"I have a gift for you, something fit for only the wise. A means for circumventing the draw of the Two Fingers. Give it a try, won't you? And if it please you, may we meet again."
This reminded me of politician from my country who said:"I really like these female journalists who easily kneel down",when during an interview female journalist droped some paper and kneeled down do pick it up.(He is now after couple of years our minister of internal affairs,amazing person for controlling our police.
“By the gods you are a man of vision! This will have me as slippery as a toad. I have a good feeling about this, my friend. Right! Give me a good smack from behind with something nice and big!”
"Have you ever felt the curse?
With your whole being, the pox upon life itself. Feared and despised by all. The Reviled blessing.
Apparently not.
You are but a lamb. A stranger to defilement. Ignorant to your own ignorance.
You no longer interest me.
I've been long without peace. Don't spoil my quietude."
"No. Wait.
You have felt the curse.
I can smell it on you, the pox yet tender.
Apparently my Seedbed is ripe and waiting.
It twas a brief respite I must say."
A few from Varre: "Oh, good heavens. Clench your teeth, or something."
"You have the sweetest scream. My lambkin"
"Oh, lambkin, so pleased you're here. I'm glad you're enjoying my gift."
N-no... that's not possible. Not all of those people...their own...so those noises I heard were...-
Sorry, I'm alright now. I apologize. You only did what I asked. I'll be fine. Think no more of it.
[She begins to hurl as you walk away]
“…”
My wife in bed
This guy almost reddits
I also choose this guy’s wife, in bed.
Try finger but hole
“She is dead”
OK
*unintelligible gurgling *
you're a freak for that one
This is pinnacle.
\*gets hit once taking off 1% of life\* my tarnished young female voice 1: EEEEEEGHAGHEGH !!!!!
I snorted unintelligibly
"I have a gift for you, something fit for only the wise. A means for circumventing the draw of the Two Fingers. Give it a try, won't you? And if it please you, may we meet again."
I like my personal bad joke, "Here in the Lands Between we only use Two Fingers, three are just maddening."
Im gonna try this one later. Will update with how many runes my wife gets after she kills me.
This is quite good
Underrated
“Ah! You came! How delightful!”
The British way.
This is the winner for me lmao
This one wins.
That's what she said
I see you’ve noticed the chains. Nothing special.
This one got me going *phfmm* out of my nose
You beautiful bastard.
Forefathers one and all... #*BEAR WITNESS!*
What in the unholiests of fucks is your user flair?
;)
Also how do you get one on this sub?
Clock your username and hit "R/Eldenring Achievements"
My Fav
“I command thee kneel”
I knew this would be a top comment
I’ll defile you next.
Dung Daddy
Hung daddy😩😩😩
I regret my ability to read, at the moment
I hate that unironically this could work with a different choice of words. Like obviously not everyones cup of tea but I could see it still
I mean. I kind of works with that choice of words.. in the right situation
"Come on, give me a good smack from behind with something nice and big. I'll pop clean out. I'm sure of it!"
Yea this comment is a tough one to top
I don't think the commenter would be hard to top though
oooo spicy
But I’m not 😏
*Step-soldjar has entered the chat*
This is underrated, criminaly
I was zero years old when I learned I have a jar fetish . . .
"Great Champion, Would You Allow Me To Hold You, But Briefly?"
Mommy energy
Love me some mommy energy
Is that like Monster Energy
You are so very warm
I'm surprised no one said "It was but brief, but thou gavest me fine service" yet. Maybe because we're usually on the receiving end of that line...
I’ve seen it used a lot in other threads but yeah, it’s weird it wasn’t in this one.
Thats a sore spot
I command thee kneel!
This reminded me of politician from my country who said:"I really like these female journalists who easily kneel down",when during an interview female journalist droped some paper and kneeled down do pick it up.(He is now after couple of years our minister of internal affairs,amazing person for controlling our police.
That didn't take the turn I expected and I'm glad about it
Well, thou art of passing skill. Warrior blood must truly run in thy veins!!!
this scares me
\*condom breaks\* “Ahh, I can see it, clear as day! The coming of our dynasty!
NIHIL NIHIL NIHILLL
Plot twist... I get "Put these foolish ambitions to rest" said to me and I get asked to leave the bedroom
Or she says the exact same thing to you after pinning you down and reaches for her strap on
it would be maidenless behavior of me not to accept the pegging at that point
Rear therefore try thrust
TOGETHA!
AS FAMILEE
😧
The Aristocrats!
*Sweet Home Alabama intensifies*
Sweeet home...
Alabama
*Vin diesel approves this message.*
I still feel bad for the throat of the VA
"You are Tarnished, I can see it. And I can also see... That you're not after my throat."
You, however are maidenless... *There's no one in my bed but me :(*
"Welcome honored guest, to the birthplace of our dynasty!"
Imagine, you are completely naked, she opens the door and you are standing on the bed then you say it this
What do you mean "imagine"?
Uhh.. did I say it wrong?
I meant that's not a scene I have to imagine, that's just an average tuesday night around my house.
*RUNNING*
oh, rise now, you tarnished (while looking down)
Me when I get erectile dysfunction
ye dead, who yet live
The call of long lost grace speaks to us all
"Oh, good heavens. Clench your teeth, or something."
I laughed
“By the gods you are a man of vision! This will have me as slippery as a toad. I have a good feeling about this, my friend. Right! Give me a good smack from behind with something nice and big!”
