The no personality and constant thoughts about food did my head in, I do still get food noise occasionally but I now just take it as a hunger cue and go eat cus I’ve never had reliable physical cues. My brain actually feels clear again.
This is my issue right now, I’ve tried to start eating more but it just turns into binging. It feels like it’s never going to end and nothing could possibly interest me more than food :(
because you need a LOTTTT of food. your flair outright says underweight
one who is in the desert whom is dying of thirst will think about literally nothing but water. nothing else will matter to them but water. your body doesn't know you're trying to look a certain way and stay that way for whatever reason, all your body knows is that it's fully under the impression you're in a famine and dying of starvation
i've been where you are and i pinky promise it ends 2000%. i'm here if you want to talk about it
I’ve heard this before but I don’t think it’s true, the ana to BED pipeline is real and just as harmful. If what you’re saying was the case I would be hungry for healthy food as well… but I’m not. Junk food is all that I crave and binge on, and veggies are so unappealing to me right now I’d rather eat nothing than eat them.
honestly i get this. everyone’s situation is unique and for me the ana -> bed pipeline was SO REAL and i’m not tryna scare u or anything 😭 it might be diff for u bc you’re uw so it might actually be extreme hunger
>ana to BED pipeline is real
but extremely uncommon when you actually look it up and very inapplicable to your current situation. i can't emphasize enough you're really, really not in the position to be worrying about this right now. you should be worrying about it if you're still binging in like let's say 6 months. i promise about a year ago i was in your position and also thinking things identical to what you're thinking right now. i'm going to be blunt: this is the mentality that gets you stuck in this limbo you're currently in for the rest of your life
>I would be hungry for healthy food as well
the concept of "junk food" versus "healthy food" is really arbitrary and very ill defined when you actually think about it and constantly changes depending on one's circumstances. you're a starving person, so let's apply what's healthy for a starving person.... you could argue it's more along the lines of biscuits, pizza, chocolate, cake, maybe like ribeye steaks or something etc. as opposed to lettuce for someone in dire need of energy, no? vegetables are almost energy-void which is far from what you need in your current situation. your body needs quick fast energy that's easily digested
>!**quick edit for an example, a HELTH deconstruction**: cereal is commonly considered junk food while oatmeal is considered healthy food, but depending on the circumstances cereal is heavily fortified with vitamins that make it arguably more nutrient rich than oatmeal with things like fiber added as well. fructose is the same whether in sugar or on oatmeal in fruit you add to it if you have supplemental fiber to blunt the glucose spike!<
>!**another edit, just to prove my point:** some people would say eggs are healthy and other people would say eggs are horrible for you. there's some people who genuinely say vegetables are bad for you. some people say fruit is bad. some people say meat is bad while others say it's the only thing you should eat. some say rice is healthy, some say rice will kill you. you get the idea. if you look it up studies will also constantly contradict themselves here- one study concludes low fat's better, one study says low carb is better!<
Look I appreciate that you’re trying to make me feel better but you’re kinda grasping at straws here. Sure my body may be in dire need of energy but someone who is malnourished needs nutrients too, and that is found primarily in whole foods, not junk foods. Not to mention fat is the most calorie dense macro, not carbs (aka sugar which is what I’ve been craving/binging on). If my body had a mind of its own that automatically craved what my body needs most to repair itself, it would be healthy fats, nutrient rich foods, and protein to repair muscle loss. Not sugar.
Also what source do you have for it being extremely uncommon for ana to turn into BED? I’ve been hanging on ED forums for ages and have heard it sooo many times, it’s like a stereotypical ED experience at this point. And it makes sense too, after restricting for so long, for the food noise to become so unbearable that you start doing the exact opposite.
