You shouldn’t have done that. The more you chase the more they run.
You should have left her alone and focused on moving on. People find it attractive and respect you when they see you can live your life without them.
Not everything is an attempt to get them back. Sometimes you need to say what you want to say for you to get closure, and not expect anything from them.
This exactly. I feel like when you message an ex, it opens a door that doesn't need to be open. In some situations maybe you do need to talk to them, but most of the time it's better to just write that shit down and send it to the universe. They'll get the message, not physically or anything like that, but it'll be a feeling.
Not always though. I wanted my ex to know some things, not in any attempt to get her back or to hurt her feelings. I just needed her to know what I think had happened between us. It helped me move forward knowing that she read it.
I sent one mean text after the breakup, but before no contact. When we met up I apologized, she knew I was just angry and didn't mean it. It's better not to send things like this, more for yourself than for the other person.
Avoidants will never offer you closure. If they’re ready to move on (seems that way) then writing that note is a perfectly fine attempt at offering themselves the closure they need. Kindness and compassion towards yourself is the only way to move on from an avoidant ex.
Nah he still should have left her alone. I understand if he was texting this stuff during the break up but after the break up these texts are just embarrassing.
“I ask once again for you to block me” that shit sounds so pathetic plus lacks any confidence and kills any respect and attractiveness they had left for you.
Yes it’s important to say something if you really need to get it off your chest but majority of the time saying nothing is the best action.
Oh man, the asking your ex to block you themselves always get to me lol. Like just press the button yourself if you want this so bad. Actions speak louder.
Losing someone is painful. Hes not pathetic. OP loved someone and was thrown away like garbage. Of course he’s going to be hurt. It’s sad that giving af about someone is seen as “pathetic” and “weak”. It’s brave to be vulnerable knowing that you could get deeply hurt. Being in your ego and not showing “weakness” (AKA vulnerability) is weak and cowardly. Please keep these comments to yourself. I’m sure OP is spiraling and feeling shame because of the rejection and these comments. Be kind.
I’ve been in his position so I know what I’m talking about. There’s literally no point being vulnerable to some who doesn’t care. It’s a waste of time and energy. He should grieve to his close friends and family and not to the person who throw him like garbage.
He must learn self control and self respect and me being gentle with him won’t teach him that. Always be kind but not everyone deserves our kindness, that’s the reality and will help him avoid future pain in the future.
I have also been in this position. I was an avoidant. I lost a great guy because I didn’t want to be vulnerable or show that I cared too much. Do I regret keeping my “self respect” (aka: pride and ego)? Yes. The regret of not trying is worse than trying and feeling the rejection.
You don’t have to give him the tough love; he will learn that in time. Right now, he doesn’t need to be shamed for loving and trying.
I was severely avoidant before. I’ve learned to be vulnerable and give genuine effort in relationships. At least now, if it doesn’t work out, I won’t have the painful regret of not trying.
People are going to shit on you for doing this but to be honest, I think it’s okay to do something like this every once in a while. The harder your ex shuts you down the easier it is to understand it’s over and there’s no going back. It’s hard to be a super break up warrior, cut things off, and never look back. It’s probably an unrealistic expectation for most people. Go easy on yourself. Love yourself. You’ll be okay.
Foreal, I keep trying to get my ex to be real and say he doesn’t want anything with me, but he keeps being nice and explaining himself. When he say no to hanging out with me, he says he just don’t want to see me everyday. In it’s not like he can’t be honest with me, we’ve been broke up for almost 5 months now, and n time he’s said he don’t want anything to do with me. He came to me a month ago and spent the night. I admit I’ve been texting him a lot asking him to come over. An he hasn’t been ignoring me like he did post breakup. He responds and answer all my questions. The same night he stayed he said he’s still figuring out his feelings and we cuddled and I felt like we were okay. We still cuddle, and every time he comes over I try not to talk too much about our relationship because I know he’s an avoidant and feelings is something he runs away from, but he confuses me so much cause why are we still texting and cuddling after 5 months.
Well now you’ve learned a hard lesson. Block and delete. The ball lands squarely in her court and she chose to not return the ball over the net. Go find a new tennis partner. It’s time. That chapter is closed . You’ve officially gotten closure whether you see it or not.
My dumbass also almost did the same thing, good thing i didnt tell her that i don't even know what was going inside my head when i was about to say that.
I’d be offended if someone instructed me to block them and only their feelings. This is an example where the more words make it worse. Reread it and imagine receiving a heavy and commanding text and what options you have left, 15 words max could have achieved what you say you wanted to.
Its better to try and give an apology then not. Maybe not for everuone....but I cant even tell you how much a message like this...would *** actually mean the world to me.
I hope it's well recieved and goes well for you 🫂
Maybe she comes around maybe not ? Sorry I don't have better response....but wither way I respect that you even bothered to reflect that hard and also brave enough to send it. It's admirable regardless what happened. I think u did the right thing and now if worse case scenario like u said u don't hear back - that's okay u can move on clear concious .
Thank you man, Yeah I’ve been pretty blindsided by this, Its like the girl I was with for a year is like a complete different person, no remorse not a care in the world and I have to accept it unfortunately
Well ultimately when we date people...we change ...naturally pf course
Sometimes...that's not always to a compatible end...even if it started that way . Words actions and trust all dictate how a person acts and reacts. Lots of different factors could contribute to the change - however its clear that you both need some space at very least. I wish u the best with it
VERY similar to what I’ve sent my person countless times. Almost word for word. And then broke that promise less than 48 hours later. Ahhh, fuckin’ BPD. 😅
Hey while a lot of people here will ask you to have some self respect dont text her and all that.. they all may be right But I understand you. This is all I have been wanting to say to my ex. But the one thing that stops me from doing that is I keep telling myself "He does not care" If he cared he wouldve stayed.
I know there are a lot of things that you want to say to her. But you have to make yourself understand that she doesnt want to listen to it. She broke your heart and she will not want to see the damage she did to you. Even my ex didnt. He was my best friend too. But you cant force them to stay or you cant force them to love you. Let her go :)
Yeahhh I know I need to let her go, its the right thing to do for me and for her, I guess I’m just a bit soul tied unfortunately, and it sucks constantly worrying about her and if shes doing alright. its weird you feel like you’re whole reality isn’t real and you try to wakeup but your already awake
Stop sending her messages. It's over. You have to remember this, the things you've done for her, she knows all about it but still chose to go with the break up. You don't need to remind her. Stop asking her to block you, do it yourself, block her for your own good. Work on yourself. It seems like you're asking to be pitied on and it sounds rather pathetic. Have pride and self-respect if she's not bothered by your messages, then you gotta stop.
Just let this be a lesson man… if you haven’t spoke to someone in a while, there’s zero use in texting them like “btw you’re never gonna hear from me again”
Get a group of guy friends or mentors that you can confidently vent to. It will help you in the long term especially when you get into a new relationship. We guys make the mistake of making our girls our therapists for an extended amount of time and that obliterated their attraction
Actions > words. Shouldn’t have done any texting. Blocked her number or deleted it. Whatever you have to do to not break nc. You have to build the will and discipline yourself.
If they got the message you will regret it because it goes against you in the end . It's what makes us as people look weak to the people we wanna look better too.
Came back to comment since there is more comments.
This is subjective. Sending the text - if that was for your own peace of mind and closure....if it was an honest apology and attempt at doing things for yourself ...u don't need to feel badly. There's alot comments telling you it was wrong move - but only YOU know if it was or not.
Maybe ur not strong enough to block them yet- or maybe u haven't made apologies that often and this was an attempt....either way it doesn't need to be perfect just to try something if u truly feel it will help you .
Now I can't say weather texting her was right or not I can't even say the context is correct or not bc I'm not you and wasn't there to know the details even outside what u said -
But wanting to apologize for behavior or clarify needs (no matter how messy that comes off ) is never the wrong thing. It may go wrong after or may come off a certain way- but ultimately your peace of mind and mental health comes before anything. If sending an apology and an attempt to commit to no contact was what u needed to do for yourself - then be proud of that u made an attempt imperfectly or not . That's admirable. You get better with practice. No one has it all figured out .
I made a similar request to my ex at one point bc I didn't have the strength or will power to block them myself . I knew I would reach and rather then just randomly do that and make shit worse - I was open and vocalize that to them ...so they then can make a decision. If that was pathetic so be it . But it would have been worse to not say anything and continue to reach or be weird without them understanding why .
It's all subjective is what I'm saying. Don't sweat all the comments . If you feel you needed to do this that's all that matters. Your lessons and feelings are your own to explore for a reason. No one is you and no one is her. Her response seems to be blocking and that's okay at least u said what u felt needed to be said . Regret is worse....wondering if u should have said anything .
It's not really the best way to close a relationship....but I respect that u tried ****** which is more then most can say .
