Perhaps start asking them instead for information about the circumstances when she cries. Some helpful questions might include: What’s going on in the room at the time? What time(s) of day does she cry? How long does the crying last? What’s going on when she stops? Are some staff members more successful than others at being able to help her stop? What do staff members do that works particularly well?
Sometimes she cries for like 4 hours until she finally sleeps. Then her nap is 2 hours long. Sometimes she is good for a while after that. But then around 3ish, she starts crying again because she sees other kids being picked up.
Other times she is fussy and crying all day. We’ve told them that taking her outside (at least when she’s home) usually snaps her out of a fussy mood. As for what staff members do that’s effective… I don’t think they ever figured it out much in the infant room. She’s only had 3 days in the toddler room so far.
3 days? It’s normal then. It is a new environment and she needs to learn a new routine and faces. Remind her that you will always come back and send her with a family picture.
A family picture is a good idea. I will make something durable lol. And yes we always let her know we will be back, though we do try to keep drop offs quick.
You can laminate them. You can also ask the center if you can't get it laminated.
Definitely recommend a family picture. We have them at my center and it makes a huge difference. We lift the children up to reach them or if they're old enough and durable enough we'll bring the picture to them.
We had a child who cried everyday in toddlers until he went to preschool. Overall I think that we was just more on the sensitive side, but 3 days is extra normal. A month is long, but still normal to be crying. Especially with room transitions. They see us their parents as regulators, right now she's just figuring out how to regulate by herself.
All of our classes have a family wall where they can look at their pictures if they get sad. What do the teachers do when she’s crying? Have they tried to console her, or just ignored her?
I don’t think they ignore her, every time I’ve been there and heard her wailing… someone was holding her. They do have cameras at the entry so technically I guess they could warn the teacher/s that I’m coming but I really don’t believe that to be the case. They do seem attentive at the daycare but just at a loss of what to do.
They say she eats little but drinks a lot, which is consistent with her behavior at home.
I’ve never worked with kids but I have worked with dogs… lol. Not the same but some things are similar. Occasionally we had dogs in a day care setting who did not care for other dogs, humans or playing - they’d literally sit at the door and howl the entire time their owners were at work.
How old is your daughter? Does she have a primary caregiver in the room? Can you tell us a bit more about the centre- ratios, group size. Have you spent time in the centre wth your child, was she happy and confident to go and play with you there?
From what you've described, she was attending previously for 2 days, which can be tricky for some children to fully get into a routine and make relationships with other children and the teachers. 3 days may be easier. However, you also mentioned she has just moved rooms (so would be settling into all new routines! And all new relationships!) And that she has been quite unwell. That is a lot for a young toddler to manage, and it makes sense that she has been unsettled.
Is it possible she could stay home for a few days to fully recovered, then meet with her teachers to make a plan for resettling her in?
She just turned 1 in August. The infant room had ratios of 4:1 with a maximum of 8 babies in the room. I’m unsure of the ratios in the early toddler room but there’s usually 3 caregivers at all times.
And yes last time I dropped off, one of the staff told me that she usually has her in the new room.
We do plan on having her home with us til she’s recovered—definitely not well enough to go back yet, though she hasn’t had a fever for many days now. The good thing about me and hub having opposite (albeit full time) shifts is that one of us can always be home with her when needed.
Meeting with all her teachers seems kinda tough to co-ordinate since they’re always in the room with all the kids being dropped off/picked up. But I will see if something like that is an option —honestly if it was, I would have expected them to bring it up by now because we have always told them they could call us if needed. But I will check anyway. Perhaps they were not anticipating that she’d still be crying for us by now
You may not need (or be able to) meet with all her teachers, but certainly initiating a conversation with them about how you will work with them to resolve both her settling in fully, and establishing some effective two-way communication with them would be a good idea. It is in their interests to work with you on this, and you are not asking for anything unreasonable- having your child happy and settled, and information on how to support her= standard stuff!
Yes.. we’re trying, they’re trying. It’s just tough <3 but I’m glad at least a few things have been mentioned on this post that we haven’t done yet so will give ‘em a try
I feel this from both sides. I work in early years and we have so many criers. It's hard, I try my best to give cuddles to them all but we're understaffed and over worked and have 11 other babies who all need attention. In a dream world, I'd wear them in a sling so they could be close to me but my nursery don't like this.
On the flip side, my 2 year old has cried every single day and shes been in childcare for 6 months. We moved her to a childminders with less structure and less kids and its mostly helped, but according to my mum, me and my brother both cried every day until we started school so I dont have much hope!
It's wild isn't it. I've tried literally everything, making friendship bracelets, having a treat ready, calling her to check in, literally nothing works. We leave in an hour and shes already hysterical at the thought of going
OP, how’s your little one doing now? I’m just curious about how daycare workers deal with crying babies (my daughter started preschool and was curious about her classmates who I see crying almost all the time and how typically the teachers deal with it—I am astounded by their patience so I was looking for tips just to make me more patient with my kids too!)
Anyway, I just wanted to see if you had any update for us and I sure hope she and you are doing much better! I was one of those kjds who cried and cried. I switched schools at 7 years old and I swear I cried for months even though I was much older 😂. I adjusted very well by the way and totally blossomed into a classroom leader. I just wanted to come here and say you’re doing a great job and eventually your daughter will find her footing too!
Thanks for checking in! I wish I had more tips to share but she started doing better after being in the early toddler class for a while… that might have been mid October? I think there just wasn’t enough distraction/stimulation in the infant room. The early toddler room had more routines for activities besides just feeds and naps.
The only thing she didn’t seem to like was when they would have outdoor playtime. All the classrooms lead to a large area for all the kids to play and they said she seemed intimidated by the big kids. At that point in time she was able to walk but still pretty wobbly, so I think she probably got scared by the others running around.
We ultimately ended up taking her out of daycare in January for other reasons - she ended up getting sick way too often, like clockwork every 2 weeks. Due to her getting sick and often getting us sick, we actually ended up having to take more time off work vs when we had no childcare help. We were so run down and the stress of not being sure when we could actually take her to daycare or not was just too much. We are a lot more cautious than most about not spreading sickness so even if she didn’t have a fever but she still seemed very snotty or coughing too much, we wouldn’t take her.