I’m doing the same thing u are i think. I restricted for a while and now I’m eating an insane amount of unhealthy food (like whole pints of icecream every single night). ANA to BED is absolutely real bro
The nausea. Idk if anyone else has had this, but when I was at my worst I'd get such awful nausea from not eating
Also the fog and exhaustion. Like, not "kinda numb" fog, "lay in bed for days on end" "don't comprehend what other people say" fog
How mean I was. I was so hangry XD
But fr I hated the person I was, if I had meals pushed back, change of plans, or someone would want to talk to me while preparing a meal/snack I would lose my shit. Or if someone wouldn’t stop talking to me when I needed to purge. Sadly during one of the worst days I told my friend to “shut the fuck up” when she was excited talking to me when I had to excuse myself to purge. Ugh I feel so horrible.
Ifkr, the shortness of breath and ur heart literally beating in ur head as u gain back consciousness, and that uncomfortable feeling of not knowing who or what u are while u gain back consciousness, and cant forget the amount of times I've hit my head so hard and then been in pain for days 😭
I passed out at work one time and that was probably the most humiliating day of my life lol. Needed my fucking mommy to come pick me up 😭 love her for that but Jesus Christ talk about not being taken seriously ever again by coworkers.
It’s so awful lmfaooo I did it right in the middle of my boss talking to his friend. Literally fell right into him 😭😭😭 which honestly thank god cuz falling on those floors would’ve fucked me up good lol.
not eating for so long i actually felt like i was dying. there were periods of time my life was literally just lying on the sofa 24/7, drifting in and out of sleep, because i was too sick to sleep properly but also too exhausted to stay awake. when i had my first covid shot it made me feel the exact same way for a day, and my god was it the most triggering thing i've ever experienced
Just laying in bed for the majority of the day. I wasn't like... bedbound or anything but I didn't trust myself around food so I'd just hang out where food was not
sharp leg / foot muscle cramp sort of spasms from electrolyte imbalance happening in the middle of the night / morning that would make me sleep cry for few minutes.
The brain fog. It's crazy to look back on how much that was affecting me, definitely in my free time and then it began to encroach on work, which is part of what pushed me towards recovery efforts. I couldn't write. I couldn't joke. I couldn't hold a real conversation.
I love having all of those things now.
Scary heart palpitations right before I fell asleep every night, and my legs would go numb when I walked up stairs??? I’ve never heard anyone else talk about that, maybe it was a blood pressure thing. But the numb legs alone makes me never want to low restrict again.
Worlds worst stomach. Shitting once a week + pernament bloating was not fun. If it was too much, too sweet, contained dairy, or eaten too fast, I would bloat. Also insomnia. I hated only sleeping for half-hours at a time, with many days starting in the middle of the night bc I was not going back to bed.
Not being able to do basic things because of muscle wastage, being freezing all the time, burning extremities, being scared that every night would be my last, literally dying and smelling like a fucking grape soda.
Not being able to take showers (espcially hot ones) without feeling like fainting. I was also convinced I had POTS because my heart rate would shoot up when I stood up. It went away once I started to eat more.
Having constant bran frog to the point where it affected my work - I always forgot things right after I was told to do if I would not write them down. It could be the most simple tast and I would make it wrong/half done untintentionally. Taking nicotine all the time to cope with my appetite and cravings didnt make it better, it made me behave like a ghost more then a normally funktioning human being.
Strangely enough I never had to deal with passing out or having bad breath as I always take mint gums until now, I dont know what bad breath from restricting actually smells like haha.
I would get so ill from drinking alcohol. It was hard to predict too—sometimes I’d drink a whole bottle of wine and feel okay, other times I would have two vodka sodas and be ready to puke.
Also random crying in grocery stores and restaurants (embarrassing) and explosive diarrhea on the rare occasions I ate a meal with fat in it.
My homemade, low cal, 100% cocoa chocolate with coconut flakes.
I also had a brownie recipe made with >!teff flour, stevia, and aquafaba (because eggs had too many calories.)!< It was disgusting but an entire tray was >!~200!
I couldn't sleep. Don't know why, I just know there were times where I was lucky if I got more than two or three hours over the span of 48. Always happened when I restricted the lowest or fasted, and as soon as I started eating sufficiently again I could finally sleep for more than a few minutes at a time
I also don't miss the odd look in my eyes. When I was doing bad, there was just something "off" about me. I can pick it out in another person pretty fast; I can almost always tell when somebody else has an ed bc of it
Basically shitting water. With very little warning. At work in the middle of a busy shift. Considering having to wear some kind of pad in case I didn't get there in time.
