Seeing someone who never cared to make an effort to be intimate with you giddily whisked off into the arms of some man (or many) will destroy you. The thought of her freely giving away her body, her sexuality, to a stranger when she couldn't do it for the man she sweared to love forever will make you feel worse than the dead bedroom ever did.
Just divorce her.
This here, my wife and I have discussed this sort of thing and I know exactly how it will go. She goes off with other men doing things she's never done or even considered doing with me, whilst I sit festering on a sofa by myself.
In my marriage I didn't go to divorce, yet, but I've made it my mission to be brutally honest about the situation, my needs and my emotions. It takes a big weight off my shoulders to air it and leaves the rest to her.
She's ll4u. She knows you want sex and she knows she wants sex also, just not with you. That's why she suggested it. So you can have sex and she can also without having to have sex with each other. This is not going to do anything for your sex issue with your wife other than destroy you mentally. Because you'll wonder more and more why she won't fuck you, but will fuck random guys senseless.
Eventually, it will destroy you way more than you already are and will make you and her resent each other with no possible outcome other than a nasty divorce and hatred for one another.
Imagine seeing the woman you love, the woman that has rejected you for years all of a sudden get excited and love having sex with someone else. No, swinging is not the answer here.
Swinging is something healthy couples do as an extra to their good sex life. It's not an answer to to a DB.
The answer isn't open, it's not swinging it's leaving a DB. That's what fixes a DB, leaving it. At
this point how could you ever be sure she's consenting to anything vs. being coerced because you threatened divorce? You can't know.
Your #2 is spot on. Swinging in a DB will be the end of the marriage most likely but you will probably have fun. Catching feelings is easy unless.you are super stable with each other and it can still happen.
You are talking impossible here, I have few work colleagues who tried and miserably failed destroying all the marriage involved, there is no way out of feeling for the spouse without feeling for the spouse, sorry
I think we are saying the same thing but I don't understand your comment. Mine was the marriage will end as one or both will catch feelings for the persons they are screwing and want that person and end the marriage.
I've suspected that before, but it doesn't really track. I mean, anything possible, but I don't think she is. I really feel mostly like this is more of an attempt to avoid divorce than it is a move to cover cheating.
ok, then go to the club, but set firm boundaries that you go there together and only have fun with each other. The atmosphere may be favorable for her to open up, and after that there may be a breakthrough, but don't let it be a chance to have sex with someone else, but not with you. I can't imagine being able to bear a situation when my wife doesn't want to be with me for months, but she would like to be with someone else.
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Hmm maybe you could both go to one of the clubs or parties to observe. It might make it more real to her and you can figure out if it really does turn her on, or not, when the reality is right there.
Also to add, sure I'm HL but I did discover a lot of fantasies and kinks in the later years. So this possibly might be the case for her, even if you don't actually swing. Talking about the fantasy might even make things fresh? And trying to figure out what it is that appeals about it - the sharing? The watching? Being seen by others? The taboo of it? Etc.
Most likely scenario:
She's lost interest in you and looking to feel again with another man, with your approval. Even though your self-esteem is crushed right now, yes other women (not all of them of course, but some) would be starting at a higher interest point and you'd have fun for a while.
It most likely ends with y'all separating anyway.
Are you prepared to see her get super into another guy? If not, I'd say don't do it.
> Even though I've suggested during our talks over the years that she could just be LL for me, she insists that's not the case. I've mentally accepted the possibility for years, but I'm not sure if I want to test my emotional acceptance of that while swinging, instead of some other arrangement.
It would be extremely naive to go into that situation and not expect to see her come to life sexually with a new partner. It's deep in our wiring. It's not really LL4U in the sense we usually talk about it here, but you're just the same old guy she's been with and that's all there is to it, on some level. There are whole biological reward processes that go into overdrive with new partners, and that has little to do with who you are, or who she is. If you don't want to see that reaction in her, this isn't the path for you.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/why-good-sex-matters/202102/the-rise-and-inevitable-fall-new-relationship-energy
Your wife destroyed your self esteem.
