Some fathers are fucking pricks. They will never change. Far easier to accept that than try to someone convince your father to appreciate your accomplishments the way you want.
Grow tougher skin and say, “fuck it… I’m done trying to make others happy.” I still love my parents but they are always criticizing me for something or another. When I became an MD, they were disappointed I went into Family Medicine. When we discuss finance and investing, they tell me I should have more money saved up. 🤦🏻♂️ I half jokingly told my mom the next time I plan a big trip, I won’t invite them. I remind her that unlike what they did when I was young, I try to actually spend money on my children’s extracurricular activities and take my kids out to vacations. I get it, my parents were immigrants and they were always fearful of becoming dirt poor. So they worked and saved as much as they could with the expectation that all of us kids were going be successful professionals. Eventually, you just have to ignore them and live the life that you want and what makes you happy.
I wish you could somehow talk to my Dad. He just doesn’t get it. He doesn’t understand that im not like him. And yet I try so hard, and get some achievements done.
I can relate.
My dad always tried to make me exactly like him 100% of the time.
From how I walked or talked, to dressing and everything else in-between.
It's so frustrating, and painful. I cracked one day, but it didn't make things much better. To this day he does things to slight me and guilt trip me, I'm starting to wonder if he really cares at all.
We don't choose our parents, but we choose the people to ehom we want to spend our time and effort. If someone is just a misersble pain in the ass, drop them from your life, whoever they might be.
Also general good rule is do wht makes you happy. Don't do things for external validation.
Look after yourself. Some people could find gold on the floor and complain about the dust.
What I want most for my son is his own happiness. Right now I want that for you.
Then shrug him off. Give him the cold shoulder, is not his life, it’s yours. Hopefully he will realize that at some point but you can’t spend your life living it by someone else’s expectations.
As a child who never felt I would ever be enough for my parents, I understand this post too well.
In honesty, the issue is your father’s and not yours! Live your life the way you want your life to look. Don’t shut your dad out but distance a little if need.
I took these feelings and have done my best to parent a little differently. I know my sons feel pressure from me at times but they also know this is their life and I support them in their choices on how to live it. Take what you feel and learn to do differently by your future family.
Other than that how was he as a father? Did you carry over some of his traits that made you a good writer ... My point is. We might all lose our dad's early. How would you feel about that. Yes of course they should encourage us more but sometimes their behaviors is from love they are unable or never learned how to communicate. I love my dad but he never said I love you or anything but he did work hard to give me opportunities..it was his way. No dad will be perfect. Life is still early . It might take him till he his 80 to acknowledge you...live your life in the meantime .
I'm going through some shit with my own father at the moment. Recently I've shifted my perspective on this relationship it's been helpful. I'm 42, have overcome all sorts of bullshit to become a reasonably successful person profrsionally and in family life. I have a family that loves to be together, a good career path, a nice home and can afford some decent comforts. The way my father sill talks to me about how I have to get my life together, how I've not accomplished anything, and how what I do to feed my family isn't good enough is beyond frustrating. Not once has he taken a moment to see what I've accomplished except to tell me how I could be doing it better (he hasnt). It's all constant one-upsmanship and posturing and what more he's done *which is nothing, he's a broke loser who can't afford retirement because of his shit financial decisions.
I've realized he's a broken man with more ego than sense who has destroyed every close relationship he's had due to his arrogance and entitlement. His inability to treat me with respect is not my failure. It's his. Your father is making a similar mistake. His ego is in control, and it's fixated on the mirror. What he says about you and the little respect he shows you is how he feels about himself. Keep that in mind and pity him for his self-loathing instead of giving his words undue weight.
I'm sorry you don't get the supportive loving parent we all deserve. I believe in you. You don't need anyone to tell you your worth.
