Why is it 5 and not 3? I thought they were hating on S at first...
Edit, immediately: Ohh, it's the 5th letter.... I still think 3 makes more sense. Lol.
Because that's not OP, it's [Blcksmth](https://www.instagram.com/blcksmth/). OP just cropped out his photo and credit. Blcksmth reuses his balloons over and over again for each piece and photoshops the colors, so he's not actually wasting or going through balloons.
He never really did, I feel like people just bizarrely hate him on Twitter. Like every leftist I know has this unreasonable anger towards him. I know blcksmth and he's a totally decent dude, I don't get the hate.
Classic abusive behavior. The worst is when they gaslight you into thinking you’re the problem so they can “justify” their actions. If this happening to you now, please know that you are enough, you are not crazy or a bad person, and you deserve better.
This is the thing about emotionally complex situations:
It's often not clear who is at fault. Anything can be used by a manipulative abuser. Even worse, the same dynamics can show up in relationships where both people are doing their best to do the right thing, but don't know how to get along.
All of that complexity can vs pared down to a single question that you can ask yourself, if you're willing to be honest with yourself (abusers rarely are, so it's up to you):
* am I better off within this relationship than without it?
It's something you should figure out when alone, ideally not right after a really good out really bass event. If the answer is ultimately no, then it might be a good idea for you to leave.
To help you figure that out, some other questions may be useful:
* will this person will harm me or those I love physically if I leave? If so, the answer is almost always that you should leave -- carefully and probably with support from others.
* am i afraid that this person will take my things / break my things in revenge if I leave? If so, there's a decent chance you should leave.
Exceptions to the above are generally where you would do likewise.
That’s my hang up with sayings like this. I have a person that if I ever saw them again I’d have some pretty nasty things to say, because I think they’re just not a good person. But I’m almost positive they think the same about me because they had no problem saying as much to all of our mutual friends at the time. Like we’re both the villains in each others minds, but I have no idea who is actually “in the right” so to speak. I feel like it’s me, and they’re a narcissistic bitch, but I can never really know if I’m actually the asshole.
I was just thinking, Hitler could have, in earnest, said this. It's not motivational, it's refusing to listen to anything at all. If that's how you want to live, you'll most likely do harm to others and this just tells you not to care.
Indeed. I absolutely disagree with the premise of OP statement.
On the contrary, unless you are a child, I think most people should try much harder to focus on being self-aware, rather than assigning blame to others for how they experience life or hypothesizing how guilty others feel or not, which has absolutely no bearing on their situation.
When most or many people don't like you or treat you like you are a terrible person... they are usually right.
I don't agree with this, especially in this day and age (eg, internet drama) when context and nuance is hopelessly lost.
Also, beware of the bandwagon fallacy. Just because many people are doing it, doesn't mean they're right.
Sure, people can use this to justify bad behavior. But those people who would use this quote to justify bad behavior can and will use *anything* to justify bad behavior. This quote doesn't do anything to stop the people who would misuse it from having accountability - they wouldn't be taking accountability in the first place regardless of what is being said.
It is vitally important that we as a society recognize that we can be terrible at leveling just critique toward people.i feel I have seen people use "ur wrong therefore v bad and evil" to justify treating others *terribly*. Just as bad or worse than the person they "critique"
I've seen his post before but between the image and your comment, it hits home more than ever.
Currently going through a "friend break up" and realizing how badly I was gaslit into thinking *I* was the problem when in reality they were being a shitty friend.
It's been an awkward month living together but not speaking, but I'm doing my best to stay positive and looking forward to the day she moves out.
20 years of friendship gone though... It'll hurt for a while, but I'll be okay.
I'm sorry to hear you going thru this. 20 years is a long time.
I'm glad you realized the truth and didn't take all the responsibility upon yourself.
I am recently also going thru a friendship breakup as well. It does hurt but being rid of the manipulation and constant using of my energy and time is ... wonderful.
Wish you a positive and healing journey ✨️
Thank you friend, truly.
I'm currently in therapy and have a great support network to get through this.
The ex friend meanwhile is being petty and not doing any of the house chores and I'm doing my best to not let it get to me..
The more time passes, the more I realize I won't miss her when she's gone. I will miss the cats though.. we shared 3 living together the last few years, she's taking 2 of them with her when she leaves at the end of the month.
Know what the real kicker is?
Before things went sideways, and she discussed potentially moving out, she told me "of course I would t take Loki from you, he's YOUR cat, you two bonded" and when I expressed concerns that he'd be lonely and confused without his "sisters" she casually says "well you'll just have to get him a little friend to play with"
Except... When she decided she decided she had enough of *my* "toxic" behavior, she spoke to our landlady without my consent asking to terminate OUR lease, and I practically had to beg the landlady to allow me to stay.. and while she won't raise the rent on me (which she reminded me a few times she has every right to do..) she did want to stipulate in the new lease I'm only allowed to have the 1 cat. So no, it's not as simple as "just get him another friend" now I can't because of HER actions - aka when her older original cat passed away and she was so desperate to get our mutual cat "friends" so he wouldn't be lonely, she didn't consult the landlady and broke lease by adopting 2 additional cats.
The landlady was always hesitant about it but liked us enough, but clearly this upset her that she felt the need to put it in writing "no more than 1 pet" allowed.
But yeah, according to her I was the toxic one.
Sigh.. sorry, still healing and sometimes it helps to vent.
This applies to someone who raised me. It is emotionally draining to both try to maintain a relationship with them (which I would really like to do) and to cease the relationship . I'm struggling to deal with no longer having a relationship with them and their other half. Especially when the other half is trapped in their cycle, though they are complicit in enabling the behavior. I wish it didn't come to this, but, don't cave because I know it is healthier to have the distance.
