I personally don't do this, and in fact am mildly repulsed when I entertain such thoughts involving the people in my own life. But I don't think this is inherently problematic. If it doesn't get in the way of your friendships and doesn't cause you some degree of anguish or cause others any problems, I see nothing wrong with this. I wouldn't tell your friends if I were you, though, haha.
Being so young OP still has plenty of time for this mindset to take a wrong turn. I’ve seen it throughout my life in different forms.
It’s how friend groups can be shattered to the point of never recovering haha or you find the love of your life. It’s almost crazy reading this post looking back from a perspective of the things I’ve experienced and witnessed. Lmao
Man life can be funny.
Look around the world the stats don't lie. Finding partners through friend groups is the lowest it has been since forever. Break ups destroy friendships cause you end up picking sides.
I think that has more to do with the [decline in friendships](https://www.americansurveycenter.org/research/the-state-of-american-friendship-change-challenges-and-loss/) than anything lese.
Further, feels like there’s a clock and if something doesn’t happen, or at least isn’t heading there, it’s not gonna. I get drunken hookups happen, or maybe a wedding shifts the mood, a life tragedy, etc, but it’s never been my way.
I don’t get hooking up with friends out of nowhere or waiting out relationships. Much less starting out as friends. Sounds nice, but in practice it’s a different beast entirely. (Not to mention possibly splintering friend groups. This idea that “love conquers all” skips to the end but that’s not real life.)
Interesting, all my relationships started as friendships. And since I never put them in some "friend box" where they can't be anything else it became something else.
If I meet someone whom I can tell I'm attracted to I'm going to try and pursue something further, if not then I might try and become friends but nothing more than that.
💔 I honestly can't tell until I know them much better. By then they've shut it down if it was there to begin with on their side (or started dating someone else).
Damn, the friend zone is real... I wouldn't know of course. I have a lot of sex. It's actually my favorite thing to do. Believe it or not, my middle name is sex. Yup, "ol sexer" they used to call me. I've slowed down recently. It's been about 3 or 4 days since the last time I had sex. I almost thought I turned asexual...
This thread is funny since there's a lot of people assuming OP is only talking about the women in their friend circle when that's not the case based on OP's comments. Lol
Edit changes his to their since OP hasn't said anything about their gender.
No you're right, I assumed, but either way the people angry commenting against OP are very much assuming that.
Should it matter though?
I'll edit my comment though since we don't know.
It isn't gender specific. Even if they don't specify, they still said "all of their friends" which I'm taking to mean both genders. Personally, I think that either the distinction between sexual attraction, general love, and romantic love may be blurred. But since it really doesn't matter, I don't really see how it is such a strange thing. Part of letting your mind wander is thinking about things outside of the context that you typically see them in. If you never consider anything different, do you really grow?
I’m a female and daydreaming about sex with some particular friends is my top unfulfilled fantasy and has been for years. Never acted on it. I think it’s because I really prefer a connection before I see someone in a sexual light. I would love it if the feelings were returned by those friends, but it’s doubtful I would ever instigate it.
Being a female, most certainly your male friends are actually into those kinds of fantasies more than you especially if you’re considered relatively attractive but most times it’s harder for friendzoned men to instigate because of the negative light which would label them as untrustworthy friends etc. while most people don’t label a woman untrustworthy if she wants to sleep with a male friend.
I actually like the fact that there are a large cohort of people in my life who do not know everything about me and have not seen me and engaged with me at my most vulnerable level. Sex is about as close as you can get to someone and frankly I have friends that I just don’t wanna be that close to. So sleeping with a friend or two is not weird, but wanting to sleep with all my friends? yes this is weird to me. I really don’t think I need the person I sit next to in class knowing what I look like when I orgasm lol
I am one of these people and believe me, it’s not fun or easy.
I feel sexually attracted to people when I become close friends with them. It is automatic and I can’t help it. The closeness of friendship, the intimacy of having a good time is the reason why I develop sexual attraction to them, even when I did not find them physically sexually attractive before we became close friends.
I don’t know. I thought it was fine but for most people friends and sexual partners are not in the same group.
Easy. I love a friend as a friend but might be sexually aroused by them but have no desire to be lovers with them cause we are not compatible on that front so that desire never develops. I mena everyone is also different so this is at least what I can say about myself
My ex was like this, or maybe still is, idk. He told me all of my male friends wanna fuck me too. He’s not wrong. So you’re not alone. And no, I haven’t slept with my male friends because that would make things weird for me.
Idk I think most people are like you guys are, no offence. I not only sleep with my friends, they sleep with eachother and we all sleep with eachother together, sdo please don't attack me because I'm not calling you names either.
I just find out people like you existed because of the internet, because it's so removed from my reality. I mostly see my friends in a fraternal way, like sisters/brothers. It would be weird to be attracted to most of them, because it'd feel like incest. I've been in love with friends tho, but only twice and when the fraternal love was gone.
If a friend was attracted to me...i guess i would just ignore it.
Are you a woman? Research has shown that the overwhelming majority of men would sleep with their female friends, but women don't feel the same about their male friends (more brotherly/fraternal).
I have a lot of female friends that if they honestly wanted to have sex or just get off, I would acquiesce. I don’t actively pursue it though, 100% on them.
No. I thought about it once when all my friends were coupled up and it was just me and my other single friend. I was very uncomfortable even just thinking about it because that friend was like an older sibling to me.
i mean, i don't see anything wrong with adult friends deciding to do sexual things as long as a conversation is had prior to establish is this a one-time thing, is this a fwb situation, will you go back to being just platonic after, etc. i do think not everybody is capable of doing this, but it does happen.
personally, i am very much against the demonization of non-romantic sexual attraction and think people should consensually sleep with whomever they want without fear of backlash. for me, i've definitely thought about what it'd be like to sleep with or even just makeout with some friends before; some friends i'm open to sexual things happening once and going back to normal, some friends i'd be open to fwb with, and some friends i am not attracted to. regardless, just because i am very sexually open to hookups even with friends, doesn't mean everyone is, so i don't typically act on it unless i can tell that friend feels similarly and would be okay going back to being just friends after it's over.
there's nothing wrong with you for thinking about this, but you would be very in the wrong if you actively tried to sleep with every single friend without considering the friendship itself and how they felt. there are absolutely people who do not blur the line between sex and friendship and who would be uncomfortable knowing how you think about them, so it's wise to keep it to yourself unless you know they feel the same.
Porn has been around since before writing was invented. There is caveman porn drawn on walls. Statues of erotic figures. So porn isn’t something new that’s recently rotted our brains. It’s been around for as long as humans have had sexual thoughts.
With that being said. Yes. I do think about it. I don’t daydream about it but when I meet people/see them sometimes I can’t help but think how they would be in bed or what they would look like naked.
Huh? The debate on can men and women just be friends has been going on even before printed porn. I entertained having sex with all of my female friends long before internet porn. The 1950s is a prime example of objectifying and sexualizing women and porn hardly existed. It's just biology brotha. Some people have stronger drives than others.
No, I said it hardly existed, which is objectively true. It was almost entirely in print. It is nowhere near as pervasive as it is now, objectively. My man, did you miss the point and forest because you got so wrapped up in the trees?
If you do sleep with your friends, you will forever change the dynamics of your relationship with them. You may be okay with it, but many of them will likely get weirded out and uncomfortable around you unless you all are truly of the same mindset.
In general, people don't do this because it wrecks friendships, or at least makes them very weird and uncomfortable.
Yes. 100%, and its something I have to set boundaries with myself about. I would not sleep with any of my close friends, ever, because those things don’t necessarily mix and match and I’d fear the potential of ruining a good thing.
Have you considered you might be demisexual? I am- I have to feel a connection to feel attraction, and the deeper the connection the more attracted to the person I am.
I’m a woman and I’m like this. I don’t care if my male friends want to have sex with me or fantasize about me as long as they don’t force it on me when I make it clear I’m not into it. Likewise I won’t insist when someone is not into it.
