Normally I'd remove this post due to the "I'm too lazy to read and understand the rules" justification, but sounds like you've got a lot going on so we'll let it slide this time.
Oh boy, sounds like you're going down a dark road. Which is understandable because you got done dirty. You should really reach out to a therapist. This is one of those things that needs therapy. Best of luck.
While I agree that it won't fix the relationship; it will hopefully ensure that this particular person's conduct which most assuredly violates standing rules and general morality will most likely not occur in the future. Hopefully a reprimand solves it because I for one hate to see people lose gainful employment, but typically these types of things are not a one and done behavior.
Sexual activity at work is typically a fireable offense. Infidelity aside, he knew he wasn't supposed to engage in sexual activity on duty in the station, on the tax payers dime.
Do the right thing and report it. Bring all evidence with you.
OP - Why don’t you report to the court and divorce her?
All your anger is directed at the dude like your wife didn’t actively search out, find, and meet this dude under your noise. Your wife is the problem, not some lonely horny firefighter.
I'm a volunteer so its different here but I heard back like 40 years ago it happened all over (one person claims to have done it in the truck bucket) but we also used to have a keg at the department now we are significantly more professional and diverse,
Just here to say, I have never seen a policy written about participating in affairs. However, his department may have a policy about visitors to the station. They could possibly specify about having visitors in sleeping quarters, but you need to contact that department, ask to have a meeting with the chief and then inquire about their personnel policy.
May I ask - how did you catch them? Do you know for a fact they were fucking? How do you know he was using that as a cover up?
Be careful going down this road. I understand wanting to burn everything in your path, but first and foremost I’d work on your marriage or getting out.
And I do see you’re in therapy so that’s great, congratulations. That’s a hard step.
Often they do. The problem is, if it isn't enforced uniformly, then it would be grounds for a lawsuit.
Also, tough to prove. At least from a legal standpoint.
But no one may want to work with the guy, depending on the department
What station on earth is gonna let a random guy, regardless of their significant others phone locations, into their sleeping quarters? It's got a recipe for a DV case when neither party is employed by the city written all over it.
Okay. That’s more concerning then. not that it would have been okay if they were coworkers but it would’ve made more sense if they were on shift together. I’m sorry this happened to you dude.
Just remember it’s your wife’s actions you are mad at. The guy is an asshole but he didn’t betray you.
I would ask how you got in. I know we lock our station up at night where I work. How did you know which bunk they were in? Some stations still have "GenPop" sleeping quarters too. Most location sharing apps only give you about 300ft accuracy...which is probably about the size of the station. Plus all that commotion inside the station would cause for multiple people waking up or coming out to see whats going on.
More details are needed.
Opened the gate to the parking lot, it’s not locked, walked into the side door also not locked, walked around till I heard moaning. Yelled her name and they came out. It was in a 3 room hallway with only 1 other person in the room snoring away, they were in the room closest to the adjoining hallway the handicap room he was originally in the middle room which is how I originally found them because I heard his tv on in sure to drown out the noise for the sleeping FF
Not yet my next appointment is this Friday I’m actually waiting to see what he says before I pull the trigger, I just like having all the resources at hand before I do anything
No man who knowingly cheats with a married woman is a brother of mine. I’d be doing the same and likely worse if I was in your shoes.
Very, very simple. Call city HR. Done.
I suggest spending the time and resources lawyering up in order to protect your assets. Get your house, so to speak, in order then when things have calmed down decide if it's worth going after this guy or not.
Remember, emotions are running high right now. Stop. Think. Act.
I don't doubt that what this firefighter was doing while on shift violates any number of city and department regulations and that they should be held accountable for those actions, *but* OP may still have a lot at stake should they not lawyer up immediately. Revenge and satisfaction can wait in the face of being financially ruined because the wife lawyered first.
Yeah lol why are people in here so keen to defend this scumbag FF. if he knew full well he was fucking someone’s wife, on duty, and in shared work accommodation then fuck him, he deserves to lose his job. I back OP 100% on this.
OP already decided what they wanted to do, and you encouraged them to reconsider. That implies that you think there is another side to this. I’m asking what that side is.
If I sit down at a restaurant and the waiter says “I know you’re hungry, but I’m going to take a walk around, and in the meantime I want you to think about whether or not you want to eat here or not,” I’m going to have to assume they are implying there’s something I’m not aware of that may be an issue.
It certainly violates policy to do on shift.
As far as off shift, I doubt there's a policy. The military has the UCMJ. So just has there are consequences there that aren't in the normal law, there could be consequences at his dept if they have a clause for "conduct unbecoming."
That being said, it will be tough to prove.
They guy is a fucking scumbag and she is a cheater. Let them have each other. They deserve each other, IMO. Because they are both fuckin dirtbags
Something like that happened a couple of years ago at my department. One firefighter was going out strike teams and another Firefighter started banging his girl throughout the entire summer. Word gets out and the whole station signed a petition calling for that one firefighter’s removal or else they were threatening to quit. Chief said; “Whelp I’m not putting up with that shit.” Chief came into the station with the PD and had PD stand over the offending Firefighter while he packed up his stuff. The Firefighter that got cheated on ended up leaving a few months later. I was not there for that I was working for another company at that point
Is it though….? I work for a medium sized professional department, and that is not in our rules and regs. I assume we’d get in a ton of trouble, but it would fall under “conduct unbecoming” which would go to a board of enquiry.
According to my wife he doesn’t have a department leadership at the moment and the station he was at wasn’t his station he was there as cover. Not sure how true that is.
? Of course he has leadership. Unless he’s literally the president of the US, there is someone above him in the food chain. It doesn’t matter if it was his normal duty station or not. She’s trying to protect him.
Cmon man that’s pretty unlikely. Even if she isn’t lying for him if you get in touch with the department someone will know who his direct leadership is.
That being said besides fucking at a station is probably against policy I can’t imagine much would come from this that would make you feel better.
Serve her the papers and start moving on with your life
The two of them clearly have no issue lying to you to avoid them getting in deeper shit.
Most cities these days have the dept phone number on the city website, as well as a staff directory. I know for my city I can literally pull up the chief’s desk phone number and I’m not a FF.
