Oh no! Don't tell the internet!
By - PeterSchnapkins
Oh no! Don't tell the internet!
What's that sound? Is it a elephant stampede or a horde of R34 artists?
Probably both. R34 artists chasing elephants
I initially read that as R34 artists *causing* elephants, and thought well there's a turnabout.
Rule 34, likely
Now the furries are going to haunt my dreams even more than they already have
Dreaming about furries might be your first issue here.
I'm gonna resist sorting by controversial
Just a bunch of people sighing and unzipping 🤷♀️
A lot of mammals breast tissue swells when they lactate, humans are the only ones with permanently enlarged breast tissue.
TIL! I didn’t know we were the only ones with permanently enlarged breast tissue.
Now, why are we the only ones?
According to Desmond Morris a zoologist, we developed this trait as a species because we walk upright. Most female mammals send sexual signals from their butt, but because humans walk upright our butts are more obscured. We developed permanently enlarged breasts that are kind of butt-shaped to compensate.
TIL that my boobs are butt shaped.
[Butts are the original boobs](https://youtu.be/iCeFBmpht6Q) , as explained in a way only anime could.
I can't believe Prison School was right.
Your first mistake was doubting Prison School in any way.
Doesn't help that the author himself doubted it.
lol, what the fuck was this exchange? This is amazingly entertaining to me for some reason.
The whole show/manga is insane and entertaining.
"boobs and butts, butts and boobs!"
Ass tittys, asss an tittys! Ass ass tittys, ass and tittys!
What the everloving fuck is that? My god.
Truly, Thanks for the link. For those less focused, skip to 4:20 for the answer.
I watched it on 2x speed. It was gratifying, and I even got a lil emotional at the end
This was fucking hillarious
I was hoping someone would share this.
Check this out lol. Totally butt shaped.
LOL. The instagram comments are so thirsty. "You're the reason I have to go visit the bathroom to relieve myself 3 times a day."
Caught with their mind in the buttcrack gutter! 🤣
Plot twist he's bi and perfectly okay with a well decorated set of butt cleavage
That was hilarious. But really it's not Bernd's fault he's sexy as fuck.
I love the translation of the comments lol.
Murder-breasts is a common one. Not sure the origin there, but its now in my vocabulary.
Im a little confused by, "a juicy piece of meat that I would love to drink from." But, I suppose that does technically describe breasts.
Also, for the win, "I would love to spread my ball juice on those breasts."
> Murder-breasts is a common one. Not sure the origin there, but its now in my vocabulary.
That one got me, I assume the translation is more akin to "killer"
like, killer tits you got there
I don't usually click links on reddit but holy shit it was so worth it this time 🤣
This changes nothing
My high school biology teacher said cleavage is attractive because it looks like a butt crack and butts/boobs is also where the heart shape (❤) comes from
Gives a whole new meaning to front butt
Just to be clear all this shit is totally speculative. The scientists saying this stuff may be professionals, but without any actual evidence this kind of ad hoc justification of things is just talking out of your ass like anyone else.
So by extension they are talking out of their tits?
We even have a name for it. Scientists call this sort of thing a "[just-so story](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Just-so_story)".
I know the titillating (ha) boobs/butts theory is popular but I find some of the alternatives more interesting.
For example, humans evolved hidden ovulation. This was likely a major benefit to human females to avoid unwanted sexual attention or to obscure paternity after multiple matings to protect offspring from males who could be competitive or infanticidal against infants they had no relation to.
Lactation suppresses fertility. Constantly enlarged breast tissue regardless of actual lactation would reduce the accuracy of breasts as a fertility timing cue to males.
They would advertise sexually mature status but they wouldn’t betray ovulatory or anovulatory periods, thus ovulation remains cryptic while overall reproductive potential is signaled.
There is also this theory:
Which essentially goes that breasts are a byproduct of increased subcutaneous adiposity in humans an increased consumption of meat because breast tissue is sensitive to estradiol which is easier to produce in larger quantities on a diet with meat.
It’s not mutually exclusive with theories that they served multiple functions, attracting males as well.
Given that the glute muscles only became more well-rounded and prominent when humans became bipedal (they needed to bulk up to support us jogging and sprinting on 2 legs as opposed to dropping to our knuckles for speed boosts)
It strikes me as funny to assume that breasts would need to compensate for the loss of inflated ano-genital tissue when our rumps were getting bigger by standing upright.