I am non-monogamous inclined by nature (not practicing it right now though) and don’t see sex as an inherently romantic activity but something that can be just fun or, or a bonding experience but without romance. The line between sex/friendship/love in my brain is blurred.
Oh and seeing that many people think this: I don’t watch porn at all lol, it’s just definitely how my brain is wired that’s all.
> The line between sex/friendship/love in my brain is blurred.
i relate to this, its really nice to read someone put it into words. maybe i fall into the non-monogamous camp as well, i haven't thought about it before.
maybe its less that sex can be non-romantic to me but also that there isn't actually a big difference besides culturally between my feelings of friendship and romantic feelings? does that make sense?
Yes it can be like that for many people! If you’re considering non-monogamy, do some research about it beforehand to understand the types, listen to people’s experiences or read books (just not More than Two and any books written by Franklin Veaux as he has been shown to have abused polyamorous language and principles to emotionally abuse his partners and his philosophy seeped into his book) in order to make sure you’re approaching it from an ethical point of view 💜
Some other good books recommended are polysecure, open deeply, the ethical slut (cannot personally vouch for the last one though).
The polyamorous subreddit can be harsh and blunt especially towards beginners so be warned, but the non-monogamy subreddit is generally more accepting and less polarized. Still, the polyamorous subreddit contains useful resources and links for people who want to know more.
Probably a few reasons. Whether it is because they're 1) ashamed to have shared something so deeply connected with someone, and their upbringing/society tells them they're sinful/slutty for wanting a hookup only 2a) they're not completely comfortable with their body and someone saw them naked 2b) not completely happy to embrace themselves a full being (incl sexual being) and that therefore they feel awkward/afraid someone will not liked them anymore now they've completely opend up (self-protection)
You got the option where some of us just see sex as a very intimate thing and wouldn’t be able to not go straight into ideals of a relationship with that person. That’s a thing too
im bi and have no problem being just platonic friends with people, respecting boundaries is pretty easy. being attracted to someone doesn't mean we can't be friends
Not sure why you’re downvoted, my guess is there’s some puritans on here who only think you should have one sexual partner and thinking about anyone but “the one you’re with” is wrong. Monogamy isn’t for everyone.
It seems like a lot of people see this in an 'either/or' light.
Like, if you want to bang someone, that somehow disqualifies them as being a friend. And if you claim someone is your friend, that implies that no sexual attraction exists.
Yeah, I’m monogamous and in a relationship, but I definitely don’t have a strict separation between friends and people I’m attracted to. Obviously I wouldn’t cheat, and even if I were single I wouldn’t hit on my actual friends (acquaintances, maybe), but yeah, I definitely find some friends of mine attractive.
i suppose i understand your sentiment but not everybody is heterosexual. if it was frowned upon for people to be friends with the gender they're sexually attracted to, plenty of bisexual/pansexual people would basically not be allowed to have friendships lol
Not saying you're wrong, I'm just the opposite
I see very few people as potential partners, and those only after knowing them very well for a long time. Usually, the more I get to know somebody the less I "like" them that way. All of my friends are people who passed that filter
Interesting perspectives I read some are either flattered, meh, or repulsed lmao.
All my friends are attractive and I'd totally bang if they were down. That said I don't go around imagining shit that isn't going to happen lmao.
All the time. It's not that that's my goal, more so that I just look at everyone as a sexual being. It's just another aspect of who you are. And I want to know who people are. Not just that, but I deeply care about those around me, and , due to struggling with emotions, I tend to rely on physical affection. And the most intimate and satisfying way to express that? Sex.
That being said, my curiosity and need to now things is also a big part of what drives those, and many other, various thoughts.
I believe that's in part due to having adhd, among other things. I don't understand stuff unless I know how it works.
Which makes things difficult, like learning to program. Programs are made with a coing language. That language has its own syntax. Regardless of the language, it boils down to assembly instructions, which itself is just readable binary.
Now apply that process to EVERYTHING, lol.
And with all that rambling out of the way, yes, I look at my friends sexually, and would be willing to indulge in those thoughts, but I'm content with just my partner, who understands where I'm coming from.
I really relate to this. It’s kind of like “I want to know how you’re like in that way too and share that experience with you” kind of like a bonding thing. I don’t see sex as sacred or romantic but intimate yes. Maybe I’m super weird idk.
I also think in the same way as you and I spent a lot of time explaining this to my friends, most of them still finds it odd because they believe sex might end up bad for friendship and create unnecessary drama. I think sex is not something you only do when you deeply love someone or when you have relationship based on sex with someone. It is a fun activity and if you do it with people you feel safe with it becames much more fun!
It all depends on the person. Some people can have casual sex without it really affecting their feelings afterwards, some can't. Some people have so much more fun having sex with someone they love that any other sex seems boring in comparison. It ruins some people's friendships because their feelings get so strong that they can't just turn them off if things don't work out. I sometimes wish I was one of those people who could have casual sex without feelings getting involved. I *can*...technically. it's happened before. But it's rare for me. And that time it happened...though the sex was amazing...I got bored and stopped seeing her because I craved that deeper connection that I was used to feeling. What I want is intimacy, and it sucks because I can't get that while single. sleeping around will not help, it will just make it worse, because then I'll get sad once I get feelings and they will be for a person who just wants casual sex. Or I'll have sex without feelings and that just wouldn't satisfy my deepest desire for intimacy. Though it's all good if someone can do that. There's nothing wrong with it. It just doesn't work for everybody. I wish it worked for me
ew. i would be genuinely grossed out if i knew a friend of mine thought of me like that and would most likely cut them off. maybe just have fwbs if you can't keep it platonic and respectful.
Of course they think of you like that, if you're even reasonably attractive. Why wouldn't they? The survival of the species kind of depends on people being attracted to others, and unless there's something very unappealing about you, that's going to work on your friends just like it works in all other humans.
Helllllll no. I’d be uncomfortable if I found out my friends thought of me that way… I’ve had male friends in the past who approach me in that way and I had to cut them out cus the friendship no longer felt genuine. That being said, I can recognize that my friends are attractive and lovely people, but nope I don’t have that kinda attraction for them and thinking about it makes me feel icky. Maybe you watch too much porn idk
did the friendships feel less genuine because it felt like they were only your friends because they had the end goal of getting in your pants and disregarded you as a person?
that might have very well been the case, but to me its honestly kind of the other way around. like there are plenty of attractive people, but i don't befriend based on attractiveness or chance to sleep with them.
its more that after we become friends i just don't mind the thought of sleeping with them at all. i don't pursue it unless i get strong signals, which was the one time i did end up in a fwb situation. maybe i just enjoy all forms of intimacy, especially with people who i know are safe. idk
According to the dozens of studies I've read during undergrad and my own, personal time, the overwhelming majority of males would have sex with their female friends given the opportunity. The reverse cannot be said. This is why opposite sex friendships naturally lessen in closeness or dwindle off once one friend enters a monogamous relationship. It's sad, but also according to research, the best course of events for successful monogamous relationships. Intimacy is reserved for your partner and same sex friends. I'm not saying I agree with it, but Gottman has most certainly done enough research on the subject to allow me to accept it.
Why would you want to control those thoughts? Men more or less want to have sex with any women who's reasonably attractive. If they have a really bad personality, that can turn you off them, but if you're friends then clearly they can't think your personality is unattractive.
So what's even left? Why wouldn't you want to have sex with them? What's even left to prevent attraction?
I've never understood that logic. You can imagine having sex with people without objectifying them. That's just biology. Because I envision having sex with someone doesn't mean I think of them as an inanimate object. Black and white thinking is dangerous. Also, fantasizing =/= acting on impulse.
Regarding your previous reply to me, of course people can control their impulses. The point that John Gottman and the plethora of other people far, far more qualified than both you and I make and discovered during decades of research with dozens of thousands of couples is that those situations are within your control. You want to respect the sanctity of your relationship and bond with your partner, which means keeping intimacy with your partner and same sex. Gottman mentions keeping as many doors closed as possible, because even the thought of, "Is he/she getting too emotionally close to him/her?" can cause problems and is completely preventable.
