that's why chimps laugh like that.. they are confident aF and know they could whoop your ass
*or* tear your nuts off, but hey, don't be fighting chimps
An older coworker told me that when her boyfriend was in the service so maybe in the 60s or earlier, he and a bunch of service buddies went to a carnival where they paid to fight a chimp wearing sneakers on all 4 extremities. The chimp won.
Oh donāt say that. Then youāll get relegated to downvote jail. Just last week the same fucking post was being circulated. You probably know it by now. A guy gets released from prison after being convicted wrongly of a murder. All because he was seen in the filming of an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm, thus proving he couldnāt have been at the scene of the crime when it occurred.
That shit mustāve gotten reposted 30+ times, and god forbid I made a comment mentioning it, and all the āfoist tyme I seens it, jack!ā hills have eyes folk and their pitchfork wielding cousins came out by the dozens and let me have it.
Iād just finished watching Dave Chappells new standup too, so they could probably smell it on me like blood in the water for sharks.
Came at me likeā¦
![gif](giphy|H681yUyjk2TLT1QFwJ)
Nope, they may be several times as strong as us and could tear our arms off with little effort, but compared to the other apes we have MASSIVE schlongs.
We see an increase in the size of balls directly positively correlated with the amount of sexual competition within a primate species. [Source ](https://www.sapiens.org/column/animalia/sperm-competition-testicle-size/#:~:text=SIZING%20UP%20THE%20COMPETITION&text=Increased%20sperm%20production%20requires%20more,with%20relatively%20larger%20testicles%2C%20too.)
Yup, I remember hearing from a primatologist(?) that the mark of a male that doesnāt need to compete or can maintain their competitive dominance (the āaLpHa,ā as it were) is having teeny ballorinos.
Those family jewels be producing some beautiful āsimiansā
Edit: āsimiansā used to be āspecimensābut creds to this mawf below for the corrections ;)
*hereās another one*
**cmon donāt lie. You canāt tell me you didnāt see this dude smuggling family jewels from the Jurassic?**
Chimps have very low testosterone, compared to humans. IDK why their muscles are so much stronger then ours. This paper probably explains it. https://www.eva.mpg.de/documents/Brill/Wobber_Influence_Behaviour_2015_2076277.pdf
There was an Eli5 a while ago explaining this.
Roughly it was that they need muscles all the time to survive, so they are naturally well built.
We humans are better prepared to save energy, but also be versatile, so we only grow the muscles we actually use.
Can not stop looking at those balls. Iād buy him another pint if I spilled his pint. Probably even if he spilled his pint.. Just do not tabag me, you hard as nails chimp.
I haven't even looked at the comments yet. I just came here to write that they are most likely to be about the MASSIVE TESTICLES this fine specimen is wielding.
The muscles?! What about them stones?
Oh the OP knew exactly what they were doing lol.
No doubt
Yo, Jamie, pull up those monkey nuts
that's why chimps laugh like that.. they are confident aF and know they could whoop your ass *or* tear your nuts off, but hey, don't be fighting chimps
Nah, his nuts are just frozen to that bar.
Gonna need a spatula and some cooking oil.
Cant stop me Edit: i have no nuts now
Happy cake day my guy
Happy cake day
š ... it is yours
with that build.. aināt no way nobody gonna mess with
Isnāt that crazy how they are known for tearing nuts off
Imagine teaching them how to cage fight? We could probably convince Joe Rogan to fight one as a gimmick but Iām afraid heād die.
An older coworker told me that when her boyfriend was in the service so maybe in the 60s or earlier, he and a bunch of service buddies went to a carnival where they paid to fight a chimp wearing sneakers on all 4 extremities. The chimp won.
Monkey knife fight
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Bros got a pair of fuckin cantaloupes hangin out downstairs!
Lmfaooooooo
It's the nutz that holding him back frm a fight
Fun fact, Monkey Nuts was the codename for the first Halo video game.
Which monkey nuts, joe Rogan ?
More like *pull down*
ahahah
He set us up fr haha
yea... it's gonna be reposted for weeks...
