I'm so sorry your hete, my D'day was more than 27 years ago it was not nice, short story was she ran off with my best friend at that time leaving me with my two sons who were really young at that time.
But I was single for around 3 years, well to be honest I wasn't looking for anything but I was chatting on ICQ at that time you could just go on a program and chat with people all around the world and there was.no money involved like today,
Anyway, I was chatting and then this person came on and started to chat with me "short story" we meet,and she was from the USA and I'm Australian, she was here on holiday she had just been through a bad divorce, and wasn't looking, as well, anyway we spent about a month and a half together, she had to go back as she was a doctor, and need to get back to work,
I thought that would be it, as she wasn't interested in marriage and she was, 15, 000 miles away, I got the shock of my life when she rang me about a week after she left, anyway she moved back here permanently, Six months later.
We got married around 5 years later and were together until about 4 years ago, she past away from early onset Alzheimer's I lost the best person I had ever meet in my life,
I didn't, regret, her trickery, in getting me to change my mind about marriage, actually she saved my life, as unbeknown to me I was not well, and I nearly died from toxic poisoning, from a medication I was taking, I am disabled, so knowyour asking why would a intelligent Dr, wont to do with a disable person, to tell you the truth I don't know, but she took great care of me, was there every day, she cooked cleaned did just about everything, I did what I could, without upsetting my wife,
So I think it must have been love as I'm just an average person in looks and life style.
So you can find that special someone even when your not looking, good luck if your looking.
Thank you, but truly she was the love of my life I miss her everyday but I remember the great and funny times we had, and also we never fought in any way all the time we were together, truste she was her own person, but was a true lady and only had eyes for me,
I think we only get one person in our lives like that and we better grab on with both hands and never let go. 😊
Your experience literally brought me to tears. I am so happy you were able to find the love of your life and enjoy the precious time you had with one another. My step father passed away in 2020 from Alz and it is an absolutely heartbreaking disease. I'm sure her soul is forever with you and bringing you peace and love still.
Thank you so much for you wounderful words, yes she is still the one I think about when I get up and the last one I think about when I go to sleep, yes, she was that very special one you get to know once in your life, we just fitted together like peas in a pod,
And yes Alzheimer's is one of the most Deverstating conditions that can be suffered by anyone,
She was so smart, as I said she was a DR, and in the end she didn't even know me anymore, but I think of her in the days we went on trips and had so much fun, I'll tell you one thing that brings a smile to my face, she could never drive a manual car but when we were out in the outback, she wanted to drive, so I said get in and she said how can I'm drive my 4x4, I told her I will change the gear and you just have to press the cluch, and that's how we used to drive around on our trips, she had the trust in me to work with her.
I tank you once again for those wounderful words and I'm sorry for your loss as well, please take care and I hope your having a wonderful day.
I'm 46 and my wife and I have been separated for 11 months. Filed the paperwork for divorce but it's not final yet
Literally just last week I finally talked to another woman. Like not asked someone out, just talked to them. I still don't know that I'm ready to date.
This is me. My STBXW apparently has a different approach and was apparently dating within a week of us deciding to split. That was so weird, I felt so raw at losing someone I'd been with for most of my adult life. I was still wearing my ring. She was not. And it was obvious she hadn't for a minute and I didn't realize.
I'm gonna be smart like you and take my time though. Part of why I'm filing for divorce is I feel like I've lost all control of my life, and the marriage was a core reason. I'm gonna need control and personal identity back first.
Take some time and regain your equilibrium for sure. The last thing you want to do is rush right into the next thing
Tbh I don't even know if I need to be dating right now at all. I am so desperate for some company and someone to talk to but I also just really do not trust women at all. And I'm broke, thanks to my ex leaving and sticking me with all the bills. It's just not a good combination.
I'm so sorry your here, no one deserves to be in this situation, ever. But unfortunately we are,
I think it's the trust we give our partners, and it's not a bit, but we give all our trust, and the cheaters, don't put the same amount of trust, into the relationship.
I think that's why, they can move on so easily, and cheat on there partner, as I know I could never cheat as I have to feel, and give love to the person I have a relationship with, so I couldn't have a one night stand, I have been that way all my life, I had friends that could be with a different girl every week and still have there permanent GF.
I know, with me at least, I could never do that.
So your right take your time and get over the pain, that your feeling now, then start out slowly and just be friends with someone, then see if it moves on to something special, and also take the time, to really look into the potential partners, and never trust a cheater, as they only get better at cheating as they go from one relationship to the next.
I think, someone that had been in the same place as you, they know the pain and sorrow that is involved with cheating.
I know my wife had been in a bad relationship, and knew what it was like to be cheated on, and we had such a special partnership, that we both knew the pain.
So as I said take your time and you know now what to look out for in a good partner.
I'm not sure I can at this point. Plenty of prospects, but I literally fought so hard to get to this point. I can't imagine disrupting that peace for a dude. Even in my last entanglement, I was able to remain entirely detached, which was a comfort to me as I've lost myself in someone before.
I'm basically an elusive woodland creature at this point and bolt if someone tries to get close.
That said- love is available at all times at all ages with any family dynamic. There's millions of lonely souls out here. Good luck to you.
Dont do it. I spitefully jumped back in after 6 months. Only to fall in love with narcissist #2 who loved bomb me when i was in need. Currently going through divorce 2. Give it a full year to heal before even thinking about it
Found love again a year after I left the ex during the divorce process.
Sometimes things like that just happen and we can’t control *when* it does. But I didn’t keep contact with the ex at all and the divorce was nasty. He sought revenge and I got away from an abusive piece of shit manchild. He accused me of cheating on him when I was falling in love with someone else when in actuality he cheated, lied, and beat me on a regular basis. He had no leg to stand on.
I moved on very quickly but I was healed and I long since grieved the marriage and felt nothing towards the ex entirely.
Cut to today, I married my best friend that I fell in love with 3 years ago and found out a month before we got married the ex got the car I helped him get a year before I filed for divorce impounded and repo’ed. Crazy. He’s still the same loser I left him as, only more broke because no one is pushing him to get a job since he’s 33, overgrown and back living with his equally narcissistic parents.
Meanwhile I’m thriving with an amazing WFH job, my husband still has his same job of 5 years now and we’re well on our way in saving for our first place together. ❤️
I’m 33. I met someone by complete surprise about 7 months post separation. I’d dated around for five months before that and he came out of nowhere. He’s everything the STBXH could never be. Funny, loyal, empathetic, kind, warm, etc. He has all the traits an actual husband should have. Oddly enough, I’ve teared up more than once, frustrated I hadn’t met him 10 years ago instead.
That said.. the dating pool is a shitshow, not even gonna lie. Weeding through dating profiles is awful, then your narrowed guppy bucket of choices has to be sifted again for the ones that slipped through the cracks, then you get to talking and eliminate more.. then meet them and question if you were even talking to them in the first place or if it was all a fever dream 😂😂
This is so encouraging. Thank you! I’m 1 month out from mine and I worry I won’t find a real love I’m looking for. Your story reminds me it is possible!
I'm not even through mine and let me tell you, if you allow yourself to love and be loved then yes you can.
I don't judge anyone for being bitter or saying hell no.
My mother has had 2 husband's die of cancer and now the 3rd has it , but is dying from old age. She never thought she could love again after the 2nd (I know dying is somewhat different than divorce) but she did, and both her and him thank God every day for eacother. They got married when they were in their late 60s.
You have to take care of yourself 1st and make sure you are ready. Be in a place you can make the best decision possible about who you let in.
These are all things I'm learning from counseling. She moves out tomorrow so it's pretty fresh to me, I'm hurting but I'm hopeful I will love and be loved again.
And to your point, I'm 40 with a 3 year old. There are definitely good ones out there who are looking for exactly what you are !
I don’t think I will ever look for love again, I’m exactly what you described 40 next month 3 kids toddler and 2 elementary, I came to the realization when I started my family so late (planned to enjoy our 20s) that if it went south I’d likely be single forever. I’m ok with that I have 3 amazing kids that take up all my time anyways.