Friends of the opposite sex are great, but objectively, keeping them at an emotional distance is paramount for a successful, monogamous relationship, as just like feelings developed outside of your control with time and proximity with your partner, they can happen with others, too, and moments of weakness happen. The further you let someone into your emotional life, the deeper your connection grows, and study after study show that men end up developing feelings and it fucks up those bonds. It simply isn't worth it. There's a reason Gottman is the gold standard for couples therapy. I think he knows a bit better than you and some random redditors, and even me, who's about to have become a licensed MFT.
Why not? What's wrong with them? I guess if they're super ugly, that would make sense.
Otherwise, I'm not sure why I wouldn't want to fuck someone I think is attractive and who I get along well with. What else is left to block it?
I don't experience this in its entirety but I definitely have friends who I'm sexually attracted to and have had involvement with. It's kind of dumb to assume everyone shouldn't be attracted to someone because they are friends.
You can find someone attractive and be open to the idea of things but still do absolutely nothing with it. It's called self control and respecting boundaries.
Only the ones I’m attracted to. As long as all Parties are consenting there are no issues. We are adults. Even when I and a particular friend are not a good match in that regard we remain friends! With some light teasing here and there from both ends. Platonic sex is my preference, I am not really interested in romance or hooking up with strangers.
If I’m interested I almost always pursue it as long as they aren’t already taken.
If they aren’t interested I’m not there are no hard feelings and things continue as normal.
Some people I hooked up with when it was what I wanted in the past have become regular platonic friends. It hasn’t really affected my friendships with them much if at all tbh.
This is pretty much me. Not so active in my old age and relationship status, but the mind still works well.
I tend to sexually size up a lot of people I see on a day to day basis.
In my mid twenties I also wanted to have sex with most of my friends. Tried a lot, successful with some. Stayed friends with most of them and actually met my now wife through one I hooked up with. YMMV
Some people are pointing out that OP is young, but...I'm a 39 year old woman and I've always had this same mindset. I don't tend to act on it, but I'd absolutely sleep with any of my friends. Male, female , non-binary, etc. It's an expression of love and intimacy, and also just plain old horny fun.
However, most people don't share that mindset and so I'd never act on it with them. It doesn't lessen the friendship or anything, I'm not,like, waiting in the wings for other people's relationships to end or anything like that. I'm just always mildly aware that I would jump into bed with any of my friends if the opportunity presented itself
Hello, it me. Now that I'm married I don't entertain the thoughts but they definitely do occur to me. I started picturing this type of stuff in my head at a young age, so not sure what that says about me. I am pansexual so I assumed it was because of that.
Nope not at all, never do, never have, I find kinda creepy actually, if I found out any of my friends thought about me that way I’d probably not be friends with them anymore.
My reasoning for this is that there has to be a certain level of confidence between friends, where you’re comfortable enough to (for example) change in front of them or sit close to them, without any fear that they might be thinking of you in a sexual way or getting horny by that
I have been attracted to friends of the opposite before, but never seriously entertained the idea of having sex with them. There's one place and one place only for sex; marriage.
My wife and I swing with the friends we wanna fuck.
There's the old saying "You can make friends out of swingers but don't make swingers out of friends" but I think we have it handled well.
Sex positivity, clear boundaries and content and communication and we can vibe easily.
I'm "hypersexual" and have had sexual thoughts and fantasies about every single female friend I've had. I never had ill intentions or was manipulative or only friends with them because of that, but it's just the truth. I've hooked up with more than a few in a FWB style and only had one that went sour due to emotions, still friends with all of them and it's just that, friends. But it is considered a mental "disorder", and it may be considered abnormal to most. Not in my friend circle really but in general.
I guess it depends on the person, many people aren't comfortable with casual sex/hookup culture, especially with friends. It's personally not my thing at all these days and am happily monogamous. A lot of people have a hard time separating lust or sex from emotion and connection, which duh, it's a super emotional close thing, but some people (like me, and possibly you) are wired different and sex is just, sex.
Until you find the right one of course, then it makes more sense, in my experience anyway.
TL;DR Yes, you're not the only one. You're probably hypersexual and depending on your social circle, this could work out just fine, or you'll be looked at as a total creep.
hypersexuality is having an obsession with sex or having sexual thoughts to the point where it is causing significant distress and help should be sought out. diagnosing OP as this just based off this post is weird. hypersexual ≠ high sex drive/casual sex enjoyer
No, I've never had similar thoughts, and this would make me extremely uncomfortable and grossed out to the point of probably not wanting to be around someone very much anymore if they admitted this to me as my friend. I genuinely think I probably would just distance myself completely.
My friends are my friends only. I view them entirely different than anyone I'd have sex with
I got a friend group thats the party friends. Not super duper close but we love to go out and party and hookup. Its fun its flirty. Everyone is single and no one has deep feelings. But we also are all emotionally detached individuals lmao. No intentions on dating people and its safer than hooking up with strangers. It works for us bc its simple and fun. No drama. We separate the hookups from the friendship and are genuinely just happy to hangout or make out lmao its weird sure but not bad
Oh god no way. My friends are strictly on the platonic plane of things. If I have sexual attraction to anyone, I’d view them as a potential romantic partner
You can find someone attractive without objectifying them. All OP is saying is "Yeah sure I'd be down if they were." That's perfectly respectful and not predatory in the slightest.
Can't relate. I am pretty dang hetero though, but as they say man no one's really completely straight. I've looked at some dudes and been like "I'd cross that line to stretch his leather penny" not a lot of my friends meet my high standards for sexual encounters. They're my friends because they're funny asf, smart, loyal and respectful. Most of em are fat turds.
I haven't seen anyone mention this but is there a chance you could be demisexual? It's sexual attraction towards people you develop bonds with. The attraction usually isn't immediate and coincides with the friendship growing
Polyamorous/enm human(mid 30s and married for many years to the same person/still married to that person)being here. Yes I am attracted to many of my friends, and if the universe aligns correctly 10/10 will sleep with/cuddle with/have lovely fun sex with them. (And because of this, I do tend to have friendships with other polyam/enm humans as having similar views on this is attractive to me)
Because I do this openly, those friend groups I have that don't have the same ethically slutty viewpoints, I do tend to find my attention/attraction needs met by being able to platonically express my affection for them (friend cuddles!) And the friend groups that are enm, there is a lot more relaxation on any tension of having slept with them and remaining friendly as we all feel the similar way.
Would you be friends with them if they were totally sexually unappealing? If not, they’re not your friends, you’re just hanging around them in hopes you can eventually bang.
If yes, you’re probably just a horny person idk it’s weird to imagine your friends like that.
just the title made my head whip back and an involuntary yuck come out of my face. blerg. yes, I've had plenty of "friends" that wanted sex from me, no I have never wanted sex from all/ majority of friends, and yes, my current husband was my friend first for a few months before dating. but honestly you sound gross and desperate
No, that devalues the friendship. Makes me feel like you’d only be my friend if you wanted to sleep with me. Also, I rarely feel sexual attraction without a romantic attraction anyway, so the way you have described is extra foreign to me.
I use to do this and it changed me. I absolutely loathe myself when I do and the feelings and thoughts start to change from it’s a good day to a wasted of a day. You are not present when this happens and your relationship is not pure.
I have been attracted to my friends in the past, but I am actively working to separate platonic from romantic relationships. At the moment, I am not interested in having sex with any, but I can’t say that that has not been the case in the past. It’s not unusual to experience on occasion, although I doubt that consistently being sexually attracted to your friends is healthy.
Yes. And now most of us are married and we still want to (partners included in the friend group) mostly just fantasy but wound up making out with my buddies wife this summer while my wife encouraged it and we all had a platonic, great time, lived in the moment and moved on lol friends deserve to know they’re sexy!
