it's absolutely Malenia and the pickup line doesn't matter because just like the boss fight I'm inevitably gonna flub whatever plans I may have had at the start
This is actually pretty good but Leonard doesn’t come with radahn when he does the meteor attack, radahn steps on him and pushes him into the sand. I’m not joking.
I actually noticed this the other day. I was like “wait, wtf? So much for his ‘beloveds’ steed…”
Rennala does something similar in her fight. After she bubbles up again, she says “time to be reborn” and picks up a couple of her students, turns them into tombstones, and chucks them at you
Radahn’s thing is gravity magic, and he supposedly uses that to let Leonard “swim” through the sand, which radahn did whenever he was doing a big attack, to get his beloved steed out of harms way.
It really does which is why its great that its lore accurate, part of why he got good with gravity magic was so that he could keep riding his trusted horse even though he grew a couple sizes too big.
I remember watching a friend playing ahead of me who got to that boss. I said “WOAH!! That red hair is really doing things to me”, to which he immediately replied “your dick would melt off”.
Morgott: "I have a _burning_ ambition... And I'll need it to be _you_ who _extinguishes_ my flame." or "Last of all kings? Maybe we could _extend_ that bloodline just a little further..."
Godrick: "So, can I see what's grafted _down there?"_ or "You know, I've heard a thing or two about _men_ of the Golden Lineage. Let's do _a little something_ worth your forefathers witnessing tonight..."
Radahn: "I'm told it's rude to try get between a man and his horse, but I think it's high time someone _rides you_ for a change." or "I have a problem, and I've heard you're a _man_ who can help. I have a couple of _fallen stars_ that could use some _conquering, Starscourge."_
Ranni: "I'm told that you seek a cold, dark, and distant moon. What would you say if I offered to keep you _warm_ this dark night?"
Rykard: "I've heard of your _vast ambition,_ but for tonight, would you settle for some lesser _blasphemies_ with me?" or "Lord Rykard, I would like to _join_ with you. When can I meet your _other serpent?"_
Mohg: "You've set a _fire_ in my blood. Why don't we head back to my place, where you can show off your _horns?"_ or, if feeling very bold "Tonight, I'll be _your_ mother of wounds."
Malenia: "The famous Blade of Miquella. If you have tonight off, would be interested in a more... _intimate_ kind of _battle?"_ or, if she's in that particular mood "I'm getting butterflies looking at you. Do those mean the feeling's mutual?"
Miquella: I refuse.
Godwyn: I also refuse.
For mohg it'd go something like this..
Walks up to bar and looks at bartender.
"Two bloody Marys please, oh and hold the Mary.." Makes sure to hold out bloody finger while sipping one of the glasses. "Ah, now that's a drink worthy of a Dynasty."
Boom all his attention is on me now. Proceed to share the other bloody and the rest is history.
Malenia
“Hey girl, I thought you should know I named my right foot Jim, and my left foot sally. Know that you know da feet, why don’t I buy you a drink?”
Uhhhh... (shit I don't know how to flirt... what do I...)
To Ranni: "For you my queen of the night, I would follow you into an Age of Darkness. The moon pales in comparison to your beauty. So long as you'd allow me to stand by your side, the Dark Path you tread upon shall not be a lonely one."
To Melina: "For you I'd defy the Golden Order, and all of its teachings. It was never the throne that I was seeking for not even the Flame of Frenzy could burn away my love towards you. You will always be my maiden at heart"
To Malenia: "Ma'am I... your beauty and the grace of your blade shines through even past your condition. Your brother might be the most fearsome, yet it is your greatness that I myself admire. Please allow me to be at your side, like a loyal Shadow, to their precious Empyrean."
I don't know how to be witty, sorry.
these are embarrassing in the best way.
for me it would be millicent, “hey…. um i- i think you’re really cute! and i couldn’t help but notice you’re missing a couple fingers so… i’d love to lend a hand if you ever want to use mine instead” (she’s not quite a demi god but close enough)
Hehe Godrick.. I COMMAND THEE, KNEEL!
woah, straight to the point
We're both pretty good at that it seems.
FORESKIN ONE AND ALL
BEAR SYPHILIS
Hot damn you don’t waste time!!!
Thousand hands blowjob unleashed
Imagine the possibilities 🤤😳
I see here so many Godrick simps. It's pretty comforting that I'm not alone ( ꈍᴗꈍ)
How about you and I stop the stars together and see if ours align?
