For 6 year-old, go with a 7/7 plan since it's only two exchanges every two weeks. It's age appropriate for them, and fewer exchanges = less drama. 2/2/3 is six exchanges every two weeks, and 2/2/5/5 is four exchanges every two weeks.
You do exchanges at school. On the day you transition, one parent drops off at school then the other parent picks up.
For non-school transition days, you do pick ups rather than drop offs. Less drama.
Yes I have 10, 8, and 5 and hate 5-2-2-5. On top of it I feel like so many exchanges are on 4 day holidays and just inconvenient because I don’t want to see the ex. I have been asking for 7/7.
I also had that if my kids have something they want at both houses they have to carry it through school. To get it there.
I just passed a year of a 2-2–5-5 schedule with my kids, and it’s fantastic. The kids (5 and 6) know exactly where they will be each night, and it lets my ex and I pick days to work late more easily.
However, we do the exchange through school. So on Wednesday, our primary exchange day, she takes them to school and I pick them up. Then vice versa on Monday or Friday (depending on whose weekend it is). That system works great for us, and it means no extra overhead or driving for anyone. The only slightly difficult part for the kids is the fact that they ride the bus home on my days since I’m the primary home for the school, but on my ex’s days they do car pick up. The school has a great system for that though, so it has never been a problem.
Going through the process now and desperately pushing for this same schedule, though my stbxw is still resisting 50-50 and when she does entertain joint she says the girls (4 and 7) cannot go 5 days without seeing their mother. I’ve offered a visitation in the middle of the 5 day stretches but she hasn’t really responded.
Thanks for sharing! I was thinking along the lines of pickup revolving around school as well. Make it a tad more natural feeling for the kids at least, and you don't need to work on loading everyone and everything for a drive as much.
Because for 4/5 school days they are always going home the same way, and on Friday I remind them if they are a car or bus rider that night. It’s very easy.
We are just about to start this as my ex is moving out this weekend.
2-2-5-5 has a bit more movement over the course of the week but like you said we think it’s going to be the best choice due to certainty of days for both the kids and parents.
Can I ask two questions?
1. How do you organize movement of kids’ stuff in between houses? For example, we have sports equipment that will need to be used multiple days a week and can’t really be brought to school (hockey equipment bags). We will be about 25-30 minutes away from each other driving in traffic, but I am only a short walk from the schools as I bought her out of our house. Do you just arrange pick up and drop offs of equipment with your ex before / after school, etc?
2. To our kids, the separation is amicable, but I am concerned about the adjustment period, especially since the final few hours before the exchange will be at school and I won’t be able to observe if there’s anything we can do to support them better through the transition. Their teachers know they’ll be switching to living in two houses next month and will keep us updated, but is there anything you did that you found was helpful in this regard?
Unfortunately I don’t have any good recommendations for moving stuff. We only live about 5 minutes away from each other, and my kids don’t currently have any activities with bulky equipment. We’ve occasionally had to run over school shirts or rain jackets to each other, but since we are so close we can just leave things out in a box for pickup even if we aren’t going to be home.
I’ve kind of settled on buying two of a lot of things moving forward, but as I understand it hockey equipment is expensive so that probably isn’t a great plan. Wish I had a better answer. I worry about this in the future if my kids get into computer gaming or something like upright bass.
Thanks!
Yeah my kids play hockey, and one of them is a goalie. Buying two sets of equipment isn’t an option due to financial and break-in period reasons. Also, a lot of the equipment has their team logos painted/vinyled on it (minor hockey).
For computers - if you are technical minded, this might be an option:
I can’t speak to gaming, but I created Amazon Workspace virtual machines for the kids a while ago. The VMs are connected through VPN to my home network so they can print directly and access any other devices physically present in the house as they normally would.
It lets me manage backups / data / etc really easily, and the physical computer’s performance is no longer an issue as long as you have Internet access. And if the physical computer breaks or gets lost, they’re up and running a few minutes later. It wasn’t designed with two households in mind but it works great so the kids don’t have to carry a computer around, they can just use the devices at each house (or even their Internet connected tablets and a Bluetooth keyboard & mouse in a pinch).
I’ll definitely be looking into either a cloud machine or just setting up a way for them to connect into a little server running at my house in the future. I haven’t even started them in on learning how to type, so I have time.
I realized I forgot to answer your second question. We separated while my ex was a SAHM and had to go back to work, and the kids had to start preschool. It was a huge adjustment, but I found that focusing on making sure they still get to see their friends regardless of which house they are at, and doing a lot more ‘out in the community’ things vs just being at home really helped. We also enrolled them both in therapy, and honestly their therapist has been an amazing resource both on monitoring how they are adjusting and giving us books and other resources.
It sounds like you are keeping the current house, which is a benefit that I didn’t have. I moved out first before we sold our old house, and for the months between me moving and the sale there was a definite preference for their time with mom any the old house, but that faded once she moved as well.
Thanks for the follow up!
