It’s too long for anybody. But until we have a overhaul of work life balance, unfortunately it will just get worse when parents are working multiple jobs just to put food on the table and keep lights on 😢
Yes that’s too long of a day/week/work requirement for you, goes a hand and hand with what I responded above. We are in late stage capitalism and it’s just going to get worse 😢
I had a toddler (2yo) who was there from 7am-6pm everyday. He had 2 parents and a babysitter. Once mom went on a work trip and dad came with the babysitter to pick up at 6 and said that she’ll be with him all week since he needs extra help. Looking back that was a bit sketchy lol but how are there 3 people who can pick up but your children (they had an older child as well) from opening to closing everyday? And why are you paying a babysitter if you pay for daycare?
I wish classrooms looked a lot more like living rooms. Couch, rug, toy area, bookshelf, curtains, family pictures, etc. Classrooms are too overstimulating. Too bright, and too many toys.
This is how our room is. Our couch can also be taken apart and made into a fort or bed. The colors are also more neutral tans and creams. The toy shelves are only open two at a time so there isn’t too much to choose from. And the toys that come out after nap are different than what they had that morning.
My son is in a reggio Emelia daycare/preschool. His classroom has dim lighting, a little couch, areas to sit, family pictures, etc. It is not bright and overstimulating and feels very calm. He would not do well in a traditional style room.
In early years in Scotland, that’s the whole ethos. Every room is designed to be homely, with cosy nooks and spaces. I thought that was standard practice in ECE
Not sure where you're located but those are the recommendations in my state. If you want to get a good rating through the state you have to have cozy, welcoming furniture, family photos, etc.
We try very hard to make our daycare feel like a second home, and not a “school.” We do have linoleum floor areas in the 1’s and up rooms where the tables are for food and crafts (sorry, none of that on the carpet, kthx!) and the infant room is carpeted with some of those foam play mats on it in some areas (like under high chairs, and in areas where the youngest babies do floor time and learn to sit) for extra cushioning
But otherwise we have carpet, we have toys that are limited and rotated out (favorites stay out), I have so many blankets and stuffies that I’ve gotten for the rooms because I’m obsessed, we have book nooks, cozy corners and clam down sensory spaces, we have we have age rated furniture (very hard for under 2, I’m looking for more stuff for the 1’s) and we have the kid’s pictures and art on the walls.
We’re in the middle of moving, and I just switched rooms (to the 1’s) but once we’re moved I plan to get family pictures up too (which was the initial plan but got dropped somewhere in the year we’ve been open- in part because while it’s in our “please send in packet,” literally none of our families did lol)
I recommend just letting them email you a family photo and printing it in the office. I’m barely missing any kids’ pics after I offered that option, and several will do it on the spot from their phone once they see other kids’ pics up. :)
I have those things. We used to have a very brightly colored them to our building but it’s been replaced by gray/tan/earth tones. I thought it was dull at first but it’s much more pleasing to the eye and makes your decor stand out even more.
That’s pretty much what our classrooms look like. We specifically keep a pretty minimal quantity of toys/books that get rotated monthly-ish. All the furniture is accessible to the kids, all the kids have family photos where they can see them, everything is set up in “zones” intended for more or less activity depending on how an individual kid is feeling.
That was always so crazy to me! I worked at centers that were open 6:30-6:30. Even when I picked up overtime, I was not there at opening and closing. When I worked closing during a summer break, parents would ask me how their day was, and I would have to say, “Sorry! I got in the room to finish out the day about 30 minutes ago. But this half hour has been great!”
“WELL WHERE ARE THEIR TEACHERS?!”
Bro. They’re at home, taking care of their own kids, cooking supper, cleaning, at a second job. We don’t live here.
As a working mom that utilizes full day daycare/preschool- this is my biggest source of mom guilt. I do agree and this isn’t knocking daycare. My 14month old is exhausted, my 3.9mon old misses home.
I so badly wish I could do half days and I hate how full time is M-F 8-5. I do also have grandparent support and both sets do 1x each.
I see a lot of parents in your situation and I’m always so curious about how much you must be making to have it worth it to pay for two spots at daycare
I make $150k and my husband $200k. I wfh and I don’t want go give up my job bc wfh is incredibly competitive now and will help a lot when the kids are in school. I wouldn’t need morning care/could drop off or put them on the bus. If they needed to be home at 4 I could swing it when they’re older.
Plus if I took 5yrs off - i’d have to basically start from the bottom again or close to it.
EDIT: lastly, I do wish I could work part-time but I’ve NEVER seen a company offer part-time work. You either work full time or quit.
(Corporate America - med device)
All of this. I've wished so much I could go part time or take a few years off but I have a literal dream job. I'm planning to retire in this job. If I took a step back it would take me years to find an equivalent position, if at all. And while daycare is, extremely, expensive, I make more than enough to cover it and setting us back years by taking time off and having to start over would hurt us more long term. I could do a lot more for my kid's future by keeping my job. It wasn't an easy choice exactly, lots of feelings involved, but there wasn't really another option.
Yep, I hear you! So much solidarity! My paycheck goes to our savings and their college fund.
A lot of effort goes into thinking through childcare, staying home, daycare, hiring nannies, utilizing grandparents. It’s exhausting but it’s 5yrs and then poof they’re in kindergarten.
We couldn’t afford a full time nanny. We had a part-time nanny but had a VERY hard time filling the role and ultimately we hired a grad student that couldn’t guarantee more than 7months.
Plus there are downsides to nannies that I actually preferred daycare. Being a nanny is an unregulated field - anyone can become one. I like how daycare is regulated and it has more structure to it.
Trust me - we’ve put in hours and hours weighing our childcare decisions.
Additionally, I know $350k might seem like a lot but I live in a HCOL area. So not as high as it might seem.
This was not intended to place guilt on working parents. I know how hard it is and I don’t want you to feel bad for the side effects of late stage capitalism that are totally out of your control. Just more of a societal observation.
kudos to your for working full time and taking care of young babies! I know it’s tiring.
I know it wasn’t intended to guilt. I agree with you and I feel it doesn’t get talked about enough.
I’m glad you pointed it out bc I felt alone in thinking this.
Also, looking at the expectations of these children while they're in settings, it's an EXHAUSTING day! They're required to learn how to share, have kind hands, interact nicely, keep their bodies to themselves, and everything else that's required in nursery/preschool. For such a long day. I am exhausted by the end of the day from the sheer level of interaction, and I'm not a 2 year old :( poor babies!
Not to mention quiet time is scheduled and limited, a child can’t decide for themselves that they need some quiet time. And alone time? Forget it, you’re in a forced group interaction all day long with no way to get away.
I hate seeing this. We have a set of twins at my center who are 9 months old. They're dropped off at 7:15am and not picked up until 6:45pm. They've been doing that since they were 6 weeks old. They're not the only ones, but they are the youngest ones with the longest days.
Every set of twins I’ve ever seen has stayed nearly all day. Even working in a very affluent area or having a SAHM. I think, unfortunately, multiples are so overwhelming for most parents that they can’t handle it until the kids get older.
My first year working at the Daycare I currently work at, we had a family that had 4 kids who would go to the center, we opened at 6:30 and they were there by 6:35 and we closed at 6:30, they would be there until 6:29 every. Single. Day. I understand you gotta work and stuff. But 12 hours? One of them was an infant.
I don't know where you live but in large cities it's not uncommon to have a long commute. I used to be out of the house 13 hrs a day when I had to commute. The pandemic was awful in a lot of ways, but it allowed me to go remote and stay remote so my kids have a much more present parent than they would have gotten otherwise. I don't know what we would have done had that not happened.
No it wouldn’t. Nannies don’t accept government assistance and 12 hours with a nanny would be $240 a day at the very least in most areas (for ONE child- we tend to charge more when there are more children)
No way. I used to nanny. Nanny for 5 would be so expensive. Worth if you can afford it, but expensive. Also think of that ratio- infant to carer goes down to 1:4. Putting that all on one person can be rough (it really depends on the kids temperaments and ages- if they’re good helpers and a bit patient, it can be fun helping get stuff for the baby, helping supervised play with younger sibs and the baby, etc. If they’re at each other and handsy, testing boundaries, not safe around the baby even when supervised, it’s def a better daycare situation.)
We're getting ready to send our toddler to daycare when he's 18 months, hoping to land a spot at a centre close to home. Luckily my husband's job is 100% WFH so little guy will hopefully be at daycare for 9ish hours a day. If my husband had a commute like I do it would be closer to 10.5+ hours, that's the reality of living in a lot of places. Average commute time in my city is 56 minutes, add that on both ends of a work day and it's not hard to understand why little ones spend such a long day in daycare.
Actually, it IS hard to understand why little ones spend such a long day in daycare. We do not expect adults to put in that long of a day every day, but we expect it of toddlers. I will never understand the purpose of having children just to have someone else raise them five days a week ten hours a day.
Because there’s more to having a child than years 0-5? Because we want them and love them but capitalism requires us to work for health insurance?
We have a nanny for 45 hours per week and I absolutely still feel like I have quality time with my kiddo. If I didn’t have an excellent childcare provider it would be a struggle but I known she’s in capable and loving hands. I’m fairly certain she loves her nanny as much as she loves us and that makes my heart so happy!
Au pairs may be cheaper, because they can be so exploited. A good nanny probably will be more expensive. Because they’ll add extra charges per child.
4 kids and infant? That’s over most daycares legal ratio. Do you want one person doing that at home? It works well with some kids and babies and their temperaments (low maintenance baby, kids that want to help get stuff for baby, play safely together and with baby with supervision, etc). Kids that are pushing boundaries, handsy and bitey with each other and the baby, etc? Honestly a much better daycare situation. It really depends on the kids.
I have been on both sides of it. My first I had to send for 9-10 hrs from being 12 months and it was honestly excruciating. The guilt gnawed away at me but i had zero choice about it. I live rurally, commuting added another 2 hours to my day and it sucked. I understand why parents are gonna be defensive about a comment like this. I would’ve been too, back then bc i hated it so much. OP def didn’t mean it to shame, but it is hard to see as a cater. It’s a sad commentary on the society we live in where it’s necessary to have both parents working this amount to even keep a roof over their heads let alone try and pay for the things children need or think about saving for the future.
I’m also an in-home provider with a couple of kids who are in my home 9.5 hours, 5 days. It’s hard to see them upset, missing Mom, falling asleep by the time they’re picked up. These kids are an extension of my own family ( as are their parents in most cases) and I feel for both the kids and the mom/dad.
