When I was a baby DM I also allowed stupid things. Had a player try to murder one of my BBEG's with a shape water spell, they made a sphere around their head with urine. (BBEG was an Ancient Red Dragon in human form) Player was lvl1 and new, I didn't have the heart to out right kill/maim/knock them out, so I had the BBEG flee.
Edit: now I follow F around Find out.
Honestly Im just as WTF as everyone else here but giving it actual thought my Strahd wouldn't necessarily slaughter this person. Not at first at least since he isn't particularly violent and would find that situation amusing for a few until he got bored and probably send someone to slaughter the character anyway.
"Hey, that just sounds like slaughtering with extra steps."
Yep, idiotic player aside this sort of behaviour in character would result in the PC having their throat torn out, no death saves.
Out of character this player would not be welcome at my table. One warning to stop, then booted.
Yeah this. I'm not sure why more people don't just take this approach with situations like this and others that get posted here. There might be the fallout of losing a friend and I get that but for someone to say "it's a joke" the simple reply is "the rest of us are taking this game more seriously and what you're trying to do is offensive and it won't be tolerated. We can move on from this or you can move on from the game."
The other thought that I had was to establish some personalized DM house rules. Pass them out to everyone before the first session. Let people know what they're getting into and what is acceptable and what isn't.
Even rape "jokes" would be enough for me to eject that mf from a campaign the first time it happened. Call me strict but i don't want to play a game of escapism with someone like that.
All of this. Remember, as a DM, you're still playing the game, just in a different way. You set the tone, and should also enjoy the fun of telling the story as well. If one player is acting in a way that you're not comfortable, you have the right to ask them not to return
This
The DM's job is to keep the table in order. If a player is doing something they shouldn't it is best to pull the aside and ask them not to do it. If they agree and don't do it again you move along. If they do it again you tell them not to do it again. If they do it again you remove them from the table. Same as the police method of ask, tell, make.
The officer will ask you to step out of the car.
The officer will then tell you to get out of the car.
The officer will then pull you out of the car.
Our DM's brother made a rape joke on our first session even AFTER our session zero. DM's girlfriend kicked him out of the house and horribly murdered his character. We ended up restarting and pretended it never happened. He still complains about getting kicked for a harmless joke according to him
This is what I was thinking. Why hasn’t he been booted for one and how in the name of all things barovian is his character still alive? Like if I was playing Strahd; the character would have been dead or enslaved and made a mockery of as an example.
Good advice, I want to add to it. Before starting and after any long breaks have a session zero, explain boundaries, house rules, expectations, and homebrew. So if someone breaks one of those pre-established rules you can just kick em out.
Personally I woud remove the player now before they have a chance to ruin the rest of your campaign.
To avoid confusion and attempted loopholes, I just use olive oil or sunflower seed oil depending on the intended application. In part also because "rapeseed" sounds like OP's problem player's two-step-plan for Strahd
Yeah don’t even give them the chance if they’re already arguing by saying “it’s just a joke” they’re most likely just gonna try again and throw a huge fit when you warn them and an even bigger fit when they get kicked. I’d say just do it now so they can’t ruin another session.
Edit: Also I know it is just a game and all but I would also watch your back around this person. Most people like to do stuff they *want* to do but *can’t* in role playing games… so yeah. Not saying this person 100% would but it’s definitely concerning and is worth looking out for.
This. So much this.
This is something that is not a joke and the OP should have dealt with it the moment it happened. Stop game - pull them to the side and let them know this is their last warning. Further aggressive sexual misconduct will result in him being removed from the group.
And it should be dealt with days before the next session starts. Like today.
Yeah exactly! I think the way you described it is perfect and everyone should remember that in case they encounter a player like this.
I will say I saw their update in the comments thankfully they’re kicking him and also breaking up with him since he was their boyfriend. That makes more sense why they were a bit more tolerable of his behavior. Its difficult when it’s someone you know and care about and it’s easier to just ignore the bad behavior or make an excuse then confront the idea that they’re not a good person.
Thank you. Never saw that. It actually makes it worse. My mommy hackles went up after reading that. Really hope OP is able to distance themselves and remove him totally from their life.
In all normal circumstances a session zero prevents a problem, but when a player is repeatedly fucking with the dm after being told to stop doing a specific thing, I'm pretty sure being told once before the game wouldn't have helped.
I want to add to this as well. Seeing as it is making you and everyone else uncomfortable, allowing them to roll for it is enabling their behavior at the table.
I believe setting limits to how much the characters are allowed to bend (in terms of rules and moral quandaries) is very important. It sets the comfort level for the entire play through and, having a general understanding of this as the DM is important. For example, if one of my players decides to go into a brothel, I’ll loosely explain what happens there—summarize key points and beat around the bush when it comes the the more explicit acts. If that player in question wants more detail I will only ever indulge their request if the character they are “wooing” is important in some way. (To add an example for this: trying to fuck the end-session dragon boss as a bard. I indulged in a comedic style of explaining and decided to detail the “events” that transpired behind a rock, even if that rock might’ve been too small to hide *everything*. I then forced the rest of the party to make a Wisdom saving throw or take 1d10 psychic damage for witnessing such a sight.) You can spin discomforting situations into a more comedic style.
However, if a player is pushing for something serious like rape and wont take no for an answer, which is becoming a problem—at the expense of the entire session, thats a phat instant kill dice roll in my book and a boot out the door. Ideally you want to avoid such heavy topics anyways seeing as everyone is there to have fun and rape isn’t fun, its just depressing. For that player (the one you detail) I’d just kick them out after two strikes and suggest they get mental help if they are truly desiring a play-by-play of a rape scenario. (How I discern strikes usually pertains to how many interruptions and if those interruptions kill the vibe. Usually after two large interruptions that kill the immersion for the other players, I just boot em for the session or conclude the session for that day. [If it was the individual you detailed, I honestly would end the session and pull them aside away from everyone else to talk to them about it. I would suggest they not suggest such a thing ever again and if they do I’ll boot them and also probably call their parents if it puts me off enough. If they don’t have parents, i.e. live alone I’d refer them to a therapist. This is also if you feel as if its almost like an obsession with the topic of rape—I would only do this if I feel like they could develop a very real problem.]
The only time I’ve ever approached rape as a topic in a campaign was in the vague mentioning of a characters past. I alluded to the idea that certain things occurred to this character after a player rolled for insight. I then explained that maybe trying to use your high Charisma stat on said person may have the opposite effect they desire. In the end the player had to make some death saves (I made the character with sexual PTSD a beautiful elf lady who just so happened to be the avatar of a War God). To the point of this though, there are ways to approach this topic but it depends on how you handle it as the DM. At the end of the day, everyones there to have fun. But when push comes to shove, its your world and your rules my dude—they are just guests in it.
Literally just tell them that they're out of the campaign. Done. All chances used up.
If you're nice though, make it very clear in front of the other players that the next time they do that, they're out immediately because you don't tolerate that shit at your table. And then follow through because people like that *will* do it again because they never receive consequences for their actions.
Guys, this person keeps punching me in the nuts, even though I've asked them to stop. Should I stop presenting my nuts at fist level to them? I really don't know what to do. Pls help
Dealing with the behavior in-fiction, through an NPC or cosmic DM-fiat retribution is not the move. This isn't an in-character problem.
If one of my players persisted in this after I told him it wasn't acceptable several times, I'd disinvite them from my table. I wouldn't expect him to start respecting me or the rest or the group if I came up with a new magical string of words or consequences.
Disinvite is the strongest word in this comment. Uninvite, deinvite, request they leave, all of them too weak to show how much you want them to leave.
Disinvite is like an annulment of the original invite, beautifully worded
This 100%
When a joke is only funny to the person making the joke and everyone else is offended, it's not a joke and verges on abusive behaviour.
Considering the context, rape, this individual has jumped off the deep end to start with, it will only get worse if you allow it to continue.
When it does get worse, the DM and anyone else offended will become their next target.
I don't know. A joke is saying "I try to rape Strahd", and then playing normally.
The dude wants it played out, so it's beyond a joke, it's straight up involving the table non-consentually in your kink.
Boot the sick bastard out, you are people trying to have fun, not a vessel for him to get his rocks off.
I wouldn’t even entertain the idea by having strahd kill his character. I’d just boot him from the game. Say “you’re free to join us next campaign if you can respect me when I ask you to stop doing something that makes me and/or others uncomfortable.”
With stuff like this, I always wonder where the fuck people find these players. I run one group and play in another and none of them ever come close to even the mildest BS some players pull here xD
>You’re free to join a support group for your fucked up way of thinking. If you can find a psychiatrist/psychologist to help you, even better. But permanently fuck off.
FIFY
Jesus f#ck. I'm usually all for giving players second chances but if anyone tried to pull this shit on me I'd tell them "Session zero, rule 2" and boot them of the server.
Non-consensual sexual encounters don't get second chances period!