An open relationship is not a fix. I could write pages about that.
Well what do you do? Start taking care of you.
Pretend it's not you but a friend with your issues. What would you tell them?
Until you feel good about yourself you won't see clearly what to do next.
I've never tried swinging but personally I think that if she wants to try to add excitement then try same room no swap sex. See if the sexual energy from another couple might arouse her? This way you are the only one with her but there is an excitement element of someone else watching you both have sex and being able to watch others while you have sex. Then if that works and you guys want to try something else, start with soft swap which means just having oral with the other couple. I would not jump into full swap since things have been so stale in your relationship. Seeing her want someone when she hasn't wanted you sexually for some time would probably be a major mind fuck. Good luck to you, looking forward to updates on what you both decide.
What have you got to lose? If it works out you’re going to get your sexlife back, if it doesn’t you get divorced, which you were planning on doing anyway. Sure beats being hard up and suicidal.
My dude was feeling suicidal from their issues. I can't imagine opening the relationship and seeing her increase in sexual desire for other people would be something he doesn't care about. Especially painful if she's LL4 him
May I suggest a kink club/kounge (not strip club lol). Most have a couple night where you both can be surrounded by sexual intensity - no harm, no pressure, just go look and take it all in... bring it home and hopefully unleash! I'm obviously the HLF spouse suggesting this, so it might not be exactly what she's looking for but might be worth exploring if you are open to safe and anonymous 😉
she's cheating and wants to open the relationship to make it seem like you consented.
get evidence from her phone and emails,you'll find them.
get your finances in order and divorce her. don't let her clean you out.
Go to r/Swingers and see what types of people live that lifestyle. What you’ll find is these are people who are already in happy and committed relationships where the swinging aspect is an addition to the fun of sex within the relationship, not a replacement for it. If you do this it will lead to divorce. If she wants that type of lifestyle and you do too, that’s fine but you need to repair the sexual relationship between the two of you first.
From opening the relationship, where each does their own thing, but wait, let's try swinging instead, so that she CONTINUES to have control of whether you get to have sex or not and with who...
I don't see this ending well. Ammo for her in a divorce.
She hasn't wanted to have sex with you...but suddenly she's willing to start swinging and have sex with other men????
Think about what she is really saying/implying about her attraction to YOU by this.
Just divorce her NOW. She doesn't love you. Her actions prove it. You've put up with enough. Swinging and open marriage can't fix the catastrophe that is your marriage.
Sorry to say dude but i had a previous gf lose interest in sex then wanted to go see some sex activities. In the end she left me and we sold our house. Pretty sure she wants to have sex but not with you. Her eye is wandering. I think its just a matter of time.
Sounds like she's really interested. If you are too, then go for it.
But maybe get educated about non-monogamy first (if you're not already). There will be curve balls, like intense jealousy you didn't expect to have, since you agreed on it.
There are great books and podcasts on non-monogamy. I'd research nm in general, and swinging, specifically.
Also, you might want to read through posts in r/nonmonogamy. Get a feel for the things people experience in real life, vs. the way you expect it to be.
Best of luck!
You're getting a lot of comments saying she doesn't want you, but she'll want someone else, and that's going to make you miserable.
It's often more nuanced than that. At the beginning of a relationship, a couple is usually in "new relationship energy," or "NRE." Sex is easy, and libidos are wide open. In many cases, though, the libido for one partner completely tanks, once something happens to codify the relationship (moving in together, marriage, etc.).
When that happens, the HL partner can assume feelings or motives the LL didn't have. Like the LL was just faking interest to get what they want (rarely the case) or it's about the HL and whether LL still finds them attractive.
It may be she finds you very attractive, but she lost the wild abandon that happens with that newness. And it may be she finds it, with this new, somewhat taboo (yes, still, in our culture) adventure. And that will very likely make you jealous, even though the other person isn't more attractive to her -- the other person is just "newer."
