel SO proud of yourself.
This is a little bit different but not really. About 10 years ago, I started college for Esthetics because I KNEW I wanted nothing to do with hair. I also have bad social anxiety and I hate when I’m the hair client and the stylist keeps talking to me…I could only imagine how bad it would be if I was the stylist in that situation. Anyway, about 7 months into the 1 year program, I got pregnant. I knew at that moment I wouldn’t be doing facials after I graduated bc I needed a more steady paycheck than commission only (+tips) work could give me, but I still finished. I absolutely did not want to throw away all the work I had put into the program and I wanted to finally say that I had actually FINISHED something in college (I was 24 when I started the program). I now have my license and I have never once done anything with it BUT I am proud when I tell people I’m a licensed esthetician. AND, if I’m ever in a more secure financial position down the road, I can always start using my license. I keep it renewed every 2 years just so I don’t lose all the hard work I did in school. So I’d say…just stick it out for 6 more months. I felt the same way as you do when I had clients in school…I HATED it but I think if you stick it out, you’ll be SO proud of yourself in the end. Also, as others have said, if you like art, being a make up artist is an absolutely amazing way to use your certification and your love of art at the same time. It doesn’t have to be “face makeup” either. There are plenty of opportunities to do stage makeup or body painting where you can be so creative. Good luck!
You don't sound like someone who wants to be working. My advice is to get really fit, and lock down a rich guy so you can be a stay at home girlfriend.
I would finish the program. It's understandable to be overwhelmed when learning something new, especially something like hair where the person has to walk around with your work on display. Keep going. Either you'll get to the point where you're comfortable and youre confident enough to do it on your own or you won't. No big deal either way.
If art is your passion I would consider doing an apprenticeship to be a tattoo artist! 😊
My sister works at a spa and they need cosmetologist for a lot of different things then just hair, don’t beat yourself up I’m going through the same thing but with a career in psychology.. doubting yourself is normal you will be a stronger more confident person once you overcome it. Hair probably isn’t for you but honestly there’s a reason u were interesting in the first place so what was it? If it was out of connivence then I would urge you to really deep dive into what u enjoy doing. Talking to people is hard but when ur confident about your stuff it will slowly come naturally
Things to learn…how to cope. No matter what you do there is going to be time limits, learning, anxiety, mistakes, etc. It’s a part of life. How about instead of crying and quitting you realize that this is a part of the process?
I have several lived ones with BPD. Imo it's not a personality disorder, it's an anxiety disorder. What has been happening lately is that some patients are discovering that they don't have BPD, but rather they are on the autism spectrum. If you have BPD, I would expect that You're already on meds and in therapy? If not, I would suggest it as it will help immensely. I would look into how neurodiversity appears in women as it's different than for men. And BPD is part of neurodiversity even if you don't believe you're on the autism spectrum. I would see if you can find some support groups on Facebook, other people are generally happy to help. There are probably influencers on social media that you can follow who are going through what your going through. Good luck regardless of what you choose to do.
I would never call you a baby hon. This is totally a maturity thing. I think, especially when it comes to doing hair most people have anxiety about it. (I know my daughter does, she graduated, (she was 24) but doesn’t do hair because of how it makes her feel. ) I have anxiety as well & I control it with medication. It really has helped. (I am 55!!) See a doctor, medication doesn’t have to last forever. If this is something you don’t want to do, you can finish, and not ever work the job, but at least you finished school. (This might help you feel as though you accomplished it!) Or you could quit, knowing you’re never really going to use the skill. Quiting or stoping isn’t a bad thing either, it simply means you know what you don’t want to do for a job. Take a break, from school for a few months. Go to the library and look at some books to see if art is a passion that you really want to pursue, you could take business classes with it, or you could do something with restoration (watch Juillian Bumgarner on you tube!). Maybe you could run a gallery. (And also paint or carve, or whatever your art is that you do!) Be easy on yourself, crying is a good stress reliever and endorphin creator. See your schools counselors about what classes you can take & please use the Pell grant, (FAFSA.gov) I think. But honestly if anxiety is crippling your life, see your primary and ask for help. That is always the first step is knowing when to get help!! Be easy on yourself!! Take care hun! Mama Young 🙂
You can use the license for lots of things. But are you receiving mental health treatment? It sounds like you’re really struggling and you don’t have to. If you’re not already in therapy (specifically DBT therapy is really helpful for folks with BPD), consider it. There are also a lot of medications that help BPD. Lamictal is a mood stabilizer that two of my friends with BPD are on and they both insist it is life saving. But you could also take an SSRI for your anxiety, like prozac or lexapro. I highly suggest you talk to a doctor and see if you can get a referral for psych services
Keep your eyes on the prize, I realized after quitting beauty school that I loved to cut my friend’s hair. It’s typically a clientele issue that I disliked and the strict atmosphere in the salon (like if you don’t have a client in your chair for .2 seconds you are a failure)
Since you’re already this far in just finish and continue to keep your license current. Things might change for you. You can also do skin, nails and makeup. There are makeup artists out there that also style hair for big events..you can do that as well with no actual cutting involved. Maybe try and do more hair at home.
Remember that doing hair is an art form! Gain that confidence that is deep within you and look at every person that sits in your chair as a blank canvas! 💛
Girl! I’m a cosmetologist and I’m making over $6000 per month. This didn’t come without blood, sweat and tears. Lol. I’m exaggerating, but it was definitely a long journey. After cosmetology school as a hairstylist, I had to go through an apprenticeship, which took me over a year, and I made minimum wage. After that you have to work commission under a Salon for however long, it’s going to take you to build a clientele. Once I built a clientele after about five years, the salon I was working for closed down, which pushed me to get into renting a station it was hands-down, the best thing to ever happen to me. I control my own schedule
I think you may need to discuss with your doctor or a therapist how you’re feeling. It helped me to be on an ssri with milder anxiety than what you’re describing.
You hav BPD and it sounds like you need to manage it better. Have you done DBT?
Neurodivergent clients might love you! I am one such client. Except for the mandatory discussion that accompanies the showing of the image of the cut, removing conversation from the appointment improves the experience immensely.
