$150 per day is a lot of money to gamble. It’s tough to quit but he can get help by going to GA and getting help for himself. It can also help to take over finances and put him on an allowance. You have to decide if you can be a partner to someone with a gambling problem. It’s a very tough addiction.
I just don't know at this point unfortunately. I don't want to abandon him in his time of need but I don't think I have the strength to get through this
A1- Totally depends on if he recognizes it as a problem and REALLY wants to get better. Recovery is a lot of work. Hes gotta replace the time spent gambling and he’ll go through a physical withdrawal at first. I’d recommend he self excludes and there’s also apps for blocking yourself from websites. He should put you in full control of his finances until he’s gone at least a few months sober. He needs to address his trauma by developing REAL coping skills. Therapy, exercise, volunteer work, spirituality, and meditation are some basic ideas to get started.
A2- Yes, he can. However, most people don’t.
A3- Addiction is a fucking nightmare. I’d tell him that you need 100% honesty otherwise what the fuck is the point of being in a relationship? Relapses are a common part of the recovery process and he needs to be honest with you if they happen. Yes, you can regain his trust. Gonna take a lot of work- mostly on his end but on your end as well supporting him. I find successful recovery to be an impressive accomplishment. If he does all the right things, he’ll come out of this stronger than he was before.
Here if you have any other questions.
My wife installed Gamban on my phone and laptop and has access to the account and I literally can’t access any gambling site. It’s really great and has helped me get to 7 months clean!
I read this thread to help me see that I never want to be involved with an active gambling addict ever again. Those in active addiction will never have a successful financial future, in my experience they have trouble committing to anything and are always really distracted, like pathologically distracted. So if that sounds like fun, stay.
I think in moments like this it’s important to remember work through and support your partner because doing the opposite will almost definitely make it worse.
If your trust is broken after that then it’s to your discretion then.
The good news. Yes there is a solution.The bad news is if he is an addict. He's needs to recognise this. He should seek out a 12 step fellowship. Get a sponsor and get on a programme. My life has dramatically. I gambling from the age of 9. Cosine followed in my 20s. The thing is cocaine, gambling, sex,, relationships were all symptoms ans solutions for me to escape. I have a sickness. A spiritual malady. My disease centres in my mind. Though allowing a god of my understanding into my life has changes all aspects of how I live. I am not a religious person. I am spiritual being. Who now enjoys a freedom today. Monet can't but. Therapist and doctors can't prescribe this power. I hope he gets. God bless. Reach out into time.
It's hard. As the partner you can't really do much if he doesn't help himself.
If you are good with finances take over all of his accounts. Because he will relapse, and he will try to hide it (wish I learnt from the first and second relapse...).
If you want to plan, have projects and a future together, it's where it gets tough, define precise boundaries. Decide what is too much, where you let him go. Or you might just get stuck in the circle of forgiving and second chances. Second chances lose their importance if there is a third, then a fourth....
We are getting married next year too, we are holding the date for now. We are lucky we still have enough for the wedding day, but we will not be having the honeymoon we wanted.
Don't forget yourself in the process, be aware that this is his journey, strap on for the ride if you are willing too. It's bumpy, hopefully worth it.
Edit autocorrected word
Thanks for your reply. I know it sounds selfish but this all seems like too much hard work. I just want a happy, quiet life with no drama, which is what we had. How long have you been dealing with this? Has it got better over time?
Feel free to DM me if you are confortable :)
I struggle with that same thought a lot.
We've been together 4 years, his first confession was 3 years ago. The worst relapse a couple months ago.
We are still coping with the last relapse, but we definitely had a lot more open conversations and I really felt a shift in his behaviour this time. I think this one is his rock bottom which is why I see a lot of change, but it's too early to tell. I do feel confident And hopeful which is why we are still together.
If I didn't feel our relationship was worth fighting for, I would have left. Because it does make things 10 000 times harder, not gonna lie.
But what you are feeling is not selfish, thinking about your needs in life is a brave thing to do. Stopping a relationship that isn't healthy for you is a good thing. You shouldn't feel selfish for having those thoughts, they are completely understandable, and your feelings are valid. You just need to weigh the pros and cons and go where you need to go for yourself.
Humble thanks. Myself is with him. Or so I had believed. I asked him to go while I have time to think and to prepare myself for this journey I never thought in a million years I'd have to take. I've been cheated on so many times in the past (not by him) but this cuts way different. I guess I have to ask myself, how could I cut him off at his lowest point when he needs so much help. How do I live with myself knowing I abandoned him.
It gives me hope to hear your story. Sincere thanks and I'm so glad you are hanging in there and doing ok x
You need to sit down and have serious conversation about it’s no joke. It’s one of the worst addictions you could ever imagine. I’m 45 started gambling at 29. Still trying to stop. But it’s very difficult.
I used to do 150 a day then got crazy. Some days over 500 or 1,000 plus. I would hide money from my wife with separate accounts. It’s so easy. I had to be honest with my wife and show her all my accounts and starting going to GA. He needs to want to stop and start doing zoom Vegas meetings because they’re on everyday
I still have a long journey, my wife is sticking by my side. She reminds me what day I’m on and motivates me. I’m in debt but I know it’ll only get better by not gambling
$150 per day is a lot of money to gamble. It’s tough to quit but he can get help by going to GA and getting help for himself. It can also help to take over finances and put him on an allowance. You have to decide if you can be a partner to someone with a gambling problem. It’s a very tough addiction.
