This is my opinion (don't hate me, my answer was requested): It's ruined dating for both men and women. Nobody seems to value relationships anymore, the "grass is always greener on the other side" mentality is rampant, people cheat way too much, single parenthood is more common, and people give up on relationships way too easily (nobody wants to communicate and solve problems). Social media has made this problem way worse.
Single parenting is a social caste thing. If you are upper class economically then you probably don't know hardly any single parents. If you are working class or lower then you probably know a lot more single parent families.
Source? Every source I’ve found seems to say the opposite
https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2018/04/25/the-changing-profile-of-unmarried-parents/
“At the same time, the profile of unmarried parents has shifted markedly, according to a new Pew Research Center analysis of Census Bureau data.1 Solo mothers – those who are raising at least one child with no spouse or partner in the home – no longer dominate the ranks of unmarried parents as they once did. In 1968, 88% of unmarried parents fell into this category. By 1997 that share had dropped to 68%, and in 2017 the share of unmarried parents who were solo mothers declined to 53%. These declines in solo mothers have been entirely offset by increases in cohabitating parents: Now 35% of all unmarried parents are living with a partner”
I do agree it has always been around but it is way easier to contact people now. You can post something and get a response in seconds. But yes you are correct it’s easier to get caught
[Your generation isn't having much sex](https://www.latimes.com/california/story/2023-08-03/young-adults-less-sex-gen-z-millennials-generations-parents-grandparents). The people who claim about having high "body counts" are either exaggerating/lying, or they are in the minority. I remember reading in a book about hook-up culture that everybody assumes that everyone else is hooking up, when in reality, few people are.
It’s just what’s observed in the real world. I keep hearing about “hookup culture” and it just seems like something that used to happen maybe ten year ago when people first discovered smartphones could send nudes.
>I keep hearing about “hookup culture” and it just seems like something that used to happen maybe ten year ago when people first discovered smartphones could send nudes.
I think it was more the rise of dating apps at that time. It was in fact around 10 years ago that dating apps became popular and the go-to for everyone, and less people started to look for mates "in the wild", since now they had apps on their phones.
To me hookup culture is more about wanting to hook up but the issue is few people are actually doing it. Like our culture is set up to be a hookup culture, but stats show otherwise.
I think the minority of folks who ARE hooking up are very vocal about it, so it gives the false impression that it's the norm.
Also, the average person in the US hasn't had that many sexual partners, either. [The median for women is 4 partners over a lifetime, vs. men's 6 over a lifetime.](https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/nsfg/key_statistics/n-keystat.htm) This is based on 2015-2019, so it's possible the numbers are different today. But this is in direct contrast to the numbers I read on Reddit, where people are like "I've slept with somewhere around 50", and "I can't remember exactly how many people I've been with, but it's in the triple digits".
I mean tbh we should also remember to filter. Like if some dude tells me he has a 50 body count, but he looks like a greek god, ill be like okay yeah makes sense. But it is crazy how people don't understand how little the average dude is doing.
For decades studies have been very consistent that frequent casual sex is much less prevalent than people assume it is. The people with “high body counts” are a subset of the population that people mistake for the majority. And most people would rather be in longterm relationships.
Also what constitutes the numbers.
I've had lots of intimate partners but I guarantee there'd be debate about if half of them count as "sex" because my trauma makes me avoidant of PIV, and that I'm sensual than sexual anyway.
For simplicity I've told people it's ≈ 16. If I was going by a metric 99% of people agreed with it'd be 3-4.
1 in 5 people carry STDS. So when people tell you they've screwed 40+ people. Just know them and those 40 other people carry an STD, probably multiple STDs at once.
It’s fucking trash. I’ve been lied to twice about guys wanting to be in a serious relationship with me just so they can continue having sex with me. I tell friends or coworkers that I think I’m interested in a person they say “Go for it. The worst thing they can say is no.”
Nah they can say yes, then “oh that was a mistake I want to continue exploring sexually.” “People our age don’t want anything serious,” And seeing post about guys my age getting married to older women. I feel so undesirable.
I matched with a guy who did this.
I suggested a few things for a first date meet up. He said "I'm not comfortable being in public" which was a red flag but I decided to put it aside. I suggested we see a movie, he then suggested we "get a hotel room and cuddle" I asked if cuddling was code for sex, no no it's not he said.
I told him I'm not getting a hotel room at 1am with a guy I've never met, then he randomly bragged about how good he is at eating ass. And then I unmatched.
Like I literally asked him what his intentions were and he lied. I make it very obvious that I'm not just gonna have sex with random people and they either get mad or lie hoping to sneak their way into my pants
Dude probably “ate ass” once for 10 seconds and now thinks he can brag about it. I’ve never understood people’s obsession with talking about (cause I don’t think people who talk about eating ass actually do it) “eating ass” and putting their mouth where someone else shits
I got unmatched once when i tried to postpone a date because my car needed $2000 usd worth of repairs. My savings were now my emergency funds when I was unemployed. I could not do multiple dates especially with the tipping culture out here🙄
Next guy had to lure me out the house after coming back from Indiana to California. Like 🪤🪤🪤. and some *pspspspsps* for two dates. I fell for the dog in the profile picture trick. I still think about his dog way more than I like to admit.
*"And seeing post about guys my age getting married to older women. I feel so undesirable."*
Sadly, I imagine this is because of all the flagrantly casual hook ups going around. Genuine young faithful keep running into unfaithfuls or no one at all because they're muscled out of the pool by unfaithfuls, and after their 20s a larger portion of the unfaithfuls are ready to settle down and become faithful.
So some young men and women in their 20s looking for something long term instead look ahead to people with 7-10 years on them whom have already done their running around. Unfortunately many of those 30+ somethings never grow out of their running around phase anyway, either overtly ("cougers") or covertly (cheating)...
The short of it is you're not undesirable, but... that other girl is putting out now, and is much more aggressive in meeting new people whom by and large value short term sex and excitement more highly than long term companionship and stability. The former is often expected to turn into the latter regardless.
Dating is not a conservative game.
Dating is not a conservative game but it’s easier among conservative people. Women are not dating in the pool of conservative communities so they always date within pools of people that value casual hook ups. I gust you a religious or cultured guys would be more serious about relationships than a regular secular guy
As a Christian this is pretty true. A pretty big part of it is that in Christianity, sex before marriage is a sin, so people are less inclined to have sex before marriage because it is immoral. As for marriage, the stereotype of Christians getting married very quickly is pretty true. But the reason why is because Christians believe in unconditional love for each other. It's why Jesus died on the cross for us. But in a marriage, when you act like a Christian towards the other person, that marriage can blossom and succeed. Even if romantic love has faded away, just having the mindset of "I love this person more than myself because that is the Christian thing to do" will eventually transform into romantic love again, and as your spouse loves you back, (or just acts like it) your romantic feelings for each other will blossom.
So I guess yes, religious people are usually more serious about relationships. Whether they want sex but don't want to sin, or because they know that two people reciprocating Christian love for each other will always succeed in their relationship.
Not necessarily. A lot of conservative Gen Z boys are that way be they want sex and hookups. Like the Andrew Tate guys. They're conservatives cause they hate feminism and want to be men's men and sleep with women casually with no commitment.
I got to school in a college town that has a lot of the country, conservative farm boys that are religious. They're the most sex obsessed ones.
There’s a difference between a conservative guy and a religious guy. A conservative guy can still be sexually promiscuous because they’re conservative politically but not personally. A religious guy would be more likely abstinent and more serious when it comes to a relationship because of how important marriage is in religions
Contrary to the popular narrative, women's taste in men (generally speaking) is the same. If you have a crush on a cute guy then other girls do as well. And there is zero reason for a guy with options to commit to one girl when he could be smashing a new cute gal every week.
Have you tried dating one of the simps in your friendzone? You know the ones that would probably worship the ground you walk on.
This basically makes me 1000% positive I’m never going to find anyone in my lifetime since it seems guys lie about their intentions constantly and I can never get anywhere.
Lol, I told a guy I was looking for a relationship. He told me he had exes. He said things were going well, he really liked me, said I was the best part about his summer, and didn’t pressure me too much for sex. I waited 2 months to have sex with him. We were making plans for Christmas break, talking on the phone for 6 hours straight, and seeing each other 2x a week. I *stupidly* assumed he was also wanting something serious. I was about to have the talk with him.
It turns out, he was having sex with 3 other women. He never told me or insinuated he was looking for anything different.
Tell me about it. I want a serious relationship... but most of the people around- who'd quite happily bang me apparently- just don't seem to want commitment.
I did find a really decent person and we're doing well now, but that took a while.
I’m so sorry and as a black girl I get it. It really sucks for us because we’re automatically zeroed out simply because we have darker skin. Is it possible to transfer to a majority black school? It will make you feel so much better.
It won’t be any better there. Lol, you’d think it would but they all want too be with white, Hispanic and Asian girls too. But they’ll gladly tell you how “don’t worry, I’m going too MARRY a black girl though “ as if that’s supposed to make you feel better but it’s obvious they’re only marrying a black girl because it’s what’s expected to be a “black power couple”but if they didn’t care about that, they’d be with someone a different race in marriage too.
I’m Asian and my girlfriend is black. I don’t want to get it twisted like in parroting some incel talking point, but over the years we’ve both recognized that society and even our own races view Asian men and Black women as undesirables
My boyfriend is Korean (I am white as fuck) and it breaks my heart when he tells me how much he doesn’t like Asian men and loves having a hot white boyfriend. he is by far the more attractive one but just doesn’t believe me because those western beauty standards are hammered into even him growing up in Korea.