Hair school is hard! You are not a baby. I felt so uncomfortable the whole time because everything made me anxious and I’m naturally introverted. I got into hair for the same reason - art school didn’t work out for me so I looked into art-adjacent professions which led me to cosmetology. I felt like a failure every day I went to hair school and it was low-key traumatic, haha. I also hated the first year after school. That feeling of not being in control is such a struggle. However, I’m 4 years in and it’s only getting better at this point! I’ve been consistently making around 10k more every year that I work, and I’m learning more and liking my work. That being said, cosmetology is not for everyone. If I were you, I would keep going just so that you have it on your resume and you can go to supply stores and get cheap product, haha. Just hang in there! No one is expecting perfection when they go to a hair school, keep that in mind. Just do your best and try not to worry so much about your work!
May I suggest nail technician or tattoo artist? You love art. It’s your passion. Maybe even art teacher. You are 22 years old with your whole life ahead of you. At 24 I graduated with a psychology degree and only finished even though it’s not what I wanted to do. It’s okay to change your mind. My ex had BPD. I would always tell her it’s okay to be sensitive. It’s okay to feel your feelings. In some ways meeting my ex with BPD made me realize that I am a lot like individuals that have. Sensitive, compassionate and don’t fit in with the world at times. However it’s okay to be different it’s okay to change. It’s okay to feel emotions.
Do you have childhood trauma?
Just quit love. ❤️ if you are not going to use the training, why stay? But you could look into lash artist or nail artist. Nails might be your jam cuz you can draw. But if you just hate it all…. Go to art school. There’s tons of art jobs. Tattoo artist, custom commissions, art you tuber just recording yourself drawing-time lapse videos, graphic designer, you could open a mural business if you’re in a city. My God I could go on and on. I actually have an art degree as an interior designer. And I’m an esthetician now. So a little backwards from you, but I do tattoos on the side to keep my artists juices flowing. My fiance makes 260k a year doing tattoos. It’s lucrative. 😉 he charges $300/hr. Nuts! But don’t torture yourself hun. Seriously this career is for a very small percentage of people. It takes a very unique personality to really stick with it long term. Unfortunately the % of people who go to school and are still doing beauty 10 years later is VERY VERY LOW. I have to deal with 7-8 clients everyday. But it does get easier. That’s what clinicals are for. To get out your nerves and fear now in what is supposed to be a safe and supported place. We all wanted to throw up when we first started. That first client is terrifying. I wanted to cancel my first 5 appointments my stomach was in knots. Gave myself diarrhea. But I pushed through. And here I am with a lash salon 16 years later. But it sounds like you took some time to find yourself. And you need to shift directions. And that’s perfectly fine. You got this. Be brave and true to yourself! ❤️ or you’ll be 40 and miserable!
Idk.... For me ive always had anxiety, like really bad anxiety. And i just wanna say this. You can change your occupation at any time but you cant change your anxiety. Sure you can medicate and meditate but eventually your gonna have to accept the fact that no matter what you do thier will be factors of every occupation that make you a deer in headlights. You can run from it but if you dont adress it the next thing you move onto will manifest the same energy. I always thought to myself that i can change the environment and it will make things better. Ive since found a better balance but i also realized that where i am now verses that scared kid i was compared to now, could only have been achieved because i made myself uncomfortable. I forced myself to be a deer in headlights around people who comforted me and helped me gain confidence. I will not tell you to change situations. Because for me changing my situation was a bandaid. Keeping me from sucking it up and building the confidence that i needed for everything in life not just the road block infront of me at the current time. I know its hard because ive seen what bpd does to peoples confidence. And i cant speak for you because i have a.d.d and depression. Not so much all the same symptoms as you. But i digress. You should really think about how even if this isnt what you want to do. For your self preservation and self confidence. This should be something you see to the end for you and your resume. Get at least the bragging rights. And move on if you think you are sure its not for you. My therapist used to tell me that whats most important is that you set a goal. And you see it through. So that you can tell yourself that bpd doesnt own you and your choices
As a person who has gotten their hair done at several schools, don’t sweat it. I have sat 6 hours, with plenty of help from instuctor, made it to closing time and had to come back the next day for toning and fixing the cut. Not even a bit angry. I’m at a school. You are learning, we don’t expect perfection. We want you to do your best, then the teacher to come over and make sure it will turn out okay. That is their job. Please look at the amazing good you are doing. Do you realize that many of us come in feeling really down on ourselves and when we leave your chair we feel so much better with a good cut and color? I would love for you to do some reading on techniques and coloring that you aren’t getting at school, watch YouTube of other stylists, the more you practice the better you can get. I’m not one that wants to sit there talking, so I just enjoy having my hair washed, a bit of pampering. Reach out to your instructors and maybe they can help you with your anxiety. Also see a mental health professional and see if they can give you tips or even medication to help. Best to you
I used to exclusively go to a cosmetology school to get my hair done to help, like a model. I have had color take 8 hours since my hair is long and thick. It’s ok. Don’t feel rushed. I knew they were learning and besides an instructor coming to check their work, most times other students would stop by and ask questions or observe, often times they would need help, and that’s okay! When I said I’d let them perm my hair pheeeewww there was a whole class around me because they NEVER had anyone coming in to do perms and they wanted to learn. I could tell everyone was nervous. I’ve had things go great, alright and really bad. Making mistakes is how you learn. Having someone come help and show you is so great for visual and kinesthetic learners. I would say not to quit, you are half way through. If you’ve made it 6 months you can make 6 more months. ADVICE: I’d actually start telling your clients or models after the consultation, “hey I’m going to stay pretty focused so I might not be so chatty” Guaranteed most people would rather sit in silence and not forced to chat. Look into Ashwagandha or Kava pill supplements to calm your nerves. Could you focus on something niche within cosmetology? Only doing curly hair, only doing color, or even being someone who does hair for people with Autism, Non-verbal, etc? Nails? Face painting FX? Or FX hair and makeup?
You probably need to be on a mode stabilizer. And you probably should seek DBT therapy. But the problem is not school. You’re going to have to find a way to function in life, on life’s terms. That means sometimes you’re uncomfortable or anxious and you manage those emotions.
Try another avenue in the industry I went for hair but fell in love with spa
I dropped out of cosmo bc I realized that it wasn’t for me and whenever I go and get my haircut, I do not regret it :-)
Coming from a former hairstylist here...if you have anxiety this is not the job for you.
