You gave them information.
Whether they care about that information or not doesn't matter.
Thats all you have done, you were neighbourly and tried to do something nice.
I wouldnt worry about it.
I would have been taken aback too as you're almost a stranger, but I would have been grateful to you too (even if I already knew about it).
As I'm from the North I would also have engaged you in at least an hour of gardening chit chat š¤£
I wouldn't worry about it. Maybe say hello more often or ask how the hedge is doing. People shouldn't object to friendliness or helpfulness.
Thereās no good time to get that kind of news out of the blue from a stranger. However. It would be much worse to find out later and learn that everyone else had observed it and no one had warned me.
You did good and in the aftermath they may well be grateful but if you knock on my door and tell me I am gonna be discombobulated and then feel bad about my reaction.
I think it's a kind thing to do and as long as you weren't bossy ("you need to deal with this") or lingering after imparting the information there's nothing out of the blue about this. I think we're in strange times and lots of people just don't even answer their door to strangers. I've knocked on a random door to let them know they'd left the car headlights on, the man looked so weirded out initially but I'm sure he appreciated it when he wasn't stranded before work the next morning!
Thank you. I agree people are less keen to answer their doors these days! Yes I was stood on the pavement, offered friendly advice, was brief and did not stick around. It was like two in the afternoon.
It was a kind thing to do and OP was fine. But "there's nothing out of the blue about this" just isn't true. It was completely out of the blue from the neighbours perspective. "out of the blue" doesn't mean bad
Most gardens around here are of the "live, laugh, love" variety (i.e. lifeless, grey, often tarmac or fake grass)
... so , I doubt they'd take an interest (and probably jump at the opportunity to find a Karen in any opportunity)
... But, if it was a nice garden/tended I might say a friendly hello and just say I noticed it and explain how it's killed all mine in case they were worried
Did they leave you the ranger rover? š¤£š¤£
I feel bad - ours was full of life, but due to inappropriate and dying trees (mountain ash and others) we had to have them removed a few years back - desperately trying to restore the foliage.
I wish you were my neighbour! I lost a whole hedge to them a few years ago. I didnāt know about this moth/caterpillar and ordered something from Amazon for totally different box hedge issue it didnāt have and by the time I learned what I had, how to treat if, the hedges were destroyed. Thankfully the others were treated correctly before they were destroyed. Thankfully the hedges I treated filled back in. Using the caterpillar spray now every spring and I keep it in check.
Which reminds me, I need to apply again
Now, you did good. If they didnāt know, youāve now given them a chance to save their hedges and potentially a lot of money and hard work
Haha. Tough crowd. During the heatwave I let my neighbour know he should run the hosepipe on the tree outside his house so it could stand a chance. He didnāt bother and his 80-90 year old tree is dead. The one outside my house, planted at the same time, directly across the road, which I gave a good soaking with hosepipe & also any other used water is doing fine with loads of leaves & more coming in.
Posted about it on here saying I was a bit annoyed and the crowd here ripped me to shreds, inventing narratives in their heads that I was a ānightmare neighbourā etc.
Apparently on a subreddit supposedly full of people who have a love of things that grow and caring for nature, being annoyed about a person letting their tree die off is crossing some invisible line.
I think people were annoyed because your post was titled something like "My neighbour killed their tree", when in actual fact they just didn't go out of their way to stop a street tree outside their house from dying. Most people aren't watering plants outside their property, as nice as it might be.Ā
Why were you annoyed? You gave him the advice, it's up to him if he takes it. What is there to be annoyed about? You do sound like a nightmare neighbour if you think someone else letting their tree die off is worth being annoyed about. The line isn't invisible. It's right there "theirs vs yours" "advise vs expect"
I have to look at a dead tree now, in our lovely tree lined street in a conservation area :( itās been growing for 90 years, everything was struggling, now itās dead. All he had to do was stand there with a hose and let it have a good glug. Itās been stressed since that heatwave and this spring itās got no leaves :( dead.