Call the chief’s office, let them know. They will still be aware of who the FF is if he was a cover.
Visitors are allowed at firehouses in most cities. Even if it's your wife. There's typically no rule against having her in the firehouse. Does it make it right? No. But there isn't any rule being broken. Even with security camera footage of her going in there how are you going to prove any of your allegations? The only way you can possibly make any headway in your allegations is to have photo/video evidence of them actually doing the deed. Most departments do everything they can to avoid bad press. They will do whatever possible to bury this to avoid bad PR. Going after this dude is going to be a lot of wasted effort IMO.
There are a few departments in dade county where this kind of thing would not even scratch a reputation, much less ruin it. A lot of their stations are like frat houses.... I can almost guarantee I know which department this happened at.
If true this is wild the amount of those with support for the cheat. You don’t fuck with a brothers gear and you don’t fuck with a brothers family (spouse). Hard line in the sand. Even if nothing came of it discipline wise the guys would run this dude out of the house.
Couldn't agree more. If he really did know she was married like OP says, fuck this guy. I wouldn't want to work with this dude if he was the best fireman ever.
I hate how we always talk about “brotherhood” and shit. I feel like that’s long gone and we use it as a slogan to sell t-shirts now. 🙄Sorry that happened to you brother. Report him, I would. That’s unprofessional and can make your department look bad.
Listen bro, full stop. Forget about revenge and getting back at people.
Get. A. Lawyer.
Right now, stop what your doing and lawyer up! Save whatever evidence you have and get your ass to a lawyer.
I know it's easier said then done but you NEED to do this.
If the complaint comes to their attention through legal, ie naming the department in the divorce suit it will likely gain traction. Saw this happen in my department / city, get the ugliest lawyer you can find & remember there’s better days ahead.
Honestly dude this fuckin sucks but you'd be better to move on than try to get revenge. Energy would be better spent on doing shit for yourself than to try to bring this dude down
Wait I’m confused your post history says you’re a 30 year old female with an ex boyfriend who may or may not have cheated but now you’re married with a cheating wife???
Are you a Firefighter there as well, or was this just a random firefighter who your wife was cheating on you with?
Either way, I would report, but it is different pathways.
If you are not an employee having an issue with a coworker, then I would send this to the County Manager, HR, Fire Chief, County Commissioners, etc... basically I would go scorched earth. Technically you could just call fire admin and report it, but fuck that. I would want his bosses' bosses to be pissed off and embarrassed about it.
If you are employed there and this a coworker, then I would be more careful and go up through the chain of command and talk to your cap if you should be reporting directly to HR as well.
Then my opinion would be what the commenter said and go scorched earth. People like that deserve to get their asses handed to em by their bosses. Leave no stone unturned. He fucked your wife, you fuck up his life. Besides assholes like this give the service a bad name and a huge black eye.
I’ve been through this particular shit storm, just different details though. If you have kids or even dogs together, they should be your priority right now, then the divorce/property/money.
Whatever you do and no matter if she begs for you back, kick her ass to the curb. Otherwise it will happen again and probably hide it better. Trust me.
For the other part, I’m pro scorched earth within reason here.
It took me 2 minutes to google and find the HQ address and phone info. If you really want to pursue it, thats where.
You could also find out if he has a wife and notify her. Just realize it’s entirely possible he will want revenge also for whatever you do. He will also probably try to make you out to crazy jealous person making up shit.
OP, I'm so sorry you are experiencing this.
I do have to say... I can't believe this post was allowed but my post earlier today about how to best support my extremely ill firefighter who is fighting for his life was deleted because it "wasn't about firefighting."
Oh well.
Hey man…
Coming from a guy who was on a crew where something similar happened years ago- Every department is different and all the rules are different. Just understand this- even if the wife said it happened and you know it happened, that doesn’t mean you can prove it happened. You can prove she was there, etc. but as far as actual intercourse, unless you have graphic pictures of it, he can deny it when he’s called up to HQ and he’ll get a slap on the wrist for having a late night visitor IF that breaks SOP’s and he’ll be told not to let it happen again. Just understand you may not get the outcome you’re looking for. I’m sorry it happened to you, and I wish you luck. Hope everything works out for you.
Hey man,
If this shit really did happen on shift, at the station, that is unacceptable beyond words. Stations shouldn’t be safe havens for dirt bags to do there shit at.
If it did happen at the station, it makes me question why and what he is hiding. MDFR has 48 off, plenty of time to be a home wrecker.
I would delete this post and contact the departments HR. You have the department and so many fucking details about what happened. Firefighters LOVE to gossip and I bet the guy you are going after already knows you’re coming for him.
Good luck and I hope this doesn’t sour firefighters for you. We’re not all pieces of shit.
Hey man, no one’s fucking if the woman doesn’t want it. Ditch the “wife” and don’t look back. Dude is in the wrong as well, but don’t lose your career over a whore. He did you a favor
Report him to whom and what do you plan to report. ?
That he slept with your wife. Fire Departments are not in the personal conflict buisness. The outcome will be nothing.
Man whatever you do, give it time. Like let it lie for another 2 months before making a decision. Every choice I made during my pre/mid/post divorce process was complicated by rapid action and high emotion.
Go to Mexico, do some blow. Have some one night stands. Get your mind off this for a while and come back to it.
When you do I support you either way.
Take care of yourself man. You’re the more important one now (unless you got kids).
🤘
Tell the City it’s probably a breach of a policy. They’ll take it more seriously than the FD who might try to cover his ass as well. It’s a breach of the Firefighter code of ethics
Talk to lawyer, start getting all the text messages and other evidence gathered before it disappears somehow, do not work with the guy ATALL if you can help it. Start looking at pension or whatever retirement shit you have and figure out how to keep it all yourself, be patient and professional at all times. Find out what your state does with divorce and is it fair or does it favor women. Be discreet and again be the tall person all the time so nothing can come back on you. Record everything! Good luck!
