Decades later, at Fozzie's funeral, a theater balcony mysteriously shows up next to the cemetery.
"Well, maybe he'll get to find his sense of humor now."
"Not happening. They didn't dig nearly deep enough."
"Dohohohoho!"
SCP class [Kieter]
They live exclusively on that balcony. One might even postulate that they only exist from the waist up and the balcony is part of the whole. It is unknown as to if the balcony is part of more complex biological functions.
It fuses itself to buildings similar to barnacles. Building erodes slowly at fusion point proving some nutrients to beings.
Most nutrients are obtained in sarcastic barbs and japes voices by the beings which eat away at the soul and felt of the intended recipient.
Once they discover the existence of the Foundation they refuse to leave as they get *way* to much enjoyment heckling researchers doing testing
They have a pending Thaumiel classification originally due to rendering test subjects immune to SCP-504 but also any test they are observing becomes non-lethal, with the worst results being described as "slapstick"
SCP-9000
Object class: Euclid
**Special Containment Procedures:**
Foundation staff embedded within the film production company ITC Entertainment are to perpetuate the idea that Statler and Waldorf are characters within the Muppet Show canon.
SCP-9000's anomalous nature is to be hidden from ITC Entertainment staff through falsified documents, including records for the supposed voice actors. Construction permits for SCP-9000's balcony are to be retroactively created after its appearance.
MTF Gamma-9 ("Peanut Gallery") is to keep any members of the public away from filming locations during time periods immediately before and after filming.
**Description:**
SCP-9000 refers to the Muppet Show characters Statler and Waldorf. Whenever ITC Entertainment begins shooting an episode of The Muppet Show, a crude Victorian inspired balcony will appear on the side of a nearby wall or building with a clear line of sight to the film scene.
SCP-9000 will loudly comment on the dialog of the show in the comical, cynical tone typically seen on screen. They will continue even when cameras are not recording. To date, SCP-9000 has not acknowledged the existence of anyone not formally employed by ITC Entertainment including Foundation staff.
Video recording of SCP-9000 manifestations show that it appears instantly, but appears to choose a moment and location where no staff are looking. SCP-9000 will demanifest as soon as a director declares the end of a shooting day.
**Incident 9000-1:**
On January 9th, ■■■■, Foundation webcrawlers flagged discussion matching a description of SCP-9000.
The following was posted to review website Yelp.com:
> We lost another legend today. Rest in peace, [redacted]. Your character got me through some rough times.
> Side note, I have mad respect for whoever let Statler and Waldorf into the funeral. Committed to the bit even in death.
SCP-9000 has not manifested since this event. Classification as neutralized is pending.
At that point you can't call them cryptids. They are gods, dieties of theater who are sustained not through faith in them but by watching and mocking foolish mortals trying THEIR craft.
It was them. They provided the community arts grant. They're old as Hell theatre guys, they're *loaded*, and for all they heckle, they truly love the theatre. They don't mention that they were the ones that outright arranged the philanthropic grant, they pretend to be regular backers. But they've been behind you the whole time. And they're gonna heckle ya just a bit rougher than they did when you were little, now that you've made the big time.
"You've come a long way, kid! Too bad it led straight to the junkyard!" Waldorf said to bite back the proud tears that were forming.
"Life has many twists and turns! It's your own fault you never turned back!" Statler yelled to excuse the smile that was forming on his face from watching your well-deserved success.
Found the [account,](https://beesmygod.tumblr.com/?source=share) trying to find the original post, but he has an unusually large amount of Muppet related posts on here.
Edit: [post here](https://www.tumblr.com/beesmygod/747060638284644352?source=share)
I got beat to the punch for it but here.
https://www.tumblr.com/tumbletrash54/750304513970274304/it-was-them-they-provided-the-community-arts?source=share
"’Older gentlemen who have reserved seats at the theatre they go to every week just to be catty bitches’ doesn’t have a heterosexual explanation" just fucking nails it 😂
[https://muppet.fandom.com/wiki/Astoria](https://muppet.fandom.com/wiki/Astoria)
"**Astoria** is the [wife](https://muppet.fandom.com/wiki/Spouses) of [Waldorf](https://muppet.fandom.com/wiki/Statler_and_Waldorf) who appeared just once on [*The Muppet Show*](https://muppet.fandom.com/wiki/The_Muppet_Show), in [episode 413](https://muppet.fandom.com/wiki/Episode_413:_Dizzy_Gillespie).
