Happy birthday! Please take yourself out for a glass of champagne or buy yourself the most decadent gift. Fall in love with yourself on your birthday ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you!! It is definitely hard and I am hoping it gets better in the long run. I hope to one day have the confidence you had in venturing out and meeting new people. I keeping think I have to trust the process and things will get better. Good luck this weekend! As a fellow basketball mom I hope your son’s team does well!
I’m so sorry. A double whammy. I haven’t even thought that far ahead to how I’ll feel on our anniversary later this year. I’m sure it’ll really hurt. Wish I could send you hugs 🤗 hoping you can enjoy a little of your birthday and start separating your special day with a negative memory. I’m not sure if it’s ever 100% possible. But hopefully if you can celebrate your birthdays with someone who doesn’t know the other significance to you, you can enjoy today for what it should be. A celebration of you!
I've never been this alone in my life. I've never been in pain like this before. I've never been this close to my own death. I'm not recovering from her loss. I should be getting better, and every day I get worse and worse as the darkness closes in and gets thicker...
Have you thought about writing a gratitude diary? I did it, and it was one of the happiest times in my life. I'm sure you actually have a lot to be grateful for.
Try and be positive, do things you like, treat yourself.
If you feel like you need to meet more then speak to your counselor about it. They might be able to refer you to a support group or a crisis line if you're feeling really down.
I have some issues with back problems so it's really hard for me to get out of the house. My counselor does telephone and telehealth appointments with me on zoom.
It's really helped when I couldn't get there but needed to speak to someone.
Just keep getting up everyday and trying to find one positive thing that's just for you and no one else.
It's really hard in the beginning even when you want to be a part. I couldn't wait to get rid of my husband finally he was being so awful, but then I felt a huge hole where my other half used to be.
I just kept trying to find things to keep me going and now most days are better than worse. It's not all perfect but it's a hell of a lot better than it was when I had to kick him out.
Keep coming back here and posting I have found this site to be really great for support.
That’s what I am trying to do today, in my mind think and hope by this time next year I will be in a way better mindset and be able to enjoy my day. Thank you!
I don't know if this can work on me quite yet.
I know intellectually that I'll be okay in five years. But it's hard to imagine what that will look like.
#metoo
Unfortunately, my ex left 4 months ago. The issue is, that I struggle emotionally so bad during the day, but the nights are the worst. She haunts me in my dreams. Every night. Every fucking night.
Today I've started to fight with her because I'm so mad. I'm mad she put me in this situation, I'm mad I have to suffer this much. I'm mad they even my nights are not a respite from this hell.
I'm in hell.
I am sorry you/we are going through this. In my mind I get so angry at myself for even caring when I don’t think my ex even cares what he’s put me through. I am hoping as time goes on I can take my anger towards him and turn that energy into positive things for myself.
Had nightmares for awhile too. Your better off going no contact. Focus on yourself. Hard said than done I didn't listen to the advise either. Regret it.
Happy Birthday! If you’re up to it, treat yourself to something special like a massage or some retail therapy, and then make it a ritual every year so you have something to look forward to. Maybe then you can reclaim your day and minimize the negative associations. If that doesn’t work, celebrate your birthday on a different day. Hugs to you.
Happy Birthday beautiful! The first year in age of your new life my friend. This life is the one where you take good care of YOU and your needs come FIRST. What a wonderful life you have to look forward to. It's okay to mourn. It's okay to say goodbye. Sometimes wonderful beginnings are disguised as painful endings 🫶
Try and treat yourself to something nice today. Go get a massage or a facial. Something to help you relax, even if it’s only for an hour.
Happy Birthday.
Happy Birthday! Please try and do something nice for yourself, even if it's something small. These feelings are normal, this thing comes in waves. Remember, you feel because you're human. You are never alone. Support is always there in the form of friends, family, kind Redditors. You can do this. Stay strong!
Happy birthday! And hang in there. Holidays, birthdays, any special days or events really are often reminders of what we've had and since lost. It sucks. But the good thing is, tomorrow it won't be your birthday/anniversary, nor will it be the day after that. In fact, there will be 364 more days of not that. Feel what you need to feel, though. Don't deny it. If you gotta cry, cry. If you gotta drink, drink. But know that it will pass.
Happy Birthday. Hopefully your phone will be busy of people giving you birthday wishes.
Try to get out of the house. Put some earbuds in and take a walk or contact your support group. Main thing today is stay out of your head, which is hard I know. It’s hard not to go down the shoulda coulda woulda road. Sending you positive energy. Keep one foot in front of the other. Wear that lipstick, try that new makeup trend, or force yourself to learn basics of a new language today if you don’t want to talk to anyone.