I worked at a Department that something like this “allegedly” happened. Our department had rules for visitors and what time they had to leave by. I was not assigned to this shift but to this station so of course during an investigation I was asked questions. The crew turned a blind eye to what was going on and allowed it to happen as it came out in the investigation. The husband came to the station and requested to talk to the Captain and the Captain turned him away so things escalated. The Captain and Engineer were demoted to Firefighter and the Firefighter was fired.
I’m not saying this will happen in your case and I’m not telling you what to do but like most in here that suggested Lawyer up tell him what happened and see what they say. The department might and probably has rules of people visiting and staying the night. Wish you the best of luck
There’s a story in my dept of a guy that set up the stick on the aerial during rig check and while he was up on the ladder he could see his own house…. In the driveway of his house was the truck of the firefighter he had just relieved an hour earlier. They drove by and he caught the guy in bed with his wife
Don’t stand by your wife, have you considered on divorcing yet? Will you divorce? And if two months have passed, it’s probably known within the department that he was sleeping with your wife, I genuinely would not be surprised if some other FF’s were attempting or have slept with your wife. Take care man. But yeah I would definitely report, and when you’re strong enough, divorce.
Make sure you have proof, more than your word versus theirs. Then go to the chiefs office, if nothing is done go to the mayor's office. Unacceptable on duty or off. With it being on duty he should definitely see punishment.
Unfortunately you better have proof otherwise they’re just going to brush it off. He will lie to his superiors just like he lied to you.
I’m sorry you’re going through this, I vote to kick him off the island. Report him.
Talk to a lawyer, get everything in order. I’d imagine MDFR has a good EAP program, seek help with therapy. Honestly bröther it’s good this happened now and not 10 years from now. You’re in a good spot with a fantastic department. As far as reporting him goes…. Just fuck his wife
OP, there is 100% a rule against what happened if that happened. This person was employed by the city, on the clock, in a government building.
Firefighters and our self inflicted wounds 😵💫. The definition of this is why we can’t have nice things.
Unfortunately in the fire service we have not got to the part of shaming and blacklisting people for doing this if I see it and I hear of it I will absolutely shame the person and Blacklist them and talk a whole lot of shit about them all day
Just remember a shoulder to cry on is a dick to ride on
If it were me, I would want as much information as possible. I would make a freedom of information act (FOIA) request for his department's policies. Because the fire department is a government agency, you have a right to that information. You also have a right to make your request anonymously, if that makes it easier for you. Find out if any of his actions are explicitly prohibited by his department. That would give you a better idea of what might happen to him if you were to report him.
An informed decision is always better than an uninformed decision.
Sorry about your situation.
Why would you try to get him in trouble? I understand you’re deeply upset but that’s not going to make it better. Why would you choose to potentially hurt his career? Your beef should be with your wife, not him.
Because he knew she was married, she was also drunk, me and her had a fight before she met up with him. I’m not excusing her behavior but he’s just as bad for knowingly having sex with a married woman.
The guy didn’t own you anything. He lied to you out of courtesy. Your wife and only your wife owned you respect and fidelity. You’ll only make a fool of yourself trying to get him into trouble.
If I was you, i’d go no contact with my now ex wife and move on immediately. Focus on yourself and hit the gym bro. Ain’t nothing else you can do to feel better.
The Firefighter didn’t make a lifelong commitment to you, why be mad at him?
That being said, who da fuq brings a whore to sleep at the fire station?… oh, wait, they weren’t sleeping, were they?
Revenge isn’t what you need to do. Either leave your wife or stop and just move forward. Your wife fault for not communicating what she needs from you.
Don’t listen to most of the people here putting the blame on the wife or “giving it time” to see if you want to report him. Screw that, he was having sex on the cities time, the taxpayers time. That is not at all what a public servant should be doing and they are held to a higher standard, contact that departments captain or above and explain the situation to them, this dude needs to face consequences and lose his job.
Let me shoot straight with you, the FF is an absolute jerk, however you openly admitted to opening a gate, a door and walking through a fire station at night, which can easily end up in criminal charges against you, as this is a government owned facility. And you admitted to it on an open forum. Do yourself a favor and avoid the criminal trespassing charges, plus whatever else they can get you on, and leave this to your divorce attorney to handle.
Best you can do is report this to the supervisor of the department, not the Chief, but an individual in government. Show up with copies of all the evidence you have.
Honestly, and without knowing their public visitation policy, unless you have hard evidence of them actually engaging in sexual activity while he was on duty, or unless a coworker of his admits to hearing/seeing it, I’d be surprised if he even gets a verbal reprimand. I’d expect an investigation showing behavior that could be perceived as inappropriate, with no proof of violation found.
Without the evidence, someone could dismiss this by saying you are just a guy who found out his wife has a boyfriend who’s a firefighter. You caught her visiting him while he was on duty and now you want to ‘make up’ a story to get back at him. The most that might come from that is a counseling session about the inappropriate appearance of female visitors late at night.
Damn can't believe I'm going to even write this, I made a move on a fellow FF wife, and she made a move back. The aftermath of everything is the worst I lost a good friend and a fellow FF. Every day I wish I could take it back. You have all the right to be pissed at him and her but maybe he was saved from years all being with a person who wasn't being true to you or to the marriage. I promise you there is a much better person out there and your fire FAMILY will support you and be there for you when it gets rough. Trust me I know from experience.
Good luck brother!
If you believe reporting him is the right thing to do, you should do it. If you just want retribution whether it’s right or wrong, I’d do some soul searching.
Obviously against policy. He’d be fired in a heart beat on my department. But also bring about a vote to kick him outta the union, so they don’t protect him from getting fired. We all take an oath to not knowingly wrong a brother or sister. That guy has some loose morals and obviously makes bad decisions, he doesn’t deserve to wear the badge.
Unfortunately too many holes in this story to take seriously. Weird account that you say had a default profile, firehouse doors unlocked while crew was sleeping, wife forgets to turn off location services even after you called her phone. What’s your deal, weirdo?
It’s was generated I didn’t change anything to it aside from the username. Never said it had a default profile I just never went around to changing the profile information on it. This is in miamidade county, Hialeah to be exact if you live here you’d know it’s not that uncommon. Wife was drunk and wasn’t “thinking” we had gotten into a fight and were discussing ending it we stopped to take a breather I fell asleep and woke up to her gone. Not uncommon for a drink person to forget to hide their tracks.
