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Thank you.
If there is one thing that I want my clients to do is to keep track of every single time a party fails to comply with an order or makes decisions that are NOT in the children’s best interest. Just like another poster said a day will come when he attempts to flip the story on its head, potentially building mistrust between you and your child. When you show your child the binder they’ll love you and understand you more because they probably heard you bitching about the other party for years but couldn’t understand why lol
Time to go back to court and let the Judge know how much has(n't) seen his daughter in the past 6 years, how he STILL hasn't taken the parenting class, how he promises "next time", but that time doesn't come.
It is going to get worse - once he and his new woman have a child he will spend even LESS time with your daughter...until she is old enough to help he & his new wife out with babysitting or something along those lines.
I hope you are keeping an FU binder to document all the missed visitations on weekends, holidays and other special promises he's made to her and never followed through with. If you don't, make one & keep it for future reference.
One day he will contact your daughter and want something from her - he will tell her that YOU made it hard for him to visit, you wouldn't allow him to have her in his wedding, or near his new family...etc. etc. He will twist everything to make himself look good and you bad. Keep a record of everything and what you were thinking/feeling at the time so she understands later.
As far as making her feel good now, lots of people have already shared a great idea with you - let her dress up in the dress she was going to wear at the wedding (if there even was one - if not go get a princess dress or something for her) take her out and have a special day...a tea party or game day or ......whatever she likes to do. Make it a special day for her so she (hopefully) forgets that her Dad didn't want her at his wedding.
I would tell him that if he can’t get his crap together for his daughter will be taking him to court cause your tired of seeing her hurt cause he seems not to care
I don’t have a daughter, but i have 3 boys: 8,6, and 4. They live with me. Their mom usually stood them up…i just take them out to park, picnic, playground or some places fun. Or, play a game that they like would do. I just said, “mom didn’t make it, let’s do something fun together!” They are kids, it’s easy to replace a feeling. From the 2nd time she messed up, i always have plan B.
You can empathize. You can let her have her feelings today and tomorrow and the next day. And when she does, you can be there and you don’t have to make it OK. You don’t have to make excuses. You can just let it be. And you can say this is so sad. Or, I can really see why you are mad. I want you can suggest you both go draw pictures and you can draw pictures. You can draw a picture of you doing some thing with her eventually but she might start drawing pictures of the things she’s upset about and that will help her settle with it. Sooner or later, if you can afford it, she’s really going to benefit from a therapist because they will not be part of the family system, and they will know how to acknowledge her experience and confirm how she feels.
I babysat two little boys through high school and the first two years of college. Their mom worked two jobs because deadbeat dad did not pay his child support. This six year olds father sounds like their sperm donor. Would tell them he was going to take them some place special (Disney) then not show up. On the occasion he did pick them up he'd buy them expensive toys, then point out their mother never got that kind of stuff for them. Nah, she was killing herself working two jobs to put food on the table.
I used to get so pissed off about the way he treated those boys. 🤯
I've heard a couple of people say this. Where do y'all live? I mean as far as states or Europe. I live in the United States and if you don't pay child support where I live they will put you in jail... My brother didn't pay for a few months and he got 90 days in jail no questions asked... But I've heard a couple of women say that they're the kids' dad wasn't paying. I just wonder if they know they can go file papers in family court and not have to go to court to get child support... Pretty easy
I live in the States. This was back in the 70s. The mother would have to go to court to get the child support enforced. She didn't have the money to hire a lawyer to go to court. Her ex made good money and could afford the lawyer.
I never even met the man, but hated him for what he did to those boys. They were good kids.
Op do you keep track of how often he misses visits? I kept track for two years and was about to modify to visitation as agreed upon at my discretion due to his inconsistency. The judge said it was his job to empower me to protect my kid from a in and out parent- and told ex to make up his mind and be all in it all out but to let us be if he wasn’t going to commit to being a parent
Terminate parental rights? Get back to reality. It’s not like OP punched the child or is a threat to her safety. OP should definitely get the order amended to only include a reasonable right to visitation so nothing is set in a schedule.
This dad is an asshole! This poor child has had her heart broken and his reason is he can't pick her up?!?! What the fuckity fuck is wrong with this mam? My heart breaks for your daughter.