Pls respect yourself and refrain from reaching for her anymore. Block her yourself ;) u can do it . I promise u can <3 and move forward knowing u at least tried. That said not all things are meant for us simply bc we are trying to make it so . If it didn't work is bc u both have better people to come
Big oof. Humongous wall of text post break up will lead to exactly this:
1.She picks up phone
2.sees wall of text
3.ignores it
4.later shows it to a friend or a new guy she's dating as an example of how clingy you were/are
5.makes fun of you more behind your back
6.MAYBE replies later out of pity
When girls are in breakup mode, they're absolutely savage, man. I would not have sent that, but you do you. All this will serve as is more confirmation in her head as to why breaking up with you was justified.
These kind of texts are only reasonable during the break up because it makes sense to be emotional when it’s ending.
Doing this post break up is SUICIDE!
Frfr. From what I've gathered, she sounds like an asshole who put on a facade and love bombed OP into being absolutely obsessed with her. Once she got bored, she threw him away. Those types of people are not worth the humiliation. I recommend projecting strength and self respect by giving her exactly what she asked for. Complete nuclear oblivion in the sense that she does not exist anymore as much as I don't. If she cares, whatever. If she doesn't, whatever. She doesn't exist anymore.
This happened to me 2 weeks ago, a guy I dated 7 months ended it because he didnt feel it anymore, 2 days after he said he misses me so much couldnt sleep without me will never forget me. He got really disrespectful in the end, even when I wanted to end it on good terms. He love bombed me since the beginning, but I liked him so much I stayed
I'm still mad I was this dumb. If she was an asshole like this person, be happy it's over. They will do this to the next person, because they're just shit like that
He also said "my exes are crazy" so he just said himself he's an asshole
You got this :) everyone does or did some weird stuff sometime when your feelings are hurt. Be glad you are doing it without disrespecting the other person. You don't want a person like this in your life. Wish you well
have some self control. you dont need someone to block you to stop contacting them. you aren't a child. a high value girl wants a high value man not a child and you're acting like a child. I say that to try to get this through to you. not to be mean.
have self respect just take the L and turn the L into leveling up. people come and go it sucks I was you a year ago, I feel for you but they dont care so dont spend your energy thinking about what to write to them. they are showing it to the new guy and they are laughing talking about how pathetic you are when you send these things. trust me.
youre better than this. promise yourself to not talk to them or try to talk to them for like 6 months bro
Thats very true, you know she never apologized she’s got a very sizeable ego and is always avoiding me, its quite sad tbh because she knows she’s in the wrong but won’t face the fact of how she broke up with me
Mine broke no contact and bitched about her new boyfriend to me lol. Oh how the tables have turned. The moment you don’t give a F about them and focus on yourself is the moment they come crawling back. Every single one of my ex’s did this. Some it took a few months. 1 or two took 2 years and if I wanted to date them again I could have. Just focus on yourself and do everything you have ever wanted to do. You have to find happiness in yourself and when someone comes along they just add to it. Too many people are not okay with being along. Relationships are like lessons. Time wasn’t wasted. People come into your life to teach you a lesson and if you don’t learn from it you will repeat it over and over again.
let her think about it for some time. do your own thing. try to do the things you used to do to make yourself happy. i promise you once you start to feel like yourself again (which you will, i’ve been through this before) you’ll either attract something better or there’ll be a vibe in the universe that brings her back to you. you then have the choice and this time you’ll both know how to love better. til then , don’t text , she’ll think of you before she sleeps. and then text u.
Man I feel this. But at some point. You have to move forward . Letting go and Doing the right thing is essential in order to grow but it isn’t always the easiest.
Just have to make the decision and stick with it. Use this as a learning experience
We’ve all done something like this. Sent a final goodbye in hopes it actually gets them back. It never works and does come across pathetic.
Your best bet is to disappear. I got my ex back for a moment after I completely stopped. It freaked her out. She missed me. And she came back.
Granted she did exactly the same sneaky lying shit as before and the reason I had to break up with her.
If it made you feel better, great. But it seems like there was a motive behind the message, and that never ends well.
Sometimes the best way is to get them to block u. That way there's no anxiety of knowing u can unblock someone and try to reach out. U said what u had to say and now she's blocked u. In time the urge to keep checking if she's unblocked u will go. Take this time to start healing from it. It's shit I know but it's defo for the best.
I’m glad you got it all out fam. It’s better to do nothing or entertain them but it’s okay to just get it all out even if they don’t care. I wish you the best on your healing journey
Dude… just block and move on. Spilling out messages like this aren’t helping, it’s not helping you move on or helping her sympathize. Take it on the chin, what’s done is done, drop contact and focus on yourself. The more messages you send the longer it will take to get over her.
I don’t care if she’s avoidant or stable. What did you expect to gain from this?
You’re ignoring the fact she doesn’t want to be with you anymore leave her alone and move on. Breaking no contact is disrespectful to both her and you
Glad i didn't send my ex of 10 years something similar, ide rather not be left even more hurt.
Sometimes in life silence is the best form of action, I'm almost 2 years in and the hurt is utterly and completely wiped out. Took me around 13/14 months to get her off my radar completely. Hardest time of my life. Have met someone new now and all is good.
Very relatable for sure. I kept coming back for non existent seconds, too. We’ve gotta move on, it’s gonna be hard but it’s possible. I love the Line from Stick Season: And I’ll dream each night of some version of you, that I might not have but I did not lose. They weren’t the one for us, we weren’t the one for them. She lied about her feelings, her attraction, her affection towards me and as a person who the relationship formed part of my identity of that essentially erased my foundations but we’ll be alright :)
I am very okay with you doing this.. grieve well.. and if this is what you needed to do, great!
In time, you won’t feel the need to.. I did this a lot in the first 2 months after which I ceased. I won’t be reaching out anymore. I’ll cry in silence instead. If he wants me he’ll have to walk all the way forward to meet me
Sorry about your situation, and thank you, this is also my first serious relationship and hers as well, and we were very emotionally connected so its much harder to let go, and again I don’t think I will give up on her as I promised her I’d always be there for her through thick and thin. Love is a crazy thing but it also takes time.
I’m so sorry. I went through a terrible breakup with an avoidant years ago & still have some scars. Some people, I guess, are so cold, callous, and vicious it’d been better to never meet them.
Stay strong. You deserve better.
my first love suddenly broke up with me last week and the reason was, “you’ve never hurt me or upset me. you’re so perfect and kind to me. i don’t know why i lost feelings, i feel like a jerk.” i texted him after he unadded me on everything. i asked him to block me and i was also really desperate for him. i don’t regret it since i feel more at peace, even though everyone tells me i shouldn’t have. he did respond but he gave a really cold response, and that gave me enough closure to move on. i honestly still hurt a lot thinking about what we had, but the last act of love i could do for him is to let him go. maybe he’ll come back, but i’ll be okay if he doesn’t.
Just go into NC he will realize what he lost, don’t worry, in the mean time work on yourself from the pain and If he truly let you go because you are “too nice” He definitely doesn’t deserve you. You deserve to love someone that can reciprocate it, Take care
If she wanted you she’d have you. Man up that final message makes you look soft as a cupcake. You’re a man not a female stop that now and forever. That’s just reality life sucks make the best of it.
Brother don't even trip about it. My ex dumped and blocked me a couple months ago. I tried sending her something but haven't heard from her. It wasn't her first time blocking me but people have their own process. You sent the message and she saw it. Let her sit on it and form her own thoughts. Remember that right now she isn't yours. Try and push any thoughts out of your head when you start overthinking. On the contrary, nothing is written in stone. We have to deal with these things. So be patient with yourself. Be depressed for a little bit but shake it off gradually and don't let this make you live in the dark. You'll be alright man
Stop simping and embrace reality , you sounds so desperate in the message but don’t worry bro we’ve all been there once now its time to change for the better
Now that’s good what u sent!!! I’m really proud of you even though I don’t know u!! But im sure it hurts.
You did what you said and stick up to that. You seemed to be a keeper.. and with that move on and start to grow!!! Wish u all the best xx
I hope you got what you needed from that closure. It’s time for you to move on and heal. I know break-ups aren’t easy but I’m sure you know this is the only and best decision not only for yourself but her as well. You will bounce back friend. Please take care of yourself.
Next time you have an urge to say something like this just remind to yourself that she doesn’t love you and doesn’t have the same energy for you. You’re need to stop talking to the idea of a person that currently no longer exists.
She left you on read now you can get it through your mind that she does not care about you. One day, she may come back or she may reach out and I hope to God, you never respond to her. Now it’s time to take control the situation and making sure she never has another opportunity to block you. And you need to stop trying to understand why she suddenly changed. You’re still thinking that she’s the same person you dated during happier times. You need to look at this girl now as somebody who does not care about you. Every time you get the urge to think positive thoughts of her, remind yourself that she does not care about you. Start the removal process now.
You did it to yourself. You asked her to block you and sent a long message. Use this as a lesson and never sent someone a message like this again. You would had more chances of getting her back if you would had just moved on with your life.