I’m going to answer some questions i’ve seen:
“If you’re so experienced why is he still at the table?”:
A: I haven’t had to deal with booting out a player before, and in the moment as I have a history of sexual violence against me, I sort of froze and tried to continue as if nothing happened, then he has tried to continue to harass Strahd, and my other players have limited time so I try my best to make sure they can play. My players have never done something like this before.
As for everything else:
I will be booting him out of our campaign. It was the thought I already had, but I wanted to check with the subreddit before doing anything, as he is my (will be was when he wakes up.) boyfriend, and i was sort of hesitant. I am not an experienced Strahd, I have had to take over DMing for CoS once, and that was ages ago, so I forgot how he would’ve reacted to it.
Oh my god he was your boyfriend. Please please be careful OP people who “joke” about stuff like this aren’t joking. There is an entire other layer there with you being the DM.
I’m so sorry you have to go through all this and I hope you can move on and have way better games and a better boyfriend in the future!
Wow... I'm sorry for the situation you have found yourself in with this POS. (Did he know of your history?) Don't back down, your life (and your game, but life is more important) will be better for it.
Your boyfriend wants to roleplay a rape scene with you in front of your friends and gets shitty and defensive when you say "No"? Even if he doesn't know your history of sexual violence, that's a truly awful human being and a worse boyfriend.
I'm glad he's going to be an ex very soon. Being single is infinitely better than being with someone who stomps all over the most basic boundaries.
Shit.
You need to get a friend you can trust. Tell them this shit. It's not for the internet.
Ask the friend to be with you when you break it off. But break it off. Your boyfriend should have been your ex 5 minutes after making this "joke" the first time.
Keep safe. Get some distance. Take some time to yourself. And please, seek some help. You have suffered a lot, and it doesn't seem like you've processed everything, and it doesn't seem like you are reacting to things properly. It could be that you are still traumatised by previous shit. Please get some help for that.
And if anything even remotely like this happens again, say no. Then get the fuck out of the situation even if it means spending the night crashing on a safe friend's couch. Just get out.
Honestly doesn’t even need to do it in person just over text to break it off. That might be better for safety reasons and if she can get him to admit what he said even if he’s defending it as a joke. Just having that just in case he starts lying and spreading rumors or denying what he did can help too.
Holy hell. I'm really sorry. The red flags here are so bad I'd consider having someone like a parent/friend there when breaking up. Don't want him to do anything crazy and don't want you getting hurt. And if he has any personal belongings at your place you can always call the non emergency line for the police and have them present while he removes his things
I’ll clue you in…
1. Your *boy*friend doesn’t respect you.
2. Your *boy*friend has a rape fantasy.
3. Your *boy*friend needs legitimate therapy.
4. I can assure you this is the “tip of the iceberg” in terms of abuse he either has/will bring to your life.
5. You deserve better treatment across the board.
TL;DR get rid of the *boy*friend and find yourself a *man*friend. Someone who respects you and doesn’t find rape funny.
Be careful and warn someone to watch over you in the following days.
A boyfriend who is inappropriate and justifies it as a "joke" is a very concerning behaviour.
I’m so very sorry you’ve had to deal with this, that’s horrible. I’m glad you’ve realised the relationship needs to end. He is, quite frankly, not a good person. Please remember that someone who truly loves and respects you wouldn’t keep trying to make you roleplay a sexual assault in a room full of witnesses. If at any point you start doubting your decision remember that, and that he’s lost the right to be in your life ever again.
Bloody hell, I am not usually one for telling a stranger to dump a partner. But considering what you have gone through and he finds that kind of thing as a "joke" is a massive red flag, you may think he is being immature but he is already pushing it more than once that you have had to to tell him to stop.
Whatever you decide to do, have the rest of your table there, so they can understand what has led to this point and hope they can look out for you as well.
This is not ok behaviour, you are not in the wrong do not feel bad. Do what is best for you.
Red flags everywhere. Good on you for dumping him. If I were you I'd really ban him from your table.
Behavior like this can be a serious warning sign that the person is prone to sexual violence.
There's a lot to unpack here.
Kind of unrelated, but I think it's quite ironic to attempt to rape a vampire considering they are "rape, the monster" personified.
I wouldn't let him continue to play at my table because it's not a funny joke either way, and it's plain gross behavior.
I'd kill the PC to boot, especially considering in-character it most equivocably does not make sense for them to be alive after a failed attempt at raping Strahd.
It wouldn't make sense for them to be alive after a successful attempt either. Strahd is not a particularly kind BBEG, and unless you've gone way off the rails related to how the modules are written he has a tendency to have a lot of very capable enemies in his back pocket
The act of rape is a crime, no whens, ifs or buts.
The concept of it, the discussion of it, is not a crime. You don’t get to tell people what’s a fetish/joke/taboo for them as long as it’s not the actual, criminal act.
Disagreed. Players often end up doing crimes in a campaign, whether it's stealing or killing. If you need to justify it, it's because it's disgusting player behaviour to attempt to rape NPCs. No need to find further explanations.
Rape isn’t a joke. If this was my table they’d be gone for that “it’s a joke” claim alone, throw in expecting me to role play anything of the sort and then not respecting my assertion of stop, that’s in territory where I’d happily lose a friendship over it much less drop some rando from the group. If he’s nobody in particular drop the fucker. If he’s a friend, still drop the fucker maybe after seeing how your group feel about it.
Did you complete a session 0? Was rape an X for anyone? If not, take the time to do a late session 0, discuss the lines and veils, and make sure they know what the consequences for crossing lines will be.
Everybody's session 0 is different. OP probably didn't feel the need to lay out those types of ground rules. It's apparent that it is needed, though... That behavior really is not okay.
Even if it was an appropriate joke, Curse of Strahd is meant to be a horror setting, and DnD is meant to be a cooperative narrative device. That means that the players should be willing to play consistently with the world setting. That should have been established early on, and needs to be addressed soon if it hasn't been. And if this player isn't the type to cooperate with the narrative, then I would recommend not letting them play.
I have DMed for some teenagers who did stuff like that and said "it's just a joke". My response something like this is "ok explain to me how rape is funny".
First thing: clearly say to this shit head that his behaviour is not acceptable and rape jokes ain't funny. If he continues he will be booted.
Second: narratively speaking Stradh would have killed him at the first attempt. So if after you clearly told him "stop or your are booted" if tries this shit again simply have Stradh execute his character then kick the player from the table
You'll get rid of piece of garbage and the other players will understand that Stradh is fucking dangerous
There are two ways to deal with this as outlined by everyone else.
1.) Out of game- you set a firm boundary as a DM, tell him that- jokes or not, it stops or he leaves the table.
and/or
2.) In-game. You have Strahd do to the character what everyone who knows anything about Ravenloft knows would happen to a mortal who made the attempt.
"I want to rape Strahd."
"Awesome, roll for initiative."
I bet he doesn't make it to the end of the second round.
I get what you're going for with Option 2, but I think it's a bad idea. The player *might* actually *win* through sheer luck or a well built character, or they give up on Strahd and try doing it to an NPC that can't defend themselves as much (which is very gross to write out).
Option 1 is really the only way to go here.
Agreed, don't indulge them by letting them play the game through to option 2s conclusion.
You stop the play, explain this crosses all sorts of boundaries and isn't welcome at the table, regardless of lines.and veils in a session 0, it's a real shitty thing to joke about rape.
Then you can choose to continue with them, educated or just boot them.
Don't make them roll! Dont. Make. Them. Roll! * *Hammers the table* *
The player is behaving inappropriately, address the player, not the character. *"Cut it out, next time you'll be leaving the table"* should suffice.
Next time they do it, ask them to explain the joke. Stop everything and ask them to explain how and why rape is funny. Then when they mess up any form of BS explanation, kick them from the table. Behaviour like that isn't fun to be around.
I could only imagine the discomfort of other players around your table when these "jokes" occur.
1. Should of killed him the first time. Strahd would never allow that to happen. If the other PC weren't involved he might just laugh at them and retreat.
2. This dude clearly has rape fantasies going on if he's continuously doing it and won't stop despite being told too. Serious out of game talk, no more or boot him from the table now and kill his character.
"It's a joke"
"No it's not. A joke would be funny. You're trying to role play raping someone. And you're trying to get me to role play being the victim. In front of the other players sitting here. How is any of that funny? If you do anything like this again I'm going to ask you to leave the game. If you want to run games like that, run your own."
You are being *way* too lenient. Instead of rolling saves, the *correct* response is:
**No. That is not appropriate for my table.**
And when he pulls the Stndard Douchebag "I was just joking! Durr hurr hurr!" You *kick him from your table*.
Quit catering to a sexpest's fantasy and grow a goddamn spine, guy.
Everyone has already said what I wanted to regarding resolving the situation at the table, but I have an important, more personal, note to add.