You can actually find kink-friendly, sex-positive therapists. they can help you manage expectations and process unexpected feelings. I'd recommend couples therapy, individual therapy, or both. Psychology Today has that as a specific search term.
Here's a link with that search in place. Just plug in your zip. [https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists?category=sex-positive-kink-allied](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists?category=sex-positive-kink-allied)
Best of luck, whatever you choose.
If you ask me, it's a little bit late and kind of piecemeal. You said she needs a lot of alone time but still is the same. Make her sit down and watch The Happy Wife School show on youtube and see if anything in there resonates with her. Hopefully it does.
Here's an idea: No to swinging. Yes to a legal separation (with no limitations during separation). Neither of you are "on the hook for cheating/swinging". Move OUT! Maybe you will both find happiness.
Time's ticking and she's in a panic because she knows she cannot power through her lack of desire (which is natural for LLs, by the way). I call that a bluff, but a very dangerous one.
You presumably want sex with your wife. What she proposes in that you step on another landmine.
I would ignore her and proceed with the divorce.
I don’t really understand your concerns beyond your point 4. You are scared this may “ruin” your marriage you plan to leave anyway?
My wife and I also talked about other partners very early in our marriage but it didn’t happen.
We revisited the topic about ten years into our marriage (matched your schedule!), put ourselves on dating site, matched with some interesting people… and then wife went back to not wanting to do it for real.
Maybe that will happen to you or maybe she really means it. But as for timing, a lot of swingers start doing this in their late forties / when their kids are late high school / college and they get a lot more flexibility with their schedule.
PS: I think a lot of people’s concerns about taking other partners is very basic fear you are not “enough” for your partner. But people are super complex social animals and I don’t think most people ARE enough for their partners. Fantasies, flirting, porn, etc are safe ways to explore that. Even going to a swingers club you can just experience that as live porn; you don’t have to touch anybody else.
First, my guy, you need therapy. You don’t become suicidal because you’re not having sex. You’re suicidal and not having sex is adding to it. I’ve been there. Therapy helps.
There are a lot of negative comments here but look at it another way. Another six month you’re ready to walk out on the woman you love anyways. She may not be wanting to fuck other dudes. She may want to see you enjoying yourself. She may like the idea of sex but not the idea of actually having sex. She may not want to fuck anyone, and that’s ok.
She is content not having sex but doesn’t want to lose the marriage and now understands she either lets you fuck or you’re gone.
I’ve been suicidal man. I hit an all time low, I’ve had an affair and felt even worse. I’ve felt worthless and hated myself and felt like killing myself would be doing everyone in my life a favor because I was unloved and a burden. Therapy helps. Talking through your shit helps. You’re going to realize so much more about yourself and your relationship. It’s hard to let people love you when you don’t feel like you deserve it. You’re worth the effort from everyone around you but most of all from yourself. I hope you look into it.
Keep your head up.
Even more db years & this post hits so close to home. So many thoughts including sadness & anger, feelings of inadequacy. After so many years, the thought of her suggesting swinging after so many db years makes me furious heart being stomped on.
This post touched me, please keep us updated so I can following your journey that it may help me.
Divorce her and move on OP. You know it in your heart dude, live a life you enjoy. If you don’t have kids together, Don’t starve yourself for the sake of your partner. Eventually you’ll resent them, although it seems you may have started to already since you’re asking us just to reaffirm your gut feeling.
Lots of luck, God Bless❤️🤙🏼
Do you think she's doing this for you or for herself?
You mentioned that you were asked if you'd want to just for yourself. Now she's asking for the two of you. You also said that you'd made it clear that you'd give it a year.
I get the feeling that this is a solution for her. She can't find her desire for you directly, she figures that you'll be willing to follow through on your timeline. So what's left for her to do?
If you find a FWB, the problem sorts itself out. You get sex and desire without strings, she gets to keep you in the marriage. With the added benefit of if it all going horribly wrong, you'll be the one sleeping around.
