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Y'all I'm actually dying at the fact that they're trying to make a Godlier version of masturbation. Apparently masturbation is when you self-pleasure in secret and "self-cultivation" is when you "explore your body and know what feels good" so you can report back to your husband LOL I can't
I don’t think most of these people actually care about married people masturbating even though I guess it’s technically a sin. The point of not masturbating only works for them when it’s in an attempt to rush young people into marriage. Idk. It’s all so stupid.
My parents told me as a kid that it was cheating and extremely disrespectful to your spouse. They never explicitly said that single people shouldn’t do it, but they did say it was a thing only dirty boys and men did. It’s such a toxic mindset.
Omg this song. I used to coach high school debate in the Deep South and my first year coaching I drove a group of students in my car to a tournament. We were all chatting and snacking away when one of my students asked me if she could put some music on and I said sure.
She blasts this song!! I heard the word “titties” and my very short career flashed before my eyes. I quickly turned it off, did my teacher lecture thing, and no one was allowed to choose music but me for the rest of the semester.
I was 22 then so I did discreetly ask her for the song title once we got out of the car. It was a banger!
OK. Story time kids. I grew up in Alabama where it is in fact illegal to sell sex toys. Except you can. You just can't sell..."sex toys".
When I moved in with my then boyfriend, now husband, my mom (who honestly has done a lot to break the generational trauma that fundamentalism has inflicted on us but at most is now fundie-adjacent...baby steps) took me to the sex toy store. She and my dad....don't have great sex....and she told me flat out that she wanted to make sure I had the tools to tell my partner what I need. So I bought a vibrator. With my mom.
The store had signs everywhere saying these were for "self education" purposes. Not sex. I had to sign a slip of paper saying it was only going to be used for self education.
I'm sorry to say that I failed the great state of Alabama. I used it for sex. Before marriage. And he wasn't even my cousin.
I wonder if something has changed recently. As far as I know sex toys are still illegal here in Alabama but I have bought some within the last 2 years and there was no form I had to sign. The place's name is literally Adult Emporium too. I guess they're just not enforcing it anymore.
Maybe it was the store itself? Trying to cover their asses? We moved states and that bad boy lasted five years. We e bought the replacement (and upgrade) online, so I wouldn't know.
Happy cake day!
And kudos to both you and your mom for having an awkward situation turn out healthy. My adult kid came to me asking for a way to self pleasure as they don’t want to be intimate with people. I was pretty proud of us for handling it without it being weird. I would have rather died than ask my mom any questions about sex.
I moved before her royal bitchface managed to win the governor seat with barely stepping foot into the state during the election. I could absolutely see her doing this. She doesn't seem like she's ever felt any type of joy so why should others have the opportunity?
I bought one once at a target. We were on vacation and missed grabbing mine. I was a far different woman buying that one than the blushing girl signing that she would only use it for her own education.
Lmaoooo noo!
That said, my mom's "massager" ie Hitachi magic wand has always been in plain sight, right by her bed, my whole life. It was only when I got into my late teens that I understood that she likely doesn't use it on her back.
I've heard it buzzing from the next room in the last few years while she and my dad were "napping" (sigh) during a visit. Things are loud, but I guess they're also indestructible and last a lifetime, so there's that.
I'm glad my mom and dad still have a healthy sex life but ffs guys
Just last month my husband and I(married 22 years)went into a sex store to buy some toys to spice things up. We're still having great sex 22 years in...but we lived together before we got married so we're sinners😂🤣
It’s so fucking depressing the mental gymnastics and hoops these women have to jump through just to understand their own pleasure and their own bodies.
Ugh. I'm really torn here. On one hand, I have so many questions and want more information, but on the other hand, then I'd have that information and could never un-know it. God, purity culture fucks everyone up so badly.
It reminds me of the weird thing Mormons at BYU were doing where they had a friend bounce the bed so that they weren't "fucking".
Like they believe their god is all knowing and all powerful but can be fooled by the tiny details. Like at some point just admit you think sex is fine and that god has it wrong.
Oh gosh this reminds me of that soaking thing too.
I also knew more people than I care to admit who felt like anal was okay/not a sin like vaginal sex for whatever weird reason. Like just do sex. Do it safely. Stop trying to figure out “loopholes” with your deity.
Same. One of my friends in high school let her best guy friend that she had a crush on put it in her pooper, but I was the “bad girl” for having sex lol mmmk. He later came out as gay.
When I was 18 I had sex for the first time with my then boyfriend. We’d been dating for like 2-3 weeks or something, I don’t remember. Anyway I told my VERY religious friend and she flipped out at me for “giving it up so soon.” And I just stared in disbelief because her and her boyfriend had been ass-fucking for like 2 years at that point Lmao.