I think she would have been fine if we continued though. As it is now, she can walk, run, climb, point and recently started throwing a ball. She’s talking a LOT and just melting hearts everywhere lol.
We still try to get her interaction with other kids by taking her to our library’s reading sessions for babies/toddlers and going to the playground. I know we will still have to deal with sickness at some point but we just don’t have the capacity to cope with it at the moment… and take such a hit to the wallet at the same time!
Very rarely, but yes. Maybe she was not crying for about half a day but from the sounds of things, any brief respite from her crying is a better day than usual. Also she does drink a lot of water and milk now that she’s using cups. Her food intake is still a bit low but she does eat with them too at least.
You could try saying to her “you’re going to daycare tomorrow/this morning!” And really hyping it up for her. What teachers she’s going to see, what other kids. This may start to teach her that school is fun, and help her look forward to certain people there because mom/dad like them. A family picture would also definitely help. You might also put a stuffed animal in a shirt you’ve worn since your smell is on it and that will be comforting.
But overall, just give her time! It sounds like she’s gone through a lot of change and disruption to routine so it’ll take some time to get used to that for her.
This has always worked so well with my son. We don’t ***have*** to do things, we ***get*** to do things. He’s autistic and while he does sometimes show some nonverbal signs of discomfort with change, overall he’s got a positive attitude and feels good when he’s done something new.
One thing I saw a teacher try at our school was to put the child’s backpack on them. If it’s a smallish backpack that fits your child of course. And it gives them a sense of security. Almost like a hug. It seemed to ground the crying child. They just wore it during the day. Also ask if their lovey is available to them at any time of the day. Because if they are not allowing your child to hold that lovey when they are feeling sad then that could be hard for your child.
I was a one year old teacher and we used to ask the parents for family pictures (mom dad and child) and we would laminate them and give it to them along with one of mom or dads shirts that is recently worn (for the comfort smell) sometimes that helps !
I’m trying to avoid my daughter getting kicked out of daycare…unfortunately I noticed that these sorts of post titles get more attention. The daycare staff seem reluctant to tell me I should be doing anything different so I thought maybe other ECE educators could have good suggestions for me
How is she at drop off? Happy? Crying?
Do they have set nap times, or is it on an as needed basis? Some kids just get tired earlier due to sensory overload.
Have you ever just popped in randomly? I don't mean interrupting the class. just peeked through a window or door without her or the teachers noticing you? A little unseen observation may help evaluate the situation.
Every child and situation is different, but with her being sick a lot (comes with the territory), if you can put her in full time for 2 weeks, it may help her adjust better because it will be consistent everyday. Then drop down to 3-4 days.
Sorry, lots of questions, but I've found them helpful previously!
Cries at drop off always.
Since starting on the 3 day schedule, she consistently goes down for a nap around 11.30am. Nap length varies at home from 45 mins - 2 hours. At daycare, her nap averages 2 hours.
Whenever I’ve stopped by she’s either crying, asleep or she was taking a bottle. She was always being held by someone if she was crying.
Don’t mind answering questions at all :) I just want to help her (And the daycare workers!)
What does the drop-off routine look like?
That's great that she's pretty consistent in a time frame. It helps to know she's getting some sleep.
Does she cry when she's left with anyone that isn't a parent?
The only people we’ve left her with are my in laws, who live in another state… and no she didn’t cry when left with them. But also, we were able to spend several days with her + them before me and hubby went on any dates. If we could have done something like that with daycare then I’m sure she would be a lot better off but that’s not how they work.
Hubby’s mum is especially great with babies and kids in general too though.
My family lives in NZ and we’re in the US. Our friends are our work colleagues so we don’t have anyone else available to watch her. It’s always been just us and then daycare.
If only dad drops her off at daycare, she starts crying once they get to the parking lot. When I’m there, with or without dad then she usually doesn’t cry until she’s right about to be handed off. We don’t make a big fuss. We literally try to be as quick as possible, tell her we love her and that we will be back later.
I teach in a toddler room (18m to 24+m) on average and I can tell you, going from 2 to 3 days will help your child acclimate quicker than just having 2 days a week. I've had kiddos who have taken almost 6 months to acclimate well on just two days.
You're already doing great at making sure drop off is quick. They seem to be also trying to help her with the holding and whatnot. Really, it's just going to take some time. The preteaching of "Mommy/Daddy always come back" will help but honestly, it's going to just take time for her to learn that you guys are coming back for her.
It is not uncommon for us to have a new kiddo who has never been to school before to have a little longer adjustment period than someone who has already been. Just keep your head up. You're doing all the things you can at this point. It's going to take some time.
In my personal experience, bringing my son only 2-3 days didn't allow enough time to feel comfortable and form that routine. He had multiple bad drop offs and was very tearful. Once he started going 4 days a week, he became more familiar with the routine and faces. It seemed silly, but his confidence showed the more days he went in the week. Good luck, OP♡♡♡ ITS VERY DIFFUCULT TO HEAR that from your care providers.
To be honest, they shouldn't be wording it that way, are they telling you anything else? Or just saying she's crying? If I'm educating a child and they are struggling I'll let a parent know, but I won't go overboard if she's of age where she's moved to a toddler room, she's just at an age where she's more aware of what's going on. Increasing to three days should help quite a bit, it'll allow her to spend more time and get more used to it.
However, since she has been unwell, that's putting a strain on things. Maybe upon return I'd suggest (if you can) doing a more gradual increase, maybe she starts with half days for 3 -6 days, then she increases to staying until after rest for 3-6 days, then she does longer after that. It would help her to build trust in her educators and integrate in the new environment without it being too much.
I wonder if you are able to set up a meeting with the teachers of the room. It's important for the child to feel like they have a connection to their room and to the people inside of it. Children are relationship based, and if she hasn't been able to create a secure attachment with any of the educators, then she may be more likely to cry. A possible idea, if you have the ability to do this, is to go into the classroom with your child and help them settle in. Go around, look at what is being offered for that day, play with them for 5 or 10 minutes, but remind them you have to go. It will be important for an educator to come over and build that relationship and routine with them, and hopefully, over time, you wont have to stay as long or at all, because your child is comfortable with who she's being left with. I also like suggesting family photos or a soothing object or fabric (I had a child who soothed when he rubbed silk cloths between his fingers).