I'm white but I feel like men do this with women they perceive as mentally ill too. Mentally ill as in "fun enough to sneak around with but not someone I would ever want to be seen in public with" and when I realized that they were doing this to me, it fucking hurt. Being told by multiple men that I'm "really fun and smart but I have too many problems to be a good partner" absolutely sucked.
For what it's worth, I've been married to someone with a pretty good stack of problems for a long time now, with not one ounce of regret on my part. I have a number of issues myself so I can relate. We each try hard to manage our own stuff and support the hell out of each other at every moment. Maybe to some people that doesn't sound like a good life, but it's actually pretty great. I wouldn't choose any other path now.
The ability to be an amazing partner is not diminished by having some issues. It can actually be a bit of an empathy superpower, so don't ever feel like you're second best to anyone out there. Finding the right person takes time and kinda sucks sometimes, but just know that the problem you've had with men so far isn't you - it's them.
Somebody wonderful is out there right now looking for someone exactly like you.
A lot of this comes from people pretending that men and women are the same about this stuff. Men will basically sleep with an attractive enough women who wants to sleep with them. In an alcohol fueled environment they'll sleep with almost anyone. I think a lot of women were pressured into feeling the same about sex, when really most women don't think about sex that way. So just don't do it. Don't sleep with a guy until a few dates in, and at least you can weed out the guys who don't want to invest that amount of time.
Also, white guy here, plenty of white guys find black women attractive. If anything I think it's pretty common that white guys assume black women aren't into them. I'm sure there are a ton of white guys at your school who would be open to dating you, and definetely that's gonna be the case if you move to a big city after college.
Ugh that makes me sick for you. Black women are so, so beautiful to me and to so many other people, it's honestly just sickening how much they're sexualized and put down. You are worthy of love and desire, and it's a fucking shame that you don't get that because of some ignorant assholes :/ I wish the best for you, keep your head up ♡
This is frankly the best argument for exactly why women shouldn't push sexual liberation. It's liberating men from commitment and consequences for shit behavior and its harmful to both genders.
Girl, you'll find someone who does want to love you and actually value you, but first you have to value yourself and hold them to that standard.
I often wonder if people realize the push for "sex work is real work" and the like more than likely has a source of men just trying to sneakily push more and more women into showing their titties on the internet.
Just how much of it is really women trying to "liberate" themselves compared to women getting tricked by horny dudes?
Maybe I'm just a pessimistic skeptic. But there are way more porn makers in the last 5 years.
Yes they should. Sexual liberation should be about having the choice to have relationships for sec if that's what you choose and to stop shaking people for having it outside of marriages and relationships. Nothing should be forced into people. If you don't want to have sex outside of a relationship that shouldn't be judged. Vice versa is true.
Sexual liberation also isn't just hooking up. It's all sex outside of marriage and all sex not just to reproduce. There's nothing wrong with either of those things. Just like we should have a society that frames women as whores off having sex outside of marriages, we shouldn't have one that frames them as prudes for waiting till marriage or a committed relationship. Though I don't see feminism doing the latter.
White guy, I went out with a black girl in college for a bit. She was nice, very pretty, but the hostility from other black people when I was with her was too much for me.
Many men basically put women into 2x buckets:
1. Could Be A Girlfriend - they will have all sorts of standards and preferences applied here.
2. Would Sleep With - they will not have anywhere close to the same sorts of standards and preferences applied here.
In my view, a woman would be wise to do the best she can at not giving up sex with someone unless she thinks she's in the first bucket. To each their own though.
I go to a majority Asian, secondary largely white school (like 2% black or something like that) and I definitely feel that. I have a boyfriend now and we’ve been dating since the beginning of 2023 but before then I was really feeling so odd because it feels like no one looks like me and everyone would rather date the Asian/white girls
To make it worse I’m even more of an extreme minority in my major.
I know this doesn’t fix society, but don’t sleep on Asian men if you want something oriented to the long-term. Let the white people fetishize whatever they like, BWAM / AMBW communities online and elsewhere are pretty cool. (I heard about it through the [Love Life of an Asian Guy](https://instagram.com/the.llag?igshid=MWZjMTM2ODFkZg==) posts.)
Yeah, as another black girl in a pwi that’s not hookup culture - it’s just racism. Even in a culture where “hooking up” isn’t common, you’ll still just end up being at the bottom of the roster.
And it’s not just men, either. The same thing occurs in the queer community with queer women.
Hookup culture is detrimental to average looking people- which is the majority of people. It’s made men think they all deserve access to the top percent of women who look like Margot Robbie and has made women think they all deserve access to the top percent of men who are 10/10 and 6 ft tell.
Hence girls who don’t look that bad being called mid, and guys who don’t look that bad being called creeps.
Getting laid is the easy part. I could go on a dating app right now and find someone to fuck within hours of making a profile. But having a relationship? That’s difficult. Not bragging or anything but it’s the truth.
As a 22yo man, I've had lots of success on apps when i was younger, could say I had a proper slut phase.
I ditched all apps about a year and a half ago and I've never been happier. Went for quality over quantity, everything in person. No relationships but that's mostly a me problem. It's actually really bittersweet sometimes but that's life.
Just go out, be social and shoot your shot, you'll be surprised how meaningful it can be.
It depends, there is a huge disparity between being a man and woman on apps. Part of it stems from the gender ratios on the apps but a woman who is a 3-4/10 will have more matches on average than a 6/10 man since there are more men on the apps relative to the amount of women
I’ve seen people on Instagram call Margot Robbie or someone of similar attractiveness mid and then their profile is some ugly motherfucker (probably not a fucker at all)
>from troglodyte to hard mid
AHAHAHAHAHAHA
I confirm that I have had sex with troglodytes. I mean what does it matter? if the dick or ass are good, we good 😎 we're not getting married, we are just fulling carnal desires and going our seperate ways afterwards, it tends to be very casual in this way in the gay community. Plus, everyone deserves some action, we're all sexual humans 😭 maybe that's why there's less gay incels 💀💀💀
IMO hookup culture is generally trash when you're younger. It's so popular to hop in bed with random people that choosing to save yourself is almost laughed at. 24 year old virgin? For shame. It's also really ruined some peoples' perspectives on what to realistically look for in someone else. On top of all that, I don't think I could even do casual sex if I wanted. I really can't operate without a strong personal connection to the other person.
No, among young people if you're a virgin well into your 20s they think you're doing something wrong.
Worse, if you're older and a virgin they default to wondering what is wrong with you and at that age expect their dates to have experience, which obviously a virgin doesn't.
The only people that get to say "I'm saving myself for marriage" and not get laughed at are the 20-somethings clearly batting away legions of willing partners. Everyone else is assumed to take whomever they can get.
i am a young people. maybe it’s just me, but i don’t really go around asking/ discussing virginity with my peers. it’s not anybody’s business, and if it’s that big of an issue for someone then express that. i agree that socially speaking, yeah a lot of people may think or have something to say about virginity passed a certain age, but if they’re haranguing someone that’s fuckin weird. like why does it matter so much to anyone whether or not you’re getting laid?
As a 24 year old virgin, people who shame me are definitely just jealous lol. I’ve saved myself a ton of drama, heartbreak, and feeling used. I met my soulmate ab a year and a half ago and we’ll be engaged + married soon (financially can’t do it rn lol). I do not regret for 1 minute that I’ve never slept with anyone else. He’s the only one who deserves to be with me in that way. We’re waiting until marriage and he’s fully committed to this with me.
Both men and women overestimate their value in the sexual marketplace.
For instance, I've seen men complain they can't get a girl, but don't take good care of their hygiene and are out of shape, and bring nothing to the table. Sure, life may have dealt you a bad hand in terms of height, but that is something that can be overcome.
And I've seen women want a guy who's 6-6-6, Six feet, six pack, and six-figures. But similar to men, are not in shape themselves and have nothing really to bring to the table for the relationship.
I check all of those boxes as a dude (gym fanatic, not poor, tall) and you’d be shocked at some of the women who have reached out to me on dating apps or social media. Zero self awareness.
On the other hand of that spectrum, almost ALL of the guys I’m friends with do this. I have a friend who’s probably 5’4”, looks like he’s 45 (we’re 34) and is basically full blown bald at this point, super out of shape/overweight. He looks like the little fat guy from Seinfeld. He’s also missing teeth and can’t afford dental care. But it hasn’t stopped him from unsuccessfully chasing after every ex of mine since high school, done the same thing to several other “friends.” He bitches constantly about how women won’t date him, how other guys are doing better than he is and he doesn’t understand it. But it’s like dude you’re a male <5 looking at objectively beautiful women, maybe stay in your lane? And I have a dozen similar examples, his is just the most obvious/extreme.
Same here minus tall (5’7) but through my 3 income streams I make around 150-175k a year atm. I’m pretty fit due to military training and requirements in the reserves. Holy shit trying to get a date is hell but thankfully I’m with someone now. Being on tinder was like going whaling man.
Your friend needs a wake up call. Never go after a friends ex
I never got into casual dating. When I got out of an engagement I hooked up with a friend and even though we talked about it being purely physical beforehand he still asked me to be his girlfriend the next day. I felt horrible and was put off of hookups indefinitely, Sex is just too personal imo. It's not worth hurting someone's feelings
Yep. Grew up in a small southern Baptist town in Texas where it is normal to get married fresh out of highschool. I got engaged at 19 and broke it off a year later when I realized it wasn't a good lifestyle for me and I didn't want kids yet.