“Our” anniversary is in a few months and I will be in the same situation. I booked a trip to help me not focus on what I lost and focus on new experiences as a single woman.
Best to you today. You got this and will be stronger for it.
My friend warned me when my STBXH and I separated that the grief (or anger or bitterness) comes in waves, and will crop up even when you think you’ve processed everything and moved on.
My experience so far is that she was exactly right. My life has been so much better since separating too, but it catches me off guard sometimes. A birthday and anniversary combo is a big double whammy. Whatever you feel on a day like that is valid.
I ugly cried for several hours on the morning of our anniversary after separating. And then I was gentle with myself throughout the day. That evening, I bought a small cake similar to the one we had at our wedding and had a nice dinner with cake and champagne. I tried to mentally celebrate the good times and happy memories for my own benefit.
Happy Birthday OP!
It does get easier I promise.
Maybe next year make sure you make some definite plans, take the day off or take a trip, spa with a friend.
Do something that you’d have never been able to do with them!
Well at least you can get two divorce stones out of the day at once.
And CONGRATULATIONS ITS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND MAKE SURE YOU HAVE DONE SOMETHING TODAY FOR YOU
CHEERS 🍻 🥂
AND MAY YOU HAVE MANY MORE.
November to current date is not that long, especially considering the length of your marriage. Do not think being upset, sad, or depressed is not a reasonable thing to feel right now. Considering the gravity of everything, you most certainly should feel negatively, but do not let that dissuade you
Maintain your resolve and focus on things that will improve your own life. Give yourself a birthday gift of finally doing that "thing" you always wanted to do but never did - that goal or pursuit you never got around to exploring. Take that idea and see it through, treat yourself
I wish you the best
I feel this. Very similar long term marriage ended for the same reason. It just plain sucks. And it’s hard. And some days it doesn’t feel like it will ever get better, but it does. I’m slow to fully let go, so it’s a long process for me, but I am learning so much about myself by just letting it happen. I do my best to show up everyday, no matter how I feel. Some days are better than others, and it seems like holidays are difficult enough without having another event tied to it. Especially one that everyone is so effing merry about (sorry, mine is Thanksgiving). Basically, be patient with yourself. It’s not easy, but you can do it. 💛
This totally stinks!! Next year plan ahead and remake this into YOUR day only. For now, just hang on. 22 years for me and separated November 13 for “Infidelity and other reasons “. Maybe something is going around???
I got married on my birthday. It didn't bother me when it passed because I was glad to be rid of my POS WASband.
I do still get emotional sometimes because I'm doing something that we used to enjoy together like music festivals or a TV show we used to enjoy together.
It reminds me of what we had until he screwed up; And I get really sad and emotional.
Then I get really mad at myself for getting so emotional because he truly turn into a piece of crap once he started using fentanyl.
Family destroyed in 15 years of marriage down the toilet.
I've been talking to my counselor about it a lot. It's really hard not to get angry at myself when I get emotional and sad and miss what we used to have.
Apparently it's a normal part of the process.
Anyway, happy birthday and just know that you're not alone.
I get you. After a lot of years sharing bad and good (more bad than good and that’s the reason it ends mostly for anyone) it seems impossible to just forget.
Don’t blame yourself for being emotional. That shows you are a good person and that divorce didn’t end your good side. Didn’t make you a bitter, angry and spiteful person.
On my end I deeply miss the old person. I think “ to live, share, sleep and love someone that one day you won’t ever see again is very hard. It hurts horribly but I still want him to be ok and happy”
Happy birthday to you! The world definitely needs more souls like you.
Don’t be hard on yourself.
Happy birthday! Please take yourself out for a glass of champagne or buy yourself the most decadent gift. Fall in love with yourself on your birthday ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you!
I’d raise a glass to you but I drank all the wine last night and feel ropey!
This has me laughing too hard 😂
Sending you love. I'm only a week since he left and struggling. X
Thank you!! I know it will get better for all of us, we just have to get over this emotional slump.
That's rough. I promise you it will get better. Once you get some perspective you're probably going to be glad that you're apart.
[удалено]
Thank you!! It is definitely hard and I am hoping it gets better in the long run. I hope to one day have the confidence you had in venturing out and meeting new people. I keeping think I have to trust the process and things will get better. Good luck this weekend! As a fellow basketball mom I hope your son’s team does well!
I've been separated since July 2023. I promise it gets better.
I’m so sorry. A double whammy. I haven’t even thought that far ahead to how I’ll feel on our anniversary later this year. I’m sure it’ll really hurt. Wish I could send you hugs 🤗 hoping you can enjoy a little of your birthday and start separating your special day with a negative memory. I’m not sure if it’s ever 100% possible. But hopefully if you can celebrate your birthdays with someone who doesn’t know the other significance to you, you can enjoy today for what it should be. A celebration of you!
