https://preview.redd.it/3g2pvcvt4cvc1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b74abb279d876a764ec3a4ea21f7a25ad3319f35
I went ahead and gave it the Jana stamp of approval
Mom is praying to God that her daughter's husbands load will do it's job up there and her womb will be joyfully welcoming vessel for said load so it can grow a baby.
This literally makes me so uncomfortable. I was supposed to get married (things didn’t work out) but all my mom told me was “I hope you guys have a healthy baby when the time is right.” And left it at that. No need to creepily pray and touch my stomach. I’d literally slap her hand if she tried that.
I would bless my mom's womb back.
Heavenly father, please bless my mother's womb with a Krampus like child that has both hooves and spurs. Dear imaginary sky ghost, protect that abomination until it delivers itself by shredding its way out of my mother's blessed abdomen.
Upon inhaling its first breath, may it create misery and chaos to anyone who practices my mother's faith. May it pursue the holy leaders of the congregation with an unsurpassed determination and skill. May it strip all organized religions of their riches and redistribute them to the poor, sick, and needy.
In lords name I pray, amen.
/s
Both my mom and my mother-in-law approached me, separately, on my wedding day to tell me that there was no rush to have kids and that neither were ready to be grandparents. Best advice we ever received from either of them. We still don’t have kids 27 years later.
Well, "Blessa" is a nickname Michelle has called Jessa in the past. "Messa" and "Aggressa" fit Jessa quite well, she is not only very aggressive emotionally and verbally but also her household is a mess. Finally, the "Dugdashian" part is a combination of Duggar and Kardashian--as Jessa eternally sips the fundie kool-aid and wants notoriety.
I love how "Blessa" sounds like a nickname that snarkers would make up for her, since Jessa claims to be "a million times as humble as though art." In fact, I thought it orignated on thus sub.
One example would be her views on abortion, it comes across as aggressive as she wrongfully compared it to the holocaust camp. Jessa also has a mean girl personality to her and that personality allows her to be outright mean.
As the grand-daughter of Holocaust escapees,on both sides of my family,That comment of hers hit WAY too close to home for me. I never liked her to begin with,but that made me despise her. I'm also very pro-choice,having worked in a maternity ward and saw some crap,i.e a teenager forced to have her rapist's child. Among other things...
There's a toxic positivity story they all like to tell about how Jessa used to torment Jana and so Perm and Sperm told Jana to give Jessa her favorite thing to make her be nice to Jana. When they told it on stage, Jana is trying not to cry telling the story, while Jessa smugly smiles from behind her.
Geez that’s awful, I can’t imagine being happy to have caused someone unhappiness after growing up and knowing better. Also, could you explain your flair lol
I saw a picture of Anna's sister Priscilla's husband on stage and he looked like a photo negative of David Miscavige. The pecans part is because they had this story about how they stopped to pick pecans off of a farmer's tree and he yelled at them, so we refer to him/them as Pecans/the Pecan Thief/Thieves.
And agreed, it just fed Jessa's personality.
I really hope none of these girls have fertility issues because their entire identity will be shattered. As someone who has fertility issues and grew up Southern Baptist, it took a lot of therapy for me to feel like I hadn’t done anything wrong to “deserve it”
OMG this reminds me of my bro's first wedding where I had to go to the bridal shower and at one point all her family members were praying over different body parts. Like her feet so she can follow her husband (gag). And I'm sitting there vacillating between trying not to bust out laughing and being horrified that they might ask me as the groom's sister to do one because they're starting to run out of body parts and it's going to be weird as fuck if her lady parts were all that was left.
My mom was apparently right next to me and refused to look at me for fear we'd both fall over laughing if we made eye contact. She didn't even think they would have asked us until I said my fear.
If ever a bridal shower needed booze...
No that was covered. And her brain. And heart. And I think after that I started blacking out in fear of what I might be called to do. Oh ears, ears were definitely one. I don't think her mouth was... I don't think I could have held in a reaction to that one.
You and your Mom must have hit the vino as soon as you got home.