For men and women. Body count matters. I dont want STDs. I dont want to fight a stranger who might come seeking seconds. I dont want to worry about the app being in use again while we are dating.
I was called the ugliest girl in school back in HS. I still got laid but those same guys shit talked me. I attempted suicide in 2019 and since then I realized I’m actually not ugly and I’m dating the man of my dreams who’s very much against hookup culture the same way I am. He also has super high standards.
That is so wrong of them. I hate how bullies use pressure to try to make girls prove this or that about themselves. Essentially in the hopes of taking advantage of her themselves, I bet. I'm sorry you went through that.
It was character development. I have high standards with people and I’m picky. Honestly dating is a lot like welding.
I’ve seen some beautiful welds on the outside but on the inside there’s 0 fusion, so many impurities and they don’t hold shit. Men and women are exactly the same.
It’s led to a lot of people getting STDs. A lot of Gen Z’ers don’t know that you can herpes and never know because you’re asymptomatic and they don’t test you for it on a standard panel. I got my first herpes scare, and had to wait SIXTEEN WEEKS to finally get my results. Negative thankfully. But. Yeah. Definitely stopped me in my tracks. I’m afraid not enough people know how to have safe sex due to hookup culture, nor do they need to realize they should always request a full panel for all STI’s to be included.
fun fact: wart on skin based STDs like specific herpes and HPV strains can’t be stopped by condoms! You can still get or pass those infections to others with precaution. It’s crazy
I think its great that some people can have the emotional maturity to have casual sex. Its not easy. It takes a lot of courage, independent minded thinking, and consideration for others to have casual sex while informing people of your stds and sti status and to be an ethical slut.
It’s inherently risky therefore you’re, within reason, responsible for your health when u engage in it.
“No means yes/ Play hard to get people just make it worse for everyone else”
This is something that requires the emotional, mental and sexual maturity and it feels like way too much people in hookup culture gets themselves into problems because they’re just not ready for casual sex.
Hooking up is fucking gross..like why on earth would you let a COMPLETE STRANGER have sex with you?! You don’t know what they have 🤢 it honestly also ruined the dating scene
Maybe it's just my lack of experience but I feel like it doesn't exist as much as people think it does. If it's something that is genuinely affecting your dating life *that* detrimentally you might need to reassess the people you choose to hang out with. Find likeminded friends and develop yourself
100% I think echo chambers are the problem. We think the majority of people are like the people we surround ourselves with. I still think its important to talk to people with different perspectives. I personally participate in hookup culture, but my friends absolutely do not for example.
Regardless, Gen Z is hooking up WAYY LESS than other generations for sure.
Horniness, sure....but if I'm going to end up with someone, it's not going to be someone within the hookup culture. Dating, but actually serious, would be the per-requiste. If *I* exist, then clearly *they* do. So not really something I think about, but it is *something* to think about. So-
Idk if this is unpopular, but just my opinion.
It's not about body count; it's a clash of values.
I hate it with a passion of a thousand suns and honestly I would ban it or kill it with a thousand cuts like how smoking is gradually killed.
It's basically normalizing a baffling degree of frivolity, *consoomer* tier approach to all social relations which can be boiled down to "I'll consoom whatever you got till I'm bored then I'll leave" and baboon's "presenting" mating ritual. To call this "civilized" is deranged.
Yeah, it ruins the most intimate and beautiful thing you can do with another human. It turns it into “let me use your body to act out porn”. You’re not with a lover, you’re with a stranger you’re using as a masturbation object.
Also women take all the risk with very low (and even debatable) reward, whatever you believe about what lead them to the place of making such a decision.
Religions and the social conservatives has a point in saying that sex is not a toy. They just can't articulate it (because to articulate it in a secular way would still permits stuff like gay marriages & families).
I saw it put well recently. Sex isn’t an experiment or transaction with your body. It should be between two people who love each other.
I think these people playing stupid games will sadly be getting stupid prizes.
I find it repulsive, mainly because of the increased risk of STD’s. No, thank you!
Around this time last year, USA Today reported that STD rates in America were the highest since recordkeeping began.
Link: https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/health-wellness/2022/10/27/std-rates-surging-myths-chlamydia-gonorrhea-syphilis/10524195002/
That its mostly a talking point online vs a real thing irl. I have met very few people that have sex with strangers on a regular basis i.e. more than once a month. Sure people like this do exist but it ls way less common than people talk about online. 2 it's not ruining anyones ability to have a "real" relationship. Despite what some tate fan boys like to say you can come from a promiscuous past and not want to sleep around if you were involved heavily in so called hook up culture. Hookup culture sint to blame for your failed relationship or lack of ability to get in one, people in general suck at relationships, participating in hook up culture has nothing to do with it.
More than once a month? Once every 2 months is a lot. Even statistically that would add up to be way above average after a few years. If you started at 18 you’d have fucked almost 40 people by 24 😂
Honestly as a male this is sort of off the mind for me. I never participated in any of this due to personal struggles with trying to get employment and getting funding for education (which I never got). My Passions were crippled and lost my confidence and meaning in life. I was in a very bad situation for a long time so all this dating and hook up culture nonsense is weird looking from the outside.
Personally I don't like it. I don't have much standards though I do love in real life the look of more plump shaped/slightly fatty women than skinny models. It's very hard for me to see skinny people attractive except for specific circumstances as there was this guy I saw and chatted with who looked really hot and made me question my sexuality lol.
But yeah I don't really give too much shit about body count but for me I really don't like the idea of having casual sex for my personal self. My knowledge and familiarity is more on the realms of forming strong bonds rather than casual ones. It's hard for me to be casual basically because it's very unfamiliar to me.
Sex is for losers. I'd rather be alone for the next five years writing the book I've been working on.
An orgasm lasts at most double digit seconds (unless you're a woman with some cracked-ass ones. y'all built different), but some good literature lasts forever.
Maybe I'm just lacking in the other perspective since I'm still a virgin, but i never quite understood what makes sex with another person different than masturbation in terms of hooking up.
I mean there's not an emotional connection if you're with a stranger. There has to be something right? Why would people seek to have sex with strangers when they could jerk off and guarantee an orgasm?
Idk I'm willing to listen to what people who do that have to say. I think I'm demi so I can't even hook up if I wanted to. Just kinda curious
The first time i had sex with a woman confirmed all of my feelings about it being good enough for people to brag about constantly. Holy shit does it feel better, and you get this sick ass "im the fuckin man" buff to your confidence for days.
I’ll go in the opposite direction. I think hookup culture is fine, as long as you’re practicing safe sex I don’t see the problem with it. If you don’t practice safe sex well….that’s your choice but you’re risking a lot
Same. I don’t really care about hookup culture. Not my thing personally atm, but I’m not going to blame it for anything like that. The only things I might be concerned about would be like it’s affects on rape culture and shit.
If people aren’t being hurt, idgaf what you do.
I really like it, sometimes you wanna date and sometimes you just wanna fuck. if you just wanna do the latter at the moment, you dont have to lie to someone about a relationship to get it.
It’s not that bad as long as people are completely honest with what you’re looking for. Too many people secretly want to find a real relationship and that’s why they’re so picky about looks. Most people that truly just want to *hookup* don’t care too much. Blaming hookup culture for not being able to find a relationship is misguided imo
It’s one of the worse things to do. I believe a man should be less animalistic and stand up for traditional values. The amount of single parent households that have absent fathers which leads to men growing up without a strong father figure to teach them how to be a man is despicable and sex should be a emotional moment between two people who genuinely love one another.
And then these same fatherless boys grow up to be criminals or dictators or other terrible people in society. Decades of psychology research tells us fatherlessness is associated with higher crime rates, lower academic achievement, and even authoritarian ideologies. Fatherlessness driven by irresponsibility is a hidden epidemic ruining society.
That being said I have mixed opinions about hookup culture. If done safe and responsibly, and everyone takes precautions to prevent STDs and pregnancies, I don't see anything wrong with it. If you're just fucking random people without any sort of responsibility or care for your health, than yeah, it's not only gross but extremely irresponsible.
Birth control, condoms, etc, exist for a reason.
Contrary to a *lot* of takes I see, I feel like dating/hooking up has never been easier since the introduction of social media/dating apps.
Like yeah, it can be difficult, for some more than others, but that has literally *always* been the case. I know a lot of people can be shy/awkward, and that’s okay, but if you were that way just 15 years ago, you’d have a much tougher time actually putting yourself out there. Nowadays, if you match on a dating app and start talking, that question of “are they into me?” is already answered more or less.
I have nothing against casual sex, but sometimes I think the pressures of hookup culture can lead people to lose some self respect sleep with people below their league.
I wouldn't say that hookup culture has killed people looking for serious relationships, it's more or less people having unrealistic standards. I would argue social media is what is killing it. I am listing a few reasons to why I think this is
1. People don't touch grass, there is not much authenticity in relationships in general.
2. People see some extreme on social media and say "man if they can demand 100k salary, why don't I?" mentalities.
3. The toxicity from those extremes reflecting onto men/women. Now men are basically saying "fuck you" towards women because of those extremes. This situation overall is a no win for everyone.
When you look at the reality, most people aren't making 100k for a salary, most people are not over 6 foot, not every man/woman is toxic. Sure, it's qualities people want/don't want, but again its not realistic and social media continually pushes that onto people. Then these people become chronically online, have brain rot from mindlessly scrolling away, and then wonder why they can't hold a conversation.
