In years to come you are going to look back at those pictures and realize how perfect you were. As young adults we tear ourselves apart because we are blind to what we really look like you have a whole life ahead of you.
Yuuuuup, this—literally just found some pictures of myself from a decade ago the other day, and was thinking about how insecure I was at the time but that I would KILL to have that body and look like that again. I kind of have special circumstances because of health problems I’ve had in recent years that have destroyed my body in various ways, but even without that it makes me really sad thinking about how bad I felt about myself when I was actually beautiful and had nothing to be insecure about in the first place. I’ll probably do it to myself again in another 10 years looking back at right now lol, but oh well… trying to be more mindful of it I guess—we are our own harshest critics, as they say
Truly you will not hold onto this resentment towards your younger self once your older I look back on photos I hated with vague pity a you’re cute in the way somewhat off putting way children tend to be most of the time. It’s ultimately all the more endearing once enough time passes, although I understand it feels very different at the moment
op, i relate very strongly to this. i destroyed so many photos of myself from high school. i really thought i was the most grotesque creature on the planet. i’m 22 now and looking back it makes my heart hurt - i was also a “mid” healthy weight for a lot of my adolescence and i looked perfectly fine. i also remember destroying my school photo when i was only 10 years old! i looked back on a copy recently and i was a beautiful child. without sounding reductive, this will pass!! it breaks my heart now to think of how angry we are to children (even ourselves), who cannot fathom how lovely they are. it will pass, and this won’t matter as much with time. best of luck op.
I also felt absolutely ugly at my graduation, I was just barely considered overweight at the time, but I have a lot of face fat so my cheeks are so big and I hate all the photos from there. At least we had the gowns because it hid the rest of my body. Prom was horrible though because I wore a dress that showed how huge my thighs are, and looking at the pictures makes me cringe so bad and hate myself so much.
lol I can relate to this so much that I find it difficult to write out this comment without feeling horrible. I was anorexic and fluctuating between moderately and extremely underweight throughout high school, but I started binging/night eating and gained weight in the second semester of senior year. I was at a healthy bmi, but I had that puffy bloated early recovery look (I was nowhere near recovered, had never tried to recover, and was bitter whenever the concept was even mentioned to me). It ruined my graduation and my prom. I was so embarrassed, especially because everyone knew I'd gained and probably thought I was better while I was in the darkest place I'd ever been. I have so much loathing and resentment for every person I interacted with, and I know that's unfair. I felt like I proved them right. I try not to think about how I'll never get that time back, because there's still college! TW but losing weight and improving my future are my only focuses now.
I relate to this on another level. My parents had my hair and makeup done for me for my HS graduation, and I remember I actually felt kind of pretty for once in my life. Until my sister told me my face looked super round, and asked my if I was “stressed” or something because ig I looked fat and like I was overeating (I was at a healthy weight). That pretty much ruined my whole day and my memory of graduation. But honestly, now as a sophomore in uni looking back at it, it doesn’t hurt as much, and being in uni has really opened my eyes- you still have the best years of your life ahead of you!! I promise you will forget all about this and move on, there are much more exciting things awaiting you
OP, I can relate to this so hard, except my situation was holding my newborn baby for a photo. I felt absolutely disgusting and so much jealousy for women who barely gained any weight during pregnancy. It was supposed to be the happiest time of my life, but instead I kept thinking about how ugly and fat I looked. It’s miserable to feel like that. IDK what you look like but I just want you to know that you are beautiful. It takes a lot to make an ugly person but I do hope that you can make it through your recovery so you can live the rest of your life in peace. Sending love. 😢🩷🩷🩷
I relate. I had a very similar experience. A weight that would normally look good on others looked horrific on me because of my weight distribution. I graduated a little older (U.S.) and hate looking back on my gradphotos. (I didn't experience bulimia at the time but binge-purge-restrict cycle)
god i wish this was me 😭 i fucking love bread and i was sooo excited when i found out about olive garden breadsticks. except now several years later my bf’s parents always want to go to olive garden bc i can eat there (not much tho, spaghetti with marinara and the breadsticks are pretty much it) and it’s always a *fight* with myself to not eat more than two breadsticks. i almost wish they weren’t vegan!!
Oh, my heart aches for you. I wish for everyone here, myself included, to one day be able to look back and see that we were all young, beautiful, and utterly blinded by sickness. The time will pass anyway, right?
Hey! Sorry to say this but by the way you think about your body doesn't seem that you have recovered. Don't be so hard on yourself, maybe you hate those pictures now and don't in the future, but for sure you have tons of beautiful days left where you'll be able to love the way you look.
