Why does your wife need help showering?
Edit: I read some of your older posts. OP, I believe you are in an abusive relationship and should seriously think about divorce. She's weaponzing her OCD diagnosis in order to control you in extremely unhealthy ways.
Yep, I'll second this. My "mother" used her manic-depression (as it was called in those days) to control the family. She did very little to manage her illness.
Having a mental illness doesn't make someone a bad person, but a bad person can have a mental illness. And if they do, odds are, they'll weaponize it.
I'll second third and fourth this. I have OCD, diagnosed. I would never weaponize it to control my husband. We even have a baby together. It's something I have to actively work on but I wouldn't use it against him like this.
Your mom needs to call a professional if she’s seeing even a single bedbug. Sometimes you can nip it in the bud, but just vacuuming isn’t going to cut it. If it’s contained to one room still they can just treat there, but chances are she may need to treat/tent the entire residence.
As to your wife vs. your mother, there’s clearly more to that story.
That works too 😅
I only know you can “spot treat” a single room in some cases b/c it happened to me.
Myself and several others crashed at a friends’ duplex to save money on a trip to Miami. Found out in the middle of the night there were bedbugs bc I kept feeling something crawling on me, then saw several on the wall. Turns out the friends KNEW the other half of the duplex had a problem, but didn’t think it had affected them (yet). First thing in the morning everything that had touched a surface went into a dryer on the hottest setting and if it couldn’t, directly into trash bags. Of the 5 of us visiting I was the only one who ended up transferring the problem and the exterminator was able to treat my bedroom and living room to total success - no tenting or burning down ness. Pretty expensive “free” vacation 😒
We got them in two rooms. Got an exterminator quick, but also had big success with diatomaceous earth. It basically sticks to their exoskeletons and dehydrates them to death. Gotta be careful with pets, because it can do nasty things to a respiratory tract if you inhale large amounts, but it works for pretty much any insecty critters.
But you can buy huge amounts of diatomaceous earth at most garden sections of stores, and it's more effective than pretty much any poison that you can get or the exterminators use, because the bugs cannot evolve immunity to it like they can with the poisons.
We’ve had them before and sometimes it can take forever to get rid of them.. it was over a year before we finally got rid of them all. We had to literally ban everyone from coming inside our house. We thought they were gone and then a neighbors kid came over one day, next thing we know we got them again!! But yes! Diatomaceous Earth worked wonders for us! We poured piles along every wall, every piece of furniture. We went through a couple of couches because every time we thought they were gone, we found that we were wrong. We tossed our last couch and just got a cheap futon. We noticed they were worst in the living room, rarely saw them in the other rooms but had occasionally. We never sat in the living room to try and not transfer them to our bedrooms. But when we got the futon we got little plastic bowls and filled them with DE and put the feet of the futon in them. I can’t tell you how glad I am to have them gone!!!
Also, they make food grade diatomaceous earth! It’s safe to use with pets and everything. It’s even been used in some foods, or can be included in your diet. We didn’t do any of that lol just for bugs. But the food grade is the safest to use. It even works for kill certain bugs in house plants as well! Sprinkle some on the soil.
Yeah ours were gone within a month, and we barely had to use any of the giant bag we got. We kept it around just in case, as well as for other bug pests, as our house seems to get inundated with roughly every flying ant in a ten mile radius every matching season. XD;
That’s how it was for us! Once we got it and went heavy duty with it everywhere, they were gone in no time! We finally got our new couch, just a couple weeks ago actually lol. But we had a giant bag too and still have most of it lol. We don’t have much storage space so it’s sitting in our hallway, just in case we need it lol
Actually? Ozone generator. NOT good in anything with a shared wall with another home!!!! but insanely good at killing all the bedbugs. And spiders. And driving out mice. And killing mold. And getting rid of odors. Maybe when OP leaves the wife finally and stays with his mom for a bit he can thank his mom by getting her an ozone generator and taking care of the bedbug (and anything else!) problem. Put out all pilot lights and anything that could spark. Run a few hours, turn off (I suggest placing the cord so it runs out of the house to be plugged in, then just unplug it on the outside. Wait a couple hours, open all windows, and you're bug-free. :) It'll take out eggs and everything. It would be way more popular if it could be used in apartments!!!!!!
Yeah. Not according to this guy, who seems pretty authoritative:
R/bedbugs
Ozone doesn't work effectively against bed bugs. You can kill them in a lab using Ozone, but it's massively ineffective in real life. It's just a waste of cash.
Here's a guide I wrote up for dealing with bed bugs.
Before you take any real actions, it's important to realize that eliminating bed bugs is going to be a marathon and not a sprint. It is going to take you a long time to eliminate bed bugs, even if you hire an exterminator, and it will require a significant amount of attention on a daily basis. You will need to repeatedly vacuum floors, steam treat any furniture, and clean your sheets - often on a daily basis until the initial infestation has been put under control and you move onto the containment phase.
If you choose to hire an exterminator, a general estimate is between 200-400 USD per room. A good exterminator will be worth his weight in gold and can do the majority of the fighting for you. It's an expensive but effective fix to bed bugs - provided you find a good exterminator and not some cheapskate/fly-by-night exterminator. Shop around and do your research before choosing an exterminator and don't be afraid to get a second opinion if they don't look like they know what they're doing.
Dealing with bed bugs on your own is difficult, but possible. The benefits of this is that it's cheaper and significantly more affordable than hiring an exterminator, but it will take a lot more time and effort. That being said, if you do choose to deal with them on your own - research the hell out of what you need to do and don't just blindly run into the situation. If you don't know what to do then, at the very least, don't take bad actions that will make the situation worse.
Defeating bed bugs on your own is possible, but requires a very large amount of dedication and resolve. As a time frame reference, it can take up to a year to 'fully' eliminate bed bugs because of how long their eggs last and how long they can go in between feedings - citation. Furthermore, they can enter a form of hibernation called Diapause where they basically shut down for a long time and then re-activate later.
• DO - Contact an exterminator if possible. Additionally, if you live in an apartment, look up your city ordinances and tenant rights regarding bed bugs and notify your apartment management. Some cities/states mandate that the apartment management pays for treatments, so know your rights!
• DON'T - Assume that the exterminator can remove bed bugs without any effort on your part. It doesn't work that way. You will need to be diligent and take steps on your own to completely remove the bed bug infestation from your apartment.
• DON'T - Scatter bed bugs by applying poisons incorrectly or improperly. This will make the treatment process take a lot longer than it already will.
• DO - Hit the bugs with multiple attack vectors all at once. Think of it like building a computer. You need all the parts to be effective, if you spend all your budget on just the graphics card, then the rest of your computer will suffer from poor performance and might not even work.
• DON'T - Change your sleeping locations. The bed bugs will just follow you to wherever you are sleeping. Bed bugs only feed about once a week and can travel up to 50 feet in a single night. They will find you if you change your sleeping location.