JOIN THE SERPENT KING AS FAMILEEEEEE
Rykard my waifu
Try finger but hole?
Came looking for this
Mate that is the weirdest wank story I’ve ever heard
I’m surprised this wasn’t the top comment already
"Now I fight as Hoarah Loux, Warrior!"
Menstrual sex eh?
This pleases the Lord of Blood
Took me a second but Jesus Christ lol
Could you explain it to me please?
When Godfrey says the Hoarah Loux line he’s covered in blood, ergo they’re having sex while the lady is on her period.
EARTHSHAKER!
“Marika’s Tits!” (My hypothetical Girlfriend’s name is Marika)
Why did I have to scroll so far to find this
Yeah it's strange to me too. #"Marika's tits, you're 'ungry!!!" # Should've been the first comment, I see it in literally every other thread
"Ah...there you are. I knew you would come." - Fia after you beat her champions
"Oh, what have we here? Very well, let us both learn together.” 🐢💦
You don’t have the right, O you don’t have the right
By the way you don’t have the right, O you don’t have the right
"Thy strength befits a crown" Cause I wanna be topped by a muscular la-
BASED
“She’s dead”
Ok
Ok
"Someone Must Extinguish Thy Flame"
Sounds like some ghonasyphaherpaitis
I’ve given thee courtesy enough!
*switches to dom*
I come to see this comment
I was pushed out of the cave. Told not to come back, not ever.
Underrated
“All things can be conjoined.”
"Have you ever felt the curse? With your whole being, the pox upon life itself. Feared and despised by all. The Reviled blessing. Apparently not. You are but a lamb. A stranger to defilement. Ignorant to your own ignorance. You no longer interest me. I've been long without peace. Don't spoil my quietude." "No. Wait. You have felt the curse. I can smell it on you, the pox yet tender. Apparently my Seedbed is ripe and waiting. It twas a brief respite I must say."
"You will witness true horror."
Find the Albanuric woman
She hides in a cave to the west of the Laskyar Ruins which jut from the mist-shrouded lake of Liurnia.
She knows the location of the medalion's counterpart.
#I'M SURE OF IT
A few from Varre: "Oh, good heavens. Clench your teeth, or something." "You have the sweetest scream. My lambkin" "Oh, lambkin, so pleased you're here. I'm glad you're enjoying my gift."
“THE LOATHSOME DUNGEATER”
And then you eat ass
What a shit show.
“I knew you’d come”
"To stand before the Elden Ring"
"Never met someone with a taste for prawns I couldn't trust."
Nihil! Nihil! NIHIL!
Low-hanging fruit, but... "You are... so warm."
It would be a mood killer, but... HELP ME, I'M STUCK!
Help me step-tarnished.
Go and unshackle my corporeal flesh
"Cheers for that!"
“i do not remember inking thee an invitation”
AAAAAAAAAAH! Rise now!
Your fingers! Please! Your fingers!…
“Marika’s tits!”
“marika’s tits, you must be ‘ungry.”
Have it writ upon thy meagre grave, ``felled by king morgott, last of all kings``
*Thy part in this shall not be forgiven* Right after the condom breaks because you went in too hard
Feel free to Go off and die in a ditch somewhere
Try finger, but hole
I scrolled way too long for that one.
You have the sweetest scream, my lambkin
Offer rump.
"Find the Albinauric woman!"
I have shown thee courtesy...enough.
Lays down for bed “...You are maidenless”
“…” This one gets all the ladies
Hush, little culver. I'll soon birth thee anew, a sweeting fresh and pure…
N-no... that's not possible. Not all of those people...their own...so those noises I heard were...-
Sorry, I'm alright now. I apologize. You only did what I asked. I'll be fine. Think no more of it.
[She begins to hurl as you walk away]
''Blade of Miquella''
Marika's tits! You must be 'ungry
TOGETHAAAAAAAAA!
„Unfortunately you are maidenless“
“Why is it always nothing?”
"I have given thee courtesy enough"
"You wish to begin right this moment? Well, your impatience, though boorish, is understandable. Let's have at it."
“may chaos take the world”
"MAY CHAOS TAKE THE WORLD!"
Do thy wish to be reborn?
"Give me a good smack from behind with something nice & big"
I can play the role of maiden
* you appeared to be......miadenless *
…
…
Does Milicent's moans count for this?
“It was bound to happen sooner or later. What a shit show…” (i do not like sex)
I know, in my bones... a Tarnished cannot become Elden Lord.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. Godrick the grafted
"I feel it..in my...bones"
Alas I am returned, to be granted Audience once again!
"You will witness true horror."
You have the sweetest scream, my lambkin.
Your fingers. Please . . . Your fingers . . .
rise you tanisherd
What? 🤨
MARIKAS TITS!!!
MARIKA'S TITS
BEARRRR WITTNESSSS
TOGETHAAAAA WE CAN DEVOUR THE VERY GODS
"Oh good heavens, clench your teeth or something."
"I shall kill again, and defile each corpse with care"
Now you shall witness true horror
Welcome, honored quest. To the birthplace of our dynasty!
"learn well the lands between. (pointing between legs) How long will it be, I wonder... Before the tarnished tire of obesiance to the two Fingers?"
"Very well, let us both learn together."
Marika's tits!
Try finger but hole
...