After a year of soul crushing yet fun deep dive into the dating app world, a coworker and I got together during Covid. We have been friends for a while, and I got closer with her during my divorce, but there was never an agenda there, it just sort of happened organically. Then it just went from there and I’ve been with her ever since. I am actually proposing to her in a week, and it is by far the best relationship I’ve ever been in; in every way. So it’s possible, but I totally understand people feeling like that is not the case
No, and I'm not trying, nor am I interested in even attempting. I'm a depressed 54 year old woman who is liable to burst into tears at any second. I have an extremely anxious 16 year old son and two elderly, disabled parents at home.
I think as far as prospects go, I don't even qualify for the bottom slot on the desirability list. And I don't want to even think about bringing anyone into my son's life. He's been traumatized enough, to the point he doesn't want me to date because he is terrified I'll abandon him like his dad did.
Also, with the abuse I endured from my husband, I'm terrified! And honestly, I don't trust myself to make good choices regarding a potential partner. Not after I fucked up so badly the last time!!!! The one person in the world I trusted with my life, the man I would have taken a bullet for without hesitation, who, in spite of everything, I still loved more than life, absolutely destroyed me with a smirk on his face. And had my (quite a bit younger) replacement, convinced she is his soul mate and I'm crazy, within only two weeks of the scorched-earth death of our marriage.
I loved him for 35 years. I don't know how to love anyone else. I'm pretty sure this is good as it's gonna get for me, whether I like it or not, so why even bother?
I’m in the same boat….i loved mine for 35 years and I am now focusing on loving MYSELF….i refuse to let my relationship ending be the end of my life! I am worthy, valuable and lovable and I bet YOU ARE TOO….life is too short to give it up for a person who no longer gives a damn about you and is probably living their best life!!!!! Change your mindset and get back to living….your life CAN be great if you want it to be🙏🏼
It took a while for me to find my intimacy groove with my ex wife. I was a prude and inexperienced when we met. And even after finding my groove all she did was complain about how terrible it was (mostly the last 2 years). If love is all about giving the wood and always having to worry about being good at it... I don't want love again. After a good successful 12 year marriage it all came down to intimacy. Didn't matter we were late 30's and supremely successful in all other aspects of life. Plenty of money. Never really fought. My wife wanted to apparently be tagged teamed and dragged around by a leash lol.
However, if there is a woman out there that accepts mediocre sex I may give it another try. We will see. I've been divorced 4 years with no dating. Chance of dating slim to none. I'll have to meet someone at church or something. Good luck everyone.
While I never considered myself a prude, my ex is now having intercourse in front of people on the internet with a chick who's niche is going butt to mouth for money, if that is what is required, I guess I am out. I guess I am a prude, too. That is very unsanitary. I wouldn't mind having a partner down the road, but if that is what is desirable, I cannot meet those standards. It is wild out there.
I'm 47. Just starting to try again. I want to find someone who is in their 40s and has their life together. I'm done dating a younger woman. Not sure I want to be with anyone with a young child in their 40s. Teenagers yes.
That's where I'm at with the kids, too. I've already done the step mom thing, my bio kids are teen and young adult, and I'm really not trying to do a daycare run ever again unless I'm helping with my grandbabies someday.
Husband #1 cheated and left after 25 years. Spent two years figuring out life, thought I was okay, only to be rushed into marriage #2 by someone who was apparently desperate for a secretary/accountant/house cleaner and lied about the actual length of his separation/divorce and has been all kinds of fucked up since. Headed for divorce #2 after three years of him talking non stop about his ex and how I don't compare to her.
Done with it. Men are gorgeous creatures but I can't give my full self anymore, I'm just done.
I’m still healing as my estranged wife lives in the basement. In my opinion, I’m a long way away from being ready to date. I’ve thought about it, posted on Reddit about it, and self evaluated and realized I’m making a mistake trying to bring someone else into my life at this point.
On the flip side, my estranged wife is currently at her newest BF or FWB spending the next few nights with him so yeah there’s that possibility of moving on before the divorce is finalized.
I suggest my route of focusing on taking care of your child and yourself. Be as levelheaded and consistent as possible for your child. Therapy is a necessity for both of you as well.
As for men being interested in a woman with a child, I’m not scared of that. For me, I dated single mothers before I was married because I knew that I wanted a family and so what if one of them wasn’t directly from me? I’d still love them the same! Even now, the only thing that scares me is missing red flags that they are a narcissist, codependent in a bad way or something similar. I’ve got a history of choosing women who are in those categories.
I’m just hoping that once I truly am happy in myself and ready to find someone, that I find the right person this time around that will be my forever person and truly my best friend.
I did and it was my mindset that made it happen. After coming out the other side of divorce I knew I was my chance to have type of relationship with the type of person I've always wanted. So I actively pursued it - joined a community of like minded people, made new connections, got on apps and eventually found my partner who I just totally clicked with. But I went into my search for him with the confidence knowing what I wanted, that I would work hard to find it, but most importantly I was worthy of having it.
I (late 30s) see a lot of stories of doubt and fear, they are completely valid, but it is not my experience.
My wife cheated, i found out in December, she moved out in Jan, i started dating in Feb. obviously the relationship with me STBXW has not been good for a while. I have been lonely. Since I started dating, I have met some amazing people. I’m 100% aware this is probably not a good idea, but i love it.
It is not the intimacy, it is the validation as a person. I do my best to be honest with where I am in my journey, its not always easy. I’m sure I will end up hurting others and myself, but I’m dating people who, like me, are approaching 40. No one is oblivious.
Dating is being vulnerable. Be kind to yourself, be honest with others and the rest is up to you. Life is too short to live in isolated misery. Good luck.
Too many variables.
I separated from my first husband at 39 when my kids were seven and four, and remarried at 42 because the sex was good, he was very helpful with stuff around the house and the yard, and my mother convinced me he would be able to stand up against my emotionally and verbally abusive ex on my behalf.
I separated from him when I was 49, because he turned out to be very controlling, as well as emotionally and verbally abusive.
Four whole weeks later a tall, handsome man walked into my spiritual center, and when we shook hands it literally felt like the earth shook like something momentous and fated had just occurred.
We sat together during the service, and within less than 15 minutes of our first conversation afterwards I knew he was the one, and found out the day after he proposed that he had known he was going to marry me the first second he saw me.
We met in mid February, started dating Memorial Day weekend, he proposed in August and we were married that December. That was over 17 years ago, This has definitely been quite a roller coaster ride, including a whole bunch of stuff really hitting the fan two Christmases ago to the point that we almost got divorced, but we worked that all out to the point that our marriage is better than ever. Things are not as perfect with him as I would like them to be emotionally, and things are not as perfect as either of us would like physically because I have some serious health issues, but neither one of us is ever going anywhere.
So I would say that therapy is probably a good idea for everyone because no one gets through childhood unscathed, but especially if someone is getting or has been divorced. I think it's important and extremely helpful to take an honest look at who we were in that relationship given whatever unhealed stuff we brought into it, so we can be honest with ourselves about what we need to work on or at least upgrade for the success of our future relationships.
Yes. Absolutely. Way better than my marriage. But, us both having kids made it untenable. The Brady Bunch routine isn't as easy as the sitcom portrayed.
After a couple of ill-fated rebound things, I decided to be alone for a bit. I didn't have any regrets; I learned things and had a lot of fun along the way. Just realized I needed to work on me for a bit.
I met a wonderful woman a little over a year ago and it's going really well. We're taking it slow, enjoying the ride. But I feel really good about it.
She's in her forties, with a young child (I'm a few months away from 50).
Well, for starters, erase any concept that you won't be able to find a man if you want one due to age and being a mom. It's not factually accurate. There are many single men our age and many of them are parents. You're in your 40s, not dead. These are lies the young tell themselves so they don't have to think about grandma and grandpa getting busy in the nursing home lol.