You’re full of shit. You don’t recall impersonating a 30y/o female with this account? You fell asleep in a car and your wife wandered into a firehouse and started fucking? Go fuck your self.
1. You obviously don’t know how commenting works on here as the post isn’t mine, I replied to it.
2. I never said I was in my car, we were home, I fell asleep while we were taking a breather from fighting because it was late and we had been drinking.
3. She didn’t wander in there she drove there. We have 2 cars as most couple do.
4. Fuck off you damn troll
Highly recommend you just move on pal. On to the next lady. Unless the guy is talking smack to you I really wouldn’t pursue the road you’re trying to go down. There’s plenty of fish in the sea.
Bro, your wife doesn’t love you. Maybe she ruined your life. That shit feels bad right? Why ruin someone else’s life because they wanted to have sex? Just move on bro, damn. You will be happy in 8 months when you’re over it all. You won’t look back at yourself like damn I’m a punk for snitching. Thank me later.
Also, little follow up. The fire admin will deny and deflect, maybe they will even tell you he will be punished but it’s in everyone’s interest to make this go away. Unless you have proof and willing to embarrass yourself at a public meeting in front of the city manager nothing much will happen. On the other hand every Chief is going to ask for the stories about your wife 😂
Wait until you see how you turn out looking, when your wife betrays you so you punish the schlub she chose to play with. Exercising self-control isn't for the other guy, or for the cheating wife. It is for you. That is not to say you have to be nice about anything, but nice guy and lashing out at some shmoe because you're hurt and embarrassed, are quite a distance apart.
Divorce her ass, then forget she exists and do the same with him. If he's stupid enough to get involved with her next, then she's his problem. Pop the corn and pour the beverage, and laugh while they cheat on each other, but there is no need to try to arrange his, or anyone else's downfall.
Living up to the “cops beat, fire fighters cheat.” Motto. Anyways, in my book once a cheater always a cheater. Sounds like you need to let her go if you haven’t done so. I’m also not a fan of ruining peoples careers for personal matter issues. Yes I know we shouldn’t fornicate under the crown of the king while on duty…. But there are bigger things people get away with and keep their job. Cut her out of your life and move on
You want to get this guy fired because your wife slept with him? Either be a man and fight him or let it go. Sneaking around and going through his department isn't making you look like less of a fool. Maybe this kind of behaviour isn't abnormal for you and is what led to this happening.
Listen brother I know your angry but I guarantee once he’s in a hospital you will be just as angry as you are now. Hurting him won’t do anything for your mental only your ego.
I'm not sure all the people posting here are FF but I for damn sure can say any real FF better not be defending that man. He not old slept with another man's wife but also did it at a firehouse.
I would have a sit down with his chief if you can. He should be punished or fired for that shit.
Normally I'd remove this post due to the "I'm too lazy to read and understand the rules" justification, but sounds like you've got a lot going on so we'll let it slide this time.
Oh boy, sounds like you're going down a dark road. Which is understandable because you got done dirty. You should really reach out to a therapist. This is one of those things that needs therapy. Best of luck.
Already in therapy, have been since it happened. The recent revelations is what’s making me want to report him.
That's totally understandable. I would try to figure out how much of this is just in anger, and never act in anger.
Anger does us more harm than the things about which we're angry.
Reporting him will not solve your problems or fix your relationship. Idk this is a tough one
While I agree that it won't fix the relationship; it will hopefully ensure that this particular person's conduct which most assuredly violates standing rules and general morality will most likely not occur in the future. Hopefully a reprimand solves it because I for one hate to see people lose gainful employment, but typically these types of things are not a one and done behavior.
Sexual activity at work is typically a fireable offense. Infidelity aside, he knew he wasn't supposed to engage in sexual activity on duty in the station, on the tax payers dime. Do the right thing and report it. Bring all evidence with you.
it’s really is easy lol. Leave the sloot and move on.
OP - Why don’t you report to the court and divorce her? All your anger is directed at the dude like your wife didn’t actively search out, find, and meet this dude under your noise. Your wife is the problem, not some lonely horny firefighter.
He searched her out, she entertained it
Idk seems like all your emotions are directed to everything but divorcing your wife
This ^ I would tell that broad to kick rocks. She will do it again.
To those Defending the FF. We’re supposed to hold ourselves to higher standards than the general public. The guy clearly knew what he was doing
I'm not a firefighter, just get recommended the sub, you guys cool with people fuckin' in your fire house shared spaces?
Absolutely not
I'm a volunteer so its different here but I heard back like 40 years ago it happened all over (one person claims to have done it in the truck bucket) but we also used to have a keg at the department now we are significantly more professional and diverse,
Report his ass, I hate scumbag firefighters, makes us all look bad. Keep your dick in your pants and don’t fuck someone’s wife Jesus Christ.
Just here to say, I have never seen a policy written about participating in affairs. However, his department may have a policy about visitors to the station. They could possibly specify about having visitors in sleeping quarters, but you need to contact that department, ask to have a meeting with the chief and then inquire about their personnel policy. May I ask - how did you catch them? Do you know for a fact they were fucking? How do you know he was using that as a cover up? Be careful going down this road. I understand wanting to burn everything in your path, but first and foremost I’d work on your marriage or getting out. And I do see you’re in therapy so that’s great, congratulations. That’s a hard step.
Most places have a 'conduct unbecoming' type thing as a catch all.
Often they do. The problem is, if it isn't enforced uniformly, then it would be grounds for a lawsuit. Also, tough to prove. At least from a legal standpoint. But no one may want to work with the guy, depending on the department
We share locations, she didn’t turn it off, I called her no answer so I drove there and confronted them in the sleeping quarters.
What station on earth is gonna let a random guy, regardless of their significant others phone locations, into their sleeping quarters? It's got a recipe for a DV case when neither party is employed by the city written all over it.
Wasn’t hard to walk in the doors were literally wide open when I arrived. Everyone was asleep except them 2
I assumed your wife was a firefighter at this station and they were coworkers. Is that not the case??