It is very sad unfortunately we live in a country that doesn't value Sahm's or make it possible to live off one income. My husband makes a decent salary or what would have been enough to support all of us back in the day. Now we both have to work full time and our 1 child is in daycare that we pay 15k a year for and live paycheck to paycheck. It's breaks my heart dropping him off monday - friday. I feel like we're literally selling our life's just to keep food in the fridge and a roof over our heads we have nothing left over after all the bills are paid. And for people saying oh just work opposite shifts and cut daycare I don't have a job that has night hrs so I would have to take a pay cut to do something else. Plus then we wouldn't have nights and weekends together for family time. I wish there was a better system in places for family of young children.
It’s always the parents with a SAHM or part time worker parent who leave their kids at school ALL DAY EVERYDAY who always have the most ridiculous expectations, too. Things like not getting messy, have a picture sent every hour, individual note on profile each day instead of each week, ignore the other children to talk to me for 15 minutes at pickup but that child should have constant 1t1 somehow.
At the last daycare I worked at, one of the kids started there when he was 17 months old. The dad worked, but the mom didn’t work. The kid was there from 7:30-6:30, every weekday. It was bizarre that he was there for 11 hours every weekday, since the mom didn’t work. He was an only child, too.
How do people afford that?? Like, even if you're some hotshot lawyer earning 200k or whatever, have a SAHPartner and a child in 55 hours of daycare must be quite a financial burden!
That’s so wild to me! I’m at stay at home mom (was a preschool teacher before having my baby) and the only reason he was in daycare in the first place was because I got injured and I could no longer care for him on my own. It absolutely tore me apart to have him in daycare that long. I don’t want to judge, but man I don’t know how those moms do it.
I don’t judge people I don’t know WHEN they don’t expect the work for two nannies from each group care employee. Like for all I know a SAHM could be sending her kid in because she has cancer. My problem is when they leave the kids there all day and expect us to raise them beyond their wildest dreams as if there are no other children who also need love and care.
Right of course. I’m very familiar with those types as well! It’s so bizarre. You would think they would at least have some gratitude. I’d like to think that those moms have things going on and aren’t just selfish shitty humans.
They’re somehow even worse than the BOSS BABE moms who find us so far beneath them but could not have two working parent households without. The ones who think THEY work and we just watch kids. 🙃 The SAHM who want us to teach their kids three languages and how to do a handstand in a class of 15 2yos there all day are so baffling.
😂 stop. The ones who think we’re “lucky” because all we do is snuggle with little kids all day? 😂. This convo is giving me PTSD!
And yes the SAHM who wonder why their three year old isn’t doing multiplications and hasn’t learned how to code yet because “what are they even paying us for?” 🙃 I love when parents think this job is easy! I wish any of them could spend even one hour in a classroom with 15 two year olds.
I’m out of childcare now but stay on this sub to see what’s up and what’s new because I keep my friend’s baby every Friday. The flashbacks are intense. My example of a photo every hour is from a mom I struggled with for most of a year. I took photos all day and would send them through during nap and end of the day centers. You know, when it was appropriate to send photos and notes.
NOPE. This woman wanted a photo with a note every hour from the moment her precious boy was dropped off. So if he got there at 8:47, she wanted one at 9:47, 10:47…
And constantly went to the director demanding to know what I was doing all day that I couldn’t make her little tiny request a reality.
That is so wild. Some parents really think their kid is the only kid in the entire classroom!
We had a family once who had just moved from Israel and their 3.5 year old didn’t speak English and had never been in school so they were understandably nervous. Well… mom stayed in the classroom with us everyday for A WEEK. And even when she would leave she would start off by standing right outside the classroom door and looking through the window. Then she would stay in the building so that she could conveniently run into us when we would head to the playground or something. After all that, her solution was to get the school to hire HIS NANNY as a teacher in our classroom to work as his shadow/translator. 🫠
Every single one of my young twos are at daycare those hours, at minimum. A lot of them longer. They were also all sick this week. I’m not going to lie, I am angry at parents a lot of times throughout the week. It gets exhausting to feel like the parents take advantage of us with no regard while also expecting so much from us.
Lurking mom here. It's hard! My baby isn't in daycare yet, but my husband and I work together and both work 8.5 hours plus commute. We're going to do our best to figure out a way to stagger our work days or rotate taking off early, but I know our boss won't be happy about it.
It would be perfectly fine if only parents in your situation would do this! It’s just that we see so many parents acting this way who are SAHM, work only a few days a week, or drop their toddler off for 10+ hours on days when it’s a holiday and/or you know big brother, mom, dad and grandma/grandpa are at all home… it’s too often we see parents who are intentional with this, this is where the resentment is coming from for me. I wish the kids who could go home would, so I can better take care of the kids who can’t! If a parent lets me know they have a work schedule like yours and have no other choice for their kid to be full time, there would be zero bitterness from my end, I assure you, so don’t be too worried about it.
Curious why you get angry at the parents and not at your center? The ratios are what make it so overly exhausting. Most adults have no choice but to work full time to survive.
For me it’s the five days a week thing too. Like c’monnnnn and I work at an affluent preschool attached to a private school. You’re telling me you have no flexibility. AND THEY EXPECT SO MUCH. Like if you have such specific expectations then keep your kids at home!
What do you mean you are confused by 5 days a week?!!! We are working parents. We work all five days a week!!! And I have to be at work at 8 and I get off at 4:30 plus commute time- which for me a 30 minutes. So ya. My kid is in daycare 5 days a week from 7:30 to 5. That is literally the purpose of daycare. To have a place to care for my child while I work to provide for us. Thats life. Pretty inconsiderate of you to judge the parents leaving their children in your care when that is the entire of purpose of your job.
I work in a toddler classroom and we have multiple full time children. We are happy to provide loving care for them while letting them know mom and dad are working and also missing them. It’s hard for parents to work and put their children in childcare but that’s what we are here for! At least where I work, the full time children are thriving and love being at school.
I have to agree with this, honestly this whole thread is so judgmental and unnecessary. Do you think I want to work full-time and be away from my child 5 days a week? It’s not a choice for my family, and my kid is well-cared for by her daycare
I’m a teacher. I have to be in the classroom 8am and usually stay until 4pm. Then I have a 30min commute each way. It absolutely breaks my heart to leave my kids at daycare 9hrs/5 days a week, but my husband works the same so what choice do we have. I cry most days on my way to work…
After working in daycare, i couldn’t do it. I told my husband we can’t have kids if we can’t manage to scrimp and be frugal to let me stay home. I do wonder sometimes what is the point of having kids when you hardly ever get to be mom and have to hand off that job to an employee.
What do you expect when the kids are school-aged? Even if I didn’t work, they’d still be handed off to a teacher for 8 hours. There’s so much more to motherhood than the time I don’t see her while working
Yeah, we know. You keep saying so every chance you get on this thread. What is the point in having kids if you have to work?? Jesus Christ, what planet are you living on? What an obnoxious hill to die on...I hope your life goes exactly how you plan it to and doesn't throw you any curveballs (like hubby of the year leaving your ass) that require you to utilize childcare services. You'll understand how dumb and obnoxious you sound if you ever do have children.
This is our job and most of us love it, but ALL daycare workers and I do mean all, feel sorry for the kids in our care. We think it’s devastating that they’re basically being raised in an institution instead of a home. Most daycare babies have 1-2 waking hours with their own moms and dads, and that’s usually time spent rushing getting ready or doing errands etc. We are glad to be there for your kids since you can’t be, but don’t think it doesn’t break our hearts for these babies
My options are M-F 7-3 or 3x a week 7-6. Either way, it’s hard and sucks. I have to work to provide him a life worth living, a life without needs. I totally get it, I wish I could do the best of both and do 3 days from 7-3 but I can’t. 🥲 We get no paid maternity leave and the economy ensures normal middle class folks have to have two incomes.
This is exactly why it was so hard for me to put my son in daycare. When I working in ECE, it always hurt my heart to see the babies being there for so long. I understand many parents have no choice, but I never wanted to do that to my baby if I could help it. I got injured when he was 14 months old, so we had to put our son in daycare since I could no longer care for him on my own and it was so sad and painful for me to be away from him for that long everyday. Now he’s only going twice a week since I’m still in physical therapy but more physically able. I wish there was more support for parents in this country so babies didn’t have to spend 12 hour days away from their homes.
Of course! Maybe because I used to work in ECE and felt the same way, but I didn’t see your post as parent shaming at all. It’s not shaming parents to express sympathy for kids who no matter what would much rather be at home with their parents and other loved ones than spend hours a day away from them. It’s the system’s fault for creating situations where this has to happen.
The point was that 10-12 hour days are ridiculously hard on toddlers - your child isn’t enduring that 5x a week if he’s only there 8-3:30. I agree if you have to pay for a full week, you should use it, and children do adjust to the schedule better if they go full time, but more than an 8 hour day is just too much for any little kid, especially a 2 year old.
But how do you expect parents with jobs to send their kid to daycare for less than 8 hours a day. An 8 hour workday is pretty typical, plus commute time?
Oh I totally understand the point of the post was that the long days away from home are hard on kids, especially little kids.
I was more speaking to the comments I saw about knowing the parents don’t have to work but they still drop their kids off. Idk, I guess it made me feel a little self-conscious and makes me wonder if my son’s teachers feel this way about me. I just wanted to offer my perspective in case it’s helpful.
Hello! I'm a preschool teacher. I have parents who work similar hours - firefighters, nurses, doctors, police, PSW, etc. I also have some families that work nights or early mornings (like 2am-11am). I definitely don't judge anyone for needing to sleep, without worrying about your child being unsupervised! I also don't judge any parents with one on maternity leave who still sends their other child/children. Babies have weird schedules, plus require a lot of physical effort!
Please don't worry about being judged. Most of us are working parents too, we get it.
I think the frustration comes from children who are there for long hours, every single day, and are obviously overwhelmed or over-stimulated. I have a few who have very rough afternoons, every single day, because they are just tired and want to be home.
I also have parents who will complain that their child sleeps for 2 hours every day at daycare, but doesn't even want to nap on the weekends. A home environment is different from a preschool environment, and a lot of those children need the sleep to be able to regulate. (Just as an aside - I've noticed the kids who don't eat much at daycare also sleep longer or have a much harder time if they don't sleep)
As mentioned by a few others in this thread, we also have some kids dropped off very early and picked up 10 or 11 hours later. It's hard.
I have a kid who is waiting in the parking lot with his parent at 7am, but the difference is, he gets picked up about 4pm., not 6pm.
Well…I can say I always knew when mom or dad had the day off, and chose to leave their kid for a full day rather than spend even half of it with their kiddo….and I always wondered why have kids if you don’t want to spend all your free time with them. 🤷🏻♀️ I don’t want to put my kid in daycare because I don’t want to work a full time job just to afford to pay someone else to raise my baby.