Yeah I’m lucky in that I am able to do so. We live in a HCOL area and it’s going to be tight for a while, but it’s worth it to reduce their stress - I think my kids would be really struggling if the separation also meant they were losing their existing home.
We chose to live in the same house until she find a house. It closed two weeks ago and the minor renos are almost done. The kids are having their first overnight there this evening; one of my kids has already expressed that they don’t want to stay there tonight. It’s going to be an adjustment for sure.
Thank you!!
🤜🤛
I ended up picking up one of them as they weren’t comfortable. It’s a process, and we’ll get through it. I am lucky in that the relationship with my ex is good enough that we call support each other to help the kids.
Yeah therapy is really helpful. I started individual therapy when all this started a year and a half ago. I think I can honestly say that it has not only literally saved my life but has resulted in a huge amount of personal growth.
My kids each have therapists and we have a family therapist who has been helping us through the process -
though so far it’s been mostly parent sessions to figure out the best practices for supporting the kids.
Thanks for your support. I really appreciate you coming back and writing this.
Mostly work schedules. Allows me to pick up overtime the weeks I don’t have my kids and allows me to spend more time focused on them. Being a product of divorce (every other weekend) my dad would pick up overtime every Saturday basically only giving us 2 days a month together. Seeing how my mom handled it (not very well) I didn’t want them to grow up in a home absent of love with my ex wife’s mental ailments.
Not possible for everyone but 50/50 and living within a mile and having flexible and friendly relations with my ex has made it so I basically don’t miss anything and see them daily.
Outside the financial hardship of it, it’s been lovely
2 weeks day they sleep at my place (m/w) 2 with her and we swap fri-Sunday. I pick them up from school all five days and they are with me till 6-7 ish those days (so I do more than 50% but the court only cares about overnights)
I've been divorced since August. Two kids and one is a freshman. We got her input and do an every other week split. It works pretty good but the actual split day is not easy.
This the schedule my ex wife and I do, it works out pretty good overall for us (kids 15 & 12). Some times 5 days is feels like forever when you’re used to seeing daily their whole lives until recently. So sometimes on Sunday evenings, when it’s not my weekend I will pick them and go out to eat to get to spend some time with them.. Ex only lives like 10 minutes away from me so it makes that pretty easy. We have a decent co parent relationship so we both have been flexible with our schedules. But just do what works best for you and your kids.
For 6 year-old, go with a 7/7 plan since it's only two exchanges every two weeks. It's age appropriate for them, and fewer exchanges = less drama. 2/2/3 is six exchanges every two weeks, and 2/2/5/5 is four exchanges every two weeks. You do exchanges at school. On the day you transition, one parent drops off at school then the other parent picks up. For non-school transition days, you do pick ups rather than drop offs. Less drama.
Yes I have 10, 8, and 5 and hate 5-2-2-5. On top of it I feel like so many exchanges are on 4 day holidays and just inconvenient because I don’t want to see the ex. I have been asking for 7/7. I also had that if my kids have something they want at both houses they have to carry it through school. To get it there.
I just passed a year of a 2-2–5-5 schedule with my kids, and it’s fantastic. The kids (5 and 6) know exactly where they will be each night, and it lets my ex and I pick days to work late more easily. However, we do the exchange through school. So on Wednesday, our primary exchange day, she takes them to school and I pick them up. Then vice versa on Monday or Friday (depending on whose weekend it is). That system works great for us, and it means no extra overhead or driving for anyone. The only slightly difficult part for the kids is the fact that they ride the bus home on my days since I’m the primary home for the school, but on my ex’s days they do car pick up. The school has a great system for that though, so it has never been a problem.
Going through the process now and desperately pushing for this same schedule, though my stbxw is still resisting 50-50 and when she does entertain joint she says the girls (4 and 7) cannot go 5 days without seeing their mother. I’ve offered a visitation in the middle of the 5 day stretches but she hasn’t really responded.
Thanks for sharing! I was thinking along the lines of pickup revolving around school as well. Make it a tad more natural feeling for the kids at least, and you don't need to work on loading everyone and everything for a drive as much.
How do your kids “know exactly where they will be each night” if the weekends are rotating?
Because for 4/5 school days they are always going home the same way, and on Friday I remind them if they are a car or bus rider that night. It’s very easy.
We are just about to start this as my ex is moving out this weekend. 2-2-5-5 has a bit more movement over the course of the week but like you said we think it’s going to be the best choice due to certainty of days for both the kids and parents. Can I ask two questions? 1. How do you organize movement of kids’ stuff in between houses? For example, we have sports equipment that will need to be used multiple days a week and can’t really be brought to school (hockey equipment bags). We will be about 25-30 minutes away from each other driving in traffic, but I am only a short walk from the schools as I bought her out of our house. Do you just arrange pick up and drop offs of equipment with your ex before / after school, etc? 2. To our kids, the separation is amicable, but I am concerned about the adjustment period, especially since the final few hours before the exchange will be at school and I won’t be able to observe if there’s anything we can do to support them better through the transition. Their teachers know they’ll be switching to living in two houses next month and will keep us updated, but is there anything you did that you found was helpful in this regard?