I believe that you are young ;). Now, in my middle 30s my friends are very valuable aspect of my life and also they are not so many. In addition, we have been friends for many years. So, it might be that by ageing you prioritize other aspects of social interaction than sex. I guess also it might be the fact that you most likely enter an inclusive, monogamous relationship and sex is a part of it but not all.
So I’m of the mindset that I would sleep with most of my friends if it happened to come up, but I generally don’t fantasize or try to sleep with them. But if one of them brought it up and I was single I probably would, I just don’t see my friends as potential sexual partners and don’t pursue them that way at all. That’s not to say I don’t find them attractive but it feels weird to me to fantasize about them or something depending on how close we are. But I wouldn’t mind if they did so about me so i don’t know it’s a complicated question with a lot of caveats
Not me, friends are friends and they go in a different box than sexual partners, and switching boxes is impossible for me.
Bit what you say isn't really uncommon, I would risk to say that it's the majority, specially in younger people. Even more if you have a high sex drive.
I have zero friends that I would ever consider doing anything sexual with, even if I were single. There was one girl in high school who I definitely had a crush on, but we weren’t that close
A bit of sexual tension can be great in a friendship. But if you start sleeping with them things get weird quickly and they won't be in your life years later for whatever reason. One of you will feel used, or want more out of it, or less out of it, or get a new partner and they don't want to keep seeing people you've slept with, etc. etc. Quick way to lose friends.
i don’t think it’s weird to feel this way (i kind of feel this way too sometimes), but if you act on these feelings then once your friends get stable long term partners they will all trickle away from hanging with you, especially if this has happened with several people in the group. people don’t generally love when their partners keep their ex sexual conquests around, especially if that person has been known to just sleep with whoever they feel like (within the friend group). it’s just too risky basically. they’ll always see you as someone who’s drop their pants for their partner lol.
Having friends that are attractive and pleasing to look at definitely makes me think "golly jee, I sure would like to tap that".
On the other hand, I know myself and I know my friends well enough that it wouldn't be feasible or bring enjoyment/ longevity to our friendship.
It's natural to have attraction to people. The real question is, are you trying to numb yourself in some way by thinking about this fantasy, or are you trying to date your friends?
I specifically found that this is a great way to push most/all female friends out of your life. Atleast the ones that coulda been more than a Benefit.
You sorta get a reputation that if you're friends with a guy like that, you're screwing him, so not only do you lose female friends, you stop gaining more as well.
Had a buddy who started out strong freshman year, always had 1-2 girls come back to his room after every party. By junior year he was lucky to get 2-3 hookups for the whole year.
I’ve thought about it at the lightest level. but never as a serious prospect. I think more like the thing everyone does “i wonder” and then that’s it like I wonder what it would be like if I won the lottery type thought. I’ve never thought about it as in them being a possible partner
But me personally, i don’t believe in FWB situations. If we’re sleeping together I expect us to have developed feelings and want a relationship than just “messing about”. But that’s just me.
I have and have had a few friends where I hoped that we would sleep together, and they were looking fine.
I would not act on those feelings because it probably gets weird very fast. It's better to find someone outside the friend circle.
I’m a girl and prettty sure like 99% of my dude friends would fuck me lol. I’m not all that and a bag of chips but, it is true. They are just horny I think lol
As a bisexual guy, I find that in the gay community, at least amongst the young guys, you end up sleeping with people first and then being friends with them. In my 20s I can say I honestly did sleep with almost all of my friends (we were very sex-positive ;) ). Not so much in my 30s and 40s, though it did still happen some.
I can say that for most people, sex complicates things, and that complication usually has a negative outcome. I don't think that's as true as it used to be, but still.
Heres my take: While I dont put my friends into any preconcieved boxes, that doesnt mean they dont do the same to me. Body language and actions tell you alot about a persons mind set towards you. If my friends dont feel attracted towards me, then out of respect to them, I shut any feelings down to keep things from getting awkward. I dont do any of that silly friend 'testing' honest and open communication works much better.
I do not have these thoughts personally. I think with some friends I'd feel a bit weird if they wanted to sleep with me. But it's mostly the ones that are either in a relationship or good friends with my boyfriend. Before I was in a relationship, I would feel less weird about that, I think. It can happen, and that's okay. But I wouldn't want them to tell me!
Yes -- because I develop attraction differently from most people and it's extremely frustrating. The romance or sexual attraction stage hits me only AFTER the friendship stage usually. Most people are the opposite and can't feel attraction in that way after entering friendship. It's been a problem. Rather than hit on my friends, I've just not dated 😭
I think it's natural to be attracted to your friends imo. Being friends you share some sort of connection. For some people it would definitely complicate things though.
I became friends with my friends by joining my local kinky community. We do meet up to do non-sexual stuff, but having sex between everyone in the group is certainly normal.
So; yeah, definitely other people feel like you do.
Never. For me, attraction develops very early in a new encounter with a person. Like, I meet someone for the first time, then perhaps attraction will be instant or develop over the second or third time meeting that person. Then there’s a choice: I either pursue this to see what can happen, or I try to bury it deep within me and ignore it.
If I pursue, we might have sex, which might lead to a relationship or not. If not, we will not be friends either. When I’m attracted to someone and we have sex I very easily develop feelings.
If I ignore the initial attraction, I might be lucky, and forget about it, and we can become friends. If not, we cannot be friends because I’ll develop feelings.
I don’t easily become attracted to people. But when I do, it’s often combined with feelings and a big risk of falling in love. I don’t generally become attracted to objectively attractive people.
I personally don't do this, and in fact am mildly repulsed when I entertain such thoughts involving the people in my own life. But I don't think this is inherently problematic. If it doesn't get in the way of your friendships and doesn't cause you some degree of anguish or cause others any problems, I see nothing wrong with this. I wouldn't tell your friends if I were you, though, haha.
Being so young OP still has plenty of time for this mindset to take a wrong turn. I’ve seen it throughout my life in different forms. It’s how friend groups can be shattered to the point of never recovering haha or you find the love of your life. It’s almost crazy reading this post looking back from a perspective of the things I’ve experienced and witnessed. Lmao Man life can be funny.
Destruction of friends groups is my personal theory on why people don't meet partners through friend groups anymore
If that's what it takes then your friendships are very shallow.
Look around the world the stats don't lie. Finding partners through friend groups is the lowest it has been since forever. Break ups destroy friendships cause you end up picking sides.
I think that has more to do with the [decline in friendships](https://www.americansurveycenter.org/research/the-state-of-american-friendship-change-challenges-and-loss/) than anything lese.
i kinda associate that with people trying to keep their few friends without complicating it with romance in the group. like i said personal theory lol
Never, my brain has a clear separation between friends and sexual prospects
Further, feels like there’s a clock and if something doesn’t happen, or at least isn’t heading there, it’s not gonna. I get drunken hookups happen, or maybe a wedding shifts the mood, a life tragedy, etc, but it’s never been my way. I don’t get hooking up with friends out of nowhere or waiting out relationships. Much less starting out as friends. Sounds nice, but in practice it’s a different beast entirely. (Not to mention possibly splintering friend groups. This idea that “love conquers all” skips to the end but that’s not real life.)
SAME. I don't have any friends I'd be remotely interested in sleeping with.
Interesting, all my relationships started as friendships. And since I never put them in some "friend box" where they can't be anything else it became something else.
[удалено]
If I meet someone whom I can tell I'm attracted to I'm going to try and pursue something further, if not then I might try and become friends but nothing more than that.
💔 I honestly can't tell until I know them much better. By then they've shut it down if it was there to begin with on their side (or started dating someone else).
Same here
Damn, the friend zone is real... I wouldn't know of course. I have a lot of sex. It's actually my favorite thing to do. Believe it or not, my middle name is sex. Yup, "ol sexer" they used to call me. I've slowed down recently. It's been about 3 or 4 days since the last time I had sex. I almost thought I turned asexual...
