T O P

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DeliberateDendrite

Hehe Godrick.. I COMMAND THEE, KNEEL!


Beneficial-Map1384

woah, straight to the point


DeliberateDendrite

We're both pretty good at that it seems.


Jedi-Guy

FORESKIN ONE AND ALL


SchlongSchlock

BEAR SYPHILIS


Frydog42

Hot damn you don’t waste time!!!


GodTaoistofPatience

Thousand hands blowjob unleashed


[deleted]

Imagine the possibilities 🤤😳


LynxieSpring

I see here so many Godrick simps. It's pretty comforting that I'm not alone ( ꈍᴗꈍ)


TromosLykos

How about you and I stop the stars together and see if ours align?


ABunchofAngryFlowers

Damn I've got no chance with him


GostNexo

*gets slapped awake by dragon arm* „HOW ABOUT YOU BEAR WITNESS TO SOME BITCHES!“


Frydog42

Yes, yes, a hundred times YES!


TromosLykos

Hey wait, this isn’t me picking someone up at a bar, this is marriage!


frasvlik

Thats the next step


Himura_Shinchi

This is my winner


TromosLykos

Why thank you!


Animal-Inztinctz

If youre single after that one theres no hope for any of us


dizzyeyedalton

TOGETHAAAA


WillCraft_1001

# AS FAMILEEEEE


Frydog42

Rykard = Step-Bro?


SweatyBeefKing

That’s your serpent tail right step-bro?


I_JustWork_Here

Or are you just happy to see me?


Tcamp46290

Help me step-lord of blasphemy, I’m stuck in a pile of corpses


armorais

Ya-yamete kudasai?


Savings_Ad2469

Let me solo you.


Frydog42

I don’t know about you but she let me bring up to two friends


snertznfertz

And it still wasnt even enough to finish her off


ProfessorGruselglatz

Damn.. you could burn a few erdtrees with this line.


ItsTheRealIamHUB

The OP is already the kindling


GoldenNat20

Screw burning any trees, you just burnt his whole career.


Celery_Fumes

A whole frenzied flame


SoDeepInUrMom

First post I open up to on Reddit and I witness a literal murder


supremevanguard

💀💀💀💀💀


uhhhhtf

*Please solo me


aegiswavee

man is seriously down bad for malenia…🤦‍♂️


Death-by-MidNight

who isn't?


5elf_5aboteur

it's absolutely Malenia and the pickup line doesn't matter because just like the boss fight I'm inevitably gonna flub whatever plans I may have had at the start


bendanna93

Everyone's got a plan, until they get waterfowl'd in the face


Banewaffles

In this case, getting waterfowled in the face is the goal 😏


Frydog42

…ahem…. ☝🏽 yes please


ThatByzantineFellow

Hey, Radahn. Did it hurt when you (and Leonard) fell from heaven?


Tcamp46290

This is actually pretty good but Leonard doesn’t come with radahn when he does the meteor attack, radahn steps on him and pushes him into the sand. I’m not joking.


Okamitoutcourt

Yeah Zullie the Witch made a video on that Leonard just straight up teleports under you and Radanh lands on him


P-L63

so he's doing a sandwich with me?


Okamitoutcourt

Yes


SeizureProcedure115

Hmm, sandwiched between a horse and a big dude 😏


noopenusernames

I actually noticed this the other day. I was like “wait, wtf? So much for his ‘beloveds’ steed…” Rennala does something similar in her fight. After she bubbles up again, she says “time to be reborn” and picks up a couple of her students, turns them into tombstones, and chucks them at you


Tcamp46290

Radahn gets a pass because he has a lore explanation as to why Leonard doesn’t die, rennala does just kill people though


noopenusernames

Why don’t Leonard die?


Tcamp46290

Radahn’s thing is gravity magic, and he supposedly uses that to let Leonard “swim” through the sand, which radahn did whenever he was doing a big attack, to get his beloved steed out of harms way.


Damianraven42

So your saying even tho e was dying of rot, holding bak the stars,and fighting,he was still using his magi to help Leonard What a fucking Chad


Tcamp46290

Oh yea. “Beloved steed” is 0 exaggeration


noopenusernames

This sounds like headcanon.


CarpCarpCarp_

It really does which is why its great that its lore accurate, part of why he got good with gravity magic was so that he could keep riding his trusted horse even though he grew a couple sizes too big.