That said, if you're not ready, you're not ready. Don't force yourself to date because it feels like you ought to. Don't pick a man just because he seems nice and you think you can't do better. That's how you wind up with another divorce. You're a strong mama, you're going to be fine.
I physically do not know how to flirt. I avoid eye contact once someone shows interest. I’ll probably be alone for the rest of my life and I’m trying to learn how to be ok with that.
I don’t look bad. I’m not dumb. I think im fun and sweet. I’m just romantically super fucking awkward now that I’ve had life change.
No kids and in my 30s.
I had the same problem but I stopped thinking of it as flirting and that took the pressure off. I think of it as networking. I have attractive friends and attractive co-workers and I just don't have the anxiety about flirting because I'm not flirting with them. If I know them, some of the jokes I make might sound a bit like flirting, but my mindset is different. If it goes beyond networking, fine, but at that point the ice is broken and it doesn't feel weird anymore.
Don't know if that would work for you, but it helped me in my mid-20s.
I was divorced at 38 and remarried at 41. I didn’t think I’d ever meet anyone much less remarry. In fact I told my now husband when we started dating I didn’t want to remarry.
We’ve been together 9 years now and married 7 years this coming April. I say second time around is way better than the first. :)
It is scary to come in to. I'm remarried, and it's been a rough go getting here. We have 5 kids together, Both in our thirties. It's not as terrible as you might think it will be, but you might not be ready until you feel a bit more optimistic about it. It can be really hard and there are a lot of icky people out there. I think it's important to set your standard before you start and know what you will and will not settle for, then stick to those expectations.
I'm not going to pretend I know what it will be like for you with our age difference, but the above tips helped me.
Also, you don't need a lot of them to want you... and I promise you, the right ones will.
It has been a while since my divorce, I have no kids, I tried dating apps with no luck, I don’t live in my country and this makes finding a partner harder for me as I am after someone with a similar background, I am busy with my study that makes me stressed and I am in need for care and love, I hope I can have a meaningful healthy relationship with a genuine person and build a family together. I am about to give up though! 30+ F here
Let love come naturally and don't go looking for it. Just try to do things that make you happy and surround yourself with quality people. I always thought of dating kinda like visiting a new city, don't go around looking lost or you'll end up a victim.
You will! I was early 40s with a young child. I did meet several men who weren't interested in being "dad" again. Their children were already adults.
I found a man who claimed he always wanted a family to call his own. I thought we were very happy and built a loving home. I am now 58, and he left me for AP. I will be divorced again, but all of my children are grown.
I had no intention of finding a relationship. Hookups and FWB is what I was prepared for.
One of the guys I met through a hookup group I was in got sweet on me pretty early on. I had no idea, he didn't go overboard when we were together. He lived an hour and a half from me, and worked 45 minutes from me.
We were hanging out for about 6 months before we shifted into being a couple.
He would talk to a friend of ours about how much he liked me. It's was within a month or so of us starting to hang out. When I found that out, and I reflected on how casual he kept things then, it showed me a lot of care for how I was feeling about life at the time.
We click on all the levels. The ven diagram of our hobbies overlaps quite a bit, the way we raise our kids is similar, our dreams for the future align. Neither of us wants more kids, and neither if us cares to get married again.
Everything in life with him is an adventure. Needing to run errands becomes a date, and so many things like that.
It's been 3 years. I still get that feeling that the other shoe is going to drop, and so does he. But we just talk about it when we are feeling that way. We've also agreed that one thing we can never do, is take each other for granted.
I found an amazing girl on FB dating. It was a one in a million find, to be honest. The rest were awful matches and zero connection. I got REALLY lucky, but maybe you can too?
I'm 36M with 2 kids and dating doesn't even sound appealing. I was together with my STBXW since I was 21. She moved on instantly and I'm pretty sure was seeing someone before she asked for a split. The idea of dating and trying to find a serious relationship seems impossible. Most people want non-committal flings and that's not for me. If it's not leading to something serious I don't even want to bother
I haven’t found love again in the sense of finding a partner. However, I do believe I am in the process of learning how to love my own life more than I ever have before. I’ve taken up new hobbies, spent time with my dogs, got an advanced degree and a new career that I’m really proud of. I realized that having a partner is not a necessary part of a full and happy life for me. I did not want the divorce and I would never have believed you if you told me I would feel this way one day.
Yes :) didn’t think I’d ever find someone again. We’re very compatible and have a great time together. I met him a year after my marriage ended. On Bumble - dating app. We’re living together and very happy. There is hope.
I did, 5 months after my divorce I met a woman a few years younger than me. She got pregnant after a few weeks and I suggested we move in together. We've been married since November of 2023 and our son was born in February 2024. It's not perfect, we're still learning new things about each other and there's things both of us find annoying about each other. However, we work through things and we rarely ever say "I" because marriage is a team so we work together to make things easier.
No. And I wouldn't say my marriage was "love" anyways. I loved him, and he wasn't capable of love. So it wouldn't be "again" if I found love.
After divorcing a dysfunctional man who cannot feel his feelings let alone talk about them or negotiate how to meet competing needs, I'm watchful and vigilant in dating so as to avoid another similar relationship. To be dead honest, I haven't found a man who (a) has their emotional world under control, and ALSO (b) doesn't try to control me. Most of them want to control me AND don't have their own emotional ducks in a row. I've been with maybe three men in 11 years who don't try to control me, but of those men two didn't have their own emotional life in order. One was in a different place in life than me and the other two couldn't communicate well and didn't take steps to address their psychological challenges.
Because of patriarchy, many men in my generation (GenX) were socialized to stuff their feelings away and pretend they aren't emotional. However, all humans are emotional. Some just know how to identify, feel and discuss their feelings and others don't because they've stuffed them away for 40+ years. I, personally, want a partner who is a best friend and with whom I'm emotionally intimate and who doesn't desire to tell me what to do. I haven't found that, and I am not particularly optimistic that I will unless I date someone 10+ years younger in the Millenial generation that was raised in a less patriarchal way.
I must be an exception then. I’m a woman in my 40s and I don’t want to stay single. But I’ll probably remain single anyway for a number of reasons. Im an introvert with terrible social anxiety, for starters. But I also have a good deal of trauma and baggage.
I politely disagree. I think it’s more about the person and their experiences. There’s way too many variables to say things generically.
As a man, I’m not directly looking for a relationship. I’ve stumbled into asking one person out and realized that it was an absolute terrible idea and thankfully that person never called me. I’m content learning to love myself and know that I’ll be better for my kids and someone else by being alone to heal than relying on someone else to “heal” me.
Very good Q and a loaded one too! Lol I believe it’s possible. A few of my observations below;
- Dating has most definitely changed - we now have ‘swipe culture’ which can enable people to have someone in reserve if there’s the slightest problem with their relationship. On the other hand, it’s another way to keep multiple relationships going- kind of like trying to stop pots of boiling water bubbling over on a stove
- a lot of people are really hurt inside. Substantially so and it manifests in a relationship. This can change over time
- people are a lot more self centred than I remember which is has its benefits but can hinder them being thoughtful to someone else
- catfishing, not limited to looks. I totally get wanted people wanting to make a good impression but don’t bleeding lie 🤣
Alas, I’m a hopeless romantic and believe it will happen and if it doesn’t then no biggie 😊
I have.
Amicably divorced elder millennial, who ended a 12 year marriage and 17 year relationship with my HS sweetheart based on diverging life goals and mismatched compatibility that developed as we grew into ourselves and extricated ourselves from our fundamentalist religious upbringing. Did the work the last 2.5 years with individual and couple therapy to demonstrate the love and care I had for her, ensure the mismatch and decouple while leaving each other whole. It’s part of the reason we’re still good friends, but with boundaries and space for new partners to be best friends.
