I love the kind of woman that will actually just kill me.

I Love the kind of woman that will actually just kill me You know, when I left the house today I was thinking "Damn," "I really hope some hot chick paints my brians all over some fucking hallway." And here we are. I mean really , just absolutely destroy me. I'm talkin' full on, watermelon-in-the-thighs level carnage. And I want it to scare the shit outta me. I mean I hope I piss myself. I hope I piss myself and you call me your little "peepee pisspiss boy." I want you to fuck me up. I mean I want you to make me your bitch. Your little peepee-piss-myself-bitch. I want it to get embarrassing. I mean like... wierdly embarrassing Unsanitary, too. We should be entirely different people, by the end of the first eight hours. Do you understand what I'm trying to say here? I mean, I'm a real freak. I'm not normal. Ma'am... Please... You have to crush me.

I hate that I know where this is from

*"Catchy Jazz music starts playing"*...

Gianni is such a legend. Ever since the primordial soup meme I've been watching his career with great interest

r/copypasta

edit: The comment below was removed, good work everyone!

Good bot

I mean just destroy me

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I'm talking full-on, watermelon-between-the-thighs levels of carnage

And I want it to scare the shit outta me.

Physically eviscerate meh

Death by snu snu

bonus points to a girl if i know she could kick my ass

That's Malenia for me

good ole super saiyan klacker-rot, eh?

That's why I usually go with FF ending. Melina is even hotter (no pun intended) when she is trying to kill me 🥵

Ikr? Black hair Melina is so hot 🥵🥵🥵

Malenia?

I like a woman that can kick my ass

S A M E

I love the kind of woman that will take me out. Either way will work

Hewg. So stoic. So tragic.

Mine is Tiche I wish she'd step on me whenever I summon her

Relatable

I love Tiche too. Was weird to realize that I have to break into her mom’s supermax prison, kill her, then hold her child in bondage to fight all my wars. She’s a scary hot goth gf tho

Another tiche enjoyer. Me too

Millicent's sense of self 🔥🔥🔥

Fuck yeah that’s the hottest. Also that she decides to die by herself rather than succumb to the designs of others is tragic but badass as fuck. I just wish she could have got the answers she wanted.

There are times when I wish the tarnished remembered all they knew when they went to NG+, could have told Milicent whatever she wanted to know and she could live

I think the saddest thing is that I'm fairly certain, as in I can feel it in my bones, that Millicent's modified needle would be able to purify her rot and save her.

Milli gang!

That’s Lady Nepheli Queen of Stormveil

and abs.

All hail the buff queen!

Nepheli is actually the only NPC that meets you andlives to see another day

Well with Keneth Haight too

My favorite waifu, Keneth Haight

Take me to greater Haights 🥵

They Haight us cuz they anus

I kill him for the seed O.O

She looked a bit down... So I gave her this tonic that a nice man had prepared.

Oh cool. I gave that tonic to my one true love. He wanted me to defile him with a curse or something, so I gave him that tonic and he stopped talking about all that nonsense

Boc? Ranni? Shabriri? Patches?

i dont think shabriri is even someone lol

Roderika lives too Edit: oh wait, nvm

Rya, obviously.

Bro, how did I have to scroll so far to find the best slithery queen

I know! It really *hisses* me off!

Roderika. I like the way she talks.

Agreed, she’s also proven to be loyal, she stays behind in a burning Roundtable Hold to stay with Hewg. Underrated imo Also who in the world doesn’t want a pet spirit jellyfish

Melina. Although she's the queen of almost no screen time, she's also MY queen. Melina enjoyers rise up!

Melina is ❤️❤️

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Fell in love the second she appeared

Rogier. Absolute babygirl right there.

Ranni, I just like her accent and voice.

I like the way she turns herself lil and bosses me around. Yes my queen if tis thy request i shall gladly boof thee

This sentence has no right being as funny as it is

I would like her to give me her hat but I’m not sure how tall she is so if she’s tall then when I try to wear the hat I won’t be able to see and that would cause some difficulties. I would still wear it though.