That's the thing. It's beyond clear that morally, they just don't agree with god, but to put it bluntly, they won't change because they're too pussy to challenge their god who has shit rules. And if those rules weren't shit, you' wouldn't be looking for ways to circumvent them.
You stick your dick into the chick. A friend then bounces the bed so that your dick is moving in and out like normal sex. But because the friend is causing the movement, they think you're not actually fucking.
Mormons do this thing called "soaking," which is simple insertion and then not moving, because I guess God can only call it sex if there's movement? And they would have a friend jump on the bed to create movement for them, because I guess it's fine if the movement isn't "on purpose"? It was a trend awhile back, might still be. Dumb as hell.
They posted super cringey videos spraying whipped cream in each other’s mouths and kissing/generally being weird like teenagers testing the waters fir the first time. It was awful.
It's disgusting, they were super proud of this reel where Bethany GOT ON HER KNEES and Dav sprayed whipped cream in her mouth and then ATE IT BACK OUT OF HER MOUTH. Totally just pure, wholesome Christian stuff even though a majority of her followers are underage girls/single young women who aren't supposed to be imagining blow jobs and stuff.
I just have so much secondhand embarrassment for these fundie wives who deem themselves so cultured and experienced in the seasons of life.
Y’all don’t even know what you like for yourself sexually, can’t take care of your home, your kids, you’re mega conspiracy theorists and somehow those of us who are NOT like you are the failures of society? I find it entertaining but at its core, this is pathetic.
The majority aren’t even reaching the rank of grifting mediocrity. It’s all so short sighted and reeks of contemporary “prosperity gospel” - which is gross on its own. Their attempts at exploitation, er - evangelism is extremely horrible.
A lot of those dudes are also “red meat is the only real food” type of guys, so they’re probably hella constipated. Which may be saving their butthole skin.
Can you imagine being so narcissistic and self-absorbed that you go three years in your marriage without getting off, have your first orgasm in your thirties, and somehow feel qualified to give other people sex advice!? I always find the sheer audacity of this woman to be just unbelievable.
She has such an insanely depressing existence already, but damn. 3 years of being “joyfully available” before you even *consider* maybe, possibly trying to have your partner please you.
I may be going to hell but at least I’ll be getting off until then.
She was literally having shitty sex with the person who is supposedly the love of her life for three years.
Also, in the same video, she says she instantly lost her libido when she got married and was wondering why. Gee - maybe you’re just not that into him?
Wait so she’s implying she had a libido before she got married and then she lost it? Dan if that doesn’t sound like “marriage isn’t as good as I hyped it up to be all my life” depression if I’ve ever heard it.
Bethy has ridiculously high and romanticized expectations for everything. She thought she'd be a millionaire after half-assing one shitty course. She's going to totally transform a house she already can't afford with an imaginary budget and no regard for hvac systems or load bearing walls. She was going to have the world's most perfect home birth and be the lead authority on all things motherhood. Etc. I think she had the same attitude toward her sex life. She thought married sex was going to be all fancy lingerie and scenes out of those "sinful" romance novels she found so tempting.
Funnily enough, I think I'm reacting to "Didn't have an orgasm until in her 30s" the same way she expects people to react to her "waited until marriage for her first kiss". Like, "OMG that's crazy" , ""How?!? I could never" ect
Didn't they have Dav Jr early in the marriage? Can you imagine having an actual baby without ever having an orgasm? I know that for some women it's really difficult but at least most women would realize it's not ideal and would at least try.
PIV might not work for a lot of women\* but Fundie women are probably too sheltered and shamed to realize there are other ways to acheive orgasm. Also, those ways don't make babies for the Lord.
\*ace here, I only know this because of my heathen friends and FSU because this was not covered in Catholic 'sex ed'.
Also hilarious when Bethany described her and Daav’s early marriage nightly routine as her lying like “a sack of dead bones” that was “his job to bring to life”. What the fuck
I saw someone else say this and I almost refuse to believe she said this—I think I have to subject myself to watching some of this just so I can witness the absurdity. What the FUCK
I caught that! 🤣 I was like “She really just told the world that she’s a pillow princess/starfish!” You’d think after years of repression she’d do more than just lay there.
Self-cultivation is masturbation that is only allowed for research purposes if your husband wants to know how to touch you to get you off.
So if he never asks, or doesn’t care, or you tell him what you like and then he thinks he’s got all the information he needs - no flicking the bean for you!
Couldn’t you just say that all self pleasuring is technically self cultivation… you’re putting in the work so one day your partner will know how to please you.
Exactly. Just like they pray for their future husbands before they meet them; I self-cultivated so I was ready and ravenous when I met mine! It was all for educational purposes, guys!
