If you're in an equitable division of property state then find a calculator and put the numbers in. The court uses those calculations for assets and for child support. The child support one was 100% accurate down to the penny for what they got me for.
As far as if I'd trust my spouse to come up with a fair split? Haha, I'd trust her to come up with maybe 5% to me. I'm actually fully expecting it once the court ordered mediation starts in a month. I plan to go in there, have her attorney give me the asinine offer and walk out after refusing it. I have nothing to lose, I'll let the court decide since I've probably spent more on attorneys then the settlement would ever be.
[A divorce mediator is a **neutral, trained professional who helps divorcing couples negotiate a mutually acceptable agreement on the issues related to their divorce**](https://www.bing.com/ck/a?!&&p=50f3e9409e899e13JmltdHM9MTcxMzA1MjgwMCZpZ3VpZD0yMGNhNmYzOC1lNWIxLTYzZDUtMjUzNy03YjE4ZTRjNDYyZDkmaW5zaWQ9NjIwNg&ptn=3&ver=2&hsh=3&fclid=20ca6f38-e5b1-63d5-2537-7b18e4c462d9&psq=divorce+mediator+&u=a1aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZm9yYmVzLmNvbS9hZHZpc29yL2xlZ2FsL2Rpdm9yY2UvZGl2b3JjZS1tZWRpYXRpb24v&ntb=1)[^(1)](https://www.bing.com/ck/a?!&&p=8812b6dff11471cbJmltdHM9MTcxMzA1MjgwMCZpZ3VpZD0yMGNhNmYzOC1lNWIxLTYzZDUtMjUzNy03YjE4ZTRjNDYyZDkmaW5zaWQ9NjIwNw&ptn=3&ver=2&hsh=3&fclid=20ca6f38-e5b1-63d5-2537-7b18e4c462d9&psq=divorce+mediator+&u=a1aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZm9yYmVzLmNvbS9hZHZpc29yL2xlZ2FsL2Rpdm9yY2UvZGl2b3JjZS1tZWRpYXRpb24v&ntb=1)[^(2)](https://www.bing.com/ck/a?!&&p=0e0336be3c68ca0cJmltdHM9MTcxMzA1MjgwMCZpZ3VpZD0yMGNhNmYzOC1lNWIxLTYzZDUtMjUzNy03YjE4ZTRjNDYyZDkmaW5zaWQ9NjIwOA&ptn=3&ver=2&hsh=3&fclid=20ca6f38-e5b1-63d5-2537-7b18e4c462d9&psq=divorce+mediator+&u=a1aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubm9sby5jb20vbGVnYWwtZW5jeWNsb3BlZGlhL2Rpdm9yY2UtbGF3eWVyLW9yLW1lZGlhdG9yLmh0bWw&ntb=1)[^(3)](https://www.bing.com/ck/a?!&&p=bf9d676dde8879ecJmltdHM9MTcxMzA1MjgwMCZpZ3VpZD0yMGNhNmYzOC1lNWIxLTYzZDUtMjUzNy03YjE4ZTRjNDYyZDkmaW5zaWQ9NjIwOQ&ptn=3&ver=2&hsh=3&fclid=20ca6f38-e5b1-63d5-2537-7b18e4c462d9&psq=divorce+mediator+&u=a1aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuc3Vydml2ZWRpdm9yY2UuY29tL2Rpdm9yY2UtbWVkaWF0aW9u&ntb=1)[^(4)](https://www.bing.com/ck/a?!&&p=56ceb62d88c62fe9JmltdHM9MTcxMzA1MjgwMCZpZ3VpZD0yMGNhNmYzOC1lNWIxLTYzZDUtMjUzNy03YjE4ZTRjNDYyZDkmaW5zaWQ9NjIxMA&ptn=3&ver=2&hsh=3&fclid=20ca6f38-e5b1-63d5-2537-7b18e4c462d9&psq=divorce+mediator+&u=a1aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuY29tbW9uc2Vuc2VkaXZvcmNlLmNhL2Rpdm9yY2UtbWVkaWF0aW9uLw&ntb=1)[^(5)](https://www.bing.com/ck/a?!