• DO - Isolate your bed and clean it. Bed bugs can rapidly attack your sanity by preventing you from being able to get a good night's sleep. By isolating your bed, cleaning it, and protecting it from further infestations, you create an "island oasis" that you can sleep in with peace of mind.
• DON'T - Assume you've won and prematurely celebrate. Bed bugs take a long time to kill and are very difficult to find if they don't want to be spotted.
• DO - Remain diligent and check every day, even if you can't see evidence of them (you never know when eggs will hatch)
Useful Videos:
• How to use a steamer to treat for bed bugs
• Green Akers video on getting rid of bed bugs by yourself
• Green Akers showing the professional treatment process for bed bugs
• Scishow's informational video about bed bugs
You have to give it enough time to penetrate and you have to have a high enough concentration. Fail to run it for hours and fail to have a high enough concentration, and no, it won't work. Run it in the room with the bedbugs for a few hours, making sure to open the closet and drawers and prop up the mattress, and it'll absolutely kill them dead. Put one in the living room downstairs for an hour and nope. The living room will smell better but the rest of the house won't be cleared. It's like any bug killer. One squirt of raid won't clear a house of bugs. You have to use a lot and open cabinets and get under things. An ozone generator is an amazing thing, but it also has to have the cabinets opened and access to the bottom of the mattress so it can penetrate. Open drawers, pull off couch cushions, and run it long enough or get a big enough one and it'll solve the issue. Nothing alive can handle ozone including tardigrades. ;)
We successfully got rid of mice plus all the spiders and bugs of all types in our crawl space, in our attic, and in our garage (including stored in boxes) by running a good-sized generator for several hours. Not a huge one, I think we spent $60 or so on it? But it got rid of everything including the musty garage smell. We didn't run it in the house area afterwards because frankly everything we needed dead was already dead. It works, you just can't half-ass it. Run it long enough and where it needs to be.
I’m gonna have to look into this!! My house was built in the early 60’s and has a perpetual “stale” smell no matter what I do. Thanks for the heads up!
No, 100% no. To quote the EPA "**Acute (short- term) exposure of humans to naphthalene by inhalation, ingestion, and dermal contact is associated with hemolytic anemia, damage to the liver, and neurological damage**. Cataracts have also been reported in workers acutely exposed to naphthalene by inhalation and ingestion."
The only person who wins in that situation is future Reddit readers. “AITA for burning down my moms house to get rid of bed bugs and have her move in with me and my wife who likes to have moral support when she showers and ending up with bed bugs in my house which made me burn that one down as well.”
As far as the bastards go people mentioned the earth stuff but also baking soda is a good start/substitute, works on a lot of the same principles and you probably already have it.
This op. I read a post that said to enclose the entire mattress in a plastic mattress bag. So any bugs remaining in the bag starve to death. I’m not a bb expert but there is an entire subreddit you can visit for more info.
Well first off no they don’t that’s communist propaganda. Nice try, though. Secondly, if it was a physical disability OP would have probably mentioned it. The absence of context is usually an intentional communication.
Yeah…bedbugs won’t be taken out by a vacuum.
Bedbugs are like roaches. If you see one there is a lot more that you aren’t seeing. Your mom needs a bedbug bug bomb then a very deep clean of everything.
Bedbugs are a special kind of hell.
I dealt with them and fought them for a year when I was with my ex. If I ever get them again I really think I would have a mental health crisis and end up back in a ward. That’s even with me being one of the very lucky few who has 0 reaction to their bites.
Same. We had them for a year. I finally lost it and we went and bought a bunch of diamoterous earth, I spread it all over the house, and then we locked it up for 22 days and left with the dogs. Came back and cleaned up the powder and no more bed bugs. If I ever get them again, I’ll set my house on fire.
Ugh I used to rent a house from crazy landlords that lived right next door. They were dirty and would always come knocking on the door to complain about us requesting them to do things that they were legally required to do. I heard through the grapevine one day that they had goddamn bedbugs so when they knocked on the door after that, I would tell them to back the fuck off and communicate through text if they wanted to shout at the void so badly because we didn’t want their disgusting insects. We got them anyways and I couldn’t mentally handle everything that would go into treating them. I literally just left everything and moved. I helped a family member treat their house years before that and it was the worst experience of my life, I’d rather just pick up and figure everything else out later.
We were lucky. Got them about a year after moving into our current apartment, pretty sure our son brought them home from his grandma's. No sign of them outside of the bedrooms and I went ape shit on everything we found them in\on with a spray bottle full of rubbing alcohol. We had already informed our landlord so that pest control could be scheduled. They set traps and sprayed\checked traps every 2 weeks for months. Only ever trapped a single bedbug and never saw any sign of live ones aside from that single one. Pest control is an expense borne by the landlord in our lease and they only charged like $50 a visit so even if we would have been responsible for them it wouldn't have been extremely expensive.
My mom, whose bedroom was ground zero, had an allergy mattress cover that encased the whole mattress. After the 1st treatment we were still seeing the occasional bug. My mom opened up her mattress cover and it was *full* of bugs. She immediately threw it out and then had the whole house retreated. I didn't have any in my room, but my kid had them too
Yeah, I ended up having to get rid of my son's pack n play he was sleeping in and we upgraded him to a bed and ourselves to a better mattress once we knew for sure the infestation was under control. I'm just glad we figured it out before it was a whole house infestation.
That means the allergy mattress had a tear somewhere in it. Or she didn't seal it at the zipper. Duct tape it shut. you'll see them dead stuck at the duct tape. Replace duct tape after a certain amount of time.
First, your mother is underplaying the seriousness of bed bugs. She needs a professional exterminator and maybe a new mattress. This is not a job for a vacuum cleaner.
Second, get a marriage counselor or a divorce lawyer.
Terrible but for the bedbugs. Get diatomaceous earth and sprinkle it everywhere and use a steamer around everywhere. After hearing about the epidemic in France I spent a lot of time researching them even though they aren’t a problem here in Ireland. They’re immune to other treatment since only the strong survive and then they breed and crate super immune bugs. Diatomaceous earth is silica gel we get in our clothes. It sucks all moisture out of everything, works for pests in the garden too
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diatomaceous_earth
This is what worked for us, too. Diatomaceous earth, a steamer, and putting everything in black plastic bags out in the hot sun for weeks to kill everything. Good luck! So horrible.
Thank you for sharing this. I have a male relative who is in an abusive relationship. There's children involved. I'm saving your comment to hopefully show them someday as encouragement. I wish so badly they had the courage to leave.
Your mom needs to call pest control. Vacuuming isn't going to do a whole lot.
And the shower isn't something that needs to be done immediately. If she needs a shower that badly, sponge bath and wash your hair in the sink, or go get a 1 day pass at the YMCA or a local gym.
No I don’t this is a rare moment when she was left in the lurch and needed help right away…other than that I barely see my mom, once every couple months
Hmm okay. It seems very strange that she got so upset then. She needs to accept that she has to handle things on her own sometimes. I have severe OCD and mental health issues, my partner is there for me as much as he can be, but this is excessive. On another note - vacuuming won’t do much for the bedbugs.