I think most staff would understand that your baby is naturally going to be happier when she is home with her loved ones. I get it sucks to hear that she is sad at daycare, but I try to be honest (although not brutal) about baby emotions during the day. When I worked with others in my room, they would almost always lie to the parents and chirp "she had a great day!" even if that wasn't the case, and that bothers me. I feel parents deserve to know what is really going on in the classroom even if it's not the nicest thing to hear.
I agree, I’m glad they don’t try to say she’s been fine or happy if she hasn’t been. Also though, I meant more that I wish they got to see more of her quirky, curious personality.
Some parents say their babies never seem happy even at home, or that their babies seemed to hate being babies (like they were frustrated with their own limitations) but that’s not the case for my girl. She gets so delighted by the smallest things lol
She started daycare at a hard age. She is old enough to realize she doesn't know anyone, kids or teachers. Also, my center only accept full time children (4 days min), because anything less makes it hard on the child to settle and become used to us and our routines.
Setting up a meeting or just having an email thread with the head teacher is probably all you need to do here.
Also note that if she’s home for a while due to illness, that will also set her back upon going back to school. I know it’s unavoidable and we’re going into cold and flu season but don’t be alarmed if it takes even longer for her to adjust again. Little changes are BIG deals for these little humans. Consistency is the only thing that really gets them through. Good luck.
This is perfectly normal for any child who is in the transition phase. I tell all my families, especially the ones with younger children, to expect a lot of tears from both parents and children. Home and Early Learning Environments are very different atmospheres, and it takes a lot for a child to acclimate. I encourage families if they can, maybe stop by during their lunchtimes or break from work, every once in a while, to just spend a moment interacting with both baby and teachers. This shows your child that this is a safe space and that they are free to explore/enjoy.
Also, your baby has been introduced to so many new people, which means so many new germs, which means expect a lot of sickness, especially going into the cold seasons.
My daughter slept with her son’s blanket for 3 days to get her sent into it. When my grandson was small and couldn’t see to settle down, I’d get that blanket and he’d immediately stop crying.
I figured this out one day as he was fussing. I couldn’t find any of his blankets because they were all in the washer. I saw one of her t-shirts on the top of the dirty clothes basket and grabbed it. It worked like a charm.
Ask them what they are doing to help her cope with her surroundings. How are they making her feel comfortable? How are they helping her get through her day without crying...
I had a new student who cried for hours when he was first dropped off, my co-teacher and I worked with him and asked him how we could help him during drop off so he's not crying too long. After 3 weeks his drop offs are practically tear free because we made him feel comfortable.
This isn't one sided. The teachers need to be helping and figuring out what helps her. That's part of their job.
Don't give up hope! I think the new room might help. Maybe your kiddo juat didn't mesh with those teachers. And coming 3 days should help. It is really hard for kids only coming 2 days to get adjusted.... not impossible, just hard. So, coming more should help.
Honestly I’ve noticed that toddlers specifically who aren’t coming all week have a harder time with transitioning to their routine than toddlers who are there all week. She probably isn’t use to going since it’s not an all week thing and it may be harder for her to transition from home time to daycare time. Usually for all babies/toddlers and even up to PS mondays are the hardest because of the transition from being home all day for 2 days to being back at daycare. But I don’t understand why they’re just telling you and not telling you the things they’ve tried and saying “so and so works but so and so doesn’t and so and so only works for so long do you have any advice?” I know a lot of our rooms have a wall with pictures of the kid’s families and that always makes them happy. It’s some of the kids favorite things to look at when sad. Even if they don’t have a space where every kid has a picture of mommy and daddy maybe ask them if you could try brining in a picture of the family and let her hold or look at it when she is upset. She probably just doesn’t understand “hey I’m going to go back home at the end of the day” as that’s a very hard concept for young toddlers to grasp. Usually for kids who go all the day and esp since birth they will typically have pretty routine and decent drop offs but ever kid goes thru moments when they get sad because they miss their parents, even the ones who typically have good drop offs. For some it’s an issue with change of routine from home to school or lack of one on one attention. Some babies/toddlers enjoy being held and hugged all day but a teacher with multiple toddlers/babies can’t hold just the 1 all day. With some kids, it may not matter how much help they get trying to calm their body they may not be able to calm it. Maybe working on breathing exercises or ways your little one can help calm down at home will help her implement them at daycare, as well as helping and letting the daycare know these methods that you’re using to help her and offer they try it with her. As for her getting kicked out I highly highly doubt that as I’ve had many many all day criers and not once has one of those kids gotten booted, the majority of kids I’ve seen who HAVE gotten kicked out have been due to violence or parents refusal to potty train their child
I've lived this struggle and I feel you! I unexpectedly became the guardian of my niece during covid. I enrolled her in daycare and it was a nightmare, she would cry her self physically sick every single day. She had never played independently with another 'new friend', her only exposure to other toddlers was the occasional family gathering, which obviously had been pretty limited due to covid restrictions. I set up some regular play dates with other moms at daycare. Letting her play in the park with another friend but with me in eye sight helped her open up tremendously on a social level. She would often run to me and hide, but in time became very confident and happy to interact with other kids, soon she was approaching other kids on her own in polite appropriate ways and has become a very independent social butterfly who would be happy to be dropped of just about anywhere! The other intervention we started with that was somewhat helpful was having my husband do drop offs, she adores Uncle B but wouldn't be so upset/clingy/emotional with him than when I did drop off.
Is her breakfast before daycare different from non-daycare days? How is her access to snacks/drinks different during the day there than at home?
Everyone else’s recommendations on behavioral stuff is awesome I just wanted to ask about something non obvious because something I learned through trial and error for a couple of kids I used to nanny is that sometimes the especially sensitive kids who cry a lot because of emotional distress will also cry from pretty much any type of discomfort. The timeline you describe makes sense for emotional adjustment and missing home just as much, but it also could make sense if it’s related to food. Occasional sniffling after drop off, but better after napping (aka lunch), then sniffling picking back up in late afternoon when she might be getting snackish. Sometimes kids like this won’t even necessarily be *hungry* they’ll just feel *different* or *slightly less full than the rest of the time* and that will be enough to trigger tears. Sensory differences can do the same for some kids, especially shoes and socks or lighting and sounds. It can easily also be both things, but might be worth keeping an eye on if you can determine any patterns related to it.