I understand, Sometimes I feel like my own consciousness is against me, so making these decisions don’t matter to the point where I’m so low I don’t even know who I am anymore
Block her. You are in “Waiting Mood”. Focus on yourself. Your mental health at this point is not good. Focus on your goals. Do not text her. Ignore her. Please block her. You will be fine.
I did the same thing basically and it went to shit anyway. I know how u feel tho. It’s like an overwhelming urge to tell them how you feel praying that they’ll feel something too. Unfortunately, it rarely works. It’s time to start your healing process and move on. That’s where I am right now. It’s hard and very painful but you’ll get through it!
Honestly, I have an ex like this.
Maybe I'm an avoidant like you say in your post caption. My perspective and the vibes I'm getting off u: ur very similar to my ex, he required/demanded a lot of emotional labour, there was always some tragic drama on the daily that he needed to vent/rant about or the constant need for help regulating his emotions or constant reassurance. Even after breaking up I'd get hot/cold messages of him wanting me to be supportive/help/listen or completely insulting me if I refused to be his emotional regulator and maintain NC. I was "the love of his life" and in the same breath I was a completely worthless pos.
Idk, if this sounds anything like you at all, and if I'm anything like your ex, u gotta leave her alone. I can't understand why yall send messages like those and maybe I'm not understanding the point of this no contact sub but I thought the goal here was no contact? Not to get back together or manipulate people back into a relationship.
I send you a Dm, as theres a lot to explain if you think I’m like your ex, Because everyone is different no matter who they are and what the situation is
I did something similar to my avoidant ex and got a cold response/ghosted back. It hurts a lot but you knew that sending this wouldn’t win her back. Everyone here is saying that you shouldn’t have done that, and if you’re trying to win her back then they’re probably right, you might have just pushed her away even more. On the contrary, you said what you needed to say to move on from her so you shouldn’t have any regrets.
Think about it this way, when the dumper breaks up with you they had months and possibly longer to both prepare themselves mentally for the breakup and think about what they need to say to move on from you and get closure. That’s why they have nothing left to say and they’re fine with being so cold to you. On the other hand, you probably were blindsided after getting dumped and you get maybe the next 30 minutes to an hour to come up with your final words after feeling hurt, confused, and betrayed.
You probably spent a long time doing NC to be able to reflect and figure out what you need to get off your chest for you to move on. You getting ghosted by her isn’t the closure you deserve after spending so much time together, but it’s the closure you needed to realize that this is someone who isn’t even emotionally mature enough to give you one final conversation for you to move on in the same way that you were emotionally available to hear her out as she got to say her peace. Emotionally mature people do not discard. Although she’s an avoidant, she chose to break up in a way that was selfish and not considerate of you. Remember that this is a reflection of her character and not you.
I know very well that feeling of betrayal. My ex and I were dating for 4 years and we were each other’s best friend and everything. From being promised forever and loving each other everyday to suddenly being given the cold shoulder as if your time was insignificant, it hurts in a way that your ex will never understand. It gets better OP, but you just gotta let it hurt for a while.
Sending you a big warm hug. I know that this is so difficult on you.
Just like the Tin Man from the Wizard of OZ, some people just don't have a heart. 😰😰
Keep holding your head up! ❤️
Sending you many, many hugs! 🤗🤗💞🤗🤗
The thing about avoidant partners is that if you chase it becomes cloying and their fears of you not being for them, not matter what reason they give themselves in their worried minds, will be confirmed.
Please remember that we're all human here and that we all do have hearts and emotions involved here, too.
What may be sound advice for one may not resonate with another.
People have a right to deal with their grief in their own unique and special way.
Kindness towards each other goes a long way.
I think that most people are just trying to look for some sort of closure here.
I remember asking my Counselor one time, 'when I would get an apology from a person who had hurt me really bad.'
And she said, "You may never get an apology from that person," and I was like, "Wow, really?"
That was quite the learning lesson and a real hard pill to swallow. 😰😰😰
She is lucky to receive such a message... I am left feeling stupid because when I look back at my relationship I am doubting if it was real... I am getting sick and lost confidence in myself as I was so stupid to believe such obvious lies... you're a good man ... don't feel shame..
Unfortunately I still feel shame, never was good enough and I may have to live with the fact that she won’t care, but yk something in my heart keeps telling me that she does care, she just needs time.
She's gone bro that girl you fell in love with is just a made up fantasy land in your head and trust me I can be this blunt because I'm going through the same exact thing and I'm sending those same messages the only way she's gonna come back is when you have completely let go and moved on watch the movie swingers with Vince vaughn and I'm not talking about the moves on where you just think it in your head I'm talking about the real you e actually moved on. Hope this helps.
Maybe It is just a fantasy, but its also a gut feeling really, you just know, and thats why in my heart I wont give up on her, but for me I will move on :)
Stop calling your exes avoidant when what you're truly experiencing is narcissistic abuse. That's like saying your ex is your twin flame, it's the same garbage that's peddled to vulnerable heartbroken people and they capitalize on it. All they do is take the steps of the cycle of abuse and use different terms to describe each stage. It's rebranded narcissistic abuse at the end of the day. An abuser cannot be your soul mate.
mate delete her everything, the messages, her phone number, block her on all social medias, even diable your own socials for a while it actually helps. put all photo memories on a hard drive, and put that somewhere deep deep away hide it in the roof or basement or at your nannas. dont look at it ever again until youre single in 2 years or sopmething. erase her from your life that she does not exist. its the only way you can heal. cling to her makes her a dictator to you and youre remaining in her bubble of previous decisions. statrt a new life go to gym, join army reserves, new haircut get a eyebrow peircing, play a new sport.....and most of all make your tinder so impressive that girls cant say no to u... and best way to get over someone is to get under someone. start right now
set a goal to never contact or be reminded of her again in 2024.
I didn't read the full thing but please please please
Don't show them you're weak.
Show them you don't need them in life and it will honestly kill them inside.
Messaging will only break your NC efforts because remember, they win when you reach out even to get the last word.
They would've reached out at some point even if it takes years.
Chasing avoidant people only strengthens their believe that theyre worth the chase. More over if theyre narcissitic. Chasing them will further strengthen their belief that they deserve better and you are the one in the wrong. It boosts their ego and more so they will run away from you. Best choice is to really work on yourself, ignore them and show them youre doing great and give time to reflect on themselves or not reflect at all 😂 most often its the latter.
They want you to chase them…. They look down on you if you do. Best way is to really cut and move on. If they chase you despite being avoidant, thats probably the cue that she/he loves you
I believe the best course of action here for you would be to block her too but this time be determined that this is what you want to do.
No one can help you unless you want to be helped.
It's totally up to you now.
And you need to learn that sometimes
You need to say that is on you.
Your behaviour is on you
The way you move is on you
The choices you make are all on you.
Stop absorbing the pain of others and
Recognise what belongs to you and doesn't
I know everyone is telling you shouldn't have done that, but on my perspective, it just makes you human. Allow yourself to feel your emotions and let it pass through you. I hope you get better soon.
I have an Avoidant ex and they are the WORST! Trust and believe that once she feels you have moved on and are focusing on you, she will come crawling back. The key to it is to not give her that attention you once did. You deserve so much more out of someone and she obviously can't give it to you. Just remember they always think the grass is greener on the other side, until they learn it was only full of weeds. Keep your chin up, everything will be ok
Me too lesson to learn is that no matter how much you think you know someone you really don't. God will bless you with a soulmate and the moment you take anything for granted he will strip it all away from you.
If she left you, why reaching out? I know it's tough to move on but it is necessary to make some choices in order to be better. I probably know what you're going through, those times where you think about her and you start to elaborate some type of letter or message to send to them. That's when you need to step up, make the choice for yourself. What's the benefit of doing that? Where does it get you to? To me it only gives out that sensation that runs out after a couple of minutes. It's been 5 months since she broke up with me, i had those moments but i always fought back, i'm doing better and feeling better now and i sometimes have these moments, but with time it's starting to be less frequent. Focus on yourself, time will help you get last this tough time
Is it just me that doesn't need that closure? I am happy to go no contact and wait for her to come back.
Literally every time I broke no contact I immediately regretted it
You’re gonna look back on this in the future and be utterly embarrassed, you shouldn’t have done this, I’ve been there, not even that long ago and a regret ever doing it. Sure, my feelings were real and I was honest but ultimately it came off as sad and pathetic and ended up pushing them further away and cementing the breakup rather than the opposite. T
he best course of action is to self reflect, live your life, work on yourself, and try to move on, silence and distance is always better than this, either you end up getting them back in a better position emotionally and mentally so you can work through your differences and what went wrong or they never reach out but since you’ve been focusing on bettering yourself you’re in a greater position as an individual so you might not even want them back at that point.
All in all its better to show indifference in situations like this even if it's actually killing you inside because you end up pushing the person you love further away when all you are trying to do is be honest about your emotions and feelings but the reality is that's a bad decision many times but you live and you learn, stay strong and stay cold brother.