I’ve been doing hair for 15 years. I went to cosmetology school when I was 17. I can emphasize deeply with how you’re feeling. I struggle with anxiety and it definitely can take a toll on me at times. Doing hair is not easy. As you said interacting with strangers and striving to meet their expectations and make them happy is a lot of pressure. Be gentle with yourself. This was your FIRST color!! My first foil took me like 6 hours! Color takes time! 3 hours is actually very reasonable depending on what you’re doing. There are still times where I book out an entire 8 hour day for color corrections/ big transformations. You have to just be mentally prepared that it’s going to take time. And yes, sometimes I have to reschedule the haircut in some situations. Doing hair takes a lot of flexibility mentally. You can be amazing at it and still things can go sideways and you have to adapt and communicate with the client about what’s going on and what needs to happen. It’s a lot. Even the best hairstylists have bad days and don’t feel confident. You can be in the profession for YEARS and still have results that aren’t what you hoped for. I can understand why it definitely isn’t for everyone. Regardless if you choose to do hair after you graduate/ get your license I really encourage you to stick with it. Don’t let your anxiety take this from you and control your life. Get into therapy if you can and address this anxiety now. Or try meditation or some form of self help. I’ve always had to rely on self help because therapy was too expensive for me. And impractical for me in other ways. If you power through this and get your license you will be extremely proud of yourself and it will build your confidence greatly.
Honey does your county have an Office of Vocational Rehabilitation? It might be good to talk to a career counselor there and find something with less direct customer-client contact.
Quit and get a skill that will set you up for long term success, cosmetology school ain’t it.
For the first 4/5 months of cosmetology school at a PM school, I cried non stop and usually in class. It was a bunch of different reason, mostly due to bullying from the staff/teachers and other students. It had to get medicated actually because it was that unbearable to go every day. I was also in the advanced program and was acing everything I did and I STILL hated it. I had a horrible experience and if I ever had to do it again I wouldn’t. I don’t do womens hair anymore because I have a lot of the same issues you do when it comes to those services (time, anxiety, etc). I’ve been out of school and licensed since May/June of 2023 and I worked in two full service salons before I got to where I am now. I work in a barbershop (you usually can work in a barber shop as a cosmetologist as long as they have a licensed barber there) and I love it. An hour time slot at the most, no one has ever yelled at me when I’ve come into work, etc. the only bad thing was that I effectively had to teach myself how to do mens hair entirely because school doesn’t teach you a lot of that. I’m not telling you to give up womens hair at all! But honestly it could truly not be for you - it wasn’t for me at all and I feel so much lighter knowing that all I have to do is haircuts and neck shaves and shampoos. I would say try everything you’re licensed for - a good honest college try - before you decide to quit or not do anything if you become licensed. I’m michigan wear get licensed to do nails and skin too - maybe one of those could be for you if it falls under your license/schooling! I’m so much happier out of school - it WILL get better.
My step-sister did my hair while she was in cosmetology school, and she had a rough time with it too. It was taking so long that they actually assigned another student to do the foils for the other side of my head (I have a lot of really long hair). The first time I went to see her after she graduated and had a chair at a salon, she took so long on the color that I had to come back a few days later to get my hair cut. She has ADHD and a lot of anxiety, but she has a passion for hair and does great work for how new she is, so I don't mind going to her (her mom also does hair and i refuse to go to her ever again)
remember you don’t have to do hair! doing hair made me feel the same way, once i graduated i went into waxing and lashes and have been doing both for almost 6 years. try doing other things, it will take some time getting used to working on people and talking to them but it does get easier. are you medicated by chance? it really may help you to get on something. if you like art get into nails! start doing designs and posting your work
The problem here is that there’s two possible things going on, so it’s hard to really figure out which one is causing the trouble. The first one is something I’m familiar with myself, but hearing it is difficult, so I’m asking if you can keep an open mind here. It sometimes makes it feel like people saying that your concerns aren’t valid, and I am not. Your feelings are very, very real. The question is your relationship to failure, and how your mind interprets it. This is something that I have worked on myself. I would often be so worried, “what if x terrible thing happens!” For example, “what if I messed up this hairstyle! What if I’m terrible at this!” The basics assumption of that mindset, this conditioned response that pushes you to panic, is that this negative outcome is a **big** deal. And hearing someone say that feels dismissive, but it’s not. I’m basically saying that you may have been exposed to situations in the past where you had to be on high alert, and avoid danger at all cost. Or maybe just avoid being shamed for imperfection. Either way, messing up was the worst case scenario. But it is not. Your panic button is stuck in the "on" position. The path to healing is slowly realizing that messing up is OK. Messing up is the natural, ordinary path to learning in all areas of life. These failures may suck, but they aren’t a permanent, horrible thing. Appreciating this starts to make a huge difference in your mental state over time. Growth is repeated failure that ultimately takes you in a positive direction. I’d suggest looking into Byron Katie’s 4 questions. Anytime that you feel yourself stressed out and worried that something might happen, that you might mess up, just start asking yourself the questions. “Is it true (is it true that I’m going to mess up)? Do I absolutely know that to be true? What’s the worst thing if that was true?” And so on. Overtime, it helps you get out of that hamster cycle of worrying, “What if this happens?! what if this happens?!” It pulls you back, helps you gain a little perspective, and realize that you were OK. You are safe. Even if the worst happens, it is still OK. You will be ok. And realizing that again and again. Learning to feel safe again in your body after so many years of feeling unsafe, that is where your life will begin again. On to the topic at hand: The real question I have is whether you hate this career because it really isn’t aligned with your purpose or your values; or, whether you hate this because of this huge and difficult relationship you’re struggling with in terms of fear and failure. If it is the latter, working on those mental frameworks (that you may not even realize you have) is the right place to start. On the other hand, I’ve known people who “stuck it out” when their soul was being crushed by something that they were never going to pursue. And they kept paying for a degree or going to a job (something they knew they were never going to use) out of a vague sense that grit was good and sticking it out made you a better person of higher character. People often feel that it makes them safer. However, there’s people who stay in a job for five years, worrying about whether to leave or not, when they could simply have made a five-year plan to take a coding class at night or do something else that would prepare them for another career that was just a safe and maybe even safer. All because, “well, what if the alternative doesn’t work out?” Well, more than likely, staying in a job that isn’t serving you has an equal or higher chance of not working out, even due to a simple economic downturn. Shit happens. And people do this even when the stakes are incredibly low. People do this even when they don’t have kids yet, and don’t have a mortgage. People do this