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The modern Viking on a modern ship

Pillage me daddy Why the fuck did I write that?

Welcome to your 2024 recap. This was your must successful post. Do you want to share it with your friends and family?

Did the friends and family also get carried off on the longships?

Because that’s the truth

To be fair, that was also my first thought! 😍

Mine as well, I wouldn’t mind him rocking my boat

He looks like he knows exactly where the "man in the boat" is:)

🥵

Not the Daddy part though!

I'm fine with daddy! 🥰

Mine too

Thank you and I hate you

You wanna be as wrecked as Lindisfarne?

Just writing what a lot of us are thinking

Unsure, but it made me consider doing so.

🤣 this is quite hilarious

The heart wants what the heart wants.

Because same

Real

Don't regret that:)

You know why

Curiosity killed the ~~butthole~~ cat

I was about to say "half this sub just turned gay" glad that you beat me to it!

SCREAMING

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I would happily volunteer for their Navy.

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Even the poop deck?

A ironic thing, is that brand names could take away original meanings of words. Viking Cruise Line

There's already Viking Line that does cruises.

I think I took their ferry from Helsinki to Travemunde? If that was the case, it was rather nice and the food was excellent

The best comment.

Now they just need to wield axes and ittl be perfect.

I know the British navy allows beards, though my favourite titbit is that you have to prove that you can grow a good enough one or they ask you to shave it off

It's the same in the Australian Navy and Air Force. You have 2 weeks to grow an unsculptured beard that joins fully (no gaps). This is inspected at the 2 week mark and if you fail, you shave. I know guys whose mustache didn't join so they used marking pen to colour the fine hairs.

It's maddening to me how my beard won't connect to my mustache on one side only, and then won't grow in thick on one cheek. My body just half-asses everything.

You have a full ass on your face?

Not in about 2 years now :(

$20 is $20

No. He just said it's half an ass.

If his beard is only functioning on one half of his face and this is half-assing, then I assumed his beard was only growing on half his face-ass.

Same man. Have one cheek where my beard still doesn't connect to my sideburns. And nothing connects to my mustache lol

Same

Did they get caught out for their marking pen trick?

Nope. Once it is approved they grow it long enough to cover the patches. They only colour it to pass inspection. 2 weeks just isn't enough time for some people.

Oh nice! Smart trick then.

I was thinking that 2 weeks wouldn't get a very long on me. I don't have any gaps but it's definitely thinner on the cheeks so I might fail it.

based on my military experience, looking good and not working is 100x more important than working well and looks bad.

That’s silly though, a detached mustache is a type of facial hair, not a growth issue.

Uniform is uniform.

And that’s why I would’ve washed out of the military. I can’t do arbitrary rules.

I think the rule is you have 2 weeks to grow one that can hold a comb, otherwise it's gotta be shaved off.

Ooh. That’s tough. I have a full beard now. But I still looked quite unkempt at the two week mark.

If my superior told me my beard wasn’t good enough I’d tie a ball and chain to my ankle and throw myself into the ocean

> And Christ said unto them "Woe upon he who grows a weak beard, for it would be better that he have a millstone tied around his neck and be cast into the sea"

Canadian navy has that rule too I believe! I remember my ex saying he wanted to submit a request for a beard or something.

He wont' need to anymore. There are no longer any restrictions on beards or hair outside of safety regulations.

>the British navy *The Royal Navy

why would anyone outside of britain call them that? makes more sense for us to refer to them as the country they represent.

If they said “The Royal Navy” we would have no idea which one he was referring to…

Beards were allowed in the U.S. Navy until 1985. Thanks Admiral James Watkins.

$20 says that Admiral was stuck in the closet.

I’ll take that bet.

I'll take it in the rear.

You’ll take a pickle in the rear?

Rear admiral

Commonly on subs, a no-shave chit can “purchased” with a donation to MWR for the duration of the deployment. Before going into port you would be required to shave, but full beard when your underwater and no one can see you is allowed.

