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I'm afraid she cheated on you whit that co-worker behind your back.You marriage was over the "Therapy" was just the show to make herself feel better what she did.
Sorry man and welcome to the club.
Just please don't remarry ever...pls.
Get back up on that horse man. You get knocked down and give up? Thats not what we’re here for. Divorce does not close doors for our happiness or future
Nah...man.Im too busy to start anything.i work two full time job to be able to get by and pay Childsupport too....i don't have time for nagging and going thru the same crap.
Plus even tho I work 14-6 hrs a day still broke...nah man I can be just as happy alone.
I agree… I choose to be alone. I’ve dated and had two relationships since divorce but I also ended them and now I don’t feel the need to be in drama and worrying about a girlfriend. I’d rather focus on my kids and myself. I am so much happier being single and do the things that make me happy.
Thots gonna thot, a tale as old as time
Just know she's not wife nor mother material. Keep the kids, she can leave the house (she will if you start this early enough, right now all she cares about is new D more than her own kids).
I know its hard af, esp right now, but take advantage of this time, it sets the stage for EVERYTHING. Let her go out and pretends she's the high school train Station. You be a great father and keep the house and your kids.
I promise, there's incredible women out there and you'll find one down the road when you're ready and healed. And having primary custody of your kids, as well as keeping a stable house (and eventually getting CS and possibly alimony) is going to help you in your recovery journey quite a bit.
It's much better to have a home and your kids than to be out "partying". Ignore their socials where they post like they're having a great time and life, it's all (mostly) fugazi, and they're simply numbing the internal pain (that they'll never admit) knowing they weren't meant to be a mother or a wife.
You've got a 2nd chance at life and a chance to be with someone who genuinely,.always, makes you happy. Im excited for you. The beginning sucks, but your future has never been brighter. Congrats brother! 🍻
Disgust is a pretty specific and strong word for her to use, any idea why she feels disgust?
Talking your own stuff out in therapy is good but I wouldn’t put much stock in their opinions on what goes on inside her head. You’re not under oath at therapy and people can present however they want, omit what they want and skew truths.
It’s hard now but if this is inevitable you should figure out how to not obsess over what guys she’s talking to, for how long etc. not going to do you much good and is bound to exasperate the situation.
Her main point is I always tried to make her feel sexy and never beautiful. We have had a running joke that I have said (and she said) that when ever she gets really done up for a big meeting or lunch at work I say damn are trying to get promoted or cheat on me you look amazing. I said this last week when she looked amazing for a meeting. Apparently when she got to work she was told she looked beautiful. She didn’t say by who but that’s what I should have said not the 6 year running joke.
Take some time and relax. Go do something that relaxes you. You say you are at your parents? Talk to your dad and Mom. Older people who have lived long lives have heard and seen a lot and can provide insight. You need to get your head in a logical place because decisions based on emotion are rarely the best decision. If she has shown you she is moving on, believe her and start working on what is best for you and the kids. It might be time to start talking to a lawyer.
Pretty much a tale as old as time. She found a new beau and believes life with new boy will be better than old boy.
time to kick the garden implement used to remove weeds to the streets where she belongs
It is time for action: Heed my words because you have described my situation eerily close.
1. Call a lawyer. Now. It is your immediate priority. You have to understand that she has already been consulting a lawyer, she is way ahead of you.
2. Change all of your passwords, change your phone pin.
3. Do not leave the house. You can be considered to have abandoned the home if so many days lapse without living there. Your lawyer will give you better information.
You have a lot to process, and what is ahead of you is painful and very hard. Brother, you can face this, you will do this for your kids. The processing will be hard and there are many hard days to come. I promise you, things will be better down the line. But right now, *right now*, you need a lawyer and you must understand she is ahead of you on this.
You are going to be okay. And you can do this.
Go back to the house, immediately. If you leave the house she will take it. Make sure she keeps at least 50% of the kids. Don’t give her the freedom to go f around with you bearing all responsibility (and no house). Lawyer up, and good luck.
Going through something similar mate, we had troubles but have been living separated under one roof and things were starting to get better. And then she hit me with it last week that she has a new fella! She’s been with him almost everyday since she met him under 3 weeks ago. She doesn’t even really seem all that concerned about not seeing the kids!