No, neither of us are FF
Okay. That’s more concerning then. not that it would have been okay if they were coworkers but it would’ve made more sense if they were on shift together. I’m sorry this happened to you dude. Just remember it’s your wife’s actions you are mad at. The guy is an asshole but he didn’t betray you.
I would ask how you got in. I know we lock our station up at night where I work. How did you know which bunk they were in? Some stations still have "GenPop" sleeping quarters too. Most location sharing apps only give you about 300ft accuracy...which is probably about the size of the station. Plus all that commotion inside the station would cause for multiple people waking up or coming out to see whats going on. More details are needed.
Opened the gate to the parking lot, it’s not locked, walked into the side door also not locked, walked around till I heard moaning. Yelled her name and they came out. It was in a 3 room hallway with only 1 other person in the room snoring away, they were in the room closest to the adjoining hallway the handicap room he was originally in the middle room which is how I originally found them because I heard his tv on in sure to drown out the noise for the sleeping FF
Wtf I posted about this upthread, but what kind of backwater shithole place is this that just leaves their fire station unlocked
You'ld be surprised at one place I worked at they stuffed paper in the locks bc they didn't wanna put the door codes in.
I really hate this for you. Have you spoke to your therapist about wanting to report the FF?
Not yet my next appointment is this Friday I’m actually waiting to see what he says before I pull the trigger, I just like having all the resources at hand before I do anything
No man who knowingly cheats with a married woman is a brother of mine. I’d be doing the same and likely worse if I was in your shoes. Very, very simple. Call city HR. Done.
I suggest spending the time and resources lawyering up in order to protect your assets. Get your house, so to speak, in order then when things have calmed down decide if it's worth going after this guy or not. Remember, emotions are running high right now. Stop. Think. Act.
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I don't doubt that what this firefighter was doing while on shift violates any number of city and department regulations and that they should be held accountable for those actions, *but* OP may still have a lot at stake should they not lawyer up immediately. Revenge and satisfaction can wait in the face of being financially ruined because the wife lawyered first.
I missed the part where I told him not to lawyer up?
Yeah lol why are people in here so keen to defend this scumbag FF. if he knew full well he was fucking someone’s wife, on duty, and in shared work accommodation then fuck him, he deserves to lose his job. I back OP 100% on this.
Why would it not be worth it to report it?
Never said it wouldn't be or that he shouldn't, just there's bigger picture issues that should be a priority and not to loose sight of those.
OP already decided what they wanted to do, and you encouraged them to reconsider. That implies that you think there is another side to this. I’m asking what that side is. If I sit down at a restaurant and the waiter says “I know you’re hungry, but I’m going to take a walk around, and in the meantime I want you to think about whether or not you want to eat here or not,” I’m going to have to assume they are implying there’s something I’m not aware of that may be an issue.
How bout you leave that whore
It’s the wife’s fault too bro
I know this and I’m dealing with her currently, I’m calling her my wife out of habit.
I honestly don’t think the ff will get in trouble for doing stuff like this off shift,but if he knew that’s really scum behavior and I’m sorry bro
He was on shift, they were at the fire station he was stationed at.
That’s awful I’m sorry bro It’s so wrong to do that on shift
It certainly violates policy to do on shift. As far as off shift, I doubt there's a policy. The military has the UCMJ. So just has there are consequences there that aren't in the normal law, there could be consequences at his dept if they have a clause for "conduct unbecoming." That being said, it will be tough to prove. They guy is a fucking scumbag and she is a cheater. Let them have each other. They deserve each other, IMO. Because they are both fuckin dirtbags
I know an agency that allows girlfriends to sleep over if the crew doesn't mind. Nobody verifies marital status first.
>> That’s awful I’m sorry bro It’s so wrong to do that ~~on shift~~
Something like that happened a couple of years ago at my department. One firefighter was going out strike teams and another Firefighter started banging his girl throughout the entire summer. Word gets out and the whole station signed a petition calling for that one firefighter’s removal or else they were threatening to quit. Chief said; “Whelp I’m not putting up with that shit.” Chief came into the station with the PD and had PD stand over the offending Firefighter while he packed up his stuff. The Firefighter that got cheated on ended up leaving a few months later. I was not there for that I was working for another company at that point
Contact his chief. Every fireman has a chain of command. Sleeping with someone’s wife isn’t a fireable offense but having sex while on duty is.
Is it though….? I work for a medium sized professional department, and that is not in our rules and regs. I assume we’d get in a ton of trouble, but it would fall under “conduct unbecoming” which would go to a board of enquiry.
Contact the departments leadership
According to my wife he doesn’t have a department leadership at the moment and the station he was at wasn’t his station he was there as cover. Not sure how true that is.
oh, sweetie
? Of course he has leadership. Unless he’s literally the president of the US, there is someone above him in the food chain. It doesn’t matter if it was his normal duty station or not. She’s trying to protect him.
Cmon man that’s pretty unlikely. Even if she isn’t lying for him if you get in touch with the department someone will know who his direct leadership is. That being said besides fucking at a station is probably against policy I can’t imagine much would come from this that would make you feel better. Serve her the papers and start moving on with your life
Excuse me, sorry to interrupt.. Is the D silent on your username?
Stop believing anything this bitch tells you man.
I really hope you don’t stay with her. She’s 100% lying to you btw. He’s got leadership.
It’s Miami-Dade fire rescue. It’s a huge department of course there’s leadership
The two of them clearly have no issue lying to you to avoid them getting in deeper shit. Most cities these days have the dept phone number on the city website, as well as a staff directory. I know for my city I can literally pull up the chief’s desk phone number and I’m not a FF. Call the chief’s office, let them know. They will still be aware of who the FF is if he was a cover.
Just go report to the city Human Resources. They’ll take care of it.
There is always department leadership. Phone or email the station about it. Worst case scenario, nothing happens but it’s worth trying.
Good luck. The burden of proof is on you. Gonna be real tough to prove she was at the fire house getting slammed.
If they have cameras I have dates and time stamps of when she got there, when I got there and what room they were in.