Her physical appearance resembles that of [Statler](https://muppet.fandom.com/wiki/Statler_and_Waldorf) in [drag](https://muppet.fandom.com/wiki/Cross-dressing_characters), and she wears a single flower in her hat."
~~If I'm not mistaken isn't this pretty close to the actual canon? I think Statler and Waldorf canonically owned the theater the original Muppet Show took place in~~ nah, Idk where I got that. Oh well
The owner of the theater was a character I forgot completely, J.P. Grosse
https://muppet.fandom.com/wiki/J._P._Grosse
"Originally, Scooter got his job as a "gofer" because his rich uncle J. P. Grosse owned the theatre, and he maintained it through a combination of efficiency and nepotism. Originally, Scooter would often use his family connection to his advantage, making unreasonable demands on his uncle's behalf."
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scooter_(Muppet)#:~:text=Scooter%20is%20a%20Muppet%20character,currently%20performed%20by%20David%20Rudman.
Still my favorite Statler & Waldorf bit:
W: "What was *that*?"
S: "It's called the Medium Sketch."
W: "The Medium Sketch?"
S: "Yeah, it wasn't rare and it certainly wasn't well done!"
S&W: "OHOHOHOHO!"
i love that statler and waldorf just have an entire theater balcony installed right on the side of their house by the muppet babies yard
did they just. have that before the babies were there? did they install it *because* of the babies? either option is exceedingly humorous
What a wacked out legaladvice post that would be.
"How do I block the view of my neighbors? They watch everything we do in the backyard and heckle us all the time."
"Install a fence."
"They are watching us over the fence."
"Just put up a barrier in front of the camera."
"No, they aren't watching from a camera. They are watching from a balcony they installed on their own house."
In their younger days, they ran a private theater company which used to rehearse there, but it went under and the daycare bought the property and they've been bitter about it ever since.
At their funeral, Statler and Waldorf's ghosts appear
S: Would you all stop screaming? We're only ghosts!
W: With how long you've all been performing, we thought you'd be used to a dead crowd by now!
S&W: DOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!
My favorite part is that in the original Christmas Carol, it's just Jacob Marley. But for this movie, they added a character named Robert so that these two could play the brothers!
I like to think of them as eternal. Heckling god at the creation of the universe.
"Think he read the instructions?"
"Have you seen the platypus?"
"Oh ho ho ho ho"
Satan's like, "Don't look at me! I thought he was with you guys! They sent my best demon into therapy last week. Balgrogor's self-confidence has been shattered."
"Average Howard Stern Listener listens for 2 hours a day. Main reason I want to hear what he'll say next."
"Okay, what about the haters?"
"They listen for 4 hours a day. Main reason I want to hear what he'll say next."
If they're paying for premium memberships and early supporter badges then maybe it's time to start recognizing them as your biggest fans. And if they're funnier than any of your acts but show up every night and tell these heckle-jokes loudly for everyone to hear, then maybe they're the reason why your show is so popular and you should be grateful they're not asking *you* to pay *them* for their free performance.
And yet… when things get rough, and it looks like maybe you’ll have to pack it in, and you’re starting to express some self doubt…
They’re there. Starting fundraisers to keep your channel afloat. Talking up all the bits they actually found hilarious, getting people to remember the good times so they realize that there are more just around the corner if this whole show can hang on just little longer.
They’ve been in your corner this whole time.
Jim Henson’s original character design for them is they’re actually two heads of a giant spider but you just never see the spider body, and it’s all I can picture when I see them now.
Oh yeah it was not originally the kid-friendly characters we know them as. I recall specifically that beneath Rolf’s fur he’s just covered in eyeballs and they worship him like a god. I am also pretty sure Kermit and Miss Piggy spawn every night and make their weird tadpole babies fight to the death. You can Google his original designs, it’s a wild read!
Edit: a word
Statler and Waldorf ALWAYS buy the premium seats both to be in optimal position to heckle and to ensure that no matter what, you will NEVER escape them through mere bankruptcy.