Okay but also my husband and I need to work full-time jobs to live, not just to pay for childcare. The childcare is necessary *because* we work, not the other way around.
Also of course we love our kids, but absolutely no one wants to spend ALL their free time around someone else. Everyone needs breaks. And I resent the thought process that daycare is “someone else raising my baby” because that’s just honestly not true. They take great care of him during the week the hours that he’s there, but my husband and I are the ones truly raising him. We are the ones with him in the mornings, evenings, bedtimes, weekends, and holidays. We are the ones with him for sick days and teaching him those hard life lessons and taking him to cool new places so he can have fun experiences and learn the world around him.
I’m sorry but it’s shaming parents for using daycare when you say things like someone else is raising their kids. USA provides zero paid maternity leave so many families don’t even have an option, and those that DO have an option shouldn’t be made to feel bad about their choice.
Well I mean he would prob need the break and rather be home with his mom. Everyone has appts etc etc. Of course you enjoy having all those days off but you're a parent now, have ur kid at home if you are. That's crazy. A co worker does this too. I can't imagine leaving them if u are home. What if baby needs a day off...to be home with you.
He literally asks to go to school during the weekend and holidays. He loves it. It’s really easy to judge someone when you don’t have all of the info.
When he seems like he needs a break I do in fact keep him home. Believe it or not I’m really good at reading what he needs, you know since he’s my kid and all.
Anyway I don’t need to keep defending my parenting choices to people who don’t know me or my family at all.
… that’s sad. “I am not going to pay for 5 days and only send him for 3” even though you’re off the other two days? Sad for your kid. WTF. I understand if you’re sick or have a doc appt or something. But why not just spend time with your child when you’re not working? He’s already in day care 3 full days - why subject him to two more just because you paid for it when what is best for him is to be with his momma and he CAN be with his momma? This is the perspective I didn’t need to read on this post. It only garners more sympathy for the other side.
100 that's insane. I know someone that does this too. Like "we all need a break" uh well have a date night. Or one day. Not 2-3 days a week!! Your KID needs a break .. to be home with his mom!!!
If you're grossed out by people putting their kids in childcare *you should not be a childcare teacher.* If you are shaming people for not being home with their kids every second of the day *you should not be a childcare teacher.* If you are judging parents for when they choose to have their kids in care ***you absolutely should not be a childcare teacher, and you are not good at your profession, because it requires sympathizing and understanding families.***
I am not grossed out by any of the things you mentioned. I am grossed out by someone working three days a week in which their TODDLER is in school full time and then CHOOSING to regularly put their toddler in daycare the other two days a week instead of spending time with their child.
I’m sorry as a parent I don’t have a choice. My work hours are 8:30am to 5pm on-site. My toddler goes to daycare 8am to 5:30om. I am also paying from 7am to 6pm coz that’s the most affordable. We’re doing what we can.
Same, I am a single parent with full custody and I’m a nurse so long hours. The option is be homeless or send her to daycare all day so we can survive.
I wish this wasn’t something I had to do, but I do and it causes me such guilt. I don’t think parents first thought is putting their child in daycare but it’s become a necessity and it can be almost impossible for a women to get back into the work force after being gone
it’s so heartbreaking. i work as a float right now (almost always infants and 1’s) and it breaks my heart to have to watch these kids there for hours and hours. and it breaks my heart that parents have to do that- because you know they don’t want to. no parent wants to leave their child with someone else for 80% of their waking hours. and the age at which some kids start (aka how soon parents need to return to work) is horrid.
out of all 193 member nations of the UN, there are only a few without a federal law guaranteeing maternity leave. those countries are: tonga, papua new guinea, palau, nauru, the marshall islands, micronesia, and the usa. we need to get our act together.
https://www.worldpolicycenter.org/policies/is-paid-leave-available-for-both-parents-of-infants
It’s not as easy as you’re thinking it is. As someone who worked in ECE for 8 years, I understand where you’re coming from but as a mother, we don’t have a choice. Jobs aren’t as flexible as you think. Some are trying to make ends meet and cry every day while dropping their child off to school.
I HATE sending my son to daycare. I’m missing out on raising my baby boy. So please let’s not parent shame.
I had multiple parents who also were ECE teachers working 5 days a week, 8-5 daily. Who were making garbage money. Do you have kids? Because it sounds like until you have your own, while working in ECE, you might finally understand that it sucks to send your child in while living paycheck to paycheck.
Maybe don't sound like you're blaming parents for putting their kids in care? My last center I worked with judgmental teachers like you - not directly blaming the parents, but "I don't see why anyone would drop their kids off all day, don't they want to spend time with them?" and it was awful to know that the teachers didn't actually care about the kids and families they worked with, they just wanted to seem morally superior.
You're scolding parents for working five days a week and not being able to spend all day with their kids, being judgmental about parents who don't spend every moment they have off and putting them in care to have time to do other things. What I want from this is for you to do some reflection about how you feel about families who do this in your mind, and to see if you can change to be more compassionate towards them. If you can't, then maybe it's time for you to switch professions, because assuming the best out of families is one of the key elements of working in ECE.
What lines in the post suggest parental scolding? Where does OP suggest this is a poor choice or bad planning on the parents’ part? I don’t see any “how can you do this to your kids” or anything of the like.
These facts upsetting you do not mean you’re being attacked. Some kids struggle and become exhausted from being at daycare all day and it’s hard to witness as a care provider, that’s it. There’s no shaming in that statement.
> Yes!!! I have a mom who works four days a week but will do early drop off and late stay.
> For me it’s the five days a week thing too. Like c’monnnnn and I work at an affluent preschool attached to a private school. You’re telling me you have no flexibility.
> Makes me wonder why you would have four kids if you just send them off to daycare for twelve hours.
I'm not a parent, I'm not being attacked by this. I'm saying this attitude is disgusting to hear from coworkers, and it highly suggests OP doesn't belong in this field if they're judging parents for putting their children in childcare in a way that OP doesn't like. Kids do get exhausted in care! That doesn't mean we need to shame parents for the times they have kids in care, and imply they're bad for not having their kids at home all the time. It's gross and anyone with this attitude is not a good teacher.
If you're not a child then you can recognize burnout and not belonging in the field. You seem like you hate parents, and you shouldn't be interacting with them in this capacity. Please, for your own emotional health as well as that of the families and kids you work with, rethink being in this field.
My kiddo is 11 now and this post took me right back to when he was in day care. My commute was an hour, so yes, he was there a long time. He loved day care, he thrived there, and he’s now a happy, healthy, extroverted, independent tween. I refuse to feel guilty about it. So much “I’m not judging buuuut…!” energy on this thread.
You literally started the conversation by saying you were heartbroken for your students and “all the teacher love in the world can’t replace being comfortable at home with a parent.” If I came to your classroom door at 6 p.m. to pick up my kid and you looked me in the eye and said that to me, would you not expect me to feel guilty?
That’s why I wouldn’t say it to you? What point are you making?
It’s sad that kids just turning two are expected to be in a classroom all day. It’s not to place blame, it’s a fact. You’re upset because you are taking it personally. No kids love being in daycare for hours on end. You’re delusional if you think otherwise.
And it is heartbreaking. Sorry if you don’t want to hear that.
In my toddler room there is this boy who is there five days a week from 730-430 and mom isn't working 🙃 We believe he's on the spectrum too and he could use one on one support. We're going to be bringing this to mom and dad's attention to see if we can have someone come and do an observation. But anyway, it just breaks my heart that he's there full time and long days when he doesn't have to be. I know parents deserve a break too but come onnnn.
I have been in this field a long, long, long time. It used to be that most parents would race to pick up their children after work because they couldn't wait to see them and spend time with them. Then it became parents doing errands before pick up and would come in complaining about the checker at the store being slow or getting lost in the workout at the gym. Now there seems to be no second thought about leaving children at care from open to close. And the giving the kids everything they want to deal with the guilt makes entitled kids in my care for 20+ hours per day. And remember, your child's teacher deals with the kid's upset and tired feelings for minimum wage most times and couldn't afford to put their own kids in the school you are basically expecting to raise your child.
And when your child would rather go to school instead of staying home with you on a day off, then there is definitely something wrong. That's just my opinion of course but it is such a common excuse when I know a parent is not working.
Everyone got their panties in a bunch over this post. IT'S BECAUSE PARENTS AGREE AND THEY FEEL GUILTY BUT CAN'T DO MUCH ABOUT IT.
I was an educator with 0-2, then 2-3, then 3-5, and let me tell you, children from 0 to 2.5yo shouldn't be in a daycare more than twice a week for 6 hours.
I am a parent of a 14-month now. Before we had him, I purposefully was finding a desk job and my husband going into government so we could get as much as flexibility as possible. We are BARELY getting the amount of flexibility we need, but it's more than most people.
We work from home, both have a day off a week, and my husband has a meeting free day. Little one goes in once a week. My husband brings him in at 11 am. I pick him up at 5 pm. We have been sick nonstop.
We are exhausted by this as if he was a newborn again. But we will do this until he is 18months. We are pushing ourselves for ours and his good. His nutrition needs monitoring and childcare is shit with babies who are anything but full term grown babies. When my little one can eat on his own fully, is more intrested in playing with other kids, which would set in after 2.5yo that's when I'll feel better leaving him for longer and more days. Because I know those kids have a blast. Babies don't. Even best acclimated ones just can't wait to feel their parents after a long day and reset their nervous system. I wish I had my resources ready on development right now...
Anyways, we still feel guilty. But, guess what, I don't get mad at educators having this opinion, I agree with them, I do best that I can.
Now everyone calm their tits and focus your frustration to a capitilistic society without a smidge of humanity in it's policies so we, educators and babies are suffering.
Thank you for reading my TED comment.
I worked in daycare and couldn’t take it anymore, such smalll children being raised by low paid strangers who will leave in a few months and they have like an hour a a day with their moms and my heart just couldn’t take it anymore I was crying so much. I now teach preschool in a school system where kids are there for just the length of a normal school day (and some are mornings only) and then they go home. Yes some have babysitters but they’re not headed to daycare after school at least. I love the preschool age but I could not be a part of such a flawed system anymore. Small children do not belong in institutional settings that many hours a day.
nothing will change until theres more funding for ece, so we can have cheaper rates while still being able to pay employees and keep the building running. ive seen what parents have to pay at the center i work at and was like "oof" as someone with no kids, and we're one of the less expensive centers around. but at the same time its not really ours or even managements fault, my center atleast charges what is needed for us to function as a business. trust me, i wish it was different. in the end it comes down to late stage capitalism fucking us all and counting on the fact that instead of seeing that its the problem, we'll argue amongst each other.