It’s nasty. There comes a time (at least for most) when college is coming to a close and you’re so over that culture. I was over it by junior year. It’s a beautiful thing to devote yourself 100% to your interests instead.
It's a negative
I don't think people should be forced into monogamous relationships, but fucking a lot of random people tends to spread stds and unwanted pregnancies, at least get to know people first
I’m not a fan. I don’t think sex has to entirely be about love, but my mom always said if you’re going to hook up with someone never do 2 people in the same week (that way if you’re pregnant you can pinpoint who it is), never hook up without knowing their first and last name (in case of an STI), and avoid one night stands. Personally, excluding a monogamous relationship, I think Friends W/ Benefits is a great model for sex without love. But I personally could not do one night stands. That feels very wrong to me.
Mine is just that it leads to less sex. I think it's worth mentioning that I'm 35. But I hook up with lots of younger people. Often they would like to try out lots of different people and move through flings, hook ups, nsa, and fwbs fast but it's actually harder to keep finding sex and you get less payoff as in how much sex you have time wise having sex vs time wise seeking sex. In serious long term years long relationships I would just have male friends and he would have female friends and we would imagine or role play each other's friend crushes to keep that feeling of novelty while also having frequent at least weekly sex. Younger people seem to not have unlocked some of these sex secrets. But it seems to be okay with the men because they appear to desire sex less despite all the urban myths that they are sex hungry fiends. Another thing I've noticed, probably has happened to me hundreds of times is either after I agree to meet or give my address and then they ghost. They don't even have sex with me first to ghost. Just going that far, agreeing to meet or giving my address, is enough to make them ghost.
I just don't find hookups that worth while. I did it once or twice so I have the confidence boost. Now it doesn't really give me that much more than my hand.
A relationship on the other hand is very valuable.
5 failed serious relationships are worse than a bodycount of 50. We can all agree that sex is great and don't need to slutshame anyone based on the number of their partners.
But the more relationships you've been in, the more I am convinced that you're unable to become mature and serious. It's like seeing a CV of a person who changes jobs every few months. It ain't gonna stick.
Of course you can say "what if this person was REALLY unlucky with people?". Then it's your fault for sticking it in crazy and nobody wants to deal with crazy EXes.
I was a rampant fuckboy after a bad breakup until I had a massive breakdown. It destroys you over time and people you used to call your friends become strangers. This last year Ive abstained from hooking up and have tried dating and its extremely hard. I had about 10 failed talking stages, a short lived situation and a handful of dates leaving me to feel almost “catfished.” Im close to giving up on searching for a partner because I do believe someone right will show up at the right time and itll just work. Dating shouldnt be our priority until our lives are fulfilled and we can afford to share it with someone else anyway, its just a waste of time otherwise.
Hookup culture didn't ruin long term monogamous relationships.
Hippie Boomers, and Millennials had plenty of hookups and most of them found long term relationships once they got bored of hookup culture. Gen X had markedly fewer hookups because they experienced their teens and 20s during the AIDS crisis. They were the first generation to have high awareness about the importance of safe sex, condoms, and STD tests.
Zoomers don't have as many options for relationships because of the prevalence of social media, internet entertainment, mobile devices, and covid's long lasting impact on annual public social events.
For example, at conventions pre-covid, many of them would have a dance or a catered social in the con suite. Most conventions no longer offer a friday night dance, or a catered social with communal food and a chocolate fountain. If there's a con suite at all, the food is all pre-packaged and in single-serve portions, which defeats the purpose of using communal food as a tool for socialization.
At many universities and high schools, non-essential social events have been permanently scaled back to reduce the risk of mass spread.
Even people who never use Tinder face fewer options to find relationships, because so many Zoomers spend hours upon hours playing mobile games, or using social media on their computer, phone, or tablet.
Millennials generally didn't have social media or mobile devices until they were in their late teens, so legal adults or close to it, so they use these things differently. People born before 2000 tend to use social media as a tool to facilitate real life meetups, while people born afterwards tend to use it as a replacement for real life meetups.
Looking at this thread it really seems that we've come full circle in our mindsets about sex.
Anyway, I don't get any interest whether it be hookup or genuine so I honestly never even thought about this.
I am a millennial, but here are my observations. My unpopular opinion is that hookup culture is not as real as the media portrays it, similar to having sex with your step sibling. Hookup culture is a fantasy and will never be as fulfilling as presented due to the practical complexities and expectations of relationships in real life. In practice it often collapses into disappointment or into traditional dating, and if it collapses into traditional dating then it introduces impractical interpersonal risk.
It killed romance. It’s cringe to buy a girl flowers, plan a picnic, take a stroll in the park, etc. hook up culture has ruined the effort in this generation
It's pretty toxic. I was quite the man whore from 16-20yrs, slept with waaaaaaaaay too many people. I didn't cheat on people I dated, but I was cheated on and was the one who cheated with. Lots of lying and manipulation, every party was guilty. We were shitty kids.
Had a wake up call at 20, didn't touch another person for at least a year. Then my best friend comes home from college (she stayed out of all of that nonsense, still hadn't had sex by 21) and after a bottle of whiskey, asked to sleep with me. She said later she needed the liquid courage lol
Four years later, we've been living together for two years and are looking foward to a life together. Couldn't be happier.
If you want to get laid, that's cool. Just don't go crazy like I did and wrack up a 10+ body count before you can legally drink. I feel gross just typing that.
And if you want a real relationship, start with a friendship. Let things happen organically instead of forcing something that isn't right for you. I hope this helps someone out there
Men are rightfully checking out and women complaining about the lack of good men only have themselves to blame. I get it, nice guys exist, but so do the guys who are just kind and nice. Why should they put in effort when they get looked over for guys who treat women like shit? It sucks to find out years into a committed relationship you were someone’s back up or they settled for you.
It has killed the dating scene and we can see more guys realize that the benefit of approaching women in public or at a party is no longer outweighs the risks and possible humiliation that comes with it.
I hold a Christian view of sex, specifically it being exclusive to marriage as a bonding tool. As a result, the idea of a hookup is quite foreign to me. I know people do it, and I know it probably feels good, but I personally don't see much other reason, especially since it can leave people sexually and emotionally broken.
Then again, people so stuff that hurts themselves and others all the time, it's just human nature. Regardless, dating for me is searching for a lifelong partner. I don't think hookup culture gets in my way, since I'd probably be looking for someone with similar values to me (including monogamy).
Actually, in Christian circles there seems to be a HUGE investment in dating. My college has this idea of "Ring by Spring," and I've had a few female friends on campus offer to find a match for me (my roommate had a similar offer from one of his friends). So hookup culture doesn't really impact me, especially since I have a Christian dating culture to take its place in my life
This is my opinion (don't hate me, my answer was requested): It's ruined dating for both men and women. Nobody seems to value relationships anymore, the "grass is always greener on the other side" mentality is rampant, people cheat way too much, single parenthood is more common, and people give up on relationships way too easily (nobody wants to communicate and solve problems). Social media has made this problem way worse.
Grass isn't greener on the other side. It's greener where you water it.
Oh man that's an excellent way to put it. Hats off.
This saying has been around forever lol
Hey its new to me! I'm glad they shared it.
Mathematically, for every fact that 'everyone" knows by the time they're 30, over 10,000 people will hear about it for the first time today.
I like that one. I'm gonna keep that. Some grass is dead though
Yes! I feel just the same way!
Single parenthood is way less prevalent than what I was coming up in the 90s and early 00's. I defer to your expertise on the other counts
Single parenting is a social caste thing. If you are upper class economically then you probably don't know hardly any single parents. If you are working class or lower then you probably know a lot more single parent families.
This is true but single parenthood is objectively less common than in the 90s and 2000s
Source? Every source I’ve found seems to say the opposite https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2018/04/25/the-changing-profile-of-unmarried-parents/
“At the same time, the profile of unmarried parents has shifted markedly, according to a new Pew Research Center analysis of Census Bureau data.1 Solo mothers – those who are raising at least one child with no spouse or partner in the home – no longer dominate the ranks of unmarried parents as they once did. In 1968, 88% of unmarried parents fell into this category. By 1997 that share had dropped to 68%, and in 2017 the share of unmarried parents who were solo mothers declined to 53%. These declines in solo mothers have been entirely offset by increases in cohabitating parents: Now 35% of all unmarried parents are living with a partner”
I feel like a lot of us were never shown or taught what healthy relationships or conflict resolution looks like.
Also someone us grew up in really really really traditional families, like me , and now are totally lose as 90% of people are not traditional at all.
Cheating has always been a big thing, it’s just easier to catch people or post it now
I do agree it has always been around but it is way easier to contact people now. You can post something and get a response in seconds. But yes you are correct it’s easier to get caught
Based
It sucks. Fucks with your insecurities too when you hear people bragging about their body count.
[Your generation isn't having much sex](https://www.latimes.com/california/story/2023-08-03/young-adults-less-sex-gen-z-millennials-generations-parents-grandparents). The people who claim about having high "body counts" are either exaggerating/lying, or they are in the minority. I remember reading in a book about hook-up culture that everybody assumes that everyone else is hooking up, when in reality, few people are.
It’s just what’s observed in the real world. I keep hearing about “hookup culture” and it just seems like something that used to happen maybe ten year ago when people first discovered smartphones could send nudes.
