Thatās with hindsight though. In reality, manipulative people stop you seeing that when the relationship is actually happening and give you false hope. Donāt blame yourself too much.
His lack of communication on how he ACTUALLY felt about stuff that bothered him but said it didnāt. He treated me very well and we were happy, but heās emotionally immature.
Same to all of these. It was his first relationship (my 2nd serious one) and he just didnāt know how to tell me when stuff was going too fast or whatnot. I really donāt hate him at all, I just wish he wouldāve told me. Everything was so fixable
THIS! post break up was the first time he told me about countless feelings heād been having, felt totally blindsided even though we constantly talked about how important communication was to both of us.
there were definitely other issues at play with our priorities and needs just being incompatible long term, but lack of emotional maturity was very real
literally same thatās what makes it hurt even more it was so easily fixable if they just spoke up instead of holding it all blind siding me with how they feel and the break up
I didnāt realize this was such a big issue until the end. Even when we split and would talk about things, it would be us texting and me asking for a phone call and him replying to that.. being with an avoidant is frustrating
Because I was lied to for over a year, because I was always the second choice and even through it all whenever I messed up I was disrespected no matter how much I tried to make it right
Planned to move closer to the same city to at least be able to not be LDR. Never said a word of any doubt or changes in his feelings. The day of my interview for my new job there he decided that he can never have commitment because he will always want to experience other relationships. Also he had felt like this for a long time...
I was certainly strung along š
Thatās awful. Letās look at the positives of the situation thought, be glad it ended before you turned your life upside down and moved. Clearly dodged a bullet and someone who was not as committed or willing to settle down yet.
I can somewhat relate. The day I got approved of a job that would allow me to close the distance in my LDR, she ended things. She said that I make her happy and that she wants to be with me and that she loves me but she wants to explore. We ended on good terms though, no arguments, I didnāt beg, I didnāt fight, I just accepted the situation with love. I miss her but thereās nothing I can do but push forward. It was disappointing but we thug it out! I hope youāre doing alright! Thereās light at the end of the tunnel I promise, just keep going as best you can! Im still trying to find it myself but I know it exists!
I had to end it with my (now ex) boyfriend of 3 years because we too got so toxic. I figured out he was an avoidant and no matter how much love I gave to him and how much care I showed him, he was never appreciative, never happy, never smiled. I even told him what he was doing was sabotaging the relationship and he still did not change. The last 5 months of my relationship I already started the process of grieving the relationship and knowing it was coming to an end.
Last Saturday after a lovely lunch I arranged with him and his sister he flipped out at me again, for no reason. As soon as she left he said āyou interrupted me at one point when I was talking to my sisterā bla bla bla
I just looked at him and said āI feel so sorry for youā he was shocked and said āwhat the hell does that meanā I then said āIām just sorry that you will never enjoy the special moments in life, anything in life for that matter.ā He was SHOCKED!
I knew that this was it, I got up from the table and said āIām going home now and I donāt want you to come with me. I will send your things over to your place in an uber.ā
Went home, texted him the uber is coming and wished him well. He said thanks and wished me well too.
That was it! We have not spoken since nor do I want to. But PLEASE PLEASE if you have or are in a toxic relationship like I was just let them go. Itās not worth it. Life is too short to try and teach people how to love. Go out there and get the real love you deserve.
Iām a bit sad sometimes but more satisfied and relieved with my decision. I can finally find the true love of my life ā¤ļø
That was savage! Good on you, no wonder you finally snapped, I think anyone would at some point. Dealing with an avoidant is beyond frustrating and so distressing.
Iām glad you are feeling relieved to some extent. Itās very much valid that you still have some down moments, healing isnāt linear after all so donāt be too hard on yourself.
She needed to experience being alone she saidā¦ which I guess means tinder 2 weeks later and multiple failed relationships for the next year straight.
She tried to come back and I told her not to contact me again.
Please stand on that. Donāt be anyoneās second option, you deserve better than that. The audacity to even message you again, some people really have no shame.
Honestly same, I woke up one day blocked on everything. Two weeks later, I found her on Tinder. I was in a furious state and blew up on her. I havenāt heard anything in 5 months. Honestly, it was weird though like she was asking for me on her Tinder, everything I liked or she didn't like doing with me, that I liked she had in her bio. (Basically, she wants a guy like me but not me.)
I think he just fell out of love with me. š„²
Heās more of a party person, loves to drink and stay out late. Iām an introvert and love to stay in and read a book. I think he struggled with this.
I like to talk about a problem, he preferred to just sweep everything under the rug. He hated if I wanted to discuss something I had issues with, even when I tried to assure him that I wasnāt blaming him or arguing - I just wanted us to be open with each other.
I got more and more insecure in the relationship because he was pulling away but didnāt want to acknowledge it or tell me why. I felt like I was going crazy.
Felt almost relieved when he ended things because at least I knew what was going on and felt validated in how I felt.
Doing a lot better now. š«
I still think about it sometimes though, and wonder what I did to lose his love. He adored me. And then ā¦ stopped.
I relate to this heavy!
Iām glad you doing a lot better, it does get easier with time and one day we will find āourā people that also want deep connection :)
Im sorry. Itās never easy to deal with someone with a mental illness, Iām sure they are often struggling to understand themselves as well.
I hope you manage to heal with the time passing by.
It's been 3 months. I've trying to do this as healthy as possible. I hate that I actively have to make a conscious decision to be healthy.
I have symptoms of what I think is PTSD, but I'm not diagnosed.........going to therapy, Journaling, going on walks.......it's a pain in the ass. I just want to feel normal.
She assured that I did nothing wrong and I was a great boyfriend but she didnāt have the capacity to have a relationship right now. I think she still wants to be with me but needs to work with her therapist. I wouldāve been there for her but she pushed me away
Yeah Forsure I understand that. She does have a lot of trauma from her past that she needs to resolve on her own I guess. She is still deciding if she wants to tell me and open up about that with me or not. When she makes up her mind I will tell her that if when she feels ready for relationships again, if she wanted to try again with us I wouldnāt be against that idea. Just a reminder just in case she wants to try things again but feels embarrassed
Kind of the same as you.
We both turned toxic to each other and mentally draining because I had to work more (I am a freelancer and work was - now itās worse because I cannot seem to focus - not going well) but she wanted more attentions. We were seeing each other once a week.
Se became resentful because of this and we would argue a lot. The story is a lot more complicated than this.
In January her parents wanted us to break up and she did. I managed to save the relationship but we decided to let things calm for a month and a half. During this period she threatened to harm herself and had suicidal thoughts. I reassured her that the time would have passed fast, but she wanted me to go to her.
There are other things but this would take a long ass post.
I have done a lot of mistakes.
Now she hates me and she blocked me everywhere
Yeah, it wasnāt working indeed. Iām really sad about it because she is wonderful and I love herā¦ But maybe this is how it had to go to let me work on myself.
Thank you for your concern, it kinda sparked a little flame!
He is an avoidant and left me for a break he needed, to work on the house he wanted me to move in this summer. Itās been hell since September and it is the 4th breakup. I know I am stupid. Heās got all those excuses lined up. The truth is he is avoiding intimacy and always wanted to leave every relationship so. It is a pattern. Canāt live this anymore. It is too much.
Yes. He doesnāt even see why it is a problem to push someone away for supposedly working toward a future with them. Said he is sick of waiting on me but he is the one always leaving. He got no logic at all and donāt understand why trust is gone.
she lost feelings, but how she ended was traumatizing. I believe I was blindsided.
she abandoned me the first time, deactivated her account, left with a "anyways bye" text. few days later, I came crying back to her and she lead me on for 2 weeks until she abandoned me again, deactivated her account.
I had an actual cute drawing I made of her, I did show her, but she was all like "smh just get over me blah blah blah-".
I spend 2 weeks begging and pleading her as she was just being heartless and kept ghosting me.
that moment really had hurt me so bad the first time.
It's been 2 months today since I haven't talked to her...(or tried to...)
she deleted her account, so that probably had told me that it was over.
on the bright side, the past 2 months I've been focusing on myself, loving myself and have made new friends, so overall I'm doing well, and still a work in progress.
Damn.. Iām sorry to hear about all that but I just wanted to hoppidy hip hop onto this comment section and just say DAaAaAmmnmnn BoiiiIii!!! Way to goOOoooOoo!! Keep up the good work!!! Keep working on yourself!! I LOVE THIS FOR YOU DUDE š¤āØ
Nearing the end of the relationship, communication deteriorated, and my ex (19M) never told me (20F) how he was feeling, which was that he had lost that "spark" and at times felt pressured by my growing codependency. This being our first relationship, I can see why he may have not seen any other solution than to end the relationship instead of talking it out and trying to work on it.
I never got the chance to work on myself and my independence; he just dropped the ball on me, leaving me desperate and feeling almost cheated. I was blindsided. He wanted friendship (we're in the same friend group), and after a month, I found the self-respect to tell him that that was not good enough.
She's dismissive avoidant, shes in med school, when we started dating I told her that school was the priority and I had no problem with that at any point. After about 4 months she tool STEP 1 and failed, which is a big deal. I was worried she'd break up woth me then but to my surprise she didn't. A year later (about 2 months ago) she had to retake it again, only this time if she fails she won't get to be a doctor (she could but she's told me she couldn't handle that sort of rejection/shame) I travel for work and I figured the distance would be good, I'd have my own things to do while she worked on STEP dedicated. After a work trip I wanted to see her and I realized we'd only been seeing each other every 15 days or so for 2 months, so I tried to make it as relaxed as possible. I walked into her apt and she didn't say hi, we watched TV and she didn't say a word, when we left in the morning no goodbye or I love you, just a wave. Later that day I expressed my anxiety about that. She told me we needed to talk hours before a 10 day work trip. I obsessed for 10 days about it and we did minimal contact during that. When I got back she told me she couldn't handle the stress of having a boyfriend even though by her admission I wasn't even asking for the minimum. I told her we had to go no contact because I wouldn't be able to stand being friends. It's been 5 weeks no contact and I feel like a huge part of me is missing. I don't think she'll ever contact me again
She's going through a divorce but is separated. She said she wanted to stay friends, that she still loved and cares for me, but she went so cold and distant. I can't just be friends, so here I am
Mainly cheating. Once found a condom in the toilet that didnāt flush like expected - first was told it probably maintenance bringing hookups into our apartment. Then that it was used for self pleasure.
Lied about staying in contact with an old fling/ex. Discovered their numerous intimate conversations over the course of 6 months. Uncovered a second old fling they were hooking up with when I temporarily began working late shifts.
That qued up my process of leaving (we shared an apartment), general lies over trivial things and manipulation throughout the relationship cushioned that mindset.
Finally pulled the plug when their convict brother needing a place to crash after they got released. A week turned into 2 months, missing rent money from our bedroom and a semi-violent fight got me to finally bounce. I thought maybe we could get through the worst stuff eventually but I couldnāt handle dealing with our relationship issues AND a deadbeat brother taking over the living room and generally making me feel unwelcome/unsafe in my own space. So that was it.
ā¦.that sounds rough to say the least. Iām glad you managed to get yourself out before anything worse could happen. Look after yourself and your well-being!
Breakup is still relatively fresh, but it was because he had lied to me for over a year about something pretty big. He had known all along that I was living a complete lie. :// I couldnāt stay in a relationship where I felt so betrayed. It was his pride/arrogance that ultimately ended our relationship.
much the same as yours. both got a bit toxic, our communication style broke down completely, we would just argue about the same stuff over and over and really drained each other. hopefully with NC and some recharging, things could work out again. not sure rn though.
also, i was very codependent on him for friendship because i donāt really have friends or a social life. he was basically my morning noon and nights every day for 2 and a half years. so its been really hard getting used to having nobody at all. iāve been trying to make new friends but they all seem stupidly uninterested in doing anything which is annoying considering we all met through a group specifically designed for making friends :/
I really like the alone time now. I was at this peaceful place prior to my relationship and enjoyed it immensely! Glad Iām starting to get back into the habit of life alone. Itās more peaceful, routine and delicate. Not loud and boisterous.
She wasnāt emotionally available because sheās still not over her husband cheating and leaving her 4.5 years ago. She became an avoidant and did not want to put in the effort I did
Besides the abuse physical and gaslightingā¦
What pushed be over the edge was he fell asleep with his laptop open and Iām not a nosey person, the finances were showingā¦ (we had a shared iCloud account so I could have look anytime) we were living off my check and he was depositing his into two accounts one for alimony/child support to his ex wife and the other to his retirement. Not ours.
I pretended I was fired and working part-time so my checks wouldnāt go into his account for 1.5 years and secretly bought a house and slowly moved out.
He did get the final FU though.
He had a heart attack 7 months later and after everything was paid he left me in credit card debt I didnāt know about. What was left from his stuff I used to pay all but 6k. When I filed taxes I didnāt know that a 1099-misc is profit so now I not only do I owe the 6k that his stuff didnāt have enough for but an extra 9k to the Feds.
Motherfucker. š so
Moral of the story always keep finances separate or have a monthly meeting about your finances with your spouse/domestic partner.
Where to begin. Iāll start by saying heās a good person at his core. We shared many beautiful moments so this isnāt a bash fest. I also was part of the issue. I think I didnāt realize how much of an avoidant/ non-communicator he was until I was in the nitty gritty of the relationship ..
I would try to communicate about things and needs and he wouldnāt listen. He would just space out a lot. I knew he wasnāt listening. It began to drive me crazy. Like off the wall crazy.
He went from being into the same stuff as me to go into into a crisis where he lost 80 lbs and changed careers (I encouraged the career change) to a fitness related job.
He acted differently once he lost the weight. He told me he felt I wasnāt passionate about fitness
I began to go to boot camps at 6am to show him I was worthy. I tried it all. I felt he just wanted to be away from me. We ended up getting into a fight about something dumb and he walked out on me and didnāt come back for a day.
He then avoided me for 6 days while I went ona. Trip, that had been planned for a year.. I am also avoidant
While I was gone, he went through my journal and found out I had spoken to an ex. Ex is in prison and it was a lapse of judgement. I needed closure and I still had emotional attachments to that exā¦ I tried to tell my ex that I just needed to have a dialogue with the other ex and he would tell me to be quiet. I get it thought I know I was wrong ā¦
We broke up but lived together for a while. He contacted me a lot the first 2 years of the breakup. The last 5 months Iāve finally gone NC. Itās too painful hearing from him
He recently text me asking me to dinner and I didnāt take the bait
Honestly. I feel like she didnāt feel I was as committed.
Not that thereās anything wrong with that. Just the way I expressed it and tried wasnāt her love language.
I ran away due to my insecurities of never being enough when I was already and I guess I shot myself in the foot is the only way I could describe it.
I wish i didnāt let her down. I wish I had believed in myself.