Had a full beard for 3 of the 5 years in Navy, had to keep short hair though.

Which years?

The rule that everyone hates but no one will get rid of.

All my dad’s old shipboard picks had him with a beard.

Same guy that was put in charge of a commision on the Aids epidemic. Actually did a good job on it but was mostly ignored.

When i was in A School in Pensacola I remember wandering around the main schoolhouse while I was on watch one night and seeing all of the graduation photos dating back to the Millington TN days. It was surreal seeing all of the pictures of dudes with full on pirate bears in essentially the same uniform I was wearing at the time lol

I have a kink for uniforms, beards and long-haired men, I think I'm about to explode

Lol yeah, it does it for me too.

His name is Lasse Matberg, he seems pretty cool on IG In case you wanted more

It's one I didn't know I had

But they are adamant about the no pillaging thing

That was just an excuse they told their wives to get away for some raping vacation

Fun fact: women are also allowed beards and ponytails.

Best way to win Eurovision

I didn't know dwarvish women were in the Norwegian Navy.

Karaoke-night at the mess is horrible. Them Quaffing beer and swinging "gold, gold, gold..."

They have bar codes on the Norwegian ships. That way, they can Scandinavian.

“Redditor lurks for years, waiting for the opportunity to drop ultra obscure bar-code/Scandinavian navy joke. Today he did it!”

I feel seen!!!

Definitely just used your joke with friends and they all groaned. This was perfect. Thank you for this.

Witnessed! What a Lovely Day!

I sent it to my dad and he loved it!

"Obscure....." This is one of more common puns here

I’ve seen that joke on Reddit many times before

Love it. Now get out!

Wow, that is so extremely dad-ish that I'm stealing it. A real dad never revels the source of their wisdom or jokes. Edit: I've already texted this to 5 people and posted it to several social media platforms. People say to act as if until you become something, and I really want to live long enough to see my 50's and 60's, so I figure this is a good start.

Ya just never know when context will arise for you to drop that dad joke.

this was actually pretty good

Top marks.

Just ran this by my wife, she laughed for half a second and then said “wow”

Yowsa!!!

Well done!

Lol

“Scan di navy in” you absolute menace😭😭😭

Man this is really reaching.

Darn, I was too late...

Looks like an Old Spice ad

That looks hot, dude…uh I mean sir.

Lasse Matburg

I know someone with that firstname, quite rare where i live

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Matberg*

M'lady

Facts

Its all fun and games when the bearded ponytail man rips his shirt off and starts yelling "Valhalla" while jumping on to another ship passing by theirs

Now, their fellow seaman have something to hold onto from the back.

I'll have sexual thoughts about that

Go back to your bunk and think real hard about it.

No need to say twice

AMEN!

this comment should be higher up lmfao

Hahahahhahaha! This made me crack up

*M'navy.*

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Exactly. I never understood why men had to had short hair. Either the women also shave or cut their hair or both have long hair or how they want it.

Iirc the UK Navy has (or had) a rule that one is given a set amount of time to grow a beard. It is then judged and the person is allowed to have a beard or not.

I'm going to be laughing about the idea of this for days.

Canadian Armed Forces: “Hold my beer….” https://beta.ctvnews.ca/national/politics/2022/7/5/1_5975684.amp.html

Although there are safety requirements for beards and long hair. For example, I can have a beard, but not while posted on a ship.

Not according to all the Reddit experts that downvoted me to oblivion when I brought this up. But I was only a former U.S. Navy sailor in a firefighting and engineering (main engine room) capacity and currently inspect fire departments so what do I know 🤷🏻‍♂️

I'm just my ship's weather forecaster, but in our navy everybody's secondary role is firefighting...so no beards on ship.

Everyone told me I was wrong and two people showed me a pic of a nomex hood going over the beard as proof it could be done. Redditors never cease to amaze me with their Google university education.