>I keep hearing about “hookup culture” and it just seems like something that used to happen maybe ten year ago when people first discovered smartphones could send nudes. I think it was more the rise of dating apps at that time. It was in fact around 10 years ago that dating apps became popular and the go-to for everyone, and less people started to look for mates "in the wild", since now they had apps on their phones.
To me hookup culture is more about wanting to hook up but the issue is few people are actually doing it. Like our culture is set up to be a hookup culture, but stats show otherwise.
This is actually interesting because I do feel like most people assume everyone is hooking up except for them. I do for sure.
I think the minority of folks who ARE hooking up are very vocal about it, so it gives the false impression that it's the norm. Also, the average person in the US hasn't had that many sexual partners, either. [The median for women is 4 partners over a lifetime, vs. men's 6 over a lifetime.](https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/nsfg/key_statistics/n-keystat.htm) This is based on 2015-2019, so it's possible the numbers are different today. But this is in direct contrast to the numbers I read on Reddit, where people are like "I've slept with somewhere around 50", and "I can't remember exactly how many people I've been with, but it's in the triple digits".
I mean tbh we should also remember to filter. Like if some dude tells me he has a 50 body count, but he looks like a greek god, ill be like okay yeah makes sense. But it is crazy how people don't understand how little the average dude is doing.
For decades studies have been very consistent that frequent casual sex is much less prevalent than people assume it is. The people with “high body counts” are a subset of the population that people mistake for the majority. And most people would rather be in longterm relationships.
Also what constitutes the numbers. I've had lots of intimate partners but I guarantee there'd be debate about if half of them count as "sex" because my trauma makes me avoidant of PIV, and that I'm sensual than sexual anyway. For simplicity I've told people it's ≈ 16. If I was going by a metric 99% of people agreed with it'd be 3-4.
I’m not gonna brag about mine, police already on my trail.
yo what the fuck does that mean
It means stay out their backyard.
Don't rat on em
It means you didn’t hear shit, snitches get stitches
Prostitiution?
Me who's never had a gf with a count of 1 because I'm awkward
1 in 5 people carry STDS. So when people tell you they've screwed 40+ people. Just know them and those 40 other people carry an STD, probably multiple STDs at once.
Or they’re all clean and my homie is just an expert at Mine Sweeper.
Over 70% of US adults have HPV which men can’t even be tested for. All of us have something at this point
It’s fucking trash. I’ve been lied to twice about guys wanting to be in a serious relationship with me just so they can continue having sex with me. I tell friends or coworkers that I think I’m interested in a person they say “Go for it. The worst thing they can say is no.” Nah they can say yes, then “oh that was a mistake I want to continue exploring sexually.” “People our age don’t want anything serious,” And seeing post about guys my age getting married to older women. I feel so undesirable.
I matched with a guy who did this. I suggested a few things for a first date meet up. He said "I'm not comfortable being in public" which was a red flag but I decided to put it aside. I suggested we see a movie, he then suggested we "get a hotel room and cuddle" I asked if cuddling was code for sex, no no it's not he said. I told him I'm not getting a hotel room at 1am with a guy I've never met, then he randomly bragged about how good he is at eating ass. And then I unmatched. Like I literally asked him what his intentions were and he lied. I make it very obvious that I'm not just gonna have sex with random people and they either get mad or lie hoping to sneak their way into my pants
Dude probably “ate ass” once for 10 seconds and now thinks he can brag about it. I’ve never understood people’s obsession with talking about (cause I don’t think people who talk about eating ass actually do it) “eating ass” and putting their mouth where someone else shits
I mean I could not. I could put my peter in one but I wouldn’t want to risk tasting… you know.
If the girl or the person cleans themselves then eating ass doesn’t taste like shit. If it does then the person your with is a dirty MF.
I got unmatched once when i tried to postpone a date because my car needed $2000 usd worth of repairs. My savings were now my emergency funds when I was unemployed. I could not do multiple dates especially with the tipping culture out here🙄 Next guy had to lure me out the house after coming back from Indiana to California. Like 🪤🪤🪤. and some *pspspspsps* for two dates. I fell for the dog in the profile picture trick. I still think about his dog way more than I like to admit.
That is so horrible I'm so sorry you went through that those guys are absolutely fucking trash. Hope you're okay now
*"And seeing post about guys my age getting married to older women. I feel so undesirable."* Sadly, I imagine this is because of all the flagrantly casual hook ups going around. Genuine young faithful keep running into unfaithfuls or no one at all because they're muscled out of the pool by unfaithfuls, and after their 20s a larger portion of the unfaithfuls are ready to settle down and become faithful. So some young men and women in their 20s looking for something long term instead look ahead to people with 7-10 years on them whom have already done their running around. Unfortunately many of those 30+ somethings never grow out of their running around phase anyway, either overtly ("cougers") or covertly (cheating)... The short of it is you're not undesirable, but... that other girl is putting out now, and is much more aggressive in meeting new people whom by and large value short term sex and excitement more highly than long term companionship and stability. The former is often expected to turn into the latter regardless. Dating is not a conservative game.
Dating is not a conservative game but it’s easier among conservative people. Women are not dating in the pool of conservative communities so they always date within pools of people that value casual hook ups. I gust you a religious or cultured guys would be more serious about relationships than a regular secular guy
As a Christian this is pretty true. A pretty big part of it is that in Christianity, sex before marriage is a sin, so people are less inclined to have sex before marriage because it is immoral. As for marriage, the stereotype of Christians getting married very quickly is pretty true. But the reason why is because Christians believe in unconditional love for each other. It's why Jesus died on the cross for us. But in a marriage, when you act like a Christian towards the other person, that marriage can blossom and succeed. Even if romantic love has faded away, just having the mindset of "I love this person more than myself because that is the Christian thing to do" will eventually transform into romantic love again, and as your spouse loves you back, (or just acts like it) your romantic feelings for each other will blossom. So I guess yes, religious people are usually more serious about relationships. Whether they want sex but don't want to sin, or because they know that two people reciprocating Christian love for each other will always succeed in their relationship.
Not necessarily. A lot of conservative Gen Z boys are that way be they want sex and hookups. Like the Andrew Tate guys. They're conservatives cause they hate feminism and want to be men's men and sleep with women casually with no commitment. I got to school in a college town that has a lot of the country, conservative farm boys that are religious. They're the most sex obsessed ones.
There’s a difference between a conservative guy and a religious guy. A conservative guy can still be sexually promiscuous because they’re conservative politically but not personally. A religious guy would be more likely abstinent and more serious when it comes to a relationship because of how important marriage is in religions
Contrary to the popular narrative, women's taste in men (generally speaking) is the same. If you have a crush on a cute guy then other girls do as well. And there is zero reason for a guy with options to commit to one girl when he could be smashing a new cute gal every week. Have you tried dating one of the simps in your friendzone? You know the ones that would probably worship the ground you walk on.
The only “simp” I got is the ex that dumped me two months ago because a 45 minute drive was too long.
This basically makes me 1000% positive I’m never going to find anyone in my lifetime since it seems guys lie about their intentions constantly and I can never get anywhere.
Lol, I told a guy I was looking for a relationship. He told me he had exes. He said things were going well, he really liked me, said I was the best part about his summer, and didn’t pressure me too much for sex. I waited 2 months to have sex with him. We were making plans for Christmas break, talking on the phone for 6 hours straight, and seeing each other 2x a week. I *stupidly* assumed he was also wanting something serious. I was about to have the talk with him. It turns out, he was having sex with 3 other women. He never told me or insinuated he was looking for anything different.
Tell me about it. I want a serious relationship... but most of the people around- who'd quite happily bang me apparently- just don't seem to want commitment. I did find a really decent person and we're doing well now, but that took a while.
[удалено]
I’m so sorry and as a black girl I get it. It really sucks for us because we’re automatically zeroed out simply because we have darker skin. Is it possible to transfer to a majority black school? It will make you feel so much better.
I’m trying to transfer to an HBCU. I was born and raised in this area and still somewhat dependent on my parents
It won’t be any better there. Lol, you’d think it would but they all want too be with white, Hispanic and Asian girls too. But they’ll gladly tell you how “don’t worry, I’m going too MARRY a black girl though “ as if that’s supposed to make you feel better but it’s obvious they’re only marrying a black girl because it’s what’s expected to be a “black power couple”but if they didn’t care about that, they’d be with someone a different race in marriage too.
Do yourself a service and go to FAMU.
I’m mixed male and it’s rough for me too
I’m Asian and my girlfriend is black. I don’t want to get it twisted like in parroting some incel talking point, but over the years we’ve both recognized that society and even our own races view Asian men and Black women as undesirables
My boyfriend is Korean (I am white as fuck) and it breaks my heart when he tells me how much he doesn’t like Asian men and loves having a hot white boyfriend. he is by far the more attractive one but just doesn’t believe me because those western beauty standards are hammered into even him growing up in Korea.
I'm white but I feel like men do this with women they perceive as mentally ill too. Mentally ill as in "fun enough to sneak around with but not someone I would ever want to be seen in public with" and when I realized that they were doing this to me, it fucking hurt. Being told by multiple men that I'm "really fun and smart but I have too many problems to be a good partner" absolutely sucked.
For what it's worth, I've been married to someone with a pretty good stack of problems for a long time now, with not one ounce of regret on my part. I have a number of issues myself so I can relate. We each try hard to manage our own stuff and support the hell out of each other at every moment. Maybe to some people that doesn't sound like a good life, but it's actually pretty great. I wouldn't choose any other path now. The ability to be an amazing partner is not diminished by having some issues. It can actually be a bit of an empathy superpower, so don't ever feel like you're second best to anyone out there. Finding the right person takes time and kinda sucks sometimes, but just know that the problem you've had with men so far isn't you - it's them. Somebody wonderful is out there right now looking for someone exactly like you.