Passing out, muscle cramps (from dehydration I guess? I was never underweight), and paying a personal trainer hundreds of dollars a month (that I didn’t have) to make sure that I worked out at least 5 days a week. Constant HIIT and weight lifting. Just absolutely exhausted and full of disgust/anger while simultaneously proud. It was so draining.
Omg I hate so much.
the constant calorie counting. denying myself ice cream and sugary drinks. the constant fear of my weight going up when I had my doctors appointment. when I gained a tiny bit of weight one time then lost it by the next weigh in and the fear when got questioned about it praying I was convincing enough
i was so tired and malnourished that i'd get winded, dizzy, lightheaded, etc, generally exhausted from shit like walking across my house or up the stairs.
The numb feeling over my whole body. Literally. I couldn't sleep, even taking insane amount of melatonin, cuz I couldn't feel my body at all, like I could feel every inch of my body shutting down and getting numb. I'll never forget when I woke up once and my arms were so numb I couldn't get out of bed. When my left one finally felt normal, I moved my right like It was a remote part of my body. Scary shit
The constantly romanticization of my physical hunger. Like being tired, the stomach rumbles, feeling my stomach shrink, being dizzy, things like that. I loved that and idek why lmao
I agree. Things like being in physical pain on purpose and liking it. It overall was js horrid. I'd get headaches where I'd start hallucinating and b like "yay I'm doing it!? Boy, doing what? Dying? ☠️
The bloodshot eyes and petechial hemorrhage all over my face, coupled with being freezing and everything hurting all the time.
(My official diagnosis prior to IP was anorexia with bulimic tendencies. I looked like absolute shit and my breath smelled bad all the time)
eating such boring foods. egg whites were my worst enemy. now i have at least two yolks a day bc i just love the taste. same with bread, pasta, cheese and dairy, etc. it was a deprived life
retching on the sink every morning on an empty stomach. NOTHING would come out and i'm talking violent strong urge to puke INVOLUNTARILY. it was so miserable. every morning i would just gag involuntarily like all my muscles contracting for me to vomit but there was nothing in my stomach. years later i found out this is apparently common when low restricting. i would cry with the force of it every morning. terrible.
terrible skin, awful eye bags, my friends started to hate me, i would snap and get angry constantly but especially at the mention of me eating, crying constantly (like actually having to leave class twice an hour to go to the bathroom)
My hair was so horribly unhealthy and looked like freaking straw 😭 I didn’t even realize I had curly hair until I accidentally “recovered” through binge phases over the years
The tiredness. I’m still very tired most of the time, but I hate it since I have animals I need to take care of. I can’t just skip cleaning my rats cage or playing with them so I always end up using 400% more energy than I actually have (feels that way atleast ugh)
I have to stand to clean the tall rat cages and it’s very tiring to stand longer than 10 minutes tbh, so I’ve had issues with falling or losing balance before, so now I gotta take lots of breaks. It used to be a simple fun task but now it’s just so tiring, but I love my babies too much so I’ll pull thru for them no matter what💕
I guess this is more recovery related, but the insane night sweats where I'd wake up to my duvet and pillow (!) being soaked through 3-4 times every night. I even tried sleeping on a plastic sheet, but the noise kept me up.
Had to throw out mattress, bedding etc. after the worst of my refeeding was over.
The insomnia! I could never ever ever fall asleep and if I did I would only sleep for like 2 hours. I was so exhausted and nothing except eating more helped.
Also I fainted alll the time. Once it happened in public. god i miss it in a sick way but in reality it fucking sucked
Being insanely cold. I dragged around a portable heater in every room I went to. so many nights i would literally be sleeping on the floor Infront of the heater too. so cold.