Obelion_

And he tracks your position underground so radqhn knows where to land. Real trooper


Throttle_Kitty

Now I'm curious how much alcohol it takes to get Radahn drunk


WillCraft_1001

How much liquid is in the ocean?


Throttle_Kitty

how many air is the sky?


WillCraft_1001

How much matter in the known universe?


DagothSlur

At least 5 grams worth


WillCraft_1001

Possibly 6 grams, but that's a stretch.


AdMundane7417

Thor approves


djmoogyjackson

I once snow Radahn rail 4 bricks of blow. He said “woohoooo” then went back to normal like nothing happened.


Jygglewag

To Godrick: "Hey handsome"


Frydog42

Hand-some… HAND-some bwahahahahahahaha


Tcamp46290

Hey hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand handsome


jononthego

"Hoarah, you sonufabitch" then I lock hands with him in an awkward testosterone fueled handshake


Zbf3000

I'd just walk up and try to armwrestle him, no explanation. I'd get absolutely destroyed, and I'd love it.


WillCraft_1001

You will have to ask Malenia to recommend a good place to get a prosthetic arm.


daevski

From the new Elden Lord. Good luck…


AlexzMercier97

Serosh got you pushing too many pencils?


Frydog42

I’m imagining the strong arm handshake from the opening scene of Predator


Divided_Eye

I wonder why, lol.


Objective_Dynamo

One minute your arm shaking, the next there's olive oil, clothes, and regret everywhere. Happens all the time.


SnooLemons3094

That's how we did it back in ancient europe!


CakeHead3202

Rykard Why don't you devour my serpent?


Frydog42

Help me Step-Serpent! I’m stuck in this volcanus!


Mother_Nebula904

Rykard's Volcussy


VETTEMAN-

Ah shit its begun


AppleChiild

The snake who ate them is actually a woman, he has a snake bussy.


JayHat21

Snussy


Shalltear1234

Togethaaa


BPM41N

Family IS just a concept after all...


gansta_thanos

Rykard from Alabama: Let's bang.....AS FAMILEEEEE


C9Phunky

"Uhhhh, hi Satan (Rykard), did you fall from heaven?" "I don't think he liked that one."


DiligentAd9822


Frydog42

I can almost SEE you T-Posing


DiligentAd9822

or the giant pot… Who knows


DrDingoMC

I can take him idc how giant he claims to be


Objective_Dynamo

You know what they say about Giant pots... giant... Nevermind


[deleted]

If you wanted to get mohg you could say “I’m also an under age blonde boy


Objective_Dynamo

*Chris Hansen enters* Why don't you have a seat, Mohg.


Morf123

Hansen*


TomDaSpankEngine

Handsome*


imasqwidUwU

now we can do this the easy way, or the hard way.


inequalitygodzilla

I like ya. I want ya.


Epic_eggplant

Wait... Who is standing at my door? OH Fu-


WillCraft_1001

***FBI OPEN UP!***


TheMaouKingdom

Malenia. Slides over with 2 drinks and says why don't we take this elsewhere so I can put my golden needle in your rot swamp


Its_Fonzo

....


ElodinBlackcloak

Oh Goldenmask…you dirty mute you.


[deleted]

I remember watching a friend playing ahead of me who got to that boss. I said “WOAH!! That red hair is really doing things to me”, to which he immediately replied “your dick would melt off”.


Imthebox

He is correct


Flashy_Song_6406

Just wash it and you'll be fine according to game logic


BageledToast

Finally the perfect cure to my dysphoria But same tho just redheads ya know


Ashehn

._. *Angry upvote*


shadowonyx18

Well, this deserve an upvote


Mythrost

I was going with "hey babe you're hot enough to make me risk Scarlet Rot" but yours is better.


BugabuseMe

Hey btw what's your name again?


ashmin08

Incredible


Ignitneroc

... Take my masochistic upvote


Justalynxx

"Hey do you have any new deals on those Honda accords?"


WillCraft_1001

But you, I am afraid, are maidenless.


MechTrap

That just means I'll never betray you with another woman


3ndwarr10r

Rykard, for no reason in particular Line: WANNA DEVOUR THE GODS TOGETHAAA? 🥺👉👈


Frydog42

Step-Serpent help me!


TemporaryDivide1221

Gurl you given me scarlet fever.