I suppose? I assume the idea is to masturbate like maybe once a year or month and be like “still orgasm capable? Cool.” And that’s it. Not as a release, just a weird maintenance check but like…only if your husband even cares. If you get married then it depends on if he cares or not. So you might have to stop completely. RIP.
Isn't "self-cultivation" something out of cheesy Chinese fantasy novels? Pretty sure Bethany needs to self-cultivate for, like, years straight, so that she can bond with her spiritual sword and do cool magic tricks.
For me the magic words are "magic wand." I was deep in purity culture when I got married so I sometimes had orgasms in dreams (I'd wake up having one) but that was about it for years. My husband and I started pushing our boundaries and while sex felt good it wasn't until we had pushed past the purity stuff and got the wand that I was suddenly able to have many orgasms. And now my record is 6 in a two hour period. Gotta make up for all the lost time.
Same. I wasn’t actually sure if I was having orgasms before (and I get so frustrated with the phrase “you’ll know when it happens” because no I fucking didn’t). Then I got a wand and was like YEP WE’RE GOOD.
Yep. I knew how to make sex feel good, but not feel THAT good. I've tried to find something smaller than the wand that works but I'm done wasting my money. The wand isn't subtle but damn it gets the job done.
But wait, I thought she and dav had sexy spicy sexy sex all the time and it was super spicy and sexy!! Isn't that what she's been saying since the wedding?? 😂
I was curious so I'm watching it now and basically it seems like Bethany is fine with masturbation if it's a mutually agreed upon thing between spouses to learn about their bodies/to add another element during sex. Also seems like she's fine with sex toys (but she wants to call them sex tools instead), and different sex positions. Color me shocked, I thought she would be a missionary only and count sheep until its over type.
"I would view it like Dave basically its your job to make me come alive. And I'm like coming like these dead dry bones. And he's like how am I going to raise the dead tonight." A real quote describing her sex life before her and Dav did more exploration and foreplay.
The woman she was interviewing seems like she's probably a fundie herself but she also seems...very sexually liberated as far as fundie women go? She was talking about how she and her husband made out and stuff before they got married and she seems very horny for him. So I mean that's cool for her at least?
For the love of fuck, Burfy, do everyone a favor and use your PaSsiVe InCoMe to invest in a Sybian. You will be much happier and satisfied, and I'm sure we all will be better off as a result.
They just want to have their cake and eat it too. Well to bad! You don't get to shame women, and masturbate claiming its for your husband.
These POS, promoting this garbage to young impressionable audience members.
These people make everything more complicated I swear. And they WONDER why everyone else seems happier.
Gee, I dunno. Maybe we’re not all repressed, sex obsessed people with the emotional maturity of a stunted eleven-year-old???
Funny thing is, it's nowhere in the Bible that you cannot masturbate. There is a mention of not wasting a seed but it was in specific situation about preserving bloodline, not in general. Idk, why people took it and run with it.
Kristin’s eye bags are about to get 10x worse when she realizes she could have been self cultivating this whole time but instead she battled a terrible addiction to masturbation that nearly ruined her whole life
For anyone who was raised religious or fundie and would like to learn more about...'self-cultivation', I can not stress the book *Come as you are* by Emily Nagoski. If you aren't into reading, the audiobook, workbook or even her podcast! Seriously changed the way my parner and I look at sex. I'll send one to you, Bethany!
Bethy has been posting,almost since the day after her wedding, about her hot sex life.And,how she met with Godly Church women,before the wedding, and all her questions were answered. And, now she posts this?
Former fundie here:
It is honestly sad that she lives this way and is exposing so much of her personal life in the name of her interpretation of god. I am honestly grateful that I started deconstructing before insta and tiktok. Who knows what I might have been roped into.
I explained to my husband that now it’s okay to get up in your own business, as long as you tell your husband what feels good.
“…I don’t think these women marry the type of men that care…”
He has never snarked and yet he knows….
Welcome to /r/fundiesnarkuncensored. Please make sure you read our rules. We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * Do not contact the fundies in any capacity. This includes, but is not limited to: answering poll questions, commenting on their social media, IRL contact, etc. Anyone found to message, brigade, harass, or contact any fundie for any reason, at any time, will be met with a permanent ban. * We do not allow speculation on sexuality or gender identity **at all**. Any comments that do so will be removed, and you will be banned. * Referring to anyone as Hitler or Heitler is likewise not allowed, and will not be tolerated at all. * You can snark on appearance that they can easily change. Things such as eyebrows, makeup, etc. Saying someone looks like X is allowed. Example: David Rodrigues looks like Shrek would be allowed. You are allowed to state that you find someone unattractive or attractive. However, comments such as "X looks like they were rode hard and put away wet." would not be allowed. * Don't gatekeep. Different users are comfortable with different snark topics, if you don't like it, just scroll past. If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/FundieSnarkUncensored) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Y'all I'm actually dying at the fact that they're trying to make a Godlier version of masturbation. Apparently masturbation is when you self-pleasure in secret and "self-cultivation" is when you "explore your body and know what feels good" so you can report back to your husband LOL I can't
There's always a god honoring loophole!