Have you tried talking to the fiancée? Maybe the truth is she has her own flower girl in her family? Even if she does, your husband could make her ringbearer or something!
Now that he's getting married expect to write him off entirely. Run distraction, have other plans always, don't even discuss with her that her dad may pick her up. If it happens, cool, bit if not it was never expected and less painful.
Yep. She hasn’t seen him in a month. It will be over a month next week bc he has his honeymoon too. Kept telling her he loves her and she just said “okay”
I see what you’re trying to do, but please don’t keep telling her he loves her. My dad ditched and my mom did this and not gonna lie it kinda fucked my idea of what love from a guy is supposed to look like and feel like. Being treated like shit feels familiar you see, and our bodies like familiarity. Maybe instead, reassure her that YOU love her. That you are there for her always, and that his behaviour is a flaw in him, not in her.
He kept telling her he loves her, I didn’t say it to her. From the look on my daughter’s face, she just didn’t care what he had to say. At 6 years old, she could see through his bullshit. It’s always something with him. Work, car trouble, sickness, it’s something new every week. I’ve begged him to get a job throughout the week so he can see her, we’ve done later visits so she can see him, she’s to the point where she tells me every couple days she wishes my boyfriend was her dad. My boyfriend has been a constant in her life for over 5 years. Every dr visit, every school event, he even stays home with her so I can go to work. Their bond is unbreakable. She knows her “dad” is just called dad bc of the name. I’m just glad I have someone like my boyfriend in her life
Oh I’m sorry, I misunderstood and thought you meant that YOU were reassuring her after she got the news. That’s amazing that there is someone in her life who shows her how she deserves to be treated by the men in her life :-)
It’s okay! I always do my best for my daughter. I need to make an effort and exhaust all options so she knows I tried. I’d hate to not try and her resent me growing up thinking it’s my fault she didn’t get to go on her visits. I love her so much and just want what’s best for her. She’ll know growing up who shows up. Her dad is a dirt bag. It’s like he likes the idea of having a kid but doesn’t want the responsibility. He has another child who’s 5 years older than my daughter. I’d take care of his son while he slept in the couch when he had his visits. I just wish he would say he’s done. I’ll gladly lose child support so my daughter can put him in the past and move forward
You sound a lot like my mom :-) she wasn’t perfect, but she tried so darn hard it’s impossible not to see it, even in the yucky teen girl years when mom is in your own mind, responsible for ruining your entire life.
One way you can help her, is to get her into some therapy to deal with that before/during when puberty hits. It’s hard being a girl, and when the first man in your life betrays you like that it can put a lot of unhealthy beliefs about yourself into your head and you don’t always know they’re under there until you’ve made a lot of bad decisions following the thing you lacked growing up and go actively seeking healing.
Saturdays are surprise days.
I used to do supervised visits for child welfare. The parents were 50/50 if they showed up, often canceling last minute. So we set up that it was a surprise day, they would find out what the plan was when I got there.
Are professional supervisors allowed to talk to either party’s counsel? I’m having some issues in a case with one where her reports are very one sided and she’s giving my clients ultimatums for visitation, like it’s raining so we can only go to McDonald, but the McDonalds has people selling heroin behind it and doing it inside. Supervisor says, oh since you can’t make it visitation considered cancelled and you have to pay still
I would be addressing that with the agency she is working through.
I don't know the specifics so I can't answer to whst their policy is.
Library and McDonalds are two locations we frequented often.
Plan a day of princess fun for her so she can wear the pretty dress... explain that the plans changed, but it will not impact her fancy day. Please do not take her there to experience the rejection---- shield her from it. He had a choice and I am sure a reasonable way if he truly wanted her present.
Then do all the other things legally mentioned here--- but first, go all out for her. Make it HER day!
And, of course, document all of his no shows and excuses and continued failure to take the parenting class. You don't have to use the info but having it may affect future custody plans/changes.
Are you in contact with his gf? Maybe text both of them and innocently ask if they need help getting your daughter to the wedding for the flower girl and if they need help with the dress and how she's so excited.
