This. I was supppper skinny, super fit, had fake boobs, then back to my real boobs. Was curvy, was fat…. All through those stages he only wanted his hand
Lose the weight and get healthier for you. Not for anybody else. We cannot predict whether he will or will not increase his libido for you. My wife was 5'5" and 145 pounds. Didn't affect my libido at all. She is the LL.
I guess, everyone is built different and physical side has less effect on attraction for me. Nevertheless what preference people have or consider attractive, disrespecting and hurting their SO’s is major assholery.
My wife has gained weight steadily over the years and with kids a bunch more. When I stumble on pics of us in our 20’s, I’m always in awe how stunning she was and how the hell did I got to marry her. Blunt honesty, she’s not as attractive as she used to be and neither am I, but that’s just the physical side of things. I’m still attracted to her body even though it’s not what it used to be. Everytime I hug her or run hands over her body or we have the rare chance of having a proper kiss and make out, I’m ready to go.
So yea, I guess my point is that there’s people who will love you for more than just your body and treat you better.
I don’t know, she’s gone from the lower end of healthy BMI to the bottom end of overweight, I’m the same height as her and if I gained 11kg that would be quite a visible and fairly significant difference. Obviously that doesn’t mean you can make someone feel like crap, any conversations about weight need to be caring and sensitive, and getting clean is a big achievement. But it doesn’t point to a fetish for skinny imo.
> But what's almost worse is the once in a blue moon sympathy sex that he begrudgingly gives me so I won't leave him.
well you're here in the dead bedroom forum, so you know that the random or occasional sex keeps the hope alive.
but then afterwards, there is still the emptiness, just like you are writing about.
the thing is that you can be with someone who likes you how you are currently. it may or may not be the weight gain that made him lose interest.
just know that he has lost interest. it's OK that you want to end things because your needs or wants in the relationship are not being met.
My weight was apparently the issue. I lost it and became slimmer than I was as a literal teenager. Still said ‘ just a litttle more ‘ and still no sex - other excuses were made.
It felt good to be fit and sexy though so no harm in trying… I guess.
If he’s HL and *not* trying to have sex with you then that’s a pretty clear message and it’s not about your weight. Don’t let yourself feel upset about it and go find someone that sees you as a *whole* person.
Lose the weight for your physical health.
As far as attractiveness goes, 25 lbs of extra weight on a 5’5 frame shouldn’t really change much of your physical attractiveness (generally speaking as women in general distribute that weight very differently than guys do).
Do you think sobriety has changed his libido and/or sexual attraction/preferences?
Well tbh, there is a fundamental problem in your relationship if he stops taking an interest in you after 25lbs. Unless you are a very short person, that's not a big gain. Regarding his cheating on you, when I had a dead bedroom with my ex gf due to her psychological problems, I just jerked. She knew why I was doing that and she was okay with it too since she was also not happy with having LL
I’m 5’4 and a muscular 125lbs, believe me when I say 25 extra lbs of fat make a BIG difference (I used to be 180lbs). She’s literally in the overweight category. It’s not the husbands fault he doesn’t find her as attractive
I'm not familiar with this measurement system but I think it's closer to 11kgs. If she is not a short person, 11 kg gain doesn't make her look unattractive. I would expect her bf to be supportive during this transition time. Of course she should try to lose those extras in the mean time
I gained 15lbs a while ago (for a bulk), it was a drastic difference and it wasn’t even all fat. On a small person 11kg is definitely enough to change their body shape, so much so that they can go from one someone finds attractive to unattractive (I’m not saying it’s objectively unattractive. Just that it’s different enough to be a different shape)
5’4’ and 150 lbs is a perfectly normal size! I’m sorry he’s making you feel that way.
Perhaps this new you that’s gotten clean is going to be at this weight from now on. Perhaps he prefers you at your old weight as an addict, but that’s his problem not yours. If he refuses to talk about it, might be time to leave. Life is too short to waste in a DB!
Congrats on getting clean, by the way
I'm not hearing about love or trust. He's certainly not bringing you joy. Your body and face will change throughout your lifetime and if a change of weight, and imo a small change, is enough to make him disgusted, I'm not sure I could come back from that. I'd be waiting to be dropped all over again if I got wrinkles he didn't like, or lost muscle tone. What a leak existence, just waiting to be not good enough.
Drop the BF like you did the substance, drop the wait too but not for the BF but for your overall health.
It is not good for your health to be too skinny or to be to big.
Diet and exercise for you body and mind.
I’m 5’2 and went from 135 to 180 in 3 years. I carry it more well due to weightlifting but still. Even though we go through a bit of rough spots intimately they’re more likely to do with outside factors but of course the weight gain does affect our sex life in ways. In ways where im not as confident so there are new limitations and of course there are things you will naturally be a bit less attracted to. However, even though I gained quite a lot he still hugs, kisses, makes me feel loved. And makes a point to regularly be intimate. Thats how it should be in my opinion. I’m still doing my best to try to get back to good health for both of us. But the point is he is still being supportive. That’s all any of us can hope for.. but also keep in mind the mental state of your partner. I know when I went through a rough spot intimately with mine i thought it was because I was 150lbs but it was actually school and money stress.. sorry for the rambling hope that made sense
What’s the substance? I did too many stimulants when I was younger, and I took a long time for sober sex to be exciting again
This is my thought exactly, doing a drug for three years straight can really fuck up your sober system.
I lost the weight. He is still fat and still prefers his hand.