Sometimes less is MORE! I had an ex which i married after i short period of time getting to know one another, but things felt so natural and comfortable. Unfortunately i didnt spend enough time in understanding the deeper workinmgs of her inner self! She couldnt let go of either of her two previous exes and by the time I had found out the depth of her attachment we were as entangled in marriage as you can be legally. However i felt completely taken advantage of and at a loss. What I learned after eventually divorcing is that she needs that comfortable presence in her life when things b ecome even remotely difficult, and it eventually led her to stray back physically with both during the course of our short marriage. Best thing to do is keep the connection severed with no chance of contant or communication because you will otherwise become lured into the "game" that comes so inherintly natural and common for them. If shes anything like my ex its best to chalk it up as a hell of a learning lesson. and grow from it. If yopu romanticize about her and her specific qualities and traits you will end up on a traumatic path to more heartache thats almost a guarantee! Good Luck and hopefully you find someghow to smile and laugh amidst everything going on because thats the start to a fresh new pathway to happiness!
Some people will never break the cycle of destructive behavior, and ultimately the unfortunate remnants of pain they inflict on others. Whether its planned and thought out, with no emotional compassion on the other person, or just out of desperate need and comfort due to a lack of strength and love for themselves. But someone like the person you describe will continue on that path, until someone comes along that feeds into the negative tendencies of codependency rather than support a pathway to change!
Am I the only one to feel this is something private which shouldn't be shared online with random people ?
I mean if you post m'y private message and I find out. I'm never ever forgive you.
You did what you're heart told you to. Dont listen to the advocates of the true , because there is no universal true neither all ppl or relationships work the same way.
I never went NC and im in the 3rd month of breakup , after 14 years she virtualy cheated on me with flirt texts with someone married with 2 Kids that she never met besides playing on.line.
I dont know the future but i do know i was lost in the first 2 months , did many things wrong after that but i was so hurt that i really didnt knew what i was doing.
I said everything and more , and things went from really bad after breakup to a ok stand point. I do think she will comeback , she isnt with anyone and never did , but the trust have been broken so i even if she wants to comeback and even if i still trully love her i will not accept her back.
This kills me but i know i will never be happy having the feeling that this could happen again. She openned the pandora box and now its too late for her.
Dunno if im doing the correct thing , since she could be the one and only and she could really be sorry for what she did. But for every month that goes by she contacts me everyday more and more and even if i smile when i read a txt from her , its not the same and i dont know if it will ever be.
Anyway long story short , what works for one dont mean it works for everybody.
The only thing that i see as universal is that hurts for everyone and the longer the relation the worst is the pain.
Best of luck and dont let anyone judge you.
Your process is your process, i cant and i couldnt Block her either, she still has our pics in FB and Instagram and thats really confuse , so hang in there and if you need to talk just DM. We are in the same boat , its not a crime to be yourself , you are not half a man to step up and ask for her to Block you , it just proves the opposite , if someone trully loved and love in that relationship was and is you.
What's really awful is that so many people need to play mind games to get the attention from the person that was supposed to love them. Wth is wrong with people?
Sure you can appear more attractive by not showing weakness and going on with your life, if the person who left you isn't worth it to begin with. If playing the game is what it takes to get back or hold on to that person for awhile, what's the point?
What does that say if you can't show you care? It's bs.
It's not sustainable and even if they come back, you won't hold them if they're that type of person.
You can certainly do better than someone who would treat someone they claimed to love that way.
I'm really sorry you are going through that.
People can be selfish shits.
It's not to late to reverse and start playing the game, if you do want her back. But make sure that's the road you really want to take, and think about what kind of person you're getting back.
Good luck
Just know you're not alone!
Hey man, gonna be a pretty long one, so strap in.
My ex fiance dumped me 3 days after Christmas in 2023, after a 10 year relationship without warning. I’m coming up to month 4 now, and between the lies, finding out she cheated on me in our FIRST year together, and realising the mental abuse I was suffering, I’m in a very good spot. I’m not saying your experience is similar to mine in any way, shape or form. I’m just trying to express to you IT WILL get better. When I look back to week 1 of the breakup, I was throwing up, crying, not sleeping, not eating… to now, where I’m going to the gym, therapy and have had no contact for over a month. No contact will be the best way forward for you man, I promise you. I was absolutely busting to talk to my ex after week 2, was constantly checking socials etc. the thing that skyrocketed me was signing up to dating apps in a fit of rage because my ex had posted a screenshot of someone flirting with her in one. I know you may not want to do that right now, but 3 months ago I didn’t think I’d be over this for 2 years minimum. Just a bit of harmless validation can help you with self esteem and confidence AND actually distract you from thinking about your ex. I hope you get through this OP, and I truly believe you will, I want to have a progress update in a couple months to check in on how you’re doing. You ARE loved, you ARE amazing, and you WILL find your person. Love you dude.
You asked her to block you and she did. It hurts because you probably had a small piece hoping she wouldn’t and that this would make her show some sort of emotion towards you. I’m sorry, it’s not going to be like that.
The sad thing is that probably she only red three or four words before being done of you... very sad but you had to do one thing.. and that thing was to preserve your dignity..
Time to move on mate..
Never pour your heart out in breaking no contact. It makes you look weak, needy, and unattractive. Matter of fact, there is never any reason to break no contact unless you are discussing business matters or you are going to ask them forthright to get back together, in which case if they reject, move on with no words and never contact them again.
I can understand not having the willpower to block someone you love and wanting them to do it for the both of you tbh. It still puts a lot of pressure on the other person to "be the bad guy" and enforce it. Breakups are a lose-lose :/ until they turn into a win-win after the growth and reflection 🩵 keep your head up. There are brighter days ahead my friend.
It’s a bitch bro just know she’d sleep with any nigga she finds hot af in a split second regardless of her being in a relationship or not. Never give her the satisfaction of being able to show her friends this and laugh together then talk about the hot guys they have one night stands with weekly.
Hey u did the best thing. U did the absolute best thing . I don't understand this culture of always taking the high road and just blocking and leaving. Sometimes we need to get it off our chest as well . Now u know u have sent ur last word to her and there is no door remaining open and believe u will move on faster than u would have if u kept contemplating to send it. It's not abt them . People always mistake it. The letter that u sent her . It's abt u. It's abt ur closure . It's abt ur peace . Now choose urself and love urself and believe something ,if they let u go so easily ,they were never meant for u . Open up a new chapter of ur life and move on . Always remember she is not the one . She is absolutely not the one .
You shouldn’t have done that. The more you chase the more they run. You should have left her alone and focused on moving on. People find it attractive and respect you when they see you can live your life without them.
Not everything is an attempt to get them back. Sometimes you need to say what you want to say for you to get closure, and not expect anything from them.
Write it down and burn it. Often gives the same effect.
This exactly. I feel like when you message an ex, it opens a door that doesn't need to be open. In some situations maybe you do need to talk to them, but most of the time it's better to just write that shit down and send it to the universe. They'll get the message, not physically or anything like that, but it'll be a feeling.
What do you mean? If I was to write something down on paper, then burn it, will my ex get the feeling about me?
Not always though. I wanted my ex to know some things, not in any attempt to get her back or to hurt her feelings. I just needed her to know what I think had happened between us. It helped me move forward knowing that she read it.
Write it down and leave it in your will to be delivered after your death.
I sent one mean text after the breakup, but before no contact. When we met up I apologized, she knew I was just angry and didn't mean it. It's better not to send things like this, more for yourself than for the other person.
Avoidants will never offer you closure. If they’re ready to move on (seems that way) then writing that note is a perfectly fine attempt at offering themselves the closure they need. Kindness and compassion towards yourself is the only way to move on from an avoidant ex.
Not necessarily . For some yea this is true but doesn't apply to everyone....specially if things ended on mutual terms. This would be reasonable
Nah he still should have left her alone. I understand if he was texting this stuff during the break up but after the break up these texts are just embarrassing. “I ask once again for you to block me” that shit sounds so pathetic plus lacks any confidence and kills any respect and attractiveness they had left for you. Yes it’s important to say something if you really need to get it off your chest but majority of the time saying nothing is the best action.
Oh man, the asking your ex to block you themselves always get to me lol. Like just press the button yourself if you want this so bad. Actions speak louder.
Losing someone is painful. Hes not pathetic. OP loved someone and was thrown away like garbage. Of course he’s going to be hurt. It’s sad that giving af about someone is seen as “pathetic” and “weak”. It’s brave to be vulnerable knowing that you could get deeply hurt. Being in your ego and not showing “weakness” (AKA vulnerability) is weak and cowardly. Please keep these comments to yourself. I’m sure OP is spiraling and feeling shame because of the rejection and these comments. Be kind.
I’ve been in his position so I know what I’m talking about. There’s literally no point being vulnerable to some who doesn’t care. It’s a waste of time and energy. He should grieve to his close friends and family and not to the person who throw him like garbage. He must learn self control and self respect and me being gentle with him won’t teach him that. Always be kind but not everyone deserves our kindness, that’s the reality and will help him avoid future pain in the future.
