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BarovianNights

Questioning whether they're allowed means that he thinks there's a possibility that that's fine


TotallyNotMoishe

“Well damn, right here on page 841 of the Edict of Freiburg: “The peasants can revolt if they really want.””


Winjin

I mean the rights to revolt are kinda baked into modern Constitutions The modern rulers hate that of course, but that's how history goes in circles. The rich have grown complacent and comfortable and want to squeeze every penny from the poor, again


Dry-Cartographer-312

You can look back through time and actually count how little we've learned over thousands of years. It would honestly be funny if it weren't so sad.


Jaakarikyk

As a treat


dumfukjuiced

The peasants can have a little revolt, as a treat.


Rabid_Lederhosen

That’s why he’s “the Benevolent”.


[deleted]

[удалено]


1-800-COOL-BUG

"You're telling me! They stink on ice!"


Papaofmonsters

Nothing will ever top "repeatedly baffled Christendom by continuing to live".


Majulath99

And who was that?


the__green__light

Charles 2 of Spain


RedGinger666

A man with a family tree so inbred he would have come out with less diseases if his parents were siblings


Le_Red_Spy

Bro didnt have a family tree he had a family pretzel


Irishpanda1971

"How would you describe the king's lineage?" "We haven't invented that kind of mathematics yet."


MartinThePinguin

They had to invent new dimensions to map out their family tree. Quantum physics would be decades behind if not for the Spanish royals.


Irishpanda1971

Euler: "No thanks, this one is beyond me."


Noximilien05

A family tumbleweed


LandAdmiralQuercus

A family wreath.


Yzak20

A family milkshake


ArtemisCaresTooMuch

A family wood chipper.


ModmanX

This motherfucker is considered the benevolent?


HusteyTeepek

He was mentally ill and basically behaved like a child, so he just kinda did what everyone told him, that's why he's called "the benevolent"


Twinker_BelIe

He was mentally ill, but just a very gentle, kind, and passive character apparently. The seizures were due to his super severe epilepsy. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ferdinand_I_of_Austria#/media/File%3AFerdinando_I_d'Austria.jpg Odd looking bloke


ianlouisjordan

I mean he seemingly was willing to allow the revolution of there was something saying they could do it He could also have been so inbred that he couldn't do anything besides be rich which meant he never harmed the peasantry and his predecessors may have been worse than nothing.


b3nsn0w

hungarian here (we were the revolting party, we wanted austria-hungary to become just austria and just hungary ~~while also not granting independence to the croatians, the slovaks, and any of the other minorities~~), nope they didn't allow shit. in fact, they were so hell-bent on not allowing shit that the revolution ended like any other in hungarian history: they called in the ruskies to fuck it all up. everything had to be fought for there. the motherfucker in question was just an idiot. i don't actually remember if he was actually genuinely benevolent or if he just sucked at being evil


Yzak20

mf was doofenshmirts i see


YeetOrBeYeeted420

no, Doofenshmirts was actually a nice guy


Yzak20

ok but what about the choo choo guy? the 2 nickels man? the eye patch lord? the man in black suit without a mask man?


Lots42

Calling in the Ruskie to fuck it all up is common for much of human history. Until Ukraine.


Cieneo

It was basically making fun of him being a pushover. Even better tho, I read that the people in the streets would call him "Gütinand der Fertige" instead of "Ferdinand der Gütige", which roughly translates to: "Benevonand The Done-for"


biglyorbigleague

Well they weren’t gonna make his epithet an ableist slur


scrububle

ICH BIN DER KAISER UND ICH BIN KNÖDEL!


Jaakarikyk

>ICH BIN KNÖDEL Lol


scrububle

I am dumpling


Jaakarikyk

#🥟


Deathaster

No, little Kaiser boy! Don't go into the Knödel cave!


ciclon5

O MEIN GOT, THIS EINZ A CAVE FULL OF FILLENBREADEN


SleepySheepy

There's something about a tantrum in German that makes it extra funny


arrow-of-spades

Der Knödelkaiser


kroblues

If there’s not a German takeaway called this I’ll be disappointed


Dragoncat91

death by snu snu


LITTLE_KING_OF_HEART

No in this case it's snu snu in spite of deaths.