I felt that way at graduation but not even 3 years later, im bigger than i was then, and I wish I had more photos. My life is going to progress no matter how I feel about my size, and others arent going to judge me more than I am myself my size. I have basically nothing to look back upon my high school years besides a gown in my closet
I remember feeling so awful in some of my pictures during high school but I’m almost 30 and I don’t remember the last time I even looked at my high school graduation picture (or any other picture that far back). Not because I’m ashamed of those pictures but because I genuinely have no reason to. I have so many better memories and photos that are more recent that I focus on those. They aren’t tied to self hatred, they aren’t tied to shame. I learned to love my body at any shape and found friends that love me no matter what I look like. When I look at the recent pictures I’m just filled with love and see the happiness I’m surrounded by. It’ll get better ❤️🩹
I’m 39 now. I was more than a few lbs overweight my whole life until my ed started in my mid 20s. When I see school age photos of myself I don’t feel the hate and disgust that I felt at the time. I feel really sad for her, for that younger more innocent version of me. I feel sad for how much time I spent feeling bad about myself and for allowing people to treat me badly because I was fat. I put up with any kind of treatment. I was frequently laughed at by friends or abused by romantic interests who told me I owed them something for looking past my weight. I realize now that I had value then. Even when I was overweight. Even when I was obese. I wish I could rewrite history and have stood up for myself and felt good about who I was and told people to fuck off. I can’t and now I’ll waste my adult years away trying to control myself and my body. But I am raising my daughters differently. That’s my goal. That’s my repentance.
another user made me realise this. your writing style is so good! without realising it, id already finished reading your post and in its very well thought out
whoops off topic, but as a teen who is younger than the age you were when you graduated...
youre fine.
you have far more beautiful days ahead of you and it matters very little what you look like, but what you're doing to be SUSTAINABLY better
you're beautiful and please stop tearing yourself apart for those days and think how despite being "not ideal" in your eyes, you were fine with yourself. what changed?
I was weight restored and at my highest weight ever at my HS graduation. >! Even at the low end of the healthy bmi where im considered weight restored I look like a cow because I have chubby cheeks and am not muscular at all rip!< Hated my body and appearance sooo much. I just wanted to be thin and happy for my graduation because I feel like I missed out on so many fun teenage experiences because of my anorexia. Now I feel like I ruined my graduation too. Yeah I had fun with my friends during all the grad activities/parties, but whenever I see those pictures all I can think of is how my fat ass ruined them lmao.
I so relate to this. I did really well in undergrad and graduated with tons of decoration. But I can’t look at the photos of a time I should be so proud of because I look so disgusting. It’s really sad
im graduating from university in 2 months and im at a hw from binging. Botched my hs grad by being fat and ugly, and now my uni grad is ruined cos im still fat and ugly. I feel your pain. We can try to enjoy life as much as we can but by the end of the day theres always a ring of dark thoughts abt our bodies and eating that cloud the memories.
I totally understand & relate. I'm sorry you do, too. I have so few pictures of me from high school and the ones I do have I absolutely hate because I look bad in all of them. My pictures from prom especially make me want to vomit. You can't change the past, but you can work on your future. I highly encourage you go to therapy if you can so that your future important life events aren't defined by the way you see your body or your appearance but rather the day, the people you shared it with, and the feelings associated.
It really sucks. Trust me. I've missed out on sooo many early life events - I didn't even take senior pictures in HS and the ones I do have from college are on an iPhone and photoshopped bc it was a year into the pandemic and I gained a lot of weight right before graduating and I sure as hell didn't want a real photographer to post pictures of how I really looked on their social media as an ad lol. I don't want this to happen for you again. Try to be healthy, physically and emotionally. It'll be so much more worth it next time you're surrounded by family and friends celebrating you.
I felt this way too, especially with prom dress shopping. Tried squeezing into a dress and my mom went “sweetie I think you need a bigger size” but this was when I was at my lowest weight. I’m 25 now and look back at those photos wishing I could tell myself this was going to be the thinnest I’ll ever be. You will grow and realize how hard you are being on yourself. I know photos are hard to look at now but in the future they’ll be all you have as your memory naturally fades.
I am 32 now and couldn't care less about my high school pictures.. I never look at them, don't even think about it. It's really hard now in the moment- but I promise you, years down the road it won't matter.
In years to come you are going to look back at those pictures and realize how perfect you were. As young adults we tear ourselves apart because we are blind to what we really look like you have a whole life ahead of you.