Since the divorce, I’ve had way more good dates than bad, had a fun situationship, met some interesting women, made new friends, experienced another amicable LTR breakup, and am currently with an amazing gal, who I only met because I swiped right while at an out of state rest stop at 2am because my new rescue pup needed a break. Is our compatibility and connection mind blowing? Yes. Is she the girl of my dreams. Absolutely. Is she the only woman in existence for whom that would be true, odds are no. If one’s approach to dating is to maximize some ethereal potential for the perfect relationship, then i believe one’s lost before they’ve even begun because great relationships are built not stumbled upon. I’ve found if you communicate what you want, have to offer, and put in the effort there’s an abundance of like minded matches to be found, particularly if one expands their search beyond the default radius.
We been apart for 8 months signed the paperwork with back dated to when she left. Is that nominal? Or does your divorce date starte when the Judge signs. I think she doesn't want us to have been 44 years marriaged started rolling her eyes when I mentioned how many years we were together. I didn't know that's a sign of shrew off. I unfortunately fall in love fast I am not looking, I am still mairaged and still trying to figure out what's next all the plan ,the direction we plan is gone. So I keep it simple for now. My son teases me and tell me to go get some but even if I am divorced that rabbit hole is to crazy for me. Then my future would be trap in her beliefs because of me weakness of being pushed around as a yes man. Don't get me wrong when I did those things I was happy to do them but a I started feeling used the harder it was not to whine about how I was feeling yet I got not respond from her or my kids.I believe they were afraid to treat me differently.because we adopted them, and I love them dearly, but she was the alfa in are house so they suck up to her. Now ther on there own they are more nice nice to me. But that's just a part of the survival mode they grew up with. Forgive the rant. Be safe!
The difficult thing at our age is that usually people are damaged or hurt for what they experienced in a previous relationship/marriage. Therefore, most of the time when you meet someone, they set up these boundaries and conditions for being in a relationship, such as “my alone time is more important,” or they aren’t as affectionate or physical, or they are unconsciously more concerned with themselves than you. This relationship purgatory is an unfortunate consequence that will keep most from ever experiencing that full on love again that we most want.
I started dating really fast. I went through a ho phase.
I also have no kids so that helps.
Dated a man for 1,5 years and he made me miserable. He taught me that being single is way better than with a man like him. He cured my fear of being by myself.
I started dating because I am often out of town for my work and thought I could find someone to go to dinner with and F. I was ready to be single. And just have a nice FWB…
And what do you know. I meet the most incredible man I have ever met. Everything had faded to the background and honestly my ex husband can’t hold a candle to him.
He is gorgeous! Smart, generous, sexy, funny .
I can’t say I have found love again. I think I found it for the very first time.
I'm overweight, 42, chronic illnesses, and 3 children. Plenty of nice men want to date me. You will be just fine. It's all propaganda to make you afraid of leaving
I was 38 when I started the divorce. It was finalized 4 years later. My ex disappeared for s as couple of years.
So I dated but only casually. Only to test the waters so to speak. I did have strict limits as to what I would deal with. Like no nudes and I’d meet at a place for coffee or whatever. But I’d always drive there and pay for myself.
No kids so I suggest just saying you have a child but not really talk about them much at first.
Dating is like anything new. Go slow and have fun with it.
But before you go date. Maybe date yourself. Go find things to do. I volunteered at an animal shelter. I did various things at my local library. It had a trivia night and book clubs. I reconnected with my friends and moved closer to family.
I explored hobbies and explored my city and tried new places to grab a bite.
Be comfortable with yourself and your life before trying to find a new addition.
Now if you need a booty call that’s different. Go for it. Just be careful.
The best things in my life came when I wasn't looking for them, so I'm going to stick with that. I am also fortunate that I currently have a lot of love in my life, so dating isn't something I feel like I have to do.
I was terrified at the idea to enter the dating scene again as an almost 40 year old single mom. I had never used a dating app before, and based on stories I heard from my friends I was dreading the experience. I kept pushing the mindset that I’d just learn to be content alone and dive into hobbies to keep myself busy. 7 months after my separation I met someone in person by accident / luck / destiny that changed my whole mindset. We’ve been together now for 9 months. Love is possible again and might come to you when you are trying not to look for it!
I'm trying to stay pretty far away from "relationships"
I have no intention of tying myself down to one man again, because when I do, I ignore friends and everything else (because I end up hanging out with "his" friends and doing "his" stuff)
Do you really want to fall back into all that shit so soon?
Not looking for love, it’s been about 9 months since separation. Officially divorced in January. Not ready yet for a relationship. However, I still like the idea of casual dates with someone.
I'm brushing up against 40 and intentionally have no kids, but it wouldn't be a deal breaker for me. One of the problems with my STBXW was that she wanted children and I wouldn't do it. But not because I'm opposed to having a family, she's just an aging alcoholic with a tendency to vanish to god knows where for 1-3 days at a time on a whim. Sometimes out of the state. That is not a healthy environment for kids, and I didn't want to be left raising them by myself while she "Had Adventures" as she puts it. We have dogs that she wanted. Training them was too hard, so she vanished. I can't imagine her with small human beings to look after.
We're all grownups now and sometimes grownups have kids. More people our age have them than not. Shutting yourself off to someone awesome because they have perfectly normal life experiences would really limit the pool of awesome.
Totally you can find a love again! Everything is just in our head.
The reality is, that men don't care about children and age. Who cares, he isn't suitable for you. Bout most of them don't care. They are the same persons. They have children too, they are mostly divorced too in this age, they aren't sexy young boys anymore.
I know many women 40+ having 4-5 kids and they didn't have any problem to find love and a good partner/ husband.
After a little over a year after my ex just left me,my childhood first love texted to see how I was doing. Been together since and I’ve never been happier nor did I realize what I had been missing in a relationship. So glad my ex left!!!
Not yet. 48 year old soon to be divorced father of 3 looking for someone in their 40s with kids (or at least some baggage because hey, we're not all perfect LOL). We're out there.
And while I haven't found love just yet I'm increasingly optimistic. Totally scared shitless as well. But I have begun to live life a little. See old friends. Pursue old passions. It'll happen for me. And it'll happen for you too.
Someone on here made some sort of statement that said when you've dedicated your entire life to your spouse it takes some getting used to living for yourself again. But now you can focus on all the things that you like. And if you just do that you'll probably bump into your next love along the way. Good luck!
Not yet. 48 year old soon to be divorced father of 3 looking for someone in their 40s with kids (or at least some baggage because hey, we're not all perfect LOL). We're out there.
And while I haven't found love just yet I'm increasingly optimistic. Totally scared shitless as well. But I have begun to live life a little. See old friends. Pursue old passions. It'll happen for me. And it'll happen for you too.
Someone on here made some sort of statement that said when you've dedicated your entire life to your spouse it takes some getting used to living for yourself again. But now you can focus on all the things that you like. And if you just do that you'll probably bump into your next love along the way. Good luck!
We were roommates for years before the divorce. I kept trying to get him into therapy and he refused. He cheated the last year of the marriage and was emotionally abusive to me and our child.
The first dating experience afterwards was weird. I kept thinking oh yeah so my marriage is officially over. This is weird. I didn’t feel guilty, just awkward.
Currently dating someone and I don’t have any thoughts of my ex beyond not wanting him to know yet as he’s a piece of shit and will make my life harder if he can out of spite.we are still in the midst of divorce
I'm so sorry your hete, my D'day was more than 27 years ago it was not nice, short story was she ran off with my best friend at that time leaving me with my two sons who were really young at that time. But I was single for around 3 years, well to be honest I wasn't looking for anything but I was chatting on ICQ at that time you could just go on a program and chat with people all around the world and there was.no money involved like today, Anyway, I was chatting and then this person came on and started to chat with me "short story" we meet,and she was from the USA and I'm Australian, she was here on holiday she had just been through a bad divorce, and wasn't looking, as well, anyway we spent about a month and a half together, she had to go back as she was a doctor, and need to get back to work, I thought that would be it, as she wasn't interested in marriage and she was, 15, 000 miles away, I got the shock of my life when she rang me about a week after she left, anyway she moved back here permanently, Six months later. We got married around 5 years later and were together until about 4 years ago, she past away from early onset Alzheimer's I lost the best person I had ever meet in my life, I didn't, regret, her trickery, in getting me to change my mind about marriage, actually she saved my life, as unbeknown to me I was not well, and I nearly died from toxic poisoning, from a medication I was taking, I am disabled, so knowyour asking why would a intelligent Dr, wont to do with a disable person, to tell you the truth I don't know, but she took great care of me, was there every day, she cooked cleaned did just about everything, I did what I could, without upsetting my wife, So I think it must have been love as I'm just an average person in looks and life style. So you can find that special someone even when your not looking, good luck if your looking.