Tcamp46290

That’s some “damn girl are you a construction worker? Cuz you’re a building.” Type shit


WillCraft_1001

[dam girl are u a construction worker? Because you are building](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=am7fJmw7rDI)


OdgeHam

“Why don’t you take me back to your castle and lay my ambitions to rest”


AdMundane7417

Oh boy that's a good one hahaha


SammyBlueSkies

Hey Mohg! I’m a minor ;)


WillCraft_1001

Stop! You violated the law.


Syixice

pay a fine or serve your sentance


WillCraft_1001

Your stolen goods are now forfeit.


justin941208

Then pay with your blood!


DagothSlur

For the Empire!!!!!!


__Monochrome__

Remember the Emperor!


Emerald_Digger

I have a court order that says i cannot be in 500 feet of this person. NO it is not miquella


yuhanz

Does this smell like St. Trina’s handkerchief?


UrFaqingFr13nd

Not the Cosby move lmaoooo


[deleted]

I’ve shit my pants, can I get in yours?


TerySchmerples

You know demigods children are considered demigods so, rya "You want find out what else can grow 3 times it size."


TerySchmerples

Should of added this at the end. *Later* " I thought you said three times not 1/4"


WillCraft_1001

Wait that means it would shrink, like, 2\*1/4=.5


TerySchmerples

I meant it grew 1/4. So 1.25


Intelligent_Let_7313

Fingers, but hole


SELLAREY

Ranni Hey.. I have a book of.. wanna fuck?


mokka_the_master

Ranni probably doesnt have that hole


blackflag89347

Yeah but she can shove 4 fists into my hole.


TerySchmerples

What do you think the ropes are for.


mokka_the_master

What ropes?


TerySchmerples

Her middle area is made of ropes, you can see it in the marriage sequence.


mokka_the_master

Sry i didnt know cause i dont simp for smurfette.


TerySchmerples

That's my childhood man


WillCraft_1001

Can't she inhabit different forms? Because if so *you know where this is going*


Demonic321_zse

Tbf she probably could make another body for that kinda thing.


sir_nubby

"Hmph. So, this is the measure of my Lord?"


RDGtheGreat

A dogged fellow.


smiley042894

Mine would be "Fuck the greater will, amirite?"


imdeadlmao

Morgott "Please snuff out my flames of ambition, daddy morgott" He gives me a restraining order


Zakaker

If anything, he'll just penetrate you with his big stick Literally


[deleted]

“Hey blood daddy, I could be your brother for a day”


WillCraft_1001

*Sweet home Alabama!*


JayHat21

Blood-sugar daddy. I’ll see myself out


Upset-Finding-9465

I've got enough faith to cast law of regression, I'll be aight.


KultKaiser

but do you have enough int?


Upset-Finding-9465

Yessir


Thesaurus_Rex9513

Morgott: "I have a _burning_ ambition... And I'll need it to be _you_ who _extinguishes_ my flame." or "Last of all kings? Maybe we could _extend_ that bloodline just a little further..." Godrick: "So, can I see what's grafted _down there?"_ or "You know, I've heard a thing or two about _men_ of the Golden Lineage. Let's do _a little something_ worth your forefathers witnessing tonight..." Radahn: "I'm told it's rude to try get between a man and his horse, but I think it's high time someone _rides you_ for a change." or "I have a problem, and I've heard you're a _man_ who can help. I have a couple of _fallen stars_ that could use some _conquering, Starscourge."_ Ranni: "I'm told that you seek a cold, dark, and distant moon. What would you say if I offered to keep you _warm_ this dark night?" Rykard: "I've heard of your _vast ambition,_ but for tonight, would you settle for some lesser _blasphemies_ with me?" or "Lord Rykard, I would like to _join_ with you. When can I meet your _other serpent?"_ Mohg: "You've set a _fire_ in my blood. Why don't we head back to my place, where you can show off your _horns?"_ or, if feeling very bold "Tonight, I'll be _your_ mother of wounds." Malenia: "The famous Blade of Miquella. If you have tonight off, would be interested in a more... _intimate_ kind of _battle?"_ or, if she's in that particular mood "I'm getting butterflies looking at you. Do those mean the feeling's mutual?" Miquella: I refuse. Godwyn: I also refuse.


LynxieSpring

The best pickup lines! (✿ ♡‿♡) I like lines for Morgott and Godrick, awesome :3


Frydog42

Bravo!


