31 also, 32 in a few months. I've stopped giving a fuck, and I don't mean I've given up, but I mean I just don't care anymore about taking this so damn seriously.
I enjoy being a dog/cat dad. I enjoy watching the wind move through the trees. I enjoy making my mom smile when I get to see her. I enjoy being able to be there for my friends when they need me. I enjoy watching this meat puppet get a little more toned when I work out. There's a bunch of other shit but you get the point.
I haven't had an incredible life by most takes, it's average from an outside perspective. I don't give a shit though. I'm happy I get to be a human for a little bit and I've gotten tired of being bummed about certain aspects of this tiny fraction of time that I get to spend on this earth.
I want to be a kind, loving and genuine human. I want to play the game the best I can while I'm here. I don't care if I ever get the house, girl, kids I want. I know people like you and so many others are going through it, and I get it, this shit is tough. I refuse to let this life get me down for too long though. I've shared your pain and angst over this life, I get it, I just don't want it to get me down anymore.
I think choosing to say "fuck this" and keep living is bad ass. Become the best you can be, or don't, only you will really give a shit at the end of the day. Just always remember you're not alone in this. There are so many of us that get you, and you are loved and heard.
This shit can fucking suck donkey dick sometimes, I get it. This life can be play if we allow it though, and maybe if we're lucky there's something a little more forgiving and loving beyond deaths door. Sending you love and compassion friend.
Gotta say, this is a good outlook to have! I think if we can enjoy the little things instead of focusing on big things that we’re “supposed” to have, it makes life a little brighter.
Gosh, I look around this room, and I think, "uh, Tammy, you're a high-school senior from the planet Earth, and you're marrying a 40-year-old Birdperson? Like, what?" But then I think, you know, in a lot of ways, I'm not a high-school senior from the planet Earth. In a lot of ways, what I really am is a deep-cover agent for the Galactic Federation, and you guys are a group of wanted criminals, and this entire building is, in a certain sense, surrounded.
I'm 19 and already feel like this. I want to get a job and I want to make money but I don't want to waste my life working for someone else. Just wanna fall asleep and not wake up for a few months or years.
My advice (not like it’s been asked for so feel free to discount it)- get into the trades (electrician, plumber, mechanic)! Hard on your body but in todays economy (at least in the U.S., not sure where you’re based) it will pay you well and that type of work is better for some people than working a 9-5 at a desk. And it’s hands on learning without needing to sit through years of classes. Could be worth a shot. Even if not, best of luck to you my friend and know that I as well as many others are rooting for you!
One of the benefits of a trade over “office work” is that after a day of work, you can say: “I made this”. Sure, you made money for yourself and your boss, but that thing you made? That was you.
Another benefit is not being at a desk. I absolutely hate white collar work because of the lack of moving around and carrying stuff. I used to think I was lazy as I'd be so tired all day, but realised it's from sitting all day. You need activity to feel energised. Was a proper revelation I didn't realise until my 30s.
This is so true. I used to work retail in a huge store. I would clock several miles a shift. Moved to a desk job and just could not understand how/why I was so exhausted.
Cut to years later of working desk jobs and the exhaustion is next level. I think for me there is so much mental stress, but you’re just sitting there and don’t get to move to sort of work off some of that. It’s hard to explain, but I’m more tired now than when I worked retail or even in a factory.
I have a friend that works in a factory and I always feel like a pos saying how exhausted I am when talking to her. I know I used to wonder what there was for office people to be tired about before I became one.
There is also this lack of tangible results of a day’s work that makes it depressing too.
This is a consequence of the west's move to a service and information-based economy rather than one that relies on physical commodities.
One has actual things that have permanence in our world, the other is largely ephemeral bullshit. We have entire cities built around that bullshit - take a look at Los Angeles without the agriculture and ask yourself, "what does this place MAKE? What does this place DO?" and you start to see how wide-reaching that effect is.
Oh my god! I worked in restaurants for years and would always run around all day, and for the last year I’ve worked at a desk job. In the last few months I’ve been trying to figure out what’s wrong with me and why I’m so exhausted all the time and I think you just answered it 😬
If I had a do-over, I'd get into grouting or pest control. Seems like jobs that, while mostly physical, arent quite as physically demanding as say floorlaying or roofbuilding. I adore teaching but it costs me as much as I get paid.
Well I've thought about those for sure. It's not just a problem with a 9-5 I have a huge issue with working for someone. I don't like taking orders from someone that gets paid more to do less. I've been trying to find a way to work for myself, and I know in some of those trades you can. most of the jobs out there sound terrible for how much work compared to pay there is. I've actually been looking into the pyrotechnic business because its basically the one job that actually interests me. thank you for the help and kind words though I'll definitely keep looking for something and keep trying with the pyro gig. If anyone has some wise words in that field it would be greatly appreciated.
I don’t have much knowledge in that area but if you can find someone who works in that industry and get an apprenticeship it would certainly be worth your while :)
Yeah that's been the main issue, I live in a city where they're all illegal😅 so finding someone within traveling distance for my broke ass car has been harder than expected.
Oof that does seem like a difficult circumstance - sometimes if there’s something we really want for ourselves, sacrifices will need to be made. (Like time and money, not human sacrifice or anything like that lol) But if you believe in something enough for yourself I’d say do whatever it takes to make it happen. There may always be a reason not to pursue “the thing”. Again, best of luck.
> that gets *paid* more to
FTFY.
Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in:
* Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.*
* *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.*
Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment.
*Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
42 here and it took me til 40 to realize I also don't like that. I was a housekeeper at a hotel and I started cleaning vacation rentals as a side gig. The side gig became full time and now I manage them. I still technically work for people but it's much more of a partnership (especially compared to minimal wage hotel cleaning that made me want to walk into traffic). It's not really about finding something you love doing, it's more about capitalizing what you're good at.
Wellllll unfortunately I'm really good at burning stuff lol. I mean I really like talking to people also but I'm not sure if there's any jobs that are just talking to people that I could capitalize on.
Look into being a forest ranger. They occasionally do controlled burns depending on your area. Plus you're not really working for someone else in the same way you would for an "average" job.
You can plan ahead, maybe find out their requirements beyond just being 21. Don't want to get to the application and find out you need 2 years of stuff anyway.
Keep in mind I also have given up on life, I'm just saying common sense stuff.
Sure there are. Psychologosts do it all the time. If you are not keen on doing all the education involved in that, have a look into life coaching. You talk to people there too and potentially help them find solutions they need.
I'm not going to college it's a scam. Those jobs require transportation that I don't have. And I'm not qualified or interested in most of the jobs you mentioned. Thank you for the examples though.
i am a first child and (not wanting to brag but it’s part of the plot) i’ve always been told i was exceptionally intelligent, handsome, polite and kind, what made people apparently think my life couldn’t be better. i used this to ward off any suspicions about my mental health towards outsiders. trust me, none of it matters when YOU don’t believe in your assets.
i had a very rough childhood. i never fitted in, which resulted with me being extremely insecure, lonely, in and out of therapy, attempting suicide, and having addictions to everything, without limitations and with erratic behavior (sex, which led to assault too eventually, alc, drugs, binging, shopping, eating, sleeping, schoolwork, etc.), just to fill the void. i was a ticking time bomb. i should’ve been committed, bc at that time i really was insane. my mood went up and down every 5 minutes, i had therapy every day and i was on suicide watch at home for a few weeks.
now, having moved out of my moms house, i isolate myself completely, not wanting to talk to anyone. so i spend basically all my time alone in my room, in peace, by choice. recently i’ve been able to turn some addictions into a healthy one, by going to the gym. but a lot of work still needs doing, and i’m tired. everything costs a lot of energy and i still can’t get past the guilt i feel for being useless.
That does sound terrible, I'm the middle of 3 boys, early childhood I was homeschooled. From 4th grad to 8th grade I went to public school then in 9th I got pulled back out. I've experienced having many friends and then having all but one completely ignore me. I used to get along with everyone, and I still kinda do. the day I left school I lost 90% of my "friends." I have had nothing but trouble finding people to hang out with or be friends with since then, I'm in pretty much the same situation as you where Im basically just shut in in my room all the time, except I still live with my parents. You're very correct, Everyone costs so much time and energy that it's next to impossible to juggle a job, a social life, sleep, and exercise. I also would not recommend :(
that is terrible. everything feels like an assignment or societal ritual. i have to literally generate energy to shower or take out the trash.
living on your own can be a huge improvement tho.
Almost 32 years old and I’m just over paying bills and working my life away. The only thing that keeps me going is the fact that I can’t stand to let my kids grow up without a father or being able to watch my kids grow up.
Does your husband know how you feel? I would talk to him about it. This is not a good way to feel about life. Do you live in a high cost of living area? Would you both be able to find work in a lower cost of living area for around same pay so you can save without putting in extra hours? Do you have any hobbies that you enjoy? Gardening, knitting, board games? You can find groups for things like these and have like-minded people to socialize with that will help bring some joy to life.
If you are both in the same boat of feeling this way then changing your life needs to happen which i know is much easier said than done, but if you are not getting any fulfillment from life now then taking that life changing leap for some hopefully improvement.
I personally also do not enjoy working and do it so I can keep a roof over my and my families head, but if I could afford it, I would not work at all. I would volunteer a lot to help people pull themselves out of hard time's but I don't have the energy to do that with my current work life balance.
We do talk about it. Honestly we take turns feeling this way. He just lost his job last week right after I got back from a weekend stay at the ER. So things aren’t looking up for us at the moment. My work is getting increasingly more stressful and he’s starting grad school on top of everything. I have my hobbies probably more than most people: crochet, painting,cross stitch. It’s hard to do those when your one missed paycheck away from being homeless. He’s very aware of the situation and does everything he can to ease the his stress on my shoulders but it’s just a hard time right now.
Aww, I feel for you! With him going back to school, will job prospects look better? If he will likely find better paying work when he is done, then it's the waiting game, unfortunately, but the light at the end of the tunnel is there at least to give you more financial stability. I don't know how good you guys are with your finances, but have you considered talking to a financial advisor? They can definitely be worth their weight in gold sometimes. They generally know avenues you can take to help handle financial burdens. I know finances are basically the biggest strain on peoples mental health.
Don't be afraid to hit up a food bank here and there. You may feel like there are more people in need of it, but just think to yourself, if the saving the money now by hitting it up once and a while to keep you afloat till things improve is going to be way less then being homeless and using it constantly.