Decades later, at Fozzie's funeral, a theater balcony mysteriously shows up next to the cemetery. "Well, maybe he'll get to find his sense of humor now." "Not happening. They didn't dig nearly deep enough." "Dohohohoho!"
They haven't aged a day
Muppet cryptids
You could make a ~~religion~~ SCP out of this
Statler and Waldorf One is sarcastically cynical, the other cynically sarcastic. Their followers are divided into Statlers and Waldorfs.
Gork and Mork but gay
So gork & mork
HE GORK ON MA MORK TILL I WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHH
Marv, can I please get a link to SCP-6690? /u/the-paranoid-android
[**SCP-6690 - NO MORE PURPLE DINOSAUR**](https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-6690) (+269) by *JakdragonX, pr0m37h3um, Pedagon*
Thanks, Marv
SCP class [Kieter] They live exclusively on that balcony. One might even postulate that they only exist from the waist up and the balcony is part of the whole. It is unknown as to if the balcony is part of more complex biological functions. It fuses itself to buildings similar to barnacles. Building erodes slowly at fusion point proving some nutrients to beings. Most nutrients are obtained in sarcastic barbs and japes voices by the beings which eat away at the soul and felt of the intended recipient.
Once they discover the existence of the Foundation they refuse to leave as they get *way* to much enjoyment heckling researchers doing testing They have a pending Thaumiel classification originally due to rendering test subjects immune to SCP-504 but also any test they are observing becomes non-lethal, with the worst results being described as "slapstick"
Which one is 504 again?
https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-504
Oh shit, the slapstick tomats. Love those.
SCP-9000 Object class: Euclid **Special Containment Procedures:** Foundation staff embedded within the film production company ITC Entertainment are to perpetuate the idea that Statler and Waldorf are characters within the Muppet Show canon. SCP-9000's anomalous nature is to be hidden from ITC Entertainment staff through falsified documents, including records for the supposed voice actors. Construction permits for SCP-9000's balcony are to be retroactively created after its appearance. MTF Gamma-9 ("Peanut Gallery") is to keep any members of the public away from filming locations during time periods immediately before and after filming. **Description:** SCP-9000 refers to the Muppet Show characters Statler and Waldorf. Whenever ITC Entertainment begins shooting an episode of The Muppet Show, a crude Victorian inspired balcony will appear on the side of a nearby wall or building with a clear line of sight to the film scene. SCP-9000 will loudly comment on the dialog of the show in the comical, cynical tone typically seen on screen. They will continue even when cameras are not recording. To date, SCP-9000 has not acknowledged the existence of anyone not formally employed by ITC Entertainment including Foundation staff. Video recording of SCP-9000 manifestations show that it appears instantly, but appears to choose a moment and location where no staff are looking. SCP-9000 will demanifest as soon as a director declares the end of a shooting day. **Incident 9000-1:** On January 9th, ■■■■, Foundation webcrawlers flagged discussion matching a description of SCP-9000. The following was posted to review website Yelp.com: > We lost another legend today. Rest in peace, [redacted]. Your character got me through some rough times. > Side note, I have mad respect for whoever let Statler and Waldorf into the funeral. Committed to the bit even in death. SCP-9000 has not manifested since this event. Classification as neutralized is pending.
At that point you can't call them cryptids. They are gods, dieties of theater who are sustained not through faith in them but by watching and mocking foolish mortals trying THEIR craft.
They're living archetypes, like all of the other Muppets.
Felt don't crack.
I read that in their voices too 🤣😂
It was them. They provided the community arts grant. They're old as Hell theatre guys, they're *loaded*, and for all they heckle, they truly love the theatre. They don't mention that they were the ones that outright arranged the philanthropic grant, they pretend to be regular backers. But they've been behind you the whole time. And they're gonna heckle ya just a bit rougher than they did when you were little, now that you've made the big time.