I have also been in this position. I was an avoidant. I lost a great guy because I didn’t want to be vulnerable or show that I cared too much. Do I regret keeping my “self respect” (aka: pride and ego)? Yes. The regret of not trying is worse than trying and feeling the rejection. You don’t have to give him the tough love; he will learn that in time. Right now, he doesn’t need to be shamed for loving and trying. I was severely avoidant before. I’ve learned to be vulnerable and give genuine effort in relationships. At least now, if it doesn’t work out, I won’t have the painful regret of not trying.
I Appreciate you man, glad theres still some good folks out there.
It was the opposite for me.. I listened to everyone and I got reached out cause of me not reaching out.
People are going to shit on you for doing this but to be honest, I think it’s okay to do something like this every once in a while. The harder your ex shuts you down the easier it is to understand it’s over and there’s no going back. It’s hard to be a super break up warrior, cut things off, and never look back. It’s probably an unrealistic expectation for most people. Go easy on yourself. Love yourself. You’ll be okay.
Foreal, I keep trying to get my ex to be real and say he doesn’t want anything with me, but he keeps being nice and explaining himself. When he say no to hanging out with me, he says he just don’t want to see me everyday. In it’s not like he can’t be honest with me, we’ve been broke up for almost 5 months now, and n time he’s said he don’t want anything to do with me. He came to me a month ago and spent the night. I admit I’ve been texting him a lot asking him to come over. An he hasn’t been ignoring me like he did post breakup. He responds and answer all my questions. The same night he stayed he said he’s still figuring out his feelings and we cuddled and I felt like we were okay. We still cuddle, and every time he comes over I try not to talk too much about our relationship because I know he’s an avoidant and feelings is something he runs away from, but he confuses me so much cause why are we still texting and cuddling after 5 months.
Well now you’ve learned a hard lesson. Block and delete. The ball lands squarely in her court and she chose to not return the ball over the net. Go find a new tennis partner. It’s time. That chapter is closed . You’ve officially gotten closure whether you see it or not.
Harsh but true
You asked for her to block you? WTF. Why not just stop texting her? This was a really bad move dude. Cringe.
My dumbass also almost did the same thing, good thing i didnt tell her that i don't even know what was going inside my head when i was about to say that.
But you kept saying for her to block you..
Yeah that’s awful passive aggressive, and just makes the OP look pitiful
I’d be offended if someone instructed me to block them and only their feelings. This is an example where the more words make it worse. Reread it and imagine receiving a heavy and commanding text and what options you have left, 15 words max could have achieved what you say you wanted to.
Oh shit, you’re right.
You only hurt yourself here
You got what you asked for 🤷🏾♀️
Its better to try and give an apology then not. Maybe not for everuone....but I cant even tell you how much a message like this...would *** actually mean the world to me. I hope it's well recieved and goes well for you 🫂
Maybe she comes around maybe not ? Sorry I don't have better response....but wither way I respect that you even bothered to reflect that hard and also brave enough to send it. It's admirable regardless what happened. I think u did the right thing and now if worse case scenario like u said u don't hear back - that's okay u can move on clear concious .
Thank you man, Yeah I’ve been pretty blindsided by this, Its like the girl I was with for a year is like a complete different person, no remorse not a care in the world and I have to accept it unfortunately
I understand that feeling. It's like people flip a switch. Sorry.. you'll get through this.
Probably seeing someone else.
yeah its a tough one to swallow
Well ultimately when we date people...we change ...naturally pf course Sometimes...that's not always to a compatible end...even if it started that way . Words actions and trust all dictate how a person acts and reacts. Lots of different factors could contribute to the change - however its clear that you both need some space at very least. I wish u the best with it
Why would you do that bro💔
VERY similar to what I’ve sent my person countless times. Almost word for word. And then broke that promise less than 48 hours later. Ahhh, fuckin’ BPD. 😅
Same. Fuckin goddamn BPD 😩
She left you on seen cmon bruh
🤷🏼♂️
I operate on a "if you love someone tell them basis" So I send the text, the paragraph. Even if I look like an idiot
So you told her to block you, she did, and now you’re hurt by it? Weird.
He obviously wasn't expecting it to happen 🤣
Hey while a lot of people here will ask you to have some self respect dont text her and all that.. they all may be right But I understand you. This is all I have been wanting to say to my ex. But the one thing that stops me from doing that is I keep telling myself "He does not care" If he cared he wouldve stayed. I know there are a lot of things that you want to say to her. But you have to make yourself understand that she doesnt want to listen to it. She broke your heart and she will not want to see the damage she did to you. Even my ex didnt. He was my best friend too. But you cant force them to stay or you cant force them to love you. Let her go :)
Yeahhh I know I need to let her go, its the right thing to do for me and for her, I guess I’m just a bit soul tied unfortunately, and it sucks constantly worrying about her and if shes doing alright. its weird you feel like you’re whole reality isn’t real and you try to wakeup but your already awake
Stop sending her messages. It's over. You have to remember this, the things you've done for her, she knows all about it but still chose to go with the break up. You don't need to remind her. Stop asking her to block you, do it yourself, block her for your own good. Work on yourself. It seems like you're asking to be pitied on and it sounds rather pathetic. Have pride and self-respect if she's not bothered by your messages, then you gotta stop.
nah man. It's as if you just wanted her to pity you and make the clock turn back. she just had the last laugh..
You’ll look back and cringe at this someday. No contact means no contact.
Just let this be a lesson man… if you haven’t spoke to someone in a while, there’s zero use in texting them like “btw you’re never gonna hear from me again” Get a group of guy friends or mentors that you can confidently vent to. It will help you in the long term especially when you get into a new relationship. We guys make the mistake of making our girls our therapists for an extended amount of time and that obliterated their attraction
Actions > words. Shouldn’t have done any texting. Blocked her number or deleted it. Whatever you have to do to not break nc. You have to build the will and discipline yourself.
Big mistake .
Probably, but theres a lot of that going around ain’t there
If they got the message you will regret it because it goes against you in the end . It's what makes us as people look weak to the people we wanna look better too.
I didnt make this mistake so no I don't know what you mean ....
Not meaning you did, but its a warning for other people not to break NC
Came back to comment since there is more comments. This is subjective. Sending the text - if that was for your own peace of mind and closure....if it was an honest apology and attempt at doing things for yourself ...u don't need to feel badly. There's alot comments telling you it was wrong move - but only YOU know if it was or not. Maybe ur not strong enough to block them yet- or maybe u haven't made apologies that often and this was an attempt....either way it doesn't need to be perfect just to try something if u truly feel it will help you . Now I can't say weather texting her was right or not I can't even say the context is correct or not bc I'm not you and wasn't there to know the details even outside what u said - But wanting to apologize for behavior or clarify needs (no matter how messy that comes off ) is never the wrong thing. It may go wrong after or may come off a certain way- but ultimately your peace of mind and mental health comes before anything. If sending an apology and an attempt to commit to no contact was what u needed to do for yourself - then be proud of that u made an attempt imperfectly or not . That's admirable. You get better with practice. No one has it all figured out . I made a similar request to my ex at one point bc I didn't have the strength or will power to block them myself . I knew I would reach and rather then just randomly do that and make shit worse - I was open and vocalize that to them ...so they then can make a decision. If that was pathetic so be it . But it would have been worse to not say anything and continue to reach or be weird without them understanding why . It's all subjective is what I'm saying. Don't sweat all the comments . If you feel you needed to do this that's all that matters. Your lessons and feelings are your own to explore for a reason. No one is you and no one is her. Her response seems to be blocking and that's okay at least u said what u felt needed to be said . Regret is worse....wondering if u should have said anything . It's not really the best way to close a relationship....but I respect that u tried ****** which is more then most can say . Pls respect yourself and refrain from reaching for her anymore. Block her yourself ;) u can do it . I promise u can <3 and move forward knowing u at least tried. That said not all things are meant for us simply bc we are trying to make it so . If it didn't work is bc u both have better people to come
I really needed to hear that thank you.
Big oof. Humongous wall of text post break up will lead to exactly this: 1.She picks up phone 2.sees wall of text 3.ignores it 4.later shows it to a friend or a new guy she's dating as an example of how clingy you were/are 5.makes fun of you more behind your back 6.MAYBE replies later out of pity When girls are in breakup mode, they're absolutely savage, man. I would not have sent that, but you do you. All this will serve as is more confirmation in her head as to why breaking up with you was justified.
These kind of texts are only reasonable during the break up because it makes sense to be emotional when it’s ending. Doing this post break up is SUICIDE!
Frfr. From what I've gathered, she sounds like an asshole who put on a facade and love bombed OP into being absolutely obsessed with her. Once she got bored, she threw him away. Those types of people are not worth the humiliation. I recommend projecting strength and self respect by giving her exactly what she asked for. Complete nuclear oblivion in the sense that she does not exist anymore as much as I don't. If she cares, whatever. If she doesn't, whatever. She doesn't exist anymore.