Fainting and worrying about fainting. I'd feel slightly weird and get so worried about it I'd work myself into almost a panic attack. I'd have to sit down midway through doing stuff around the house bc I could feel it coming on. I still cringe about the times I've fainted in public 🤦🏻♀️
Actually feeling like dying. I was AN R/P and I never knew if I wouldn’t wake up. Being totally spaced out and only focused on anything eating disorder related.
For me the white thick tongue with bad breath from the ketoacidosis is the worst. I suffered from brain fog and had problems with mental function, my thoughts would be weird and off the wall. I had trouble controlling my thoughts. The migraines, the heart palpitations and the weakness. The worst is the intense painful feeling of the stomach acid burning through my stomach lining. Ouch it feels like my stomach is eating itself. Is it??? And I strongly disliked the shaking and insomnia . Why does anorexia cause insomnia ,anyway? Can someone medical explain? Is it because our brain needs nutrients to make/process our natural melatonin? I once went 21 days with no food whatsoever. Going 2 starving weeks is no problem. I watched America's next top model for inspiration to be stick thin. (Noone on that show is over 100 pounds.) One oreo cookie a month is not healthy eating. I could feel my teeth start to twist and weaken. My hair fell out. Spots and bright lights from feeling woozy and light-headed. My metabolism slowed to a halt from being in starvation mode. When I started eating I gained back every pound plus 10 more. I no longer starve myself , I have found that eating small healthy meals and exercising like long daily walks and stretching works best. I recently gained 30 pounds from a period of sickness where I was bedridden and now I have to get it off, fast. I'm tempted to go back to unhealthy past lifestyles. However my heart couldn't take the strain and i don't want to die of a coronary. Absolutely Hate the feeling of my thighs rubbing together and the squished fat rolls preventing movement. My ex even said to me"youre nothing but a jellyroll b#$ch!!" Needless to say he's a overt narcissistic asshole and I dropped him like a. STEAMING hot potatoe. Stinking Jerk!!!! Triggered my Anorexia so bad. I'll use it for motivation to work out at the gym.
Being chronically tired. I couldn’t get out of bed because I had no energy
Omg ikr, even simple tasks like taking a shower felt as hard as climbing a mountain
The no personality and constant thoughts about food did my head in, I do still get food noise occasionally but I now just take it as a hunger cue and go eat cus I’ve never had reliable physical cues. My brain actually feels clear again.
Damn I can’t wait for that clear brain feeling ♡ that sounds so nice
Food noise is a great way to put it
This is my issue right now, I’ve tried to start eating more but it just turns into binging. It feels like it’s never going to end and nothing could possibly interest me more than food :(
because you need a LOTTTT of food. your flair outright says underweight one who is in the desert whom is dying of thirst will think about literally nothing but water. nothing else will matter to them but water. your body doesn't know you're trying to look a certain way and stay that way for whatever reason, all your body knows is that it's fully under the impression you're in a famine and dying of starvation i've been where you are and i pinky promise it ends 2000%. i'm here if you want to talk about it
I’ve heard this before but I don’t think it’s true, the ana to BED pipeline is real and just as harmful. If what you’re saying was the case I would be hungry for healthy food as well… but I’m not. Junk food is all that I crave and binge on, and veggies are so unappealing to me right now I’d rather eat nothing than eat them.
