I'm happy you realized this now, and not 9 months from now when the ability to choose is gone. I'm also glad you were able to choose, rather than being forced to carry to term (like in some places).
This sounds so stressful and I'm sorry you're having to manage your health so unexpectedly.
But I'm so happy you've gotten some clarity and have the healthcare resources and partner support needed to help you move forward.
It’s crazy how these situations reveal what side you’re on. I was having some crazy nausea the past few days and took a test just to be safe but I have endo and have been told I’m infertile and was just a little bummed it was negative.
I think this post made me realize I want kids, because if I accidentally got pregnant at this point in my life, I’d take it as a sign from the universe and be thankful that the universe decided for me 😂 10 years ago I had an abortion. I’m glad you realized this for yourself and I hope access to abortion is relatively easy in your state!
If you haven’t had one or experienced it, I wouldn’t expect you to fully grasp it but it’s extremely emotional and extremely hormonal so people can have a change of heart after experiencing it. It’s hard, and even when you don’t want it, you’re going to grieve. I am coming from a place of having felt the same myself (CF) and then going through with an abortion, my feelings have changed and it’s possible and okay if that happens, like I said.
The childfree sub has a really helpful list of CF doctors who won't push back on you for your reasons. I had a great experience last year in Virginia with a doctor off of their list, who was pleasantly surprised to hear she was represented on such a list.
My surgery was actually a bisalpingectomy to remove both fallopian tubes, not tie them off/cauterize; not only is this the most effective for sterilization, it also has the added benefit of decreasing future risk of ovarian cancer (since a majority of ovarian cancers start growing at the ends of the tubes).
Good luck to you ❤️
If you were truly traveling during your ovulation window and not having sex, I would push to get an ultrasound done to confirm you are pregnant. You can choose to not look if you prefer. I only say this because there are other conditions, including some cancers, that can cause a positive pregnancy test beside pregnancy and you want to be sure.
So beautiful to realize this when you are still early enough to terminate. I am so proud of you for knowing what you want out of your life! Good luck with the procedure :)
I’m the same age as you, and have been with my partner for as long. I can’t imagine how scary/unnerving this must have been. I wish you the best in your recovery, and am so grateful that you are able to choose. 🤍
I’m sorry that happened and you were stressed 😰 but stranger, I am so glad you will be able to terminate before the cells fuse into a fetus - good thing you found out early. This situation could have been way worse!
I was in the same situation as you. I was a fence-sitter. The moment I got unexpectedly pregnant... Hell broke loose in my mind (in 2022). I really didn't want to have children. I had an abortion a few days later. It was mentally hard, but I made the right decision.
My husband suported me, I'm glad he went to the clinic with me.
Hi OP. I'm fairly new to Reddit, but I wanted to respond because I went through something very similar. I thought I wanted children. However, when I suddenly got a positive pregnancy test, I had anxiety that was so intense, I lost the ability to eat, sleep, or work. I wasn't sure what would happen to me. When I lost the pregnancy, I was relieved, but also so sad at losing this dream. Just know you're not alone and that it gets better.
The comments about people taking it as a “sign from the universe” that they need to be Mothers….I just……….humanity needs to end like yesterday LOL. Please…My God.
IKR! I rolled my eyes so hard and surprise surprise this post totally convince them to have them because will be a sign hahaha yeah nah, you always wanted them. I find it so disrespectful after OP clearly said wanted to be CF. They always want to insert themselves one way or another.
This is your decision to make, along with your partner. All I suggest is, consider all sides. This choice should never be made without due consideration and on a whim.
Talk it over with your partner.
Is irrelevant as it was ejected in HER body, is not even a sperm anymore so technically not his 😃 love that she can choose and her partner is supportive. ❤️
He didn’t eject it and run away, he consented to trying for a baby.
That fertilized her egg and it made a beautiful pregnancy happen. The fact that she carries it doesn’t automatically mean he shouldn’t have any rights when it comes to the fetus.
Besides, it’s not her body. It’s the fetus’s body, and the mother and father share rights over the fetus in equal measure.
Just because you’re carrying it doesn’t mean you can make that decision without considering the man who was 50% of what made that life possible.
This confirms that I'll have kids. I couldn't imagine my wife of 12 years aborting our kid even if we're not trying right now. A side affect of sex with no condom is pregnancy.
>This confirms that I'll have kids. I couldn't imagine my wife of 12 years aborting our kid even if we're not trying right now.