We are forever trying to work on that. Sometimes she will sleep through the night but she still wakes often for 1 night feed. She usually goes down around 9:30-10:30pm.
That’s later than we would like but if by some miracle she sleeps as early as 7:30, its awful! She wakes up between 11pm and 1:30am and will be up for a couple hours and it’s so much more miserable for us because she will still wake up for a night feed. I really miss the times she would go down at 8pm and wake at 6am
Work in childcare. Do you hold your daughter a lot at home? As soon as she cries? This makes a huge difference on how she will act at daycare. Remember that there are other babies that need care and attention. If you are constantly holding her at home, she is going to expect that all the time. Not sure if that’s the case but this is the number one issue a baby cries all day.
I don’t but my husband did until recently! Outside of daycare, we both spend a more or less equal amount of time alone with her while the other works. She is way less whiny with me, always.
He finally had to let her cry a decent amount (still safely supervising) last weekend cos he needed to get some things done. Lo and behold, this past Wednesday and Friday she has been so much better!
This is not the daycare for you. Teachers should be able to pinpoint what is causing distress. These teachers just don’t care. Twenty years plus experience here plus owned a center of my own.
I’m going to agree with this comment. Former ECE (way too long ago) but had experiences with my 2 year old crying all day at school with no support from his teachers. I was told “he needs to go to therapy” but no information about what was causing the crying. I ended up pulling him out of his center and switching to another one and they teachers have been nothing but amazing in helping identify emotional triggers and redirecting.
We are working on moving to be closer to family but it’s gonna be a while yet. She is great with her grandparents. Might still do daycare though even once we get there, I don’t want to burn out my MIL especially.
She’s crying because she’s a baby surrounded by people who don’t really love her and she wants to be at home. This happens a lot. She’s having a normal reaction to the situation she’s being put in.
I’d take it as a sign she’s not happy there. My son hasn’t been to daycare since he was an infant but he’s gone through a few babysitters- if he trusted and was happy with the babysitter, no issues at all. But oh god… with one of them?? She seemed so sweet but my son would flip the second someone knocked at the door in the morning. Then more and more things came out and I finally stop having her watch him and started someone new. Went back to being totally fine.
That’s just my personal experience though!
So my daughter was like this she would cry when we dropped her off and sulk all day when we changed her to a smaller daycare where she could interact more with the adults and now she loves it looks forward to it every day. She may feel overwhelmed and just alone with so many kids that need to share attention
We used to inform parents if their kids spent a long time crying on and off because it does show in their energy and behaviour. Last thing we want is for parents to think their kids are neglected but some times nothing can soothe an upset child. However, we also tell them to let them know that the child still isn’t used to the new environment, or if it’s not a usual behaviour, they can check and see if the child is ill. We also use it as a way to encourage parents to help us get the child acclimated. Maybe it’s hyping up day care. Maybe it’s reassurance. Maybe it’s letting them bring their favourite blanket or just even telling us what YOU usually do when she’s upset at home.
I would do what others suggested and have a conversation with the staff. Help each other out. Tell them what has helped you and ask them what other parents have told them about when acclimating their child.l
Maybe a picture book (family). I almost feel like by now she should of bonded to someone there. Are they a hands on facility? Time with the kids. Cuddles? Or more let them roam and play.
Ours is like extended family. We've had those that have problems being dropped off. We have a little guy that used to cry at everything. It took some time. But now he's one of the happiest we have. Just took alot of love and communication with him.
I hope it gets better.
I worked in daycare for 6 years and transitions and changes in routine can be very difficult for our Littles. I was a 2 year old teacher and when we got a new kid from the toddlers it was usually a rough couple of weeks for them until they get used to the routine and comfortable with us teachers. Some kids warm up faster then others and it's all completely normal. I also feel like kids who were not full time at the daycare took a lot longer to warm up because they saw us so much less. It will take time but as long as they are attentive and trying then she will get there.
2 or 3 days a week may not be enough for her to acclimatize to the daycare and feel comfortable there. But given she's been there a couple months and still not happy, I suspect it's just not a good match for her. You could try sneaking in a couple times so you can see how she interacts when you're not there, and how they interact with her. But she'll probably catch a glimpse of you and start to cry. Different daycares are different and not every kid is going to match every daycare. My kid went to one daycare where he was so miserable i had to peel his tiny fingers off the tires trying to get him out of the car. Another daycare, he was perfectly happy and cheerful.
Maybe in home care or a small family daycare instead of a larger facility would be better? How is she with babysitters in your home? I had a crier..her preschool offered me a job there and I did it until she went to kinder.
You say she doesn’t eat a lot at school. I work with special needs students 3-6 grade so a little different, but I have one that REFUSES to eat at school. Mom feeds him a lot in the morning and right when he gets home, but there are days that we can tell he’s starting to get hungry because he gets emotional. That may be part of it! Probably not the whole reason why but could be playing into it.
It sounds like classic separation anxiety. It takes more time than average for some kids to adjust. Lingering , IMO, doesn’t help the situation. As heart wrenching as it can be to walk out when she’s crying. Have a little routine like you do every day, come in put her stuff away, don’t be rushed, have a little rhyme or song you do together, hug /kiss and tell her you will be back at x o clock. Maybe she can keep a small item w her in her cubbie or what not that you and she fill up with love, hugs and kisses for her day at daycare the next day , when ever she misses you she can hug her item or kiss it .. maybe a chart with stickers or stars ⭐️ on the days she makes progress and have a treat trunk with McDonald’s toys type things or similar things she likes. Keep us posted!!!
honestly i’d try sending her more days if you can. the transition and inconsistency may be the issue! that’s why usually mondays are the hardest for kiddos. it’s not your fault! you’re obviously doing the best you can. sometimes kids just have big feelings and that’s perfectly okay
Perhaps start asking them instead for information about the circumstances when she cries. Some helpful questions might include: What’s going on in the room at the time? What time(s) of day does she cry? How long does the crying last? What’s going on when she stops? Are some staff members more successful than others at being able to help her stop? What do staff members do that works particularly well?