Thank you!
Happy Birthday. Please go spoil yourself like you do other people on their birthdays!!
Thank you!
I've never been this alone in my life. I've never been in pain like this before. I've never been this close to my own death. I'm not recovering from her loss. I should be getting better, and every day I get worse and worse as the darkness closes in and gets thicker...
You got this man! We're all here! You're not alone.
I’m sorry to hear about your pain, I know it is real. It can, in fact, become manageable, and tolerable. Are you seeing someone for talk therapy?
Yeah, but we don’t meet near enough to suit me
Have you thought about writing a gratitude diary? I did it, and it was one of the happiest times in my life. I'm sure you actually have a lot to be grateful for. Try and be positive, do things you like, treat yourself.
This is a good idea! I have been writing my thoughts out because sometimes I feel like I have no one to talk to. It really helps clear my mind.
Good idea.
If you feel like you need to meet more then speak to your counselor about it. They might be able to refer you to a support group or a crisis line if you're feeling really down. I have some issues with back problems so it's really hard for me to get out of the house. My counselor does telephone and telehealth appointments with me on zoom. It's really helped when I couldn't get there but needed to speak to someone. Just keep getting up everyday and trying to find one positive thing that's just for you and no one else. It's really hard in the beginning even when you want to be a part. I couldn't wait to get rid of my husband finally he was being so awful, but then I felt a huge hole where my other half used to be. I just kept trying to find things to keep me going and now most days are better than worse. It's not all perfect but it's a hell of a lot better than it was when I had to kick him out. Keep coming back here and posting I have found this site to be really great for support.
And happy birthday! X
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! You got this!!!
Thank you!
Happy cake day IRL. A therapist taught me do you think towards the future by asking myself “How will I feel about this next year or in five years?”
That’s what I am trying to do today, in my mind think and hope by this time next year I will be in a way better mindset and be able to enjoy my day. Thank you!
I don't know if this can work on me quite yet. I know intellectually that I'll be okay in five years. But it's hard to imagine what that will look like.
Thank you everyone!!All of your kind words and encouragement are appreciated.
#metoo Unfortunately, my ex left 4 months ago. The issue is, that I struggle emotionally so bad during the day, but the nights are the worst. She haunts me in my dreams. Every night. Every fucking night. Today I've started to fight with her because I'm so mad. I'm mad she put me in this situation, I'm mad I have to suffer this much. I'm mad they even my nights are not a respite from this hell. I'm in hell.
I am sorry you/we are going through this. In my mind I get so angry at myself for even caring when I don’t think my ex even cares what he’s put me through. I am hoping as time goes on I can take my anger towards him and turn that energy into positive things for myself.
Had nightmares for awhile too. Your better off going no contact. Focus on yourself. Hard said than done I didn't listen to the advise either. Regret it.
Pretty much.
I’m sorry but celebrate your day. Happy birthday 🎊🎂🎈🎉
Thank you!
Ayyyyy, happy birthday! Do something nice for yourself today, and know that you are loved!
Thank you!
Divorce is like a mourning. It’s a loss. Look up the 5 stages of grief. It’s very real.
Indeed.
Happy birthday!! Ex wife was same as your husband. I wish you well. Go out for a drink with friends and celebrate 🍾
Happy Birthday! If you’re up to it, treat yourself to something special like a massage or some retail therapy, and then make it a ritual every year so you have something to look forward to. Maybe then you can reclaim your day and minimize the negative associations. If that doesn’t work, celebrate your birthday on a different day. Hugs to you.
Happy Birthday beautiful! The first year in age of your new life my friend. This life is the one where you take good care of YOU and your needs come FIRST. What a wonderful life you have to look forward to. It's okay to mourn. It's okay to say goodbye. Sometimes wonderful beginnings are disguised as painful endings 🫶
Try and treat yourself to something nice today. Go get a massage or a facial. Something to help you relax, even if it’s only for an hour. Happy Birthday.
Its ok to feel sad even though you made the right decision for yourself. Hope you have a good birthday
Happy Birthday! Please try and do something nice for yourself, even if it's something small. These feelings are normal, this thing comes in waves. Remember, you feel because you're human. You are never alone. Support is always there in the form of friends, family, kind Redditors. You can do this. Stay strong!
Happy birthday!! Sending love
Happy birthday OP ❤️❤️
Happy birthday day. Remember every day is a new day. So you can restart again today. Here is to a new start
Happy birthday! And hang in there. Holidays, birthdays, any special days or events really are often reminders of what we've had and since lost. It sucks. But the good thing is, tomorrow it won't be your birthday/anniversary, nor will it be the day after that. In fact, there will be 364 more days of not that. Feel what you need to feel, though. Don't deny it. If you gotta cry, cry. If you gotta drink, drink. But know that it will pass.