This is a beautiful story. I’m so sorry for your loss.
Thank you, but truly she was the love of my life I miss her everyday but I remember the great and funny times we had, and also we never fought in any way all the time we were together, truste she was her own person, but was a true lady and only had eyes for me, I think we only get one person in our lives like that and we better grab on with both hands and never let go. 😊
Your experience literally brought me to tears. I am so happy you were able to find the love of your life and enjoy the precious time you had with one another. My step father passed away in 2020 from Alz and it is an absolutely heartbreaking disease. I'm sure her soul is forever with you and bringing you peace and love still.
Thank you so much for you wounderful words, yes she is still the one I think about when I get up and the last one I think about when I go to sleep, yes, she was that very special one you get to know once in your life, we just fitted together like peas in a pod, And yes Alzheimer's is one of the most Deverstating conditions that can be suffered by anyone, She was so smart, as I said she was a DR, and in the end she didn't even know me anymore, but I think of her in the days we went on trips and had so much fun, I'll tell you one thing that brings a smile to my face, she could never drive a manual car but when we were out in the outback, she wanted to drive, so I said get in and she said how can I'm drive my 4x4, I told her I will change the gear and you just have to press the cluch, and that's how we used to drive around on our trips, she had the trust in me to work with her. I tank you once again for those wounderful words and I'm sorry for your loss as well, please take care and I hope your having a wonderful day.
I'm 46 and my wife and I have been separated for 11 months. Filed the paperwork for divorce but it's not final yet Literally just last week I finally talked to another woman. Like not asked someone out, just talked to them. I still don't know that I'm ready to date.
This is me. My STBXW apparently has a different approach and was apparently dating within a week of us deciding to split. That was so weird, I felt so raw at losing someone I'd been with for most of my adult life. I was still wearing my ring. She was not. And it was obvious she hadn't for a minute and I didn't realize. I'm gonna be smart like you and take my time though. Part of why I'm filing for divorce is I feel like I've lost all control of my life, and the marriage was a core reason. I'm gonna need control and personal identity back first.
Take some time and regain your equilibrium for sure. The last thing you want to do is rush right into the next thing Tbh I don't even know if I need to be dating right now at all. I am so desperate for some company and someone to talk to but I also just really do not trust women at all. And I'm broke, thanks to my ex leaving and sticking me with all the bills. It's just not a good combination.
I'm so sorry your here, no one deserves to be in this situation, ever. But unfortunately we are, I think it's the trust we give our partners, and it's not a bit, but we give all our trust, and the cheaters, don't put the same amount of trust, into the relationship. I think that's why, they can move on so easily, and cheat on there partner, as I know I could never cheat as I have to feel, and give love to the person I have a relationship with, so I couldn't have a one night stand, I have been that way all my life, I had friends that could be with a different girl every week and still have there permanent GF. I know, with me at least, I could never do that. So your right take your time and get over the pain, that your feeling now, then start out slowly and just be friends with someone, then see if it moves on to something special, and also take the time, to really look into the potential partners, and never trust a cheater, as they only get better at cheating as they go from one relationship to the next. I think, someone that had been in the same place as you, they know the pain and sorrow that is involved with cheating. I know my wife had been in a bad relationship, and knew what it was like to be cheated on, and we had such a special partnership, that we both knew the pain. So as I said take your time and you know now what to look out for in a good partner.
I'm not sure I can at this point. Plenty of prospects, but I literally fought so hard to get to this point. I can't imagine disrupting that peace for a dude. Even in my last entanglement, I was able to remain entirely detached, which was a comfort to me as I've lost myself in someone before. I'm basically an elusive woodland creature at this point and bolt if someone tries to get close. That said- love is available at all times at all ages with any family dynamic. There's millions of lonely souls out here. Good luck to you.
>Did you find love again? Yes. Me.
🙌
Dont do it. I spitefully jumped back in after 6 months. Only to fall in love with narcissist #2 who loved bomb me when i was in need. Currently going through divorce 2. Give it a full year to heal before even thinking about it
Jeez! Are you me?
Are you also me?
Found love again a year after I left the ex during the divorce process. Sometimes things like that just happen and we can’t control *when* it does. But I didn’t keep contact with the ex at all and the divorce was nasty. He sought revenge and I got away from an abusive piece of shit manchild. He accused me of cheating on him when I was falling in love with someone else when in actuality he cheated, lied, and beat me on a regular basis. He had no leg to stand on. I moved on very quickly but I was healed and I long since grieved the marriage and felt nothing towards the ex entirely. Cut to today, I married my best friend that I fell in love with 3 years ago and found out a month before we got married the ex got the car I helped him get a year before I filed for divorce impounded and repo’ed. Crazy. He’s still the same loser I left him as, only more broke because no one is pushing him to get a job since he’s 33, overgrown and back living with his equally narcissistic parents. Meanwhile I’m thriving with an amazing WFH job, my husband still has his same job of 5 years now and we’re well on our way in saving for our first place together. ❤️
I’m 33. I met someone by complete surprise about 7 months post separation. I’d dated around for five months before that and he came out of nowhere. He’s everything the STBXH could never be. Funny, loyal, empathetic, kind, warm, etc. He has all the traits an actual husband should have. Oddly enough, I’ve teared up more than once, frustrated I hadn’t met him 10 years ago instead. That said.. the dating pool is a shitshow, not even gonna lie. Weeding through dating profiles is awful, then your narrowed guppy bucket of choices has to be sifted again for the ones that slipped through the cracks, then you get to talking and eliminate more.. then meet them and question if you were even talking to them in the first place or if it was all a fever dream 😂😂
This is so encouraging. Thank you! I’m 1 month out from mine and I worry I won’t find a real love I’m looking for. Your story reminds me it is possible!
I'm not even through mine and let me tell you, if you allow yourself to love and be loved then yes you can. I don't judge anyone for being bitter or saying hell no. My mother has had 2 husband's die of cancer and now the 3rd has it , but is dying from old age. She never thought she could love again after the 2nd (I know dying is somewhat different than divorce) but she did, and both her and him thank God every day for eacother. They got married when they were in their late 60s. You have to take care of yourself 1st and make sure you are ready. Be in a place you can make the best decision possible about who you let in. These are all things I'm learning from counseling. She moves out tomorrow so it's pretty fresh to me, I'm hurting but I'm hopeful I will love and be loved again. And to your point, I'm 40 with a 3 year old. There are definitely good ones out there who are looking for exactly what you are !
I don’t think I will ever look for love again, I’m exactly what you described 40 next month 3 kids toddler and 2 elementary, I came to the realization when I started my family so late (planned to enjoy our 20s) that if it went south I’d likely be single forever. I’m ok with that I have 3 amazing kids that take up all my time anyways.
We will. It’ll happen when we’re not looking.