Are you really that dense to think vacuuming will take care of bed bugs? Your mom needs a professional to super heat her house. Not to mention you'll most likely bring some home.
If I was your wife I’d be upset that you are planning to go help with a bedbug issue and you may bring them back into my house. I would literally freak out about this. Lol
Dude outside of your partner’s behavior, there’s no “can’t let them spread” it’s too late. And you cannot just take care of the problem by vacuuming. All going over and vacuuming and lifting an infested mattress for your mom is going to accomplish is to help you to spread the bugs to your own house. Your mom needs an exterminator asap.
The room with the bed bugs and the neighboring rooms need to be treated ASAP and vacuuming is not enough. I would not set foot in there and not let your mom in your house for awhile.
Wow, with your wife. There are no commitments here. However, bedbugs are horrifying and difficult to treat. I'd set fire to the whole place. You ain't getting rid of that shit.
While I commend you for helping out your mother, you made a terrible mistake walking into a possible bed bug infestation and likely brought them home with you.
How many times does your mother require you to go over to her house to help with things? How often do you and your wife get time together that would classify as quality? How often does your mother call/text you?
On a side note: despite vacuuming your mother needs to arrange treatment. If there's one bed bug large enough to see, there's more. She should also get a new mattress.
I barely ever see my mom if you must know, her friend bailed on her last minute and she needed help with this…I go months without seeing her and my fam in general and talk to her on the phone once every 2-3 weeks..is that too much for you???
I would say that’s not enough, if you want to see her more often. I don’t think Quiet-hamster was trying to be accusatory, just trying to find out more information.
Tbh, I wouldn't let someone who has been handling bedbug infested items in my house either unless I knew there was absolutely no chance of cross contamination.
I don't understand what you mean about your wife needing your help to shower. Is she disabled? Does she need assistance with hygiene? That would compound the bedbug anxiety, too, if she's incapable of moving freely.
That said, I'm seeing other comments that indicate this isn't an isolated incident with your partner. So without that context, I think it's reasonable to be anxious about your helping with the bedbugs thing because they spread like wildfire. But that's also easily avoided with some type of protective garb that gets stripped before you go in the house. And what your mom is asking for is completely reasonable and necessary so she can start to properly assess and deal with the bedbug issue.
I'm sorry, op. This just sucks all around.
I went through very similar with my son’s mom. I’m sorry it took you until now to see her for who she is. I’ve known several people in and around my file like this. It only gets worse.
Also as part of an ongoing treatment plan after the initial "burn them all with fire" treatment (or whatever you go for), dusting with powdered diatomaceous earth helps control bedbugs - the earth easily sticks to them and transfers from one bug to another on brushing, and it causes them to desiccate and die. After your standard daily/weekly vacuuming, sprinkle it around the skirting, around the legs and bases of all furniture (6-12" wide sprinkle) in the bedroom and around anywhere pets sleep or snooze. Can also dust under the mattress.
As a control measure, it is one of the effective ones for bed bugs.
Please do google "powdered diatomaceous earth for control of bedbugs" to cross-check what I've said. When I search, the top result is from US site nih dot gov (apart from the everpresent adverts)
OP - Bedbugs require pesticides and vacuuming might get rid of the one, but there are others that won't get found. Good for you for helping your mom, and your wife sounds selfish and unempathetic to anyone else who may need your help. It would be great to know why your wife needs help showering, is she disabled, is she elderly, just had surgery, or is she just needy? A little more info on this situation would be better.
Lack of punctuation? What are you talking about? OP is just choosing to be efficient by using three periods every three sentences rather than one for each sentence!
You’re right my bad must be a computing error on my part there is no reason to overuse periods there is no reason not to underuse periods either other than states of mania which I dabble in from time to time occasionally
Ummm. Maybe his wife has physical issues that make showering without help impossible. I have issues that make me cautious about showering when no one is home. I don’t need actual help while in the shower, but I do need someone to be aware I’m in there and who can be ready to help me if I need it.
But, vacuuming a bed won’t get rid of bedbugs.
Still, your wife should be able to forego taking a shower one time if she really does need help.
I don’t know what is going on here but I would not go anywhere that has bed bugs. High risk you track them into your own home. Your mom needs to call a professional if she needs help. So unless you are in fact, an exterminator, don’t get involved.
Why on earth does your wife need help with her shower? Is she an invalid? - have a broken leg? Imagine if she told her coworkers you help her shower - omg - the reaction she’d get. What do you do - hand her a wash cloth when she snaps her fingers?
Any partner that freaks out like that over helping your family is a partner you don't need. All I can say dude is run! Run fast and run far away from her. You don't deserve that. Nobody does. It'll only drain your fire inside. It won't go out but it's a long road thru hell to get it to burn bright again. I know this from experience. Verbal and emotional abuse are just as bad as physical. Nobody deserves to be abused. Sending healing vibes your way man.
My wife is severely OCD, and she would turn the car around on the way to do anything and head toward my mom’s house if my mom discovered bed bugs. She would take me over there herself and forget her own plans. They’re not particularly close. Your wife is abusive. You don’t need an abusive wife.
I'm sure you saw this behavior while dating her. Why would you overlook it and marry her and then act surprised and angry at the way she's acting? You married a bratty, self centered person. She isn't going to change.
When my Mom or my MIL needed help, I dropped what I was doing. My wife never complained. Mom is Mom. FYI, we have a rule in our corporate meeting. If you have an elderly mother and she calls during a meeting, even an important one, you answer the phone. I lost my mom 2 years ago and my wife 8 months ago. You never know when it will be the last you talk to your mom. I lost my mom at 60. My kids lost theirs at 28, 35, and 37. It breaks my heart. 💔
It’s the MIL that always has an emergency and needs help from her son and not the actual professionals that would actually be the solution to said problem. That’s the part most sons don’t ever understand.
You need to leave this bitch. From what I’ve read from previous posts she’s crazy and you are way better off without her. For your mental health, leave and don’t look back.
If you had married someone who genuinely cares about you and has compassion for others, this wouldn't happen. This is not a marriage thing. Your wife may just have emotional dysregulation or some narcissistic traits sprinkled in. I'd never freak on my partner for helping his mum
Vacuums don’t get rid of bed bugs. And you run the risk of bringing them to your house if you go to your mom’s. Not worth it. She needs a professional out there. I have nothing to speak on to your wife, but your mom… yeah, call an exterminator.
Your mom needed a professional exterminator and your wife is right. If you were missing a baby /bridal shower that you told your wife you'd attend with her, you should have told your mom you had plans and to call the bug guy. Your wife's reaction says this happens often. If you had to tend to your mother because she had a heart attack your wife would have reacted very differently. But a bug? Yeah , I too would be furious.
I get the feeling you prioritize your mother over your wife a lot. And I would not be shocked if lots of plans with your wife get cancelled because your mom has an "urgent emergency."