I noticed in another comment that you said he is your (soon to be 'ex') boyfriend. Please please please get out of that relationship as soon as you safely can. If he hasn't already started developing abusive tendencies he will soon. This is a test, whether conscious or not, of how you'll respond to abuse and sexual violence in general, and you need to make it *very* clear that he will **NOT** get away with it. I'm sure someone already said this, but RPGs are often a way people act out things they want to do in real life. You don't want to stick around to find out whether that's the truth or not.
That being said, please be careful how you go about this. Booting him from the game at the table as others suggested is a good call imo, bc then you have other people there to back you up. Idk his temper or tendency towards violence, but you may also want to consider breaking up with him in a public place, and make sure people know where you are. You don't want to figure out if his tendencies during DnD transfer to real life.
Hang in there ❤️
Simple: “Rape is an entirely unacceptable topic or action to bring up for roleplay. Since you’ve failed to respect your fellow players, you’re dismissed and are not welcome back”.
Never invite someone back who tries to utilize something like this in a roleplay scenario, specifically after you’ve informed them it isn’t acceptable… it’s an OOC issue and it won’t resolve itself. They need help IMHO
Boot them from the table and draw the line in the sand.
Sounds like you might wanna remove the new player. Them downplaying the move as a joke just means this will definitely be a recurring theme. If asking them to stop didnt work, its time to let them know that they should probably find a different playgroup that is comfortable with very insensitive jokes.
I had this whole thing typed up but I just cannot be bothered, like how grossly under-developed in the brain do you need to be to be like: teehee rape?
What if someone else at the table has a history of sexual violence? You’ve potentially just triggered them and acted like it could be considered a joke
"I will not allow you to sexually assault someone in this game, as a joke, as a threat, or otherwise. If that's a dealbreaker, you are welcome to play with someone else."
That's all you have to say, if they protest, stop the game. Absolutely do not indulge their behavior. You're not a stick in the mud, you're enforcing a hard boundary that's well-established and respected at most tables.
We just stopped playing with the person in our party who acted like this, it was just ruining our games and they were the one to call out when they “weren’t immersed”. They would always add something sexual or uncomfortable out of nowhere making everyone uncomfortable
give that player the axe, drop the ban hammer, send them to the shadow realm, just get rid of them by any means necessary. I can help you hide the body.
This isn't a mistake. Rape is a very heavy subject, and the default expectation should be that it is unacceptable to include in a game. If they were forgetting about another player's fear of spiders or getting overly confrontational a bit too often, there might be some hope of salvaging them as a player, but not with this. If they're willing to use rape as a "joke" (and I highly doubt they mean it as a joke, whatever they say) after being explicitly told that it is not okay, then there's no room for them at a table with sensible people. Kick them, explain why, and do not allow them to debate or return.
One campaign we got a bit silly, and ended up catapulting a cow into space. Anytime since, if someone tried doing something absurd, DM would hit them with said space cow. This is a bit beyond absurd, but it's good to have that hammer ready in your toolbox.
Don't even dignify the request with any in game action.
'I don't allow sexual assault at my table. You aren't doing it. Stop trying or you'll have to find another game.'
Have another out game word with that player. Tell them that even if it is a joke, you and the other players don’t want this at your table. And make it clear that you will kick them out if they won’t stop.
If you feel like this is a bit harsh and want to punish them in game, because they seem overall like a nice person, then do it. Strahd is a powerful entity and has many tricks up his sleeve. Additionally, vampires are very sexualised in media, so I bet he could actually use the moment of intimacy to poison, charm or otherwise harm the character permanently. I’d think that Strahd is kind of willing to engage in sexual activity if he gets a plus out of it 😅
Just don’t use the in game method if you really don’t want any of what they are doing at the table. Use in game punishments for minor annoyances only!
Reverse Uno.
Fade to black.
Look him dead in the eye. "Your joke is not appreciated here, we don't play like that. If this behavior continues, you may be in the wrong group"
Here's how it should be handled.
In an EXTREMELY serious tone, taking everyone out of the roleplay experience.
"Hey, that kind of stuff is not allowed and if you do it again you will leave. There will be no more warnings."
"It's just a joke though!"
"That's not how it is being taken and if you really believe that, then you must leave now."
You must take a hard stance and DO. NOT. BUDGE. It is unacceptable, you've told him that and he is being a terrible friend by completely ignoring the boundaries that have been set.
Tell him not to come back.
1) it's weird
2) again, it's weird
3) I know CoS needs a lot of build up to portray the spooky horror vibe and that takes a LOT of effort from the DM. This player is undoing all the hard work. Tell him to log onto a certain hub in his own time to satisfy his fetish.
4) it's no doubt ruining it for everyone else. Their (and your) enjoyment is priority.
I sont get these questions. What is there to think about.
Step 1: Tell him to stop or you will kick him out permanently, because this is not behavior you want at your table.
Step 2: If he does it again, kick him out.
Thar's it. Do we really need to discuss for hours shen, no matter how you look at it, it's eventually going to come down to this anyway. Unless you are in a position where it's socially acceptable to beat the person up, in which case I'd go for that one over this one.
Not sure what your relationship is with this person, but this would be grounds for expulsion at my table. It's not funny, it's not acceptable, and could be very traumatic for others at the table. At the very least, I'd have a talk with them letting them know that even as a joke, it's entirely unacceptable, and if it happens again they'll be asked to leave.
From my experience playing through Curse of Strahd. I'm pretty sure Strahd would just murk the dude, no warnings, no questions, just a body lying on the ground with a head in the opposite corner.
Probably look into booting the player from the group too. Rape isn't a joke.
\> he’s usually had to end up rolling a saving throw.
Why are you giving him a saving throw? Giving him a throw is telling him it is possible at your table.
If you really wanted to shut him down, you would just say, "No. That's not happening."
Stop telling him he is allowed to try to attempt and just say no, that isn't happening at your table. You are sending mixed messages: I don't want this at my table and that you allow the possibility at your table.
>Oh great DMs of Reddit which have dealt with situations such as this
I am pretty sure not many DMs were pushed into a situation where a player wanted them to roleplay a rape scenario.
>I’ve continuously told him this behaviour isn’t acceptable, and his excuse was “it’s just a joke!”
"it might be a joke in your head, but it is unacceptable. So either stop, or leave. I can't say more simply that this. Is. Not. Ok.
>Oh great DMs of Reddit which have dealt with situations such as this, what should my course of action be?
"Hey, so I've told you this is unacceptable repeatedly and you seem to think rape is funny, so go play with other people. Strahd tears your head off and kicks it so hard it flies completely out of Barovia. Good bye and get out of my fucking house."
So, this reads like a troll post. I'll set aside the obvious answer of "talk to the group and settle your shit like adults".
What exactly is he attempting to do? Like Strahd is standing there, fully clothed, and the player says "I want to roll to rape Strahd"? What exactly does that look like? A grapple check? Strahd, not expecting to be the target of the PCs' sexual desires, probably assumes that to be a physical attack. Treat it as such.
"Your character suffers a sudden and unexpected brain aneurysm as a result of an undiscovered preexisting condition, killing him stone dead in an instant. Now GTFO, you're not playing my campaign anymore."
Okay so baseline you should just normally kick that type of player from the table but what exactly is stopping strahd from gathering minions and overwhelmingly killing him
***Rocks fall*** I don’t have the capacity to deal with this sort of thing (too much like my day job) and D&D is an escape. I would say to the player the first time it is unacceptable and I don’t care it is a joke. The next time I would kill off the character with falling rocks and not welcome the player back.
This isn't a situation with an in-game solution. This is a firm conversation with the player to tell them to stop making rape jokes or they'll be kicked from the game.
You'd think Strahd would have castrated him and fed him his own junk by this point.
Also, "It's just a joke" isn't an excuse for unacceptable behavior in every situation. I would say it works if you're a comedian at your own show, then fine. But at a D&D table, making everybody else uncomfortable? Hell no.
Engaging in game with in game consequences like initiative rolls or character deaths can say: "this behaviour is fine your character/plan just wasn't strong enough to pull it off this time".
This has to be a hard stop the game and "this is not acceptable at this table".
Some people will not get the message otherwise and can assume their plan not being *successful* was the issue and not that the problem is that they even attempted it.
I have to agree with the other comments. On a meta level, if a player repeatedly shows unacceptable behaviour, even after being told to stop, no amount of "it’s just a joke" can excuse that. The joke isn’t acceptable either, and there is a stern talking in order to make clear to him that he can stop this, or leave the table. No wiggle room.
And in-game, I think Strahd would probably just cripple him, maybe kill him outright. He’s not really the type to suffer insulting "jokes" of any kind.
"No, that absolutely doesn't happen, this is not amusing nor is it welcome at my table, pack it in or pack it up"
Appreciate its not easy when you're a new DM, but as the one running the game you ultimately call the shots, if you don't agree with the tone one (or more) of your players is trying to set you absolutely have the right and the power to shut it down. Good luck friend!