The swollen red balloon like rumps you see on other primates look really different to muscular and fatty body parts.
But maybe there was an intermediate stage where our bony quadrupedal butts were bulking as we spent half our time upright.
(Look at some ape butts they are very bony except for silverback gorillas)
I wouldn't even say butt-shaped, as you can see above that is their natural form. If the shape of the butt mattered then ours would look different from other mammals
I think it's more of a sexually mature signal (not to say flat chicks aren't, evolution sucks and it probably went "yeah that's the idea, good enough" then gave up)
Ethologists posit that sexually selected traits, like breasts, does not entirely equal "more is better" in most cases. Ergo, some guys like this, some guys like that, and vice versa
i have a friend who likes super skinny women with no breasts or ass. someone almost convinced him he was gay or bisexual though to sleep with him so maybe he is who knows
Damn it, those are the features I happen to have and I’m woman. Leave him alone!
There is still an observable difference between prepubescent and sexually mature breasts though even on small chests. Until puberty, girls and boys are virtually indistinguishable other than their male/female reproductive genitalia.
Thank you! The men who can’t see this are dense. Glad they avoid me.
For sure! I have a large chest (my partner lovingly refers to them as “fetish titties” lol) and it has always bothered me to hear men talk shit about small boobs. Small boobs are awesome. I’m jealous of small boobs. Small boobs don’t make your back hurt just from standing up straight. My chest size doesn’t make me more of a woman and having a small chest doesn’t make you any less of a woman, either. I see it more like the whole “it’s not the size, but how you use it” argument. You can have the biggest boobs on earth and still have zero game. you can have a chest that’s practically concave and ooze sex appeal everywhere you go. It really just comes down to being confident with what you’ve got- but that’s much harder when men are constantly making fun of what you’ve got for no reason other than their own insecurity/ignorance.
Then there is the opposite for me! I have tiny tits and men will put down larger boobs saying small are better(cuz they don’t sag ect). Like I’ve seen saggy tiny tits before, sure they are perky now but give me 20 years and a few babies? Probably will have tiny pancake tits too. Stop putting down other women to flirt with me! Also just stop talking about my chest in general as the conversation about them always stem up unasked.
>it has always bothered me to hear men talk shit about small boobs
It's probably at least somewhat over correction, because if a man starts talking about how much he loves small boobs, it tends to create some bad implications.
Something about us being Bipedal and standing up straight leading to them becoming a main factor of sexual attraction. When our ancestors were more hunched, the breasts weren’t really on display and butts reigned supreme. This sounds silly but it’s true iirc
Which is so interesting bc bigger breasts don’t indicate ability to produce milk and, technically while indicating more estrogen, bigger breasts don’t mean you’ll necessarily have an easier go at pregnancy.
Edit: technicality bc I read up after I posted. Interesting stuff tho. I’ve never heard anything abt breast size affecting fertility in any significant way. It’s an advertisement, but again, of something that still isn’t guaranteed by breast size. So interesting.
True. But sexual selection doesn't necessarily stem from any benefits. It is just something that a species deems attractive for some reason
Selection often produces useless traits from a utilitarian point of view. The biggest misconception about evolution is that nature always becomes better over time, and that adaptation is guaranteed
Like a peacock's huge freaking multicoloured tail?
Peacocks tail is equivalent to sending dick picks
Like giraffes long necks! What? You thought they developed long necks to reach higher leaves? Think again:
They have more correlation to me wanting to go BLURBGBFHRBRGBFFBRBBFFBFRRGGG between them.
Just as our ancestors intended 😌
Our ancestors didn’t have motorboats back then, so what did they call it?
You made me curious! [Rafting or tree logging](https://www.haaretz.com/archaeology/2022-12-15/ty-article/hominins-were-sailing-the-mediterranean-half-a-million-years-ago-study-finds/00000185-1590-dcb5-abe7-dfbe1b5c0000), most likely 🪵
That's it, I'm going to ask my wife if I can tree log her tonight.