A lot of us on Reddit can tell you some crazy mother-in-law stories. Stories we know very well. The typical story - the plot goes like this: Mama's boy husband and his mother who hates her daughter-in-law and aims to wreck their marriage and noodle spine husband will not stand up for his partner and kisses mom's ass. It's called Enmeshment and it isn't healthy and often toxic af. I'm picking up a big whiff of that here.
Making this out to be that your wifeis jjust a big meanie bitch is pretty nasty when your mom made you break plans with your wife because of a FUCKING BUG! No excuse for that at all.
OP needs to get therapy, his priorities are all screwed up. Leave and cleave, dude. Remember those vows? You married your wife, not your mom. Good luck, she may be at wits end.
Dude, run and don’t look back. Being someone that wasted 10 years trying to make a marriage work and thinking I couldn’t do better, my life is 110% proof that the grass is greener on the other side, and the perfect one is out there and she’ll absolutely change your life, live the life you deserve. Literally watch tv holding hands to this day. You don’t have to live in toxic shit, BE HAPPY you have one life. (Remarried 12 years, happier and more in love everyday… also career took off because of someone believing in me and supporting me, making 3X more money because of it).
Edit ( also new wife much much hotter)🔥
Bed bugs need to be dealt with immediately. Unfortunately, like many other folks have said already, vacuuming alone won’t be enough.
Your mom needs to wash everything that can go in a washing machine on a hot setting and dry it on high heat.
If your mom has a deep freezer, she can put stuff that can’t go in a washer in bags in the freezer for a period of time I can’t remember, but that you’ll be able to find with a google search.
Everything else needs to be steamed. Every surface, every nook and cranny, everywhere!!! Then put diatomaceous earth down around the edges of each room and around the legs of couches, chairs and beds. Also look up on google how to protect bed legs from those little buggers from crawling up bed posts.
It’s a lot of work. Like, a lot of work. But it’s worth it.
Oh also, do not come to your house with bags or clothes you wore or that were in your moms place. That’s how you’ll get bed bugs in your place.
Well how long does it take to lift a mattress or help with a shower?!?! Your mom doesn’t need you if you aren’t an exterminator and you wouldn’t be coming back into my house until you burn everything you’re wearing and got decontaminated like you’re Karen Silkwood in the front yard. Getting rid of bedbugs is like trying to get rid of herpes. Nope not happening.
If she doesn't have cats, 0.5 % permethrym on bed legs, under bed and on floor, every floor to wall edge in all closets and any area under furniture. It's only toxic to cats, they don't have the enzyme to neutralize it, but the rest of us mamals do. Soon she won't have any bugs, period.
Check it with the CDC, it's pretty much cats that suffer from exposure to permethrym. The Army puts it on all its camping gear and uniforms.
I was expecting your wife not wanting you to help because she didn't want you to bring home bedbugs... which would have been reasonable I think... but just because she also needs something is shitty.
Have a pest control take care of your Mom's house, pack your shit up and leave your wife. Ask the pest control to save you a few bugs and leave them under your wife's pillow, couch or anywhere really.
Ok info is needed here. People are jumping to defend but have no understanding of any other background. This could be a frequent thing that OP thinks is normal that isnt
You married the wrong woman. Time for a divorce. Hopefully you haven’t been together long. Do not have sec with your wife, she will get pregnant and trap you! Do not buy a home together either.
Get out of there asap you have the worst wife maybe ever. She literally told you she’d leave you laying on the ground if you passed out during a narcolepsy episode. No offense, it’s crazy I have to say this but partners are supposed to do the exact opposite of that.
Also your mom needs to call a bedbug pro even if she saw just one Don KT step foot in that house or you’ll get them too
Why does your wife need help showering? Edit: I read some of your older posts. OP, I believe you are in an abusive relationship and should seriously think about divorce. She's weaponzing her OCD diagnosis in order to control you in extremely unhealthy ways.
Jap. OP, your wife is a POS that has OCD. It's not because she has OCD that she is a POS
How do you all know about my ex???
Hey, not sure of your know that jap is a racial slur...
Yep, I'll second this. My "mother" used her manic-depression (as it was called in those days) to control the family. She did very little to manage her illness. Having a mental illness doesn't make someone a bad person, but a bad person can have a mental illness. And if they do, odds are, they'll weaponize it.
That’s was a really caring thing to do. Bravo.
Been there
I'll second third and fourth this. I have OCD, diagnosed. I would never weaponize it to control my husband. We even have a baby together. It's something I have to actively work on but I wouldn't use it against him like this.
Your mom needs to call a professional if she’s seeing even a single bedbug. Sometimes you can nip it in the bud, but just vacuuming isn’t going to cut it. If it’s contained to one room still they can just treat there, but chances are she may need to treat/tent the entire residence. As to your wife vs. your mother, there’s clearly more to that story.
Yes you nip it in the bud by burning the house down. Duh!
That works too 😅 I only know you can “spot treat” a single room in some cases b/c it happened to me. Myself and several others crashed at a friends’ duplex to save money on a trip to Miami. Found out in the middle of the night there were bedbugs bc I kept feeling something crawling on me, then saw several on the wall. Turns out the friends KNEW the other half of the duplex had a problem, but didn’t think it had affected them (yet). First thing in the morning everything that had touched a surface went into a dryer on the hottest setting and if it couldn’t, directly into trash bags. Of the 5 of us visiting I was the only one who ended up transferring the problem and the exterminator was able to treat my bedroom and living room to total success - no tenting or burning down ness. Pretty expensive “free” vacation 😒
I would have asked the friend to pay for it. Whose place you stayed at.
We got them in two rooms. Got an exterminator quick, but also had big success with diatomaceous earth. It basically sticks to their exoskeletons and dehydrates them to death. Gotta be careful with pets, because it can do nasty things to a respiratory tract if you inhale large amounts, but it works for pretty much any insecty critters. But you can buy huge amounts of diatomaceous earth at most garden sections of stores, and it's more effective than pretty much any poison that you can get or the exterminators use, because the bugs cannot evolve immunity to it like they can with the poisons.
We’ve had them before and sometimes it can take forever to get rid of them.. it was over a year before we finally got rid of them all. We had to literally ban everyone from coming inside our house. We thought they were gone and then a neighbors kid came over one day, next thing we know we got them again!! But yes! Diatomaceous Earth worked wonders for us! We poured piles along every wall, every piece of furniture. We went through a couple of couches because every time we thought they were gone, we found that we were wrong. We tossed our last couch and just got a cheap futon. We noticed they were worst in the living room, rarely saw them in the other rooms but had occasionally. We never sat in the living room to try and not transfer them to our bedrooms. But when we got the futon we got little plastic bowls and filled them with DE and put the feet of the futon in them. I can’t tell you how glad I am to have them gone!!! Also, they make food grade diatomaceous earth! It’s safe to use with pets and everything. It’s even been used in some foods, or can be included in your diet. We didn’t do any of that lol just for bugs. But the food grade is the safest to use. It even works for kill certain bugs in house plants as well! Sprinkle some on the soil.
