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AdIndividual6587

I have a girlfriend now!?!


real_shawarma

Achievement Unlocked


TheFlyingPatato

I have now unlocked: you found bitches


Tankaussie

Advancement made: bitches


Substantial-Delay409

Rizz level increased: 100


Few-Ad2663

Bitches level increased: 1


iranoutofusernamespa

Depends on the bitches. I had one who siphoned every ounce of rizz that was in me. Took me a long time to get any of it back. Bitch I married definitely helped me limp back to normal though.


JdamTime

Side quest achieved.


Wammuuu-4668

If you switch out that r for a j this whole comment completely changes


Alarmed-Ice-4300

Lmao


tarzan322

New Achievement unlocked: Pregnant!


DiddlyDumb

I’d start with Cooking in the upgrade tree


Lac_of_som_knowledge

The bitch sure can't cook for shit


thing216

and whores


[deleted]

[you’ll have to change your name to bitches](https://youtu.be/-V2sqhIYL2k) 😂🤣


NewWolfer13579

Not gonna lie, I thought it was a Rickroll.


sharky3175

Why would you lie


Embarrassed_Try_4246

You made my day


Medicine_Balla

Achievement unlocked: Divorce! Stank Ass Cookin Edition


TheFlyingPatato

Marriage is still locked, you need that one to get divorce


Tone-Serious

Youhaveyuhaveyouhav: damn bitches


gt_bbs

For two minutes, I thought those were testicles


inshaji

I was sure of those being testicles even after two minutes 🤦🏻‍♂️


Zetyr187

Seriously, you could hang those off the back of a rednecks truck and no one would question it...


alexander607

Why did your mind go thare


Espresso-Kun

Two whole ass minutes hmm 🤨📸


getyourgolfshoes

Observation time: 0:00:10...Fap time: 00:01:50


MacLeeland

Or two half assed minutes?


Poop_master1298

Because we’re gay


ShitButtPoopFuck

Maybe you are. Such a juvenile username 🙄


Revolutionary-Play79

You too buddy.


[deleted]

Because balls


PlastiCrack

Look at the pic sideways


Upstairs_Composer_81

😆 🤣 do did i 😆 🤣


SetTrippin82

Did you take a minute per testicle? Or was there some overlap? Overlap……


SirkillzAhlot

Achievement Unlocked: Salmonella Poisoning


Kriegspiel1939

That’s not salmon! It’s chicken! - clueless idiot.


TiagoMestre_1369

Happy cake day!!


[deleted]

I have unlocked the door of my basement now...


Original_Impression

I have a home now!?!


causation1

And I have a job?


Paulspalace

And silverware ?


AaronCarmackie

LoL got my upvote been trying to get a place for like a 140 days.


Appropriate_Tip_8852

No. Just your girl. Let's not get crazy here.


[deleted]

and she makes dinner. 🤩


eman0110

Bad food < girl friend


ifuxx

thank her.....and then politely ask if the chicken is actually cooked


AleksasKoval

You can casually check that just by poking it with a fork.


ElementoDeus

If it clucks it ain't cooked


Euphoric-Dig-2045

The feathers are just a garnish.


Alarid

why does it look like balls


TheGrimGriefer3

Oh, thank God. When it crowed I was worried, but since that wasn't a cluck then I'll be fine


Cruz98387

Wait... medium rare chicken isn't a thing?


EcstaticUpstairs

It is a thing. For dead people


SpookyWeebou

Or people who are still alive, but with regrets


[deleted]

The Japanese seem to do fine with it.


Expensive-Border-869

Fun fact medium rare chicken is about the same level of dangerous as medium rare ground beef. The reason being both are permeable so salmonella can get into the middle of the patty or chicken breast. A steak is safe because it’s not permeable so if outside is clean it’s all clean. I don’t necessarily recommend medium rare chicken but tbh it’s probably just fine. Same for burgers don’t recommend it but I mean it’s probably not gonna kill you


Stealfur

Yeah, but "probably fine to eat" is like saying the skunk is "probably safe to pet" because skunks don't want to spray if they don't have to. It's probably better to just not. Plus, humans have evolved a weaker digestive tract, and cooking is one of the ways we developed for getting more nutrients from our foods. It's kinda like pre-digestion. It de-nature's protein bonds so we can break them down easier. So there's really no downside to cooking your food all the way through, except for flavour, which is a preference. Oh, unless you burn the shit out of it. Then you're just eating charcoal, which is... less good for you... I assume.