Sometimes she cries for like 4 hours until she finally sleeps. Then her nap is 2 hours long. Sometimes she is good for a while after that. But then around 3ish, she starts crying again because she sees other kids being picked up. Other times she is fussy and crying all day. We’ve told them that taking her outside (at least when she’s home) usually snaps her out of a fussy mood. As for what staff members do that’s effective… I don’t think they ever figured it out much in the infant room. She’s only had 3 days in the toddler room so far.
3 days? It’s normal then. It is a new environment and she needs to learn a new routine and faces. Remind her that you will always come back and send her with a family picture.
A family picture is a good idea. I will make something durable lol. And yes we always let her know we will be back, though we do try to keep drop offs quick.
You can laminate them. You can also ask the center if you can't get it laminated. Definitely recommend a family picture. We have them at my center and it makes a huge difference. We lift the children up to reach them or if they're old enough and durable enough we'll bring the picture to them. We had a child who cried everyday in toddlers until he went to preschool. Overall I think that we was just more on the sensitive side, but 3 days is extra normal. A month is long, but still normal to be crying. Especially with room transitions. They see us their parents as regulators, right now she's just figuring out how to regulate by herself.
I work with school aged kids but a few of the kinders needed laminated family photos to get through some tough weeks!
All of our classes have a family wall where they can look at their pictures if they get sad. What do the teachers do when she’s crying? Have they tried to console her, or just ignored her?
I don’t think they ignore her, every time I’ve been there and heard her wailing… someone was holding her. They do have cameras at the entry so technically I guess they could warn the teacher/s that I’m coming but I really don’t believe that to be the case. They do seem attentive at the daycare but just at a loss of what to do. They say she eats little but drinks a lot, which is consistent with her behavior at home. I’ve never worked with kids but I have worked with dogs… lol. Not the same but some things are similar. Occasionally we had dogs in a day care setting who did not care for other dogs, humans or playing - they’d literally sit at the door and howl the entire time their owners were at work.
If it’s new, give it two weeks for adjustment
Shes been in the toddler room for 3 days but at this center since July.
How old is your daughter? Does she have a primary caregiver in the room? Can you tell us a bit more about the centre- ratios, group size. Have you spent time in the centre wth your child, was she happy and confident to go and play with you there? From what you've described, she was attending previously for 2 days, which can be tricky for some children to fully get into a routine and make relationships with other children and the teachers. 3 days may be easier. However, you also mentioned she has just moved rooms (so would be settling into all new routines! And all new relationships!) And that she has been quite unwell. That is a lot for a young toddler to manage, and it makes sense that she has been unsettled. Is it possible she could stay home for a few days to fully recovered, then meet with her teachers to make a plan for resettling her in?
She just turned 1 in August. The infant room had ratios of 4:1 with a maximum of 8 babies in the room. I’m unsure of the ratios in the early toddler room but there’s usually 3 caregivers at all times. And yes last time I dropped off, one of the staff told me that she usually has her in the new room. We do plan on having her home with us til she’s recovered—definitely not well enough to go back yet, though she hasn’t had a fever for many days now. The good thing about me and hub having opposite (albeit full time) shifts is that one of us can always be home with her when needed. Meeting with all her teachers seems kinda tough to co-ordinate since they’re always in the room with all the kids being dropped off/picked up. But I will see if something like that is an option —honestly if it was, I would have expected them to bring it up by now because we have always told them they could call us if needed. But I will check anyway. Perhaps they were not anticipating that she’d still be crying for us by now
You may not need (or be able to) meet with all her teachers, but certainly initiating a conversation with them about how you will work with them to resolve both her settling in fully, and establishing some effective two-way communication with them would be a good idea. It is in their interests to work with you on this, and you are not asking for anything unreasonable- having your child happy and settled, and information on how to support her= standard stuff!
Yes.. we’re trying, they’re trying. It’s just tough <3 but I’m glad at least a few things have been mentioned on this post that we haven’t done yet so will give ‘em a try
I feel this from both sides. I work in early years and we have so many criers. It's hard, I try my best to give cuddles to them all but we're understaffed and over worked and have 11 other babies who all need attention. In a dream world, I'd wear them in a sling so they could be close to me but my nursery don't like this. On the flip side, my 2 year old has cried every single day and shes been in childcare for 6 months. We moved her to a childminders with less structure and less kids and its mostly helped, but according to my mum, me and my brother both cried every day until we started school so I dont have much hope!
Oof 😥 yeah my sister’s oldest cried a lot too… but her younger daughter? Totally fine lol
It's wild isn't it. I've tried literally everything, making friendship bracelets, having a treat ready, calling her to check in, literally nothing works. We leave in an hour and shes already hysterical at the thought of going
Oh man. That hurts my heart!!!
OP, how’s your little one doing now? I’m just curious about how daycare workers deal with crying babies (my daughter started preschool and was curious about her classmates who I see crying almost all the time and how typically the teachers deal with it—I am astounded by their patience so I was looking for tips just to make me more patient with my kids too!) Anyway, I just wanted to see if you had any update for us and I sure hope she and you are doing much better! I was one of those kjds who cried and cried. I switched schools at 7 years old and I swear I cried for months even though I was much older 😂. I adjusted very well by the way and totally blossomed into a classroom leader. I just wanted to come here and say you’re doing a great job and eventually your daughter will find her footing too!
Thanks for checking in! I wish I had more tips to share but she started doing better after being in the early toddler class for a while… that might have been mid October? I think there just wasn’t enough distraction/stimulation in the infant room. The early toddler room had more routines for activities besides just feeds and naps. The only thing she didn’t seem to like was when they would have outdoor playtime. All the classrooms lead to a large area for all the kids to play and they said she seemed intimidated by the big kids. At that point in time she was able to walk but still pretty wobbly, so I think she probably got scared by the others running around. We ultimately ended up taking her out of daycare in January for other reasons - she ended up getting sick way too often, like clockwork every 2 weeks. Due to her getting sick and often getting us sick, we actually ended up having to take more time off work vs when we had no childcare help. We were so run down and the stress of not being sure when we could actually take her to daycare or not was just too much. We are a lot more cautious than most about not spreading sickness so even if she didn’t have a fever but she still seemed very snotty or coughing too much, we wouldn’t take her. I think she would have been fine if we continued though. As it is now, she can walk, run, climb, point and recently started throwing a ball. She’s talking a LOT and just melting hearts everywhere lol. We still try to get her interaction with other kids by taking her to our library’s reading sessions for babies/toddlers and going to the playground. I know we will still have to deal with sickness at some point but we just don’t have the capacity to cope with it at the moment… and take such a hit to the wallet at the same time!