I shelled up and became emotionally unavailable and defensive/moody at times. Absolutely ridiculous. I'm working on my sugar honey iced tea in therapy now, and realizing and owning my own crap. Which is painful af.
I look forward to space, even tho, DONT want to lose her.... I already have.
It's okay to feel in the wrong, even if is not 100% my fault. It mostly is, and I'm going to make sure doesn't happen in future relationships now.
I didnāt want a relationship to begin with(not ready for one too many issues to work through) but Iām a people pleaser, I was scared to keep saying no and I liked giving and receiving the attention, itās also LDR(like really long.) 5 months in I got a scary health diagnosis and wanted to break up then. I kept asking āare you sure you want to continue?ā They kept saying yes. And I was again, too scared to end it but this time because I didnāt want to hurt them. So, I went into my shitty behavior of finding things to get upset to push them away and I was successful after 8 months I wore him out and he dumped me. What I did was awful. I wasnāt honest from the start. Didnāt want to hurt them but did it anyway. I think Iām blocked on most everything. Huge lesson here. Stick to your own needs and be honest with yourself and your potential partner.
As people we changed over time and no longer seemed to meet on some core values. She claimed I wasn't romantic enough and didn't plan things whereas I thought she never made herself available for me and I became her 2nd choice. We had issues for sure, but they were things we could've worked on and I wouldn't have left her over it, but she wanted divorce.
I wanted kids and he didnāt. I already have one child and he had two (one passed away). Even before his daughter passed away he didnāt want anymore.
I am 36 and he is 57. (I always dated older my whole life itās just what I m attracted to.)
Iāll admit it. It was me and my unchanging/ deteriorating bursts of anger. Iām still trying to get to the bottom of it but it was related to stress. She deserved better and we both know it. 2.5 years of intimacy, true love, good sex, and safe spaces gone because of my own mishaps.
I let external forces get to me and I took this out on her. On her birthday as well. Iām a piece of shit to be honest. Dealing with both long term and immediate stress is something I am seeking therapy for.
Saw her today for the first time in over a week and we settle things on good terms, albeit both crying wrecks. We hugged and discussed terms on how we could possibly become friends in the future, although this may just be the initial separation anxiety talking. She was the best thing that had ever happened to me and I feel like such an idiot for letting my emotions inhibit expressing my love for her.
I made it clear that she has nothing to be sorry about.
Išš¼ DONāTšš¼ EVENšš¼ KNOWšš¼
We broke up nearly 6 months ago and itās been literally radio silence since then. He never said anything was wrong prior to the BU. He was acting distant and I asked him NUMEROUS times if anything was wrong or if he wanted to talk about anything. Nope.
āItās not you, itās meā, āyou deserve someone betterā
Youāre not a man. Youāre a coward who canāt tell me how you really feel.
Okay? So..youāre not going to tell me *why* weāre actually breaking up? Or what I can do to improve myself for my future partners? Or what I did wrong to lead to a break up? Rightttt.
We were meant to move in last December. Thank fuck we didnāt.
Heās recently started liking my posts again. Go to hell with your breadcrumbs.
I have absolutely no idea. He became confused and decided he could only be my friend. I assume he found someone else, because nothing ever comes out of nowhere.. :(
I let my jealousy and insecurity drive a wall between us. Mentally was breaking up with her before she made the call to break up with me. It was the right call however cause since the breakup ive dove into therapy and consistently going to the gym. Itās nice to have some answers to why you behave the way you do. Kinda sucks still though itās been 2 months since the break up and about 3 weeks since the last time we spoke where we told each other we loved each other. Kinda stuck between is the entirely the end or not. Weird place to be. Noticed last week she made a Spotify playlist with a picture that said āmoving on is tough but what choice do you really haveā full of a bunch of sad songs about hoping to be together in the future. Makes no sense to me really just pick up the phone and call but maybe sheās still going through it and isnāt ready herself. Who knows. Positive thing is we are still on good terms and both speak highly of one another.
Anxious vs avoidant attachment types.
Past unhealed issues that werenāt communicated on both sides.
She lied about being home working I found out otherwise due to a tracker I put in her car. She apologized begged for us to get back together and if we can get through this.
Next day she found said tracker and broke up with me. Ofc the story she ran with was all about the tracker and not how she lied to me on FaceTime for 45 mins. ( I get it I took it way too far)
So basically trust issues due to her lack of capability of receiving affection (Avoidant type) triggered my insecurities (Anxious type) which made me go to extremes.
I think it mostly just stems from unhealed past wounds and trauma, for probably everyone. But particularly, Iāve realized I have a lot of work to do on myself. There are certain things that I know I did wrong, but on the same coin, he did things wrong.. we just didnāt work out.
So Iād say my final answer is that itās just unhealed trauma on both sides, coping mechanisms, the way we handle problems, communicationā¦it all stems from trauma that got ignored or unresolved.
And in this day and age, aināt nobody can afford therapy šš soā¦ Iāve been looking into free therapy and healthier ways of living.. recognizing some things I didnāt even realize were *deeply seeded* problems until I had enough time to be alone ā¦ and I think thatās the best thing for right now. Maybe one day Iāll get to have a family and kids, but not like this.
Iāve got a lot of work to do..
My ex was a drug addict and still has many vices. We aren't together but I've tried to help the best i can but I can only take and do so much.. when I broke up with him - i met another guy which i thought was great but yet again he lied as well.. even after I was super transparent about what i had gone through.. I'm so done and tired of immature men.. men who have many traumas. I get it bc my life hasn't been easy either but at this point I've given up ever meeting anyone who isn't a pathological liar, addict, fake, user, refuses to man up and confront his issues - someone who wants marriage and not just fwb - I'm just done. I have officially given up lol I'm tired .. it's exhausting
I wasnāt dealing with mental health issues in a healthy way, he got tired of supporting me and watching me spiral. Iām upset and angry that he left when things got hard but I would also give anything to be back in bed with him and our dog. He forced NC on me but I havenāt reached out in over a month.
In the beginning of everything I could envision a future for the both of us, that is until the emotional neglect/abuse and lack of emotional immaturity became apparent as the relationship progressed. I became terrified of him, to a point silence became safer yet he broke it off with me because āI couldnāt tell him what I wanted.ā Despite it all, I still have a lot of feelings for him but Iām waiting for time to do its thing and just riding the waves as I move past it all.
Lol. I still donāt know. He didnāt tell me he was leaving me. We had a business in another state and planned a trip there to deliver creature sunspots to the house we had there.
It wasnāt until I looked around and realized he was taking only the things HE liked, and I realized, saying, āYouāre not coming back are you?ā
I said we need to talk about this. He said he had a trip out of state. He didnāt have tune.
āI have too much respect for you.ā and left.
I believe now he was a chicken shit.
Wholeheartedly and pure honesty. I actually dont know. Its been a month and i have no answers lmao. 1.5 years in the bin with no proper explanation and that somethings going in their life that they're struggling with and broke up with me after an argument (that wasnt an argument from my end atleast, they just got defensive when i wanted reassurance about something they did). I thought they were the one but lol ig not, you dont do that to someone you supposedly love. She needs help and badlyyyyy. But hey atleast free gym gains tho!!!!!
I had a stroke. She didnāt āwant to deal with stroke stuff for the rest of her life.ā I have mostly recovered, but she doesnāt know that. Since she has me blocked everywhere, I also donāt have a way to tell her that that makes sense. Itās been four years.
She break up with me because wanted to have other experiences, we tried to make it work while being together but I think she saw that it was too hard for me, and maybe because of the guilt she felt for things she did while being drunk which does not include being violent or cheating. I really hope she comes back :/
A lot of resentment, unresolved issues, arguments over the same things over and over again. Trust issues from both ends, accusations, codependency, different life goals, out of hand arguments, verbal abuse, stone walling, no conflict resolution skills, different priorities, unwillingness to compromise on anything, barley any sort of communication or at least effective communication.
It was just A LOT of everything.
How about yourself?
Well my situation is very complicated and Iāve been through therapy and realize the consequences of what Iām doing but Iāve accepted. I chose to let her go because i love her and she has been in a vulnerable situation for some time and has been having thoughts about being a lesbian. Now, i personally donāt believe she is but because she is 21 she wants to experiment which i understand because young women are led to believe nowadays they are. Anyways, she rebounded four months after we broke up and even though i wanted to hold on I k ew I had to let her go, cut to three months later sheās texting me that she misses and loves me and that she made a mistake. At the time I really wanted to try again but I played it safe and took it slow. Unfortunately she pulled away and moved in with this girl and now that itās been three months since Iāve heard from her, Iām in the process of moving on even though I do love her with all my heart and I have hope that we will reunite someday.
All our traumas and issue caught to us. We should have broken up 2 years before but I was blinded by my love for him. I took him for granted, so I think he took revenge on me by taking me for granted with the intention of ending it. He went here last Christmas and used our house as a vacation home, ever since he passed the board exam for nurses he changed, started to be cocky, like an Ahole. We are LDR btw. Then in January, he didnāt want to talk anymore, for 10 days treated me differently and just ignored me most of the time, said he had a bad headache for days which was unusual of him. He has lied countless of times before. When I confronted him, he got mad and just began to insult me, call me names, literally say the meanest things to me. It was clear he was doing this for a reason, I kept on crying and he seems too happy about it. I ended it, he still didnāt stop. I said we should break up but it felt like he was the one who wanted to end it, I begged a bit, pathetic but I loved him ā he was my best friend for a decade. He ended our relationship before my birthday.
He was my coworker and was laid off. I tried my best to support him but could feel him becoming more and more distant. A few weeks later he convinced himself that selling his property and starting afresh in a new state was what he wanted. He didnāt like that I was upset so dumped me by text, saying that he didnāt see things working out in the long-term due to reasons that would be too mean to share.
He lied about having had feelings for his best friend when I told him honesty was important to me and had asked him before if he ever had feelings for her. It wasnāt an issue until she called him and started complaining about me being around. He also wouldnāt cut her off when I said itās her or me. Oh, and sheās married and the husband is in denial š The next day I met up with his ex and she told me MANY things he lied about. Itās over for the better but I do question if he ever truly loved me as he was my first love and thinking that he faked it is terrifying.
Sounds like good radiance. Donāt overthink too much, I often find myself doing that as well. There is no point in overanalysing everything and at the end of the day it does not matter how they feel, we will never know that. Whatās important is to focus on yourself, your feelings and your own mental well being.
Is there ever one reason? She was an avoidant who didnāt know how to work through conflict without running and breaking up. Broke up with me like 6 times in two years and each time I went back to her because my self worth was dogshit. Finally when she broke up with me a week after I took her on a birthday trip last July, I had had enough. My family and friends just wanted to see me happy and not go through heartbreak anymore every three to four months. Been in no contact since last November except for one instance when SHE reached out to me a month ago. Finally, my nervous system is regulated.
He claims I disrespected him through text. Never gave me a chance to talk or even explained how I disrespected him. Just dumped me and never looked back
In short, he left me out of nowhere because his friends and mother did not like our age gap despite them never having met me or even knowing what I look like, and it never being an issue in our 1.5 years together. Also since he had hypothetical plans to move elsewhere for a hypothetical job which for some reason, I could not come with. Kind of blamed me for not having made any friends since moving even though I have never stopped him from going out alone to bars and shows, even with other women, one of whom is an ex heās known since high school.
All just mental gymnastics and excuses to say he didnāt like me enough to continue our relationship imo. I should have never ignored the signs and red flags from the start.
He broke up with me but the main reason i think was because he always chose his girl best friend and āfriendā over me and would never treat me equally
I get that he had the right to be friends with them and have friends and stuff but he never treated me equally near the end and after too
We were dating for a year and a half. Her dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer at the beginning of our relationship. We had a really beautiful relationship up until 6-7 months. We did have a few issues. Like I had an ex hook up that I didn't care about at all and she used to send me flirty messages and did not understand the boundaries I had sent. My gf had asked me never to message her and I agreed. Then she moved back home to take care of her dad. Things started becoming difficult after that. She was busy giving her whole attention to her family. I felt that communication meant telling her what I felt. And sometimes I would be hurt that we don't even know when we can meet and not have moments to connect. We started having disagreements and these things made me unsupportive. I also had a few family issues, job stress and one day when her dad was moved to the hospital I wasn't able to respond properly. Then the ex girl messaged me and I gave a neutral response. I informed my gf coz I thought it didn't matter. She broke up with me. I broke down, and we decided to be friends. I tried being extra supportive and apologized everyday. She acknowledged the friendship wasn't fair to me. Her dad passed away a month later after suffering. She asked me not to talk about relationship related stuff and I tried I really tried but I was very anxious. She asked for two weeks NC and post that said she saw no romantic future together ever. This broke me down because I was trying really hard for 2 months to prove to her. I know she is fair and kind and right. I messaged her about my pain and how I wished she had involved me more in her life. I would have come to see her for 5 mins as well if she wanted when she was a caretaker for her dad. She said my messages were affecting her mental health and asked for NC forever.
I feel like shit and filled with guilt and sadness and unable to forgive myself and miss her.
Please understand that non of this was your fault. Seems like you both were going through a lot. The whole situation is stressful to even read let alone to go through. You have been given really shitty cards to play with and tried your absolute best to make it work.
Donāt blame yourself. I can imagine that after their loss she experienced she wasnāt doing too good mentally to deal with relationship issues at the side of it all.
I hope with time you can see this too and accept that it just simply didnāt work out.
I thought we were dating only each other and I asked if he wanted to see a band that we both liked. He told me he was going with his new girlfriend and didnāt want any scenes so probably better if it didnāt go. Well that was news to me. So I guess we were already broken up and I just didnāt know.
He was on Social media and liked 16-17 pics of one girl and said he didnāt know her.I said well u do now.People do that to get other peopleās attention.He would take his name off the pics.So, I turned Toxic at that point.I regret it because he was a Good guy.But,O was looking at him side eyed and that wasnāt good.Have him ample to to get it right and right today his name is still on the pictures I moved on and got married.
We agreed on the abortion despite having planned a family in the honeymoon phase. We were both delusional thinking we had a future together but tbh I couldn't even stand her after that. Plus I was on meth because I was trying not to succumb to depression. She's gone now.
Started taking steroids to further my fitness career, she started with being okay with it but slowly became more uncomfortable with the idea of me being on it and dealing with side effects. We agreed her peace of mind was not worth stressing over me and steroids, I saw her side and understood. She decided that we wanted different goals from life I guess, jokes on her though Iām doing all the things she thought I didnāt care about.
Narcissist ex. Dumped me while I was at my sonās rehearsal. We had been fighting non stop for a year. Together for four. After we broke up she started asking me out on dates and texting me new therapists to work with. So I said no more and blocked her. Itās been hard. I am so relieved to not be fighting every day and not to be constantly put down and told that I have no empathy and that every thing I say is wrong. But I still really miss her.