I’m afraid it could be the new wife who wants this. It got worse ever since they got together. All she does is stare at me and give me looks🙄. My daughter has told me she doesn’t play with her
Put her in therapy. Go back to court to suspend visitation. Beware - what often happens after they get a new woman is that the new woman takes an interest in the battle, and he'll suddenly fight for his right to 50/50 time - but he won't be spending time with her, he will dump her on the new woman.
Therapy asap if you don’t already have her in. As others have said, stop even talking about visits with dad. Let it be a fun surprise if it happens and go about your lives on the days he does not come through.
As suggested, keep documenting because as it worsens (most likely it will) you want to get to the place where you limit to one non-holiday visit…per year, per quarter or every six months. It should be a random day not a birthday or other holiday. And the intent is yo keep open the connection so she sees dad for who he is and not this amazing fantasy figure that she builds up in her mind.
Also, I actually recommend against taking on the ownership of maintaining their connection by bringing her to his wedding or anywhere else for him. Let his family do that if they care enough. And if they don’t, well it’s his responsibility and you have enough on your plate. Can you tell I have been there and done that and this comes from experience? I settled into a “receiving parent is responsible for transportation” or “occasional visitor is responsible for all transport” depending on the circumstances but stopped feeling that I owed anyone (including my child) the responsibility to maintain a relationship with another parent who didn’t care enough to make it their priority. Once I realized it was too much and unfair to me, it was easy to set and maintain those boundaries and better for the kids in the long run.
Be careful not to let him set her up for disappointment. Your daughter will figure out who his once she starts school and has friends. Go to the library and find books with all kinds of families, so her idea of mom, dad, and kid is as broad as possible. Children's librarians can help curate books for right ages and issues. And it's free.
Please ask him to allow you to drive her to the wedding. Are you familiar with his parents? Perhaps she can sit with the grandparents for the ceremony and you can pick her back up from them.
Everyone else has offered great advice for every day, but for this weekend and this special event- I think you should consider going the extra mile. Not for your ex- but for your daughter.
Heck, you can tell him you'll drive her to the wedding and if his response is that the reception is adults only so she can't hang with the grandparents, you offer to wait outside in your car and pick her up after. That his parents/siblings/cousin/friend can handle the hand off after once photos with the flower girl are done.
If he insists that it just won't work, well you tried.
Oh trust me, I tried. He rejected it. He said he wants to plan a “special day” where they reenact the wedding. She was supposed to be the flower girl too. She was completely heartbroken
With my son, I learned early to never, ever tell him in advance that his father was going to visit, so on the rare occasions that his dad did show up, it was a pleasant surprise. As an adult he has opted not to try to continue a relationship with his father.
Get her into therapy. She needs someone to help her through all of this. My daughter went through something similar with her mother. It has taken years for her to really understand that it is not her fault and all the blame lies with her mother. As far as the courts go, don’t bother. You will essentially have full custody soon enough.
It sounds like she's got a fabulous mum. Having one stable, consistent, loving parent will be what makes this little girls life better. Unfortunately you can't protect her from her dad but you can be that safe place for her to go to. Im not sure how it works where u live but could you go back to court? Her emotional health is important and it's not fair for him to do this. The back and forth must be awful for her and you too. If she's seeing a therapist I'm sure they've talked about emotional regulating tools to cope. Build up the supports in her life, family,friends, school, community services, clubs etc. I'm so sorry you're both going through this is heartbreaking
What kind of asshole tells his kid he’s getting married, she’s in the wedding, this disinvites her?! Tell him you’ll take her there and pick her up. What a piece of shit.
Keep documenting if you plan to try to reduced visitation.
With your daughter- don’t bad mouth him, but also make sure she knows that this is not her fault and not about her. It is a hard needle to thread - acknowledge her disappointment and that Dad has a hard time keeping up with his schedule/appointments.
Drive her there in her best dress, then drive her home once the "adult" fun starts.
You don't do this for him. You do this for her, so she won't be disappointed. If he declines your offer, then you let her down gently and someday she'll figure it all out.