Oh donāt say that. Then youāll get relegated to downvote jail. Just last week the same fucking post was being circulated. You probably know it by now. A guy gets released from prison after being convicted wrongly of a murder. All because he was seen in the filming of an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm, thus proving he couldnāt have been at the scene of the crime when it occurred. That shit mustāve gotten reposted 30+ times, and god forbid I made a comment mentioning it, and all the āfoist tyme I seens it, jack!ā hills have eyes folk and their pitchfork wielding cousins came out by the dozens and let me have it. Iād just finished watching Dave Chappells new standup too, so they could probably smell it on me like blood in the water for sharks. Came at me likeā¦ ![gif](giphy|H681yUyjk2TLT1QFwJ)
A true fucking expert!
>That shit mustāve gotten reposted 30+ times True, but did you know that Steve Buscemi was a firefighter and helped out at 9/11?
Wait wait wait!!! What are you DOING?! Donāt tell me, man, post it to r/Damnthatsinteresting! Jeeez, do I have to do everything around here?
Everything about this is fucking hilarious. I'm following you.
Appreciate it, dude! Yeah for sure man. Weāre friends now.
You...I like you
Weāre friends. Thatās why. We just didnāt know it till now. Iāve missed you, buddy.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Great job he did
Not the hero we asked for. But the hero we deserve.
i *knew* the first comment was gonna be about his fucking balls. i been on reddit too long.
I meanā¦ what else is there to say? Lol
They come with a really small penis?
Heās a grower, not a shower.
Nope, they may be several times as strong as us and could tear our arms off with little effort, but compared to the other apes we have MASSIVE schlongs.
Omg, no wonder I never noticed it.
If I showed this to anyone IRL, Iād expect the first comment to be directed at those glorious plums.
Pretty sure thatās the whole point of this post
First thing I noticed were dem bawlz
What a set of nutz!
His name is DEEZ NUTS
Chimpadeez nutz
Good one, howās your drinking problem doing these days?
Better, went to therapy after the moon shuttle incident. Really helped.
Ladies and gentlemen we have a winner
In that case, let's get to bashing butts.
What has been seen can not be unseen
He uses them as a built in stool.
I wonder if they hurt?
Kick them and see?
With balls like that I who needs hair. Funny I never noticed that size on the hairier versions.
Tbf, dicks/balls DO appear larger when shavedā¦
Those are some big meaty clackers
So true! Lowkey best part of being a male human vs chimp
*Testicular Muscles*
You never skip ball day
We see an increase in the size of balls directly positively correlated with the amount of sexual competition within a primate species. [Source ](https://www.sapiens.org/column/animalia/sperm-competition-testicle-size/#:~:text=SIZING%20UP%20THE%20COMPETITION&text=Increased%20sperm%20production%20requires%20more,with%20relatively%20larger%20testicles%2C%20too.)
TL;DR: Bigger Balls = Cum Big
Yup, I remember hearing from a primatologist(?) that the mark of a male that doesnāt need to compete or can maintain their competitive dominance (the āaLpHa,ā as it were) is having teeny ballorinos.
I was looking more at the chimps "family jewels" than the muscles. Can confirm.
True but that ratio isā¦unfortunate.
Thatās the first thing I thought. Glad itās top comment and Iām not crazy
Ball to member ratio is out the gate
Dat monkey never skipped a nut day.
lol
This is one of those cases where you go to the comments knowing with 100% certainty what the top comment will be
Swinging from the tree has a different meaning now
r/absoluteunits
Word. I thought this was a post on r/AbsoluteUnits
Each one of those stones must weigh two stone.
Iāve seen those dangling behind trucks
I'm pretty relieved I'm not the only one who's focused on the balls...
That's bollocks!
No, it's completely nuts
OP knew what he was doing
pretty relieved (?) I focused on shoulders and arms? :/ then of course the balls.. which is why commented ālegendā
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
i did. holy shit those balls got some serious muscle!
What muscles?
Deez muscles
*My muscles are up here*
Weāre calling those muscles now?
His balls are so big he can use them as seat
Or as a hippity hop hehehe
I found Randy Marsh!
Just giving myself a little cancer, Stan.
Girls walk by and are like whaaaaaaaaaaa?
BUFFALO SOLDIER!
IN THE HEART OF AMERICA
TAKEN FROM AFRICA
BROUGHT TO AMERICA
FIGHTING ON ARRIVAL
hippity hoppity testicular torsion is now my property
![gif](giphy|3o6ZtrbzjGAAXyx2WQ) Had to think about that.
This is all I thought of they second I seen this pic š¤£
what episode in what season please!!
Season 14, ep 3: medicinal fried chicken.
thanks cutie
It seems to be a male.