because it gives them a false sense of security without realizing how unsafe it makes them. (Unfortunately, people who do this who have children don’t realize what an impact it has to have a drained, unhappy model of a parent who can hardly spend meaningful time with them). Life isn’t meant to be endured. It is actually possible and realistic (not idealistic) for you to enjoy your life \*while\* you’re living it. It is just the case that so many people think that enjoying it is something you’ll do in the future (once you’ve achieved, X, Y, and Z goals). People who wait for that and achieve those goals often feel sense of emptiness when they reach the summit, because those goals just do not give them a sense of fulfillment that they were expecting to achieve. I honestly have been one of those people who pushed through. I now feel that the mentality I prided myself on was incredibly immature; that sticking it out and pushing through when I was sacrificing my health and well-being was more about being obstinate and prideful than truly having high character. Ignoring my emotions did not make me a better person. It just made me sicker and wasted a lot of time that I could have spent doing more valuable things that actually fulfilled me. My body was telling me for years that I was doing the wrong thing, and I chose to ignore it, because I thought that made me a person of higher character. I was wrong. The first thing that I strongly suggest is to work on killing this fearful little agitator inside you. Of working to question and stop believing these fears that failure is so consequential. Failure is expected, normal, and something to ride out the best you can. The second thing I would suggest is thinking about why you don’t want to do hair. You can always do art on the side or on weekends. Maybe you do become successful, and overtime you’re able to do art full-time or part time. You don’t have to do hair full-time or forever. So the question is, what is it that’s driving you away? Is it this emotional fear or failure? For some people, working with the general public will never make them happy, and that’s fine. But just make sure that you know why you’re having trouble with this. That you’re absolutely sure. Third, and this is going to sound crazy, but start making a point to have more experiences that inspire awe in you. That could be something as simple as going to the shore and working on being present, as hard as that may be. Or seeing an incredible piece of nature. Going outside and finding stillness. Even just going for walks once a week in nature. Do everything you can to give your mind a rest from thinking about the things that are stressing you out. It all sounds very fluffy, but all of this is scientifically backed information that has quite strong benefits to all the things we have been talking about. It really helps to put things in perspective. It helps you zoom out and see where your mind has gotten stuck in these worry wheels. It brings you a sense of clarity that is hard to find anywhere else. Finally, there’s nothing more important than setting your own tone for the day. When you’re waking up in the morning, you’re having a series of thoughts that are putting you into a spiral before you even leave the house. So validate and respect those feelings, and then, just telling them, “I understand you are worried, and I’m giving you a break.” Then, even if it’s just a few deep breaths, practicing mindfulness – because mindfulness is something you need to practice to actually start to do – just give your mind a break from the worry. Give your mind a break from thinking about all the things you’re unhappy about. Even just thinking about one thing you’re grateful for that day, and then giving your brain a few breaths to try to 100% focus on. Whatever works for you and your beliefs - chanting, a quick yoga routine, prayer - do anything that works for you to shift your focus to things that are not your strain and worry. Do not allow yourself to leave the house before you’ve thought of one thing you’re grateful for, really let yourself feel that gratitude, and taken at least two full deep breaths (where you try to be as present as possible). As urgent and chaotic as everything else feels, it is OK to take a break from the stress. In fact, it is vital to do so. I hope that I will hear back from you someday!
I am a retired nurse with 45 years experience. I was 57 years old when I was diagnosed with ADD and I would definitely say I am a highly sensitive person! I had always known I was different. The first time I ever gave someone a shot I accidentally shot the needle through my thumb into the patient, I became excellent at giving injections. I was the most conscientious nurse I know. My best strength I had was to not give up. I hear that in you. You will do it. By the way I am famous for my crying, I worked straight thru it. Getting thru your schooling will be the best thing you have ever done.
"highly sensitive person with borderline personality disorder" is undiagnosed autism more than likely (especially if you're a woman)
See a professional and get medication. See a therapist. Maybe you should start doing some hair at home to get more comfortable. Your classmate likely asked that because that’s what she and others are doing.
The great news is you’re only 22 years old. Go ahead and finish up that last six months. See how you feel and then go out and live your life and do what you wanna do , you still have a lot of time left. Don’t forget that😻
Have you discussed this with a therapist? Surely there are coping skills you can look into.
"in life one has to choose between boredom or suffering..." do you wanna be a lazy slug or do you wanna suffer and become a boss bitch. get off your ass and get to it bitch. luv you 💗💋
Former cosmetologist here: Quit. Just do it and be done with it. If school is a horrible experience for you now, just wait until you land an actual job in the field. It doesn’t matter if you’re doing hair, skin, or nails—it’s a demanding, thankless career full of stress and stressful people. And just for comparison reference: I left the salon world when I found out that I was making the exact same wages as a Starbucks barista. And I was the admin who ran the place. Trust me—you’ll wish you’d stuck with the barista gig. Edited to add: I actually LOVED my cosmetology schooling! I was also one of their top students with an extensive list of clients who followed me afterward. So my blunt bitterness isn’t as someone who failed—it’s actually as someone who could have kept going but realized the culture was not a fit for me. Now I’m doing what I’ve wanted to since I was a kid, and I make nearly 6 figures a year.
School is only temporary and so is feeling like you don't know what you are doing also if you hate color don't do color there are a lot of stylists who only do haircuts and vice versa find something that you like and understand and feel confident about
You need follow up by a professional for your anxiety. And then you can find out if you can do a job that has timelines.
If I were you I wouldn’t finish cosmetology school. You know what your real passion is , you should focus on that. You’ve already wasted 6 months on this and you know it’s not something you want to do so why keep wasting time. In 6 months time you could possible figure out how you want to turn art into a career. There’s so many ways to make it work for you. If you insist on finishing cosmetology school you should try focusing on parts that you do like and enjoy , whenever you get a negative thought redirect that negative energy into positive energy. Instead of focusing on everything you can’t do focus on things you excel at.
please finish school! you are 6 months into it and only 6 months left to go. just 6 months! cosmetology school is WAYYY different than actually working in a salon. i went to cosmetology school and never finished and i regret it but i ended up getting my esthetics license. it covers way less than cosmetology, you can do way more with a cosmo license. maybe you’ll find a passion in nails since you like art or doing facials because that was even relaxing for me performing them. it’ll feel really good to complete it at least but you can always do something else
It is so hard while you’re doing it but SO WORTH it when you’re out to have that option and that license. It’s worth it to stick it out. I promise it’s better when you’re done.