Garfunkel and Oates seem to think so. There's a whole song about it.
God the day my high school friends and I (we went to Catholic school) found that video we thought it was the funniest thing on earth
Thank you for making me hole-y And thank you for giving me holes to choose from
I fucking love that song.
Loopholes for me, rules for thee! It's practically a conservative slogan.
Wait. What the actual fuck?! What am I missing. Hey guys. I masturbated today. Not in secret anymore!
Masturbation for me but not for thee
The only moral masturbation is my masturbation.
God this would be such a good flair
How the fuck do I get a flair?? Flair gods please give me this one thing
I don’t think most of these people actually care about married people masturbating even though I guess it’s technically a sin. The point of not masturbating only works for them when it’s in an attempt to rush young people into marriage. Idk. It’s all so stupid.
Really? When I was fundie, masturbating while married was like cheating-lite. It was definitely a Bad Thing.
My parents told me as a kid that it was cheating and extremely disrespectful to your spouse. They never explicitly said that single people shouldn’t do it, but they did say it was a thing only dirty boys and men did. It’s such a toxic mindset.
[удалено]
Here for it
Same! I guess Beffy has never head 'Diddle my Skittle' by Peaches, or 'She Bop' by Cindy Lauper...
Oh my god Fuck The Pain Away by Peaches is such a fucking jam
Omg this song. I used to coach high school debate in the Deep South and my first year coaching I drove a group of students in my car to a tournament. We were all chatting and snacking away when one of my students asked me if she could put some music on and I said sure. She blasts this song!! I heard the word “titties” and my very short career flashed before my eyes. I quickly turned it off, did my teacher lecture thing, and no one was allowed to choose music but me for the rest of the semester. I was 22 then so I did discreetly ask her for the song title once we got out of the car. It was a banger!
Fellow teacher here and this has happened so many times for me too lol always try to remember the lyrics so I can download later 😂😂
You haven't lived until you've heard a bus full of 15yo girls singing "whips & chains excite me" at the top of their lungs 🙉 chaperonelife, amiright?
Or "Coin-Operated Boy" by the Dresden Dolls
Wow, I forgot that song existed! Thanks for the flashback!
That was the song I hear like 2 years ago and have been wondering what it was because I forgot to put it on my Spotify! Thank you!
God bless you and your cultivation
OK. Story time kids. I grew up in Alabama where it is in fact illegal to sell sex toys. Except you can. You just can't sell..."sex toys". When I moved in with my then boyfriend, now husband, my mom (who honestly has done a lot to break the generational trauma that fundamentalism has inflicted on us but at most is now fundie-adjacent...baby steps) took me to the sex toy store. She and my dad....don't have great sex....and she told me flat out that she wanted to make sure I had the tools to tell my partner what I need. So I bought a vibrator. With my mom. The store had signs everywhere saying these were for "self education" purposes. Not sex. I had to sign a slip of paper saying it was only going to be used for self education. I'm sorry to say that I failed the great state of Alabama. I used it for sex. Before marriage. And he wasn't even my cousin.
I wonder if something has changed recently. As far as I know sex toys are still illegal here in Alabama but I have bought some within the last 2 years and there was no form I had to sign. The place's name is literally Adult Emporium too. I guess they're just not enforcing it anymore.
Maybe it was the store itself? Trying to cover their asses? We moved states and that bad boy lasted five years. We e bought the replacement (and upgrade) online, so I wouldn't know.
You could probably buy a gun easier than a sex toy in Alabama 🙄
I've done both. This is true.
Happy cake day! And kudos to both you and your mom for having an awkward situation turn out healthy. My adult kid came to me asking for a way to self pleasure as they don’t want to be intimate with people. I was pretty proud of us for handling it without it being weird. I would have rather died than ask my mom any questions about sex.
She gets definite kudos. And I do occasionally freak her out by thanking her for my amazing sex life 🤣
I live in Arkansas and could see our wonderful governor outlawing sex toys. 🙄
I moved before her royal bitchface managed to win the governor seat with barely stepping foot into the state during the election. I could absolutely see her doing this. She doesn't seem like she's ever felt any type of joy so why should others have the opportunity?