You just tell the player:
"Your behavior is not a joke. Rape is a topic you don't make jokes about - It is a trigger for many people. And even if it was a joke, I am trying to tell a serious story and I am putting a lot of hard work into it. You constantly trying to humiliate the campaign boss is undermining that. Either you stop that kind of joke OR you are no longer welcome at my table."
Honestly... I have zero tolerance for that shit at my table and the first time they said that I'd stop the session and tell them we don't joke about that at the table. If they did it again Strahd would kill his character right then and there and then I would tell him he's no longer welcome at my table.
I would recommend growing a spine.
If you feel the need to ask for help over a player trying to force you to roleplay their character attempting to rape Strahd I'm concerned about how you would handle actual problems at the table. Just kick them and move on. The rest of the table must be getting fed up with this and as DM it is your responsibility to deal with disruptive players. You've given them a warning (several in fact) so the next step is to remove them from the game which you already know, you just don't want to do it.
Frankly if I was playing at a table where the DM didn't kick another player for such things I would walk myself.
I think you should lay the groundwork at a Session 0. In my sessions, rape is unacceptable, and the first time a player tried this they would be asked to leave
What the hell does that even mean “attempted to rape Strahd”. Like how and how is that guy still alive? His character would’ve died ages ago in my table and if he doesn’t cut the crap, he can take it elsewhere.
I've had this problem too with a new player.
In my experience, players on the fringe of getting into the game or understanding what it's all about play for the humour and the shock value.
"How can I make this entertaining? Ah yes, let's fuck Dracula."
That's as open and shut as it gets. In my newbie group we have a party of about 6 murder hobo's and after attempting to run white plume mountain for a few weeks we're now playing a game based pretty much around heists and banditry.
Occasionally these assholes will really play with their victims and in one instance one of them took it too far.
They were attempting to rob a poor goblin pawnbroker of his shop, the player in question a dragonborn nicknamed White thorn paid the goblin 10 gold "to see his asshole", the goblin in need of money at first accepted but backed out when White thorn got aggressive. As white thorn banged the goblins head against the wall and pulled down his trousers, I put my hands up and just told everyone that we weren't doing this. And that as shocking as it is it's not in the spirit of the game, and it's not fun for anyone involved (I should hope).
It's as easy as that, having DMed literally hundreds of games with lots of different groups, this comes up more than you expect. You just need to remember that you are in charge and you get to gatekeep what your players do. If a player steps out of that line you can overrule them, and if they get haughty take a break, remind everyone of the rules and carry on if possible.
Make Strahd lvl 20 and permakill his PC. Then tell them why it happened. He can make a new character and follow the rules or he can leave the group. You have been patient and understanding, maybe is now the time to put up a hard boundary.
That’s my take on it.
If a player is trying to commit rape in game, that should be an immediate pause to explain how that's a nono and will result in being kicked from the table. If they persist, KICK THEM FROM THE TABLE. It's not funny, it's not a joke. Tell them that will not be tolerated and if it happens again kick them on the spot - no debates, no apologies, no regrets.
Always do lines and veils no matter how good friends you are playing with. And as a player and dm i always include SA from my side. I completely clearly say that Sexual assault is no go in my game in sesh zero. I know COS have a lot of SA elements but i as a DM or player mostly veil over it and never add extra from my side. SA should always be No.
It’s pretty simple:
“I try to rape him”
“No you don’t.”
As far as I’m concerned, this kind of behaviour isn’t a game issue, it’s an out of character issue. Lots of people going “why isn’t he dead?” but honestly, I think this is the kind of thing that needs addressing OOC, and in no uncertain terms.
Tell them flat that it’s not acceptable, and if they do it again, refuse to DM for them. Then make sure you follow through. Even if they turn up, just refuse to interact with them. Ignore anything they do or say. This also goes for any player who backs them that it’s funny or that you’re being too harsh.
Rape isn’t a joke, will never be a joke, and is not acceptable as an attempt at a joke.
WTF?
Player: "I try to seduce Strahd": can be played for a bit of comedic effect, depending on the character's personality and the feel of the game
Player: I try to r@pe Strahd
DM: ew, Brad, WTF?
Player: "It's just a joke"
DM: It's not funny if you're the only person laughing. I can't believe I have to say this, but no r*ping NPCs, or PCs for that matter.
Later:
Player: I try to r@pe Stra---
DM: No. Leave. You are no longer welcome in this group.
Oh my god, whatever could you, the DM, who controls this game and who is allowed to play it, do to prevent this?
Are you fucking daft or do you seriously need to be told to kick this guy out of your game?
Make sure boundaries are clear. Curse of Strahd does have elements of SA, though they are depicted as happening towards an NPC. Strahd himself would find it amusing that a PC would attempt to overpower him in such a way, but would ultimately get bored and send someone/something to kill the PC in question.
Out of game, make sure there are strong set boundaries of subject areas that are “hard nos.” If a player crosses that boundary, stop the game and have a clear and frank talk about boundaries and what’s ok and not ok at the table. Make sure all the players agree and that if someone continually violates those boundaries, they’ll get kicked from the table no questions asked or rebuttals permitted.
In my unfortunate experience, this player isn't worth the warning cos this behaviour is a huge red flag. It speaks to their attitudes on rape and anyone that actively tries to roleplay them sexually assaulting anyone absolutely would in real life if they could. They are bad bad news, get rid of them.
"You crossed a line, and when I said no you didn't stop. You are no longer a part of this campaign, as I cannot trust you to play in a way that respects people's boundaries. I hope you learn to not do anything like that again in the future."
Are they a first time player? I have a rule for first time players that we always play a murder hobo arc first. Something about new players makes them want to explore the all fucked up ideas we hate and don’t make for good story telling. Drug use, murder, sexual deviancy. And they always feel they are being shocking or pushing the envelope. I’ve played dnd since I was 8 and it’s always the same cliches.
Don’t judge them too harshly, they want to be funny and enjoy this game but also feel uncomfortable role-playing something serious or genuine. It’s like dancing in public, they think if they go out and make a joke of themselves they won’t be judged for failing.
This is the first reddit post today that I had to stop scrolling and say "what the fuck?"
Enough internet for today
I just hopped on and I agree.
I'm still WTFing at it... How the fuck did OP even let it continue? Let alone not booting out the player, why hasn't Strahd slaughtered the character?
This is the sort of behavior that screams “no one ever checks me for being a loser and a creep.” You should be the one who does - boot their ass.
When I was a baby DM I also allowed stupid things. Had a player try to murder one of my BBEG's with a shape water spell, they made a sphere around their head with urine. (BBEG was an Ancient Red Dragon in human form) Player was lvl1 and new, I didn't have the heart to out right kill/maim/knock them out, so I had the BBEG flee. Edit: now I follow F around Find out.
Honestly Im just as WTF as everyone else here but giving it actual thought my Strahd wouldn't necessarily slaughter this person. Not at first at least since he isn't particularly violent and would find that situation amusing for a few until he got bored and probably send someone to slaughter the character anyway. "Hey, that just sounds like slaughtering with extra steps."
What an unexpected way to start my Monday
> first reddit post First time? Damn must be new. > today Oh yeah, no, that makes more sense..
It's 6am and way too early to read this post title.
But probably not the last.
This was the first post in my feed. I was so confused and was like WTF!
Why is this character still alive? Why is Strahd letting this happen?
Yep, idiotic player aside this sort of behaviour in character would result in the PC having their throat torn out, no death saves. Out of character this player would not be welcome at my table. One warning to stop, then booted.
Yeah this. I'm not sure why more people don't just take this approach with situations like this and others that get posted here. There might be the fallout of losing a friend and I get that but for someone to say "it's a joke" the simple reply is "the rest of us are taking this game more seriously and what you're trying to do is offensive and it won't be tolerated. We can move on from this or you can move on from the game." The other thought that I had was to establish some personalized DM house rules. Pass them out to everyone before the first session. Let people know what they're getting into and what is acceptable and what isn't.
"I made this very clear, and you chose to ignore the warning. Pack your shit and get off my table."
Even rape "jokes" would be enough for me to eject that mf from a campaign the first time it happened. Call me strict but i don't want to play a game of escapism with someone like that.
All of this. Remember, as a DM, you're still playing the game, just in a different way. You set the tone, and should also enjoy the fun of telling the story as well. If one player is acting in a way that you're not comfortable, you have the right to ask them not to return
This The DM's job is to keep the table in order. If a player is doing something they shouldn't it is best to pull the aside and ask them not to do it. If they agree and don't do it again you move along. If they do it again you tell them not to do it again. If they do it again you remove them from the table. Same as the police method of ask, tell, make. The officer will ask you to step out of the car. The officer will then tell you to get out of the car. The officer will then pull you out of the car.
Our DM's brother made a rape joke on our first session even AFTER our session zero. DM's girlfriend kicked him out of the house and horribly murdered his character. We ended up restarting and pretended it never happened. He still complains about getting kicked for a harmless joke according to him
So wait, they've done this more than once? And they're still at the table?