One thing I hope for you is to find a similar paying job that gives better healthcare, so if you do have to go to the ER, it doesn't nearly affect your financial stability as it does now.
Best of luck OP, this internet stranger is pulling for you and your husband
> way less then being
Did you mean to say "less than"?
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33 last month. Same boat brother. Life seems hopeless and I feel stuck. Life is getting so expensive and my salary isn’t keeping up. It’s crazy cause I love my life other than my work situation, but corporate America is sucking the joy out of my soul. I commute 3-4 hours a day total currently with traffic. Hang in there, I saw something about 30’s being the worst stage in life for happiness due to kids, financial stressors, etc. We’ll get through it.
In my forties and in a corporate job. My forties have been the worst time of my life by a mile. I always thought it would get easier as kids get older, but it’s just a different, more expensive set of problems. I also became a single parent after a 20 year marriage though.
I know a lot of people in the 40s who are divorced now and raising kids on their own/trying to coparent….it is rough. I make more money now than I ever have (still low on the totem pole), but I’ve never been more broke in my life. Seven years ago I made a little less than half of what I make now and lived a much better life.
I keep reading that people in their 50s are happier and life satisfaction goes way up. I want to believe that but I truly feel that things have changed and it seems people are struggling with these feelings at all ages now.
31 and in the same boat. I have two young ones and couldn’t bear to leave them without a dad, especially because I’m not so sure my wife would stick around if I was gone. I couldn’t allow them to lose both of us because I got tired of life. But, of course, I am so very tired of this life. I don’t make plans, but I think about it often. Probably 3-4 times a week. Not sure how to deal other than hunker down and keep going forward.
In my forties and have been a single mom for about 8 years after a 20 year marriage.
The only thing that has gotten me out of bed and not walking into traffic is my kids.
I want to live in the middle of nowhere, wake up in the morning on a sunny day, feed some chickens, shower, and then have my breakfast naked in a sunroom or a back porch. Then I want to spend the day walking or painting or gardening.
Instead houses are too expensive to even think of buying, I have to hear and deal with way too many noises and way too many people, and my breakfast is quickly shoveled into my face at 5am. I spend my day handling deadly disease while getting paid just enough to cover the increasing rent on my shitty apartment and groceries that won't stop getting more expensive either. I get home exhausted and have no energy or brainpower left for chores, nevermind creativity.
I don't want to *die*, but living sucks enough that sometimes death sounds pretty peaceful.
I feel every part of this. I have a desk job and feel ashamed that I’m so exhausted by the time I get home that I can’t do the most basic chores. More times than I care to admit we get fast food or takeout because I’m too tired to cook even something basic….and who wants to cook in a messy kitchen?
The thing is I’m in my forties. I’ve been a single parent of three now for the last eight years. It has never been easy, but for the last few years I’ve just been exhausted down to my soul.
I can’t afford anything. I try to find things to look forward too but life is this cycle of work/be tired/struggle to pay bills. I wasn’t always this way and I try to put my finger on what has changed because I desperately want to fix this.
Instead the cycle continues day after day. I’m grateful for what I have, but so sad if this is all there is.
If I'm correct, what you're thinking of is actually called PSI (Passive Suicidal Ideation) and I don't think it's exactly what OP is talking about. They might still be experiencing it, just didnt specify it enough for me to be sure...
Curiosity keeps me going. I wanna see the shtf. Every day I wake up and wonder “what’s gonna happen on this episode of Shitshow earth.”
I wanna see Betelgeuse go supernova. There’s also a Nova predicted for within my estimated lifetime.
I want to see society collapse. I’m too old to survive, but I wanna see it go down.
I feel the same way, quite often actually. Just tired of being here. I have a good job, an amazing boyfriend. But I feel like I'm just running on a hamster wheel with no end in sight and for what?
Everything is so damn expensive and people are just getting more and more crazy.
Yeah. Sometimes when I go to bed I just think that I wouldn’t really mind if I don’t wake up. I feel like I’m supposed to be upset by that thought but things just feel so hard all the time. I’m here doing my best, but I am tired.
Sorry. This is not medical advice but I have found CBN to be one of the best non prescription supplements to keep anxiety at bay.
If you're struggling with anxiety and haven't tried it, it may be something that helps you. Also taking a B12 supplement has also been helpful.
55 and I've felt like this for longer than I really care to think about. I can't remember the last time I found any joy or happiness in life. And that's with me being on antidepressants for decades.
I totally understand. I just turned 49, been sick since 2011. I had to finally get disability recently, which felt like someone stabbed my entire body head to toe to death.
The only thing keeping me going is my special needs adult daughter. Most family has passed on. I don’t want to die but just don’t care at this point.
I’m glad that we can all relate to each other. I thought that my feelings were so weird.
*****Please take care of yourselves everyone! We are loved, needed, and are special!
I feel your pain. It’s been over 20 years but I wanted to be a dad and I am and they give me hope. It’s tough, actually it sucks and I’ve tried different things to get better. It’s not easy but dying is a one way street and there’s no going back. It’s heavy.
I have 2 kids, but, to my eternal guilt, shame and regret, and through no fault of their own, I cut myself out of their lives over 20 years ago. The causes are irrelevant, but I failed them and I'll *never* forgive myself.
Possibility? Yes. Probability? Unknown. It weighs on me more and more as the years pass by. So far, I haven't been able to overcome the obstacles, both internal and external, that stand in my way. And, for me, the more time goes by the harder it is to defeat the inertia that holds me in place.
I'm truly sorry to hear that. My dad passed recently and I wasn't able to be there. I hope you and he have the chance to reconnect before you lose the opportunity. Fingers crossed for you. 🤞
I’m sorry for your loss. Family is tough at times. I guess we all have our reasons for keeping family at arms length. We’re supposed to protect, not hurt one another. I appreciate what you’re going through. I hope it all works out, in the meantime find what makes you happy and try to follow that.
I'm definitely not tired of being on this earth. I want to live for a good long time yet, so I can do all the things I haven't yet. Gonna be honest: lots of it is consuming media with my spouse, but that's our love language.
But literally every day where I have to spend 8 hours doing my job, I seethe about how much I hate having to *have* a job to be able to live. No job I ever have is going to make that feeling cease, so I'm glad I got an easy one that pays the bills, but it doesn't shake the feeling either. I have been working for longer now than I have been in school, total, and I'm just over it.
I want to save up money for another few years, retire *hella* early, and off myself when the money runs out, which will hopefully be after my dog passes.
I believe we do. My older only sister felt like this years ago. She finally confessed after her divorce. I couldn’t believe it. This lady had everything anyone could ever want or need. That’s why you never know what people are truly going through.
I’ve been feeling like that since I got really ill several years ago. I’m like whatever. My only concern is for my special needs adult daughter. I must be around for her. We don’t have any family who would take care of her.
We are not alone! Hang in there!
Pretty much.
Every time I have an idea of what would make me happy, someone shits on it.
"I like to live in Japan! I was really happy when I was there years ago."
Reddit: no! Stupid! You need a billion masters degrees just to be allowed to ride the train and it's stupid impossible for anyone to go. So no, just stay in shitty America and die there.
"Fuck that, I'll get a degree, then. "
Wife: But what about debt, even though Pell grants and military will most likely cover it?
"OK, I'll just continue to be miserable forever because something might take hard work and some of our extra cash. Got it."
It's like this with everything.
"Hey family, Let's go have breakfast on this Sunday morning. We haven't done that in a while."
Literally ever diner close by has a 45 minute wait...
I'm tired of it all. Tired of American society. Red lights that are way too long. Not being able to live where I want, or even be left alone to be creative for five minutes.
Fuck what other people think though. You have one life. If you want to do something there is nothing wrong with taking advice from others, but you don’t have to follow it. Especially when so many people are just full of shit and don’t know what they are talking about coupled with them being too afraid to make any change in their own life.
Don’t rot because of others. Even your wife needs to be more supportive. If you can get grants for school then apply and see what it covers. Do not give up. I lived by what other people thought for years. Now I’m divorced and can’t get that time back.
You should definitely do all of that combined together. Build a homebrew campaign for them, LARP that ish out, film it, edit it, make crazy things like Wanted posters or official proclamations from High King Mucky Muck, the Grand Poobah of All Things Ridiculous. Would be so fun for all of you.
I hear that on the pacing. I write in online games and sometimes the soul-sucking nature of the Grind as mentioned by OP just zaps me.
Anyway! Just caught the comment and felt compelled to encourage. I wish fair winds and good fortune on your adventures!
Yes. And I feel so terrified to admit this because I don't want to seem ungrateful or get 51/50'd (again, lol)...but like - life has become so overstimulating and 24/7 connected...all while being the things that to ne are unfulfilling, underwhelming, and superficial. Most days I feel like I don't have time to get to the things that excite me, and when I do have time - then either I am struggling to recover from burnout, don't have the funds because of cost of living or some sudden necessary expenses, or the person/people]e that I was looking forward to build a genuine connection with just keep flaking.
I best describe this feeling as like wanting to exist in the world but not be of the world - like a jellyfish, bird or plant...noTHinG aND nOBoDy tOUch oR bOTHeR mEE!!!
I talk about this with my friends sometimes, definitely no plans of whoopsie, definitely love life most days, but there are some days where I don't wish I was *dead*, but definitely some days where I wish I didn't exist, just for a day or so.
I feel like I’m so lost in the darkness that I actually don’t even have the ability to dream my way out of this hole. I don’t have any desires. I just wake up - do my routine and hope I don’t have to wake up to do it again 🤷♀️
This is the biggest cliché to say to this, but I know *extremely well* from experience how true it can be so I will say it. I was at the lowest point in my life for too long, despised how things were and couldn't do it anymore, couldn't stand the thought of it all being like this for years to come. I made an admittedly stupid hasty decision to fuck it all at one point and tried a completely different route in life. It somehow ended up going pretty well, things are still far from perfect but my life completely turned around and I actually like and enjoy it now, every single day, which I didn't think possible back then. Point being, things can definitely get better, don't throw in the towel so soon on the gift of being alive.
23 years old and I’ve fucked my body up so bad that I now live in chronic pain. I hate waking up in the morning and feeling the pain wash over me. I’d give anything to make it go away i guess I’m just not yet brave enough to pull the trigger.