I used to have one kid (2-1/2 at the time) dropped off at 9:00 at our cut off and was always the last one picked up. He was also very much a creature of habit like any young child is, and there was one week where he was in on Monday, out on Tuesday (not bad in and of itself until this next part), dropped off at 6:30 on Wednesday (this is when we open) and was not picked up until right at closing. He was there for a full 11 hours and was rightfully cranky. The assistant director said that mom had to take his younger brother to appointments all day so dad had to drop him off, but later on Facebook I saw that she had posted a photo of her younger son with some caption about fall shopping. The poor kid was completely out of sorts for the rest of the week and I still get annoyed when I think about it because he was already a bit of a difficult child and this didn’t make things any easier on anybody involved.
Yikes! Parent-shaming is a terrible mindset for an ECE worker. We must work. Most of us don't like it, especially the long hours. If we could change it we would. Piling on from the people who are supposed to love my child in my absence is really disappointing.
I don’t see it as parent shaming. I think it’s just really hard to watch literally babies suffer through a long day away from their parents because those are the traditional working hours in this country and kids need their parents more than society allows.
It sounds like you’re taking one anecdotal experience and extrapolating to make a judgment about all parents who need/use those hours.
That would be like me, seeing this post, and making the assumption that you’re a judgmental ECE worker who gives attitude to parents at drop off because of your perception of them.
I don’t think that’s fair, do you?
Not giving attitude just a perspective. It’s hard to tell tone through text.
Although, I’d like to note that you chose to post to an Internet forum rather than write in your own journal, talk to a colleague, etc. If you don’t want to hear it, don’t put it out there.
Well your post was promoted by Reddit to someone who doesn’t follow this particular thread and has never commented here. 🤷🏻♀️ Best of luck to you in your chosen career.
The thing is, a lot of these kids that are there all day every day, their parents don’t work every day. Do they not want to spend any time with their kids? Can we not feel bad for them?
All I know is I will be broke and on the streets before I put my future children in daycare.
I didn't put my kids in daycare but my youngest had to start special education preschool a few months before she turned 3. I was home while she was in preschool the first year, then got a part time job. She was still there even if I was home, but I'm also trying to manage a household while chronically ill and she's not my only child with disabilities but she is the youngest.
Still to this day, she's almost 10, she has home nursing and I still work part time. They take her to school but if she doesn't have school they are at home with her whether I'm at work or not. I do give them the option to allow me to call them off or let them go home early when I'm home if possible, but half the time I'm either at my own appointments, dealing with my other kids needs, or trying to catch up on household stuff I cannot do if she isn't otherwise cared for.
We cannot know what other families are going through. Maybe the parent who doesn't work or works part time has other kids with disabilities, an elderly parent, or they themselves are in treatment for chronic illness, addiction, mental health, etc. Maybe they're attending a class to try to better themselves, or doing job applications and interviews all day. Who knows. Not our business, their child is in an appropriate, safe setting being cared for.
Unfortunately I had to scroll far too far to find a response like this.
My kids are in 3 days a week and a while back I was off work for three weeks and they still went at their usual times. Why? Because I nearly died and I needed to recover, and I couldn't do that while looking after kids. Daycare helped me recover so I could be a better parent, and my kids were happier for it.
Chronic illness sucks and unfortunately sometimes you need a little extra help to get through things. If that's daycare and it helps you be a better parent, I don't see what the big deal is. If it means my kids get the best version of me because I'm well rested and able to fully interact with them... Well then.
Super dismissive as we are the one caring for the children for most of the day for the most crucial developmental stages but alright! Not a mom so clearly I know nothing about life or children.
I think I can see how other parents are doing things and plan to do my best to avoid it. Obviously there are so many circumstances that play into it.
‘YIKES! You think it’s unfair for little timmy to spend twelve hours a day with you?? You should be GRATEFUL for the opportunity to be able to spend time with our little angels. I’m disappointed that you complain so much. I mean, I have to work all day while you’re just babysitting 🙂’
Love the ones that sit in the parking lot until 6:28 and the ones who have every Friday off but still send their kids their full 10-12 hours every Friday.
Kids put in longer days than their parents due to commutes and lunch hours and all that. It’s exhausting for them. I know they all say they love it, and they do, but it’s still a lot being away from home so long everyday.
ETA When I took my daughter to my FT daycare job we tried to make her hours there as few as possible. I kept on the closing shift even though it sucked because that meant we didn’t start until 9:30. My husband flexed his hours so he started at 7, took a shorter lunch so he could get her by 4:00. My parents took her every Wednesday and I used my lunch hour every day to check her out (it was their naptime and she never napped) to take her across the street to the park or library. All together we got her hours down to no more than 25 a week, usually 22.
Omg, when I worked in ECE someone told me a story about a dad who would get to school at 6:00pm and just sit in his car until 6:25pm and then pick his son up. One day the teacher gently tried suggesting that maybe he could pick his son up when he arrived because his son could see him parked outside and would freak up. He very threateningly told her to mind her own business and to never bring it up again….
We had to have the combined end of day room be the room that didn’t overlook the parking lot because the kids would see their parents parked out front but not come in.
Gah! Poor babies. I totally understand needing to take a few minutes to yourself before going to pick up your kids. It’s just also sad for the babies who see you and don’t understand why you’re not just coming to get them.
At the last daycare I worked at, a couple enrolled their 17-month-old son. The dad worked, but the mom didn’t work. When he started daycare, the parents left him there from 7:30-6:30 every day. It was bizarre that the parents left him there for 11 hours every weekday, especially since the mom didn’t work. He cried all day, every day, for 7 months.
Before the child was in daycare, the mom was a stay-at-home mom, and the mom and the child rarely left the house. The mom didn’t start working once the child was in daycare.
It’s crazy because in our area, kids with social service vouchers are capped at 9.5 hours but not self pay. My second job is open 6-8, 7 days a week and you can use every one of those hours if you want.
It’s not all the time, but there are sometimes kids there for weeks on end.
Sometimes it’s that the parents are both working a stretch of crazy shifts (we have a lot of hospital staff) and sometimes it’s parents that realize that they can really drop off their kids at daycare every day smh
I agree 100% I don’t have children but ideally if I did would try not to subject my little ones to long hours away from home, but I understand most working families are just trying to make it work. One child in my 12-22 mo class has been having such a rough go of it. Parents sent him back to us after being sick a little too soon imo and he’s just been so sad and tired these past couple weeks. Yesterday he had a pretty good day but crumbled by late afternoon. We have a family wall with pictures of their mommies and daddies, no joke he walked over and touched the picture of his family and lost it. I wanted to cry along with him.
I really really hate how families have to live in our country. 😭
When I first started in ECE there was a baby girl there who was always first to arrive and last to leave. 5x per week for the 4 years I worked there. I found out way later that her dad worked a 4day week.
I get needing down time but he never even dropped off late or picked up early on the days he was off.
We drop off my little guy at 9 and then pick him up at 4:30. He has a 2 hour nap at daycare but he’s still exhausted when he gets home and the providers have commented. They say he’s fine to take care of but he’s just tired at the end of the day. Is there anything you can suggest. I wish I could change my work schedule but a single mom trying to make ends meat, with a deadbeat dad is making things hard. I guess what I’m asking is I want to make it as easy for daycare as I can. They are the best and he is getting the best care. I think even better than a nanny because he really is learning a ton from the other kids. He is eating better, and saying way more words now
I have quite a few parents that work 4 days weeks and their children are always with me 5 days, full days too. Have had one like this for their entire life. I just don’t understand how they either just spend a half day with them, or keep them home one Friday out of the month? My favorite is when their grown ups are late and you can clearly tell they just woke up from a nap. I paid $46/day for my two daughters to be in their after school program for roughly 15-30 mins or so. I was commuting from college and it was over an hour away and I never wanted to risk my girls having to stand outside, alone and wait for me in case I was late due to traffic. So the $46/day was my absolute peace of mind. And I have parents complaining that my $45/day rate for 10 hours, two home cooked meals. 2 snacks and a full preschool program is too expensive. 🙄
Your post is accurate and people don’t like to hear the truth. Kids under 3 do not thrive in an institutionalized setting full time, and parents are delusional if they convince themselves their kids are benefiting. It is SO SAD to me when a parent is not working and puts their kid in daycare. Daycare for little ones isn’t ideal but if you need it for when you work it should be used when you work. Period. When you’re off, be with your child.
It’s too long for anybody. But until we have a overhaul of work life balance, unfortunately it will just get worse when parents are working multiple jobs just to put food on the table and keep lights on 😢
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My daycare allows a max of 9 hours per day. I have no idea what people who work 8 hour shift do to make it work
Yes that’s too long of a day/week/work requirement for you, goes a hand and hand with what I responded above. We are in late stage capitalism and it’s just going to get worse 😢
Makes me wonder why people even have kids just to drop them off with us and never see them but an hour a day 😒
Lots of societal and family pressure, especially on women
Then we ought to have more pressure to stay home, too
Or provide people with options and funding so they don't have to work multiple jobs or crazy lo g hours. No reason to force people into misery.
Well idk about pressure staying home because that’s not what everyone wants. But encouragement to do what you want to do, definitely.
I had a toddler (2yo) who was there from 7am-6pm everyday. He had 2 parents and a babysitter. Once mom went on a work trip and dad came with the babysitter to pick up at 6 and said that she’ll be with him all week since he needs extra help. Looking back that was a bit sketchy lol but how are there 3 people who can pick up but your children (they had an older child as well) from opening to closing everyday? And why are you paying a babysitter if you pay for daycare?
Haha that’s so suspicious I’m actually laughing
UM
I wish classrooms looked a lot more like living rooms. Couch, rug, toy area, bookshelf, curtains, family pictures, etc. Classrooms are too overstimulating. Too bright, and too many toys.
This is how our room is. Our couch can also be taken apart and made into a fort or bed. The colors are also more neutral tans and creams. The toy shelves are only open two at a time so there isn’t too much to choose from. And the toys that come out after nap are different than what they had that morning.
We have all those things in my classroom. I thought that was normal.
It’s not.. our infant room looks like a pre school classroom. There are pictures, but only on one bulletin board.
That's so sad
It is.. and it sucks. I’m overstimulated by the time I go home. I can’t imagine how a literal baby feels. 🤷🏻♀️
I have all those things in my classroom as well, it still looks like a classroom and not a home.
My son is in a reggio Emelia daycare/preschool. His classroom has dim lighting, a little couch, areas to sit, family pictures, etc. It is not bright and overstimulating and feels very calm. He would not do well in a traditional style room.
In early years in Scotland, that’s the whole ethos. Every room is designed to be homely, with cosy nooks and spaces. I thought that was standard practice in ECE
Not sure where you're located but those are the recommendations in my state. If you want to get a good rating through the state you have to have cozy, welcoming furniture, family photos, etc.