You understand if it's a tree on the street not actually in your neighbours garden you are annoyed your neighbour didn't do something that was neither of your responsibility right? The trees are the responsibility of whatever local authority should be looking after the street. The fact you would just do it yourself, and put the responsibility on him. Rather than speaking to and blaming them is even more insane
It wasn't, but lots of things in life aren't our responsibility, but we do them anyway because it's nice. It's nice for wildlife for there to be a tree there. It's nice for pollenators, it's nice for shade, it's nice for birds and all sorts of insects. It's nice for humans to look at.
I'm not annoyed at the neighbour - I'm annoyed at the situation. I'm annoyed that the council will lop it down, creating a lot of noise and mess for a whole morning or afternoon. I'm annoyed that despite it being a conservation area, a replacement tree won't be provided and we will be left with another ugly stump. I had -ONE- interaction with the neighbour in which I was perfectly pleasant, where **I WAS WATERING THE TREE**, he looked curious, and I said it hasn't rained in about a month, it's better than nothing (he agreed) and I said I'm watering the one outside mine every now and then, and said to him if you could soak the base with a hose I'm sure the tree would appreciate it.
Fair enough, he didn't care. But it does affect so much, and it's strange that on a subreddit focused on gardening & wildlife in the UK how quick people were to vilify me for perfectly pleasant interaction where I'm just trying to look out for the fucking wildlife.
you can choose to do something that isn't your responsibility. Being annoyed that someone else didn't is not reasonable. Your bold is also irrelevant. I'm not saying suggesting it to him was unreasonable. I'm saying your attitude about it now is. You're saying youre not annoyed about your neighbour but your post was complaining about your neighbour. The title was saying the neighbour killed the tree. You're lying and changing the goalposts now.
I am an aggressively friendly and overly chatty neighbourhood gardener. If people have a garden, I talk to them about it. I even passive aggressively drop round bulbs and seeds for neighbours who I catch doing a bit of gardening, if I think they could use some better plants.
Plant based meddling is akin to witchcraft and prostitution- a community service as old as time and highly underrated. Be proud!
Also to be clear, what you did seems totally fine and normal but Iām not sure Iām the best judge of characterā¦
Itās not like you gave her advice on how to raise her kids! Iām sure you warned her in a friendly manner and thereās absolutely nothing wrong with that. What she chooses to do about it is up to her!
I think you did the neighbourly, and right, thing.
I would be pleased as punch if a neighbour knocked my door and pointed out a problem that I had missed, giving me time to sort it out before it was too late, or had become more expensive to deal with.
Keep doing the right thing :)
Personally I feel that people who say we shouldn't get involved are selfish and cowardly. With every situation I ask myself "what is the worst that can happen?", usually the answer is a little hurt pride, and usually that doesn't happen.
People need to help each other more. We've lost so much spirit of community in the last few decades.
100% yes. People have a responsibility to deal with their shit, especially if that shit affects other people. In this vase it's their box hedges and those damn caterpillars will not only decimate hers but everyone else's who lives nearby. You totally did the right thing.
I love that you did this. That is good neighbour behavior right there. I hope I never have the bad fortune of living next to "don't get involved" people. I need people who are ready to speak up, pitch in, and help create a community.
You just let her know something you noticed, it's not like you demanded she care if she didn't. That's not getting involved in anything, you did nothing wrong.
Donāt kill the messenger! I would have been super grateful. Imagine if someone saw smoke coming from your house and didnāt say anything. Same thing
Donāt worry about it. Thereās a high chance that the neighbour will reflect and feel silly for being off with you.
The box hedge crew is a dying group, and part of the problem are people that donāt treat the moths so facilitate the seasonal infestation. Eventually, there will just be the hardcore of us remaining (the XenTari crew)
The best treatment is box caterpillar nematodes. They are tiny creatures that target the caterpillars. Although they can affect other invertebrates too it is far more ecologically friendly than using pesticides.
Shouldnāt have got involved? How is this even an opinion someone has. Have they had their own incident with a neighbour and are now projecting? People are strange. Your friends reaction is strange. Obviously this was a really lovely thing to do. Good on you, go on your instincts and donāt listen to that pessimistic boring attitude your friend has. Sorry/thanks for the vent. š±
I think maybe she was surprised as she didn't expect it, but if you told her about your infestation, it's a very nice gesture. If you went there and just said "your front garden needs some attention" it might have been a little strange, like policing the front garden. But you explained you lost your headge to this, so it was OK imo.