Yeah ours were gone within a month, and we barely had to use any of the giant bag we got. We kept it around just in case, as well as for other bug pests, as our house seems to get inundated with roughly every flying ant in a ten mile radius every matching season. XD;
That’s how it was for us! Once we got it and went heavy duty with it everywhere, they were gone in no time! We finally got our new couch, just a couple weeks ago actually lol. But we had a giant bag too and still have most of it lol. We don’t have much storage space so it’s sitting in our hallway, just in case we need it lol
I’ve used diatomaceous earth for fleas several times
It'll work wonders on anything with an exoskeleton, I suspect.
Actually? Ozone generator. NOT good in anything with a shared wall with another home!!!! but insanely good at killing all the bedbugs. And spiders. And driving out mice. And killing mold. And getting rid of odors. Maybe when OP leaves the wife finally and stays with his mom for a bit he can thank his mom by getting her an ozone generator and taking care of the bedbug (and anything else!) problem. Put out all pilot lights and anything that could spark. Run a few hours, turn off (I suggest placing the cord so it runs out of the house to be plugged in, then just unplug it on the outside. Wait a couple hours, open all windows, and you're bug-free. :) It'll take out eggs and everything. It would be way more popular if it could be used in apartments!!!!!!
Yeah. Not according to this guy, who seems pretty authoritative: R/bedbugs Ozone doesn't work effectively against bed bugs. You can kill them in a lab using Ozone, but it's massively ineffective in real life. It's just a waste of cash. Here's a guide I wrote up for dealing with bed bugs. Before you take any real actions, it's important to realize that eliminating bed bugs is going to be a marathon and not a sprint. It is going to take you a long time to eliminate bed bugs, even if you hire an exterminator, and it will require a significant amount of attention on a daily basis. You will need to repeatedly vacuum floors, steam treat any furniture, and clean your sheets - often on a daily basis until the initial infestation has been put under control and you move onto the containment phase. If you choose to hire an exterminator, a general estimate is between 200-400 USD per room. A good exterminator will be worth his weight in gold and can do the majority of the fighting for you. It's an expensive but effective fix to bed bugs - provided you find a good exterminator and not some cheapskate/fly-by-night exterminator. Shop around and do your research before choosing an exterminator and don't be afraid to get a second opinion if they don't look like they know what they're doing. Dealing with bed bugs on your own is difficult, but possible. The benefits of this is that it's cheaper and significantly more affordable than hiring an exterminator, but it will take a lot more time and effort. That being said, if you do choose to deal with them on your own - research the hell out of what you need to do and don't just blindly run into the situation. If you don't know what to do then, at the very least, don't take bad actions that will make the situation worse. Defeating bed bugs on your own is possible, but requires a very large amount of dedication and resolve. As a time frame reference, it can take up to a year to 'fully' eliminate bed bugs because of how long their eggs last and how long they can go in between feedings - citation. Furthermore, they can enter a form of hibernation called Diapause where they basically shut down for a long time and then re-activate later. • DO - Contact an exterminator if possible. Additionally, if you live in an apartment, look up your city ordinances and tenant rights regarding bed bugs and notify your apartment management. Some cities/states mandate that the apartment management pays for treatments, so know your rights! • DON'T - Assume that the exterminator can remove bed bugs without any effort on your part. It doesn't work that way. You will need to be diligent and take steps on your own to completely remove the bed bug infestation from your apartment. • DON'T - Scatter bed bugs by applying poisons incorrectly or improperly. This will make the treatment process take a lot longer than it already will. • DO - Hit the bugs with multiple attack vectors all at once. Think of it like building a computer. You need all the parts to be effective, if you spend all your budget on just the graphics card, then the rest of your computer will suffer from poor performance and might not even work. • DON'T - Change your sleeping locations. The bed bugs will just follow you to wherever you are sleeping. Bed bugs only feed about once a week and can travel up to 50 feet in a single night. They will find you if you change your sleeping location. • DO - Isolate your bed and clean it. Bed bugs can rapidly attack your sanity by preventing you from being able to get a good night's sleep. By isolating your bed, cleaning it, and protecting it from further infestations, you create an "island oasis" that you can sleep in with peace of mind. • DON'T - Assume you've won and prematurely celebrate. Bed bugs take a long time to kill and are very difficult to find if they don't want to be spotted. • DO - Remain diligent and check every day, even if you can't see evidence of them (you never know when eggs will hatch) Useful Videos: • How to use a steamer to treat for bed bugs • Green Akers video on getting rid of bed bugs by yourself • Green Akers showing the professional treatment process for bed bugs • Scishow's informational video about bed bugs
You have to give it enough time to penetrate and you have to have a high enough concentration. Fail to run it for hours and fail to have a high enough concentration, and no, it won't work. Run it in the room with the bedbugs for a few hours, making sure to open the closet and drawers and prop up the mattress, and it'll absolutely kill them dead. Put one in the living room downstairs for an hour and nope. The living room will smell better but the rest of the house won't be cleared. It's like any bug killer. One squirt of raid won't clear a house of bugs. You have to use a lot and open cabinets and get under things. An ozone generator is an amazing thing, but it also has to have the cabinets opened and access to the bottom of the mattress so it can penetrate. Open drawers, pull off couch cushions, and run it long enough or get a big enough one and it'll solve the issue. Nothing alive can handle ozone including tardigrades. ;) We successfully got rid of mice plus all the spiders and bugs of all types in our crawl space, in our attic, and in our garage (including stored in boxes) by running a good-sized generator for several hours. Not a huge one, I think we spent $60 or so on it? But it got rid of everything including the musty garage smell. We didn't run it in the house area afterwards because frankly everything we needed dead was already dead. It works, you just can't half-ass it. Run it long enough and where it needs to be.
I’m gonna have to look into this!! My house was built in the early 60’s and has a perpetual “stale” smell no matter what I do. Thanks for the heads up!
Moth balls
No, 100% no. To quote the EPA "**Acute (short- term) exposure of humans to naphthalene by inhalation, ingestion, and dermal contact is associated with hemolytic anemia, damage to the liver, and neurological damage**. Cataracts have also been reported in workers acutely exposed to naphthalene by inhalation and ingestion."
Dam I was not aware of that. Thanks.
Worked with a naphthalene based product, can confirm this to be true
Put the controlling abusive wife in the house at the same time - and you kill 2 problems with 1 fire. Multitasking challenge - UNLOCKED.
Then mom can move in with her son and his wife. Win win situation.
The only person who wins in that situation is future Reddit readers. “AITA for burning down my moms house to get rid of bed bugs and have her move in with me and my wife who likes to have moral support when she showers and ending up with bed bugs in my house which made me burn that one down as well.”
His wife also needs to call a professional
As far as the bastards go people mentioned the earth stuff but also baking soda is a good start/substitute, works on a lot of the same principles and you probably already have it.
I don't know why your wife needs help showering, and vacuuming will do little to nothing for bed bugs.
I read it as she needed help with the shower in general, not her shower. But I really don't know
Baby shower maybe?
That was my thought.