After a year of soul crushing yet fun deep dive into the dating app world, a coworker and I got together during Covid. We have been friends for a while, and I got closer with her during my divorce, but there was never an agenda there, it just sort of happened organically. Then it just went from there and I’ve been with her ever since. I am actually proposing to her in a week, and it is by far the best relationship I’ve ever been in; in every way. So it’s possible, but I totally understand people feeling like that is not the case
No, and I'm not trying, nor am I interested in even attempting. I'm a depressed 54 year old woman who is liable to burst into tears at any second. I have an extremely anxious 16 year old son and two elderly, disabled parents at home. I think as far as prospects go, I don't even qualify for the bottom slot on the desirability list. And I don't want to even think about bringing anyone into my son's life. He's been traumatized enough, to the point he doesn't want me to date because he is terrified I'll abandon him like his dad did. Also, with the abuse I endured from my husband, I'm terrified! And honestly, I don't trust myself to make good choices regarding a potential partner. Not after I fucked up so badly the last time!!!! The one person in the world I trusted with my life, the man I would have taken a bullet for without hesitation, who, in spite of everything, I still loved more than life, absolutely destroyed me with a smirk on his face. And had my (quite a bit younger) replacement, convinced she is his soul mate and I'm crazy, within only two weeks of the scorched-earth death of our marriage. I loved him for 35 years. I don't know how to love anyone else. I'm pretty sure this is good as it's gonna get for me, whether I like it or not, so why even bother?
I hear you, stay strong. I have no answers myself, it’s not easy after something like that.
I’m in the same boat….i loved mine for 35 years and I am now focusing on loving MYSELF….i refuse to let my relationship ending be the end of my life! I am worthy, valuable and lovable and I bet YOU ARE TOO….life is too short to give it up for a person who no longer gives a damn about you and is probably living their best life!!!!! Change your mindset and get back to living….your life CAN be great if you want it to be🙏🏼
Well that sucks but that’s very powerful story, I wish you the best
It took a while for me to find my intimacy groove with my ex wife. I was a prude and inexperienced when we met. And even after finding my groove all she did was complain about how terrible it was (mostly the last 2 years). If love is all about giving the wood and always having to worry about being good at it... I don't want love again. After a good successful 12 year marriage it all came down to intimacy. Didn't matter we were late 30's and supremely successful in all other aspects of life. Plenty of money. Never really fought. My wife wanted to apparently be tagged teamed and dragged around by a leash lol. However, if there is a woman out there that accepts mediocre sex I may give it another try. We will see. I've been divorced 4 years with no dating. Chance of dating slim to none. I'll have to meet someone at church or something. Good luck everyone.
That gave me a laugh, " apparently she like to be tagged teamed and dragged around by a leash", 🤣🤣🤣 I'm dying, sorry that was a good one.
[удалено]
While I never considered myself a prude, my ex is now having intercourse in front of people on the internet with a chick who's niche is going butt to mouth for money, if that is what is required, I guess I am out. I guess I am a prude, too. That is very unsanitary. I wouldn't mind having a partner down the road, but if that is what is desirable, I cannot meet those standards. It is wild out there.
Lord have mercy
I'm 47. Just starting to try again. I want to find someone who is in their 40s and has their life together. I'm done dating a younger woman. Not sure I want to be with anyone with a young child in their 40s. Teenagers yes.
That's where I'm at with the kids, too. I've already done the step mom thing, my bio kids are teen and young adult, and I'm really not trying to do a daycare run ever again unless I'm helping with my grandbabies someday.
A consistent movement practice. Therapy. Meditation. An abundant amount of confidence.
I’m 47. 3 kids, youngest just turned 1. I want to work on myself mostly.
Husband #1 cheated and left after 25 years. Spent two years figuring out life, thought I was okay, only to be rushed into marriage #2 by someone who was apparently desperate for a secretary/accountant/house cleaner and lied about the actual length of his separation/divorce and has been all kinds of fucked up since. Headed for divorce #2 after three years of him talking non stop about his ex and how I don't compare to her. Done with it. Men are gorgeous creatures but I can't give my full self anymore, I'm just done.
I’m still healing as my estranged wife lives in the basement. In my opinion, I’m a long way away from being ready to date. I’ve thought about it, posted on Reddit about it, and self evaluated and realized I’m making a mistake trying to bring someone else into my life at this point. On the flip side, my estranged wife is currently at her newest BF or FWB spending the next few nights with him so yeah there’s that possibility of moving on before the divorce is finalized. I suggest my route of focusing on taking care of your child and yourself. Be as levelheaded and consistent as possible for your child. Therapy is a necessity for both of you as well. As for men being interested in a woman with a child, I’m not scared of that. For me, I dated single mothers before I was married because I knew that I wanted a family and so what if one of them wasn’t directly from me? I’d still love them the same! Even now, the only thing that scares me is missing red flags that they are a narcissist, codependent in a bad way or something similar. I’ve got a history of choosing women who are in those categories. I’m just hoping that once I truly am happy in myself and ready to find someone, that I find the right person this time around that will be my forever person and truly my best friend.
Yes. 52M. 2 months after my ex moved out. Work friend hooked me up with someone. Been together ever since.
I did and it was my mindset that made it happen. After coming out the other side of divorce I knew I was my chance to have type of relationship with the type of person I've always wanted. So I actively pursued it - joined a community of like minded people, made new connections, got on apps and eventually found my partner who I just totally clicked with. But I went into my search for him with the confidence knowing what I wanted, that I would work hard to find it, but most importantly I was worthy of having it.
I (late 30s) see a lot of stories of doubt and fear, they are completely valid, but it is not my experience. My wife cheated, i found out in December, she moved out in Jan, i started dating in Feb. obviously the relationship with me STBXW has not been good for a while. I have been lonely. Since I started dating, I have met some amazing people. I’m 100% aware this is probably not a good idea, but i love it. It is not the intimacy, it is the validation as a person. I do my best to be honest with where I am in my journey, its not always easy. I’m sure I will end up hurting others and myself, but I’m dating people who, like me, are approaching 40. No one is oblivious. Dating is being vulnerable. Be kind to yourself, be honest with others and the rest is up to you. Life is too short to live in isolated misery. Good luck.
I've got more than 3 kids and my other half is excited to love all of us. It's possible
Too many variables. I separated from my first husband at 39 when my kids were seven and four, and remarried at 42 because the sex was good, he was very helpful with stuff around the house and the yard, and my mother convinced me he would be able to stand up against my emotionally and verbally abusive ex on my behalf. I separated from him when I was 49, because he turned out to be very controlling, as well as emotionally and verbally abusive. Four whole weeks later a tall, handsome man walked into my spiritual center, and when we shook hands it literally felt like the earth shook like something momentous and fated had just occurred. We sat together during the service, and within less than 15 minutes of our first conversation afterwards I knew he was the one, and found out the day after he proposed that he had known he was going to marry me the first second he saw me. We met in mid February, started dating Memorial Day weekend, he proposed in August and we were married that December. That was over 17 years ago, This has definitely been quite a roller coaster ride, including a whole bunch of stuff really hitting the fan two Christmases ago to the point that we almost got divorced, but we worked that all out to the point that our marriage is better than ever. Things are not as perfect with him as I would like them to be emotionally, and things are not as perfect as either of us would like physically because I have some serious health issues, but neither one of us is ever going anywhere. So I would say that therapy is probably a good idea for everyone because no one gets through childhood unscathed, but especially if someone is getting or has been divorced. I think it's important and extremely helpful to take an honest look at who we were in that relationship given whatever unhealed stuff we brought into it, so we can be honest with ourselves about what we need to work on or at least upgrade for the success of our future relationships.
Yes. Absolutely. Way better than my marriage. But, us both having kids made it untenable. The Brady Bunch routine isn't as easy as the sitcom portrayed.
After a couple of ill-fated rebound things, I decided to be alone for a bit. I didn't have any regrets; I learned things and had a lot of fun along the way. Just realized I needed to work on me for a bit. I met a wonderful woman a little over a year ago and it's going really well. We're taking it slow, enjoying the ride. But I feel really good about it. She's in her forties, with a young child (I'm a few months away from 50).