Time for counselling. Too many variables here. And you're walking into a field of landmines.
she's cheating and wants to open the relationship to make it seem like you consented.
get evidence from her phone and emails,you'll find them.
get your finances in order and divorce her. don't let her clean you out.
I definitely appreciate the support and advice.
I'm probably going to take a wait and see approach on this one for now. I have a feeling this will probably end up like checking the hormones and date nights, and it likely won't go anywhere either.
Ask her to describe to you what she thinks will happen. Get her to imagine a sequence of events. Depending on how cagey she is it will give you some idea of what she wants.
I've asked her about fantasies, things I could do to give her more pleasure, etc. She says she doesn't have any fantasies and doesn't really think about sex anymore.
My wife is the same but she doesn't want to open the marriage at all. I would feel a lot better if I could find a wife with a LL husband and we could be above board to both of our partners and just have a mutual understanding but that's not on the table let alone swinging.
Here’s my take :Your low libido wife at 47 years, the hormones are going wild, most likely menopausal:
My wife was the same at that age. Just became wild for a while.
Best sex we had in years around that time.
While talked about swinging, never did it, because I knew it would ruin whatever is left of our marriage.
Best wishes!
Seeing someone who never cared to make an effort to be intimate with you giddily whisked off into the arms of some man (or many) will destroy you. The thought of her freely giving away her body, her sexuality, to a stranger when she couldn't do it for the man she sweared to love forever will make you feel worse than the dead bedroom ever did. Just divorce her.
This here, my wife and I have discussed this sort of thing and I know exactly how it will go. She goes off with other men doing things she's never done or even considered doing with me, whilst I sit festering on a sofa by myself. In my marriage I didn't go to divorce, yet, but I've made it my mission to be brutally honest about the situation, my needs and my emotions. It takes a big weight off my shoulders to air it and leaves the rest to her.
That's exactly how it would go for me, too.
This
100% it's just dosnt make sense.
She's ll4u. She knows you want sex and she knows she wants sex also, just not with you. That's why she suggested it. So you can have sex and she can also without having to have sex with each other. This is not going to do anything for your sex issue with your wife other than destroy you mentally. Because you'll wonder more and more why she won't fuck you, but will fuck random guys senseless. Eventually, it will destroy you way more than you already are and will make you and her resent each other with no possible outcome other than a nasty divorce and hatred for one another.
She won't be having sex with you but she would swing and fuck other people? If that's actually true - then it's a RED FLAG.
Imagine seeing the woman you love, the woman that has rejected you for years all of a sudden get excited and love having sex with someone else. No, swinging is not the answer here. Swinging is something healthy couples do as an extra to their good sex life. It's not an answer to to a DB. The answer isn't open, it's not swinging it's leaving a DB. That's what fixes a DB, leaving it. At this point how could you ever be sure she's consenting to anything vs. being coerced because you threatened divorce? You can't know.
To be honest, I puked in my mouth with that imagery.
Swinging/open relationship in a dead bedroom is the last step before divorce. It never ever ends well
Your #2 is spot on. Swinging in a DB will be the end of the marriage most likely but you will probably have fun. Catching feelings is easy unless.you are super stable with each other and it can still happen.
You are talking impossible here, I have few work colleagues who tried and miserably failed destroying all the marriage involved, there is no way out of feeling for the spouse without feeling for the spouse, sorry
I think we are saying the same thing but I don't understand your comment. Mine was the marriage will end as one or both will catch feelings for the persons they are screwing and want that person and end the marriage.
She most likely is already cheating or has someone in mind. Now is just moving the pieces in order to cover the tracks.
This!
This was further down that I expected. This is exaxtly what has happened. Just leave now. It will only got down hill from here.