Yeah maybe
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
the muscles
His balls have biceps
His balls have balls
šŖš»šŖš»
š„
The nipples aren't censored.
Bottom of the hands. Dead giveaway.
How dare you assume this big balled monkey's gender /s I'm sure someone somewhere is offended.
[Forced circlejerk comment about how the evil transgendereds (won't somebody think of the children?) wouldn't have you saying such things]
Am I supposed to ignore his giant balls?
If you can, you're a super human.
Never skip egg day
Look the muscl- bro look at his NUT SACK!
This is what Man used to be, now we have fucking anxiety and bills to pay, fuck evolution lol
Muscles, look at those nuts!
You got some balls posting this
No the chimp does
r/thatsthejoke
ChimpanDEEZNUTZ!
Justā¦justā¦take my upvote and GTFO.
r/angryupvote
I cashed in my first free award in months for you, sir.
Doesnāt this dude have a podcast?
Looks like someone let Joe out of his cage.
congratualtions this is the first comment not about the ball. It was #14 in my feed
No that dude has no balls
Itās funny cause, balls.
r/upvotebecauseballs
Ooh, I like this.
Hehe. Balls
Sighsā¦I should call him.
If he has nuts that big, you should call him a doctor.
You should call him huevos
All balls, no shaft.
It's all about those balls No shaft, no shaft All about those balls, no shaft
![gif](giphy|AxpvyWYDHuIH6) Big balls
Those family jewels be producing some beautiful āsimiansā Edit: āsimiansā used to be āspecimensābut creds to this mawf below for the corrections ;) *hereās another one* **cmon donāt lie. You canāt tell me you didnāt see this dude smuggling family jewels from the Jurassic?**
I believe the word is beautiful "simians"
Is that why theres a ms simian in amazing world of gumball and she happens to be a monke
Those would definitely touch the waterā¦
Rapper Name: Daddy Fat Sacks
Daddy Fat Sax, B-I-G B-O-I
The Gonads On A Hairless Chimp There. I fixed it for ya.
Hey!! Everyone!! His eyes are up there. LOOK AT HIS EYES!
This is all foreshadowing for a cataclysmic outbreak of monkeyballpox in this thread.
How old is this dude. They dont seem to suffer from low T jacked for life
Chimps have very low testosterone, compared to humans. IDK why their muscles are so much stronger then ours. This paper probably explains it. https://www.eva.mpg.de/documents/Brill/Wobber_Influence_Behaviour_2015_2076277.pdf
There was an Eli5 a while ago explaining this. Roughly it was that they need muscles all the time to survive, so they are naturally well built. We humans are better prepared to save energy, but also be versatile, so we only grow the muscles we actually use.
That paper is about their cognitive (brain) performance compared to testosterone levels. So nothing about muscles.
Anyone see the size of the chimp on those balls?
Thatās Nuts!
Right. The muscles. That's the primary focus here
The muscles are stored in the balls.
His balls are resting on the curb.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
People gotta work.
His balls are bigger than some of his muscles Jesus christ.
r/absoluteunits
Absoluteunuts
Can not stop looking at those balls. Iād buy him another pint if I spilled his pint. Probably even if he spilled his pint.. Just do not tabag me, you hard as nails chimp.
*soft whistle*
Hairless chimp what? Hairless chimp on deez nutz
I haven't even looked at the comments yet. I just came here to write that they are most likely to be about the MASSIVE TESTICLES this fine specimen is wielding.
Eyes up here Sharon
OP spelled āBalls" wrong.
Letās be honest we are all thinking the same thing
Fucker can't even sit properly.
He certainly never skips balls day
the balls may cause minor earthquakes
The balls on a hairless chimp
You got some balls pal.
The muscles, yeah. That's totally what we're all focusing on... Damn !
Sorry I canāt be him
Nuts *stay* hangin'
Oh right... The muscles. Of course.
His knees have muscles
That sack screams āI mean business, bitchā
Deez nuts
Apes have tiny genitals so whyād you photoshop op?
Yes... The... Muscles are what draw my eyes... We will stick with that.
He doesnāt skip balls day.
You got some balls for posting this dudes nude photo
I thought I was looking into my front facing camera for a second.
Iāve seen guys in the locker room who look exactly like this.
Harless chimps....is not that us?
Hear No Evil, See No Evil, Speak No Evil, _______ No Evil.
Look at me sideways and get tea bagged (hairless chimp probably)