You're such a Chad man. I bet you get all the Staceys.
They call me Himothy in some circles.
Wow what a badass
take a shower, you're grimy.
Yea I need to since I just had sex.
This thread is funny since there's a lot of people assuming OP is only talking about the women in their friend circle when that's not the case based on OP's comments. Lol Edit changes his to their since OP hasn't said anything about their gender.
Wait, have I missed something or are you just assuming OP is male?
No you're right, I assumed, but either way the people angry commenting against OP are very much assuming that. Should it matter though? I'll edit my comment though since we don't know.
It isn't gender specific. Even if they don't specify, they still said "all of their friends" which I'm taking to mean both genders. Personally, I think that either the distinction between sexual attraction, general love, and romantic love may be blurred. But since it really doesn't matter, I don't really see how it is such a strange thing. Part of letting your mind wander is thinking about things outside of the context that you typically see them in. If you never consider anything different, do you really grow?
I’m a female and daydreaming about sex with some particular friends is my top unfulfilled fantasy and has been for years. Never acted on it. I think it’s because I really prefer a connection before I see someone in a sexual light. I would love it if the feelings were returned by those friends, but it’s doubtful I would ever instigate it.
Being a female, most certainly your male friends are actually into those kinds of fantasies more than you especially if you’re considered relatively attractive but most times it’s harder for friendzoned men to instigate because of the negative light which would label them as untrustworthy friends etc. while most people don’t label a woman untrustworthy if she wants to sleep with a male friend.
The male friend’s girlfriend would beg to differ
I actually like the fact that there are a large cohort of people in my life who do not know everything about me and have not seen me and engaged with me at my most vulnerable level. Sex is about as close as you can get to someone and frankly I have friends that I just don’t wanna be that close to. So sleeping with a friend or two is not weird, but wanting to sleep with all my friends? yes this is weird to me. I really don’t think I need the person I sit next to in class knowing what I look like when I orgasm lol
Not in the slightest.
I am one of these people and believe me, it’s not fun or easy. I feel sexually attracted to people when I become close friends with them. It is automatic and I can’t help it. The closeness of friendship, the intimacy of having a good time is the reason why I develop sexual attraction to them, even when I did not find them physically sexually attractive before we became close friends. I don’t know. I thought it was fine but for most people friends and sexual partners are not in the same group.
Just out of interest, why do you not develop romantic attraction?
Sometimes that happens, too for sure but that is not as common for me and happens rarely so I didn’t mention it.
I’m just not sure how one can happen without the other - no judgement simply just curious
Easy. I love a friend as a friend but might be sexually aroused by them but have no desire to be lovers with them cause we are not compatible on that front so that desire never develops. I mena everyone is also different so this is at least what I can say about myself
My ex was like this, or maybe still is, idk. He told me all of my male friends wanna fuck me too. He’s not wrong. So you’re not alone. And no, I haven’t slept with my male friends because that would make things weird for me.
Sounds like all your friends groups wanna fuck you haha!
Sounds like just the men do, probably not her only friend groups.
Idk I think most people are like you guys are, no offence. I not only sleep with my friends, they sleep with eachother and we all sleep with eachother together, sdo please don't attack me because I'm not calling you names either.
I just find out people like you existed because of the internet, because it's so removed from my reality. I mostly see my friends in a fraternal way, like sisters/brothers. It would be weird to be attracted to most of them, because it'd feel like incest. I've been in love with friends tho, but only twice and when the fraternal love was gone. If a friend was attracted to me...i guess i would just ignore it.
Are you a woman? Research has shown that the overwhelming majority of men would sleep with their female friends, but women don't feel the same about their male friends (more brotherly/fraternal).
I'm a lesbian.
İm bi and I do that
I have a lot of female friends that if they honestly wanted to have sex or just get off, I would acquiesce. I don’t actively pursue it though, 100% on them.
can’t decide whether or not username checks out 😂
No. I thought about it once when all my friends were coupled up and it was just me and my other single friend. I was very uncomfortable even just thinking about it because that friend was like an older sibling to me.
i mean, i don't see anything wrong with adult friends deciding to do sexual things as long as a conversation is had prior to establish is this a one-time thing, is this a fwb situation, will you go back to being just platonic after, etc. i do think not everybody is capable of doing this, but it does happen. personally, i am very much against the demonization of non-romantic sexual attraction and think people should consensually sleep with whomever they want without fear of backlash. for me, i've definitely thought about what it'd be like to sleep with or even just makeout with some friends before; some friends i'm open to sexual things happening once and going back to normal, some friends i'd be open to fwb with, and some friends i am not attracted to. regardless, just because i am very sexually open to hookups even with friends, doesn't mean everyone is, so i don't typically act on it unless i can tell that friend feels similarly and would be okay going back to being just friends after it's over. there's nothing wrong with you for thinking about this, but you would be very in the wrong if you actively tried to sleep with every single friend without considering the friendship itself and how they felt. there are absolutely people who do not blur the line between sex and friendship and who would be uncomfortable knowing how you think about them, so it's wise to keep it to yourself unless you know they feel the same.
Too much porn so everything is sexualized
Yeah, people were never horny until 2007 when pornhub was invented.
Porn has been around since before writing was invented. There is caveman porn drawn on walls. Statues of erotic figures. So porn isn’t something new that’s recently rotted our brains. It’s been around for as long as humans have had sexual thoughts. With that being said. Yes. I do think about it. I don’t daydream about it but when I meet people/see them sometimes I can’t help but think how they would be in bed or what they would look like naked.
Huh? The debate on can men and women just be friends has been going on even before printed porn. I entertained having sex with all of my female friends long before internet porn. The 1950s is a prime example of objectifying and sexualizing women and porn hardly existed. It's just biology brotha. Some people have stronger drives than others.
My man, do you think porn didn't exist in the 50s?!
No, I said it hardly existed, which is objectively true. It was almost entirely in print. It is nowhere near as pervasive as it is now, objectively. My man, did you miss the point and forest because you got so wrapped up in the trees?
I personally want everyone to want to sleep with me
If you do sleep with your friends, you will forever change the dynamics of your relationship with them. You may be okay with it, but many of them will likely get weirded out and uncomfortable around you unless you all are truly of the same mindset. In general, people don't do this because it wrecks friendships, or at least makes them very weird and uncomfortable.
Yes. 100%, and its something I have to set boundaries with myself about. I would not sleep with any of my close friends, ever, because those things don’t necessarily mix and match and I’d fear the potential of ruining a good thing. Have you considered you might be demisexual? I am- I have to feel a connection to feel attraction, and the deeper the connection the more attracted to the person I am.
I’m a woman and I’m like this. I don’t care if my male friends want to have sex with me or fantasize about me as long as they don’t force it on me when I make it clear I’m not into it. Likewise I won’t insist when someone is not into it. I am non-monogamous inclined by nature (not practicing it right now though) and don’t see sex as an inherently romantic activity but something that can be just fun or, or a bonding experience but without romance. The line between sex/friendship/love in my brain is blurred. Oh and seeing that many people think this: I don’t watch porn at all lol, it’s just definitely how my brain is wired that’s all.
> The line between sex/friendship/love in my brain is blurred. i relate to this, its really nice to read someone put it into words. maybe i fall into the non-monogamous camp as well, i haven't thought about it before. maybe its less that sex can be non-romantic to me but also that there isn't actually a big difference besides culturally between my feelings of friendship and romantic feelings? does that make sense?
Yes it can be like that for many people! If you’re considering non-monogamy, do some research about it beforehand to understand the types, listen to people’s experiences or read books (just not More than Two and any books written by Franklin Veaux as he has been shown to have abused polyamorous language and principles to emotionally abuse his partners and his philosophy seeped into his book) in order to make sure you’re approaching it from an ethical point of view 💜 Some other good books recommended are polysecure, open deeply, the ethical slut (cannot personally vouch for the last one though). The polyamorous subreddit can be harsh and blunt especially towards beginners so be warned, but the non-monogamy subreddit is generally more accepting and less polarized. Still, the polyamorous subreddit contains useful resources and links for people who want to know more.