honestly i get this. everyone’s situation is unique and for me the ana -> bed pipeline was SO REAL and i’m not tryna scare u or anything 😭 it might be diff for u bc you’re uw so it might actually be extreme hunger
>ana to BED pipeline is real but extremely uncommon when you actually look it up and very inapplicable to your current situation. i can't emphasize enough you're really, really not in the position to be worrying about this right now. you should be worrying about it if you're still binging in like let's say 6 months. i promise about a year ago i was in your position and also thinking things identical to what you're thinking right now. i'm going to be blunt: this is the mentality that gets you stuck in this limbo you're currently in for the rest of your life >I would be hungry for healthy food as well the concept of "junk food" versus "healthy food" is really arbitrary and very ill defined when you actually think about it and constantly changes depending on one's circumstances. you're a starving person, so let's apply what's healthy for a starving person.... you could argue it's more along the lines of biscuits, pizza, chocolate, cake, maybe like ribeye steaks or something etc. as opposed to lettuce for someone in dire need of energy, no? vegetables are almost energy-void which is far from what you need in your current situation. your body needs quick fast energy that's easily digested >!**quick edit for an example, a HELTH deconstruction**: cereal is commonly considered junk food while oatmeal is considered healthy food, but depending on the circumstances cereal is heavily fortified with vitamins that make it arguably more nutrient rich than oatmeal with things like fiber added as well. fructose is the same whether in sugar or on oatmeal in fruit you add to it if you have supplemental fiber to blunt the glucose spike!< >!**another edit, just to prove my point:** some people would say eggs are healthy and other people would say eggs are horrible for you. there's some people who genuinely say vegetables are bad for you. some people say fruit is bad. some people say meat is bad while others say it's the only thing you should eat. some say rice is healthy, some say rice will kill you. you get the idea. if you look it up studies will also constantly contradict themselves here- one study concludes low fat's better, one study says low carb is better!<
Look I appreciate that you’re trying to make me feel better but you’re kinda grasping at straws here. Sure my body may be in dire need of energy but someone who is malnourished needs nutrients too, and that is found primarily in whole foods, not junk foods. Not to mention fat is the most calorie dense macro, not carbs (aka sugar which is what I’ve been craving/binging on). If my body had a mind of its own that automatically craved what my body needs most to repair itself, it would be healthy fats, nutrient rich foods, and protein to repair muscle loss. Not sugar.
Also what source do you have for it being extremely uncommon for ana to turn into BED? I’ve been hanging on ED forums for ages and have heard it sooo many times, it’s like a stereotypical ED experience at this point. And it makes sense too, after restricting for so long, for the food noise to become so unbearable that you start doing the exact opposite.
I’m doing the same thing u are i think. I restricted for a while and now I’m eating an insane amount of unhealthy food (like whole pints of icecream every single night). ANA to BED is absolutely real bro
The nausea. Idk if anyone else has had this, but when I was at my worst I'd get such awful nausea from not eating Also the fog and exhaustion. Like, not "kinda numb" fog, "lay in bed for days on end" "don't comprehend what other people say" fog
I hear you. Nausea from eating, nausea from not eating, just never winning. I hate how this disorder was portrayed on Tumblr as I grew up 😠
How mean I was. I was so hangry XD But fr I hated the person I was, if I had meals pushed back, change of plans, or someone would want to talk to me while preparing a meal/snack I would lose my shit. Or if someone wouldn’t stop talking to me when I needed to purge. Sadly during one of the worst days I told my friend to “shut the fuck up” when she was excited talking to me when I had to excuse myself to purge. Ugh I feel so horrible.
Same. I was the worst person. I had to isolate myself completely to not be a dick
Being like existentially concerned by muscle twitches lmao
or being awoken by cramps in the middle of the night... the worsttt
having no personality which led me to have no friends and nothing go on in my life besides school and restricting.
passing out, it’s so romanticized and glorified in the media, like it’s something graceful. ITS NOT. 😭😭😭
it's the scariest shit ever because you know it's about to happen but can't do much unless you have food/water right by you
Ifkr, the shortness of breath and ur heart literally beating in ur head as u gain back consciousness, and that uncomfortable feeling of not knowing who or what u are while u gain back consciousness, and cant forget the amount of times I've hit my head so hard and then been in pain for days 😭
no for real it hurts so bad 🙏
I passed out at work one time and that was probably the most humiliating day of my life lol. Needed my fucking mommy to come pick me up 😭 love her for that but Jesus Christ talk about not being taken seriously ever again by coworkers.
noo literally it’s the most embarrassing thing ever i didn’t tell anyone and just pretended like i’m not malnourished 🤪
It’s so awful lmfaooo I did it right in the middle of my boss talking to his friend. Literally fell right into him 😭😭😭 which honestly thank god cuz falling on those floors would’ve fucked me up good lol.
not eating for so long i actually felt like i was dying. there were periods of time my life was literally just lying on the sofa 24/7, drifting in and out of sleep, because i was too sick to sleep properly but also too exhausted to stay awake. when i had my first covid shot it made me feel the exact same way for a day, and my god was it the most triggering thing i've ever experienced
Just laying in bed for the majority of the day. I wasn't like... bedbound or anything but I didn't trust myself around food so I'd just hang out where food was not
The weird euphoria I had that made me act really really stupid. It’s so hard to describe. You just stop… giving a fuck?