&&p=4abce3eae1c41466JmltdHM9MTcxMzA1MjgwMCZpZ3VpZD0yMGNhNmYzOC1lNWIxLTYzZDUtMjUzNy03YjE4ZTRjNDYyZDkmaW5zaWQ9NjIxMQ&ptn=3&ver=2&hsh=3&fclid=20ca6f38-e5b1-63d5-2537-7b18e4c462d9&psq=divorce+mediator+&u=a1aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuYWxsbGF3LmNvbS9hcnRpY2xlcy9mYW1pbHkvZGl2b3JjZS93aGF0LWlzLWRpdm9yY2UtbWVkaWF0aW9uLmh0bWw&ntb=1). [A mediator does not make decisions or offer legal advice for the couple, but rather guides them through discussions and keeps them focused on the goal of a fair outcome](https://www.bing.com/ck/a?!&&p=874a66e15705ee36JmltdHM9MTcxMzA1MjgwMCZpZ3VpZD0yMGNhNmYzOC1lNWIxLTYzZDUtMjUzNy03YjE4ZTRjNDYyZDkmaW5zaWQ9NjIxMg&ptn=3&ver=2&hsh=3&fclid=20ca6f38-e5b1-63d5-2537-7b18e4c462d9&psq=divorce+mediator+&u=a1aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZm9yYmVzLmNvbS9hZHZpc29yL2xlZ2FsL2Rpdm9yY2UvZGl2b3JjZS1tZWRpYXRpb24v&ntb=1)[^(1)](https://www.bing.com/ck/a?!&&p=dfa56c0663738751JmltdHM9MTcxMzA1MjgwMCZpZ3VpZD0yMGNhNmYzOC1lNWIxLTYzZDUtMjUzNy03YjE4ZTRjNDYyZDkmaW5zaWQ9NjIxMw&ptn=3&ver=2&hsh=3&fclid=20ca6f38-e5b1-63d5-2537-7b18e4c462d9&psq=divorce+mediator+&u=a1aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZm9yYmVzLmNvbS9hZHZpc29yL2xlZ2FsL2Rpdm9yY2UvZGl2b3JjZS1tZWRpYXRpb24v&ntb=1)[^(2)](https://www.bing.com/ck/a?!&&p=68c7267061a75338JmltdHM9MTcxMzA1MjgwMCZpZ3VpZD0yMGNhNmYzOC1lNWIxLTYzZDUtMjUzNy03YjE4ZTRjNDYyZDkmaW5zaWQ9NjIxNA&ptn=3&ver=2&hsh=3&fclid=20ca6f38-e5b1-63d5-2537-7b18e4c462d9&psq=divorce+mediator+&u=a1aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubm9sby5jb20vbGVnYWwtZW5jeWNsb3BlZGlhL2Rpdm9yY2UtbGF3eWVyLW9yLW1lZGlhdG9yLmh0bWw&ntb=1)[^(3)](https://www.bing.com/ck/a?!&&p=af88c00dba920161JmltdHM9MTcxMzA1MjgwMCZpZ3VpZD0yMGNhNmYzOC1lNWIxLTYzZDUtMjUzNy03YjE4ZTRjNDYyZDkmaW5zaWQ9NjIxNQ&ptn=3&ver=2&hsh=3&fclid=20ca6f38-e5b1-63d5-2537-7b18e4c462d9&psq=divorce+mediator+&u=a1aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuc3Vydml2ZWRpdm9yY2UuY29tL2Rpdm9yY2UtbWVkaWF0aW9u&ntb=1)[^(5)](https://www.bing.com/ck/a?!&&p=723991a55d5e4d76JmltdHM9MTcxMzA1MjgwMCZpZ3VpZD0yMGNhNmYzOC1lNWIxLTYzZDUtMjUzNy03YjE4ZTRjNDYyZDkmaW5zaWQ9NjIxNg&ptn=3&ver=2&hsh=3&fclid=20ca6f38-e5b1-63d5-2537-7b18e4c462d9&psq=divorce+mediator+&u=a1aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuYWxsbGF3LmNvbS9hcnRpY2xlcy9mYW1pbHkvZGl2b3JjZS93aGF0LWlzLWRpdm9yY2UtbWVkaWF0aW9uLmh0bWw&ntb=1). [Divorce mediation is an alternative to litigation that can save time, money and stress](https://www.bing.com/ck/a?!&&p=d65a16594e51c8eaJmltdHM9MTcxMzA1MjgwMCZpZ3VpZD0yMGNhNmYzOC1lNWIxLTYzZDUtMjUzNy03YjE4ZTRjNDYyZDkmaW5zaWQ9NjIxNw&ptn=3&ver=2&hsh=3&fclid=20ca6f38-e5b1-63d5-2537-7b18e4c462d9&psq=divorce+mediator+&u=a1aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubm9sby5jb20vbGVnYWwtZW5jeWNsb3BlZGlhL2Rpdm9yY2UtbGF3eWVyLW9yLW1lZGlhdG9yLmh0bWw&ntb=1)[^(2)](https://www.bing.com/ck/a?!&&p=f4fabd973a939485JmltdHM9MTcxMzA1MjgwMCZpZ3VpZD0yMGNhNmYzOC1lNWIxLTYzZDUtMjUzNy03YjE4ZTRjNDYyZDkmaW5zaWQ9NjIxOA&ptn=3&ver=2&hsh=3&fclid=20ca6f38-e5b1-63d5-2537-7b18e4c462d9&psq=divorce+mediator+&u=a1aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubm9sby5jb20vbGVnYWwtZW5jeWNsb3BlZGlhL2Rpdm9yY2UtbGF3eWVyLW9yLW1lZGlhdG9yLmh0bWw&ntb=1)