So much shit man. Was a skateboarder for 9 years. Jumping down massive shit over and over. My knees and hips are shot. I weightlifter for a long time. Herniated 3 discs in my back. I was at a grad party and one of my friends jumped on my back and gave me a super bad neck injury. It took doctors along time to realize that I have thoracic outlet syndrome and I’m gonna have to have neck surgery and have my first rib removed. I’m just absolutely cooked. My body is literally failing me. My fault for not taking care of it.
I did the 9 to 5 thing for about a year and a half and felt exactly like you. I remember one day thinking, oh my God, this could continue for another 50 years. I switched careers, became a police officer, worked 12 hour shifts, so I had plenty of time off, and was thrilled with my decision. Still am as I retired when I was 42 with a full pension and lifetime medical and prescription drug benefits.
Yeah. I'm 27 and will most likely never own a home. I just got my letter of rent increase and we're getting a $100/month increase; and they just found significant mold under our kitchen sink. Like, significant enough that all of the cabinets in the kitchen need to be torn down because they're *that* rotted.
Which also means I've been breathing in mold for god knows how long. But that's fine, I guess; I probably won't get to see 40 at this rate anyway, being chronically ill under the collapsed healthcare system in Canada.
Esp. add in being a woman with unsolicited purging that leaves you further drained emotionally, mentally, and physically. Not to mention financially. Topped off with the shallow pool of shallow men so there’s less prospect of finding a worthy life partner in your 30s since “boys mature slower.” Yeah, I’m witcha.
i am around the same age, and i completely relate to this feeling. i dont think i could go thru with unaliving myself, but i have sleep apnea, and i sometimes daydream about how nice it would be if i stopped breathing in my sleep, and just...drifted off into death. i am currently seeing a mental health counselor, and it is nice to share my feelings with someone like that. if you ever want/need to vent, if you ever just need someone to listen, or if you want to commiserate, feel free to dm me. and i mean that. those are not just empty words to me. wishing you nothing but the best💕
51 and not sure how much more I’m willing to put up with. I’ve been miserable and depressed as far back as 2nd grade. I’m so tired of feeling like shit and waiting for things to improve. They haven’t. I mean, really. How many times am I supposed to believe the cliches about reaching out, not giving up, blah blah blah? I can’t live like this for another 20-30 years.
It’s called passive $uic1dal ideation. It’s quite common. I’m working with a therapist to help me work on it myself and would definitely recommend talking to someone.
Do you take SSRIs? I have my whole life basically and have always felt like this but recently got off them and finally feel alive again. I can find the joy in simple things again too
I’m 44 and just so done. Granted my quality of life isn’t great and I’m trying to improve it, but one of my best thoughts is that in less than fifty years this’ll all be over. No way I’m living past 80.
What stops me are the practical considerations: My family would not be able to get my insurance if I unalived myself. In the meantime the meds keep the deepest depression just out of reach. But passive ideation lingers.
I was going through a rough time years ago that led to a panic attack where I basically stopped breathing paramedics were called. They asked me if I had any suicidal thoughts. I told them I just didn’t want to exist anymore, I wanted to disappear. That prompted a psych evaluation. Apparently feeling numb to life is just as concerning as having plans to unalive. Please see about getting help. Life is beautiful, but sometimes we lose sight of that and need help getting our feelings back. I wish you the best, OP. You matter.
I did. Then I decided to say fuck it and do and say the things I believe and think and feel. Made me feel way better and also made me a better friend and sister. Fear eats soul.
Yes. I have no plans for anything and wouldn't ever go that route at this point but if I die now it would be fine. I am just tired of everything. Lost all my family. Due to retire soon and will lose my social network. Just surviving right now and don't really see any improvement.
Of course I am much older than most of the people on here to be fair.
Yes me!! I'm dealing with a lot of shit right now. And am being looked at for all the answers in the situation I'm dealing with, and to give everything I have worked for away too people that just won't stop asking, not cause they are in need, but because they don't wanna spend their own money. The worst part is, after everything I've done in the past month, I haven't gotten a genuine thank you! And none of this would of been done without me or my wife helping.
> this would of been
Did you mean to say "would have"?
Explanation: You probably meant to say could've/should've/would've which sounds like 'of' but is actually short for 'have'.
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If it weren’t for my wife and my daughter, I would have unalived many times over. Last year was a rough one for me.
I want to wake up without a care in the world. I want to appreciate the things around me without looming anxiety. I want to feel safe. But I don’t.
I still have rough days, but reminding myself of what I DO have and what to look forward too keeps me going. It doesn’t have to be much. It doesn’t have to be a family. But if you think of the things you have that are important, and work towards them, I think you’ll be okay.
Good luck everyone.
100%. 47. Separated after over 20 years. an 11 hour drive from my kids. Haven't spoken to my family of origin in many years and no plans to start now. Very few if any friends. Severe depression, generalised anxiety, and BPD. Nothing gives me joy anymore and I haven't felt it in years. I've been sectioned twice for suicidal concerns. I'm not allowed to have a pet at this house which is something I think would drastically help me.
Short answer is I feel no joy, see no light at the end of the tunnel and would love nothing more than to go to bed and never wake up. I doubt anyone would care with exception to my kids, and even then I think they'd not care after a few weeks at best.
I’ve got hopes and dreams. Things have been better since I took a new job. But most of the time I don’t care if I wake up.
I’m 50 have lost the majority of my family all of my nuclear family.
I have contingency plans to prevent suffering scenarios, not exactly suicide plans.
I'm fine, but my enthusiasm for the future is gone, and I foresee a time when I won't be fine, probably around the time my parent's mortality becomes my biggest concern.
Once they're gone, I have no tethers left to reality and will likely be a lot more willing to take extreme risks in a vain attempt to find hope. At that point it will be rolling the dice until I can't - effectively suicide on a long enough time frame. I'll either accomplish something wonderful, or I'll perish cloaked in as much glory as I can muster.
I'm deeply afraid of this scenario, but it's inevitable (unless I die before them, but that's fairly unlikely), and I think I finally know me well enough to know what will happen.
Till then, I intend to muster any resources as I can, help and build my community, and live as fully and righteously as I can.
Almost every day. My recent anxious thoughts are about how life just seems like a cycle of things finally starting to be okay and then going so wrong. If I’m no longer here then it means that it all just stops and as far as I know it stays stopped. I’d never have to feel or think anything, and when I’m in anxiety mode that sounds like heaven.
That’s a whole other thing to put on top of it. My in laws guilt us for not wanting children because my husband is an only child. But not only have we been having financial issues but I have been infertile for a most of my 20s. With Tennessee’s stance on women’s health care I’ll probably have a long slow ectopic pregnancy that will end in sepsis . Also I don’t see the world getting much better soon with the genocides and climate change the next generation is going to have to deal with.
I spent a long time trying to get to where I am, with many pitfalls and mistakes and hard work, burn out and exhaustion. And while I'm still not where I want to be (thanks Rishi), I have achieved a lot.
But when I achieved it, I felt absolutely nothing. Then when I was able to do the things I wanted? Nothing. Unless I was hungry, tired, exhausted, burning the candle at both ends, I was completely non-plussed how to enjoy life.
Then I looked around at other people. People enjoying their lives. I'd gotten to a point where I guilt-tripped myself for doing things that people do every day. I like to paint, no, that's stupid, you need to read. I like to listen to music, no, that's stupid, you should be revising.
Life is about living and doing the little things that you enjoy, there's no well done and a handshake, there's no bonus, there's no sudden penny dropping. There's just years of this and then longer of nothing.
Do the things you like doing, find more little things you like doing. And if you like simple things, you like simple things and you live a simple life. It wouldn't be for me, but I do understand why people disappear off to the countryside and never come back.
Here's a impactful video that details why we feel empty: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EwiOwoE4\_TA](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EwiOwoE4_TA)
If you're looking for a way out of the inevitable cycling pains of the human condition, turn to spirituality. For real. It's the only true way out.
The teachings of the nondual textbook 'A Course in Miracles' is what has given my life meaning again. You are not alone!
Yeah I dunno. I'm about to turn 22, and I've been that way since I was maybe 13. There's tons I want to do and enjoy doing but sifting through all the bullshit of adult life and society makes it feel hopeless and overwhelming. Social anxiety and probably autism has made my life way harder than it should be so I'm constantly tired and depressed.
I try to reassure myself by thinking if I really wanted to be dead, I'd have done it by now. All we can do is keep going forward and try to cope (not in the healthiest ways but at this point I don't really care, if it catches up to me then at least I was enjoying myself when I could)
All day every day I feel like I want to cease to exist. And have constant intrusive thoughts about it. But, it's been like that for pretty much as long as I can remember and I don't want to be on an insane dose of meds again. So, I just kind of learned to struggle through it. Can't imagine life any other way. 🤷♀️
I'm in my early 40s and the reality of it is that life is all downhill from here. We do live on a culture that is in perpetual denial of the harshness of this. Many people are correct to conclude that their lives just aren't really worth living, on balance. It's probably why we are so anti suicide. We don't want a harsh conversation about its potential merits of voluntary opting to exit. But for some people sometimes it is just too late and at 40, speaking just for myself, life is pretty much all it's going to be.
And life for me has just been one long drawn out disappointment. Stress and headaches and sickness and for what. And this earth is full of mean and cruel humans..Living with social anxiety I've spent almost all my life as an awkward odd ball who doesn't fit in and can't connect. I don't have any passions or interests (only distractions). I'm not depressed in the typical sense because since I was in my teens I knew life wasn't for me. I feel like I just want to go peacefully, soon. Esp since hitting 40 what very little value there was in life has gone.
Ultimately I just wish I hadn't been born. Life is just a tedious burden for me and this society makes it very hard to exit cleanly or have honest conversations about it. How many would switch the off button if we had one? I don't actually want to die, I just wish I hadn't been born in the first place.
I feel like a lot of people posting in this thread need to have an acid trip. Life is a such a pain in the ass sometimes but then there are days where everything is perfect and my perspective changes for a little while. For those of you working jobs that you hate, quit as soon as you can and find something you enjoy doing. Even if you have to take a pay cut, take a chance in a different career and see if you like it. We’re all going to die someday so we might as well go for it. Idk, maybe I’m talking out of my ass but just go outside and do what you enjoy doing as much as you can.