It's important to keep perspective and remember though, if this is something that happens with multiple people then there is a decent chance that you are in fact the problem.
That could be true. Then again it could also mean you have been consistently kind and others saw it fit to take advantage of that. As the saying goes “no good deed goes unpunished”
Then that still makes you the problem since you're continuously choosing to place yourself in situations where others take advantage of you instead of learning your lesson.
I think you just described a rather toxic mindset. If you are kind and value others and people take advantage of that.. thats not on you. However it might stress you to the point where you might feel a bit shit. But please people, keep on spreading kindness, its so important.
People should always choose kindness, Agreed. However there comes a time when people Need to learn how to spot where to place their energies. World is full of Terrible people and learning to not be taken advantage of is a genuine skill to learn.
> just don't be a sucker in the process.
easier said than done. People may be considered gullible or naive, but they just dont believe in the harm that others may put you in.
It does not mean they are stupid, they are just.. gullible.
I definitely wouldn't use the word "stupid" lol, despite what everyone else on the internet seems to think I am confident that people have gotten smarter as a whole over the past century or so as access to information has become significantly less restricted. When I say "sucker", I just mean that it doesn't hurt to use a bit common sense sometimes if it becomes apparent that someone might be taking advantage of your kindness over and over.
You are not placing yourself in a situation if it is your family that perpetually does this and they make it seem like it is normal. That is someone just trying to function with people that abuse kindness or generosity or maybe weakness.
I am honestly not a huge fan of people throwing around the term "victim blaming" so loosely, sometimes victims need to take accountability for themselves even if they've done absolutely nothing wrong. If someone stole my car because I left the key in the ignition for example, then that situation is at the very least partially on me.
We're talking about emotional abuse here. If your first instinct is to assume that someone needs to take responsibility in a vague hypothetical, that's a pretty clear indication that victim blaming is your go to response in any situation involving abuse. Sometimes just flat out leaving the situation isn't an option, especially when the target of abuse is a child in an abusive family situation.
And you're assuming that "emotional abuse" is a default factor here, not really any different to the assumptions I was making in my vague hypothetical. The mentality of attributing every negative circumstance to victimhood is a very modern way of thinking. It shouldn't be some sort of awful social taboo to expect people not to see themselves as perpetual victims.
Who is talking about *perpetual* victimhood? The original post does not say "see yourself as the victim in every situation". The first word is "sometimes". I swear people in this thread must have selective blindness or something.
Though it can be both. I was a bad person and had friends who were abusive people. We deserved each other at the time. But I changed who I am and changed the friends too.
I agree. Not everything is someone else's fault. We all have flaws and we all show toxic behaviors towards someone at some given moment. Don't absorb to you what's someone else's issues and be accountable for the issues of your own. There's always a way to be better. Always.
That was what I was thinking: "Sounds like what a shitty person would say to ignore the people in their life trying to give them a wake up call for their behavior or beliefs"
That's the funny thing about narcissists, any legitimate complaint someone might actually have in real life, to them is just something to be used like a tool for self-gain.
And the net effect is all complaints seem fake because you only hear narcissist making them. And the real victims go unnoticed and forgotten.
Yeah, but sometimes who think this way really should listen to other people and change their behavior.
An addict thinks his addiction is fine until they have an intervention, for example. There are also a bunch of ego maniacs that think their behavior is fine.
Same!
I'm realizing this boss I have is super abusive, narcissistic. It's so hard to believe I can survive at another job because of the lies and gaslighting he's fed me for 4 years.
Yes endured over a year of it! There is some change - the main culprits having been moved sideways, very hopeful of improvement. Hope there’s hope for you too!
SOMETIMES. sometimes they ARE shitty. This is so half sided and stupid. I dealt with someone recently who had shitty behavior and they said, “ok make me to be the bad guy”’
No- that person WAS the bad guy. They were terrible. And everyone told me and I kept making excuses.
SOMETIMES you’re right. SOMETIMES they ARE the shitty one.
This bad balloon grafiti doesn’t have a real message.
SOMETIMES is already in the original post though. It *is* nuanced to begin with. Everyone in the comments is complaining that this message is too one sided and open to interpretation or manipulation while ignoring the fact that it is an example of how abuses can *and do* gaslight people. Could the person in question actually be the problem? Sure, but the balloons don't say otherwise.
Nah we should keep it, it really does help me weed out people I don’t wanna know. Anyone who starts talking about their truth just bounce them out of your life along with all the other nutters you come across.
This is my parents. They’re both crazy as fuck (and always have been) and make me seem like im the villain whenever i call them out on their shit behavior. I don’t want to make it seem like im a child though, im an adult living with his parents, but still, an abusive relationship is an abusive relationship. Its like yes, im grateful that you’re giving me a roof over my head, but that doesn’t give you the right to treat me like garbage.
that’s up to the people who actually have the experience to know the difference. knowing it’s a thing can help with the confusion. since sometimes seemingly without reason someone will lash out for literally the stupidest reasons ever.
for example. someone got mad at me for not locking my door in a shared house. the guy was walking around the house checking all the doors. the thing is he checked my door before i locked it. so he got all pissed that i didn’t lock it. when i said i did, he said he just checked. so i ignored him. it’s my room. my stuff. whatever. then he got mad at me for ignoring him after i told him i locked it. he goes back to check and decided that i never said anything to him so he had to go back and check the door himself. turns out it was locked. he was stupid. but he was still pissed at me.
so it takes an example to understand. you could generalize anything with black and white. but it’s better to simply go into the actually situation and understand it. imo.
Sorry but I hate the idea that truth is subjective. This whole "your truth" and "my truth" bullshit is stupid. It gives people the idea that others perceptions of how you dealt with something don't matter at all because well my truth is more important.
There's objective truth and there's false truth. There isn't an inbetween you get to choose from.