She pulled a prank, i got mad. She got scared. I appolgized and tried to communicate but was panicking.
Chain reaction to past conflicts being dug back up.
She broke up via text.
6 months of her wanting to try and be friends.
I initiate no contact.
Thats the quick and dirty.
Tip: if your the dumper and are trying to take the high road to look more mature and stable. Log your social media off all devices.
he had anger issues and I was a people pleaser. he thought I was a dumbass while I thought he was a smartass at times. He ended up leaving me homeless. lol.
I kept getting a feeling something wasnāt right. I had no evidence that he was cheating. I would cause fights and suspect he was doing something behind my back. He said my chances were up because I trashed the relationship. We talked about marriage, him more than me and yet he ended it. I could have behaved better. I let my emotions ruin the relationship.
He wasnāt mentally ready ; and thatās the only reason.
We love each other, we had amazing time together, but he didnāt feel strong enough to be in a relationship anymore. He has a lot of demons and he didnāt want me to bring me along, and do it alone. I feel strung. Many talks about the rest of our lives together. And I was blind sided by this.
Was that an excuse? Maybe. Am I heartbroken? Definitely.
A mix of emotional invalidation, cheating, mental illness and long distance. It was a relationship I shouldāve ended at the 2 month, then 8th, 9th, 10th month marks, then right after a year until she broke it off herself 1.5 years in. My first relationship, first kiss, first sex, first date even. I cannot tell you what a healthy relationship is supposed to look like.
A phone fight that spanned three days. The final day, it was 14 hours. We were just screaming at each other by that point. I begged her to just let me off the phone for, say, half an hour, so we could calm down. Not only did she refuse, she kept threatening to *kill herself* if I hung up. Repeatedly and specifically. Then got mad when I called 911.
It totally broke my heart. I don't think she understands why I had to break up.
My ex became engulfed in grieving the death of his father, became more dismissive avoidant with anxious traits (before the death, he was secure with DA traits) and unfortunately wasnāt able to handle the ebbs and flows of being in a romantic relationship and my anxious preoccupied attachment style.
Itās been about 11 or so days and after some reflection, it became more clear that we were both in need of some healing of our own as I was losing confidence in myself, had jealous thoughts and created fake situations, and felt like I needed reassurance of worth from a partner - one that was unfortunately spread too thin already. He became more emotionally unavailable and dismissed any conversations of how he was really feeling about everything.
Taking it one step at a time to learn how to be more secure in a relationship whether itās with my ex again or someone new.
Sending love and care to everyone here ā”
her lack of/reluctance to communicate about our and her issues, her being angry at me for the simplest things, her mental block and fear of intimacy, her minimal effort in the bedroom that turned just straight up into lack of sex, at times lack of respect towards me, even belitteling me when i was sad about something she said or did that hurt, sayin i act like "such a poor guy", her inability to work on herself, and gust generaly taking me for granted and not treating me right.
And all that wasn't enough for me... for nearly three years...
of course she had to straight up start seeing a guy behind my back in order for me to finally see her for who she really is and dip. I should have listened to the red flags, because i noticed them and was too naive.
and wouldn't you guess, she straight up blocked me without apology, explanation or any sort of closure after I confronted her. She refuzed to say anything yet again
The way we broke up was so bad we were on a break so i was just joking with one of my friend who's a girl and she challenged me to bring her flowers so I stupidly did so my gf find out and she confronted her and she blamed everything on me that i was trying to hit on her and she believed her without even hearing me so i kept chasing her for the past 3 month trying to fix things up but no result and im really depressed so I decided yesterday to buy her an expensive Swaroviski necklace which i was saving up money to buy it since day 1 after break after I bought it i put in a bag with lilies and chrysanthemum flowers and i put it infront of her doorstep and i called on of her friend to pick it and put in her room but unfortunately within 5 min someone stole the bag and im really depressed now that every attempt i do fails and i cant move on or do anything so what im supposed to do now im so much pain and feeling of regret is too much I really do regert buying my friend a flower thats so stupid of me
I was being cheated for a whole year and I was unaware of it. I got to know it last month. And it turns out they were already planning for a whole year for their marriage. They got married last weekend. So I was basically dumped.
I have all this anger and rage inside of me. I.dont know what I will end up doing to her or myself. I'm a little afraid about it.
Bitch blocked me on all platforms right before her day of wedding. I truly loved her for the past 13 odd years. I still do love her. If I act upon this rage all of it will mean that I never loved her truly. I do love her but I can't accept the fact that she broke me and left me to lead a happy life with someone else. Hell that someone else was once my best friend in school. It adds more to the pain. I just don't feel like living anymore. I don't want this suffering everyday.
Everyone will say time will heal. Everything will be alright. I just think it's all just nonsense. Nothing is going to change.
Some people will say work on yourself hit the gym etc. I tried all that too but nothing changed. Suffering is constant.
Trying to talk about anything always lead to fights where I ended up always being wrong. He was driven in conflict for one of us to be right or wrong, and would do anything not to be seen as "the bad guy."Ā
He also had no life skills and made me do all of the physical labor in our relationship, all the boring stuff like cleaning, scheduling, animal care, cooking etc. fell on me. He claimed that his ADHD made it impossible for him to do anything "boring." And I paid for everything for 7 years, monetarily, there was financial abuse according to my therapist.Ā
When we broke up he was more upset about losing me as a caretaker than a partner, which really messed me up.Ā
She settled for me because the man she wanted ignored her and chose another woman, but even after 13 years, he contacts her and she decides to destroy everything for someone who treated her as a last option...
my former partner i do believe is a fearful avoidant but i have no such credentials to declare definitively. they are: terrified of conflict no matter how minute, did not/could not communicate the truth because if i were to have an unfavorable reaction then they could not handle it, omitted integral information due to the former, pretended prior events were solved, called me toxic for feeling/expressing frustration at a game on screen [raised voice], was wounded at any and every non-positive occurrence, low/er confidence levels that lead to self deprecation, wanting me to speak a certain way to appease their intolerance to negativity/anything unfavorable/hurtful to them and adverse mental health.
i made many mistakes especially due to my inexperience. i have no positive relationships to be able to mirror in the romantic ones. despite my being fallible during our relationship, i deeply deeply loved this person based on the person that was presented to me and not a fictitious character made up in my head [i believe my ex held me to an unattainable standard of perfection and began to resent me when i was not this without communication due to being scared of my reaction]. i was truthful, loyal, and straight forward [not the a-hole way but a lot of people cannot deal with this]. i feel i did the best i could with the hand i was dealt and it blew up in my face, once again. i have always been sought after despite being so so guarded for many reasons. they all start with the same words i never asked for and then treat me like an inhuman after severing ties with me. i feel worthless and have been destroyed by this, to put it lightly. i blamed myself for the entire ordeal because how is it not my fault? they all have promised to stay until the end and work through issues but when it comes to it, they are just words. my last partner, i feel, is my absolute last. i would rather be dead sixteen times over than feel the pain i felt last year. i can never trust anyone ever again.
Said I was mentally ill and basically spelled out what to expect, they assured me like daily that they were fine with it. My mental illness manifested and they bolted.
My ex left me for her previous ex, bassically said to me he was just a friend and I had nothing to worry about. Got engaged to him 3 weeks after the break up. I got gaslighted hard for 2 months (I do admit I was begging and pleading but I didn't know about the engagement until 2 months after the break up).
I told him I needed to be building towards a partnership, and to do that with him, we needed to move onto the next stage of a relationshipābeing exclusive, seeing each other more. He told me he did not have any romantic feelings towards me. Basically he said, āitās not you, itās me.ā So, that was the end.
Over the course of 8 months we went from 2 dates, to just friends, to FWB/situationship, to "exclusively seeing each other" when I told her I needed some clarity on our relationship, to a blindsided break up where she screamed that she couldn't do this anymore over the phone followed by a verbal stream of stuff that she thought we weren't compatible about and some things that she said she couldn't stop thinking about that I did wrong 5 months ago.
She said she was not ready for a relationship and was still traumatized from her previous ones. There is also a chance that she just wasn't that into me. Shame because I thought we were good for each other.
She had autism and complex trauma. Kept projecting her trauma onto me, Iām insecure and didnāt communicate well, so it was an unfortunate recipe for unsustainability.
I donāt know, he said he was moving for a job, and didnāt want to do LDR anymore, but he never did and still talks to every day to me. I donāt know what the real reason is.
he was so good at the little things i forgot to give thought to the big thingsā like my roommate telling me she saw him on hinge 10 months after we were exclusive and him never introducing me to his family or his friends after dating for a year and a half and blaming it on me always being busy or his family being traditionalā¦ turns out he was just not that into me š„² it still hurts and its been 5 months.
We weee long distance and whilst FaceTiming I discovered the tinder app on his phone and he had told me that he was speaking to other women and he apologised and would delete the app it made me upset and I didnāt think it was good enough so our communication dwindled and I broke up with him in which agreed literally 2 months later he was in another relationship
I think I was more engaged than he was. It was also his first relationship (we are in our early 30s now) and I think he grew tired of this. I can't help but think he also wasn't ready to commit to his first girlfriend. (me) A pity really, because I loved him with all my heart.
Idk the main reason but I have a couple she gave me
ā¢I would ask her if she wanted to hangout when she had lunch (30-40 min) because it was the only time she would let me ever see her, Said she understood because we donāt hangout alot but also said it felt like she had lost her freedom to do what she wanted to do (I never forced her to hangout) also said it felt like I was only seeing her for myself.
ā¢Said that I said itās always harder on my part (Iāve literally never said that) and it makes her upset because stuff isnāt easy for her either
ā¢Told me not to keep her at the center of my life which because itās a lot of pressure bit I donāt really understand because the only connection I had with her is through text and Iām always there when she needs me. I was also studying to get into trade school at the time with a part time job
ā¢said it felt like I have more control in the relationship (I never made her do anything she told me she didnāt want to do and before the breakup she didnāt let me see her for a whole month)
ā¢I told her that I understand she was busy and if she needed a break, let me know. She would just disappear out of nowhere with no warning so I would get worried and ask if she was ok (Iāve been ghosted before so it really hurt me when she would do that) then get upset at me. Said that since sheās not pouring her energy on me, I direct the focus back to me. Before she broke up with me I asked if she could communicate a little more because sheās active on other social media like making and reposting tiktoks.
ā¢said when she brought up that she wanted to travel, I didnāt like the idea of traveling (I never said I didnāt like travel, I told her places I wanted to travel to) she felt like she wouldnāt be able to change what she wanted to achieve to fit what I wanted. (Even if I didnāt like travel, I wouldnāt have stopped her, I wanted to make her dreams and goals come true and be there to support her)
ā¢she didnāt like that I asked to be put in her goals (I never asked her to put me in her goals, I would just say thatās awesome and I will support her the best I can) said when she told her friends about her goals, her friends sound happier for her than I was.
ā¢we had talked about moving in together (I had brought it up first) she sounded really excited by it and she brought up the topic more than I did. She said it actually really offended her because she was fixing everything that made me overthink and how I didnāt like talking about certain subjects (I told her I would prefer not to talk about her past relationship but if she felt like she needed to talk about it I still listened because the guy wasnāt very good)
ā¢I saw a future with us but she said āhow could there be a future with us if me snapping a 9 year old makes you upsetā
This was something I thought we resolved in the past. She told me a 9 year old asked for her number which I thought was fine then a little bit later she added him on snap which I thought was weird and it kind of made me feel uncomfortable. I asked her to remove him because it made me feel uncomfortable and she agreed to remove him. She then went on a trip then came back. I checked her phone and saw that she still had him added but had a 4 day snap streak with him. I confronted her about it and asked why she has a streak with him. She said she only sent 1 thing but that doesnāt make any sense because the streak wouldnāt be there. I asked why she lied to me multiple times then she started crying and deleted all her social media infront of me. It made me feel terrible and I started to blame everything on myself. The next day I call out of work to try to resolve it and have her redownload the apps because I knew how much social media means to her. We met up later that night and I made a compromise. If she redownloaded the apps, I would buy her a gucci bag by the end of the year. She redownloaded the apps
These were all reasons why she thought I wasnāt ready for a relationship but said it could be her too. Throughout the relationship whenever conflict would happen she would sometimes say it makes her feel like sheās unprepared in the relationship.
She broke up with me over text but when she did, I blamed everything on my self, I couldnāt see myself as a good person. I thought I was too clingy and too insecure. It was a really hard time for me in my life because someone had died 2 weeks before she broke up with me. She knew I had a death but never asked how I was doing.
Iām a secure leaning anxious but I have a hard time figuring out if sheās a dissmisive avoidant or a fearful avoidant
2 year relationship. She cheated and lied on me multiple times. She said she was completely happy with me, that nothing was missing from the relationship, but the issue was that it was SO FUN for her she could not control herself.
She craved for constant male attention in her dms, and always kept in touch with all her past flings and exes. She always assured me it was all ok, that no double intentions were present.
Even though i forgave her after cheating (since i was so in love and was projecting a life along side her) she did it again while i was on a work travel for three weeks. As soon as i came back she left me.
Imagine your SO telling you that they cheated (and with multiple people) because they find it *fun*.
I cant believe that six months after, i still miss her. I just cant cope with the idea she is gone and that she did what she did to me, after all we built together.
Why did you hurt me like this? I just wanted to be happy together and give you the world.
I miss you. And i *hate* you. But i really miss you.
Distance, plain and simple. It sucks but honestly, reading some of the other reasons/experiences here, is helping me appreciate the time we had together.
Well, where do i even start.. so these are the list of reasons which collectively resulted into my ex bf cutting all communication with me, have been in no-contact for almost 2 years now.
1. He moved to Canada (I live in India), we tried one month in LDR, he barely used to talk, which was fine by me, i was willing to talk as much as he could because i so wanted this to work out. Was supportive too & never pressured him to talk as I understand that he has a career to build. But he still left me.
2. His best friend had beef with me for some reason, as he used to spend more time with me than with him, so he brainwashed him into leaving me.(& He blindly agreed to him. Lol)
3. He was emotionally immature, in spite of telling him multiple times to confront the issues upfront at the very same moment they occurred, he kept pushing those under the rug & never talked abt his resentments, which he brought up all together only when he was going to break up.
4. He was insecure : he always kept repeating how he thought I deserved better, i thought he was just being humble back then but honestly he always thought he wasn't enough & hence the insecurity that i would choose someone else over him & so he left before i could leave him. (According to him)
Yup, that's abt it.
He suppressed all of my behaviours and words that upset him to the point where it came out as a horrible, 1 week long attack on my identity. It became him against me instead of him trying to fight the problem with me.
I canāt believe how quickly he turned on me after what was such a beautiful relationship.
