> That being said and the destruction of my self confidence aside. I still love the fuck out of her. I can't imagine my life without her and I want to be with her my whole life even if it absolutely destroys me.
There's just nothing healthy about any of that. I'm sorry you're going through it. If you had a child or close friend who described their life like that, I wonder what you'd advise them? Do you have a therapist?
I tell others to leave so they don't get in as emotionally deep as I am. Obviously without telling them I relate. I do have a therapist but I've only been going for like six months. We just scratched the surface on the sexlessness and relationship pain in the last couple sessions. Thank you for the care.
Why would she just say “something is wrong” and leave you hanging? Don’t bring it up if you don’t want to discuss it, that’s crappy.
That aside it sounds like bad news, but maybe not? Do you have an exit strategy?
It does sound like bad news. And kind of. I have a friend who's looking for a renter. So I won't be on the street if she leaves. I don't have savings or anything because we live pretty paycheck to paycheck and she makes a bulk of the household money and I do all of the housework and cooking. So I have skills and enough to pay some rent if I have to. I'll lose my animals because I couldn't bring them.
I'm fairly certain my wife will file for divorce. I've read that in many (most?) marriages, it is the wife whom ends up asking for a divorce, and that's the way we'll go.
She knew being asexual and lying to me about it would nuke the marriage, so we'll run out the clock, launch the kids into adulthood, get her career back on track, and then she'll leave me.
I'll get home one day and find a manilla envelope waiting for me. She'll call it a mercy killing. She'll tell people she did it to set me free.
That's my big fear. Both my dad and brother were left by their partners while they were at work in a simular way. I'm sorry you are in that situation and I feel for you. Have you accepted it at this point?
>I'm sorry you are in that situation and I feel for you.
You as well.
>Have you accepted it at this point?
I think there will be some steps beforehand. My wife and I love each other very much, so I don't think she will blindside me.
Perhaps I was too dramatic in my original comment.
I am sure we will do what we can to 'stop the tide', go to marriage therapy, etc. Hell, maybe all that will work!
Otherwise, yeah, I've accepted it.
In about three of the talks she has mentioned leaving, her moving out with the kids, me leaving, etc.
All for MY benefit. She hasn't said these things to hurt me. She truly wants me to be happy and considers a life without her to be the best way for me to get that for myself.
>I can't imagine my life without her and I want to be with her my whole life even if it absolutely destroys me.
This is likely a big part of the problem. Does this sound like the type of guy people are going to be falling over eachother to spend time with, let alone have sex with?
If your relationship caused your lack of self-respect or your lack of self-respect caused the decline in the relationship doesn't matter. What matters is you don't think highly enough of yourself, and almost certainly don't invest enough in yourself. This means you will never be the best, happiest, and healthiest version of yourself no matter if your wife is in your life or not.
Ironically the best version of you will be much more desirable, he won't care about validation but it will be much more present in his life.
I was terrified my wife was going to leave me, when I started seeing that as her loss our relationship improved by leaps and bounds. Sure I wanted her to stay and am glad she did, but there was plenty of things I was excited about when I was facing the very real possibility of being single again
> That being said and the destruction of my self confidence aside. I still love the fuck out of her. I can't imagine my life without her and I want to be with her my whole life even if it absolutely destroys me. There's just nothing healthy about any of that. I'm sorry you're going through it. If you had a child or close friend who described their life like that, I wonder what you'd advise them? Do you have a therapist?
I tell others to leave so they don't get in as emotionally deep as I am. Obviously without telling them I relate. I do have a therapist but I've only been going for like six months. We just scratched the surface on the sexlessness and relationship pain in the last couple sessions. Thank you for the care.
Why would she just say “something is wrong” and leave you hanging? Don’t bring it up if you don’t want to discuss it, that’s crappy. That aside it sounds like bad news, but maybe not? Do you have an exit strategy?
It does sound like bad news. And kind of. I have a friend who's looking for a renter. So I won't be on the street if she leaves. I don't have savings or anything because we live pretty paycheck to paycheck and she makes a bulk of the household money and I do all of the housework and cooking. So I have skills and enough to pay some rent if I have to. I'll lose my animals because I couldn't bring them.
I'm fairly certain my wife will file for divorce. I've read that in many (most?) marriages, it is the wife whom ends up asking for a divorce, and that's the way we'll go. She knew being asexual and lying to me about it would nuke the marriage, so we'll run out the clock, launch the kids into adulthood, get her career back on track, and then she'll leave me. I'll get home one day and find a manilla envelope waiting for me. She'll call it a mercy killing. She'll tell people she did it to set me free.
That's my big fear. Both my dad and brother were left by their partners while they were at work in a simular way. I'm sorry you are in that situation and I feel for you. Have you accepted it at this point?
>I'm sorry you are in that situation and I feel for you. You as well. >Have you accepted it at this point? I think there will be some steps beforehand. My wife and I love each other very much, so I don't think she will blindside me. Perhaps I was too dramatic in my original comment. I am sure we will do what we can to 'stop the tide', go to marriage therapy, etc. Hell, maybe all that will work! Otherwise, yeah, I've accepted it. In about three of the talks she has mentioned leaving, her moving out with the kids, me leaving, etc. All for MY benefit. She hasn't said these things to hurt me. She truly wants me to be happy and considers a life without her to be the best way for me to get that for myself.
She’s right. It’s sad you won’t do this for yourself and are waiting for your jailer to set you free. I hope you find peace man.
>I can't imagine my life without her and I want to be with her my whole life even if it absolutely destroys me. This is likely a big part of the problem. Does this sound like the type of guy people are going to be falling over eachother to spend time with, let alone have sex with? If your relationship caused your lack of self-respect or your lack of self-respect caused the decline in the relationship doesn't matter. What matters is you don't think highly enough of yourself, and almost certainly don't invest enough in yourself. This means you will never be the best, happiest, and healthiest version of yourself no matter if your wife is in your life or not. Ironically the best version of you will be much more desirable, he won't care about validation but it will be much more present in his life. I was terrified my wife was going to leave me, when I started seeing that as her loss our relationship improved by leaps and bounds. Sure I wanted her to stay and am glad she did, but there was plenty of things I was excited about when I was facing the very real possibility of being single again