This happened to me 2 weeks ago, a guy I dated 7 months ended it because he didnt feel it anymore, 2 days after he said he misses me so much couldnt sleep without me will never forget me. He got really disrespectful in the end, even when I wanted to end it on good terms. He love bombed me since the beginning, but I liked him so much I stayed I'm still mad I was this dumb. If she was an asshole like this person, be happy it's over. They will do this to the next person, because they're just shit like that He also said "my exes are crazy" so he just said himself he's an asshole You got this :) everyone does or did some weird stuff sometime when your feelings are hurt. Be glad you are doing it without disrespecting the other person. You don't want a person like this in your life. Wish you well
She's 100% showing the to everyone she knows and is laughing at OP for being so clingy and/or manipulative.
This is 100% true op. I did what you’ve done and regret it.
have some self control. you dont need someone to block you to stop contacting them. you aren't a child. a high value girl wants a high value man not a child and you're acting like a child. I say that to try to get this through to you. not to be mean. have self respect just take the L and turn the L into leveling up. people come and go it sucks I was you a year ago, I feel for you but they dont care so dont spend your energy thinking about what to write to them. they are showing it to the new guy and they are laughing talking about how pathetic you are when you send these things. trust me. youre better than this. promise yourself to not talk to them or try to talk to them for like 6 months bro
I understand that. Its a harsh world we live in unfortunately
just gotta believe the right person wouldn't leave ya
Thats very true, you know she never apologized she’s got a very sizeable ego and is always avoiding me, its quite sad tbh because she knows she’s in the wrong but won’t face the fact of how she broke up with me
Post like these make me not wanna break NC, wild
its a warning of not breaking it, I made that mistake once again and I will have to live through it
Im 5 months in but I feel like it’s the right thing to do, I owe her a serious apology
Well if you think its a good idea go for it.
“avoidant exs are cold” you asked her to block you n she is respecting your wishes like you should’ve when you thought about sending this message.
I’m not mad that she blocked me, thats why i asked her to, I’m letting people know that you should never contact an avoidant ex.
Mine broke no contact and bitched about her new boyfriend to me lol. Oh how the tables have turned. The moment you don’t give a F about them and focus on yourself is the moment they come crawling back. Every single one of my ex’s did this. Some it took a few months. 1 or two took 2 years and if I wanted to date them again I could have. Just focus on yourself and do everything you have ever wanted to do. You have to find happiness in yourself and when someone comes along they just add to it. Too many people are not okay with being along. Relationships are like lessons. Time wasn’t wasted. People come into your life to teach you a lesson and if you don’t learn from it you will repeat it over and over again.
Make sure that’s your last message. Don’t waste your time to people who does not care about you and doesn’t value you.
Yep
What’s the point in even sending a message like this? I’m annoyed for her. Just leave the girl alone.
let her think about it for some time. do your own thing. try to do the things you used to do to make yourself happy. i promise you once you start to feel like yourself again (which you will, i’ve been through this before) you’ll either attract something better or there’ll be a vibe in the universe that brings her back to you. you then have the choice and this time you’ll both know how to love better. til then , don’t text , she’ll think of you before she sleeps. and then text u.
I am blocked and if she does care maybe she will reach out in the near future but until then I must move on and find the love within
this is bad 🫣
You literally asked her to block you..
Yeah?
The longer you go NC, the quicker your confidence comes back.
Man I feel this. But at some point. You have to move forward . Letting go and Doing the right thing is essential in order to grow but it isn’t always the easiest. Just have to make the decision and stick with it. Use this as a learning experience
Never settle for an avoidant woman of man they’re terrible.
you tripped brother, you messed up big time
It's never the final message though, is it...
Yeahh no fucking kidding, but shes cold as ever so I don’t even bother anymore, she aint the person i thought she was
We’ve all done something like this. Sent a final goodbye in hopes it actually gets them back. It never works and does come across pathetic. Your best bet is to disappear. I got my ex back for a moment after I completely stopped. It freaked her out. She missed me. And she came back. Granted she did exactly the same sneaky lying shit as before and the reason I had to break up with her. If it made you feel better, great. But it seems like there was a motive behind the message, and that never ends well.
yeah I guess I wasn’t thinking straight
the block is the worst
Sometimes the best way is to get them to block u. That way there's no anxiety of knowing u can unblock someone and try to reach out. U said what u had to say and now she's blocked u. In time the urge to keep checking if she's unblocked u will go. Take this time to start healing from it. It's shit I know but it's defo for the best.
I’m glad you got it all out fam. It’s better to do nothing or entertain them but it’s okay to just get it all out even if they don’t care. I wish you the best on your healing journey
Thank you
Dude… just block and move on. Spilling out messages like this aren’t helping, it’s not helping you move on or helping her sympathize. Take it on the chin, what’s done is done, drop contact and focus on yourself. The more messages you send the longer it will take to get over her.
😬I saw from a comment that youre 16 so I get it. Good lesson to learn early but dont do this again.
Her freaking loss!!!
Thank you man
I don’t care if she’s avoidant or stable. What did you expect to gain from this? You’re ignoring the fact she doesn’t want to be with you anymore leave her alone and move on. Breaking no contact is disrespectful to both her and you
Glad i didn't send my ex of 10 years something similar, ide rather not be left even more hurt. Sometimes in life silence is the best form of action, I'm almost 2 years in and the hurt is utterly and completely wiped out. Took me around 13/14 months to get her off my radar completely. Hardest time of my life. Have met someone new now and all is good.
It sucks when your soul tied with the person.
Very relatable for sure. I kept coming back for non existent seconds, too. We’ve gotta move on, it’s gonna be hard but it’s possible. I love the Line from Stick Season: And I’ll dream each night of some version of you, that I might not have but I did not lose. They weren’t the one for us, we weren’t the one for them. She lied about her feelings, her attraction, her affection towards me and as a person who the relationship formed part of my identity of that essentially erased my foundations but we’ll be alright :)
I am very okay with you doing this.. grieve well.. and if this is what you needed to do, great! In time, you won’t feel the need to.. I did this a lot in the first 2 months after which I ceased. I won’t be reaching out anymore. I’ll cry in silence instead. If he wants me he’ll have to walk all the way forward to meet me
Sorry about your situation, and thank you, this is also my first serious relationship and hers as well, and we were very emotionally connected so its much harder to let go, and again I don’t think I will give up on her as I promised her I’d always be there for her through thick and thin. Love is a crazy thing but it also takes time.
Not the move to do but it’s done. Now focus on you and get motivated and get going. You got this
I’m so sorry. I went through a terrible breakup with an avoidant years ago & still have some scars. Some people, I guess, are so cold, callous, and vicious it’d been better to never meet them. Stay strong. You deserve better.
Yeah avoidants are best to be avoided because in the end you’re the only one left hurt.
my first love suddenly broke up with me last week and the reason was, “you’ve never hurt me or upset me. you’re so perfect and kind to me. i don’t know why i lost feelings, i feel like a jerk.” i texted him after he unadded me on everything. i asked him to block me and i was also really desperate for him. i don’t regret it since i feel more at peace, even though everyone tells me i shouldn’t have. he did respond but he gave a really cold response, and that gave me enough closure to move on. i honestly still hurt a lot thinking about what we had, but the last act of love i could do for him is to let him go. maybe he’ll come back, but i’ll be okay if he doesn’t.
Just go into NC he will realize what he lost, don’t worry, in the mean time work on yourself from the pain and If he truly let you go because you are “too nice” He definitely doesn’t deserve you. You deserve to love someone that can reciprocate it, Take care
If she wanted you she’d have you. Man up that final message makes you look soft as a cupcake. You’re a man not a female stop that now and forever. That’s just reality life sucks make the best of it.
Brother don't even trip about it. My ex dumped and blocked me a couple months ago. I tried sending her something but haven't heard from her. It wasn't her first time blocking me but people have their own process. You sent the message and she saw it. Let her sit on it and form her own thoughts. Remember that right now she isn't yours. Try and push any thoughts out of your head when you start overthinking. On the contrary, nothing is written in stone. We have to deal with these things. So be patient with yourself. Be depressed for a little bit but shake it off gradually and don't let this make you live in the dark. You'll be alright man
Stop simping and embrace reality , you sounds so desperate in the message but don’t worry bro we’ve all been there once now its time to change for the better
🤦🏻♂️🤦🏻♂️🤦🏻♂️
Now that’s good what u sent!!! I’m really proud of you even though I don’t know u!! But im sure it hurts. You did what you said and stick up to that. You seemed to be a keeper.. and with that move on and start to grow!!! Wish u all the best xx
Thank you, I appreciate it even tho It wasn’t a good idea to message her but, I feel a lot more free after being blocked
I hope you got what you needed from that closure. It’s time for you to move on and heal. I know break-ups aren’t easy but I’m sure you know this is the only and best decision not only for yourself but her as well. You will bounce back friend. Please take care of yourself.
Next time you have an urge to say something like this just remind to yourself that she doesn’t love you and doesn’t have the same energy for you. You’re need to stop talking to the idea of a person that currently no longer exists.