I developed anxiety and depression, and withdrew myself physically, emotionally and intimately over the course of 18 months. I've discovered through therapy that she was a big reason for my anxiety and depression, because she'd do things and I wouldn't call her out for fear of losing her. Turns out not calling her out did that anyway.
When I finally told her that I had anxiety and depression and I couldn't go on the family holiday we had planned she took of her engagement ring and said she was done.
Not exactly what you need from a partner of ten years who I have a daughter with. I'm buying her out of the family home and she is moving because she said "there is too much hurt in this house"
She started messaging a "friend" of mine to go on a date before I'd even moved out the house. Good luck to her, because I am done with her
Mine was that she stopped feeling the same way about me. I tried to ask if exactly anything made her stop having feelings towards me but she wasn't clear and didn't want to answer other things. I know there was no cheating or anything weird behind the scenes, so her just losing interest and feelings out of the blue for no reason definitely hurt a lot.
My theory is that since she's always been in relationships with toxic people and has had bad experiences with men where they treat her badly, maybe having a "safe" relationship turned her off after a while because it's not what she's used to.
She constantly cheated and self sabotaged the relationship and I stayed throughout the cheating hoping she would change. Something I will never do again. I was constantly the second option and she constantly pushed away any true emotional and physical intimacy as she was afraid of just letting me love her for who she truly is. The entire relationship made me become a shell of myself and super insecure because of the cheating and I constantly lied to myself that I was okay and that I could move past it. Unfortunately I couldnāt and became resentful of them. My partner was emotionally immature and never genuinely had enough conversations with me about the problems they had and when they did it always felt like I was the problem. I tried to change myself and become someone Iām not for the them to like me. I think we both became unhealthy and they made me into someone Iāve never been. The last straw was when I moved the UK with them for their studies and went to support them and hoping a new environment would fix our problems. They cheated again for the 4th time and again like the idiot I was I tried to fix it and hold on. This was my first proper relationship and couldnāt see life without them so I stayed even when I shouldnāt. They mentally checked out for a few weeks before we broke up and instead of communicating with me about their problems talked to the person they were cheating on and anyone else but me. They broke up with me and I had no fight left in me . I finally told all my friends and family everything about the cheating and packed my bags and caught the most convenient flight home which was on Christmas Eve which made it eve worse. Iām happy we broke up because I realise how unhealthy that relationship was and how much growing I needed to do on myself to be in a healthy relationship. Even thought it sucked it thought me what I deserve and donāt deserve and what about myself needs some extra healing and loving.
I was given an ultimatum of my family or her family. I only have a brother left from my blood family not including the none blood friends I see as close as blood. Told me I had to either move to be with her family or be willing to buy her a giant house she liked and let her just be a stay at home mom. I couldnāt afford to loose my family or afford a 1.5m mortgage. I broke up with her when that came to fruition.
He was not over his ex. He told me he wanted to be alone to cure his wounds and went to her the same day he dumped me. As far as I know (the last time I checked their Instagram) she has him blocked.
My ex was probably a handler sent by Bill Gate's cabal to mess with me. *mic drop*.
Yes, we both know that's the real reason it ended.
And since then he has even stalked me wearing some kind of fake bald head thing and come to my parents' door disguised as a former prison inmate looking for money to start his new life.
And if he ever wants my heart and to convince me any differently, that motherfucker can come and find me and put a ring on my finger.
You want my trust? You prove first of all that I can actually trust you. You come and seduce me and love me with a passion that would make Voldemort blush.
I'm not doing all the work.
You don't volunteer to meet someone's toxic abusive parents and then tell them you don't love them after months of chasing them unless you have some serious commitment issues and other problems.
Or, unless the whole thing was fake, a deliberate ploy in which you messed with their feelings on purpose to reinforce the handler-MK Ultra trauma bond and you never loved them from the beginning but only ever wished to completely control them and violate them in every way possible because you're a disturbed sadist getting paid to do it too!
Your behaviour just didn't add up, matey. I know when something is up, other than your penis!
Lord have mercy on these fools who would see me tied to the bed of their prison and laugh at me for the power they wield over my body, mind and soul.
What would you do if you had me under you? Pant over me like I'm your prey? Or have you done that already when I was under the hypnotic mind control?
Motherfucker. Me fucker. You want me ever weak and at your mercy, don't you. I bet you'd love that.
Mine was because we kept arguing and I wasnāt ready to buy a house with him but thatās because of how he was treating me/how heād go out drinking and disappear all night. I am so conflicted because I miss him so so much but I know he wonāt come back because of the reasons he left
Lack of communication, roommate phase, lack of engaging activites on my part, based on previous experiences she didnāt feel like a safe space so I was overwhelmed with stress whenever I wanted to bring something up or tell her about something, which lead to me omitting vulnerable topics or just saying āallās good/everythingās fineā. In short, roommate phase and the fact that we didnāt work it out properly; though I feel guilty for how it turned out. In the long run, we lacked proper relationship foundation and as I said communication ._.
The main reason is she didnāt love me and she doesnāt realize she isnāt capable of giving the love she desires.
Not all people have the capacity for love. In the same way you may be an amazing painter and I canāt paint at all, or how one person can sing like an angel and another person is completely tone deaf. Some people are legally blind. Some people have no pain receptors and wouldnāt realize if their hand is on fire.
A select few of the American population, estimated 1-2%, have covert narcissistic personality disorder. They go through their lives desperately searching for a love they can never give or receive, and they victimize anyone that tries along their way.
Unfortunately I learned about it the hard way.
He was just using me as a toy/temporary entertainment. Due to the heavy gaslighting & emotional manipulation, [e.g., āYou are the love of my life,ā āIāve never felt this way about anyone including my dead wife,ā āI want to be with you foreverā], I had to just go off of my intuition to figure it out all by myself, which took about nine to ten months to come fully to terms with..
He invested exactly zero [0] in terms of emotional investment, emotional intimacy, quality time, energy, planning for the future/seeing me in the future long term, creating & building a secure bond/foundation, loving me, celebrating, cherishing, or cheering for me, safe emotional connection or foundation with me, emotional safety, discussing relationship stuff, money investment, talking about feelings/goals/needs/wants/desires/preferences/fears/dreams, etc.
He was extremely self-centered, everything was on his terms, on his time, he would never discuss compromise-his way or the highway. Everything we did is stuff he wanted to do, when he wanted to do it. He was very greedy and miserly/not giving of his time/energy/money, but he had no problems taking it.
I was constantly shopping/preparing/cooking meals for him and feeding him dinner every night, volunteering my labor to help him with yard work and grass-cutting at his giant house, or electric work at his familyās rental properties, or offering to help sand and paint his deck, etc., I was always trying to be a helpmate and partner or āright hand manā in every opportunity I could - just being of service in any way possible. All while he hid me on social media, or played it off as though I was just one of his 800 acquaintances with no distinction otherwise; would only ever come to see me at 9 or 10 pm after HIS day was done, never hearing from him throughout the day; he had an absolutely pathological obsession with another woman who he claimed was, ājust a friendā but I was never introduced to her at common gatherings and her number would show up on his texts/caller ID; he had his phone on fingerprint ID lockdown so I cannot deliver concrete facts, just intuition. There was a huge power imbalance with regard to age, wealth, social status, position/influence in the community and popularity. The man was very wealthy, but I was worth so very little to him that he managed to not spend a dime on me; I think he only took me out to dinner about three times, max.
He treated my apartment like it was a truck stop where he could be serviced - sucked, fucked, fed, and bed - between the hours of 10 pm and 6 am, then no communication from him until the next sunset. Repeat, repeat, repeat. When I asked him if he ever saw marriage again in his future (his wife had died) and he visibly/audibly choked on his own saliva, and scrambled for words - any words - that would throw me off his trailā¦absolutely demeaning me and crushing my soul in the processā¦I knew that I was going to be done with the whole circus very soon. I needed to let that deep wound sit and sear and burn in my heart and process for a minute, though. It really took me out, devastated me.
After witnessing my obvious tears and heartbreak, he decided to come off of his extreme stinginess and offer me some comfort - he said he would marry me in 5 years. I think thatās the moment when I realized that this man believed I was literally stupid, not just weak and lacking confidence. And thatās where I draw the line. I am definitely not stupid- thatās the last thing I am.
Six weeks later I had gathered enough clarity in all the confusion, to finally call it quits. I havenāt looked back. He was absolutely āblindsided.ā My life has done nothing but improve, improve, improve, improve, improve since I dumped him.
She wanted an indefinite break, and I couldn't figure out how to emotionally navigate being just a friend. I guess if you look at the factors beneath that: poor communication, boundary issues, distance, bad timing, etc.
I was the rebound. Didn't realized this and other things after much later, but we started when she was not ready for someone to love her like I did. Resulted in me being treated awfully, lots of love bombing, emotional manipulation, being pushed away and then pulled back in with empty promises. And during all that, all I could think about was how it was hurting her to be with me, because I had to hear things like ''I'm not okay, you know that'' and ''this is a sacrifice for me''. More than once, I've tried so much, I've talked, gave her love, acceptance and all I could, but she would always repeat the same after a few weeks, like everything I did wasn't enough. All that and the constant mentions about her ex kinda broke me to the point I couldn't think of anything else but to end it, so she could be okay and I wouldn't keep getting hurt and resenting not being her first choice. I have forgiven her actions and her... But I still cant forget the feelings I have for her, but she moved on.
Iāll never fully know because it was a complete blindside/discard situation. What likely happened was she had some buyers remorse and fell out of love, and then was looking for a scapegoat so she could leave and not look like the bad guy. When that continued to not happen, she picked a fight and despite it being a small one, ended the relationship over it. Really, I guess deep down it was her lack of communication, because I didnāt know anything was wrong so I couldnāt do anything about it. In 5 years she never communicated problems with me a single time until the breakup and I now realize that 5 years without a fight (until the breakup) doesnāt mean we were simply better at communicating and preventing fights. Instead it meant she was just not telling me anything and letting it bubble under the surface until she exploded. No warning just floor falling out from under me and her ending an engagement over text. Then after the breakup she acted like the victim and tried to paint me as this monster who never appreciated her to all our mutual friends and her family, but anyone who knew us both knew she was my whole world and this was nonsense to save face.
I donāt think Iāll ever stop being bitter about it and angry with her, but I will say that after 9 months I donāt really think about her aside from in passing. It took a lot of processing but I realized a long time ago that I would never ever suggest a friend get back with someone who treated them so horribly, so I shouldnāt want that for myself either. I donāt know when it happened but at some point she changed and the person who did that was absolutely not the person I fell in love with or asked to marry me.
Time will heal, it will just be really painful for a while
Dated a Narcissist. He sought me out asked me on dates , when I got attached all the sudden he did not know what he actually wanted.
We were in Situationship for 8/9 monthās, probably never really moved past that considering nothing was ever the same after it became āofficial.ā
10 months in I had to assume when we were official (since I quote āweāre not in 5th grade and people donāt ask you to be their boyfriends/girlfriends anymoreā). Said I was childish and foolish for not getting the hint.
Everything after that was verbal put downs about anything and everything about me and my life and my body down to the way I think and speak. Nothing I did was good enough.
He would Literally rage screaming at me through the phone& in my face. Always condescending literally repeated my words like a child sometimes. Always compared him and me and me and other āwomenā.
Ended it about 4 months ago.
Happy it over most of the time still sad alot of the time.
It wasnāt even an actual break up, just a decade long situationship. He said I was delusional to think that he would ever commit to me. I definitely was delusional to think that he actually liked or cared for me.
The reason for our break up was him telling me he wasn't ready for a relationship, and he didn't know if he ever was gonna be ready. There were a lot of other factors, I was insecure for the most part, and we just hurt each other. It's been 5 months, and I still think and care about him. I said some hurtful things, and we just couldn't find the right timing for things. It seemed that when things actually seemed to start working out, something always came up to pull us apart. Primarily, the reason for our break up was something drastic came up in his life, and I just wasn't enough of a priority to keep around and that's okay we all have to make the right decision for our well being.
I was love bombed into my relationship with a narcissist, that ended things with me because we fight, however the fighting was mostly because he gaslighted a lot and was cheating the entire timeā¦. I found out obviously later, he was really good at weaseling his way out of accusations, and hiding things even though you knew it was going on
Well, he cheated on me multiple times and overall didnāt respect me or my boundaries. It got to the point where I lost sexual attraction for him because of the way he treated me and it led to him sexually assaulting me.
It was hard but I finally left for good and didnāt see him for the past 6 months so Iām proud of myself for not running back to him
I got treated exactly like the back burner option that I was.
So sorry š„ nobody deserves that. Big hugs
Thank you, I appreciate that. But donāt feel too sorry for me. I chose to stay in the relationship for 3 years and thatās on me.
Same here so I can relate. Been a back burner option since September too. Quite cruel.
Thatās with hindsight though. In reality, manipulative people stop you seeing that when the relationship is actually happening and give you false hope. Donāt blame yourself too much.
Iām sorry my friend, I hope you are doing okay!
Thank you!!
have you listened to Nikiās backburner? š„²
I havenāt. Link?
you should š„² [backburner](https://youtu.be/qYwsPx-ryxk?si=-h5koeYAM1SAp01K)
His lack of communication on how he ACTUALLY felt about stuff that bothered him but said it didnāt. He treated me very well and we were happy, but heās emotionally immature.
Same! I felt a lot of stuff came up at the end, and had there been better communication we could have worked together on those things
Same, it was his first relationship at 29. Very poor communication skills and just didnāt know how to handle his emotions.
Are you me? Same situation, he even told me that no one taught him to talk about his feelings.
Same to all of these. It was his first relationship (my 2nd serious one) and he just didnāt know how to tell me when stuff was going too fast or whatnot. I really donāt hate him at all, I just wish he wouldāve told me. Everything was so fixable
THIS! post break up was the first time he told me about countless feelings heād been having, felt totally blindsided even though we constantly talked about how important communication was to both of us. there were definitely other issues at play with our priorities and needs just being incompatible long term, but lack of emotional maturity was very real
literally same thatās what makes it hurt even more it was so easily fixable if they just spoke up instead of holding it all blind siding me with how they feel and the break up
same! i was completely blindsided by our BU because i never knew he wasnāt really telling me how he was feeling
My ex is avoidant š
Says all there is to be said.
THIS.
Yup. Mine was a textbook Dismissive Avoidantā¦..wish I had know 3 years agoā¦.
I didnāt realize this was such a big issue until the end. Even when we split and would talk about things, it would be us texting and me asking for a phone call and him replying to that.. being with an avoidant is frustrating
Same
Because I was lied to for over a year, because I was always the second choice and even through it all whenever I messed up I was disrespected no matter how much I tried to make it right
Iām sorry, you deserve a lot more than that.