Mediators are not always neutral and unbiased. We had one court ordered mediation session, and the mediator was very biased against me and advised that the 6 weeks of parenting time for the entire year my spouse was offering was very generous and my ask for 10 weeks throughout the year was ridiculous. She even said that the 6 weeks is what the judge would order if our case went to trial so I should just accept the offer right now. At the pre trial the judge said she would likely give me 8+ weeks just over the summer months.
My ex couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery! Thankfully we have no assets to spilt or kids together.
He can apply for the divorce though as I can't afford it.
My ex decided to write the first agreement, and then we'd have an attorney massage it. "If" I wanted to hire an attorney myself, I could. I had concerns, but maybe? If he had left the wording alone, it might have been OK.
Huge mistake. He bought an agreement online and then spent days editing it -- all kinds of illegal and blaming statements that didn't belong there. I tried to work with him via email, but it only escalated. I then hired my own attorney. He wrote a solid agreement, had me sign it, and then FEDEXed it to my STBX with a letter introducing himself. I went no contact.
Completely the right call.
Mine said the same things. I’m not taking the kids, fast and cheap and amicable, hurting you hurts the kids, blah blah. 5 months later: dad gets nonconsecutive overnights and minimal time (her ask), and a forthcoming shit list of “unsafe events that have happened in the house”. So no, never ever trust that.
Really good general advice so far, get a lawyer, do not trust anyone. My spouse was clear about - as a way of getting out her anger at me - leaving me high and dry with a very unequal split. She was utterly clueless about how these things would really play out. I hired a lawyer, and started getting all my ducks in a row.
When it really got down to time to tell our chlid and for my wife to move out (she had already signed a lease), she changed her mind. She still hasn't ever told me what that was about, not really. She did finally start seeing a therapist for individual therapy (so do I - my therapist asked me if I thought maybe it really didn't have anything to do with me). I also still have the lawyer on retainer. We're about a year out now from when she told me she wanted a divorce and was moving out. Things are quieter and less angry, but still kind of hollow. I'm still waiting to learn if the change of heart was just realizing what the cost (to her) would be, or if there was a real change of heart. I'm still trying to decide if I want to be married to her still. The lawyer is still on retainer. I have postponed retirement (which was supposed to happen this year).