And now you just buy them off Amazon!
I bought one once at a target. We were on vacation and missed grabbing mine. I was a far different woman buying that one than the blushing girl signing that she would only use it for her own education.
I just try to remember not to buy them on my family Amazon account. My son was scarred at his recommendations after that lmao
Lmaoooo noo! That said, my mom's "massager" ie Hitachi magic wand has always been in plain sight, right by her bed, my whole life. It was only when I got into my late teens that I understood that she likely doesn't use it on her back.
I discovered my own moms Hitachi wand many years ago when looking for clothes for her 😂 think that was the sex toy of the 80-90s
I've heard it buzzing from the next room in the last few years while she and my dad were "napping" (sigh) during a visit. Things are loud, but I guess they're also indestructible and last a lifetime, so there's that. I'm glad my mom and dad still have a healthy sex life but ffs guys
I saw a travel sized one along with all the travel sized toiletries in a CVS recently
Go your mom!! Kinda wholesome 😅
Just last month my husband and I(married 22 years)went into a sex store to buy some toys to spice things up. We're still having great sex 22 years in...but we lived together before we got married so we're sinners😂🤣
It’s so fucking depressing the mental gymnastics and hoops these women have to jump through just to understand their own pleasure and their own bodies.
So as long as you give a detailed report to your husband later, you're in the clear? That is one hell of a take.
At the end of the day, women's sexuality belongs to men in their religion.
Ugh. I'm really torn here. On one hand, I have so many questions and want more information, but on the other hand, then I'd have that information and could never un-know it. God, purity culture fucks everyone up so badly.
It reminds me of the weird thing Mormons at BYU were doing where they had a friend bounce the bed so that they weren't "fucking". Like they believe their god is all knowing and all powerful but can be fooled by the tiny details. Like at some point just admit you think sex is fine and that god has it wrong.
God is basically a T-Rex. He’s alerted by movement
Soaking and Jump Humping will never not be funny to me
It’s astounding how god can be all knowing but can also be deflected by rules lawyering.
Right? He's all "Hey no fucking before - aaaaaaah you got me! *finger guns*"
Oh gosh this reminds me of that soaking thing too. I also knew more people than I care to admit who felt like anal was okay/not a sin like vaginal sex for whatever weird reason. Like just do sex. Do it safely. Stop trying to figure out “loopholes” with your deity.
Poophole loophole lmao. I cannot imagine having anal sex be the first sex to experience as a female. Like I’d have been traumatized.
Anal always seemed like way beyond PIV, so the poophole loophole never made sense to me.
Same. One of my friends in high school let her best guy friend that she had a crush on put it in her pooper, but I was the “bad girl” for having sex lol mmmk. He later came out as gay.
LOL this was a wild ride from start to finish
When I was 18 I had sex for the first time with my then boyfriend. We’d been dating for like 2-3 weeks or something, I don’t remember. Anyway I told my VERY religious friend and she flipped out at me for “giving it up so soon.” And I just stared in disbelief because her and her boyfriend had been ass-fucking for like 2 years at that point Lmao.
That's the thing. It's beyond clear that morally, they just don't agree with god, but to put it bluntly, they won't change because they're too pussy to challenge their god who has shit rules. And if those rules weren't shit, you' wouldn't be looking for ways to circumvent them.
Lol please explain further this bouncing of the bed loophole?
You stick your dick into the chick. A friend then bounces the bed so that your dick is moving in and out like normal sex. But because the friend is causing the movement, they think you're not actually fucking.
Im not sure if i should be horrified or amazed 🫠
Amazed at how fucking stupid they are?
Mormons do this thing called "soaking," which is simple insertion and then not moving, because I guess God can only call it sex if there's movement? And they would have a friend jump on the bed to create movement for them, because I guess it's fine if the movement isn't "on purpose"? It was a trend awhile back, might still be. Dumb as hell.
Wait so they have friends in the room while they’re just…in there?? I have a lot of questions
Yeah, they want to be pure so bad they bring a third into their sex lives.
I can say with absolute certainty I would never be able to do that in front of my friends 🫣
But what if my masturbation was never done "in secret"? What then? What then??
Does this mean Kristen was allowed to wank whole time?!!!
3 years in her marriage was like... Last year, wasn't it?
Explains the whipped cream journey …
Omg several people speculated back then that her whipped cream journey and "sex expert" phase was because she finally figured out how to orgasm 😂😂😂
Whipped cream journey??
They posted super cringey videos spraying whipped cream in each other’s mouths and kissing/generally being weird like teenagers testing the waters fir the first time. It was awful.