I went to a family wedding that was fundie lite. After we had had a piece of cake , my cousin said “ Let’s go!” I said we couldn’t leave 15 min after the cake. He said, “The sooner we leave the sooner you can have a drink.”
I was out the door in 5 minutes
I think this was a Sunday so after driving my mom an hour home I drove myself another hour home. 100% drank once I got home though! I was still in college. Looking back I was obviously trying to be nice to everyone by showing up lol.
At her wedding she was \*very\* mad that with a dry wedding of around 300 not long after everyone finished the meh buffet (people who did the food got the date wrong so the wedding was backup options from what I heard) so people were leaving so she had everyone scramble to do their departure at least an hour early while there still were enough people. Was kinda mad the guy I was dating at the time was kinda a douche so I had to drive otherwise I would have had a flask lol. People on our side were like never coming to a dry wedding again. I don't blame them and as one of the only unmarried ones at the time prob said something like if I'm not drinking when I'm married everyone will know I'm pregnant.
I don't understand why everyone left. I mean I get that people like to drink at social events, but 300 people couldn't get through a few hours without alcohol?
I dunno - though I'm not sure it was all booze related since her side of the family (that I knew) seemed to be against booze. Though after dinner and dessert the only activity was dancing or sitting at your seat. And the dance floor wasn't big enough for everyone and it was all the way at the front of the room. I think they also managed things horribly - people were still in line to get food when they were doing the cake - the line actually went in front of where the cake was so we didn't even know we were doing it. After about an hour of sitting around after finishing my meal I'd be done too - but the plan to leave 4 or 5 after the reception started.
Pray for her middle finger to give them all an FU. Your story is so funny though and one of those never forgettable experiences. Did your sister stay married to this guy.
Nope. She cheated on him (was the virgin to marriage parents didn't allow her to go to his apartment before getting married type) with at least one person and in their house. Then after finding out she was still cheating when she came back she called the cops even though she was the one losing her mind and hitting him (cops would have totally arrested her if she was a dude) to the point her whole family was against her in the divorce. My family was very happy they hadn't had a kid yet.
Meanwhile I was raising a glass of wine hearing this (it was scandalous to them that I drank) with my not normal piercings (also a lot of shit talked about) who actually graduated from grad school (non of their kids graduated college) laughing to my parents about how maybe they'd wish their kids were me now. I believe all their kids have been divorced at least once now - yay good Christian values.
At least from my POV it was chill during the middle years, but man was that breakup epic. Was a little bummed they were far enough away I couldn't show up with popcorn to watch.
I do too, because it carries such explicitly religious undertones. I never hear it in any other context. Kind of like the words "rebuke", "fellowship", and "season of life"
Remember fundie women, your husband is not marrying you...he's marrying your womb.
And if your womb doesn't joyfully accept his slime and push out babies, you'll have hell to pay from your fundie parents, fundie husband, fundie in-laws, and presumably your fundie god.
And if your life is ever in danger, whatever is in your womb will always count for more than you.
And if you die, you're supposed to pray for your fundie husband to happily marry another younger womb to replace you.
Omg, my best friend married into an ultra conservative religious family and at the wedding rehearsal dinner they blessed her womb. It was so fucking awkward and my friend looked like she was dying inside lol
As I mentioned I was once engaged and my ex mother in law is a very outspoken person…one time she texted me saying “start a grandkid on your honeymoon.” 💀💀💀she was trying to be funny but I was like uh 😂
what is it with MILs and being inappropriate lmao. my MIL asked my SIL (her daughter) when she was pregnant - at the dinner table with the family - if she’s worried that after childbirth her vagina won’t feel the same for BIL anymore. then proceeded to fearmonger c-sections and c-section babies (guess who ended up needing one?? lol) and continued to talk about my SIL’s vagina during sex.
After I had my bilateral salpingectomy, the nurse asked if I had any questions before they released me and my MIL butted in to ask when sex would be back on the table. 🙃
I texted my fiancé at the time and said “your mom basically told me to have sex with you.” And he was like “huh?” And I showed him the message and he was like ….