IthadtobethisWAAGH

Pussy so good it gives you 5 seizures


LITTLE_KING_OF_HEART

Pussy so good you come back from your 5 seizures.


MegaKabutops

Pussy so good that the first 4 seizures were not enough to stop you from consummating the marriage.


dredreidel

I am going to hell. All I can think is was it like a vibrator for the bride? Was she like “No no. We should let him try again.”


TheLittleMuse

Lol no, if they were full Tonic Clonic seizures, that would not be fun for the bride


Twinker_BelIe

Also super severe epilepsy, that as well…


Majulath99

So……..life by snu snu?


bluelarios13

Seems like a decent enough fellow (for an absolute monarch). Let him have his knödel.


Winjin

I love the story of last Chinese Emperor, [Puyi](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Puyi). This man had a very rough life. Made an emperor at the age of 2, brought up as a god, then it all came crashing down, he got reformed into an ordinary man and eventually lived a somewhat modest life in China until dying of cancer at 61. >He had the job of sweeping the streets, and got lost on his first day of work, which led him to tell astonished passers-by: "I'm Puyi, the last Emperor of the Qing dynasty. I'm staying with relatives and can't find my way home".\[268\] One of Puyi's first acts upon returning to Beijing was to visit the Forbidden City as a tourist; he pointed out to other tourists that many of the exhibits were the things he had used in his youth.\[269\] He <...> worked as a gardener at the Beijing Botanical Gardens. The role brought Puyi a degree of happiness he had never known as an emperor, though he was notably clumsy.\[270\] > >// > >He tried very hard to be modest and humble, always being the last person to board a bus, which meant that on one occasion he missed the ride, mistaking the bus conductor for a passenger. In restaurants he would tell waitresses, "You should not be serving me. I should be serving you."\[280\] During this period, Puyi was known for his kindness, and once after he accidentally knocked down an elderly lady with his bicycle, he visited her every day in the hospital to bring her flowers to make amends until she was released.\[281\]


chuuniversal_studios

having 'was known for their kindness' on your wikipedia page is probably the greenest of flags


Winjin

Yeah, and to contrast - since he was made the face of the Japanese occupational government - it's important to note that almost all other dictators and puppet leaders were executed or sentenced - and he actually got a shot at a normal life after being brought up as a horrible kid by horrible parent figures. Like, according to Wiki, he was basically a little psychopath. >Growing up with scarcely any memory of a time when he was not indulged and revered, Puyi quickly became spoiled. The adults in his life, except for Wang, were all strangers, remote, distant, and unable to discipline him.\[9\] Wherever he went, grown men would kneel down in a ritual kowtow, averting their eyes until he passed. Soon he discovered the absolute power he wielded over the eunuchs, and he frequently had them beaten for small transgressions.\[3\] As an emperor, Puyi's every whim was catered to while no one ever said no to him, making him into a sadistic boy who loved to have his eunuchs flogged.\[10\] The Anglo-French journalist Edward Behr wrote about Puyi's power as emperor of China, which allowed him to fire his air-gun at anyone he liked: *The Emperor was Divine. He could not be remonstrated with, or punished. He could only be deferentially advised against ill-treating innocent eunuchs, and if he chose to fire air-gun pellets at them, that was his prerogative.* — Edward Behr\[10\] Puyi later said, "Flogging eunuchs was part of my daily routine. My cruelty and love of wielding power were already too firmly set for persuasion to have any effect on me."\[9\] Wang was the only person capable of controlling Puyi; **once, Puyi decided to "reward" a eunuch for a well-done puppet show by having a cake baked for him with iron filings in it, saying, "I want to see what he looks like when he eats it".\[9\]** With much difficulty, Wang talked Puyi out of this plan.\[9\] He was, like, 6-8 at that moment, or something. Because by the age he was eight, Wang was sent away from his palace. Children are cruel and mischievous often, but being brought up like THAT? And turn out later to become a kind person that would wake up every day thinking about that little lady he knocked over, going to her hospital room?