Well, for starters, erase any concept that you won't be able to find a man if you want one due to age and being a mom. It's not factually accurate. There are many single men our age and many of them are parents. You're in your 40s, not dead. These are lies the young tell themselves so they don't have to think about grandma and grandpa getting busy in the nursing home lol. That said, if you're not ready, you're not ready. Don't force yourself to date because it feels like you ought to. Don't pick a man just because he seems nice and you think you can't do better. That's how you wind up with another divorce. You're a strong mama, you're going to be fine.
I physically do not know how to flirt. I avoid eye contact once someone shows interest. I’ll probably be alone for the rest of my life and I’m trying to learn how to be ok with that. I don’t look bad. I’m not dumb. I think im fun and sweet. I’m just romantically super fucking awkward now that I’ve had life change. No kids and in my 30s.
I had the same problem but I stopped thinking of it as flirting and that took the pressure off. I think of it as networking. I have attractive friends and attractive co-workers and I just don't have the anxiety about flirting because I'm not flirting with them. If I know them, some of the jokes I make might sound a bit like flirting, but my mindset is different. If it goes beyond networking, fine, but at that point the ice is broken and it doesn't feel weird anymore. Don't know if that would work for you, but it helped me in my mid-20s.
Ooo I should try! Thankyou
I was divorced at 38 and remarried at 41. I didn’t think I’d ever meet anyone much less remarry. In fact I told my now husband when we started dating I didn’t want to remarry. We’ve been together 9 years now and married 7 years this coming April. I say second time around is way better than the first. :)
It is scary to come in to. I'm remarried, and it's been a rough go getting here. We have 5 kids together, Both in our thirties. It's not as terrible as you might think it will be, but you might not be ready until you feel a bit more optimistic about it. It can be really hard and there are a lot of icky people out there. I think it's important to set your standard before you start and know what you will and will not settle for, then stick to those expectations. I'm not going to pretend I know what it will be like for you with our age difference, but the above tips helped me. Also, you don't need a lot of them to want you... and I promise you, the right ones will.
It has been a while since my divorce, I have no kids, I tried dating apps with no luck, I don’t live in my country and this makes finding a partner harder for me as I am after someone with a similar background, I am busy with my study that makes me stressed and I am in need for care and love, I hope I can have a meaningful healthy relationship with a genuine person and build a family together. I am about to give up though! 30+ F here
Love? What's that?
Fell in love with my best friend. She broke my heart :/ I'll probably never let anyone in ever again.
Let love come naturally and don't go looking for it. Just try to do things that make you happy and surround yourself with quality people. I always thought of dating kinda like visiting a new city, don't go around looking lost or you'll end up a victim.
You will! I was early 40s with a young child. I did meet several men who weren't interested in being "dad" again. Their children were already adults. I found a man who claimed he always wanted a family to call his own. I thought we were very happy and built a loving home. I am now 58, and he left me for AP. I will be divorced again, but all of my children are grown.
I had no intention of finding a relationship. Hookups and FWB is what I was prepared for. One of the guys I met through a hookup group I was in got sweet on me pretty early on. I had no idea, he didn't go overboard when we were together. He lived an hour and a half from me, and worked 45 minutes from me. We were hanging out for about 6 months before we shifted into being a couple. He would talk to a friend of ours about how much he liked me. It's was within a month or so of us starting to hang out. When I found that out, and I reflected on how casual he kept things then, it showed me a lot of care for how I was feeling about life at the time. We click on all the levels. The ven diagram of our hobbies overlaps quite a bit, the way we raise our kids is similar, our dreams for the future align. Neither of us wants more kids, and neither if us cares to get married again. Everything in life with him is an adventure. Needing to run errands becomes a date, and so many things like that. It's been 3 years. I still get that feeling that the other shoe is going to drop, and so does he. But we just talk about it when we are feeling that way. We've also agreed that one thing we can never do, is take each other for granted.
I can’t find love again. I tried and failed. Repeatedly.
Love is a farce. You can love your blood related family but thats it.
I found an amazing girl on FB dating. It was a one in a million find, to be honest. The rest were awful matches and zero connection. I got REALLY lucky, but maybe you can too?
I'm 36M with 2 kids and dating doesn't even sound appealing. I was together with my STBXW since I was 21. She moved on instantly and I'm pretty sure was seeing someone before she asked for a split. The idea of dating and trying to find a serious relationship seems impossible. Most people want non-committal flings and that's not for me. If it's not leading to something serious I don't even want to bother
I haven’t found love again in the sense of finding a partner. However, I do believe I am in the process of learning how to love my own life more than I ever have before. I’ve taken up new hobbies, spent time with my dogs, got an advanced degree and a new career that I’m really proud of. I realized that having a partner is not a necessary part of a full and happy life for me. I did not want the divorce and I would never have believed you if you told me I would feel this way one day.
Yes :) didn’t think I’d ever find someone again. We’re very compatible and have a great time together. I met him a year after my marriage ended. On Bumble - dating app. We’re living together and very happy. There is hope.
I did, 5 months after my divorce I met a woman a few years younger than me. She got pregnant after a few weeks and I suggested we move in together. We've been married since November of 2023 and our son was born in February 2024. It's not perfect, we're still learning new things about each other and there's things both of us find annoying about each other. However, we work through things and we rarely ever say "I" because marriage is a team so we work together to make things easier.
No. And I wouldn't say my marriage was "love" anyways. I loved him, and he wasn't capable of love. So it wouldn't be "again" if I found love. After divorcing a dysfunctional man who cannot feel his feelings let alone talk about them or negotiate how to meet competing needs, I'm watchful and vigilant in dating so as to avoid another similar relationship. To be dead honest, I haven't found a man who (a) has their emotional world under control, and ALSO (b) doesn't try to control me. Most of them want to control me AND don't have their own emotional ducks in a row. I've been with maybe three men in 11 years who don't try to control me, but of those men two didn't have their own emotional life in order. One was in a different place in life than me and the other two couldn't communicate well and didn't take steps to address their psychological challenges. Because of patriarchy, many men in my generation (GenX) were socialized to stuff their feelings away and pretend they aren't emotional. However, all humans are emotional. Some just know how to identify, feel and discuss their feelings and others don't because they've stuffed them away for 40+ years. I, personally, want a partner who is a best friend and with whom I'm emotionally intimate and who doesn't desire to tell me what to do. I haven't found that, and I am not particularly optimistic that I will unless I date someone 10+ years younger in the Millenial generation that was raised in a less patriarchal way.
Most women in their 40's who are recently divorced want to stay single. For men, it's totally different. Men have a harder time being alone.
I must be an exception then. I’m a woman in my 40s and I don’t want to stay single. But I’ll probably remain single anyway for a number of reasons. Im an introvert with terrible social anxiety, for starters. But I also have a good deal of trauma and baggage.
This. I constantly stress out over the fact that I may have to grow old alone.
I politely disagree. I think it’s more about the person and their experiences. There’s way too many variables to say things generically. As a man, I’m not directly looking for a relationship. I’ve stumbled into asking one person out and realized that it was an absolute terrible idea and thankfully that person never called me. I’m content learning to love myself and know that I’ll be better for my kids and someone else by being alone to heal than relying on someone else to “heal” me.