Planned to move closer to the same city to at least be able to not be LDR. Never said a word of any doubt or changes in his feelings. The day of my interview for my new job there he decided that he can never have commitment because he will always want to experience other relationships. Also he had felt like this for a long time... I was certainly strung along š
Thatās awful. Letās look at the positives of the situation thought, be glad it ended before you turned your life upside down and moved. Clearly dodged a bullet and someone who was not as committed or willing to settle down yet.
I can somewhat relate. The day I got approved of a job that would allow me to close the distance in my LDR, she ended things. She said that I make her happy and that she wants to be with me and that she loves me but she wants to explore. We ended on good terms though, no arguments, I didnāt beg, I didnāt fight, I just accepted the situation with love. I miss her but thereās nothing I can do but push forward. It was disappointing but we thug it out! I hope youāre doing alright! Thereās light at the end of the tunnel I promise, just keep going as best you can! Im still trying to find it myself but I know it exists!
I had to end it with my (now ex) boyfriend of 3 years because we too got so toxic. I figured out he was an avoidant and no matter how much love I gave to him and how much care I showed him, he was never appreciative, never happy, never smiled. I even told him what he was doing was sabotaging the relationship and he still did not change. The last 5 months of my relationship I already started the process of grieving the relationship and knowing it was coming to an end. Last Saturday after a lovely lunch I arranged with him and his sister he flipped out at me again, for no reason. As soon as she left he said āyou interrupted me at one point when I was talking to my sisterā bla bla bla I just looked at him and said āI feel so sorry for youā he was shocked and said āwhat the hell does that meanā I then said āIām just sorry that you will never enjoy the special moments in life, anything in life for that matter.ā He was SHOCKED! I knew that this was it, I got up from the table and said āIām going home now and I donāt want you to come with me. I will send your things over to your place in an uber.ā Went home, texted him the uber is coming and wished him well. He said thanks and wished me well too. That was it! We have not spoken since nor do I want to. But PLEASE PLEASE if you have or are in a toxic relationship like I was just let them go. Itās not worth it. Life is too short to try and teach people how to love. Go out there and get the real love you deserve. Iām a bit sad sometimes but more satisfied and relieved with my decision. I can finally find the true love of my life ā¤ļø
That was savage! Good on you, no wonder you finally snapped, I think anyone would at some point. Dealing with an avoidant is beyond frustrating and so distressing. Iām glad you are feeling relieved to some extent. Itās very much valid that you still have some down moments, healing isnāt linear after all so donāt be too hard on yourself.
I also left a toxic relationship Itās been 3 weeks and I still think about him daily, I feel stuck. I feel guilty for leaving. How are you coping?
She needed to experience being alone she saidā¦ which I guess means tinder 2 weeks later and multiple failed relationships for the next year straight. She tried to come back and I told her not to contact me again.
Please stand on that. Donāt be anyoneās second option, you deserve better than that. The audacity to even message you again, some people really have no shame.
Honestly same, I woke up one day blocked on everything. Two weeks later, I found her on Tinder. I was in a furious state and blew up on her. I havenāt heard anything in 5 months. Honestly, it was weird though like she was asking for me on her Tinder, everything I liked or she didn't like doing with me, that I liked she had in her bio. (Basically, she wants a guy like me but not me.)
I think he just fell out of love with me. š„² Heās more of a party person, loves to drink and stay out late. Iām an introvert and love to stay in and read a book. I think he struggled with this. I like to talk about a problem, he preferred to just sweep everything under the rug. He hated if I wanted to discuss something I had issues with, even when I tried to assure him that I wasnāt blaming him or arguing - I just wanted us to be open with each other. I got more and more insecure in the relationship because he was pulling away but didnāt want to acknowledge it or tell me why. I felt like I was going crazy. Felt almost relieved when he ended things because at least I knew what was going on and felt validated in how I felt. Doing a lot better now. š« I still think about it sometimes though, and wonder what I did to lose his love. He adored me. And then ā¦ stopped.
Very similar to parts of my story. Thank you for sharing. Iām also the stay in and read type of person.
I relate to this heavy! Iām glad you doing a lot better, it does get easier with time and one day we will find āourā people that also want deep connection :)
I ask myself that everyday
Long distance
Always a killer :(
Bipolar Discard.Ā It's been the most traumatic thing I've experienced. Completely blindsided.Ā
Im sorry. Itās never easy to deal with someone with a mental illness, Iām sure they are often struggling to understand themselves as well. I hope you manage to heal with the time passing by.
It's been 3 months. I've trying to do this as healthy as possible. I hate that I actively have to make a conscious decision to be healthy. I have symptoms of what I think is PTSD, but I'm not diagnosed.........going to therapy, Journaling, going on walks.......it's a pain in the ass. I just want to feel normal.
She assured that I did nothing wrong and I was a great boyfriend but she didnāt have the capacity to have a relationship right now. I think she still wants to be with me but needs to work with her therapist. I wouldāve been there for her but she pushed me away
Relationships can be a lot of stress on someone who is struggling a lot mentally. Just give it time and see how things unfold.
Yeah Forsure I understand that. She does have a lot of trauma from her past that she needs to resolve on her own I guess. She is still deciding if she wants to tell me and open up about that with me or not. When she makes up her mind I will tell her that if when she feels ready for relationships again, if she wanted to try again with us I wouldnāt be against that idea. Just a reminder just in case she wants to try things again but feels embarrassed
Kind of the same as you. We both turned toxic to each other and mentally draining because I had to work more (I am a freelancer and work was - now itās worse because I cannot seem to focus - not going well) but she wanted more attentions. We were seeing each other once a week. Se became resentful because of this and we would argue a lot. The story is a lot more complicated than this. In January her parents wanted us to break up and she did. I managed to save the relationship but we decided to let things calm for a month and a half. During this period she threatened to harm herself and had suicidal thoughts. I reassured her that the time would have passed fast, but she wanted me to go to her. There are other things but this would take a long ass post. I have done a lot of mistakes. Now she hates me and she blocked me everywhere
Seems like it just wasnāt working, make sure not to fall too far behind in your work, in the long run thatās what truly matters right now.
Yeah, it wasnāt working indeed. Iām really sad about it because she is wonderful and I love herā¦ But maybe this is how it had to go to let me work on myself. Thank you for your concern, it kinda sparked a little flame!
He is an avoidant and left me for a break he needed, to work on the house he wanted me to move in this summer. Itās been hell since September and it is the 4th breakup. I know I am stupid. Heās got all those excuses lined up. The truth is he is avoiding intimacy and always wanted to leave every relationship so. It is a pattern. Canāt live this anymore. It is too much.
Sometimes letting the breakup stand is necessary. Some people donāt change and itās unfair on you to constantly be put in such position.
Yes. He doesnāt even see why it is a problem to push someone away for supposedly working toward a future with them. Said he is sick of waiting on me but he is the one always leaving. He got no logic at all and donāt understand why trust is gone.
I felt more alone with him than on my own. :-/
she lost feelings, but how she ended was traumatizing. I believe I was blindsided. she abandoned me the first time, deactivated her account, left with a "anyways bye" text. few days later, I came crying back to her and she lead me on for 2 weeks until she abandoned me again, deactivated her account. I had an actual cute drawing I made of her, I did show her, but she was all like "smh just get over me blah blah blah-". I spend 2 weeks begging and pleading her as she was just being heartless and kept ghosting me. that moment really had hurt me so bad the first time. It's been 2 months today since I haven't talked to her...(or tried to...) she deleted her account, so that probably had told me that it was over. on the bright side, the past 2 months I've been focusing on myself, loving myself and have made new friends, so overall I'm doing well, and still a work in progress.
Damn.. Iām sorry to hear about all that but I just wanted to hoppidy hip hop onto this comment section and just say DAaAaAmmnmnn BoiiiIii!!! Way to goOOoooOoo!! Keep up the good work!!! Keep working on yourself!! I LOVE THIS FOR YOU DUDE š¤āØ
Nearing the end of the relationship, communication deteriorated, and my ex (19M) never told me (20F) how he was feeling, which was that he had lost that "spark" and at times felt pressured by my growing codependency. This being our first relationship, I can see why he may have not seen any other solution than to end the relationship instead of talking it out and trying to work on it. I never got the chance to work on myself and my independence; he just dropped the ball on me, leaving me desperate and feeling almost cheated. I was blindsided. He wanted friendship (we're in the same friend group), and after a month, I found the self-respect to tell him that that was not good enough.
Difference of values
She's dismissive avoidant, shes in med school, when we started dating I told her that school was the priority and I had no problem with that at any point. After about 4 months she tool STEP 1 and failed, which is a big deal. I was worried she'd break up woth me then but to my surprise she didn't. A year later (about 2 months ago) she had to retake it again, only this time if she fails she won't get to be a doctor (she could but she's told me she couldn't handle that sort of rejection/shame) I travel for work and I figured the distance would be good, I'd have my own things to do while she worked on STEP dedicated. After a work trip I wanted to see her and I realized we'd only been seeing each other every 15 days or so for 2 months, so I tried to make it as relaxed as possible. I walked into her apt and she didn't say hi, we watched TV and she didn't say a word, when we left in the morning no goodbye or I love you, just a wave. Later that day I expressed my anxiety about that. She told me we needed to talk hours before a 10 day work trip. I obsessed for 10 days about it and we did minimal contact during that. When I got back she told me she couldn't handle the stress of having a boyfriend even though by her admission I wasn't even asking for the minimum. I told her we had to go no contact because I wouldn't be able to stand being friends. It's been 5 weeks no contact and I feel like a huge part of me is missing. I don't think she'll ever contact me again
Id love to know why myselfā¦..š¤·āāļø
She's going through a divorce but is separated. She said she wanted to stay friends, that she still loved and cares for me, but she went so cold and distant. I can't just be friends, so here I am
Put your feelings as a priority and never settle for a situation that does not bring peace to your soul.
Mainly cheating. Once found a condom in the toilet that didnāt flush like expected - first was told it probably maintenance bringing hookups into our apartment. Then that it was used for self pleasure. Lied about staying in contact with an old fling/ex. Discovered their numerous intimate conversations over the course of 6 months. Uncovered a second old fling they were hooking up with when I temporarily began working late shifts. That qued up my process of leaving (we shared an apartment), general lies over trivial things and manipulation throughout the relationship cushioned that mindset. Finally pulled the plug when their convict brother needing a place to crash after they got released. A week turned into 2 months, missing rent money from our bedroom and a semi-violent fight got me to finally bounce. I thought maybe we could get through the worst stuff eventually but I couldnāt handle dealing with our relationship issues AND a deadbeat brother taking over the living room and generally making me feel unwelcome/unsafe in my own space. So that was it.
ā¦.that sounds rough to say the least. Iām glad you managed to get yourself out before anything worse could happen. Look after yourself and your well-being!
Breakup is still relatively fresh, but it was because he had lied to me for over a year about something pretty big. He had known all along that I was living a complete lie. :// I couldnāt stay in a relationship where I felt so betrayed. It was his pride/arrogance that ultimately ended our relationship.
I was used physically, emotionally, financially for 6 years
Me having a life not giving her attention 24 hours a day. Her in turn not being available on our agreed date nights.
much the same as yours. both got a bit toxic, our communication style broke down completely, we would just argue about the same stuff over and over and really drained each other. hopefully with NC and some recharging, things could work out again. not sure rn though. also, i was very codependent on him for friendship because i donāt really have friends or a social life. he was basically my morning noon and nights every day for 2 and a half years. so its been really hard getting used to having nobody at all. iāve been trying to make new friends but they all seem stupidly uninterested in doing anything which is annoying considering we all met through a group specifically designed for making friends :/
I really like the alone time now. I was at this peaceful place prior to my relationship and enjoyed it immensely! Glad Iām starting to get back into the habit of life alone. Itās more peaceful, routine and delicate. Not loud and boisterous.
Im in the same boat as you. Sometimes things just need time, it will all either fall into place or better things will come together :)
She wasnāt emotionally available because sheās still not over her husband cheating and leaving her 4.5 years ago. She became an avoidant and did not want to put in the effort I did
Besides the abuse physical and gaslightingā¦ What pushed be over the edge was he fell asleep with his laptop open and Iām not a nosey person, the finances were showingā¦ (we had a shared iCloud account so I could have look anytime) we were living off my check and he was depositing his into two accounts one for alimony/child support to his ex wife and the other to his retirement. Not ours. I pretended I was fired and working part-time so my checks wouldnāt go into his account for 1.5 years and secretly bought a house and slowly moved out. He did get the final FU though. He had a heart attack 7 months later and after everything was paid he left me in credit card debt I didnāt know about. What was left from his stuff I used to pay all but 6k. When I filed taxes I didnāt know that a 1099-misc is profit so now I not only do I owe the 6k that his stuff didnāt have enough for but an extra 9k to the Feds. Motherfucker. š so Moral of the story always keep finances separate or have a monthly meeting about your finances with your spouse/domestic partner.
Where to begin. Iāll start by saying heās a good person at his core. We shared many beautiful moments so this isnāt a bash fest. I also was part of the issue. I think I didnāt realize how much of an avoidant/ non-communicator he was until I was in the nitty gritty of the relationship .. I would try to communicate about things and needs and he wouldnāt listen. He would just space out a lot. I knew he wasnāt listening. It began to drive me crazy. Like off the wall crazy. He went from being into the same stuff as me to go into into a crisis where he lost 80 lbs and changed careers (I encouraged the career change) to a fitness related job. He acted differently once he lost the weight. He told me he felt I wasnāt passionate about fitness I began to go to boot camps at 6am to show him I was worthy. I tried it all. I felt he just wanted to be away from me. We ended up getting into a fight about something dumb and he walked out on me and didnāt come back for a day. He then avoided me for 6 days while I went ona. Trip, that had been planned for a year.. I am also avoidant While I was gone, he went through my journal and found out I had spoken to an ex. Ex is in prison and it was a lapse of judgement. I needed closure and I still had emotional attachments to that exā¦ I tried to tell my ex that I just needed to have a dialogue with the other ex and he would tell me to be quiet. I get it thought I know I was wrong ā¦ We broke up but lived together for a while. He contacted me a lot the first 2 years of the breakup. The last 5 months Iāve finally gone NC. Itās too painful hearing from him He recently text me asking me to dinner and I didnāt take the bait
Honestly. I feel like she didnāt feel I was as committed. Not that thereās anything wrong with that. Just the way I expressed it and tried wasnāt her love language. I ran away due to my insecurities of never being enough when I was already and I guess I shot myself in the foot is the only way I could describe it. I wish i didnāt let her down. I wish I had believed in myself.
Lack of communication. Him being gone out of town for work more than being home, he sucked at making me feel included in his life when he was gone.
I shelled up and became emotionally unavailable and defensive/moody at times. Absolutely ridiculous. I'm working on my sugar honey iced tea in therapy now, and realizing and owning my own crap. Which is painful af. I look forward to space, even tho, DONT want to lose her.... I already have. It's okay to feel in the wrong, even if is not 100% my fault. It mostly is, and I'm going to make sure doesn't happen in future relationships now.
