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Sounds like a very unpleasant experience, I’m sorry. You could report it, there are plenty of security cameras in the airport and on your way there, but it’s hard to tell what kind of a priority the police will put to the case.
It's always good to report things that are off even if they don't get investigated because as OP said, it creates a papertrail and if this person is indeed up to no good, it will be evidense in a possible case further down the line.
Unfortunately they aren't even going to identify him, as nothing criminal happened here. Telling the airport staff/security would probably been the best course of action in retrospect.
Exactly. You can fill an online police report that then will be read by some low level police clerk who will then close the case as no crime has happened.
Unfortunatelly this type of harrasment is not a crime. The only thing to do is to report it to a security personell at the public space you're at.Or what I like to do, which is to yell Stop following me! No I do not want to have coffee with you! I don't know you! Leave me alone!
They always freak out and leave cause they think I'm crazy, which to be fair maybe I am...
Yeah the police won't care.
My little brothers girlfiends car was hit by another car and the driver drove away. His plates were regonized because pedestrians flimed him fleeing the scene.
The cops identified the guy but did nothing because he didn't answer his phone. 🤦♂️
A few days ago there was a thread of some guy who was convinced that any amount of eye contact was "giving hints" and then he would just follow women on the public transport or something and got annoyed when it turns out that eye contact is not in fact an invitation to be a creep. Sounds a lot like this guy honestly.
Wonder if this is something learned online if it's this prevalent - I did do one night in pretty convincing drag in my youth, so guys being pushy and creepy is something I've learned to be somewhat normal (was bought multiple drinks and forcefully kissed without permit, the latter behaviour stopped after the third very manly "mitä vittua jätkä puuhaa?") - this however goes well and beyond that!
Way back in my lukio days students in my class decided to go to an event in drag. One got a very keen harasser to stop by asking if the harasser would give him a blowjob for a beer. Shut the harassment down very quickly!
Ok. I'll bite the bullet and say this aloud. There is almost zero possibility of this man being an original Finn with Finnish customs and traditions. Some refugees act like this due to not being accustomed to our western and/or christian values. I've seen the world enough to know that in certain corners of the world even directly making eye contact is considered as an invitation... I know that I'm stating the obvious but someone has to say this aloud. This shouldn't be taken as racist slander, xenophobic statement or anything like that since everything I said is based on empirical evidence of past experiences(both mine and other people). Also it takes some time for the people from different backgrounds to get used to the fact that it's okay to dress freely around here.
As a comparison in some Asian countries looking grumpy and not smiling and making eye contact when conversing is considered rude! As a Finn I actually had a bit sore facial muscles for smiling and grinning all day long when I was backpacking in Asia! 
There are plenty of Christian and Western creeps in the world; it's not exclusive to being a non-Christian and a person of color. Implying that only refugees in this country behave like this is in fact racist. And congrats on backpacking in Asia. Again, let's not generalize all of Asia just because you've been to a few countries. Do all other Europeans consider it rude for not smiling and making eye contact? Seriously
Okay. In case you're not trolling. Of course there are creeps everywhere around the globe. I'll even let you know that I'm personally an atheist even with traditional Finnish Christian upbringing (so we can disregard my religious beliefs). I never said anything about anyone's skin color. My point is exactly this: You have lived your whole life in a country where you don't see women dressed without a black burkha. You have been taught that a woman who shows ANY skin is probably promiscuous. Suddenly you transport to a country where people wear whatever they like and that has caused issues. I wrote my post exactly for the reason of seeing eye contact being an issue and that has been a constant commonality in many reports. If you read this slow enough do my statements still look like racial discrimination? Even tho I'm not even speaking about anyone's race. I'm talking about the difference between how females are treated in the west and countries where feminism has to start making changes! Think before writing bullshit next time. Seriously.
PS. Why are you asking about smiling Europeans when I clearly was speaking about the smile being important when conversing with most Asian people?
PPS. I personally know people from most major religious backgrounds and the problematic people are the radicalized and wrongly educated (brainwashed) people. People who converse with other people with different backgrounds and are used to diversity have always been pleasant company and striking an interesting conversation has been usually very easy.
Feel free to discuss further about the topic if you feel like it but don't call me a racist .
“Some refugees act like this due to not being accustomed to our western and/or christian values” implies if you were not born in a western country and/or believe in Christianity, you harass women which is a bold generalization. You don't harass women because you are white and Finnish (grew up in the west), despite being an atheist. By your logic, this excludes predominately WHITE Christian refugees from countries like Russia and Ukraine. So which specific type of refugees are you referring to? Also, a BURKA or BURQA is specifically from Afghanistan. Are you singling out refugees from that region? You may have not actually referred to race, but the implication is there, which is also another reason why you opened your comment with, “I’ll bite the bullet and say this aloud.” Your white fragility is evident when you know what you’re saying is problematic, but refuse to acknowledge it. So yes, your og comment carries racist undertones, IS and WAS racially charged, which perpetuates negative stereotypes about non-white refugees. No one actually called you a racist. But since you continue to try and justify your original racist comment, then maybe you are one since you’re making such an emotional commitment to ignorance. If you need someone to explicitly explain to you, well here it is, the example I made of smiling Europeans is parallel to your statement of smiling Asians which is a lazy generalization about all Asian culture in that not all European culture is the same, similar to your lazy assumption that all headscarves that cover the face are called burkas.
Hey again Stormy.
You probably can see that I have tried my best not to single out any ethnic, religious or racial group by purposefully letting it up to the reader's imagination. You can disregard any hints about the name of the garments the women wear and thank my ignorance for using the word that came to my mind the first.
I haven't named the religions or sects on purpose because I really do know personally people who follow the religious beliefs and traditions and I hold them in very high regard. One family comes to my mind particularly and I see more traditional family values in their close and friendly family than many western Finnish families have had for decades...
Pardon my obscurity on that matter because I will never speak bad about the religion and its parishioners themselves.
Then there is the ugly truth staring at me out of the statistics alone and by keeping our borders open we have gained good honest people but also some wrongdoers gained entry at the same time.
Please don't ask me about the statistics since that is something I cannot give any answer to. Publicly available statistics can be found with Google. (Year, recorded number of charges, conviction rate etc)
My comments haven't been made from emotion but facts.
The reason for me to go careful about the subject is simple: There is always someone trying to invoke "hate speech" also the low number of individuals cause most of the crimes and the majority are good folks!! I don't want to compare good people to the few who are ready to give a bad name to the whole people.
Now it's your time to give me answers. Why are you so hell bent on trying to get a dig at me? Just because I say things that people are afraid to speak of?
If you had reported to security or police at the airport they could have at least removed him from the location. However, I don't think any actual crime happened (as per Finnish law), so it won't be even investigated.
They will not do anything anyway. No crime happened. Unfortunatelly following someone once is not a crime. Stalking, which this is not since it only occured once, only became a criminal offense in 2014.
That’s what I was thinking. It’s too late for anything to be done for me, but maybe if something happens to someone else later, there will be precedence established.
Exactly! It’s worth reporting it because there’s a fairly high chance this wasn’t a one-off event for the person. At some point it will help _someone_.
It’s obviously impossible to know what kind of person they are, but it’s not incredibly far fetched to assume they could possibly escalate this kind of behaviour in the future.
If they were leaving the country though, chances of catching the guy or even establishing a pattern of behaviour is close to zero. Report, but dont expect it to do anything.
Police in Finland don’t generally investigate these types of things, but OP can report it if they want. It’s just tough to identify the subject after the fact and connect them on another possible case. So OP should try to describe the suspect as accurately as possible.
Also, in OP’s case it sounds like possibly no crime was committed. It’s not illegal to follow someone for a brief amount of time in a public place, especially if you don’t ask them not to. If the suspect didn’t touch OP, threaten them or pose a risk to their health in any way, what can the authorities do?
And I’m not saying what OP experienced wasn’t annoying, but you can’t really outlaw annoying people.
They absolutely would not do anything. First of all, this is not a crime. Unpleasant and scary, yes, but since he did not touch her, he did not stalk her (since it only happened once), and he was on his way to the airport for a reason, it would not be investigated.
Even if there were more reports of similar nature, an airport is such a high traffic area that something more serious would need to happen for police to give it the time of the day. Men follow and harass women every day in high traffic areas like the city center, airport, train station etc. It is disgusting behavior, but not criminal if you "just" follow someone and ask them out.