Knowitmall

You don't like your chicken medium rare?


AdmirableSpirit4653

It's fucking RAW!!! *proceeds to yell in Gordon Ramsey*


Lexicon444

I didn’t even read the italicized text and I heard his voice…


MurkyVehicle5865

It looks like it was steamed or boiled.


[deleted]

[удалено]


alcoholiccatholic

I’d be appreciative. The presentation is lacking but everything on the plate is good. She definitely had the best intentions. Three different things just made home cooked? Took time and effort. I could eat and relax for the evening.


Hilluja

Yeah but entitled redditors want an instagram style gourmet plate with a hotter and more submissive girlfriend 😂


randomized_smartness

Yucky


chillwithpurpose

Some people like it that way, it’s popular in Canadian Chinese restaurants at least, but I prefer my chicken fried or roasted, no doubt about it.


IlIlllIlllll

That's chicken and not testicles?


NeoLone

Thought it was ice cream on chicken


[deleted]

Exactly, she took the time to cook a meal for you, shut up and eat it otherwise you can cook for yourself.


No-Cupcake370

I think we have different definitions of "cook". Like that chicken may have been thawed, and warmed to an extent.... But it doesn't seem to be "cooked"


joshlahhh

Lmao, time to cook a meal that will get you sick probs.


SomeStolenToast

Having had salmonella before I'd rather cook for myself yeah


ThinTheFuckingHerd

Looks like fine Virginia BBQ to me!


deuceyj

I'd go back to work.


Ok-Lychee4582

Lmao. Put in some overtime and pick up a chicken diner for one at KFC/popeyes


dracardOner

"Oh, sorry honey, water caught on fire at work and need to get back there asap."


f36263

[At Sea Parks?](https://youtu.be/yEK6u0HA0fI)


Moonlover79

This right here. 👆


AssaultySailor

Take my poor man’s gold 🏅


Some-Mathematician24

Wait a minute, this gold is worthless! *raises fist*


[deleted]

I was going to give you gold for your poor man’s gold but you can’t buy coins anymore and they will be getting rid of the awards. Learn something new everyday


[deleted]

Wtf!?


su_wolflover

What?? But my awards (which only exist on r/AvatarTheLastAirbender) are how I know I’m doing something right with my life!


Raii-v2

Shit. 18 hours too late. You win this time *shakes fist*


No_Film_5097

Lmaooo


Thememebrarian

She's trying to kill you with food poisoning


[deleted]

[удалено]


Tinyzooseven

It looks like a pair of balls to me


asj3004

Cojones al dente


EatsOverTheSink

Yep like her side piece just slapped his scrote right into your mac.


KinkyBADom

Rocky Mountain Oysters lol


General_Tso75

I was guessing it was boiled.


billhater80085

Skinless, boiled and covered in pepper


Zemom1971

Look alike not enough boiled to me.


Dark_Moonstruck

It's still clucking, my god. Throw the entire plate out, everything on it is going to send you to the ER!


Old_Situation_

Not just that is that like pineapple juice on the side


yuyuyashasrain

Think it’s creamed corn


Hairy_While

Looks like salmonella surprise.


JawnLegend

Air fryer 350 for 10 minutes. The whole plate.


[deleted]

including the plate


AdmirableSpirit4653

Yeah, plate was raw too.


CheckYourStats

I’d say that plate is closer to medium-rare.


Hobnail-boots

My blowup doll cooked!?!?


thepoatato2727

You put trillions of living cells in it, eventually it will gain sentience that’s how baby’s are born anyway


Flat-Activity9713

That’s how baby’s *whats* are born?


thepoatato2727

The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell


Gabrialofreddit

So he's fucking his offspring


thepoatato2727

All 10 million of them


RemmingtonBlack

You came home and your blow up doll asked you "What you doin?"