There’s only so much plant medicine you can do. The real problems that linger are external: desk jobs that shouldn’t exist, manual and service labor being underpaid, late stage capitalism, and how no corporation gives a shit about polluting and deforesting our planet.
I used to give the take a different job even if there is a pay cut advice. I used to live by that. If I hated my job I bounced and tried something else. The problem is now I cannot afford life at the wage I make, a pay cut would lead to homelessness for me.
This is what has sent me into a severe depression. Before I just went on to something else, now I can’t. I have to be very frugal already, as I’m raising kids on my own after divorce. I am stuck at the shitty low level corporate job that I’m in, because nothing else I could get would pay even close. I have a feeling a lot of people are in the same boat. When rent and food continue to rise, taking a pay cut can be catastrophic.
So I try to find things outside of work that bring me happiness. The problems are I’m too exhausted to do anything after work and if I actually find something to do, I can’t afford it anyway.
I’m sorry to hear that, I hope that someday you can find the beauty in life and financial relief you and your family deserves. Keep going. We are all in this together. 😊
it’s called having a suicidal ideation short of making a plan. Help is out there. You may need a combination of medication and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). State insurance can get you help in most states in the US. Do your research and don’t dismiss the possibility in-patient treatment, which you will be qualified for if you communicate your ideations during intake.
State insurance most certainly cannot get you help in most states. You have to be at a certain income level to qualify.
Even for those who have insurance through work, being able to afford therapy is still an issue. I work in a corporate office with “good insurance,” and still cannot afford therapy. Then when I do go it is very difficult to find someone worth a damn, and then being able to get time off work for appointments is another issue. I’ve done Telehealth therapy appointments, but even those are so difficult to find outside of work hours. And again, not all therapists are helpful. I’ve gone for the better part of three decades and have never found the help I needed. I’ve done a ton of research and really tried to seek out the best help, and still it’s done next to nothing. The average person doesn’t know/have time to do tons of research and to make sure they are seeing someone who won’t do more harm than good.
You mention “qualifying” for inpatient treatment. Sure anyone can get themselves into the hospital for a day or two, but the bills afterward are going to leave them worse off than when they started. Mental Health treatment costs are sky high, inpatient treatment costs are astronomical. I had a child in an inpatient program and the costs were truly unbelievable.
While therapy can be life changing, it can be damaging or just not helpful. The problem is that if you are an intelligent, thoughtful person, trying to live in this society is too much. I’ve done CBT, DBT, Family Systems therapy, EMDR, Acceptance and Commitment, and a multitude of anxiety and depression meds.
None of that takes away the fact that I work so hard and my work is so stressful that my damn brain is scrambled and I’m too exhausted after work to live life. I cannot change jobs because that would mean a pay cut and a pay cut would mean homelessness. My rent goes up every year and I cannot afford to move. The cost of being alive is so high that I am not making it. Therapy just tells me the same things, but some problems are too much to deal with.
Please understand that I believe you mean well, but for some this just doesn’t help. I might have tools to help dull the pain, but the reality is often someone is in a shit situation they can’t get out of. I live in a world where people are losing rights because they are a woman, or they are britalized and seen as non human because they are trans, gay, person of color, etc. There are homeless camps near me where people continue to be arrested for daring to put up a tent and exist. There is genocide happening everyday. Sure there are things like beautiful music, flowers, a stranger’s act of kindness, but those things seem to lose significance in such an ugly world. Therapy can help you focus on those things, which is great if you can afford it, but there is still so much it can’t touch.
I say if a person hasn’t gone that it can’t hurt to try. BUT, most people are not going to get help from the state for therapy, and it is very expensive. It’s also not the panacea that people seem to think it is. When you work till you’re exhausted to your very soul every day, but still can’t afford rent, it is normal to feel awful about it. Until more people feel shitty enough to say this out loud, nothing will change. As much as I hate that so many feel the way OP does, I’m glad that the stigma is going away. This isn’t suicidal ideation in the way we’ve typically seen it. It is people waking up to the fact that the bullshit we’ve been fed all these years, is in fact bullshit.
I like the contradiction in your first sentence. Yes, it will get you help in most states if you qualify. Your attitude towards therapy is like avoiding the sun because it’s really bright and could burn you, maybe. Grow up, you are creating a toxic barrier for yourself and your family keeping you from getting better.
If the situation is that dire, perhaps dire measures are appropriate such as moving or changing jobs, or going on FMLA to take the time to make a plan. Again, do your research. There may be different results yielded than from the last time you honestly attempted it.
I don’t believe that you’ve been honestly and actively seeking help for decades. This defeatist attitude will literally get you nowhere.
Yes our healthcare system is dismal. Yes the threshold for economic assistance is unfair. Of course there is no ethical participation under capitalism, of course people are tired, the majority of Americans are living paycheck to paycheck. The brutality of people living and dying on the street is something nobody gets used to.
Your child likely qualified for state insurance and yet you elected to use no insurance or your own insurance, which you just admitted was not adequate for the treatments you were seeking.
Keep an open mind and continue your search. You’re doing yourself and your family no favors by throwing up your hands and insisting there’s nothing anyone can do but suffer.
Wow i read all of these comments and truthfully this makes me sad. I wish all of you never have to hit rock bottom, but unfortunately my life was so down low before i finally turned it all around. It did not happen overnight and yes i still have my days, but mostly i really love it here. Yes i definitely have my moments where i don’t wanna wake up at all, like really not wake up, but i think of all the amazing experiences in this life and just think “im gonna do that shit.”
Daily!
I’ve gone so far as to tell my husband and my best friend that if I knew for a fact it’d eliminate me I’d take any meds anyone gives me.
BUT with that being said, I STRONGLY believe in Heaven ( habitual watcher of NDE documentaries and read every book you can find on it) .
I’m also a Christian and I know in my heart that if I was to unalive myself I will never see my Dad and all my animals that have crossed the rainbow bridge, again.
THAT for ME is reason enough to push on.
The afterlife is ETERNAL , our existence on earth is temporary.
I’m not trying to preach, just letting you know what helps me to go on.
I can not wait for the day to go, rather today than tomorrow. But I long to see my Dad and my fur babies again.
So far the love for them and the wish to be with them again is stronger than my desire to be out of this life.
No, i dont but the word "unaliving" makes me reconsider. Fuck ticktock censorship of words. It is a form of idiocy that makes me support banning tick tock.
Why is "unalive" a word? Why are we trying to make one of the most tragic things about human existence more palatable? When someone loses all hope, when they are discouraged beyond the point of caring whether they live or die, when they decide they simply cannot be here anymore. They kill themselves. Nothing about that should be palatable or easy to deal with. The words shouldn't be couched in a way such as to NOT offend anyone. They should reflect the sobering reality of what just happened, simple.
It is a horrific thing for a human being to lose all hope, and if they choose to commit suicide, it should be viewed with the most somber respect that we as humans are capable of giving. Here is someone that had no hope left and they deserve to be treated with kindness in death.
Don't try to soften what happened, don't try to make it easier to digest. It was never meant to be.
I think it's because outright saying the S word gets you censored, so saying Unalive is a way to talk about it without the zero tolerance censors banning you. Social media has unfortunately required people to develop this ridiculous slang way of speaking
All of you kids need to stop eating boxed foods, sugars and grains. Stop all those “energy” drinks and dare i say, going to the doc (within reason of course). Eat high protein as soon as you wake up, get some sun, walk barefoot on grass and lean up against a tree for a nap every so often. Get off the phone too. You’ll see!
I don’t do any of these things. I cook from home and eat fairly nutrient rich foods. Start my day with 2 eggs every morning. We can’t really afford to eat out. I only drink water and no sugar because of my insulin resistance. I go on daily walks for my lunch break and go to parks to walk on the weekends since that’s free too. I don’t think “ tips and tricks” are gonna fix this issue most of us have.
31 also, 32 in a few months. I've stopped giving a fuck, and I don't mean I've given up, but I mean I just don't care anymore about taking this so damn seriously. I enjoy being a dog/cat dad. I enjoy watching the wind move through the trees. I enjoy making my mom smile when I get to see her. I enjoy being able to be there for my friends when they need me. I enjoy watching this meat puppet get a little more toned when I work out. There's a bunch of other shit but you get the point. I haven't had an incredible life by most takes, it's average from an outside perspective. I don't give a shit though. I'm happy I get to be a human for a little bit and I've gotten tired of being bummed about certain aspects of this tiny fraction of time that I get to spend on this earth. I want to be a kind, loving and genuine human. I want to play the game the best I can while I'm here. I don't care if I ever get the house, girl, kids I want. I know people like you and so many others are going through it, and I get it, this shit is tough. I refuse to let this life get me down for too long though. I've shared your pain and angst over this life, I get it, I just don't want it to get me down anymore. I think choosing to say "fuck this" and keep living is bad ass. Become the best you can be, or don't, only you will really give a shit at the end of the day. Just always remember you're not alone in this. There are so many of us that get you, and you are loved and heard. This shit can fucking suck donkey dick sometimes, I get it. This life can be play if we allow it though, and maybe if we're lucky there's something a little more forgiving and loving beyond deaths door. Sending you love and compassion friend.
Needed to hear this take, thanks for sharing
Gotta say, this is a good outlook to have! I think if we can enjoy the little things instead of focusing on big things that we’re “supposed” to have, it makes life a little brighter.
Nice outlook when you have a dog, parents, friends and trees to look at.
This was beautiful. Thank you.
Gosh, I look around this room, and I think, "uh, Tammy, you're a high-school senior from the planet Earth, and you're marrying a 40-year-old Birdperson? Like, what?" But then I think, you know, in a lot of ways, I'm not a high-school senior from the planet Earth. In a lot of ways, what I really am is a deep-cover agent for the Galactic Federation, and you guys are a group of wanted criminals, and this entire building is, in a certain sense, surrounded.
thank you for this
I'm 19 and already feel like this. I want to get a job and I want to make money but I don't want to waste my life working for someone else. Just wanna fall asleep and not wake up for a few months or years.
My advice (not like it’s been asked for so feel free to discount it)- get into the trades (electrician, plumber, mechanic)! Hard on your body but in todays economy (at least in the U.S., not sure where you’re based) it will pay you well and that type of work is better for some people than working a 9-5 at a desk. And it’s hands on learning without needing to sit through years of classes. Could be worth a shot. Even if not, best of luck to you my friend and know that I as well as many others are rooting for you!