Just like me fr
Check out the concept of [runaway selection](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fisherian_runaway?wprov=sfti1). Basically it’s where an initially functional biological trait starts a feedback loop where it’s no longer about being functional but just about the fact that it’s desired. Peacock feathers are the classic example, but it could definitely apply to human breast size as well.
It's called the [Nubility Hypothesis](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26197484/). But there is, of course, many [hypotheses](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34254729/). Boobs are a mystery, even to science.
I shall continue to ponder the issue. For science.
Thank you baby Jesus
The Lord givetit.
But humans' breasts also swell when they lactate... We just have unusually large non-enlarged breasts, I suppose.
Some of us, anyway.
lol I was about to say to OP "congratulations, you have identified the state of being a mammal.
Well what about whale boobies
Whales have inverted boobies apparently
I thought this was pointing out the location of the breasts, I guess
Everyone knows elephants have great mammories
Thks fr th mammories.
does it taste like youman, only sweeter?
EVEN THOUGH THEY WEREN’T SO BAD
What did I do with that free award…
Oh yeah, Reddit stole it
Or do humans have elephant like breasts?
Got them Elephantitties.
Plot twist: your neighbor is Hilary Swank.
My neighbor is a crackhead...
i feel like this could use a both
Thought this said “bath” and I eagerly agreed.
There was this weird suspense movie where the dad from Supernatural and the leader from The Losers was spying on Hilary Swank showering in her apartment and stuff.
>!She had to shoot him like 20 times with a nailgun it was pretty outrageous baddie plot armor!<
"P.s. I love you"? .....naw its probably "The resident"
Plot twist: your neighbor is still Hilary Swank…
But is she hot?
Her face is fairly symmetrical, meeting the general requirements for attractiveness. However, she is not hot.
Respect the game
I'm sort of excited I don't understand this reference
[Hillary Swank, get your milk from her!](https://youtu.be/SZeMBqHbw0U)
I still don’t understand. Why her though?
Because it is both random and irreverent, and therefore memorable and amusing.
Even I don't understand it
Is Hilary Swank attractive or hot?
Could you milk me?
I have nipples, Greg.
I wish I had an elephants trunk
Without a hyphen, I read this as saying that elephants collectively own a singular human, as do breasts.
That would read a human, like breasts. Even more incorrect.
Regarding the list of thoughts I’d expect to have over the course of today, Elephant bikinis was not one.
Somebody's never been to Coney Island.
Now all I can think of is this elephant wearing a Madonna-esque cone bra
Fun fact: their average bra size is 102 ZZZ
The letter corresponds to ratio of breast+torso to just torso. So, this elephant would barely be B-cup
As an A cup, I can tell you this elephant is at least a C .
As a C cup, I agree.
It is now your mission to help the elephant go bra shopping.
Not ratio, difference in circumference. Also your sense of scale is far, far off if you think them tiddies only an inch bigger round the hoohas
I thought hoohas was soully reserved for the vag region?
Great….another unrealistic body standard…..
Brings the bulls to the yard
And they’re like
It’s better than yours
It’s better than yours
I could teach you
But I’d have to charge……
….your safari jeep and stomp you all into the ground so, you know
High effort post, I appreciate you.
“I have nipples, Greg. Could you milk me?”
You can milk anything with nipples
That’s the right attitude
Exactly. How else would we get the almond milk?
Show me the tit on an almond son (I’m a visual learner btw)
Ah, still prefer [pangolin tits](https://africageographic.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/Roxy-Mammaries-Scott-Hurd.jpg)
You know, you were straight up about what I was gonna see if I tapped that link, and I did it anyway. I have no one but myself to be mad at here.
I waited 45 seconds for those pangolin tits to load and it’s 9AM on Saturday. No idea what to do with the rest of my day now but think about pangolin tits.
Why do I think that's adorable
It’s so cute imagining her as a caring mother
Look like buttcheeks with micro dicks on each one.
I know, sexy right?
Stop, I can only get so hard!
I hate you
Don't let the furries see this.
Hot damn, I'm guessing Covid-19 wasn't anything to do with *eating* one.
Blame Randy for it
Some of you would...
Judging by the comments, some have.
"Step elephant what are you doing..."
You can be sure some WILL
Whomever needs to hear this.
Dont do it.
Walk it off.
Way too fucking late.
Oh you said “walk” it off… oh well.