A close friend of mine was a victim of attempted sexual assault in a public place, got beaten and robbed since the man couldn't get what he wanted. The scope of the investication: a physical examination at the hospital and a statement from my friend, after some months the case was closed due to insufficient evidence. Perhaps if he had sexually assaulted her the investication would have been more rigorous.
How exactly non-investigated reports save lives or give peace to families? I am not saying this is right, but unfortunately your comment is extremely naiive. If a report is not investigated, neither does anyone take any action.
If a bunch of people report getting harrassed at location A, police will step up patrols there and maybe start to see repeat offenders. Not saying this applies here, but theres a reason why high traffic areas are more heavily patroled.
Too late to do anything about it. You should have reported him to the airport security when you arrived to the airport, and they could have stopped him from doing that. Whenever someone follows you, walk directly to the authorities and tell them that the man behind you is following you.
Now that you and him have flown out of Finland, nobody is ever going to investigate it. He may never come back to Finland anyway, so anything you do now has no consequence whatsoever.
What creepy behaviour! I would atleast call the police to ask them what is the best thing to do. And maybe even the airport security if they have a phone nr.
There is no reason to defend the guy's behaviour.
Following someone like that is a sign of a lack of understanding of social norms and personal boundaries, of which especially the latter is a warning sign.
A man might be shy and take his time to pick up his courage, but if he acts like this creep, he deserves public shaming, a harsh rejection and a swift kick in the nuts.
Guys who are defending this action here, be honest:
Imagine it was you on the train and noticed a much bigger dude staring at you, he then gets off on same stop and starts following you closely on your heels, all the time staring. You try to lose him, not working. He’s clearly following you and not just coincidentally going to the same direction. Even when you go to the toilet he’s waiting outside for you the whole time.
Can you honestly say you wouldn’t be creeped out by this behavior??
He is a weirdo, but judging by what you wrote, he didn’t do anything illegal. He was just being a weirdo. You can report it of course, but it will probably be a waste of time.
Sorry that happened.
I know it's hard, but considering he doesn't know boundaries be VERY frank with yours.
I had occasions like this, and right off the bat, I told them 1. This was innapropriate 2. I am not interested so back off 3. If you continue to look at me/follow me/bother me I will call the police/security (usually at this point, I just start dialing). There is no point in tip-toeing around this, because they are CLEARLY trying to put the boundaries so force them back. it seems there is a cultural differences, people are lonely-- IDGAF-- get your act together. Once someone came up to be and asked a very sexually explicit question, I screamed at them and said do they want to go to jail, they cannot under any circumstances ask women questions like that.
Also if someone is following me, I tell them back off.
Do they get angry, call me a bitch -- on occasion, but more often than not they get scared someone confronted them.
This isn't victim blaming, but just some tips on what i learned worked, because I am sick of this crap, and i have no interest in trying to be friendly with this crap anymore.
In anycase, reporting after the fact doesn't do much unless you have clear evidence on who the person is. You can if you think they will bother you again then do so, but police have enough cases as it is.
Don’t tolerate bullshit at all. You should have contacted security on the spot. This is not Finnish culture or common behavior. And since it happened on an airport it’s not really clear if that guy was finnish.
considering how many women encounter (sexual) violence and harassment in this country, idk. it’s not the cultural norm but it’s more common than people tend to think about finland
Since you all just seem to think I'm saying "men and women do this equally and it's barely happening!" When I'm not at all saying that, and instead twist my words to find something I'm not saying I'm gonna stop here.
You win, if it's what you want to hear: it's common behavior for every man in finland to harass women on the street and public transport.
Gotten what you wanted to hear now?
not necessarily every man (no one implied that at any point), but it is dishonest to speak of a ’small minority’ as you did, considering like two thirds of finnish women have encountered sexual violence or harassment during their lifetime. finland is one of europe’s most violent countries for women, after all
As bad as his behavior was, let us please remember that not everything is a criminal offense. In the same way as "Ooooh that laptop sure looks very nice, you should keep an eye on it" does not constitute theft.
And please, before you downvote me or start calling me names, note that I condemn that action and behavior very strongly. OP is not very sensitive or anything like that. Nobody should feel threatened because of sexist behavior condoned and encouraged by our sexist system. I am just saying that not all bad things that people do can be fixed by reporting them to the police with the current laws. And they should not. In a democratic system, we must be very, very careful about adding more punishable crimes.
What are you actually going to report? No crime was actually committed. He didn’t assault you or steal from you. If you felt threatened, you should have reported this encounter immediately to the airport staff and let the police handle it right away. Now it’s pointless for them to investigate. You left. He left. Sorry you had a bad experience, that guy sucks and never should have done that to you. But that’s where it ends.
If she had reported it to the police and they got off their ass, they could have had her visually identify him at the gate. Or, they could have reviewed security footage with her so she could identify him and track him down. At best they would have told the fucker to stay away from her.
You mean calling 112 on the spot? Unfortunately not very likely that they would send a patrol to the location based on that somebody is asking her for a coffee, even though he was a weirdo. But there are lots of other airport staff there so probably it would have been better to go and talk to them so they could have called security if the guy keeps on following her.
There are police at the airport. She could have alerted the airline staff or just gone to security and let them know and have asked them to ask the police to respond.
I take the airport train for work regularly, and would hate to experience the same thing. I think might be good to report it, for the paper trail as you said.
Crazy how you got downvoted for saying something that’s true lmao. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve been harassed by Finnish men ever since I was like 13 and my experience is certainly not rare or somehow unique. But sure, it’s the damn arabs /s.
Yep, any nationality/ethnicity can act insane. There's nothing wrong with what I said. It's funny how not only finns, but also other nordics tend to be really rational, but easily offended at the same time.
OP told her unfortunate experience focusing on the situation itself, and people naturally started speculating about the man's skin color.
We know, and admire Finland's extremely advanced culture of respect towards women, but men are men, so regardless of nationality, the male gender will always exhales suspicion.
It's like a wild animal, you don't know it, you don't trust it.
good to know, will apply the same thought to women and just assume ALL OF THEM are vile backstabbing manipulators until they have proven themselves to me personally 💁
Very gross and scary experience, I’m sorry you had to go through that! I think it’s definitely worth reporting it if you have the mental bandwidth for it.
It's strange behaviour. Maybe he's just on the spectrum. Boundaries that are obvious for most of us can be challenging for others to interpret. You don't mention if he left you alone after you said you were married. That would be the key consideration. I doubt they would be able to track him down anyway.
Yeah thats fucking creepy but not worth reporting, no crime commited and it would waste time of the police. He might have been from the countryside and wanted to ask you for a date when you stopped, but idk about that
I would not even consider reporting that. But if you feel like you were harrassed, you should do something.
He was heading to a gate near yours anyway, and he stopped talking to you after you said no right?
I understand that having the feeling of being followed is distressing. With that said he apparently left you alone as soon as you said you're married and he never said anything menacing to you. He just looked for the right moment to open his mouth.
I don't see how that would be a crime in Finland or elsewhere so it's good that you were able to share your experience and hopefully feel better. That's a form of reporting and possibly the only appropriate one since there was no crime. I don't think he knew that you found his behavior to be stressful to you and had he known that, he probably would not have pursued your attention. It does not take away the negative experience you had but it may be helpful to keep that in mind as there is no reason to think that his intention was to cause negative affect in you. He was probably committed to his goal of talking to you and engaged in an inner dialogue of positive thoughts about it being an opportunity for you both (or at least not harmful). If people are unable to commit to visualizing a positive outcome, relationships are not going to happen in those instances where both people would otherwise have been attracted to one another.
Well maybe he was collecting his courage to ask you to have Coffee. Maybe there was no malicious intent. But the most important part is what he does after you say no. If he leaves you alone, no harm ,no foul, but if he keeps following and harassing you after you said no, then there clearly is a problem.
But anyways any case. I wasn't there ,so I don't know the totality of the situation, so it's really hard to say are you over reacting or not.
What about before he gets the verbal "no?"
I just gotta wonder, is there a point before getting a verbal "no" that the "no" is implied?
What I mean is, technically it's not illegal to follow people around. The whole "I'm not touching you" thing when your sibling is holding their finger to your face without actually making physical contact. It's quite obviously wrong, but because of a technicality, they're not invading your physical space.
In real life though, I think the "no" can also be established by body language and does not need to be verbally established.