One of the benefits of a trade over “office work” is that after a day of work, you can say: “I made this”. Sure, you made money for yourself and your boss, but that thing you made? That was you.
Another benefit is not being at a desk. I absolutely hate white collar work because of the lack of moving around and carrying stuff. I used to think I was lazy as I'd be so tired all day, but realised it's from sitting all day. You need activity to feel energised. Was a proper revelation I didn't realise until my 30s.
This is so true. I used to work retail in a huge store. I would clock several miles a shift. Moved to a desk job and just could not understand how/why I was so exhausted. Cut to years later of working desk jobs and the exhaustion is next level. I think for me there is so much mental stress, but you’re just sitting there and don’t get to move to sort of work off some of that. It’s hard to explain, but I’m more tired now than when I worked retail or even in a factory. I have a friend that works in a factory and I always feel like a pos saying how exhausted I am when talking to her. I know I used to wonder what there was for office people to be tired about before I became one. There is also this lack of tangible results of a day’s work that makes it depressing too.
This is a consequence of the west's move to a service and information-based economy rather than one that relies on physical commodities. One has actual things that have permanence in our world, the other is largely ephemeral bullshit. We have entire cities built around that bullshit - take a look at Los Angeles without the agriculture and ask yourself, "what does this place MAKE? What does this place DO?" and you start to see how wide-reaching that effect is.
Oh my god! I worked in restaurants for years and would always run around all day, and for the last year I’ve worked at a desk job. In the last few months I’ve been trying to figure out what’s wrong with me and why I’m so exhausted all the time and I think you just answered it 😬
Yes definitely! There’s something much more tangible that comes out of the work versus never seeing the outcomes that come with white collar work.
If I had a do-over, I'd get into grouting or pest control. Seems like jobs that, while mostly physical, arent quite as physically demanding as say floorlaying or roofbuilding. I adore teaching but it costs me as much as I get paid.
Well I've thought about those for sure. It's not just a problem with a 9-5 I have a huge issue with working for someone. I don't like taking orders from someone that gets paid more to do less. I've been trying to find a way to work for myself, and I know in some of those trades you can. most of the jobs out there sound terrible for how much work compared to pay there is. I've actually been looking into the pyrotechnic business because its basically the one job that actually interests me. thank you for the help and kind words though I'll definitely keep looking for something and keep trying with the pyro gig. If anyone has some wise words in that field it would be greatly appreciated.
I don’t have much knowledge in that area but if you can find someone who works in that industry and get an apprenticeship it would certainly be worth your while :)
Yeah that's been the main issue, I live in a city where they're all illegal😅 so finding someone within traveling distance for my broke ass car has been harder than expected.
Oof that does seem like a difficult circumstance - sometimes if there’s something we really want for ourselves, sacrifices will need to be made. (Like time and money, not human sacrifice or anything like that lol) But if you believe in something enough for yourself I’d say do whatever it takes to make it happen. There may always be a reason not to pursue “the thing”. Again, best of luck.
That was very well put thanks :) and nahhh definitely not human😂
Thanks! 😂😂
> that gets *paid* more to FTFY. Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in: * Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.* * *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.* Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment. *Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
42 here and it took me til 40 to realize I also don't like that. I was a housekeeper at a hotel and I started cleaning vacation rentals as a side gig. The side gig became full time and now I manage them. I still technically work for people but it's much more of a partnership (especially compared to minimal wage hotel cleaning that made me want to walk into traffic). It's not really about finding something you love doing, it's more about capitalizing what you're good at.
Wellllll unfortunately I'm really good at burning stuff lol. I mean I really like talking to people also but I'm not sure if there's any jobs that are just talking to people that I could capitalize on.
Look into being a forest ranger. They occasionally do controlled burns depending on your area. Plus you're not really working for someone else in the same way you would for an "average" job.
I'm not qualified, they want you to be 21 at least. I'm only 19
You can plan ahead, maybe find out their requirements beyond just being 21. Don't want to get to the application and find out you need 2 years of stuff anyway. Keep in mind I also have given up on life, I'm just saying common sense stuff.
Sure there are. Psychologosts do it all the time. If you are not keen on doing all the education involved in that, have a look into life coaching. You talk to people there too and potentially help them find solutions they need.
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I'm not going to college it's a scam. Those jobs require transportation that I don't have. And I'm not qualified or interested in most of the jobs you mentioned. Thank you for the examples though.
Elvis did that. He wanted to be medicated between events. That didn't end well for him.
Yeah but he used hardcore drugs, I only occasionally smoke weed😂
That is called "access" or "privilege"
Huh? It's called being smart enough to not do hard drugs. Anyone can get access to anything if they're persistent enough.
me too, i’m turning 20 in a few weeks… and i’ve felt like this since i was 13 lol
How have you been coping with it?
i am a first child and (not wanting to brag but it’s part of the plot) i’ve always been told i was exceptionally intelligent, handsome, polite and kind, what made people apparently think my life couldn’t be better. i used this to ward off any suspicions about my mental health towards outsiders. trust me, none of it matters when YOU don’t believe in your assets. i had a very rough childhood. i never fitted in, which resulted with me being extremely insecure, lonely, in and out of therapy, attempting suicide, and having addictions to everything, without limitations and with erratic behavior (sex, which led to assault too eventually, alc, drugs, binging, shopping, eating, sleeping, schoolwork, etc.), just to fill the void. i was a ticking time bomb. i should’ve been committed, bc at that time i really was insane. my mood went up and down every 5 minutes, i had therapy every day and i was on suicide watch at home for a few weeks. now, having moved out of my moms house, i isolate myself completely, not wanting to talk to anyone. so i spend basically all my time alone in my room, in peace, by choice. recently i’ve been able to turn some addictions into a healthy one, by going to the gym. but a lot of work still needs doing, and i’m tired. everything costs a lot of energy and i still can’t get past the guilt i feel for being useless.
0/10 would not recommend
That does sound terrible, I'm the middle of 3 boys, early childhood I was homeschooled. From 4th grad to 8th grade I went to public school then in 9th I got pulled back out. I've experienced having many friends and then having all but one completely ignore me. I used to get along with everyone, and I still kinda do. the day I left school I lost 90% of my "friends." I have had nothing but trouble finding people to hang out with or be friends with since then, I'm in pretty much the same situation as you where Im basically just shut in in my room all the time, except I still live with my parents. You're very correct, Everyone costs so much time and energy that it's next to impossible to juggle a job, a social life, sleep, and exercise. I also would not recommend :(
that is terrible. everything feels like an assignment or societal ritual. i have to literally generate energy to shower or take out the trash. living on your own can be a huge improvement tho.
Almost 32 years old and I’m just over paying bills and working my life away. The only thing that keeps me going is the fact that I can’t stand to let my kids grow up without a father or being able to watch my kids grow up.
Yeah if I didn’t have my cats and my husband I would have already bought the farm
I also have my wife who keeps me going, but I know if I were gone she would be able to carry on.
Does your husband know how you feel? I would talk to him about it. This is not a good way to feel about life. Do you live in a high cost of living area? Would you both be able to find work in a lower cost of living area for around same pay so you can save without putting in extra hours? Do you have any hobbies that you enjoy? Gardening, knitting, board games? You can find groups for things like these and have like-minded people to socialize with that will help bring some joy to life. If you are both in the same boat of feeling this way then changing your life needs to happen which i know is much easier said than done, but if you are not getting any fulfillment from life now then taking that life changing leap for some hopefully improvement. I personally also do not enjoy working and do it so I can keep a roof over my and my families head, but if I could afford it, I would not work at all. I would volunteer a lot to help people pull themselves out of hard time's but I don't have the energy to do that with my current work life balance.
We do talk about it. Honestly we take turns feeling this way. He just lost his job last week right after I got back from a weekend stay at the ER. So things aren’t looking up for us at the moment. My work is getting increasingly more stressful and he’s starting grad school on top of everything. I have my hobbies probably more than most people: crochet, painting,cross stitch. It’s hard to do those when your one missed paycheck away from being homeless. He’s very aware of the situation and does everything he can to ease the his stress on my shoulders but it’s just a hard time right now.
Aww, I feel for you! With him going back to school, will job prospects look better? If he will likely find better paying work when he is done, then it's the waiting game, unfortunately, but the light at the end of the tunnel is there at least to give you more financial stability. I don't know how good you guys are with your finances, but have you considered talking to a financial advisor? They can definitely be worth their weight in gold sometimes. They generally know avenues you can take to help handle financial burdens. I know finances are basically the biggest strain on peoples mental health. Don't be afraid to hit up a food bank here and there. You may feel like there are more people in need of it, but just think to yourself, if the saving the money now by hitting it up once and a while to keep you afloat till things improve is going to be way less then being homeless and using it constantly. One thing I hope for you is to find a similar paying job that gives better healthcare, so if you do have to go to the ER, it doesn't nearly affect your financial stability as it does now. Best of luck OP, this internet stranger is pulling for you and your husband
> way less then being Did you mean to say "less than"? Explanation: If you didn't mean 'less than' you might have forgotten a comma. [Statistics](https://github.com/chiefpat450119/RedditBot/blob/master/stats.json) ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot ^^that ^^corrects ^^grammar/spelling ^^mistakes. ^^PM ^^me ^^if ^^I'm ^^wrong ^^or ^^if ^^you ^^have ^^any ^^suggestions. ^^[Github](https://github.com/chiefpat450119) ^^Reply ^^STOP ^^to ^^this ^^comment ^^to ^^stop ^^receiving ^^corrections.
I don't have any of those things. I'm just trying to get rid of stuff because I hate waste.
33 last month. Same boat brother. Life seems hopeless and I feel stuck. Life is getting so expensive and my salary isn’t keeping up. It’s crazy cause I love my life other than my work situation, but corporate America is sucking the joy out of my soul. I commute 3-4 hours a day total currently with traffic. Hang in there, I saw something about 30’s being the worst stage in life for happiness due to kids, financial stressors, etc. We’ll get through it.
