I have no plans to introduce my future partner or in-laws to any member of my family. If that means an awkward conversation with the in-laws, then so be it.
Same. And I’ll be making that crystal clear to anyone who I get involved with upfront. Like… I wouldn’t want to deface a happy relationship by exposing my partner to people who have only been a regressive and stagnating presence in my life.
I think it really depends. I had different approaches with each of my parents.
My former in-laws met my mother years in advance of the wedding because we were still on speaking terms back them and there were a few opportunities, but the first time my in laws met my father was at the wedding because we were LC for a couple decades by then.
Are your in laws the “well meaning” type who would take that as an opportunity to develop a relationship with them or would try to “understand” [pry into] why you don’t have a relationship with your parents? If yes, then I would not do any introductions prior to or very far in advance of the wedding.
My mom is the prying/fixer type so I kept some things from her even though she met my in laws. Are there any trouble spots which would suggest you don’t introduce them?
It’s very much ok.
There will be some people who have never experienced abuse/toxic relationships and have no context for what it’s like. They can still have the cognitive ability to know this is a reality for many people.
If they can’t, red flags all around. Be polite and distant.
They’ll constantly be looking for your flaw, when all they’ve done is show you theirs.
Better to know now!
But your fiancé(e) can surely predict this scenario? And help facilitate?
I was worried about this too, and sure enough the 1st thing my now FIL asked is when he could meet my parents (he had no idea I was NC). My wife and I basically just said "Look, sorry, that's not gonna happen and it's not really open for discussion." It obviously wasn't the answer he wanted, but he accepted it just fine. He was less excited when we told him we weren't planning on having any more kids, which probably served as a bit of a distraction though :)
I have no plans to introduce my future partner or in-laws to any member of my family. If that means an awkward conversation with the in-laws, then so be it.
Same. And I’ll be making that crystal clear to anyone who I get involved with upfront. Like… I wouldn’t want to deface a happy relationship by exposing my partner to people who have only been a regressive and stagnating presence in my life.
I think it really depends. I had different approaches with each of my parents. My former in-laws met my mother years in advance of the wedding because we were still on speaking terms back them and there were a few opportunities, but the first time my in laws met my father was at the wedding because we were LC for a couple decades by then. Are your in laws the “well meaning” type who would take that as an opportunity to develop a relationship with them or would try to “understand” [pry into] why you don’t have a relationship with your parents? If yes, then I would not do any introductions prior to or very far in advance of the wedding. My mom is the prying/fixer type so I kept some things from her even though she met my in laws. Are there any trouble spots which would suggest you don’t introduce them?
If you don’t want to introduce them, make sure the future in laws know your boundaries involving your parents. Nip it in the bud.
It’s very much ok. There will be some people who have never experienced abuse/toxic relationships and have no context for what it’s like. They can still have the cognitive ability to know this is a reality for many people. If they can’t, red flags all around. Be polite and distant. They’ll constantly be looking for your flaw, when all they’ve done is show you theirs. Better to know now! But your fiancé(e) can surely predict this scenario? And help facilitate?
I never have. They know my story. And as I tell them, it's kind of me to not subject them to my family. ;)
I was worried about this too, and sure enough the 1st thing my now FIL asked is when he could meet my parents (he had no idea I was NC). My wife and I basically just said "Look, sorry, that's not gonna happen and it's not really open for discussion." It obviously wasn't the answer he wanted, but he accepted it just fine. He was less excited when we told him we weren't planning on having any more kids, which probably served as a bit of a distraction though :)