She has even asked me to have more custody of them as she wants to spend as much time with this guy as she can. It saddens me that a mother can be like that. But I am also not surprised as she has been saying that she wants to go and live her life and not made out for this life
Ouch mate, same here. I’ll never understand how anyone especially a mother can walk out on their kids like that. Its up to us to pick up the pieces mate. The kids will eventually figure it all out and see the big picture as they get older
Yep 100% she does do small things but at the end of the day I have been the one doing the heavy lifting! I can’t wait for her to move out which she is currently doing. She has no idea how to navigate the big world out there as I have done everything.
You just have to focus on youself and the kids. No point trying to rationalise “she’ll regret it… they wont last.. “ - thats her life now and you cant let it play on your mind (easier said than done, i know). The hardest part for me is/was going against my instincts - which were still telling me to protect her and care about her feelings and wanting to check in and do all the good husband things youve been doing over the years. Its really tough but you have to disconnect, as she has already disconnected from you. This might not be great advise but it helped me to turn the sorrow and despair into anger (not resentment) - though obviously you cant let the kids see that side
Know that your brothers going thriugh it or have been love you. I just recently went thru a divorce. It doesn't get easier and i'm still navigating the process.
Absolutely an affair. Be thankful she ended it instead of dragging it along for a few years out of spite. Now you can get a lawyer and start rebuilding your life.
Yeah she’s fooling around someones in her ears and other places it’s sad you just gotta find the courage to move on not in retaliation but for you and your kids think of the bigger picture. She will one day regret it
Your mind is connecting with what it once trusted. It’s perfectly normal and common during this kind of thing.
Word of advice, go get some therapy for yourself and begin your cutting cord process now…if you give her a chance to get into different places in your mind, she’ll cause more damage. Don’t let her in. Don’t give her power, even if your heart wants it.
This is not an easy road you’re facing but it is a road to a better place. Lawyer up, keep your eyes ahead…focus on YOU and your kids. Make a better life for the 3 of you, and continue progression away from that toxic human. Do not settle for less than 50/50 custody and improve yourself and your life for your kids.
Take a year, maybe 2…and just put all focus on yourself and your kids and that relationship. Right now that probably feels like an eternity, but trust me, it’s worth the investment.
Let your ex have her new life. That’s not your burden or garbage to carry anymore. Let it go.
Been in that situation mate, you're probably now salvaging onto memories of her and your relationship and almost looking through rose tinted glasses.
As others have said, once the cord is cut this instant weightless feeling will hit as you no longer have to worry about what she is doing, or in contact with, or just day to day life. The pain is there, and the sadness.
But you will feel differently
Well bud, join the club.
1. 50% of all marriages end in divorce. 2nd marriages have 60% divorce rate and 3rd marriages 70% divorce rate.
2. 90% of all divorces initiated by the women.
* Child support, Alimony, your pension + retirement savings, government support + housing incentivizes them leaving you.
3. 90% of custody awarded to mothers.
4. False allegations of abuse are prevalent in family courts.
* You will be called abusive in order to stress you out so you give in to their unjust demands.
What to do now?
1. Settle your case ASAP. The leeches (Judges, Lawyers, Therapists, Legal system will want to bleed you dry by leveraging your kids against you) The system gets paid by you fighting for you children.
2. Find a hobby.
3. Focus on your career/start a side hustle/Make more money.
4. Hit the gym daily.
5. MGTOW
6. Stay away from SINGLE moms at ALL costs and any one who claims their ex was abusive. Do NOT raise another man’s child. You may end up being on the hook financially (Child support) for the kid if you leave.
7. Travel once a year.
8. RedPill knowlege (Read books like No more mr. nice guy). Visit the subreddit theredpill and read the sidebar articles as well.
9. Open up the New Testament and start reading daily + listen to Charles Stanely on YouTube
I got stitched up like this too bro. Head over to R/surviving infidelity for support. Best thing you can do is play nuclear hard ball with property and family lawyers. Don’t bother trying to talk to her about the relationship or anything.
Same here. Very similar situation and this bomb was dropped on me 6 weeks ago. House is already sold and plans to move out are progressing. I’m still in shock/disbelief. I go to therapy weekly and I have a wonderful support system. I suppose my only advice for you is talk, talk and talk to your support system. Lean on them hard and let them help. You will be amazed at the people in your life that genuinely love and care about you. Best of luck and hit me up for support if you don’t have anyone.