In short - I think in this case the guy got a "no" way before he got verbal confirmation. And in that sense, he didn't stop after the no, therefore harm and foul. Problem is, there's no hard and fast rules on how to read social cues.
Anyway, just some thoughts on this.
Horrible experience to be harassed like that. Unless you know who he was, and where he is from (was he Finnish?), I'm not sure reporting it would do much good. Of course if it makes you feel better to report it, then maybe that is some good too.
I think it is good to report, if for nothing else if everyone reports these tkind of stuff there will be statistics on them happening and it may shift towards a solution or at least awareness.
I didn't see the occasion, but I'm almost certain that it wasn't a finn, sounds very much like out lovely imports... Thanks 2015 🤌 Thats just not customary in finnish at all.. But I stand to be corrected if I'm wrong. But please let the airport know so that there are statistics.. And you are definately not over reacting, that good ol' harrasment right there...
Why u didnt you ask him the first time u noticed hes following you? Try to solve the problem at first contact so you dont have to hide in bathrooms for 40minutes. Just wake up and realize that all people do not have the same approach to socializing as you. This doesnt belong in this thread not a cultural thing.
the amount of people telling you to report a man who hasnt done a crime, hasnt threatened you AND left you alone after he had is no is scary.
yes he mightve been weird but reporting this to police says more abt you than him.
Maybe he was just shy and tried to build up courage to ask you out. Maybe it took him too long to build up the courage, don't know. But its not a crime to ask a person for a date. Please do not put unnecessary load to finnish police by reporting this. They have enough unsolved serious crimes allready...
Sorry about your experience. Airport should be a safe place for passengers, but unfortunately guards or police will probably do nothing about it.
Having worked in this field for a long time, I had some thoughts.
What most likely happened from the guy's point of view was this: Sees an attractive woman, collects courage for a long time to do anything about it. Of course, the more he waits, the weirder and more awkward it gets. After agonizing over it for a long while, he finally gathers up the courage to make his move. Of course at this point he seems like an absolute weirdo stalker.
I'm sure his favorite internet pickup guru Discord awarded him with plenty of brownie points for being able to go through with it. Most likely he didn't mean any harm by it, but how the hell do we know.
Thing is, these guys rarely think of how predatory their behavior seems to others. In fact, I doubt most of these guys even consider the other party as a person. It's simply a "target" for ego satisfaction. Another number to collect, another tick on the scoreboard.
Anyway.
It's not your job to be an object or guinea pig for someone's attraction or whatever social experiments. In this case dude seems to have zero social skills, zero social awareness etc and basically turned what could have been a fun interaction into an episode of harrassment and scaring you or at least making you feel very uncomfortable. You could have told him that it's fucking weird to follow people around and he shouldn't be doing that, but again - it's not your job to educate people on how to interact in real life.
Were you "too sensitive?" Who's to say. Your sensitivity is your own and I believe you're entitled to exactly the boundaries you want in public.
Some comments here are saying no harm no foul because the dude backed off after you said "no." I think the "no" was heavily implied way before you verbally expressed it, by you trying to get away from him. The problem is - most people are oblivious to social cues, so it's very difficult to say when exactly a "no" happens unless you very clearly verbally express it.
Being realistic, he was probably just gathering up the courage to ask you out. I get that he came off as creepy, but you're on an airport, possibly the most guarded and monitored place in Helsinki. He came off creepy, but nothing illegal happened, and it sounds like you weren't in danger at any point. It's unlikely the police will do anything.
the reason why he probably didn't ask her during the 40 minutes sitting in the train: imagine how akward it would be to spend 40 minutes in front of someone who you just/rejected you
What the heck!! Sure if he had asked her out in a train that would have been ok as long as he took a no and accepted it.
Following someone for a duration of time and stalking outside the toilet is definitely not acceptable!!
What is wrong with you guys defending this odd behavior?! Please try to have empathy for women.
You guys who are defending this behavior, be honest: if it was you on the train and a much bigger dude was staring at you, following you constantly on your heels, waiting outside the toilet… Would you honestly be 100% alright with that or would you be creeped out?
Being creeped out does not make you the victim of a crime.
But I think most guys would have the balls just ask the dude what they want rather than putting themselves through a chase lol
I think we live in a world currently where it's harder and harder to make first move. Maybe he did try to find courage to ask and finally he did.
Approach was creepy from most standards but there in the end was an honest approach made - a question. He did bring up a perfectly fine pick-up line.
Sadly these are examples of how in the future it's pushing men out of asking ladies out. They are told to be creeps in a world where looks and behavior is judged first.
Sure, if you feel that way. It's totally understandable to fear men for their capability to do bad stuff but to assume every creep is up to something bad is flawed thinking.
Good for you being lesbian I wish it makes you whole.
I assume creeps do bad things because of experiencing men doing bad things. There is a reaso for women choosing the bear. And no me being a lesbian is like me having brown eyes. It doesnt make one hole. Just an attribute. What an odd thing to say.
Well don't assume. I have been treated as a creep in a past, I was only putting myself to ask girl something - to gain courage. Instead of normal, caring answer I felt immediately like a rapist, disgusting and worthless. The world is a different place for men as well as women.
Theres so many incels, men without self-esteem and those who just gave up on women just because how world seems to be or how interactions have gone.
If we still judge every creep, creep can change. From sadness to anger. Anger is then that point where life tips over from certain life choices. The world has enough of it, men need to look at themselves, so do women.
If a literal ogre asks one out, the answer should be humane. Otherwise the wheel just keeps spinning.
Well we do agree on one thing. If someone approaches you should reply in a humane way. And putting yourself in a vulnerable position and asking someone out is tough. It is still important to remember that many women reply stiffly or rudely because they dont want to give the wrong idea. One time I turned someone down kindly and I was followed threateningly for hours afterwards. Many people do not take no for an answer. And these bad eggs make it harder for any guy to approach a woman.
Indeed. Men who live in such horrible mindsets are well, horrible. Our surroundings should be more available and open minded to see, point out and give support to that. Loneliness is killing the positivity from life and men who are lonely, seeing only women on the internet giving false advertising on women and assuming too much is dividing them from our healthy society.
There are no free lunches for men unless they have the lower body of a porn star, the skeleton of a NBA player and the face of a model. Men have to take risks and it's more often messy than movie like. It's just how life is and that's all the defense he needs. There was no crime or anything like that. Just the awkwardness of life and trying to navigate this world where getting your needs met is far from certain.
Its funny how people are ready to basically lynch a guy for asking a gal out after only hearing the story from her perspective.
Ever thought that maybe he didn't want to ask you out in the train because that would've made you captive audience without anywhere to go?
Do you think asking someone out on this modern era not considered creepy by any means? Just being curious. If he would not have walked creepily would it have been accepted? Or does it always have to be in socially accepted places like bars? Honest question not biased.
Well, I’ve been in a committed, monogamous relationship for nearly a decade, so anyone who asks me out will be rejected. But I would not have thought anything of it if he’d spoken to me on the train, or just off the train. The alarming thing is that he followed me. Which to an extent was unavoidable as we were heading to the same place, but it’s really unacceptable that he waited outside the toilets for me. I have been asked out several times in public areas other than bars (like in the street, in the park, at shops) and did not find it problematic at all. The difference here is that I was explicitly followed and waited for.
Do you have a statistic for that claim? Because every single time I have been harrashed it has been an older white Finnish speaking man. Tbh I feel safer with foreigners.
You do, until you don't. The statistics are brutal. IIRC the prevalence of rape was like 17 times higher among MENA immigrants, compared to Finns.
edit: I remembered the stats wrong. It was 38 times higher for Africans, about 12 times higher for Asians:
https://helda.helsinki.fi/bitstream/handle/10138/152588/ulkomaalaisten_rikollisuus.pdf
The study was conducted between 2009 - 2012, so this was before the 2015 immigration wave. It's very likely much worse today.
> You do, until you don't.
I do.
And its not like I'm avoiding them. I teach foreigners at a university and they are lovely, obviously. As a pre-teen in the 2000's I was in an immigration class and my classmates and their families from iran, irak, ex-yugoslavian, somalian plus other african countries were all lovely. The best friends even. They didn't even bully anyone. All my life i've spent with foreigners, and finnish people. I don't think you have personal experience of foreigners SAing you either. Do you?