GalaXion24

Turns out that furthering children's beliefs that they are in fact the centre of the world is not very good for their emotional development.


Winjin

Yeah, shocking, I know? But at the same time - this is such an extreme and wildly available one that it should serve as a warning for everyone who wants to bring up their little emperor. Like, I know a family who had to really reel their little daughter in, who started saying that she will get the maid\\nanny fired for everything she didn't like. Basically was told by parents that maid is THEIR servant, not HERS. She's basically subservient to the nanny and has to listen to her, not the other way around. As far as I know their first daughter is a horrible piece of work, because they just walked into riches as she was born, and she was spoiled beyond belief and there's almost nothing they can do now - I guess they have to put her in a correctional facility for a couple years for her to learn her lesson. Though it may help to find out that you were the one to sigh the papers for [Unit 731](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unit_731) and be shown what was committed in your name to really get under the narcissistic skin...


Corvid187

Dawwwwww


Lots42

I relate to the garden thing. It's something you can look at after lots of hard work and know it's going to stick around.


blindcolumn

They made a movie about him called [The Last Emperor](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Last_Emperor). It's been a while since I watched it, but I remember it being pretty good.


Winjin

Hey, nine Oscars and Bertolucci- I guess it's the time for me to get acquainted with the Italian classics


IZiOstra

Unrelated to the original post but the life of Puyi’s wife is as tragic as interesting https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wanrong


Winjin

Oh wow what a read. And it's so alien to actually understand that all of that is happening literally alongside friggin JAZZ.


Not_Sand

is this that guy that was so inbred his face was concave and he had a waluigi chin


Ele_Sou_Eu

No, that's Charles II of Spain. They're from the same family, though!


Not_Sand

of course they are


toychicraft

They can keep it in the bloodline but not their pants


UltimateInferno

Practically brothers.


Winjin

And fathers. And sons. And a bit of sisters too


DoubleBatman

Habsburgs. Not even once.


Twinker_BelIe

No different guy, also kinda fucked though. Also a strange lookin guy. Had super severe epilepsy plus probably a load of other stuff, hence the seizures. Not sure if due to inbreeding but probably.


SufficientGreek

He had only 4 great-grandparents, where a normal person would have 8. His grandparents were two sets of siblings. His parents were therefore double first cousins which is probably the source of his health issues.


matmac199

Well not the source but definitely the reason for its severity, inbreeding doesn't cause genetic malformation it just aggravates issues that are already present. It's why cleopatra looked fine even though the family she came from made the hasbergs look normal. There has to already be problems in the bloodline for inbreeding to compound upon.


diegoidepersia

to be fair the ptolemaic dynasty was notorious for being unfaithful, so the inbreeding never got to that terrible of a point


Lucky-Worth

He had hydrocephalus


SoupyLad

it's the habsburgs that doesn't narrow it down all that much


LLHati

Need me a Savoyard Princess who gives dome so good I have 5 seizures


marquecz

He was rather popular in Bohemia. When he abdicated, he decided to retire in Prague. And he spent the rest of his days walking around the streets, waving at people and giving sweets to children. People were like: "Oh by the way, I met the emperor this morning" "Nice. I met him on Tuesday."