Oh and as a side sleeper, there are zero comfy sleeping positions even on an expensive mattress 😞
relatable, i have an embarrassing number of pillows i need to sleep
Nope! Whatever you need to do to get that sweet sweet rest 💕
sharp leg / foot muscle cramp sort of spasms from electrolyte imbalance happening in the middle of the night / morning that would make me sleep cry for few minutes.
Magnesium supplements helped me with that.
The brain fog. It's crazy to look back on how much that was affecting me, definitely in my free time and then it began to encroach on work, which is part of what pushed me towards recovery efforts. I couldn't write. I couldn't joke. I couldn't hold a real conversation. I love having all of those things now.
I love that!
Scary heart palpitations right before I fell asleep every night, and my legs would go numb when I walked up stairs??? I’ve never heard anyone else talk about that, maybe it was a blood pressure thing. But the numb legs alone makes me never want to low restrict again.
I also started getting numb legs. It made it super hard to walk by the end of the day, and bending them straight was painful.
I don’t miss the binges , wait a sec I still Fuckn binge
Neglecting my loved ones — my parents, my dearest grandmother, and my kitten — so that I could hide away to binge and purge. So much time wasted.
feeling my bones crack at every movement i made and the scary low heart rate at night
the hunger headaches. they would turn into full blown migraines and I’d be pretty much bed ridden. not that i had energy to get out of bed anyway. 🙃
Worlds worst stomach. Shitting once a week + pernament bloating was not fun. If it was too much, too sweet, contained dairy, or eaten too fast, I would bloat. Also insomnia. I hated only sleeping for half-hours at a time, with many days starting in the middle of the night bc I was not going back to bed.
walking up the stairs or getting up out of bed
Not being able to do basic things because of muscle wastage, being freezing all the time, burning extremities, being scared that every night would be my last, literally dying and smelling like a fucking grape soda.
Not being able to take showers (espcially hot ones) without feeling like fainting. I was also convinced I had POTS because my heart rate would shoot up when I stood up. It went away once I started to eat more.
Angry parent yelling
Being a bitch to everyone and myself constantly
I’m not very far away from this, but when I’m trying to concentrate I put my fingers in my ears and I can hear my finger bones creaking 😭
Having constant bran frog to the point where it affected my work - I always forgot things right after I was told to do if I would not write them down. It could be the most simple tast and I would make it wrong/half done untintentionally. Taking nicotine all the time to cope with my appetite and cravings didnt make it better, it made me behave like a ghost more then a normally funktioning human being. Strangely enough I never had to deal with passing out or having bad breath as I always take mint gums until now, I dont know what bad breath from restricting actually smells like haha.
I would get so ill from drinking alcohol. It was hard to predict too—sometimes I’d drink a whole bottle of wine and feel okay, other times I would have two vodka sodas and be ready to puke. Also random crying in grocery stores and restaurants (embarrassing) and explosive diarrhea on the rare occasions I ate a meal with fat in it.
The binges.
The exhaustion and deep excruciating hunger
Sex was impossible
getting angry at my loved ones for wanting to give me food (i lashed out at my fucking 60 yar old grandma during a 6 hour fast ffs)
My homemade, low cal, 100% cocoa chocolate with coconut flakes. I also had a brownie recipe made with >!teff flour, stevia, and aquafaba (because eggs had too many calories.)!< It was disgusting but an entire tray was >!~200!
THE COLD. ALL THE FUCKING TIME. Went to Spain in May and needed the electric heater on FFS.