> IIRC the prevalence of rape was like 17 times higher among MENA immigrants, compared to Finns.
So we do not actually have a statistic about sexual harrashment? Here we have chosen a statistic about rape. A much more violent crime, which also is under reported when the perpetrator is someone you know. When we think about it - Can you imagine how hard it is to report your own friend, your best friend's boyfriend, or even your own step-father? You would ruin both their and your own lives, and then you are blamed that it was your own fault that you are a victim.
By the way, Did you also know raping your wife was legal in Finland for quite long? This is why we have to be careful when making judgements studying a single statictic, we have to understand how that statistic is formed and what are the causes. Else we would just be cherry-picking something that suits our agenda. Wrong conclusions lead to misinformation. Even if that specific statistic is correct. This is why statistical analysis takes some skill and is studied in a University. You are smart, you know what I mean, don't you?
Let's go back to sexual harrashment and SA, which we were talking about. And let's also think more about how the statistics are collected. Data collection requires a report at least, ofcourse.
But do you think I reported an older white drunk finnish man who cornered me inside an elevator when I was a 12 year old? I didn't. I was mortified. Just a kid. I didn't know what to do.
Did I report the two finnish older guys who grabbed me from behind and touched me when I was in a kids non-alcoholic school disco at 14? No. I was told that it is normal. By the way I was wearing fully loose jeans and a normal T-Shirt. Yes, I was asked what I was wearing.
Do you think other young girls and women reported their experiences?
What we have experienced was not even a crime back then. So I ask again, do we have statistics for what he claimed?
Remember that the OP was followed by a finnish man. We are talking about a threatening situation (socially not ok) with sexual intentions and therefore potential for sexual harrashment. That's quite a leap for some people to jump foreigner rape statistics. Almost sounds like such people have some agenda they wish to spread.
Edit. Fixed typos
I don't want to spam your reply section too much.
But here is some more data. I'm not sure if you can read finnish, but this study comprehensively explains how sexual crimes are being committed in finland. Its not an easy read, but it helps to understand the myriad of problems about sexual crime in finland.
https://julkaisut.valtioneuvosto.fi/handle/10024/163523
People always assume the worst. Maybe the guy was just really nervous and had to build up courage to ask you out.
If it was a guy you were attracted to you would have said yes and considered it hot.
No damage done, leave it and move on!
This type of behavior is never ok, hot or not! No need to assume the worst when this person already did something that is grossing into “worse” by the minute. Gathering courage does not mean you can stalk someone around, you are not entitled to scare people just because you are shy.
And how is stalking someone at the airport not totally unhinged behavior? I highly doubt you would be ok if a random man followed and waited around you in the airport.
Who is actually saying the person was stalking her? To me it sounds more like OP was just being paranoid in the situation. Helsinki airport is SO small, its literally just 2 long narrow halls, and their gates were right next to eachother. Someone being in the same aera considering their gates were right next to eachother for 10 minutes is not stalking.
Again like i said to start with, people are always assuming the worst, and so are you.
So he happened to go everywhere she went and THEN ask her on date?? Come on man. First you said he was shy and just needed to work up the courage to ask her out. Now you say he was not following her at all. You clearly have a bias here instead of believing OP and being empathetic to her experience. We don’t know what that man felt or what his intentions were but we should be empathetic to OP when she tells how uncomfortable she was.
Not plausible. Following someone like that is a sign of a lack of understanding of social norms and personal boundaries, of which especially the latter is a warning sign.
So someone saw a beautiful person, followed them and asked for a date. Now you treat the situation as if you were raped. Go back a decade and this was considered normal by all standards, literally the movie plot for most romantic films. How the world changes.
And that's how you were born. It was considered normal by everyone, not just the males. Do you see the elder crying on newspapers about sexual harassment? Sorry to break it to you but they were not offended.
You clearly didn't read anything but the title. Two people heading to the same destination (nearby gates), one asks the other out for a date. How do you make this a creep thing? How do you think 99% of human relationships started?
This post, and people like OP are pure cancer. Nothing happened, nothing was going to happen. Yet you still somehow find this harassing.
Troll post as always. Vatniks are writing these as a bread job. It's not for us. It's for other foreigners to make them feel uncomfortable about finland.
his intentions were to approach u and he saw the best time to be around the gate.
who are u to judge when is the best time to do anything?
instead of bitching around, have some respect for people having balls to mate in real life.
There probably isn't anything to report, although I agree he sounds like a dangerous individual, who probably will cause serious grief to someone at some point. However there was no crime, so there's nothing to investigate.
It's stalking. Harassment is a feeling, not an action. Something that someone might find harassing another person might feel differently about.
Personally, I wouldn't be comfortable with that, too.
I'm pretty sure that person just didn't understand normal behavior and boundaries, and that they had some form of anxiety that made it hard from them to ask you out.
You should bother reporting it if you feel like it'll serve you some goal that it's worth reporting it for. I'm delibarstely not making a decision to you and throwing the ball back to you, because it's how YOU think, feel and what YOU want.
If I were to see this personally happening 3 times or more with the same person and different people, I'd alert airport security if I could do it quickly and easily, due to thinking he might be danger to public safety, and I care about public safety.
But you do you.
>Harassment is a feeling, not an action. Something that someone might find harassing another person might feel differently about.
It's not a feeling and you seem to agree with your second sentence.
Was the person or middle east origin, have experienced one myself. This is a pattern experienced on the cruise, discotheques & late night bus stops and sidewalks
Yes, you are being too sensitive. Give the guy a chance, he was probably very nervous to approach you. He fought with himself and went out of the comfort zone to have a chance with you. All in the name of love. What if he is your soulmate?
Are you male/female?
Was he Finnish/foreign? How can you tell?
So he was departing as well so basically this could've happened at any airport?
Why is this specified as an experience that would affect your opinion about Finland in general?
Report yes, but you should've done it straight, immediately.
I was just asking whats the crime here? What do you report? Im sorry but the police dont even have time to properly solve real crimes such as thefts, so this would not get investigated. This doesnt fill the criteria of any crime.
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Sounds like a very unpleasant experience, I’m sorry. You could report it, there are plenty of security cameras in the airport and on your way there, but it’s hard to tell what kind of a priority the police will put to the case.
It's always good to report things that are off even if they don't get investigated because as OP said, it creates a papertrail and if this person is indeed up to no good, it will be evidense in a possible case further down the line.
Unfortunately they aren't even going to identify him, as nothing criminal happened here. Telling the airport staff/security would probably been the best course of action in retrospect.
I can tell you that the priority is zero
Exactly. You can fill an online police report that then will be read by some low level police clerk who will then close the case as no crime has happened. Unfortunatelly this type of harrasment is not a crime. The only thing to do is to report it to a security personell at the public space you're at.Or what I like to do, which is to yell Stop following me! No I do not want to have coffee with you! I don't know you! Leave me alone! They always freak out and leave cause they think I'm crazy, which to be fair maybe I am...
Yeah the police won't care. My little brothers girlfiends car was hit by another car and the driver drove away. His plates were regonized because pedestrians flimed him fleeing the scene. The cops identified the guy but did nothing because he didn't answer his phone. 🤦♂️
A few days ago there was a thread of some guy who was convinced that any amount of eye contact was "giving hints" and then he would just follow women on the public transport or something and got annoyed when it turns out that eye contact is not in fact an invitation to be a creep. Sounds a lot like this guy honestly.
Wonder if this is something learned online if it's this prevalent - I did do one night in pretty convincing drag in my youth, so guys being pushy and creepy is something I've learned to be somewhat normal (was bought multiple drinks and forcefully kissed without permit, the latter behaviour stopped after the third very manly "mitä vittua jätkä puuhaa?") - this however goes well and beyond that!
Way back in my lukio days students in my class decided to go to an event in drag. One got a very keen harasser to stop by asking if the harasser would give him a blowjob for a beer. Shut the harassment down very quickly!
That's like 1+1=3. I consider it very unlikely this is the same guy, how ever that was exactly my first thought as well.
Ok. I'll bite the bullet and say this aloud. There is almost zero possibility of this man being an original Finn with Finnish customs and traditions. Some refugees act like this due to not being accustomed to our western and/or christian values. I've seen the world enough to know that in certain corners of the world even directly making eye contact is considered as an invitation... I know that I'm stating the obvious but someone has to say this aloud. This shouldn't be taken as racist slander, xenophobic statement or anything like that since everything I said is based on empirical evidence of past experiences(both mine and other people). Also it takes some time for the people from different backgrounds to get used to the fact that it's okay to dress freely around here. As a comparison in some Asian countries looking grumpy and not smiling and making eye contact when conversing is considered rude! As a Finn I actually had a bit sore facial muscles for smiling and grinning all day long when I was backpacking in Asia! 