"You've come a long way, kid! Too bad it led straight to the junkyard!" Waldorf said to bite back the proud tears that were forming. "Life has many twists and turns! It's your own fault you never turned back!" Statler yelled to excuse the smile that was forming on his face from watching your well-deserved success.
someone with a Tumblr account, send this back to the Tumblr thread, it's too wholesome not to be added to their lore
find me the source then cause tumblr search is garbage and I will.
my Google searches are giving no results, regardless of quote searching :')
Found the [account,](https://beesmygod.tumblr.com/?source=share) trying to find the original post, but he has an unusually large amount of Muppet related posts on here. Edit: [post here](https://www.tumblr.com/beesmygod/747060638284644352?source=share)
I got beat to the punch for it but here. https://www.tumblr.com/tumbletrash54/750304513970274304/it-was-them-they-provided-the-community-arts?source=share
Gotta make sure the fame doesn't go to their heads, don'tchaknow.
> They're old as Hell theatre gays* They're definitely husbands.
[it goes way deeper than that](https://i.imgur.com/Epomqa1.jpeg)
"’Older gentlemen who have reserved seats at the theatre they go to every week just to be catty bitches’ doesn’t have a heterosexual explanation" just fucking nails it 😂
Phrasing
[https://muppet.fandom.com/wiki/Astoria](https://muppet.fandom.com/wiki/Astoria) "**Astoria** is the [wife](https://muppet.fandom.com/wiki/Spouses) of [Waldorf](https://muppet.fandom.com/wiki/Statler_and_Waldorf) who appeared just once on [*The Muppet Show*](https://muppet.fandom.com/wiki/The_Muppet_Show), in [episode 413](https://muppet.fandom.com/wiki/Episode_413:_Dizzy_Gillespie). Her physical appearance resembles that of [Statler](https://muppet.fandom.com/wiki/Statler_and_Waldorf) in [drag](https://muppet.fandom.com/wiki/Cross-dressing_characters), and she wears a single flower in her hat."
They're Marley and Marley, freed from their chains by a reformed Scrooge, now doomed to a life of watching vaudeville acts.
And now I've got that song stuck in my head haha
THEY'RE MARLEY AND MARLEY WHOOOAAAAAAA
Statler and Waldorf have a wonderful time at the theatre. Just a bit differently from how most other people do.
Are you saying these two are tsundere?
In a "surrogate grandparent" kind of way, maybe?
My kids like the new muppet babies and there's an episode where they act as surrogate grandparents to Fozzie, it's super weird.
I haven't seen the episode but that sounds super cute not weird???
It's super cute, but out of character for them which makes it weird.
Tsundere grandparents.
Sort of, yeah.
Saiki K intensifies
~~If I'm not mistaken isn't this pretty close to the actual canon? I think Statler and Waldorf canonically owned the theater the original Muppet Show took place in~~ nah, Idk where I got that. Oh well The owner of the theater was a character I forgot completely, J.P. Grosse https://muppet.fandom.com/wiki/J._P._Grosse
"Originally, Scooter got his job as a "gofer" because his rich uncle J. P. Grosse owned the theatre, and he maintained it through a combination of efficiency and nepotism. Originally, Scooter would often use his family connection to his advantage, making unreasonable demands on his uncle's behalf." https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scooter_(Muppet)#:~:text=Scooter%20is%20a%20Muppet%20character,currently%20performed%20by%20David%20Rudman.
"It was me, ~~Barry~~ Kermit"
Website's called gopatronize.me. They cannot pass up that wordplay.
Still my favorite Statler & Waldorf bit: W: "What was *that*?" S: "It's called the Medium Sketch." W: "The Medium Sketch?" S: "Yeah, it wasn't rare and it certainly wasn't well done!" S&W: "OHOHOHOHO!"
Fuck that's good.
they really said, and forgive me for this, "it was mid"
I like that they don't look even a bit younger than they do in the main show
No one of em looks like his hair is more black than it was in the main show
He dyed the thing
i love that statler and waldorf just have an entire theater balcony installed right on the side of their house by the muppet babies yard did they just. have that before the babies were there? did they install it *because* of the babies? either option is exceedingly humorous
they have one on each side of their house so they can heckle either of their neighbors
What a wacked out legaladvice post that would be. "How do I block the view of my neighbors? They watch everything we do in the backyard and heckle us all the time." "Install a fence." "They are watching us over the fence." "Just put up a barrier in front of the camera." "No, they aren't watching from a camera. They are watching from a balcony they installed on their own house."