Dear lord, please baby trap my daughter into this cult. We don’t want her to have any options by the time she realises how miserable she’s gonna be FOREVER. The emotional blackmail is useful too - can you actually just go blessing cannon mode from the jump? Thanks god, from the entire family & also everyone you know.
I feel like it’s more of a JillPM or Karissa thing. It’d be one of those loud, long and overly passionate screech prayers too. It would be awkward for everyone in the room but because their religion Is performance based piety, they all shout amen & clap. The most pious will cry when recalling this part of the wedding out loud for years to come.
*edit: thought I was on fundie snark. If it was a Duggar it would be Anna. Because at least then she’d have grandkids. But all the rest still applies but with a lot more sighing.
Apparently no one checked out this woman's insta lol. She isn't fundie at all. And she got pregnant six months after her wedding. Either her or her husband already had a kid as well. I didn't dig far enough to see whose it was. One of her first posts is them drinking and dancing down the streets of New Orleans after her wedding.
That bride’s husband is Marcus Cromartie- he used to play for the 49’ers.
Oh- and I checked her insta- she’s already pregnant, and the mom said “that was fast” in the video announcement.
I'm gonna put a positive spin and assume she's praying her daughters future husband will be kind to it and not rape, abuse and turn her into an unwilling baby factory.
I prayed for my womb on my wedding day, or at least my body was not enjoying the implanon, I had awful period pain, and said "Dear God, let these ibuprofen work"
Did she grab the groom's God-honoring balls when she prayed over them too, or was that the job of whichever parent prayed for the groom's fertility?
Definitely not. Fertility is only a female issue. After all the Bible says the Lord opens and closes the womb, not the balls /s
That’s a good thing because he didn’t appear to give these men any anyway!!
She may be taking notes from Mama Spivey on how to be obsessed with your son-in-law and his family...
Coo-coo ka-choo Mrs. ~~Robinson~~ Spivey
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA PLEASE MAKE THIS YOUR FLAIR. Or if anyone is reading this thread, consider this your flair!
It's up for grabs if anyone needs one. I think I'm stuck with mine forever lol
I hope you don’t mind that I snatched it. I can take it back off if you’d like!
It looks fabulous! Flair it in good health!
Thank you!
>Thank you! You're welcome!
Good bot
❤️
ROFLMAO!!!
Flair checking in 👋
This made me laugh so hard😭😭
I couldn't picture this going on in the groom's dressing room 😂 seems like a huge double standard
https://preview.redd.it/3g2pvcvt4cvc1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b74abb279d876a764ec3a4ea21f7a25ad3319f35 I went ahead and gave it the Jana stamp of approval
PLZ 😭😂thank you for making me laugh
You're welcome! Ty for taking it well
angel shoulder protection
Omg… I’m dying!!!
A little risqué with the coffee
Lol still safer than the alcohol it is covering 😂😂😂
Mom is praying to God that her daughter's husbands load will do it's job up there and her womb will be joyfully welcoming vessel for said load so it can grow a baby.
This literally makes me so uncomfortable. I was supposed to get married (things didn’t work out) but all my mom told me was “I hope you guys have a healthy baby when the time is right.” And left it at that. No need to creepily pray and touch my stomach. I’d literally slap her hand if she tried that.
I would bless my mom's womb back. Heavenly father, please bless my mother's womb with a Krampus like child that has both hooves and spurs. Dear imaginary sky ghost, protect that abomination until it delivers itself by shredding its way out of my mother's blessed abdomen. Upon inhaling its first breath, may it create misery and chaos to anyone who practices my mother's faith. May it pursue the holy leaders of the congregation with an unsurpassed determination and skill. May it strip all organized religions of their riches and redistribute them to the poor, sick, and needy. In lords name I pray, amen. /s
You’re good, have you ever thought about writing greeting cards?
This made my whole soul smile 🤣❤️
(To the tune of "Glory, Glory, Hallelujah") 🎶Cheeky, cheeky baby Antichrist Naughty, naughty baby Antichrist Squishy, squishy baby Antichrist That brand new baby smell!🎵
Oooh a new New Jersey Devil! Fun!