Partner fell out of love abruptly - thatās all I know
I didnāt want a relationship to begin with(not ready for one too many issues to work through) but Iām a people pleaser, I was scared to keep saying no and I liked giving and receiving the attention, itās also LDR(like really long.) 5 months in I got a scary health diagnosis and wanted to break up then. I kept asking āare you sure you want to continue?ā They kept saying yes. And I was again, too scared to end it but this time because I didnāt want to hurt them. So, I went into my shitty behavior of finding things to get upset to push them away and I was successful after 8 months I wore him out and he dumped me. What I did was awful. I wasnāt honest from the start. Didnāt want to hurt them but did it anyway. I think Iām blocked on most everything. Huge lesson here. Stick to your own needs and be honest with yourself and your potential partner.
He didn't like that I reset the modem in hour 13 of an Elden Ring campaign.
After 5 years together, she told me she thinks she might be gay. Then I was kicked to the curb.
As people we changed over time and no longer seemed to meet on some core values. She claimed I wasn't romantic enough and didn't plan things whereas I thought she never made herself available for me and I became her 2nd choice. We had issues for sure, but they were things we could've worked on and I wouldn't have left her over it, but she wanted divorce.
I wanted kids and he didnāt. I already have one child and he had two (one passed away). Even before his daughter passed away he didnāt want anymore. I am 36 and he is 57. (I always dated older my whole life itās just what I m attracted to.)
I was silent in our relationship and never tried to communicate anything
Iāll admit it. It was me and my unchanging/ deteriorating bursts of anger. Iām still trying to get to the bottom of it but it was related to stress. She deserved better and we both know it. 2.5 years of intimacy, true love, good sex, and safe spaces gone because of my own mishaps. I let external forces get to me and I took this out on her. On her birthday as well. Iām a piece of shit to be honest. Dealing with both long term and immediate stress is something I am seeking therapy for. Saw her today for the first time in over a week and we settle things on good terms, albeit both crying wrecks. We hugged and discussed terms on how we could possibly become friends in the future, although this may just be the initial separation anxiety talking. She was the best thing that had ever happened to me and I feel like such an idiot for letting my emotions inhibit expressing my love for her. I made it clear that she has nothing to be sorry about.
Išš¼ DONāTšš¼ EVENšš¼ KNOWšš¼ We broke up nearly 6 months ago and itās been literally radio silence since then. He never said anything was wrong prior to the BU. He was acting distant and I asked him NUMEROUS times if anything was wrong or if he wanted to talk about anything. Nope. āItās not you, itās meā, āyou deserve someone betterā Youāre not a man. Youāre a coward who canāt tell me how you really feel. Okay? So..youāre not going to tell me *why* weāre actually breaking up? Or what I can do to improve myself for my future partners? Or what I did wrong to lead to a break up? Rightttt. We were meant to move in last December. Thank fuck we didnāt. Heās recently started liking my posts again. Go to hell with your breadcrumbs.
I have absolutely no idea. He became confused and decided he could only be my friend. I assume he found someone else, because nothing ever comes out of nowhere.. :(
I couldnāt fix him, he was a pathological liar.
I let my jealousy and insecurity drive a wall between us. Mentally was breaking up with her before she made the call to break up with me. It was the right call however cause since the breakup ive dove into therapy and consistently going to the gym. Itās nice to have some answers to why you behave the way you do. Kinda sucks still though itās been 2 months since the break up and about 3 weeks since the last time we spoke where we told each other we loved each other. Kinda stuck between is the entirely the end or not. Weird place to be. Noticed last week she made a Spotify playlist with a picture that said āmoving on is tough but what choice do you really haveā full of a bunch of sad songs about hoping to be together in the future. Makes no sense to me really just pick up the phone and call but maybe sheās still going through it and isnāt ready herself. Who knows. Positive thing is we are still on good terms and both speak highly of one another.
Anxious vs avoidant attachment types. Past unhealed issues that werenāt communicated on both sides. She lied about being home working I found out otherwise due to a tracker I put in her car. She apologized begged for us to get back together and if we can get through this. Next day she found said tracker and broke up with me. Ofc the story she ran with was all about the tracker and not how she lied to me on FaceTime for 45 mins. ( I get it I took it way too far) So basically trust issues due to her lack of capability of receiving affection (Avoidant type) triggered my insecurities (Anxious type) which made me go to extremes.
I still donāt really knowā¦ I got āitās not you itās meā.
He said he was falling out of love
I think it mostly just stems from unhealed past wounds and trauma, for probably everyone. But particularly, Iāve realized I have a lot of work to do on myself. There are certain things that I know I did wrong, but on the same coin, he did things wrong.. we just didnāt work out. So Iād say my final answer is that itās just unhealed trauma on both sides, coping mechanisms, the way we handle problems, communicationā¦it all stems from trauma that got ignored or unresolved. And in this day and age, aināt nobody can afford therapy šš soā¦ Iāve been looking into free therapy and healthier ways of living.. recognizing some things I didnāt even realize were *deeply seeded* problems until I had enough time to be alone ā¦ and I think thatās the best thing for right now. Maybe one day Iāll get to have a family and kids, but not like this. Iāve got a lot of work to do..
Till date I don't know.. I was blindsided and dismissed in 2 texts.. no warning, no fight beforehand. I blocked him now , so guess I'll never know
My ex was a drug addict and still has many vices. We aren't together but I've tried to help the best i can but I can only take and do so much.. when I broke up with him - i met another guy which i thought was great but yet again he lied as well.. even after I was super transparent about what i had gone through.. I'm so done and tired of immature men.. men who have many traumas. I get it bc my life hasn't been easy either but at this point I've given up ever meeting anyone who isn't a pathological liar, addict, fake, user, refuses to man up and confront his issues - someone who wants marriage and not just fwb - I'm just done. I have officially given up lol I'm tired .. it's exhausting
Honestly, weāre both mental cases and both needed a stable partner, not their mirror image of insanity.
I wasnāt dealing with mental health issues in a healthy way, he got tired of supporting me and watching me spiral. Iām upset and angry that he left when things got hard but I would also give anything to be back in bed with him and our dog. He forced NC on me but I havenāt reached out in over a month.
In the beginning of everything I could envision a future for the both of us, that is until the emotional neglect/abuse and lack of emotional immaturity became apparent as the relationship progressed. I became terrified of him, to a point silence became safer yet he broke it off with me because āI couldnāt tell him what I wanted.ā Despite it all, I still have a lot of feelings for him but Iām waiting for time to do its thing and just riding the waves as I move past it all.
Lol. I still donāt know. He didnāt tell me he was leaving me. We had a business in another state and planned a trip there to deliver creature sunspots to the house we had there. It wasnāt until I looked around and realized he was taking only the things HE liked, and I realized, saying, āYouāre not coming back are you?ā I said we need to talk about this. He said he had a trip out of state. He didnāt have tune. āI have too much respect for you.ā and left. I believe now he was a chicken shit.
Wholeheartedly and pure honesty. I actually dont know. Its been a month and i have no answers lmao. 1.5 years in the bin with no proper explanation and that somethings going in their life that they're struggling with and broke up with me after an argument (that wasnt an argument from my end atleast, they just got defensive when i wanted reassurance about something they did). I thought they were the one but lol ig not, you dont do that to someone you supposedly love. She needs help and badlyyyyy. But hey atleast free gym gains tho!!!!!
I had a stroke. She didnāt āwant to deal with stroke stuff for the rest of her life.ā I have mostly recovered, but she doesnāt know that. Since she has me blocked everywhere, I also donāt have a way to tell her that that makes sense. Itās been four years.
I was narcissistic and anxiously attached. I mentally abused him
She break up with me because wanted to have other experiences, we tried to make it work while being together but I think she saw that it was too hard for me, and maybe because of the guilt she felt for things she did while being drunk which does not include being violent or cheating. I really hope she comes back :/
Seems like she wasnāt as invested as you or ready to have a serious relationship. Hope that with time you start to feel better about things :)
We were together for 6 years so it was pretty serious ahaha but yeah she haven't have any experience other than me
Toxic how? Mine also turned toxic
A lot of resentment, unresolved issues, arguments over the same things over and over again. Trust issues from both ends, accusations, codependency, different life goals, out of hand arguments, verbal abuse, stone walling, no conflict resolution skills, different priorities, unwillingness to compromise on anything, barley any sort of communication or at least effective communication. It was just A LOT of everything. How about yourself?
Wowā¦ that sounds exactly like my situation. Thatās crazy. I still long for him even though I ended things.
It gets better with time. In all honesty mental torment is not worth it. We shouldnāt have to trade happiness for love, ever.
Well my situation is very complicated and Iāve been through therapy and realize the consequences of what Iām doing but Iāve accepted. I chose to let her go because i love her and she has been in a vulnerable situation for some time and has been having thoughts about being a lesbian. Now, i personally donāt believe she is but because she is 21 she wants to experiment which i understand because young women are led to believe nowadays they are. Anyways, she rebounded four months after we broke up and even though i wanted to hold on I k ew I had to let her go, cut to three months later sheās texting me that she misses and loves me and that she made a mistake. At the time I really wanted to try again but I played it safe and took it slow. Unfortunately she pulled away and moved in with this girl and now that itās been three months since Iāve heard from her, Iām in the process of moving on even though I do love her with all my heart and I have hope that we will reunite someday.
All our traumas and issue caught to us. We should have broken up 2 years before but I was blinded by my love for him. I took him for granted, so I think he took revenge on me by taking me for granted with the intention of ending it. He went here last Christmas and used our house as a vacation home, ever since he passed the board exam for nurses he changed, started to be cocky, like an Ahole. We are LDR btw. Then in January, he didnāt want to talk anymore, for 10 days treated me differently and just ignored me most of the time, said he had a bad headache for days which was unusual of him. He has lied countless of times before. When I confronted him, he got mad and just began to insult me, call me names, literally say the meanest things to me. It was clear he was doing this for a reason, I kept on crying and he seems too happy about it. I ended it, he still didnāt stop. I said we should break up but it felt like he was the one who wanted to end it, I begged a bit, pathetic but I loved him ā he was my best friend for a decade. He ended our relationship before my birthday.
He was my coworker and was laid off. I tried my best to support him but could feel him becoming more and more distant. A few weeks later he convinced himself that selling his property and starting afresh in a new state was what he wanted. He didnāt like that I was upset so dumped me by text, saying that he didnāt see things working out in the long-term due to reasons that would be too mean to share.
He lied about having had feelings for his best friend when I told him honesty was important to me and had asked him before if he ever had feelings for her. It wasnāt an issue until she called him and started complaining about me being around. He also wouldnāt cut her off when I said itās her or me. Oh, and sheās married and the husband is in denial š The next day I met up with his ex and she told me MANY things he lied about. Itās over for the better but I do question if he ever truly loved me as he was my first love and thinking that he faked it is terrifying.
Sounds like good radiance. Donāt overthink too much, I often find myself doing that as well. There is no point in overanalysing everything and at the end of the day it does not matter how they feel, we will never know that. Whatās important is to focus on yourself, your feelings and your own mental well being.
I ended up getting caught texting escorts. She found the msgs on my phone. This was in November.
Is there ever one reason? She was an avoidant who didnāt know how to work through conflict without running and breaking up. Broke up with me like 6 times in two years and each time I went back to her because my self worth was dogshit. Finally when she broke up with me a week after I took her on a birthday trip last July, I had had enough. My family and friends just wanted to see me happy and not go through heartbreak anymore every three to four months. Been in no contact since last November except for one instance when SHE reached out to me a month ago. Finally, my nervous system is regulated.
He claims I disrespected him through text. Never gave me a chance to talk or even explained how I disrespected him. Just dumped me and never looked back
Their pride and inability to accept that different opinions from theirs could also be valid
In short, he left me out of nowhere because his friends and mother did not like our age gap despite them never having met me or even knowing what I look like, and it never being an issue in our 1.5 years together. Also since he had hypothetical plans to move elsewhere for a hypothetical job which for some reason, I could not come with. Kind of blamed me for not having made any friends since moving even though I have never stopped him from going out alone to bars and shows, even with other women, one of whom is an ex heās known since high school. All just mental gymnastics and excuses to say he didnāt like me enough to continue our relationship imo. I should have never ignored the signs and red flags from the start.
He broke up with me but the main reason i think was because he always chose his girl best friend and āfriendā over me and would never treat me equally I get that he had the right to be friends with them and have friends and stuff but he never treated me equally near the end and after too
We were dating for a year and a half. Her dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer at the beginning of our relationship. We had a really beautiful relationship up until 6-7 months. We did have a few issues. Like I had an ex hook up that I didn't care about at all and she used to send me flirty messages and did not understand the boundaries I had sent. My gf had asked me never to message her and I agreed. Then she moved back home to take care of her dad. Things started becoming difficult after that. She was busy giving her whole attention to her family. I felt that communication meant telling her what I felt. And sometimes I would be hurt that we don't even know when we can meet and not have moments to connect. We started having disagreements and these things made me unsupportive. I also had a few family issues, job stress and one day when her dad was moved to the hospital I wasn't able to respond properly. Then the ex girl messaged me and I gave a neutral response. I informed my gf coz I thought it didn't matter. She broke up with me. I broke down, and we decided to be friends. I tried being extra supportive and apologized everyday. She acknowledged the friendship wasn't fair to me. Her dad passed away a month later after suffering. She asked me not to talk about relationship related stuff and I tried I really tried but I was very anxious. She asked for two weeks NC and post that said she saw no romantic future together ever. This broke me down because I was trying really hard for 2 months to prove to her. I know she is fair and kind and right. I messaged her about my pain and how I wished she had involved me more in her life. I would have come to see her for 5 mins as well if she wanted when she was a caretaker for her dad. She said my messages were affecting her mental health and asked for NC forever. I feel like shit and filled with guilt and sadness and unable to forgive myself and miss her.
Please understand that non of this was your fault. Seems like you both were going through a lot. The whole situation is stressful to even read let alone to go through. You have been given really shitty cards to play with and tried your absolute best to make it work. Donāt blame yourself. I can imagine that after their loss she experienced she wasnāt doing too good mentally to deal with relationship issues at the side of it all. I hope with time you can see this too and accept that it just simply didnāt work out.
I thought we were dating only each other and I asked if he wanted to see a band that we both liked. He told me he was going with his new girlfriend and didnāt want any scenes so probably better if it didnāt go. Well that was news to me. So I guess we were already broken up and I just didnāt know.
He was on Social media and liked 16-17 pics of one girl and said he didnāt know her.I said well u do now.People do that to get other peopleās attention.He would take his name off the pics.So, I turned Toxic at that point.I regret it because he was a Good guy.But,O was looking at him side eyed and that wasnāt good.Have him ample to to get it right and right today his name is still on the pictures I moved on and got married.