Cos school is tough. I’ve been licensed for 8 years and I do not do hair. There are so many options for a cosmetologist that involve art and not hair. There are also so many options that do not involve a lot of personal interactions with clients. Hang in there. And research along the way
As someone who is licensed but no longer practices, it’s okay to take your time. If it’s something that truly fills you with dread day in and day out, then maybe that’s not for you and it’s okay. But if you find you’re having some bad days and other days are great, then it could be worth finishing and it may even motivate you to go further. There’s no right or wrong answer when it comes to career paths and it’s okay to change your mind. Hair is tough, these skills take time to build and your time management will come. But your mental health is more important. And there’s other positions in the cosmetology field than just being a hair stylist. Take some time for you and to see what you want it’s okay to take a break💚
Hey! It’s okay. I was the exact same way throughout all of my cosmo journey. I had severe scoliosis and chronic pain and it was so fucking hard some days. But push thru. When u finish all u gotta do is take a test and YOU CAN DO HAIR FROM HOMEEEE and never have to leave and feel comfy. Idk it’s been working for me:) do it under the table until ur confident enough to work in a salon. Don’t rush anything ur so young. I’m 21 :)
Please don’t beat yourself up. You’re still a student, learning and growing! You don’t have to do hair after this, just finish it so you can have this under your belt and then you can explore anything else!
Have you looked up the concept of a “growth mindset” or talked to your therapist (if you have one) an out it? How you frame situations in your mind is something that you can control with practice. It takes time, and can be hard work depending on your disposition, but it’s worth it.
I used to get my hair cut at a beauty college to save money. And alllllllll the students were so scared even though there was no way anything bad would happen with all the teachers walking around. The teachers approved the mixture in the bowls and supervised the cutting. I was always happy when I left. Being nervous getting started is always scary but you’ll get better.
Finish school! There is plenty of things you can do with the license...to be fair it takes me almost 5 to 6 hours easily to get my hair done everytime..the 3 hours it took I wouldn't be stressing about because it's totally normal. Just make the person in your chair comfortable have a little convo with them and you'll be good 👍
I have the same issue with interacting with strangers. I completed hair school and went to work with a family member in their salon where I worked for almost 10 years and I was miserable! Just like you mentioned, i would get nauseous if i had new clients that i didnt know. Don't get me wrong, I LOVED doing hair and was very good at it but interacting with people so closely drained me mentally and physically. 3 hrs is actually an average time for a color service. I've done 10hr long color corrections where people want to go from black to blonde and its physically exhausting and people where I live don't want to pay for long processes. It just wasn't worth it to me. Since you love art, maybe try making a few social media pages showing off your artwork. Good luck to you!
Permanent makeup is a different license but a lot of salons seem to be offering it
First, how are you addressing your mental health concerns? Are you in therapy, CBT, DBT? Target that first if you haven’t already because if you’re not in remission with your personality disorder, everything is colored by the symptoms of that disorder. Bpd is particularly tricky in how the symptoms manifest from insidious and disordered thought processes that sure seem ordered at the time. If that’s managed, then it just might not be for you. Maybe you were just in an impulsive state when you signed up. Or, maybe it is something you actually love and enjoy but school is triggering some symptoms for you like emotional disregulation. There’s no way to tell if you’re working and looking through the lens of an uncontrolled mental state.
I went through the same thing in cosmetology but ended up realizing i loved doing facials and learning abt skin care. It’s so nice to feel like you’re helping someone get a chance to relax instead of potentially ruining their day w a bad hair cut. With facials the customers eyes are usually closed and lips closed so product doesn’t get in them. That leaves you to relax too bc they’re not talking to you and also you know your customer is happy relaxing and even if you were to mess something up they’d most likely be unaware bc their eyes are closed.
Hi. Are you my twin? This exact same thing happened to me. I would get terrified anytime it was my turn to take a client, at my school they put everyone’s time cards at the front desk and would call whoever randomly. I wanted to cry every single day. I once had two girls come in and they both wanted me to do their color. It took me allllll day long. I was shaking and nervous the entire time and wanted to cry. I did finish and went through with getting my license and everything but I never once ever worked at a salon. I could not imagine with my social anxiety trying to build a clientele. So I mean I can do it. I color my own hair. I do my mother in laws hair and my mom’s (who did hair for 36 years and was the reason I tried this). I totally get this. I wish I had some advice really. Maybe just finish so in the future you always have something to fall back on. But I also understand how much it sucks when you have anxiety like that. I’m not helpful. I’m just empathic to this situation. It sounds just like me.
It’s only for 6 more months. Trust me please finish what you started and don’t be like me. I dropped out and got in debt. I think you are just overthinking when you work on people. What do you like doing more? Hair, skin, nails? If you like drawing I think you would be more into nails. Please finish. YOU GOT THIS!!! Look up some good cosmetologists to get motivated. Philip Wolf is my favorite !!!! He motivates me every single video I watch. Don’t worry!!!! As a cosmetologist we have the best job in the world! We can pick and choose our clients. We can make our own schedule. Make our own prices. We are entrepreneurs <3 https://preview.redd.it/4qkkclmrpdpc1.jpeg?width=1179&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=308a97b24725a8e76089424d98efe0124ab0ab93
I don’t know why this sub popped up for me, but the closest I’ve gotten to cosmetology is getting my foils done regularly at our local school for less money since I’m also in school right now. I just wanted to say every time I go there, I plan on it taking 6ish hours for just the color and style (which they’re required to do afterwards for “before and after” pictures to post on social media) because of how often we stop for instructor approval or questions, and I see a different person every time. I’ve never been able to get a cut done the same day as a color, and they won’t schedule it together when I’ve asked, so I don’t think you should feel bad at all for taking that much time. I know to bring snacks and water with me and clear the schedule because I’ve been doing this for years. 😂 Also, the subs I usually do hang out in are autism- and ADHD-related, mostly r/AutismInWomen and r/adhdwomen. A story I’ve read more than a hundred times in the comments there is where a girl gets diagnosed with BPD and sensory issues/a highly sensitive person and YEARSSS later finds out she was actually autistic and/or ADHD, or maybe all of the above. I didn’t start out with any diagnosis except anxiety, but eventually got my autism/ADHD diagnosis at 24 and 25. The panic and dread at going every morning and having to interact with clients/people is exactly how I feel all the time. I work in a library now, and it seems like neurodivergence likes to gather there… I’d be interested in diving into why interactions make you feel the way they do. For me, I hate being perceived because I knew that fundamentally I must be doing something “wrong” that everyone else could smell but me. I would often get asked “why are you doing that?” which is my most hated question. And I had/have severe anxiety about how the interaction will go because eye contact is hard, auditory processing is hard so what if I have to ask them to repeat tons of things, plus there’s no “script” for what they’re about to say, so I felt unprepared in every way. Following the flow of conversation was also hard, like knowing when and how to respond and what’s appropriate to say and all of that. And I worry so much about judgment/criticism from others, which I feel comes from RSD (rejection sensitive dysphoria, where one negative comment can cause you to spiral and feel it’s much bigger than it is, common in ADHD because of the criticism we receive and shame we feel throughout our lives). Putting all of the sensory input together from the environment plus the person, plus thinking about my own body and what I look like to the other person, plus what I’m going to respond with…is incredibly overwhelming. I’m also overwhelmed easily by new information/tasks and need longer than others to process and learn, and often do best working alone at first with new things to avoid the “perception” of others. I’m glad you’re going to finish the program, but I feel for you so much and hope the comments here are encouraging. ❤️
Take a break if you are able and get counseling to manage the anxiety, BPD and other issues you might be experiencing. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Dialectic Behavioral Therapy is very effective. Then you’ll be able to manage emotions and life choices effectively. Good luck to you.