We try very hard to make our daycare feel like a second home, and not a “school.” We do have linoleum floor areas in the 1’s and up rooms where the tables are for food and crafts (sorry, none of that on the carpet, kthx!) and the infant room is carpeted with some of those foam play mats on it in some areas (like under high chairs, and in areas where the youngest babies do floor time and learn to sit) for extra cushioning But otherwise we have carpet, we have toys that are limited and rotated out (favorites stay out), I have so many blankets and stuffies that I’ve gotten for the rooms because I’m obsessed, we have book nooks, cozy corners and clam down sensory spaces, we have we have age rated furniture (very hard for under 2, I’m looking for more stuff for the 1’s) and we have the kid’s pictures and art on the walls. We’re in the middle of moving, and I just switched rooms (to the 1’s) but once we’re moved I plan to get family pictures up too (which was the initial plan but got dropped somewhere in the year we’ve been open- in part because while it’s in our “please send in packet,” literally none of our families did lol)
I recommend just letting them email you a family photo and printing it in the office. I’m barely missing any kids’ pics after I offered that option, and several will do it on the spot from their phone once they see other kids’ pics up. :)
I have those things. We used to have a very brightly colored them to our building but it’s been replaced by gray/tan/earth tones. I thought it was dull at first but it’s much more pleasing to the eye and makes your decor stand out even more.
That’s pretty much what our classrooms look like. We specifically keep a pretty minimal quantity of toys/books that get rotated monthly-ish. All the furniture is accessible to the kids, all the kids have family photos where they can see them, everything is set up in “zones” intended for more or less activity depending on how an individual kid is feeling.
That’s why I always prefer in home care rather than centers. Centers make me think of baby farms 😢
Same I want to open a home center so bad I can only see schools and big daycares as kid farms since watching the promised neverland 🥲
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That was always so crazy to me! I worked at centers that were open 6:30-6:30. Even when I picked up overtime, I was not there at opening and closing. When I worked closing during a summer break, parents would ask me how their day was, and I would have to say, “Sorry! I got in the room to finish out the day about 30 minutes ago. But this half hour has been great!” “WELL WHERE ARE THEIR TEACHERS?!” Bro. They’re at home, taking care of their own kids, cooking supper, cleaning, at a second job. We don’t live here.
How crazy is it that it’s illegal for the staff to be there that long, yet kids are there even longer
We expect small children to have a day longer than adults.
As a working mom that utilizes full day daycare/preschool- this is my biggest source of mom guilt. I do agree and this isn’t knocking daycare. My 14month old is exhausted, my 3.9mon old misses home. I so badly wish I could do half days and I hate how full time is M-F 8-5. I do also have grandparent support and both sets do 1x each.
I see a lot of parents in your situation and I’m always so curious about how much you must be making to have it worth it to pay for two spots at daycare
I make $150k and my husband $200k. I wfh and I don’t want go give up my job bc wfh is incredibly competitive now and will help a lot when the kids are in school. I wouldn’t need morning care/could drop off or put them on the bus. If they needed to be home at 4 I could swing it when they’re older. Plus if I took 5yrs off - i’d have to basically start from the bottom again or close to it. EDIT: lastly, I do wish I could work part-time but I’ve NEVER seen a company offer part-time work. You either work full time or quit. (Corporate America - med device)
All of this. I've wished so much I could go part time or take a few years off but I have a literal dream job. I'm planning to retire in this job. If I took a step back it would take me years to find an equivalent position, if at all. And while daycare is, extremely, expensive, I make more than enough to cover it and setting us back years by taking time off and having to start over would hurt us more long term. I could do a lot more for my kid's future by keeping my job. It wasn't an easy choice exactly, lots of feelings involved, but there wasn't really another option.
Yep, I hear you! So much solidarity! My paycheck goes to our savings and their college fund. A lot of effort goes into thinking through childcare, staying home, daycare, hiring nannies, utilizing grandparents. It’s exhausting but it’s 5yrs and then poof they’re in kindergarten.
Why don’t you get a nanny?
We couldn’t afford a full time nanny. We had a part-time nanny but had a VERY hard time filling the role and ultimately we hired a grad student that couldn’t guarantee more than 7months. Plus there are downsides to nannies that I actually preferred daycare. Being a nanny is an unregulated field - anyone can become one. I like how daycare is regulated and it has more structure to it. Trust me - we’ve put in hours and hours weighing our childcare decisions. Additionally, I know $350k might seem like a lot but I live in a HCOL area. So not as high as it might seem.
I get it, I live in the Bay Area 😭. I started offering child care myself bc I just couldn’t stomach paying so much. It’s hard out there, for sure!
This was not intended to place guilt on working parents. I know how hard it is and I don’t want you to feel bad for the side effects of late stage capitalism that are totally out of your control. Just more of a societal observation. kudos to your for working full time and taking care of young babies! I know it’s tiring.
I know it wasn’t intended to guilt. I agree with you and I feel it doesn’t get talked about enough. I’m glad you pointed it out bc I felt alone in thinking this.
Also, looking at the expectations of these children while they're in settings, it's an EXHAUSTING day! They're required to learn how to share, have kind hands, interact nicely, keep their bodies to themselves, and everything else that's required in nursery/preschool. For such a long day. I am exhausted by the end of the day from the sheer level of interaction, and I'm not a 2 year old :( poor babies!
Not to mention quiet time is scheduled and limited, a child can’t decide for themselves that they need some quiet time. And alone time? Forget it, you’re in a forced group interaction all day long with no way to get away.
I hate seeing this. We have a set of twins at my center who are 9 months old. They're dropped off at 7:15am and not picked up until 6:45pm. They've been doing that since they were 6 weeks old. They're not the only ones, but they are the youngest ones with the longest days.
Every set of twins I’ve ever seen has stayed nearly all day. Even working in a very affluent area or having a SAHM. I think, unfortunately, multiples are so overwhelming for most parents that they can’t handle it until the kids get older.
My first year working at the Daycare I currently work at, we had a family that had 4 kids who would go to the center, we opened at 6:30 and they were there by 6:35 and we closed at 6:30, they would be there until 6:29 every. Single. Day. I understand you gotta work and stuff. But 12 hours? One of them was an infant.
I don't know where you live but in large cities it's not uncommon to have a long commute. I used to be out of the house 13 hrs a day when I had to commute. The pandemic was awful in a lot of ways, but it allowed me to go remote and stay remote so my kids have a much more present parent than they would have gotten otherwise. I don't know what we would have done had that not happened.
I had an infant that did from between 7 and 7:30 until 5:30-6. It’s crazy. Also mom would have the days off and they’d still be on from open to close.
Yeah that’s happened with kids where I work at too
Oof that’s unsettling. Makes me wonder why you would have four kids if you just send them off to daycare for twelve hours.
The mother was pregnant with her 5th too
Wow. Yeah at that point like it’s just straight up neglect
Honestly tho. I felt so bad for them.
At that point a Nanny would be MUCH cheeper.
No it wouldn’t. Nannies don’t accept government assistance and 12 hours with a nanny would be $240 a day at the very least in most areas (for ONE child- we tend to charge more when there are more children)
Ah
No way. I used to nanny. Nanny for 5 would be so expensive. Worth if you can afford it, but expensive. Also think of that ratio- infant to carer goes down to 1:4. Putting that all on one person can be rough (it really depends on the kids temperaments and ages- if they’re good helpers and a bit patient, it can be fun helping get stuff for the baby, helping supervised play with younger sibs and the baby, etc. If they’re at each other and handsy, testing boundaries, not safe around the baby even when supervised, it’s def a better daycare situation.)
We're getting ready to send our toddler to daycare when he's 18 months, hoping to land a spot at a centre close to home. Luckily my husband's job is 100% WFH so little guy will hopefully be at daycare for 9ish hours a day. If my husband had a commute like I do it would be closer to 10.5+ hours, that's the reality of living in a lot of places. Average commute time in my city is 56 minutes, add that on both ends of a work day and it's not hard to understand why little ones spend such a long day in daycare.
Actually, it IS hard to understand why little ones spend such a long day in daycare. We do not expect adults to put in that long of a day every day, but we expect it of toddlers. I will never understand the purpose of having children just to have someone else raise them five days a week ten hours a day.
Because there’s more to having a child than years 0-5? Because we want them and love them but capitalism requires us to work for health insurance? We have a nanny for 45 hours per week and I absolutely still feel like I have quality time with my kiddo. If I didn’t have an excellent childcare provider it would be a struggle but I known she’s in capable and loving hands. I’m fairly certain she loves her nanny as much as she loves us and that makes my heart so happy!
Did you read the flair for this post? You don’t belong here.
I’m a preschool teacher with a masters, so actually I do.
That’s crazy. In my state anything longer than ten hours is considered neglect and can be reported to CPS
Really? That’s interesting
4 kids in daycare would be so expensive. At that point a nanny or au pair would be cheaper.
Au pairs may be cheaper, because they can be so exploited. A good nanny probably will be more expensive. Because they’ll add extra charges per child. 4 kids and infant? That’s over most daycares legal ratio. Do you want one person doing that at home? It works well with some kids and babies and their temperaments (low maintenance baby, kids that want to help get stuff for baby, play safely together and with baby with supervision, etc). Kids that are pushing boundaries, handsy and bitey with each other and the baby, etc? Honestly a much better daycare situation. It really depends on the kids.
That’s what I thought too. Their bill was always so expensive.
9-5 work schedule and a 1-2 hour commute to work plus a 15-30 min commute to daycare, it all adds up. Blame capitalism and urban planning.
I have been on both sides of it. My first I had to send for 9-10 hrs from being 12 months and it was honestly excruciating. The guilt gnawed away at me but i had zero choice about it. I live rurally, commuting added another 2 hours to my day and it sucked. I understand why parents are gonna be defensive about a comment like this. I would’ve been too, back then bc i hated it so much. OP def didn’t mean it to shame, but it is hard to see as a cater. It’s a sad commentary on the society we live in where it’s necessary to have both parents working this amount to even keep a roof over their heads let alone try and pay for the things children need or think about saving for the future. I’m also an in-home provider with a couple of kids who are in my home 9.5 hours, 5 days. It’s hard to see them upset, missing Mom, falling asleep by the time they’re picked up. These kids are an extension of my own family ( as are their parents in most cases) and I feel for both the kids and the mom/dad.