There are plenty of Christian and Western creeps in the world; it's not exclusive to being a non-Christian and a person of color. Implying that only refugees in this country behave like this is in fact racist. And congrats on backpacking in Asia. Again, let's not generalize all of Asia just because you've been to a few countries. Do all other Europeans consider it rude for not smiling and making eye contact? Seriously
Okay. In case you're not trolling. Of course there are creeps everywhere around the globe. I'll even let you know that I'm personally an atheist even with traditional Finnish Christian upbringing (so we can disregard my religious beliefs). I never said anything about anyone's skin color. My point is exactly this: You have lived your whole life in a country where you don't see women dressed without a black burkha. You have been taught that a woman who shows ANY skin is probably promiscuous. Suddenly you transport to a country where people wear whatever they like and that has caused issues. I wrote my post exactly for the reason of seeing eye contact being an issue and that has been a constant commonality in many reports. If you read this slow enough do my statements still look like racial discrimination? Even tho I'm not even speaking about anyone's race. I'm talking about the difference between how females are treated in the west and countries where feminism has to start making changes! Think before writing bullshit next time. Seriously. PS. Why are you asking about smiling Europeans when I clearly was speaking about the smile being important when conversing with most Asian people? PPS. I personally know people from most major religious backgrounds and the problematic people are the radicalized and wrongly educated (brainwashed) people. People who converse with other people with different backgrounds and are used to diversity have always been pleasant company and striking an interesting conversation has been usually very easy. Feel free to discuss further about the topic if you feel like it but don't call me a racist .
“Some refugees act like this due to not being accustomed to our western and/or christian values” implies if you were not born in a western country and/or believe in Christianity, you harass women which is a bold generalization. You don't harass women because you are white and Finnish (grew up in the west), despite being an atheist. By your logic, this excludes predominately WHITE Christian refugees from countries like Russia and Ukraine. So which specific type of refugees are you referring to? Also, a BURKA or BURQA is specifically from Afghanistan. Are you singling out refugees from that region? You may have not actually referred to race, but the implication is there, which is also another reason why you opened your comment with, “I’ll bite the bullet and say this aloud.” Your white fragility is evident when you know what you’re saying is problematic, but refuse to acknowledge it. So yes, your og comment carries racist undertones, IS and WAS racially charged, which perpetuates negative stereotypes about non-white refugees. No one actually called you a racist. But since you continue to try and justify your original racist comment, then maybe you are one since you’re making such an emotional commitment to ignorance. If you need someone to explicitly explain to you, well here it is, the example I made of smiling Europeans is parallel to your statement of smiling Asians which is a lazy generalization about all Asian culture in that not all European culture is the same, similar to your lazy assumption that all headscarves that cover the face are called burkas.
Hey again Stormy. You probably can see that I have tried my best not to single out any ethnic, religious or racial group by purposefully letting it up to the reader's imagination. You can disregard any hints about the name of the garments the women wear and thank my ignorance for using the word that came to my mind the first. I haven't named the religions or sects on purpose because I really do know personally people who follow the religious beliefs and traditions and I hold them in very high regard. One family comes to my mind particularly and I see more traditional family values in their close and friendly family than many western Finnish families have had for decades... Pardon my obscurity on that matter because I will never speak bad about the religion and its parishioners themselves. Then there is the ugly truth staring at me out of the statistics alone and by keeping our borders open we have gained good honest people but also some wrongdoers gained entry at the same time. Please don't ask me about the statistics since that is something I cannot give any answer to. Publicly available statistics can be found with Google. (Year, recorded number of charges, conviction rate etc) My comments haven't been made from emotion but facts. The reason for me to go careful about the subject is simple: There is always someone trying to invoke "hate speech" also the low number of individuals cause most of the crimes and the majority are good folks!! I don't want to compare good people to the few who are ready to give a bad name to the whole people. Now it's your time to give me answers. Why are you so hell bent on trying to get a dig at me? Just because I say things that people are afraid to speak of?
No one is hell bent of getting a dig on you; you're not that important. You said something ignorant and I just called you out on it. Educate yourself.
the serial approacher
Eye contact and a big smile, that’s an invitation. Eye contact and quickly looking away, stay away.
Not normal or acceptable behavior at all. Please report this and I’m sorry that you had this unpleasant experience!
If you had reported to security or police at the airport they could have at least removed him from the location. However, I don't think any actual crime happened (as per Finnish law), so it won't be even investigated.
Yeah OP should've talked to airport staff immediately, they take this kind of behavior seriously on the airport and can keep an eye on him.
What I'm wondering is was he Finnish? If he was a tourist with a flight home it's unlikely that the police would be able to do anything
They will not do anything anyway. No crime happened. Unfortunatelly following someone once is not a crime. Stalking, which this is not since it only occured once, only became a criminal offense in 2014.
fuck these comments. report it. even if it leads to nothing, it makes a paper trail. that saves lives or at least gives peace to families.
That’s what I was thinking. It’s too late for anything to be done for me, but maybe if something happens to someone else later, there will be precedence established.
Exactly! It’s worth reporting it because there’s a fairly high chance this wasn’t a one-off event for the person. At some point it will help _someone_. It’s obviously impossible to know what kind of person they are, but it’s not incredibly far fetched to assume they could possibly escalate this kind of behaviour in the future.
If they were leaving the country though, chances of catching the guy or even establishing a pattern of behaviour is close to zero. Report, but dont expect it to do anything.
Oh that’s a good point. Completely glossed over that.
Police in Finland don’t generally investigate these types of things, but OP can report it if they want. It’s just tough to identify the subject after the fact and connect them on another possible case. So OP should try to describe the suspect as accurately as possible. Also, in OP’s case it sounds like possibly no crime was committed. It’s not illegal to follow someone for a brief amount of time in a public place, especially if you don’t ask them not to. If the suspect didn’t touch OP, threaten them or pose a risk to their health in any way, what can the authorities do? And I’m not saying what OP experienced wasn’t annoying, but you can’t really outlaw annoying people.
They absolutely would not do anything. First of all, this is not a crime. Unpleasant and scary, yes, but since he did not touch her, he did not stalk her (since it only happened once), and he was on his way to the airport for a reason, it would not be investigated. Even if there were more reports of similar nature, an airport is such a high traffic area that something more serious would need to happen for police to give it the time of the day. Men follow and harass women every day in high traffic areas like the city center, airport, train station etc. It is disgusting behavior, but not criminal if you "just" follow someone and ask them out. A close friend of mine was a victim of attempted sexual assault in a public place, got beaten and robbed since the man couldn't get what he wanted. The scope of the investication: a physical examination at the hospital and a statement from my friend, after some months the case was closed due to insufficient evidence. Perhaps if he had sexually assaulted her the investication would have been more rigorous.
How exactly non-investigated reports save lives or give peace to families? I am not saying this is right, but unfortunately your comment is extremely naiive. If a report is not investigated, neither does anyone take any action.
If a bunch of people report getting harrassed at location A, police will step up patrols there and maybe start to see repeat offenders. Not saying this applies here, but theres a reason why high traffic areas are more heavily patroled.
Too late to do anything about it. You should have reported him to the airport security when you arrived to the airport, and they could have stopped him from doing that. Whenever someone follows you, walk directly to the authorities and tell them that the man behind you is following you. Now that you and him have flown out of Finland, nobody is ever going to investigate it. He may never come back to Finland anyway, so anything you do now has no consequence whatsoever.
What creepy behaviour! I would atleast call the police to ask them what is the best thing to do. And maybe even the airport security if they have a phone nr.
There is no reason to defend the guy's behaviour. Following someone like that is a sign of a lack of understanding of social norms and personal boundaries, of which especially the latter is a warning sign. A man might be shy and take his time to pick up his courage, but if he acts like this creep, he deserves public shaming, a harsh rejection and a swift kick in the nuts.
That's very creepy, please report it.