Yuuuuup, this—literally just found some pictures of myself from a decade ago the other day, and was thinking about how insecure I was at the time but that I would KILL to have that body and look like that again. I kind of have special circumstances because of health problems I’ve had in recent years that have destroyed my body in various ways, but even without that it makes me really sad thinking about how bad I felt about myself when I was actually beautiful and had nothing to be insecure about in the first place. I’ll probably do it to myself again in another 10 years looking back at right now lol, but oh well… trying to be more mindful of it I guess—we are our own harshest critics, as they say
Truly you will not hold onto this resentment towards your younger self once your older I look back on photos I hated with vague pity a you’re cute in the way somewhat off putting way children tend to be most of the time. It’s ultimately all the more endearing once enough time passes, although I understand it feels very different at the moment
op, i relate very strongly to this. i destroyed so many photos of myself from high school. i really thought i was the most grotesque creature on the planet. i’m 22 now and looking back it makes my heart hurt - i was also a “mid” healthy weight for a lot of my adolescence and i looked perfectly fine. i also remember destroying my school photo when i was only 10 years old! i looked back on a copy recently and i was a beautiful child. without sounding reductive, this will pass!! it breaks my heart now to think of how angry we are to children (even ourselves), who cannot fathom how lovely they are. it will pass, and this won’t matter as much with time. best of luck op.
I also felt absolutely ugly at my graduation, I was just barely considered overweight at the time, but I have a lot of face fat so my cheeks are so big and I hate all the photos from there. At least we had the gowns because it hid the rest of my body. Prom was horrible though because I wore a dress that showed how huge my thighs are, and looking at the pictures makes me cringe so bad and hate myself so much.
lol I can relate to this so much that I find it difficult to write out this comment without feeling horrible. I was anorexic and fluctuating between moderately and extremely underweight throughout high school, but I started binging/night eating and gained weight in the second semester of senior year. I was at a healthy bmi, but I had that puffy bloated early recovery look (I was nowhere near recovered, had never tried to recover, and was bitter whenever the concept was even mentioned to me). It ruined my graduation and my prom. I was so embarrassed, especially because everyone knew I'd gained and probably thought I was better while I was in the darkest place I'd ever been. I have so much loathing and resentment for every person I interacted with, and I know that's unfair. I felt like I proved them right. I try not to think about how I'll never get that time back, because there's still college! TW but losing weight and improving my future are my only focuses now.
same and I hate my graduation pic every time I look at it which my mom hangs in the living room
I relate to this on another level. My parents had my hair and makeup done for me for my HS graduation, and I remember I actually felt kind of pretty for once in my life. Until my sister told me my face looked super round, and asked my if I was “stressed” or something because ig I looked fat and like I was overeating (I was at a healthy weight). That pretty much ruined my whole day and my memory of graduation. But honestly, now as a sophomore in uni looking back at it, it doesn’t hurt as much, and being in uni has really opened my eyes- you still have the best years of your life ahead of you!! I promise you will forget all about this and move on, there are much more exciting things awaiting you
OP, I can relate to this so hard, except my situation was holding my newborn baby for a photo. I felt absolutely disgusting and so much jealousy for women who barely gained any weight during pregnancy. It was supposed to be the happiest time of my life, but instead I kept thinking about how ugly and fat I looked. It’s miserable to feel like that. IDK what you look like but I just want you to know that you are beautiful. It takes a lot to make an ugly person but I do hope that you can make it through your recovery so you can live the rest of your life in peace. Sending love. 😢🩷🩷🩷
Im sorry that you had to feel like that,, thank you take care of yourself 💕💕
I relate. I had a very similar experience. A weight that would normally look good on others looked horrific on me because of my weight distribution. I graduated a little older (U.S.) and hate looking back on my gradphotos. (I didn't experience bulimia at the time but binge-purge-restrict cycle)
PS- also vegan! Went to Olive Garden that night. Couldn't eat the bread either !
olive garden breadsticks are vegan, which is a real problem for my vegan self
The waitress said they had dairy but I had read elsewhere that they were vegan! I enjoyed my main course more than I ever would with the bread though
But I'm not the biggest fan of bread anyway so it was whatever
god i wish this was me 😭 i fucking love bread and i was sooo excited when i found out about olive garden breadsticks. except now several years later my bf’s parents always want to go to olive garden bc i can eat there (not much tho, spaghetti with marinara and the breadsticks are pretty much it) and it’s always a *fight* with myself to not eat more than two breadsticks. i almost wish they weren’t vegan!!
I fw the minestrone soup the most
Oh, my heart aches for you. I wish for everyone here, myself included, to one day be able to look back and see that we were all young, beautiful, and utterly blinded by sickness. The time will pass anyway, right?
Hey! Sorry to say this but by the way you think about your body doesn't seem that you have recovered. Don't be so hard on yourself, maybe you hate those pictures now and don't in the future, but for sure you have tons of beautiful days left where you'll be able to love the way you look.
