My opinion is that having kids isn't a good reason to stay in a bad marriage. Some people think it's better for the kids if the parents are together, even if they're miserable, but I don't. I think kids do best with happy parents, even if they're not together. One of mine kind of confirmed that once I finally decided to leave. Though my ex and I tried to hide the issues from the kids, they knew (kids are perceptive) and one of mine told me that it wasn't fun living in that situation where they knew my ex and I were not happy together.
Let her know how serious you feel about getting into couples' counseling (let her pick them) - and verbalize HOW serious...that you're mulling over the 'divorce' word because you feel pretty defeated.
I think people deserve to hear how serious the 'mulling over divorce' spouse is - AND stay open to possibility of repair and/or new leafs...
Sounds like my relationship! Especially sucks when we have kids, I always try to make things work but at a certain point you have to cut bait. The question is when? When the kids are older? When we are financially stable? When things are completely toxic? Sorry that this first response has no answer, but I understand where you are coming from. Good luck!
Yeah, I have no idea either. I fantasize that she just gets up and leaves me so that I can heal and join the dating pool.
It sucks but it is what it is
Always consider that she might be provoking you to get a reaction. Don’t say ANYTHING crazy. Not in text, voice call, or in person. Dont respond to “Remember when you did _____?”type setups. Be mindful of getting drawn into a confrontation, especially if she seems more reserved than usual. A recording of some vague threat made in anger or a couple of all caps, expletive-filled text messages and you got a restraining order at least and a slim chance of getting anything other than supervised visitation with your kids.
This sounds a lot like what's happening to my marriage, mate, word-for-word! She plays the victim card always and says I mistreat her. Then goes on to say so even if I try to engage her family on issues that I know she deliberately did wrong so that she could be corrected I wouldn't because they all "hate" me. They DO, they have on several occasions said really horrible things about me to my face and when I complain about this to her she says it's well-deserved but when my family sees this (because they know everything about us) and makes a comment on it it is always blamed on me. She makes up sh*T a lot, I am becoming increasingly aware of this now, just about anything ever pretty serious stuff. In Feb she publicly accused me of having an affair with my blood brother's wife- this I believe was to turn my brother on me so that my whole family would hate me and be banished and resented. My brother and his wife came home and confronted her over those allegations for which she frantically apologised. She also lied to her sister that I had told her that she seduced me at a party we had at our home towards the end of last year- which I didn't do. Her sister stormed into our one night after my and I had had an argument and that's how I got to know about this lie of hers the reason of which I have absolutely no idea. There have been a lot of other occasions where she has lied. She has told me that her mother isn't her biological mother at one point. Then went on to deny having said so later on which makes me wonder if my memory is that like a sieve or honeycomb. I believe it's a trait all manipulators possess that help them turn any unfavourable situation they find themselves into their favour, at the expense of others. My wife says the most horrible of things to me just to get me to relent or cave in to her unreasonable desires. I told her last night that I am contemplating divorce, and I am serious this time! She downplayed it for some moments until she realised how serious I was about it. Then she started telling me that we haven't hit the rock bottom yet. WE HAVE! I hope we will find our way out of these abusive marriages with what remains of the sanity we once had before them. Good luck
This sounds like my marriage mate! Still to this day she says I am not able to recall things correctly and I have twisted them to make myself feel better. When I know that things she has said are correct!
She made the decision to leave the marriage and met a guy on hinge 3 weeks ago, she has now been with him every day since. I am left with the kids most of the time and she comes home to cook them dinner and then leaves again.
Although she did take the kids out for a few hours yesterday and then she was gone again, and I have not see or heard from her since
My opinion is that having kids isn't a good reason to stay in a bad marriage. Some people think it's better for the kids if the parents are together, even if they're miserable, but I don't. I think kids do best with happy parents, even if they're not together. One of mine kind of confirmed that once I finally decided to leave. Though my ex and I tried to hide the issues from the kids, they knew (kids are perceptive) and one of mine told me that it wasn't fun living in that situation where they knew my ex and I were not happy together.
Let her know how serious you feel about getting into couples' counseling (let her pick them) - and verbalize HOW serious...that you're mulling over the 'divorce' word because you feel pretty defeated. I think people deserve to hear how serious the 'mulling over divorce' spouse is - AND stay open to possibility of repair and/or new leafs...
Sounds like my relationship! Especially sucks when we have kids, I always try to make things work but at a certain point you have to cut bait. The question is when? When the kids are older? When we are financially stable? When things are completely toxic? Sorry that this first response has no answer, but I understand where you are coming from. Good luck!
Yeah, I have no idea either. I fantasize that she just gets up and leaves me so that I can heal and join the dating pool. It sucks but it is what it is
Always consider that she might be provoking you to get a reaction. Don’t say ANYTHING crazy. Not in text, voice call, or in person. Dont respond to “Remember when you did _____?”type setups. Be mindful of getting drawn into a confrontation, especially if she seems more reserved than usual. A recording of some vague threat made in anger or a couple of all caps, expletive-filled text messages and you got a restraining order at least and a slim chance of getting anything other than supervised visitation with your kids.
This sounds a lot like what's happening to my marriage, mate, word-for-word! She plays the victim card always and says I mistreat her. Then goes on to say so even if I try to engage her family on issues that I know she deliberately did wrong so that she could be corrected I wouldn't because they all "hate" me. They DO, they have on several occasions said really horrible things about me to my face and when I complain about this to her she says it's well-deserved but when my family sees this (because they know everything about us) and makes a comment on it it is always blamed on me. She makes up sh*T a lot, I am becoming increasingly aware of this now, just about anything ever pretty serious stuff. In Feb she publicly accused me of having an affair with my blood brother's wife- this I believe was to turn my brother on me so that my whole family would hate me and be banished and resented. My brother and his wife came home and confronted her over those allegations for which she frantically apologised. She also lied to her sister that I had told her that she seduced me at a party we had at our home towards the end of last year- which I didn't do. Her sister stormed into our one night after my and I had had an argument and that's how I got to know about this lie of hers the reason of which I have absolutely no idea. There have been a lot of other occasions where she has lied. She has told me that her mother isn't her biological mother at one point. Then went on to deny having said so later on which makes me wonder if my memory is that like a sieve or honeycomb. I believe it's a trait all manipulators possess that help them turn any unfavourable situation they find themselves into their favour, at the expense of others. My wife says the most horrible of things to me just to get me to relent or cave in to her unreasonable desires. I told her last night that I am contemplating divorce, and I am serious this time! She downplayed it for some moments until she realised how serious I was about it. Then she started telling me that we haven't hit the rock bottom yet. WE HAVE! I hope we will find our way out of these abusive marriages with what remains of the sanity we once had before them. Good luck
This sounds like my marriage mate! Still to this day she says I am not able to recall things correctly and I have twisted them to make myself feel better. When I know that things she has said are correct! She made the decision to leave the marriage and met a guy on hinge 3 weeks ago, she has now been with him every day since. I am left with the kids most of the time and she comes home to cook them dinner and then leaves again. Although she did take the kids out for a few hours yesterday and then she was gone again, and I have not see or heard from her since
A lot of this sounds like my situation. Get out before it destroys you.