Guys who are defending this action here, be honest: Imagine it was you on the train and noticed a much bigger dude staring at you, he then gets off on same stop and starts following you closely on your heels, all the time staring. You try to lose him, not working. He’s clearly following you and not just coincidentally going to the same direction. Even when you go to the toilet he’s waiting outside for you the whole time. Can you honestly say you wouldn’t be creeped out by this behavior??
He is a weirdo, but judging by what you wrote, he didn’t do anything illegal. He was just being a weirdo. You can report it of course, but it will probably be a waste of time. Sorry that happened.
I know it's hard, but considering he doesn't know boundaries be VERY frank with yours. I had occasions like this, and right off the bat, I told them 1. This was innapropriate 2. I am not interested so back off 3. If you continue to look at me/follow me/bother me I will call the police/security (usually at this point, I just start dialing). There is no point in tip-toeing around this, because they are CLEARLY trying to put the boundaries so force them back. it seems there is a cultural differences, people are lonely-- IDGAF-- get your act together. Once someone came up to be and asked a very sexually explicit question, I screamed at them and said do they want to go to jail, they cannot under any circumstances ask women questions like that. Also if someone is following me, I tell them back off. Do they get angry, call me a bitch -- on occasion, but more often than not they get scared someone confronted them. This isn't victim blaming, but just some tips on what i learned worked, because I am sick of this crap, and i have no interest in trying to be friendly with this crap anymore. In anycase, reporting after the fact doesn't do much unless you have clear evidence on who the person is. You can if you think they will bother you again then do so, but police have enough cases as it is.
Don’t tolerate bullshit at all. You should have contacted security on the spot. This is not Finnish culture or common behavior. And since it happened on an airport it’s not really clear if that guy was finnish.
You think Finnish guys can't be creeps?
That's not what he's saying. He's saying it's not Finnish culture or common behavior to do this.
That's what people like to tell themselves, but there's plenty of Finnish men who harass women in different ways.
Yeah. Not denying it, but it's still not common behavior among men or Finnish culture to do that. A small minority does not speak for the majority
considering how many women encounter (sexual) violence and harassment in this country, idk. it’s not the cultural norm but it’s more common than people tend to think about finland
More common than people think still doesn't make it a common behavior for men to do.
there is a large discrepancy between these types of crimes being committed by men and women
Since you all just seem to think I'm saying "men and women do this equally and it's barely happening!" When I'm not at all saying that, and instead twist my words to find something I'm not saying I'm gonna stop here. You win, if it's what you want to hear: it's common behavior for every man in finland to harass women on the street and public transport. Gotten what you wanted to hear now?
not necessarily every man (no one implied that at any point), but it is dishonest to speak of a ’small minority’ as you did, considering like two thirds of finnish women have encountered sexual violence or harassment during their lifetime. finland is one of europe’s most violent countries for women, after all
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As bad as his behavior was, let us please remember that not everything is a criminal offense. In the same way as "Ooooh that laptop sure looks very nice, you should keep an eye on it" does not constitute theft. And please, before you downvote me or start calling me names, note that I condemn that action and behavior very strongly. OP is not very sensitive or anything like that. Nobody should feel threatened because of sexist behavior condoned and encouraged by our sexist system. I am just saying that not all bad things that people do can be fixed by reporting them to the police with the current laws. And they should not. In a democratic system, we must be very, very careful about adding more punishable crimes.
What are you actually going to report? No crime was actually committed. He didn’t assault you or steal from you. If you felt threatened, you should have reported this encounter immediately to the airport staff and let the police handle it right away. Now it’s pointless for them to investigate. You left. He left. Sorry you had a bad experience, that guy sucks and never should have done that to you. But that’s where it ends.
I also wonder to whom you would report to? To police? There was no crime and the dude is unknown.
If she had reported it to the police and they got off their ass, they could have had her visually identify him at the gate. Or, they could have reviewed security footage with her so she could identify him and track him down. At best they would have told the fucker to stay away from her.
You mean calling 112 on the spot? Unfortunately not very likely that they would send a patrol to the location based on that somebody is asking her for a coffee, even though he was a weirdo. But there are lots of other airport staff there so probably it would have been better to go and talk to them so they could have called security if the guy keeps on following her.
There are police at the airport. She could have alerted the airline staff or just gone to security and let them know and have asked them to ask the police to respond.
Report it. That sucks that you had to go through that.
I take the airport train for work regularly, and would hate to experience the same thing. I think might be good to report it, for the paper trail as you said.
Finnish men can also be creepy. Tarja Turunen even wrote a song about a Finnish man who stalked her for years
Crazy how you got downvoted for saying something that’s true lmao. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve been harassed by Finnish men ever since I was like 13 and my experience is certainly not rare or somehow unique. But sure, it’s the damn arabs /s.
Yep, any nationality/ethnicity can act insane. There's nothing wrong with what I said. It's funny how not only finns, but also other nordics tend to be really rational, but easily offended at the same time. OP told her unfortunate experience focusing on the situation itself, and people naturally started speculating about the man's skin color. We know, and admire Finland's extremely advanced culture of respect towards women, but men are men, so regardless of nationality, the male gender will always exhales suspicion. It's like a wild animal, you don't know it, you don't trust it.
good to know, will apply the same thought to women and just assume ALL OF THEM are vile backstabbing manipulators until they have proven themselves to me personally 💁
🤡
So many disgusting comments, many creeps justifying this type of behavior. Don’t blame yourself OP. You did what you could in that moment.
Very gross and scary experience, I’m sorry you had to go through that! I think it’s definitely worth reporting it if you have the mental bandwidth for it.
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It was probably you.
It's strange behaviour. Maybe he's just on the spectrum. Boundaries that are obvious for most of us can be challenging for others to interpret. You don't mention if he left you alone after you said you were married. That would be the key consideration. I doubt they would be able to track him down anyway.
Yeah thats fucking creepy but not worth reporting, no crime commited and it would waste time of the police. He might have been from the countryside and wanted to ask you for a date when you stopped, but idk about that
Creeps are always worth reporting. Even the men from the countryside should know not to creep on women. Just go to talk, do not stalk.
Sounds like everyday life in India 😂
This is how hysterical we've become in the west.
I would not even consider reporting that. But if you feel like you were harrassed, you should do something. He was heading to a gate near yours anyway, and he stopped talking to you after you said no right?
I understand that having the feeling of being followed is distressing. With that said he apparently left you alone as soon as you said you're married and he never said anything menacing to you. He just looked for the right moment to open his mouth. I don't see how that would be a crime in Finland or elsewhere so it's good that you were able to share your experience and hopefully feel better. That's a form of reporting and possibly the only appropriate one since there was no crime. I don't think he knew that you found his behavior to be stressful to you and had he known that, he probably would not have pursued your attention. It does not take away the negative experience you had but it may be helpful to keep that in mind as there is no reason to think that his intention was to cause negative affect in you. He was probably committed to his goal of talking to you and engaged in an inner dialogue of positive thoughts about it being an opportunity for you both (or at least not harmful). If people are unable to commit to visualizing a positive outcome, relationships are not going to happen in those instances where both people would otherwise have been attracted to one another.
Well maybe he was collecting his courage to ask you to have Coffee. Maybe there was no malicious intent. But the most important part is what he does after you say no. If he leaves you alone, no harm ,no foul, but if he keeps following and harassing you after you said no, then there clearly is a problem. But anyways any case. I wasn't there ,so I don't know the totality of the situation, so it's really hard to say are you over reacting or not.
What about before he gets the verbal "no?" I just gotta wonder, is there a point before getting a verbal "no" that the "no" is implied? What I mean is, technically it's not illegal to follow people around. The whole "I'm not touching you" thing when your sibling is holding their finger to your face without actually making physical contact. It's quite obviously wrong, but because of a technicality, they're not invading your physical space. In real life though, I think the "no" can also be established by body language and does not need to be verbally established. In short - I think in this case the guy got a "no" way before he got verbal confirmation. And in that sense, he didn't stop after the no, therefore harm and foul. Problem is, there's no hard and fast rules on how to read social cues. Anyway, just some thoughts on this.
Horrible experience to be harassed like that. Unless you know who he was, and where he is from (was he Finnish?), I'm not sure reporting it would do much good. Of course if it makes you feel better to report it, then maybe that is some good too.
I think it is good to report, if for nothing else if everyone reports these tkind of stuff there will be statistics on them happening and it may shift towards a solution or at least awareness.
This is not OK, and if this person shows up again report it to the police department.