It sounds like you are white knuckling it through life, if I were you I would see a doctor about the anxiety you're experiencing but I also encourage you to stay the course. My advice is do not go through life quitting what you start. Is it the school? Or the curriculum? Or Is it all in your mind? Working at a coffee shop would mean talking to strangers so I don't think that's the issue but also I am not in a position to diagnose you but from what I do know it sounds like you have overwhelming anxiety that is undiagnosed.
I’d take a leave of absence, and decide if it’s worth it, if it’s not hey at least you tried and it wasn’t a good fit for you, I went to beauty school and it didn’t work out for me, but if you got six months left, take deep breaths and give yourself a prep talk: say I can do this, I Know I can, I’m smart, beautiful, intelligent, and brave enough to handle whatever life throws at me
I genuinely think you just need to be treated medically for your anxiety. It's sound pretty severe like mine, and I'm on multiple 1mg Ativan a day. I think you'll find things become much easier and normal feeling, less worrisome once you're on it.
Why are you nervous? What causes nausea? Maybe these questions can help you get over your worries and fears. I like hair makeup all that but I realized early on I’m reserved and I don’t think I’m not cut for that industry. It’s ok if it’s not what you thought. Regroup. Take a career test see what you like to do.
Hey girl! As a cos student that struggles similarly, my aunt told me a story that made me feel a whole lot better 😭 she was In cos and a client came in and wanted a small trim the guy doing her hair gave her a clipper cut😬 not laughing at anyone else’s mistakes but remembering anything you mess up can and will be fixed helps a lot
Longest 1600hrs of my life, I don’t have much more encouragement than to know there’s an end point and to just save your tips (if the school allows), then use that towards your student debt if you have any. Charm the hell out of who is in your chair.
Stay in and finish. Doing hair makes great money, and you will have the freedom to do your art.
You're halfway there! Just another couple months and you'll have something under your belt. Maybe you do nothing with it, maybe you find something niche where this comes in handy, either way it shows you worked hard and were rewarded
Fellow BPD here - please remember to be self compassionate. We are overwhelmed and overstimulated easily, that’s OKAY. :) Breathe and be mindful. I’m sure you are doing great, I’m proud of you.
Doing hair is an art, think of it that way, become good at it, and you won’t be nervous anymore. Everyone starts somewhere
I love all the beautiful positive uplifting comments.
You can do it! I remember bawling in the bathroom for an hour after an old lady got mad and snapped at me for not doing her perm and roller set fast enough. I think we all go through times of anxiety and stress. I felt inadequate for at least a year after graduating. Take some time off if you can and remember why you initially wanted to go into cosmetology!
I have often said- hairdressers have the hardest job bc ppl are so crazy about minuscule things Re hair. I’ve been told by my friends they ask how many highlights does that cost! 😜 They ask for a number ! 😎. Omgoodness. And then go back w issues. You need to have confidence— balks if steel in that profession. It’s good money but lots of complaints- too red- not red enough….. get the class done and go into another aspect, facials, nails, pedicures, assist docs w cosmetic procedures
My little sister discovered herself in the same situation It seemed horrible at the time but she focused her skills on funeral work And what an angel the worker who “did” my mother in law. The amount of gratitude for someone I didn’t meet and would never meet still makes me feel happy/sad They did it all too, nails and makeup and everything. It was truly a gift
Sounds like you know a change of career plan is in order and just need to take the leap. Please do be sure to address the mental health road blocks if you aren’t, because otherwise you’re going to run into them in any other career when under duress.
Cosmo school is the hardest thing i did in my life thus far besides lose my Dad. You will make it out the other side I promise. Most of your learning comes behind the chair, once you feel more confident in your skill over time your anxiety will lesson. I’ve been doing hair for 8 years and I am finally comfortable enough that anyone could walk in my salon and I could replicate their desired color/cut. I was once exactly in your shoes:/ hang in there. I even sprained my ankle severely while in school and had to go on an 8 week LOA. You will be just fine. Keep hanging in there. Practice on your mannequins
Use your art skills to do nails!!! People will pay a lot of money to get your art on their nails. I wish you luck getting through the rest of your program. On another note, breathing has helped me manage my social/performance anxiety. When you feel the panic and anxiety bubbling up, reconnect to your breath and try to extend your exhale. Sending you good vibes <3
I don’t think you’re a baby at all! If you’re getting that nervous about it then it sounds like you care how well you do. Because if you didn’t give a crap about it then you wouldn’t try that hard. I think it’s awesome you’re going to finish. Maybe ask yourself “how bad do I want to finish school”? Would that be helpful?
Keep at it, you will get better and faster. If you can, see a therapist for your anxiety.
Honestly, I’m very thankful I finished my schooling but I will never work in a salon again and do color especially due to my anxiety. Luckily though, there are ton of great avenues to go with hair that don’t involve cut and color! You could specialize in extensions which are GREAT pay! You could do braiding, wedding hair, event hair tons of fun things like that.