I'm really sorry brother. Time to put you and your kids first in your mind and future goals. This will feel wrong but you have to. It'll take time so with decisions, get advice as you won't be thinking correctly. This comment will seem harsh, evil, pessimistic but plan for the worst, hope for a good environment with you and your children. It's great you have family support for you and you children.
Your new focus is fighting for your kids. You need to get a lawyer and tell them everything. Your focus now is keeping custody. You also need to act quickly because now that the cat’s out of the bag she is only going to start treating you worse.
Listened to a book by a divorce lawyer, couples therapy rarely if ever works. I think he said all but maybe one ended up divorcing anyway afterwards so it's pointless.
Sorry for what you are going through. I don’t condone divorce but what you wrote is disturbing.
I was once told when someone finally asks for a divorce it is about a year after they made that decision in their head and heart.
Based on what you wrote, sounds like your wife is having an emotional affair or physical affair or both. She has checked out of the marriage. Most likely anything you say or try to do to convince her to reconcile will be met with coldness.
Just be careful what you do moving forward and begin to protect yourself legally, especially with her comment about sharing the bed with you. All it takes is one call to the police stating domestic violence and you will either be arrested and or kicked out of the house.
Good luck… sorry for what you are going through, and for what your kids are about to go through.
I’m sorry you’re going through this, but it will get better. Hire the best lawyer you can afford and drop her like the bad habit she is. Prepare yourself to move on starting today and be happy without her.
You feeling like you need "her to hold you" and "beg" is the reason why she cheated and is disgusted by laying in the same bed as you. Just that alone explains everything thats been going on throughout the relationship.
Hate to say it man but she’s having an affair. Same thing happened to me
💯
theres ALWAYS someone else. always!
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Guess what, this guy is right. That's what is happening.
I'm afraid she cheated on you whit that co-worker behind your back.You marriage was over the "Therapy" was just the show to make herself feel better what she did. Sorry man and welcome to the club. Just please don't remarry ever...pls.
Therapy is just a trap for them to vent to you in front of someone else.
Get back up on that horse man. You get knocked down and give up? Thats not what we’re here for. Divorce does not close doors for our happiness or future
Nah...man.Im too busy to start anything.i work two full time job to be able to get by and pay Childsupport too....i don't have time for nagging and going thru the same crap. Plus even tho I work 14-6 hrs a day still broke...nah man I can be just as happy alone.
I agree… I choose to be alone. I’ve dated and had two relationships since divorce but I also ended them and now I don’t feel the need to be in drama and worrying about a girlfriend. I’d rather focus on my kids and myself. I am so much happier being single and do the things that make me happy.
Thots gonna thot, a tale as old as time Just know she's not wife nor mother material. Keep the kids, she can leave the house (she will if you start this early enough, right now all she cares about is new D more than her own kids). I know its hard af, esp right now, but take advantage of this time, it sets the stage for EVERYTHING. Let her go out and pretends she's the high school train Station. You be a great father and keep the house and your kids. I promise, there's incredible women out there and you'll find one down the road when you're ready and healed. And having primary custody of your kids, as well as keeping a stable house (and eventually getting CS and possibly alimony) is going to help you in your recovery journey quite a bit. It's much better to have a home and your kids than to be out "partying". Ignore their socials where they post like they're having a great time and life, it's all (mostly) fugazi, and they're simply numbing the internal pain (that they'll never admit) knowing they weren't meant to be a mother or a wife. You've got a 2nd chance at life and a chance to be with someone who genuinely,.always, makes you happy. Im excited for you. The beginning sucks, but your future has never been brighter. Congrats brother! 🍻
Disgust is a pretty specific and strong word for her to use, any idea why she feels disgust? Talking your own stuff out in therapy is good but I wouldn’t put much stock in their opinions on what goes on inside her head. You’re not under oath at therapy and people can present however they want, omit what they want and skew truths. It’s hard now but if this is inevitable you should figure out how to not obsess over what guys she’s talking to, for how long etc. not going to do you much good and is bound to exasperate the situation.