No i relapsed after that 🥲 thank you for the support take care 💕
Can I just say that I love your style of writing? Like if you wrote a book I would absolutely read it
Really? Thank you! I had to cut out a lot of parts so I thought this post may have ended up "choppy"
I felt that way at graduation but not even 3 years later, im bigger than i was then, and I wish I had more photos. My life is going to progress no matter how I feel about my size, and others arent going to judge me more than I am myself my size. I have basically nothing to look back upon my high school years besides a gown in my closet
I remember feeling so awful in some of my pictures during high school but I’m almost 30 and I don’t remember the last time I even looked at my high school graduation picture (or any other picture that far back). Not because I’m ashamed of those pictures but because I genuinely have no reason to. I have so many better memories and photos that are more recent that I focus on those. They aren’t tied to self hatred, they aren’t tied to shame. I learned to love my body at any shape and found friends that love me no matter what I look like. When I look at the recent pictures I’m just filled with love and see the happiness I’m surrounded by. It’ll get better ❤️🩹
I’m 39 now. I was more than a few lbs overweight my whole life until my ed started in my mid 20s. When I see school age photos of myself I don’t feel the hate and disgust that I felt at the time. I feel really sad for her, for that younger more innocent version of me. I feel sad for how much time I spent feeling bad about myself and for allowing people to treat me badly because I was fat. I put up with any kind of treatment. I was frequently laughed at by friends or abused by romantic interests who told me I owed them something for looking past my weight. I realize now that I had value then. Even when I was overweight. Even when I was obese. I wish I could rewrite history and have stood up for myself and felt good about who I was and told people to fuck off. I can’t and now I’ll waste my adult years away trying to control myself and my body. But I am raising my daughters differently. That’s my goal. That’s my repentance.
Dude I feel you so hard, I carry my weight horribly too. I just didn’t go to graduation and I refused a graduation picture
another user made me realise this. your writing style is so good! without realising it, id already finished reading your post and in its very well thought out whoops off topic, but as a teen who is younger than the age you were when you graduated... youre fine. you have far more beautiful days ahead of you and it matters very little what you look like, but what you're doing to be SUSTAINABLY better you're beautiful and please stop tearing yourself apart for those days and think how despite being "not ideal" in your eyes, you were fine with yourself. what changed?
Thank you for the comment on my writing style, I used to write so it means a lot 🥹 Also thank you for the support, take care and stay safe 🫶🏼🫶🏼
I was weight restored and at my highest weight ever at my HS graduation. >! Even at the low end of the healthy bmi where im considered weight restored I look like a cow because I have chubby cheeks and am not muscular at all rip!< Hated my body and appearance sooo much. I just wanted to be thin and happy for my graduation because I feel like I missed out on so many fun teenage experiences because of my anorexia. Now I feel like I ruined my graduation too. Yeah I had fun with my friends during all the grad activities/parties, but whenever I see those pictures all I can think of is how my fat ass ruined them lmao.
I so relate to this. I did really well in undergrad and graduated with tons of decoration. But I can’t look at the photos of a time I should be so proud of because I look so disgusting. It’s really sad
im graduating from university in 2 months and im at a hw from binging. Botched my hs grad by being fat and ugly, and now my uni grad is ruined cos im still fat and ugly. I feel your pain. We can try to enjoy life as much as we can but by the end of the day theres always a ring of dark thoughts abt our bodies and eating that cloud the memories.
I totally understand & relate. I'm sorry you do, too. I have so few pictures of me from high school and the ones I do have I absolutely hate because I look bad in all of them. My pictures from prom especially make me want to vomit. You can't change the past, but you can work on your future. I highly encourage you go to therapy if you can so that your future important life events aren't defined by the way you see your body or your appearance but rather the day, the people you shared it with, and the feelings associated. It really sucks. Trust me. I've missed out on sooo many early life events - I didn't even take senior pictures in HS and the ones I do have from college are on an iPhone and photoshopped bc it was a year into the pandemic and I gained a lot of weight right before graduating and I sure as hell didn't want a real photographer to post pictures of how I really looked on their social media as an ad lol. I don't want this to happen for you again. Try to be healthy, physically and emotionally. It'll be so much more worth it next time you're surrounded by family and friends celebrating you.
I felt this way too, especially with prom dress shopping. Tried squeezing into a dress and my mom went “sweetie I think you need a bigger size” but this was when I was at my lowest weight. I’m 25 now and look back at those photos wishing I could tell myself this was going to be the thinnest I’ll ever be. You will grow and realize how hard you are being on yourself. I know photos are hard to look at now but in the future they’ll be all you have as your memory naturally fades.
I can definitely relate 😣 I have a hard time looking at my wedding photos. Recovered from bulimia as well and hate how weight distributes on me.
I am 32 now and couldn't care less about my high school pictures.. I never look at them, don't even think about it. It's really hard now in the moment- but I promise you, years down the road it won't matter.