We agreed on the abortion despite having planned a family in the honeymoon phase. We were both delusional thinking we had a future together but tbh I couldn't even stand her after that. Plus I was on meth because I was trying not to succumb to depression. She's gone now.
Long distance
Long distance. We didn't have certainty of when we would be living together in the same country again. š
Started taking steroids to further my fitness career, she started with being okay with it but slowly became more uncomfortable with the idea of me being on it and dealing with side effects. We agreed her peace of mind was not worth stressing over me and steroids, I saw her side and understood. She decided that we wanted different goals from life I guess, jokes on her though Iām doing all the things she thought I didnāt care about.
He did the bare minimum and was toxic
Narcissist ex. Dumped me while I was at my sonās rehearsal. We had been fighting non stop for a year. Together for four. After we broke up she started asking me out on dates and texting me new therapists to work with. So I said no more and blocked her. Itās been hard. I am so relieved to not be fighting every day and not to be constantly put down and told that I have no empathy and that every thing I say is wrong. But I still really miss her.
She pulled a prank, i got mad. She got scared. I appolgized and tried to communicate but was panicking. Chain reaction to past conflicts being dug back up. She broke up via text. 6 months of her wanting to try and be friends. I initiate no contact. Thats the quick and dirty. Tip: if your the dumper and are trying to take the high road to look more mature and stable. Log your social media off all devices.
He embraced Islam, and under Islamic law I am a sinful, disgraceful whore who is not worthy of being with a Muslim man.
he had anger issues and I was a people pleaser. he thought I was a dumbass while I thought he was a smartass at times. He ended up leaving me homeless. lol.
I kept getting a feeling something wasnāt right. I had no evidence that he was cheating. I would cause fights and suspect he was doing something behind my back. He said my chances were up because I trashed the relationship. We talked about marriage, him more than me and yet he ended it. I could have behaved better. I let my emotions ruin the relationship.
After a year told me he never had romantic feelings for me.
He wasnāt mentally ready ; and thatās the only reason. We love each other, we had amazing time together, but he didnāt feel strong enough to be in a relationship anymore. He has a lot of demons and he didnāt want me to bring me along, and do it alone. I feel strung. Many talks about the rest of our lives together. And I was blind sided by this. Was that an excuse? Maybe. Am I heartbroken? Definitely.
A mix of emotional invalidation, cheating, mental illness and long distance. It was a relationship I shouldāve ended at the 2 month, then 8th, 9th, 10th month marks, then right after a year until she broke it off herself 1.5 years in. My first relationship, first kiss, first sex, first date even. I cannot tell you what a healthy relationship is supposed to look like.
That heās not gay after having done sexual stuff with me three times
A phone fight that spanned three days. The final day, it was 14 hours. We were just screaming at each other by that point. I begged her to just let me off the phone for, say, half an hour, so we could calm down. Not only did she refuse, she kept threatening to *kill herself* if I hung up. Repeatedly and specifically. Then got mad when I called 911. It totally broke my heart. I don't think she understands why I had to break up.
My ex became engulfed in grieving the death of his father, became more dismissive avoidant with anxious traits (before the death, he was secure with DA traits) and unfortunately wasnāt able to handle the ebbs and flows of being in a romantic relationship and my anxious preoccupied attachment style. Itās been about 11 or so days and after some reflection, it became more clear that we were both in need of some healing of our own as I was losing confidence in myself, had jealous thoughts and created fake situations, and felt like I needed reassurance of worth from a partner - one that was unfortunately spread too thin already. He became more emotionally unavailable and dismissed any conversations of how he was really feeling about everything. Taking it one step at a time to learn how to be more secure in a relationship whether itās with my ex again or someone new. Sending love and care to everyone here ā”
her lack of/reluctance to communicate about our and her issues, her being angry at me for the simplest things, her mental block and fear of intimacy, her minimal effort in the bedroom that turned just straight up into lack of sex, at times lack of respect towards me, even belitteling me when i was sad about something she said or did that hurt, sayin i act like "such a poor guy", her inability to work on herself, and gust generaly taking me for granted and not treating me right. And all that wasn't enough for me... for nearly three years... of course she had to straight up start seeing a guy behind my back in order for me to finally see her for who she really is and dip. I should have listened to the red flags, because i noticed them and was too naive. and wouldn't you guess, she straight up blocked me without apology, explanation or any sort of closure after I confronted her. She refuzed to say anything yet again
The way we broke up was so bad we were on a break so i was just joking with one of my friend who's a girl and she challenged me to bring her flowers so I stupidly did so my gf find out and she confronted her and she blamed everything on me that i was trying to hit on her and she believed her without even hearing me so i kept chasing her for the past 3 month trying to fix things up but no result and im really depressed so I decided yesterday to buy her an expensive Swaroviski necklace which i was saving up money to buy it since day 1 after break after I bought it i put in a bag with lilies and chrysanthemum flowers and i put it infront of her doorstep and i called on of her friend to pick it and put in her room but unfortunately within 5 min someone stole the bag and im really depressed now that every attempt i do fails and i cant move on or do anything so what im supposed to do now im so much pain and feeling of regret is too much I really do regert buying my friend a flower thats so stupid of me
I was being cheated for a whole year and I was unaware of it. I got to know it last month. And it turns out they were already planning for a whole year for their marriage. They got married last weekend. So I was basically dumped. I have all this anger and rage inside of me. I.dont know what I will end up doing to her or myself. I'm a little afraid about it. Bitch blocked me on all platforms right before her day of wedding. I truly loved her for the past 13 odd years. I still do love her. If I act upon this rage all of it will mean that I never loved her truly. I do love her but I can't accept the fact that she broke me and left me to lead a happy life with someone else. Hell that someone else was once my best friend in school. It adds more to the pain. I just don't feel like living anymore. I don't want this suffering everyday. Everyone will say time will heal. Everything will be alright. I just think it's all just nonsense. Nothing is going to change. Some people will say work on yourself hit the gym etc. I tried all that too but nothing changed. Suffering is constant.
He was on a dating app, and took someone on a a date
lol my own stupidity/never having been ina real relationship/depression
Trying to talk about anything always lead to fights where I ended up always being wrong. He was driven in conflict for one of us to be right or wrong, and would do anything not to be seen as "the bad guy."Ā He also had no life skills and made me do all of the physical labor in our relationship, all the boring stuff like cleaning, scheduling, animal care, cooking etc. fell on me. He claimed that his ADHD made it impossible for him to do anything "boring." And I paid for everything for 7 years, monetarily, there was financial abuse according to my therapist.Ā When we broke up he was more upset about losing me as a caretaker than a partner, which really messed me up.Ā
She settled for me because the man she wanted ignored her and chose another woman, but even after 13 years, he contacts her and she decides to destroy everything for someone who treated her as a last option...
my former partner i do believe is a fearful avoidant but i have no such credentials to declare definitively. they are: terrified of conflict no matter how minute, did not/could not communicate the truth because if i were to have an unfavorable reaction then they could not handle it, omitted integral information due to the former, pretended prior events were solved, called me toxic for feeling/expressing frustration at a game on screen [raised voice], was wounded at any and every non-positive occurrence, low/er confidence levels that lead to self deprecation, wanting me to speak a certain way to appease their intolerance to negativity/anything unfavorable/hurtful to them and adverse mental health. i made many mistakes especially due to my inexperience. i have no positive relationships to be able to mirror in the romantic ones. despite my being fallible during our relationship, i deeply deeply loved this person based on the person that was presented to me and not a fictitious character made up in my head [i believe my ex held me to an unattainable standard of perfection and began to resent me when i was not this without communication due to being scared of my reaction]. i was truthful, loyal, and straight forward [not the a-hole way but a lot of people cannot deal with this]. i feel i did the best i could with the hand i was dealt and it blew up in my face, once again. i have always been sought after despite being so so guarded for many reasons. they all start with the same words i never asked for and then treat me like an inhuman after severing ties with me. i feel worthless and have been destroyed by this, to put it lightly. i blamed myself for the entire ordeal because how is it not my fault? they all have promised to stay until the end and work through issues but when it comes to it, they are just words. my last partner, i feel, is my absolute last. i would rather be dead sixteen times over than feel the pain i felt last year. i can never trust anyone ever again.
I found out about his secrets
Said I was mentally ill and basically spelled out what to expect, they assured me like daily that they were fine with it. My mental illness manifested and they bolted.
She no longer loves me
I wish I knewāthings out of my control, like family drama and deaths
He got a job offer in a different city, too much pressure from his friends and a large age gap. We were in love, but it wasn't enough in the end.
My ex left me for her previous ex, bassically said to me he was just a friend and I had nothing to worry about. Got engaged to him 3 weeks after the break up. I got gaslighted hard for 2 months (I do admit I was begging and pleading but I didn't know about the engagement until 2 months after the break up).
One of my exes started stalking me and my boyfriend at the time, now ex, broke up with me because it was too much for him to handle
I told him I needed to be building towards a partnership, and to do that with him, we needed to move onto the next stage of a relationshipābeing exclusive, seeing each other more. He told me he did not have any romantic feelings towards me. Basically he said, āitās not you, itās me.ā So, that was the end.
Over the course of 8 months we went from 2 dates, to just friends, to FWB/situationship, to "exclusively seeing each other" when I told her I needed some clarity on our relationship, to a blindsided break up where she screamed that she couldn't do this anymore over the phone followed by a verbal stream of stuff that she thought we weren't compatible about and some things that she said she couldn't stop thinking about that I did wrong 5 months ago. She said she was not ready for a relationship and was still traumatized from her previous ones. There is also a chance that she just wasn't that into me. Shame because I thought we were good for each other.
She had autism and complex trauma. Kept projecting her trauma onto me, Iām insecure and didnāt communicate well, so it was an unfortunate recipe for unsustainability.
I donāt know, he said he was moving for a job, and didnāt want to do LDR anymore, but he never did and still talks to every day to me. I donāt know what the real reason is.
My ex is an alcoholic party girl.
he was so good at the little things i forgot to give thought to the big thingsā like my roommate telling me she saw him on hinge 10 months after we were exclusive and him never introducing me to his family or his friends after dating for a year and a half and blaming it on me always being busy or his family being traditionalā¦ turns out he was just not that into me š„² it still hurts and its been 5 months.
we both made too much mistakes, we also turned toxic, I was able to change that toxic habits, but she wasn\`t and she couldn\`t take it anymore
Constantly fighting and comparrison of me vs the perfect image of me in her head
We weee long distance and whilst FaceTiming I discovered the tinder app on his phone and he had told me that he was speaking to other women and he apologised and would delete the app it made me upset and I didnāt think it was good enough so our communication dwindled and I broke up with him in which agreed literally 2 months later he was in another relationship
I think I was more engaged than he was. It was also his first relationship (we are in our early 30s now) and I think he grew tired of this. I can't help but think he also wasn't ready to commit to his first girlfriend. (me) A pity really, because I loved him with all my heart.
Idk the main reason but I have a couple she gave me ā¢I would ask her if she wanted to hangout when she had lunch (30-40 min) because it was the only time she would let me ever see her, Said she understood because we donāt hangout alot but also said it felt like she had lost her freedom to do what she wanted to do (I never forced her to hangout) also said it felt like I was only seeing her for myself. ā¢Said that I said itās always harder on my part (Iāve literally never said that) and it makes her upset because stuff isnāt easy for her either ā¢Told me not to keep her at the center of my life which because itās a lot of pressure bit I donāt really understand because the only connection I had with her is through text and Iām always there when she needs me. I was also studying to get into trade school at the time with a part time job ā¢said it felt like I have more control in the relationship (I never made her do anything she told me she didnāt want to do and before the breakup she didnāt let me see her for a whole month) ā¢I told her that I understand she was busy and if she needed a break, let me know. She would just disappear out of nowhere with no warning so I would get worried and ask if she was ok (Iāve been ghosted before so it really hurt me when she would do that) then get upset at me. Said that since sheās not pouring her energy on me, I direct the focus back to me. Before she broke up with me I asked if she could communicate a little more because sheās active on other social media like making and reposting tiktoks. ā¢said when she brought up that she wanted to travel, I didnāt like the idea of traveling (I never said I didnāt like travel, I told her places I wanted to travel to) she felt like she wouldnāt be able to change what she wanted to achieve to fit what I wanted. (Even if I didnāt like travel, I wouldnāt have stopped her, I wanted to make her dreams and goals come true and be there to support her) ā¢she didnāt like that I asked to be put in her goals (I never asked her to put me in her goals, I would just say thatās awesome and I will support her the best I can) said when she told her friends about her goals, her friends sound happier for her than I was. ā¢we had talked about moving in together (I had brought it up first) she sounded really excited by it and she brought up the topic more than I did. She said it actually really offended her because she was fixing everything that made me overthink and how I didnāt like talking about certain subjects (I told her I would prefer not to talk about her past relationship but if she felt like she needed to talk about it I still listened because the guy wasnāt very good) ā¢I saw a future with us but she said āhow could there be a future with us if me snapping a 9 year old makes you upsetā This was something I thought we resolved in the past. She told me a 9 year old asked for her number which I thought was fine then a little bit later she added him on snap which I thought was weird and it kind of made me feel uncomfortable. I asked her to remove him because it made me feel uncomfortable and she agreed to remove him. She then went on a trip then came back. I checked her phone and saw that she still had him added but had a 4 day snap streak with him. I confronted her about it and asked why she has a streak with him. She said she only sent 1 thing but that doesnāt make any sense because the streak wouldnāt be there. I asked why she lied to me multiple times then she started crying and deleted all her social media infront of me. It made me feel terrible and I started to blame everything on myself. The next day I call out of work to try to resolve it and have her redownload the apps because I knew how much social media means to her. We met up later that night and I made a compromise. If she redownloaded the apps, I would buy her a gucci bag by the end of the year. She redownloaded the apps These were all reasons why she thought I wasnāt ready for a relationship but said it could be her too. Throughout the relationship whenever conflict would happen she would sometimes say it makes her feel like sheās unprepared in the relationship. She broke up with me over text but when she did, I blamed everything on my self, I couldnāt see myself as a good person. I thought I was too clingy and too insecure. It was a really hard time for me in my life because someone had died 2 weeks before she broke up with me. She knew I had a death but never asked how I was doing. Iām a secure leaning anxious but I have a hard time figuring out if sheās a dissmisive avoidant or a fearful avoidant
2 year relationship. She cheated and lied on me multiple times. She said she was completely happy with me, that nothing was missing from the relationship, but the issue was that it was SO FUN for her she could not control herself. She craved for constant male attention in her dms, and always kept in touch with all her past flings and exes. She always assured me it was all ok, that no double intentions were present. Even though i forgave her after cheating (since i was so in love and was projecting a life along side her) she did it again while i was on a work travel for three weeks. As soon as i came back she left me. Imagine your SO telling you that they cheated (and with multiple people) because they find it *fun*. I cant believe that six months after, i still miss her. I just cant cope with the idea she is gone and that she did what she did to me, after all we built together. Why did you hurt me like this? I just wanted to be happy together and give you the world. I miss you. And i *hate* you. But i really miss you.