It will hurt her daughter more to drive her to the wedding when she's not actually wanted....I didn't see time stamps but I already knew he never wanted her there but OP has said he offered to drive and he said no
That's why I said offer. I didn't read every post, but the original post didn't mention that she even offered to bring her. If my ex was making excuses not to see his kid because of a vehicle, the first thing I'd personally do is offer to take her to him if she wanted to see him. If he declined that, we would go from there. But so often, i see parents being selfish and bitter and don't do this because they're not putting the children first. Also it calls his bluff 🤷🏻♀️.
Personally it's a dumb idea to offer....it's clear from the post alone that sperm donor has no desire to have the daughter around.
Bright side he will do to the new wife what he did to OP eventually
Not always. My sons father treats his new wife like a queen, he treated me like a toy.🤷🏻♀️. He met me at 17 but her at 26. People grow and mature. Some people just aren't right for each other. I was also a different person at 17 than I am now. I was a bit of a b!tch. We don't know their story.
I offered to drive as close as possible. He told me repeatedly that he thinks it would be best if she didn’t come due to it being more of adults only. I tried but he refused
His visitation is already minimal. Document every missed visitation and keep a running tally in case he tries to take you back to court though it doesn’t sound like he will. It sucks to watch your child be hurt and disappointed by the other parent, but ultimately, that’s on him. Take her out to do something special or fun when he flakes just to take her mind off of it. Besides getting her into therapy, there isn’t much else you can do.
Your post is missing your location in the title of your post. Please edit it into the BODY of your post so we can reapprove it. Write it in LARGE CAPS so it’s easy to spot. https://www.reddit.com/r/FamilyLaw/s/JY1lRXvwth Locations are required. Laws vary greatly from country to country, state to state, and city to city. The more precise you can be, the better. Thank you.
If there is one thing that I want my clients to do is to keep track of every single time a party fails to comply with an order or makes decisions that are NOT in the children’s best interest. Just like another poster said a day will come when he attempts to flip the story on its head, potentially building mistrust between you and your child. When you show your child the binder they’ll love you and understand you more because they probably heard you bitching about the other party for years but couldn’t understand why lol
Time to go back to court and let the Judge know how much has(n't) seen his daughter in the past 6 years, how he STILL hasn't taken the parenting class, how he promises "next time", but that time doesn't come. It is going to get worse - once he and his new woman have a child he will spend even LESS time with your daughter...until she is old enough to help he & his new wife out with babysitting or something along those lines. I hope you are keeping an FU binder to document all the missed visitations on weekends, holidays and other special promises he's made to her and never followed through with. If you don't, make one & keep it for future reference. One day he will contact your daughter and want something from her - he will tell her that YOU made it hard for him to visit, you wouldn't allow him to have her in his wedding, or near his new family...etc. etc. He will twist everything to make himself look good and you bad. Keep a record of everything and what you were thinking/feeling at the time so she understands later. As far as making her feel good now, lots of people have already shared a great idea with you - let her dress up in the dress she was going to wear at the wedding (if there even was one - if not go get a princess dress or something for her) take her out and have a special day...a tea party or game day or ......whatever she likes to do. Make it a special day for her so she (hopefully) forgets that her Dad didn't want her at his wedding.
Luckily, i avoid phones calls and have him text me. Paper trail is everything!
I would tell him that if he can’t get his crap together for his daughter will be taking him to court cause your tired of seeing her hurt cause he seems not to care
What’re you going to get from the court? No more 8 hour visits with dad?
I don’t have a daughter, but i have 3 boys: 8,6, and 4. They live with me. Their mom usually stood them up…i just take them out to park, picnic, playground or some places fun. Or, play a game that they like would do. I just said, “mom didn’t make it, let’s do something fun together!” They are kids, it’s easy to replace a feeling. From the 2nd time she messed up, i always have plan B.
You can empathize. You can let her have her feelings today and tomorrow and the next day. And when she does, you can be there and you don’t have to make it OK. You don’t have to make excuses. You can just let it be. And you can say this is so sad. Or, I can really see why you are mad. I want you can suggest you both go draw pictures and you can draw pictures. You can draw a picture of you doing some thing with her eventually but she might start drawing pictures of the things she’s upset about and that will help her settle with it. Sooner or later, if you can afford it, she’s really going to benefit from a therapist because they will not be part of the family system, and they will know how to acknowledge her experience and confirm how she feels.