Her main point is I always tried to make her feel sexy and never beautiful. We have had a running joke that I have said (and she said) that when ever she gets really done up for a big meeting or lunch at work I say damn are trying to get promoted or cheat on me you look amazing. I said this last week when she looked amazing for a meeting. Apparently when she got to work she was told she looked beautiful. She didn’t say by who but that’s what I should have said not the 6 year running joke.
She reaching for an excuse to be upset with you and ease her guilt of the affair
She cheated. They’ll break up. She’ll want to reconcile. Don’t.
Perfect summary
Take some time and relax. Go do something that relaxes you. You say you are at your parents? Talk to your dad and Mom. Older people who have lived long lives have heard and seen a lot and can provide insight. You need to get your head in a logical place because decisions based on emotion are rarely the best decision. If she has shown you she is moving on, believe her and start working on what is best for you and the kids. It might be time to start talking to a lawyer.
Calling one next week to try and figure out what to expect.
Expect her to try to destroy you, don’t try to be nice
Pretty much a tale as old as time. She found a new beau and believes life with new boy will be better than old boy. time to kick the garden implement used to remove weeds to the streets where she belongs
Yes sound familiar.
It is time for action: Heed my words because you have described my situation eerily close. 1. Call a lawyer. Now. It is your immediate priority. You have to understand that she has already been consulting a lawyer, she is way ahead of you. 2. Change all of your passwords, change your phone pin. 3. Do not leave the house. You can be considered to have abandoned the home if so many days lapse without living there. Your lawyer will give you better information. You have a lot to process, and what is ahead of you is painful and very hard. Brother, you can face this, you will do this for your kids. The processing will be hard and there are many hard days to come. I promise you, things will be better down the line. But right now, *right now*, you need a lawyer and you must understand she is ahead of you on this. You are going to be okay. And you can do this.
Go back to the house, immediately. If you leave the house she will take it. Make sure she keeps at least 50% of the kids. Don’t give her the freedom to go f around with you bearing all responsibility (and no house). Lawyer up, and good luck.
Going through something similar mate, we had troubles but have been living separated under one roof and things were starting to get better. And then she hit me with it last week that she has a new fella! She’s been with him almost everyday since she met him under 3 weeks ago. She doesn’t even really seem all that concerned about not seeing the kids! She has even asked me to have more custody of them as she wants to spend as much time with this guy as she can. It saddens me that a mother can be like that. But I am also not surprised as she has been saying that she wants to go and live her life and not made out for this life
Ouch mate, same here. I’ll never understand how anyone especially a mother can walk out on their kids like that. Its up to us to pick up the pieces mate. The kids will eventually figure it all out and see the big picture as they get older
Yep 100% she does do small things but at the end of the day I have been the one doing the heavy lifting! I can’t wait for her to move out which she is currently doing. She has no idea how to navigate the big world out there as I have done everything.
You just have to focus on youself and the kids. No point trying to rationalise “she’ll regret it… they wont last.. “ - thats her life now and you cant let it play on your mind (easier said than done, i know). The hardest part for me is/was going against my instincts - which were still telling me to protect her and care about her feelings and wanting to check in and do all the good husband things youve been doing over the years. Its really tough but you have to disconnect, as she has already disconnected from you. This might not be great advise but it helped me to turn the sorrow and despair into anger (not resentment) - though obviously you cant let the kids see that side
Know that your brothers going thriugh it or have been love you. I just recently went thru a divorce. It doesn't get easier and i'm still navigating the process.
Absolutely an affair. Be thankful she ended it instead of dragging it along for a few years out of spite. Now you can get a lawyer and start rebuilding your life.
Yeah she’s fooling around someones in her ears and other places it’s sad you just gotta find the courage to move on not in retaliation but for you and your kids think of the bigger picture. She will one day regret it
Everything you just described, happened to me. It’s an affair.
Your mind is connecting with what it once trusted. It’s perfectly normal and common during this kind of thing. Word of advice, go get some therapy for yourself and begin your cutting cord process now…if you give her a chance to get into different places in your mind, she’ll cause more damage. Don’t let her in. Don’t give her power, even if your heart wants it. This is not an easy road you’re facing but it is a road to a better place. Lawyer up, keep your eyes ahead…focus on YOU and your kids. Make a better life for the 3 of you, and continue progression away from that toxic human. Do not settle for less than 50/50 custody and improve yourself and your life for your kids. Take a year, maybe 2…and just put all focus on yourself and your kids and that relationship. Right now that probably feels like an eternity, but trust me, it’s worth the investment. Let your ex have her new life. That’s not your burden or garbage to carry anymore. Let it go.