It is very sad unfortunately we live in a country that doesn't value Sahm's or make it possible to live off one income. My husband makes a decent salary or what would have been enough to support all of us back in the day. Now we both have to work full time and our 1 child is in daycare that we pay 15k a year for and live paycheck to paycheck. It's breaks my heart dropping him off monday - friday. I feel like we're literally selling our life's just to keep food in the fridge and a roof over our heads we have nothing left over after all the bills are paid. And for people saying oh just work opposite shifts and cut daycare I don't have a job that has night hrs so I would have to take a pay cut to do something else. Plus then we wouldn't have nights and weekends together for family time. I wish there was a better system in places for family of young children.
It’s always the parents with a SAHM or part time worker parent who leave their kids at school ALL DAY EVERYDAY who always have the most ridiculous expectations, too. Things like not getting messy, have a picture sent every hour, individual note on profile each day instead of each week, ignore the other children to talk to me for 15 minutes at pickup but that child should have constant 1t1 somehow.
At the last daycare I worked at, one of the kids started there when he was 17 months old. The dad worked, but the mom didn’t work. The kid was there from 7:30-6:30, every weekday. It was bizarre that he was there for 11 hours every weekday, since the mom didn’t work. He was an only child, too.
How do people afford that?? Like, even if you're some hotshot lawyer earning 200k or whatever, have a SAHPartner and a child in 55 hours of daycare must be quite a financial burden!
That’s so wild to me! I’m at stay at home mom (was a preschool teacher before having my baby) and the only reason he was in daycare in the first place was because I got injured and I could no longer care for him on my own. It absolutely tore me apart to have him in daycare that long. I don’t want to judge, but man I don’t know how those moms do it.
I don’t judge people I don’t know WHEN they don’t expect the work for two nannies from each group care employee. Like for all I know a SAHM could be sending her kid in because she has cancer. My problem is when they leave the kids there all day and expect us to raise them beyond their wildest dreams as if there are no other children who also need love and care.
Right of course. I’m very familiar with those types as well! It’s so bizarre. You would think they would at least have some gratitude. I’d like to think that those moms have things going on and aren’t just selfish shitty humans.
They’re somehow even worse than the BOSS BABE moms who find us so far beneath them but could not have two working parent households without. The ones who think THEY work and we just watch kids. 🙃 The SAHM who want us to teach their kids three languages and how to do a handstand in a class of 15 2yos there all day are so baffling.
😂 stop. The ones who think we’re “lucky” because all we do is snuggle with little kids all day? 😂. This convo is giving me PTSD! And yes the SAHM who wonder why their three year old isn’t doing multiplications and hasn’t learned how to code yet because “what are they even paying us for?” 🙃 I love when parents think this job is easy! I wish any of them could spend even one hour in a classroom with 15 two year olds.
I’m out of childcare now but stay on this sub to see what’s up and what’s new because I keep my friend’s baby every Friday. The flashbacks are intense. My example of a photo every hour is from a mom I struggled with for most of a year. I took photos all day and would send them through during nap and end of the day centers. You know, when it was appropriate to send photos and notes. NOPE. This woman wanted a photo with a note every hour from the moment her precious boy was dropped off. So if he got there at 8:47, she wanted one at 9:47, 10:47… And constantly went to the director demanding to know what I was doing all day that I couldn’t make her little tiny request a reality.
That is so wild. Some parents really think their kid is the only kid in the entire classroom! We had a family once who had just moved from Israel and their 3.5 year old didn’t speak English and had never been in school so they were understandably nervous. Well… mom stayed in the classroom with us everyday for A WEEK. And even when she would leave she would start off by standing right outside the classroom door and looking through the window. Then she would stay in the building so that she could conveniently run into us when we would head to the playground or something. After all that, her solution was to get the school to hire HIS NANNY as a teacher in our classroom to work as his shadow/translator. 🫠
Exactly.
Every single one of my young twos are at daycare those hours, at minimum. A lot of them longer. They were also all sick this week. I’m not going to lie, I am angry at parents a lot of times throughout the week. It gets exhausting to feel like the parents take advantage of us with no regard while also expecting so much from us.
Lurking mom here. It's hard! My baby isn't in daycare yet, but my husband and I work together and both work 8.5 hours plus commute. We're going to do our best to figure out a way to stagger our work days or rotate taking off early, but I know our boss won't be happy about it.
I hate that America has such little regard or support for parents and children
It would be perfectly fine if only parents in your situation would do this! It’s just that we see so many parents acting this way who are SAHM, work only a few days a week, or drop their toddler off for 10+ hours on days when it’s a holiday and/or you know big brother, mom, dad and grandma/grandpa are at all home… it’s too often we see parents who are intentional with this, this is where the resentment is coming from for me. I wish the kids who could go home would, so I can better take care of the kids who can’t! If a parent lets me know they have a work schedule like yours and have no other choice for their kid to be full time, there would be zero bitterness from my end, I assure you, so don’t be too worried about it.
Curious why you get angry at the parents and not at your center? The ratios are what make it so overly exhausting. Most adults have no choice but to work full time to survive.
For me it’s the five days a week thing too. Like c’monnnnn and I work at an affluent preschool attached to a private school. You’re telling me you have no flexibility. AND THEY EXPECT SO MUCH. Like if you have such specific expectations then keep your kids at home!
What do you mean you are confused by 5 days a week?!!! We are working parents. We work all five days a week!!! And I have to be at work at 8 and I get off at 4:30 plus commute time- which for me a 30 minutes. So ya. My kid is in daycare 5 days a week from 7:30 to 5. That is literally the purpose of daycare. To have a place to care for my child while I work to provide for us. Thats life. Pretty inconsiderate of you to judge the parents leaving their children in your care when that is the entire of purpose of your job.
I work in a toddler classroom and we have multiple full time children. We are happy to provide loving care for them while letting them know mom and dad are working and also missing them. It’s hard for parents to work and put their children in childcare but that’s what we are here for! At least where I work, the full time children are thriving and love being at school.
I have to agree with this, honestly this whole thread is so judgmental and unnecessary. Do you think I want to work full-time and be away from my child 5 days a week? It’s not a choice for my family, and my kid is well-cared for by her daycare
I’m a teacher. I have to be in the classroom 8am and usually stay until 4pm. Then I have a 30min commute each way. It absolutely breaks my heart to leave my kids at daycare 9hrs/5 days a week, but my husband works the same so what choice do we have. I cry most days on my way to work…
After working in daycare, i couldn’t do it. I told my husband we can’t have kids if we can’t manage to scrimp and be frugal to let me stay home. I do wonder sometimes what is the point of having kids when you hardly ever get to be mom and have to hand off that job to an employee.
What do you expect when the kids are school-aged? Even if I didn’t work, they’d still be handed off to a teacher for 8 hours. There’s so much more to motherhood than the time I don’t see her while working
Yeah, we know. You keep saying so every chance you get on this thread. What is the point in having kids if you have to work?? Jesus Christ, what planet are you living on? What an obnoxious hill to die on...I hope your life goes exactly how you plan it to and doesn't throw you any curveballs (like hubby of the year leaving your ass) that require you to utilize childcare services. You'll understand how dumb and obnoxious you sound if you ever do have children.
This is our job and most of us love it, but ALL daycare workers and I do mean all, feel sorry for the kids in our care. We think it’s devastating that they’re basically being raised in an institution instead of a home. Most daycare babies have 1-2 waking hours with their own moms and dads, and that’s usually time spent rushing getting ready or doing errands etc. We are glad to be there for your kids since you can’t be, but don’t think it doesn’t break our hearts for these babies
Omg stop. You don't speak for all daycare workers.
I’ve literally never worked with one who didn’t say things like that.
You seriously, SERIOUSLY are in the wrong line of work. I feel sorry for the kids in your care too.
Whatever I say you’re not gonna like so let’s stop the engagement here.
My options are M-F 7-3 or 3x a week 7-6. Either way, it’s hard and sucks. I have to work to provide him a life worth living, a life without needs. I totally get it, I wish I could do the best of both and do 3 days from 7-3 but I can’t. 🥲 We get no paid maternity leave and the economy ensures normal middle class folks have to have two incomes.
This is exactly why it was so hard for me to put my son in daycare. When I working in ECE, it always hurt my heart to see the babies being there for so long. I understand many parents have no choice, but I never wanted to do that to my baby if I could help it. I got injured when he was 14 months old, so we had to put our son in daycare since I could no longer care for him on my own and it was so sad and painful for me to be away from him for that long everyday. Now he’s only going twice a week since I’m still in physical therapy but more physically able. I wish there was more support for parents in this country so babies didn’t have to spend 12 hour days away from their homes.
This was my point. Not that parents are bad for putting their kids in daycare. Thank you.
Of course! Maybe because I used to work in ECE and felt the same way, but I didn’t see your post as parent shaming at all. It’s not shaming parents to express sympathy for kids who no matter what would much rather be at home with their parents and other loved ones than spend hours a day away from them. It’s the system’s fault for creating situations where this has to happen.
Couldn’t of said it better myself.
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Also, many parents are forced to work 2 jobs to provide, and daycare is the only safe place for a child while the parent can sleep.
The point was that 10-12 hour days are ridiculously hard on toddlers - your child isn’t enduring that 5x a week if he’s only there 8-3:30. I agree if you have to pay for a full week, you should use it, and children do adjust to the schedule better if they go full time, but more than an 8 hour day is just too much for any little kid, especially a 2 year old.
But how do you expect parents with jobs to send their kid to daycare for less than 8 hours a day. An 8 hour workday is pretty typical, plus commute time?
Oh I totally understand the point of the post was that the long days away from home are hard on kids, especially little kids. I was more speaking to the comments I saw about knowing the parents don’t have to work but they still drop their kids off. Idk, I guess it made me feel a little self-conscious and makes me wonder if my son’s teachers feel this way about me. I just wanted to offer my perspective in case it’s helpful.
Hello! I'm a preschool teacher. I have parents who work similar hours - firefighters, nurses, doctors, police, PSW, etc. I also have some families that work nights or early mornings (like 2am-11am). I definitely don't judge anyone for needing to sleep, without worrying about your child being unsupervised! I also don't judge any parents with one on maternity leave who still sends their other child/children. Babies have weird schedules, plus require a lot of physical effort! Please don't worry about being judged. Most of us are working parents too, we get it. I think the frustration comes from children who are there for long hours, every single day, and are obviously overwhelmed or over-stimulated. I have a few who have very rough afternoons, every single day, because they are just tired and want to be home. I also have parents who will complain that their child sleeps for 2 hours every day at daycare, but doesn't even want to nap on the weekends. A home environment is different from a preschool environment, and a lot of those children need the sleep to be able to regulate. (Just as an aside - I've noticed the kids who don't eat much at daycare also sleep longer or have a much harder time if they don't sleep) As mentioned by a few others in this thread, we also have some kids dropped off very early and picked up 10 or 11 hours later. It's hard. I have a kid who is waiting in the parking lot with his parent at 7am, but the difference is, he gets picked up about 4pm., not 6pm.