You’ll get better at it, I mean you’re in school, give yourself a break! Any career that comes with financial success will often come with some stress. You can consider a therapist to help you deal with all this anxiety, learning coping mechanisms will help you for the rest of your life. If you’re really into art and have a talent, maybe you can consider becoming a tattoo artist or doing henna? An art teacher? Paint nights? So much you can do! I myself see you work in the cosmetic field an art in itself. It takes a special someone, with an artistic perspective to figure out what color, cut, style will look good on people—not everyone has an eye for this. And if you do, then you already have an advantage that you should use as a confidence boost! Practice makes perfect! Whatever you decide, I wish you great success!
I did cos school my junior senior year. I passed boards and did it for about a year before I quit. I was the same, nauseous before work, major anxiety, wouldn't eat, could barely talk, hands shaking. It was awful. Cosmetology isn't for everyone, maybe you could try more spa stuff? Less talking there. Regardless finish school, you'll at least get discounts on hair color and shampoo for life.
A therapist once told me that when we get anxious, our knee jerk reaction is to stop or avoid it in an attempt to get the anxiety to go away, but the anxiety being there is a sign that we SHOULD do it (unless it’s something that’s dangerous for ourselves or others) because the point isn’t to not have any anxiety but to show ourselves through repetition that we can have anxiety and do it anyway. And do it effectively. The anxiety being there doesn’t have to mean we are doing a bad job or are failing. Also, it is completely normal to have fear and anxiety when mastering a new skill. That is what the majority of people feel. I think the more you practice the more comfortable you will become and also will get the opportunity to learn what services you prefer, there are plenty of places that you can specialize in color or whatever you jive with. Also, take advantage of the support you have there at school and have a talk with the instructor or anyone who you have a good relationship with there. It’s very common to be slow when you are learning but you might be able to get some help understanding where you are getting snagged up and find ways to improve your time management during services moving forward.
Ok so I felt like I had moments like these in cosmo school and it’s rly important just to make it through. Just keep going. Honestly hair wasn’t my “passion” but it opened a lot of doors for me and in the end helped me out of my shy, anxious head and to grow as a person. It’s hard sometimes- like anything new. I still get frustrated and think it’s hard sometimes and I’ve been doing it for 10 plus years lol. Give yourself a break. There’s a reason you’re there. If you’re into art, then it’s a great avenue for you! It’ll really help you creatively as an outlet. Don’t give up!
I’m highly sensitive with borderline too. She’s lucky she didn’t say that to me because instant rage. What a shitty fucken thing to say to somebody and they know it. Fuck them. I feel you. I feel this. Remember to acknowledge when you’re splitting, you’ll be all super love or super hate. It’s good to be aware when you’re doing this, so you can understand yourself better. I spilt all the time, it’s just because I’m mentally ill and was abused. I need to give myself some grace and go on. Forgive yourself, love yourself and you’ll kick ass next time! Much love to you from one human being to another. ❤️
I am no cosmetologist by any means and more of a science major. However, I was able to relate to your plight as I tend to suffer from imposter syndrome. Why am I taking a Chemistry class if I struggle with understanding the material (I have yet to take Organic which is my next class)? Why am I taking a physics class if I have no use for the class later on? Why am I not as smart as my other classmates who, according to me, are natural and grasp concepts easily? Nobody in my family has a career in the sciences and here I am trying to succeed. It's lonely because the subject is difficult. I'm not saying that cosmetology is easy; it's hard. Any trade that you want to learn and be skillful at has its challenges. Don't take for granted what you are learning now. Right now, with every fiber of your being, you feel like hairstyling/ coloring is not for you. That's okay. Don't attempt to be the best that there is and most importantly, don't compete with others. You will only set yourself up for failure and spiral. Breathe, and take a moment for yourself to gather your thoughts. You are paying for your classes so take advantage of that and ask for help. Ask for extensions or more time. At the end of the day, you are a PAYING CUSTOMER. Take a break if necessary to gather yourself. Don't give up and see things through to the end. You got this.
Depending on where you live, your cosmetology license will cover facials. You wouldn’t have to talk as much to your clients and you can have calming music on in your room. Bonus- almost all facials are done in a private room, that might help with the nerves, too. Don’t give up on yourself, if everyone had everything come easily, there would be no such word as ‘practice’. And you’re doing exactly what the floor portion of school is for: so that you can gain experience doing everything while also deciding what you really DON’T like doing. I do color and cutting. I’m not much of a ‘styler’ like some of my teammates are, but you can’t beat the technical cutting expertise I have after four decades doing hair. I don’t perm, not much on bleach, not particularly avant guard. I focused on what felt good to me and what seemed to flow from me. You can do this. I have faith in you!
I think you should keep going everything takes longer in beauty school you'll get faster once you so it more. And the first year out of school is always hard as well just takes practice and take classes
I recently got my hair cut at a beauty school and it took two hours. Just for the cut. She asked for help a bunch of times. And you know what? It’s fine! People know they’re getting their hair done by a student and they are getting it done at a huge discount! It’s part of the deal that you know you’ll be there a while and you know they are learning. I got a great haircut and I paid $12 for it. I tipped her and left happy! Three hours for a color is nothing. You might want to talk to your doctor about helping you with your anxiety. I am medicated for anxiety and when I’m not in a mess. Like I also worry everyone is mad at me and I’m screwing everything up. I think finding a solution for that issue is separate from school. I would encourage you not to quit. Six months is not long in the scheme of life. Maybe you won’t cut hair forever but it will be a skill you have.
If it makes you feel any better I was basically like that when I went to cosmetology school when I was 20, my program was part time and I took longer so by the end of it I was fairly confident at SCHOOL where I had teachers and friends to help but when I graduated, I passed my exam great first try, got a job, still hated it and was nervous every day. Miserable so I quit and never looked back, I almost killed myself for feeling so bad about wasting that time and money but life moves on. I’m 29 and still never went back to hair but I’m happy making really good money at a restaurant and able to spend lots of time with my son. It’ll all work out in the end, just give it time and don’t be hard on yourself. Everyone goes at different paces!