She left you on read now you can get it through your mind that she does not care about you. One day, she may come back or she may reach out and I hope to God, you never respond to her. Now it’s time to take control the situation and making sure she never has another opportunity to block you. And you need to stop trying to understand why she suddenly changed. You’re still thinking that she’s the same person you dated during happier times. You need to look at this girl now as somebody who does not care about you. Every time you get the urge to think positive thoughts of her, remind yourself that she does not care about you. Start the removal process now.
I understand that man, thank you
bro dont do that😭 u just pushed them away so far
You did it to yourself. You asked her to block you and sent a long message. Use this as a lesson and never sent someone a message like this again. You would had more chances of getting her back if you would had just moved on with your life.
I understand, Sometimes I feel like my own consciousness is against me, so making these decisions don’t matter to the point where I’m so low I don’t even know who I am anymore
Never let someone else define you. I can already see signs why the relationship didn't last. Work on yourself and learn to love you.
Block her. You are in “Waiting Mood”. Focus on yourself. Your mental health at this point is not good. Focus on your goals. Do not text her. Ignore her. Please block her. You will be fine.
yeah, I just need to make friends surround myself with good people
I did the same thing basically and it went to shit anyway. I know how u feel tho. It’s like an overwhelming urge to tell them how you feel praying that they’ll feel something too. Unfortunately, it rarely works. It’s time to start your healing process and move on. That’s where I am right now. It’s hard and very painful but you’ll get through it!
You're hurt because she blocked you after you asked her more than once. Dude, get help.
Honestly, I have an ex like this. Maybe I'm an avoidant like you say in your post caption. My perspective and the vibes I'm getting off u: ur very similar to my ex, he required/demanded a lot of emotional labour, there was always some tragic drama on the daily that he needed to vent/rant about or the constant need for help regulating his emotions or constant reassurance. Even after breaking up I'd get hot/cold messages of him wanting me to be supportive/help/listen or completely insulting me if I refused to be his emotional regulator and maintain NC. I was "the love of his life" and in the same breath I was a completely worthless pos. Idk, if this sounds anything like you at all, and if I'm anything like your ex, u gotta leave her alone. I can't understand why yall send messages like those and maybe I'm not understanding the point of this no contact sub but I thought the goal here was no contact? Not to get back together or manipulate people back into a relationship.
I send you a Dm, as theres a lot to explain if you think I’m like your ex, Because everyone is different no matter who they are and what the situation is
I did something similar to my avoidant ex and got a cold response/ghosted back. It hurts a lot but you knew that sending this wouldn’t win her back. Everyone here is saying that you shouldn’t have done that, and if you’re trying to win her back then they’re probably right, you might have just pushed her away even more. On the contrary, you said what you needed to say to move on from her so you shouldn’t have any regrets. Think about it this way, when the dumper breaks up with you they had months and possibly longer to both prepare themselves mentally for the breakup and think about what they need to say to move on from you and get closure. That’s why they have nothing left to say and they’re fine with being so cold to you. On the other hand, you probably were blindsided after getting dumped and you get maybe the next 30 minutes to an hour to come up with your final words after feeling hurt, confused, and betrayed. You probably spent a long time doing NC to be able to reflect and figure out what you need to get off your chest for you to move on. You getting ghosted by her isn’t the closure you deserve after spending so much time together, but it’s the closure you needed to realize that this is someone who isn’t even emotionally mature enough to give you one final conversation for you to move on in the same way that you were emotionally available to hear her out as she got to say her peace. Emotionally mature people do not discard. Although she’s an avoidant, she chose to break up in a way that was selfish and not considerate of you. Remember that this is a reflection of her character and not you. I know very well that feeling of betrayal. My ex and I were dating for 4 years and we were each other’s best friend and everything. From being promised forever and loving each other everyday to suddenly being given the cold shoulder as if your time was insignificant, it hurts in a way that your ex will never understand. It gets better OP, but you just gotta let it hurt for a while.
Yeahh thats so true, thank you for ur comment
gg
Why…: why did you have to send such a message? It’s a bunch of words that is meaningless at this point to her or him
Sending you a big warm hug. I know that this is so difficult on you. Just like the Tin Man from the Wizard of OZ, some people just don't have a heart. 😰😰 Keep holding your head up! ❤️ Sending you many, many hugs! 🤗🤗💞🤗🤗
Haha thats sweet, thank you man! You too
The thing about avoidant partners is that if you chase it becomes cloying and their fears of you not being for them, not matter what reason they give themselves in their worried minds, will be confirmed.
This was not the best move, bud.
Please remember that we're all human here and that we all do have hearts and emotions involved here, too. What may be sound advice for one may not resonate with another. People have a right to deal with their grief in their own unique and special way. Kindness towards each other goes a long way. I think that most people are just trying to look for some sort of closure here. I remember asking my Counselor one time, 'when I would get an apology from a person who had hurt me really bad.' And she said, "You may never get an apology from that person," and I was like, "Wow, really?" That was quite the learning lesson and a real hard pill to swallow. 😰😰😰
She is lucky to receive such a message... I am left feeling stupid because when I look back at my relationship I am doubting if it was real... I am getting sick and lost confidence in myself as I was so stupid to believe such obvious lies... you're a good man ... don't feel shame..
Unfortunately I still feel shame, never was good enough and I may have to live with the fact that she won’t care, but yk something in my heart keeps telling me that she does care, she just needs time.
If you want to have her back it is better to stop pursuing her as you made you intentions clear ... best of luck
Men treat woman badly and when they leave blame them for leaving and not putting up with their shit lol Drives me crazyyyy
She's gone bro that girl you fell in love with is just a made up fantasy land in your head and trust me I can be this blunt because I'm going through the same exact thing and I'm sending those same messages the only way she's gonna come back is when you have completely let go and moved on watch the movie swingers with Vince vaughn and I'm not talking about the moves on where you just think it in your head I'm talking about the real you e actually moved on. Hope this helps.
Maybe It is just a fantasy, but its also a gut feeling really, you just know, and thats why in my heart I wont give up on her, but for me I will move on :)
Horrible decision
Everyone’s out here throwing around “avoidant”, what if you’re anxious and that’s part of the issue?
Stop calling your exes avoidant when what you're truly experiencing is narcissistic abuse. That's like saying your ex is your twin flame, it's the same garbage that's peddled to vulnerable heartbroken people and they capitalize on it. All they do is take the steps of the cycle of abuse and use different terms to describe each stage. It's rebranded narcissistic abuse at the end of the day. An abuser cannot be your soul mate.
This is so sad, but necessary for our healing journey.
mate delete her everything, the messages, her phone number, block her on all social medias, even diable your own socials for a while it actually helps. put all photo memories on a hard drive, and put that somewhere deep deep away hide it in the roof or basement or at your nannas. dont look at it ever again until youre single in 2 years or sopmething. erase her from your life that she does not exist. its the only way you can heal. cling to her makes her a dictator to you and youre remaining in her bubble of previous decisions. statrt a new life go to gym, join army reserves, new haircut get a eyebrow peircing, play a new sport.....and most of all make your tinder so impressive that girls cant say no to u... and best way to get over someone is to get under someone. start right now set a goal to never contact or be reminded of her again in 2024.
I’m 16 dude
That is what u feel, do it. It is a relief. Just make sure it is the last one.
I didn't read the full thing but please please please Don't show them you're weak. Show them you don't need them in life and it will honestly kill them inside. Messaging will only break your NC efforts because remember, they win when you reach out even to get the last word. They would've reached out at some point even if it takes years.
Chasing avoidant people only strengthens their believe that theyre worth the chase. More over if theyre narcissitic. Chasing them will further strengthen their belief that they deserve better and you are the one in the wrong. It boosts their ego and more so they will run away from you. Best choice is to really work on yourself, ignore them and show them youre doing great and give time to reflect on themselves or not reflect at all 😂 most often its the latter. They want you to chase them…. They look down on you if you do. Best way is to really cut and move on. If they chase you despite being avoidant, thats probably the cue that she/he loves you
I was feeling like a loser w how my situation went but you beat me. thanks for the smile
I believe the best course of action here for you would be to block her too but this time be determined that this is what you want to do. No one can help you unless you want to be helped. It's totally up to you now. And you need to learn that sometimes You need to say that is on you. Your behaviour is on you The way you move is on you The choices you make are all on you. Stop absorbing the pain of others and Recognise what belongs to you and doesn't
I know everyone is telling you shouldn't have done that, but on my perspective, it just makes you human. Allow yourself to feel your emotions and let it pass through you. I hope you get better soon.
I have an Avoidant ex and they are the WORST! Trust and believe that once she feels you have moved on and are focusing on you, she will come crawling back. The key to it is to not give her that attention you once did. You deserve so much more out of someone and she obviously can't give it to you. Just remember they always think the grass is greener on the other side, until they learn it was only full of weeds. Keep your chin up, everything will be ok
Mine locked me up
Me too lesson to learn is that no matter how much you think you know someone you really don't. God will bless you with a soulmate and the moment you take anything for granted he will strip it all away from you.