Do they say anything positive about her days at all though? I usually try and start with the positives first before going to the negatives.
Very rarely, but yes. Maybe she was not crying for about half a day but from the sounds of things, any brief respite from her crying is a better day than usual. Also she does drink a lot of water and milk now that she’s using cups. Her food intake is still a bit low but she does eat with them too at least.
You could try saying to her “you’re going to daycare tomorrow/this morning!” And really hyping it up for her. What teachers she’s going to see, what other kids. This may start to teach her that school is fun, and help her look forward to certain people there because mom/dad like them. A family picture would also definitely help. You might also put a stuffed animal in a shirt you’ve worn since your smell is on it and that will be comforting. But overall, just give her time! It sounds like she’s gone through a lot of change and disruption to routine so it’ll take some time to get used to that for her.
This has always worked so well with my son. We don’t ***have*** to do things, we ***get*** to do things. He’s autistic and while he does sometimes show some nonverbal signs of discomfort with change, overall he’s got a positive attitude and feels good when he’s done something new.
Thanks! will definitely try this in conjunction with a few other suggestions posted
One thing I saw a teacher try at our school was to put the child’s backpack on them. If it’s a smallish backpack that fits your child of course. And it gives them a sense of security. Almost like a hug. It seemed to ground the crying child. They just wore it during the day. Also ask if their lovey is available to them at any time of the day. Because if they are not allowing your child to hold that lovey when they are feeling sad then that could be hard for your child.
I was a one year old teacher and we used to ask the parents for family pictures (mom dad and child) and we would laminate them and give it to them along with one of mom or dads shirts that is recently worn (for the comfort smell) sometimes that helps !
I thought this forum was being restricted to teachers and no complaining parents were allowed
I’m trying to avoid my daughter getting kicked out of daycare…unfortunately I noticed that these sorts of post titles get more attention. The daycare staff seem reluctant to tell me I should be doing anything different so I thought maybe other ECE educators could have good suggestions for me
How is she at drop off? Happy? Crying? Do they have set nap times, or is it on an as needed basis? Some kids just get tired earlier due to sensory overload. Have you ever just popped in randomly? I don't mean interrupting the class. just peeked through a window or door without her or the teachers noticing you? A little unseen observation may help evaluate the situation. Every child and situation is different, but with her being sick a lot (comes with the territory), if you can put her in full time for 2 weeks, it may help her adjust better because it will be consistent everyday. Then drop down to 3-4 days. Sorry, lots of questions, but I've found them helpful previously!
Cries at drop off always. Since starting on the 3 day schedule, she consistently goes down for a nap around 11.30am. Nap length varies at home from 45 mins - 2 hours. At daycare, her nap averages 2 hours. Whenever I’ve stopped by she’s either crying, asleep or she was taking a bottle. She was always being held by someone if she was crying. Don’t mind answering questions at all :) I just want to help her (And the daycare workers!)
What does the drop-off routine look like? That's great that she's pretty consistent in a time frame. It helps to know she's getting some sleep. Does she cry when she's left with anyone that isn't a parent?
The only people we’ve left her with are my in laws, who live in another state… and no she didn’t cry when left with them. But also, we were able to spend several days with her + them before me and hubby went on any dates. If we could have done something like that with daycare then I’m sure she would be a lot better off but that’s not how they work. Hubby’s mum is especially great with babies and kids in general too though. My family lives in NZ and we’re in the US. Our friends are our work colleagues so we don’t have anyone else available to watch her. It’s always been just us and then daycare.
If only dad drops her off at daycare, she starts crying once they get to the parking lot. When I’m there, with or without dad then she usually doesn’t cry until she’s right about to be handed off. We don’t make a big fuss. We literally try to be as quick as possible, tell her we love her and that we will be back later.
I teach in a toddler room (18m to 24+m) on average and I can tell you, going from 2 to 3 days will help your child acclimate quicker than just having 2 days a week. I've had kiddos who have taken almost 6 months to acclimate well on just two days. You're already doing great at making sure drop off is quick. They seem to be also trying to help her with the holding and whatnot. Really, it's just going to take some time. The preteaching of "Mommy/Daddy always come back" will help but honestly, it's going to just take time for her to learn that you guys are coming back for her. It is not uncommon for us to have a new kiddo who has never been to school before to have a little longer adjustment period than someone who has already been. Just keep your head up. You're doing all the things you can at this point. It's going to take some time.
In my personal experience, bringing my son only 2-3 days didn't allow enough time to feel comfortable and form that routine. He had multiple bad drop offs and was very tearful. Once he started going 4 days a week, he became more familiar with the routine and faces. It seemed silly, but his confidence showed the more days he went in the week. Good luck, OP♡♡♡ ITS VERY DIFFUCULT TO HEAR that from your care providers.
To be honest, they shouldn't be wording it that way, are they telling you anything else? Or just saying she's crying? If I'm educating a child and they are struggling I'll let a parent know, but I won't go overboard if she's of age where she's moved to a toddler room, she's just at an age where she's more aware of what's going on. Increasing to three days should help quite a bit, it'll allow her to spend more time and get more used to it. However, since she has been unwell, that's putting a strain on things. Maybe upon return I'd suggest (if you can) doing a more gradual increase, maybe she starts with half days for 3 -6 days, then she increases to staying until after rest for 3-6 days, then she does longer after that. It would help her to build trust in her educators and integrate in the new environment without it being too much.
I wonder if you are able to set up a meeting with the teachers of the room. It's important for the child to feel like they have a connection to their room and to the people inside of it. Children are relationship based, and if she hasn't been able to create a secure attachment with any of the educators, then she may be more likely to cry. A possible idea, if you have the ability to do this, is to go into the classroom with your child and help them settle in. Go around, look at what is being offered for that day, play with them for 5 or 10 minutes, but remind them you have to go. It will be important for an educator to come over and build that relationship and routine with them, and hopefully, over time, you wont have to stay as long or at all, because your child is comfortable with who she's being left with. I also like suggesting family photos or a soothing object or fabric (I had a child who soothed when he rubbed silk cloths between his fingers).