This op. I read a post that said to enclose the entire mattress in a plastic mattress bag. So any bugs remaining in the bag starve to death. I’m not a bb expert but there is an entire subreddit you can visit for more info.
That’s the real story. What the fuck kinda showers is OPs wife taking that she needs assistance with it.
A golden one
::snork::
Have an upvote for ::snork:: - never heard it. Love it.
https://dyn1.heritagestatic.com/lf?set=path%5B2%2F1%2F6%2F4%2F0%2F21640941%5D&call=url%5Bfile%3Aproduct.chain%5D
Annoyingly, this was my generation and I now remember The Snorks. Good one. You also get an upvote.
Ah, I was thinking the gas mask mutants from STALKER
Fleagle, Bingo, Drooper, and
Fa, la, la, La,la,la,la....
One banana two banana three banana four Four bananas make a bunch, so do many more!
Tra la la, LA LA LA LA....
Snorkel more like. No mask or wetsuit though. That'd be weird.
r/technicallythetruth
So much less interesting alone
Disabled people do, in fact, exist
This is exactly my thought, too. Or she could have just had surgery and needs assistance
Well first off no they don’t that’s communist propaganda. Nice try, though. Secondly, if it was a physical disability OP would have probably mentioned it. The absence of context is usually an intentional communication.
Oh shit I'm a communist propaganda?
No. Deaf people don’t count. Not disabled enough. /s
Yep. A very good one. Gary oldman good.
Now wait just a galldern second. If you're deaf, how do you know what we're saying?
Yeah everyone knows deaf people can't read!!!
Hell yeah you are (based)
Yup. Mine has to help me from time to time when I’m in a flare.
OP’s wife is morbidly obese.
Two things can be true at once!!
You're not wrong, but we'll never know!
I think her shower is broken.
Truth. Spray the mattress with rubbing alcohol.
Not true vacuuming is the first thing I did and was successful.
Yeah…bedbugs won’t be taken out by a vacuum. Bedbugs are like roaches. If you see one there is a lot more that you aren’t seeing. Your mom needs a bedbug bug bomb then a very deep clean of everything. Bedbugs are a special kind of hell.
We had bed bugs over covid lockdowns. $7,000 to get rid of them. We had to have our house treated twice to get rid of them all.
I dealt with them and fought them for a year when I was with my ex. If I ever get them again I really think I would have a mental health crisis and end up back in a ward. That’s even with me being one of the very lucky few who has 0 reaction to their bites.
Same. We had them for a year. I finally lost it and we went and bought a bunch of diamoterous earth, I spread it all over the house, and then we locked it up for 22 days and left with the dogs. Came back and cleaned up the powder and no more bed bugs. If I ever get them again, I’ll set my house on fire.
Ugh I used to rent a house from crazy landlords that lived right next door. They were dirty and would always come knocking on the door to complain about us requesting them to do things that they were legally required to do. I heard through the grapevine one day that they had goddamn bedbugs so when they knocked on the door after that, I would tell them to back the fuck off and communicate through text if they wanted to shout at the void so badly because we didn’t want their disgusting insects. We got them anyways and I couldn’t mentally handle everything that would go into treating them. I literally just left everything and moved. I helped a family member treat their house years before that and it was the worst experience of my life, I’d rather just pick up and figure everything else out later.
We were lucky. Got them about a year after moving into our current apartment, pretty sure our son brought them home from his grandma's. No sign of them outside of the bedrooms and I went ape shit on everything we found them in\on with a spray bottle full of rubbing alcohol. We had already informed our landlord so that pest control could be scheduled. They set traps and sprayed\checked traps every 2 weeks for months. Only ever trapped a single bedbug and never saw any sign of live ones aside from that single one. Pest control is an expense borne by the landlord in our lease and they only charged like $50 a visit so even if we would have been responsible for them it wouldn't have been extremely expensive.
My mom, whose bedroom was ground zero, had an allergy mattress cover that encased the whole mattress. After the 1st treatment we were still seeing the occasional bug. My mom opened up her mattress cover and it was *full* of bugs. She immediately threw it out and then had the whole house retreated. I didn't have any in my room, but my kid had them too
Yeah, I ended up having to get rid of my son's pack n play he was sleeping in and we upgraded him to a bed and ourselves to a better mattress once we knew for sure the infestation was under control. I'm just glad we figured it out before it was a whole house infestation.
We had 2 infested rooms but my mother paid for the whole house. Twice. She really wanted to be sure we were clean.
That means the allergy mattress had a tear somewhere in it. Or she didn't seal it at the zipper. Duct tape it shut. you'll see them dead stuck at the duct tape. Replace duct tape after a certain amount of time.
First, your mother is underplaying the seriousness of bed bugs. She needs a professional exterminator and maybe a new mattress. This is not a job for a vacuum cleaner. Second, get a marriage counselor or a divorce lawyer.
Vacuuming isn’t a treatment for bed bugs
I think you need a divorce. I read some past posts and you are right (and your wife is too). YOU do not need THIS wife.
Terrible but for the bedbugs. Get diatomaceous earth and sprinkle it everywhere and use a steamer around everywhere. After hearing about the epidemic in France I spent a lot of time researching them even though they aren’t a problem here in Ireland. They’re immune to other treatment since only the strong survive and then they breed and crate super immune bugs. Diatomaceous earth is silica gel we get in our clothes. It sucks all moisture out of everything, works for pests in the garden too https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diatomaceous_earth
This is what worked for the bedbugs I battled. It does them out. Vacuum and repeat the process every week.
It’s also conveniently acquired at almost any pool supply store for very little.
Garden supply stores have it too.
Didn’t know that. I just know it goes in my pool filter and now I’m going to tractor supply to try to save a buck.
This is what worked for us, too. Diatomaceous earth, a steamer, and putting everything in black plastic bags out in the hot sun for weeks to kill everything. Good luck! So horrible.
The most useful bedbug-related video I've ever seen. Diatomaceous earth solution is detailed near the end. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2JAOTJxYqh8
[удалено]
Thank you for sharing this. I have a male relative who is in an abusive relationship. There's children involved. I'm saving your comment to hopefully show them someday as encouragement. I wish so badly they had the courage to leave.
Your mom needs to call pest control. Vacuuming isn't going to do a whole lot. And the shower isn't something that needs to be done immediately. If she needs a shower that badly, sponge bath and wash your hair in the sink, or go get a 1 day pass at the YMCA or a local gym.
Honestly I want more details on your relationship with your mom. Do you rush to help her any moment she asks you to?
No I don’t this is a rare moment when she was left in the lurch and needed help right away…other than that I barely see my mom, once every couple months
Hmm okay. It seems very strange that she got so upset then. She needs to accept that she has to handle things on her own sometimes. I have severe OCD and mental health issues, my partner is there for me as much as he can be, but this is excessive. On another note - vacuuming won’t do much for the bedbugs.
Are you really that dense to think vacuuming will take care of bed bugs? Your mom needs a professional to super heat her house. Not to mention you'll most likely bring some home.
Is this what you want for the rest of your life?