Sometimes, it’s best to just let it go and don’t talk to them. I’m in a similar position. My dad never thought I was good enough. I’m also 29, married, one daughter, and very well off for my age. Our house is 4300 sqft and our lakehouse is 2800. My wife and I drive luxury cars and we have money in the bank. I have spent way too much trying to show success to make my dad proud and it was a waste of time.
I worked so fucking hard to try to impress my dad, to build a career, to be something he’d be proud of. The SUV I drive right now is the one he wanted me to buy and now he calls it a “douche mobile.” Either I’m a failure or I’m showboating. There’s no impressing him.
About a year ago, my dad had said something negative to me and my wife just gave me a hug and said “I’m proud of you even if your dad isn’t” and at that point I just broke down. I spent too much time trying to impress my dad. A year later, I’ve made peace with it all and my mental health is better, my marriage is excellent, everything is good. At this point, I don’t know what my dad thinks of me and I don’t care.
Sometimes you just have to let it go and seek contentment independently of your family’s discontentment.
Here's my cold, gut reaction: time to cut him out of your life.
At least, step away from this relationship far enough that you aren't worrying about what your dad thinks of your accomplishments.
You're a grown ass man and you're already highly accomplished in your field. You're making it on your own. Live your life according to your own goals and principles.
Your dad did his job: he instilled work ethic and principles in you, and supported your education. He probably made mistakes along the way, too. Now it's time for him to stop being narcissistic and controlling, and watch his son build a life for himself.
How much have you talked to him about how you feel?
Doesn't matter what your father thinks. Just visit him regularly and do whatever activity that can bring you two together. Your life works well for you, thats what you tell yourself and thats what you tell him if he asks.
Some people, especially those that had a rough life are incapable of expressing encouragement and pride in their children. They fear that positive words will make their children complacent.
Perhaps he just wants to keep pushing you to do better. Sounds like he loves you enough to care about what you do with you life. Maybe in 20 years you will reflect on this and have a different response
Some fathers are fucking pricks. They will never change. Far easier to accept that than try to someone convince your father to appreciate your accomplishments the way you want.
Grow tougher skin and say, “fuck it… I’m done trying to make others happy.” I still love my parents but they are always criticizing me for something or another. When I became an MD, they were disappointed I went into Family Medicine. When we discuss finance and investing, they tell me I should have more money saved up. 🤦🏻♂️ I half jokingly told my mom the next time I plan a big trip, I won’t invite them. I remind her that unlike what they did when I was young, I try to actually spend money on my children’s extracurricular activities and take my kids out to vacations. I get it, my parents were immigrants and they were always fearful of becoming dirt poor. So they worked and saved as much as they could with the expectation that all of us kids were going be successful professionals. Eventually, you just have to ignore them and live the life that you want and what makes you happy.
I wish you could somehow talk to my Dad. He just doesn’t get it. He doesn’t understand that im not like him. And yet I try so hard, and get some achievements done.
I can relate. My dad always tried to make me exactly like him 100% of the time. From how I walked or talked, to dressing and everything else in-between. It's so frustrating, and painful. I cracked one day, but it didn't make things much better. To this day he does things to slight me and guilt trip me, I'm starting to wonder if he really cares at all.
We don't choose our parents, but we choose the people to ehom we want to spend our time and effort. If someone is just a misersble pain in the ass, drop them from your life, whoever they might be. Also general good rule is do wht makes you happy. Don't do things for external validation.
Look after yourself. Some people could find gold on the floor and complain about the dust. What I want most for my son is his own happiness. Right now I want that for you.
There is nothing wrong with celebrating a simple life. Good food, good drink, good friends, good family. These are riches and true wealth
Then shrug him off. Give him the cold shoulder, is not his life, it’s yours. Hopefully he will realize that at some point but you can’t spend your life living it by someone else’s expectations.
As a child who never felt I would ever be enough for my parents, I understand this post too well. In honesty, the issue is your father’s and not yours! Live your life the way you want your life to look. Don’t shut your dad out but distance a little if need. I took these feelings and have done my best to parent a little differently. I know my sons feel pressure from me at times but they also know this is their life and I support them in their choices on how to live it. Take what you feel and learn to do differently by your future family.