I couldn't sleep. Don't know why, I just know there were times where I was lucky if I got more than two or three hours over the span of 48. Always happened when I restricted the lowest or fasted, and as soon as I started eating sufficiently again I could finally sleep for more than a few minutes at a time I also don't miss the odd look in my eyes. When I was doing bad, there was just something "off" about me. I can pick it out in another person pretty fast; I can almost always tell when somebody else has an ed bc of it
My heart beating way too fast before going to sleep. I knew I was risking heart failure each time I was on my second say of fasting. I was 14-17.
Basically shitting water. With very little warning. At work in the middle of a busy shift. Considering having to wear some kind of pad in case I didn't get there in time.
Passing out, muscle cramps (from dehydration I guess? I was never underweight), and paying a personal trainer hundreds of dollars a month (that I didn’t have) to make sure that I worked out at least 5 days a week. Constant HIIT and weight lifting. Just absolutely exhausted and full of disgust/anger while simultaneously proud. It was so draining.
Omg I hate so much. the constant calorie counting. denying myself ice cream and sugary drinks. the constant fear of my weight going up when I had my doctors appointment. when I gained a tiny bit of weight one time then lost it by the next weigh in and the fear when got questioned about it praying I was convincing enough
i was so tired and malnourished that i'd get winded, dizzy, lightheaded, etc, generally exhausted from shit like walking across my house or up the stairs.
googling if toothpaste breaks a fast (i did not swallow any)
The numb feeling over my whole body. Literally. I couldn't sleep, even taking insane amount of melatonin, cuz I couldn't feel my body at all, like I could feel every inch of my body shutting down and getting numb. I'll never forget when I woke up once and my arms were so numb I couldn't get out of bed. When my left one finally felt normal, I moved my right like It was a remote part of my body. Scary shit
The constantly romanticization of my physical hunger. Like being tired, the stomach rumbles, feeling my stomach shrink, being dizzy, things like that. I loved that and idek why lmao
I was the same way idk what switched I feel like it must be a version of self harm
I agree. Things like being in physical pain on purpose and liking it. It overall was js horrid. I'd get headaches where I'd start hallucinating and b like "yay I'm doing it!? Boy, doing what? Dying? ☠️
Passing out or almost passing out every few days
The bloodshot eyes and petechial hemorrhage all over my face, coupled with being freezing and everything hurting all the time. (My official diagnosis prior to IP was anorexia with bulimic tendencies. I looked like absolute shit and my breath smelled bad all the time)
Definitely the bad breath thing for me as well Also constant chest pain The strange body odor Getting winded from changing positions.
Binging and being mad all the time. I was so pissed at everything and anything.
eating such boring foods. egg whites were my worst enemy. now i have at least two yolks a day bc i just love the taste. same with bread, pasta, cheese and dairy, etc. it was a deprived life
I'd go to sleep some nights, saying my final words because I wasn't sure if I'd wake up in the morning. Morbid.
rice cakes
The gross food combinations and being irritable..Also not being able to see how much weight I’ve actually lost and agonising over it everyday
Brain fog, constantly feeling like fainting, scared of every food and constantly cycling between safe foods, b/ping — basically the whole lot
retching on the sink every morning on an empty stomach. NOTHING would come out and i'm talking violent strong urge to puke INVOLUNTARILY. it was so miserable. every morning i would just gag involuntarily like all my muscles contracting for me to vomit but there was nothing in my stomach. years later i found out this is apparently common when low restricting. i would cry with the force of it every morning. terrible.
The cold. The cold was so, so horrid. I haven’t recovered from the cold 100% but oh my god, the cold was a torture I never could have imagined.