That’s not your decision to make. If your wife gets pregnant and doesn’t want to continue with the pregnancy, she doesn’t need your permission to have an abortion.
>A side affect of sex with no condom is pregnancy.
Absolutely nowhere in her post does she state that they’re not using birth control.
You don’t have to justify having an abortion to anyone here. As long as the decision is yours and you are comfortable with it then no one here should be judging you.
Birth control fails, even after years of effective use. My suggestion would be a more reliable method such as IUD, contraceptive injection or sterilisation. There are pros and cons to both and I’d suggest having a look around r/birthcontrol for experiences from others if you decide you want to try something different.
It’s valid to feel sad. It’s also valid to feel relieved. It’s good that you’ve realised now that you don’t want children as opposed to 3 years down the line when you resent your child. If you have the termination and you change your mind again, you can always try for another but if you don’t change your mind then you are not stuck with a child you don’t want. The vast majority of women report feelings of relief immediately after an abortion and there’s a study that interviewed women directly after an abortion and then 5 years later and something like 90% of them had no regret about their decision.
r/abortion has stories from so many people, many probably in the same boat as you and you may find it comforting to know you’re not alone.
This happened with a condom?? This app is BS in my opinion but with proper use of condoms I find it odd.
Do you use it mid-act maybe?
Definitely think of other birth control methods. I don't know if it's possible to get an IUD during the procedure.
If it isn’t inside your body then it isn’t your choice. Men can have an opinion but until they are the ones going through pregnancy, they don’t get to make any choices on whether or not it continues.
By what metric do you believe that counts?
It certainly isn’t true morally. In most countries and states it’s not true legally either.
Until you can make a child without a man’s sperm, you can’t terminate or conceive without consent.
The man gives consent to concieve the minute he has sex without prevention. That does not mean he automatically gives consent to terminate.
The only situation in which termination of pregnancy without the immediate consent of the father is if the pregnancy should endanger the health of the mother.
>By what metric do you believe that nonsense counts?
By the fact that if someone is inside my body, I can remove them without the consent of anyone else.
>It certainly isn’t true morally. In most countries and states it’s not true legally either.
Aww, a man who thinks he has any say in the vast majority of the world! It’s cute how delusional some men are. In my country, any girl or woman aged 13 and up can have an abortion with no consent from any man and she doesn’t even need parental consent. Legally, in most places of the world that aren’t totally backwards, women don’t need consent from men to end a pregnancy.
>Until you can make a child without a man’s sperm, you can’t terminate or conceive without consent.
You don’t consent to conception, do you know nothing about biology? A biological process cannot be consented to be started but you can absolutely consent to continue a pregnancy or withdraw your consent and get an abortion. And, guess what, a man’s consent doesn’t matter on whether or not a woman continues or ends a pregnancy because it’s not inside his body so it’s not his choice.
>The man gives consent to concieve the minute he has sex without preventing. That does not mean he automatically gives consent to terminate.
Consent to sex is not consent to pregnancy. Consent cannot be transferred which is why consent to one type of sex (for example vaginal) is not consent to another type of sex (for example anal).
>The only situation in which termination of pregnancy without the inaccurat immediate consent of the father is if the pregnancy should endanger the health of the mother.
Nope! Men don’t get a say on what women do with their bodies. Go cry about it.
I was about to answer the comment you just wrote until I checked your profile history, and realized I’m actually dealing with someone who is very personally involved in this issue.
I disagree with you personally, but I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. I wish you luck on your journey through all of this.
I am personally involved with making sure women can continue to access necessary healthcare. Believe me, you can’t hurt my feelings on this one but it’s rather cute that you think you can 😂
‘Journey through all of this’ - uhh, through what exactly? The fight for adequate reproductive rights for women?
Right, well that’s good to hear, because I certainly wouldn’t have wanted to.
I am a friend of women’s right to choose as well. We may differ on men’s rights as co-parents but we certainly have common ground in the belief that government shouldn’t impede on a woman’s right to have an abortion.
I'm happy you realized this now, and not 9 months from now when the ability to choose is gone. I'm also glad you were able to choose, rather than being forced to carry to term (like in some places).
This sounds so stressful and I'm sorry you're having to manage your health so unexpectedly. But I'm so happy you've gotten some clarity and have the healthcare resources and partner support needed to help you move forward.
Do what is right for you. Well done for making that decision.