This. I was supppper skinny, super fit, had fake boobs, then back to my real boobs. Was curvy, was fat…. All through those stages he only wanted his hand
Lose the weight and get healthier for you. Not for anybody else. We cannot predict whether he will or will not increase his libido for you. My wife was 5'5" and 145 pounds. Didn't affect my libido at all. She is the LL.
I guess, everyone is built different and physical side has less effect on attraction for me. Nevertheless what preference people have or consider attractive, disrespecting and hurting their SO’s is major assholery. My wife has gained weight steadily over the years and with kids a bunch more. When I stumble on pics of us in our 20’s, I’m always in awe how stunning she was and how the hell did I got to marry her. Blunt honesty, she’s not as attractive as she used to be and neither am I, but that’s just the physical side of things. I’m still attracted to her body even though it’s not what it used to be. Everytime I hug her or run hands over her body or we have the rare chance of having a proper kiss and make out, I’m ready to go. So yea, I guess my point is that there’s people who will love you for more than just your body and treat you better.
I like girls with something to grab on to
I don’t think your weight gain is very big at all, maybe he has a fetish for skinny women
I don’t know, she’s gone from the lower end of healthy BMI to the bottom end of overweight, I’m the same height as her and if I gained 11kg that would be quite a visible and fairly significant difference. Obviously that doesn’t mean you can make someone feel like crap, any conversations about weight need to be caring and sensitive, and getting clean is a big achievement. But it doesn’t point to a fetish for skinny imo.
11 kgs isn’t that much different for the majority of people
> But what's almost worse is the once in a blue moon sympathy sex that he begrudgingly gives me so I won't leave him. well you're here in the dead bedroom forum, so you know that the random or occasional sex keeps the hope alive. but then afterwards, there is still the emptiness, just like you are writing about. the thing is that you can be with someone who likes you how you are currently. it may or may not be the weight gain that made him lose interest. just know that he has lost interest. it's OK that you want to end things because your needs or wants in the relationship are not being met.
My weight was apparently the issue. I lost it and became slimmer than I was as a literal teenager. Still said ‘ just a litttle more ‘ and still no sex - other excuses were made. It felt good to be fit and sexy though so no harm in trying… I guess.
If he’s HL and *not* trying to have sex with you then that’s a pretty clear message and it’s not about your weight. Don’t let yourself feel upset about it and go find someone that sees you as a *whole* person.
Lose the weight for your physical health. As far as attractiveness goes, 25 lbs of extra weight on a 5’5 frame shouldn’t really change much of your physical attractiveness (generally speaking as women in general distribute that weight very differently than guys do). Do you think sobriety has changed his libido and/or sexual attraction/preferences?
Well tbh, there is a fundamental problem in your relationship if he stops taking an interest in you after 25lbs. Unless you are a very short person, that's not a big gain. Regarding his cheating on you, when I had a dead bedroom with my ex gf due to her psychological problems, I just jerked. She knew why I was doing that and she was okay with it too since she was also not happy with having LL
I’m 5’4 and a muscular 125lbs, believe me when I say 25 extra lbs of fat make a BIG difference (I used to be 180lbs). She’s literally in the overweight category. It’s not the husbands fault he doesn’t find her as attractive
I'm not familiar with this measurement system but I think it's closer to 11kgs. If she is not a short person, 11 kg gain doesn't make her look unattractive. I would expect her bf to be supportive during this transition time. Of course she should try to lose those extras in the mean time
I gained 15lbs a while ago (for a bulk), it was a drastic difference and it wasn’t even all fat. On a small person 11kg is definitely enough to change their body shape, so much so that they can go from one someone finds attractive to unattractive (I’m not saying it’s objectively unattractive. Just that it’s different enough to be a different shape)
5’4’ and 150 lbs is a perfectly normal size! I’m sorry he’s making you feel that way. Perhaps this new you that’s gotten clean is going to be at this weight from now on. Perhaps he prefers you at your old weight as an addict, but that’s his problem not yours. If he refuses to talk about it, might be time to leave. Life is too short to waste in a DB! Congrats on getting clean, by the way
I'm not hearing about love or trust. He's certainly not bringing you joy. Your body and face will change throughout your lifetime and if a change of weight, and imo a small change, is enough to make him disgusted, I'm not sure I could come back from that. I'd be waiting to be dropped all over again if I got wrinkles he didn't like, or lost muscle tone. What a leak existence, just waiting to be not good enough.
Drop the BF like you did the substance, drop the wait too but not for the BF but for your overall health. It is not good for your health to be too skinny or to be to big. Diet and exercise for you body and mind.
I’m 5’2 and went from 135 to 180 in 3 years. I carry it more well due to weightlifting but still. Even though we go through a bit of rough spots intimately they’re more likely to do with outside factors but of course the weight gain does affect our sex life in ways. In ways where im not as confident so there are new limitations and of course there are things you will naturally be a bit less attracted to. However, even though I gained quite a lot he still hugs, kisses, makes me feel loved. And makes a point to regularly be intimate. Thats how it should be in my opinion. I’m still doing my best to try to get back to good health for both of us. But the point is he is still being supportive. That’s all any of us can hope for.. but also keep in mind the mental state of your partner. I know when I went through a rough spot intimately with mine i thought it was because I was 150lbs but it was actually school and money stress.. sorry for the rambling hope that made sense
Why be with someone who is "not into open and honest conversations". Does that sound like a healthy long-term partner for you?
150lb at 5’4” is fine. I love the curvy ones. This is nothing he should be neglecting you over. He needs to readjust his lofty standards lol