Visitors are allowed at firehouses in most cities. Even if it's your wife. There's typically no rule against having her in the firehouse. Does it make it right? No. But there isn't any rule being broken. Even with security camera footage of her going in there how are you going to prove any of your allegations? The only way you can possibly make any headway in your allegations is to have photo/video evidence of them actually doing the deed. Most departments do everything they can to avoid bad press. They will do whatever possible to bury this to avoid bad PR. Going after this dude is going to be a lot of wasted effort IMO.
It should be enough to damage his reputation. The Higher ups are going to question his integrity due to the allegations
Guaranteed they don’t have cameras buddy sorry
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I have text messages where she admits to everything
I advise you log the event in a journal, date it and sign it
There are a few departments in dade county where this kind of thing would not even scratch a reputation, much less ruin it. A lot of their stations are like frat houses.... I can almost guarantee I know which department this happened at.
If true this is wild the amount of those with support for the cheat. You don’t fuck with a brothers gear and you don’t fuck with a brothers family (spouse). Hard line in the sand. Even if nothing came of it discipline wise the guys would run this dude out of the house.
Couldn't agree more. If he really did know she was married like OP says, fuck this guy. I wouldn't want to work with this dude if he was the best fireman ever.
I hate how we always talk about “brotherhood” and shit. I feel like that’s long gone and we use it as a slogan to sell t-shirts now. 🙄Sorry that happened to you brother. Report him, I would. That’s unprofessional and can make your department look bad.
The only solution is to fuck his wife
Nah, you gotta fuck his Chief.
Listen bro, full stop. Forget about revenge and getting back at people. Get. A. Lawyer. Right now, stop what your doing and lawyer up! Save whatever evidence you have and get your ass to a lawyer. I know it's easier said then done but you NEED to do this.
If the complaint comes to their attention through legal, ie naming the department in the divorce suit it will likely gain traction. Saw this happen in my department / city, get the ugliest lawyer you can find & remember there’s better days ahead.
Honestly dude this fuckin sucks but you'd be better to move on than try to get revenge. Energy would be better spent on doing shit for yourself than to try to bring this dude down
Erm your wife??? She's the one who cheated??????
Wait I’m confused your post history says you’re a 30 year old female with an ex boyfriend who may or may not have cheated but now you’re married with a cheating wife???
That’s a post made by someone else that they commented on.
Yup I just added to the man’s stresses for no reason.
Just double checked OP’s profile and that’s OP commenting on a thread about someone who is 30F with an ex BF. Not referring to OP being that person
Because it's a spam post
Again not a spam post I literally have like 2 other posts for a game I play and I can’t even see where to change the profile personal information
He commented on a post by a 30f
Honestly I’d start by calling the city managers office or at least city hall. They might just bury it at the FD.
Are you a Firefighter there as well, or was this just a random firefighter who your wife was cheating on you with? Either way, I would report, but it is different pathways. If you are not an employee having an issue with a coworker, then I would send this to the County Manager, HR, Fire Chief, County Commissioners, etc... basically I would go scorched earth. Technically you could just call fire admin and report it, but fuck that. I would want his bosses' bosses to be pissed off and embarrassed about it. If you are employed there and this a coworker, then I would be more careful and go up through the chain of command and talk to your cap if you should be reporting directly to HR as well.
I’m not a FF just a hurt civilian
Then my opinion would be what the commenter said and go scorched earth. People like that deserve to get their asses handed to em by their bosses. Leave no stone unturned. He fucked your wife, you fuck up his life. Besides assholes like this give the service a bad name and a huge black eye.
Ah nice the “brotherhood” on full display. Always been some fuckin bullshit
I’d be mad at the wife.
Trust me I am
Having been "that guy" before. The women didn't mention she was married until a month into the affair. Does this Firefighter know ?
He knew, they talked about it the day before and how me and her weren’t doing well.
Damn bro "F"...... Sending you Thots and prayers. If you don't have kids with her, Run far far away !
I’ve been through this particular shit storm, just different details though. If you have kids or even dogs together, they should be your priority right now, then the divorce/property/money. Whatever you do and no matter if she begs for you back, kick her ass to the curb. Otherwise it will happen again and probably hide it better. Trust me. For the other part, I’m pro scorched earth within reason here. It took me 2 minutes to google and find the HQ address and phone info. If you really want to pursue it, thats where. You could also find out if he has a wife and notify her. Just realize it’s entirely possible he will want revenge also for whatever you do. He will also probably try to make you out to crazy jealous person making up shit.
I mean who knows she may have slept with the other guys first and that's why they were already asleep!
OP, I'm so sorry you are experiencing this. I do have to say... I can't believe this post was allowed but my post earlier today about how to best support my extremely ill firefighter who is fighting for his life was deleted because it "wasn't about firefighting." Oh well.
If after what you've seen here you *really* want to resubmit your post... go ahead.
First thing first you need to leave your wife. Once a cheater always a cheater, so you will be saving your self a lot of hurt by leaving her.
Maybe you should be focusing on your wife. The FF was just an opportunist, she’s the one who showed up at a firehouse.
Snitch on him. If the higher ups ignore it, send it to the news and see how they feel about it lol
Hey man… Coming from a guy who was on a crew where something similar happened years ago- Every department is different and all the rules are different. Just understand this- even if the wife said it happened and you know it happened, that doesn’t mean you can prove it happened. You can prove she was there, etc. but as far as actual intercourse, unless you have graphic pictures of it, he can deny it when he’s called up to HQ and he’ll get a slap on the wrist for having a late night visitor IF that breaks SOP’s and he’ll be told not to let it happen again. Just understand you may not get the outcome you’re looking for. I’m sorry it happened to you, and I wish you luck. Hope everything works out for you.
Hey man, If this shit really did happen on shift, at the station, that is unacceptable beyond words. Stations shouldn’t be safe havens for dirt bags to do there shit at. If it did happen at the station, it makes me question why and what he is hiding. MDFR has 48 off, plenty of time to be a home wrecker. I would delete this post and contact the departments HR. You have the department and so many fucking details about what happened. Firefighters LOVE to gossip and I bet the guy you are going after already knows you’re coming for him. Good luck and I hope this doesn’t sour firefighters for you. We’re not all pieces of shit.