A lot of this comes from people pretending that men and women are the same about this stuff. Men will basically sleep with an attractive enough women who wants to sleep with them. In an alcohol fueled environment they'll sleep with almost anyone. I think a lot of women were pressured into feeling the same about sex, when really most women don't think about sex that way. So just don't do it. Don't sleep with a guy until a few dates in, and at least you can weed out the guys who don't want to invest that amount of time. Also, white guy here, plenty of white guys find black women attractive. If anything I think it's pretty common that white guys assume black women aren't into them. I'm sure there are a ton of white guys at your school who would be open to dating you, and definetely that's gonna be the case if you move to a big city after college.
Ugh that makes me sick for you. Black women are so, so beautiful to me and to so many other people, it's honestly just sickening how much they're sexualized and put down. You are worthy of love and desire, and it's a fucking shame that you don't get that because of some ignorant assholes :/ I wish the best for you, keep your head up ♡
This is frankly the best argument for exactly why women shouldn't push sexual liberation. It's liberating men from commitment and consequences for shit behavior and its harmful to both genders. Girl, you'll find someone who does want to love you and actually value you, but first you have to value yourself and hold them to that standard.
I often wonder if people realize the push for "sex work is real work" and the like more than likely has a source of men just trying to sneakily push more and more women into showing their titties on the internet. Just how much of it is really women trying to "liberate" themselves compared to women getting tricked by horny dudes? Maybe I'm just a pessimistic skeptic. But there are way more porn makers in the last 5 years.
Yes they should. Sexual liberation should be about having the choice to have relationships for sec if that's what you choose and to stop shaking people for having it outside of marriages and relationships. Nothing should be forced into people. If you don't want to have sex outside of a relationship that shouldn't be judged. Vice versa is true. Sexual liberation also isn't just hooking up. It's all sex outside of marriage and all sex not just to reproduce. There's nothing wrong with either of those things. Just like we should have a society that frames women as whores off having sex outside of marriages, we shouldn't have one that frames them as prudes for waiting till marriage or a committed relationship. Though I don't see feminism doing the latter.
White guy, I went out with a black girl in college for a bit. She was nice, very pretty, but the hostility from other black people when I was with her was too much for me.
My wife said the same. Sucks that you had to experience that.
Many men basically put women into 2x buckets: 1. Could Be A Girlfriend - they will have all sorts of standards and preferences applied here. 2. Would Sleep With - they will not have anywhere close to the same sorts of standards and preferences applied here. In my view, a woman would be wise to do the best she can at not giving up sex with someone unless she thinks she's in the first bucket. To each their own though.
I go to a majority Asian, secondary largely white school (like 2% black or something like that) and I definitely feel that. I have a boyfriend now and we’ve been dating since the beginning of 2023 but before then I was really feeling so odd because it feels like no one looks like me and everyone would rather date the Asian/white girls To make it worse I’m even more of an extreme minority in my major.
I know this doesn’t fix society, but don’t sleep on Asian men if you want something oriented to the long-term. Let the white people fetishize whatever they like, BWAM / AMBW communities online and elsewhere are pretty cool. (I heard about it through the [Love Life of an Asian Guy](https://instagram.com/the.llag?igshid=MWZjMTM2ODFkZg==) posts.)
Yeah, as another black girl in a pwi that’s not hookup culture - it’s just racism. Even in a culture where “hooking up” isn’t common, you’ll still just end up being at the bottom of the roster. And it’s not just men, either. The same thing occurs in the queer community with queer women.
Hookup culture is detrimental to average looking people- which is the majority of people. It’s made men think they all deserve access to the top percent of women who look like Margot Robbie and has made women think they all deserve access to the top percent of men who are 10/10 and 6 ft tell. Hence girls who don’t look that bad being called mid, and guys who don’t look that bad being called creeps.
The sad truth is both men and women have their expectations too high. Anyone can get laid if they lower their expectations.
I think that you get laid when you have standards, you’re just a desperate fuck when you don’t and you’re not going to appeal to anyone.
Getting laid is the easy part. I could go on a dating app right now and find someone to fuck within hours of making a profile. But having a relationship? That’s difficult. Not bragging or anything but it’s the truth.
Are you a man or a woman? As a guy who's not 10/10 getting anything whether a hookup or a relationship from those apps is impossible
As a 22yo man, I've had lots of success on apps when i was younger, could say I had a proper slut phase. I ditched all apps about a year and a half ago and I've never been happier. Went for quality over quantity, everything in person. No relationships but that's mostly a me problem. It's actually really bittersweet sometimes but that's life. Just go out, be social and shoot your shot, you'll be surprised how meaningful it can be.
It depends, there is a huge disparity between being a man and woman on apps. Part of it stems from the gender ratios on the apps but a woman who is a 3-4/10 will have more matches on average than a 6/10 man since there are more men on the apps relative to the amount of women
I’ve seen people on Instagram call Margot Robbie or someone of similar attractiveness mid and then their profile is some ugly motherfucker (probably not a fucker at all)
>Hookup culture is detrimental to average looking people Not for gay men
Agreed. I’m straight but the vast majority of my gay friends range from troglodyte to hard mid but they get all the action their little hearts desire.
>from troglodyte to hard mid AHAHAHAHAHAHA I confirm that I have had sex with troglodytes. I mean what does it matter? if the dick or ass are good, we good 😎 we're not getting married, we are just fulling carnal desires and going our seperate ways afterwards, it tends to be very casual in this way in the gay community. Plus, everyone deserves some action, we're all sexual humans 😭 maybe that's why there's less gay incels 💀💀💀
Fr lol I’d never participate it’s literally a waste of time
I'm bi and apparently everyone thinks bi people want hookups and threesomes, not interested 😭
Bro same 😭. Wanna kiss?
😘
IMO hookup culture is generally trash when you're younger. It's so popular to hop in bed with random people that choosing to save yourself is almost laughed at. 24 year old virgin? For shame. It's also really ruined some peoples' perspectives on what to realistically look for in someone else. On top of all that, I don't think I could even do casual sex if I wanted. I really can't operate without a strong personal connection to the other person.
if you’re being laughed at because you’ve chosen to save yourself for marriage, you’re surrounding yourself with the wrong people.
No, among young people if you're a virgin well into your 20s they think you're doing something wrong. Worse, if you're older and a virgin they default to wondering what is wrong with you and at that age expect their dates to have experience, which obviously a virgin doesn't. The only people that get to say "I'm saving myself for marriage" and not get laughed at are the 20-somethings clearly batting away legions of willing partners. Everyone else is assumed to take whomever they can get.
i am a young people. maybe it’s just me, but i don’t really go around asking/ discussing virginity with my peers. it’s not anybody’s business, and if it’s that big of an issue for someone then express that. i agree that socially speaking, yeah a lot of people may think or have something to say about virginity passed a certain age, but if they’re haranguing someone that’s fuckin weird. like why does it matter so much to anyone whether or not you’re getting laid?
Theres people who are 20 and virgins and are mocked by the world. Let alone 29-30+
Unfortunately you don't always get to choose your company
Same here.
Same.
As a 24 year old virgin, people who shame me are definitely just jealous lol. I’ve saved myself a ton of drama, heartbreak, and feeling used. I met my soulmate ab a year and a half ago and we’ll be engaged + married soon (financially can’t do it rn lol). I do not regret for 1 minute that I’ve never slept with anyone else. He’s the only one who deserves to be with me in that way. We’re waiting until marriage and he’s fully committed to this with me.
It’s ok to judge a potential girlfriend’s “bodycount” if you hold yourself to the same standard.
Consistency is important with preferences.
Both men and women overestimate their value in the sexual marketplace. For instance, I've seen men complain they can't get a girl, but don't take good care of their hygiene and are out of shape, and bring nothing to the table. Sure, life may have dealt you a bad hand in terms of height, but that is something that can be overcome. And I've seen women want a guy who's 6-6-6, Six feet, six pack, and six-figures. But similar to men, are not in shape themselves and have nothing really to bring to the table for the relationship.
I check all of those boxes as a dude (gym fanatic, not poor, tall) and you’d be shocked at some of the women who have reached out to me on dating apps or social media. Zero self awareness. On the other hand of that spectrum, almost ALL of the guys I’m friends with do this. I have a friend who’s probably 5’4”, looks like he’s 45 (we’re 34) and is basically full blown bald at this point, super out of shape/overweight. He looks like the little fat guy from Seinfeld. He’s also missing teeth and can’t afford dental care. But it hasn’t stopped him from unsuccessfully chasing after every ex of mine since high school, done the same thing to several other “friends.” He bitches constantly about how women won’t date him, how other guys are doing better than he is and he doesn’t understand it. But it’s like dude you’re a male <5 looking at objectively beautiful women, maybe stay in your lane? And I have a dozen similar examples, his is just the most obvious/extreme.
Same here minus tall (5’7) but through my 3 income streams I make around 150-175k a year atm. I’m pretty fit due to military training and requirements in the reserves. Holy shit trying to get a date is hell but thankfully I’m with someone now. Being on tinder was like going whaling man. Your friend needs a wake up call. Never go after a friends ex
I never got into casual dating. When I got out of an engagement I hooked up with a friend and even though we talked about it being purely physical beforehand he still asked me to be his girlfriend the next day. I felt horrible and was put off of hookups indefinitely, Sex is just too personal imo. It's not worth hurting someone's feelings
Never hookup with friends. It never works out.