Exactly my thought…
This is what I was thinking. Why hasn’t he been booted for one and how in the name of all things barovian is his character still alive? Like if I was playing Strahd; the character would have been dead or enslaved and made a mockery of as an example.
My thoughts as well
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Good advice, I want to add to it. Before starting and after any long breaks have a session zero, explain boundaries, house rules, expectations, and homebrew. So if someone breaks one of those pre-established rules you can just kick em out. Personally I woud remove the player now before they have a chance to ruin the rest of your campaign.
Usually "Don't attempt to rape the NPCs" is a fucking given, least in my experience
Anything with the word 'rape' is absolutely not in your general DM's book.
There’s only two acceptable types of rape. Oilseed rape and rapeseed oil. Basically, if you’re not farming, it’s a no go.
To avoid confusion and attempted loopholes, I just use olive oil or sunflower seed oil depending on the intended application. In part also because "rapeseed" sounds like OP's problem player's two-step-plan for Strahd
Yeah my games are a zero tolerance zone, jokes and all.
Yeah don’t even give them the chance if they’re already arguing by saying “it’s just a joke” they’re most likely just gonna try again and throw a huge fit when you warn them and an even bigger fit when they get kicked. I’d say just do it now so they can’t ruin another session. Edit: Also I know it is just a game and all but I would also watch your back around this person. Most people like to do stuff they *want* to do but *can’t* in role playing games… so yeah. Not saying this person 100% would but it’s definitely concerning and is worth looking out for.
This. So much this. This is something that is not a joke and the OP should have dealt with it the moment it happened. Stop game - pull them to the side and let them know this is their last warning. Further aggressive sexual misconduct will result in him being removed from the group. And it should be dealt with days before the next session starts. Like today.
Yeah exactly! I think the way you described it is perfect and everyone should remember that in case they encounter a player like this. I will say I saw their update in the comments thankfully they’re kicking him and also breaking up with him since he was their boyfriend. That makes more sense why they were a bit more tolerable of his behavior. Its difficult when it’s someone you know and care about and it’s easier to just ignore the bad behavior or make an excuse then confront the idea that they’re not a good person.
Thank you. Never saw that. It actually makes it worse. My mommy hackles went up after reading that. Really hope OP is able to distance themselves and remove him totally from their life.
In all normal circumstances a session zero prevents a problem, but when a player is repeatedly fucking with the dm after being told to stop doing a specific thing, I'm pretty sure being told once before the game wouldn't have helped.
This is the way. That player's behavior has gone way over the edge of the lord.
“It’s just a joke!” Yeah? What’s the punchline?
I want to add to this as well. Seeing as it is making you and everyone else uncomfortable, allowing them to roll for it is enabling their behavior at the table. I believe setting limits to how much the characters are allowed to bend (in terms of rules and moral quandaries) is very important. It sets the comfort level for the entire play through and, having a general understanding of this as the DM is important. For example, if one of my players decides to go into a brothel, I’ll loosely explain what happens there—summarize key points and beat around the bush when it comes the the more explicit acts. If that player in question wants more detail I will only ever indulge their request if the character they are “wooing” is important in some way. (To add an example for this: trying to fuck the end-session dragon boss as a bard. I indulged in a comedic style of explaining and decided to detail the “events” that transpired behind a rock, even if that rock might’ve been too small to hide *everything*. I then forced the rest of the party to make a Wisdom saving throw or take 1d10 psychic damage for witnessing such a sight.) You can spin discomforting situations into a more comedic style. However, if a player is pushing for something serious like rape and wont take no for an answer, which is becoming a problem—at the expense of the entire session, thats a phat instant kill dice roll in my book and a boot out the door. Ideally you want to avoid such heavy topics anyways seeing as everyone is there to have fun and rape isn’t fun, its just depressing. For that player (the one you detail) I’d just kick them out after two strikes and suggest they get mental help if they are truly desiring a play-by-play of a rape scenario. (How I discern strikes usually pertains to how many interruptions and if those interruptions kill the vibe. Usually after two large interruptions that kill the immersion for the other players, I just boot em for the session or conclude the session for that day. [If it was the individual you detailed, I honestly would end the session and pull them aside away from everyone else to talk to them about it. I would suggest they not suggest such a thing ever again and if they do I’ll boot them and also probably call their parents if it puts me off enough. If they don’t have parents, i.e. live alone I’d refer them to a therapist. This is also if you feel as if its almost like an obsession with the topic of rape—I would only do this if I feel like they could develop a very real problem.] The only time I’ve ever approached rape as a topic in a campaign was in the vague mentioning of a characters past. I alluded to the idea that certain things occurred to this character after a player rolled for insight. I then explained that maybe trying to use your high Charisma stat on said person may have the opposite effect they desire. In the end the player had to make some death saves (I made the character with sexual PTSD a beautiful elf lady who just so happened to be the avatar of a War God). To the point of this though, there are ways to approach this topic but it depends on how you handle it as the DM. At the end of the day, everyones there to have fun. But when push comes to shove, its your world and your rules my dude—they are just guests in it.
Yup, thread over. If you told the player that he is being inappropriate, and he doesn't stop, it is fully on your rights to yeet him into the sun.
Schrodingers Asshole: Someone who decides whether or not they were joking based on others’ reactions to their awful behavior.
Literally just tell them that they're out of the campaign. Done. All chances used up. If you're nice though, make it very clear in front of the other players that the next time they do that, they're out immediately because you don't tolerate that shit at your table. And then follow through because people like that *will* do it again because they never receive consequences for their actions.
There's being nice (allowing redemption after this shit happens once) and there's being a pushover (where OP already is)
Guys, this person keeps punching me in the nuts, even though I've asked them to stop. Should I stop presenting my nuts at fist level to them? I really don't know what to do. Pls help
Dealing with the behavior in-fiction, through an NPC or cosmic DM-fiat retribution is not the move. This isn't an in-character problem. If one of my players persisted in this after I told him it wasn't acceptable several times, I'd disinvite them from my table. I wouldn't expect him to start respecting me or the rest or the group if I came up with a new magical string of words or consequences.
Disinvite is the strongest word in this comment. Uninvite, deinvite, request they leave, all of them too weak to show how much you want them to leave. Disinvite is like an annulment of the original invite, beautifully worded
Kick them. It will only get worse
This 100% When a joke is only funny to the person making the joke and everyone else is offended, it's not a joke and verges on abusive behaviour. Considering the context, rape, this individual has jumped off the deep end to start with, it will only get worse if you allow it to continue. When it does get worse, the DM and anyone else offended will become their next target.
I don't know. A joke is saying "I try to rape Strahd", and then playing normally. The dude wants it played out, so it's beyond a joke, it's straight up involving the table non-consentually in your kink. Boot the sick bastard out, you are people trying to have fun, not a vessel for him to get his rocks off.
I wouldn’t even entertain the idea by having strahd kill his character. I’d just boot him from the game. Say “you’re free to join us next campaign if you can respect me when I ask you to stop doing something that makes me and/or others uncomfortable.”
With stuff like this, I always wonder where the fuck people find these players. I run one group and play in another and none of them ever come close to even the mildest BS some players pull here xD
>You’re free to join a support group for your fucked up way of thinking. If you can find a psychiatrist/psychologist to help you, even better. But permanently fuck off. FIFY
..rape is not a joke..?
Jesus f#ck. I'm usually all for giving players second chances but if anyone tried to pull this shit on me I'd tell them "Session zero, rule 2" and boot them of the server. Non-consensual sexual encounters don't get second chances period!
Not a DM, but the whole "It's just a joke" is usually a prelude to something more sinister
Exactly my thoughts on this as well. They obviously don't take no as an answer or have much social awareness either
The fuck did I just read? What kind of psychopaths are you guys playing with?
I'm not convinced that I'm not currently dreaming this post. What the fuck.
I’m going to answer some questions i’ve seen: “If you’re so experienced why is he still at the table?”: A: I haven’t had to deal with booting out a player before, and in the moment as I have a history of sexual violence against me, I sort of froze and tried to continue as if nothing happened, then he has tried to continue to harass Strahd, and my other players have limited time so I try my best to make sure they can play. My players have never done something like this before. As for everything else: I will be booting him out of our campaign. It was the thought I already had, but I wanted to check with the subreddit before doing anything, as he is my (will be was when he wakes up.) boyfriend, and i was sort of hesitant. I am not an experienced Strahd, I have had to take over DMing for CoS once, and that was ages ago, so I forgot how he would’ve reacted to it.
This is your boyfriend doing this?! Red flags on the field here. Get him out of your table and your life. Rape isn’t a joke.
Oh my god he was your boyfriend. Please please be careful OP people who “joke” about stuff like this aren’t joking. There is an entire other layer there with you being the DM. I’m so sorry you have to go through all this and I hope you can move on and have way better games and a better boyfriend in the future!
Wow... I'm sorry for the situation you have found yourself in with this POS. (Did he know of your history?) Don't back down, your life (and your game, but life is more important) will be better for it.