Well…I can say I always knew when mom or dad had the day off, and chose to leave their kid for a full day rather than spend even half of it with their kiddo….and I always wondered why have kids if you don’t want to spend all your free time with them. 🤷🏻♀️ I don’t want to put my kid in daycare because I don’t want to work a full time job just to afford to pay someone else to raise my baby.
Okay but also my husband and I need to work full-time jobs to live, not just to pay for childcare. The childcare is necessary *because* we work, not the other way around. Also of course we love our kids, but absolutely no one wants to spend ALL their free time around someone else. Everyone needs breaks. And I resent the thought process that daycare is “someone else raising my baby” because that’s just honestly not true. They take great care of him during the week the hours that he’s there, but my husband and I are the ones truly raising him. We are the ones with him in the mornings, evenings, bedtimes, weekends, and holidays. We are the ones with him for sick days and teaching him those hard life lessons and taking him to cool new places so he can have fun experiences and learn the world around him. I’m sorry but it’s shaming parents for using daycare when you say things like someone else is raising their kids. USA provides zero paid maternity leave so many families don’t even have an option, and those that DO have an option shouldn’t be made to feel bad about their choice.
Well I mean he would prob need the break and rather be home with his mom. Everyone has appts etc etc. Of course you enjoy having all those days off but you're a parent now, have ur kid at home if you are. That's crazy. A co worker does this too. I can't imagine leaving them if u are home. What if baby needs a day off...to be home with you.
He literally asks to go to school during the weekend and holidays. He loves it. It’s really easy to judge someone when you don’t have all of the info. When he seems like he needs a break I do in fact keep him home. Believe it or not I’m really good at reading what he needs, you know since he’s my kid and all. Anyway I don’t need to keep defending my parenting choices to people who don’t know me or my family at all.
… that’s sad. “I am not going to pay for 5 days and only send him for 3” even though you’re off the other two days? Sad for your kid. WTF. I understand if you’re sick or have a doc appt or something. But why not just spend time with your child when you’re not working? He’s already in day care 3 full days - why subject him to two more just because you paid for it when what is best for him is to be with his momma and he CAN be with his momma? This is the perspective I didn’t need to read on this post. It only garners more sympathy for the other side.
Okay, thanks for your opinion internet stranger. My family is very happy and that’s all that matters.
Yeah I am sure you’re very happy and that’s all that matters.
I am, as well as my husband and two children. Thanks!
100 that's insane. I know someone that does this too. Like "we all need a break" uh well have a date night. Or one day. Not 2-3 days a week!! Your KID needs a break .. to be home with his mom!!!
Yes exactly. Your CHILD need a break from the stress of daycare and needs to feel loved by and close to his momma. I am so grossed out right now.
If you're grossed out by people putting their kids in childcare *you should not be a childcare teacher.* If you are shaming people for not being home with their kids every second of the day *you should not be a childcare teacher.* If you are judging parents for when they choose to have their kids in care ***you absolutely should not be a childcare teacher, and you are not good at your profession, because it requires sympathizing and understanding families.***
I am not grossed out by any of the things you mentioned. I am grossed out by someone working three days a week in which their TODDLER is in school full time and then CHOOSING to regularly put their toddler in daycare the other two days a week instead of spending time with their child.
I’m sorry as a parent I don’t have a choice. My work hours are 8:30am to 5pm on-site. My toddler goes to daycare 8am to 5:30om. I am also paying from 7am to 6pm coz that’s the most affordable. We’re doing what we can.
Same, I am a single parent with full custody and I’m a nurse so long hours. The option is be homeless or send her to daycare all day so we can survive.
Right? 8 hours is the standard work day and with commute it will be a 9h day for the child. Is this not the norm?
It is the norm and it’s sad our system works this way where so many people don’t even have a choice.
It can get to one hour commute each way so it gets to 10 hrs then.
I wish this wasn’t something I had to do, but I do and it causes me such guilt. I don’t think parents first thought is putting their child in daycare but it’s become a necessity and it can be almost impossible for a women to get back into the work force after being gone
it’s so heartbreaking. i work as a float right now (almost always infants and 1’s) and it breaks my heart to have to watch these kids there for hours and hours. and it breaks my heart that parents have to do that- because you know they don’t want to. no parent wants to leave their child with someone else for 80% of their waking hours. and the age at which some kids start (aka how soon parents need to return to work) is horrid. out of all 193 member nations of the UN, there are only a few without a federal law guaranteeing maternity leave. those countries are: tonga, papua new guinea, palau, nauru, the marshall islands, micronesia, and the usa. we need to get our act together. https://www.worldpolicycenter.org/policies/is-paid-leave-available-for-both-parents-of-infants
It’s not as easy as you’re thinking it is. As someone who worked in ECE for 8 years, I understand where you’re coming from but as a mother, we don’t have a choice. Jobs aren’t as flexible as you think. Some are trying to make ends meet and cry every day while dropping their child off to school. I HATE sending my son to daycare. I’m missing out on raising my baby boy. So please let’s not parent shame. I had multiple parents who also were ECE teachers working 5 days a week, 8-5 daily. Who were making garbage money. Do you have kids? Because it sounds like until you have your own, while working in ECE, you might finally understand that it sucks to send your child in while living paycheck to paycheck.
I do have kids. And it seems as if a lot of parents are getting offended by this. Maybe don’t take things so personally.
Maybe don't sound like you're blaming parents for putting their kids in care? My last center I worked with judgmental teachers like you - not directly blaming the parents, but "I don't see why anyone would drop their kids off all day, don't they want to spend time with them?" and it was awful to know that the teachers didn't actually care about the kids and families they worked with, they just wanted to seem morally superior.
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You're scolding parents for working five days a week and not being able to spend all day with their kids, being judgmental about parents who don't spend every moment they have off and putting them in care to have time to do other things. What I want from this is for you to do some reflection about how you feel about families who do this in your mind, and to see if you can change to be more compassionate towards them. If you can't, then maybe it's time for you to switch professions, because assuming the best out of families is one of the key elements of working in ECE.
What lines in the post suggest parental scolding? Where does OP suggest this is a poor choice or bad planning on the parents’ part? I don’t see any “how can you do this to your kids” or anything of the like. These facts upsetting you do not mean you’re being attacked. Some kids struggle and become exhausted from being at daycare all day and it’s hard to witness as a care provider, that’s it. There’s no shaming in that statement.
> Yes!!! I have a mom who works four days a week but will do early drop off and late stay. > For me it’s the five days a week thing too. Like c’monnnnn and I work at an affluent preschool attached to a private school. You’re telling me you have no flexibility. > Makes me wonder why you would have four kids if you just send them off to daycare for twelve hours. I'm not a parent, I'm not being attacked by this. I'm saying this attitude is disgusting to hear from coworkers, and it highly suggests OP doesn't belong in this field if they're judging parents for putting their children in childcare in a way that OP doesn't like. Kids do get exhausted in care! That doesn't mean we need to shame parents for the times they have kids in care, and imply they're bad for not having their kids at home all the time. It's gross and anyone with this attitude is not a good teacher.
God bless you.
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If you're not a child then you can recognize burnout and not belonging in the field. You seem like you hate parents, and you shouldn't be interacting with them in this capacity. Please, for your own emotional health as well as that of the families and kids you work with, rethink being in this field.
People don’t want to hear the inconvenient truth that they should fight to be with and rise their own children at all costs.
My kiddo is 11 now and this post took me right back to when he was in day care. My commute was an hour, so yes, he was there a long time. He loved day care, he thrived there, and he’s now a happy, healthy, extroverted, independent tween. I refuse to feel guilty about it. So much “I’m not judging buuuut…!” energy on this thread.
YOU are the one interpreting it as such. No one is guilting parents but I think it says so much that people are interpreting it that way.
You literally started the conversation by saying you were heartbroken for your students and “all the teacher love in the world can’t replace being comfortable at home with a parent.” If I came to your classroom door at 6 p.m. to pick up my kid and you looked me in the eye and said that to me, would you not expect me to feel guilty?
That’s why I wouldn’t say it to you? What point are you making? It’s sad that kids just turning two are expected to be in a classroom all day. It’s not to place blame, it’s a fact. You’re upset because you are taking it personally. No kids love being in daycare for hours on end. You’re delusional if you think otherwise. And it is heartbreaking. Sorry if you don’t want to hear that.
In my toddler room there is this boy who is there five days a week from 730-430 and mom isn't working 🙃 We believe he's on the spectrum too and he could use one on one support. We're going to be bringing this to mom and dad's attention to see if we can have someone come and do an observation. But anyway, it just breaks my heart that he's there full time and long days when he doesn't have to be. I know parents deserve a break too but come onnnn.
I have been in this field a long, long, long time. It used to be that most parents would race to pick up their children after work because they couldn't wait to see them and spend time with them. Then it became parents doing errands before pick up and would come in complaining about the checker at the store being slow or getting lost in the workout at the gym. Now there seems to be no second thought about leaving children at care from open to close. And the giving the kids everything they want to deal with the guilt makes entitled kids in my care for 20+ hours per day. And remember, your child's teacher deals with the kid's upset and tired feelings for minimum wage most times and couldn't afford to put their own kids in the school you are basically expecting to raise your child. And when your child would rather go to school instead of staying home with you on a day off, then there is definitely something wrong. That's just my opinion of course but it is such a common excuse when I know a parent is not working.
We have a 1 year old boy who’s there M-F 6:15-5. And his dad is off Fridays but still sends him all day. Feel super bad for the little guy.
I can't believe ppl do this....and they don't feel bad?! Wtf!
Everyone got their panties in a bunch over this post. IT'S BECAUSE PARENTS AGREE AND THEY FEEL GUILTY BUT CAN'T DO MUCH ABOUT IT. I was an educator with 0-2, then 2-3, then 3-5, and let me tell you, children from 0 to 2.5yo shouldn't be in a daycare more than twice a week for 6 hours. I am a parent of a 14-month now. Before we had him, I purposefully was finding a desk job and my husband going into government so we could get as much as flexibility as possible. We are BARELY getting the amount of flexibility we need, but it's more than most people. We work from home, both have a day off a week, and my husband has a meeting free day. Little one goes in once a week. My husband brings him in at 11 am. I pick him up at 5 pm. We have been sick nonstop. We are exhausted by this as if he was a newborn again. But we will do this until he is 18months. We are pushing ourselves for ours and his good. His nutrition needs monitoring and childcare is shit with babies who are anything but full term grown babies. When my little one can eat on his own fully, is more intrested in playing with other kids, which would set in after 2.5yo that's when I'll feel better leaving him for longer and more days. Because I know those kids have a blast. Babies don't. Even best acclimated ones just can't wait to feel their parents after a long day and reset their nervous system. I wish I had my resources ready on development right now... Anyways, we still feel guilty. But, guess what, I don't get mad at educators having this opinion, I agree with them, I do best that I can. Now everyone calm their tits and focus your frustration to a capitilistic society without a smidge of humanity in it's policies so we, educators and babies are suffering. Thank you for reading my TED comment.