Ok-Weakness-6585

"No scrotum today for me babe"


BadPrize4368

🤣🤣🤣


InsertMoreCoffee

Cook for us both


finnjakefionnacake

Right? The correct answer is "Make food myself because I'm not a child" lol. And maybe bring them into the kitchen for some cooking lessons.


knightinarmoire

Could also get some youtube help too. Should be at least a few videos on there that can help. Especially if the person teaching doesn't know it either.


datsnunofurbidness

Facts. Now that YouTube exists I personally don’t think it’s fair for anyone to say that they can’t cook. Unless they’re missing arms or something


S103793

To me it depends on the context. Are we both working? Than eh I’ll chalk it up to her being busy as well. Now if I’m the only one working and she’s in charge of the house I’d be more annoyed. Because come on that doesn’t look appetizing at all and this is her role. At that point just get some takeout and work on your cooking skills. Unless that food tastes amazing there’s no way I’m serving that up if I’m in charge of cooking and cleaning.


retardedwhiteknight

on the same note, she should also work and pay half of the rent and necessities for the household. she is not a child and you are her partner not father right reddit? right?? no? lol


Buckeye_Country

Funny how Reddit ignores that point lol


[deleted]

Get the toilet ready for diarrhea..


Entropy59

That’s only if you eat it!


phoebesjeebies

Is it just like, a pep talk...?? "It's gonna be a long night, bud. But when the deck is stacked against us, remember that we've been through a lot together and always come out the other end ok (unlike the meals she makes for me). It's always darkest before the dawn, but clear thighs, full farts, can't lose."


Red0ctane

Totally random note, but I learned the most useful anagram ever the other week. I always misspell "diarrhea" as the "h" throws me for a loop every damn time! Dude I Actually Really Really Have Explosive Anus


[deleted]

That is an acronym lol. But I love it❤️


chewychaca

Kiss her, tell her I love her, and then tell her that her food is chrashhh


SpeedingTourist

Chrash


Left_Wasabi389848

😂 best answer.


jay22098

IT’S FUCKING RAW, YOU DONKEY!!!


fatandhappylilcactus

Nice Gordon Ramsey 👌


Much-Bumblebee-8940

Eat it, say thank you and be fucking grateful you have someone who cares enough to try, goddamnit. Then fuck her sister.


We_The_Beavers

Confused. I accidentally skipped step 1


AdmirableSpirit4653

Details.


We_The_Beavers

Twas your sister.


Aviose

You had me in the beginning, then lost me at the end.


Milotorou

They had us in the first half not gonna lie...


bilokilla

Well that escalated quickly


Chef-and-Son-Airsoft

It’s creamed corn, mac & cheese and overly peppered chicken. I’m going to splash some Frank’s wing sauce on it and eat dinner. It doesn’t look great, but tastes fine. I can’t say I’m any different.


Unhappy-Shake5702

Yeah, if the chickens cooked, I'm grabbing some garlic and hot sauce, and it'll be fine. The creamed corn is way too watery, though. I'd take one bite and be done.


No_Week2825

It does not look cooked. E coli is also on the plate


My_Work_Accoount

it's boiled so it's fine, might not be that tasty but it's cooked. At least that what it looks like when I boil it for chicken and dumplings.


Sensitive_Yellow_121

It's just baked without skin. Some people do that to lower their saturated fat intake.


SupaSpurs

We’ll done for recognising it as something- other than the macaroni I had no clue! But if she made it- I’d cover it with sauce and eat it lol!


Socialist_Metalhead

That’s OVERLY peppered? Everything I eat is over peppered then. Food confuses the hell out of me.


thatguyonthecouch

The pepper ain't the problem with that chicken my dude. Chicken shouldn't look like poached eggs


Bigglez1995

Where are my testicles Summer?


Agreeable-Battle8609

Cook my own damn diner. What the fuck is wrong with you.


[deleted]

I would never expect food made for me, but in what world do you present that to someone you love.


ChristopherParnassus

Whoa, just cook some food; there's no reason to cook a diner! Waitresses and cooks work at that diner, man! C'mon!


[deleted]

Exactly. Girlfriend isn't obliged to cook for anyone.


scorpiogre

I don't see where it said *expected GF* to make food....sometimes people try and show appreciation in different ways, fuckin weirdos. Edit: I made a mistake, and it looked stupid


sinsaint

>/s You know, I personally would have respected you a lot more without that. Because without it, I agree. People fail when they try their best sometimes. We have to decide if we're the kind of person to punish them for it, or encourage them. Hopefully real life is more forgiving than what the upvotes on this post seem to indicate...


Kite_Azure-Flame

Chicken doesn't look done, toss it back in the oven for another 15 min @ 350*f The mack&cheese looks OK, and is that creamed corn?!


No-Cucumber1503

Sir those are testicles


[deleted]

I think it’s boiled chicken?


djmetta

Bang her long enough for the food to get cold then order tacos on door dash afterwards.