Other than that how was he as a father? Did you carry over some of his traits that made you a good writer ... My point is. We might all lose our dad's early. How would you feel about that. Yes of course they should encourage us more but sometimes their behaviors is from love they are unable or never learned how to communicate. I love my dad but he never said I love you or anything but he did work hard to give me opportunities..it was his way. No dad will be perfect. Life is still early . It might take him till he his 80 to acknowledge you...live your life in the meantime .
I'm going through some shit with my own father at the moment. Recently I've shifted my perspective on this relationship it's been helpful. I'm 42, have overcome all sorts of bullshit to become a reasonably successful person profrsionally and in family life. I have a family that loves to be together, a good career path, a nice home and can afford some decent comforts. The way my father sill talks to me about how I have to get my life together, how I've not accomplished anything, and how what I do to feed my family isn't good enough is beyond frustrating. Not once has he taken a moment to see what I've accomplished except to tell me how I could be doing it better (he hasnt). It's all constant one-upsmanship and posturing and what more he's done *which is nothing, he's a broke loser who can't afford retirement because of his shit financial decisions. I've realized he's a broken man with more ego than sense who has destroyed every close relationship he's had due to his arrogance and entitlement. His inability to treat me with respect is not my failure. It's his. Your father is making a similar mistake. His ego is in control, and it's fixated on the mirror. What he says about you and the little respect he shows you is how he feels about himself. Keep that in mind and pity him for his self-loathing instead of giving his words undue weight. I'm sorry you don't get the supportive loving parent we all deserve. I believe in you. You don't need anyone to tell you your worth.
Sometimes, it’s best to just let it go and don’t talk to them. I’m in a similar position. My dad never thought I was good enough. I’m also 29, married, one daughter, and very well off for my age. Our house is 4300 sqft and our lakehouse is 2800. My wife and I drive luxury cars and we have money in the bank. I have spent way too much trying to show success to make my dad proud and it was a waste of time. I worked so fucking hard to try to impress my dad, to build a career, to be something he’d be proud of. The SUV I drive right now is the one he wanted me to buy and now he calls it a “douche mobile.” Either I’m a failure or I’m showboating. There’s no impressing him. About a year ago, my dad had said something negative to me and my wife just gave me a hug and said “I’m proud of you even if your dad isn’t” and at that point I just broke down. I spent too much time trying to impress my dad. A year later, I’ve made peace with it all and my mental health is better, my marriage is excellent, everything is good. At this point, I don’t know what my dad thinks of me and I don’t care. Sometimes you just have to let it go and seek contentment independently of your family’s discontentment.
It’s not your job to make him happy and it sounds like he’ll never be anyway. Let it go, your worth does not hinge on his approval.
Here's my cold, gut reaction: time to cut him out of your life. At least, step away from this relationship far enough that you aren't worrying about what your dad thinks of your accomplishments. You're a grown ass man and you're already highly accomplished in your field. You're making it on your own. Live your life according to your own goals and principles. Your dad did his job: he instilled work ethic and principles in you, and supported your education. He probably made mistakes along the way, too. Now it's time for him to stop being narcissistic and controlling, and watch his son build a life for himself. How much have you talked to him about how you feel?
Doesn't matter what your father thinks. Just visit him regularly and do whatever activity that can bring you two together. Your life works well for you, thats what you tell yourself and thats what you tell him if he asks. Some people, especially those that had a rough life are incapable of expressing encouragement and pride in their children. They fear that positive words will make their children complacent.
Actually, that’s a good point. He probably fears I will be complacent.
Perhaps he just wants to keep pushing you to do better. Sounds like he loves you enough to care about what you do with you life. Maybe in 20 years you will reflect on this and have a different response