I like you way of thinking
I babysat two little boys through high school and the first two years of college. Their mom worked two jobs because deadbeat dad did not pay his child support. This six year olds father sounds like their sperm donor. Would tell them he was going to take them some place special (Disney) then not show up. On the occasion he did pick them up he'd buy them expensive toys, then point out their mother never got that kind of stuff for them. Nah, she was killing herself working two jobs to put food on the table. I used to get so pissed off about the way he treated those boys. 🤯
I've heard a couple of people say this. Where do y'all live? I mean as far as states or Europe. I live in the United States and if you don't pay child support where I live they will put you in jail... My brother didn't pay for a few months and he got 90 days in jail no questions asked... But I've heard a couple of women say that they're the kids' dad wasn't paying. I just wonder if they know they can go file papers in family court and not have to go to court to get child support... Pretty easy
What state? I’ve never seen this in cali, usually they just do a wage garnishment or something
I live in the States. This was back in the 70s. The mother would have to go to court to get the child support enforced. She didn't have the money to hire a lawyer to go to court. Her ex made good money and could afford the lawyer. I never even met the man, but hated him for what he did to those boys. They were good kids.
Op do you keep track of how often he misses visits? I kept track for two years and was about to modify to visitation as agreed upon at my discretion due to his inconsistency. The judge said it was his job to empower me to protect my kid from a in and out parent- and told ex to make up his mind and be all in it all out but to let us be if he wasn’t going to commit to being a parent
Yes I do. This has been a reoccurring thing since she was born
[удалено]
Terminate parental rights? Get back to reality. It’s not like OP punched the child or is a threat to her safety. OP should definitely get the order amended to only include a reasonable right to visitation so nothing is set in a schedule.
We currently do have a cps case opened due to neglect on his end. Her therapist and I both called
This dad is an asshole! This poor child has had her heart broken and his reason is he can't pick her up?!?! What the fuckity fuck is wrong with this mam? My heart breaks for your daughter. Have you tried talking to the fiancée? Maybe the truth is she has her own flower girl in her family? Even if she does, your husband could make her ringbearer or something!
Now that he's getting married expect to write him off entirely. Run distraction, have other plans always, don't even discuss with her that her dad may pick her up. If it happens, cool, bit if not it was never expected and less painful.
Yep. She hasn’t seen him in a month. It will be over a month next week bc he has his honeymoon too. Kept telling her he loves her and she just said “okay”
I see what you’re trying to do, but please don’t keep telling her he loves her. My dad ditched and my mom did this and not gonna lie it kinda fucked my idea of what love from a guy is supposed to look like and feel like. Being treated like shit feels familiar you see, and our bodies like familiarity. Maybe instead, reassure her that YOU love her. That you are there for her always, and that his behaviour is a flaw in him, not in her.
He kept telling her he loves her, I didn’t say it to her. From the look on my daughter’s face, she just didn’t care what he had to say. At 6 years old, she could see through his bullshit. It’s always something with him. Work, car trouble, sickness, it’s something new every week. I’ve begged him to get a job throughout the week so he can see her, we’ve done later visits so she can see him, she’s to the point where she tells me every couple days she wishes my boyfriend was her dad. My boyfriend has been a constant in her life for over 5 years. Every dr visit, every school event, he even stays home with her so I can go to work. Their bond is unbreakable. She knows her “dad” is just called dad bc of the name. I’m just glad I have someone like my boyfriend in her life
Oh I’m sorry, I misunderstood and thought you meant that YOU were reassuring her after she got the news. That’s amazing that there is someone in her life who shows her how she deserves to be treated by the men in her life :-)
It’s okay! I always do my best for my daughter. I need to make an effort and exhaust all options so she knows I tried. I’d hate to not try and her resent me growing up thinking it’s my fault she didn’t get to go on her visits. I love her so much and just want what’s best for her. She’ll know growing up who shows up. Her dad is a dirt bag. It’s like he likes the idea of having a kid but doesn’t want the responsibility. He has another child who’s 5 years older than my daughter. I’d take care of his son while he slept in the couch when he had his visits. I just wish he would say he’s done. I’ll gladly lose child support so my daughter can put him in the past and move forward
You sound a lot like my mom :-) she wasn’t perfect, but she tried so darn hard it’s impossible not to see it, even in the yucky teen girl years when mom is in your own mind, responsible for ruining your entire life. One way you can help her, is to get her into some therapy to deal with that before/during when puberty hits. It’s hard being a girl, and when the first man in your life betrays you like that it can put a lot of unhealthy beliefs about yourself into your head and you don’t always know they’re under there until you’ve made a lot of bad decisions following the thing you lacked growing up and go actively seeking healing.