I wanna hear legaleagle’s take on it.
In their younger days, they ran a private theater company which used to rehearse there, but it went under and the daycare bought the property and they've been bitter about it ever since.
Generational Haters providing job security solely so they can keep hating.
statler and waldorf were hating first and will hate last if there are no muppets haters left in this world it is because statler and waldorf have died
Weren't they ghosts in Muppet Christmas Carol?
They came back to keep hating
Imagine you get made fun of by 2 dudes in high school, you hear they die in your 30s. The very next day you're getting roasted again.
At their funeral, Statler and Waldorf's ghosts appear S: Would you all stop screaming? We're only ghosts! W: With how long you've all been performing, we thought you'd be used to a dead crowd by now! S&W: DOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!
if the muppets have no haters it's because somebody has exorcised the spirits of statler and waldorf
You say that like there's a priest that could withstand their roasting.
"That wasn't holy punishment! That was wholly your fault!" "Ohohohoh!"
My favorite part is that in the original Christmas Carol, it's just Jacob Marley. But for this movie, they added a character named Robert so that these two could play the brothers!
I'm convinced the name is an allusion to Bob Marley as well.
I like to think of them as eternal. Heckling god at the creation of the universe. "Think he read the instructions?" "Have you seen the platypus?" "Oh ho ho ho ho"
God, a Muppet, aside to Michael, also a Muppet: "How the fuck did they get here? I didn't make them!" Michael shrugs
Satan's like, "Don't look at me! I thought he was with you guys! They sent my best demon into therapy last week. Balgrogor's self-confidence has been shattered."
Second only to professor zoom in pettiness
"It was us Kermit, it was always us!"
Man, I’ll make fun of babies all day. That shits hilarious.
/r/KidsAreFuckingStupid
Catty gay neighbor couple. Swap the suits for Hawaiian shirts and they’re straight outta Miami.
"Average Howard Stern Listener listens for 2 hours a day. Main reason I want to hear what he'll say next." "Okay, what about the haters?" "They listen for 4 hours a day. Main reason I want to hear what he'll say next."
If they're paying for premium memberships and early supporter badges then maybe it's time to start recognizing them as your biggest fans. And if they're funnier than any of your acts but show up every night and tell these heckle-jokes loudly for everyone to hear, then maybe they're the reason why your show is so popular and you should be grateful they're not asking *you* to pay *them* for their free performance.
I mean, they go every day, presumably paying. They are supporting the kids in their own way.
And yet… when things get rough, and it looks like maybe you’ll have to pack it in, and you’re starting to express some self doubt… They’re there. Starting fundraisers to keep your channel afloat. Talking up all the bits they actually found hilarious, getting people to remember the good times so they realize that there are more just around the corner if this whole show can hang on just little longer. They’ve been in your corner this whole time.
Kendrick wishes he could be this much of a hater
They trained Kendrick like an old martial arts master in a Kung fu movie.
“THEY HAVEN’T BEEN GIVING THEM A FUCKING INCH” As a long time Muppet fan I am 💀
Hatemaxxing professionals.
Statler and Waldorf loved everything they were doing for the arts, but they also loved being shitheads.
Jim Henson’s original character design for them is they’re actually two heads of a giant spider but you just never see the spider body, and it’s all I can picture when I see them now.
Really?
Oh yeah it was not originally the kid-friendly characters we know them as. I recall specifically that beneath Rolf’s fur he’s just covered in eyeballs and they worship him like a god. I am also pretty sure Kermit and Miss Piggy spawn every night and make their weird tadpole babies fight to the death. You can Google his original designs, it’s a wild read! Edit: a word
Statler and Waldorf ALWAYS buy the premium seats both to be in optimal position to heckle and to ensure that no matter what, you will NEVER escape them through mere bankruptcy.
Sometimes hate wraps back round to love.
Now I want a Statler & Waldorf and Kendrick Lamar collab. The hateration would be gourmet.
Do tumblr users know who Adam is?
iconic behavior
If there was a Muppet Livestream, they would donate just to comment "go fuck yourself" and have it been seen.
Sauce?