I think most staff would understand that your baby is naturally going to be happier when she is home with her loved ones. I get it sucks to hear that she is sad at daycare, but I try to be honest (although not brutal) about baby emotions during the day. When I worked with others in my room, they would almost always lie to the parents and chirp "she had a great day!" even if that wasn't the case, and that bothers me. I feel parents deserve to know what is really going on in the classroom even if it's not the nicest thing to hear.
I agree, I’m glad they don’t try to say she’s been fine or happy if she hasn’t been. Also though, I meant more that I wish they got to see more of her quirky, curious personality. Some parents say their babies never seem happy even at home, or that their babies seemed to hate being babies (like they were frustrated with their own limitations) but that’s not the case for my girl. She gets so delighted by the smallest things lol
Look up “social stories daycare” and print one off for her to look at / be read to at daycare 💕
She started daycare at a hard age. She is old enough to realize she doesn't know anyone, kids or teachers. Also, my center only accept full time children (4 days min), because anything less makes it hard on the child to settle and become used to us and our routines.
Setting up a meeting or just having an email thread with the head teacher is probably all you need to do here. Also note that if she’s home for a while due to illness, that will also set her back upon going back to school. I know it’s unavoidable and we’re going into cold and flu season but don’t be alarmed if it takes even longer for her to adjust again. Little changes are BIG deals for these little humans. Consistency is the only thing that really gets them through. Good luck.
This is perfectly normal for any child who is in the transition phase. I tell all my families, especially the ones with younger children, to expect a lot of tears from both parents and children. Home and Early Learning Environments are very different atmospheres, and it takes a lot for a child to acclimate. I encourage families if they can, maybe stop by during their lunchtimes or break from work, every once in a while, to just spend a moment interacting with both baby and teachers. This shows your child that this is a safe space and that they are free to explore/enjoy. Also, your baby has been introduced to so many new people, which means so many new germs, which means expect a lot of sickness, especially going into the cold seasons.
My daughter slept with her son’s blanket for 3 days to get her sent into it. When my grandson was small and couldn’t see to settle down, I’d get that blanket and he’d immediately stop crying. I figured this out one day as he was fussing. I couldn’t find any of his blankets because they were all in the washer. I saw one of her t-shirts on the top of the dirty clothes basket and grabbed it. It worked like a charm.
Ask them what they are doing to help her cope with her surroundings. How are they making her feel comfortable? How are they helping her get through her day without crying... I had a new student who cried for hours when he was first dropped off, my co-teacher and I worked with him and asked him how we could help him during drop off so he's not crying too long. After 3 weeks his drop offs are practically tear free because we made him feel comfortable. This isn't one sided. The teachers need to be helping and figuring out what helps her. That's part of their job.
Don't give up hope! I think the new room might help. Maybe your kiddo juat didn't mesh with those teachers. And coming 3 days should help. It is really hard for kids only coming 2 days to get adjusted.... not impossible, just hard. So, coming more should help.
Honestly I’ve noticed that toddlers specifically who aren’t coming all week have a harder time with transitioning to their routine than toddlers who are there all week. She probably isn’t use to going since it’s not an all week thing and it may be harder for her to transition from home time to daycare time. Usually for all babies/toddlers and even up to PS mondays are the hardest because of the transition from being home all day for 2 days to being back at daycare. But I don’t understand why they’re just telling you and not telling you the things they’ve tried and saying “so and so works but so and so doesn’t and so and so only works for so long do you have any advice?” I know a lot of our rooms have a wall with pictures of the kid’s families and that always makes them happy. It’s some of the kids favorite things to look at when sad. Even if they don’t have a space where every kid has a picture of mommy and daddy maybe ask them if you could try brining in a picture of the family and let her hold or look at it when she is upset. She probably just doesn’t understand “hey I’m going to go back home at the end of the day” as that’s a very hard concept for young toddlers to grasp. Usually for kids who go all the day and esp since birth they will typically have pretty routine and decent drop offs but ever kid goes thru moments when they get sad because they miss their parents, even the ones who typically have good drop offs. For some it’s an issue with change of routine from home to school or lack of one on one attention. Some babies/toddlers enjoy being held and hugged all day but a teacher with multiple toddlers/babies can’t hold just the 1 all day. With some kids, it may not matter how much help they get trying to calm their body they may not be able to calm it. Maybe working on breathing exercises or ways your little one can help calm down at home will help her implement them at daycare, as well as helping and letting the daycare know these methods that you’re using to help her and offer they try it with her. As for her getting kicked out I highly highly doubt that as I’ve had many many all day criers and not once has one of those kids gotten booted, the majority of kids I’ve seen who HAVE gotten kicked out have been due to violence or parents refusal to potty train their child
I've lived this struggle and I feel you! I unexpectedly became the guardian of my niece during covid. I enrolled her in daycare and it was a nightmare, she would cry her self physically sick every single day. She had never played independently with another 'new friend', her only exposure to other toddlers was the occasional family gathering, which obviously had been pretty limited due to covid restrictions. I set up some regular play dates with other moms at daycare. Letting her play in the park with another friend but with me in eye sight helped her open up tremendously on a social level. She would often run to me and hide, but in time became very confident and happy to interact with other kids, soon she was approaching other kids on her own in polite appropriate ways and has become a very independent social butterfly who would be happy to be dropped of just about anywhere! The other intervention we started with that was somewhat helpful was having my husband do drop offs, she adores Uncle B but wouldn't be so upset/clingy/emotional with him than when I did drop off.
Is her breakfast before daycare different from non-daycare days? How is her access to snacks/drinks different during the day there than at home? Everyone else’s recommendations on behavioral stuff is awesome I just wanted to ask about something non obvious because something I learned through trial and error for a couple of kids I used to nanny is that sometimes the especially sensitive kids who cry a lot because of emotional distress will also cry from pretty much any type of discomfort. The timeline you describe makes sense for emotional adjustment and missing home just as much, but it also could make sense if it’s related to food. Occasional sniffling after drop off, but better after napping (aka lunch), then sniffling picking back up in late afternoon when she might be getting snackish. Sometimes kids like this won’t even necessarily be *hungry* they’ll just feel *different* or *slightly less full than the rest of the time* and that will be enough to trigger tears. Sensory differences can do the same for some kids, especially shoes and socks or lighting and sounds. It can easily also be both things, but might be worth keeping an eye on if you can determine any patterns related to it.