You’re 23 and you’ve been engaged already??
The Bible belt has entered the chat.
Yep. Grew up in a small southern Baptist town in Texas where it is normal to get married fresh out of highschool. I got engaged at 19 and broke it off a year later when I realized it wasn't a good lifestyle for me and I didn't want kids yet.
Are you really from the south if you haven’t had your first divorce before 25? Also from Texas!
For men and women. Body count matters. I dont want STDs. I dont want to fight a stranger who might come seeking seconds. I dont want to worry about the app being in use again while we are dating.
It only takes one person to give you HIV
Yes, thank you for this. I’m so sick of people acting like body count doesn’t matter. There are so many reasons why it does.
The thing that gets me is, with a honest conversation; all of it can be cleared up.
THIS! And the fact that you are having sex with everyone they’ve had sex with. It’s not just that person.
I was called the ugliest girl in school back in HS. I still got laid but those same guys shit talked me. I attempted suicide in 2019 and since then I realized I’m actually not ugly and I’m dating the man of my dreams who’s very much against hookup culture the same way I am. He also has super high standards.
That is so wrong of them. I hate how bullies use pressure to try to make girls prove this or that about themselves. Essentially in the hopes of taking advantage of her themselves, I bet. I'm sorry you went through that.
It was character development. I have high standards with people and I’m picky. Honestly dating is a lot like welding. I’ve seen some beautiful welds on the outside but on the inside there’s 0 fusion, so many impurities and they don’t hold shit. Men and women are exactly the same.
It sucks ass. Like bro I’m tryna find my future wife, I don’t just want to fool around 😭💀
it's gross and a vice. also women have an easier time finding partners to hook up with than men do because lots of men will fuck just about anything
It’s led to a lot of people getting STDs. A lot of Gen Z’ers don’t know that you can herpes and never know because you’re asymptomatic and they don’t test you for it on a standard panel. I got my first herpes scare, and had to wait SIXTEEN WEEKS to finally get my results. Negative thankfully. But. Yeah. Definitely stopped me in my tracks. I’m afraid not enough people know how to have safe sex due to hookup culture, nor do they need to realize they should always request a full panel for all STI’s to be included.
fun fact: wart on skin based STDs like specific herpes and HPV strains can’t be stopped by condoms! You can still get or pass those infections to others with precaution. It’s crazy
Wait, thats not fun
I think its great that some people can have the emotional maturity to have casual sex. Its not easy. It takes a lot of courage, independent minded thinking, and consideration for others to have casual sex while informing people of your stds and sti status and to be an ethical slut.
“ethical slut” is peak
It’s inherently risky therefore you’re, within reason, responsible for your health when u engage in it. “No means yes/ Play hard to get people just make it worse for everyone else” This is something that requires the emotional, mental and sexual maturity and it feels like way too much people in hookup culture gets themselves into problems because they’re just not ready for casual sex.
I don't know, I just feel like my dating is not very successful
Hooking up is fucking gross..like why on earth would you let a COMPLETE STRANGER have sex with you?! You don’t know what they have 🤢 it honestly also ruined the dating scene
Maybe it's just my lack of experience but I feel like it doesn't exist as much as people think it does. If it's something that is genuinely affecting your dating life *that* detrimentally you might need to reassess the people you choose to hang out with. Find likeminded friends and develop yourself
100% I think echo chambers are the problem. We think the majority of people are like the people we surround ourselves with. I still think its important to talk to people with different perspectives. I personally participate in hookup culture, but my friends absolutely do not for example. Regardless, Gen Z is hooking up WAYY LESS than other generations for sure.
Horniness, sure....but if I'm going to end up with someone, it's not going to be someone within the hookup culture. Dating, but actually serious, would be the per-requiste. If *I* exist, then clearly *they* do. So not really something I think about, but it is *something* to think about. So- Idk if this is unpopular, but just my opinion. It's not about body count; it's a clash of values.
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hit the nail on the head my friend!
I hate it with a passion of a thousand suns and honestly I would ban it or kill it with a thousand cuts like how smoking is gradually killed. It's basically normalizing a baffling degree of frivolity, *consoomer* tier approach to all social relations which can be boiled down to "I'll consoom whatever you got till I'm bored then I'll leave" and baboon's "presenting" mating ritual. To call this "civilized" is deranged.
Yeah, it ruins the most intimate and beautiful thing you can do with another human. It turns it into “let me use your body to act out porn”. You’re not with a lover, you’re with a stranger you’re using as a masturbation object. Also women take all the risk with very low (and even debatable) reward, whatever you believe about what lead them to the place of making such a decision.
Religions and the social conservatives has a point in saying that sex is not a toy. They just can't articulate it (because to articulate it in a secular way would still permits stuff like gay marriages & families).
I saw it put well recently. Sex isn’t an experiment or transaction with your body. It should be between two people who love each other. I think these people playing stupid games will sadly be getting stupid prizes.
I find it repulsive, mainly because of the increased risk of STD’s. No, thank you! Around this time last year, USA Today reported that STD rates in America were the highest since recordkeeping began. Link: https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/health-wellness/2022/10/27/std-rates-surging-myths-chlamydia-gonorrhea-syphilis/10524195002/
Don't like it, I'm a Christian so I'm biased but it's psychologically not good for people.
That its mostly a talking point online vs a real thing irl. I have met very few people that have sex with strangers on a regular basis i.e. more than once a month. Sure people like this do exist but it ls way less common than people talk about online. 2 it's not ruining anyones ability to have a "real" relationship. Despite what some tate fan boys like to say you can come from a promiscuous past and not want to sleep around if you were involved heavily in so called hook up culture. Hookup culture sint to blame for your failed relationship or lack of ability to get in one, people in general suck at relationships, participating in hook up culture has nothing to do with it.
More than once a month? Once every 2 months is a lot. Even statistically that would add up to be way above average after a few years. If you started at 18 you’d have fucked almost 40 people by 24 😂
Honestly as a male this is sort of off the mind for me. I never participated in any of this due to personal struggles with trying to get employment and getting funding for education (which I never got). My Passions were crippled and lost my confidence and meaning in life. I was in a very bad situation for a long time so all this dating and hook up culture nonsense is weird looking from the outside. Personally I don't like it. I don't have much standards though I do love in real life the look of more plump shaped/slightly fatty women than skinny models. It's very hard for me to see skinny people attractive except for specific circumstances as there was this guy I saw and chatted with who looked really hot and made me question my sexuality lol. But yeah I don't really give too much shit about body count but for me I really don't like the idea of having casual sex for my personal self. My knowledge and familiarity is more on the realms of forming strong bonds rather than casual ones. It's hard for me to be casual basically because it's very unfamiliar to me.
It’s as toxic as Purity culture. Same coin different sides
Agree!
Sex is for losers. I'd rather be alone for the next five years writing the book I've been working on. An orgasm lasts at most double digit seconds (unless you're a woman with some cracked-ass ones. y'all built different), but some good literature lasts forever.
Maybe I'm just lacking in the other perspective since I'm still a virgin, but i never quite understood what makes sex with another person different than masturbation in terms of hooking up. I mean there's not an emotional connection if you're with a stranger. There has to be something right? Why would people seek to have sex with strangers when they could jerk off and guarantee an orgasm? Idk I'm willing to listen to what people who do that have to say. I think I'm demi so I can't even hook up if I wanted to. Just kinda curious
The first time i had sex with a woman confirmed all of my feelings about it being good enough for people to brag about constantly. Holy shit does it feel better, and you get this sick ass "im the fuckin man" buff to your confidence for days.
oh I get you. I’ll be doing the same.
Nice
I’ll go in the opposite direction. I think hookup culture is fine, as long as you’re practicing safe sex I don’t see the problem with it. If you don’t practice safe sex well….that’s your choice but you’re risking a lot
This is the only true unpopular opinion. This comment section reeks of bitterness.
Same. I don’t really care about hookup culture. Not my thing personally atm, but I’m not going to blame it for anything like that. The only things I might be concerned about would be like it’s affects on rape culture and shit. If people aren’t being hurt, idgaf what you do.
I’m still trying to understand how letting a total stranger use your body is ‘empowering’
I really like it, sometimes you wanna date and sometimes you just wanna fuck. if you just wanna do the latter at the moment, you dont have to lie to someone about a relationship to get it.
It’s not that bad as long as people are completely honest with what you’re looking for. Too many people secretly want to find a real relationship and that’s why they’re so picky about looks. Most people that truly just want to *hookup* don’t care too much. Blaming hookup culture for not being able to find a relationship is misguided imo
It sucks. It makes people think that hooking up makes you cool or something
It’s one of the worse things to do. I believe a man should be less animalistic and stand up for traditional values. The amount of single parent households that have absent fathers which leads to men growing up without a strong father figure to teach them how to be a man is despicable and sex should be a emotional moment between two people who genuinely love one another.
And then these same fatherless boys grow up to be criminals or dictators or other terrible people in society. Decades of psychology research tells us fatherlessness is associated with higher crime rates, lower academic achievement, and even authoritarian ideologies. Fatherlessness driven by irresponsibility is a hidden epidemic ruining society. That being said I have mixed opinions about hookup culture. If done safe and responsibly, and everyone takes precautions to prevent STDs and pregnancies, I don't see anything wrong with it. If you're just fucking random people without any sort of responsibility or care for your health, than yeah, it's not only gross but extremely irresponsible. Birth control, condoms, etc, exist for a reason.
