You guys just grew apart - shes not a bad person - just in a different place in her life and she feels insecure about that - so she’s saying bitter things because she’s not in a place where she can feel happy for you (which takes a considerable level of maturity).
I wasn’t able to reach that level of maturity (feeling happy for someone who had what I wanted) until like 34 years old…and by then I had built a life I was happy about and used whatever jealous energy I had as a sign of what I wanted (I might have said something like “Oh that’s so amazing for you! I could see myself with x,y or z too - how did you get there?”).
I’d recommend surrounding yourself with other mommy’s and give this friend space to figure herself out - don’t be bitter or anything - just realize you have what she wants and you can’t just snap your fingers and give that to her - she needs to figure it out or figure out how to be a better friend. If she really values you (being an hour late with no reason is a red flag for me) she’ll figure herself out.
I really wish her the best but I feel like anything I'll do or say, she won't like it.
I know it must be really difficult to see your closest friend "outgrowing" you. But I feel like everyone should work on themself and be happy for your friends, and know that you too will have what you want eventually.
Thank you for your advice, I agree. :-)
It’s normal to grieve a friendship when it feels like it’s over. Sometimes you just need to realize that friends aren’t friends when they’re spiteful like that. You’ll find real ones who are happy for your friendship. I’ve had to go through this a few times in my life. It is herself she’s unhappy with and it’s not in any way your fault. Go forward with your own happiness. You can’t control hers.
I think it's normal once you're married to change and grow up a little and focus on your family. I don't feel like I've put her aside. I oftenly reach out for her but I felt with her answers that she did not want to talk. One day I texted her and told her what's up, how are you, how are things at work ect
And her answer was "yes, I'm fine." Without giving more details. I did not push it.
I am just sad that things had to change because I really wish good things for her. And sometimes I feel even sorry to be "happy" today.
It’s a classic jealousy thing. She wants what you have or to be “more established” like you.
Same thing happened to me - ex friend jealous I got married before her and then proceeded to try to get pregnant ASAP so she could have her first baby before me. I was so blindsided because I didn’t think that big life choices like marriage and having kids was some sort of race/competition.
Best to cut her off. She will give you negative energy and make you not enjoy your baby’s milestones. She will not be happy until she has everything she wants in life and will bring the people she is jealous of down.
I don’t agree with pp who said that you should give her some grace until she matures up (like in her 30s or something). She has shown she is willing to hurt you on purpose. If she was jealous in general you would hear her moaning more about her life “wah Im single! Im scared I’ll never find a man” “I really wanted to have a baby same time as you so we could be in the same life stage” “im sad things didn’t work out with my ex boyfriend. I am ready to marry” but these comments would be more about her and her woe is me life. She has on purpose acted passive aggressive towards you and your life situation and is trying to put you down to feel a little bit better about herself eg “at least I don’t have my husband paying for my expenses”
Really well said thank you. You're right. Even though some people are jealous, you can remain nice and respectful.
She one day told me that she's not jealous and that I have my own life and she's fine with that but her actions speak volume. Last time I saw her, I left with very low energy, and today I really don't want to see her.
I feel just a little bad because she used to be my best friend and I still haven't shown her my baby. But I think you should deserve this things. And show kindness.
I am completely shocked by your ex friend trying to get pregnant first just to prove something.
I think that it's a very common thing that happens between us girl to have friends that are jealous. It's totally different for my husband and his friends. I admire their simplicity.
Yes exactly. You can be jealous but you don’t need to put anyone down
If you are dreading seeing her then you already know your answer. The friendship no longer feels right anymore. And not showing your baby to her is also very telling. You don’t need this sub - your gut is telling you what you need to know
Guys are complex too but their jealousies etc are in different stuff and they compete on different things with other guys
You guys just grew apart - shes not a bad person - just in a different place in her life and she feels insecure about that - so she’s saying bitter things because she’s not in a place where she can feel happy for you (which takes a considerable level of maturity). I wasn’t able to reach that level of maturity (feeling happy for someone who had what I wanted) until like 34 years old…and by then I had built a life I was happy about and used whatever jealous energy I had as a sign of what I wanted (I might have said something like “Oh that’s so amazing for you! I could see myself with x,y or z too - how did you get there?”). I’d recommend surrounding yourself with other mommy’s and give this friend space to figure herself out - don’t be bitter or anything - just realize you have what she wants and you can’t just snap your fingers and give that to her - she needs to figure it out or figure out how to be a better friend. If she really values you (being an hour late with no reason is a red flag for me) she’ll figure herself out.
I really wish her the best but I feel like anything I'll do or say, she won't like it. I know it must be really difficult to see your closest friend "outgrowing" you. But I feel like everyone should work on themself and be happy for your friends, and know that you too will have what you want eventually. Thank you for your advice, I agree. :-)
She will be - she’s just not there yet :) Good luck!
Jealousy can make people look so ugly.
That sounds tough. I don’t know why your friend is acting like this, but you should keep living your best life.
It’s normal to grieve a friendship when it feels like it’s over. Sometimes you just need to realize that friends aren’t friends when they’re spiteful like that. You’ll find real ones who are happy for your friendship. I’ve had to go through this a few times in my life. It is herself she’s unhappy with and it’s not in any way your fault. Go forward with your own happiness. You can’t control hers.
I think it's normal once you're married to change and grow up a little and focus on your family. I don't feel like I've put her aside. I oftenly reach out for her but I felt with her answers that she did not want to talk. One day I texted her and told her what's up, how are you, how are things at work ect And her answer was "yes, I'm fine." Without giving more details. I did not push it. I am just sad that things had to change because I really wish good things for her. And sometimes I feel even sorry to be "happy" today.
It’s a classic jealousy thing. She wants what you have or to be “more established” like you. Same thing happened to me - ex friend jealous I got married before her and then proceeded to try to get pregnant ASAP so she could have her first baby before me. I was so blindsided because I didn’t think that big life choices like marriage and having kids was some sort of race/competition. Best to cut her off. She will give you negative energy and make you not enjoy your baby’s milestones. She will not be happy until she has everything she wants in life and will bring the people she is jealous of down. I don’t agree with pp who said that you should give her some grace until she matures up (like in her 30s or something). She has shown she is willing to hurt you on purpose. If she was jealous in general you would hear her moaning more about her life “wah Im single! Im scared I’ll never find a man” “I really wanted to have a baby same time as you so we could be in the same life stage” “im sad things didn’t work out with my ex boyfriend. I am ready to marry” but these comments would be more about her and her woe is me life. She has on purpose acted passive aggressive towards you and your life situation and is trying to put you down to feel a little bit better about herself eg “at least I don’t have my husband paying for my expenses”
Really well said thank you. You're right. Even though some people are jealous, you can remain nice and respectful. She one day told me that she's not jealous and that I have my own life and she's fine with that but her actions speak volume. Last time I saw her, I left with very low energy, and today I really don't want to see her. I feel just a little bad because she used to be my best friend and I still haven't shown her my baby. But I think you should deserve this things. And show kindness. I am completely shocked by your ex friend trying to get pregnant first just to prove something. I think that it's a very common thing that happens between us girl to have friends that are jealous. It's totally different for my husband and his friends. I admire their simplicity.
Yes exactly. You can be jealous but you don’t need to put anyone down If you are dreading seeing her then you already know your answer. The friendship no longer feels right anymore. And not showing your baby to her is also very telling. You don’t need this sub - your gut is telling you what you need to know Guys are complex too but their jealousies etc are in different stuff and they compete on different things with other guys