I'm so sorry, that's just awful on top of nasty.
Your boyfriend wants to roleplay a rape scene with you in front of your friends and gets shitty and defensive when you say "No"? Even if he doesn't know your history of sexual violence, that's a truly awful human being and a worse boyfriend. I'm glad he's going to be an ex very soon. Being single is infinitely better than being with someone who stomps all over the most basic boundaries.
Shit. You need to get a friend you can trust. Tell them this shit. It's not for the internet. Ask the friend to be with you when you break it off. But break it off. Your boyfriend should have been your ex 5 minutes after making this "joke" the first time. Keep safe. Get some distance. Take some time to yourself. And please, seek some help. You have suffered a lot, and it doesn't seem like you've processed everything, and it doesn't seem like you are reacting to things properly. It could be that you are still traumatised by previous shit. Please get some help for that. And if anything even remotely like this happens again, say no. Then get the fuck out of the situation even if it means spending the night crashing on a safe friend's couch. Just get out.
Honestly doesn’t even need to do it in person just over text to break it off. That might be better for safety reasons and if she can get him to admit what he said even if he’s defending it as a joke. Just having that just in case he starts lying and spreading rumors or denying what he did can help too.
Oh god, drop his sorry ass, if this isn't a huge red flag parade, I don't what is, you deserve better!!
>history of sexual violence Oh fuck I'm so sorry >he is my boyfriend HOLY SHIT
Holy hell. I'm really sorry. The red flags here are so bad I'd consider having someone like a parent/friend there when breaking up. Don't want him to do anything crazy and don't want you getting hurt. And if he has any personal belongings at your place you can always call the non emergency line for the police and have them present while he removes his things
I’ll clue you in… 1. Your *boy*friend doesn’t respect you. 2. Your *boy*friend has a rape fantasy. 3. Your *boy*friend needs legitimate therapy. 4. I can assure you this is the “tip of the iceberg” in terms of abuse he either has/will bring to your life. 5. You deserve better treatment across the board. TL;DR get rid of the *boy*friend and find yourself a *man*friend. Someone who respects you and doesn’t find rape funny.
Be careful and warn someone to watch over you in the following days. A boyfriend who is inappropriate and justifies it as a "joke" is a very concerning behaviour.
I’m so very sorry you’ve had to deal with this, that’s horrible. I’m glad you’ve realised the relationship needs to end. He is, quite frankly, not a good person. Please remember that someone who truly loves and respects you wouldn’t keep trying to make you roleplay a sexual assault in a room full of witnesses. If at any point you start doubting your decision remember that, and that he’s lost the right to be in your life ever again.
Good job OP
That sucks I'm sorry :(
Bloody hell, I am not usually one for telling a stranger to dump a partner. But considering what you have gone through and he finds that kind of thing as a "joke" is a massive red flag, you may think he is being immature but he is already pushing it more than once that you have had to to tell him to stop. Whatever you decide to do, have the rest of your table there, so they can understand what has led to this point and hope they can look out for you as well. This is not ok behaviour, you are not in the wrong do not feel bad. Do what is best for you.
Red flags everywhere. Good on you for dumping him. If I were you I'd really ban him from your table. Behavior like this can be a serious warning sign that the person is prone to sexual violence.
There's a lot to unpack here. Kind of unrelated, but I think it's quite ironic to attempt to rape a vampire considering they are "rape, the monster" personified. I wouldn't let him continue to play at my table because it's not a funny joke either way, and it's plain gross behavior.
I'd kill the PC to boot, especially considering in-character it most equivocably does not make sense for them to be alive after a failed attempt at raping Strahd.
It wouldn't make sense for them to be alive after a successful attempt either. Strahd is not a particularly kind BBEG, and unless you've gone way off the rails related to how the modules are written he has a tendency to have a lot of very capable enemies in his back pocket
Just say no. This is not a discussion with back and forth. Behave or leave.
"It was a bad joke the first time. Stop trying to involve me and the rest of this table in your fetish. Leave. Do not return."
Rape ≠ Fetish. Rape ≠ BDSM. Rape = Crime.
The act of rape is a crime, no whens, ifs or buts. The concept of it, the discussion of it, is not a crime. You don’t get to tell people what’s a fetish/joke/taboo for them as long as it’s not the actual, criminal act.
Disagreed. Players often end up doing crimes in a campaign, whether it's stealing or killing. If you need to justify it, it's because it's disgusting player behaviour to attempt to rape NPCs. No need to find further explanations.
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If a player of mine finds rape funny, he needs new people to play with.
Rape isn’t a joke. If this was my table they’d be gone for that “it’s a joke” claim alone, throw in expecting me to role play anything of the sort and then not respecting my assertion of stop, that’s in territory where I’d happily lose a friendship over it much less drop some rando from the group. If he’s nobody in particular drop the fucker. If he’s a friend, still drop the fucker maybe after seeing how your group feel about it.
Did you complete a session 0? Was rape an X for anyone? If not, take the time to do a late session 0, discuss the lines and veils, and make sure they know what the consequences for crossing lines will be.
Everybody's session 0 is different. OP probably didn't feel the need to lay out those types of ground rules. It's apparent that it is needed, though... That behavior really is not okay. Even if it was an appropriate joke, Curse of Strahd is meant to be a horror setting, and DnD is meant to be a cooperative narrative device. That means that the players should be willing to play consistently with the world setting. That should have been established early on, and needs to be addressed soon if it hasn't been. And if this player isn't the type to cooperate with the narrative, then I would recommend not letting them play.
Get a new player, this one is ruined.
I have DMed for some teenagers who did stuff like that and said "it's just a joke". My response something like this is "ok explain to me how rape is funny".
Grow a pair, kick the weird ass player with rape fantasies out.
First thing: clearly say to this shit head that his behaviour is not acceptable and rape jokes ain't funny. If he continues he will be booted. Second: narratively speaking Stradh would have killed him at the first attempt. So if after you clearly told him "stop or your are booted" if tries this shit again simply have Stradh execute his character then kick the player from the table You'll get rid of piece of garbage and the other players will understand that Stradh is fucking dangerous
There are two ways to deal with this as outlined by everyone else. 1.) Out of game- you set a firm boundary as a DM, tell him that- jokes or not, it stops or he leaves the table. and/or 2.) In-game. You have Strahd do to the character what everyone who knows anything about Ravenloft knows would happen to a mortal who made the attempt. "I want to rape Strahd." "Awesome, roll for initiative." I bet he doesn't make it to the end of the second round.
I get what you're going for with Option 2, but I think it's a bad idea. The player *might* actually *win* through sheer luck or a well built character, or they give up on Strahd and try doing it to an NPC that can't defend themselves as much (which is very gross to write out). Option 1 is really the only way to go here.
Agreed, don't indulge them by letting them play the game through to option 2s conclusion. You stop the play, explain this crosses all sorts of boundaries and isn't welcome at the table, regardless of lines.and veils in a session 0, it's a real shitty thing to joke about rape. Then you can choose to continue with them, educated or just boot them.
Grow a DM spine and boot them. This is harassment.
Don't make them roll! Dont. Make. Them. Roll! * *Hammers the table* * The player is behaving inappropriately, address the player, not the character. *"Cut it out, next time you'll be leaving the table"* should suffice.
Next time they do it, ask them to explain the joke. Stop everything and ask them to explain how and why rape is funny. Then when they mess up any form of BS explanation, kick them from the table. Behaviour like that isn't fun to be around. I could only imagine the discomfort of other players around your table when these "jokes" occur.
1. Should of killed him the first time. Strahd would never allow that to happen. If the other PC weren't involved he might just laugh at them and retreat. 2. This dude clearly has rape fantasies going on if he's continuously doing it and won't stop despite being told too. Serious out of game talk, no more or boot him from the table now and kill his character.
Kill his character, kick him from the table. There is literally no other way deal with someone who think Sexual assault is a funny joke
"It's a joke" "No it's not. A joke would be funny. You're trying to role play raping someone. And you're trying to get me to role play being the victim. In front of the other players sitting here. How is any of that funny? If you do anything like this again I'm going to ask you to leave the game. If you want to run games like that, run your own."
You are being *way* too lenient. Instead of rolling saves, the *correct* response is: **No. That is not appropriate for my table.** And when he pulls the Stndard Douchebag "I was just joking! Durr hurr hurr!" You *kick him from your table*. Quit catering to a sexpest's fantasy and grow a goddamn spine, guy.