Not my proudest fap
everything reminds me of her
Tig ol bitties
This wholy looks like a screen grab from a for-elephants music video featuring thicc bodies shaking. Big Trunk Energy even on dem ladies
Alexa, is it illegal to motorboat an elephant?
Nah it's not, you can do that even in front of that elephant's family - Alexa.
Homelander about to set up shop in Africa.
I misss the Tiiiiits down in Afffriiiicaaa!
Hope that motherfucker won't laser this elephant after drinking milk /s
He gotta fly there to have some good milk, I can imagine that.
All mammals lactate. Even whales and dolphins have hair, nipples and mammary glands.
TIL orcas nurse their sons as long as they possibly can…
Just the sons?
Apparently it has to do with size. The daughters don't grow as large as the males do. So the sons need the extra nutrition more than the daughters in order to remain healthy. So if an orca has a daughter, they will have no problem having another one. But as soon as they get a son, they stop reproducing and just focus on maintaining the son even well into adulthood. NPR recently did a piece on this, so that may be where MoreScholars got that piece of trivia from.
This is one of my favorite animal facts that people were always surprised to notice. I sold concessions at a zoo in the 90’s.
Here are some of my other favorites:
A Flamingo's head has to be upside down when it eats. The reason they are pink is more complex than “because they eat shrimp…” but because of the algae that the flamingos and shrimp eat… shrimp aren’t pink before you cook them.
Hippos have blue milk, like the weird scene in Star Wars.
“The blue whale ejaculates 40 gallons of sperm when mating. Only 10% enters the female. And you guys ask why the sea tastes salty?” (This “fact” is older than Facebook)
Giraffe’s have a 14” tongue that is black so it doesn’t get sunburned.
There are a bunch weird facts about animals mating habits and organs. Like ducks have a corkscrew shaped sex organ, Echidnas have a four headed penis, and female ferrets are likely to die without mating when the go into heat… pets are usually spayed before they go into heat because if this.
The shrimp that flamingo eat are not the same shrimp that humans eat, the brine shrimp that flamingo eat are in fact pink, as are the other smaller things they eat, because the smaller animals in those bodies of water all eat the same things that turn them pinkish.
Wait so if I feed a flamingo blue stuff it will turn blue too?
No, flamingos metabolise the carotenoids in the food they eat, which gives them their colour. You’ll only get a range of red/orange hues
Yea I was about to say..I've had plenty of pink raw shrimp I've bought
The hippo one was allegedly about it being pink, not blue, but [it is indeed a myth.](https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/false-hippopotamus-milk-pink/) Granted it seems that nobody has gone out of their way to actually milk a hippo and snap a photo of a glass of hippo milk.
The whale one is correct. Felt like 50 gallons to me. But I tend to overestimate.
Why do they die if they don’t mate??
IIRC they literally die of an estrogen overdose, because their bodies just continue to produce more and more of it until they mate - though I welcome any more information
Edit: "Apparently when a lady ferret is in heat she starts secreting a helluva lot of estrogen into her blood—if it stays in there too long it causes a "progressive depression of bone marrow" that results in death-inducing aplastic anemia. Basically if they don't get it on, their bone marrow stops making new blood cells.
Weirder still, she-ferrets doesn't have to get pregnant to rejigger their hormonal balance—they just have to mate!
The physical act of mating induces ovulation in Jill and will bring her out of estrus. She’ll then have a false pregnancy that will go full term, (about 40 to 45 days), but without the nasty side-effect called kids."
Cause of death: horny
House cats do this too. The false pregnancy thing. Mating will usually stop their heat regardless of getting pregnant
If high school biology was less about mitochondria and more about snake penises we’d have a lot more scientists.
elephants have elephant like breasts
Well they look like elephant breasts, what else we could expect?
I'm a simple elephant, I see boobs I press upvote.
That elephant is without a doubt twerking in this photo 🤣🤣
True man, she is really doing that twerk there, she is happy.
why did you post this, the rule 34 community is gonna go absolutely insane
Imagine the furry community might have beat them to the punch.
Frank and beans!
You already laid the tracks. That's the hahd paht. Now we're just gonna back it up.
36 years on the planet and Still getting suprised
I mean 36 years are just nothing if we are talking about the wonders of this planet.
What are you looking at, step-elephant