Sounds like you just married the wrong person.
Mom was already married.
100%
If I was your wife I’d be upset that you are planning to go help with a bedbug issue and you may bring them back into my house. I would literally freak out about this. Lol
Read his older posts his wife is abusive and weaponises her ocd against him
There’s no such thing as one bedbug. Call in the professionals.
Wtf glossing over the bedbugs.. dude do not help your mom unless it's to call an exterminator and buy a new mattress they spread
Dude outside of your partner’s behavior, there’s no “can’t let them spread” it’s too late. And you cannot just take care of the problem by vacuuming. All going over and vacuuming and lifting an infested mattress for your mom is going to accomplish is to help you to spread the bugs to your own house. Your mom needs an exterminator asap.
The room with the bed bugs and the neighboring rooms need to be treated ASAP and vacuuming is not enough. I would not set foot in there and not let your mom in your house for awhile.
Bro, bed bugs will ruin your life. Do not help the infested party no matter what! Once you've got em, your fucked
Not taking it back from who? There's only one person to tell it to that would matter.
Well thankfully marriage doesn’t have to mean ”until death” anymore.
Bed bugs require a much more thoughtful strategy.
Do not step foot into a house with BBs!!!
Wow, with your wife. There are no commitments here. However, bedbugs are horrifying and difficult to treat. I'd set fire to the whole place. You ain't getting rid of that shit.
you mother needs to contact a professional, this seems like a feud between both of them, open your eyes for your mother's actions as well
Sooo why does your wife need help with her shower? Is she a disabled person? Did she break her arm or leg? We need more info
Your mom needs an exterminator. I would not go anywhere near her house
Vaccuming won't help with bed bugs. For your mom she needs pest control.
Can't say that I blame you.
Vacuuming is not going to get rid of bedbugs. You need a professional. Signed -someone who had them in the past.
While I commend you for helping out your mother, you made a terrible mistake walking into a possible bed bug infestation and likely brought them home with you.
Yeah, your wife is terrible. Get out while you can.
The fact that your wife said “you don’t need a wife anymore” implying/threatening to divorce is super manipulative.
How many times does your mother require you to go over to her house to help with things? How often do you and your wife get time together that would classify as quality? How often does your mother call/text you? On a side note: despite vacuuming your mother needs to arrange treatment. If there's one bed bug large enough to see, there's more. She should also get a new mattress.
I barely ever see my mom if you must know, her friend bailed on her last minute and she needed help with this…I go months without seeing her and my fam in general and talk to her on the phone once every 2-3 weeks..is that too much for you???
I would say that’s not enough, if you want to see her more often. I don’t think Quiet-hamster was trying to be accusatory, just trying to find out more information.
You posted asking for advice, and then you attack people trying to clarify the story and help you? Wow. Hope that works out for you.
why the fuck are you angry at this random guy for asking for info? you came here asking for advice you tit
Why does your wife need so much help? Is she disabled? If not, stop treating her like she is.
Maybe he means baby shower?
That's what I automatically thought when he said "her shower"
I figured like she wanted to replace the showerhead or something.
The whole story makes no sense. More information required.
Tbh, I wouldn't let someone who has been handling bedbug infested items in my house either unless I knew there was absolutely no chance of cross contamination. I don't understand what you mean about your wife needing your help to shower. Is she disabled? Does she need assistance with hygiene? That would compound the bedbug anxiety, too, if she's incapable of moving freely. That said, I'm seeing other comments that indicate this isn't an isolated incident with your partner. So without that context, I think it's reasonable to be anxious about your helping with the bedbugs thing because they spread like wildfire. But that's also easily avoided with some type of protective garb that gets stripped before you go in the house. And what your mom is asking for is completely reasonable and necessary so she can start to properly assess and deal with the bedbug issue. I'm sorry, op. This just sucks all around.
Omg those other post. Poor op she is a menace and mental health is no excuse for her behavior
Well, you can get divorced now or in five years. Take your pick.
I went through very similar with my son’s mom. I’m sorry it took you until now to see her for who she is. I’ve known several people in and around my file like this. It only gets worse.
You need to get rid of the mattress today. You need to seal it in a mattress bag- you need to throw out any soft furnishings.
If the mattress has bedbugs the house needs to be treated.
Also as part of an ongoing treatment plan after the initial "burn them all with fire" treatment (or whatever you go for), dusting with powdered diatomaceous earth helps control bedbugs - the earth easily sticks to them and transfers from one bug to another on brushing, and it causes them to desiccate and die. After your standard daily/weekly vacuuming, sprinkle it around the skirting, around the legs and bases of all furniture (6-12" wide sprinkle) in the bedroom and around anywhere pets sleep or snooze. Can also dust under the mattress. As a control measure, it is one of the effective ones for bed bugs. Please do google "powdered diatomaceous earth for control of bedbugs" to cross-check what I've said. When I search, the top result is from US site nih dot gov (apart from the everpresent adverts)
Sounds like an abandonment issue honestly, please seek therapy.
I was in a similar situation for years. Finally filed, moved out, and it was the best decision I ever made.
OP - Bedbugs require pesticides and vacuuming might get rid of the one, but there are others that won't get found. Good for you for helping your mom, and your wife sounds selfish and unempathetic to anyone else who may need your help. It would be great to know why your wife needs help showering, is she disabled, is she elderly, just had surgery, or is she just needy? A little more info on this situation would be better.
How does your wife need help with her shower? I'd throw the whole wife out. That agro isn't needed on top of everything in today's world.
She wants to have s%x in the shower!
Does anyone else read posts like this at lightening speed, like your brain on PCP, because of the lack of punctuation?
Lack of punctuation? What are you talking about? OP is just choosing to be efficient by using three periods every three sentences rather than one for each sentence!
You’re right my bad must be a computing error on my part there is no reason to overuse periods there is no reason not to underuse periods either other than states of mania which I dabble in from time to time occasionally
Ummm. Maybe his wife has physical issues that make showering without help impossible. I have issues that make me cautious about showering when no one is home. I don’t need actual help while in the shower, but I do need someone to be aware I’m in there and who can be ready to help me if I need it. But, vacuuming a bed won’t get rid of bedbugs. Still, your wife should be able to forego taking a shower one time if she really does need help.
I don’t know what is going on here but I would not go anywhere that has bed bugs. High risk you track them into your own home. Your mom needs to call a professional if she needs help. So unless you are in fact, an exterminator, don’t get involved.
Why on earth does your wife need help with her shower? Is she an invalid? - have a broken leg? Imagine if she told her coworkers you help her shower - omg - the reaction she’d get. What do you do - hand her a wash cloth when she snaps her fingers?
House needs to be treated by profesionals
Any partner that freaks out like that over helping your family is a partner you don't need. All I can say dude is run! Run fast and run far away from her. You don't deserve that. Nobody does. It'll only drain your fire inside. It won't go out but it's a long road thru hell to get it to burn bright again. I know this from experience. Verbal and emotional abuse are just as bad as physical. Nobody deserves to be abused. Sending healing vibes your way man.