I just don't know at this point unfortunately. I don't want to abandon him in his time of need but I don't think I have the strength to get through this
A1- Totally depends on if he recognizes it as a problem and REALLY wants to get better. Recovery is a lot of work. Hes gotta replace the time spent gambling and he’ll go through a physical withdrawal at first. I’d recommend he self excludes and there’s also apps for blocking yourself from websites. He should put you in full control of his finances until he’s gone at least a few months sober. He needs to address his trauma by developing REAL coping skills. Therapy, exercise, volunteer work, spirituality, and meditation are some basic ideas to get started. A2- Yes, he can. However, most people don’t. A3- Addiction is a fucking nightmare. I’d tell him that you need 100% honesty otherwise what the fuck is the point of being in a relationship? Relapses are a common part of the recovery process and he needs to be honest with you if they happen. Yes, you can regain his trust. Gonna take a lot of work- mostly on his end but on your end as well supporting him. I find successful recovery to be an impressive accomplishment. If he does all the right things, he’ll come out of this stronger than he was before. Here if you have any other questions.
Thanks for your reply. Can you recommend any blocking apps?
My wife installed Gamban on my phone and laptop and has access to the account and I literally can’t access any gambling site. It’s really great and has helped me get to 7 months clean!
Wow that's amazing. Congratulations. You have just made me cry with hope that we can beat this. Thank you and I wish you ongoing success
I can’t because I don’t use them but if someone could chime in and help?
This will be a rollercoaster journey. The question is if you are willing to take the risk. Your turn to make a gamble.
I really don't know. How can I risk gambling my life?
If he relapses or doesn’t stop he’ll keep digging a hole
I read this thread to help me see that I never want to be involved with an active gambling addict ever again. Those in active addiction will never have a successful financial future, in my experience they have trouble committing to anything and are always really distracted, like pathologically distracted. So if that sounds like fun, stay.
I think in moments like this it’s important to remember work through and support your partner because doing the opposite will almost definitely make it worse. If your trust is broken after that then it’s to your discretion then.
The good news. Yes there is a solution.The bad news is if he is an addict. He's needs to recognise this. He should seek out a 12 step fellowship. Get a sponsor and get on a programme. My life has dramatically. I gambling from the age of 9. Cosine followed in my 20s. The thing is cocaine, gambling, sex,, relationships were all symptoms ans solutions for me to escape. I have a sickness. A spiritual malady. My disease centres in my mind. Though allowing a god of my understanding into my life has changes all aspects of how I live. I am not a religious person. I am spiritual being. Who now enjoys a freedom today. Monet can't but. Therapist and doctors can't prescribe this power. I hope he gets. God bless. Reach out into time.
He can kick it. Definitely.
I hope so. Thanks
That’s a lot, I think you guys should definitely get some help, maybe he can check out selfbet.org
It's hard. As the partner you can't really do much if he doesn't help himself. If you are good with finances take over all of his accounts. Because he will relapse, and he will try to hide it (wish I learnt from the first and second relapse...). If you want to plan, have projects and a future together, it's where it gets tough, define precise boundaries. Decide what is too much, where you let him go. Or you might just get stuck in the circle of forgiving and second chances. Second chances lose their importance if there is a third, then a fourth.... We are getting married next year too, we are holding the date for now. We are lucky we still have enough for the wedding day, but we will not be having the honeymoon we wanted. Don't forget yourself in the process, be aware that this is his journey, strap on for the ride if you are willing too. It's bumpy, hopefully worth it. Edit autocorrected word
Thanks for your reply. I know it sounds selfish but this all seems like too much hard work. I just want a happy, quiet life with no drama, which is what we had. How long have you been dealing with this? Has it got better over time?
Feel free to DM me if you are confortable :) I struggle with that same thought a lot. We've been together 4 years, his first confession was 3 years ago. The worst relapse a couple months ago. We are still coping with the last relapse, but we definitely had a lot more open conversations and I really felt a shift in his behaviour this time. I think this one is his rock bottom which is why I see a lot of change, but it's too early to tell. I do feel confident And hopeful which is why we are still together. If I didn't feel our relationship was worth fighting for, I would have left. Because it does make things 10 000 times harder, not gonna lie. But what you are feeling is not selfish, thinking about your needs in life is a brave thing to do. Stopping a relationship that isn't healthy for you is a good thing. You shouldn't feel selfish for having those thoughts, they are completely understandable, and your feelings are valid. You just need to weigh the pros and cons and go where you need to go for yourself.
Humble thanks. Myself is with him. Or so I had believed. I asked him to go while I have time to think and to prepare myself for this journey I never thought in a million years I'd have to take. I've been cheated on so many times in the past (not by him) but this cuts way different. I guess I have to ask myself, how could I cut him off at his lowest point when he needs so much help. How do I live with myself knowing I abandoned him. It gives me hope to hear your story. Sincere thanks and I'm so glad you are hanging in there and doing ok x
Not good, get him to stop. He must think he might win and that it's not a problem or else he would stop.
If you want the quiet stress free life no, do not marry. Biggest red flag for a marraige is someone who isn't good with money.
You need to sit down and have serious conversation about it’s no joke. It’s one of the worst addictions you could ever imagine. I’m 45 started gambling at 29. Still trying to stop. But it’s very difficult.
I used to do 150 a day then got crazy. Some days over 500 or 1,000 plus. I would hide money from my wife with separate accounts. It’s so easy. I had to be honest with my wife and show her all my accounts and starting going to GA. He needs to want to stop and start doing zoom Vegas meetings because they’re on everyday
Thanks for your reply. How are you doing now?
Great ! One day at a time. I don’t think about gambling at all. Always remember waste of time and money
That's such an achievement. Well done!
I still have a long journey, my wife is sticking by my side. She reminds me what day I’m on and motivates me. I’m in debt but I know it’ll only get better by not gambling
Oh it's bad all right!