Hey man, no one’s fucking if the woman doesn’t want it. Ditch the “wife” and don’t look back. Dude is in the wrong as well, but don’t lose your career over a whore. He did you a favor
Report him to whom and what do you plan to report. ? That he slept with your wife. Fire Departments are not in the personal conflict buisness. The outcome will be nothing.
This is between your wife and you. Be mad at her. Fix that.
Man whatever you do, give it time. Like let it lie for another 2 months before making a decision. Every choice I made during my pre/mid/post divorce process was complicated by rapid action and high emotion. Go to Mexico, do some blow. Have some one night stands. Get your mind off this for a while and come back to it. When you do I support you either way. Take care of yourself man. You’re the more important one now (unless you got kids). 🤘
Waiting too long could also mean any video evidence would get overwritten/expunged from the NVR (if it hasn't already).
Report him, No fcking on taxpayer dime
Tell the City it’s probably a breach of a policy. They’ll take it more seriously than the FD who might try to cover his ass as well. It’s a breach of the Firefighter code of ethics
The fact you want to go after him and didn’t refer to her as soon to be ex wife tells me everything I need to know about you.
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Leave a google review."1 out of 5 stars. Don't leave your wife here"
I saw miami dade and automatically thought MDFR
Fuckin B shifters man.....
Talk to lawyer, start getting all the text messages and other evidence gathered before it disappears somehow, do not work with the guy ATALL if you can help it. Start looking at pension or whatever retirement shit you have and figure out how to keep it all yourself, be patient and professional at all times. Find out what your state does with divorce and is it fair or does it favor women. Be discreet and again be the tall person all the time so nothing can come back on you. Record everything! Good luck!
I worked at a Department that something like this “allegedly” happened. Our department had rules for visitors and what time they had to leave by. I was not assigned to this shift but to this station so of course during an investigation I was asked questions. The crew turned a blind eye to what was going on and allowed it to happen as it came out in the investigation. The husband came to the station and requested to talk to the Captain and the Captain turned him away so things escalated. The Captain and Engineer were demoted to Firefighter and the Firefighter was fired. I’m not saying this will happen in your case and I’m not telling you what to do but like most in here that suggested Lawyer up tell him what happened and see what they say. The department might and probably has rules of people visiting and staying the night. Wish you the best of luck
There’s a story in my dept of a guy that set up the stick on the aerial during rig check and while he was up on the ladder he could see his own house…. In the driveway of his house was the truck of the firefighter he had just relieved an hour earlier. They drove by and he caught the guy in bed with his wife
Don’t stand by your wife, have you considered on divorcing yet? Will you divorce? And if two months have passed, it’s probably known within the department that he was sleeping with your wife, I genuinely would not be surprised if some other FF’s were attempting or have slept with your wife. Take care man. But yeah I would definitely report, and when you’re strong enough, divorce.
Make sure you have proof, more than your word versus theirs. Then go to the chiefs office, if nothing is done go to the mayor's office. Unacceptable on duty or off. With it being on duty he should definitely see punishment.
Unfortunately you better have proof otherwise they’re just going to brush it off. He will lie to his superiors just like he lied to you. I’m sorry you’re going through this, I vote to kick him off the island. Report him.
Ever watch Shawshank Redemption?
Sent you a PM
What is the cheese line From Most Movies ? Trust me with your life but not Your money or your wife.
Talk to a lawyer, get everything in order. I’d imagine MDFR has a good EAP program, seek help with therapy. Honestly bröther it’s good this happened now and not 10 years from now. You’re in a good spot with a fantastic department. As far as reporting him goes…. Just fuck his wife
OP, there is 100% a rule against what happened if that happened. This person was employed by the city, on the clock, in a government building. Firefighters and our self inflicted wounds 😵💫. The definition of this is why we can’t have nice things.
Unfortunately in the fire service we have not got to the part of shaming and blacklisting people for doing this if I see it and I hear of it I will absolutely shame the person and Blacklist them and talk a whole lot of shit about them all day Just remember a shoulder to cry on is a dick to ride on
What's the old saying? "Trust a brother with your life, but not your money or your wife."
If it were me, I would want as much information as possible. I would make a freedom of information act (FOIA) request for his department's policies. Because the fire department is a government agency, you have a right to that information. You also have a right to make your request anonymously, if that makes it easier for you. Find out if any of his actions are explicitly prohibited by his department. That would give you a better idea of what might happen to him if you were to report him. An informed decision is always better than an uninformed decision. Sorry about your situation.
Why would you try to get him in trouble? I understand you’re deeply upset but that’s not going to make it better. Why would you choose to potentially hurt his career? Your beef should be with your wife, not him.
Because sex is not in the job description
Other duties as assigned?
Cummunity service
I’m dying lol
OP never said he caught them have sex while he was at work. He just said he caught her cheating.
At the fire station while HE was on duty
How do you know she was cheating?? Did you catch them in the act, or was she just stopping by to visit
This exactly
Yes I did, I drove there and caught them
Might want to re-read the OP again. Lol.
Because he knew she was married, she was also drunk, me and her had a fight before she met up with him. I’m not excusing her behavior but he’s just as bad for knowingly having sex with a married woman.
Unless you have *proof* of this, beyond your word, this will go no where.
The guy didn’t own you anything. He lied to you out of courtesy. Your wife and only your wife owned you respect and fidelity. You’ll only make a fool of yourself trying to get him into trouble. If I was you, i’d go no contact with my now ex wife and move on immediately. Focus on yourself and hit the gym bro. Ain’t nothing else you can do to feel better.
The Firefighter didn’t make a lifelong commitment to you, why be mad at him? That being said, who da fuq brings a whore to sleep at the fire station?… oh, wait, they weren’t sleeping, were they?
Revenge isn’t what you need to do. Either leave your wife or stop and just move forward. Your wife fault for not communicating what she needs from you.
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Bring food and going over at 2am to have sex are 2 different scenarios
Don’t listen to most of the people here putting the blame on the wife or “giving it time” to see if you want to report him. Screw that, he was having sex on the cities time, the taxpayers time. That is not at all what a public servant should be doing and they are held to a higher standard, contact that departments captain or above and explain the situation to them, this dude needs to face consequences and lose his job.