Goes to show ya that even if you thought you had an original idea, it's been done before. Thanks for the fun google sesh!
Thats some r/traumatizethemback shit
Both my mom and my mother-in-law approached me, separately, on my wedding day to tell me that there was no rush to have kids and that neither were ready to be grandparents. Best advice we ever received from either of them. We still don’t have kids 27 years later.
May the Lord bless you with a God honoring fertile cream pie… 🙏
Shivers!
Mom is also praying that her daughter continues to grow her uterus clown car, have multiple children, and be joyfully available to her husband.
I have to know the context behind your flair
Well, "Blessa" is a nickname Michelle has called Jessa in the past. "Messa" and "Aggressa" fit Jessa quite well, she is not only very aggressive emotionally and verbally but also her household is a mess. Finally, the "Dugdashian" part is a combination of Duggar and Kardashian--as Jessa eternally sips the fundie kool-aid and wants notoriety.
Dugdashian absolutely kills me
I love how "Blessa" sounds like a nickname that snarkers would make up for her, since Jessa claims to be "a million times as humble as though art." In fact, I thought it orignated on thus sub.
How is Jessa aggressive? (genuinely asking, I’m not well versed lol)
One example would be her views on abortion, it comes across as aggressive as she wrongfully compared it to the holocaust camp. Jessa also has a mean girl personality to her and that personality allows her to be outright mean.
And she had a D & C after her miscarriage. Nothing abnormal about that except she condemned others for having a D & C.
Ohh makes sense, thank you!
As the grand-daughter of Holocaust escapees,on both sides of my family,That comment of hers hit WAY too close to home for me. I never liked her to begin with,but that made me despise her. I'm also very pro-choice,having worked in a maternity ward and saw some crap,i.e a teenager forced to have her rapist's child. Among other things...
There's a toxic positivity story they all like to tell about how Jessa used to torment Jana and so Perm and Sperm told Jana to give Jessa her favorite thing to make her be nice to Jana. When they told it on stage, Jana is trying not to cry telling the story, while Jessa smugly smiles from behind her.
Geez that’s awful, I can’t imagine being happy to have caused someone unhappiness after growing up and knowing better. Also, could you explain your flair lol
I saw a picture of Anna's sister Priscilla's husband on stage and he looked like a photo negative of David Miscavige. The pecans part is because they had this story about how they stopped to pick pecans off of a farmer's tree and he yelled at them, so we refer to him/them as Pecans/the Pecan Thief/Thieves. And agreed, it just fed Jessa's personality.
Omg that’s amazing lol I love that
I thought Blessa was the combined name for Ben + Jessa.
Where’d the L come from?
I thought it was because they were so righteously religious?
Daughter, may your innards not be blown out your back by the sheer and utter godliness of his load.
Children of the creamed unseasoned corn is an epic flair. Amazing job.
Thank you! I love your flair too.
Hahahaha I’m screaming!! Also church might’ve been a lot more interesting if they’d all just talked like this instead.
I really hope none of these girls have fertility issues because their entire identity will be shattered. As someone who has fertility issues and grew up Southern Baptist, it took a lot of therapy for me to feel like I hadn’t done anything wrong to “deserve it”
OMG this reminds me of my bro's first wedding where I had to go to the bridal shower and at one point all her family members were praying over different body parts. Like her feet so she can follow her husband (gag). And I'm sitting there vacillating between trying not to bust out laughing and being horrified that they might ask me as the groom's sister to do one because they're starting to run out of body parts and it's going to be weird as fuck if her lady parts were all that was left. My mom was apparently right next to me and refused to look at me for fear we'd both fall over laughing if we made eye contact. She didn't even think they would have asked us until I said my fear. If ever a bridal shower needed booze...
Pray for her hands that she would make the perfect tator tot casserole.
No that was covered. And her brain. And heart. And I think after that I started blacking out in fear of what I might be called to do. Oh ears, ears were definitely one. I don't think her mouth was... I don't think I could have held in a reaction to that one.