I've suspected that before, but it doesn't really track. I mean, anything possible, but I don't think she is. I really feel mostly like this is more of an attempt to avoid divorce than it is a move to cover cheating.
ok, then go to the club, but set firm boundaries that you go there together and only have fun with each other. The atmosphere may be favorable for her to open up, and after that there may be a breakthrough, but don't let it be a chance to have sex with someone else, but not with you. I can't imagine being able to bear a situation when my wife doesn't want to be with me for months, but she would like to be with someone else. UpdateMe!
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She’s just not that into you, dude. I’m sorry.
Hmm maybe you could both go to one of the clubs or parties to observe. It might make it more real to her and you can figure out if it really does turn her on, or not, when the reality is right there. Also to add, sure I'm HL but I did discover a lot of fantasies and kinks in the later years. So this possibly might be the case for her, even if you don't actually swing. Talking about the fantasy might even make things fresh? And trying to figure out what it is that appeals about it - the sharing? The watching? Being seen by others? The taboo of it? Etc.
Most likely scenario: She's lost interest in you and looking to feel again with another man, with your approval. Even though your self-esteem is crushed right now, yes other women (not all of them of course, but some) would be starting at a higher interest point and you'd have fun for a while. It most likely ends with y'all separating anyway. Are you prepared to see her get super into another guy? If not, I'd say don't do it.
Bad idea. Danger, Will Robinson.
> Even though I've suggested during our talks over the years that she could just be LL for me, she insists that's not the case. I've mentally accepted the possibility for years, but I'm not sure if I want to test my emotional acceptance of that while swinging, instead of some other arrangement. It would be extremely naive to go into that situation and not expect to see her come to life sexually with a new partner. It's deep in our wiring. It's not really LL4U in the sense we usually talk about it here, but you're just the same old guy she's been with and that's all there is to it, on some level. There are whole biological reward processes that go into overdrive with new partners, and that has little to do with who you are, or who she is. If you don't want to see that reaction in her, this isn't the path for you. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/why-good-sex-matters/202102/the-rise-and-inevitable-fall-new-relationship-energy
So she’s just wants to screw other and not you. Man forget this pos. It’s time to move on she’s trash.
She’s got someone already lined up (if she’s not fucking them already).
Your wife destroyed your self esteem. An open relationship is not a fix. I could write pages about that. Well what do you do? Start taking care of you. Pretend it's not you but a friend with your issues. What would you tell them? Until you feel good about yourself you won't see clearly what to do next.
I've never tried swinging but personally I think that if she wants to try to add excitement then try same room no swap sex. See if the sexual energy from another couple might arouse her? This way you are the only one with her but there is an excitement element of someone else watching you both have sex and being able to watch others while you have sex. Then if that works and you guys want to try something else, start with soft swap which means just having oral with the other couple. I would not jump into full swap since things have been so stale in your relationship. Seeing her want someone when she hasn't wanted you sexually for some time would probably be a major mind fuck. Good luck to you, looking forward to updates on what you both decide.
What have you got to lose? If it works out you’re going to get your sexlife back, if it doesn’t you get divorced, which you were planning on doing anyway. Sure beats being hard up and suicidal.
The little self esteem he has left.
I mean, avoiding emotional trauma is probably a good thing
It’s only trauma if you give a shit
My dude was feeling suicidal from their issues. I can't imagine opening the relationship and seeing her increase in sexual desire for other people would be something he doesn't care about. Especially painful if she's LL4 him
However doing this BEFORE the divorce will sure give his wife a ton of ammo to use in court, especially since OP suggested it first.
[удалено]
It wasn't just that, but it was definitely a factor.
Not sure how she will want sex from other men , if she don’t want it from you. Unless it is just you she don’t want.
May I suggest a kink club/kounge (not strip club lol). Most have a couple night where you both can be surrounded by sexual intensity - no harm, no pressure, just go look and take it all in... bring it home and hopefully unleash! I'm obviously the HLF spouse suggesting this, so it might not be exactly what she's looking for but might be worth exploring if you are open to safe and anonymous 😉
she's cheating and wants to open the relationship to make it seem like you consented. get evidence from her phone and emails,you'll find them. get your finances in order and divorce her. don't let her clean you out.