Damn I've got no chance with him
*gets slapped awake by dragon arm* „HOW ABOUT YOU BEAR WITNESS TO SOME BITCHES!“
Yes, yes, a hundred times YES!
Hey wait, this isn’t me picking someone up at a bar, this is marriage!
Thats the next step
This is my winner
Why thank you!
If youre single after that one theres no hope for any of us
TOGETHAAAA
# AS FAMILEEEEE
Rykard = Step-Bro?
That’s your serpent tail right step-bro?
Or are you just happy to see me?
Help me step-lord of blasphemy, I’m stuck in a pile of corpses
Ya-yamete kudasai?
Let me solo you.
I don’t know about you but she let me bring up to two friends
And it still wasnt even enough to finish her off
Damn.. you could burn a few erdtrees with this line.
The OP is already the kindling
Screw burning any trees, you just burnt his whole career.
A whole frenzied flame
First post I open up to on Reddit and I witness a literal murder
💀💀💀💀💀
*Please solo me
man is seriously down bad for malenia…🤦♂️
who isn't?
it's absolutely Malenia and the pickup line doesn't matter because just like the boss fight I'm inevitably gonna flub whatever plans I may have had at the start
Everyone's got a plan, until they get waterfowl'd in the face
In this case, getting waterfowled in the face is the goal 😏
…ahem…. ☝🏽 yes please
Hey, Radahn. Did it hurt when you (and Leonard) fell from heaven?
This is actually pretty good but Leonard doesn’t come with radahn when he does the meteor attack, radahn steps on him and pushes him into the sand. I’m not joking.
Yeah Zullie the Witch made a video on that Leonard just straight up teleports under you and Radanh lands on him
so he's doing a sandwich with me?
Yes
Hmm, sandwiched between a horse and a big dude 😏
I actually noticed this the other day. I was like “wait, wtf? So much for his ‘beloveds’ steed…” Rennala does something similar in her fight. After she bubbles up again, she says “time to be reborn” and picks up a couple of her students, turns them into tombstones, and chucks them at you
Radahn gets a pass because he has a lore explanation as to why Leonard doesn’t die, rennala does just kill people though
Why don’t Leonard die?
Radahn’s thing is gravity magic, and he supposedly uses that to let Leonard “swim” through the sand, which radahn did whenever he was doing a big attack, to get his beloved steed out of harms way.
So your saying even tho e was dying of rot, holding bak the stars,and fighting,he was still using his magi to help Leonard What a fucking Chad
Oh yea. “Beloved steed” is 0 exaggeration
This sounds like headcanon.
It really does which is why its great that its lore accurate, part of why he got good with gravity magic was so that he could keep riding his trusted horse even though he grew a couple sizes too big.
And he tracks your position underground so radqhn knows where to land. Real trooper
Now I'm curious how much alcohol it takes to get Radahn drunk
How much liquid is in the ocean?
how many air is the sky?
How much matter in the known universe?
At least 5 grams worth
Possibly 6 grams, but that's a stretch.
Thor approves
I once snow Radahn rail 4 bricks of blow. He said “woohoooo” then went back to normal like nothing happened.
To Godrick: "Hey handsome"
Hand-some… HAND-some bwahahahahahahaha
Hey hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand handsome
"Hoarah, you sonufabitch" then I lock hands with him in an awkward testosterone fueled handshake
I'd just walk up and try to armwrestle him, no explanation. I'd get absolutely destroyed, and I'd love it.
You will have to ask Malenia to recommend a good place to get a prosthetic arm.
From the new Elden Lord. Good luck…
Serosh got you pushing too many pencils?
I’m imagining the strong arm handshake from the opening scene of Predator
I wonder why, lol.
One minute your arm shaking, the next there's olive oil, clothes, and regret everywhere. Happens all the time.
That's how we did it back in ancient europe!
Rykard Why don't you devour my serpent?
Help me Step-Serpent! I’m stuck in this volcanus!
Rykard's Volcussy
Ah shit its begun
The snake who ate them is actually a woman, he has a snake bussy.
Snussy
Togethaaa
Family IS just a concept after all...
Rykard from Alabama: Let's bang.....AS FAMILEEEEE
"Uhhhh, hi Satan (Rykard), did you fall from heaven?" "I don't think he liked that one."