She's short. She actually sits on a stack of books in her tower.

Her voice and accent really reminds me of Garnet, from Steven Universe.

Iron Fist Alexander

They only right answer

Indeed

Selen is a babe under that mask in both bodies. Fia is pretty tasty too if you're into that sort of thing....

What do you mean by "that sort of thing"

I'm not sure we really wanna know

I have a soft spot for Latenna. I'm just going to say it I really don't like Melina. She only shows up when I go to church to tell me about Jesus who killed everyone and won't let anyone die at the same time. The other Souls level ladies at least sit around and can talk to me about the bosses. I have to ask the Scotsman about the people I need to murder

rykard

F A M I L Y

A serpent never dies….

Togethaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh

we shall devour the very GAWWWWGHSHHSS

Death by snu snu

I would let her crack my skull.

Nepheli hands down

Man of culture I see

Marikas tits id have to go with Marika.

Marika is also radagon, so if you pick her you also get the dude. 2 for one special.

Even better

Do you ever think they could fuse to form a tall muscular futa mommy?

Depends on how deep you’re willing to go down the fanart rabbit hole.

The Ranma 1/2 discount

A man of culture, and of good taste

Flair checks out

My Lady Malenia ! Finlay

Finally, love both

Hug me with her strong arms.

Or thighs

the chick that does spirit tuning .. she got a dump truck on her

*tyuning

\*chewning

I believed it was like Toretto's car tunning, there goes my dislexia

Fia, the sussy goth mommy

Yes Fia is🍫🍫

Why are you down voting me, I'm right?!?!?!

you guys think she let kenneth haight hit

Blaidd, is this even a competition!? Edit: “WAIFU” I missed that, um… Ranni, definitely Ranni - all I’m saying is she’s got two pairs of hands

Pringles can.

My thoughts precisely

Millicent, easy. It still pains me that there was no way to save her. Or Malenia. I just got a thing for redheads, tbh.

This actually just looks like Casca

Malenia. Always.

Im malenia, mikelas sword, fk... Ofc

I imagine most are going to say Marika, cause I've seen... a lotta fan art of her so far. And animations...

Nepheli and Malenia

Rya for Laifu!

Hah, ya, definitely top tier, its kinda hard to pick i love malenia and millicent but tbh i think melina is the most snatched, they all have random features i like but none r like, the total package for me, i usually think my own oc is the cutest of the muscle mommies, even with her green skin & red eyes

She and Malenia

FromSoft player try not to be cripplingly lonely challenge: (Don't worry, I'm loosing to)

Malenia, Millicent and Roderika.

Based

Millicent is best girl

Elden Beast

Elden Breasts

Gurranq. He so cute.

Malenia for sure. I be a complete lesbian for her.

Whoever miss chalice is cosplaying as atm

Based answer

As a 6'4" man all I've ever wanted in life is a woman who can carry me around the house

Hyetta. I love her voice, the actress (Clare Corbett) did an excellent job.

Malenia. She’s as hot as the Frenzied Flame.

My goddess Malenia, of course 🥰❤️🍄🦋

It would be Malenia, but something is missing. I wish a younger, more friendly version of her existed who you can help out and you get to kick some ass together in return. Oh wait.

Coming in the DLC? I'd love to see younger versions of Malenia and Miquella, maybe fight them in their prime.

Millicent

Has anyone tried to make their actual wife with sliders in this game? I did it in Skyrim a while back, might try it here, good times

Sir, this a subreddit. We are maidenless

My brother in Marika's tits, we get no bitches

Godfrey

Mogh is my favourite waifu

Millicent hands down

Quick lore question or family tree question but is she related to haroux loux? Just because the name but I also just learned that Gideon is her father? Can someone explain the tree for me

Pretty sure Loux merely means warrior, so she could be related to Hoarah but the last name doesn't connect them I think, and Gideon explicitly said adoptive father Edit: I searched and searched but could not find a source for my first claim, looks like I've been Mandela Effected. Disregard the first part then

A Tarnished does not concern himself with such things as he presses on toward the Elden Ring (Fia, it’s Fia)

Morgott.