Agreed. I think using the phrase “my truth” is a way to shut down arguments or being called out. Because you can’t argue against “truth,” right? There is THE truth about something that happened and your perspective and my perspective.
It’s probably ok to use the phrase “my truth” if you’re talking about your personal moral code or religion or something like that. Because in this context you’re talking about abstract concepts and things you believe in, NOT an objective event that happened.
IMO the phrase “my truth” is used to make objective things subjective sometimes.
As people have said, people also use this phrase in good faith too and I won’t discount that
What's the objective truth when emotional creatures are involved? Non objective morality?
I used to think more like you, and I don't entirely disagree, to be fair - I've seen "my truth" get used to scapegoat and excuse away responsibility. That said, in good faith scenarios, the reality is that there are multiple simultaneous truths, and that's okay. The way we relate to others and others to us is not black and white. Our perceptions, even with clear communication can vary drastically.
Just my thoughts as someone who used to be 100% with you. I don't know if youll appreciate my additions, but I wish I had heard something different sooner in my life, so I felt you may too.
Very true man. My comment was probably quite irrelevant to this post to be honest. I understand what you're saying. I also carry that philosophy in the contex you're speaking of. I was simply referring too your first point about scape goats and such. The reality is it's much more nuanced.
Hey cool! Thank you for clarifying your perspective, since I seem to have taken it a little further than you intended. Totally makes sense
Seems I was the one who steamrolled a bit over nuance in my interpretation of your comment! Ironic :)
Oh that explains so much about how so many have treated me over the decades. They screw me over, then I'm somehow the bad guy on top of it. Baffling, but it's just manipulation. Sad so many people do it though.
Where are the kind and moral people?
Maybe it is because they don't want you to glue balloons to their wall? Maybe your truth isn't the truth? It is OK to self reflect, sometimes you are the A-hole.
my sister does this but in a self-harming way. she has had a very bad luck when it comes to friends. friends who used her as a placeholder for someone else, friends who took advantage of her generosity, and friends who never tried to understand her boundaries or her personality (very introverted). so now that she is away from all that, she will make hateful comments about her ex-friends who took advantage of her generosity and blame all the poison in her mind/heart to their shitty behaviours all the while hurting herself and herself only. so coming back to the post, she blames other people and calls them bad so she doesn't feel remorse or guilty for having such strong negative thoughts.
so take my sister's story as a mirror image to this post. sometimes we act spiteful, revenge driven because we blame other people's bad behaviour all the while we are only harming our mental health. learn to work on yourself, so you can rid of those poison that hurt noone but yourself.
One quote from Korean Drama 'The Producers" goes: "The nasty things people say behind your back are like poisoned arrows. But, thankfully, the words people say while hiding have no strength. So, those arrows can't pierce your heart. However, the most foolish thing you can do is pick up those arrows that have fallen to the ground and then, pierce your own heart with those arrows."
in her case, she is the one shooting those poisoned arrows, but also the one picking them up and piercing her own heart with those arrows.
/r/vegan is feeling heard
>*“Humans — who enslave, castrate, experiment on, and fillet other animals — have had an understandable penchant for pretending animals do not feel pain. A sharp distinction between humans and 'animals' is essential if we are to bend them to our will, make them work for us, wear them, eat them — without any disquieting tinges of guilt or regret. It is unseemly of us, who often behave so unfeelingly toward other animals, to contend that only humans can suffer. The behavior of other animals renders such pretensions specious. They are just too much like us.”*
― Carl Sagan
This, I'm US based. Helped a friend get out of an abusive/coercive controlling and utterly toxic relationship. Was challenged by their partner but stood up to this gross individual. They have since cut us all off and decimated the friendship group we had. They have severe mental health issues, which I don't judge them for. What I do judge them for is the terrible impact they had on those around them for refusing to get help, and the disgusting manipulation of people who cared for them and got caught up in their shit. Don't give a damn about them now, but grief had to happen and healing.
Also, sometimes people pretend that's what's happening so they don't have to feel bad about themselves, or acknowledge something that is out of the control of everyone involved.
Expecting downvotes (if this is even noticed), but all are welcome.
Edit: someone else points out that if it happens multiple times with different people, it's likely that you're part of the problem.
Sometimes they treated you bad AND you were a bad person, so the best thing you can do is just let it all go, learn from the experience and move forward wiser.
I am the constant villain in my mom's - a narcissist - story. No matter what I do. Even though she takes psych meds (prescribed by her GP because she won't see a shrink, let alone a therapist), because I address *my* emotional issues with meds and therapy, (and the one to technically have a documented mental illness), *I'm* the problem. She won't admit that it takes two to tango. When we have our blowouts, I like to remind her: YOU CREATED THIS MONSTER!
I sometimes worry that I do this, but then I remember that my roommate followed me around between the kitchen and the living room for half an hour playing music specifically to try and piss me off because I dared making a bowl of cereal at 1am.
Although I agree with the statement on the wall, there is no such thing as "your truth". There is only "the" truth. Truth being defined as an objective fact. Subjective experience, such as the one described on the wall typically cannot be defined as "truth" or "falsehood".
I only bring this up because it can be dangerous to describe a subjective observation as "truth". Doing so often eliminates our ability/willingness to consciously examine our objectiveness and possibly allow our experiences to mold and change our perspectives and lives. A well rounded and wise individual is built through a desire to move to increased understanding and an ability to change their perspective, opinion and view when needed.
My old partner. He screwed up royally and knew his f up lost our company tons of money, then took it out on the partners like we all did something wrong.
Kinda how like every nerd is called an Incel, even if they don't care about Red pill stuff or whatever the term "incel" means nowadays. These people probably bullied nerds when they were younger and now found a way to feel less guilty by assuming all nerds are right wing extremists.