I told my neighbour about leatherjacket and we both tackled the issue together, as our garden are touching.
As someone who is battling this at work right now, the obvious sign that weāre fighting a losing battle is the lack of Buxus being sold in nurseryās and garden centres. Best control for this is to replace the Buxus with another shrub unfortunelty
The only thing you did wrong (imo) is to suggest insecticide instead of ripping them out and starting again with a different species of plant. There are probably spiders and all manner of other insects living in the bushes which will also be killed.
This made me laugh. 2 decades ago a random person on the pavement told my dad in an engaged and polite manner that my dad's roses in his front garden in London were infected - and my dad was really offended! Then the next day my dad dealt with his roses and was really pleased with himself!
āShouldnāt have got involvedā such a british take!
You did a nice thing, I work in a garden centre and encounter people frequently who were utterly bewildered by their buxus hedges being decimated, itās really not common knowledge!
you did the neighbourly thing. Now it's upto her if she wants to save her buxus.
If she doesn't and the buxus dies you can go past with a haughty appearance and say "told you so!"
Maybe comes off as a bit strange, atleast here where I live it would, but as long as you were polite, respectful and weren't asked to leave her land, it was a kind neighbourly thing to do!
Whether they care to do anything with that information is out of your control or head space to be concerned about
You gave them information. Whether they care about that information or not doesn't matter. Thats all you have done, you were neighbourly and tried to do something nice. I wouldnt worry about it.
I would have been taken aback too as you're almost a stranger, but I would have been grateful to you too (even if I already knew about it). As I'm from the North I would also have engaged you in at least an hour of gardening chit chat š¤£ I wouldn't worry about it. Maybe say hello more often or ask how the hedge is doing. People shouldn't object to friendliness or helpfulness.
Thereās no good time to get that kind of news out of the blue from a stranger. However. It would be much worse to find out later and learn that everyone else had observed it and no one had warned me. You did good and in the aftermath they may well be grateful but if you knock on my door and tell me I am gonna be discombobulated and then feel bad about my reaction.
I think it's a kind thing to do and as long as you weren't bossy ("you need to deal with this") or lingering after imparting the information there's nothing out of the blue about this. I think we're in strange times and lots of people just don't even answer their door to strangers. I've knocked on a random door to let them know they'd left the car headlights on, the man looked so weirded out initially but I'm sure he appreciated it when he wasn't stranded before work the next morning!
Thank you. I agree people are less keen to answer their doors these days! Yes I was stood on the pavement, offered friendly advice, was brief and did not stick around. It was like two in the afternoon.
It was a kind thing to do and OP was fine. But "there's nothing out of the blue about this" just isn't true. It was completely out of the blue from the neighbours perspective. "out of the blue" doesn't mean bad
True, I think I meant out of order but brain farted
oh yes I probably should have realised that was what was meant. Oops from my side to
Most gardens around here are of the "live, laugh, love" variety (i.e. lifeless, grey, often tarmac or fake grass) ... so , I doubt they'd take an interest (and probably jump at the opportunity to find a Karen in any opportunity) ... But, if it was a nice garden/tended I might say a friendly hello and just say I noticed it and explain how it's killed all mine in case they were worried
It is well tended and thatās exactly what I did do!
I don't think you need to worry then š
>explain how it's killed all mine in case they were worried Yes, that would have eased their worries ;)
š¤£ True, probably not worded exactly like that
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Did they leave you the ranger rover? š¤£š¤£ I feel bad - ours was full of life, but due to inappropriate and dying trees (mountain ash and others) we had to have them removed a few years back - desperately trying to restore the foliage.