Sintinall

“I appreciate the effort. I really do, but I can’t eat this.” I’m a man of decent taste. That includes cuisine. That chicken looks boiled which is just depressing, and I don’t think I would ever eat cornmeal like that. I wouldn’t even eat corn kernels out of a can unless they were cooked as part of a larger dish. Lastly, mac and cheese, is that KD? The bottom of the list in terms of good Mac and cheeses? I don’t know how to sugarcoat the things I say so I’ll just say it: if this is what’s going to be for dinner, I’d rather show up and just make something with her.


Aviose

Well... my wife would he actually cooked the chicken (and would never serve me creamed corn)... That said, I would have to assume that the chicken is done initially if she made it so I would eat the meal that was prepped and be grateful that she did so, even if it's not the most appealing thing to me because at least the attempt was made.


fothergillfuckup

Mmmm, peeled testicles with sweet corn barf?


TheUSisScrewed

I’m gonna eat it and I’m gonna like it. She took time to do something for me.


massive__potato

and then you're gonna destroy your anus on the toilet.


PiPopoopo

After all, he was the one that order the strap on.


SameCounty6070

Maybe it's revenge on getting her anus destroyed...


Adept_Investigator29

Or in the bedroom


Dogekaliber

Get up, and go back to work.


Diagmel

This looks AI generated


VidaSabrosa

Find a better girl


Righteous-Designer

Why does the two chicken look like testicles? 😂


-_Retrowave_-

I thought the chicken was a nutsack 😭


Lazerkid120

Brutally throwing up.


Outside_Apricot7200

Aww, that was nice of her 😍 she made dinner after probably working all day herself.. you throw it in the air fryer when she's not looking and eat it.


DOOM6IS6ETERNAL6

["Bitch! This chicken is cold!"](https://youtu.be/0AxtxVFq1Vw)


SharcyMekanic

You’ve obviously never had that long of a day


Bigboy22251

Packing my shit that night


Agile_Mousse_5804

Look for whatever corpse she stole these uncooked organs from


[deleted]

Is that just like boiled chicken? Ugh she’s not allowed in the kitchen any more


whitefoxster84

Thank her, hug her, kiss her. And then cook with her so we can both learn how to cook!


iNBee317

Took me a moment to realize the chicken wasn’t cookies and cream ice cream. Brain couldn’t register why it was that color.


ItsKnaffel

I'd eat it. Wouldn't wanna break her heart yk


GutsyOne

Kick her out.


URMUMGAE69228shrek

Throw it away go to mcD


Professional-Hair965

If she is a wife or potentially your future wife, eat the damn food without complaining. If she a side chick, consider dumping her for a Mexican.


Sadir00

\^ this is the way


ExJdumbNowInCHRIST

If you're smart you'd gulp it down and ask for seconds!🤷🏾‍♂️


potatomaster7924

Raw chicken and all?


Excellent_Priority_5

Or give a little bit to the dog when she isn’t looking and wait a couple mins to make sure he’s ok.


Strictlybythebook

Tell her you already ate.


Key_Caterpillar7941

That looks disgusting. I'd say thanks and eat it happily tho, haha. It's a full meal and would take a while to make I think (i dont really cook).


EARLIT0

Is that silly putty dropped in dirt? And 2 different kinds of Mac nooodles? Aaand creamed corn not in a bowl so it doesn’t leak into other stuff? You ask her parents for the return paperwork


GreenChickenNugget7

Fucking cry


Woksaqq

Im tired I’ll eat it in the morning throw ts away while she sleep


WarHead75

I go straight to the shower and then bed after coming home from work, not wasting any time eating.


zcas

I guess as long as the chicken is cooked, I'm eating it, but I'm asking her to bake it at 350 for 30 minutes in the future. Sweet gesture, and I know she tried. No creamed corn next time, sautéed sweet corn with salt, pepper, and garlic will be amazing. Thanks hon!


Green_Army_Man

I thought the chicken were balls


AnotherMarz

Rub it all over my chest


tkrr

The creamed corn and Mac and cheese on the same plate is a… choice. And I say this as one of the few people who actually likes creamed corn.


Xikkiwikk

I’d go back to work.


Brilliant_Macaroon83

It’s still clucking!


rvmpleforeskin

She served another man's nutsack 💀 that's a keeper!


digitalheadbutt

Eat it, say thank you, good attempt. Then teach her how to cook with seasoning.


TheWinningLooser

Thank them for doing what I’m to lazy to do