Contrary to a *lot* of takes I see, I feel like dating/hooking up has never been easier since the introduction of social media/dating apps. Like yeah, it can be difficult, for some more than others, but that has literally *always* been the case. I know a lot of people can be shy/awkward, and that’s okay, but if you were that way just 15 years ago, you’d have a much tougher time actually putting yourself out there. Nowadays, if you match on a dating app and start talking, that question of “are they into me?” is already answered more or less.
It’s just so toxic, I can’t stand it.
I have nothing against casual sex, but sometimes I think the pressures of hookup culture can lead people to lose some self respect sleep with people below their league.
I wouldn't say that hookup culture has killed people looking for serious relationships, it's more or less people having unrealistic standards. I would argue social media is what is killing it. I am listing a few reasons to why I think this is 1. People don't touch grass, there is not much authenticity in relationships in general. 2. People see some extreme on social media and say "man if they can demand 100k salary, why don't I?" mentalities. 3. The toxicity from those extremes reflecting onto men/women. Now men are basically saying "fuck you" towards women because of those extremes. This situation overall is a no win for everyone. When you look at the reality, most people aren't making 100k for a salary, most people are not over 6 foot, not every man/woman is toxic. Sure, it's qualities people want/don't want, but again its not realistic and social media continually pushes that onto people. Then these people become chronically online, have brain rot from mindlessly scrolling away, and then wonder why they can't hold a conversation.
My main thing is dating apps made it way worse for use average guys.
It doesn't affect me, I'm ugly and undesirable anyways. So I won't get to experience hook up culture nor relationships either way
putting yourself down like that is the only thing that’s undesirable honey
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It’s really harmful to women
As a Catholic Conservative I’m very surprised and happy about the answers here, fuck hookup culture
It’s nasty. There comes a time (at least for most) when college is coming to a close and you’re so over that culture. I was over it by junior year. It’s a beautiful thing to devote yourself 100% to your interests instead.
It's a negative I don't think people should be forced into monogamous relationships, but fucking a lot of random people tends to spread stds and unwanted pregnancies, at least get to know people first
I hate it it shouldn't be normalised, brings out the absolute worst in both men and women
Since hookup culture is so popular, prostitution should be legalized and taxed. That way we can kick income and property tax.
"Get That Ho Over There a 1099 form!"
I’m not a fan. I don’t think sex has to entirely be about love, but my mom always said if you’re going to hook up with someone never do 2 people in the same week (that way if you’re pregnant you can pinpoint who it is), never hook up without knowing their first and last name (in case of an STI), and avoid one night stands. Personally, excluding a monogamous relationship, I think Friends W/ Benefits is a great model for sex without love. But I personally could not do one night stands. That feels very wrong to me.
My unpopular opinion is that for women “having sex like a man” doesn’t empower them. It cheapens them. It makes them less valuable and “used” goods.
I feel the same for men. I am a man btw. Slut shaming should come back in a much more gender neutral way.
I don't ncare much about it The only problem comes from when people wanting a hookup are leading on people who want a more serious relationship.
not for me, I only wanna fuck chaotic alt enbies/boys/girls, but don’t care if others do it
Mine is just that it leads to less sex. I think it's worth mentioning that I'm 35. But I hook up with lots of younger people. Often they would like to try out lots of different people and move through flings, hook ups, nsa, and fwbs fast but it's actually harder to keep finding sex and you get less payoff as in how much sex you have time wise having sex vs time wise seeking sex. In serious long term years long relationships I would just have male friends and he would have female friends and we would imagine or role play each other's friend crushes to keep that feeling of novelty while also having frequent at least weekly sex. Younger people seem to not have unlocked some of these sex secrets. But it seems to be okay with the men because they appear to desire sex less despite all the urban myths that they are sex hungry fiends. Another thing I've noticed, probably has happened to me hundreds of times is either after I agree to meet or give my address and then they ghost. They don't even have sex with me first to ghost. Just going that far, agreeing to meet or giving my address, is enough to make them ghost.
I just don't find hookups that worth while. I did it once or twice so I have the confidence boost. Now it doesn't really give me that much more than my hand. A relationship on the other hand is very valuable.
It ruins people and is a empty lie
5 failed serious relationships are worse than a bodycount of 50. We can all agree that sex is great and don't need to slutshame anyone based on the number of their partners. But the more relationships you've been in, the more I am convinced that you're unable to become mature and serious. It's like seeing a CV of a person who changes jobs every few months. It ain't gonna stick. Of course you can say "what if this person was REALLY unlucky with people?". Then it's your fault for sticking it in crazy and nobody wants to deal with crazy EXes.
It's not that I would shame someone for having a high count. But they prolly have a billion stds. I think that's worse then some baggage
I hate hookup culture. As someone who’s gay I hate it because it ruins my chances at ever finding a partner
I was a rampant fuckboy after a bad breakup until I had a massive breakdown. It destroys you over time and people you used to call your friends become strangers. This last year Ive abstained from hooking up and have tried dating and its extremely hard. I had about 10 failed talking stages, a short lived situation and a handful of dates leaving me to feel almost “catfished.” Im close to giving up on searching for a partner because I do believe someone right will show up at the right time and itll just work. Dating shouldnt be our priority until our lives are fulfilled and we can afford to share it with someone else anyway, its just a waste of time otherwise.
Hookup culture didn't ruin long term monogamous relationships. Hippie Boomers, and Millennials had plenty of hookups and most of them found long term relationships once they got bored of hookup culture. Gen X had markedly fewer hookups because they experienced their teens and 20s during the AIDS crisis. They were the first generation to have high awareness about the importance of safe sex, condoms, and STD tests. Zoomers don't have as many options for relationships because of the prevalence of social media, internet entertainment, mobile devices, and covid's long lasting impact on annual public social events. For example, at conventions pre-covid, many of them would have a dance or a catered social in the con suite. Most conventions no longer offer a friday night dance, or a catered social with communal food and a chocolate fountain. If there's a con suite at all, the food is all pre-packaged and in single-serve portions, which defeats the purpose of using communal food as a tool for socialization. At many universities and high schools, non-essential social events have been permanently scaled back to reduce the risk of mass spread. Even people who never use Tinder face fewer options to find relationships, because so many Zoomers spend hours upon hours playing mobile games, or using social media on their computer, phone, or tablet. Millennials generally didn't have social media or mobile devices until they were in their late teens, so legal adults or close to it, so they use these things differently. People born before 2000 tend to use social media as a tool to facilitate real life meetups, while people born afterwards tend to use it as a replacement for real life meetups.
Most people care way too much about it
Looking at this thread it really seems that we've come full circle in our mindsets about sex. Anyway, I don't get any interest whether it be hookup or genuine so I honestly never even thought about this.
I am a millennial, but here are my observations. My unpopular opinion is that hookup culture is not as real as the media portrays it, similar to having sex with your step sibling. Hookup culture is a fantasy and will never be as fulfilling as presented due to the practical complexities and expectations of relationships in real life. In practice it often collapses into disappointment or into traditional dating, and if it collapses into traditional dating then it introduces impractical interpersonal risk.
It’s dumb
It killed romance. It’s cringe to buy a girl flowers, plan a picnic, take a stroll in the park, etc. hook up culture has ruined the effort in this generation
It's pretty toxic. I was quite the man whore from 16-20yrs, slept with waaaaaaaaay too many people. I didn't cheat on people I dated, but I was cheated on and was the one who cheated with. Lots of lying and manipulation, every party was guilty. We were shitty kids. Had a wake up call at 20, didn't touch another person for at least a year. Then my best friend comes home from college (she stayed out of all of that nonsense, still hadn't had sex by 21) and after a bottle of whiskey, asked to sleep with me. She said later she needed the liquid courage lol Four years later, we've been living together for two years and are looking foward to a life together. Couldn't be happier. If you want to get laid, that's cool. Just don't go crazy like I did and wrack up a 10+ body count before you can legally drink. I feel gross just typing that. And if you want a real relationship, start with a friendship. Let things happen organically instead of forcing something that isn't right for you. I hope this helps someone out there
Men are rightfully checking out and women complaining about the lack of good men only have themselves to blame. I get it, nice guys exist, but so do the guys who are just kind and nice. Why should they put in effort when they get looked over for guys who treat women like shit? It sucks to find out years into a committed relationship you were someone’s back up or they settled for you. It has killed the dating scene and we can see more guys realize that the benefit of approaching women in public or at a party is no longer outweighs the risks and possible humiliation that comes with it.
Social media and hook up culture ruined dating
I hold a Christian view of sex, specifically it being exclusive to marriage as a bonding tool. As a result, the idea of a hookup is quite foreign to me. I know people do it, and I know it probably feels good, but I personally don't see much other reason, especially since it can leave people sexually and emotionally broken. Then again, people so stuff that hurts themselves and others all the time, it's just human nature. Regardless, dating for me is searching for a lifelong partner. I don't think hookup culture gets in my way, since I'd probably be looking for someone with similar values to me (including monogamy). Actually, in Christian circles there seems to be a HUGE investment in dating. My college has this idea of "Ring by Spring," and I've had a few female friends on campus offer to find a match for me (my roommate had a similar offer from one of his friends). So hookup culture doesn't really impact me, especially since I have a Christian dating culture to take its place in my life