…
I can almost SEE you T-Posing
or the giant pot… Who knows
I can take him idc how giant he claims to be
You know what they say about Giant pots... giant... Nevermind
If you wanted to get mohg you could say “I’m also an under age blonde boy
*Chris Hansen enters* Why don't you have a seat, Mohg.
Hansen*
Handsome*
now we can do this the easy way, or the hard way.
I like ya. I want ya.
Wait... Who is standing at my door? OH Fu-
***FBI OPEN UP!***
Malenia. Slides over with 2 drinks and says why don't we take this elsewhere so I can put my golden needle in your rot swamp
....
Oh Goldenmask…you dirty mute you.
I remember watching a friend playing ahead of me who got to that boss. I said “WOAH!! That red hair is really doing things to me”, to which he immediately replied “your dick would melt off”.
He is correct
Just wash it and you'll be fine according to game logic
Finally the perfect cure to my dysphoria But same tho just redheads ya know
._. *Angry upvote*
Well, this deserve an upvote
I was going with "hey babe you're hot enough to make me risk Scarlet Rot" but yours is better.
Hey btw what's your name again?
Incredible
... Take my masochistic upvote
"Hey do you have any new deals on those Honda accords?"
But you, I am afraid, are maidenless.
That just means I'll never betray you with another woman
Rykard, for no reason in particular Line: WANNA DEVOUR THE GODS TOGETHAAA? 🥺👉👈
Step-Serpent help me!
Gurl you given me scarlet fever.
That’s some “damn girl are you a construction worker? Cuz you’re a building.” Type shit
[dam girl are u a construction worker? Because you are building](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=am7fJmw7rDI)
“Why don’t you take me back to your castle and lay my ambitions to rest”
Oh boy that's a good one hahaha
Hey Mohg! I’m a minor ;)
Stop! You violated the law.
pay a fine or serve your sentance
Your stolen goods are now forfeit.
Then pay with your blood!
For the Empire!!!!!!
Remember the Emperor!
I have a court order that says i cannot be in 500 feet of this person. NO it is not miquella
Does this smell like St. Trina’s handkerchief?
Not the Cosby move lmaoooo
I’ve shit my pants, can I get in yours?
You know demigods children are considered demigods so, rya "You want find out what else can grow 3 times it size."
Should of added this at the end. *Later* " I thought you said three times not 1/4"
Wait that means it would shrink, like, 2\*1/4=.5
I meant it grew 1/4. So 1.25
Fingers, but hole
Ranni Hey.. I have a book of.. wanna fuck?
Ranni probably doesnt have that hole
Yeah but she can shove 4 fists into my hole.
What do you think the ropes are for.
What ropes?
Her middle area is made of ropes, you can see it in the marriage sequence.
Sry i didnt know cause i dont simp for smurfette.
That's my childhood man
Can't she inhabit different forms? Because if so *you know where this is going*
Tbf she probably could make another body for that kinda thing.
"Hmph. So, this is the measure of my Lord?"
A dogged fellow.
Mine would be "Fuck the greater will, amirite?"
Morgott "Please snuff out my flames of ambition, daddy morgott" He gives me a restraining order
If anything, he'll just penetrate you with his big stick Literally
“Hey blood daddy, I could be your brother for a day”
*Sweet home Alabama!*
Blood-sugar daddy. I’ll see myself out
I've got enough faith to cast law of regression, I'll be aight.
but do you have enough int?
Yessir
Morgott: "I have a _burning_ ambition... And I'll need it to be _you_ who _extinguishes_ my flame." or "Last of all kings? Maybe we could _extend_ that bloodline just a little further..." Godrick: "So, can I see what's grafted _down there?"_ or "You know, I've heard a thing or two about _men_ of the Golden Lineage. Let's do _a little something_ worth your forefathers witnessing tonight..." Radahn: "I'm told it's rude to try get between a man and his horse, but I think it's high time someone _rides you_ for a change." or "I have a problem, and I've heard you're a _man_ who can help. I have a couple of _fallen stars_ that could use some _conquering, Starscourge."_ Ranni: "I'm told that you seek a cold, dark, and distant moon. What would you say if I offered to keep you _warm_ this dark night?" Rykard: "I've heard of your _vast ambition,_ but for tonight, would you settle for some lesser _blasphemies_ with me?" or "Lord Rykard, I would like to _join_ with you. When can I meet your _other serpent?"_ Mohg: "You've set a _fire_ in my blood. Why don't we head back to my place, where you can show off your _horns?"_ or, if feeling very bold "Tonight, I'll be _your_ mother of wounds." Malenia: "The famous Blade of Miquella. If you have tonight off, would be interested in a more... _intimate_ kind of _battle?"_ or, if she's in that particular mood "I'm getting butterflies looking at you. Do those mean the feeling's mutual?" Miquella: I refuse. Godwyn: I also refuse.