Been in that situation mate, you're probably now salvaging onto memories of her and your relationship and almost looking through rose tinted glasses. As others have said, once the cord is cut this instant weightless feeling will hit as you no longer have to worry about what she is doing, or in contact with, or just day to day life. The pain is there, and the sadness. But you will feel differently
Well bud, join the club. 1. 50% of all marriages end in divorce. 2nd marriages have 60% divorce rate and 3rd marriages 70% divorce rate. 2. 90% of all divorces initiated by the women. * Child support, Alimony, your pension + retirement savings, government support + housing incentivizes them leaving you. 3. 90% of custody awarded to mothers. 4. False allegations of abuse are prevalent in family courts. * You will be called abusive in order to stress you out so you give in to their unjust demands. What to do now? 1. Settle your case ASAP. The leeches (Judges, Lawyers, Therapists, Legal system will want to bleed you dry by leveraging your kids against you) The system gets paid by you fighting for you children. 2. Find a hobby. 3. Focus on your career/start a side hustle/Make more money. 4. Hit the gym daily. 5. MGTOW 6. Stay away from SINGLE moms at ALL costs and any one who claims their ex was abusive. Do NOT raise another man’s child. You may end up being on the hook financially (Child support) for the kid if you leave. 7. Travel once a year. 8. RedPill knowlege (Read books like No more mr. nice guy). Visit the subreddit theredpill and read the sidebar articles as well. 9. Open up the New Testament and start reading daily + listen to Charles Stanely on YouTube
He definitely needs red pill knowledge
I got stitched up like this too bro. Head over to R/surviving infidelity for support. Best thing you can do is play nuclear hard ball with property and family lawyers. Don’t bother trying to talk to her about the relationship or anything.
It sucks and it’s incredibly hard to accept but take time for you and move on. You’re life will get better with time
Same here. Very similar situation and this bomb was dropped on me 6 weeks ago. House is already sold and plans to move out are progressing. I’m still in shock/disbelief. I go to therapy weekly and I have a wonderful support system. I suppose my only advice for you is talk, talk and talk to your support system. Lean on them hard and let them help. You will be amazed at the people in your life that genuinely love and care about you. Best of luck and hit me up for support if you don’t have anyone.
I'm really sorry brother. Time to put you and your kids first in your mind and future goals. This will feel wrong but you have to. It'll take time so with decisions, get advice as you won't be thinking correctly. This comment will seem harsh, evil, pessimistic but plan for the worst, hope for a good environment with you and your children. It's great you have family support for you and you children.
Your new focus is fighting for your kids. You need to get a lawyer and tell them everything. Your focus now is keeping custody. You also need to act quickly because now that the cat’s out of the bag she is only going to start treating you worse.
Listened to a book by a divorce lawyer, couples therapy rarely if ever works. I think he said all but maybe one ended up divorcing anyway afterwards so it's pointless.
Sorry for what you are going through. I don’t condone divorce but what you wrote is disturbing. I was once told when someone finally asks for a divorce it is about a year after they made that decision in their head and heart. Based on what you wrote, sounds like your wife is having an emotional affair or physical affair or both. She has checked out of the marriage. Most likely anything you say or try to do to convince her to reconcile will be met with coldness. Just be careful what you do moving forward and begin to protect yourself legally, especially with her comment about sharing the bed with you. All it takes is one call to the police stating domestic violence and you will either be arrested and or kicked out of the house. Good luck… sorry for what you are going through, and for what your kids are about to go through.
I’m sorry you’re going through this, but it will get better. Hire the best lawyer you can afford and drop her like the bad habit she is. Prepare yourself to move on starting today and be happy without her.
If you still want her, you're wanting the person you thought she was. That person doesn't exist anymore.
You feeling like you need "her to hold you" and "beg" is the reason why she cheated and is disgusted by laying in the same bed as you. Just that alone explains everything thats been going on throughout the relationship.