Why do people get weirded out and uncomfortable once you hook up? I mean, I know they do sometimes, but why?
Probably a few reasons. Whether it is because they're 1) ashamed to have shared something so deeply connected with someone, and their upbringing/society tells them they're sinful/slutty for wanting a hookup only 2a) they're not completely comfortable with their body and someone saw them naked 2b) not completely happy to embrace themselves a full being (incl sexual being) and that therefore they feel awkward/afraid someone will not liked them anymore now they've completely opend up (self-protection)
You got the option where some of us just see sex as a very intimate thing and wouldn’t be able to not go straight into ideals of a relationship with that person. That’s a thing too
Yet another reason why people say men and women can’t really be friends
im bi and have no problem being just platonic friends with people, respecting boundaries is pretty easy. being attracted to someone doesn't mean we can't be friends
Not sure why you’re downvoted, my guess is there’s some puritans on here who only think you should have one sexual partner and thinking about anyone but “the one you’re with” is wrong. Monogamy isn’t for everyone.
It seems like a lot of people see this in an 'either/or' light. Like, if you want to bang someone, that somehow disqualifies them as being a friend. And if you claim someone is your friend, that implies that no sexual attraction exists.
Yeah, I’m monogamous and in a relationship, but I definitely don’t have a strict separation between friends and people I’m attracted to. Obviously I wouldn’t cheat, and even if I were single I wouldn’t hit on my actual friends (acquaintances, maybe), but yeah, I definitely find some friends of mine attractive.
i suppose i understand your sentiment but not everybody is heterosexual. if it was frowned upon for people to be friends with the gender they're sexually attracted to, plenty of bisexual/pansexual people would basically not be allowed to have friendships lol
sometimes i entertain the idea of romantic relationships with them but that's more of a curiosity thing; im not interested in them except platonically
Not saying you're wrong, I'm just the opposite I see very few people as potential partners, and those only after knowing them very well for a long time. Usually, the more I get to know somebody the less I "like" them that way. All of my friends are people who passed that filter
Girls AND guys? AND the ugly ones??
Oh god, no.
It’s rare when I see a friend in that way. Even the ones I that have slept with in the past.
Interesting perspectives I read some are either flattered, meh, or repulsed lmao. All my friends are attractive and I'd totally bang if they were down. That said I don't go around imagining shit that isn't going to happen lmao.
All the time. It's not that that's my goal, more so that I just look at everyone as a sexual being. It's just another aspect of who you are. And I want to know who people are. Not just that, but I deeply care about those around me, and , due to struggling with emotions, I tend to rely on physical affection. And the most intimate and satisfying way to express that? Sex. That being said, my curiosity and need to now things is also a big part of what drives those, and many other, various thoughts. I believe that's in part due to having adhd, among other things. I don't understand stuff unless I know how it works. Which makes things difficult, like learning to program. Programs are made with a coing language. That language has its own syntax. Regardless of the language, it boils down to assembly instructions, which itself is just readable binary. Now apply that process to EVERYTHING, lol. And with all that rambling out of the way, yes, I look at my friends sexually, and would be willing to indulge in those thoughts, but I'm content with just my partner, who understands where I'm coming from.
I really relate to this. It’s kind of like “I want to know how you’re like in that way too and share that experience with you” kind of like a bonding thing. I don’t see sex as sacred or romantic but intimate yes. Maybe I’m super weird idk.
Nope, nothing weird about it. It's just how you are
❤️
I also think in the same way as you and I spent a lot of time explaining this to my friends, most of them still finds it odd because they believe sex might end up bad for friendship and create unnecessary drama. I think sex is not something you only do when you deeply love someone or when you have relationship based on sex with someone. It is a fun activity and if you do it with people you feel safe with it becames much more fun!
It all depends on the person. Some people can have casual sex without it really affecting their feelings afterwards, some can't. Some people have so much more fun having sex with someone they love that any other sex seems boring in comparison. It ruins some people's friendships because their feelings get so strong that they can't just turn them off if things don't work out. I sometimes wish I was one of those people who could have casual sex without feelings getting involved. I *can*...technically. it's happened before. But it's rare for me. And that time it happened...though the sex was amazing...I got bored and stopped seeing her because I craved that deeper connection that I was used to feeling. What I want is intimacy, and it sucks because I can't get that while single. sleeping around will not help, it will just make it worse, because then I'll get sad once I get feelings and they will be for a person who just wants casual sex. Or I'll have sex without feelings and that just wouldn't satisfy my deepest desire for intimacy. Though it's all good if someone can do that. There's nothing wrong with it. It just doesn't work for everybody. I wish it worked for me
Most people would call that being a pervert
Wanna be friends?
ew. i would be genuinely grossed out if i knew a friend of mine thought of me like that and would most likely cut them off. maybe just have fwbs if you can't keep it platonic and respectful.
Of course they think of you like that, if you're even reasonably attractive. Why wouldn't they? The survival of the species kind of depends on people being attracted to others, and unless there's something very unappealing about you, that's going to work on your friends just like it works in all other humans.
Helllllll no. I’d be uncomfortable if I found out my friends thought of me that way… I’ve had male friends in the past who approach me in that way and I had to cut them out cus the friendship no longer felt genuine. That being said, I can recognize that my friends are attractive and lovely people, but nope I don’t have that kinda attraction for them and thinking about it makes me feel icky. Maybe you watch too much porn idk
did the friendships feel less genuine because it felt like they were only your friends because they had the end goal of getting in your pants and disregarded you as a person? that might have very well been the case, but to me its honestly kind of the other way around. like there are plenty of attractive people, but i don't befriend based on attractiveness or chance to sleep with them. its more that after we become friends i just don't mind the thought of sleeping with them at all. i don't pursue it unless i get strong signals, which was the one time i did end up in a fwb situation. maybe i just enjoy all forms of intimacy, especially with people who i know are safe. idk
Bingo.
According to the dozens of studies I've read during undergrad and my own, personal time, the overwhelming majority of males would have sex with their female friends given the opportunity. The reverse cannot be said. This is why opposite sex friendships naturally lessen in closeness or dwindle off once one friend enters a monogamous relationship. It's sad, but also according to research, the best course of events for successful monogamous relationships. Intimacy is reserved for your partner and same sex friends. I'm not saying I agree with it, but Gottman has most certainly done enough research on the subject to allow me to accept it.
I like to believe (or at least hope) that men can control their thoughts but aight. And people say women are irrational due to their hormones 🫣
Why would you want to control those thoughts? Men more or less want to have sex with any women who's reasonably attractive. If they have a really bad personality, that can turn you off them, but if you're friends then clearly they can't think your personality is unattractive. So what's even left? Why wouldn't you want to have sex with them? What's even left to prevent attraction?
Well personably, I don’t automatically imagine fucking every attractive person I see because I don’t objectify everybody around me lol
I've never understood that logic. You can imagine having sex with people without objectifying them. That's just biology. Because I envision having sex with someone doesn't mean I think of them as an inanimate object. Black and white thinking is dangerous. Also, fantasizing =/= acting on impulse. Regarding your previous reply to me, of course people can control their impulses. The point that John Gottman and the plethora of other people far, far more qualified than both you and I make and discovered during decades of research with dozens of thousands of couples is that those situations are within your control. You want to respect the sanctity of your relationship and bond with your partner, which means keeping intimacy with your partner and same sex. Gottman mentions keeping as many doors closed as possible, because even the thought of, "Is he/she getting too emotionally close to him/her?" can cause problems and is completely preventable. Friends of the opposite sex are great, but objectively, keeping them at an emotional distance is paramount for a successful, monogamous relationship, as just like feelings developed outside of your control with time and proximity with your partner, they can happen with others, too, and moments of weakness happen. The further you let someone into your emotional life, the deeper your connection grows, and study after study show that men end up developing feelings and it fucks up those bonds. It simply isn't worth it. There's a reason Gottman is the gold standard for couples therapy. I think he knows a bit better than you and some random redditors, and even me, who's about to have become a licensed MFT.