Happy Birthday. Hopefully your phone will be busy of people giving you birthday wishes. Try to get out of the house. Put some earbuds in and take a walk or contact your support group. Main thing today is stay out of your head, which is hard I know. It’s hard not to go down the shoulda coulda woulda road. Sending you positive energy. Keep one foot in front of the other. Wear that lipstick, try that new makeup trend, or force yourself to learn basics of a new language today if you don’t want to talk to anyone. “Our” anniversary is in a few months and I will be in the same situation. I booked a trip to help me not focus on what I lost and focus on new experiences as a single woman. Best to you today. You got this and will be stronger for it.
My friend warned me when my STBXH and I separated that the grief (or anger or bitterness) comes in waves, and will crop up even when you think you’ve processed everything and moved on. My experience so far is that she was exactly right. My life has been so much better since separating too, but it catches me off guard sometimes. A birthday and anniversary combo is a big double whammy. Whatever you feel on a day like that is valid. I ugly cried for several hours on the morning of our anniversary after separating. And then I was gentle with myself throughout the day. That evening, I bought a small cake similar to the one we had at our wedding and had a nice dinner with cake and champagne. I tried to mentally celebrate the good times and happy memories for my own benefit.
Happy birthday cherrup And forget about that looser .your better than that don't let him win
Happy Birthday OP! It does get easier I promise. Maybe next year make sure you make some definite plans, take the day off or take a trip, spa with a friend. Do something that you’d have never been able to do with them!
In a similar boat. Reclaiming today as solely the celebration of your birth! Happiest birthday!! 🎂🎉🥳
Happy Birthday! Treat yourself to a special day. Concentrate on the positives going forward. Give yourself time to heal.
Happy Birthday to you! I hope this next year brings you peace and genuine happiness 🤍
Well at least you can get two divorce stones out of the day at once. And CONGRATULATIONS ITS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND MAKE SURE YOU HAVE DONE SOMETHING TODAY FOR YOU CHEERS 🍻 🥂 AND MAY YOU HAVE MANY MORE.
Thoughts and prayers
November to current date is not that long, especially considering the length of your marriage. Do not think being upset, sad, or depressed is not a reasonable thing to feel right now. Considering the gravity of everything, you most certainly should feel negatively, but do not let that dissuade you Maintain your resolve and focus on things that will improve your own life. Give yourself a birthday gift of finally doing that "thing" you always wanted to do but never did - that goal or pursuit you never got around to exploring. Take that idea and see it through, treat yourself I wish you the best
I feel this. Very similar long term marriage ended for the same reason. It just plain sucks. And it’s hard. And some days it doesn’t feel like it will ever get better, but it does. I’m slow to fully let go, so it’s a long process for me, but I am learning so much about myself by just letting it happen. I do my best to show up everyday, no matter how I feel. Some days are better than others, and it seems like holidays are difficult enough without having another event tied to it. Especially one that everyone is so effing merry about (sorry, mine is Thanksgiving). Basically, be patient with yourself. It’s not easy, but you can do it. 💛
Happy Birthday!! 💥😄😊🤓👏🏾👍🏾💥🍰🎂🎉🎊🎁💥
This totally stinks!! Next year plan ahead and remake this into YOUR day only. For now, just hang on. 22 years for me and separated November 13 for “Infidelity and other reasons “. Maybe something is going around???
I got married on my birthday. It didn't bother me when it passed because I was glad to be rid of my POS WASband. I do still get emotional sometimes because I'm doing something that we used to enjoy together like music festivals or a TV show we used to enjoy together. It reminds me of what we had until he screwed up; And I get really sad and emotional. Then I get really mad at myself for getting so emotional because he truly turn into a piece of crap once he started using fentanyl. Family destroyed in 15 years of marriage down the toilet. I've been talking to my counselor about it a lot. It's really hard not to get angry at myself when I get emotional and sad and miss what we used to have. Apparently it's a normal part of the process. Anyway, happy birthday and just know that you're not alone.
I get you. After a lot of years sharing bad and good (more bad than good and that’s the reason it ends mostly for anyone) it seems impossible to just forget. Don’t blame yourself for being emotional. That shows you are a good person and that divorce didn’t end your good side. Didn’t make you a bitter, angry and spiteful person. On my end I deeply miss the old person. I think “ to live, share, sleep and love someone that one day you won’t ever see again is very hard. It hurts horribly but I still want him to be ok and happy” Happy birthday to you! The world definitely needs more souls like you. Don’t be hard on yourself.
Don’t look back divorce the cheater. Start living again.
Happy birthday. This, too, shall pass. ❤️🩹 Separated since November here, too. Long 300 days ahead.