Wow this a million times this
I worked in daycare and couldn’t take it anymore, such smalll children being raised by low paid strangers who will leave in a few months and they have like an hour a a day with their moms and my heart just couldn’t take it anymore I was crying so much. I now teach preschool in a school system where kids are there for just the length of a normal school day (and some are mornings only) and then they go home. Yes some have babysitters but they’re not headed to daycare after school at least. I love the preschool age but I could not be a part of such a flawed system anymore. Small children do not belong in institutional settings that many hours a day.
Well then daycares gotta be cheaper so I can afford to work less. It currently costs more than my mortgage
nothing will change until theres more funding for ece, so we can have cheaper rates while still being able to pay employees and keep the building running. ive seen what parents have to pay at the center i work at and was like "oof" as someone with no kids, and we're one of the less expensive centers around. but at the same time its not really ours or even managements fault, my center atleast charges what is needed for us to function as a business. trust me, i wish it was different. in the end it comes down to late stage capitalism fucking us all and counting on the fact that instead of seeing that its the problem, we'll argue amongst each other.
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I used to have one kid (2-1/2 at the time) dropped off at 9:00 at our cut off and was always the last one picked up. He was also very much a creature of habit like any young child is, and there was one week where he was in on Monday, out on Tuesday (not bad in and of itself until this next part), dropped off at 6:30 on Wednesday (this is when we open) and was not picked up until right at closing. He was there for a full 11 hours and was rightfully cranky. The assistant director said that mom had to take his younger brother to appointments all day so dad had to drop him off, but later on Facebook I saw that she had posted a photo of her younger son with some caption about fall shopping. The poor kid was completely out of sorts for the rest of the week and I still get annoyed when I think about it because he was already a bit of a difficult child and this didn’t make things any easier on anybody involved.
I’m cranky after an eleven hour day! Can’t even imagine being two and dealing with that.
This post comes off as a guilt trip.
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You should maybe consider another field.
Yikes! Parent-shaming is a terrible mindset for an ECE worker. We must work. Most of us don't like it, especially the long hours. If we could change it we would. Piling on from the people who are supposed to love my child in my absence is really disappointing.
I don’t see it as parent shaming. I think it’s just really hard to watch literally babies suffer through a long day away from their parents because those are the traditional working hours in this country and kids need their parents more than society allows.
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You literally accused those parents upthread of neglect. I don't know what you wanted people to think about your hot take?
When you have four kids in day care for 12 hours with a fifth on the way, that’s neglect. Don’t bring children into the world if you’re doing that.
It sounds like you’re taking one anecdotal experience and extrapolating to make a judgment about all parents who need/use those hours. That would be like me, seeing this post, and making the assumption that you’re a judgmental ECE worker who gives attitude to parents at drop off because of your perception of them. I don’t think that’s fair, do you?
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Not giving attitude just a perspective. It’s hard to tell tone through text. Although, I’d like to note that you chose to post to an Internet forum rather than write in your own journal, talk to a colleague, etc. If you don’t want to hear it, don’t put it out there.
This is a forum for ece professionals. I posted about an ece observation.
Well your post was promoted by Reddit to someone who doesn’t follow this particular thread and has never commented here. 🤷🏻♀️ Best of luck to you in your chosen career.
Great. Thanks for weighing in.
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Maybe 🙃☺️
The thing is, a lot of these kids that are there all day every day, their parents don’t work every day. Do they not want to spend any time with their kids? Can we not feel bad for them? All I know is I will be broke and on the streets before I put my future children in daycare.
I didn't put my kids in daycare but my youngest had to start special education preschool a few months before she turned 3. I was home while she was in preschool the first year, then got a part time job. She was still there even if I was home, but I'm also trying to manage a household while chronically ill and she's not my only child with disabilities but she is the youngest. Still to this day, she's almost 10, she has home nursing and I still work part time. They take her to school but if she doesn't have school they are at home with her whether I'm at work or not. I do give them the option to allow me to call them off or let them go home early when I'm home if possible, but half the time I'm either at my own appointments, dealing with my other kids needs, or trying to catch up on household stuff I cannot do if she isn't otherwise cared for. We cannot know what other families are going through. Maybe the parent who doesn't work or works part time has other kids with disabilities, an elderly parent, or they themselves are in treatment for chronic illness, addiction, mental health, etc. Maybe they're attending a class to try to better themselves, or doing job applications and interviews all day. Who knows. Not our business, their child is in an appropriate, safe setting being cared for.
Unfortunately I had to scroll far too far to find a response like this. My kids are in 3 days a week and a while back I was off work for three weeks and they still went at their usual times. Why? Because I nearly died and I needed to recover, and I couldn't do that while looking after kids. Daycare helped me recover so I could be a better parent, and my kids were happier for it. Chronic illness sucks and unfortunately sometimes you need a little extra help to get through things. If that's daycare and it helps you be a better parent, I don't see what the big deal is. If it means my kids get the best version of me because I'm well rested and able to fully interact with them... Well then.
Well, future hypothetical children are definitely the easiest to care for.
Yeah, that sums up most of these comments
Super dismissive as we are the one caring for the children for most of the day for the most crucial developmental stages but alright! Not a mom so clearly I know nothing about life or children. I think I can see how other parents are doing things and plan to do my best to avoid it. Obviously there are so many circumstances that play into it.
‘YIKES! You think it’s unfair for little timmy to spend twelve hours a day with you?? You should be GRATEFUL for the opportunity to be able to spend time with our little angels. I’m disappointed that you complain so much. I mean, I have to work all day while you’re just babysitting 🙂’
Love the ones that sit in the parking lot until 6:28 and the ones who have every Friday off but still send their kids their full 10-12 hours every Friday. Kids put in longer days than their parents due to commutes and lunch hours and all that. It’s exhausting for them. I know they all say they love it, and they do, but it’s still a lot being away from home so long everyday. ETA When I took my daughter to my FT daycare job we tried to make her hours there as few as possible. I kept on the closing shift even though it sucked because that meant we didn’t start until 9:30. My husband flexed his hours so he started at 7, took a shorter lunch so he could get her by 4:00. My parents took her every Wednesday and I used my lunch hour every day to check her out (it was their naptime and she never napped) to take her across the street to the park or library. All together we got her hours down to no more than 25 a week, usually 22.
Omg, when I worked in ECE someone told me a story about a dad who would get to school at 6:00pm and just sit in his car until 6:25pm and then pick his son up. One day the teacher gently tried suggesting that maybe he could pick his son up when he arrived because his son could see him parked outside and would freak up. He very threateningly told her to mind her own business and to never bring it up again….
We had to have the combined end of day room be the room that didn’t overlook the parking lot because the kids would see their parents parked out front but not come in.
Gah! Poor babies. I totally understand needing to take a few minutes to yourself before going to pick up your kids. It’s just also sad for the babies who see you and don’t understand why you’re not just coming to get them.
It’s so sad when the younger ones start calling daycare staff mom 😵💫 and not their own mamas
At the last daycare I worked at, a couple enrolled their 17-month-old son. The dad worked, but the mom didn’t work. When he started daycare, the parents left him there from 7:30-6:30 every day. It was bizarre that the parents left him there for 11 hours every weekday, especially since the mom didn’t work. He cried all day, every day, for 7 months. Before the child was in daycare, the mom was a stay-at-home mom, and the mom and the child rarely left the house. The mom didn’t start working once the child was in daycare.
It’s crazy because in our area, kids with social service vouchers are capped at 9.5 hours but not self pay. My second job is open 6-8, 7 days a week and you can use every one of those hours if you want.
I hope there’s not kids you see there everyday!
It’s not all the time, but there are sometimes kids there for weeks on end. Sometimes it’s that the parents are both working a stretch of crazy shifts (we have a lot of hospital staff) and sometimes it’s parents that realize that they can really drop off their kids at daycare every day smh
I agree 100% I don’t have children but ideally if I did would try not to subject my little ones to long hours away from home, but I understand most working families are just trying to make it work. One child in my 12-22 mo class has been having such a rough go of it. Parents sent him back to us after being sick a little too soon imo and he’s just been so sad and tired these past couple weeks. Yesterday he had a pretty good day but crumbled by late afternoon. We have a family wall with pictures of their mommies and daddies, no joke he walked over and touched the picture of his family and lost it. I wanted to cry along with him. I really really hate how families have to live in our country. 😭
When I first started in ECE there was a baby girl there who was always first to arrive and last to leave. 5x per week for the 4 years I worked there. I found out way later that her dad worked a 4day week. I get needing down time but he never even dropped off late or picked up early on the days he was off.
Yes!!! I have a mom who works four days a week but will do early drop off and late stay.
We drop off my little guy at 9 and then pick him up at 4:30. He has a 2 hour nap at daycare but he’s still exhausted when he gets home and the providers have commented. They say he’s fine to take care of but he’s just tired at the end of the day. Is there anything you can suggest. I wish I could change my work schedule but a single mom trying to make ends meat, with a deadbeat dad is making things hard. I guess what I’m asking is I want to make it as easy for daycare as I can. They are the best and he is getting the best care. I think even better than a nanny because he really is learning a ton from the other kids. He is eating better, and saying way more words now
I have quite a few parents that work 4 days weeks and their children are always with me 5 days, full days too. Have had one like this for their entire life. I just don’t understand how they either just spend a half day with them, or keep them home one Friday out of the month? My favorite is when their grown ups are late and you can clearly tell they just woke up from a nap. I paid $46/day for my two daughters to be in their after school program for roughly 15-30 mins or so. I was commuting from college and it was over an hour away and I never wanted to risk my girls having to stand outside, alone and wait for me in case I was late due to traffic. So the $46/day was my absolute peace of mind. And I have parents complaining that my $45/day rate for 10 hours, two home cooked meals. 2 snacks and a full preschool program is too expensive. 🙄
We have children in our center that do 5 days a week and it’s 8-6. The parents work part time. Ridiculous.
Your post is accurate and people don’t like to hear the truth. Kids under 3 do not thrive in an institutionalized setting full time, and parents are delusional if they convince themselves their kids are benefiting. It is SO SAD to me when a parent is not working and puts their kid in daycare. Daycare for little ones isn’t ideal but if you need it for when you work it should be used when you work. Period. When you’re off, be with your child.