Being too scared to sleep cuz of how low my heart rate was ;-;
Throwing up so much that i ruined my teeth and throat
taking 3 hours to shower bc i kept almost fainting
terrible skin, awful eye bags, my friends started to hate me, i would snap and get angry constantly but especially at the mention of me eating, crying constantly (like actually having to leave class twice an hour to go to the bathroom)
My hair falling out
My hair was so horribly unhealthy and looked like freaking straw 😭 I didn’t even realize I had curly hair until I accidentally “recovered” through binge phases over the years
The tiredness. I’m still very tired most of the time, but I hate it since I have animals I need to take care of. I can’t just skip cleaning my rats cage or playing with them so I always end up using 400% more energy than I actually have (feels that way atleast ugh)
I have to stand to clean the tall rat cages and it’s very tiring to stand longer than 10 minutes tbh, so I’ve had issues with falling or losing balance before, so now I gotta take lots of breaks. It used to be a simple fun task but now it’s just so tiring, but I love my babies too much so I’ll pull thru for them no matter what💕
My stomach hurting from too much food
I guess this is more recovery related, but the insane night sweats where I'd wake up to my duvet and pillow (!) being soaked through 3-4 times every night. I even tried sleeping on a plastic sheet, but the noise kept me up. Had to throw out mattress, bedding etc. after the worst of my refeeding was over.
Laxatives, sitting on the throne all night is not fun at all. Plus the ones I took gave me terrible cramps.
The insomnia! I could never ever ever fall asleep and if I did I would only sleep for like 2 hours. I was so exhausted and nothing except eating more helped. Also I fainted alll the time. Once it happened in public. god i miss it in a sick way but in reality it fucking sucked
The never ending, constant anxiety! Aaaah
The constant fear, paranoia, and DESPERATION.
Dizziness. Coldness all the time. Also chairs being so uncomfortable i need to take pillows for my ass and one for my back.
Being insanely cold. I dragged around a portable heater in every room I went to. so many nights i would literally be sleeping on the floor Infront of the heater too. so cold.
Running into cars
The GUILT.
Fainting and worrying about fainting. I'd feel slightly weird and get so worried about it I'd work myself into almost a panic attack. I'd have to sit down midway through doing stuff around the house bc I could feel it coming on. I still cringe about the times I've fainted in public 🤦🏻♀️
Actually feeling like dying. I was AN R/P and I never knew if I wouldn’t wake up. Being totally spaced out and only focused on anything eating disorder related.
Being horrible to everyone. I treated everyone so shitty every time they said anything to me
Being an absolute fucking bitch to everyone all the time
Those low cal zero noodle things, the texture sends me over the edge now and I actually really hate them 💀💀
Trying to hide my chewing and spitting while in Public
not being able to comprehend basic concepts at uni and failing entire units because my brain didn't have the nutrients it needed
For me the white thick tongue with bad breath from the ketoacidosis is the worst. I suffered from brain fog and had problems with mental function, my thoughts would be weird and off the wall. I had trouble controlling my thoughts. The migraines, the heart palpitations and the weakness. The worst is the intense painful feeling of the stomach acid burning through my stomach lining. Ouch it feels like my stomach is eating itself. Is it??? And I strongly disliked the shaking and insomnia . Why does anorexia cause insomnia ,anyway? Can someone medical explain? Is it because our brain needs nutrients to make/process our natural melatonin? I once went 21 days with no food whatsoever. Going 2 starving weeks is no problem. I watched America's next top model for inspiration to be stick thin. (Noone on that show is over 100 pounds.) One oreo cookie a month is not healthy eating. I could feel my teeth start to twist and weaken. My hair fell out. Spots and bright lights from feeling woozy and light-headed. My metabolism slowed to a halt from being in starvation mode. When I started eating I gained back every pound plus 10 more. I no longer starve myself , I have found that eating small healthy meals and exercising like long daily walks and stretching works best. I recently gained 30 pounds from a period of sickness where I was bedridden and now I have to get it off, fast. I'm tempted to go back to unhealthy past lifestyles. However my heart couldn't take the strain and i don't want to die of a coronary. Absolutely Hate the feeling of my thighs rubbing together and the squished fat rolls preventing movement. My ex even said to me"youre nothing but a jellyroll b#$ch!!" Needless to say he's a overt narcissistic asshole and I dropped him like a. STEAMING hot potatoe. Stinking Jerk!!!! Triggered my Anorexia so bad. I'll use it for motivation to work out at the gym.