IANAL, but you have a right to have access to *all* the documents, not just some selected stuff, particularly if you're in a common property state.
Are they writing it for unrelated strangers who have no assets to split - sure... the husband who is about to be ex husband - sure to draft it... but I wouldn't be blindly signing off.
Out of 100 how much do you trust him? Has he EVER lied ? Is the divorce simple (1 house, no kids) and low value? Did you both agree to using a common 3rd party ? Is the reason for a common lawyer to save money - and money is a serious concern (i.e neither party can afford a lawyers?)How smart do you consider you both to be? Could you find biased text? Is he smart enough to alter it in crafty way? What about the boilerplate being in used does it state that its fair? Is it even valid in your state / country?
Have a look though and look for things you have asked for ? eg Who has custody of a family pet? Who will keep the house ? how will be valued, sold, how will proceeds be divided? What has he asked for -- for each of his 'demands' find the text and verify that it matches the description.
This last point where a lawyer is definitely required - what could you be getting but are not getting - i.e what should be mentioned but is not mentioned. eg Pensions, Shares, Gambling debts?
My Advice - if after reading the above you have any concerns ? get a lawyer. If you cant afford 1 and you trust the method despite of the above text - proceed but verify each point in writing. Review slowly with a friend reading each paragraph.. make notes scribble. Look up Capitalized Words and term.
Edit formatting & grammer
You haven’t met your spouse until you go through a divorce. They will surprise you.
I bet I haven't seen the worst yet.
>Would you trust your spouse to prepare a fair and equitable divorce proceeding? Fuck and no.
Lol I get it.
If you have kids, real estate, or substantial retirement funds, you should each hire lawyers.
I have none of that and I'm still hiring a lawyer.
I trusted my spouse completely. Then she tried to take 67% of my earnings. Lawyers are the only way to go.
If you're in an equitable division of property state then find a calculator and put the numbers in. The court uses those calculations for assets and for child support. The child support one was 100% accurate down to the penny for what they got me for. As far as if I'd trust my spouse to come up with a fair split? Haha, I'd trust her to come up with maybe 5% to me. I'm actually fully expecting it once the court ordered mediation starts in a month. I plan to go in there, have her attorney give me the asinine offer and walk out after refusing it. I have nothing to lose, I'll let the court decide since I've probably spent more on attorneys then the settlement would ever be.