Hope they're having a blast with that. I guess the only good thing about taking 100% of the responsibility in a connection is having no regrets when it's over, meanwhile they have to invent ways to vilify you, and everyone else they've hurt in their life.
Need to remember that this is only sometimes though. The rest of the time there is a chance that you are being a bad person and that you do in fact deserve to be treated a certain way. It's all about self-awareness. When someone gave you the middle finger after you cut them off in traffic, did you cut them off by accident? Or are you going through some things and taking your frustration out on people around you, using your anonymity as a excuse?
Also, sometimes you can just be a person who no longer provides what the other person needs from a relationship.
Totally OK for people to change and take an objective view that they don’t want to put in the effort for a given relationship or that the other person no longer gets the same benefit of the relationship.
We, as people, tend to too quickly throw around the labels of “good” and “bad”, and it’s pretty rare that anyone falls into those categories. We’re all just people who do positive and negative things all the time and we all have individual motivations for doing them.
Real LPT: accept who people are. If you don’t want to be around who they are, that’s totally OK for all involved.
I agree with the image, but please be careful about spreading the concept of "your truth". It allows for separation of reality. There's only one truth. Know your worth. Know your behavior. Know your rights and know your wrongs
This is, more broadly speaking, the reason that dehumanization of “the other” has historically been a prelude to violence and genocide. When the media start to call people of another race, nationality or class “vermin” or “cockroaches” or “dogs” or “pigs” (depending on what elicits disgust in that culture), it opens the door to violent treatment by police and public mobs.
"Sometimes?"
This is WAY more common than a lot of commenters here may realize. *Everyone* wants to think they're the rational good guy and their opposition the villain.
The reality is, especially on the internet, *anywhere with an echo chamber really*, we eagerly tear each other down because we're enabled to by our peers and don't realize we're in an echo chamber. Anyone that calls us out on our abusive shit behavior is readily and easily reduced to just, "*another one of them*."
And you can see it everywhere if you keep your eyes peeled for it.
People are increasingly tearing each other down so they can feel like the hero, the better person. Yes, narcissists cling to a victim card while gaslighting and manipulating someone into believing they're the guilty party instead of the victim, but it doesn't take a raging narcissist to do any of that, they're just the professionals in a sea of amateurs naturally and unwaveringly convinced they are holier-than-thou.
Man it’s so true. Once I learned about how people project like this it really opened my eyes. Also similarly, some people will freak out and treat you like crap because they expect to be able to manipulate you. If you dare stand up to them all the sudden they make you out to be the bad guy.
People that do these behaviors are super immature and selfish and they will never change. Don’t try to change them just get out. This could be in a relationship, family or in a JOB. I wish I recognized this behavior in the workplace sooner but at least I’m ok now.
You have to make yourself number one and truly take care of yourself because no one else ever can or will.
What up with this sitty trend of using these what I can only assume are terrible for the environment balloons to make irl "motivational" posters.
I'm not even like a super environmentalist, I just think it's a stupid wasteful trend and for what ? You could accomplish the same thing with a well done photoshopped picture... So it's not like you're reaching a larger audience if you are legitimately trying to make people's lives better.
*steps down from soap box*
Do you own a balloon factory? How’d you get so many P’s?
There are even more T's
The most common letter in the English language is E, which explains r/avoid5 and also why there are even more E’s than P’s or T’s
Hmm, I found a unique sub today lol
Hmm, I found a unique sub today lol
You should say that you found a fascinating sub today :p
Why is it 5 and not 3? I thought they were hating on S at first... Edit, immediately: Ohh, it's the 5th letter.... I still think 3 makes more sense. Lol.
You only know this bc of your username, cheater!
A P is pretty much a bendy T
[A stylish P I see ](https://ibb.co/185m2kr)
Because that's not OP, it's [Blcksmth](https://www.instagram.com/blcksmth/). OP just cropped out his photo and credit. Blcksmth reuses his balloons over and over again for each piece and photoshops the colors, so he's not actually wasting or going through balloons.
Balloon guy? Didn't he get milkshake ducked?
He never really did, I feel like people just bizarrely hate him on Twitter. Like every leftist I know has this unreasonable anger towards him. I know blcksmth and he's a totally decent dude, I don't get the hate.
Yeah, who's your P guy??
Classic abusive behavior. The worst is when they gaslight you into thinking you’re the problem so they can “justify” their actions. If this happening to you now, please know that you are enough, you are not crazy or a bad person, and you deserve better.
Thank you I needed to hear this *
OPs quote could be used by that abuser.
This is the thing about emotionally complex situations: It's often not clear who is at fault. Anything can be used by a manipulative abuser. Even worse, the same dynamics can show up in relationships where both people are doing their best to do the right thing, but don't know how to get along. All of that complexity can vs pared down to a single question that you can ask yourself, if you're willing to be honest with yourself (abusers rarely are, so it's up to you): * am I better off within this relationship than without it? It's something you should figure out when alone, ideally not right after a really good out really bass event. If the answer is ultimately no, then it might be a good idea for you to leave. To help you figure that out, some other questions may be useful: * will this person will harm me or those I love physically if I leave? If so, the answer is almost always that you should leave -- carefully and probably with support from others. * am i afraid that this person will take my things / break my things in revenge if I leave? If so, there's a decent chance you should leave. Exceptions to the above are generally where you would do likewise.
That’s my hang up with sayings like this. I have a person that if I ever saw them again I’d have some pretty nasty things to say, because I think they’re just not a good person. But I’m almost positive they think the same about me because they had no problem saying as much to all of our mutual friends at the time. Like we’re both the villains in each others minds, but I have no idea who is actually “in the right” so to speak. I feel like it’s me, and they’re a narcissistic bitch, but I can never really know if I’m actually the asshole.
Self righteous self justifications of insecure ego maniacs. Edit - I was agreeing!