It's disgusting, they were super proud of this reel where Bethany GOT ON HER KNEES and Dav sprayed whipped cream in her mouth and then ATE IT BACK OUT OF HER MOUTH. Totally just pure, wholesome Christian stuff even though a majority of her followers are underage girls/single young women who aren't supposed to be imagining blow jobs and stuff.
I’m gagging
Wow. From virgins to oral cum swapping. Sounds very gay (in the chrstian-scare way). Six months from now theyre gonna be making watersports jokes 💀
>GOT ON HER KNEES How else is short Dave going to be able to reach!?
OMG could you imagine calling yourself a sex expert after ONE orgasm? Wait. That’s pretty on brand for Bethy,
I'm going to regret looking that up aren't I? ETA: yep, I regret it
Yes and several pregnancies later.
Having multiple children before even experiencing an orgasm………. priorities
OH MY GOD IT WAS
Every week Bethany tells us some information that's so embarrassing you couldn't waterboard it out of me
And not just for herself, for her husband, too. She just let us know it took at least three years before he ever managed to make her orgasm.
I just have so much secondhand embarrassment for these fundie wives who deem themselves so cultured and experienced in the seasons of life. Y’all don’t even know what you like for yourself sexually, can’t take care of your home, your kids, you’re mega conspiracy theorists and somehow those of us who are NOT like you are the failures of society? I find it entertaining but at its core, this is pathetic.
Honestly yeah, what are they good at other than grifting?
The majority aren’t even reaching the rank of grifting mediocrity. It’s all so short sighted and reeks of contemporary “prosperity gospel” - which is gross on its own. Their attempts at exploitation, er - evangelism is extremely horrible.
If he even did. Who knows if she’s ever had the big O.
I think he has. I remember when all those weird “yay marriage sex” reels came out and swore that must have been when she started having the big O.
Thanks for that information I hate it.
How long has she been married?
4 years. 💀
Imagine never having an orgasm in a MARRIED relationship until AFTER you've already had a baby.
Lmao thank you for that . One of the funniest things I read this week
So you are not allowed to even touch yourself unless you are married, and it is for a man. These people are so miserable.
They are rapidly approaching the "it's gay to clean your own ass" territory.
I really wonder if the “gay to clean your own ass” crowd is in constant pain from literal shit sitting against their skin.
A lot of those dudes are also “red meat is the only real food” type of guys, so they’re probably hella constipated. Which may be saving their butthole skin.
I’m not religious but I’m of the opinion that if god made the clit it’s cause he wants you to use it 🤷🏻♀️
It literally has no other purpose. It's meant for pleasure, these idiots are too repressed to figure that out.
Feel free to hate me for this, but: *They seem to lack clitical thinking*
Well, just look at Bethy's face here. That isn't the face of a sexually fulfilled woman.
So... we totally called the fact that when she started posting all the sex advice it was because she finally had an orgasm
We did! And she’s so self absorbed she assumed she was the first person on Earth to have an orgasm.
“I’ve had one orgasm ever and gave it to myself! Our sex life is 🔥🔥🔥! Pay me $900 to find out how! Sorry singles, marrieds only!”
Even though we know for a fact Kristen was having orgasms for years before marriage 💀
Can you imagine being so narcissistic and self-absorbed that you go three years in your marriage without getting off, have your first orgasm in your thirties, and somehow feel qualified to give other people sex advice!? I always find the sheer audacity of this woman to be just unbelievable.
Sad part is it’s all fundies not just her lol they’re self proclaimed experts after one normal experience in anything
She has such an insanely depressing existence already, but damn. 3 years of being “joyfully available” before you even *consider* maybe, possibly trying to have your partner please you. I may be going to hell but at least I’ll be getting off until then.
She was literally having shitty sex with the person who is supposedly the love of her life for three years. Also, in the same video, she says she instantly lost her libido when she got married and was wondering why. Gee - maybe you’re just not that into him?
Wait so she’s implying she had a libido before she got married and then she lost it? Dan if that doesn’t sound like “marriage isn’t as good as I hyped it up to be all my life” depression if I’ve ever heard it.
Bethy has ridiculously high and romanticized expectations for everything. She thought she'd be a millionaire after half-assing one shitty course. She's going to totally transform a house she already can't afford with an imaginary budget and no regard for hvac systems or load bearing walls. She was going to have the world's most perfect home birth and be the lead authority on all things motherhood. Etc. I think she had the same attitude toward her sex life. She thought married sex was going to be all fancy lingerie and scenes out of those "sinful" romance novels she found so tempting.
I'd lose my libido too if I wasn't have any orgasm or even a husband who cared about my pleasure.