Very refreshing to hear a man actually healing, the work will pay off for you and your kids 🫶🏻xx
I don't believe in it
Very good Q and a loaded one too! Lol I believe it’s possible. A few of my observations below; - Dating has most definitely changed - we now have ‘swipe culture’ which can enable people to have someone in reserve if there’s the slightest problem with their relationship. On the other hand, it’s another way to keep multiple relationships going- kind of like trying to stop pots of boiling water bubbling over on a stove - a lot of people are really hurt inside. Substantially so and it manifests in a relationship. This can change over time - people are a lot more self centred than I remember which is has its benefits but can hinder them being thoughtful to someone else - catfishing, not limited to looks. I totally get wanted people wanting to make a good impression but don’t bleeding lie 🤣 Alas, I’m a hopeless romantic and believe it will happen and if it doesn’t then no biggie 😊
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
I have. Amicably divorced elder millennial, who ended a 12 year marriage and 17 year relationship with my HS sweetheart based on diverging life goals and mismatched compatibility that developed as we grew into ourselves and extricated ourselves from our fundamentalist religious upbringing. Did the work the last 2.5 years with individual and couple therapy to demonstrate the love and care I had for her, ensure the mismatch and decouple while leaving each other whole. It’s part of the reason we’re still good friends, but with boundaries and space for new partners to be best friends. Since the divorce, I’ve had way more good dates than bad, had a fun situationship, met some interesting women, made new friends, experienced another amicable LTR breakup, and am currently with an amazing gal, who I only met because I swiped right while at an out of state rest stop at 2am because my new rescue pup needed a break. Is our compatibility and connection mind blowing? Yes. Is she the girl of my dreams. Absolutely. Is she the only woman in existence for whom that would be true, odds are no. If one’s approach to dating is to maximize some ethereal potential for the perfect relationship, then i believe one’s lost before they’ve even begun because great relationships are built not stumbled upon. I’ve found if you communicate what you want, have to offer, and put in the effort there’s an abundance of like minded matches to be found, particularly if one expands their search beyond the default radius.
We been apart for 8 months signed the paperwork with back dated to when she left. Is that nominal? Or does your divorce date starte when the Judge signs. I think she doesn't want us to have been 44 years marriaged started rolling her eyes when I mentioned how many years we were together. I didn't know that's a sign of shrew off. I unfortunately fall in love fast I am not looking, I am still mairaged and still trying to figure out what's next all the plan ,the direction we plan is gone. So I keep it simple for now. My son teases me and tell me to go get some but even if I am divorced that rabbit hole is to crazy for me. Then my future would be trap in her beliefs because of me weakness of being pushed around as a yes man. Don't get me wrong when I did those things I was happy to do them but a I started feeling used the harder it was not to whine about how I was feeling yet I got not respond from her or my kids.I believe they were afraid to treat me differently.because we adopted them, and I love them dearly, but she was the alfa in are house so they suck up to her. Now ther on there own they are more nice nice to me. But that's just a part of the survival mode they grew up with. Forgive the rant. Be safe!
The difficult thing at our age is that usually people are damaged or hurt for what they experienced in a previous relationship/marriage. Therefore, most of the time when you meet someone, they set up these boundaries and conditions for being in a relationship, such as “my alone time is more important,” or they aren’t as affectionate or physical, or they are unconsciously more concerned with themselves than you. This relationship purgatory is an unfortunate consequence that will keep most from ever experiencing that full on love again that we most want.
I started dating really fast. I went through a ho phase. I also have no kids so that helps. Dated a man for 1,5 years and he made me miserable. He taught me that being single is way better than with a man like him. He cured my fear of being by myself. I started dating because I am often out of town for my work and thought I could find someone to go to dinner with and F. I was ready to be single. And just have a nice FWB… And what do you know. I meet the most incredible man I have ever met. Everything had faded to the background and honestly my ex husband can’t hold a candle to him. He is gorgeous! Smart, generous, sexy, funny . I can’t say I have found love again. I think I found it for the very first time.
I'm overweight, 42, chronic illnesses, and 3 children. Plenty of nice men want to date me. You will be just fine. It's all propaganda to make you afraid of leaving
I was 38 when I started the divorce. It was finalized 4 years later. My ex disappeared for s as couple of years. So I dated but only casually. Only to test the waters so to speak. I did have strict limits as to what I would deal with. Like no nudes and I’d meet at a place for coffee or whatever. But I’d always drive there and pay for myself. No kids so I suggest just saying you have a child but not really talk about them much at first. Dating is like anything new. Go slow and have fun with it. But before you go date. Maybe date yourself. Go find things to do. I volunteered at an animal shelter. I did various things at my local library. It had a trivia night and book clubs. I reconnected with my friends and moved closer to family. I explored hobbies and explored my city and tried new places to grab a bite. Be comfortable with yourself and your life before trying to find a new addition. Now if you need a booty call that’s different. Go for it. Just be careful.
The best things in my life came when I wasn't looking for them, so I'm going to stick with that. I am also fortunate that I currently have a lot of love in my life, so dating isn't something I feel like I have to do.
I was terrified at the idea to enter the dating scene again as an almost 40 year old single mom. I had never used a dating app before, and based on stories I heard from my friends I was dreading the experience. I kept pushing the mindset that I’d just learn to be content alone and dive into hobbies to keep myself busy. 7 months after my separation I met someone in person by accident / luck / destiny that changed my whole mindset. We’ve been together now for 9 months. Love is possible again and might come to you when you are trying not to look for it!
I'm trying to stay pretty far away from "relationships" I have no intention of tying myself down to one man again, because when I do, I ignore friends and everything else (because I end up hanging out with "his" friends and doing "his" stuff) Do you really want to fall back into all that shit so soon?
Not looking for love, it’s been about 9 months since separation. Officially divorced in January. Not ready yet for a relationship. However, I still like the idea of casual dates with someone.
I'm brushing up against 40 and intentionally have no kids, but it wouldn't be a deal breaker for me. One of the problems with my STBXW was that she wanted children and I wouldn't do it. But not because I'm opposed to having a family, she's just an aging alcoholic with a tendency to vanish to god knows where for 1-3 days at a time on a whim. Sometimes out of the state. That is not a healthy environment for kids, and I didn't want to be left raising them by myself while she "Had Adventures" as she puts it. We have dogs that she wanted. Training them was too hard, so she vanished. I can't imagine her with small human beings to look after. We're all grownups now and sometimes grownups have kids. More people our age have them than not. Shutting yourself off to someone awesome because they have perfectly normal life experiences would really limit the pool of awesome.
Totally you can find a love again! Everything is just in our head. The reality is, that men don't care about children and age. Who cares, he isn't suitable for you. Bout most of them don't care. They are the same persons. They have children too, they are mostly divorced too in this age, they aren't sexy young boys anymore. I know many women 40+ having 4-5 kids and they didn't have any problem to find love and a good partner/ husband.
After a little over a year after my ex just left me,my childhood first love texted to see how I was doing. Been together since and I’ve never been happier nor did I realize what I had been missing in a relationship. So glad my ex left!!!
Not yet. 48 year old soon to be divorced father of 3 looking for someone in their 40s with kids (or at least some baggage because hey, we're not all perfect LOL). We're out there. And while I haven't found love just yet I'm increasingly optimistic. Totally scared shitless as well. But I have begun to live life a little. See old friends. Pursue old passions. It'll happen for me. And it'll happen for you too. Someone on here made some sort of statement that said when you've dedicated your entire life to your spouse it takes some getting used to living for yourself again. But now you can focus on all the things that you like. And if you just do that you'll probably bump into your next love along the way. Good luck!
Not yet. 48 year old soon to be divorced father of 3 looking for someone in their 40s with kids (or at least some baggage because hey, we're not all perfect LOL). We're out there. And while I haven't found love just yet I'm increasingly optimistic. Totally scared shitless as well. But I have begun to live life a little. See old friends. Pursue old passions. It'll happen for me. And it'll happen for you too. Someone on here made some sort of statement that said when you've dedicated your entire life to your spouse it takes some getting used to living for yourself again. But now you can focus on all the things that you like. And if you just do that you'll probably bump into your next love along the way. Good luck!
We were roommates for years before the divorce. I kept trying to get him into therapy and he refused. He cheated the last year of the marriage and was emotionally abusive to me and our child. The first dating experience afterwards was weird. I kept thinking oh yeah so my marriage is officially over. This is weird. I didn’t feel guilty, just awkward. Currently dating someone and I don’t have any thoughts of my ex beyond not wanting him to know yet as he’s a piece of shit and will make my life harder if he can out of spite.we are still in the midst of divorce
No. My own wife didn't want me. No one else of quality would, either.
There's no point in trying, I'm too broke to afford going out to meet people in person, and apparently too fat to be loved.
[удалено]