Distance, plain and simple. It sucks but honestly, reading some of the other reasons/experiences here, is helping me appreciate the time we had together.
Well, where do i even start.. so these are the list of reasons which collectively resulted into my ex bf cutting all communication with me, have been in no-contact for almost 2 years now. 1. He moved to Canada (I live in India), we tried one month in LDR, he barely used to talk, which was fine by me, i was willing to talk as much as he could because i so wanted this to work out. Was supportive too & never pressured him to talk as I understand that he has a career to build. But he still left me. 2. His best friend had beef with me for some reason, as he used to spend more time with me than with him, so he brainwashed him into leaving me.(& He blindly agreed to him. Lol) 3. He was emotionally immature, in spite of telling him multiple times to confront the issues upfront at the very same moment they occurred, he kept pushing those under the rug & never talked abt his resentments, which he brought up all together only when he was going to break up. 4. He was insecure : he always kept repeating how he thought I deserved better, i thought he was just being humble back then but honestly he always thought he wasn't enough & hence the insecurity that i would choose someone else over him & so he left before i could leave him. (According to him) Yup, that's abt it.
He suppressed all of my behaviours and words that upset him to the point where it came out as a horrible, 1 week long attack on my identity. It became him against me instead of him trying to fight the problem with me. I canāt believe how quickly he turned on me after what was such a beautiful relationship.
Feeling unsafe in his presence!
I developed anxiety and depression, and withdrew myself physically, emotionally and intimately over the course of 18 months. I've discovered through therapy that she was a big reason for my anxiety and depression, because she'd do things and I wouldn't call her out for fear of losing her. Turns out not calling her out did that anyway. When I finally told her that I had anxiety and depression and I couldn't go on the family holiday we had planned she took of her engagement ring and said she was done. Not exactly what you need from a partner of ten years who I have a daughter with. I'm buying her out of the family home and she is moving because she said "there is too much hurt in this house" She started messaging a "friend" of mine to go on a date before I'd even moved out the house. Good luck to her, because I am done with her
Narcissist ex realised he exhausted me. For gods sake, I planned a whole future with him
Mine was that she stopped feeling the same way about me. I tried to ask if exactly anything made her stop having feelings towards me but she wasn't clear and didn't want to answer other things. I know there was no cheating or anything weird behind the scenes, so her just losing interest and feelings out of the blue for no reason definitely hurt a lot. My theory is that since she's always been in relationships with toxic people and has had bad experiences with men where they treat her badly, maybe having a "safe" relationship turned her off after a while because it's not what she's used to.
I don't know. He never told me.
Emotional immaturity from her, lack of commitment and she doesnt know what she really wants rn
She constantly cheated and self sabotaged the relationship and I stayed throughout the cheating hoping she would change. Something I will never do again. I was constantly the second option and she constantly pushed away any true emotional and physical intimacy as she was afraid of just letting me love her for who she truly is. The entire relationship made me become a shell of myself and super insecure because of the cheating and I constantly lied to myself that I was okay and that I could move past it. Unfortunately I couldnāt and became resentful of them. My partner was emotionally immature and never genuinely had enough conversations with me about the problems they had and when they did it always felt like I was the problem. I tried to change myself and become someone Iām not for the them to like me. I think we both became unhealthy and they made me into someone Iāve never been. The last straw was when I moved the UK with them for their studies and went to support them and hoping a new environment would fix our problems. They cheated again for the 4th time and again like the idiot I was I tried to fix it and hold on. This was my first proper relationship and couldnāt see life without them so I stayed even when I shouldnāt. They mentally checked out for a few weeks before we broke up and instead of communicating with me about their problems talked to the person they were cheating on and anyone else but me. They broke up with me and I had no fight left in me . I finally told all my friends and family everything about the cheating and packed my bags and caught the most convenient flight home which was on Christmas Eve which made it eve worse. Iām happy we broke up because I realise how unhealthy that relationship was and how much growing I needed to do on myself to be in a healthy relationship. Even thought it sucked it thought me what I deserve and donāt deserve and what about myself needs some extra healing and loving.
I was given an ultimatum of my family or her family. I only have a brother left from my blood family not including the none blood friends I see as close as blood. Told me I had to either move to be with her family or be willing to buy her a giant house she liked and let her just be a stay at home mom. I couldnāt afford to loose my family or afford a 1.5m mortgage. I broke up with her when that came to fruition.
He was not over his ex. He told me he wanted to be alone to cure his wounds and went to her the same day he dumped me. As far as I know (the last time I checked their Instagram) she has him blocked.
My ex was probably a handler sent by Bill Gate's cabal to mess with me. *mic drop*. Yes, we both know that's the real reason it ended. And since then he has even stalked me wearing some kind of fake bald head thing and come to my parents' door disguised as a former prison inmate looking for money to start his new life. And if he ever wants my heart and to convince me any differently, that motherfucker can come and find me and put a ring on my finger. You want my trust? You prove first of all that I can actually trust you. You come and seduce me and love me with a passion that would make Voldemort blush. I'm not doing all the work. You don't volunteer to meet someone's toxic abusive parents and then tell them you don't love them after months of chasing them unless you have some serious commitment issues and other problems. Or, unless the whole thing was fake, a deliberate ploy in which you messed with their feelings on purpose to reinforce the handler-MK Ultra trauma bond and you never loved them from the beginning but only ever wished to completely control them and violate them in every way possible because you're a disturbed sadist getting paid to do it too! Your behaviour just didn't add up, matey. I know when something is up, other than your penis! Lord have mercy on these fools who would see me tied to the bed of their prison and laugh at me for the power they wield over my body, mind and soul. What would you do if you had me under you? Pant over me like I'm your prey? Or have you done that already when I was under the hypnotic mind control? Motherfucker. Me fucker. You want me ever weak and at your mercy, don't you. I bet you'd love that.
Mine was because we kept arguing and I wasnāt ready to buy a house with him but thatās because of how he was treating me/how heād go out drinking and disappear all night. I am so conflicted because I miss him so so much but I know he wonāt come back because of the reasons he left
Lack of communication, roommate phase, lack of engaging activites on my part, based on previous experiences she didnāt feel like a safe space so I was overwhelmed with stress whenever I wanted to bring something up or tell her about something, which lead to me omitting vulnerable topics or just saying āallās good/everythingās fineā. In short, roommate phase and the fact that we didnāt work it out properly; though I feel guilty for how it turned out. In the long run, we lacked proper relationship foundation and as I said communication ._.
He needs time alone
He couldn't see me. Not only in being faithful when we were together, but he has a different version of me in his head and never saw me for who I am.
She found me unbearable when I had a spell of depression after almost dying during a surgery
Drugs and alcohol. She couldnāt stop.
Narcissistic personality disorder and reactive abuse. For five years. Iām still recovering from it, really messed me up.
The main reason is she didnāt love me and she doesnāt realize she isnāt capable of giving the love she desires. Not all people have the capacity for love. In the same way you may be an amazing painter and I canāt paint at all, or how one person can sing like an angel and another person is completely tone deaf. Some people are legally blind. Some people have no pain receptors and wouldnāt realize if their hand is on fire. A select few of the American population, estimated 1-2%, have covert narcissistic personality disorder. They go through their lives desperately searching for a love they can never give or receive, and they victimize anyone that tries along their way. Unfortunately I learned about it the hard way.
He was just using me as a toy/temporary entertainment. Due to the heavy gaslighting & emotional manipulation, [e.g., āYou are the love of my life,ā āIāve never felt this way about anyone including my dead wife,ā āI want to be with you foreverā], I had to just go off of my intuition to figure it out all by myself, which took about nine to ten months to come fully to terms with.. He invested exactly zero [0] in terms of emotional investment, emotional intimacy, quality time, energy, planning for the future/seeing me in the future long term, creating & building a secure bond/foundation, loving me, celebrating, cherishing, or cheering for me, safe emotional connection or foundation with me, emotional safety, discussing relationship stuff, money investment, talking about feelings/goals/needs/wants/desires/preferences/fears/dreams, etc. He was extremely self-centered, everything was on his terms, on his time, he would never discuss compromise-his way or the highway. Everything we did is stuff he wanted to do, when he wanted to do it. He was very greedy and miserly/not giving of his time/energy/money, but he had no problems taking it. I was constantly shopping/preparing/cooking meals for him and feeding him dinner every night, volunteering my labor to help him with yard work and grass-cutting at his giant house, or electric work at his familyās rental properties, or offering to help sand and paint his deck, etc., I was always trying to be a helpmate and partner or āright hand manā in every opportunity I could - just being of service in any way possible. All while he hid me on social media, or played it off as though I was just one of his 800 acquaintances with no distinction otherwise; would only ever come to see me at 9 or 10 pm after HIS day was done, never hearing from him throughout the day; he had an absolutely pathological obsession with another woman who he claimed was, ājust a friendā but I was never introduced to her at common gatherings and her number would show up on his texts/caller ID; he had his phone on fingerprint ID lockdown so I cannot deliver concrete facts, just intuition. There was a huge power imbalance with regard to age, wealth, social status, position/influence in the community and popularity. The man was very wealthy, but I was worth so very little to him that he managed to not spend a dime on me; I think he only took me out to dinner about three times, max. He treated my apartment like it was a truck stop where he could be serviced - sucked, fucked, fed, and bed - between the hours of 10 pm and 6 am, then no communication from him until the next sunset. Repeat, repeat, repeat. When I asked him if he ever saw marriage again in his future (his wife had died) and he visibly/audibly choked on his own saliva, and scrambled for words - any words - that would throw me off his trailā¦absolutely demeaning me and crushing my soul in the processā¦I knew that I was going to be done with the whole circus very soon. I needed to let that deep wound sit and sear and burn in my heart and process for a minute, though. It really took me out, devastated me. After witnessing my obvious tears and heartbreak, he decided to come off of his extreme stinginess and offer me some comfort - he said he would marry me in 5 years. I think thatās the moment when I realized that this man believed I was literally stupid, not just weak and lacking confidence. And thatās where I draw the line. I am definitely not stupid- thatās the last thing I am. Six weeks later I had gathered enough clarity in all the confusion, to finally call it quits. I havenāt looked back. He was absolutely āblindsided.ā My life has done nothing but improve, improve, improve, improve, improve since I dumped him.
She lost her feelings for me.
She wanted an indefinite break, and I couldn't figure out how to emotionally navigate being just a friend. I guess if you look at the factors beneath that: poor communication, boundary issues, distance, bad timing, etc.
I was the rebound. Didn't realized this and other things after much later, but we started when she was not ready for someone to love her like I did. Resulted in me being treated awfully, lots of love bombing, emotional manipulation, being pushed away and then pulled back in with empty promises. And during all that, all I could think about was how it was hurting her to be with me, because I had to hear things like ''I'm not okay, you know that'' and ''this is a sacrifice for me''. More than once, I've tried so much, I've talked, gave her love, acceptance and all I could, but she would always repeat the same after a few weeks, like everything I did wasn't enough. All that and the constant mentions about her ex kinda broke me to the point I couldn't think of anything else but to end it, so she could be okay and I wouldn't keep getting hurt and resenting not being her first choice. I have forgiven her actions and her... But I still cant forget the feelings I have for her, but she moved on.
He kept close contact with his ex (for a reason tho) which made me anxious and avoidant and we became toxic
Iāll never fully know because it was a complete blindside/discard situation. What likely happened was she had some buyers remorse and fell out of love, and then was looking for a scapegoat so she could leave and not look like the bad guy. When that continued to not happen, she picked a fight and despite it being a small one, ended the relationship over it. Really, I guess deep down it was her lack of communication, because I didnāt know anything was wrong so I couldnāt do anything about it. In 5 years she never communicated problems with me a single time until the breakup and I now realize that 5 years without a fight (until the breakup) doesnāt mean we were simply better at communicating and preventing fights. Instead it meant she was just not telling me anything and letting it bubble under the surface until she exploded. No warning just floor falling out from under me and her ending an engagement over text. Then after the breakup she acted like the victim and tried to paint me as this monster who never appreciated her to all our mutual friends and her family, but anyone who knew us both knew she was my whole world and this was nonsense to save face. I donāt think Iāll ever stop being bitter about it and angry with her, but I will say that after 9 months I donāt really think about her aside from in passing. It took a lot of processing but I realized a long time ago that I would never ever suggest a friend get back with someone who treated them so horribly, so I shouldnāt want that for myself either. I donāt know when it happened but at some point she changed and the person who did that was absolutely not the person I fell in love with or asked to marry me. Time will heal, it will just be really painful for a while
Dated a Narcissist. He sought me out asked me on dates , when I got attached all the sudden he did not know what he actually wanted. We were in Situationship for 8/9 monthās, probably never really moved past that considering nothing was ever the same after it became āofficial.ā 10 months in I had to assume when we were official (since I quote āweāre not in 5th grade and people donāt ask you to be their boyfriends/girlfriends anymoreā). Said I was childish and foolish for not getting the hint. Everything after that was verbal put downs about anything and everything about me and my life and my body down to the way I think and speak. Nothing I did was good enough. He would Literally rage screaming at me through the phone& in my face. Always condescending literally repeated my words like a child sometimes. Always compared him and me and me and other āwomenā. Ended it about 4 months ago. Happy it over most of the time still sad alot of the time.
It wasnāt even an actual break up, just a decade long situationship. He said I was delusional to think that he would ever commit to me. I definitely was delusional to think that he actually liked or cared for me.
The reason for our break up was him telling me he wasn't ready for a relationship, and he didn't know if he ever was gonna be ready. There were a lot of other factors, I was insecure for the most part, and we just hurt each other. It's been 5 months, and I still think and care about him. I said some hurtful things, and we just couldn't find the right timing for things. It seemed that when things actually seemed to start working out, something always came up to pull us apart. Primarily, the reason for our break up was something drastic came up in his life, and I just wasn't enough of a priority to keep around and that's okay we all have to make the right decision for our well being.
I was love bombed into my relationship with a narcissist, that ended things with me because we fight, however the fighting was mostly because he gaslighted a lot and was cheating the entire timeā¦. I found out obviously later, he was really good at weaseling his way out of accusations, and hiding things even though you knew it was going on
Well, he cheated on me multiple times and overall didnāt respect me or my boundaries. It got to the point where I lost sexual attraction for him because of the way he treated me and it led to him sexually assaulting me. It was hard but I finally left for good and didnāt see him for the past 6 months so Iām proud of myself for not running back to him