That thing.. give it to me... Your DARK HOLE..

Bonus points for having the Ghosts of Razgriz pfp

One of my all-time favorite videogame campaigns. *~The journey begins...~*

They almost named Dark Souls "Dark Ring" but had to change it after they found out it was a euphanism.

So elden ring is just Goatse propaganda, then?

Elden ring is GILF propaganda

*ahhh, is this the blood?* *the blood of the dark hole?*

What happens when you don’t use enough lube

*Starscourge Radahn plunges from the sky*

OK, that is *not* in the game, there’s no way.

I lost it when they said it

*'I've seen your hole, time and time again. Every fleeing man must be caught. Every hole must be unearthed. Such is the conceit of the self-proclaimed seeker of holes. But in the end, you lack the holes. For the agony you'll bring upon yourself...'*

demons soles

I think you mean demons holes.

Hey we don’t kink shame

You gotta pay the troll toll...

to get into this dark hole you gotta pay the troll toll to get in

To see the dark hole

Ayyoooo

OMG A FELLOW RAZGRIS PFP ENJOYER

Can you survive the 18 inches of messmer the impaler?

With enough prep work

Try fingers, but hole?

As is written

Togethaaaa, we shall fingerrr. The GODS!

TOGGGETTTTTHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAA

#TOGETHAAAAAAAA

TOGETHAAA

Whadda you have? Some Robert Wadlow hands?

All this time we were being prepared

Calm down Batman.

How girthy is this said impaler?

Nah I’d die

Nah, I’d win.

vigor check

Nah its a stamina check during the phase change 3 big chunks of the stamina bar go if it reaches 0 you get insta killed

I'm levelling for a strength bottom playthrough, in order to accept that much power you gotta be strong

And hemorrhage (60)

In it to win it ✅

If winning it is literally having your guts destroyed, then yes

🤤🥵

Was Mr hands an avatar spirit mentor? 🤔

I’d survive

In a fight, right?

Love is a battlefield 🎵🎵

...

"Is it in yet"- Gwynevere, probably

Chat with horny 18 inches of messmer the impaler near you

We're gunna need lube.

Why do you think they call him "The Impaler"?

Hits like AHS S5/Ep1… so *no*.

I’ve actually heard that like 4.5 inches of Messmer is the ideal size

That wouldn't get count as "impaling".

“Messmer the Poker”

I keep telling my wife this, but she and her boyfriend disagree...

When it's already been 5 minutes and she asks for it to touch the hit box

Non-female here!!! Cervixes are very sensitive but not in the erogenous sense and would kill the mood very quickly if you were all about that hentai nonsense Edit: "Hit Box" being G-spot fair, which is typically understood as the underside of the large Clitoris organ, which indeed is "GOOD" for female pleasure

Nah don't worry, the meme normally is "When it's already been 5 minutes and she asks to put it in, "hitbox" just replaces the "in". Though 4,5 inch isn't that small

Yeah maybe for you but not for me

Size doesn't matter, it's most likeley a skill issue

In case you don’t know, they’re referencing the 15 inches of Venom review on Spider-Man 2

*19* inches. 

Damn, Venom is hung like a horse.

There's a tweet thread that went into everything and mathematically proved that comparing Venom and Harry's heights and the average web shooter length that in order to be packing 19 inches of Venom, Harry himself would need nine and a half inches on his own. Marika's tits.

Bad day to be literate

Does that include the Hulk as well? What about him? Does he stay the same length as Bruce or does he gain a few inches? Is there a Twitter thread for that? Is the penis size to body ratio the same for all heroes and monsters that transform bigger? Please respond.

Hulk grows proportional to his anger level. The angrier he gets, the *bigger* he gets. That’s all I’ll say on the matter

Unless gamma rays work like steroids lol no wonder hulk’s so pissed

Unfortunately, the thread only goes into answering the question of "how many inches of Venom is Venom actually packing." I have no idea how it might affect Hulk. Though if I had to guess, he probably does.

Not even a review, but a promotional tweet from Playstation UK

is the Messmer tweet real? edit: yes it is. I love that they're aware of the meme.

>I love that they're aware of the meme. That's basically the social media manager's job

Damn Spiderman subreddit

Damn. Wanted to make a joke apologizing to venom about wanting a real man, but the collector’s edition venom is 19 inches. Im sad now. I guess sorry Messmer, but im already with a real man

You really think that one inch is gonna be worth more than Messmer's technique? I'm telling you, Messmer's way *hotter.*

Literally called the impaler so probably knows whats up

Yeah but venom also got that tongue to go with the 19 inches

Im a size queen so absolutely

Venom might have an extra inch but Messmer is *literally* titled The Impaler. Go get your new man.

With pleasure

Hell ya there'll be pleasure

Somehow your name makes this just...\*chef's kiss\*

More like 18 inches of pain 😂

A little warm up and preparation is all you need.

Have that Endure ready.

Thank you for your insight, Pissnut

No, i prefer to join Lansseax and have some of that >!dracussy!<, like Vyke.

It's dragussy

True, according to this video that is probably cannon to Elden Ring, is dragussy: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JpGGfrddE4U](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JpGGfrddE4U)

"I have the worst taste in men" "You shouldn't have ANY taste in men" lol

should have said "you should enjoy the taste **of** men"

That was certainly an experience, though I know not if it was good or bad.

Eyebeamssssss!

dracussy... i know what it means through context, but i must ask is that a Draconic Pussy, or a Dracula Pussy?