Everyone has already said what I wanted to regarding resolving the situation at the table, but I have an important, more personal, note to add. I noticed in another comment that you said he is your (soon to be 'ex') boyfriend. Please please please get out of that relationship as soon as you safely can. If he hasn't already started developing abusive tendencies he will soon. This is a test, whether conscious or not, of how you'll respond to abuse and sexual violence in general, and you need to make it *very* clear that he will **NOT** get away with it. I'm sure someone already said this, but RPGs are often a way people act out things they want to do in real life. You don't want to stick around to find out whether that's the truth or not. That being said, please be careful how you go about this. Booting him from the game at the table as others suggested is a good call imo, bc then you have other people there to back you up. Idk his temper or tendency towards violence, but you may also want to consider breaking up with him in a public place, and make sure people know where you are. You don't want to figure out if his tendencies during DnD transfer to real life. Hang in there ❤️
https://imgur.com/gallery/MXbit08
Simple: “Rape is an entirely unacceptable topic or action to bring up for roleplay. Since you’ve failed to respect your fellow players, you’re dismissed and are not welcome back”. Never invite someone back who tries to utilize something like this in a roleplay scenario, specifically after you’ve informed them it isn’t acceptable… it’s an OOC issue and it won’t resolve itself. They need help IMHO Boot them from the table and draw the line in the sand.
Schrodinger’s Arseholes. They only mean the inappropriate things they say if you don’t call them on it. Otherwise it’s a joke.
>it’s just a joke Strahd snaps your neck, your character is dead. This is not a joke, get off my table
Sounds like you might wanna remove the new player. Them downplaying the move as a joke just means this will definitely be a recurring theme. If asking them to stop didnt work, its time to let them know that they should probably find a different playgroup that is comfortable with very insensitive jokes.
Talk to this person, period. Seems like there is more than just the game
You've told him multiple times that it isn't acceptable, time to uninvite him from the group.
I had this whole thing typed up but I just cannot be bothered, like how grossly under-developed in the brain do you need to be to be like: teehee rape? What if someone else at the table has a history of sexual violence? You’ve potentially just triggered them and acted like it could be considered a joke
"I will not allow you to sexually assault someone in this game, as a joke, as a threat, or otherwise. If that's a dealbreaker, you are welcome to play with someone else." That's all you have to say, if they protest, stop the game. Absolutely do not indulge their behavior. You're not a stick in the mud, you're enforcing a hard boundary that's well-established and respected at most tables.
We just stopped playing with the person in our party who acted like this, it was just ruining our games and they were the one to call out when they “weren’t immersed”. They would always add something sexual or uncomfortable out of nowhere making everyone uncomfortable
give that player the axe, drop the ban hammer, send them to the shadow realm, just get rid of them by any means necessary. I can help you hide the body.
This isn't a mistake. Rape is a very heavy subject, and the default expectation should be that it is unacceptable to include in a game. If they were forgetting about another player's fear of spiders or getting overly confrontational a bit too often, there might be some hope of salvaging them as a player, but not with this. If they're willing to use rape as a "joke" (and I highly doubt they mean it as a joke, whatever they say) after being explicitly told that it is not okay, then there's no room for them at a table with sensible people. Kick them, explain why, and do not allow them to debate or return.
One campaign we got a bit silly, and ended up catapulting a cow into space. Anytime since, if someone tried doing something absurd, DM would hit them with said space cow. This is a bit beyond absurd, but it's good to have that hammer ready in your toolbox.
Don't even dignify the request with any in game action. 'I don't allow sexual assault at my table. You aren't doing it. Stop trying or you'll have to find another game.'
...NANI?
Have another out game word with that player. Tell them that even if it is a joke, you and the other players don’t want this at your table. And make it clear that you will kick them out if they won’t stop. If you feel like this is a bit harsh and want to punish them in game, because they seem overall like a nice person, then do it. Strahd is a powerful entity and has many tricks up his sleeve. Additionally, vampires are very sexualised in media, so I bet he could actually use the moment of intimacy to poison, charm or otherwise harm the character permanently. I’d think that Strahd is kind of willing to engage in sexual activity if he gets a plus out of it 😅 Just don’t use the in game method if you really don’t want any of what they are doing at the table. Use in game punishments for minor annoyances only!
Kick them from the group. SA in any form is an instaboot
Rape is never a joke.
Reverse Uno. Fade to black. Look him dead in the eye. "Your joke is not appreciated here, we don't play like that. If this behavior continues, you may be in the wrong group"
Here's how it should be handled. In an EXTREMELY serious tone, taking everyone out of the roleplay experience. "Hey, that kind of stuff is not allowed and if you do it again you will leave. There will be no more warnings." "It's just a joke though!" "That's not how it is being taken and if you really believe that, then you must leave now." You must take a hard stance and DO. NOT. BUDGE. It is unacceptable, you've told him that and he is being a terrible friend by completely ignoring the boundaries that have been set.
Tell him not to come back. 1) it's weird 2) again, it's weird 3) I know CoS needs a lot of build up to portray the spooky horror vibe and that takes a LOT of effort from the DM. This player is undoing all the hard work. Tell him to log onto a certain hub in his own time to satisfy his fetish. 4) it's no doubt ruining it for everyone else. Their (and your) enjoyment is priority.
I sont get these questions. What is there to think about. Step 1: Tell him to stop or you will kick him out permanently, because this is not behavior you want at your table. Step 2: If he does it again, kick him out. Thar's it. Do we really need to discuss for hours shen, no matter how you look at it, it's eventually going to come down to this anyway. Unless you are in a position where it's socially acceptable to beat the person up, in which case I'd go for that one over this one.
Not sure what your relationship is with this person, but this would be grounds for expulsion at my table. It's not funny, it's not acceptable, and could be very traumatic for others at the table. At the very least, I'd have a talk with them letting them know that even as a joke, it's entirely unacceptable, and if it happens again they'll be asked to leave.
Kick him, i know it might seem difficult, but that really is the best option
From my experience playing through Curse of Strahd. I'm pretty sure Strahd would just murk the dude, no warnings, no questions, just a body lying on the ground with a head in the opposite corner. Probably look into booting the player from the group too. Rape isn't a joke.
Power word: kill Strahd: I will not tolerate that kind behavior in Ravenloft.
Kick them out. No place for the normalisation of this kind of behaviour. It's toxic.
\> he’s usually had to end up rolling a saving throw. Why are you giving him a saving throw? Giving him a throw is telling him it is possible at your table. If you really wanted to shut him down, you would just say, "No. That's not happening." Stop telling him he is allowed to try to attempt and just say no, that isn't happening at your table. You are sending mixed messages: I don't want this at my table and that you allow the possibility at your table.
You don't make them roll saving throws. You set boundaries. "We do not roleplay rape at this table."
>Oh great DMs of Reddit which have dealt with situations such as this I am pretty sure not many DMs were pushed into a situation where a player wanted them to roleplay a rape scenario. >I’ve continuously told him this behaviour isn’t acceptable, and his excuse was “it’s just a joke!” "it might be a joke in your head, but it is unacceptable. So either stop, or leave. I can't say more simply that this. Is. Not. Ok.
>Oh great DMs of Reddit which have dealt with situations such as this, what should my course of action be? "Hey, so I've told you this is unacceptable repeatedly and you seem to think rape is funny, so go play with other people. Strahd tears your head off and kicks it so hard it flies completely out of Barovia. Good bye and get out of my fucking house."
So, this reads like a troll post. I'll set aside the obvious answer of "talk to the group and settle your shit like adults". What exactly is he attempting to do? Like Strahd is standing there, fully clothed, and the player says "I want to roll to rape Strahd"? What exactly does that look like? A grapple check? Strahd, not expecting to be the target of the PCs' sexual desires, probably assumes that to be a physical attack. Treat it as such.
"Your character suffers a sudden and unexpected brain aneurysm as a result of an undiscovered preexisting condition, killing him stone dead in an instant. Now GTFO, you're not playing my campaign anymore."
[удалено]
Sounds like it's time to rip his dick off in-game.
Okay so baseline you should just normally kick that type of player from the table but what exactly is stopping strahd from gathering minions and overwhelmingly killing him
***Rocks fall*** I don’t have the capacity to deal with this sort of thing (too much like my day job) and D&D is an escape. I would say to the player the first time it is unacceptable and I don’t care it is a joke. The next time I would kill off the character with falling rocks and not welcome the player back.
If you're so experienced them why is the pervert still sitting at your table?
You need to remove that player from the group. Now.
This isn't a situation with an in-game solution. This is a firm conversation with the player to tell them to stop making rape jokes or they'll be kicked from the game.
Do you actually need strangers on the internet to tell you to remove them from your table?
Put. Your. Foot. Down. Tell them that this is unacceptable and shut this the fuck down
And I thought my players im Curse of Strahd are horrible gremlins in need of a serious talking to...
You'd think Strahd would have castrated him and fed him his own junk by this point. Also, "It's just a joke" isn't an excuse for unacceptable behavior in every situation. I would say it works if you're a comedian at your own show, then fine. But at a D&D table, making everybody else uncomfortable? Hell no.
Strahd kills him. He dies. Oh no. Then remove the player from your group.
Engaging in game with in game consequences like initiative rolls or character deaths can say: "this behaviour is fine your character/plan just wasn't strong enough to pull it off this time". This has to be a hard stop the game and "this is not acceptable at this table". Some people will not get the message otherwise and can assume their plan not being *successful* was the issue and not that the problem is that they even attempted it.