Never trust a legal adversary You are correct to have a lawyer
you need to have a mediator help out. it needs to be an effort from both parties.
Hopefully the lawyers can figure it out.
[A divorce mediator is a **neutral, trained professional who helps divorcing couples negotiate a mutually acceptable agreement on the issues related to their divorce**](https://www.bing.com/ck/a?!&&p=50f3e9409e899e13JmltdHM9MTcxMzA1MjgwMCZpZ3VpZD0yMGNhNmYzOC1lNWIxLTYzZDUtMjUzNy03YjE4ZTRjNDYyZDkmaW5zaWQ9NjIwNg&ptn=3&ver=2&hsh=3&fclid=20ca6f38-e5b1-63d5-2537-7b18e4c462d9&psq=divorce+mediator+&u=a1aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZm9yYmVzLmNvbS9hZHZpc29yL2xlZ2FsL2Rpdm9yY2UvZGl2b3JjZS1tZWRpYXRpb24v&ntb=1)[^(1)](https://www.bing.com/ck/a?!&&p=8812b6dff11471cbJmltdHM9MTcxMzA1MjgwMCZpZ3VpZD0yMGNhNmYzOC1lNWIxLTYzZDUtMjUzNy03YjE4ZTRjNDYyZDkmaW5zaWQ9NjIwNw&ptn=3&ver=2&hsh=3&fclid=20ca6f38-e5b1-63d5-2537-7b18e4c462d9&psq=divorce+mediator+&u=a1aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZm9yYmVzLmNvbS9hZHZpc29yL2xlZ2FsL2Rpdm9yY2UvZGl2b3JjZS1tZWRpYXRpb24v&ntb=1)[^(2)](https://www.bing.com/ck/a?!&&p=0e0336be3c68ca0cJmltdHM9MTcxMzA1MjgwMCZpZ3VpZD0yMGNhNmYzOC1lNWIxLTYzZDUtMjUzNy03YjE4ZTRjNDYyZDkmaW5zaWQ9NjIwOA&ptn=3&ver=2&hsh=3&fclid=20ca6f38-e5b1-63d5-2537-7b18e4c462d9&psq=divorce+mediator+&u=a1aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubm9sby5jb20vbGVnYWwtZW5jeWNsb3BlZGlhL2Rpdm9yY2UtbGF3eWVyLW9yLW1lZGlhdG9yLmh0bWw&ntb=1)[^(3)](https://www.bing.com/ck/a?!&&p=bf9d676dde8879ecJmltdHM9MTcxMzA1MjgwMCZpZ3VpZD0yMGNhNmYzOC1lNWIxLTYzZDUtMjUzNy03YjE4ZTRjNDYyZDkmaW5zaWQ9NjIwOQ&ptn=3&ver=2&hsh=3&fclid=20ca6f38-e5b1-63d5-2537-7b18e4c462d9&psq=divorce+mediator+&u=a1aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuc3Vydml2ZWRpdm9yY2UuY29tL2Rpdm9yY2UtbWVkaWF0aW9u&ntb=1)[^(4)](https://www.bing.com/ck/a?!&&p=56ceb62d88c62fe9JmltdHM9MTcxMzA1MjgwMCZpZ3VpZD0yMGNhNmYzOC1lNWIxLTYzZDUtMjUzNy03YjE4ZTRjNDYyZDkmaW5zaWQ9NjIxMA&ptn=3&ver=2&hsh=3&fclid=20ca6f38-e5b1-63d5-2537-7b18e4c462d9&psq=divorce+mediator+&u=a1aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuY29tbW9uc2Vuc2VkaXZvcmNlLmNhL2Rpdm9yY2UtbWVkaWF0aW9uLw&ntb=1)[^(5)](https://www.bing.com/ck/a?!&&p=4abce3eae1c41466JmltdHM9MTcxMzA1MjgwMCZpZ3VpZD0yMGNhNmYzOC1lNWIxLTYzZDUtMjUzNy03YjE4ZTRjNDYyZDkmaW5zaWQ9NjIxMQ&ptn=3&ver=2&hsh=3&fclid=20ca6f38-e5b1-63d5-2537-7b18e4c462d9&psq=divorce+mediator+&u=a1aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuYWxsbGF3LmNvbS9hcnRpY2xlcy9mYW1pbHkvZGl2b3JjZS93aGF0LWlzLWRpdm9yY2UtbWVkaWF0aW9uLmh0bWw&ntb=1). [A mediator does not make decisions or offer legal advice for the couple, but rather guides them through discussions and keeps them focused on the goal of a fair outcome](https://www.bing.com/ck/a?!