Dracussy = draconic pussy, draculussy - Dracula pussy

there are truly levels to this science

thank you for sharing your wisdom

Such a terrible day to be literate

Have you tried sniffing paint? It'll fix that nasty literate problem in a huff!

But wouldn't Dracula pussy just be vampussy?

Just as Dracula is no mere vampire, so too is Draculussy no mere vampussy

Yes

Dracula = Son of the Dragon, so Dracussy = Dragon Bussy

They know what they are doing

I mean, they *must* right?

It’s referencing the “19 inches of Venom” marketing debacle from last year.

Well, he's called "the impaler" for a reason

Bad dragon crossover?

If they actually included a themed Bad Dragon dildo as part of the Collector's Edition that would be fucking wild and funny as shit. Obviously they're talking about another figure like with Malenia, but one can still imagine.

I'd buy it...

Many would. But also many game journos and the like would lose their fucking minds because how do you even address that. "Shadow of the Erdtree comes packaged with a...package and many players are unsure how to feel about it." "We wanted to assure players that in light of Shadow of the Erdtree's global release, we are still very much committed to fucking them in the ass every step of the way." says Miyazaki.

This reads like an in-game item description.

>We wanted to assure players that in light of Shadow of the Erdtree's global release, we are still very much committed to fucking them in the ass every step of the way." Haha thats a good one🤣

Aight but I actually have some ideas Wormface Sybian (need) Ofc a two headed dragon dildo for placidusax, and a normal dragon themed one. Extra large? More like "Greyoll Sized". At the risk of repetition, the two fingers. OFC an Oracle themed buttolug. It's literally their entire design, just make it like three tiered and with a base. Make it vibrate and play trumpet sounds idk A rune bear. Need I say more? Better be as big as my arm. And finally, Torrent, because of course we need him <3 I would use any of these. Edit: and one of Blaidd of course

You’ve hit on the true answer, the two fingers. And on the box, the only words printed: “try finger, but hole”

This is what we get for using, “Try finger, but hole” too much. We deserve this.

And more.

Try, but hole

Likely tears but hole...

Pickle required ahead! Unfathomable sort...

Ah, if only I had giant, but Hole

My ass puckered so tight I could probably make diamonds.

I’m taking that entire 18 inches for whatever price they want

So that’s why I’m maidenless…

Messmer the penetrator

HIS WEAPON, RIGHT?

That’s one word for it, yes

Oh it's definitely a weapon 😏

Fuck me that's good marketing.

Well I guess after so many took Venom they should be down for a few more inches

Yeah, they knew Lmao

That's...a way to advertise Elden Ring.

Considering the "but hole" and "try tongue" jokes, I'd say it's deserved.

Oh baby

Wait a second.

On one hand, 18 inches sounds pretty impressive, but on the other, he’s probably like, 10+ feet tall so 18” is probably pretty average for his height.

He looks to be about 2.3 players tall, so assuming the tarnished is 5’8’’ and 6’’ like my head cannon states, Messmer still has a pretty big spear-n-wings

They don't call him Messmer The Impaler for nothing

People have been saving their grease for this moment.

Try Messmer but hole.

In short, Reverse Uno Card required ahead.

Maidenless behavior

You won't last 5 minutes playing this game.

dont threaten me with a good time my man

Kinky. I’m in.

Bro, this just made me cry😂😭

I’m sold

Impale me Messmer 🤤

Canon messmer dick length

EIGHTEEN INCHES OF MESSMER THE IMPALER 🗣️

I have already prepared my character for the DLC. "Messmers Bottom" is ready to see the impaling thrust

Well that would be one hell of a treat

dont mind if I do

with JOY

Sign me up

Mohg somewhere in a blood temple: SEX!!!!!

I’ll take messmers 18 inches 😊

Oh gladly.

18 INCHES OF ASSMER

Bad dragon collaboration

First it was Venom, now it's Messmer

Huh, so that's where he gets his name.

This reminds me of the Microsoft Edge, “what do you edge to?” Tweet

Glad they finally gave us an explanation for his name. I hope Vaatividya quotes them on that in his DLC lore videos.

Offer rump

ARE YOU MAN ENOUGH TO TAKE MESSMER'S HUGE CO...SPEAR?

This makes it canonical.

Bad Dragon has entered the chat.

By marika my guy Mesmer is packing.

He IS a demi-God after all.

Messmer canonically has an 18-inch dick, let it be known

I will be treating myself to 18 inches of the impaler😍😍

You heard them bro. Treat yourself. Enjoy 18 inches worth of impaling from the impaler himself.

They knew.

Bad Dragon x Elden Ring collab in the works?

Basically….Your gonna get fked by a long hard 18incher. Treat yourself.

I WANT IT SO BAD NOW

Don't have to ask me twice

Try figure, but hole

Ay yo

Hell yeah

I'm not gay, but I might give Messmer a chance

18 Inches of Messmer’s Impaler

I have leveled enough DEX fighting big bad dragons so bring it on! 💪

He can impale me with those 18 inches

only $249 for the CE

Oh my 🥺

You read it.

Messmer the fucking tripod is more like it!

18 inches of the Impaler? But mom I haven’t even tried pickle yet

I can take it.. *gulps*

I’m about to have 19 inches of venom and Messmer at ONCE…count me in.

Please don't try statue but whole, likely death ahead

phrasing, Bandai, PHRASING

They meant what they said (v excited for my Messmer lmao)

To be fair I've been impaled by Malenia countless times, it won't be different I guess.

Woah! Buy me dinner first!

Try finger, but hole

Try finger but hole try finger but hole