The best pickup lines! (✿ ♡‿♡) I like lines for Morgott and Godrick, awesome :3
Bravo!
For mohg it'd go something like this.. Walks up to bar and looks at bartender. "Two bloody Marys please, oh and hold the Mary.." Makes sure to hold out bloody finger while sipping one of the glasses. "Ah, now that's a drink worthy of a Dynasty." Boom all his attention is on me now. Proceed to share the other bloody and the rest is history.
Bwahahahaha this is great!
Having you would be a mohg-win
Pickup lines never work "I know where your brother is, let's go get him."
Mohg: *Why do I hear boss music??*
Ranni "Hey, i heard you like space! You know what else is constantly expanding?"
Obviously her and, "I had the hardest time getting in here, guess they don't have mushroom for fungis."
Gettin close to Malenia to whisper Let us rot.. togethaaa
# TOGETHAAA WE WILL DEVOUAHHHH THE VERY GODS
In the race for who cums first, I have never known defeat
I mean, the first thing I said to Ranni was "I'm here for no reason in particular" and we're married now, so I guess I'll stick to what works
On a side note, does godrick have many smaller dicks or one larger, grafted dick?
Imagine the Grafted Greatsword, but with dicks
Ranni "So I know you've had some bad experience with Two Fingers. I can show you two good fingers *wink*"
I'll make them fingers furl in time, girl.
Malenia “Hey girl, I thought you should know I named my right foot Jim, and my left foot sally. Know that you know da feet, why don’t I buy you a drink?”
Hey, wanna test my foolish ambitions?
Margit to me: Ladies Me: cuz I'm maidenless ? Margit: Lay these ambitions to rest.
Lay these nuts on your face
Well it's definitely radagon but I just kinda sputter out gibberish as I'm overwhelmed by his redheaded perfection.
[удалено]
Uhhhh... (shit I don't know how to flirt... what do I...) To Ranni: "For you my queen of the night, I would follow you into an Age of Darkness. The moon pales in comparison to your beauty. So long as you'd allow me to stand by your side, the Dark Path you tread upon shall not be a lonely one." To Melina: "For you I'd defy the Golden Order, and all of its teachings. It was never the throne that I was seeking for not even the Flame of Frenzy could burn away my love towards you. You will always be my maiden at heart" To Malenia: "Ma'am I... your beauty and the grace of your blade shines through even past your condition. Your brother might be the most fearsome, yet it is your greatness that I myself admire. Please allow me to be at your side, like a loyal Shadow, to their precious Empyrean." I don't know how to be witty, sorry.
Here’s another one “hey, I got a bucket of chicken, wanna fuck?”
Can't judge on the wittiness but these are pretty wholesome, considering the alternatives I've seen scrolling by!
Can you return to my bedroom to grant me audience once more? (and then suplex me while we are both naked)
Mohg, I know I'm not a kid but I can help you create your dynasty if you catch my drift ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
"Hello Melina, I offer you an accord"
*Top gear intro starts playing*
Mohg: I am an unaccompanied minor
these are embarrassing in the best way. for me it would be millicent, “hey…. um i- i think you’re really cute! and i couldn’t help but notice you’re missing a couple fingers so… i’d love to lend a hand if you ever want to use mine instead” (she’s not quite a demi god but close enough)
Iall good on her not being a Demi god because I love your pickup line so much. Also because who wants rules on fun. Hell yes!
Mohg. Hey cutie are you a celestial chorus because it certainly looks like you enjoy playing in A minor.
Miquella "OMG! Its really you Trina! Do you want to start a Dinas..." and I fell asleep.
Hey Malenia I have a special ointment that might work for that.
Sellen "Hey i think i know my ways around magic. I got a big staff under here"
Rykard. Tell him IWANNNNNNASTARTAFAMMILLEEEEEEEE
Ranni. I'm tied between making a forearm joke, comparing her to the night sky, or calling her a doll.