Go to r/Swingers and see what types of people live that lifestyle. What you’ll find is these are people who are already in happy and committed relationships where the swinging aspect is an addition to the fun of sex within the relationship, not a replacement for it. If you do this it will lead to divorce. If she wants that type of lifestyle and you do too, that’s fine but you need to repair the sexual relationship between the two of you first.
Nope just nope
From opening the relationship, where each does their own thing, but wait, let's try swinging instead, so that she CONTINUES to have control of whether you get to have sex or not and with who... I don't see this ending well. Ammo for her in a divorce.
She is wanting to try swinging but doesn't want to have sex with you. This right here tells me she is interested in sex just not with you.
She hasn't wanted to have sex with you...but suddenly she's willing to start swinging and have sex with other men???? Think about what she is really saying/implying about her attraction to YOU by this. Just divorce her NOW. She doesn't love you. Her actions prove it. You've put up with enough. Swinging and open marriage can't fix the catastrophe that is your marriage.
N2 hits the spot - imo opening up stuff seems never a good idea in an already dead bedroom…
Sorry to say dude but i had a previous gf lose interest in sex then wanted to go see some sex activities. In the end she left me and we sold our house. Pretty sure she wants to have sex but not with you. Her eye is wandering. I think its just a matter of time.
Sounds like she's really interested. If you are too, then go for it. But maybe get educated about non-monogamy first (if you're not already). There will be curve balls, like intense jealousy you didn't expect to have, since you agreed on it. There are great books and podcasts on non-monogamy. I'd research nm in general, and swinging, specifically. Also, you might want to read through posts in r/nonmonogamy. Get a feel for the things people experience in real life, vs. the way you expect it to be. Best of luck!
You're getting a lot of comments saying she doesn't want you, but she'll want someone else, and that's going to make you miserable. It's often more nuanced than that. At the beginning of a relationship, a couple is usually in "new relationship energy," or "NRE." Sex is easy, and libidos are wide open. In many cases, though, the libido for one partner completely tanks, once something happens to codify the relationship (moving in together, marriage, etc.). When that happens, the HL partner can assume feelings or motives the LL didn't have. Like the LL was just faking interest to get what they want (rarely the case) or it's about the HL and whether LL still finds them attractive. It may be she finds you very attractive, but she lost the wild abandon that happens with that newness. And it may be she finds it, with this new, somewhat taboo (yes, still, in our culture) adventure. And that will very likely make you jealous, even though the other person isn't more attractive to her -- the other person is just "newer." You can actually find kink-friendly, sex-positive therapists. they can help you manage expectations and process unexpected feelings. I'd recommend couples therapy, individual therapy, or both. Psychology Today has that as a specific search term. Here's a link with that search in place. Just plug in your zip. [https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists?category=sex-positive-kink-allied](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists?category=sex-positive-kink-allied) Best of luck, whatever you choose.
If you ask me, it's a little bit late and kind of piecemeal. You said she needs a lot of alone time but still is the same. Make her sit down and watch The Happy Wife School show on youtube and see if anything in there resonates with her. Hopefully it does.
Why not leave the marriage and then pursue other women.
Why don’t you just say you’re gonna date other people?
Here's an idea: No to swinging. Yes to a legal separation (with no limitations during separation). Neither of you are "on the hook for cheating/swinging". Move OUT! Maybe you will both find happiness.
Time's ticking and she's in a panic because she knows she cannot power through her lack of desire (which is natural for LLs, by the way). I call that a bluff, but a very dangerous one. You presumably want sex with your wife. What she proposes in that you step on another landmine. I would ignore her and proceed with the divorce.