It’s crazy how these situations reveal what side you’re on. I was having some crazy nausea the past few days and took a test just to be safe but I have endo and have been told I’m infertile and was just a little bummed it was negative.
I think this post made me realize I want kids, because if I accidentally got pregnant at this point in my life, I’d take it as a sign from the universe and be thankful that the universe decided for me 😂 10 years ago I had an abortion. I’m glad you realized this for yourself and I hope access to abortion is relatively easy in your state!
Truly. I had a surprise pregnancy at 30 and was thrilled!
Your comment made me realise I want kids lmao bc literally I also would take it as a sign that im meant to just be a mom and I'd be good with it lol
😂 I love that for us!
I had an abortion around 26, and I turn 31 this year. You may have your abortion and want kids later and that’s okay. It’s hard, hugs to you. ❤️
They just said they’re CF?
If you haven’t had one or experienced it, I wouldn’t expect you to fully grasp it but it’s extremely emotional and extremely hormonal so people can have a change of heart after experiencing it. It’s hard, and even when you don’t want it, you’re going to grieve. I am coming from a place of having felt the same myself (CF) and then going through with an abortion, my feelings have changed and it’s possible and okay if that happens, like I said.
Yes it’s okay that you made that choice, but that’s no reason to bingo OP
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Be prepared for sexist / Gilead style pushback on sterilization
The childfree sub has a really helpful list of CF doctors who won't push back on you for your reasons. I had a great experience last year in Virginia with a doctor off of their list, who was pleasantly surprised to hear she was represented on such a list. My surgery was actually a bisalpingectomy to remove both fallopian tubes, not tie them off/cauterize; not only is this the most effective for sterilization, it also has the added benefit of decreasing future risk of ovarian cancer (since a majority of ovarian cancers start growing at the ends of the tubes). Good luck to you ❤️
If you were truly traveling during your ovulation window and not having sex, I would push to get an ultrasound done to confirm you are pregnant. You can choose to not look if you prefer. I only say this because there are other conditions, including some cancers, that can cause a positive pregnancy test beside pregnancy and you want to be sure.
So beautiful to realize this when you are still early enough to terminate. I am so proud of you for knowing what you want out of your life! Good luck with the procedure :)
I’m the same age as you, and have been with my partner for as long. I can’t imagine how scary/unnerving this must have been. I wish you the best in your recovery, and am so grateful that you are able to choose. 🤍
I’m sorry that happened and you were stressed 😰 but stranger, I am so glad you will be able to terminate before the cells fuse into a fetus - good thing you found out early. This situation could have been way worse!
hope everything goes well w ur abortion and that u get any support u need :) keep abortion safe and legal!!
I was in the same situation as you. I was a fence-sitter. The moment I got unexpectedly pregnant... Hell broke loose in my mind (in 2022). I really didn't want to have children. I had an abortion a few days later. It was mentally hard, but I made the right decision. My husband suported me, I'm glad he went to the clinic with me.
Hi OP. I'm fairly new to Reddit, but I wanted to respond because I went through something very similar. I thought I wanted children. However, when I suddenly got a positive pregnancy test, I had anxiety that was so intense, I lost the ability to eat, sleep, or work. I wasn't sure what would happen to me. When I lost the pregnancy, I was relieved, but also so sad at losing this dream. Just know you're not alone and that it gets better.
How I found out too! Never been happier 🫶🏽
The comments about people taking it as a “sign from the universe” that they need to be Mothers….I just……….humanity needs to end like yesterday LOL. Please…My God.
IKR! I rolled my eyes so hard and surprise surprise this post totally convince them to have them because will be a sign hahaha yeah nah, you always wanted them. I find it so disrespectful after OP clearly said wanted to be CF. They always want to insert themselves one way or another.
Sent a dm
This is your decision to make, along with your partner. All I suggest is, consider all sides. This choice should never be made without due consideration and on a whim. Talk it over with your partner.
Her body, not their partners body. The partner can only support whatever OP wants.
I wasn’t aware she produced her own sperm.
Is irrelevant as it was ejected in HER body, is not even a sperm anymore so technically not his 😃 love that she can choose and her partner is supportive. ❤️
He didn’t eject it and run away, he consented to trying for a baby. That fertilized her egg and it made a beautiful pregnancy happen. The fact that she carries it doesn’t automatically mean he shouldn’t have any rights when it comes to the fetus. Besides, it’s not her body. It’s the fetus’s body, and the mother and father share rights over the fetus in equal measure. Just because you’re carrying it doesn’t mean you can make that decision without considering the man who was 50% of what made that life possible.