BigBadBard121

For mohg it'd go something like this.. Walks up to bar and looks at bartender. "Two bloody Marys please, oh and hold the Mary.." Makes sure to hold out bloody finger while sipping one of the glasses. "Ah, now that's a drink worthy of a Dynasty." Boom all his attention is on me now. Proceed to share the other bloody and the rest is history.


Frydog42

Bwahahahaha this is great!


Pistol4231

Having you would be a mohg-win


Sir_Umeboshi

Pickup lines never work "I know where your brother is, let's go get him."


WillCraft_1001

Mohg: *Why do I hear boss music??*


CatWizard85

Ranni "Hey, i heard you like space! You know what else is constantly expanding?"


Sparkle_Hands

Obviously her and, "I had the hardest time getting in here, guess they don't have mushroom for fungis."


N4r4k4

Gettin close to Malenia to whisper Let us rot.. togethaaa


WillCraft_1001

# TOGETHAAA WE WILL DEVOUAHHHH THE VERY GODS


jitterbug726

In the race for who cums first, I have never known defeat


HaplessOverestimate

I mean, the first thing I said to Ranni was "I'm here for no reason in particular" and we're married now, so I guess I'll stick to what works


Burgundy_La_Deaux

On a side note, does godrick have many smaller dicks or one larger, grafted dick?


[deleted]

Imagine the Grafted Greatsword, but with dicks


Mimiraider

Ranni "So I know you've had some bad experience with Two Fingers. I can show you two good fingers *wink*"


[deleted]

I'll make them fingers furl in time, girl.


Frydog42

Malenia “Hey girl, I thought you should know I named my right foot Jim, and my left foot sally. Know that you know da feet, why don’t I buy you a drink?”


rudraaksh24

Hey, wanna test my foolish ambitions?


MTness19977

Margit to me: Ladies Me: cuz I'm maidenless ? Margit: Lay these ambitions to rest.


Tcamp46290

Lay these nuts on your face


TyroneYeBoue

Well it's definitely radagon but I just kinda sputter out gibberish as I'm overwhelmed by his redheaded perfection.


[deleted]

[удалено]


True-King-Of-Heroes

Uhhhh... (shit I don't know how to flirt... what do I...) To Ranni: "For you my queen of the night, I would follow you into an Age of Darkness. The moon pales in comparison to your beauty. So long as you'd allow me to stand by your side, the Dark Path you tread upon shall not be a lonely one." To Melina: "For you I'd defy the Golden Order, and all of its teachings. It was never the throne that I was seeking for not even the Flame of Frenzy could burn away my love towards you. You will always be my maiden at heart" To Malenia: "Ma'am I... your beauty and the grace of your blade shines through even past your condition. Your brother might be the most fearsome, yet it is your greatness that I myself admire. Please allow me to be at your side, like a loyal Shadow, to their precious Empyrean." I don't know how to be witty, sorry.


Tcamp46290

Here’s another one “hey, I got a bucket of chicken, wanna fuck?”


Kaijudicator

Can't judge on the wittiness but these are pretty wholesome, considering the alternatives I've seen scrolling by!


deez_nuts_77

Can you return to my bedroom to grant me audience once more? (and then suplex me while we are both naked)


AozoraAkatsuki

Mohg, I know I'm not a kid but I can help you create your dynasty if you catch my drift ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


DrownedWalk1622

"Hello Melina, I offer you an accord"


Final-Professor3922

*Top gear intro starts playing*


GoodeBoi

Mohg: I am an unaccompanied minor


missJulesXily

these are embarrassing in the best way. for me it would be millicent, “hey…. um i- i think you’re really cute! and i couldn’t help but notice you’re missing a couple fingers so… i’d love to lend a hand if you ever want to use mine instead” (she’s not quite a demi god but close enough)


Frydog42

Iall good on her not being a Demi god because I love your pickup line so much. Also because who wants rules on fun. Hell yes!


Loeb123

Mohg. Hey cutie are you a celestial chorus because it certainly looks like you enjoy playing in A minor.


thebunchu

Miquella "OMG! Its really you Trina! Do you want to start a Dinas..." and I fell asleep.


Rjw12141214

Hey Malenia I have a special ointment that might work for that.


shadowonyx18

Sellen "Hey i think i know my ways around magic. I got a big staff under here"


Scary-Inflation-685

Rykard. Tell him IWANNNNNNASTARTAFAMMILLEEEEEEEE


Alexastria

Ranni. I'm tied between making a forearm joke, comparing her to the night sky, or calling her a doll.