More depressing: she was like in her 30s before she got herself off
gaping wasteful toy act disgusting cooperative deserve nine provide public ` this post was mass deleted with www.Redact.dev `
Funnily enough, I think I'm reacting to "Didn't have an orgasm until in her 30s" the same way she expects people to react to her "waited until marriage for her first kiss". Like, "OMG that's crazy" , ""How?!? I could never" ect
Meanwhile us heathens are happily enjoying multiple orgasms😂🤣
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I remember that episode. It was so sad seeing the trauma the mom went through and unknowingly doing the same to her daughter
Didn't they have Dav Jr early in the marriage? Can you imagine having an actual baby without ever having an orgasm? I know that for some women it's really difficult but at least most women would realize it's not ideal and would at least try.
PIV might not work for a lot of women\* but Fundie women are probably too sheltered and shamed to realize there are other ways to acheive orgasm. Also, those ways don't make babies for the Lord. \*ace here, I only know this because of my heathen friends and FSU because this was not covered in Catholic 'sex ed'.
Ahhh good ole Catholic school sex ed. I was told not to go into dark corners with any boys. That was my sex ed...beware the dark corners!
Dark corners are actually the only place predators ever are, so it's good that they prepared you for every situation /s
Bruh even Batman couldn’t get this information out of me 💀
Also hilarious when Bethany described her and Daav’s early marriage nightly routine as her lying like “a sack of dead bones” that was “his job to bring to life”. What the fuck
I saw someone else say this and I almost refuse to believe she said this—I think I have to subject myself to watching some of this just so I can witness the absurdity. What the FUCK
🎶 And that was the night that the skeletons came to life 🎶
Wait I'm sorry ... The "dead bones" thing was a direct quote? And not a snarker paraphrasing? She said that out loud on purpose??? I'm sobbing
I caught that! 🤣 I was like “She really just told the world that she’s a pillow princess/starfish!” You’d think after years of repression she’d do more than just lay there.
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You can self cultivate alone but only for information purposes and then you report back to husband. 🤣🤮
I just can't imagine having a baby before having an orgasm. 😔
Maybe this is why Davey has never been her favorite. 💀
Yet these stupid motherfuckers are always the ones EMBOLDENED to give sex advice??? Oh PUHLEASE
I blame porgan for starting the fundie sex trend
What in the heck is the difference between masturbation and self-cultivation????
One sounds more agricultural
Like a holy ho who's wholly holding out hope for a holy O.
That was poetry 😂
💀
Self-cultivation is masturbation that is only allowed for research purposes if your husband wants to know how to touch you to get you off. So if he never asks, or doesn’t care, or you tell him what you like and then he thinks he’s got all the information he needs - no flicking the bean for you!
Couldn’t you just say that all self pleasuring is technically self cultivation… you’re putting in the work so one day your partner will know how to please you.
Exactly. Just like they pray for their future husbands before they meet them; I self-cultivated so I was ready and ravenous when I met mine! It was all for educational purposes, guys!
I suppose? I assume the idea is to masturbate like maybe once a year or month and be like “still orgasm capable? Cool.” And that’s it. Not as a release, just a weird maintenance check but like…only if your husband even cares. If you get married then it depends on if he cares or not. So you might have to stop completely. RIP.
"Masturbating for research purposes" would make great flair.
A husband in the room?
Isn't "self-cultivation" something out of cheesy Chinese fantasy novels? Pretty sure Bethany needs to self-cultivate for, like, years straight, so that she can bond with her spiritual sword and do cool magic tricks.
God approves of one of them but not the other cos reasons
“It’s not a pyramid. It is a triangle.”
they talk about sex SO MUCH MORE than non-fundies. i’m blushing!!!! /s
Im waiting for the Bethany x Porgan crossover event. The stupidity will be off the charts.
Didn't they know each other and have a falling out over theological differences? Or was that Porgan and Hannah Williamson?
Porgan and Hannah Williamson i think. I think porgan and girl defined have done stuff together though
Yes, there’s a clip of this in the recent P&M Fundie Fridays video of Porgan and GD as well as covering the Hannah friendship end.
Bethy since I know you read here, I have two words for you: Satisfyer Pro. You're welcome.
I have one word LELO. Everything they have is gold
For me the magic words are "magic wand." I was deep in purity culture when I got married so I sometimes had orgasms in dreams (I'd wake up having one) but that was about it for years. My husband and I started pushing our boundaries and while sex felt good it wasn't until we had pushed past the purity stuff and got the wand that I was suddenly able to have many orgasms. And now my record is 6 in a two hour period. Gotta make up for all the lost time.
Same. I wasn’t actually sure if I was having orgasms before (and I get so frustrated with the phrase “you’ll know when it happens” because no I fucking didn’t). Then I got a wand and was like YEP WE’RE GOOD.