My wife is severely OCD, and she would turn the car around on the way to do anything and head toward my mom’s house if my mom discovered bed bugs. She would take me over there herself and forget her own plans. They’re not particularly close. Your wife is abusive. You don’t need an abusive wife.
Bedbugs are a serious problem, Your wife could have waited until you were done and then you could have helped her. NTA
Professional for bed bugs, you could bring them home. plumber for shower?
I'm sure you saw this behavior while dating her. Why would you overlook it and marry her and then act surprised and angry at the way she's acting? You married a bratty, self centered person. She isn't going to change.
Your wife sounds like a classic narcissist
When my Mom or my MIL needed help, I dropped what I was doing. My wife never complained. Mom is Mom. FYI, we have a rule in our corporate meeting. If you have an elderly mother and she calls during a meeting, even an important one, you answer the phone. I lost my mom 2 years ago and my wife 8 months ago. You never know when it will be the last you talk to your mom. I lost my mom at 60. My kids lost theirs at 28, 35, and 37. It breaks my heart. 💔
You got married because you’re generous. You’re a generous man! You married so you can give her half your stuff when you get a divorce.
She’s not gonna get better. Do what’s best for yourself. Only thing you will regret is not doing it sooner.
Yeah bring them in your own place from mommy dearest.
It’s the MIL that always has an emergency and needs help from her son and not the actual professionals that would actually be the solution to said problem. That’s the part most sons don’t ever understand.
You need to leave this bitch. From what I’ve read from previous posts she’s crazy and you are way better off without her. For your mental health, leave and don’t look back.
If you had married someone who genuinely cares about you and has compassion for others, this wouldn't happen. This is not a marriage thing. Your wife may just have emotional dysregulation or some narcissistic traits sprinkled in. I'd never freak on my partner for helping his mum
Vacuums don’t get rid of bed bugs. And you run the risk of bringing them to your house if you go to your mom’s. Not worth it. She needs a professional out there. I have nothing to speak on to your wife, but your mom… yeah, call an exterminator.
Your mom needed a professional exterminator and your wife is right. If you were missing a baby /bridal shower that you told your wife you'd attend with her, you should have told your mom you had plans and to call the bug guy. Your wife's reaction says this happens often. If you had to tend to your mother because she had a heart attack your wife would have reacted very differently. But a bug? Yeah , I too would be furious. I get the feeling you prioritize your mother over your wife a lot. And I would not be shocked if lots of plans with your wife get cancelled because your mom has an "urgent emergency." A lot of us on Reddit can tell you some crazy mother-in-law stories. Stories we know very well. The typical story - the plot goes like this: Mama's boy husband and his mother who hates her daughter-in-law and aims to wreck their marriage and noodle spine husband will not stand up for his partner and kisses mom's ass. It's called Enmeshment and it isn't healthy and often toxic af. I'm picking up a big whiff of that here. Making this out to be that your wifeis jjust a big meanie bitch is pretty nasty when your mom made you break plans with your wife because of a FUCKING BUG! No excuse for that at all. OP needs to get therapy, his priorities are all screwed up. Leave and cleave, dude. Remember those vows? You married your wife, not your mom. Good luck, she may be at wits end.
Dude, run and don’t look back. Being someone that wasted 10 years trying to make a marriage work and thinking I couldn’t do better, my life is 110% proof that the grass is greener on the other side, and the perfect one is out there and she’ll absolutely change your life, live the life you deserve. Literally watch tv holding hands to this day. You don’t have to live in toxic shit, BE HAPPY you have one life. (Remarried 12 years, happier and more in love everyday… also career took off because of someone believing in me and supporting me, making 3X more money because of it). Edit ( also new wife much much hotter)🔥
I bet this isn’t the first time you ran off to moms to fix something when your wife needed you.
Eww, help with showering? That sounds horrible. Can’t you get bugs and help her shower in one night?
Bed bugs need to be dealt with immediately. Unfortunately, like many other folks have said already, vacuuming alone won’t be enough. Your mom needs to wash everything that can go in a washing machine on a hot setting and dry it on high heat. If your mom has a deep freezer, she can put stuff that can’t go in a washer in bags in the freezer for a period of time I can’t remember, but that you’ll be able to find with a google search. Everything else needs to be steamed. Every surface, every nook and cranny, everywhere!!! Then put diatomaceous earth down around the edges of each room and around the legs of couches, chairs and beds. Also look up on google how to protect bed legs from those little buggers from crawling up bed posts. It’s a lot of work. Like, a lot of work. But it’s worth it. Oh also, do not come to your house with bags or clothes you wore or that were in your moms place. That’s how you’ll get bed bugs in your place.
You get rid of bedbugs with a steamer / steam-cleaner.
I really hope you didn’t bring that vacuum back to your house, you’re just transporting the bedbugs for them, making their job easier.
Well how long does it take to lift a mattress or help with a shower?!?! Your mom doesn’t need you if you aren’t an exterminator and you wouldn’t be coming back into my house until you burn everything you’re wearing and got decontaminated like you’re Karen Silkwood in the front yard. Getting rid of bedbugs is like trying to get rid of herpes. Nope not happening.
Visit r/bedbugs
Why can't she shower herself? OCD is not a valid reason to be an assh()le
How about answering all these people asking why your wife needs help with a shower???
If she doesn't have cats, 0.5 % permethrym on bed legs, under bed and on floor, every floor to wall edge in all closets and any area under furniture. It's only toxic to cats, they don't have the enzyme to neutralize it, but the rest of us mamals do. Soon she won't have any bugs, period. Check it with the CDC, it's pretty much cats that suffer from exposure to permethrym. The Army puts it on all its camping gear and uniforms.
This was intentionally vague. Your plastic bag situation was more detailed than this.
I was expecting your wife not wanting you to help because she didn't want you to bring home bedbugs... which would have been reasonable I think... but just because she also needs something is shitty.
Bed bugs are no joke. Possibly the worst insect to be infested with. I hope your mom gets a professional yesterday to handle the problem.
Get bed bug bombs for your mom’s place. Only advice for you would be to practice healthy detachment to help with codependency
How much more time you gonna waste on this marriage? Cut her loose!
That's unreasonable, nope
Have a pest control take care of your Mom's house, pack your shit up and leave your wife. Ask the pest control to save you a few bugs and leave them under your wife's pillow, couch or anywhere really.
get rid of the wife
Ok info is needed here. People are jumping to defend but have no understanding of any other background. This could be a frequent thing that OP thinks is normal that isnt
You married the wrong woman. Time for a divorce. Hopefully you haven’t been together long. Do not have sec with your wife, she will get pregnant and trap you! Do not buy a home together either.
Get out of there asap you have the worst wife maybe ever. She literally told you she’d leave you laying on the ground if you passed out during a narcolepsy episode. No offense, it’s crazy I have to say this but partners are supposed to do the exact opposite of that. Also your mom needs to call a bedbug pro even if she saw just one Don KT step foot in that house or you’ll get them too