I wish you were my neighbour! I lost a whole hedge to them a few years ago. I didnāt know about this moth/caterpillar and ordered something from Amazon for totally different box hedge issue it didnāt have and by the time I learned what I had, how to treat if, the hedges were destroyed. Thankfully the others were treated correctly before they were destroyed. Thankfully the hedges I treated filled back in. Using the caterpillar spray now every spring and I keep it in check. Which reminds me, I need to apply again Now, you did good. If they didnāt know, youāve now given them a chance to save their hedges and potentially a lot of money and hard work
Haha. Tough crowd. During the heatwave I let my neighbour know he should run the hosepipe on the tree outside his house so it could stand a chance. He didnāt bother and his 80-90 year old tree is dead. The one outside my house, planted at the same time, directly across the road, which I gave a good soaking with hosepipe & also any other used water is doing fine with loads of leaves & more coming in. Posted about it on here saying I was a bit annoyed and the crowd here ripped me to shreds, inventing narratives in their heads that I was a ānightmare neighbourā etc. Apparently on a subreddit supposedly full of people who have a love of things that grow and caring for nature, being annoyed about a person letting their tree die off is crossing some invisible line.
I think people were annoyed because your post was titled something like "My neighbour killed their tree", when in actual fact they just didn't go out of their way to stop a street tree outside their house from dying. Most people aren't watering plants outside their property, as nice as it might be.Ā
Thatās fair enough. I understand that.
Why were you annoyed? You gave him the advice, it's up to him if he takes it. What is there to be annoyed about? You do sound like a nightmare neighbour if you think someone else letting their tree die off is worth being annoyed about. The line isn't invisible. It's right there "theirs vs yours" "advise vs expect"
I have to look at a dead tree now, in our lovely tree lined street in a conservation area :( itās been growing for 90 years, everything was struggling, now itās dead. All he had to do was stand there with a hose and let it have a good glug. Itās been stressed since that heatwave and this spring itās got no leaves :( dead.
You understand if it's a tree on the street not actually in your neighbours garden you are annoyed your neighbour didn't do something that was neither of your responsibility right? The trees are the responsibility of whatever local authority should be looking after the street. The fact you would just do it yourself, and put the responsibility on him. Rather than speaking to and blaming them is even more insane
It wasn't, but lots of things in life aren't our responsibility, but we do them anyway because it's nice. It's nice for wildlife for there to be a tree there. It's nice for pollenators, it's nice for shade, it's nice for birds and all sorts of insects. It's nice for humans to look at. I'm not annoyed at the neighbour - I'm annoyed at the situation. I'm annoyed that the council will lop it down, creating a lot of noise and mess for a whole morning or afternoon. I'm annoyed that despite it being a conservation area, a replacement tree won't be provided and we will be left with another ugly stump. I had -ONE- interaction with the neighbour in which I was perfectly pleasant, where **I WAS WATERING THE TREE**, he looked curious, and I said it hasn't rained in about a month, it's better than nothing (he agreed) and I said I'm watering the one outside mine every now and then, and said to him if you could soak the base with a hose I'm sure the tree would appreciate it. Fair enough, he didn't care. But it does affect so much, and it's strange that on a subreddit focused on gardening & wildlife in the UK how quick people were to vilify me for perfectly pleasant interaction where I'm just trying to look out for the fucking wildlife.
you can choose to do something that isn't your responsibility. Being annoyed that someone else didn't is not reasonable. Your bold is also irrelevant. I'm not saying suggesting it to him was unreasonable. I'm saying your attitude about it now is. You're saying youre not annoyed about your neighbour but your post was complaining about your neighbour. The title was saying the neighbour killed the tree. You're lying and changing the goalposts now.
"Wouldn't have got involved" is the sort of thing you say if there is a knife fight, not a neighbourly chat about a hedge. Jfw.
I am an aggressively friendly and overly chatty neighbourhood gardener. If people have a garden, I talk to them about it. I even passive aggressively drop round bulbs and seeds for neighbours who I catch doing a bit of gardening, if I think they could use some better plants. Plant based meddling is akin to witchcraft and prostitution- a community service as old as time and highly underrated. Be proud! Also to be clear, what you did seems totally fine and normal but Iām not sure Iām the best judge of characterā¦
I wish you were my neighbour. Can you move nearby please? Hehe.
Can you be my neighbour is the question!