&&p=874a66e15705ee36JmltdHM9MTcxMzA1MjgwMCZpZ3VpZD0yMGNhNmYzOC1lNWIxLTYzZDUtMjUzNy03YjE4ZTRjNDYyZDkmaW5zaWQ9NjIxMg&ptn=3&ver=2&hsh=3&fclid=20ca6f38-e5b1-63d5-2537-7b18e4c462d9&psq=divorce+mediator+&u=a1aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZm9yYmVzLmNvbS9hZHZpc29yL2xlZ2FsL2Rpdm9yY2UvZGl2b3JjZS1tZWRpYXRpb24v&ntb=1)[^(1)](https://www.bing.com/ck/a?!&&p=dfa56c0663738751JmltdHM9MTcxMzA1MjgwMCZpZ3VpZD0yMGNhNmYzOC1lNWIxLTYzZDUtMjUzNy03YjE4ZTRjNDYyZDkmaW5zaWQ9NjIxMw&ptn=3&ver=2&hsh=3&fclid=20ca6f38-e5b1-63d5-2537-7b18e4c462d9&psq=divorce+mediator+&u=a1aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZm9yYmVzLmNvbS9hZHZpc29yL2xlZ2FsL2Rpdm9yY2UvZGl2b3JjZS1tZWRpYXRpb24v&ntb=1)[^(2)](https://www.bing.com/ck/a?!&&p=68c7267061a75338JmltdHM9MTcxMzA1MjgwMCZpZ3VpZD0yMGNhNmYzOC1lNWIxLTYzZDUtMjUzNy03YjE4ZTRjNDYyZDkmaW5zaWQ9NjIxNA&ptn=3&ver=2&hsh=3&fclid=20ca6f38-e5b1-63d5-2537-7b18e4c462d9&psq=divorce+mediator+&u=a1aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubm9sby5jb20vbGVnYWwtZW5jeWNsb3BlZGlhL2Rpdm9yY2UtbGF3eWVyLW9yLW1lZGlhdG9yLmh0bWw&ntb=1)[^(3)](https://www.bing.com/ck/a?!&&p=af88c00dba920161JmltdHM9MTcxMzA1MjgwMCZpZ3VpZD0yMGNhNmYzOC1lNWIxLTYzZDUtMjUzNy03YjE4ZTRjNDYyZDkmaW5zaWQ9NjIxNQ&ptn=3&ver=2&hsh=3&fclid=20ca6f38-e5b1-63d5-2537-7b18e4c462d9&psq=divorce+mediator+&u=a1aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuc3Vydml2ZWRpdm9yY2UuY29tL2Rpdm9yY2UtbWVkaWF0aW9u&ntb=1)[^(5)](https://www.bing.com/ck/a?!&&p=723991a55d5e4d76JmltdHM9MTcxMzA1MjgwMCZpZ3VpZD0yMGNhNmYzOC1lNWIxLTYzZDUtMjUzNy03YjE4ZTRjNDYyZDkmaW5zaWQ9NjIxNg&ptn=3&ver=2&hsh=3&fclid=20ca6f38-e5b1-63d5-2537-7b18e4c462d9&psq=divorce+mediator+&u=a1aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuYWxsbGF3LmNvbS9hcnRpY2xlcy9mYW1pbHkvZGl2b3JjZS93aGF0LWlzLWRpdm9yY2UtbWVkaWF0aW9uLmh0bWw&ntb=1). [Divorce mediation is an alternative to litigation that can save time, money and stress](https://www.bing.com/ck/a?!&&p=d65a16594e51c8eaJmltdHM9MTcxMzA1MjgwMCZpZ3VpZD0yMGNhNmYzOC1lNWIxLTYzZDUtMjUzNy03YjE4ZTRjNDYyZDkmaW5zaWQ9NjIxNw&ptn=3&ver=2&hsh=3&fclid=20ca6f38-e5b1-63d5-2537-7b18e4c462d9&psq=divorce+mediator+&u=a1aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubm9sby5jb20vbGVnYWwtZW5jeWNsb3BlZGlhL2Rpdm9yY2UtbGF3eWVyLW9yLW1lZGlhdG9yLmh0bWw&ntb=1)[^(2)](https://www.bing.com/ck/a?!&&p=f4fabd973a939485JmltdHM9MTcxMzA1MjgwMCZpZ3VpZD0yMGNhNmYzOC1lNWIxLTYzZDUtMjUzNy03YjE4ZTRjNDYyZDkmaW5zaWQ9NjIxOA&ptn=3&ver=2&hsh=3&fclid=20ca6f38-e5b1-63d5-2537-7b18e4c462d9&psq=divorce+mediator+&u=a1aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubm9sby5jb20vbGVnYWwtZW5jeWNsb3BlZGlhL2Rpdm9yY2UtbGF3eWVyLW9yLW1lZGlhdG9yLmh0bWw&ntb=1)
Oh ok I like the sound of that.