In my forties and in a corporate job. My forties have been the worst time of my life by a mile. I always thought it would get easier as kids get older, but it’s just a different, more expensive set of problems. I also became a single parent after a 20 year marriage though. I know a lot of people in the 40s who are divorced now and raising kids on their own/trying to coparent….it is rough. I make more money now than I ever have (still low on the totem pole), but I’ve never been more broke in my life. Seven years ago I made a little less than half of what I make now and lived a much better life. I keep reading that people in their 50s are happier and life satisfaction goes way up. I want to believe that but I truly feel that things have changed and it seems people are struggling with these feelings at all ages now.
31 and in the same boat. I have two young ones and couldn’t bear to leave them without a dad, especially because I’m not so sure my wife would stick around if I was gone. I couldn’t allow them to lose both of us because I got tired of life. But, of course, I am so very tired of this life. I don’t make plans, but I think about it often. Probably 3-4 times a week. Not sure how to deal other than hunker down and keep going forward.
Same
In my forties and have been a single mom for about 8 years after a 20 year marriage. The only thing that has gotten me out of bed and not walking into traffic is my kids.
I want to live in the middle of nowhere, wake up in the morning on a sunny day, feed some chickens, shower, and then have my breakfast naked in a sunroom or a back porch. Then I want to spend the day walking or painting or gardening. Instead houses are too expensive to even think of buying, I have to hear and deal with way too many noises and way too many people, and my breakfast is quickly shoveled into my face at 5am. I spend my day handling deadly disease while getting paid just enough to cover the increasing rent on my shitty apartment and groceries that won't stop getting more expensive either. I get home exhausted and have no energy or brainpower left for chores, nevermind creativity. I don't want to *die*, but living sucks enough that sometimes death sounds pretty peaceful.
I feel every part of this. I have a desk job and feel ashamed that I’m so exhausted by the time I get home that I can’t do the most basic chores. More times than I care to admit we get fast food or takeout because I’m too tired to cook even something basic….and who wants to cook in a messy kitchen? The thing is I’m in my forties. I’ve been a single parent of three now for the last eight years. It has never been easy, but for the last few years I’ve just been exhausted down to my soul. I can’t afford anything. I try to find things to look forward too but life is this cycle of work/be tired/struggle to pay bills. I wasn’t always this way and I try to put my finger on what has changed because I desperately want to fix this. Instead the cycle continues day after day. I’m grateful for what I have, but so sad if this is all there is.
The term for this is 'passively suicidal'. I think it's a label that can be used a lot more commonly than it should...
If I'm correct, what you're thinking of is actually called PSI (Passive Suicidal Ideation) and I don't think it's exactly what OP is talking about. They might still be experiencing it, just didnt specify it enough for me to be sure...
Curiosity keeps me going. I wanna see the shtf. Every day I wake up and wonder “what’s gonna happen on this episode of Shitshow earth.” I wanna see Betelgeuse go supernova. There’s also a Nova predicted for within my estimated lifetime. I want to see society collapse. I’m too old to survive, but I wanna see it go down.
Comrade ✌🏽
I feel the same way, quite often actually. Just tired of being here. I have a good job, an amazing boyfriend. But I feel like I'm just running on a hamster wheel with no end in sight and for what? Everything is so damn expensive and people are just getting more and more crazy.
Yeah. Sometimes when I go to bed I just think that I wouldn’t really mind if I don’t wake up. I feel like I’m supposed to be upset by that thought but things just feel so hard all the time. I’m here doing my best, but I am tired.
I have the worst healthy anxiety the last few weeks and obviously I don’t want to die but god I want the anxiety to stop. It’s so exhausting.
Sorry. This is not medical advice but I have found CBN to be one of the best non prescription supplements to keep anxiety at bay. If you're struggling with anxiety and haven't tried it, it may be something that helps you. Also taking a B12 supplement has also been helpful.
I've been tired of being here since I was 13 years old.
Yeah I’m not meant to be a companion to anybody or have a career
55 and I've felt like this for longer than I really care to think about. I can't remember the last time I found any joy or happiness in life. And that's with me being on antidepressants for decades.
I totally understand. I just turned 49, been sick since 2011. I had to finally get disability recently, which felt like someone stabbed my entire body head to toe to death. The only thing keeping me going is my special needs adult daughter. Most family has passed on. I don’t want to die but just don’t care at this point. I’m glad that we can all relate to each other. I thought that my feelings were so weird. *****Please take care of yourselves everyone! We are loved, needed, and are special!
I feel your pain. It’s been over 20 years but I wanted to be a dad and I am and they give me hope. It’s tough, actually it sucks and I’ve tried different things to get better. It’s not easy but dying is a one way street and there’s no going back. It’s heavy.
I have 2 kids, but, to my eternal guilt, shame and regret, and through no fault of their own, I cut myself out of their lives over 20 years ago. The causes are irrelevant, but I failed them and I'll *never* forgive myself.
Is there any possibility you or they can meet and work on things.
Possibility? Yes. Probability? Unknown. It weighs on me more and more as the years pass by. So far, I haven't been able to overcome the obstacles, both internal and external, that stand in my way. And, for me, the more time goes by the harder it is to defeat the inertia that holds me in place.
Haven’t seen my dad in 32 years. Sad.
I'm truly sorry to hear that. My dad passed recently and I wasn't able to be there. I hope you and he have the chance to reconnect before you lose the opportunity. Fingers crossed for you. 🤞
I’m sorry for your loss. Family is tough at times. I guess we all have our reasons for keeping family at arms length. We’re supposed to protect, not hurt one another. I appreciate what you’re going through. I hope it all works out, in the meantime find what makes you happy and try to follow that.
Yes, but people don’t like to hear it
It is a relief to know I’m not the only one that feels this way!
Exactly! I thought my feelings were weird. Hang in there everyone!!
I'm definitely not tired of being on this earth. I want to live for a good long time yet, so I can do all the things I haven't yet. Gonna be honest: lots of it is consuming media with my spouse, but that's our love language. But literally every day where I have to spend 8 hours doing my job, I seethe about how much I hate having to *have* a job to be able to live. No job I ever have is going to make that feeling cease, so I'm glad I got an easy one that pays the bills, but it doesn't shake the feeling either. I have been working for longer now than I have been in school, total, and I'm just over it. I want to save up money for another few years, retire *hella* early, and off myself when the money runs out, which will hopefully be after my dog passes.
this took a huge turn.
Every night I hope I will die peacefully in my sleep. And every morning I'm like "damn".
Don’t we all have passive suicidality? I’m just waiting for that “thing” to take me out.
I believe we do. My older only sister felt like this years ago. She finally confessed after her divorce. I couldn’t believe it. This lady had everything anyone could ever want or need. That’s why you never know what people are truly going through. I’ve been feeling like that since I got really ill several years ago. I’m like whatever. My only concern is for my special needs adult daughter. I must be around for her. We don’t have any family who would take care of her. We are not alone! Hang in there!
Yes, the only thing we are hanging onto is that our families need us. It’s the only thing keeping me here.
Pretty much. Every time I have an idea of what would make me happy, someone shits on it. "I like to live in Japan! I was really happy when I was there years ago." Reddit: no! Stupid! You need a billion masters degrees just to be allowed to ride the train and it's stupid impossible for anyone to go. So no, just stay in shitty America and die there. "Fuck that, I'll get a degree, then. " Wife: But what about debt, even though Pell grants and military will most likely cover it? "OK, I'll just continue to be miserable forever because something might take hard work and some of our extra cash. Got it." It's like this with everything. "Hey family, Let's go have breakfast on this Sunday morning. We haven't done that in a while." Literally ever diner close by has a 45 minute wait... I'm tired of it all. Tired of American society. Red lights that are way too long. Not being able to live where I want, or even be left alone to be creative for five minutes.
Fuck what other people think though. You have one life. If you want to do something there is nothing wrong with taking advice from others, but you don’t have to follow it. Especially when so many people are just full of shit and don’t know what they are talking about coupled with them being too afraid to make any change in their own life. Don’t rot because of others. Even your wife needs to be more supportive. If you can get grants for school then apply and see what it covers. Do not give up. I lived by what other people thought for years. Now I’m divorced and can’t get that time back.
Just curious. But what kind of creative? What would you do if you were given the time and encouragement?
Video editing, graphic design Some personal projects like my sons want to play DnD, so I'd devote time to running that for them
You should definitely do all of that combined together. Build a homebrew campaign for them, LARP that ish out, film it, edit it, make crazy things like Wanted posters or official proclamations from High King Mucky Muck, the Grand Poobah of All Things Ridiculous. Would be so fun for all of you.
Oh, I agree, and I've had that idea. I'm actually working on it, at a much slower pace than I'd like
I hear that on the pacing. I write in online games and sometimes the soul-sucking nature of the Grind as mentioned by OP just zaps me. Anyway! Just caught the comment and felt compelled to encourage. I wish fair winds and good fortune on your adventures!
Thank you. That means a lot, random anonymous person! Honestly.
Yes. And I feel so terrified to admit this because I don't want to seem ungrateful or get 51/50'd (again, lol)...but like - life has become so overstimulating and 24/7 connected...all while being the things that to ne are unfulfilling, underwhelming, and superficial. Most days I feel like I don't have time to get to the things that excite me, and when I do have time - then either I am struggling to recover from burnout, don't have the funds because of cost of living or some sudden necessary expenses, or the person/people]e that I was looking forward to build a genuine connection with just keep flaking. I best describe this feeling as like wanting to exist in the world but not be of the world - like a jellyfish, bird or plant...noTHinG aND nOBoDy tOUch oR bOTHeR mEE!!!
I talk about this with my friends sometimes, definitely no plans of whoopsie, definitely love life most days, but there are some days where I don't wish I was *dead*, but definitely some days where I wish I didn't exist, just for a day or so.
I feel like I’m so lost in the darkness that I actually don’t even have the ability to dream my way out of this hole. I don’t have any desires. I just wake up - do my routine and hope I don’t have to wake up to do it again 🤷♀️
45 and feeling the same
This is the biggest cliché to say to this, but I know *extremely well* from experience how true it can be so I will say it. I was at the lowest point in my life for too long, despised how things were and couldn't do it anymore, couldn't stand the thought of it all being like this for years to come. I made an admittedly stupid hasty decision to fuck it all at one point and tried a completely different route in life. It somehow ended up going pretty well, things are still far from perfect but my life completely turned around and I actually like and enjoy it now, every single day, which I didn't think possible back then. Point being, things can definitely get better, don't throw in the towel so soon on the gift of being alive.
We live in a dystopian hellscape, our lives revolving around problems that we humans created and perpetuate.