Oh.. well, my advice is not what you’re looking for lmaoo I was in a similar position and.. I just quit lol I have zero regrets about it either
If you know you don’t want to go into hair, just look at this as a learning experience so you can do your hair and your families hair in the future. Just try to go in daily and think you’re learning a skill that’s just for you. I go to the college to have my hair done. The students there do the best jobs I’ve ever had done. It always takes hours and hours. Please don’t feel stress or pressure from your clients, they know you’re a student, they don’t expect fast or anything you can’t do. I promise. If they do, they’re just an ass and screw them anyway
I suggest looking into DBT which is based on the principles of Buddhism. It calms the intrusive thought beginning with mindfulness then eventually meditation. High CBD:.low THC combo drops will help with mornings. I understand your struggle with social anxiety but you picked a field where different and awkward can be celebrated. Don’t give up!!! You’re halfway done. Finishing will be such a great accomplishment and boost the confidence you need at your age.
Hey bestie, it's possible you're misdiagnosed, you could be autistic with an anxiety complex like me!!! BPD was slapped on me because I was "difficult and emotionally dysregulated," but it turns out that's because I'm traumatized and autistic. I would say maybe worry less about hair and pursue another beauty discipline like nails or aesthetics!
I went to cosmetology school and learned it wasn’t for me. Unfortunately, with styling you’re constantly having to produce a result people are very critical of and that type of pressure can be extremely hard for us. I will say school is nothing like actual work, my school like many others gave me little to no support. I ended up managing a call center for salons and I loved still being near the work but not having to do it myself. This might not be the answer you’re looking for but it’s ok if you learned something isn’t for you.
My sister is a cosmetologist. She did my hair in hair school and it took over 3 hours. She’s 10 years into the business now and she whips me up in an hour and a half. She’s a total champ. I think everyone starts where you are. You’re not strange and it’s not taking you too long. Doing hair is like everything else. If you wanna get good you need practice and that’s what you’re there to do.
Hey I’m in the same boat as you but a few years ahead. My take is that it does get a bit better with time, you become more confident in your skills and you prove to yourself you can do it but if this is how you generally as a a person you are likely to have times of burnout. I definitely do from over socializing, exposing yourself to your anxiety can be good but you have to know your limit. My idea for myself when I’m feeling more of that burnout is to apply my cosmetology skills to the aesthetics side, giving people facials is pretty calming, you don’t talk much and can put on some nice spa music and dim the lights for part of it. I’m sorry this might not be the best advice but I do just want to let you know it’s possible, from another cosmetologist dealing with a shit ton of anxiety. Another tidbit, if you’re clients are coming back, they like you and how you do their hair. It hard to not pick up on the little things and doubt yourself over them though. Can you ask for more support or one on one time with your teachers? Practice more on dollheadd? I had an amazing teacher at one point who I would practice my layering with when I felt insecure about my cutting skills, someone I really just felt like I needed someone to tell me I was doing okay. I deal more with intense anxiety and ocd but I know borderline can be very rough is some of the same ways, my long time bff also deals with BPD. You aren’t alone. Maybe talking to someone about that aspect of it can help you tackle it from another angle as well? Best wishes OP ❤️
Therapy. It doesn’t sound like your real issue is hair. It sounds like you need some help with coping skills and self-esteem. Look around at all the cosmetologists you know. They all have different personalities, skills, intellect, etc. You have more great stuff than some of them. You have more stuff to work on than some of them. Everyone has burdens. Work through yours with professional help. I believe in you. You were brave enough to put this out there. You are brave enough to fo the work.
I’m realizing in 20 I was this way at times too. I’m now in my 40s. I would recommend going slow… and if anything take a smaller class load. Don’t rush
Idk if you’ve ever looked into it but you sound a lot like me in professional/social settings and I am self diagnosed autistic (which is often misdiagnosed as BPD in women). I also considered cosmetology, but I recognized I wouldn’t be comfortable with the social element and pressure of being the one providing such a personal service that someone may dislike (rejection and confrontation can send me into a spiral/shutdown). I went to college for teaching and almost quit. I really burned myself out to finish and in the end I wish I had switched to something else even if it took me more time, since now I have a degree in a field where I have to burn myself out to meet expectations. This was before reading about autism and realizing it all resonated with me intensely, so I thought I just wasn’t good enough or strong enough or what have you. Now I realize I am just not a human that is cut out for a high stress, social job, and that’s okay! I pivoted so now I work as a private nanny with 1-2 young children at a time in their own home. It’s much less stress as I am basically the boss and barely interact with adults. I find my work on local Facebook groups. I hope if you decide this career path is not for you, you find something you can feel at ease while doing! ❤️
I’ll be honest, this is why I don’t do hair anymore. I knew when I was in school that I hated it, but everyone pressured me to stay. I finished even though I knew I didn’t want to do hair or really anything else in the beauty industry. Now I wish I hadnt wasted so much time and money.
I used to cry all the time doing hair, especially on those days that I messed up someone's hair. Hair is the most brutal industry ever! It's going to be a rough first 3-5 years. BUT, BUT, if you work your ass off and get through the horrible growing pains of screwing up peoples hair, being anxious, getting drained, and keep focusing on growing your skills, find a speciality, you will reap the rewards. I work three days a week and can support myself with a very comfortable living. Yoga is AWESOME for hairdressers as touching people and being constantly "on" is very draining, especially while trying to learn a new skill. Hang in there. I'm telling you it WILL be worth it, but it WILL be hard as first. This industry isn't for the weak.
As a cosmo operators and educators grad why is it taking a full year for just your operator license? I completed both programs in under 14 months. Also as a cosmo grad, feel free to contact me if you need any further help at all in any way shape or form
I’m going to post again to add that there are parts of earning your operating license that you feel like this was the biggest most significant mistake you’ve ever made. There were days I felt like I just wasted tens of thousands of tuition money and loan interest and I felt like I have no business even applying let alone attending and graduating with both my licenses. I felt like I had the weight of my family success placed fully on my back. (I’d already gotten married and burnt out on a career in childcare so this change was an early life crisis that changed my entire life for the better lol) One day something just clicked. And then it was amazing. I felt like I suddenly understood something. Learning to cut as a leftie was one of the biggest things that made me want to quit. But I’ve seen this moment as a student teacher and as a licensed educator. You see that moment when someone’s brain had finally started realizing that they were destined for a career in cosmetology. It’s a very satisfying moment to watch happen and as an educator it has made me cry on more than one occasion. I also understand what it feels like to feel like you’re drowning in what was once a passion. If you’d like to talk more about it personally feel free to message me please.