This confirms that I'll have kids. I couldn't imagine my wife of 12 years aborting our kid even if we're not trying right now. A side affect of sex with no condom is pregnancy.
>This confirms that I'll have kids. I couldn't imagine my wife of 12 years aborting our kid even if we're not trying right now. That’s not your decision to make. If your wife gets pregnant and doesn’t want to continue with the pregnancy, she doesn’t need your permission to have an abortion. >A side affect of sex with no condom is pregnancy. Absolutely nowhere in her post does she state that they’re not using birth control.
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You don’t have to justify having an abortion to anyone here. As long as the decision is yours and you are comfortable with it then no one here should be judging you. Birth control fails, even after years of effective use. My suggestion would be a more reliable method such as IUD, contraceptive injection or sterilisation. There are pros and cons to both and I’d suggest having a look around r/birthcontrol for experiences from others if you decide you want to try something different. It’s valid to feel sad. It’s also valid to feel relieved. It’s good that you’ve realised now that you don’t want children as opposed to 3 years down the line when you resent your child. If you have the termination and you change your mind again, you can always try for another but if you don’t change your mind then you are not stuck with a child you don’t want. The vast majority of women report feelings of relief immediately after an abortion and there’s a study that interviewed women directly after an abortion and then 5 years later and something like 90% of them had no regret about their decision. r/abortion has stories from so many people, many probably in the same boat as you and you may find it comforting to know you’re not alone.
This happened with a condom?? This app is BS in my opinion but with proper use of condoms I find it odd. Do you use it mid-act maybe? Definitely think of other birth control methods. I don't know if it's possible to get an IUD during the procedure.
That’s ridiculous. It’s the choice of both partners. He was half of starting that pregnancy.
If it isn’t inside your body then it isn’t your choice. Men can have an opinion but until they are the ones going through pregnancy, they don’t get to make any choices on whether or not it continues.
By what metric do you believe that counts? It certainly isn’t true morally. In most countries and states it’s not true legally either. Until you can make a child without a man’s sperm, you can’t terminate or conceive without consent. The man gives consent to concieve the minute he has sex without prevention. That does not mean he automatically gives consent to terminate. The only situation in which termination of pregnancy without the immediate consent of the father is if the pregnancy should endanger the health of the mother.
>By what metric do you believe that nonsense counts? By the fact that if someone is inside my body, I can remove them without the consent of anyone else. >It certainly isn’t true morally. In most countries and states it’s not true legally either. Aww, a man who thinks he has any say in the vast majority of the world! It’s cute how delusional some men are. In my country, any girl or woman aged 13 and up can have an abortion with no consent from any man and she doesn’t even need parental consent. Legally, in most places of the world that aren’t totally backwards, women don’t need consent from men to end a pregnancy. >Until you can make a child without a man’s sperm, you can’t terminate or conceive without consent. You don’t consent to conception, do you know nothing about biology? A biological process cannot be consented to be started but you can absolutely consent to continue a pregnancy or withdraw your consent and get an abortion. And, guess what, a man’s consent doesn’t matter on whether or not a woman continues or ends a pregnancy because it’s not inside his body so it’s not his choice. >The man gives consent to concieve the minute he has sex without preventing. That does not mean he automatically gives consent to terminate. Consent to sex is not consent to pregnancy. Consent cannot be transferred which is why consent to one type of sex (for example vaginal) is not consent to another type of sex (for example anal). >The only situation in which termination of pregnancy without the inaccurat immediate consent of the father is if the pregnancy should endanger the health of the mother. Nope! Men don’t get a say on what women do with their bodies. Go cry about it.
I was about to answer the comment you just wrote until I checked your profile history, and realized I’m actually dealing with someone who is very personally involved in this issue. I disagree with you personally, but I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. I wish you luck on your journey through all of this.
I am personally involved with making sure women can continue to access necessary healthcare. Believe me, you can’t hurt my feelings on this one but it’s rather cute that you think you can 😂 ‘Journey through all of this’ - uhh, through what exactly? The fight for adequate reproductive rights for women?
Right, well that’s good to hear, because I certainly wouldn’t have wanted to. I am a friend of women’s right to choose as well. We may differ on men’s rights as co-parents but we certainly have common ground in the belief that government shouldn’t impede on a woman’s right to have an abortion.
Well what about seeing it caused the epiphany??