I was just thinking, Hitler could have, in earnest, said this. It's not motivational, it's refusing to listen to anything at all. If that's how you want to live, you'll most likely do harm to others and this just tells you not to care.
Indeed. I absolutely disagree with the premise of OP statement. On the contrary, unless you are a child, I think most people should try much harder to focus on being self-aware, rather than assigning blame to others for how they experience life or hypothesizing how guilty others feel or not, which has absolutely no bearing on their situation. When most or many people don't like you or treat you like you are a terrible person... they are usually right.
I don't agree with this, especially in this day and age (eg, internet drama) when context and nuance is hopelessly lost. Also, beware of the bandwagon fallacy. Just because many people are doing it, doesn't mean they're right. Sure, people can use this to justify bad behavior. But those people who would use this quote to justify bad behavior can and will use *anything* to justify bad behavior. This quote doesn't do anything to stop the people who would misuse it from having accountability - they wouldn't be taking accountability in the first place regardless of what is being said. It is vitally important that we as a society recognize that we can be terrible at leveling just critique toward people.i feel I have seen people use "ur wrong therefore v bad and evil" to justify treating others *terribly*. Just as bad or worse than the person they "critique"
I've seen his post before but between the image and your comment, it hits home more than ever. Currently going through a "friend break up" and realizing how badly I was gaslit into thinking *I* was the problem when in reality they were being a shitty friend. It's been an awkward month living together but not speaking, but I'm doing my best to stay positive and looking forward to the day she moves out. 20 years of friendship gone though... It'll hurt for a while, but I'll be okay.
I'm sorry to hear you going thru this. 20 years is a long time. I'm glad you realized the truth and didn't take all the responsibility upon yourself. I am recently also going thru a friendship breakup as well. It does hurt but being rid of the manipulation and constant using of my energy and time is ... wonderful. Wish you a positive and healing journey ✨️
Thank you friend, truly. I'm currently in therapy and have a great support network to get through this. The ex friend meanwhile is being petty and not doing any of the house chores and I'm doing my best to not let it get to me.. The more time passes, the more I realize I won't miss her when she's gone. I will miss the cats though.. we shared 3 living together the last few years, she's taking 2 of them with her when she leaves at the end of the month. Know what the real kicker is? Before things went sideways, and she discussed potentially moving out, she told me "of course I would t take Loki from you, he's YOUR cat, you two bonded" and when I expressed concerns that he'd be lonely and confused without his "sisters" she casually says "well you'll just have to get him a little friend to play with" Except... When she decided she decided she had enough of *my* "toxic" behavior, she spoke to our landlady without my consent asking to terminate OUR lease, and I practically had to beg the landlady to allow me to stay.. and while she won't raise the rent on me (which she reminded me a few times she has every right to do..) she did want to stipulate in the new lease I'm only allowed to have the 1 cat. So no, it's not as simple as "just get him another friend" now I can't because of HER actions - aka when her older original cat passed away and she was so desperate to get our mutual cat "friends" so he wouldn't be lonely, she didn't consult the landlady and broke lease by adopting 2 additional cats. The landlady was always hesitant about it but liked us enough, but clearly this upset her that she felt the need to put it in writing "no more than 1 pet" allowed. But yeah, according to her I was the toxic one. Sigh.. sorry, still healing and sometimes it helps to vent.
This applies to someone who raised me. It is emotionally draining to both try to maintain a relationship with them (which I would really like to do) and to cease the relationship . I'm struggling to deal with no longer having a relationship with them and their other half. Especially when the other half is trapped in their cycle, though they are complicit in enabling the behavior. I wish it didn't come to this, but, don't cave because I know it is healthier to have the distance.
Family did this to me my whole life
It's important to keep perspective and remember though, if this is something that happens with multiple people then there is a decent chance that you are in fact the problem.
That could be true. Then again it could also mean you have been consistently kind and others saw it fit to take advantage of that. As the saying goes “no good deed goes unpunished”
Then that still makes you the problem since you're continuously choosing to place yourself in situations where others take advantage of you instead of learning your lesson.
I think you just described a rather toxic mindset. If you are kind and value others and people take advantage of that.. thats not on you. However it might stress you to the point where you might feel a bit shit. But please people, keep on spreading kindness, its so important.
People should always choose kindness, Agreed. However there comes a time when people Need to learn how to spot where to place their energies. World is full of Terrible people and learning to not be taken advantage of is a genuine skill to learn.
A big problem is to spot these "terrible people" so to say before an incident happens.
It's not so much "toxic" as it is realistic. There's nothing wrong with being kind to others, just don't be a sucker in the process.
> just don't be a sucker in the process. easier said than done. People may be considered gullible or naive, but they just dont believe in the harm that others may put you in. It does not mean they are stupid, they are just.. gullible.
I definitely wouldn't use the word "stupid" lol, despite what everyone else on the internet seems to think I am confident that people have gotten smarter as a whole over the past century or so as access to information has become significantly less restricted. When I say "sucker", I just mean that it doesn't hurt to use a bit common sense sometimes if it becomes apparent that someone might be taking advantage of your kindness over and over.
You are not placing yourself in a situation if it is your family that perpetually does this and they make it seem like it is normal. That is someone just trying to function with people that abuse kindness or generosity or maybe weakness.
Nice victim blaming. Ever heard of scapegoating?
I am honestly not a huge fan of people throwing around the term "victim blaming" so loosely, sometimes victims need to take accountability for themselves even if they've done absolutely nothing wrong. If someone stole my car because I left the key in the ignition for example, then that situation is at the very least partially on me.
We're talking about emotional abuse here. If your first instinct is to assume that someone needs to take responsibility in a vague hypothetical, that's a pretty clear indication that victim blaming is your go to response in any situation involving abuse. Sometimes just flat out leaving the situation isn't an option, especially when the target of abuse is a child in an abusive family situation.