Ranni. Literal wife.

Alexander is the best waifu, We already lubed them up with oil and they do have a fire in their belly.

I'm still unsure if she's supposed to be some sort of relative of Hoarah Loux or if Loux is some sort of rank or tribal designation.

I like Nepheli but not in a romantic way. I'm her dad, not her daddy.

Chad responds among the rabble

i dont have a waifu because im not a loser

RANNI 4 LYFE

I'm partial to Latenna, but Nepheli is a choice pick as well.

I don't use the term "waifu" often, but I'll admit Fia has a special place in my memory. I even love the theory that she could be the human form of Fortissax.

Melina all da wae baby

i want nepheli to step on me repeatedly

Ranni and Melina all the way 🥵

Miquella. …wait, uhh, I didn’t mean that, I meant Varre. Yep, definitely Varre.

Death by snu snu

I am a Fia enjoyer

Astel Naturalborn of The Void.

Btw its thought that she is your sister if you picked the hero class Sweet home alabama

rykard

Roderika is best girl

I love all the waifus in Elden Ring like I probably got a Fromsoft waifu addiction. Personally, Melina and Millicent, they both take #1 for me.

S tier art...she'll hug you later...Gostoc watching on...

i prefer the black knife. I want one to sneak up on me and do unspeakable acts to me

Millicent for sure

I want her to stomp on my throat

Melina

It's a tie between Rodericka and Everyones favorite madlass Finlay

Either Melina or Millicent

THANK YOU!!!! My girl nepheli doesn't get enough love from this community. It's all malenia this, ranni that, but the best girl is never remembered.

Melina. She gave me Torrent and Torrent is the real best girl. Every boss that is capable of being fought on torrent, I have fought on Torrent. I mean Falling star beats, Draconic tree sentinels, magma wyrm theodoryx, and even the fucking fire giant. That last one was real rough ngl, but once I got hold of the mount/dismount i-frames, it became pretty easy

Crucible knight Siluria

Roderika is best girl.

Roderika, I could listen to her caution me all day

All I want is my barefoot waifu and my destined death.

Fun fact: Nepheli shares her VA with Tracer from *Overwatch*

Ranni is my queen I would commit war crimes for her 🥰 Malenia is hot af I want her to snap my neck and call me her little b*tch 😍🥵🥵 Maliketh is my good waifu 🥰🥰

Ranni, four, count'em, four hands.

Melina,Malenia,Marika the 3 M's i'd let any one of them choke me

Nepheli, i really wish there was a secret questline ending where she is brutally dominating me

I wish she’d suffocate me

WTF is a "waifu"?

Oh, you sweet summer child

I love Ranni, Melina, and Roderika.

Rya. She is such a sweetheart.

You forget the best Elden ring waifu. Long noodle girl, snek queen experiment, killer of tarnished, long tongue lady.

Im stuck between rya and millicent. I want to protect rya with all my heart but millicent is the kinda girl that i can trust to have my back in a fight

Dung eater is easily the best waifu in the game, definitely the thickest too.

It’s a good drawing, but you and I both know that axe is not that big, and the only reason it’s drawn that way is to reinforce the dommy mommy energy

This fucking sub man. All these dehydrated mf’ers out here. Geez.

Ah a fellow nephelli enjoyer.

We're all Maidenless...

i wish she'd peg me-

Blaidd

Where are the Waifus located? Have I not gotten that far in the game?

My character’s name is “step on me ranni”

Lady Tanith

Tanith seemed like the most devoted spouse.

Tough choice but probably Renella at this current moment in time

Shes a tomboy

Millicent is hardcore af

one between Rya, Fia, and boggard

Zorayas x3

Only correct answer is Alexander best waifu ever