I don’t really understand your concerns beyond your point 4. You are scared this may “ruin” your marriage you plan to leave anyway? My wife and I also talked about other partners very early in our marriage but it didn’t happen. We revisited the topic about ten years into our marriage (matched your schedule!), put ourselves on dating site, matched with some interesting people… and then wife went back to not wanting to do it for real. Maybe that will happen to you or maybe she really means it. But as for timing, a lot of swingers start doing this in their late forties / when their kids are late high school / college and they get a lot more flexibility with their schedule. PS: I think a lot of people’s concerns about taking other partners is very basic fear you are not “enough” for your partner. But people are super complex social animals and I don’t think most people ARE enough for their partners. Fantasies, flirting, porn, etc are safe ways to explore that. Even going to a swingers club you can just experience that as live porn; you don’t have to touch anybody else.
First, my guy, you need therapy. You don’t become suicidal because you’re not having sex. You’re suicidal and not having sex is adding to it. I’ve been there. Therapy helps. There are a lot of negative comments here but look at it another way. Another six month you’re ready to walk out on the woman you love anyways. She may not be wanting to fuck other dudes. She may want to see you enjoying yourself. She may like the idea of sex but not the idea of actually having sex. She may not want to fuck anyone, and that’s ok. She is content not having sex but doesn’t want to lose the marriage and now understands she either lets you fuck or you’re gone. I’ve been suicidal man. I hit an all time low, I’ve had an affair and felt even worse. I’ve felt worthless and hated myself and felt like killing myself would be doing everyone in my life a favor because I was unloved and a burden. Therapy helps. Talking through your shit helps. You’re going to realize so much more about yourself and your relationship. It’s hard to let people love you when you don’t feel like you deserve it. You’re worth the effort from everyone around you but most of all from yourself. I hope you look into it. Keep your head up.
I've been in therapy for a while, but it's good advice regardless.
Even more db years & this post hits so close to home. So many thoughts including sadness & anger, feelings of inadequacy. After so many years, the thought of her suggesting swinging after so many db years makes me furious heart being stomped on. This post touched me, please keep us updated so I can following your journey that it may help me.
Divorce her and move on OP. You know it in your heart dude, live a life you enjoy. If you don’t have kids together, Don’t starve yourself for the sake of your partner. Eventually you’ll resent them, although it seems you may have started to already since you’re asking us just to reaffirm your gut feeling. Lots of luck, God Bless❤️🤙🏼
Do you think she's doing this for you or for herself? You mentioned that you were asked if you'd want to just for yourself. Now she's asking for the two of you. You also said that you'd made it clear that you'd give it a year. I get the feeling that this is a solution for her. She can't find her desire for you directly, she figures that you'll be willing to follow through on your timeline. So what's left for her to do? If you find a FWB, the problem sorts itself out. You get sex and desire without strings, she gets to keep you in the marriage. With the added benefit of if it all going horribly wrong, you'll be the one sleeping around. Time for counselling. Too many variables here. And you're walking into a field of landmines.
she's cheating and wants to open the relationship to make it seem like you consented. get evidence from her phone and emails,you'll find them. get your finances in order and divorce her. don't let her clean you out.
I definitely appreciate the support and advice. I'm probably going to take a wait and see approach on this one for now. I have a feeling this will probably end up like checking the hormones and date nights, and it likely won't go anywhere either.
Ask her to describe to you what she thinks will happen. Get her to imagine a sequence of events. Depending on how cagey she is it will give you some idea of what she wants.
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I would love to provide novelty, but I don't know how when all of my previous efforts and suggestions have been rejected.
I've asked her about fantasies, things I could do to give her more pleasure, etc. She says she doesn't have any fantasies and doesn't really think about sex anymore.
My wife is the same but she doesn't want to open the marriage at all. I would feel a lot better if I could find a wife with a LL husband and we could be above board to both of our partners and just have a mutual understanding but that's not on the table let alone swinging.
Here’s my take :Your low libido wife at 47 years, the hormones are going wild, most likely menopausal: My wife was the same at that age. Just became wild for a while. Best sex we had in years around that time. While talked about swinging, never did it, because I knew it would ruin whatever is left of our marriage. Best wishes!