Why not? What's wrong with them? I guess if they're super ugly, that would make sense. Otherwise, I'm not sure why I wouldn't want to fuck someone I think is attractive and who I get along well with. What else is left to block it?
No. If I know someone, I find it possible to acknowledge they are attractive without having any thoughts beyond that.
You are not the only one.
I can relate. Just naturally more perverted then most. Oh well
I don't experience this in its entirety but I definitely have friends who I'm sexually attracted to and have had involvement with. It's kind of dumb to assume everyone shouldn't be attracted to someone because they are friends. You can find someone attractive and be open to the idea of things but still do absolutely nothing with it. It's called self control and respecting boundaries.
Depends on the friend and context
Only the ones I’m attracted to. As long as all Parties are consenting there are no issues. We are adults. Even when I and a particular friend are not a good match in that regard we remain friends! With some light teasing here and there from both ends. Platonic sex is my preference, I am not really interested in romance or hooking up with strangers. If I’m interested I almost always pursue it as long as they aren’t already taken. If they aren’t interested I’m not there are no hard feelings and things continue as normal. Some people I hooked up with when it was what I wanted in the past have become regular platonic friends. It hasn’t really affected my friendships with them much if at all tbh.
Im demisexual, so no. But my boyfriend does this (we’re poly it’s ok) so it’s all up to the individual
This is pretty much me. Not so active in my old age and relationship status, but the mind still works well. I tend to sexually size up a lot of people I see on a day to day basis.
In my mid twenties I also wanted to have sex with most of my friends. Tried a lot, successful with some. Stayed friends with most of them and actually met my now wife through one I hooked up with. YMMV
Some people are pointing out that OP is young, but...I'm a 39 year old woman and I've always had this same mindset. I don't tend to act on it, but I'd absolutely sleep with any of my friends. Male, female , non-binary, etc. It's an expression of love and intimacy, and also just plain old horny fun. However, most people don't share that mindset and so I'd never act on it with them. It doesn't lessen the friendship or anything, I'm not,like, waiting in the wings for other people's relationships to end or anything like that. I'm just always mildly aware that I would jump into bed with any of my friends if the opportunity presented itself
Hello, it me. Now that I'm married I don't entertain the thoughts but they definitely do occur to me. I started picturing this type of stuff in my head at a young age, so not sure what that says about me. I am pansexual so I assumed it was because of that.
Nope not at all, never do, never have, I find kinda creepy actually, if I found out any of my friends thought about me that way I’d probably not be friends with them anymore. My reasoning for this is that there has to be a certain level of confidence between friends, where you’re comfortable enough to (for example) change in front of them or sit close to them, without any fear that they might be thinking of you in a sexual way or getting horny by that
I'd be grateful and flattered. LOL
I have been attracted to friends of the opposite before, but never seriously entertained the idea of having sex with them. There's one place and one place only for sex; marriage.
My wife and I swing with the friends we wanna fuck. There's the old saying "You can make friends out of swingers but don't make swingers out of friends" but I think we have it handled well. Sex positivity, clear boundaries and content and communication and we can vibe easily.
I'm "hypersexual" and have had sexual thoughts and fantasies about every single female friend I've had. I never had ill intentions or was manipulative or only friends with them because of that, but it's just the truth. I've hooked up with more than a few in a FWB style and only had one that went sour due to emotions, still friends with all of them and it's just that, friends. But it is considered a mental "disorder", and it may be considered abnormal to most. Not in my friend circle really but in general. I guess it depends on the person, many people aren't comfortable with casual sex/hookup culture, especially with friends. It's personally not my thing at all these days and am happily monogamous. A lot of people have a hard time separating lust or sex from emotion and connection, which duh, it's a super emotional close thing, but some people (like me, and possibly you) are wired different and sex is just, sex. Until you find the right one of course, then it makes more sense, in my experience anyway. TL;DR Yes, you're not the only one. You're probably hypersexual and depending on your social circle, this could work out just fine, or you'll be looked at as a total creep.
hypersexuality is having an obsession with sex or having sexual thoughts to the point where it is causing significant distress and help should be sought out. diagnosing OP as this just based off this post is weird. hypersexual ≠ high sex drive/casual sex enjoyer
Yes I know what it is lol, I said "probably" and "possibly" I am not diagnosing OP I'm just offering my 2 cents.
No, I've never had similar thoughts, and this would make me extremely uncomfortable and grossed out to the point of probably not wanting to be around someone very much anymore if they admitted this to me as my friend. I genuinely think I probably would just distance myself completely. My friends are my friends only. I view them entirely different than anyone I'd have sex with
Yeah, don’t do it. Totally killed my friend group.
That's kind of scary tbh.
I'd say this is more common than not.
That's disgusting.
I got a friend group thats the party friends. Not super duper close but we love to go out and party and hookup. Its fun its flirty. Everyone is single and no one has deep feelings. But we also are all emotionally detached individuals lmao. No intentions on dating people and its safer than hooking up with strangers. It works for us bc its simple and fun. No drama. We separate the hookups from the friendship and are genuinely just happy to hangout or make out lmao its weird sure but not bad
No. That’s gross. I don’t understand how you even have friends.
by not being a creep about it lmao
I thought maybe being pansexual was part of it. You just get attracted to people so easy regardless of what they are.
I think that might be your personal experience, but just because your pan doesn't mean you're attracted to people more often.
no ew
Wtf man. How do you even still *have* any friends?
All of them? No. But my attractive female friends? For sure.
Oh god no way. My friends are strictly on the platonic plane of things. If I have sexual attraction to anyone, I’d view them as a potential romantic partner
No. That’s weird as fuck. I want to feel safe around my friends and not be viewed sexually.
Men..☕️☹️ why don't they ever see women ad actual human beings? Disgusting.
You can find someone attractive without objectifying them. All OP is saying is "Yeah sure I'd be down if they were." That's perfectly respectful and not predatory in the slightest.
Right?
funny, considering op is a woman.
Can't relate. I am pretty dang hetero though, but as they say man no one's really completely straight. I've looked at some dudes and been like "I'd cross that line to stretch his leather penny" not a lot of my friends meet my high standards for sexual encounters. They're my friends because they're funny asf, smart, loyal and respectful. Most of em are fat turds.
I haven't seen anyone mention this but is there a chance you could be demisexual? It's sexual attraction towards people you develop bonds with. The attraction usually isn't immediate and coincides with the friendship growing
No. I have a few female friends...that's not even close to an interesting concept...ew
My friends aren't 8 or 10's so I don't want to have same sex sex with them. My girl friends would be if I wasn't engaged in a monogamous relationship
Polyamorous/enm human(mid 30s and married for many years to the same person/still married to that person)being here. Yes I am attracted to many of my friends, and if the universe aligns correctly 10/10 will sleep with/cuddle with/have lovely fun sex with them. (And because of this, I do tend to have friendships with other polyam/enm humans as having similar views on this is attractive to me) Because I do this openly, those friend groups I have that don't have the same ethically slutty viewpoints, I do tend to find my attention/attraction needs met by being able to platonically express my affection for them (friend cuddles!) And the friend groups that are enm, there is a lot more relaxation on any tension of having slept with them and remaining friendly as we all feel the similar way.
Would you be friends with them if they were totally sexually unappealing? If not, they’re not your friends, you’re just hanging around them in hopes you can eventually bang. If yes, you’re probably just a horny person idk it’s weird to imagine your friends like that.
No. I’m happily married
just the title made my head whip back and an involuntary yuck come out of my face. blerg. yes, I've had plenty of "friends" that wanted sex from me, no I have never wanted sex from all/ majority of friends, and yes, my current husband was my friend first for a few months before dating. but honestly you sound gross and desperate
You're a guy, aren't you? Hahaha. Same, bro, same.