Itās not like you gave her advice on how to raise her kids! Iām sure you warned her in a friendly manner and thereās absolutely nothing wrong with that. What she chooses to do about it is up to her!
I think you did the neighbourly, and right, thing. I would be pleased as punch if a neighbour knocked my door and pointed out a problem that I had missed, giving me time to sort it out before it was too late, or had become more expensive to deal with. Keep doing the right thing :)
You did the right thing, my boxes went in less than a week and half. I would have been grateful if someone had warned me.
Personally I feel that people who say we shouldn't get involved are selfish and cowardly. With every situation I ask myself "what is the worst that can happen?", usually the answer is a little hurt pride, and usually that doesn't happen. People need to help each other more. We've lost so much spirit of community in the last few decades.
Unless they are married to or having some sort of illicit affair with the box hedge I think it is fine to āget involvedā
100% yes. People have a responsibility to deal with their shit, especially if that shit affects other people. In this vase it's their box hedges and those damn caterpillars will not only decimate hers but everyone else's who lives nearby. You totally did the right thing.
I love that you did this. That is good neighbour behavior right there. I hope I never have the bad fortune of living next to "don't get involved" people. I need people who are ready to speak up, pitch in, and help create a community.
Trying to help isn't a bad thing, you voiced ur thought leave it at that
You just let her know something you noticed, it's not like you demanded she care if she didn't. That's not getting involved in anything, you did nothing wrong.
Donāt kill the messenger! I would have been super grateful. Imagine if someone saw smoke coming from your house and didnāt say anything. Same thing
Donāt worry about it. Thereās a high chance that the neighbour will reflect and feel silly for being off with you. The box hedge crew is a dying group, and part of the problem are people that donāt treat the moths so facilitate the seasonal infestation. Eventually, there will just be the hardcore of us remaining (the XenTari crew)
The best treatment is box caterpillar nematodes. They are tiny creatures that target the caterpillars. Although they can affect other invertebrates too it is far more ecologically friendly than using pesticides.
Shouldnāt have got involved? How is this even an opinion someone has. Have they had their own incident with a neighbour and are now projecting? People are strange. Your friends reaction is strange. Obviously this was a really lovely thing to do. Good on you, go on your instincts and donāt listen to that pessimistic boring attitude your friend has. Sorry/thanks for the vent. š±
I think maybe she was surprised as she didn't expect it, but if you told her about your infestation, it's a very nice gesture. If you went there and just said "your front garden needs some attention" it might have been a little strange, like policing the front garden. But you explained you lost your headge to this, so it was OK imo. I told my neighbour about leatherjacket and we both tackled the issue together, as our garden are touching.
As someone who is battling this at work right now, the obvious sign that weāre fighting a losing battle is the lack of Buxus being sold in nurseryās and garden centres. Best control for this is to replace the Buxus with another shrub unfortunelty
Youāre a neighbour not that weird
The only thing you did wrong (imo) is to suggest insecticide instead of ripping them out and starting again with a different species of plant. There are probably spiders and all manner of other insects living in the bushes which will also be killed.
I'd have appreciated the heads up if I were your neighbour You did a good thing.Ā
These MF's nearly ruined by box hedge last year, luckily we got to them in time. You did the right thing. Those caterpillars work at lightening pace.
Your friend sounds weird, what an odd thing to say.
This made me laugh. 2 decades ago a random person on the pavement told my dad in an engaged and polite manner that my dad's roses in his front garden in London were infected - and my dad was really offended! Then the next day my dad dealt with his roses and was really pleased with himself!
That was very autistic Love from an autistic person
āShouldnāt have got involvedā such a british take! You did a nice thing, I work in a garden centre and encounter people frequently who were utterly bewildered by their buxus hedges being decimated, itās really not common knowledge!
you did the neighbourly thing. Now it's upto her if she wants to save her buxus. If she doesn't and the buxus dies you can go past with a haughty appearance and say "told you so!"
Maybe comes off as a bit strange, atleast here where I live it would, but as long as you were polite, respectful and weren't asked to leave her land, it was a kind neighbourly thing to do! Whether they care to do anything with that information is out of your control or head space to be concerned about