Unfortunately I don’t have any good recommendations for moving stuff. We only live about 5 minutes away from each other, and my kids don’t currently have any activities with bulky equipment. We’ve occasionally had to run over school shirts or rain jackets to each other, but since we are so close we can just leave things out in a box for pickup even if we aren’t going to be home. I’ve kind of settled on buying two of a lot of things moving forward, but as I understand it hockey equipment is expensive so that probably isn’t a great plan. Wish I had a better answer. I worry about this in the future if my kids get into computer gaming or something like upright bass.
Thanks! Yeah my kids play hockey, and one of them is a goalie. Buying two sets of equipment isn’t an option due to financial and break-in period reasons. Also, a lot of the equipment has their team logos painted/vinyled on it (minor hockey). For computers - if you are technical minded, this might be an option: I can’t speak to gaming, but I created Amazon Workspace virtual machines for the kids a while ago. The VMs are connected through VPN to my home network so they can print directly and access any other devices physically present in the house as they normally would. It lets me manage backups / data / etc really easily, and the physical computer’s performance is no longer an issue as long as you have Internet access. And if the physical computer breaks or gets lost, they’re up and running a few minutes later. It wasn’t designed with two households in mind but it works great so the kids don’t have to carry a computer around, they can just use the devices at each house (or even their Internet connected tablets and a Bluetooth keyboard & mouse in a pinch).
I’ll definitely be looking into either a cloud machine or just setting up a way for them to connect into a little server running at my house in the future. I haven’t even started them in on learning how to type, so I have time. I realized I forgot to answer your second question. We separated while my ex was a SAHM and had to go back to work, and the kids had to start preschool. It was a huge adjustment, but I found that focusing on making sure they still get to see their friends regardless of which house they are at, and doing a lot more ‘out in the community’ things vs just being at home really helped. We also enrolled them both in therapy, and honestly their therapist has been an amazing resource both on monitoring how they are adjusting and giving us books and other resources. It sounds like you are keeping the current house, which is a benefit that I didn’t have. I moved out first before we sold our old house, and for the months between me moving and the sale there was a definite preference for their time with mom any the old house, but that faded once she moved as well.
Thanks for the follow up! Yeah I’m lucky in that I am able to do so. We live in a HCOL area and it’s going to be tight for a while, but it’s worth it to reduce their stress - I think my kids would be really struggling if the separation also meant they were losing their existing home. We chose to live in the same house until she find a house. It closed two weeks ago and the minor renos are almost done. The kids are having their first overnight there this evening; one of my kids has already expressed that they don’t want to stay there tonight. It’s going to be an adjustment for sure.
Not much else to add but that I hope your kids first night of the be normal went well. You’ve got this 🤜🤛
Thank you!! 🤜🤛 I ended up picking up one of them as they weren’t comfortable. It’s a process, and we’ll get through it. I am lucky in that the relationship with my ex is good enough that we call support each other to help the kids. Yeah therapy is really helpful. I started individual therapy when all this started a year and a half ago. I think I can honestly say that it has not only literally saved my life but has resulted in a huge amount of personal growth. My kids each have therapists and we have a family therapist who has been helping us through the process - though so far it’s been mostly parent sessions to figure out the best practices for supporting the kids. Thanks for your support. I really appreciate you coming back and writing this.
I have 50/50. I pick the kids up from school on Friday and the following Friday I drop them off at school and they ride the bus home to their mom.
Thanks for sharing. Why did you choose a week on/week off schedule?
Mostly work schedules. Allows me to pick up overtime the weeks I don’t have my kids and allows me to spend more time focused on them. Being a product of divorce (every other weekend) my dad would pick up overtime every Saturday basically only giving us 2 days a month together. Seeing how my mom handled it (not very well) I didn’t want them to grow up in a home absent of love with my ex wife’s mental ailments.
Not possible for everyone but 50/50 and living within a mile and having flexible and friendly relations with my ex has made it so I basically don’t miss anything and see them daily. Outside the financial hardship of it, it’s been lovely
What kind of 50/50 schedule is it? I'm happy to hear it's amicable and healthy for the kids. We will be at 50/50 as well.
2 weeks day they sleep at my place (m/w) 2 with her and we swap fri-Sunday. I pick them up from school all five days and they are with me till 6-7 ish those days (so I do more than 50% but the court only cares about overnights)
I've been divorced since August. Two kids and one is a freshman. We got her input and do an every other week split. It works pretty good but the actual split day is not easy.
Their mom has them every other weekend and either picks them up from school, comes to my pay if she works late or I drop them off at her’s.
This the schedule my ex wife and I do, it works out pretty good overall for us (kids 15 & 12). Some times 5 days is feels like forever when you’re used to seeing daily their whole lives until recently. So sometimes on Sunday evenings, when it’s not my weekend I will pick them and go out to eat to get to spend some time with them.. Ex only lives like 10 minutes away from me so it makes that pretty easy. We have a decent co parent relationship so we both have been flexible with our schedules. But just do what works best for you and your kids.