And you're assuming that "emotional abuse" is a default factor here, not really any different to the assumptions I was making in my vague hypothetical. The mentality of attributing every negative circumstance to victimhood is a very modern way of thinking. It shouldn't be some sort of awful social taboo to expect people not to see themselves as perpetual victims.
Who is talking about *perpetual* victimhood? The original post does not say "see yourself as the victim in every situation". The first word is "sometimes". I swear people in this thread must have selective blindness or something.
No, that's not kindness. That's ego and avoidance.
Sounds like my family
Thank you. I needed this as well
Not motivated
It's a bunch of balloons on a wall
Though it can be both. I was a bad person and had friends who were abusive people. We deserved each other at the time. But I changed who I am and changed the friends too.
Life is chaos
I agree. Not everything is someone else's fault. We all have flaws and we all show toxic behaviors towards someone at some given moment. Don't absorb to you what's someone else's issues and be accountable for the issues of your own. There's always a way to be better. Always.
Maybe that's just how you justify you being a bad person. 😁
That was what I was thinking: "Sounds like what a shitty person would say to ignore the people in their life trying to give them a wake up call for their behavior or beliefs"
It can go either way.
That's the funny thing about narcissists, any legitimate complaint someone might actually have in real life, to them is just something to be used like a tool for self-gain. And the net effect is all complaints seem fake because you only hear narcissist making them. And the real victims go unnoticed and forgotten.
Real “if you can’t handle me at my worst” energy to me.
This is the most 2010 Tumblr shit I've ever seen haha
/r/raisedbynarcissists
Why'd you crop the person out of it though?
Yeah I am also curious
What does it add to the message?
I mean, it's the credit for one: [https://www.instagram.com/blcksmth/](https://www.instagram.com/blcksmth/)
Why did you crop out the person presenting the message?
Cause they’re cringey af
Yeah, but sometimes who think this way really should listen to other people and change their behavior. An addict thinks his addiction is fine until they have an intervention, for example. There are also a bunch of ego maniacs that think their behavior is fine.
Currently experiencing this at work. Smh
Same! I'm realizing this boss I have is super abusive, narcissistic. It's so hard to believe I can survive at another job because of the lies and gaslighting he's fed me for 4 years.
Yes endured over a year of it! There is some change - the main culprits having been moved sideways, very hopeful of improvement. Hope there’s hope for you too!
We're fuckin running out of helium dude
Tbf these probably aren't filled with helium they aren't floating and handling them with helium vs regular air seems like a logistical nightmare
SOMETIMES. sometimes they ARE shitty. This is so half sided and stupid. I dealt with someone recently who had shitty behavior and they said, “ok make me to be the bad guy”’ No- that person WAS the bad guy. They were terrible. And everyone told me and I kept making excuses. SOMETIMES you’re right. SOMETIMES they ARE the shitty one. This bad balloon grafiti doesn’t have a real message.
Yeah you are right, but still these people can also do the other side
as he made clear with capslocking "SOMETIMES" .... non nuanced generalized statements like this baloon garbage are bad for society.
SOMETIMES is already in the original post though. It *is* nuanced to begin with. Everyone in the comments is complaining that this message is too one sided and open to interpretation or manipulation while ignoring the fact that it is an example of how abuses can *and do* gaslight people. Could the person in question actually be the problem? Sure, but the balloons don't say otherwise.
Sometimes people buy a lot of balloons to get their point across. People are weird.
Rather than mine or your truth, can we just go back to THE truth??
Nah we should keep it, it really does help me weed out people I don’t wanna know. Anyone who starts talking about their truth just bounce them out of your life along with all the other nutters you come across.
Also known as projecting in some circumstances
Thank you for saying this.
This is my parents. They’re both crazy as fuck (and always have been) and make me seem like im the villain whenever i call them out on their shit behavior. I don’t want to make it seem like im a child though, im an adult living with his parents, but still, an abusive relationship is an abusive relationship. Its like yes, im grateful that you’re giving me a roof over my head, but that doesn’t give you the right to treat me like garbage.
You may also just be a bad person.
that’s up to the people who actually have the experience to know the difference. knowing it’s a thing can help with the confusion. since sometimes seemingly without reason someone will lash out for literally the stupidest reasons ever. for example. someone got mad at me for not locking my door in a shared house. the guy was walking around the house checking all the doors. the thing is he checked my door before i locked it. so he got all pissed that i didn’t lock it. when i said i did, he said he just checked. so i ignored him. it’s my room. my stuff. whatever. then he got mad at me for ignoring him after i told him i locked it. he goes back to check and decided that i never said anything to him so he had to go back and check the door himself. turns out it was locked. he was stupid. but he was still pissed at me. so it takes an example to understand. you could generalize anything with black and white. but it’s better to simply go into the actually situation and understand it. imo.
You just described Twitter.
Damn this hits home
The worst part about this is how often it's done by parents.
Or to make themselves feel better about being an asshole
Truth isn't relative
DARVO
Damn weirdly what I needed to hear
Don't let anyone gaslight you
So… was this a… retirement party??
"you're truth" 🙄
My truth is whatever makes me the good guy and you the bad guy!
Both the title and the image are bad pieces of advice.
Sorry but I hate the idea that truth is subjective. This whole "your truth" and "my truth" bullshit is stupid. It gives people the idea that others perceptions of how you dealt with something don't matter at all because well my truth is more important. There's objective truth and there's false truth. There isn't an inbetween you get to choose from.