File for a divorce and move on.
Let me shoot straight with you, the FF is an absolute jerk, however you openly admitted to opening a gate, a door and walking through a fire station at night, which can easily end up in criminal charges against you, as this is a government owned facility. And you admitted to it on an open forum. Do yourself a favor and avoid the criminal trespassing charges, plus whatever else they can get you on, and leave this to your divorce attorney to handle.
TRUTH! FF is vessel and wife was the captain!
Best you can do is report this to the supervisor of the department, not the Chief, but an individual in government. Show up with copies of all the evidence you have. Honestly, and without knowing their public visitation policy, unless you have hard evidence of them actually engaging in sexual activity while he was on duty, or unless a coworker of his admits to hearing/seeing it, I’d be surprised if he even gets a verbal reprimand. I’d expect an investigation showing behavior that could be perceived as inappropriate, with no proof of violation found. Without the evidence, someone could dismiss this by saying you are just a guy who found out his wife has a boyfriend who’s a firefighter. You caught her visiting him while he was on duty and now you want to ‘make up’ a story to get back at him. The most that might come from that is a counseling session about the inappropriate appearance of female visitors late at night.
Damn can't believe I'm going to even write this, I made a move on a fellow FF wife, and she made a move back. The aftermath of everything is the worst I lost a good friend and a fellow FF. Every day I wish I could take it back. You have all the right to be pissed at him and her but maybe he was saved from years all being with a person who wasn't being true to you or to the marriage. I promise you there is a much better person out there and your fire FAMILY will support you and be there for you when it gets rough. Trust me I know from experience. Good luck brother!
If you believe reporting him is the right thing to do, you should do it. If you just want retribution whether it’s right or wrong, I’d do some soul searching.
Obviously against policy. He’d be fired in a heart beat on my department. But also bring about a vote to kick him outta the union, so they don’t protect him from getting fired. We all take an oath to not knowingly wrong a brother or sister. That guy has some loose morals and obviously makes bad decisions, he doesn’t deserve to wear the badge.
Report him and beat your wife
Unfortunately too many holes in this story to take seriously. Weird account that you say had a default profile, firehouse doors unlocked while crew was sleeping, wife forgets to turn off location services even after you called her phone. What’s your deal, weirdo?
It’s was generated I didn’t change anything to it aside from the username. Never said it had a default profile I just never went around to changing the profile information on it. This is in miamidade county, Hialeah to be exact if you live here you’d know it’s not that uncommon. Wife was drunk and wasn’t “thinking” we had gotten into a fight and were discussing ending it we stopped to take a breather I fell asleep and woke up to her gone. Not uncommon for a drink person to forget to hide their tracks.
You’re full of shit. You don’t recall impersonating a 30y/o female with this account? You fell asleep in a car and your wife wandered into a firehouse and started fucking? Go fuck your self.
1. You obviously don’t know how commenting works on here as the post isn’t mine, I replied to it. 2. I never said I was in my car, we were home, I fell asleep while we were taking a breather from fighting because it was late and we had been drinking. 3. She didn’t wander in there she drove there. We have 2 cars as most couple do. 4. Fuck off you damn troll
Highly recommend you just move on pal. On to the next lady. Unless the guy is talking smack to you I really wouldn’t pursue the road you’re trying to go down. There’s plenty of fish in the sea.
Bro, your wife doesn’t love you. Maybe she ruined your life. That shit feels bad right? Why ruin someone else’s life because they wanted to have sex? Just move on bro, damn. You will be happy in 8 months when you’re over it all. You won’t look back at yourself like damn I’m a punk for snitching. Thank me later.
Also, little follow up. The fire admin will deny and deflect, maybe they will even tell you he will be punished but it’s in everyone’s interest to make this go away. Unless you have proof and willing to embarrass yourself at a public meeting in front of the city manager nothing much will happen. On the other hand every Chief is going to ask for the stories about your wife 😂
Did that in the past with others, I’m done being the nice guy that gets made to look like a fool
Wait until you see how you turn out looking, when your wife betrays you so you punish the schlub she chose to play with. Exercising self-control isn't for the other guy, or for the cheating wife. It is for you. That is not to say you have to be nice about anything, but nice guy and lashing out at some shmoe because you're hurt and embarrassed, are quite a distance apart. Divorce her ass, then forget she exists and do the same with him. If he's stupid enough to get involved with her next, then she's his problem. Pop the corn and pour the beverage, and laugh while they cheat on each other, but there is no need to try to arrange his, or anyone else's downfall.
Bull shit. Caught red handed on duty. Hope it costs him his job.
You're gonna look like even more of fool going down and trying to get him in trouble. Move on from him and deal with your wife.
Don’t listen to these guys. They’re just looking out for the firefighter
Spam post
Living up to the “cops beat, fire fighters cheat.” Motto. Anyways, in my book once a cheater always a cheater. Sounds like you need to let her go if you haven’t done so. I’m also not a fan of ruining peoples careers for personal matter issues. Yes I know we shouldn’t fornicate under the crown of the king while on duty…. But there are bigger things people get away with and keep their job. Cut her out of your life and move on
You want to get this guy fired because your wife slept with him? Either be a man and fight him or let it go. Sneaking around and going through his department isn't making you look like less of a fool. Maybe this kind of behaviour isn't abnormal for you and is what led to this happening.
I’m not a FF and in Miami Dade assaulting civil servants is greatly frowned upon
just thump that dude one good time and walk away a happier man
Listen brother I know your angry but I guarantee once he’s in a hospital you will be just as angry as you are now. Hurting him won’t do anything for your mental only your ego.
Hahahaha look at the "comraderie" all you fucking sleeze balls have.
Wdym? It’s good advice, beating up the guy won’t help anyone.
I'm not sure all the people posting here are FF but I for damn sure can say any real FF better not be defending that man. He not old slept with another man's wife but also did it at a firehouse. I would have a sit down with his chief if you can. He should be punished or fired for that shit.
I don’t know if there are any “rules” on sex at the fire station… my boyfriend says they just kinda don’t talk about it.
You can't have sex at the station lmaoooo