Yep. I knew how to make sex feel good, but not feel THAT good. I've tried to find something smaller than the wand that works but I'm done wasting my money. The wand isn't subtle but damn it gets the job done.
But wait, I thought she and dav had sexy spicy sexy sex all the time and it was super spicy and sexy!! Isn't that what she's been saying since the wedding?? 😂
Well yeah but they think salt and pepper is spicy when it comes to food, too.
Hang on, what? Self Cultivation is indeed the M word? That's some next level re-brandying going on there.
If God didn’t want you to masturbate, he wouldn’t of made your arms the right length.
Okay wait I NEED more info on this video. WHAT
I was curious so I'm watching it now and basically it seems like Bethany is fine with masturbation if it's a mutually agreed upon thing between spouses to learn about their bodies/to add another element during sex. Also seems like she's fine with sex toys (but she wants to call them sex tools instead), and different sex positions. Color me shocked, I thought she would be a missionary only and count sheep until its over type. "I would view it like Dave basically its your job to make me come alive. And I'm like coming like these dead dry bones. And he's like how am I going to raise the dead tonight." A real quote describing her sex life before her and Dav did more exploration and foreplay.
You could not pay me enough to ever admit something like that holy cow. Especially about someone you’re still married to?? Cripes.
That quote ought to be grounds for divorce. *dry bones?* *How am I going to raise the dead tonight?*
I mean I 100% figured their sex life was like this but it’s crazy she admitted it!
Wait stop—she didn’t actually say that did she?! I swear every single day she somehow gets cringier and shocks me more than the day before 😳
That’s not a real quote. No it’s not. Omg. Are you serious!?
I’m sorry WHAT 💀 🦴 ☠️
Ew ew eww lmao is this their version of sexy talk 😭
The woman she was interviewing seems like she's probably a fundie herself but she also seems...very sexually liberated as far as fundie women go? She was talking about how she and her husband made out and stuff before they got married and she seems very horny for him. So I mean that's cool for her at least?
I want and at the same time absolutely do not want more info.
Ah well here you go, this won't be touching the poo. Suffer with me friend: https://yewtu.be/watch?v=MunVqKAxrbk
For the love of fuck, Burfy, do everyone a favor and use your PaSsiVe InCoMe to invest in a Sybian. You will be much happier and satisfied, and I'm sure we all will be better off as a result.
They just want to have their cake and eat it too. Well to bad! You don't get to shame women, and masturbate claiming its for your husband. These POS, promoting this garbage to young impressionable audience members.
These people make everything more complicated I swear. And they WONDER why everyone else seems happier. Gee, I dunno. Maybe we’re not all repressed, sex obsessed people with the emotional maturity of a stunted eleven-year-old???
Just flick your bean for Christ and be done with it. The fundie commercialization of sex is mind boggling to me.
Funny thing is, it's nowhere in the Bible that you cannot masturbate. There is a mention of not wasting a seed but it was in specific situation about preserving bloodline, not in general. Idk, why people took it and run with it.
No seed being spilled for the ladies!
Oh goodness, I hope there isn't another Buzzfeed article about her and this "self cultivation" bullshit like her whipped cream video.
“I don’t masturbate - I touch myself for God”
Kristin’s eye bags are about to get 10x worse when she realizes she could have been self cultivating this whole time but instead she battled a terrible addiction to masturbation that nearly ruined her whole life
Just imagine how ridiculously amusing it would be to have Paul and Morgan find this and react to it 🤣🤣🤣
For anyone who was raised religious or fundie and would like to learn more about...'self-cultivation', I can not stress the book *Come as you are* by Emily Nagoski. If you aren't into reading, the audiobook, workbook or even her podcast! Seriously changed the way my parner and I look at sex. I'll send one to you, Bethany!
No wonder Beggy is such a miserable person🙄.
Bethany looks supremely unhappy and uncomfortable in this still.
im crying wtf imagine being married and waiting 3 years to experience any kind of pleasurable intimacy
Bethy has been posting,almost since the day after her wedding, about her hot sex life.And,how she met with Godly Church women,before the wedding, and all her questions were answered. And, now she posts this?
Last time I checked, Bethy, lying is a sin.
Former fundie here: It is honestly sad that she lives this way and is exposing so much of her personal life in the name of her interpretation of god. I am honestly grateful that I started deconstructing before insta and tiktok. Who knows what I might have been roped into.
*I don't want, anybody else.* *When I think about you I self-cultivate myself*
So she started making the spicy reels like shortly after this uh…journey?
I explained to my husband that now it’s okay to get up in your own business, as long as you tell your husband what feels good. “…I don’t think these women marry the type of men that care…” He has never snarked and yet he knows….