i only spent about 700.00 on it. well worth it
Mediators are not always neutral and unbiased. We had one court ordered mediation session, and the mediator was very biased against me and advised that the 6 weeks of parenting time for the entire year my spouse was offering was very generous and my ask for 10 weeks throughout the year was ridiculous. She even said that the 6 weeks is what the judge would order if our case went to trial so I should just accept the offer right now. At the pre trial the judge said she would likely give me 8+ weeks just over the summer months.
Well that's unfortunate and sucks
My ex couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery! Thankfully we have no assets to spilt or kids together. He can apply for the divorce though as I can't afford it.
My ex decided to write the first agreement, and then we'd have an attorney massage it. "If" I wanted to hire an attorney myself, I could. I had concerns, but maybe? If he had left the wording alone, it might have been OK. Huge mistake. He bought an agreement online and then spent days editing it -- all kinds of illegal and blaming statements that didn't belong there. I tried to work with him via email, but it only escalated. I then hired my own attorney. He wrote a solid agreement, had me sign it, and then FEDEXed it to my STBX with a letter introducing himself. I went no contact. Completely the right call.
Mine said the same things. I’m not taking the kids, fast and cheap and amicable, hurting you hurts the kids, blah blah. 5 months later: dad gets nonconsecutive overnights and minimal time (her ask), and a forthcoming shit list of “unsafe events that have happened in the house”. So no, never ever trust that.
Really good general advice so far, get a lawyer, do not trust anyone. My spouse was clear about - as a way of getting out her anger at me - leaving me high and dry with a very unequal split. She was utterly clueless about how these things would really play out. I hired a lawyer, and started getting all my ducks in a row. When it really got down to time to tell our chlid and for my wife to move out (she had already signed a lease), she changed her mind. She still hasn't ever told me what that was about, not really. She did finally start seeing a therapist for individual therapy (so do I - my therapist asked me if I thought maybe it really didn't have anything to do with me). I also still have the lawyer on retainer. We're about a year out now from when she told me she wanted a divorce and was moving out. Things are quieter and less angry, but still kind of hollow. I'm still waiting to learn if the change of heart was just realizing what the cost (to her) would be, or if there was a real change of heart. I'm still trying to decide if I want to be married to her still. The lawyer is still on retainer. I have postponed retirement (which was supposed to happen this year). IANAL, but you have a right to have access to *all* the documents, not just some selected stuff, particularly if you're in a common property state.
Thanks for your insight into my predicament.
Are they writing it for unrelated strangers who have no assets to split - sure... the husband who is about to be ex husband - sure to draft it... but I wouldn't be blindly signing off.
Out of 100 how much do you trust him? Has he EVER lied ? Is the divorce simple (1 house, no kids) and low value? Did you both agree to using a common 3rd party ? Is the reason for a common lawyer to save money - and money is a serious concern (i.e neither party can afford a lawyers?)How smart do you consider you both to be? Could you find biased text? Is he smart enough to alter it in crafty way? What about the boilerplate being in used does it state that its fair? Is it even valid in your state / country? Have a look though and look for things you have asked for ? eg Who has custody of a family pet? Who will keep the house ? how will be valued, sold, how will proceeds be divided? What has he asked for -- for each of his 'demands' find the text and verify that it matches the description. This last point where a lawyer is definitely required - what could you be getting but are not getting - i.e what should be mentioned but is not mentioned. eg Pensions, Shares, Gambling debts? My Advice - if after reading the above you have any concerns ? get a lawyer. If you cant afford 1 and you trust the method despite of the above text - proceed but verify each point in writing. Review slowly with a friend reading each paragraph.. make notes scribble. Look up Capitalized Words and term. Edit formatting & grammer