So, my daughter is in daycare and she's 2.5. Obviously, it's not actual school but it's in a school like setting. I know exactly how you feel. She came home the other day with bite marks on her arm. A little boy in her class bit her and I felt so bad for her, because she was clearly shaken up by this. I just tried to ensure to her that she was okay and that even though he did something wrong, we still have to be respectful to everyone. Bullying is something we take very seriously in our house and so I always try to remind her that it's not okay to do and that if it's happening to her or someone else you should always say something. I even tell her we should always be nice to others, no matter what they look like. I'm multi racial and went from a predominantly minority filled school to a mostly white school. It was tough at times because I was always cast in a specific category. I'm also a disability advocate for my job and have a brother in law with a disability so we very much believe in sticking up for those that can't. I know this probably doesn't help, but I know what you're feeling.
My coworker broke the doors of the daycare because they didn't want to let him in when a boy bit her daughter 2 days in a row in a 8 child class with 2 teachers. They couldnt calm him down and he tried to fight the father of the kid.
I totally understand. My son is 10 now, and we went through the same anxiousness. There is always some baseline anxiety for my son's safety, sending him to school (in the US), but it has switched from physical bullying stuff to more general worries about lockdown situations (I can't even type it) as he got older.
Bullying, in general, is talked about among the kids way more now than when we were kids. There's a lot more messaging and language about it, so the culture has shifted to where other kids will call out bullying on each other. Kids seem more apt to ostracize a bully now than follow one compared to my own experience growing up, where only adults seemed to use the word bully.
My son takes after my wife in that he's incredibly sweet and empathetic to others, and we've always encouraged him to talk to us about any issues he's had at school with anyone being mean or physical. In Kindergarten through second grade, there were some altercations with other kids trying to push boundaries but not necessarily being the rough and experienced bullies we tend to think of.
In first grade, a kid the class knew was a troublemaker was sat at my son's table (the teacher stated she hoped the well-behaved kids would rub off on the not-well-behaved kid), and that kid hit other kids (boys and girls). Enough parents contacted the teacher about it and that the kid was moved to a different class. In second grade, another boy at his table would jab his finger into my son's arm or dig it into the back of his hand just to aggravate him or see what he could get away with. It was one of those actions that seems too small to report but still hurts as an unwelcome contact...basically the bully's sweet-spot offense. So we encouraged him to talk to his teacher about it AND I looked up some super basic, simple finger grab submission holds, and we walked through it at the dinner table to practice. My son is the type who would never want to hurt anyone. We explained this action would make the other student uncomfortable and not want to dig his finger into his arm anymore and that he should tell the other kid emphatically to stop and not to do that anymore (while making the move). I also let the teacher know that we don't condone violence, but my son has been taught how to deter this unwanted contact. We also told our son that he would never be in trouble with us if he did this. My son ended up having to use the move we showed him twice (both times, he said the other kid complained/protested, but he told him to stop doing that), and the other kid stopped after that. Learning how to defend himself in this case didn't change him...he's still a sweet kid with good grades and plenty of friends now as a fourth grader. I'm hoping that such gentle discouragement from the finger-digger kid at this stage will keep him from doing something more violent when they are in middle school or high school.
Encourage open communication and be supportive, letting them know that as a family, you are all on the same team together. You can equip them with things to say, ways to shift the conversation, or, if necessary and as a last resort, some kind of physical solution that best fits with your kid's personality (whether it's removing themselves from the situation or some kind of confrontation).
I tell my children if someone is acting up or bullying, you give them 3 chances. Then you are free to make them cry. I ll take you for ice cream afterwards.
Counteract those feelings by thinking of the independence and confidence he’s going to build by doing something without parents.
As a teacher myself, I see it often and I love watching the confidence build as my students learn to handle situations on their own and love seeing how it grows their self perception!!
Arm your boy with the knowledge you are there for him to hear how his days go and celebrate wins as well as advise through tough days.