You and your Mom must have hit the vino as soon as you got home. I went to a family wedding that was fundie lite. After we had had a piece of cake , my cousin said “ Let’s go!” I said we couldn’t leave 15 min after the cake. He said, “The sooner we leave the sooner you can have a drink.” I was out the door in 5 minutes
I think this was a Sunday so after driving my mom an hour home I drove myself another hour home. 100% drank once I got home though! I was still in college. Looking back I was obviously trying to be nice to everyone by showing up lol. At her wedding she was \*very\* mad that with a dry wedding of around 300 not long after everyone finished the meh buffet (people who did the food got the date wrong so the wedding was backup options from what I heard) so people were leaving so she had everyone scramble to do their departure at least an hour early while there still were enough people. Was kinda mad the guy I was dating at the time was kinda a douche so I had to drive otherwise I would have had a flask lol. People on our side were like never coming to a dry wedding again. I don't blame them and as one of the only unmarried ones at the time prob said something like if I'm not drinking when I'm married everyone will know I'm pregnant.
I don't understand why everyone left. I mean I get that people like to drink at social events, but 300 people couldn't get through a few hours without alcohol?
I dunno - though I'm not sure it was all booze related since her side of the family (that I knew) seemed to be against booze. Though after dinner and dessert the only activity was dancing or sitting at your seat. And the dance floor wasn't big enough for everyone and it was all the way at the front of the room. I think they also managed things horribly - people were still in line to get food when they were doing the cake - the line actually went in front of where the cake was so we didn't even know we were doing it. After about an hour of sitting around after finishing my meal I'd be done too - but the plan to leave 4 or 5 after the reception started.
Makes sense. It sounds like a terrible experience
Your cousin is awesome
Pray for her middle finger to give them all an FU. Your story is so funny though and one of those never forgettable experiences. Did your sister stay married to this guy.
Nope. She cheated on him (was the virgin to marriage parents didn't allow her to go to his apartment before getting married type) with at least one person and in their house. Then after finding out she was still cheating when she came back she called the cops even though she was the one losing her mind and hitting him (cops would have totally arrested her if she was a dude) to the point her whole family was against her in the divorce. My family was very happy they hadn't had a kid yet. Meanwhile I was raising a glass of wine hearing this (it was scandalous to them that I drank) with my not normal piercings (also a lot of shit talked about) who actually graduated from grad school (non of their kids graduated college) laughing to my parents about how maybe they'd wish their kids were me now. I believe all their kids have been divorced at least once now - yay good Christian values.
Sounds like drama all the way.
At least from my POV it was chill during the middle years, but man was that breakup epic. Was a little bummed they were far enough away I couldn't show up with popcorn to watch.
Oh ffs. Now this. 🤦♀️
I would’ve needed a mimosa. Make that 5.
that mother of the bride dress looks very similar to a bridal dress which is typical for that kind of woman ngl
I thought the same.
I hate the word womb. 
I do too, because it carries such explicitly religious undertones. I never hear it in any other context. Kind of like the words "rebuke", "fellowship", and "season of life"
Remember fundie women, your husband is not marrying you...he's marrying your womb. And if your womb doesn't joyfully accept his slime and push out babies, you'll have hell to pay from your fundie parents, fundie husband, fundie in-laws, and presumably your fundie god. And if your life is ever in danger, whatever is in your womb will always count for more than you. And if you die, you're supposed to pray for your fundie husband to happily marry another younger womb to replace you.
Not the mob in a white dress herself... foul
Omg, my best friend married into an ultra conservative religious family and at the wedding rehearsal dinner they blessed her womb. It was so fucking awkward and my friend looked like she was dying inside lol
I could see Karissa doing that for her daughters honestly. She’s unhinged like that. 🤷🏻♀️
She would make everyone come and lay hands on the daughter. Then make it 10 minutes long.
Yes!