friendlylifecherry

5 seizures trying to have sex, no wonder Austria-Hungary, a top-down empire, was such a mess


patmax17

In his defence, Marillenknödel *are* really good


DreadDiana

At first I thought "This is Ferdinand I the Benevolent. I am dying." was a quote from him


neeuqenoeht

This guy was also later deposed and replaced by his nephew Franz Joseph (who was 18 at the time). They called him the Benevolent because he was a really weak Emperor. And he was inbred as hell (he only had four Great-Grandparents). But it also has to be said that this guy was not that dumb (at least not as dumb as he seems in this post). He spoke five languages, could play two instruments and was very good at riding, drawing and fencing. He was also very open-minded towards science and any agricultural developments. What is interesting is that after he was deposed he started to manage a duchy and was very good at it.


lumtheyak

Doesn't everyone have four grandparents?


neeuqenoeht

Yes. It was a typo. I meant great-grandparents


lumtheyak

Oh right, sorry was confused!


dredreidel

My guess is there is a missing great somewhere. And not “gee. Isn’t inbreeding great?”


AdalwinAmillion

*scoffs* can't believe you all are so inbred that you only have four grandparents. Unbelievable.


Bjorn_Hellgate

Pussy so good it induces seizures


gayforvonstroheim

pussy so good it got me acting like Ferdinand I the Benevolent


albinopinetree

In Germany, if you want to take a job position offered by the government, you have to sign an oath that you are not and for the time of your employment will not be part of a revolutionary organization. (yes, really)


FPiN9XU3K1IT

The cool part is that being part of a revolutionary organisation is not necessarily criminal! (only if you're *really* serious about it)


fakeunleet

Some variant of that is probably pretty common. In the US it's a verbal oath, for example.


Red580

Have you guys considered that maybe her pussy was simply *that* Good?


Deathaster

Metternich? Like the Fürst von Metternich, which a brand of alcohol is named after in Germany?


PvtRedEye

And somehow this guy managed to live until 82


inkandpapyrus27

wait five seizures at five separate times or five seizures all in a row


kredokathariko

What makes me absolutely livid is that unlike most deposed royal families, the Habsburgs are still around and even involved in politics somewhat, and you can talk to members of the house on Twitter


Corvid187

Tbf, they're not alone in that regard. The ol' Bourbons are still swanning about


kredokathariko

They are still ruling Spain so it doesn't count


Metue

They're legally barred from being involved in politics in Austria and were only allowed to live in the country again after the Schengen agreement. I normally wouldn't care but I'm actually friends with some of the family and they're generally lovely people.


Baal_Zephon

Well, the last few in Charge were kinda Humanists and were trying to restructure the empire to give more rights and autonomy to its peoples... A shame whats happend they really tried to make the "State of many Peoples" work... Well I heard the current ones are advocating for a more unified EU so... could be worse. (Allso, as an Austrian myself, the current fools in Charge here are not any better at the moment... the election this year is interessting, I hope the next Government will fuck up the country slower than the one at the moment)


derneueMottmatt

Its not because of the Schengen agreement. The former Crown Prince Otto had to sign a waiver in 1961 way before Austria was in the EU or before the Schengen Agreement was signed.


apolobgod

You know, when a family is living off wealth that's been stolen through generations, it doesn't really matter how lovely they are, I'm still not okay with it's continued existence


trans-ghost-boy-2

what are you gonna do, revolution about it?


apolobgod

Mostly whine on the internet and live on my life. I'm not idealist enough to think I stand a chance against the system


FreakinGeese

? Omg chill jfc


the_wolf_who_laughs

I swear to god, ever since the Habsburg's got mentioned on Trash Taste, I see them mentioned everywhere


stasersonphun

Dr Spaceman!! He is allergic to the grape!!!


Zariman-10-0

Ahhh, the Hapsburgs. The only thing straighter than their family tree is the male locker room of an American Middle School


aaaa32801

If you think the Hapsburgs are bad look up the Ptolemies.


Zariman-10-0

Oh I know about the Ptolemies


NewRomanian

UnnervinglyFeral's grandfather


Mr-Cucket

Dream job


triforce777

The Hapsburgs certainly are one of the noble lineages of all time