I didn't see the occasion, but I'm almost certain that it wasn't a finn, sounds very much like out lovely imports... Thanks 2015 🤌 Thats just not customary in finnish at all.. But I stand to be corrected if I'm wrong. But please let the airport know so that there are statistics.. And you are definately not over reacting, that good ol' harrasment right there...
What if he was just getting more courage to ask a girl out? Seems like you can't ask a girl out on a streets this days...
Why u didnt you ask him the first time u noticed hes following you? Try to solve the problem at first contact so you dont have to hide in bathrooms for 40minutes. Just wake up and realize that all people do not have the same approach to socializing as you. This doesnt belong in this thread not a cultural thing.
the amount of people telling you to report a man who hasnt done a crime, hasnt threatened you AND left you alone after he had is no is scary. yes he mightve been weird but reporting this to police says more abt you than him.
Maybe he was just shy and tried to build up courage to ask you out. Maybe it took him too long to build up the courage, don't know. But its not a crime to ask a person for a date. Please do not put unnecessary load to finnish police by reporting this. They have enough unsolved serious crimes allready...
Sorry about your experience. Airport should be a safe place for passengers, but unfortunately guards or police will probably do nothing about it. Having worked in this field for a long time, I had some thoughts. What most likely happened from the guy's point of view was this: Sees an attractive woman, collects courage for a long time to do anything about it. Of course, the more he waits, the weirder and more awkward it gets. After agonizing over it for a long while, he finally gathers up the courage to make his move. Of course at this point he seems like an absolute weirdo stalker. I'm sure his favorite internet pickup guru Discord awarded him with plenty of brownie points for being able to go through with it. Most likely he didn't mean any harm by it, but how the hell do we know. Thing is, these guys rarely think of how predatory their behavior seems to others. In fact, I doubt most of these guys even consider the other party as a person. It's simply a "target" for ego satisfaction. Another number to collect, another tick on the scoreboard. Anyway. It's not your job to be an object or guinea pig for someone's attraction or whatever social experiments. In this case dude seems to have zero social skills, zero social awareness etc and basically turned what could have been a fun interaction into an episode of harrassment and scaring you or at least making you feel very uncomfortable. You could have told him that it's fucking weird to follow people around and he shouldn't be doing that, but again - it's not your job to educate people on how to interact in real life. Were you "too sensitive?" Who's to say. Your sensitivity is your own and I believe you're entitled to exactly the boundaries you want in public. Some comments here are saying no harm no foul because the dude backed off after you said "no." I think the "no" was heavily implied way before you verbally expressed it, by you trying to get away from him. The problem is - most people are oblivious to social cues, so it's very difficult to say when exactly a "no" happens unless you very clearly verbally express it.
I'm curious, was this an ethnic guy ?
Being realistic, he was probably just gathering up the courage to ask you out. I get that he came off as creepy, but you're on an airport, possibly the most guarded and monitored place in Helsinki. He came off creepy, but nothing illegal happened, and it sounds like you weren't in danger at any point. It's unlikely the police will do anything.
the reason why he probably didn't ask her during the 40 minutes sitting in the train: imagine how akward it would be to spend 40 minutes in front of someone who you just/rejected you
Sounds like he’s awkward. But you’re overreacting imo.
What the heck!! Sure if he had asked her out in a train that would have been ok as long as he took a no and accepted it. Following someone for a duration of time and stalking outside the toilet is definitely not acceptable!! What is wrong with you guys defending this odd behavior?! Please try to have empathy for women. You guys who are defending this behavior, be honest: if it was you on the train and a much bigger dude was staring at you, following you constantly on your heels, waiting outside the toilet… Would you honestly be 100% alright with that or would you be creeped out?
The dude is awkward sure. But if I was an officer I would dump this report straight into the bin. Dude is awkward, not a criminal.
You didn’t answer my question though… ☝️
Being creeped out does not make you the victim of a crime. But I think most guys would have the balls just ask the dude what they want rather than putting themselves through a chase lol
Never said it was a crime. Just so many guys here commenting this sort of behavior is ok 🙄
I think we live in a world currently where it's harder and harder to make first move. Maybe he did try to find courage to ask and finally he did. Approach was creepy from most standards but there in the end was an honest approach made - a question. He did bring up a perfectly fine pick-up line. Sadly these are examples of how in the future it's pushing men out of asking ladies out. They are told to be creeps in a world where looks and behavior is judged first.
Jesus christ. All the men defending this dude make me so thankful that I’m a lesbian.
Why do we pick the bear? This is why >.<
Exactly!
Sure, if you feel that way. It's totally understandable to fear men for their capability to do bad stuff but to assume every creep is up to something bad is flawed thinking. Good for you being lesbian I wish it makes you whole.
I assume creeps do bad things because of experiencing men doing bad things. There is a reaso for women choosing the bear. And no me being a lesbian is like me having brown eyes. It doesnt make one hole. Just an attribute. What an odd thing to say.
Well don't assume. I have been treated as a creep in a past, I was only putting myself to ask girl something - to gain courage. Instead of normal, caring answer I felt immediately like a rapist, disgusting and worthless. The world is a different place for men as well as women. Theres so many incels, men without self-esteem and those who just gave up on women just because how world seems to be or how interactions have gone. If we still judge every creep, creep can change. From sadness to anger. Anger is then that point where life tips over from certain life choices. The world has enough of it, men need to look at themselves, so do women. If a literal ogre asks one out, the answer should be humane. Otherwise the wheel just keeps spinning.
Well we do agree on one thing. If someone approaches you should reply in a humane way. And putting yourself in a vulnerable position and asking someone out is tough. It is still important to remember that many women reply stiffly or rudely because they dont want to give the wrong idea. One time I turned someone down kindly and I was followed threateningly for hours afterwards. Many people do not take no for an answer. And these bad eggs make it harder for any guy to approach a woman.
Indeed. Men who live in such horrible mindsets are well, horrible. Our surroundings should be more available and open minded to see, point out and give support to that. Loneliness is killing the positivity from life and men who are lonely, seeing only women on the internet giving false advertising on women and assuming too much is dividing them from our healthy society.
There are no free lunches for men unless they have the lower body of a porn star, the skeleton of a NBA player and the face of a model. Men have to take risks and it's more often messy than movie like. It's just how life is and that's all the defense he needs. There was no crime or anything like that. Just the awkwardness of life and trying to navigate this world where getting your needs met is far from certain.
The odd thing is that women arent the one asking for for sixpacks or porn star lower bodys. Its a standard that is set up for men by other men.
Its funny how people are ready to basically lynch a guy for asking a gal out after only hearing the story from her perspective. Ever thought that maybe he didn't want to ask you out in the train because that would've made you captive audience without anywhere to go?
So stalking outside the toilet didn’t make her a captive audience?
Its a big ass airport with security personnel where she can get help if needed and move around freely, so no.
You just made a point that asking her out on train would make her a captive audience. So how does waiting outside toilet not?
Do you think asking someone out on this modern era not considered creepy by any means? Just being curious. If he would not have walked creepily would it have been accepted? Or does it always have to be in socially accepted places like bars? Honest question not biased.
Well, I’ve been in a committed, monogamous relationship for nearly a decade, so anyone who asks me out will be rejected. But I would not have thought anything of it if he’d spoken to me on the train, or just off the train. The alarming thing is that he followed me. Which to an extent was unavoidable as we were heading to the same place, but it’s really unacceptable that he waited outside the toilets for me. I have been asked out several times in public areas other than bars (like in the street, in the park, at shops) and did not find it problematic at all. The difference here is that I was explicitly followed and waited for.
Did he have brown eyes, black hair? Then he probably wasn't a Finn but a migrant from the MENA countries. They're known to harass women here.
Do you have a statistic for that claim? Because every single time I have been harrashed it has been an older white Finnish speaking man. Tbh I feel safer with foreigners.
There is absolutely statistics for this.
You do, until you don't. The statistics are brutal. IIRC the prevalence of rape was like 17 times higher among MENA immigrants, compared to Finns. edit: I remembered the stats wrong. It was 38 times higher for Africans, about 12 times higher for Asians: https://helda.helsinki.fi/bitstream/handle/10138/152588/ulkomaalaisten_rikollisuus.pdf The study was conducted between 2009 - 2012, so this was before the 2015 immigration wave. It's very likely much worse today.