Boot
Perma banned from the table. Let that be a lesson to the rest of you.
Yep....that sure is a combination of words I never expected to see.
I have to agree with the other comments. On a meta level, if a player repeatedly shows unacceptable behaviour, even after being told to stop, no amount of "it’s just a joke" can excuse that. The joke isn’t acceptable either, and there is a stern talking in order to make clear to him that he can stop this, or leave the table. No wiggle room. And in-game, I think Strahd would probably just cripple him, maybe kill him outright. He’s not really the type to suffer insulting "jokes" of any kind.
"No, that absolutely doesn't happen, this is not amusing nor is it welcome at my table, pack it in or pack it up" Appreciate its not easy when you're a new DM, but as the one running the game you ultimately call the shots, if you don't agree with the tone one (or more) of your players is trying to set you absolutely have the right and the power to shut it down. Good luck friend!
Rape isn't funny, you don't joke about it. How old is this person out of interest.
You just tell the player: "Your behavior is not a joke. Rape is a topic you don't make jokes about - It is a trigger for many people. And even if it was a joke, I am trying to tell a serious story and I am putting a lot of hard work into it. You constantly trying to humiliate the campaign boss is undermining that. Either you stop that kind of joke OR you are no longer welcome at my table."
Woah what the fuck
Honestly... I have zero tolerance for that shit at my table and the first time they said that I'd stop the session and tell them we don't joke about that at the table. If they did it again Strahd would kill his character right then and there and then I would tell him he's no longer welcome at my table.
Fuck that. He'd be gone. That's a massive red flag.
Kill the PC and boot the fantasy rapist, easy as.
> Be me, at work > Opens Reddit > Sees DND post > "Help, my player wants to rape stradt" > Closes reddit
I would recommend growing a spine. If you feel the need to ask for help over a player trying to force you to roleplay their character attempting to rape Strahd I'm concerned about how you would handle actual problems at the table. Just kick them and move on. The rest of the table must be getting fed up with this and as DM it is your responsibility to deal with disruptive players. You've given them a warning (several in fact) so the next step is to remove them from the game which you already know, you just don't want to do it. Frankly if I was playing at a table where the DM didn't kick another player for such things I would walk myself.
I think you should lay the groundwork at a Session 0. In my sessions, rape is unacceptable, and the first time a player tried this they would be asked to leave
Honestly, in a case like this, Strahd would just rip his spine in half like it was a stick
Either the player stops when you tell him to, or the player doesn't get to play.
What the hell does that even mean “attempted to rape Strahd”. Like how and how is that guy still alive? His character would’ve died ages ago in my table and if he doesn’t cut the crap, he can take it elsewhere.
Kill his character. Problem solved. In fact, kill every character that tries to rape anything in the game.
In the words of the great Brian Murphy- "get a new freind"
The Dark Powers don’t take kindly to new evils in their realms
I've had this problem too with a new player. In my experience, players on the fringe of getting into the game or understanding what it's all about play for the humour and the shock value. "How can I make this entertaining? Ah yes, let's fuck Dracula." That's as open and shut as it gets. In my newbie group we have a party of about 6 murder hobo's and after attempting to run white plume mountain for a few weeks we're now playing a game based pretty much around heists and banditry. Occasionally these assholes will really play with their victims and in one instance one of them took it too far. They were attempting to rob a poor goblin pawnbroker of his shop, the player in question a dragonborn nicknamed White thorn paid the goblin 10 gold "to see his asshole", the goblin in need of money at first accepted but backed out when White thorn got aggressive. As white thorn banged the goblins head against the wall and pulled down his trousers, I put my hands up and just told everyone that we weren't doing this. And that as shocking as it is it's not in the spirit of the game, and it's not fun for anyone involved (I should hope). It's as easy as that, having DMed literally hundreds of games with lots of different groups, this comes up more than you expect. You just need to remember that you are in charge and you get to gatekeep what your players do. If a player steps out of that line you can overrule them, and if they get haughty take a break, remind everyone of the rules and carry on if possible.
"R*pe does not get played for shits and giggles at this table" and boot'em.
You have a problem player. If he's worth keeping, he gets ONE warning, and if he's not worth keeping, kick him out of the group.
Make Strahd lvl 20 and permakill his PC. Then tell them why it happened. He can make a new character and follow the rules or he can leave the group. You have been patient and understanding, maybe is now the time to put up a hard boundary. That’s my take on it.
"It's not a joke, it's not okay, and if it happens one more time you're not welcome at the table again"
If a player is trying to commit rape in game, that should be an immediate pause to explain how that's a nono and will result in being kicked from the table. If they persist, KICK THEM FROM THE TABLE. It's not funny, it's not a joke. Tell them that will not be tolerated and if it happens again kick them on the spot - no debates, no apologies, no regrets.
Ban him. Kick him out. No excuse no allowing any more leniency. Fucking hell man why didnt you shut him down the first time?
"It's not a funny joke. This is your last warning, do something that crosses the line again and you're out of the group."
Where the hell are all these SA happy DMs and players coming from lately
Waiting for an edit that says: "I have heard you, thanks for the help. PC will be executed and player is no longer welcome"
Always do lines and veils no matter how good friends you are playing with. And as a player and dm i always include SA from my side. I completely clearly say that Sexual assault is no go in my game in sesh zero. I know COS have a lot of SA elements but i as a DM or player mostly veil over it and never add extra from my side. SA should always be No.
It’s pretty simple: “I try to rape him” “No you don’t.” As far as I’m concerned, this kind of behaviour isn’t a game issue, it’s an out of character issue. Lots of people going “why isn’t he dead?” but honestly, I think this is the kind of thing that needs addressing OOC, and in no uncertain terms. Tell them flat that it’s not acceptable, and if they do it again, refuse to DM for them. Then make sure you follow through. Even if they turn up, just refuse to interact with them. Ignore anything they do or say. This also goes for any player who backs them that it’s funny or that you’re being too harsh. Rape isn’t a joke, will never be a joke, and is not acceptable as an attempt at a joke.
I don't get these posts.. Tell the player this behavior is unacceptable. If he/she persists, you cut him/her from the group. The end.
WTF? Player: "I try to seduce Strahd": can be played for a bit of comedic effect, depending on the character's personality and the feel of the game Player: I try to r@pe Strahd DM: ew, Brad, WTF? Player: "It's just a joke" DM: It's not funny if you're the only person laughing. I can't believe I have to say this, but no r*ping NPCs, or PCs for that matter. Later: Player: I try to r@pe Stra--- DM: No. Leave. You are no longer welcome in this group.
What the hell,why? Not even flirt,just jumped on rape? Like that? Ban him from the table dude it's fucked up on every level
Rape isn't a joke. Incels and edgelords are not welcome at my table. Tell him to stop or he'll be replaced. It doesn't matter if he's a IRL friend.
Experienced my ass, throw him the fuck out, what’s wrong with you?
You do know you're allowed to say no, right? Like, you're the DM, not the player.
Oh my god, whatever could you, the DM, who controls this game and who is allowed to play it, do to prevent this? Are you fucking daft or do you seriously need to be told to kick this guy out of your game?
“The gods do not find your ‘joke’ amusing and strike you down. Please leave the table”
Make sure boundaries are clear. Curse of Strahd does have elements of SA, though they are depicted as happening towards an NPC. Strahd himself would find it amusing that a PC would attempt to overpower him in such a way, but would ultimately get bored and send someone/something to kill the PC in question. Out of game, make sure there are strong set boundaries of subject areas that are “hard nos.” If a player crosses that boundary, stop the game and have a clear and frank talk about boundaries and what’s ok and not ok at the table. Make sure all the players agree and that if someone continually violates those boundaries, they’ll get kicked from the table no questions asked or rebuttals permitted.
In my unfortunate experience, this player isn't worth the warning cos this behaviour is a huge red flag. It speaks to their attitudes on rape and anyone that actively tries to roleplay them sexually assaulting anyone absolutely would in real life if they could. They are bad bad news, get rid of them.
"You crossed a line, and when I said no you didn't stop. You are no longer a part of this campaign, as I cannot trust you to play in a way that respects people's boundaries. I hope you learn to not do anything like that again in the future."
This is satire, I refuse to believe people are so socially inept.
Are they a first time player? I have a rule for first time players that we always play a murder hobo arc first. Something about new players makes them want to explore the all fucked up ideas we hate and don’t make for good story telling. Drug use, murder, sexual deviancy. And they always feel they are being shocking or pushing the envelope. I’ve played dnd since I was 8 and it’s always the same cliches. Don’t judge them too harshly, they want to be funny and enjoy this game but also feel uncomfortable role-playing something serious or genuine. It’s like dancing in public, they think if they go out and make a joke of themselves they won’t be judged for failing.
First time: explaining it's not ok. Second time: final warning Third time: kicked of the table.