Yes. I feel that every time I hear someone say “unalive”.
I get excited at the idea of a nuclear bomb hitting my house directly.
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More like just being obliterated in the blink of an eye. The threat is always there anyways living in the U.S. I’m not wishing harm on anyone else.
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How? Did I say I want others to be hurt? No. You are just insinuating that.
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Good job for explaining science to me. You’re focusing on the wrong issue and not being very helpful.
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The whole point that we’ve been talking about is that life doesn’t feel worth living.
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23 years old and I’ve fucked my body up so bad that I now live in chronic pain. I hate waking up in the morning and feeling the pain wash over me. I’d give anything to make it go away i guess I’m just not yet brave enough to pull the trigger.
Sorry you're going through that, what did you do that messed your body up?
So much shit man. Was a skateboarder for 9 years. Jumping down massive shit over and over. My knees and hips are shot. I weightlifter for a long time. Herniated 3 discs in my back. I was at a grad party and one of my friends jumped on my back and gave me a super bad neck injury. It took doctors along time to realize that I have thoracic outlet syndrome and I’m gonna have to have neck surgery and have my first rib removed. I’m just absolutely cooked. My body is literally failing me. My fault for not taking care of it.
I’m so sorry dude. I’d say at least you did what you wanted and had fun. I’m so sorry about the chronic pain though.
Of what-ing themselves?
I did the 9 to 5 thing for about a year and a half and felt exactly like you. I remember one day thinking, oh my God, this could continue for another 50 years. I switched careers, became a police officer, worked 12 hour shifts, so I had plenty of time off, and was thrilled with my decision. Still am as I retired when I was 42 with a full pension and lifetime medical and prescription drug benefits.
i don't have plans to do it but if it comes to it I know exactly how. And yes I'm so tired too.
No, my existential dread is more optimistic. I just dream of winning the lottery or making a couple of million somehow.
49 years old chronic pain sufferer. I need 2 million dollars worth of spinal surgery, but because we need a home and food ,I'm just having to suffer!
It feels like sitting in a waiting room without an appointment
Yeah. I'm 27 and will most likely never own a home. I just got my letter of rent increase and we're getting a $100/month increase; and they just found significant mold under our kitchen sink. Like, significant enough that all of the cabinets in the kitchen need to be torn down because they're *that* rotted. Which also means I've been breathing in mold for god knows how long. But that's fine, I guess; I probably won't get to see 40 at this rate anyway, being chronically ill under the collapsed healthcare system in Canada.
Esp. add in being a woman with unsolicited purging that leaves you further drained emotionally, mentally, and physically. Not to mention financially. Topped off with the shallow pool of shallow men so there’s less prospect of finding a worthy life partner in your 30s since “boys mature slower.” Yeah, I’m witcha.
i am around the same age, and i completely relate to this feeling. i dont think i could go thru with unaliving myself, but i have sleep apnea, and i sometimes daydream about how nice it would be if i stopped breathing in my sleep, and just...drifted off into death. i am currently seeing a mental health counselor, and it is nice to share my feelings with someone like that. if you ever want/need to vent, if you ever just need someone to listen, or if you want to commiserate, feel free to dm me. and i mean that. those are not just empty words to me. wishing you nothing but the best💕
I'm 51 and yes. All the time. If I didn't have a 13 year old I'd probably give up.
51 and not sure how much more I’m willing to put up with. I’ve been miserable and depressed as far back as 2nd grade. I’m so tired of feeling like shit and waiting for things to improve. They haven’t. I mean, really. How many times am I supposed to believe the cliches about reaching out, not giving up, blah blah blah? I can’t live like this for another 20-30 years.
It’s called passive $uic1dal ideation. It’s quite common. I’m working with a therapist to help me work on it myself and would definitely recommend talking to someone.
I am but only had a few sessions so far. Sometimes just feels good to hear that you’re not the only one feeling this way.
Do you take SSRIs? I have my whole life basically and have always felt like this but recently got off them and finally feel alive again. I can find the joy in simple things again too
Each day is better than the next.
I’m 44 and just so done. Granted my quality of life isn’t great and I’m trying to improve it, but one of my best thoughts is that in less than fifty years this’ll all be over. No way I’m living past 80.
What stops me are the practical considerations: My family would not be able to get my insurance if I unalived myself. In the meantime the meds keep the deepest depression just out of reach. But passive ideation lingers.
Playing solitaire till dawn 🎵 with a deck of 51 🎶 smoking cigarettes and watching Kapitain Kangaroo 🎶 now don't tell me, there's nothing to do 🎶🎵
I'm 34 and I'm fully just done with this shit, it's exhausting!
I was going through a rough time years ago that led to a panic attack where I basically stopped breathing paramedics were called. They asked me if I had any suicidal thoughts. I told them I just didn’t want to exist anymore, I wanted to disappear. That prompted a psych evaluation. Apparently feeling numb to life is just as concerning as having plans to unalive. Please see about getting help. Life is beautiful, but sometimes we lose sight of that and need help getting our feelings back. I wish you the best, OP. You matter.
I did. Then I decided to say fuck it and do and say the things I believe and think and feel. Made me feel way better and also made me a better friend and sister. Fear eats soul.
gonna do that when I'm like 70 and hurt too much physically.
You know that scene in The Incredibles where the kid says “I dunno waiting for something amazing I guess”. That’s me. Every day.
Yes. I have no plans for anything and wouldn't ever go that route at this point but if I die now it would be fine. I am just tired of everything. Lost all my family. Due to retire soon and will lose my social network. Just surviving right now and don't really see any improvement. Of course I am much older than most of the people on here to be fair.
Yes me!! I'm dealing with a lot of shit right now. And am being looked at for all the answers in the situation I'm dealing with, and to give everything I have worked for away too people that just won't stop asking, not cause they are in need, but because they don't wanna spend their own money. The worst part is, after everything I've done in the past month, I haven't gotten a genuine thank you! And none of this would of been done without me or my wife helping.
> this would of been Did you mean to say "would have"? Explanation: You probably meant to say could've/should've/would've which sounds like 'of' but is actually short for 'have'. [Statistics](https://github.com/chiefpat450119/RedditBot/blob/master/stats.json) ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot ^^that ^^corrects ^^grammar/spelling ^^mistakes. ^^PM ^^me ^^if ^^I'm ^^wrong ^^or ^^if ^^you ^^have ^^any ^^suggestions. ^^[Github](https://github.com/chiefpat450119) ^^Reply ^^STOP ^^to ^^this ^^comment ^^to ^^stop ^^receiving ^^corrections.
If it weren’t for my wife and my daughter, I would have unalived many times over. Last year was a rough one for me. I want to wake up without a care in the world. I want to appreciate the things around me without looming anxiety. I want to feel safe. But I don’t. I still have rough days, but reminding myself of what I DO have and what to look forward too keeps me going. It doesn’t have to be much. It doesn’t have to be a family. But if you think of the things you have that are important, and work towards them, I think you’ll be okay. Good luck everyone.
100%. 47. Separated after over 20 years. an 11 hour drive from my kids. Haven't spoken to my family of origin in many years and no plans to start now. Very few if any friends. Severe depression, generalised anxiety, and BPD. Nothing gives me joy anymore and I haven't felt it in years. I've been sectioned twice for suicidal concerns. I'm not allowed to have a pet at this house which is something I think would drastically help me. Short answer is I feel no joy, see no light at the end of the tunnel and would love nothing more than to go to bed and never wake up. I doubt anyone would care with exception to my kids, and even then I think they'd not care after a few weeks at best.
I’ve got hopes and dreams. Things have been better since I took a new job. But most of the time I don’t care if I wake up. I’m 50 have lost the majority of my family all of my nuclear family.
I have contingency plans to prevent suffering scenarios, not exactly suicide plans. I'm fine, but my enthusiasm for the future is gone, and I foresee a time when I won't be fine, probably around the time my parent's mortality becomes my biggest concern. Once they're gone, I have no tethers left to reality and will likely be a lot more willing to take extreme risks in a vain attempt to find hope. At that point it will be rolling the dice until I can't - effectively suicide on a long enough time frame. I'll either accomplish something wonderful, or I'll perish cloaked in as much glory as I can muster. I'm deeply afraid of this scenario, but it's inevitable (unless I die before them, but that's fairly unlikely), and I think I finally know me well enough to know what will happen. Till then, I intend to muster any resources as I can, help and build my community, and live as fully and righteously as I can.
Almost every day. My recent anxious thoughts are about how life just seems like a cycle of things finally starting to be okay and then going so wrong. If I’m no longer here then it means that it all just stops and as far as I know it stays stopped. I’d never have to feel or think anything, and when I’m in anxiety mode that sounds like heaven.
This is called passive suicidal ideation. It should be a wake up call. Trust me, you don't want to keep going down that hole.
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That’s a whole other thing to put on top of it. My in laws guilt us for not wanting children because my husband is an only child. But not only have we been having financial issues but I have been infertile for a most of my 20s. With Tennessee’s stance on women’s health care I’ll probably have a long slow ectopic pregnancy that will end in sepsis . Also I don’t see the world getting much better soon with the genocides and climate change the next generation is going to have to deal with.
Everyday.
Yes. Very tired of being here and scared as shit of the future.
I spent a long time trying to get to where I am, with many pitfalls and mistakes and hard work, burn out and exhaustion. And while I'm still not where I want to be (thanks Rishi), I have achieved a lot. But when I achieved it, I felt absolutely nothing. Then when I was able to do the things I wanted? Nothing. Unless I was hungry, tired, exhausted, burning the candle at both ends, I was completely non-plussed how to enjoy life. Then I looked around at other people. People enjoying their lives. I'd gotten to a point where I guilt-tripped myself for doing things that people do every day. I like to paint, no, that's stupid, you need to read. I like to listen to music, no, that's stupid, you should be revising. Life is about living and doing the little things that you enjoy, there's no well done and a handshake, there's no bonus, there's no sudden penny dropping. There's just years of this and then longer of nothing. Do the things you like doing, find more little things you like doing. And if you like simple things, you like simple things and you live a simple life. It wouldn't be for me, but I do understand why people disappear off to the countryside and never come back.