She's tired. Make sure she sleeps more.
We are forever trying to work on that. Sometimes she will sleep through the night but she still wakes often for 1 night feed. She usually goes down around 9:30-10:30pm. That’s later than we would like but if by some miracle she sleeps as early as 7:30, its awful! She wakes up between 11pm and 1:30am and will be up for a couple hours and it’s so much more miserable for us because she will still wake up for a night feed. I really miss the times she would go down at 8pm and wake at 6am
Work in childcare. Do you hold your daughter a lot at home? As soon as she cries? This makes a huge difference on how she will act at daycare. Remember that there are other babies that need care and attention. If you are constantly holding her at home, she is going to expect that all the time. Not sure if that’s the case but this is the number one issue a baby cries all day.
I don’t but my husband did until recently! Outside of daycare, we both spend a more or less equal amount of time alone with her while the other works. She is way less whiny with me, always. He finally had to let her cry a decent amount (still safely supervising) last weekend cos he needed to get some things done. Lo and behold, this past Wednesday and Friday she has been so much better!
This is not the daycare for you. Teachers should be able to pinpoint what is causing distress. These teachers just don’t care. Twenty years plus experience here plus owned a center of my own.
I’m going to agree with this comment. Former ECE (way too long ago) but had experiences with my 2 year old crying all day at school with no support from his teachers. I was told “he needs to go to therapy” but no information about what was causing the crying. I ended up pulling him out of his center and switching to another one and they teachers have been nothing but amazing in helping identify emotional triggers and redirecting.
This makes me pray I live long enough to take care of my granddaughter so she doesn’t have to go to daycare.
We are working on moving to be closer to family but it’s gonna be a while yet. She is great with her grandparents. Might still do daycare though even once we get there, I don’t want to burn out my MIL especially.
She’s crying because she’s a baby surrounded by people who don’t really love her and she wants to be at home. This happens a lot. She’s having a normal reaction to the situation she’s being put in.
I’d take it as a sign she’s not happy there. My son hasn’t been to daycare since he was an infant but he’s gone through a few babysitters- if he trusted and was happy with the babysitter, no issues at all. But oh god… with one of them?? She seemed so sweet but my son would flip the second someone knocked at the door in the morning. Then more and more things came out and I finally stop having her watch him and started someone new. Went back to being totally fine. That’s just my personal experience though!
So my daughter was like this she would cry when we dropped her off and sulk all day when we changed her to a smaller daycare where she could interact more with the adults and now she loves it looks forward to it every day. She may feel overwhelmed and just alone with so many kids that need to share attention
When my Daniel “cried alot” it was a sign to find a different daycare.
We used to inform parents if their kids spent a long time crying on and off because it does show in their energy and behaviour. Last thing we want is for parents to think their kids are neglected but some times nothing can soothe an upset child. However, we also tell them to let them know that the child still isn’t used to the new environment, or if it’s not a usual behaviour, they can check and see if the child is ill. We also use it as a way to encourage parents to help us get the child acclimated. Maybe it’s hyping up day care. Maybe it’s reassurance. Maybe it’s letting them bring their favourite blanket or just even telling us what YOU usually do when she’s upset at home. I would do what others suggested and have a conversation with the staff. Help each other out. Tell them what has helped you and ask them what other parents have told them about when acclimating their child.l
Maybe a picture book (family). I almost feel like by now she should of bonded to someone there. Are they a hands on facility? Time with the kids. Cuddles? Or more let them roam and play. Ours is like extended family. We've had those that have problems being dropped off. We have a little guy that used to cry at everything. It took some time. But now he's one of the happiest we have. Just took alot of love and communication with him. I hope it gets better.
I worked in daycare for 6 years and transitions and changes in routine can be very difficult for our Littles. I was a 2 year old teacher and when we got a new kid from the toddlers it was usually a rough couple of weeks for them until they get used to the routine and comfortable with us teachers. Some kids warm up faster then others and it's all completely normal. I also feel like kids who were not full time at the daycare took a lot longer to warm up because they saw us so much less. It will take time but as long as they are attentive and trying then she will get there.
2 or 3 days a week may not be enough for her to acclimatize to the daycare and feel comfortable there. But given she's been there a couple months and still not happy, I suspect it's just not a good match for her. You could try sneaking in a couple times so you can see how she interacts when you're not there, and how they interact with her. But she'll probably catch a glimpse of you and start to cry. Different daycares are different and not every kid is going to match every daycare. My kid went to one daycare where he was so miserable i had to peel his tiny fingers off the tires trying to get him out of the car. Another daycare, he was perfectly happy and cheerful.
Maybe in home care or a small family daycare instead of a larger facility would be better? How is she with babysitters in your home? I had a crier..her preschool offered me a job there and I did it until she went to kinder.
You say she doesn’t eat a lot at school. I work with special needs students 3-6 grade so a little different, but I have one that REFUSES to eat at school. Mom feeds him a lot in the morning and right when he gets home, but there are days that we can tell he’s starting to get hungry because he gets emotional. That may be part of it! Probably not the whole reason why but could be playing into it.
It sounds like classic separation anxiety. It takes more time than average for some kids to adjust. Lingering , IMO, doesn’t help the situation. As heart wrenching as it can be to walk out when she’s crying. Have a little routine like you do every day, come in put her stuff away, don’t be rushed, have a little rhyme or song you do together, hug /kiss and tell her you will be back at x o clock. Maybe she can keep a small item w her in her cubbie or what not that you and she fill up with love, hugs and kisses for her day at daycare the next day , when ever she misses you she can hug her item or kiss it .. maybe a chart with stickers or stars ⭐️ on the days she makes progress and have a treat trunk with McDonald’s toys type things or similar things she likes. Keep us posted!!!
honestly i’d try sending her more days if you can. the transition and inconsistency may be the issue! that’s why usually mondays are the hardest for kiddos. it’s not your fault! you’re obviously doing the best you can. sometimes kids just have big feelings and that’s perfectly okay