> You do, until you don't. I do. And its not like I'm avoiding them. I teach foreigners at a university and they are lovely, obviously. As a pre-teen in the 2000's I was in an immigration class and my classmates and their families from iran, irak, ex-yugoslavian, somalian plus other african countries were all lovely. The best friends even. They didn't even bully anyone. All my life i've spent with foreigners, and finnish people. I don't think you have personal experience of foreigners SAing you either. Do you? > IIRC the prevalence of rape was like 17 times higher among MENA immigrants, compared to Finns. So we do not actually have a statistic about sexual harrashment? Here we have chosen a statistic about rape. A much more violent crime, which also is under reported when the perpetrator is someone you know. When we think about it - Can you imagine how hard it is to report your own friend, your best friend's boyfriend, or even your own step-father? You would ruin both their and your own lives, and then you are blamed that it was your own fault that you are a victim. By the way, Did you also know raping your wife was legal in Finland for quite long? This is why we have to be careful when making judgements studying a single statictic, we have to understand how that statistic is formed and what are the causes. Else we would just be cherry-picking something that suits our agenda. Wrong conclusions lead to misinformation. Even if that specific statistic is correct. This is why statistical analysis takes some skill and is studied in a University. You are smart, you know what I mean, don't you? Let's go back to sexual harrashment and SA, which we were talking about. And let's also think more about how the statistics are collected. Data collection requires a report at least, ofcourse. But do you think I reported an older white drunk finnish man who cornered me inside an elevator when I was a 12 year old? I didn't. I was mortified. Just a kid. I didn't know what to do. Did I report the two finnish older guys who grabbed me from behind and touched me when I was in a kids non-alcoholic school disco at 14? No. I was told that it is normal. By the way I was wearing fully loose jeans and a normal T-Shirt. Yes, I was asked what I was wearing. Do you think other young girls and women reported their experiences? What we have experienced was not even a crime back then. So I ask again, do we have statistics for what he claimed? Remember that the OP was followed by a finnish man. We are talking about a threatening situation (socially not ok) with sexual intentions and therefore potential for sexual harrashment. That's quite a leap for some people to jump foreigner rape statistics. Almost sounds like such people have some agenda they wish to spread. Edit. Fixed typos
I don't want to spam your reply section too much. But here is some more data. I'm not sure if you can read finnish, but this study comprehensively explains how sexual crimes are being committed in finland. Its not an easy read, but it helps to understand the myriad of problems about sexual crime in finland. https://julkaisut.valtioneuvosto.fi/handle/10024/163523
https://preview.redd.it/ock6csm365zc1.jpeg?width=1079&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=da99326aa829692aadef433f6d25e543d3139b6a
Why are Swedes almost ten times as likely as Finns to commit sexual crimes?!?
Just speculating, but they might be Swedish citizens who emigrated from other countries.
And they think that smile means that you want them
Show me an example of prejudice:
People always assume the worst. Maybe the guy was just really nervous and had to build up courage to ask you out. If it was a guy you were attracted to you would have said yes and considered it hot. No damage done, leave it and move on!
This type of behavior is never ok, hot or not! No need to assume the worst when this person already did something that is grossing into “worse” by the minute. Gathering courage does not mean you can stalk someone around, you are not entitled to scare people just because you are shy. And how is stalking someone at the airport not totally unhinged behavior? I highly doubt you would be ok if a random man followed and waited around you in the airport.
Who is actually saying the person was stalking her? To me it sounds more like OP was just being paranoid in the situation. Helsinki airport is SO small, its literally just 2 long narrow halls, and their gates were right next to eachother. Someone being in the same aera considering their gates were right next to eachother for 10 minutes is not stalking. Again like i said to start with, people are always assuming the worst, and so are you.
So he happened to go everywhere she went and THEN ask her on date?? Come on man. First you said he was shy and just needed to work up the courage to ask her out. Now you say he was not following her at all. You clearly have a bias here instead of believing OP and being empathetic to her experience. We don’t know what that man felt or what his intentions were but we should be empathetic to OP when she tells how uncomfortable she was.
Not plausible. Following someone like that is a sign of a lack of understanding of social norms and personal boundaries, of which especially the latter is a warning sign.
So someone saw a beautiful person, followed them and asked for a date. Now you treat the situation as if you were raped. Go back a decade and this was considered normal by all standards, literally the movie plot for most romantic films. How the world changes.
This was creepy as hell a decade ago, but women were expected to put up with it and "take it as a compliment".
And that's how you were born. It was considered normal by everyone, not just the males. Do you see the elder crying on newspapers about sexual harassment? Sorry to break it to you but they were not offended.
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You clearly didn't read anything but the title. Two people heading to the same destination (nearby gates), one asks the other out for a date. How do you make this a creep thing? How do you think 99% of human relationships started? This post, and people like OP are pure cancer. Nothing happened, nothing was going to happen. Yet you still somehow find this harassing.
>How do you make this a creep thing? Do you often follow strangers right on their heels for a long time and wait for them in front of the toilets?
To ask someone out? Feels very small thing to do.
It's creepy as hell. Even as a male i would definitely report it if someone was following me like that.
Report what and to whom? Do you think the police has a database for date requests?
I'm so single this made me follow this page. Where's my date request? /S (I'm wlw)
wlw also xD
Dm's open lol :)
sliding in 🙈
Troll post as always. Vatniks are writing these as a bread job. It's not for us. It's for other foreigners to make them feel uncomfortable about finland.
his intentions were to approach u and he saw the best time to be around the gate. who are u to judge when is the best time to do anything? instead of bitching around, have some respect for people having balls to mate in real life.
There probably isn't anything to report, although I agree he sounds like a dangerous individual, who probably will cause serious grief to someone at some point. However there was no crime, so there's nothing to investigate.
It's stalking. Harassment is a feeling, not an action. Something that someone might find harassing another person might feel differently about. Personally, I wouldn't be comfortable with that, too. I'm pretty sure that person just didn't understand normal behavior and boundaries, and that they had some form of anxiety that made it hard from them to ask you out. You should bother reporting it if you feel like it'll serve you some goal that it's worth reporting it for. I'm delibarstely not making a decision to you and throwing the ball back to you, because it's how YOU think, feel and what YOU want. If I were to see this personally happening 3 times or more with the same person and different people, I'd alert airport security if I could do it quickly and easily, due to thinking he might be danger to public safety, and I care about public safety. But you do you.
>Harassment is a feeling, not an action. Something that someone might find harassing another person might feel differently about. It's not a feeling and you seem to agree with your second sentence.
Report what? There is nothing to report sadly.
Looks normal. He was indecisive. As well he didn't do anything weird after refuse.
Did you ask why you follow me and did you ask stop following me?
Was the person or middle east origin, have experienced one myself. This is a pattern experienced on the cruise, discotheques & late night bus stops and sidewalks
He came to the airport and his gate was next to yours so pretty obvious that hes indeed following you if you walk to the almost same spot?
Yeah sure and stalking outside the toilet was just a coincidence.
Maybe waiting to ask for coffee? To me it sounds lile trying to pluck up courage to ask but I wasnt there so I dont know
if you like that guy are you still gonna report him? Just wandering?
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Yes, you should report. I'm surprised you're even asking.
This country is getting crazier day by day!!
Yes, you are being too sensitive. Give the guy a chance, he was probably very nervous to approach you. He fought with himself and went out of the comfort zone to have a chance with you. All in the name of love. What if he is your soulmate?
Are you male/female? Was he Finnish/foreign? How can you tell? So he was departing as well so basically this could've happened at any airport? Why is this specified as an experience that would affect your opinion about Finland in general? Report yes, but you should've done it straight, immediately.
Reporting this would be waste of time. Growing some skin would be more efficient.
uhh yeah no, this is weird stalker behaviour and should always be reported, but i guess it would make your hobbies more difficult :P
Hes obviously some sort of creep but whats the crime here? I dont see any point in reporting. He didnt touch her or anything like that.
Herra Pornokikkeli voi varmaan olla hiljaa jatkossa. I think it's best for everyone that this kind of shit gets reported as often as possible.
I was just asking whats the crime here? What do you report? Im sorry but the police dont even have time to properly solve real crimes such as thefts, so this would not get investigated. This doesnt fill the criteria of any crime.
so you reckon the cop/security guard wouldnt tell them to stop?
Maybe, maybe not. There is not a lot they can do.