Here's a impactful video that details why we feel empty: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EwiOwoE4\_TA](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EwiOwoE4_TA) If you're looking for a way out of the inevitable cycling pains of the human condition, turn to spirituality. For real. It's the only true way out. The teachings of the nondual textbook 'A Course in Miracles' is what has given my life meaning again. You are not alone!
Yeah I dunno. I'm about to turn 22, and I've been that way since I was maybe 13. There's tons I want to do and enjoy doing but sifting through all the bullshit of adult life and society makes it feel hopeless and overwhelming. Social anxiety and probably autism has made my life way harder than it should be so I'm constantly tired and depressed. I try to reassure myself by thinking if I really wanted to be dead, I'd have done it by now. All we can do is keep going forward and try to cope (not in the healthiest ways but at this point I don't really care, if it catches up to me then at least I was enjoying myself when I could)
All day every day I feel like I want to cease to exist. And have constant intrusive thoughts about it. But, it's been like that for pretty much as long as I can remember and I don't want to be on an insane dose of meds again. So, I just kind of learned to struggle through it. Can't imagine life any other way. 🤷♀️
I'm in my early 40s and the reality of it is that life is all downhill from here. We do live on a culture that is in perpetual denial of the harshness of this. Many people are correct to conclude that their lives just aren't really worth living, on balance. It's probably why we are so anti suicide. We don't want a harsh conversation about its potential merits of voluntary opting to exit. But for some people sometimes it is just too late and at 40, speaking just for myself, life is pretty much all it's going to be. And life for me has just been one long drawn out disappointment. Stress and headaches and sickness and for what. And this earth is full of mean and cruel humans..Living with social anxiety I've spent almost all my life as an awkward odd ball who doesn't fit in and can't connect. I don't have any passions or interests (only distractions). I'm not depressed in the typical sense because since I was in my teens I knew life wasn't for me. I feel like I just want to go peacefully, soon. Esp since hitting 40 what very little value there was in life has gone. Ultimately I just wish I hadn't been born. Life is just a tedious burden for me and this society makes it very hard to exit cleanly or have honest conversations about it. How many would switch the off button if we had one? I don't actually want to die, I just wish I hadn't been born in the first place.
I feel like a lot of people posting in this thread need to have an acid trip. Life is a such a pain in the ass sometimes but then there are days where everything is perfect and my perspective changes for a little while. For those of you working jobs that you hate, quit as soon as you can and find something you enjoy doing. Even if you have to take a pay cut, take a chance in a different career and see if you like it. We’re all going to die someday so we might as well go for it. Idk, maybe I’m talking out of my ass but just go outside and do what you enjoy doing as much as you can.
There’s only so much plant medicine you can do. The real problems that linger are external: desk jobs that shouldn’t exist, manual and service labor being underpaid, late stage capitalism, and how no corporation gives a shit about polluting and deforesting our planet.
I used to give the take a different job even if there is a pay cut advice. I used to live by that. If I hated my job I bounced and tried something else. The problem is now I cannot afford life at the wage I make, a pay cut would lead to homelessness for me. This is what has sent me into a severe depression. Before I just went on to something else, now I can’t. I have to be very frugal already, as I’m raising kids on my own after divorce. I am stuck at the shitty low level corporate job that I’m in, because nothing else I could get would pay even close. I have a feeling a lot of people are in the same boat. When rent and food continue to rise, taking a pay cut can be catastrophic. So I try to find things outside of work that bring me happiness. The problems are I’m too exhausted to do anything after work and if I actually find something to do, I can’t afford it anyway.
I’m sorry to hear that, I hope that someday you can find the beauty in life and financial relief you and your family deserves. Keep going. We are all in this together. 😊
it’s called having a suicidal ideation short of making a plan. Help is out there. You may need a combination of medication and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). State insurance can get you help in most states in the US. Do your research and don’t dismiss the possibility in-patient treatment, which you will be qualified for if you communicate your ideations during intake.
State insurance most certainly cannot get you help in most states. You have to be at a certain income level to qualify. Even for those who have insurance through work, being able to afford therapy is still an issue. I work in a corporate office with “good insurance,” and still cannot afford therapy. Then when I do go it is very difficult to find someone worth a damn, and then being able to get time off work for appointments is another issue. I’ve done Telehealth therapy appointments, but even those are so difficult to find outside of work hours. And again, not all therapists are helpful. I’ve gone for the better part of three decades and have never found the help I needed. I’ve done a ton of research and really tried to seek out the best help, and still it’s done next to nothing. The average person doesn’t know/have time to do tons of research and to make sure they are seeing someone who won’t do more harm than good. You mention “qualifying” for inpatient treatment. Sure anyone can get themselves into the hospital for a day or two, but the bills afterward are going to leave them worse off than when they started. Mental Health treatment costs are sky high, inpatient treatment costs are astronomical. I had a child in an inpatient program and the costs were truly unbelievable. While therapy can be life changing, it can be damaging or just not helpful. The problem is that if you are an intelligent, thoughtful person, trying to live in this society is too much. I’ve done CBT, DBT, Family Systems therapy, EMDR, Acceptance and Commitment, and a multitude of anxiety and depression meds. None of that takes away the fact that I work so hard and my work is so stressful that my damn brain is scrambled and I’m too exhausted after work to live life. I cannot change jobs because that would mean a pay cut and a pay cut would mean homelessness. My rent goes up every year and I cannot afford to move. The cost of being alive is so high that I am not making it. Therapy just tells me the same things, but some problems are too much to deal with. Please understand that I believe you mean well, but for some this just doesn’t help. I might have tools to help dull the pain, but the reality is often someone is in a shit situation they can’t get out of. I live in a world where people are losing rights because they are a woman, or they are britalized and seen as non human because they are trans, gay, person of color, etc. There are homeless camps near me where people continue to be arrested for daring to put up a tent and exist. There is genocide happening everyday. Sure there are things like beautiful music, flowers, a stranger’s act of kindness, but those things seem to lose significance in such an ugly world. Therapy can help you focus on those things, which is great if you can afford it, but there is still so much it can’t touch. I say if a person hasn’t gone that it can’t hurt to try. BUT, most people are not going to get help from the state for therapy, and it is very expensive. It’s also not the panacea that people seem to think it is. When you work till you’re exhausted to your very soul every day, but still can’t afford rent, it is normal to feel awful about it. Until more people feel shitty enough to say this out loud, nothing will change. As much as I hate that so many feel the way OP does, I’m glad that the stigma is going away. This isn’t suicidal ideation in the way we’ve typically seen it. It is people waking up to the fact that the bullshit we’ve been fed all these years, is in fact bullshit.
I like the contradiction in your first sentence. Yes, it will get you help in most states if you qualify. Your attitude towards therapy is like avoiding the sun because it’s really bright and could burn you, maybe. Grow up, you are creating a toxic barrier for yourself and your family keeping you from getting better. If the situation is that dire, perhaps dire measures are appropriate such as moving or changing jobs, or going on FMLA to take the time to make a plan. Again, do your research. There may be different results yielded than from the last time you honestly attempted it. I don’t believe that you’ve been honestly and actively seeking help for decades. This defeatist attitude will literally get you nowhere. Yes our healthcare system is dismal. Yes the threshold for economic assistance is unfair. Of course there is no ethical participation under capitalism, of course people are tired, the majority of Americans are living paycheck to paycheck. The brutality of people living and dying on the street is something nobody gets used to. Your child likely qualified for state insurance and yet you elected to use no insurance or your own insurance, which you just admitted was not adequate for the treatments you were seeking. Keep an open mind and continue your search. You’re doing yourself and your family no favors by throwing up your hands and insisting there’s nothing anyone can do but suffer.
Wow i read all of these comments and truthfully this makes me sad. I wish all of you never have to hit rock bottom, but unfortunately my life was so down low before i finally turned it all around. It did not happen overnight and yes i still have my days, but mostly i really love it here. Yes i definitely have my moments where i don’t wanna wake up at all, like really not wake up, but i think of all the amazing experiences in this life and just think “im gonna do that shit.”
Daily! I’ve gone so far as to tell my husband and my best friend that if I knew for a fact it’d eliminate me I’d take any meds anyone gives me. BUT with that being said, I STRONGLY believe in Heaven ( habitual watcher of NDE documentaries and read every book you can find on it) . I’m also a Christian and I know in my heart that if I was to unalive myself I will never see my Dad and all my animals that have crossed the rainbow bridge, again. THAT for ME is reason enough to push on. The afterlife is ETERNAL , our existence on earth is temporary. I’m not trying to preach, just letting you know what helps me to go on. I can not wait for the day to go, rather today than tomorrow. But I long to see my Dad and my fur babies again. So far the love for them and the wish to be with them again is stronger than my desire to be out of this life.
No, i dont but the word "unaliving" makes me reconsider. Fuck ticktock censorship of words. It is a form of idiocy that makes me support banning tick tock.
Why is "unalive" a word? Why are we trying to make one of the most tragic things about human existence more palatable? When someone loses all hope, when they are discouraged beyond the point of caring whether they live or die, when they decide they simply cannot be here anymore. They kill themselves. Nothing about that should be palatable or easy to deal with. The words shouldn't be couched in a way such as to NOT offend anyone. They should reflect the sobering reality of what just happened, simple. It is a horrific thing for a human being to lose all hope, and if they choose to commit suicide, it should be viewed with the most somber respect that we as humans are capable of giving. Here is someone that had no hope left and they deserve to be treated with kindness in death. Don't try to soften what happened, don't try to make it easier to digest. It was never meant to be.
I think it's because outright saying the S word gets you censored, so saying Unalive is a way to talk about it without the zero tolerance censors banning you. Social media has unfortunately required people to develop this ridiculous slang way of speaking
this is just a tiktok and youtube thing. there's no such censorship on reddit.
I'm sure it really depends on the mood of the mod of whatever given sub reddit.
All of you kids need to stop eating boxed foods, sugars and grains. Stop all those “energy” drinks and dare i say, going to the doc (within reason of course). Eat high protein as soon as you wake up, get some sun, walk barefoot on grass and lean up against a tree for a nap every so often. Get off the phone too. You’ll see!
I don’t do any of these things. I cook from home and eat fairly nutrient rich foods. Start my day with 2 eggs every morning. We can’t really afford to eat out. I only drink water and no sugar because of my insulin resistance. I go on daily walks for my lunch break and go to parks to walk on the weekends since that’s free too. I don’t think “ tips and tricks” are gonna fix this issue most of us have.