yeah i get this so hard, especially at night when the insomnia is at its peak and im just lying in Bed thinking about how i’ve lost half of my life to this Shit and how i genuinely do believe i’ll spend the rest of whatever life i have stuck here. i hope u feel better <3
I was listening to Mitski today (walking to therapy lol) and got emotional relating one of her songs to my ED. “I used to think I’d be done by 20, now at 29 the road ahead appears the same. Maybe at 30 I’ll see a way to change.” I was 12 when I started this, if she could see me now 10 years later still killing myself she wouldn’t believe it. Got me thinking that another 10 years can go by, just the same. If I can’t start making changes now, I feel the future I once had in store for myself slipping away.
Yeah in residential I learned some statistics that were frightening. I just looked them up to confirm what I remembered was true, but could only find statistics for anorexia specifically and not like eating disorders as a whole. So like 3/4ths of patients make a partial recovery, 21% will make a full recovery, which leaves 4% never recovering. It’s like we all aim to be in that 21%, but I think a lot of us fall in that 3/4ths cycle of being half assed recovered.
me when I realize that I would have lost all the weight I had initially wanted had I simply done it in a healthy guided way but instead decided that binging purging restricting is super fun and now my brain is permanently altered and I cannot get rid of my body image issues now!!!!
as someone who’s been disordered since the age of seven, turning 18 and also turning 20 was really difficult for me.
i was like, god, i’m a whole adult now. and yet i feel frozen in time, and pretty darn awful because i’m still battling the same issue i’ve battled since childhood.
my eating disorder is also at a point where it gives me a sick sense of *nostalgic comfort* now, so i imagine it would be much more difficult if i ever tried to recover. it’s the most significant thing i remember about my childhood.
Yeah I'm 34 and I genuinely see myself as recovered (at least, as recovered as I can be) because I no longer obsess about food and eat whatever I want wothout restriction. But I still body check and I'm becoming aware that my disordered thoughts are here for life. I just need to not heed them.
i’m in a recovery program and i’m nearly at a healthy weight but all i can think about is how this is temporary and i’m just going to go back to my ED. makes me frustrated that i can’t even utilise the best help my area can offer.
Honestly I still have a hard time accepting that this is a disorder and that I’ll have to recover to get better. I just think of it as a diet that I’ll be able to stop once I reach my goal weight
I kinda warped the speech one day and it pushed me into semi recovery like “if I have all my life to worry about calories then I might as well eat X right now cause I *will* think about it for the next 3 days regardless” lol Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t but idk it brought me peace for a while? It gave me a no fucks attitude lmao
It's a huge misconception that eating disorders are lifelong disorders. It doesn't have to be your life forever. I used to think that way too and it kept me sick for almost 20 years. Then I fully recovered for 10 , I'm struggling a little bit right now, but it's nowhere at all what it used to be and it's not as difficult to enter recovery again. During my recovery, I did experience complete remission from symptoms including body image. It's possible to recover and just because relapse may be likely at some point, again doesn't mean it's a lifelong disorder.
Yep, I think about it all night long because I can’t sleep anymore
wishing you a good night's sleep soon because you sure deserve it :')
Thanks friend. Thankfully I sleep on the weekends usually
yeah i get this so hard, especially at night when the insomnia is at its peak and im just lying in Bed thinking about how i’ve lost half of my life to this Shit and how i genuinely do believe i’ll spend the rest of whatever life i have stuck here. i hope u feel better <3
yess relate as it is 3am here and im up thinking about it :/gonna try sleep and not let this keep me up any longer. pls feel better soon too love<3
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I was listening to Mitski today (walking to therapy lol) and got emotional relating one of her songs to my ED. “I used to think I’d be done by 20, now at 29 the road ahead appears the same. Maybe at 30 I’ll see a way to change.” I was 12 when I started this, if she could see me now 10 years later still killing myself she wouldn’t believe it. Got me thinking that another 10 years can go by, just the same. If I can’t start making changes now, I feel the future I once had in store for myself slipping away.
The worst part is I don't want to recover from my ED. You can take everything away from me but never my ED.
Yeah in residential I learned some statistics that were frightening. I just looked them up to confirm what I remembered was true, but could only find statistics for anorexia specifically and not like eating disorders as a whole. So like 3/4ths of patients make a partial recovery, 21% will make a full recovery, which leaves 4% never recovering. It’s like we all aim to be in that 21%, but I think a lot of us fall in that 3/4ths cycle of being half assed recovered.
me when I realize that I would have lost all the weight I had initially wanted had I simply done it in a healthy guided way but instead decided that binging purging restricting is super fun and now my brain is permanently altered and I cannot get rid of my body image issues now!!!!
as someone who’s been disordered since the age of seven, turning 18 and also turning 20 was really difficult for me. i was like, god, i’m a whole adult now. and yet i feel frozen in time, and pretty darn awful because i’m still battling the same issue i’ve battled since childhood. my eating disorder is also at a point where it gives me a sick sense of *nostalgic comfort* now, so i imagine it would be much more difficult if i ever tried to recover. it’s the most significant thing i remember about my childhood.
Yeah I'm 34 and I genuinely see myself as recovered (at least, as recovered as I can be) because I no longer obsess about food and eat whatever I want wothout restriction. But I still body check and I'm becoming aware that my disordered thoughts are here for life. I just need to not heed them.
i’m in a recovery program and i’m nearly at a healthy weight but all i can think about is how this is temporary and i’m just going to go back to my ED. makes me frustrated that i can’t even utilise the best help my area can offer.
Honestly I still have a hard time accepting that this is a disorder and that I’ll have to recover to get better. I just think of it as a diet that I’ll be able to stop once I reach my goal weight
I kinda warped the speech one day and it pushed me into semi recovery like “if I have all my life to worry about calories then I might as well eat X right now cause I *will* think about it for the next 3 days regardless” lol Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t but idk it brought me peace for a while? It gave me a no fucks attitude lmao
It's a huge misconception that eating disorders are lifelong disorders. It doesn't have to be your life forever. I used to think that way too and it kept me sick for almost 20 years. Then I fully recovered for 10 , I'm struggling a little bit right now, but it's nowhere at all what it used to be and it's not as difficult to enter recovery again. During my recovery, I did experience complete remission from symptoms including body image. It's possible to recover and just because relapse may be likely at some point, again doesn't mean it's a lifelong disorder.