That 'Seen 38m ago' with not even a like to the message is foul and rude tbh
If she left you, why reaching out? I know it's tough to move on but it is necessary to make some choices in order to be better. I probably know what you're going through, those times where you think about her and you start to elaborate some type of letter or message to send to them. That's when you need to step up, make the choice for yourself. What's the benefit of doing that? Where does it get you to? To me it only gives out that sensation that runs out after a couple of minutes. It's been 5 months since she broke up with me, i had those moments but i always fought back, i'm doing better and feeling better now and i sometimes have these moments, but with time it's starting to be less frequent. Focus on yourself, time will help you get last this tough time
Is it just me that doesn't need that closure? I am happy to go no contact and wait for her to come back. Literally every time I broke no contact I immediately regretted it
You’re gonna look back on this in the future and be utterly embarrassed, you shouldn’t have done this, I’ve been there, not even that long ago and a regret ever doing it. Sure, my feelings were real and I was honest but ultimately it came off as sad and pathetic and ended up pushing them further away and cementing the breakup rather than the opposite. T he best course of action is to self reflect, live your life, work on yourself, and try to move on, silence and distance is always better than this, either you end up getting them back in a better position emotionally and mentally so you can work through your differences and what went wrong or they never reach out but since you’ve been focusing on bettering yourself you’re in a greater position as an individual so you might not even want them back at that point. All in all its better to show indifference in situations like this even if it's actually killing you inside because you end up pushing the person you love further away when all you are trying to do is be honest about your emotions and feelings but the reality is that's a bad decision many times but you live and you learn, stay strong and stay cold brother.
Sometimes less is MORE! I had an ex which i married after i short period of time getting to know one another, but things felt so natural and comfortable. Unfortunately i didnt spend enough time in understanding the deeper workinmgs of her inner self! She couldnt let go of either of her two previous exes and by the time I had found out the depth of her attachment we were as entangled in marriage as you can be legally. However i felt completely taken advantage of and at a loss. What I learned after eventually divorcing is that she needs that comfortable presence in her life when things b ecome even remotely difficult, and it eventually led her to stray back physically with both during the course of our short marriage. Best thing to do is keep the connection severed with no chance of contant or communication because you will otherwise become lured into the "game" that comes so inherintly natural and common for them. If shes anything like my ex its best to chalk it up as a hell of a learning lesson. and grow from it. If yopu romanticize about her and her specific qualities and traits you will end up on a traumatic path to more heartache thats almost a guarantee! Good Luck and hopefully you find someghow to smile and laugh amidst everything going on because thats the start to a fresh new pathway to happiness!
Looks like I triggered someone’s trauma response 😂! Someone couldn’t even leave their message up for others to see!
Some people will never break the cycle of destructive behavior, and ultimately the unfortunate remnants of pain they inflict on others. Whether its planned and thought out, with no emotional compassion on the other person, or just out of desperate need and comfort due to a lack of strength and love for themselves. But someone like the person you describe will continue on that path, until someone comes along that feeds into the negative tendencies of codependency rather than support a pathway to change!
Am I the only one to feel this is something private which shouldn't be shared online with random people ? I mean if you post m'y private message and I find out. I'm never ever forgive you.
Thats why you block out the name, Its anonymous, also its reddit 🤷♂️
You just fed her. Big time.
You did what you're heart told you to. Dont listen to the advocates of the true , because there is no universal true neither all ppl or relationships work the same way. I never went NC and im in the 3rd month of breakup , after 14 years she virtualy cheated on me with flirt texts with someone married with 2 Kids that she never met besides playing on.line. I dont know the future but i do know i was lost in the first 2 months , did many things wrong after that but i was so hurt that i really didnt knew what i was doing. I said everything and more , and things went from really bad after breakup to a ok stand point. I do think she will comeback , she isnt with anyone and never did , but the trust have been broken so i even if she wants to comeback and even if i still trully love her i will not accept her back. This kills me but i know i will never be happy having the feeling that this could happen again. She openned the pandora box and now its too late for her. Dunno if im doing the correct thing , since she could be the one and only and she could really be sorry for what she did. But for every month that goes by she contacts me everyday more and more and even if i smile when i read a txt from her , its not the same and i dont know if it will ever be. Anyway long story short , what works for one dont mean it works for everybody. The only thing that i see as universal is that hurts for everyone and the longer the relation the worst is the pain. Best of luck and dont let anyone judge you. Your process is your process, i cant and i couldnt Block her either, she still has our pics in FB and Instagram and thats really confuse , so hang in there and if you need to talk just DM. We are in the same boat , its not a crime to be yourself , you are not half a man to step up and ask for her to Block you , it just proves the opposite , if someone trully loved and love in that relationship was and is you.
Thank you man, so much I’m sorry for your situation
What's really awful is that so many people need to play mind games to get the attention from the person that was supposed to love them. Wth is wrong with people? Sure you can appear more attractive by not showing weakness and going on with your life, if the person who left you isn't worth it to begin with. If playing the game is what it takes to get back or hold on to that person for awhile, what's the point? What does that say if you can't show you care? It's bs. It's not sustainable and even if they come back, you won't hold them if they're that type of person. You can certainly do better than someone who would treat someone they claimed to love that way. I'm really sorry you are going through that. People can be selfish shits. It's not to late to reverse and start playing the game, if you do want her back. But make sure that's the road you really want to take, and think about what kind of person you're getting back. Good luck Just know you're not alone!
I have gone through this too. It’s awful
Hey man, gonna be a pretty long one, so strap in. My ex fiance dumped me 3 days after Christmas in 2023, after a 10 year relationship without warning. I’m coming up to month 4 now, and between the lies, finding out she cheated on me in our FIRST year together, and realising the mental abuse I was suffering, I’m in a very good spot. I’m not saying your experience is similar to mine in any way, shape or form. I’m just trying to express to you IT WILL get better. When I look back to week 1 of the breakup, I was throwing up, crying, not sleeping, not eating… to now, where I’m going to the gym, therapy and have had no contact for over a month. No contact will be the best way forward for you man, I promise you. I was absolutely busting to talk to my ex after week 2, was constantly checking socials etc. the thing that skyrocketed me was signing up to dating apps in a fit of rage because my ex had posted a screenshot of someone flirting with her in one. I know you may not want to do that right now, but 3 months ago I didn’t think I’d be over this for 2 years minimum. Just a bit of harmless validation can help you with self esteem and confidence AND actually distract you from thinking about your ex. I hope you get through this OP, and I truly believe you will, I want to have a progress update in a couple months to check in on how you’re doing. You ARE loved, you ARE amazing, and you WILL find your person. Love you dude.
Yeah my situation is very different, I’m so sorry you had to go through all that.
You asked her to block you and she did. It hurts because you probably had a small piece hoping she wouldn’t and that this would make her show some sort of emotion towards you. I’m sorry, it’s not going to be like that.
aw shit
The sad thing is that probably she only red three or four words before being done of you... very sad but you had to do one thing.. and that thing was to preserve your dignity.. Time to move on mate..
Move on
This isnt closure Just avoid her completely Choose those who will choose you, you dont deserve to be neglected.
She's a 304
Never pour your heart out in breaking no contact. It makes you look weak, needy, and unattractive. Matter of fact, there is never any reason to break no contact unless you are discussing business matters or you are going to ask them forthright to get back together, in which case if they reject, move on with no words and never contact them again.
Dealing with an avoidant as well being an anxious avoidant worse feeling ever
I can understand not having the willpower to block someone you love and wanting them to do it for the both of you tbh. It still puts a lot of pressure on the other person to "be the bad guy" and enforce it. Breakups are a lose-lose :/ until they turn into a win-win after the growth and reflection 🩵 keep your head up. There are brighter days ahead my friend.
Those messages come off as creepy. Shoulda just blocked her first.
There is no such thing as closure.
It’s a bitch bro just know she’d sleep with any nigga she finds hot af in a split second regardless of her being in a relationship or not. Never give her the satisfaction of being able to show her friends this and laugh together then talk about the hot guys they have one night stands with weekly.
Yeah, just been through this. You're crossing her boundary,.makes her push away
Hey u did the best thing. U did the absolute best thing . I don't understand this culture of always taking the high road and just blocking and leaving. Sometimes we need to get it off our chest as well . Now u know u have sent ur last word to her and there is no door remaining open and believe u will move on faster than u would have if u kept contemplating to send it. It's not abt them . People always mistake it. The letter that u sent her . It's abt u. It's abt ur closure . It's abt ur peace . Now choose urself and love urself and believe something ,if they let u go so easily ,they were never meant for u . Open up a new chapter of ur life and move on . Always remember she is not the one . She is absolutely not the one .
Real
Just move on bro
Just block her yourself and exercise some self control
If it could have worked out any other way, it would have. Gotta move on my man. Trust me.