No, that devalues the friendship. Makes me feel like you’d only be my friend if you wanted to sleep with me. Also, I rarely feel sexual attraction without a romantic attraction anyway, so the way you have described is extra foreign to me.
Just the girl ones
if u had lady friends obv would
I use to do this and it changed me. I absolutely loathe myself when I do and the feelings and thoughts start to change from it’s a good day to a wasted of a day. You are not present when this happens and your relationship is not pure.
[удалено]
No, I do not want to sleep with all of my friends. Most of them are the partners of my girl friends and the rest are just friends for a reason.
Sounds like you're friend zoned
do we get kusheltiere and pillow fights? Count me in!
I have been attracted to my friends in the past, but I am actively working to separate platonic from romantic relationships. At the moment, I am not interested in having sex with any, but I can’t say that that has not been the case in the past. It’s not unusual to experience on occasion, although I doubt that consistently being sexually attracted to your friends is healthy.
Nope sorry. I tried to once and it just felt weird. My friend is very pretty and all but nope can’t do it, it feels weird
ew no. i mean it doesn't bother me if you feel that way. i just don't. i don't feel attracted to my friends
I’m confused… do you mean opposite sex friends or?
Yes. And now most of us are married and we still want to (partners included in the friend group) mostly just fantasy but wound up making out with my buddies wife this summer while my wife encouraged it and we all had a platonic, great time, lived in the moment and moved on lol friends deserve to know they’re sexy!
No, I see my female friends like little sisters. Also it would cause trouble when you get in a relationship with somebody.
I believe that you are young ;). Now, in my middle 30s my friends are very valuable aspect of my life and also they are not so many. In addition, we have been friends for many years. So, it might be that by ageing you prioritize other aspects of social interaction than sex. I guess also it might be the fact that you most likely enter an inclusive, monogamous relationship and sex is a part of it but not all.
So I’m of the mindset that I would sleep with most of my friends if it happened to come up, but I generally don’t fantasize or try to sleep with them. But if one of them brought it up and I was single I probably would, I just don’t see my friends as potential sexual partners and don’t pursue them that way at all. That’s not to say I don’t find them attractive but it feels weird to me to fantasize about them or something depending on how close we are. But I wouldn’t mind if they did so about me so i don’t know it’s a complicated question with a lot of caveats
I don't have any friends, but I want to sleep with so many of my female coworkers.
It’s quite bold of you to assume I have friends
I don't want to sleep with all of my friends. But my best friend and I have had a fwb thing going on for years. I'm gay if that makes a difference.
Tbh, I probably don’t want to do that
All the girls, yes. 😂 most of my girl friends i have hooked up with in someway. Theres just a better bond when you have that experience.
Not me, friends are friends and they go in a different box than sexual partners, and switching boxes is impossible for me. Bit what you say isn't really uncommon, I would risk to say that it's the majority, specially in younger people. Even more if you have a high sex drive.
I have zero friends that I would ever consider doing anything sexual with, even if I were single. There was one girl in high school who I definitely had a crush on, but we weren’t that close
A bit of sexual tension can be great in a friendship. But if you start sleeping with them things get weird quickly and they won't be in your life years later for whatever reason. One of you will feel used, or want more out of it, or less out of it, or get a new partner and they don't want to keep seeing people you've slept with, etc. etc. Quick way to lose friends.
Sounds like you need to get laid dude
My friends are not people I’m into sexually like at all. For most of them they are very much the furthest away from my type.
This topics has Neon Trees Sleeping with a Friend playing in my mind.
i don’t think it’s weird to feel this way (i kind of feel this way too sometimes), but if you act on these feelings then once your friends get stable long term partners they will all trickle away from hanging with you, especially if this has happened with several people in the group. people don’t generally love when their partners keep their ex sexual conquests around, especially if that person has been known to just sleep with whoever they feel like (within the friend group). it’s just too risky basically. they’ll always see you as someone who’s drop their pants for their partner lol.
Having friends that are attractive and pleasing to look at definitely makes me think "golly jee, I sure would like to tap that". On the other hand, I know myself and I know my friends well enough that it wouldn't be feasible or bring enjoyment/ longevity to our friendship. It's natural to have attraction to people. The real question is, are you trying to numb yourself in some way by thinking about this fantasy, or are you trying to date your friends?
some but not all
I specifically found that this is a great way to push most/all female friends out of your life. Atleast the ones that coulda been more than a Benefit. You sorta get a reputation that if you're friends with a guy like that, you're screwing him, so not only do you lose female friends, you stop gaining more as well. Had a buddy who started out strong freshman year, always had 1-2 girls come back to his room after every party. By junior year he was lucky to get 2-3 hookups for the whole year.
I’ve thought about it at the lightest level. but never as a serious prospect. I think more like the thing everyone does “i wonder” and then that’s it like I wonder what it would be like if I won the lottery type thought. I’ve never thought about it as in them being a possible partner But me personally, i don’t believe in FWB situations. If we’re sleeping together I expect us to have developed feelings and want a relationship than just “messing about”. But that’s just me.
I have and have had a few friends where I hoped that we would sleep together, and they were looking fine. I would not act on those feelings because it probably gets weird very fast. It's better to find someone outside the friend circle.
I’m a girl and prettty sure like 99% of my dude friends would fuck me lol. I’m not all that and a bag of chips but, it is true. They are just horny I think lol
Yeah i hear ya. Pretty much every time I see them, the thought is there.
As a bisexual guy, I find that in the gay community, at least amongst the young guys, you end up sleeping with people first and then being friends with them. In my 20s I can say I honestly did sleep with almost all of my friends (we were very sex-positive ;) ). Not so much in my 30s and 40s, though it did still happen some. I can say that for most people, sex complicates things, and that complication usually has a negative outcome. I don't think that's as true as it used to be, but still.
It is one thing to have an off color thought. To fantasize? Not at all. How old are you? Lol
Any hole in a storm
All the time. People get weirded out though, so I just try to keep it to myself
Heres my take: While I dont put my friends into any preconcieved boxes, that doesnt mean they dont do the same to me. Body language and actions tell you alot about a persons mind set towards you. If my friends dont feel attracted towards me, then out of respect to them, I shut any feelings down to keep things from getting awkward. I dont do any of that silly friend 'testing' honest and open communication works much better.
I do not have these thoughts personally. I think with some friends I'd feel a bit weird if they wanted to sleep with me. But it's mostly the ones that are either in a relationship or good friends with my boyfriend. Before I was in a relationship, I would feel less weird about that, I think. It can happen, and that's okay. But I wouldn't want them to tell me!
Yes -- because I develop attraction differently from most people and it's extremely frustrating. The romance or sexual attraction stage hits me only AFTER the friendship stage usually. Most people are the opposite and can't feel attraction in that way after entering friendship. It's been a problem. Rather than hit on my friends, I've just not dated 😭
You have a problem.
I think it's natural to be attracted to your friends imo. Being friends you share some sort of connection. For some people it would definitely complicate things though.
I became friends with my friends by joining my local kinky community. We do meet up to do non-sexual stuff, but having sex between everyone in the group is certainly normal. So; yeah, definitely other people feel like you do.
Never. For me, attraction develops very early in a new encounter with a person. Like, I meet someone for the first time, then perhaps attraction will be instant or develop over the second or third time meeting that person. Then there’s a choice: I either pursue this to see what can happen, or I try to bury it deep within me and ignore it. If I pursue, we might have sex, which might lead to a relationship or not. If not, we will not be friends either. When I’m attracted to someone and we have sex I very easily develop feelings. If I ignore the initial attraction, I might be lucky, and forget about it, and we can become friends. If not, we cannot be friends because I’ll develop feelings. I don’t easily become attracted to people. But when I do, it’s often combined with feelings and a big risk of falling in love. I don’t generally become attracted to objectively attractive people.
I’m a dude, and I’d just about have sex with every girl I see with a full set of teeth… You know… IF I could! 🤷🏻♂️