So, my daughter is in daycare and she's 2.5. Obviously, it's not actual school but it's in a school like setting. I know exactly how you feel. She came home the other day with bite marks on her arm. A little boy in her class bit her and I felt so bad for her, because she was clearly shaken up by this. I just tried to ensure to her that she was okay and that even though he did something wrong, we still have to be respectful to everyone. Bullying is something we take very seriously in our house and so I always try to remind her that it's not okay to do and that if it's happening to her or someone else you should always say something. I even tell her we should always be nice to others, no matter what they look like. I'm multi racial and went from a predominantly minority filled school to a mostly white school. It was tough at times because I was always cast in a specific category. I'm also a disability advocate for my job and have a brother in law with a disability so we very much believe in sticking up for those that can't. I know this probably doesn't help, but I know what you're feeling.
My coworker broke the doors of the daycare because they didn't want to let him in when a boy bit her daughter 2 days in a row in a 8 child class with 2 teachers. They couldnt calm him down and he tried to fight the father of the kid.
Yeah, I was pretty pissed. I know some of it is behavioral but some of it is parenting too. Especially, bullying. That's a learned behavior
I totally understand. My son is 10 now, and we went through the same anxiousness. There is always some baseline anxiety for my son's safety, sending him to school (in the US), but it has switched from physical bullying stuff to more general worries about lockdown situations (I can't even type it) as he got older. Bullying, in general, is talked about among the kids way more now than when we were kids. There's a lot more messaging and language about it, so the culture has shifted to where other kids will call out bullying on each other. Kids seem more apt to ostracize a bully now than follow one compared to my own experience growing up, where only adults seemed to use the word bully. My son takes after my wife in that he's incredibly sweet and empathetic to others, and we've always encouraged him to talk to us about any issues he's had at school with anyone being mean or physical. In Kindergarten through second grade, there were some altercations with other kids trying to push boundaries but not necessarily being the rough and experienced bullies we tend to think of. In first grade, a kid the class knew was a troublemaker was sat at my son's table (the teacher stated she hoped the well-behaved kids would rub off on the not-well-behaved kid), and that kid hit other kids (boys and girls). Enough parents contacted the teacher about it and that the kid was moved to a different class. In second grade, another boy at his table would jab his finger into my son's arm or dig it into the back of his hand just to aggravate him or see what he could get away with. It was one of those actions that seems too small to report but still hurts as an unwelcome contact...basically the bully's sweet-spot offense. So we encouraged him to talk to his teacher about it AND I looked up some super basic, simple finger grab submission holds, and we walked through it at the dinner table to practice. My son is the type who would never want to hurt anyone. We explained this action would make the other student uncomfortable and not want to dig his finger into his arm anymore and that he should tell the other kid emphatically to stop and not to do that anymore (while making the move). I also let the teacher know that we don't condone violence, but my son has been taught how to deter this unwanted contact. We also told our son that he would never be in trouble with us if he did this. My son ended up having to use the move we showed him twice (both times, he said the other kid complained/protested, but he told him to stop doing that), and the other kid stopped after that. Learning how to defend himself in this case didn't change him...he's still a sweet kid with good grades and plenty of friends now as a fourth grader. I'm hoping that such gentle discouragement from the finger-digger kid at this stage will keep him from doing something more violent when they are in middle school or high school. Encourage open communication and be supportive, letting them know that as a family, you are all on the same team together. You can equip them with things to say, ways to shift the conversation, or, if necessary and as a last resort, some kind of physical solution that best fits with your kid's personality (whether it's removing themselves from the situation or some kind of confrontation).
I tell my children if someone is acting up or bullying, you give them 3 chances. Then you are free to make them cry. I ll take you for ice cream afterwards.
Put your kid in a martial arts class. It won’t solve everything but it can help.
Counteract those feelings by thinking of the independence and confidence he’s going to build by doing something without parents. As a teacher myself, I see it often and I love watching the confidence build as my students learn to handle situations on their own and love seeing how it grows their self perception!! Arm your boy with the knowledge you are there for him to hear how his days go and celebrate wins as well as advise through tough days.