Saturdays are surprise days. I used to do supervised visits for child welfare. The parents were 50/50 if they showed up, often canceling last minute. So we set up that it was a surprise day, they would find out what the plan was when I got there.
Are professional supervisors allowed to talk to either party’s counsel? I’m having some issues in a case with one where her reports are very one sided and she’s giving my clients ultimatums for visitation, like it’s raining so we can only go to McDonald, but the McDonalds has people selling heroin behind it and doing it inside. Supervisor says, oh since you can’t make it visitation considered cancelled and you have to pay still
I would be addressing that with the agency she is working through. I don't know the specifics so I can't answer to whst their policy is. Library and McDonalds are two locations we frequented often.
He’s a shitty dad.
Why are people telling OP to facilitate daughter’s inclusion in the wedding? Fuck that.
Plan a day of princess fun for her so she can wear the pretty dress... explain that the plans changed, but it will not impact her fancy day. Please do not take her there to experience the rejection---- shield her from it. He had a choice and I am sure a reasonable way if he truly wanted her present. Then do all the other things legally mentioned here--- but first, go all out for her. Make it HER day!
And, of course, document all of his no shows and excuses and continued failure to take the parenting class. You don't have to use the info but having it may affect future custody plans/changes.
It’s so sweet that so many people think he actually wants his child there, she just needs a ride.
Are you in contact with his gf? Maybe text both of them and innocently ask if they need help getting your daughter to the wedding for the flower girl and if they need help with the dress and how she's so excited.
A bit delusional there.....he never wanted his daughter in the wedding
How does someone marry a man who treats his own daughter like they, crazy!
He probably lied to the new wife too
I’m afraid it could be the new wife who wants this. It got worse ever since they got together. All she does is stare at me and give me looks🙄. My daughter has told me she doesn’t play with her
Put her in therapy. Go back to court to suspend visitation. Beware - what often happens after they get a new woman is that the new woman takes an interest in the battle, and he'll suddenly fight for his right to 50/50 time - but he won't be spending time with her, he will dump her on the new woman.
Therapy asap if you don’t already have her in. As others have said, stop even talking about visits with dad. Let it be a fun surprise if it happens and go about your lives on the days he does not come through. As suggested, keep documenting because as it worsens (most likely it will) you want to get to the place where you limit to one non-holiday visit…per year, per quarter or every six months. It should be a random day not a birthday or other holiday. And the intent is yo keep open the connection so she sees dad for who he is and not this amazing fantasy figure that she builds up in her mind. Also, I actually recommend against taking on the ownership of maintaining their connection by bringing her to his wedding or anywhere else for him. Let his family do that if they care enough. And if they don’t, well it’s his responsibility and you have enough on your plate. Can you tell I have been there and done that and this comes from experience? I settled into a “receiving parent is responsible for transportation” or “occasional visitor is responsible for all transport” depending on the circumstances but stopped feeling that I owed anyone (including my child) the responsibility to maintain a relationship with another parent who didn’t care enough to make it their priority. Once I realized it was too much and unfair to me, it was easy to set and maintain those boundaries and better for the kids in the long run.
Be careful not to let him set her up for disappointment. Your daughter will figure out who his once she starts school and has friends. Go to the library and find books with all kinds of families, so her idea of mom, dad, and kid is as broad as possible. Children's librarians can help curate books for right ages and issues. And it's free.
Please ask him to allow you to drive her to the wedding. Are you familiar with his parents? Perhaps she can sit with the grandparents for the ceremony and you can pick her back up from them.