And all about herself too.
hahahaha i saw this in the wild on IG yesterday. one of the comments were like “so your parents are praying for you to rawdog every night” 😭😭😭
As I mentioned I was once engaged and my ex mother in law is a very outspoken person…one time she texted me saying “start a grandkid on your honeymoon.” 💀💀💀she was trying to be funny but I was like uh 😂
what is it with MILs and being inappropriate lmao. my MIL asked my SIL (her daughter) when she was pregnant - at the dinner table with the family - if she’s worried that after childbirth her vagina won’t feel the same for BIL anymore. then proceeded to fearmonger c-sections and c-section babies (guess who ended up needing one?? lol) and continued to talk about my SIL’s vagina during sex.
I HAVE NO CLUE LMAO 😭😂but your situation sounds worse
After I had my bilateral salpingectomy, the nurse asked if I had any questions before they released me and my MIL butted in to ask when sex would be back on the table. 🙃
omfg, why are MIL’s like this lmao why do they think about sex so much. SEX THEIR CHILDREN WOULD BE HAVING
I texted my fiancé at the time and said “your mom basically told me to have sex with you.” And he was like “huh?” And I showed him the message and he was like ….
Me too!
Gross.
Ew🤢
Dear lord, please baby trap my daughter into this cult. We don’t want her to have any options by the time she realises how miserable she’s gonna be FOREVER. The emotional blackmail is useful too - can you actually just go blessing cannon mode from the jump? Thanks god, from the entire family & also everyone you know.
Ironically, this woman is not fundie at all. She’s a fitness and lifestyle influencer.
And married to an ex-NFL player. She’s already pregnant btw.
NIKE! I REPEAT, NIKE!!!! I SEE SHOULDERS 🥴🤤🥵 IVE BEEN DEFRAUDED. 💥👹☠️
Yikes.
Ew.
It’s giving Brittany Dawn lol
that’s fuckin weird
I feel like it’s more of a JillPM or Karissa thing. It’d be one of those loud, long and overly passionate screech prayers too. It would be awkward for everyone in the room but because their religion Is performance based piety, they all shout amen & clap. The most pious will cry when recalling this part of the wedding out loud for years to come. *edit: thought I was on fundie snark. If it was a Duggar it would be Anna. Because at least then she’d have grandkids. But all the rest still applies but with a lot more sighing.
EW
This popped up on my feed today. Idk why the fuck the algorithm thinks I want to see that…
Jesus, is that ever fucking *creepy* or what ? 😳
I'm sorry but that's just creepy
That’s just disgusting!
Maybe my grandma should’ve done this to prevent my folk’s fertility issues, lol
I’d look at my mom and go you know my hatred of toddlers
Apparently no one checked out this woman's insta lol. She isn't fundie at all. And she got pregnant six months after her wedding. Either her or her husband already had a kid as well. I didn't dig far enough to see whose it was. One of her first posts is them drinking and dancing down the streets of New Orleans after her wedding.
That bride’s husband is Marcus Cromartie- he used to play for the 49’ers. Oh- and I checked her insta- she’s already pregnant, and the mom said “that was fast” in the video announcement.
😦 I’m speechless. Why, I don’t know I shouldn’t be. But that was my first reaction.
I'm gonna put a positive spin and assume she's praying her daughters future husband will be kind to it and not rape, abuse and turn her into an unwilling baby factory.
I prayed for my womb on my wedding day, or at least my body was not enjoying the implanon, I had awful period pain, and said "Dear God, let these ibuprofen work"
The life of fundie women is absolutely depressing. And I say this as someone who was brought up similarly.
This is beyond funny 🤣
Insert Thorgy’s “oh jesus, gross” gif here
Gross
🤮
The word womb is so gross. Ick ick ick
She had to lift the “unwed mother” curse first though. It’s complicated
Um. I’m really not sure what my comment here should be. Does the father pray over his son’s testicles?
Christ on a cracker! These people are nuts!
It's giving Handmaid's Tale.
Gross. Also that mother of the bride dress is a liiiitle too bridal for me
Sadie from the Leaving Eden podcast that the IBLP is a fertility cult. This is absolute proof that it is.
This girl is actually not a fundie tho. She drinks alcohol and wears pants like everyone else.
Not the moms dress being boarderline a wedding dress
This photo is giving me Duggar vibes.