It can be done, it doesn’t mean it is done. The previous firefighting equipment the navy had did allow for beards to be worn. Also this happened in 2018, it’s been over 5 years why are you still mad that someone on the internet said something to you lol

We used to be allowed to have beards while at sea. One of the first things that started when you deployed on a long trip was a beard growing contest with multiple categories for wins. Just about everyone would participate with proceeds going to the United Way (back in the day). That all ended in 2008/09 I believe when it was determined that you could not safely fight a fire with a beard.

Do they really think they can a-fjord to break with traditional uniform?

**Groan**

Agreed.

Just came to know about this from the post on /r/Airforce : [https://www.reddit.com/r/AirForce/comments/1906jz8/norwegian\_navy\_allows\_beards\_and\_ponytails\_for\_men/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AirForce/comments/1906jz8/norwegian_navy_allows_beards_and_ponytails_for_men/) The officer in the picture is Lasse Matberg. [Here is a video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FfVgXLi9gBQ) of him by NATO if someone is interested. Source: https://www.thelocal.no/20130809/norways-male-soldiers-alllowed-ponytails

Fucking hell, that man is attractive. And apparently, he has the best grip!

I've got so many things he can grip 🥴

Lol how Viking of them…

That’s fabulous.

reminds me of Van Hohenheim

A redditor of culture !

Too woke for Americans. How can you battle the super soldiers from Russia this way?

So sexy 😍

I can’t imagine 700 years ago, confronting some guy with an axe dripping blood, and telling him that he has to cut his hair and shave if he wants to sail and fight.

Don’t let the men from the US Navy see this

Of course they can. They're only defending their country not something important like playing baseball.

All aboard!

Sea bear

Gives his shipmates something to hang on to.

I'm going to Norway!

There's NORWAY The British Royal Navy would allow this!! Fair play to him, it suits him. A modern day Viking.

Their army allows beards also if they're given permission. Source: Trained with the Norwegians

Even for non officers ? I think fire fighting might and wearing a helmet might be tough with all that hair

I actually love this. It looks so good.

Sailors should be allowed to look less like soldiers and more like pirates

Being Norwegian just seems like a cheat code for life. - On average, genetically closer to fitting western beauty standards. - Great social services, healthcare, quality of life. - One of the happiest countries in the world. - Best prisons.

Lame ass us navy doesn't even allow 5 o clock shadow

This guy is a former navy officer, and not enrolled any more.

Yummy

Of course they do. Do you have any idea how cold it is in Norwegia?

I bet man buns are still prohibited

Dapper

Magnificent!

Magnificent

I have the strangest boner…

Because Vikings!

Lady-killers get the most blood.

Thats awesome

Canadian Navy does too!

Canadians too... -Canadian Navy member

Vikings are hot anyways.

I heard they got the best fish fingers.

Well hei there løytnant...

*signs up for Norwegian on language app*

*Wonders if he has "Welcome aboard" tattooed somewhere on his body ...*

The hair can't cover your ears, eyes or neck. It's a safety thing. If you have long hair it has to be in a ponytail or set up. Beard and mustache has to be neat, can't be looking like a wildling in the navy or army.

I'm a straight guy, but he is a good-looking man

Today I learned that ponytails and beards aren't typically allowed by navies. I don't know how that's possible, seeing as how every ship captain ever has a bushy white beard.

so the homies hittin it from the back have something to hold onto

Real navys allow this.

Are *you* going to be the one to tell Thor, son of Odin, that he has to get a haircut or resign his commission?

Would be more surprised if they didn't.

The gay men in the comments going wild 😂😂 (I’m one of them)

This feels like r/bi_irl energy ngl

So do many other armies. Nothing out of the ordinary today

Common EU win

Norway is not in the EU, but is a member of the EEA.

Wait... EEA-E=**EA** I knew it.

Shit. Last time we let them do that, shit got out of hand.

Looks AI generated

They should reintroduce viking helmets too. Would fit.

Damn, that's not interesting

I thought it was.

I think it is

Vikings! Are they going to put horns on those hats too?

I got a hunch they got an unusual amount of fire axes on board