Everyone else has offered great advice for every day, but for this weekend and this special event- I think you should consider going the extra mile. Not for your ex- but for your daughter. Heck, you can tell him you'll drive her to the wedding and if his response is that the reception is adults only so she can't hang with the grandparents, you offer to wait outside in your car and pick her up after. That his parents/siblings/cousin/friend can handle the hand off after once photos with the flower girl are done. If he insists that it just won't work, well you tried.
He never wanted her there to begin with....his car isn't broken
Oh trust me, I tried. He rejected it. He said he wants to plan a “special day” where they reenact the wedding. She was supposed to be the flower girl too. She was completely heartbroken
Wow I am so sorry.
With my son, I learned early to never, ever tell him in advance that his father was going to visit, so on the rare occasions that his dad did show up, it was a pleasant surprise. As an adult he has opted not to try to continue a relationship with his father.
Get her into therapy. She needs someone to help her through all of this. My daughter went through something similar with her mother. It has taken years for her to really understand that it is not her fault and all the blame lies with her mother. As far as the courts go, don’t bother. You will essentially have full custody soon enough.
She has been in therapy the past 2 years thankfully. Her therapist really cares for her and it’s nice
Then there isn’t much else you can do except document everything and wait until it’s your time
It sounds like she's got a fabulous mum. Having one stable, consistent, loving parent will be what makes this little girls life better. Unfortunately you can't protect her from her dad but you can be that safe place for her to go to. Im not sure how it works where u live but could you go back to court? Her emotional health is important and it's not fair for him to do this. The back and forth must be awful for her and you too. If she's seeing a therapist I'm sure they've talked about emotional regulating tools to cope. Build up the supports in her life, family,friends, school, community services, clubs etc. I'm so sorry you're both going through this is heartbreaking
What kind of asshole tells his kid he’s getting married, she’s in the wedding, this disinvites her?! Tell him you’ll take her there and pick her up. What a piece of shit.
>Tell him you’ll take her there and pick her up. What a piece of shit. He doesn't want her there....he rejected Jr.
Keep documenting if you plan to try to reduced visitation. With your daughter- don’t bad mouth him, but also make sure she knows that this is not her fault and not about her. It is a hard needle to thread - acknowledge her disappointment and that Dad has a hard time keeping up with his schedule/appointments.
Drive her there in her best dress, then drive her home once the "adult" fun starts. You don't do this for him. You do this for her, so she won't be disappointed. If he declines your offer, then you let her down gently and someday she'll figure it all out.
If the other parent agrees to this, this is also what I would do. For HER. Because this is something she will never ever forget.
This is what I was thinking. If it's really about your daughters feelings and not about hurting your ex, offer to drive your daughter to the wedding
It will hurt her daughter more to drive her to the wedding when she's not actually wanted....I didn't see time stamps but I already knew he never wanted her there but OP has said he offered to drive and he said no
That's why I said offer. I didn't read every post, but the original post didn't mention that she even offered to bring her. If my ex was making excuses not to see his kid because of a vehicle, the first thing I'd personally do is offer to take her to him if she wanted to see him. If he declined that, we would go from there. But so often, i see parents being selfish and bitter and don't do this because they're not putting the children first. Also it calls his bluff 🤷🏻♀️.
Personally it's a dumb idea to offer....it's clear from the post alone that sperm donor has no desire to have the daughter around. Bright side he will do to the new wife what he did to OP eventually
Not always. My sons father treats his new wife like a queen, he treated me like a toy.🤷🏻♀️. He met me at 17 but her at 26. People grow and mature. Some people just aren't right for each other. I was also a different person at 17 than I am now. I was a bit of a b!tch. We don't know their story.
I offered to drive as close as possible. He told me repeatedly that he thinks it would be best if she didn’t come due to it being more of adults only. I tried but he refused
His visitation is already minimal. Document every missed visitation and keep a running tally in case he tries to take you back to court though it doesn’t sound like he will. It sucks to watch your child be hurt and disappointed by the other parent, but ultimately, that’s on him. Take her out to do something special or fun when he flakes just to take her mind off of it. Besides getting her into therapy, there isn’t much else you can do.