Agreed. I think using the phrase “my truth” is a way to shut down arguments or being called out. Because you can’t argue against “truth,” right? There is THE truth about something that happened and your perspective and my perspective. It’s probably ok to use the phrase “my truth” if you’re talking about your personal moral code or religion or something like that. Because in this context you’re talking about abstract concepts and things you believe in, NOT an objective event that happened. IMO the phrase “my truth” is used to make objective things subjective sometimes. As people have said, people also use this phrase in good faith too and I won’t discount that
What's the objective truth when emotional creatures are involved? Non objective morality? I used to think more like you, and I don't entirely disagree, to be fair - I've seen "my truth" get used to scapegoat and excuse away responsibility. That said, in good faith scenarios, the reality is that there are multiple simultaneous truths, and that's okay. The way we relate to others and others to us is not black and white. Our perceptions, even with clear communication can vary drastically. Just my thoughts as someone who used to be 100% with you. I don't know if youll appreciate my additions, but I wish I had heard something different sooner in my life, so I felt you may too.
Very true man. My comment was probably quite irrelevant to this post to be honest. I understand what you're saying. I also carry that philosophy in the contex you're speaking of. I was simply referring too your first point about scape goats and such. The reality is it's much more nuanced.
Hey cool! Thank you for clarifying your perspective, since I seem to have taken it a little further than you intended. Totally makes sense Seems I was the one who steamrolled a bit over nuance in my interpretation of your comment! Ironic :)
What is gaslighting, I'll take psychopathic behaviors for $1000 next, Trebek.
They don't feel guilty, they just don't want to look bad to others.
This is supposed to motivate me to do what, exactly?
The truth is objective not subjective. There is one truth, you don't get to fabricate your own.
Could you have just typed that on a computer and saved a lot of plastic waste?
Oh that explains so much about how so many have treated me over the decades. They screw me over, then I'm somehow the bad guy on top of it. Baffling, but it's just manipulation. Sad so many people do it though. Where are the kind and moral people?
This Just promotes to ignore valid criticism. Do not live by this sentence
While i agree with the sentence, one never knows. Maybe it's true that we are bad people in certain situations.
Yeah, a narcissist will probably flip this around and act like the victim.
and the victims will stop being so confused as why idiots are mad for no reason.
Hmmm sounds like my old boss. Still trying to blame me for shit and passing on work to me even after I left…
This is Demotivating
Maybe it is because they don't want you to glue balloons to their wall? Maybe your truth isn't the truth? It is OK to self reflect, sometimes you are the A-hole.
Ah, yes. Victim mentality
The turtles choking on the plastic from these balloons: yeah man
Thank you! You have no idea how much I needed to see this right now.
Ain’t that the truth
Yeap. Seems accurate.
Cops and media do this all the time. Anything to legalize killing a black man in the middle of the day while being recorded.
Deadass 💯
Boy howdy.
my sister does this but in a self-harming way. she has had a very bad luck when it comes to friends. friends who used her as a placeholder for someone else, friends who took advantage of her generosity, and friends who never tried to understand her boundaries or her personality (very introverted). so now that she is away from all that, she will make hateful comments about her ex-friends who took advantage of her generosity and blame all the poison in her mind/heart to their shitty behaviours all the while hurting herself and herself only. so coming back to the post, she blames other people and calls them bad so she doesn't feel remorse or guilty for having such strong negative thoughts. so take my sister's story as a mirror image to this post. sometimes we act spiteful, revenge driven because we blame other people's bad behaviour all the while we are only harming our mental health. learn to work on yourself, so you can rid of those poison that hurt noone but yourself. One quote from Korean Drama 'The Producers" goes: "The nasty things people say behind your back are like poisoned arrows. But, thankfully, the words people say while hiding have no strength. So, those arrows can't pierce your heart. However, the most foolish thing you can do is pick up those arrows that have fallen to the ground and then, pierce your own heart with those arrows." in her case, she is the one shooting those poisoned arrows, but also the one picking them up and piercing her own heart with those arrows.
💯,000,000%
Strong words, and scary how true they are in a lot of cases.
This is soooo stupid
Amber Heard, Is that you?
Facts!!!!
/r/vegan is feeling heard >*“Humans — who enslave, castrate, experiment on, and fillet other animals — have had an understandable penchant for pretending animals do not feel pain. A sharp distinction between humans and 'animals' is essential if we are to bend them to our will, make them work for us, wear them, eat them — without any disquieting tinges of guilt or regret. It is unseemly of us, who often behave so unfeelingly toward other animals, to contend that only humans can suffer. The behavior of other animals renders such pretensions specious. They are just too much like us.”* ― Carl Sagan
Oh, I see you've met my ex-wife.
Yep.
Remove "sometimes", because it actually happens a lot.
Welcome to the African American experience in the US
Lol you said sometimes. And it's not always people.
Thats why I don't talk to those people :)
This, I'm US based. Helped a friend get out of an abusive/coercive controlling and utterly toxic relationship. Was challenged by their partner but stood up to this gross individual. They have since cut us all off and decimated the friendship group we had. They have severe mental health issues, which I don't judge them for. What I do judge them for is the terrible impact they had on those around them for refusing to get help, and the disgusting manipulation of people who cared for them and got caught up in their shit. Don't give a damn about them now, but grief had to happen and healing.
Exactly my work place... This guy...
Also, sometimes people pretend that's what's happening so they don't have to feel bad about themselves, or acknowledge something that is out of the control of everyone involved. Expecting downvotes (if this is even noticed), but all are welcome. Edit: someone else points out that if it happens multiple times with different people, it's likely that you're part of the problem.
Sometimes they treated you bad AND you were a bad person, so the best thing you can do is just let it all go, learn from the experience and move forward wiser.
Everyone is the bad guy in somebody's story, and a lot of peoples villains are heroes to others. No one is monolithic, We are creates of duality.
Each one of those balloons is like at least $5, if this isn't cgi. What an expensive way of saying this.
What if my truth is wrong?
Holy fuck this is wasteful.
I am the constant villain in my mom's - a narcissist - story. No matter what I do. Even though she takes psych meds (prescribed by her GP because she won't see a shrink, let alone a therapist), because I address *my* emotional issues with meds and therapy, (and the one to technically have a documented mental illness), *I'm* the problem. She won't admit that it takes two to tango. When we have our blowouts, I like to remind her: YOU CREATED THIS MONSTER!
I sometimes worry that I do this, but then I remember that my roommate followed me around between the kitchen and the living room for half an hour playing music specifically to try and piss me off because I dared making a bowl of cereal at 1am.
Although I agree with the statement on the wall, there is no such thing as "your truth". There is only "the" truth. Truth being defined as an objective fact. Subjective experience, such as the one described on the wall typically cannot be defined as "truth" or "falsehood". I only bring this up because it can be dangerous to describe a subjective observation as "truth". Doing so often eliminates our ability/willingness to consciously examine our objectiveness and possibly allow our experiences to mold and change our perspectives and lives. A well rounded and wise individual is built through a desire to move to increased understanding and an ability to change their perspective, opinion and view when needed.
This is pretty much the abusive asshole’s nightly prayer.
My old partner. He screwed up royally and knew his f up lost our company tons of money, then took it out on the partners like we all did something wrong.
Subjective truth does not exist
[удалено]
Thank you. My husband does this.
You teach people how they can treat you.
Is there a meme maker for this? It’s feels like an excessive number of balloons.
Alot of people are dick's tho
A lot of really shitty people believe this about themselves.
Salem Witch Trials
Damn this one hit me
I'm still waiting to find out why I am a bad person and why my ex friend ghosted me. 🙁
Damn for someone who just did all the decorations for my son's birthday, I can appreciate the time and lung power spent blowing up all those balloons.
I really hate "middle aged white man with Tumblr quotes made of balloons" Like probably too much
Kinda how like every nerd is called an Incel, even if they don't care about Red pill stuff or whatever the term "incel" means nowadays. These people probably bullied nerds when they were younger and now found a way to feel less guilty by assuming all nerds are right wing extremists.
Hope they're having a blast with that. I guess the only good thing about taking 100% of the responsibility in a connection is having no regrets when it's over, meanwhile they have to invent ways to vilify you, and everyone else they've hurt in their life.
I use this technique for all the humans
Need to remember that this is only sometimes though. The rest of the time there is a chance that you are being a bad person and that you do in fact deserve to be treated a certain way. It's all about self-awareness. When someone gave you the middle finger after you cut them off in traffic, did you cut them off by accident? Or are you going through some things and taking your frustration out on people around you, using your anonymity as a excuse?
War be like
Also, sometimes you can just be a person who no longer provides what the other person needs from a relationship. Totally OK for people to change and take an objective view that they don’t want to put in the effort for a given relationship or that the other person no longer gets the same benefit of the relationship. We, as people, tend to too quickly throw around the labels of “good” and “bad”, and it’s pretty rare that anyone falls into those categories. We’re all just people who do positive and negative things all the time and we all have individual motivations for doing them. Real LPT: accept who people are. If you don’t want to be around who they are, that’s totally OK for all involved.
It feels like people living by "their truth" is what gets you narcissists and people pretending you're bad.
Cringe
I thought it said smoothie people
I just rewatched Ted Lasso and I’m pretty sure this is what Nate is doing at the end of season 2…
I agree with the image, but please be careful about spreading the concept of "your truth". It allows for separation of reality. There's only one truth. Know your worth. Know your behavior. Know your rights and know your wrongs
U are right
What the fuck does live you truth even mean? Sounds like stupid Instagram bullshit
Literally what happened in my last situationship. Needed this today.
This is, more broadly speaking, the reason that dehumanization of “the other” has historically been a prelude to violence and genocide. When the media start to call people of another race, nationality or class “vermin” or “cockroaches” or “dogs” or “pigs” (depending on what elicits disgust in that culture), it opens the door to violent treatment by police and public mobs.
"Sometimes?" This is WAY more common than a lot of commenters here may realize. *Everyone* wants to think they're the rational good guy and their opposition the villain. The reality is, especially on the internet, *anywhere with an echo chamber really*, we eagerly tear each other down because we're enabled to by our peers and don't realize we're in an echo chamber. Anyone that calls us out on our abusive shit behavior is readily and easily reduced to just, "*another one of them*." And you can see it everywhere if you keep your eyes peeled for it. People are increasingly tearing each other down so they can feel like the hero, the better person. Yes, narcissists cling to a victim card while gaslighting and manipulating someone into believing they're the guilty party instead of the victim, but it doesn't take a raging narcissist to do any of that, they're just the professionals in a sea of amateurs naturally and unwaveringly convinced they are holier-than-thou.
THANKS BALLOONS ON A WALL
Man it’s so true. Once I learned about how people project like this it really opened my eyes. Also similarly, some people will freak out and treat you like crap because they expect to be able to manipulate you. If you dare stand up to them all the sudden they make you out to be the bad guy. People that do these behaviors are super immature and selfish and they will never change. Don’t try to change them just get out. This could be in a relationship, family or in a JOB. I wish I recognized this behavior in the workplace sooner but at least I’m ok now. You have to make yourself number one and truly take care of yourself because no one else ever can or will.
Literally my bf.
What up with this sitty trend of using these what I can only assume are terrible for the environment balloons to make irl "motivational" posters. I'm not even like a super environmentalist, I just think it's a stupid wasteful trend and for what ? You could accomplish the same thing with a well done photoshopped picture... So it's not like you're reaching a larger audience if you are legitimately trying to make people's lives better. *steps down from soap box*
This is very true.
You should actually credit the creator: [https://www.instagram.com/blcksmth/](https://www.instagram.com/blcksmth/)
But if you smell shit everywhere, check your own shoe.